How To

STEAL
Your

BOSS'S JOB

Dirty Tricks to Take the Job

YOU Deserve!
By Warlizard

Copyright Information
Warlizard Ink, LLC
www.Warlizard.com

2011, Warlizard
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means,
including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a
reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

First published by Warlizard 2011

For inquiries about volume orders, please contact:
Warlizard Ink, LLC at info@warlizard.com
Kindle Edition

Disclaimer:
All names (unless specifically mentioned) have been modified or changed completely. Certain dates, locations,
people and characteristics of these stories may have been changed to protect Warlizard from criminal prosecution or
civil liability. And of course, any illegal activities mentioned in this book are here for entertainment purposes only.
Also, do not try this at home. Void where prohibited. Use only in well-ventilated area. Well, you get the idea.

This book is dedicated to all the Peons.

You CAN Take His Job!

Table of Contents

Introduction ..............................................................................................................7
The Secrets Your company doesnt want you to know ........................................8
Your Horrible Boss .................................................................................................................... 9
The 9 Types of Horrible Bosses .............................................................................................................................................. 10
There Is A Silver Lining ......................................................................................................................................................... 18

There IS an Easy Way to Climb the Corporate Ladder ....................................................... 19

These Secrets Are One Size Fits All ................................................................................................................................... 21
Does Your Company Think Youre a Peon? .......................................................................................................................... 22
Do You Have What It Takes? ................................................................................................................................................. 23
Always, Keep Your Mouth Shut! ........................................................................................................................................... 24

The 8 Things You Probably Think Are True, But Arent .................................................... 26
Corporate Lie #1 You Are Being Groomed for a Promotion .................................................................................................. 27
Corporate Lie #2 Management Classes / Degrees / Certifications Are Necessary To Get Promoted! .................................... 30
Corporate Lie #3 Human Resources Exists to Help You! ....................................................................................................... 32
Corporate Lie #4 Your Company Values Work/Life Balance (And Other Programs for Peons) ............................................ 37
Corporate Lie #5 Your Boss is on YOUR Side! ..................................................................................................................... 40
Corporate Lie #6 Companies Always Want to Promote From Within! .................................................................................. 42
Corporate Lie #7 The Best Way to Get Ahead is to Ride the Coat Tails of Success! ............................................................. 48
Corporate Lie #8 You Can Count On Your Peers ................................................................................................................... 49

How Promotions Really Happen ............................................................................................. 50

Case Study: Before You Fail BAIL! ................................................................................................................................... 50
Your Horrible Boss Cant Promote You ............................................................................................................................. 51
Case Study: Promoted by Association ................................................................................................................................... 52
You Only Need to Do 3 Things To Get Promoted .................................................................................................................. 52
Make it Happen, Now ............................................................................................................................................................. 53

Destroy the First Pillar: His Relationship With His Boss ..................................55
Start At the Top ........................................................................................................................ 56
Win Over Your Bosss Boss ................................................................................................................................................... 58
How Do I Know This Is Working? ......................................................................................................................................... 58

If You Want a Senior Leaders Respect Stop Acting Like a Peon! ..................................... 59
CLM #1 You Dont Look Promotable .................................................................................................................................... 59
CLM #2 You Speak Like an Stereotype ................................................................................................................................. 63
CLM #3 You Bring Your Personal Life To Work .................................................................................................................. 66
CLM #4 Your Workspace is Decorated With Cats ................................................................................................................. 72
CLM #5 You Cant Hold Your Liquor ................................................................................................................................... 73
CLM #6 You Never Seem To Be Working............................................................................................................................. 75
Shape Your Persona ................................................................................................................................................................ 79

Take Control of Your Conversations ..................................................................................... 81

Always Control Your Conversations ...................................................................................................................................... 81
Initiate Conversations ............................................................................................................................................................. 82
Dont be Afraid to Give Praise ............................................................................................................................................... 83

Getting Access to the Senior Leaders ..................................................................................... 85

Meeting a Senior Leader In the Halls ..................................................................................................................................... 85
Impress the Senior Leader in Meetings ................................................................................................................................... 88
Leverage the Good Ol Boys' Network or Whatever Network You Can Make ..................................................................... 89
Find Him Off-Hours ............................................................................................................................................................... 89
Get A Dirty Job ....................................................................................................................................................................... 90
If You Can Get One High Enough, Get a Mentor ................................................................................................................... 97

Taking Advantage of the Mistakes Your Horrible Boss Makes .......................................... 99

Your Horrible Boss Complains About His Boss ..................................................................................................................... 99
When Your Horrible Boss is Missing In Action ............................................................................................................... 101
Horrible Boss Prevents You From Being Successful ............................................................................................................ 103
The Horrible Boss Pushed a Pricy Product ........................................................................................................................... 104

Leveraging Your Good Ideas ................................................................................................ 106

Big Ideas for the Senior Leader ............................................................................................................................................ 106
Bypassing Your Horrible Boss ............................................................................................................................................. 109
Trojan Ideas to Sabotage Your Horrible Boss ...................................................................................................................... 110

Stay Focused! .......................................................................................................................... 112

Destroy the Second Pillar: His Relationship With His Employees .................113
Why Employees Matter ......................................................................................................... 114
Keeping a Strong Relationship While Avoiding a Friendship .............................................................................................. 114
Create a Distance, an Unapproachability .............................................................................................................................. 114
Ignore What People Think of You ........................................................................................................................................ 115
Become a Mentor .................................................................................................................................................................. 115

Promote Gossip ....................................................................................................................... 117

Planting Rumors ................................................................................................................................................................... 118
Fanning the Fire .................................................................................................................................................................... 121
Keeping a Rumor Alive ........................................................................................................................................................ 122
Dont Overdo It..................................................................................................................................................................... 122

Finding Dirt on Your Horrible Boss ..................................................................................... 123

Why Employees Care About their Bosss Lack of Ethics ..................................................................................................... 124
Now, What Shortcomings Does Your Horrible Boss Have?................................................................................................. 125
Now You Are Prepared to Destroy His Reputation .............................................................................................................. 128

Making Your Horrible Bosss Unethical Behavior Public ................................................. 130

Case Study: Making The Horrible Boss Known for Taking Credit For YOUR Work .......................................................... 131

Using Coworkers HR Complaints to Your Advantage...................................................... 136

Using HR Complaints to Your Advantage............................................................................................................................ 136

Organizing a White Mutiny................................................................................................... 138

Destroy the Third Pillar: His Relationship With His Peers.............................140

His Peers Fun, Easy and Destructive ................................................................................. 141
Give His Peers Ammunition ................................................................................................................................................. 142
Finding Your Horrible Bosss Peers ..................................................................................................................................... 143
Keep An Eye Out for Your Horrible Boss ............................................................................................................................ 145

Finding & Sharing Private Information: ......................................................................... 146

Where to Find Corporate Secrets .......................................................................................................................................... 146
Letting Someone Else Sneak Successfully ........................................................................................................................... 150

Dont Forget to Be Your Horrible Bosss Friend ................................................................ 151

Listen with Attention to Your Horrible Bosss Boring Stories ............................................................................................. 151
Make Your Horrible Boss Need You .................................................................................................................................... 152
Be Careful - Dont Be Too Encouraging .............................................................................................................................. 152

Moving Him Out ..................................................................................................154

Make Him WANT to Go ........................................................................................................ 155
Making Him Feel Alone ....................................................................................................................................................... 155
Encourage His Frustration .................................................................................................................................................... 156
Cutting His Ties With His Boss ............................................................................................................................................ 156

NOW! Get Your Horrible Boss Gone!.................................................................................. 158

Get Him a New Job............................................................................................................................................................... 158
Take His Responsibilities ..................................................................................................................................................... 160
Take Advantage of The NEW Senior Leader ....................................................................................................................... 160
Dont Forget To Keep Your Eyes Open ............................................................................................................................... 161

Watch Out for Dirty Promotion Tricks ............................................................................... 162

Promotion Lie #1 The In-Line Promotion ............................................................................................................................ 162
Promotion Lie #2 The Future Raise ...................................................................................................................................... 162
Promotion Lie #3 The Phantom Job ..................................................................................................................................... 164
Promotion Lie #4 The Poison Project ................................................................................................................................... 164

Did It Once, Do It Again .................................................................................................... 166

Make It Happen Again .......................................................................................................................................................... 166
Watch Your Back ................................................................................................................................................................. 167

Thank You ............................................................................................................168

Introduction
Work sucks.
You hate your job and your boss is a credit-stealing jerk. He works you like a dog, plays you and
your Coworkers against each other, gives you the worst assignments, belittles you, ignores your
ideas and destroys what little self-esteem you have left.
Every day you go to work, your soul dies a little more.
Youre fed up with it but you dont know what to do. The company tells you if you work hard,
youll get everything you ever wanted but deep down inside, you know it isnt true.
Its time to take a short cut. You're going to leapfrog over your Coworkers, you're going to
manipulate your organization, and you're going to get the job that you deserve.
Sure, its not fair, but thats not what this book is about. If you want fair, every county has one.
Theres at least one a year. They have cows.
So put away your scruples, put on your game face and get ready.
Its time to steal your bosss job.

The Secrets
Your company doesnt want you to know

Your Horrible Boss

If you bought this book, you probably think your boss is an evil bastard. Guess what? Odds are,
youre probably right. Most of them are. Its not really their fault. They are the creation of a
corrupt corporate system that takes bright young minds and turns them into bitter, cynical
machines of mediocrity and intimidation.
That's doesnt mean there arent any good ones, just that theyre incredibly rare. The great bosses
inspire you to be better then you are, to learn your industry, to build the company and to help
others grow. When you have this type of boss, you know it. They are as rare as an honest
politician.
I knew a CIO who fit this description. He promoted based on ability, protected his team, and
mentored at every level. When he told you something, you knew it was true. He was loyal to his
team, intelligent, perceptive, gave credit freely and shielded us from the constant attacks from
other groups.
He was the best type of boss. When you work for someone like this, youll learn more about the
business world in a year than most people learn in their entire careers. Our team was happy and
productive, we were paid well, and we had the respect of the rest of the organization.
If you work for someone like that, enjoy it while it lasts. Learn everything you can, shadow his
footsteps, ask his advice and use your time with him wisely, because he wont be there long.
Hes a Ladder Climber, heading up to bigger and better things. Hes going to get promotion after
promotion, raise after raise, and people will always want to give him more responsibility.
You wont have to worry about getting him out of your way because by the time you are ready to
take his job, he is already moving out of the way into a new position. Leaders like this rocket to
the top and theres always space behind them. You see them on the cover of Forbes and Fortune,
succeeding everywhere they go.
Youre more likely to see a Unicorn.
Most people never work for someone like this. Dont feel badly. In all my years in the corporate
world hes the second one Ive seen. Think about that for a second. In multiple decades in
multiple Fortune 50 companies Ive seen exactly two.
Most people report to someone who is almost the exact opposite of this. They have what Im
going to label a Horrible Boss.

Usually, you can tell if you have a Horrible Boss. Hopefully youll know from the moment
you meet him. He is cruel, condescending and dumb as a brick but that doesn't stop him from
micro-managing you every moment of every day.
In some ways, its good to have a boss like this. You know he is a Horrible Boss and you
wont have any qualms in doing what needs to be done to get rid of him. Hell leave a giant
swath of destruction in his wake and the company will be better off when hes gone.
But what if its less obvious? Some types of Horrible Bosses masquerade as successful leaders
and you wont find out the truth until its too late. They repeat the standard lies that everyone
else in management says. Trite phrases like We promote from within, hard work will get you
there and I'm grooming you for bigger things! flow from his lips. Maybe he even believes
them.
Its even worse if he does.
This guy is the especially dangerous because you believe him. Next thing you know, years have
passed and youre no better off than when you first started.
So how can you tell you have a bad boss? Well, one simple way is to ask how long your boss has
had the same job. Most of the time, a really good boss is so valuable to the organization that he is
given more responsibility and moved up the chain to bigger and better things. If he is
stonewalled, he goes to another company that can provide him the chance of greater success.
Not your boss. Instead of moving up in the organization, your boss has stagnated. His last
promotion was years ago and hes never going any higher. He has been promoted to his highest
level of incompetence and is barely hanging on. This boss wont ever leave unless you move him
out yourself.
Hes hardly the worst though...

The 9 Types of Horrible Bosses

It would be so much easier if Horrible Bosses wore signs letting you know how bad they were,
but sadly, they dont. They come in all shapes and sizes: male, female, black, white, polished and
rough, plus everything in between. Appearance doesnt tell you anything actions are all that
matters.
Throughout the course of the book, were going to reference the 9 major types of bosses. Theyre
all evil and to plan your campaign against them, you need to be able to identify them. Here, for
your consideration are the 9 types of Horrible Bosses:

The Psycho
The Psycho is the easiest to identify. Shes nuts. One day shes your best friend and the next
shes screaming at you. You walk on eggshells, never knowing whats going to set her off. She
makes your life a living hell and everyone is terrified of her.
Shes easy to identify because she is erratic, unpredictable and every word out of her mouth
trumpets how crazy she is. She tries to control even the smallest details of her team and the
slightest failure sends her into a towering rage. This paranoid whack-job thinks everyone is out
to get her and constantly scrutinizes your every action to find and expose your flaws.
Fortunately for you, she does this to everyone. Since theres only so much time in the day, she
cant spend all of it on you, but the flipside is her team will self-destruct. They spend so much
time checking over their work their output plummets. When the rest of the organization sees how
little gets done, they blame the group, not the boss and your groups reputation suffers. You
become seen as lazy, stupid, or even worse. Occasionally, this insanity will even reach the senior
leadership team but more frequently she skillfully blames the idiots who work for her.
So, why does she still have a job? The simple reason is the Psycho is actually really good at
something. For example, she may be a technology expert or have deep knowledge of your new
accounting system. Either way, senior management didnt hire her for her personality. They
hired her to do a specific job, but shes so good that theyve been forced to promote her or lose
her.
Because shes nuts, she will never rise above middle management and as the years go by without
further advancement, she will become more and more bitter. She cant blame herself and the
only other explanation is her team.
The good news is that everyone thinks of her pretty much the same way. Everyone from her
direct reports to the Senior Leadership Team will start to see her as a loose cannon. Although her
attitude will eventually be her downfall, shes a huge risk and can ruin your reputation and delay
your career development for years.

The Jealous Girlfriend

At first, you think this boss is great. He spends time with you on all your projects, brings you
everywhere he goes and constantly tells you he is your biggest champion. He will tell you he is
grooming you for leadership and at first seems like a really good guy. All this will end if you
start to work with other groups. Overnight he becomes spiteful and sabotages all your other
relationships. Next thing you know, youre isolated in the company and its just the two of you.
If he had his way, he would make sure you never left. He wont promote you because he
believes the team should stay together. He may promise that youll get his job when he moves
up. The problem is, he won't ever leave because he spends too much time in his comfort zone.

Instead of working with Senior Leaders like his boss and other higher-ups, he spends most of his
time with his small circle of employees. He will obsess over the future of the team but fears
the change any advancement would bring.
The worst part about this type of Horrible Boss is that he will actively try to stop you from
becoming successful. The Jealous Girlfriend believes that if he cant have you, no one can.
Therefore, if you try to leave, he will do everything in his power to sabotage you, for your own
good, of course.
He truly believes the only path to success is through him and any time you spend on outside
projects is seen as a personal rejection. You will have a much harder time moving ahead because
he will destroy your reputation with his peers as soon as you give the slightest inkling that you
might want to do something else.
The worst aspect of this type of boss is that if you try to sever the relationship with him, you will
have to deal with the awkward break up. You know that girl that mopes around after her office
affair goes south? Well, the Jealous Girlfriend is 1000 times worse. He will try to exact revenge,
ruin your reputation and more. The only way to beat this boss is to appease him until you can get
rid of him. Otherwise, he becomes mopey and can pull you down with him.

The Moron
This boss is a complete and utter fool. He makes no sense, he has no idea whats happening in
the company, but he thinks hes a genius. This boss is especially dangerous because he will fail
spectacularly and blame it on you.
Typically what has gone wrong here was a senior leader was snowed during an interview or had
to fill the job as a favor to someone. The Moron drops all the buzzwords and when you met him
you might have thought he knew what he was doing.
It wont be long before your team realizes he has no idea whats going on. The next group to be
aware will be his Peers but they won't be able to do anything, nor would they even if they could.
Theyll see him as a lightning rod and an obvious scapegoat. Hes the perfect person to blame
when anything goes wrong because hes too stupid to be able to defend himself and has no idea
why things went wrong.
His hiring manager may figure out what a horrible decision it was, but remember, they are the
ones who made the decision to bring him on board. They dont want to believe their own
judgment is flawed and keep making excuses for why this person fails. They will blame the
Morons team for his failures.
The Moron will support him in this. He wholeheartedly believes that his team is failing because
they are incompetent. Everyone who will listen will hear him complain about how hard he works
and how difficult his team is to manage. Since most people wont know who you are, that means

you will be lumped in with a bunch of losers. This is the last thing you want and it can destroy
your immediate career prospects.
The only way to beat this type of boss is to be the star of the show. You have to distance yourself
from this person, the farther the better.

The Aristocrat
These bosses are often younger but they think youre barely worthy to polish their shoes. They
brag about their Ivy League degrees, their chalet in Zurich and their parents who serve on the
companys board. They treat their position as a stepping-stone to greater things and you as a
peasant whose existence is necessary, but barely tolerable.
This is one of the most insecure types of bosses although the Psycho comes close. Because
they bought their position, they are constantly trying to prove they deserve it, regardless of all
evidence to the contrary. They ask detailed yet irrelevant questions in meetings to show off their
knowledge and will criticize you publically for insignificant mistakes.
One of the worst things you can do to this type of boss is to make a fool of him in public. It
doesnt matter if youre right or wrong or even if you meant it. You better back down
immediately or he will go out of his way to destroy you.
On the other hand, they do have one advantage over the other types of bosses. They have
connections and ambition. Sometimes these guys will move on quickly, not because theyre
Ladder Climbers but because theyre convinced they deserve something better. As long as
better means another company, that is a good thing.

The Bully
This boss plays favorites and if you dont kiss his ass, you will find yourself pushed off to the
side and ignored. Plum projects go to the people who flatter him and agree with everything he
says. Any resistance is met with absolute destruction.
Sometimes this is a newly promoted individual who is just flexing his managerial muscles. Other
times, hes just a jerk. Whatever the problem, every day at work is like high school. All
promotions go to his friends, both inside the company and out. Hes cliquish and smug. Hes
intimidating and may even have his leadership cowed. If he has brought in his cohorts, you end
up having to placate an entire group, not just him.
The worst aspect of the bully is he always has a preferred punching bag employee. When things
go wrong (as they always will) the bully is prepared. He never admits making a mistake. Why

would he? He already has a good target to blame. The same people take the fall over and over
again even if they were only remotely involved.
As you become a better Ladder Climber, you will learn the tricks to stand up to him and make
him afraid of dealing with you. Your transitional goal will be to make it so difficult for him to
pick on you that its just not worth his time. Hell have to find an easier target. Bullies never pick
on the people who fight back. They prefer the weak so you will need to become strong.
While this is satisfying, it is not the final outcome with this type of boss. Your end goal will be to
get him fired. It takes work and determination but theres nothing more satisfying than seeing
him make the walk of shame out of the building. Feel free to cheer.

The Roadblock
This boss is almost always in mid-level management. Hes been with the company for more than
a decade isnt going anywhere. Hes comfortable in this position and fears change. When you
come to him with your fresh ideas and thoughts on how to improve things, youll be shut down
hard. Hell tell you its too difficult, too radical, or just a bad idea. Remember, he only wants to
mark time until he can get his retirement. Anything that threatens that will be harshly dealt with.
That isnt the worst part though. The real problem with this boss is that he doesnt care about
promotion. He isnt ambitious. He is perfectly happy to stay at that level until he retires. He
wont understand that you dont want to spend the next 15 years waiting for something to
happen, that you want more. Any attempt you make to learn more or to increase your value to the
company will be seen as useless, therefore why do it? Better to stay where you are and be happy
with your lot in life. After all, he is happy, why cant you be?
His Peers will love him since he isnt a threat. He supports them, doesnt try to take credit for
anything outside his domain and is probably very good at his job. As a result, he is often strongly
supported by the company leadership as well. The senior leaders may know him by name and
praise his detailed knowledge. You can't get him fired he does a good job. You can't get him
to leave he doesn't want to. But, as long as he is in your way, you can't get anywhere.
To get him out, you will need to learn how to get the attention of management even in a group
that doesnt normally get attention. Otherwise a leader like this can effectively make you into a
corporate drone who will wake up twenty years later in the same boring job doing the same daily
routine.

