26 [Byun Baek Hyun] Leave me out with the waste

I jolt awake, upon a message alert.

How did I end up asleep? I looked at the watch on my wrists, it was already eight. I ruffled my hair
and reached to check my phone.
Meet me at HS Street No. 49, gotta discuss something with you. Come fast
-- Wu Yi Fan
I squinted my eyes, rereading the message a couple of times.
Wasnt he supposed to be at a business dinner? Why would he want to meet me all of a sudden?
I didnt want to go. Then I remembered he had told me hed discuss with me once he thought of a
solution. And so I had to go.
I got into a taxi and headed towards the location.
Which shop exactly are we heading to? The driver asked me.
Number 49 I checked the message, and looked out of the window again. Looking at the rows
of shops, it looked like it would around here.
Nevermind Sir, you can drop me off here.
I got off.
Ive never been here before. I didn't even know such a street existed in Seoul. The place was rather
deserted with little pedestrians, yet it was lit with obvious yet old-fashioned looking neon signboards,
like a half-old lady with her make up thick of powder and rouge.
I couldnt understand why Wu Yifan would choose a place like this.
I observed the row of shops. There were none after the number in the 30s, yet there was a dark and
narrow alley.
Why was there a place like this? Without much of a thought given, I braved into it.
The alley was like a crack in the city, surrounding it was a flurry of bright-lit vintage looking street
lamps, but it was total darkness here.
I had thought that maybe if I crossed the alley Id get to the shops with their number 40s as I
continued forward. Then I saw a black sedan.
I paid no attention to the vehicle and continued forward. Just as I walked past the vehicle, its door
swung open. Out came 4 or 5 men. Before I could react, I was surrounded by them.
I panicked. I immediately hid it and cautiously, I asked, Who are you?
You came pretty early huh. One of the men spoke in a deep voice. He grabbed my arm.
What are you doing? Let me go! I struggled.

From the corner of my eyes I saw someone with an object in his hands. It looked like a baseball bat.
Before I could react, it was coming straight at me.
I felt the immense and heavy pain from the back of my head before losing conscious.
--In the darkness of unconsciousness, there was no light, neither was there any stars.
The sudden pain that I was feeling was branching. From my fingertips, slowly to the rest of my body.
It was as if my sleeping cells had come alive, protesting and wreaking havoc with my bloodstream.
This was a nightmare.
But, reality was the real torture.
When my opened my eyes, my vision was fogged.
My brain was blank and I could not recall what had happened. I squinted my eyes, trying to take in
my surroundings.
But there were men surrounding me. They were looking down at me from above.
As I lay on a foreign bed.
I looked to the place where I felt pain, it was my hand, drooping over the edge of the bed. There was a
cut and blood was dripping out of it. Drop by drop.
I wanted to lift my hand to observe the injury, yet I had no energy to do so.
What is going on?...
Sorry, we wanted to maintain your appearance for later on so we didnt splash cold water on you to
wake you up. We didnt want to hurt you either. One of the men said.
My head pulsated with the pain as the memory of the alley came back to me.
Whowho are you?... And where am I? Why dont I have any energy to move at all? Why is it
that I can barely speak?
Lets start. One of the men said. Suddenly, two of them approached me and started to rip my clothes
off.
Whatwhat are you doing? I wanted to avoid them, but I had no energy to move, at all.
What the fuck is going on?
I couldnt think, and the man in front of me took out a camera.
Oh fuck no
Nonop-p-please dont do this
Do anything to me, but please dont take the pictures, please I cant have such picturesI

The hands were still working on my bare body, ignoring all my pleas.
As soon as all my clothes were off, the camera flashed a few times.
Afterwards, one of them unbuckled his belt and climbed on top of me.

What happened afterwardsI dont want to remember for the rest of my life.
All I could remember was pain. Pure fucking pain. It was more excruciating than anything I had ever
experienced.
I wanted to vomit as they stuffed their parts down my throat and I felt absolutely disgusted as they put
their hands all over me.
There was also the camera flash.
I was at my breaking point. And nothing but tears came, and it was immediately wiped off roughly but
one of their hands.
I wanted to scream, but all that came out of me was the gasps and groans of pain. I felt so dirty.
Why am I still alive.
--I lost track of time as they continued on. I had no idea how long they had went on until they stopped.
I was barely conscious and all the pain seemed to have dulled my nerves.
This is a message from someone: One of the men said before they left, his hand gripping my chin,
this was a present to satisfy you, dont go around again seducing men.
What does that mean?...I dont understand
P-pleasethe picturesI beg you, please dontI plead him again as I tried to pull on the hem
of his shirt.
He only let out a cold laugh and swiped my hand away before leaving with the rest of the gang.
All of a sudden, I was the only one left in the dark room.
I felt my body slowly gaining energy again, yet it was still just a little. I pulled my shirt over to cover
my body. Then I dragged myself out of bed, but the moment my feet touched the floor, my feet gave
out and I fell to the floor.
The pain from my behind made me see black. And so I sat there on the floor for a while.
I noticed my phone some distance away, beside it lay an empty needle syringe, I finally realised why I
was completely without energy just now.
I grit my teeth and crawled with much effort over to my phone. When I switched it on, there were
over ten missed calls.

