Friday, Part 2

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Ross:

People of the State of California versus Ross Jeffries. Mr. Sacks,

are you ready to proceed?

Mr. Sacks:

Absolutely.

Ross:

Your client has been charged with mass manipulation of minds,

pernicious persuasion and salacious seduction in the third degree.
Are you ready to enter a plea at this time?

Mr. Sacks:

Guilty with an explanation.

Ross:

Ive got to tell you something funny. Every week Adam does an
hour on a talk show that I look forward to every Tuesday. I get the
recording so I just turn off everything else and just listen to that and
laugh my ass off. Hes one of the funniest human beings in the
world because what hes saying is true.

Ross:

Dante, on behalf of your team, what is your answer?

Dante:

The first response, its like youre accepting the meaning that the
boss put on it that you dont care about your job. Youre kind of
admitting guilt to that. The second response, which works better, is
youre changing the meaning that this interaction that were having
is promoting the success that we both want.

Ross:

In what sense is it doing so?

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Dante:

It says, Im extra sorry that this is taking time for getting down to
the success that we both want. Youre saying that now this
interaction were having this time were spending together is
getting down to the success we both want.

Ross:

Okay. Good.

Dante:

Youre changing the meaning from, I dont care about my job, to

this experience is getting down to the success we both want.

Ross:

Very good. Whats the name of your team?

Participant:

Were Navy Fit.

Ross:

Whos the team leader? Stand up please. What is your name?

Participant:

Francis.

Ross:

Tell me, what is your answer?

Francis:

Part of it is the same as we just heard. The one frame that youre
being presented with is that the boss is good. Youre bad for not
being here on time. The first answer would just go along with that
and say that Im trying to change, but it totally stays with him
correcting you.

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The second one, you do a lot saying, Im with you, were all
working together, and we have a common interest. Thats to get
him to buy into the new frame that youre about to present.

Ross:

Thats correct, but in what sense is it changing the frame to youre

all into this together?

Francis:

The first part, by saying Im sorry, and all that, and talking about
how I care about it, thats to make sure that hes with you and hes
listening to what youre saying, so that when you give the new
frame hell listen to it.

Ross:

What is the new frame?

Francis:

There are two parts to it. One of them is I do care.

Ross:

Where is it saying that you care?

Francis:

Im sorry this is taking extra time, etc., but that adds to the fact
that if he doesnt change what hes doing, hes the one causing the
problem, not you. In fact, it pushes him into this frame that if he
doesnt really drop his objections to you, hes the one causing the
problem, not you. Youre good and hes bad. Youre the one that
cares.

Ross:

Interesting answer. Have a seat.

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Whats your teams name?

Participant:

Team Squish.

Ross:

Thats kind of a lame, silly name. Im going to deduct a point for

that. Whos the team leader?

Participant:

I am.

Ross:

I dont like you, so thats another problem.

Participant:

I know you dont.

Ross:

Hes been coming to my events forever. Whats your answer?

Participant:

The first part of the Im sorry about this and will do my best to get
there on time, thats acknowledging where hes at. We have to
acknowledge where hes at first if were going to change him to
where we want him to be.

Ross:

Correct.

Participant:

The second part is, Im extra sorry. Now Im going even a little bit
further and Im adding on a little bit extra dose of remorse, which is
not what you would expect in an autopilot response. You would

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expect the blah, blah, blah, Im sorry, my cat ate my homework

crap.

And then go to what is, I think, almost a command that this is

taking time to getting down to the success that we both want, dont
we?

Ross:

Is there a dont we in there?

Participant:

No, but I think it fits.

Ross:

You cant add in language I didnt put in. Im not joking. You have
to keep it to what I said.

Participant:

But Im changing the frame. We start off energetically like this.

Were in conflict. Hes a boss and Im a subordinate and hes trying
to crush me. I acknowledge, Oh, yes, you can crush me, but we
both want success together.

Ross:

And what is the language that conveys that we both want the
success together?

Participant:

Im sorry this is taking time for getting down to the success that we
both want.

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Ross:

Okay. Who are the other team? Wheres the other team? Whats
the name of your team?

Charles:

Pong Pong.

Ross:

I like that. Thats very silly. You could do a silly walk with that. And
whats your name?

Charles:

Charles.