The Politician
You cant trust a word she says. Everything that comes out of her mouth is designed to create an
impression, not convey information. Every piece of data is massaged and spun to put her and
only her in the best light. She will take your ideas and champion them as her own while
convincing you that she's doing you a favor, that her highest goal is to further your career.
She will promise you a great deal, but when the time comes to deliver she will give you lots of
reasons why its your fault that you didnt get the reward. Because she is willing to lie, many
Peons believe her and trust in her. She can often create a supportive team that may never catch
on to her tricks.
On the other hand, her peers will be aware of her duplicity much earlier. Because some of them
are Ladder Climbers, they will notice someone like her. Keep your ear out for rumors of lying,
cheating, fake emails, that sort of thing. If she lies to one group, she will lie to another.
Remember, the Politician is always trying to get ahead and is willing to lie to cover her tracks. If
her peers don't trust her, you shouldnt either.
Discovering your manager is a Politician is one of the most disheartening and demotivating
things you can have happen in a job. Politicians know just what to say to keep you happy, so you
arrive at work pumped, ready to take on the world, but all your motivation is built on a
foundation of lies.
The problem is, when someone is willing to lie, they can say anything. They can promise you a
raise but when it doesnt happen, its not their fault. Theyll tell you the company couldnt afford
it. They can promise you a bonus but when you dont get it, its not their fault. They fought for
you. They promise promotions, advancement, credit and glory but only because they know its
what you need to hear if youre going to work hard for them.
The problem with a Politician is that you can't get them fired. They are too careful to get caught.
Everyone may know they lie, but no one can prove it. Nothing is in writing; everything is said in
the hallway or over lunch. If they do put something in writing, its so vague as to be useless.
Therefore, its rare to see them fired outright. Instead, when enough of the right people realize
your boss is a liar, they will position the Politician to be laid off or will make things
uncomfortable enough that they leave on their own. Because Politicians are so hyper-sensitive to
other people, they are one of the easiest bosses to get rid of. They will sense the change in the
wind and will be long gone before it gets too bad.

The Losing Coach

This type of boss wants to make you believe hes there to help you. He will constantly tell you
what you cant do and why you need his help. He will encourage you to get certifications,
training, anything that makes you believe you need to grow or improve and that you need him

to help you. He lives and breathes to help but the people beneath him find there is always one
more step, another thing he needs to teach them, that he just needs more time...
The Losing Coach sees his team as the problem and himself as the instructor. He is great at
pointing out your flaws and shortcomings, designing your career path, and providing you with
training. In fact, hes great at everything except actually helping you.
The Losing Coach doesn't really want anyone to be successful he feeds on peoples need. The
more help you require, the happier he is. As a matter of fact, he is likely to throw you into areas
in which you don't excel under the pretense of helping you gain valuable skills.
Are you a terrible public speaker? Don't be surprised if he puts you up in front of a large group.
Is doing reports where you really shine? You won't be assigned a report while you work for him.
In general, he keeps everyone down by focusing on what they can't do and avoiding what they
can do. His goal is to make you think that you aren't good enough and that you need him.
Further, he will propagate this view of you throughout the organization. The biggest problem
with this is that when the only exposure the Senior Management Team has to you is when you
fumble around at the podium, stumbling over your words, how can they view you as one of their
equals?
This is another boss that you will have to find a way to work around. For him, the relationship
you build with his boss will eventually become his downfall. When they see how excellent you
really are, theyll realize he isn't leading the team hes holding them back. With work, you can
ensure hes marginalized, exposed, and eventually laid off.

The Chimera
If more than one of these descriptions seems to fit your boss, it is possible that you have the
worst and most Horrible Boss of all, the Chimera. These people are ruthless, will use any dirty
trick in the book to try to get ahead. They know about Ladder Climbers and they know it isn't
just taking management classes and getting degrees. The problem is, they don't know what really
works.
Instead, they desperately try every dirty trick in the book. Theyll lie, threaten, manipulate, and
cajole, anything to get ahead. They will destroy a team and do whatever they can to get ahead.
Unfortunately, they can also take you down with them. I know, because I have been there.
I was a young Software Development Manager, a natural Ladder Climber at a Fortune 50
company and things were going extremely well for me. I had a team of 40 people working for
me, was making six-figures and had just won CIO Magazines 50/50 award for one of the top 50
B2B websites in the country. I thought I was the coolest thing to walk the face of the Earth. I was
not.

I hadnt learned all the tips and tricks I know today and I was still a bit green. My boss was a
Bully who used fear and intimidation to keep us in line and Id just learned hed decided to move
on. Today, I would have just taken his job but back then I didn't know how and instead, the
Senior Leaders filled the position with a woman from outside our organization. I held out hope
that I would get one of the elusive great managers.
At first, it seemed like I had. The first thing our new VP did was to meet with all the managers.
After our first 1-on-1, I thought she was great. She was smart, funny, listened to what I had to
say, took my suggestions seriously and really motivated me to work hard to get ahead. She got
along with others in the organization and seemed to be supporting her team. I thought things
were going to go well.
I was a fool.
There were so many signs Id missed, so many tells that in hindsight were blindingly clear.
One of the biggest signs was that she was much older than most of her team but hadn't moved up
that far yet. When there is no good explanation for such slow progression up the management
ladder, its usually a good sign that your boss isn't a Ladder Climber.
Another way to tell was that she only spoke with people she thought could help her. Real Ladder
Climbers realize that people throughout the organization are necessary but a Horrible Boss think
that they can ignore the Peons without consequence. They are wrong.
But that's the problem with teaching yourself to be a Ladder Climber. You have to learn from
other people's dirty tricks and from your own mistakes. In this case, I learned a lot.
It turned out that she wasn't just one type of Horrible Boss, she was a Chimera. She used the lies
of the Politician. She added new positions and filled them like a Bully. If you tried to give her
any feedback she would attack in a way that would make a Psycho proud. In short, she was the
worst of all the groups. Before she was done, shed gotten rid of the person whod hired her,
taken his job and decimated his entire organization.
I was one of the casualties. Within six months, I held a letter from Human Resources telling me
that Id resigned. When I pointed out I hadnt resigned, they handed me another piece of paper, a
promise of a $2000 severance if I promised never to reveal the terms of the agreement. I didn't
sign it what Id learned was too important not to share.
She had more tricks and lies than anyone I have ever seen. Granted, her methods are selfdestructive and only provide short-term gain but I learned to recognize them. I never make the
same mistake twice.
What eventually did her in was that she became too confident. She strove for and often got more
power but everywhere she went, she created an army of enemies. Although her unethical
practices were missed by many of the Peons and even some of her peers, they became more
apparent as she moved up the management chain. No one wanted someone that dangerous
around.

Eventually, the CEO got rid of her but it took more than a year. After all, she hadn't actually
done anything wrong. Sure, she was manipulative and unethical, but since she didn't actually
violate any laws or company policies, she was also untouchable. So he created a whole new
group for her to run, put her in charge of it and then shut it down a short time later. Effectively,
he terminated her without actually firing her.
Of course, if I could go back in time, she never would have had a chance to get the job. I would
have taken The Bullys job and she never would have been hired.
But that's the thing with Horrible Bosses. They will stay as long as you let them. If you don't do
anything about them, chances are that they will ruin your career and the careers of everyone on
your team. That was the last time I failed to act in time.

There Is A Silver Lining

No matter what type of Horrible Boss you have, there is one good thing about each and every
type. They all have weaknesses and all can be destroyed. There are plenty of people who have
removed a boss just like yours and gone on to take his job.
You are now on to him. Your Horrible Boss isn't going to be there much longer. All you need to
do is choose to Steal his Job.

There IS an Easy Way to Climb the Corporate Ladder

To put it simply, Peons think the company gives out promotions. Ladder Climbers know thats a
lie.
If you want to get ahead at your current company, corporate dogma says that you should start by
telling your Boss. He will respond with what experience, classes, and certifications are required
to get to the next level. Sometimes you will have these new tasks added to your regular workload
and other times they will expect you to complete these things on your own time.
It sounds reasonable. You say you want to get ahead and they tell you exactly what to do. But
there is one added thing that managers around the world at all companies, big and small add to
the conversation that makes it all a lie. The one thing is the short disclaimer at the end of the list
of things you need to do. Even if you do everything they ask, no promotion can be guaranteed.
Lets say that again. Even after you do everything they ask, they won't guarantee that you will
get promoted.
Right there, you know that nothing on that list really matters. If all of these items were required
and if these things made you a better, more capable manager, you could simply take the courses
and have the experience and ability necessary, the next time a position opened up. But that isn't
what they said. Instead, you were given a list of thing to keep you busy and then clearly told that
these things would not give you a promotion.
If you ask about it, you will get an even less specific answer. The generic corporate answer is
that its impossible to know what will happen, exactly what skills they need, what direction the
company will grow and so on. But if you ask point-blank, If the position I want opened up
tomorrow and I had completed all these classes, would I get the job? You will never get a
Yes.
No one with a brain would ever promise something that specific. Why not? Because they arent
that stupid. They know that all the classes, training courses and management off-sites wont
make you promotable.
So how do you get promoted? Well, sadly, you wont find the answers in any management class,
annual review or Human Resources (HR) handout. The books out that tell you how to find your
cheese or move from good to great are wonderful as long as your goal is to anesthetize the Peons
and keep them from revolting.

These incredibly successful books are full of advice that will ensure you stay pacified your entire
career. Why do you think theyre so popular? As soon as they came out, management latched on
to them and gave copies to all their employees. They tell you how to roll with the punches,
accept change and be the person your company needs.
Yet, there are things that every Ladder Climber does that work in every organization, from small
Mom & Pops shops to Fortune 50 companies. The problem is, no one wants to talk about it. And
to be fair, why would they?
Remember, Ladder Climbers want to get promoted. People who cause waves dont get
advanced. So why in the world would they tell people how things really work? All its going to
do is stir up trouble. The smart ones keep it to themselves and dont even tell their Coworkers.
Again, why would they? In the best case scenario, there now have more competition. In the
worst case scenario, they can get fired.
So we all say the same thing. With great sincerity and humility I used to tell people I got my
promotions through hard work and a bit of luck.
What else would I say?
Yeah, I saw the entire corporate structure was a lie and figured out how to game it. Care to join
me?
Its easier to put out a simple story that everyone already wants to believe. The company
supports this story because it makes them look like hard work is rewarded and lets face it, thats
the goal. The Peons want to believe it because it gives them hope and middle management wants
to believe it because it allows them to take some small part of the Ladder Climbers success.
The thing is, theres very little luck involved. The Ladder Climbers all know it (although they
won't ever admit it out loud) and you probably already suspected it.
Have you ever had someone in your organization everyone said was a superstar? You know
the type. He was hired after you, was promoted two or three times in the course of only a few
years and you just cant figure out why. He doesn't work more hours than you do, as a matter of
fact he works less. He's not smarter than you are. And he certainly doesn't have seniority. Well,
there is a real reason why he is doing so well. He knows how to get his bosss job, but he's not
going to tell you that.
And I don't blame him. When I was in the corporate world, I never would have given out this
information. I mentored people and never mentioned any of this to them. Sure, I may have
discussed one of my small coups with my wife, but why would I arm my competition within my
own organization? Not to mention the fact that admitting to using the corporate culture to my
advantage could tarnish my image and possibly hurt my promotability.
Many of these tactics arent exactly playing nice and dont fit into the culture most companies
want you to believe they have. Sure they fit the way the culture really is, but they don't fit the

way everyone pretends the company really is. The Senior Management Team knows its all a
giant lie, but they cant SAY that. Neither can you. You have to pretend you agree
wholeheartedly.
But now, I have people asking me how I did it, how I rose to the top and then got out. So, why
not share. What do I care? Use this information as you will. Have fun. Go get rich.
And you certainly can get rich. Ladder Climbers get to the top fast, and even if you think you
have fallen behind, it is easy to catch up. As a matter of fact, it's possible to get 3 and 4
promotions in less than five years, within the same company.
Let me repeat that for emphasis.
Within the SAME company.
The reason is that once you learn how the system works, its a giant game. Stealing your boss's
job isn't an atypical result it is the expected result. A Ladder Climber expects to be the
superstar. He doesn't expect anyone to realize what he's doing. The reason is that while you are
using tricks and manipulating your organization, your promotions and advancements will appear
organic and natural. When the Peons congratulate you on your success, it will be sincere and
heartfelt.
And youll be inside a world you never imagined.

These Secrets Are One Size Fits All

It doesn't matter if you are male, female, a minority or a WASP. One of the best parts of Ladder
Climbers is that they come in all shapes and sizes. Sure, some are middle-aged white guys, but
many are not. Oddly enough, becoming a Ladder Climber is more of an equal opportunity
endeavor than any other way of getting promoted. Once you decide to control your own fate,
youre on the road to success.
If you are waiting for someone else to take the lead and give you a promotion, you can be held
back by their racist ideas, homophobic feelings or sexist attitudes. Why let them make such an
important choice for you?
A Ladder Climber can be anyone. Sometimes its the young, up-and-coming guy just out of
college. This is the guy the company will later boast is the youngest CEO in the Fortune 500.
Other times, the person is an older woman who is returning to the workplace after having a few
kids. Later, they will feature her in their company newsletter as an example of how successful
women can become, with the tag line that she is working on growing her career after growing
her family.

It doesn't matter how old you are, how much experience you have or what you look
like. Anyone can do this. As a matter of fact, the first time a friend of mine stole her boss's job
she was only an intern at a Fortune 100 technology company.
Her boss, an experienced manager with over 20 years at the company left on vacation for three
weeks. She was temporarily assigned to a more Senior Leader and given a trivial project to
participate on. By the time he returned, everyone had forgotten that she was an intern (she had
failed to mention it to anyone) and she was in charge of rolling out an international deployment
of a new technology project.
After everyone realized what had happened, there was nothing left to do but let her finish the
project and the internship. No one wanted to admit that they had allowed a project like that to be
run by an inexperienced intern.
The fact is that anyone can be a Ladder Climber. Every type of person has been. It just doesnt
matter. My friend didn't do anything illegal to get her position. She just took opportunities that
others never saw or were too scared to assume. She took responsibility when others would have
asked permission and when there were more senior people available. In short, she just took her
boss's job because he wasn't around.
However, not everyone is willing to do it, or will even think of it. When the other interns heard
the type of project she had received, there was a lot of frustration and jealousy. People
complained it wasn't fair. They wanted to know why they weren't told this type of job was
available. They wanted to know how to get an internship like she had. They wanted something
no one would ever give. The only way to get these types of roles is to take them. There was no
opportunity until she took it. Who knows what other things the interns could have done had they
not been acting like Peons.
So, there is no excuse. Nothing about you is holding you back. If a twenty year old girl can take
over a major project in the male dominated technology division of a Fortune 100 company, you
really have no excuse. You just have a decision to make and its a simple one.
Are you going to control your destiny or not?
If you don't make the decision yourself, someone else will make it for you.

Does Your Company Think Youre a Peon?

So, let's say you choose not to be a Ladder Climber. Lets say you want to be like so many
people Ive known and wait to get noticed. What does that make you? The Senior Leadership
recognizes those people who are moving to get ahead. And they can certainly identify the people
that won't.

The Ladder Climbers get into an organization and keep getting promotions, recognition and
rewards. Management sees these people as the leaders of the tomorrow, the individuals they will
personally be working with more and more. Ladder Climbers are the guys that say hello to the
Senior Leaders in the hall, always seem to know who's working on what and appear to be a force
in the organization.
On the other hand, there are the Peons. Frankly, management has no idea who these people really
are. All they know is that these people get paid the lowest of anyone, have repetitively boring
jobs, and make the company work.
Without them, sure the company wouldn't exist, but if you dont know someone's name, how can
you believe that what they do is really important? The Peons are the workhorses of the
organization but they aren't management material.
Lets face it these two classes of employees are treated very differently. There are those that
are treated well, the Ladder Climbers that get the promotions, the raises, the money, the cushy
jobs and the easy projects. And then there are the rest.
The Peons that do the day-to-day work, get paid badly and are seen as disposable. They may be
the best at what they do and are the ones that make the projects succeed. They work weekends
and nights, getting the work done and making the projects really happen, but other than a small
reward, like a $100 gift certificate to some local restaurant, they never get what they deserve.
Why? Because they are thought of as Peons. The belief is that these people dont have what it
takes to move up the corporate ladder and take the next step. They are treated as though they are
less valuable and can be replaced.
The good news is that even if you have been pigeonholed into this category you can get out.
There are plenty of Ladder Climbers that started off as dedicated Peons. Then, for whatever
reason, their lives changed. Maybe they were passed over one time too many. Maybe there was
an unexpected child in the family and they need the money. Maybe they just want more job
security. Whatever it is, it is possible and even easy to change from Peon to Ladder Climber.

Do You Have What It Takes?

Maybe youre feeling a twinge of conscience. Maybe you think its wrong, or even mean to do
play games like these at work just to get ahead.
Think again.
If your boss received an email tomorrow that said he needed to fire you, do you think hed put
his job on the line and tell his boss to go screw himself?
Of course not.

Any boss would fire you. If he is a Politician, he will go as far as to spin it to make it look like it
was his idea in the first place. He would brag it was a great cost-saving measure and youd be
gone that day.
That happens every day in the corporate world. Every layoff that you hear about wasn't an
accident. It was made by an individual who thought it would be better for himself or the
company if those people were gone. Your Horrible Boss is one of these people.
And why would he do anything else? Most people stay at a job between two and three years.
Thats it. Do you really think that someone youve only known for a year is going to put his job
on the line to keep your around? Why would they? After all, they don't expect you to stay that
long anyway. No matter what he says, he doesnt have your back. Theres no reason for you to
have his.
You know he would be willing to cut you to do his job. Do you realize he will also cut you to get
more money, a promotion or a bonus? Plenty of Horrible Bosses use layoffs as an excuse to
reduce their department, reduce their budget and get themselves a nice bonus. It happens every
day.
So now, if you want to get ahead, you have to be willing to make the hard decision. Right now,
you have a Horrible Boss and hes standing in your way. If he were in your shoes, he would have
you out in a heartbeat. So, why are you hesitating?
Then again, if you dont have the stomach for this, you probably arent ready for management
anyway.

Always, Keep Your Mouth Shut!

You may think this goes without saying but youd be surprised. Once you decide youre going to
move forward and become a Ladder Climber, never, and I mean NEVER tell anyone. Never
mention that you are going to oust your Horrible Boss, never tell anyone youre manipulating the
system and never tell anyone gunning for your bosss job.
But wait, you say. My good buddy Scooter would never say anything.
Yeah? Your good buddy Scooter may come into a position where he has to make a choice
between his friendship with you and that nice fat promotion. Im sorry, but you wont even be a
blip on his radar if that happens. Scooter wants to keep his house, his car, and his wife.
Therefore, keep this piece of information to yourself, at least for now. If word gets around that
you read this book or plan to become a Ladder Climber, there will be one person who will use it
against you. Thats your Horrible Boss. What do you think he would do if word gets back to
him?

That also means you shouldnt say anything when people lie to you. Its going to be hard. In the
coming chapters Im going to let you in on some secrets about how your company is
manipulating you.
When your Horrible Boss tells you one of these lies, when the Senior Leaders give the troops a
pep talk and you know the techniques theyre using, youre going to want to say something.
Youll want to call them out, tell everyone you know whats really going on, that its all a tissue
of lies. Dont do it.
First of all, no one will believe you. Remember, people want to believe their bosses are good
people. They consider themselves perceptive, clever, intelligent and possessing perfect judgment.
If they were, the corporate lies wouldnt work. But you cant tell them. Theyll just be angry and
that wont further your career.
Dont blame them. Its just human nature. If they cant blame themselves and or their leaders,
whos left? Thats right. You. Theyll say youre just bitter and dont understand the business
world.
You cant tell the liar either. Thats self-evident and while it may drive you nuts when you hear
the lies they spew, just remember, youre going to beat them at their own game. Youre going to
use their lies against them and take their jobs. This is the time for discretion. Keep your eye on
the prize you want their jobs, not three minutes of satisfaction.
So keep your mouth shut. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't tell anyone youve read
this book.

The 8 Things You Probably Think Are True, But Arent

One of the reasons its hard to advance in large corporations is because people are basing their
decisions on false information. The lies are pervasive to the point of propaganda. The Senior
Leaders say them, the managers repeat them and the employees believe them.
The problem with these lies is that they are almost universally believed, from the Peons through
the management chain. Only after you get to the upper echelon of a company do you realize just
how ridiculous some of these beliefs actually are, and by then, you dont need to be told they are
lies. You might not think this makes sense, so let me give you an example that may help clarify
things.
Remember when you were a little kid and thought that your dog went to live on a farm when he
got old? How long did that belief persist? How old were you before you realized the truth? I had
a friend who was in his late 20s when it finally hit him Spot hadnt gone to a farm at all! So
why didnt he realize it earlier? Hes a bright guy it should have been obvious.
The reason was he heard the lie when he was young and no one ever challenged it. So he
continued on his merry way, happy that Spot was living a full and rich existence someplace in
the countryside of Massachusetts. When the truth was revealed (accidentally by his brother), he
was crushed and felt like an utter fool. So it is with the corporate lies. Youre told them the day
you start and unless someone challenges you, you just believe them.
So why do they lie? Is there a purpose? Sure. If youre a little child whose dog has died, your
parents want to protect you. They hope they can shield you from pain and by the time you realize
the truth, youll be old enough to handle it. Corporations do not have these altruistic intentions.
One of the main reasons the lies exist is to make you work harder. When people believe they
have control of their careers, that if they apply themselves enough, theyll advance, they work
like slaves. Think about it do you come in early and leave late so you can stay in the same
position for 10 years? Of course not, that would be absurd. You work hard because you think
that you will be noticed and that your hard work will be rewarded.
The problem is, your goals dont further the companys aims. This may seem counterintuitive,
but bear with me.
There is only one reason for the company to exist and thats to make money. Let me repeat this
for emphasis.

THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON YOUR COMPANY EXISTS AND THATS TO MAKE
MONEY.

How does promoting the work force make the company more money? Think about it for a
second. If every single employee stagnated and stayed in the same job for 20 years, taking all the
training courses, becoming more and more skilled, the company would be wildly successful.
However, as soon as someone gets a promotion, their work output slows down.
Since theyre in a new position, they cant possibly be as successful in it as they were in their old
one they just dont have the same level of experience. Plus, now someone has to be trained to
fill the old position. From a strictly fiscal perspective, its cheaper to hire from outside and just
train one person.
Now, expand this out a bit and youll realize the stock holders and board of directors dont care
how satisfied, happy, and secure their employees are, except in how it affects their productivity.
Anything that a business does to help its employees MUST be done because it is more profitable
than the alternative replacing the employee. However, when employees talk about companies
they often mention how great a company is to work for, how much they care about their
employees etc. This doesnt mean these things are real. If a company needs to lay off 100,000
employees, they do it. If they need to cut salaries, they cut them. If they need to fire
troublemakers, they fire them.
Once you look at your company like this, the lies become much more obvious. Each lie is told to
make you work harder and the company more profitable. They work because there are small
elements of truth in each of them. As a result, everyone takes these lies as truth and no Ladder
Climber will ever reveal the truth for fear of the companys wrath.
Some of these youll already know and some will surprise you, but theres no point in avoiding
talking about them any longer. Its time to learn where Spot went

Corporate Lie #1
You Are Being Groomed for a Promotion
This is probably the biggest corporate lie ever. Its used every day and everyone believes it,
including the employees and even more pathetically, your Horrible Boss. It doesnt matter how
many people earnestly tell you its true. Theyre wrong. Its always a lie. You may think it
happens, you may hear people say it happens, you may even think it has happened to you. But, it
hasnt.

The concept of being groomed for a new position or a promotion is simple. The groom-ee is
supposed to be getting the skills and experience necessary so that he or she can immediately
move into the position when it opens up. There are two fundamental suppositions at work here.
1. There is a position that will be open soon.
2. The person grooming you has the ability to put you in that position.
Your Horrible Boss is the one who tells you the first part of the lie. In many cases, the position
that the Horrible Boss is grooming you for is his own because he thinks hes going to be
promoted soon.
This is flawed on many levels. To begin, the Horrible Boss cant promote you. The only way you
can get his job is if he moves directly up and takes HIS bosss job. Youre counting on your lazy
incompetent boss to pull it together long enough to get a promotion. If you know hes an idiot,
dont you think his boss knows it too?
Next, to get the promotion, you have to start doing some of his work under the guise of
learning. Thats right, hes going to offload his work onto your shoulders and make you happy
to have it! Now, youre working harder and doing his job with the promise of a position he cant
grant.
Hey, lets say something does open up after youve been busting your ass, being groomed.
Maybe your boss takes a new job outside the company or another position opens up. Since
youve had management support, youd expect to get it, right?
Wrong. By definition, if youre being groomed, youre not ready for the position. If you were
ready, you wouldnt need grooming, right? So when a position opens up why would they give it
to you?
It makes more sense to fill the position with someone who already knows what theyre doing, not
a partially trained but eager low-level manager. And thats not unfair you already think youre
not good enough to do the job.
So to sum up, you are working for a job your Horrible Boss cant give you while doing his work
in the meantime. Of course, your Horrible Boss is grooming you.
This lie is easy to believe because we think we see it happen all the time. Weve all seen
someone promoted who we heard was being groomed. But what did we really see? Lets look
a little closer.
Lets say that Im a Horrible Roadblock of a Boss and I have an obvious Ladder Climber
working for me. I have to protect my reputation and position, right? Im watching my Ladder
Climber growing his skillset, building relationships with Senior Leaders, getting to know my
Peers and leading his Coworkers. I know hes going to get promoted soon and I need to retain
control. So, what do I do? I groom him.

Its as simple as that. When someone is already an up-and-coming Ladder Climber, everyone
wants to take credit for his success. As the old saying goes, Success has many fathers, while
failure is an orphan.
But just because your Horrible Boss wants to take credit for someone elses success doesnt
mean he can. You have to give him credit for trying through. It really is the perfect answer.
He gets to claim that whatever the Ladder Climber has accomplished is because of his expert
tutelage and mentoring. By claiming to be responsible for the Ladder Climbers success, he gives
the Peons false hope. Now theyll work even harder, thinking the same thing can happen to them.
The thing is, a Ladder Climber can get promoted with or without his bosss help. He knows it
and his boss knows it too. But the Horrible Boss cant admit that. He wants to look good in front
of the Senior Management Team. So when the inevitable occurs and the Ladder Climber on his
team gets pulled to head another project, the only option left is to figure out a way to take the
credit.
He tells everyone who will listen that he was able to recognize talent and cultivate it, that his
tutoring and mentoring really paid off for the company. The Ladder Climber goes along with it
and never says otherwise. Why would he? His career doesnt advance by starting a feud with his
old boss. Let the Horrible Boss continue in his delusion.
Of course, there is an obvious reaction from the Peons left behind. They just saw someone
promoted! What do you think theyll do next? Theyll clamor for the Horrible Boss to help them
too! This is a great boon to any manager. Once his team believes he can groom them then he
has just done a few things:
Your Horrible Boss has identified the Peons as people who cant make the leap without
his help.
Your Horrible Boss can tell his boss and his peers that he is mentoring the Peons,
making any success they have his.
He establishes himself as better than the Peons, making it much more difficult for any
of them to be promoted to his peer.
And the worst part of all is since the Peons believe that he is a carrot dangling in front
of their nose they work harder for him!
Your Horrible Boss has now established that the Peons need his help, anything good they do is
because of him, moreover, his hard-working team makes him look good to his bosses.
If your Horrible Boss can pull this off, its a huge win.
As an added benefit, the Boss gets the full attention of the Peons. They now see him as their best
chance for career advancement and dont have time to work on the things that actually make

them promotable. Theyll labor under a false assumption and work diligently to get the
promotion the Horrible Boss cant provide.
This happened to a friend of mine. He told me he was being groomed for the Directors position
by a VP and expected hed get the promotion within six months. I was skeptical he was pretty
new and the VP was well-known for promising things he couldnt deliver.
Somehow, every time an opportunity came, my buddy was passed over. There was always a
good excuse and other people were promoted around him while he remained a hard-working,
dedicated Peon. It took him a few years of working 70 hour weeks before he finally realized it
was never going to happen. Hed given everything he had to the job, neglected his wife and
children and when the truth hit him, he shut down.
It wasnt long before he was shuffled off into a non-management position and finally
downsized.
The reason this story is so awful is what happened a few months later. I was in a meeting with
the VP and heard him say that my friend had never been a serious candidate, that he was a good
worker but just didnt have the leadership ability.
Employees are used like this all the time. The road to the top is littered with the bodies of people
who thought they were being groomed when the right word would have be used.
Thats why this is the #1 corporate lie.

Corporate Lie #2
Management Classes / Degrees / Certifications Are Necessary To Get
Promoted!
Unless your field has a certification requirement (like passing the bar if you are a lawyer) all the
training classes in the world wont get you promoted. Sorry.
When companies promote someone, they want the employees to think it has been done fairly,
without bias. We have a very strong sense of whats fair and just. If a job opened up in your
division and it was filled without anyone internally being given a chance, wouldnt you resent
the hiring manager as well as the person they hired? After all, theyve been telling you for your
whole career that your development is critical to the success of the company. Was that all a lie?
The thing you need to understand is that all the certifications and degrees in the world wont get
you a job if the Senior Leadership team doesnt want you to have it. In addition, if they DO want
you to have a job, the lack of certifications and degrees wont stop them from giving it to you.

But My Boss Says I Need It

Well, if your boss says you need the certification, then I guess you should probably get it No
wait, its still a lie.
If your Horrible Boss doesnt want you promoted, its the perfect excuse. Its in keeping with the
corporate culture of training the employees, shows you that you have a career path, gives you
something you can work toward and can delay you for years.
For a few years I worked as a project manager, a job that usually required a PMP Certificate
(Project Management Professional). I was in charge of rolling out billing software to Central and
South America for the largest international shipping company in the world. It was a tough
deployment with a ton of visibility and risk. Youd think the bosses would have required anyone
in such a responsible position to have this ultra-critical certification, right? Wrong.
I never had one and no one ever asked me to get it. On the other hand, anyone inside who wanted
to join the project was told they had to have one. Why? We didnt want them. It was as simple as
that. Even if theyd had their PMPs, they still wouldnt have been hired, but the lack of
certification was an easy way to turn them down without a fight.

But It Says on the Job Description

Of course, if the job description says that you need a particular requirement, well then no its
still not true.
Lets say some senior manager decides he wants Bob, his golfing buddy to get a position in the
company. He cant just say, I like working with Bob and Im hiring him deal with it. That
would be considered unethical and there would be a revolt. To keep the Peons happy, he has to
outwardly justify his decision. Granted, the Ladder Climbers already know about Bob and expect
him to get the job so they arent surprised.
Therefore, the Senior Leader has to write the job requirement so that the only person who could
possibly qualify is Bob. Lets say some hard working Peon with a Ph.D. and extensive
qualifications is applying for the job and Bob didnt even graduate college. Well, guess what? A
Ph.D. wont be required for the job. However, Bob speaks a bit of Russian and suddenly thats
the deciding factor. Why? The Peons cant fight it. Its fair.
Have you ever seen a job description that lists ridiculously specific requirements? You know the
type; they say you need to have particular classes, years of experience, and more. By now, you
know what that means
It means youre not going to get the job.
The hiring manager already has someone in mind.

However, if it is more general, but still outlandish, then the Hiring Manager may just want to cull
the herd a bit. Specifically, he probably put some things on the job req. that eliminate anyone
internal from being qualified. Remember, corporations love to tell the Peons they promote from
within and unless they want a revolution, they need to have an excuse. Keep your ears and eyes
open for this sort of trickery it may not result in a promotion but it is always good information
to have.

Corporate Lie #3
Human Resources Exists to Help You!
If you thought someone had cheated you and wanted to sue them, would you use their lawyer?
Of course not. Youd see it as a clear conflict of interest and rightly guess their loyalty was to the
person signing their paycheck, not you.
So why do you trust HR to act in your best interests?
They have one function, and ONLY one function. They exist to protect the company from
lawsuits. Oh, they position themselves as employee advocates but dont be fooled.
HR is great if you want to get someone who works for you fired. Theyre horrible if you want to
file a complaint or if youre an employee who needs help.
Ive used HR time and time again to get rid of someone. Theyre really good at it. They make
sure all your Ts are crossed and all your Is are dotted so the person youre firing wont
have a leg to stand on.
Before you write someone up, you go to HR and theyll tell you exactly what to say, how to
phrase it so it has the most effect and minimizes the companys risk. Theyll help you build the
case against your employee until its perfect. By the time the employee complains about you, and
they will, its too late. Their credibility will be shot and youll look like the good guy.
Now, Im sure some of you are saying, No way! HR was great! My boss was being a jerk and
they totally took care of me!
Fantastic. Thats an example of winning a battle and losing the war. HR can get involved to
resolve a problem and from the employees point of view, everything went great. Theyll
consider the matter closed and wont hear anything further.
This is not the same thing as going well. The damage you do to your career and your standing
in the company is usually far worse than any minor matter youve resolved.

No One Gets Fired from an HR Complaint UNLESS

Here is an interesting test. Can you guess which of these employees got fired after being taken
to HR?
The Southern Racist: This woman grew up in the Deep South and every once in a
while something from her youth would pop out. She was in a meeting with a couple of
Coworkers, one of whom was black and was talking about how worried she was about
winning a contract. Not thinking at all, she said, Im sweating like a n****r on election
day. The whole room froze and she realized what shed said. Her hand flew to her
mouth and she started babbling apologies like crazy.
The Drunk Boss We were out at a bar after work, throwing back a few and our boss
was three sheets to the wind. He was complaining about how hard wed been working
and said: Damn boy, until I started working here, I thought Manual Labor was a
Mexican! His words met with some nervous laughter from most of the team and
complete silence from our Hispanic team member.
The Explicit Boyfriend: The company discovered that an employee had sent
sexually suggestive emails to his girlfriend using company email. He wrote things like, I
want to put my disk in your computer and other relatively harmless things like that.
These three people were in very different situations and two wound up dealing with HR. Two of
them remained at work and one was walked out the door. Can you guess which one?
Heres what happened:
The Southern Racist - They sent her to sensitivity training and that was it.
The Drunk Boss - There were no repercussions of any kind
The Explicit Boyfriend Fired on the spot and walked to the door by security.
These arent hypothetical situations. I personally witnessed all three.
The moral of this story is if they want to fire you, any excuse will do. The guy that was fired had
actually sent the email nearly a full year earlier, but after a surprise email audit, he was gone.
The fact is, they could have ignored it or given him a slap on the wrist, but they wanted him out
and this was the perfect excuse. Had he been a Ladder Climber, he probably could have sent that
same note to one of his own employees and only received a verbal warning. Unfortunately he
was just a Peon and no one cared he was gone.
People seem to think that the best way to steal your bosss job is to destroy him using HR
complaints.
This is 100% wrong.

No matter what youve heard, convincing HR that your Horrible Boss is sexist, racist, or
homophobic wont get him fired. People believe this because were told its true. By HR, no less.
Youve probably been in the class on sexual harassment where youre told theres a zero
tolerance policy on sexual harassment.
Yeah. Not true.
Its used to keep the Peons in line, but everyone else knows its a crock. If they like you, unless
you get in a fist fight at work or run around naked shouting I HATE THE JEWS, all theyll do
is send you to a class on sensitivity.
The only exceptions are where criminal charges could be brought. So, for example, if they catch
you stealing $100,000, it doesnt matter how popular youll be gone immediately, but thats not
an HR issue, thats a Police issue.
Bearing this in mind, believe me when I say, HR is not your friend. In all my years in corporate
America and in countless discussions with endless numbers of senior managers, the same
conclusion is drawn. HR is not the Employees advocates. They dont care if things are fair.
They exist for one thing and one thing only to make sure the company doesnt get sued.

Have you ever noticed that People who bring complaints to HR seem to get let go in the next layoff
its not just where you work.

7 Reasons Why a Ladder Climber NEVER Goes to HR

People think if they take their Horrible Boss to HR they are safe. Not true. Every action has a
response and going to HR is no different. Every Ladder Climber will tell you to stay as far away
from HR as possible for 7 reasons:
1. You are a problem and HR doesnt want to deal with problems. Lets face it, anyone
going to HR was unable to handle the issue alone and is bringing in outside help. Youre
creating additional work and who wants that? Even worse, the workers in HR know if the
issue is mishandled, the company runs the risk of being sued.
When you walk in the door to HR, you arent an employee who has been unfairly treated,
youre a potential lawsuit. Sure, the person who youre complaining could be a jerk, but
YOU are the risk. You are the one who could sue them, you are the one who could report
them, and you are the one who is the trouble maker. Is this fair? Is this in the corporate
handbook? The answer is no to both questions and if youre going to climb the ladder of
success, you need to know this.

2. People will think youre a pain to work with. Problems with your Horrible Boss dont
just reflect on your Horrible Boss. They also reflect on you. Many people have bosses
they dont like ok, MOST people have bosses they dont like, but they dont go running
to HR every time they have a problem. Even if you have a real claim, the fact that you
werent able to manage the situation yourself will reflect poorly on you.
3. Your issue makes your bosss boss look bad. This might be counterintuitive, but stay
with me. Lets say you have a problem with your boss and decide the only answer is to
go to HR. Theyre going to go to HIS boss and will want to know why HE didnt solve
the problem before it got to them. Is he a poor manager? Is he so unapproachable that one
of the people on his team couldnt go to him with a problem? Is he so disconnected from
his team that he didnt even know about it? Now consider this How do you think he
will feel about YOU after a meeting like that with HR? Do you think youll come across
as someone he wants around?
4. HR is never private. Your boss, your bosss boss, and maybe even HIS boss are going
to know about the problem. Its a simple issue of risk. If someone three levels below you
had a problem that could lead to the company being sued, youd want to know, right?
So now youve taken your problem to HR, theyve escalated up the chain and someone
four levels above you is learning your name for the first time. Is this the way to get
ahead? Of course not. Do you really want your name associated with HR complaints?
The reasons may be forgotten but no one will want you around.
5. Your work environment is about to get vastly more hostile. Once people find out you
went to HR, their perception of you will change. You may find that your Bosss boss is
more formal, other peers alienate you and management is less friendly. You have to
expect this. You turned in one of their own. You ratted someone out.
This means that you are loose cannon who will you attempt to destroy next with your
lies? Will they fall into your crosshairs? Youre no longer someone they can trust. Sure,
its not fair, but thats not what this book is about. If you want fair, every county has
one. Theres at least one a year. They have cows.
6. Going to HR wont get you your bosss job. Even if he is fired for his offences, the
powers wont promote you into his old position. It would be seen as a conflict of interest.
Otherwise, theyd be flooded with false accusations.
7. It opens you up to being laid off. When a company is thinking of letting people go
and is looking to remove issues, anyone involved in an HR dispute is fair game. After all,
a layoff is a without cause termination. It is nearly impossible to prove that your
termination was the result of your visit to HR. It will usually happen a few months later,
and be completely unrelated, however, in my corporate career, I have seen it happen time
and time again.

The Warlizard Corporate Translation Guide Presents:

Im Having Trouble with my Boss
WHAT IS SAID

WHAT IS MEANT

Peon:

I'm having trouble with my boss.

My boss is mean.

HR:

I understand. Please tell me everything.

Great. Another whiny entitled baby.

Peon:

Is there any chance this can get back to him?

I don't want him coming after me.

HR:

No, everything in here is confidential.

He will know, his peers will know and you'll

be labeled a troublemaker. Your career is
about to be over.

Peon:

Good. I feel like he doesn't respect me. I don't want to

get him in trouble I just don't want to work in a
'Hostile Work Environment'.

He made fun of my cat calendar and ignores

my opinion at meetings, plus I learned a few
buzzwords.

HR:

Our company is committed to promoting harmony and You better hope you're bulletproof. You're
a positive work experience. Anything I can do to
about to learn the REAL definition of
further those goals I will.
"Hostile".

1 GREAT Reason to Go To HR
Knowing what you know now, can you think of a good reason to go to HR to complain? What if
your boss tries to rape you? Lets face it, if the issue is criminal, go to the police. For anything
else, man up and deal with it on your own. Even cases of wrongful termination should be
handled by a lawyer, not HR.
Now Im going to contradict myself. There is one excellent reason to go to HR.
If you plan on leaving for any reason and want your Horrible Boss and the company to pay for
your ride for a while, take your complaint to HR.
Experienced Ladder Climbers who are ready to start their own businesses, become stay-at-home
moms or just chill on the beach with something frosty should consider this as an option.
This corporate loophole is the best way to become part of the next corporate layoff and enjoy the
cushy severance package that comes with it.
Just make sure to plan your HR adventure with enough time to handle the repercussions.
Remember, they wont let you go immediately and your environment will become much more
hostile. For a savvy Ladder Climber ready to leave, this is the best way to get out of working for
your Horrible Boss.

Case Study: Using HR the RIGHT Way

One of my friends once made this decision with her eyes wide open. She had been harassed by
her boss for years and had been managing the situation herself. A Jealous Girlfriend, her boss
isolated her from the other groups and refused to share her with anyone. It wasnt until later that
she found out why.
Her suspicions were aroused when he brought her a rose on her birthday. Oh, it was yellow and
he said it signified friendship, but it was still a bit strange. Then, he moved her so she sat next to
him. That wasnt too crazy they worked on countless projects together. His comments had the
flavor of inappropriate, but again, they could always be taken two ways. As dense as she was,
she finally made the connection when he proposed to her. He even bought a ring.
She was pregnant and happily married, so the entire thing seemed utterly ridiculous. Who in his
right mind could be such an idiot? He was also married and had five kids, which is probably why
it took her so long to figure out what was going on.
She tried to politely distance herself but he just wouldnt listen. In the following weeks, he
refused to drop it and continued to harass her with calls, more emails, Facebook messages and
LinkedIn invitations.
Pregnant and unwilling to manage the situation any longer, she reluctantly involved HR. She
knew she was taking a giant risk but it seemed to work out well enough. The harassment abated
and while he still emailed her (trying to re-establish their friendship) and her husband (to
apologize), things settled down at work.
It was a total and complete coincidence that she was laid off a few months later, right after she
had her baby and before she returned to back to work. Since she was part of a large Fortune 500
company and was included in a regular lay-off, she received a fat severance package.
HR can be great if you use them right!