It was all from Park Chanyeol.

The next immediate second, my phone vibrated. His name was displayed on my phone screen again.
Chanyeol was calling again.
I panicked, not knowing what to do. After a while of hesitation, I answered the call.
Hello
Hey Byun Baekhyun! Why didnt you answer my phonecalls? He shouted once I picked up. The
moment I heard his voice, I started to choke up.
Sorry, I didnt hear them. I tried my best to cover up my shaking voice.
Nothing came from his side, it seemed like he was trying to calm himself down as I heard loud
breathing.
Are you going to keep on ignoring me? He finally spoke.
NoI
I admit, I was too harsh with my words. He tried to explain.
N-NoI was wrong My tears fell and I immediately wiped them away.
Hey, are you crying? He seemed to be able to tell from my voice.
No I was desperately trying to hide my emotions.
Dont crySigh,
I really am not, I said before clearing my throat, yet the more he was talking to me, the more I could
not stop myself from crying.
Where are you? He asked, Ill come find you.
Dont I panicked, Im Im at my parents place.
Why did you suddenly go back? You arent lying to me right?
No.
Why was he trying to console this horrible liar?
Sorry, Chanyeol. Im so sorry for lying to you again.
Also, I really wish you were by my side right now.
I feel cold. The floor is cold. And I cant stand up.
Chanyeol, I miss you so fucking much. But I cant let you see this Byun Baekhyun.
His deep voice came from the phone again, Dont lie to me again, do you hear me?
I nodded to myself.

Also, come back soon.

Got it My voice was shaking and my tears were falling again.
Dont cry, really
I couldnt control my tears anymore and so I forced myself to end the call. Pulling my knees up to my
face, I sat there as more tears came.
In my heart was darkness of despair and panic more than the night. And Chanyeols awkward
consolations made me feel even worse.
My phone was still vibrating in my hand, some were text alerts that just kept coming.
I forced myself to ignore it. I had to regain my composure.
After resting for a while, I stood up slowly with the help of a nearby cabinet. I looked around the
room, it just seemed like some motel.
Supporting myself with the furniture, I made my way to the bathroom.
No matter how many times I washed myself, I still felt so disgusting.
I looked at the marks they left on my body as my brain replayed the moments from just now.
It was too fucking disgusting.
So disgusting that I really did threw up. My stomach wrenched, bringing pain to my abdomen.
I must look absolutely shagged.
What do I do.
So what do I do now?
Is it when the sun rises, those dirty pictures of me will be all over the internet?
Is it when the next day comes, everyone will start to look at me with disgust and disbelief?
Is it that, Chanyeol will start hating me again
What do I do.
I stumbled out of the bathroom into the death house and saw my phone lying on the ground. The light
from the screen stood out awkwardly and blaringly in its dark surroundings.
It was Chanyeols phonecalls and his continuous messages.
Hey! How dare you hang up on me!
Pick up! I need to talk to you!
Byun Baekhyun, pick up.
Pick up my call, now.

Seriouslyyou jerk. Why arent you picking up? Is your phone out of battery? Ill tell you via
text then.
I just wanted to say Im sorry. Goodnight.
I felt my eyes moisten.
I felt so shameful and weak.
Tilting my head and holding my tears back, I tried to arrange my emotions.
I couldnt go back now looking like this. Maybe tomorrow.
I stood by the bed, not knowing what to do. I could not lie down and fall asleep.
I shifted to the chair and sat down slowly, but the pain sent shivers down my spine.
I finally supported myself with the table. Whenever I closed my eyes, the horrifying image would
come back again to grab me with its hands.
--Somehow, I made it through the night.
Was the sky brightening?
But my life could no longer.
--Original Writer:
Translations by: chanbaek-xoxo.tumblr.com
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