Ross:

Extra point, thats silly. You need to learn, Major. Yes, Charles, so
what answer did you come up with?

Charles:

Offering an apology in the beginning Im sorry shows concern.

Then emotional escalation by breaking state with, by the time we
get to extra sorry@

Ross:

Im sorry. You confused me there. Say again?

Charles:

Emotional escalation and breaking state, which, at least for me,

having somebody say, Im extra sorry would be unusual, which I
think would be breaking state.

Also aligning is that we are showing concern at the same point.

Ross:

How are we doing that?

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Charles:

Im sorry and extra sorry, again, is showing concern. Finally,

getting down to the goal of persuasion by moving past the
objection, which is contained in getting down to the success we
both want.

Participant:

Taking action, which is part of persuasion. Lets move on.

Ross:

Good. Im very proud of all of you. That was great. Give your
answer again.

Francis:

There was the frame that the boss and is good and youre bad for
not being there on the time. Theres what you do to get him to listen
to you. Theres the Im sorry and I didnt even get to the part about
the success we both want and how thats almost hypnotic, but
thats not my answer.

Your answer is not only changing the frame that your boss is the
bad one if he doesnt go along with you. We both want this is
putting him in a situation where if he doesnt completely forget his
objections, his original frame, then hes the bad one.

Ross:

Im going to modify it by not that hes the bad one, but hes violating
the very value that he holds truly dear, which is that they be
successful. Let me unpack it the way Id unpack it.

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When you say, Im sorry about that, will do my best to be on time,

thats putting him at ease. Thats saying, Yes, youre the boss.
Youre right.

Im extra sorry that this is taking time for getting down to the
success that we both want. Now what youre saying is., Yes, its
true that Im not on time, but if we continue to do this, if you dont let
it go, then youre going to be taking away the very success which is
the reason you want me to be on time in the first place.

Youre taking his value, which is really not being on time, but
success. Youre actually chunking up to being on time is what you
would call a means value. Its a means of getting to the end, which
is having a successful business. When you use this answer, youre
drawing a bigger frame around it. His criteria is time that you be
on time.

With this answer and that money, why does he want you to be on
time? So it can lead to getting things done, which is success. Well
say success and money. What were doing is putting a bigger frame
around the interaction.

The frame hes put around, the behavior is youre not on time and
he wants you to be on time. Were putting a larger frame around it
and saying what this is really about.

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Heres what Im saying without saying it. Im saying, Im sorry I was

late, but its not about me being on time. Its about being
successful. And the more you continue to have this discussion with
me, the more youre taking away from your success. So, its not
about time. Its about your success, isnt it?

You see, Im implying all of that. I didnt say it. I didnt say to him,
The more you argue with me, the more youre just taking time
away from getting down to business, so shut your mouth and lets
get to it. Thats what Im implying.

This is why I said this is a seminar about changing the meaning

frame and also using implication, vague language, and ambiguity.
In this case were implying something. How are we doing it?

The way it works is we have to make a distinction between means

values and ends values. Being on time in and of itself doesnt serve
anything except in as much as it serves something else, which is
success.

We can continue to chunk up and say, What does success serve?

It means that my wife wont kill me, or it means Ill be able to make
those alimony payments for the next 50 years, or it means that my
son wont leave me, or it means that Ill be able to pay off the IRS or
whatever, which means Ill stay out of jail which means Ill have
freedom.

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What were doing with this answer is, first of all, cooling him down.
But what were saying is, Look@ Were implying something. One
way you can get a formula for doing is if you had the freedom to
say what you really wanted to say to the person, what would you
say? Then saying, How can I imply this without saying it?

What were doing here is saying, Okay, its true. I was not on time.
But doing this is taking time away from the thing that you really
want, which is success. Notice I said The thing its taking time
away from getting down to the success we both want. Not only are
you reframing it to be about success and how hes actually stepping
on his own dick by continuing to be mad about it, but youre getting
on his side by saying, Hey, we both want it.

Whats going to happen to his ability to stay mad at you at that

point? Its not only going to go away; its going to be as if he never
even had the anger in the first place. If he even thinks about you
being late, hell think, Oh, that great guy hes a great guy. But
hes always half an hour late. Thats only because he wants the
company to succeed. Pretty fucking good, huh?

I dominate with thinking. I dont even dominate with what I say. Its
with what I imply. Its what they think they hear. Can you see some
of the power in this? Is this manipulation?