Corporate Lie #4
Your Company Values Work/Life Balance
(And Other Programs for Peons)
Talking about work / life balance has become one of the most common themes at companies
today. Anywhere you look, companies talk about the importance of balancing your work and
home lives. If you believe HR, all the company cares about is making sure that you put in your
forty hours and then go home to enjoy your wonderful family.
Forget everything they said and just think about that for a second. Does that make ANY sense?
All they care about is the maximum productivity for the least cost. They know the more they tell

you they care about you, the harder youll work. If they could pay you one dollar a day to work
24 straight hours, they would, so why would they care about what you do when youre not
generating money for them?
The truth is, they dont. Not one bit. Ladder Climbers dont get ahead by showing how skillfully
theyve balanced their home and work life. They get ahead by making themselves look like
dedicated employees who are willing to spend 100% of their time either at work or thinking
about work.
Think about all of the Senior Leaders you have known. Do they brag about the hours they spend
at PTA meetings or frequently leave to coach their sons little league? Are they looking forward
to Beer-Thirty? Are they always using their personal lives to come in late and leave early?
Of course they arent.
Therefore, dont believe the lie. Work / Life balance is never intended for management or
anyone who wants to climb the corporate ladder. Its nothing more than Propaganda for Peons.
A company works best when the Peons work reliably and regularly. If you want someone to stay
in the same dead-end job for 20 years, you have to make it attractive in some way. A Work / Life
balance program is one of those ways.
There are many other company perks that exist solely to keep the Peons comfortable in their
positions. Some of these Programs for Peons include:

Alternative Work Schedule This one is great for anyone whose job is the same every single
mind-numbing day. If you do the same 15 tasks over and over, it doesnt matter whether you
work from 6:00am 2:00pm, 9am 5pm, or 4 x 10 hour days.
Of course, if you want to be a Ladder Climber, dont bother. Your successes need to be visible
and thats extremely hard to do when you arent in the office the same time as the people you
want to impress. If no one can see how awesome you are, you wont get far. Remember, a tree
that falls in the forest when no one is around rots on the ground.

Dress Down Days This is intended to make the Peons happier. Companies love to do this
because its free and it works. One day a week, Peons are encouraged to dress down, to come
into work in whatever is comfortable. Theyll wear sneakers, baseball caps, team jerseys and
jeans. You might think the goal was to do something fun for the employees. The reason given is
that happy people work harder so it makes sense, right?
Well, partially. The goal is to make the employees feel like they arent at work.

They know your average Joe hates his job and wants nothing more than to be somewhere else.
Why not let him feel like he is? One day a week, the noose is loosened and they let the
employees feel human. That small touch generates loyalty and lowers the attrition rate at the
company, leading to lower re-training costs. Basically, letting you wear jeans saves the company
money.
Diabolical.
If you want to climb the ladder, you need to give the impression that you WANT to be at work,
not that you cant wait to leave.
So when these days come up, remain professional. One VP I had dressed in what I call
Awkwardly Casual. His jeans were pressed and had a nice crease down the front. He wore
loafers, not sneakers and his button-down shirt was only lightly starched.
He gave everyone impression of being part of the day, but still looked the part of a Senior
Leader.
There is one exception when you should participate enthusiastically. If the company has theme
days, like Halloween, Game Day Shirt or a Hawaiian Shirt day, you will usually find all the
Senior Leaders participating. This is done to show support of the companys idea. But before you
jump in too far, keep an eye on Senior Leaders. Dont be more enthusiastic than they are.

Working from Home This is another benefit for the Peons. It lets them get their work done in
a comfortable environment. Sure this is fun, but you wont get into leadership like this. People
want to promote someone they can see. If you attend all your meetings remotely, you wont get
ahead.

Extended Leave of Absence In some cases companies offer an extended leave of absence if
you have a child or another qualifying event. It is great to take advantage of these programs if
you want, but dont expect to get ahead if you are out of the office for months at a time. Even if
it was because of the birth of a child, no one in your company cares.
All they know is that you were out of the office and they did without you for months. If you are
a Peon and they need 15 people, all doing the same task, its fine to be gone for long periods, but
if you want to be seen as critical to the organization, you have to actually be there. If theres an
emergency and you absolutely cant be there for more than a week, call in and keep the team
dependent on you.

Company Surveys These are great! They give the Peons a chance to rant and blow off some
steam. Problems that have been bubbling under the surface come to light and can be dealt with.
The ringleaders, I mean employee-nominated community leaders are identified and assigned to
committees charged with really understanding the needs of the employees. Everyone takes it
very seriously.
Well, for a month or two, at least.
If you plan to be in the same role for the next twenty years, yeah, maybe you should care about
the lunch in the cafeteria or how parking spots are assigned. Since you dont care, the survey
doesnt matter.
Avoid providing any information on the survey that could ever be traced back to you. Assume
everything you read will be read by the person youre writing about. Its usually easier to give
the company and your Horrible Boss glowing reviews with a few insightful suggestions thrown
in to show you understand the company. Remember, flattery never hurts and you shouldn't create
an enemy over a stupid survey.

Corporate Lie #5
Your Boss is on YOUR Side!
Lets face it, the only reason you have a boss is because your company believes you need
oversight. Think of how much money your company would save if they could just have a few
hundred drones working together without managers watching their every move.
Therefore, your boss validates his job WHEN you screw up. If things are running too smoothly,
upper management will assume the boss isnt needed and take action. You might think this is
some kind of joke, but Ive seen it happen more times than I can count.
This book is dedicated to getting rid of your Horrible Boss, but there are good bosses out there,
theyre just rare. I knew one who was amazing. She had her group running like a well-oiled
machine. Her team loved her, her processes were solid and the work was done on time and
within budget. She inherited one of the worst teams in the company and turned it into one that
was accurate and autonomous, to the point that her job was easy. All she had to do was go to a
few meetings and give a report now and again.
Her reward? She was laid off.
The thinking was, her group didnt need a manager anymore. The fact that it was her skill that
took the group to that point wasnt important. They merged her group with another one one
that was constantly dealing with problems and issues. They kept the hard working manager in
that group, assuming he could handle his own team and the easy one simultaneously.

It didnt work out that way. The employees were now faced with a new boss who had new ideas
on how to run things and both groups quickly devolved into squabbling and disharmony. While
this may have been vindicating for her, she didn't get her job back.
Most bosses know this will happen if things go too well. When you screw up or make a mistake,
you justify his existence. There is no reason for him to hide your shortcomings or work hard to
make you better. As a matter of fact, many companies believe the better bosses are the ones that
deal with a new problem each day. They like to know their managers are on top of things.

Your Problems Can Help your Boss Justify His Hidden Goals
Horrible Bosses can be skilled at leveraging the teams problems and it can happen at any
level. At one company I was at, the CEO left and the position was left vacant for nearly a year.
You'd think that the CEO position was a pretty important one and would be filled quickly, right?
After all, how can a company move forward without leadership?
The reason given by the President was that he wanted to promote from within and needed time to
see who was best for the job. There were three people being considered for the position, all
seasoned upper-management types and they spent the next year working their tails off.
They should have been able to recognize the symptoms. He played them against each other, put
poison pills in their evaluations, killed projects where they were being successful and took away
their people. They had constant meetings, treated their employees like slaves, took no vacation
and worked 80 hours a week.
At the end of the year, the President hired a buddy of his to be the CEO. He had dangled the
position over the heads of those three people for an entire year. As it turned out, he had known
the entire time he was going to hire his friend. However, all the problems and issues kept the
decision impartial and let the Horrible Boss do what he wanted. The sad thing is all three
people stayed with the company. They were crushed and couldnt believe how hard theyd been
played, but they no longer believed they could get a better job anywhere else. He had crushed
their spirit too.

Your Horrible Boss Does Not Have to Give Good Advice

Another thing most people are confused about is that they think their boss has to give them good
advice and accurate information. There is no such obligation. Instead, your boss can give you
any advice that he sees fit to give you. So, if an Horrible Boss wants to make sure his job isnt
threatened, do you think he is going to tell you what he would do, or what he wants you to do?

The Warlizard Corporate Translation Guide Presents:

Can I Take Off Friday?
WHAT IS SAID

WHAT IS MEANT

Peon:

Hey boss, can I take off Friday?

Hey boss, can I take off Friday?

Horrible
Boss:

Isn't that the day we go live with

Version 2.0 of the new software
release?

Are you out of your mind?

Peon:

Yes, but my part is already done.

If you knew more about what we were doing, you'd know I don't
need to be there.

Horrible
Boss:

As long as no one else needs you, it's We will try to call once at an odd time, from an unrecognizable
ok, but make sure you're available by number, wont leave a message and then plan to blame anything
cell just in case.
that goes wrong on your absence.

Peon:

Absolutely.

Not a chance.

Horrible
Boss:

That should be no problem.

This is great! I now have my scapegoat when things go wrong.

Corporate Lie #6
Companies Always Want to Promote From Within!
Companies love to promote from within! Is it because:
A. It costs more, because now they have to train a new employee in the new position as
well as backfill for the old position, and retrain an employee to fill that position.
B. No new ideas are brought into the group because the person is already from within the
team.
C. The person who is getting the job has no actual experience at that level as opposed to
someone from outside the company that may have done the job already and has a proven
track record.
D. All the internal candidates who dont get the job will be pissed and difficult to manage
after one of their own is promoted.
E. None of the above.
Lets face it, promoting from within can be costly, and risky. That's why companies dont like
doing it. They will if you make yourself a great candidate a Ladder Climber. But you arent
going to get the job by just applying.
As a matter of fact, applying for a job within the company can actually be an issue if you handle
it the wrong way. In many companies, employees that leave are not being replaced. This means

that if your boss loses you, there is a good chance he wont be able to refill your position. Your
leaving puts more pressure on him and shrinks his organization.
Now, lets say you meet with your boss for your annual evaluation. You realize that there is a
type of job in another team that would be a step up for you. Your company has said they promote
from within and they care about your career development. As a good corporate soldier, you do
what youre supposed to do. You mention (foolishly) to your boss that your goal is to eventually
move into that position.
You just shot yourself in the foot. Remember, your boss cant promote you to that position. In
fact he probably knows very little about who they want in that job. But his response will be to
enthusiastically encourage you to apply. Why would he do that? It's the smart move.
Your boss has just learned a great deal and he can use it all. First, he knows that you arent loyal
to him. How could you be? You want to leave his team and he will never forget that. But, but,
the company actively encourages applying for other positions within the company, right?
Well, of course they do. Now that your boss, AKA the company, knows you are looking on the
internal job boards, he also knows that youre dissatisfied in your current position and are
looking for another job. If you are looking outside your team, he believes you are looking at
other companies as well.
Think about it this way. If you're dating someone and they find you've put in applications on
Match.com, OKcupid.com and some of the other dating websites, how would they feel? They'd
be pissed and correctly realize that you want more than they can offer. It's the exact same way
with your boss. He's going to feel angry and like he has wasted his time on you.
Whats more, he realizes it's only a matter of time until you leave. To your Horrible Boss, it
doesnt matter if you move internally or move to China. The thing he knows is that in our current
economic climate, once he loses you he may not be able to backfill your old slot. If layoffs come,
you will probably be on his short list since you're going to leave anyway.
So now, you have followed the corporate advice, sought out opportunities to advance and have
gone to your Horrible Boss for advice. Do you really think he is going to help? Probably not.
Will he put in a good word for you? Unless he already wants to get rid of you, not a chance.
Most likely he will give you a list of things that you need to do to get that type of job. He'll
give you a laundry list of advice, including but not limited to, unfunded training classes,
additional projects to expand your knowledge, etc. He'll discuss why you really arent ready
for that job and then go behind your back to the hiring manager and destroy you. You head back
to your cube, dreams dashed, realizing that you really arent promotable after all.
On the other hand, your boss has accomplished quite a bit. He has bought himself time, since you
arent as sure that you can get another job. After all, if you cant get a promotion in a company
where youve already proved yourself, how can you get a new one outside? He has had the
opportunity to discuss your shortcomings. This makes you worried that your boss thinks you

just arent good enough. All in all, you are now stuck. You cant leave, and you wont be
staying much longer.
If you want to get promoted within your current company, you have to know how to steal your
bosss job. He isnt going to hand it over to you.

But My Boss Wants Me to Apply for the Job!

Of course he does. That is why they post the position. Posting a position and encouraging people
to apply for it is great. Not for the employees, sadly, but for your Horrible Boss. The advantages
to them are clear:
1. It gives the ambitious a chance to show that they are interested in a future position and
gives them a shot at the job. That makes them happy. Happy people work harder.
2. It shows the employee the company is serious about their career path and has their best
interests at heart. This serves to build loyalty.
3. It made sure people perceive management as fair. A reputation for fairness is critical
when raises and bonuses are handed out or even when making up a schedule. Peoples
beliefs are like riverbeds. Once theyre flowing one way, its a huge task to change that.
4. When an employee isn't selected for the position, he still feels like he was close to
getting it. Its a function of ego. No one thinks they are completely unqualified for a
position, so if they didnt get it, it was probably out of their control the whole time.
This is why you are applying. Not because they are interviewing you for the job, but because
they are interviewing you to keep you happy and to make themselves look good. Thats all.

Case Study: You Should Definitely Apply

People always think that their Horrible Boss is grooming them and as soon as he leaves, they will
get his job. One of my friends had this happen to him. Let's call him Brian.
His Horrible Boss was "grooming him". This means that he worked crazy hours, picked up some
of his Horrible Bosss work and in general ran the team. Soon, things were going so well for the
Horrible Boss that he left the company, got a crazy promotion, moved across the country and
received a $50,000 bump in pay. It should have been perfect for Brian but once the Horrible
Boss was gone, so was the knowledge of all the hard work Brian had been putting in. Turns out,
the Horrible Boss didn't tell anyone how much Brian was doing.

Why would he? He used the success of the team to propel him into a new position. No reason to
give up the credit. So once he was gone, the decision was in the hands of the new CIO. Of
course, the CIO told Brian all the usual corporate lies. He was a strong candidate for his bosss
old job, he should interview for it and the best candidate would be chosen. In the end, Brian did
not get the job. Oh, they interviewed, listened to his strategies for the organization and his
process improvements and in the end told him that he was a little green but had great potential.
Brian bought it.
He figured he was a relatively new manager and it made sense that the job required someone
with a bit more seasoning. Right?
Wrong. The new Director had even less experience than Brian but he had worked at the CIOs
old company.

The Warlizard Corporate Translation Guide Presents:

Hey War, About that job?
I can't count how many people I've hired over the years and it was never fun.
Prior to the interviews even starting, there were times I would be called into some senior
managers (SM) office, supposedly to have a friendly conversation about the job opening. It was
always fun finding out that before I'd even posted the position, someone in upper management
had already decided who was getting the job.
The worst was when I already had someone in mind. Sometimes Id selected the person based on
how reliable they were, how much of a threat they posed to me, how good theyd make me look
or how much they needed the job.
Im not stupid.
Heres how the conversation would go:
WHAT IS SAID
Senior
Manager:

I hear you have a job opening. Do you have anyone in I hear you have a job opening and I have
mind?
someone Id like you to hire.
I have some strong candidates but Im always open to

Warlizard: new ones. We want to build the strongest possible

team.
Senior
Manager:

WHAT IS MEANT

The LA office is closing down and SVP suggested

maybe we could use Bob.
Sure, glad to take a look. No promises, but hell get a

Warlizard: fair shot.

Im not hiring your idiot nephew but if you

have someone good, Ill consider it.
The Senior VP would like you to hire Bob.
Dammit! I had someone in mind. Are you
sure?

Senior
Manager:

Hey, its your team, no pressure. If he sucks, dont

worry. Im just passing the message along.
Of course not. Id never jeopardize the team. The only

Warlizard: important thing is putting out the best possible

product.
Senior
Manager:

Golf this weekend?

Warlizard: Sure, drinks are on you!

Hire Bob.
HAHAHAHA. No, but seriously, the job is
Bobs.
I know Im screwing you. Take it like a
man.
I will but you owe me.

I still had to go through the dog-and-pony show, seriously interview everyone who applied, but
all it did was waste my time and the time of everyone who applied.

But My Boss Is New, He Cant Be Biased

When a new boss comes in from outside, you know there are external forces at work. If the
Senior Leaders are replacing someone who was terminated, retired or left another way, you know
they're dissatisfied with the current structure.
If the Senior Leaders replaces someone who left for another job, you know that they didnt trust
anyone in the group to take the spot. Either way, this person is walking into a job where their
new boss thinks they have to clean up a problem. What do you think his impression is of the
group? Do you think he believes you are all super hard workers that need to stay exactly as you
are and everything will run smoothly? He doesnt.
Frequently when a new boss is hired from outside the organization, he has more of a bias than
anyone could ever get if they were promoted from within. So, what does he do, well, he starts to
look around at what changes he needs to make to fix the problems. This can mean anything from
removing people, outsourcing teams or just making new positions for his cronies from his last
company. Whatever it is, he is usually given a wide berth by his boss to fix the problem.
The important thing to realize is that hes not necessarily looking for competence hes looking
for loyalty. In the new company, there are people who will resent him and sabotage every move
he makes. Since his job is dependent on fixing the problems, he wants people who will execute
whatever he needs done and make him look good. By bringing in a few people who he can trust,
he increases his chances of success. He also has someone he can throw to the wolves if
necessary, someone who isnt well known and whose passing wont ruffle any feathers.
Remember, the closer you are to the boss who left, the more you are associated with his
perceived failures. The incoming boss has to show upper management that he is worth the money
and is smarter than the person who left.
That means any project championed by the old boss will be seen as a waste of company
resources that took them in the wrong direction. The new boss will bring in new technology, new

software, new processes and new people. Its a tactic employed by every new boss Ive ever
seen, in every company Ive ever worked.
But this was the project that YOU were working on and the normal assumption is that you and
your old boss are two of a kind, therefore you probably arent that good and theres no reason to
put you into a leadership position.
Fortunately, changes cant be made immediately. That would mean he was jumping to
conclusions and put him at risk. Instead, a senior leader will normally wait 3-6 months,
ostensibly to get to know the team. During this time you need to show that you are loyal to him
in his new role, not the old boss or the old way of doing things.

The Warlizard Corporate Translation Guide Presents:

Translating your new Horrible Boss
WHAT HE SAYS

WHAT HE MEANS

I'm excited to take over responsibilities for this

group!

This is the most dysfunctional group I have ever seen.

I've read through your resumes and I'm really

I've never seen a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. You
impressed! We have some great people here! Let's
should all be fired and we should start from scratch.
give ourselves a hand!
I'm not looking to change anything. If it ain't broke, In six months this organization will be unrecognizable and half
don't fix it!
of you will be gone.
I want to meet with each and every one of you and
get your feedback on what we can do to make
things even better!

You'll get 30 minutes to bitch and I'll know who the

troublemakers are.

We have some challenges ahead of us, but I know

we can pull together and grow stronger as we
succeed!

You're going to work nights and weekends or you'll be in the

50% that get fired.

This survey is confidential.

This survey will NOT be confidential. Your boss will know

what you said about him. You don't seriously think we can't
track the surveys by login, right?

You have to distance yourself from the old boss and show the new one that you are loyal to the
position, not just the person. The problem is that employees are creatures of habit. Any new
initiative the new boss wants to implement is going to be met with resistance and pushback.
So when the new boss comes in, you smile. You enthusiastically support everything he wants
and use your knowledge of the company to make him successful. By using the tactics in this
book, you can make yourself seem like the obvious solution to his problem, and your boss as
someone who was holding you and the company back. Then, when he reorganizes, as he
inevitably will, you slide into one of the slots instead of losing years of effort.

Fortunately, none of this has to get in your way if you are a Ladder Climber. By the time youre
done positioning yourself, everyone will already know youre going to get the position, before
its even posted. In cases like this, the Ladder Climber makes himself the only logical choice.

Have you ever noticed that when a new boss hires new managers they are all from his old company?
its not just where you work.

Corporate Lie #7
The Best Way to Get Ahead is to Ride the Coat Tails of Success!
Youve probably heard people say the best way to get ahead is to attach yourself to someone
successful and ride their coat tails. The idea is, as their boss gets promoted, they rise accordingly
and follow their master up the ladder of success. Probably the person that told you this was
your Horrible Boss, especially if he or she is the Jealous Girlfriend type. Whoever it was, they
were wrong.
While this technique can work, unless you have a great friend and boss, it wont always work.
The main reason why this lie exists is because it's so helpful to your Horrible Boss, not to his
team. Lets face it, if you think your fortunes are tied to your Horrible Boss, its OK if he takes
credit for your work, its OK if your work tirelessly for his success and its OK to hang on his
every word.
It's probably better if we amend the old saying to something more accurate. What the quote
should say is that the best way for your Horrible Boss to get ahead is for you to WANT to ride
his coat tails.
Remember, a boss that's rising up the food chain will be ruthless to get there, with or without
you. They may take you along while it is convenient, but you can't predict how long this will
last. After all, not every company may have a need for your services, even if they hire him.
Furthermore, while many of these people tank the existing team in favor of bringing in their own
people, this may not always work if the person in the spot youre striving for is a successful
Ladder Climber.
Whats worse is, counting on someone to determine your career path may make you stagnate.
After all, they may not be that good at it! Sure they may have been promoted once or twice in the
recent past, but is that fast enough for you? Do you want to wait for someone else to move
ahead to follow behind.
If you are currently trying to follow someone up the corporate ladder, it may work for a while,
but learning how they do it will be more effective and the view will be better.

Corporate Lie #8
You Can Count On Your Peers
This is probably the hardest lie to disprove, because it goes against everything we believe.
People feel that even if they cant trust their boss, the company and the senior leaders, they
KNOW they can trust their friends. Theyve worked with them for years, know them well, have
had drinks with them, groused about their boss together and might have been to each others
houses. Unfortunately, this is not the case. It is never the case.
While there may be some people that you can be social with, you can never trust anyone entirely,
especially if you want to climb the corporate ladder. Petty jealousy can destroy the best
friendships as you and your Coworkers compete for resources, positions, and more.
After all, the people who become your friends work with you doing the same jobs. Its natural
that youll end up competing for the same resources, whether it be a promotion, an office, or
even a bonus. Everything is peaches and cream when youre at the same level, but God help you
when things change. The guy who passed out drunk on your couch is now your boss, telling you
what to do and deciding on your raises.
One problem with friends is that they always feel like they know you best and that you arent any
better than they are. You dont have that distance, that unapproachability that can set you apart
and make you more of a figure of respect. Friends know your failures, your fears and your
vulnerabilities.
I can go on about this at length, and try to explain, try to cajole, but the truth is, everyone I know
has had to learn this lesson personally. Everyone who is a Ladder Climber has his own story and
can point to the first time they realized even their closest friends werent reliable once they
became successful at work.
Just trust me on this one. Dont trust anyone at work.
Oh the irony.

How Promotions Really Happen

Everyone knows that there are only two real ways to get a promotion in the corporate
world. Either you leave and get a better job at a different company or you find a way to get
promoted. For years, Ladder Climbers went the first route, hopscotching from company to
company. It was always one of the fastest ways to get ahead and still is.
The reasons for this are pretty obvious. No matter what you do, when you are trying to get an inline promotion, you are being interviewed by the entire organization for months on end!
Anyone with a grudge against you can tank you and the more time you spend with your
Coworkers, the more likely they are to take offense.
When you interview with a new company, you only have to deal with a small number of people
over a very short period of time, often just a few hours. In that time, you can put on your best
performance and convince them you walk on water, have been to the moon twice and invented
the pencil. None of your poor performances or bad ideas follows you to the job interview. You
are perfect.
Unfortunately, in todays market, with companies downsizing, there are fewer and fewer of these
positions available. Even if you are lucky enough to find an open position, as we mentioned
before, its probably already filled and you just don't know it.
Therefore, most people looking for money and responsibility are restricted to their current
company. This is the more complicated way to get ahead but if you know the tricks, its just as
easy and also more satisfying.

Case Study: Before You Fail BAIL!

There is one time when it is helpful to get a new job at a new company and thats when you
realize that one of your most significant responsibilities is going to fail. Now, some people will
be capable of foisting the failure off on another person, but in some cases, it just cant be done. If
that happens, you can be fired, or worse, but if you get out before anyone in management realizes
what is going to happen, you can make it a success.
I know one guy that was an expert at this. His designs were beautiful in theory, but when they
were put into practice, they were unsustainable. That didnt matter, of course. By the time
anyone realized it, he was gone, moved on to design the next gorgeous failure at a new company.

As soon as he was doing well, he would take a new job and leave the team to implement his
designs, i.e., pick up the pieces. They never worked because he never designed to the specific
company, only to a theoretical ideal and he didnt bother himself with the pedantic details of
execution. By the time it failed, he was long gone and the blame was placed on the people left
behind. Thus, he had long string of promotions and a history of wreckage behind him.
I actually keep in touch with him and his job transfers. Last time I checked he was actually a
CEO of a small technology company. I am looking forward to the day he gets a job at a
company on the NYSE so that I can short their stock and make a mint.

Your Horrible Boss Cant Promote You

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to think that your boss can really change your
career. Guess what? He probably cant. Think about it. How much power does he really have?
If you want the nice plaque and the $100 spot bonus hes fine. If leaving an hour early on Friday
is your goal, hey, your boss is the man. But you want more.
You want the big office, the promotion, the yearly big bonus, the stock options, the gas card, the
expense account, the Executive Assistant and more. Well, guess what. Your Horrible Boss cant
get this for you. Sure, he can give you small rewards like a pat on the back for the weeks of
overtime you put in, but thats about it. It wont be your Horrible Boss that promotes you or
gives you that big raise. Why? He doesnt have the authority, although hed like you to believe
he does.
Think about it. Your Horrible Boss is only one level above you he is YOUR boss. This means
that if you want a promotion, you will need to be promoted to HIS level. Guess what? Your
Horrible Boss cant promote people to his level. And even if he could, there already is someone
in the position you want HIM! If he leaves, or gets fired, the management team wont be
asking him who should get his old job. So stop thinking of your Horrible Boss as the person who
can further your career.
Moreover, lets say youre the model employee and your boss just loves you. Youre his righthand man. He cant do anything without you. Do you really think hes going to let you go? What
would his motivation be? Why would he give up someone and help them get promoted to some
other position? It just doesnt make sense. Hes never going to jeopardize his own career to help
you out. Never forget that your bosss career is his first and only focus. Everything, and that
includes you, is secondary.
So, who can promote you?
The only person who can promote you is either your bosss boss or someone higher up the food
chain. Because its hard to get promoted into another group, mostly because youre an unknown,
the highest likelihood of climbing the ladder is somewhere youre respected, i.e., your own
organization. If that happens, youre going to end up reporting to your bosss boss anyway so

you better get to know him well. Fortunately, there are many easy and sometimes sneaky ways to
do this.
Its important to note, this isnt the only path to success. In some cases, higher-ups are even
better to know and impress because they can slingshot you higher than you would normally be
able to reach.
Lets say that you start working with your companys Chief Technology Officer (CTO). If he is
impressed with your work and ability, he may want to work with you more. The problem he
faces is one of association. He cant be seen too frequently with a low-level worker bee.
Promoting you into a management position on the next project allows him to keep working with
you without looking bad. Think about what that means. It wasnt your education or your
contacts, your track record or your executive hair. It was simply that a guy didnt want to look
bad and promoted you for his convenience. How much does that tell you about the corporate
world?

Case Study: Promoted by Association

One coworker I had knew how to use senior management to get ahead. He started off as a team
lead and immediately befriended the CIO. She loved his enthusiasm, positive attitude, and
obvious interest in becoming the best employee he could. And, lets be real flattery works.
Pretty soon, they were golf buddies and he was promoted to a new position that was the
equivalent to manager. A year or so later, he was a director. After that, he was promoted into a
position that reported directly to her. This all happened in just a few years and was the fastest
Ive ever seen anyone move up in an organization. Everyone hated him, but it worked. His next
step was to use his title to get an even higher position outside of our organization.

You Only Need to Do 3 Things To Get Promoted

Your actual day-to-day activities are numerous and never seem to end. Reports, meetings,
conference calls, deadlines and paperwork can chew up an entire day without anything
productive getting done.
The good news is that once you decide to be a Ladder Climber, you only have three things to
do: Build Up, Tear Down or Move Out. Everything you do will now have to do with one of
those three things.
Build Up items make you look better and build you up to the rest of the organization. These
items are critical to creating your image and making you look promotable. Examples include
successfully concluding projects, providing value, coaching others, etc. Anything that makes you
look like you belong in upper management is a Build Up for you.

The opposite of a Build Up is the Tear Down. When someone is in your way, (think of your
Horrible Boss for instance) you have to prove that he is the wrong person for the job. That means
you have to make him look bad by exposing his weaknesses, severing his relationships, and
destroying his reputation.
The last thing you need to be looking for is a way to Move Out. Remember, you are a Ladder
Climber now. You want to get ahead or get your boss out. If either one of you has an opportunity
to leave, you need to make that happen. If you find a job at a new company with better pay, fine,
you can be the one who leaves. Otherwise, he needs to go and that means moving him out.
Its that simple. As long as you are focusing on these three things, every day, you will be on your
way to success. As soon as you move off the path, you will start to stagnate.
Every Ladder Climber knows these rules and the higher up they are, the better they can execute
on them. Next time youre at work, look around. What is everyone doing? The average Peon is
doing as little as possible to get by, working for the weekend. The Ladder Climbers have a
different agenda and work every day to achieve it.
If you want your bosss job, its time to step up your game and take charge of your destiny.
Make the decision now, while you can are you going to stay a Peon or are you going to learn
what the Ladder Climbers you work with already know?

Make it Happen, Now

There is a promotion available right in front of you, so what do you do now? How do you get rid
of the person whos sitting in the chair that should be yours?
Obviously, you have to Build Up your image and reputation, Tear Down your Horrible Boss and
make him Move Out of your way. But you cant just start this type of campaign at random.
Instead, you have to focus you effort on taking down the current pillars of his career:
Pillar I: Relationship with His Boos
Pillar II: Relationship with His Employees
Pillar III: Relationship with His Peers
You are going to destroy all three, systematically and in this order.
Eventually, you will learn to do it so well, that you will be handling all three at once, without
even thinking about it, but if you are just starting out, this will be the easiest way to Steal Your
Bosss Job.

Feeling squeamish? You should be. By doing being a good corporate drone, you could work 80
hour weeks, spend every waking moment thinking about and working toward your companys
success and hope that one day you will be noticed.
You can wait around for an opening in a different organization or hope your boss gets hit by a
bus. You can take a job somewhere else or you can even keep the job you have and enjoy those
1% yearly raises. These are perfectly valid options. No one is forcing this path on you.
You should probably turn back now while you still have a soul.
Still here?
Dont say I didnt warn you.

Destroy the First Pillar:

His Relationship With

His Boss

Start At the Top

To get your Horrible Boss out, you will need to start destroying him little by little. Whatever
you do, dont confuse getting him out with getting yourself fired. I have seen employees that
hated their boss and thought a mutiny would render him useless. One woman was the epitome of
this passive aggressive business behavior. She was frustrated that her new boss was young and
had less experience than she did. She griped loudly to anyone who would listen and complained
about her new bosss shortcomings. When she received assignments from him, she simply
ignored them. Within three months she was laid off.
Your Horrible Boss can find a way to remove you if you try to take him down yourself. Instead,
you need to focus on your three tasks.
1. Building Up your image in the organization.
2. Tearing Down the relationships he has with others
3. Moving Out your Horrible Boss.
Furthermore, while all this happens you cant be the trouble maker. Nothing can be traced to
you.
But, if you havent been playing the corporate game, it is hard to just jump in and try some of
these more complicated techniques. Instead, you want to start easy and gain the most from what
you do. Therefore, the best place to begin is with your Bosss Boss and the rest of the Senior
Leaders in the organization.
One thing I always find funny is how intimidated most employees are by any of the Senior
Leaders. Many people act like these people walk on water and are completely unapproachable. I
have seen people avoid meetings with Senior Leaders, look down when they pass them in the
halls, and become nervous when they have to send them an email.
The truth is that the Senior Leadership of any organization is always the easiest to approach and
the easiest to start working with. The fact is, the Senior Leaders are expected to work with the
team members, to know what is going on within the organization. They have to keep the Peons
happy, remember? So, part of their job is actually to deal with you!

Most people only think of speaking to a Senior Leader when they want something. If they are
mad at their boss, they want to take it to their Bosss Boss. If they feel their team deserves raises,
then Senior Leaders should know.
However, when you take complaints to the Senior Leadership Team, youre dismissed, ignored
or wind up with other serious consequences. Why? Its simple. Dealing with your whining is not
their job. There is a group tasked with listening to your every little gripe and dealing with them.
Thats HR and you already know what a terrible idea it is to go to them. The Senior Leaders
dont have to deal with this nonsense and they wont. Dont waste their time with it.
However, if you want to approach them in other ways, you will find they are receptive. Did you
just finish something significant on your project? Thats something they want to hear. Do you
have an idea on how to reduce expenses? You can get a meeting with anyone in your chain of
command if you write it up and it makes sense. Basically, if you want to Build Up your
reputation in the organization, they are there for you. So, why not take advantage of this? There
are plenty of opportunities for even the lowest level employee to Build Up their reputation using
Senior Leaders.
Whats even better is that Senior Leaders will help Tear Down your Horrible Boss once you
build that relationship. As you get to know them more and more, you can learn what they like
and what they dont like. You will know what will upset them and what they will praise. After
that it becomes easy to drop the right hints, and imply the right things to get them to hate your
Horrible Boss as much as you do.
No one exists in a vacuum and people cant succeed without the blessing of the powers-that-be.
The people in Senior Leadership roles are hyper-aware of their own reputation and they will not
allow themselves to be associated with failure, whether project based or personal. As soon as
they get a whiff of a problem, theyll distance themselves faster than a campaign manager from a
candidate the morning after a failed election bid.
With this in mind, you can quickly destroy the bonds that your boss has formed with upper
management. Its easier than you might think. You see your boss laughing and joking with
Senior VPs, going to off-site boondoggles, having fun, and it gives the impression of a genuine
friendship.
What you might not realize is those relationships are devoid of loyalty and only exist to further
the success and career of the people on top. Think of it this way you may have been dating
someone for 5 years, but the moment you find out she/he has been having an affair, its over. If
you can change your feelings for someone that quickly, how much easier is it for someone who
is simply a colleague?

Win Over Your Bosss Boss

Since jobs arent given out the way people think and your Horrible Boss cant really promote
you, you know where you have to start. You have to win over your Bosss Boss. One of the first
steps to stealing your bosss job has to be to build a relationship with your Bosss Boss. This
Senior Leader is the person who is most likely to be able to help you get your long overdue
promotion.
Remember, every situation is different. Your goal with your Senior Leader is to make him so
comfortable with you that he feels he can fire your Horrible Boss and you will be the obvious
and easy replacement. You have to get him to trust you.
This is not going to happen overnight, and it is not a task that you just do for a couple of days
and then forget about. As a Ladder Climber, I can tell you the relationships you create you
maintain your entire career. You keep in touch with these people when you move up and you
keep in touch with them when you move on. After all, once you get high enough, almost
everyone you find there will be Ladder Climbers, so keeping in touch with this group can help
you create your network and move forward fast.

How Do I Know This Is Working?

Before you start anything, think about the relationship you have with these people already. Does
the most Senior Leader in your building know your name? Does your Bosss Boss greet you in
the halls? Would you feel comfortable stopping into a Senior Leaders office just to give them a
quick verbal update?
As you start working on these relationships, make sure to pay close attention. The more you
speak to your Bosss Boss, the more your rapport should increase. If it doesnt, theres a problem
and you need to fix it.
If you start paying attention to the little changes in the relationship you should start to see the
trust build. Hell want to work with you more frequently and youll find yourself brought into
meetings without even knowing why. Its simple. He wants you around.
Of course, if you are trying and failing, somethings wrong. Maybe hes avoiding you or pulling
in your manager any time you try to meet with him. Chances are, your Senior Leader doesnt
think youre a serious Ladder Climber. Even worse, maybe hes already categorized you as a
Peon. This doesnt happen by accident theres a reason. Its possible youve done a CLM A
Career Limiting Move. Before you move forward, you have to figure out what youve done and
fix it immediately.

If You Want a Senior Leaders Respect Stop Acting Like a

Peon!
Just because you want the big bosss attention doesnt mean youll get it if you act like a Peon.
Before you decide to work with the Senior Leader, you had better be ready and be promotable.
Otherwise, you will be seen as a Peon and none of this will work.
One of the things many people dont realize is that CLMs exist. We want to believe that work
should be fair, people should be judged on their output, their accomplishments, their ability but
never by their appearance, their speech or their hobbies.
Well, guess what? Work isnt fair, and there are CLMs. If you are doing any of these things, it
doesnt matter if you get your Horrible Boss kicked out of the company, you wont be seen as
the person who will take his job. Instead, you will just wind up with a new Horrible Boss.
Everything in this section has one thing in common. Each labels you as non-management. Every
idea were about to talk about marks you as a Peon who will never become a Ladder Climber.

Have you ever noticed that Senior Leaders all usually dress the same way. They may look different from
company to company, but within the company, they all look the same
its not just where you work.

CLM #1
You Dont Look Promotable
Theres more to your image than just your work performance. You want to create the whole
package and youre playing on upper managements prejudices. The more positive things they
can assume about you, the more you fit into the mold theyre comfortable with, the better off
youll be.
Unfortunately, people dont want this one to be true, so they ignore it. They get tattoo sleeves up
and down their arms then wonder why Fortune 50 companies arent promoting them. They wear

sandals to work and wonder why they cant get out of the back office. They wear low cut
blouses, act sexy and think that will get them noticed. Well, that one actually will get you
attention, but its not the kind of attention you want.
Anyway, the point is how you dress matters. People look at you and determine who you are and
what you can do before you ever open your mouth. You must ensure the first thing they see
matches the impression you want to give them. Otherwise, youre wasting your time fighting a
battle that could have been avoided. Sure, you can fight it and win, but why? Make life easy on
yourself. There are plenty of other ways to spend your time.

How You Dress Matters

This is a touchy area. Its something people see as their identity and you can feel free to
completely disregard this advice, but if your goal is to climb the ladder as quickly as possible,
you have to look a certain way.
Your hair and grooming make a difference. Remember, you are trying to craft an image of
someone who is ready for management.
It has been said many times before but it cant be said enough. Dress for the job you want, not
the job you have.
If your goal is to impress secretaries and look cool, by all means, wear the latest styles, leave
your shirt hanging out and get your swagger on.
But if you want the job that gets you the Porsche and the corner office, you better dress as if you
deserve it.
Many people make the mistake of trying to dress exactly like their boss, or even their Bosss
Boss. This is a rookie error. Remember, your Horrible Boss is probably stuck in his job. If he is
a Roadblock, he probably doesnt care how he looks because he doesnt need to go anywhere. If
he is a Bully, he may care more about what his friends think of his new jeans than how he looks
to a Senior Leader.
These people dont know what they are doing or they would already be out of your way. If you
try to be a clone, everyone will know it and youll be seen as a kiss-ass. This erodes the opinion
people have of you, and as weve already noted, youre trying to get the support of your entire
organization.
Therefore, you have to dress in classic styles that are used in your organization. That means
when the CIO comes to visit, when the board members troop through you halls, observe how
they dress and imitate it. If these people dont come and visit often, then look toward the Senior
Leaders in your building, preferably those that seem to be Ladder Climbers.

The good thing is that corporations all basically have the same uniform. In most companies,
guys cant go wrong with a classic button-down shirts (never short sleeve) and khaki pants. Tuck
in your shirt. Polish your shoes. Always wear a belt. For women, the equivalent is either dress
pants or skirt with a nice blouse and dress shoes. Whatever you wear, never look too
comfortable. Sneakers, caps and t-shirts are never going to help you get ahead. Lastly, make
sure your clothes are clean and well-pressed. If you can afford it, get them dry-cleaned and use
light starch.
Another thing to consider if you are a man is facial hair. The best way to go is clean shaven. No
goatee, no mustache, no beard, and shave every day. Its frustrating to change yourself for your
job believe me, Ive done it and know how it works, both ways. But think back to how many
people in upper management youve seen with a scraggly beard or long sideburns. Can you get
away with it? Sure, maybe. Is it worth chancing it? Thats your call.
Your hair should be neat, but beyond that, just use your best judgment. Does the senior
management team have Mohawks? Dyed hair? If they dont, then you shouldnt either.
You probably already know this but Im just going to throw it out there. 10-Gauge earrings,
tattoos, and other personal expressions of your personality are great for bars and partying, but
they will not get you promoted. Ask yourself, would a 60-year-old white man see you and think,
Thats the person I want to entrust with an organization of 100-people and a 20-million dollar
budget?
Same goes for piercings, heavy jewelry, etc. If you wouldnt see the senior execs doing it, you
shouldnt either.

Case Study: Not Suited For Management

I have a friend whose passion is his band. He lives for it. Hes out most nights, practicing and
recording, trying to make it. If he does, hell be gone from his job within hours of finding out.
He talks about it all the time, wears cool rocker clothes, has a bunch of tattoos and has his beard
shaved into ever-changing patterns. All-in-all, even when he is at work, he looks like a rocker.
Hes exceptionally good at his job but it really doesnt matter. When people see him, they know
hes not serious about his job. Theyll never promote him, not matter how competent he is. It has
been a continuing source of frustration to him that he cant get to the next level but he simply
isnt willing to do what it takes. As a matter of fact, he was recently laid off even though he was
more competent than the other people on his team. Sure, he found another position quickly, but
once again, they arent going to promote him.

But My Company Has a Flexible Dress Code

Look, you are free to wear whatever you want, but if you are interested in success, then you have
to dress like a professional. Dress boring. Dress to ensure you dont offend. There are plenty of
ways you can dress that are appropriate to an office and that fall within the dress-code,
presuming there is one, but thats not good enough. Were looking to maximize your chances
and craft the impression people have of you. Your clothes should make it easier for you to get
promoted, not harder.
In the corporate world, there is an image of upper management. Its in nearly every company out
there, and by following it, you will be seen as one of them. Sure, some people might think youre
ambitious but thats about it.
Remember, youre trying to portray an image of safe, not flashy.
By sticking to whats safe, you begin to build the image of someone who can be entrusted with
responsibility and the companys welfare.
There are exceptions, of course. If youre in sales, then flashy watches, French cuffs, stylish
shirts and so on are often expected. It just depends on what your company considers appropriate
for each position.
Heres one more thing to keep in mind. If youre working in a technology company or
department, this is EVEN MORE critical. Lets face it, technology people have a reputation
about not caring about their appearance. If you want to be seen as a technology leader, you cant
look like a typical nerd. Weve all seen him. He has a beard, wears torn jeans, sandals, has an
Atari T-shirt and knows more about your network than God himself.
Instead, you have to show that you are in Technology but ready to move ahead. The attention
you pay to your appearance marks you as management, not technical. You can have a long and
prosperous career with a giant beard and jeans, but you wont be a Ladder Climber. Youll just
be a Peon who makes more money.