Participants:

Yes.

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Ross:

Let me define it. When you steal my girlfriend and my money, thats
manipulation. When I steal your girlfriend and your money, thats
persuasion.

Im serious. Im not being funny. Who has an issue with the word
manipulation? Be honest.

Hold out your hand for me. What is this? Do that. What is this
thing?

Participant:

Its my thumb?

Ross:

Very good! Ding, ding, ding! Jeopardy! Thats very good. You
phrased the answer in the form of a question. I like that. Were
playing Jeopardy. Okay, yes, that is your thumb. Now, your thumb
works in cooperation with, but in opposition to, your fingers. Thats
why they call it opposable. That enables you to do what? To
manipulate objects. To pick up the world. The difference between
us and the apes is we have opposable thumbs. What does that
mean? We can grasp objects; we can move things; we can write.
We can make weapons.

Participant:

Monkeys can grab.

Ross:

Yeah, but theyre higher up the chain and theyre, sooner or later,
after we nuke each other, theyll be planet of the monkeys. They
havent developed language. Thats later.
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So, if you dont believe in manipulation, cut off your thumb, because
every time you use your thumb youre manipulating. What is the
Spanish word for hand?

Participants:

Mano.

Ross:

It comes from the same root. It means to get a grasp on something.

Understand when most people talk about manipulation theyre
referring to one or more of three things:

1. Misrepresenting facts

2. Pushing down on peoples pain buttons. I dont mean

professionally. I mean peoples emotional pain buttons: guilt,
shame, fear, that sort of thing.

3. Hiding an agenda. Saying that youre there to help, when in

reality, youre there to harm.

Im not talking about those three things. Thats evil manipulation.

Manipulation to me just means to move with skill and
deliberateness. Thank goodness that Dr. Carr, when he did my
balloon angioplasty, knew how to manipulate that catheter.

I was watching the thing on the video. You can watch on the video
screen. He said, Oh here are your arteries, oh, look! Theyve got
that little wire in there. You dont feel anything. People say, Youre
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breaking my heart, I feel so much for you in my heart, but the fact
of the matter is the heart has no pain receptors. The heart cant feel
anything. But I imagined I could feel a little scraping, although it
was all in my head. He moved that catheter with skill and
deliberation. He manipulated that catheter, thank goodness.

Heres a great story. Chicks always get T-E-W. Spell it backwards

in your mind. When I think of chicks getting T-E-W, I get D-R-A-H.

This is what I saw. He said, Okay, here we go. He did the

procedure. He asked, Do you want to watch the replay? I said,
Yeah. He showed me the video. He said, Theres you artery. The
arteries all look good. Heres the circumflex. My circumflex artery
was 95% blocked. All the arteries were big. This one was the size
of a hair.

He said, Okay, here we go. He put in the balloon, the artery

opened, and Im not lying I saw my lifes blood flow back into my
heart. I cried on the table.

When I tell that story, I hear zippers going down and panties hitting
the floor because they love that story. But its a true story. I saw my
lifes blood flow back into my heart. I cried like a baby on the table.
The nurse said, Its okay. Its a very emotional moment.

Participant:

And then she banged you.

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Ross:

No, but they took me to the emergency hospital. The paramedics,

within ten minutes of a heart attack had me at the emergency
hospital. I wont say where. I did sleep with the director of patient
services. It just goes to show that you can, indeed. Having a heart
attack is no excuse.

You have to remember they were injecting me. They were giving
me massive injections of blood thinners right in my stomach and I
was getting these giant grapefruit sized bruises, so I was covered
with bruises. I took a selfie of me with things coming out. You just
cant let anything stop you.

Manipulation, to me, simply means to move with deliberateness in a

way that not only doesnt harm anyone, but enhances everybody,
with the understanding that people are almost always on autopilot.
In this culture, the autopilot is no.

Think about what were taught. In school, what do you get marked?
At least when I was a kid, the only thing thatd get marked was the
things I got wrong. Remember? Red, red, red, red. Everything was
red. People are generally focused on no and whats not going to
work. Thats why lawyers are useful. Thats their job: to look for
problems, to look what could go wrong. Had I listened to this guy on
the things he told me, I wouldnt have gotten screwed in so many
different business ways. I should have listened to you. I say it
publically.

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