The Warlizard Corporate Translation Guide Presents:

Can I Wear Jeans?
In general, if you have to ask, you already know the answer. Its No. But some of you are
stubborn and keep asking your Horrible Boss or Human Resources about the dress code hoping
that one day they will give in and let you wear some inappropriate outfit to work. The thing is,
even if you get a yes it doesnt mean what you think it means.

WHAT IS SAID

WHAT IS MEANT
Hey Boss, I want to wear these cool jeans that
make my ass look awesome.

Peon:

Hey Boss, are we allowed to wear jeans?

Horrible Boss:

Sure, the Senior Leaders have no problem

Well, the dress-code is pretty flexible. As long as with the Peons dressing down at work. They
they look professional, sure.
are in their positions for the long haul, they
may as well get comfortable.

Peon:

That's great. I just wanted to make sure it was ok. Seriously. My ass -- Awesome.

Horrible Boss:

Absolutely. As long as it's professional, HR

won't have a problem.

This is great! You are never going to take my

job.

CLM #2
You Speak Like an Stereotype
Um
When was the last time you heard a CEO at a Fortune 500 company start a speech like that. They
dont. Why? Because what you say matters, and if you sound like an idiot, they will assume you
are one. This doesnt just apply to filler words like um.
Anytime you speak in a way that easily classifies you, you are eliminating your management
potential. You are turning yourself from a potential Ladder Climber into nothing more than an
ignorant stereotype. No one is going to promote the Valley Girl, the Rapper, the Guy Without
his Green Card, the Mommy, the High School Dropout, the Hick, the Tattle Tale or the Life of
the Party.
If you want to survive and thrive in the corporate world, you have to speak as though you belong
there. Listen to your Senior Leaders, or if you dont have access to them, just think about the
way reporters speak on television. They are clear, to the point and easy to understand.
The good news is once you have your conversation down properly, you can get away with a lot.
If you sound sincere and professional, then people will at least think you are trying to contribute.
If you sound professional but throw out idiotic ideas, oddly enough you will still be OK there
are many Ladder Climbers that get away with this every day.

5 Easy Ways to Sound More Professional

Almost everyone knows how they should speak but most of us are more casual when we are
around friends. Your coworkers are not your friends. In general, you should try to speak to them
using the same polite conversation you normally reserve for Judges, Priests and your soon-to-beIn-Laws.

1. Dont use slang. Youre not hanging with your buddies. Youre in a professional
atmosphere. Use Standard English.
2. Enunciate. If you mumble, you seem weak and timid. Speak clearly and distinctly so
you come across as someone confident, in whom people can trust.
3. Eliminate profanity. This should be self-evident, but youd be surprised.
4. Dont say um / like / uh Pause and remain quiet if you want to think, do not use any
filler words. A pause makes you seem thoughtful. Um makes you seem like an unsure
teenaged girl.
5. Speak seriously Your job is not to be the life of the party or the funniest guy in the
room. If you are in a serious meeting, be serious, dont be the one who tries to lighten
things up.
Another thing to do, which is a bit harder, is to speak with as little accent as possible. Accents
remind people of whatever background you have. Unfortunately, you never know what their bias
or ignorance will mean for your potential opportunities. As a result, if you sound like a
backwoods hick some people will treat you like one, even if you are trying to propose the cure
for cancer.
Yeah, I know, its not fair, but think of it this way. Even if your company is OK with how you
sound, they know that other people might not be. So why would they put someone up front who
could potentially lose them business?

Listen
The best way to make someone think that you are smart, well versed, capable and competent is
to listen to them. It is the simplest thing to do but people rarely do it. Theyre too eager to get out
their brilliant ideas to listen to what the other person is saying.
When you dont listen to what is being said, you will be perceived as distractible, ignorant, or too
stupid to follow the conversation. Despite this, many people hear the first few seconds of what
someone else is saying and then spend the rest of the time thinking of how they will reply.
Dont confuse listening with agreeing. Lots of Peons will agree with their Senior Leadership
without showing that they were listening. This type of behavior makes them look like
bootlickers, not intelligent peers. The difference is in what they say after the Senior Leader stops
speaking. When a Peon wants to show off to the Senior Leader, he does it by agreeing with and
repeating what the Senior Leader just said. This is transparent and comes off as insincere.
To show that you were listening, ask questions that show you understood and are in agreement.
Asking questions is much safer than giving your opinion. Maybe the person just wants to hear

himself talk. Maybe hes using you as a sounding board. It doesnt matter. Youre showing you
want to understand not just what he said, but why he said it. Asking questions makes the speaker
more confident that you agree with him and will do what he says.
Of course, it goes without saying that they have to be the right questions. Asking Are you out of
your gourd? Why do you think that would work? wont work. Your questions need to further
the discussion. So you could say something like, What are some of the dangers you see to this
approach? That shows you know what hes saying and already believe he has considered the
full impact of the proposal.
Its not that hard. Keep your mouth shut, let him talk and ask good questions to show you
understand.

Case Study: He Sounds Like Management Material

One Ladder Climber we know mastered this as soon as he could. His from Saudi Arabia and
when he came here he didnt speak any English. He quickly learned the language and realized
he didnt speak it like a native. He spent years working on his accent and word choice. Today,
he sounds like a native New Yorker and works on Wall Street making nearly half a million
dollars a year.
I told that story and someone asked me if my friend minded losing his identity like that. I was a
bit surprised. My buddy is confident, has the job he wants and communicates effectively with
everyone he meets. The way I see it, he didnt lose anything.

Yes, There Are Phrases You Should Never Say At Work

Do you remember how embarrassed you were every time your Dad told that stupid knock-knock
joke in front of your friends? Well, Peons are still telling those jokes every day at work. I cringe
the same way when I hear one of these stupid answers to the phrase How are things going?
1. Still drunk! Nah, just kidding.
2. Could be better.
3. Working for the weekend!
4. Great! Its almost payday!
5. As good as can be expected on a Monday.

6. "Fine. What can I do you for?"

Unfortunately, this is a list that could go on forever. We all know those stupid jokes and the
people who make them. Dont be one of these people.

Never Badmouth Your Boss, Company Or Job

One of most damaging things Peons do is to badmouth their boss to others. I cant stress what a
bad idea this is.
Lets say you badmouth your boss. Maybe you are justified. We know hes a jerk, so why not
admit it? Well, you DO want to get promoted, right? What type of boss wants to hire someone
who will openly disparage his OWN boss? Only a stupid one.
They know they will screw up some day and having someone around who values discretion can
be the deciding factor on whether or not you get promoted. Remember, when your boss goes
down, you will look guilt free. But not if you are remembered as the one was fighting with him
when it happened.
As far as trashing your company, thats also obvious. If all you have to say about your company
is negative, will anyone think you plan on staying? No, of course not. Everyone will think that
you plan to jump ship as soon as possible. No one promotes as short-timer.
Remember, your new boss will want his life to be easier because he hired you. He doesnt want a
prima donna who will complain about everything, make him look bad and then jump ship.

CLM #3
You Bring Your Personal Life To Work
The more time you spend at work, the more people want to get to know you. However, its
absolutely critical to flavor your daily demeanor with a certain amount of reserve. The overall
impression you want to give is invincibility. Remember, youre the safe bet. Youre the person
who can handle anything. You do not give this impression when you bring problems in your
home life to work.
This means you dont complain about your unhappy love affairs. You dont come in bitching
because you have trouble paying your rent. You dont tell them about your out-of-control
teenager or your failing marriage. If you seem to have your hands full at home, no one will
think you can handle more responsibility at work.

When youre at work, focus on work. Talk about work. Talk about projects youre on, but keep it
professional. This may seem difficult at first, but once you get the hang of it, it will help you be
seen as more promotable.

Dont Let Anyone Trick You into Talking About Your Family
Almost every management course I have ever taken has stressed the importance of getting to
know your employees on a personal level. Remembering a Peons wifes name, what sports his
kids play, and what he does on weekends is supposed to make the employee feel comfortable.
They have to remind us at every single boring seminar because we just dont care. We dont
have that much in common with our employees and frankly, we dont want to. We already have
friends outside of work and dont need more, especially ones we might have to fire.
Considering no one cares, why would you talk about your family at work? Your coworkers can
know that you are married, how many kids you have, that sort of thing. But once you start telling
stories about your kid throwing a ball or Juniors toilet training, youve have gone too far. Does
it build you up? Does it tear down your boss? Does it move him out? If you cant answer Yes
to any of those, dont talk about it.
This goes double if youre a woman. Like it or not, the business world is sexist. Male coworkers
always get more leeway. When a woman talks about her kids at work, management thinks she
could leave at any time. Women just want to make babies and stay home, right? If you have a
woman for a boss, the easiest way to tank her is to simply say, I think she and her husband are
trying to get pregnant. Isnt that great?
All of a sudden, that project she was going to get goes to someone else. No point in starting her
on a project if shes going to leave mid-way through. You might think this doesnt happen, but
let me assure you, it does. Senior managers are incredibly candid after a round of golf and a few
drinks.
On the other hand, when a guy talks about his kids at work, management thinks hes tied to them
for life. He has mouths to feed and cant afford to lose his job. Since he isnt going anywhere,
they can put him on a long-term project and not worry. Its sexist, it sucks, it buts also the way
things work.
After my wife had our kids, she went back to work and didnt bring up our kids unless she was
asked. Even then, she would quickly turn the conversation back to what she has been doing since
she returned or the work she had completed while she was technically on maternity leave.
Every time her family was brought up, she focused back on the company. It worked. Other
women were pushed to the side and she was promoted again and again. Whats funny is that
although she is as devoted to our kids as anyone Ive ever seen, if you observed her at work, you
wouldnt even know she had children.

Toxic Topics
The key to conversations at work is to avoid pissing people off.
Maybe youre passionate about saving the whales, outlawing gay marriage, mandating abortion
for mothers on welfare or prosecuting Bush for war crimes.
Shut the hell up.
No matter what position you take, someones going to disagree with you. Havent you ever met
someone, liked them, then found out they had some crazy opinion for which you had complete
contempt? How did your impression of them change? Did you start to doubt their judgment?

You: Ok, so who should we hire? Im leaning toward Bob. What a great guy.
Manager Buddy: Um, yeah. Did you know he doesnt believe the Holocaust happened?
You: Did I say Bob? I meant Mike. Bob gives me the willies.
Manager Buddy: Mike? Is that the guy who covers his car with bumper stickers?
You: What does he drive?
Manager Buddy: A Prius.
You: How do you know?"
Manager Buddy: He told me - at length. Hes also a Vegan.
You: Ok, next. What about Karen?
Manager Buddy: Shes sharp.
You: And?
Manager Buddy: And nothing. Shes sharp. Good job history, good education, seems to know what shes doing.
You: Married? Kids?
Manager Buddy: She had a ring but never mentioned a husband or kids.
You: Where is she politically?
Manager Buddy: Not a clue. I laid a few hints but she didnt bite.
You: What did she say? Anything? Did you get a sense of where she stands?
Manager Buddy: Nope. She just said she wasnt very political and asked me how the company was organized.
You: Ok. Well, if you like her, bring her back and lets see how she does.

In this completely hypothetical example that I promise didnt happen, Bob tanked himself by
talking about one of his crazy theories, Mike categorized himself as a holier-than-thou
environmentalist and Karen, well, Karen got the job.

Never did find out if she was married. Hypothetically.

The point Im making is that when you talk about Toxic Topics, someone will find a way to use
it against you.
If youre asked directly, just change the subject back to work. If you are pressed for an answer,
say that youve made it a policy to never discuss those topics and leave it at that.

The Warlizard Corporate Translation Guide Presents:

Toxic topics
Managers are always on the lookout for tells, hints, anything that will allow them to predict what
youll do in the future. Remember, hiring someone is all about risk management. You need to be
ultra-careful or your words will be used against you. To that end:
WHAT YOU SAY

WHAT THEY HEAR

So did you vote in the elections today? Its our duty.

Never forget, power comes from the people!

Im going to unionize your business.

I miss my Army Days. Man, I had some good times

I have a gun.

Just won $50 on the Skins game!

I'm going to sell your trade secrets to pay my bookie.

There are some really cool technologies out there that can
I smoke weed.
help us reduce our carbon footprint, if we choose.
I love Bob Marley.

I smoke a staggering amount of weed.

Lastly, never discuss your personal finances. First of all, its tedious to those around you, but
secondly, it cant help you. If you say youre broke, people will think you cant handle money. If
you say youre rolling in dough, youre overpaid. Either way, you cant win.

Never Leave for Personal Reasons

Years ago, a bunch of us were working heads-down on an important project (well, it was a senior
VP's pet project) and in the middle of the afternoon, the head software tester announced he had
to take his wife to the doctor and left.
Everyone was wildly pissed at him for leaving us in the lurch, abandoning us, so to speak, while
he took off on some stupid errand. The deadline was tight and since the testers contribution was
critical to our success, people were complaining that wed lost valuable time that we couldnt
make up.

People are at their worst under pressure and they often need a scapegoat. Well, this guy was
instantly labeled lazy, not a team player, and when he walked in the next day, he had his head
torn off by multiple people.
He couldnt understand why they were mad. Sure, he missed an hour or so of work but after he
got back from the appointment, he logged in and worked until late that night to get everything
done. He actually put in more work than the rest of the team, but that wasnt how they saw it.
If you need to help someone important to you, by all means, help them. No job can compete in
terms of importance to a family member who needs you and it shouldnt. The critical piece here
wasnt that he left. Its that he blamed his absence on his family.
A tried and true excuse for leaving is the old, My grandma died.
Everyone knows it and even if you know its a lie, you still pretend to believe it. Thats how it
works.
So when he told everyone he had to take his wife to the doctor, they didnt believe him and
figured he just wanted to leave early.
As it happened, he was telling the truth. His wife had been having seizures and was under
doctors orders not to drive. Should he have just told everyone the specifics of his wifes
problems?
Still no.
Avoid telling people your personal problems, no matter how good the explanation. The only
exceptions are birth, death, and hospitalization. Even then, if its not an immediate family
member, keep it to yourself. Your second cousin twice removed on your moms side wont cut it.
You may get permission to leave and it may be excused but it will be resented and cause you
trouble in the long run.
There are plenty of ways to leave work early if you have an appointment at the end of the day.
The simplest is to come in early. Get in around 6:00 am and start sending out emails. Throughout
the day, remark how quiet the place is before everyone gets in and how easy it was to work
without your phone ringing off the hook.
When you leave around 3:30 4:00, its easy to justify:
You: Ok wage slaves, Im outta here.
Snippy Coworker: Leaving early?
You:

Yeah, I was at the office until late last night and was here early enough to see the sun rise.
Im beat.

Whos going to argue with that? You have emails to prove you were there, you completed your
work and youve already done more than your share that day.
To return to my example, when the tester left, he had a perfect explanation but never thought to
use it. He knew he had a ton of work to do and was going to be working until the wee hours of
the morning. All he had to say was that since he had so much work to do and would be up late,
he may as well head home early and beat the traffic. Telling his team he would be reachable via
text or email all night would have solved his problem.
Instead, he used his family as an excuse, lost the Build Up for working late and managed to tear
himself down, all in one.

Dont Dip Your Pen in the Company Ink

If you really want to catastrophically destroy yourself at work, date someone in the office.
Its tempting. Its fun. Its exciting. Its also a horrible idea.
One of the fastest ways to bring your personal life to work is to start dating someone in the
office. First of all, youre not that clever. Everyone will know just about as soon as you start.
Youll think youre being really secretive but the first time you and your inamorata sneak away
for a quiet lunch, someones going to figure it out. People who like each other act differently
around each other and any change in the way you treat someone, no matter how small, will be
seen.
Now your personal life will be office gossip and theres nothing you can do about it. Every time
you sit next to her or go out to lunch, tongues will wag. You will be seen as less professional,
less objective and less trustworthy.
The worst part is when the relationship goes bad. Now you have to work with the person who
just dumped you or who you used and abandoned. It can get ugly, with angry looks, bitterness
and moping around. Exes like to talk and there goes your aura of invincibility. So, dont dip your
pen in the company ink.
With that said, I married a girl I worked with and I dont regret it at all. It came at a price, so if
you're going to go down that road, make sure its worth it.

CLM #4
Your Workspace is Decorated With Cats
One common mistake that Peons make is trying to turn their work space into a home-away-fromhome. They'll bring in pictures of their cats, plastic toys, stuffed animals, and other random junk,
just to make themselves feel comfortable.
Management likes to encourage this -- people work harder when they feel safe, but what message
does that send? It tells people you're comfortable. You've put down roots, you have your little
cave.
You dont want to get comfortable. You want management to know that you are ready to move
to a bigger desk in a bigger office at any time. If you wouldn't see it on your CEO's desk, it
shouldn't be on yours.
Everything you do and say creates the impression people have of you. Make sure your desk tells
the right story.

Crap On Your Desk and What It Says About You

CRAP

WHAT YOUR SENIOR LEADER SEES

Tons of Pictures of Family/

Kids

You are unreliable and will be frequently absent. Your family is your life so if you
need to stay late for some reason, you'll whine and cry and make everyone else
miserable. You spend your whole day thinking about how you'd rather be with your
family.

Photos of Your Pet(s)

You're overly emotional and can't form attachments to people. The more pictures of
pets you have, the worse you'll be perceived. If you have a professional portrait done
of you and your dog, you probably think the dog gives you orders.

Religious Symbols

You are a religious fanatic that will make others uncomfortable and will probably
try to convert someone.

Photos of Vacation Spots

Youre not thinking about work, youre thinking about leaving.

Toys, Dolls, Cars, Stuffed

Animals, Etc.

You are never going to be a Ladder Climber, but you would be perfect to set up the
office Christmas party.

Piles of Papers from Meetings

You are a disorganized mess and will probably leave confidential papers lying
around. You can't find anything when you need it.

Tons of Sticky Notes

You forget stuff and need constant reminders. This is especially true if you have
them all over your desk.

A picture of Dr. Martin Luther Youre going to see racism in every word or deed and are going to go to HR if you
King, Jr.
dont get promoted.

Simply put, anything that didnt come from work should be in a drawer. If you get an award, put
it up. If they give you a copy of some business book thats in fashion, display it prominently.
Everything else gets put away.

Easy Ways to Look Busy but Orderly

You are judged by what you leave on your desk. If its empty, you must need more work. If its
cluttered, then youre a disorganized slob. The impression you want to give is busy but
orderly. There are a few ways to achieve this impression.
1. Get a planner. When you are at your desk, keep it open in front of you with your
calendar visible. Use it and fill it up with every single meeting you have, even hallway
ones. An empty planner is worse than no planner.
2. Get some binders. Bosses love binders. It shows you're organized. Snag a couple from
the secretaries, write the name of the project on the spine and stack them neatly.
Make the letters easy to read they should be big enough to be read by someone who is
at the edge of your cube. Fill it with random paperwork from the project. You should
have between 3-5 of these binders. Dont go nuts though. If you have 20 you look crazy
and but if you only have one you look like you were bored.
3. Get some folders. Hang them neatly.
4. Get rid of paper piles.
5. Get Out Your Awards / Certifications If you have any awards or certifications, these
should be placed prominently around your desk. The goal is to make your senior leaders
believe that you care about these scraps of paper. If you dont have any, take some cheap
online training course and get a couple. You could also just print up a few, but if you get
caught you'll look like an idiot. Better to be safe.

CLM #5
You Cant Hold Your Liquor
After a long day, you and your Coworkers head out for margaritas. One drink leads to another
and the next thing you know, you're doing shots of something blue and telling everyone just how
much you hate your boss.
Don't let this happen to you.
I knew one guy who was the king of the "Drunk Reveal". Lets call him Andy. As soon as Andy
had a few beers, everything he was thinking spewed out of his newly un-censored mouth.

He has the distinction of being the only person I've ever seen bring up masturbation at a business
meeting comprised of both men and women. If anyone else had done it, HR would have been
flooded with complaints, but this guy was so non-threatening that we all facepalmed and
pretended not to notice.
I wish that were the worst thing he ever did.
A few years back, I was on a boondoggle down to the Four Seasons in Mexico. All the senior
leaders from the company were there as well as about 200 other Peons whod won awards that
year.
Wed spent the day sailing around the Puerto Vallarta bay and met up that evening for a catered
dinner. Andy started drinking and before the entrees had arrived, he was wrecked. We were
talking about the best way to get promoted and he bellowed out that the easiest way was to bang
the CEO, that if you did that, youd be set for life.
Andy never learned to speak quietly.
The CEO was behind him, about 10 feet away.
I happened to be looking at her when Andy revealed his genius plan. She took a half-step toward
him, then stopped and walked away, shoulders shaking from laughter.
Although she didnt say anything, Andys career was dead as of that moment. She wasnt mad,
didnt take offense and actually thought it was pretty funny.
But funny people dont get promoted. Smart, discreet ones who can dont get slobbering drunk
do.
There will be plenty of chances to go out drinking with the crew after work. When you do, drink
in moderation. Have a few drinks, have a good time, but keep it light. Anything you do when
youre out with your Coworkers can be used against you during official work hours.
Our entire team had gone out for a few drinks after finishing up a big project and a Coworker of
mine had a few too many. When a senior manager had her back turned, he ostentatiously flipped
her off. Someone told her and she used it to get rid of him. Even though we werent at work and
this wasnt an official function, his actions got him fired. So be aware, be careful, and be smart.

A Hard Night Drinking Should Equal an Early Morning

If you do go out with your Coworkers, especially if any senior managers are there, the most
important thing is how you act the next day. If you show up late, hung-over or in any way
impacted by the evenings events, you will lose credibility. However, if you show up the next
day, crisp and ready to go, you will show:

 You know your limits. No matter how much you drank or how late you stayed out, it
wasnt too much for you to handle.
You take work seriously. If you are ready to go first thing in the morning, you are a
hard worker who knows whats important.
You can handle work socialization. Many business meetings are held over drinks. If
you handle a night out with the gang, maybe you are ready to join the next client meeting.
As a matter of fact, the best Ladder Climbers always appear to be bright, fresh, alert, and ready
to work. Your goal is to show that nothing can faze you, that youre an unstoppable beast.
Whenever you go out do whatever you have to do to make sure you look alert, even if you are
faking it all day long.

Case Study: A Sobering Experience

I was working at one of the top 6 consulting firms in the U.S. and after we finished up a 27million dollar project, the Partner took us out for drinks. We got wrecked. Bombed. Destroyed.
The Partner (the top boss) bought drink after drink after drink and fed us shots until early in the
morning at a D.C. strip club.
The next day, I wanted to die, but I pulled out a starched shirt, put on my suit, shaved, drank
some coffee and got there early.
The Partner was waiting.
It turned out, he wanted to see who could handle it. Sure, it was a stupid test, but he wanted to
know who could deal with anything he threw at them. As the other members of the team
straggled in, bleary eyed and half-awake, he greeted them, loud and cheery.
Because I showed I could handle it, I was sent out to Chicago and was put on a 2-billion dollar
Air Force project.
Granted, this type of thing doesnt happen every day. This probably wont ever happen to you,
but the principle remains handle your liquor.

CLM #6
You Never Seem To Be Working
No matter how hard you work or how much you accomplish, if other people dont know it, you
may as well have spent the entire day playing Angry Birds.

Ive seen plenty of people bitten by this one. They think if they do their job faster and better than
their Coworkers, they will get noticed and promoted. It doesnt work this way.
No matter how much you do, if you always appear to be doing nothing, or if your job looks too
easy, it will be as bad as if you didnt get the job done at all.
Once you have a reputation for this type of behavior it is hard to get rid of it. Confirmation bias
takes over and your every move will be scrutinized. You might be working flat out 95% of the
day but take a 10 minute break and that's what people will remember.
There's one thing that will ruin your reputation as a hard worker and that's your internet use.
Every single thing you touch at work can be, and usually is recorded. Your email is stored for up
to seven years and if anyone wants to, they can go back through and find everything you've
written. Your surfing is tracked. Your phone calls may be recorded. If your Horrible Boss gets
wind of what you are up to, this is a great place for him to start to get you out. So, clean it up
fast. After all, everywhere you go, every call you make and every website you visit is
tracked. Therefore, some things to avoid:
Dont surf the internet at work. All sites are usually tracked and recorded. Even if
your business has not explicitly forbidden web surfing this can be used against you.
There's usually a policy prohibiting excessive internet use and it is selectively and
arbitrarily enforced.
Dont make personal calls on your business phone. Business phones are always tracked
and sometimes recorded. People are fired all the time for using business phones for
personal long-distance or even international calls.
Dont chat using your work computer these chats are usually recorded.
Dont talk with Coworkers before you log-in in the morning. As soon as you sit down at
your computer and log into the company server, you're officially there. If you walk
straight into an impromptu meeting, who's to say when you arrived? Six months down the
line when your Boss is looking for a reason to fire you, that 10:30am login can be used
against you.

Be as clean as possible
This should go without saying, but I am going to say it anyway. You must be beyond reproach.
You are trying to get your boss's job. You will be doing things to tear him down and move him
out. With a lot of skill and a little bit of luck he won't notice. If he does, you need to be as
clean as possible. A wily boss can do all sorts of things to destroy you and the best way to
prevent this is to make sure he doesnt have any dirt on you.

Once your Horrible Boss knows you are gunning for him he will try to take you out. Don't make
it easy on him by doing something stupid.

Have you ever noticed that The people who work the hardest rarely get the promotion
its not just where you work.

Talk Smarter, Dont Work Harder

Yes, this is a takeoff of the work smarter, not harder maxim, only this way works. The goal
isnt to do more work. It is actually to make everyone think you do more work while you
actually do less. A significant portion of your time will be spent Building up, Tearing Down, and
Moving Out. That means you have less time to spend actually working. With this in mind, you
need to maximize the work you do.
It's not that hard, you just have to know how:
Let people know about the challenges you overcame, not the problems you have.
Talk about your recent successes. Even the most mundane tasks can be bragged about
when necessary.
Never downplay recent accomplishments or bring up recent failures. Remember, it is
up to you to make yourself look promotable.
Never get caught wasting time at work. That doesnt mean never waste time, it means
don't get caught. For instance, if you want to look at pictures of cute pet tricks, thats fine,
but dont do it at work. If you want to browse for a new house, make your Coworkers
think it is part of your job.
Remember, your goal is to be smart about what you do and what other people think you
do. Make sure everyone knows that you were working before you arrived. Send emails from
home, call a Coworker, etc.
When you arrive in the morning, start working immediately. Instead of settling at your area,
checking emails and doing your normal I just got here routine, drop your stuff and walk over
to ask your peer about the project status, etc. Mention you were already on the phone that
morning about that topic, or that you read an email that came out earlier that day. Whatever, it
doesnt matter, the point is simply to give them the impression you were involved in work before
you even arrived.
Some things you can do to give the impression that you are working include:

Calling a Coworker - This is a great way to get credit for working while you are doing something
else. Lets say you have a long drive into work. Call Jenny (who starts at 6am every day) and
find out how things are going at the office. She is probably one of the only people in the office
and glad to talk. Ask her about her project, find out what she is doing, etc. You can learn so
much during these calls and it gives the appearance of you working off- hours.
Checking Your Messages - I love the digital age. I can appear to be working no matter where I
am. Always being available is a wonderful way to appear to be working and it also builds the
image of someone who cares about his job and the company. Most Ladder Climbers take
advantage of the digital age, to answer emails after hours, send texts to Coworkers and join
meetings. All the while, they can be doing other things and still getting credit for their work.
Teleconferencing - There are few things more satisfying that floating in a pool with a drink in
hand while on a conference call. Just make sure you keep your phone on mute when you aren't
speaking.
There are tons of things like this that can give others the impression you work around the clock.
You want everyone in your organization to believe that you think about your company, 24x7.
Even if you work in a retail business, things like this still work. For example, if you had an idea
of a way to reorganize the display, dont tell your boss immediately. Send it to him in an email
from home.
If you send it while you are at work, he may get the impression you arent doing your job. But
when you send it from home, you look like the hardworking, dedicated employee.

Case Study: It Doesnt Matter When You Work, It Matters How You Sell It
Let's take an example of two employees -- one a Ladder Climber and the other a Peon. Both had
the same problem but the way they addressed it made all the difference in the world.
Both had kids and, like every parent in the world, some problem would come up that would
make them late to the office.
Every time Mark had a problem with his son, he would come into work frazzled and upset. He'd
announce to everyone what a pain it was, how frustrated he was that it had happened and how
difficult he had it.
His goal was to show that he was trying to get to work, but his little one got in his way so it
wasnt his fault.
That might have been his goal and what he said, but that wasn't what we heard. We heard he was
he was a guy who always had an excuse for screwing up. After all, anyone who cant manage his

morning routine probably can't handle his job, right? When push came to shove, Mark couldnt
be counted on to be at the office reliably. He began to build a reputation as an unreliable worker.
Sally had the same problem, but she knew how to position herself. On the days her child care
provider was running late, she would send out messages from home to the team. One the way to
the office, she would call her boss or a team member to give her status, get their updates, find out
what was going on in the office and basically make her drive in efficiently.
Once she got to work, there was no mention of her child at all. She would jump right into work
and often use her emails as the reason she was late. No one ever saw her family as getting in the
way of her work. If you are going to be late, regardless of the reason, start working before you
get there. Whatever you do, never make it sound like you cant figure out how to handle your
mornings.

Never Act Surprised

Sure there is news and information, but you should never appear to be out of the loop by being
surprised. If you are shocked by every little thing that happens, it gives the impression you're out
of the loop. Instead, act like you already know about the problem and have multiple solutions.
Remaining calm in the face of crisis can often give people the impression that you know more
than you do and that you're smarter than you are.

Shape Your Persona

Lets say you dont do anything in this list. What do people in your company think about you? If
you asked them to name your top five qualities, what would they be? How about if you asked
them, If you only had one word to describe me, what word would you use?
Its an interesting test, especially if you make it anonymous. Your Coworkers might have one
view, your boss another, and the rest might not even know who you are. More important than
their perception is, where did they get it? Is it fair? Is it positive? Is it accurate?
Why dont you already know?
One of the most critical abilities all Ladder Climbers have is the ability to shape what people
think of them. Its easier than you think it just takes consistency. People like the things they
easily understand. Things in black and white are easily digestible. Anything with nuance and
shades of gray is subject to interpretation. When creating your image, keep it simple.

Look through everything and figure out what works in your company. As we mentioned earlier,
your clothes are the first place you should start. Wear the corporate uniform. Any deviation gives
people the chance to judge you.
Dont expect your peers to help you. After all, your Coworkers will hide their true feelings
because thats how the corporate world works. So theyll never say that they hate your sandals
and you need to shave. They will just support someone else for the lead position.
And youll never know it.
Corporate America is the most passive aggressive place in the world. So dont stress wear the
collared shirt and khakis. Its easier to get ahead when you allow people to make positive
assumptions about you because of your appearance than negative ones.

Take Control of Your Conversations

In general, the rules that you use with your Horrible Boss are good rules to follow not just when
you are working with him, but also when you are speaking with other coworkers as well. There
are some additional rules that you'll want to take into account when you are working with peers
and leaders.

Always Control Your Conversations

Conventional wisdom says that by doing your job, your boss will just naturally love you. This is
not true. You can be the best person in the world but to get the maximum effect, people need to
KNOW it. That means your brilliance has to happen in front of people.
Pretend youre a politician who owns a newspaper. What would you have them print? What
would the articles say about you? Its simple. Youd print puff pieces that said how wonderful
you were, youd highlight your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, have pictures taken of you
kissing babies, working in a soup kitchen, and by the time you were done, people would think
you were the greatest guy in the world.
Every day when you go into work youre a walking newspaper, heralding your accomplishments.
So what are you telling people when you walk down the hall or when youre in a meeting? There
are so many things that people look at and judge you on. For example, are you on-time? When
you answer a question, are you right? Do people see you as helpful or belligerent? Do you take
notes? Are you paying attention? Are you prepared?
Remember, youre judged every minute of every day. Think of it as being on trial. You have a
jury of your peers and theyre watching you like hawks. Every word you say, how youre
dressed, how you act, and your work are the evidence they use to judge you. Have you ever seen
a defendant on trial who wasnt in a suit? When he was arrested, he looked like a thug, but the
lawyers want the jury to see him as a good, respectable citizen. So they cut his hair, shave him
and put him in a suit in the hopes that he will come across like a good guy. You know what? It
works.
Now think about every interaction with your boss. You can show him exactly the side of you that
is most advantageous. When you control the conversation, you control the information people
get about you.

No matter what is happening Ladder Climbers know how to interject statements that are Build
Ups for them and Tear Downs for those around them. Of course, this can take practice, but once
you learn this skill it is easy to do.
Having conversation control is one of those things that will change the way people work with
you. First, it makes every interaction a Build Up for you. This point is gigantic because it means
that those around you will start seeing you as something who will be a Ladder Climber even if
you arent one already. Secondly, it establishes you as a leader in the organization, something
you want to be anyway, right?

Initiate Conversations
Whenever you have the opportunity, initiate the conversation. This can be during a ride in an
elevator, in the hallway, or at lunch. Even small conversation tricks will work to give the
impression that you are a confident Ladder Climber. Some tricks you can use:
Smile at people as they get on the elevator. If you are in a mid-sized business,
acknowledging them makes it seem like you are more senior than you are.
Learn the names / faces of the entire management team in your building this
information is almost always online in a medium to large sized business. Know who
everyone is and what they do. Greet them by name its helps fix you as a potential peer
that is not intimidated by them.
Learn the names of each member of your department. Know who they are and what
they do. When you see them, ask briefly about their work. Once again this gives them
the impression that you are higher up then they are.
Remember, most hallway and elevator conversations are very brief. You could actually say the
same thing to each person and not be seen as repetitive. Business is a different situation than
real life and these little conversation nuggets are easy for anyone.

Case Study: Knowing a Name

In general, people like being greeted by name. Even if they dont remember your name, the fact
that you remembered theirs is flattering. The great part is that you dont have to be good with
names to make this work.
I know one ladder climber who is terrible at remembering names. However, before she starts a
project she likes to figure out who she is working with. Knowing that it will normally take her
longer to remember names than most, she gets ahead of the curve by memorizing the team list

(even if she doesnt know the person by face). When she goes to the meeting, all she has to do is
remember what face goes with each name.
Often, after the first round of introductions, she can remember the names and immediately begins
using them. The response is remarkable. First, people are flattered to be known. Secondly it
gives the impression that she is a bit more senior because she knows so many people, and thirdly,
it makes them want to know and remember her. Memorizing names can be one of the fastest
ways to win over a group of strangers.

Dont be Afraid to Give Praise

Ladder Climbers dont do as much work as Peons. Everyone knows that. Yet, Ladder Climbers
get the praise while the Peons slave away. Why is this? Its because they are responsible for the
achievements of their subordinates in the eyes of the Senior Leaders. Every time they speak to
anyone who is senior in the organization they Build Up their accomplishments sometimes by
giving praise to other groups! The good news is that you can too, even if you have no one
reporting to you.
To start, you have to be aware of what's going on in your organization. For instance, is your
work checked by another team or even a manager? Here is an opportunity to give praise and
take their success as your own.
Lets say you have the opportunity to give an update to the Senior Leader. Almost everyone has
this chance from time to time, whether they work at a dentist's office or IBM. First, give them the
information they are asking for then follow it up by praising a team or person that
participated. This can go as follows.

Senior Leader: So, did you finish up the Accounting reports?

You:

Sure did. I got them done last night. The accounts receivable team really did a great job.
Did you know they cleared over 100 delinquent accounts this month?

Senior Leader: Great Work Team!

As you get better and better at this you can use these opportunities as a way to build up yourself
while tearing down your Horrible Boss.

Senior Leader: So, did you finish up the Accounting reports?

Yes, I finished them yesterday and sent them over to Horrible Boss. He might not have
You: had a chance to take a look at them yet. I think his son had a soccer game or something.
Do you want me to copy you on them when I am done?
Senior Leader: Sure, lets do that.

In this one line, you have managed to do a great self-build up, tear down your boss and build a
direct line to the Senior Leader.

Getting Access to the Senior Leaders

So, now that you know what to do and what not to, it's time to find one of the Senior Leaders.
The good news is that they are all over and you dont need much of their time. Now that you
have mastered Conversation Control, in the beginning, shorter interactions will do more to boost
your reputation than longer meetings. So, find them, pitch them, get your Build Up and move on.

Meeting a Senior Leader In the Halls

You are walking down the hall and the Senior Leader happens to be walking in the same
direction. He wants to show that he remembers you (he just took a management class that
mentioned the importance of this to the Peons) and wants to show that he values your work. So,
what happens?
WHAT IS SAID

WHAT IS MEANT

Senior Leader:

Hey, um (hesitates)

I just took an HR course that said I should talk

to the Peons, but they all look the same.

Peon:

Joe

Grumble, grumble, my sensitive feelings are

hurt.

Senior Leader:

Joe! Of course, so how is Project 'New Work'

going. Any issues?

Most of you Peons are on that project, so its a

safe bet you are on it too.

Peon:

Um, well, uh, I am having a problem with the

code for the search screen.

I suck.

Senior Leader:

Well, keep working on it, I am sure you can

figure out the answer.

Damn, if it werent for me motivating everyone,

nothing would be done.

At this point the Senior Leader thinks that he has stumbled onto the Holy Grail. "A HA!!!" he
thinks. He has just found a problem that he wasnt told about. After he finishes with you, his next
step will be to look into the situation because this is a Build Up for him.
It lets him show HIS boss that he has his finger on the pulse of the organization, that he knows
the little guy, and has their trust. It also gives him leverage against YOUR boss. You just
exposed a problem that your boss was hiding. He's going to tell your boss that you were the one
who told him about the problem.

Now your boss looks stupid and you'll bear the brunt of his ire. This has just become a Tear
Down for you and everyone in your management chain. Your one comment in the hall has cost
you big time.

They Wont Promote You If They Dont Know Your Name

No one likes to ask for a name, but they all claim they knew it after the fact. When you run into
someone higher up who may or may not know your name, introduce yourself again. That allows
them to save face.
Whenever you run into your Senior Leader, always provide your name, until you are sure they
know it. The only way you can be sure they know it is if they use it immediately. Don't presume.
It doesnt matter if they know it, they will always act like they do. What matter is that they
remember you. Until they can greet you by name in the hallway, keep introducing yourself.
They will insist they remember you each time, but they wont.

4 Things Your Bosss Boss WANTS to Hear

Every time you walk down the hall and run into your boss, or your Bosss Boss, theyre going to
talk to you. They cant help it. All the management books teach that a good senior manager
shows the Peons how much they care by asking questions about what theyre working on.
Are you going to wait for the inevitable question and hope they ask you something you know
about? Wouldnt it be better to take the lead and choose the impression you want to give?
Here are some things you should reference:
1. A recent success Bosses love to hear things are going well. You should always have
a win tucked under your belt for these situations. Dont bother with anything more than a
week old.
2. New information If you can give them a piece of information they dont already
have, you increase your stock with them. Bosses believe their employees are hiding
things from them (which they are), so by telling them something new, you shift yourself
out of the sneaky category and into the source of information group.
3. Information about whats happening in the organization. We brought in an extra
$1000 this month through our new process! or something like that. Be specific and
positive. Remember, youre happy and proud of this minor accomplishment. By telling
him this, you show youre concerned with the profitability of your group.

4. You can ask for small favors, but it has to be something that benefits the boss, makes
you look good, and accomplishes something. For example, you run into your Bosss Boss
and tell him, Hey, Bob just got his PMP! If you could stop by and congratulate him, I
know it would mean a lot. Bosses eat that up. They get to show how in tune they are,
employees feel valued, and everyone wins.

Build Yourself Up
These conversations are the best way to Build Up the relationship with your Senior Leaders.
Every time you run into the Senior Leader you should be able to point to one thing that you have
done THAT DAY that adds value to the company, from a Senior Leader perspective. It's not
that hard. It can be anything, from a report you just finished to a compliment from a customer.
Anything works, as it meets these simple criteria:
It has to be something you can claim credit for.
It has to be recent.
It cant be public knowledge, i.e., nothing he has already heard.
It should be a Build Up, not trivia.
It shouldnt be ingratiating. He has enough Peons kissing his butt daily. Don't be one of
them.
It should be high level enough that he understands what you are saying. Don't confuse
him with the particulars of a programming algorithm or a detailed accounting problem.
It should be short remember you only have a few seconds to get your point across.
To make sure that you are ready, practice every day finding one of these build up points for
yourself. To be prepared, have a new one ready each day by noon.
Now you're ready when opportunity presents itself. The next time you're in the hall and see a
Senior Leader approaching, take control:
WHAT IS SAID

WHAT YOUR SENIOR LEADER

HEARS

Warlizard:

Hey Senior Leader First Name Here, I dont

My name is Warlizard. I am an IT
know if you remember me, but Im Warlizard, one
manager.
of the managers on Project New Work.

Senior Leader:

Warlizard! Of course! How are things going?

I dont remember you, all you Peons

look the same to me.

Warlizard:

Great. I am pretty excited today because we just

finished work on the Landing Page of Project

Yeah, but Im different, Im cool.

New Work. Our testing team just gave us the

news that the page tests perfectly. They did a great
job with that.
Senior Leader:

Great Job.

Why didnt your Horrible Boss tell

me about that? You are cool.

Conversation ends as you go into your meeting or the Senior Leader goes the other direction.
Even though the accomplishment is minor your conversation control has just accomplished a
few things:
It reminded him who you were by name.
You show you are upbeat, positive and optimistic.
You gave him additional information about the project that he didnt have.
You Built Up his impression of you.
By praising another team you also gave the impression you were in some way
responsible for that teams success. Sure you never said it and it isnt true, but you just
gained from what they did.
Your Senior Leader now has more information about the project and can show that he
talks to the little guy.
Not bad for a hallway conversation that took only a couple of seconds.

Impress the Senior Leader in Meetings

If you have the opportunity to work with a Senior Leader in a meeting, dont waste it. Often, you
wont get these chances, so do what you can to get into one and then make sure you are ready.
1. Be Prepared. When you get to a meeting, if you have a notebook computer, bring the
charger. Bring an extra pen. Bring a place to take notes. Bring any supporting
documentation that you may need. Remember, this is an interview. You want to impress
your Senior Leaders, not come off like another Peon.
2. Never let anyone ask a question you cant answer. Think about what youre doing and
make a list of questions you would ask yourself. Then try to think of what your Boss
would ask. Write up answers. The more prepared you are, the less likely you are to be
stumped.
3. If someone asks a question you cant answer smile. This is a great opportunity if you
dont screw it up. First of all, admit you dont know. So many people lie, that everything

else you do / say will be validated. Next, promise to get the answer to everyone by end of
day. This is great because it gives you a chance to communicate with a Senior Leader
directly.
After the meeting, get on it immediately. Make sure you get back to them that day. If you
need more information, dont be afraid to ask. Remember, your Horrible Boss didnt
prepare you for the question and that reflects badly on him. Taking your direction directly
from a Senior Leader is a great opportunity.
4. Dont be unreliable. If you say youre going to do something, you HAVE to do it. The
thing that makes you a safe bet is being reliable. The first time you blow someone off or
dont do what you said youd do, they will label you in their minds as flaky.
5. Never give an excuse. No one wants to hear why you couldnt do something. They
want to know that you will do whatever it takes to make it happen, no matter what.
If you cant do what you promised, let someone know as early as possible. If something
hasnt gone well and you need to talk about it, dont make excuses. Talk about how you
will fix the problem.

Leverage the Good Ol Boys' Network

or Whatever Network You Can Make
Not all of us can fit in to the Good Ol Boys network, but if you can, go for it. As a matter of
fact, take advantage of any way to affiliate yourself with your Senior Leaders. Don't bring it up
every time -- it will be seen as obvious.
Find whatever you have in common with the Senior Leaders and use it to build a relationship, if
you can. Possibilities include:
College affiliation
Same Hometown / State
Same religious affiliation (only if you are both religious -- don't fake it)
Minority affiliation - if you have anything in common use it.

Find Him Off-Hours

Of course, there are some jobs where you aren't allowed to exceed a set number of hours. For
these jobs, it may seem like many of these techniques cannot be used, but that is not the case.
Even if you are hourly, you can talk to your Coworkers, as long as you initiate it. You can win a

lot of points with the Senior Leader if he notices you helping out after-hours or even emailing
new ideas outside of work time.

Get A Dirty Job

Ok, youre looking good, youre well-groomed and fitting in to the stereotypical ideal of what a
go-getter looks like. You have also gotten some interaction with a big boss more and they have
started to recognize you. Now what?
You have to find a way to differentiate yourself. Being on time and spending the whole day
working won't get you noticed.
Sad but true.
You still have to figure out some other way to get the powers to consider you an up-and-comer,
someone they want on their team, working directly for them. If you dont, you can remain
forever undiscovered, punching that time-clock and enviously eyeing the offices at the top floor.
One way to do this is to take on a job that no one wants and do it really well.
In every organization, there are always dirty jobs. Theyre annoying, repetitive, require far
more time than you probably think theyre worth and theyre avoided by management as if they
were radioactive. No one wants to do them, which is exactly why you should.
With that said, the selection of the dirty job is critical. There are good reasons why no one
wants to do some jobs.
TIP: If someone asks for a volunteer to do the job, its not a dirty job you want. For example,
you may see the boss ask for a volunteer to help organize the Christmas Party.
Run.
Dont touch this. It means dealing with multiple functionaries and will chew up tons of time, plus
instead of having fun at the Christmas party, youll be busting your butt making sure the food
and drinks arrive on time.
Theres an even more important reason why you should avoid jobs like this theyre beneath
you.
Can you imagine the CEO ever planning a party?
Of course you cant. Its ridiculous. He has a level of dignity and lets be real planning parties
is for secretaries. Its even worse if youre female. You can get labeled in a heartbeat.

But many people will tell you that by doing jobs like this you can gain visibility. While you can,
its the kind you dont want. Youll instantly be labeled and pigeonholed as a worker-bee, not
management material.
Think Im crazy? Lets go back to Trumps show, The Apprentice. Two women were vying
for the job in his organization, both highly competent, both excellent. But he dismissed one
because of a very simple thing she bragged about making $10,000 using a Bedazzler.
The Bedazzler was this little hole-punch looking thing that put sequins on clothes.
Why would Trump care? Moneys money, right?
Wrong. Her way was cheesy and low class.
She didnt see that but he did. He needed someone like himself who saw the Bedazzler as a
joke and beneath him.
So he hired the other girl (much hotter anyway) and the Bedazzler lady went back to her old life.
So when youre looking for dirty jobs, you have to be very specific as to what youre looking
for.
Fortunately, you have this book.
Many of the worst jobs in an organization have to do with metrics and reporting. They are
annoying and they suck. To do them right requires an enormous time investment because you
normally gather information from multiple sources, meet with many people, transcribe a ton of
information and have to put it all into a simple, easy-to-read PowerPoint presentations.
In short, it sucks, plus you have to do it on top of all your other duties. Guess what? These are
EXACTLY the jobs you want to take on.
Dirty Jobs let you interface with multiple areas and levels of people you might never meet. Most
employees spend their day in a bubble, ignoring other teams and other departments. Its hard to
really understand the scope of a business when youre heads-down on a project. Taking on this
type of job helps you understand the organization, the mission of the business, and how they all
relate to each other.
Also, remember how much it helps to have the approval of the entire organization to get
promoted? Well, the more people you know, the more people will have a positive impression
about you. By taking on this reporting responsibility, youre getting to know many people you
never would have had contact with otherwise.
And, like it or not, Dirty Jobs are often very important. Theres a reason that the higher-ups want
reports and its not because they like reading them. Its because they are used to allocate money,
judge performance, and measure compliance.

Think about that for a second.

The paper that youre creating and presenting is used to GIVE ORGANIZATIONS MONEY
FOR THEIR BUDGETS.
You dont think thats valuable? How about this one if a group is not in compliance, they get
fired. And youre the one creating the report. This leads directly into the next point.
The teams you are reporting on will owe you. Youve probably heard the phrase, There are
three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. I would add a fourth. Reports. Reports can
be massaged to prove any point you want. The better you get at it, the better you can position
information. By controlling this type of report, you can create your own propaganda. By making
someones organization look good, you put them in your debt.
Doing this gives insight into the organization. The mere fact that someone has requested such a
report means it is being read. Initially, you may not know why the report is being generated. It
doesnt matter. What you know is that someone is asking for a ton of work to be done and you
are going to be the person who delivers it.
Lastly, youre freeing up your boss. Well, thats what he thinks. In reality, youre becoming the
person who has the knowledge and hes the consumer. Think about it. You and only you, in your
entire organization have ALL of the pieces in one place. Your boss doesnt. He just has the
results you gave him. So if anyone questions the report, he has two choices he can bluff or get
you. Since he doesnt want to bluff, hell have you in meetings youd NEVER be allowed into,
just in case. This raises your visibility and credibility.
When you do this type of dirty job, you need to find out what the requestor is looking for. The
more knowledge you have, the more accurate the report will be and the more useful youll be
perceived.
For example, at our company, we ask for inventory reports. While some of our managers think
these reports are busy work, sales drive our business and keep our doors open. Therefore,
knowing what is selling, when it sells, and how much we need to order is far more important to
me than almost any other function our stores have.
Despite this, we have seen manager after manager that doesnt value these functions. Just today,
I had one manager tell me that he was delegating that task to one of his direct reports. This
means that as the store owner, I will be working with one of his team leads instead of with him
directly. Is that a good idea? Not for the store manager.
Is it a good idea for the team lead that volunteered to take this tedious task off his shoulders? It
sure is. He will now have more of my time, he will be able to recommend inventory, possible
even change our sales. So now, when I am looking at the best person to promote, he is visible
within our organization. It may have been more work for him, but the visibility and rewards will
make it worthwhile.

Finding Dirty Jobs

I almost hesitate to include this section because its so obvious, but just in case youve never run
up against this before, heres what you do:

Listen Your boss is going to complain like crazy about the things he doesnt want to do. He
may be subtle about it, but the better you know your boss, the easier it will be to tell. Key
phrases include: Im going to be up all night doing this stupid report, or perhaps, Were going
to have to postpone that meeting tomorrow, I have some urgent paperwork to take care of.
There are a few things to look for in these statements. The job has obviously been avoided, since
your boss is staying up late to do it. If it were something he wanted to do, it would have been
done during work hours.
Next, he calls it Urgent Paperwork. Wait, any paperwork he asks for is according to his
timetable, right? So why would it be urgent unless it was requested from someone else? Once
you get used to listening for these types of phrases, youll be able to tell who is doing work they
want to do and who is doing work someone else wants them to do.

Ask When you hear your boss say something like this, just ask if you can help. Hell probably
say no, but you never know. Ask what its about and hell most likely just tell you. Ask if its
due every month or if its a one-time thing. You want to be the guy who does the repeating
reports. That gives people the chance to get to know you, over time. Ask who requested the
report. This is critical. By this time, you will have a good idea of the org structure, so if you
dont recognize the name, just ask who it is. Remember the name and then find out about them.
By doing this you can find out which report is just busywork and which report is important.

Observe Around the 1st, and the 15th of the month, there are always reports due. So pay
attention. Whos going nuts around this time? Who is working late? Who is irritable and angry?
But also look for reports due every quarter and every year. These are gold. But the easiest way of
all is to just read your email. Many of these reports are put out to everyone or made available to
the company on the corporate intranet.
Basically, if you keep your eyes and ears open and take the time to ask, you can easily figure out
what reports are good for you and which ones are time sinks.

Theres something else you need to remember people who dont want to do something usually
do a crappy job at it. Its just human nature. When youre really excited about something, you

bust your ass, check everything multiple times, fix every single margin, and when youre done,
its perfect.
When you hate what youre doing, its easy to let things slip. Its not that youre not trying its
just that its SO boring and your mind helps you out by forgetting the little details.
Your Horrible Boss is no different. He has a ton of things he thinks are more important, more
relevant, and better for his career. He wants to spend time on those things, not on the crap reports
the CIO is asking for.
This is where you can shine.
After youve identified the jobs he doesnt want to do, ask to help with them. At first, hell
probably just say he can handle it. Keep asking. Finally, hell let you do some small piece of it.
Maybe hell ask you to get a certain data set from a certain organization.
Don't forget, almost everyone who is working to get this report ready has the same lack of
interest in it that he does. So part of the annoying aspect of this task is to chase down every
subset of information from multiple organizations. Thats a pain. You tell him youll be happy to
take care of that for him.
Next thing you know, he sends out an email that says youre the one whos collecting for
him. You spend your time bouncing from person to person, never getting in anyones face,
always with a smile or a box of donuts (you wouldnt believe how effective a box of donuts or
bag of bagels can be) and suddenly, youre getting the information necessary.
You look like a miracle worker, because you have the time to be nice, and people respond better
to kindness than they do to threats.
He takes everything youve collected and puts it together in a nice presentation, but of course,
you help. After a bit, you offer to do the presentation for him, just to help out.
Before he knows it, youre the motivated guy whos doing the entire thing! You get it done
quickly and efficiently without ruffling feathers and soon youre known throughout the group in
a positive way.
When it comes time to present it, who do you think gets that task? Youre the only one who truly
understands it and you get to stand in front of Senior Leader as the expert.
Congratulations. Youve just started building your power base.

Turning a Dirty Job Into Visibility

So far weve been talking theory lets give a real-life example.

My wife used to work as a Software Quality Assurance Manager. That meant after the code
monkeys were done programming something, they would hand it over to my wifes team to test
for defects. Its a mind-numbingly boring job but hey, someone has to do it or you get nothing
but buggy application releases.
Well, my wifes Bosss Boss wanted to know if a project would meet its stated date. By charting
the number and types of defects, you can predict how likely the team is to meet their date. Think
about it if you have a month to go, 10000 defects and theyre fixing 100 per day, its not
physically possible to fix all of them in time. Anyway, he told my wifes boss to get that
information.
Youd think this would have been simple, but her Horrible Boss was a lazy "Jealous Girlfriend"
and nothing had been automated. It wasnt like he could click a button and generate memorized
reports.
He was fumbling around trying to find the answer and my wife asked him if he needed some
help. Of course he did. This was her perfect chance to find the dirty job that would get her some
visibility.
However, my wife is also lazy, just in a different way. She got tired of having to do hours of
work to find the answer to what should have been a simple question and started putting together
some reports that she could run automatically.
It took hours but was worth the time-investment. At first, she created the reports that gave the
most basic information. Then, after a bit, she added more data as well as some charts that would
help the Senior Execs understand what the numbers meant.
Remember what I said early about lies, damned lies, statistics and reports? Well, when you
control reporting, you control how well people think your group is doing. By taking over the
reports, she was able to direct how management saw her team.
She started adding reports that answered the fundamental question: Will the project be delivered
on time? She added graphs, charts, expected defects based on previous performance, oh, it was
just grand. The more she added, the more information she gave, and soon it wasnt just a report
it was a message.
She added her own conclusions to the reports because by this time, there were so many it was
tough to keep track. Upper management knew they could pour through the reports and generate
their own conclusions, but why not trust the word of the person whod built the reports in the
first place?
At first, these reports were just emailed out, but the more information they contained, the more
people wanted to read them and soon they were being read at the highest levels in the
organization.

Now, did her Horrible Boss give her all the credit? Dont be absurd. Of course he didnt. She
would email the report to him and he would send it out to the Senior Leadership Team. The
problem was, he didnt actually understand what was in it.
After the report became an agenda item at a meeting, he realized he needed to know more about
it, so he used to call my wife into his office about 20 minutes before the meeting to go over it.
I told you. Horrible Bosses are lazy.
He could have taken the report and studied it in-depth. He always had it a few days before the
meeting, but it is just easier to ask the person who did the work. Remember this, friend. People
are lazy and you can exploit that.
She would patiently explain what she was doing, but she controlled the conversation and didnt
volunteer all the answers. She always answered his questions fully and completely, but rather
than try and guess what he needed to know, she would only answer what he asked. Their time
was limited and she didnt want to waste it with irrelevancies.
Even though she answered everything he asked, he left with an incomplete understanding of the
report and his superiors knew it.
After each meeting he would come back with more questions from the senior managers. After
this happened a few more times, he finally invited her to audit a meeting with him.
The truth was that he wanted her there to back him up when he couldnt answer the question. Im
going to repeat that because its important:
HE WANTED HER THERE TO BACK HIM UP WHEN HE COULDNT ANSWER THE
QUESTION.
Do you realize how stupid that is? The first time that happens, senior management realizes three
things:
1. The Horrible Boss doesnt know whats going on.
2. The subordinate is the one who did the work.
3. The Horrible Boss was too lazy to do the work himself.
That was her first meeting. After that, she was a fixture at every other project meeting, including
some that were simple and others that had the entire Senior Leader Staff, including the CTO, the
CIO, and all of the Directors. She became known as the one to go to when answers were needed,
not her boss.
As a footnote, years later we found out the Senior Leadership team knew the whole time that my
wife was doing the work. Her boss wasnt smart enough to change the author on her
documents so her name was all over it.

I told you he was lazy.

So, the next time you hear your Horrible Boss griping and complaining about some tedious
report, meeting or phone call, find out more. Determine what it is and find out who wants it
done. Then, when you think it is something good, volunteer to take it off his hands for the
experience. Most likely he will jump at the chance.

If You Can Get One High Enough, Get a Mentor

Some companies make this program mandatory. They ask all managers, team leads, etc. to get a
mentor and to keep up with the relationship. If this is important to your company, or even if it is
important to your CEO then do it by all means. In this case, there wont be the normal
connotations of getting a mentor. If a company values mentorship, then you have the opportunity
to make the program work to your advantage, if you know how. However, make sure you
strategically pick your mentor.
When looking for a Mentor, make sure he or she is multiple levels above you. Remember your
goal is to get your bosss job. If you are being mentored by one of his peers, it will make it more
difficult for you to move into this role later. Ideally pick the highest person with whom you have
access.
Also, try to find someone without a lot of mentees. If he has too many, you wont gain much
from the relationship. You want the relationship to seem special. This provides a level of
protection for you from your Horrible Boss and also makes you appear more important to your
peers.
Before you ask someone to mentor you, make sure you have built yourself up to them. This
request shouldn't be your first conversation. Ideally, you will have met in the hall a few times,
maybe given them a few of your success stories, that sort of thing. Doing some legwork before
you actually ask will increase your odds of being accepted as a mentee to the Senior Leader.

Use the Mentor Relationship to Build Up Your Image

Once you have the relationship established, make sure that you make your mentor your advocate
and not your counselor. Too many people use the relationship to bitch, whine and complain. That
does nothing to help you get promoted.
Once you pick the highest person around, use the relationship to promote yourself. First and
foremost, start the relationship using the normal corporate bingo keywords. You are looking to
Understand whats good for the company

 Learn to add value day to day

Incorporate the company's mission statement and values into your projects
Meet customer needs
Do your job at the lowest possible cost and the highest justifiable quality levels
One of the best ways to get ahead of your Horrible Boss is to ask your mentor for opportunities
for improvement. Volunteer to help on their pet projects If you have picked someone high
enough, it never hurts to find out what is important to them and to ask if you can help. This is
one of the best things that you can do you get the opportunity to have a Build Up project that is
at the same time a Tear Down.

Taking Advantage of the Mistakes Your Horrible Boss

Makes
Lets face it. Your boss is a jerk and jerks aren't known for their smooth skills in the workplace.
This is bad for them but great for you. You can take advantage of every mistake they make to
make yourself look better.

Your Horrible Boss Complains About His Boss

Whenever you hear your Horrible Boss malign his or her boss, you should smile a little inside. I
know I used to. Each phrase they utter, each complaint they put forth is great news for you. One
of the things corporations value is getting along. A person who complains and whines about their
boss is never appreciated especially by their boss.
Fortunately, Horrible Bosses fall for this trap every time. The Psycho probably feels she is
justified to complain about her bosss shortcomings, the Aristocrat believe his boss is not as
good as he is, and The Moron just doesnt know any better. Whatever the reason, take
advantage of the situation and make it work in your favor.
For instance, I knew one Horrible Boss who was a typical Psycho. She was methodical at her job
and was hired for that ability. However, like every Psycho she was emotionally unpredictable.
When she felt someone didnt meet her ever-changing standards, she felt comfortable calling
them out in public.
The person who hired her tolerated this foible because he needed her technical expertise but
when she got a new boss, she self-destructed. She actually told her direct reports that she didnt
respect the new senior leader. To make matters worse, she corrected him in meetings and made
her dislike obvious.
This is a great opportunity for a Ladder Climber. When you see this, you automatically know a
few things:
1 - Her boss is not going to want her in meetings with Senior Leaders or even with him.
After all, no one wants someone around who is going to make them look bad.
2 - Even if he cant fire her yet, he is planning on it. As soon as she no longer serves his
purposes or as soon as he can find a replacement, she will be gone.

3 He wont trust her opinion If she doesnt like him and doesnt like you, well the
enemy of my enemy is my friend.
This is GREAT for you. You now have an opportunity to usurp her position. Her boss doesnt
want this thorn in his side so you have a great opportunity.

A couple of words of warning:

When you are with her and she badmouths her boss, dont agree. Some Psychos will take the
most casual agreement as wholehearted support. They will add your name to their grievance, as
in Well, I was talking with Brian, and even he thinks that our new CIO sucks. That is not a
sentence you want to be part of.
Further, if your Coworkers want to talk about what she said later, dont add to the comments.
Your best bet would be something casual like Yeah, I cant believe she said that, to make the
statement sound even worse. Focus the conversation on your Horrible Boss, even if you agree
with the opinion. Remember you goal is to get her job and she just gave you a big opening.
Remember, there is nothing faster than the speed of office gossip. You can assume that anything
that is said gets back to target pretty quickly. While this may not always be the case when your
Horrible Boss says something about a Peon, it is always the case when your Horrible Boss says
something about her boss. Why? Because everyone is trying to get ahead and the Peons also
think badmouthing a boss works. Word will spread.

Have you ever noticed that Your Horrible Boss is better at hiding mistakes than he or
she is at doing things right?
its not just where you work.

Ways to Take Advantage of the Situation:

Lets put this all together now. Your Horrible Boss doesnt like her boss. Her boss knows that
she doesnt like him but has to keep her around for some random reason. Here's your plan of
action:
Always be positive. One thing you want the Senior Leader to notice is how much more positive
you are then your Horrible Boss. After all, your Senior Leader is going to be so sick of someone
complaining that a good attitude will be an important requirement for the next guy.

Next, when your Horrible Boss hems and haws, volunteer to do whatever the Senior Leader
needs, fast! Odds are good that once your Horrible Boss is mad, he or she wont be responding as
quickly as is expected. Take advantage of this.
If you can, offer to do it for him. If your Horrible Boss won't let you, offer to present it directly
to the Senior Leader. If you can get it done quickly, you can take the credit. You want to be
thought of as the person that gets things done on your team.
Once you have a task like this one, use it to get some time to talk with the Senior Leader, one-onone. If anything comes up about your Horrible Boss, take the Senior Leaders side you should
have some time to work with him privately by now.
Whenever she comes up, dont be afraid to take his side. Once again, dont complain / badmouth
your Horrible Boss, but dont be afraid to be positive about your Senior Leader. Phrases to work
into conversation include:
- I dont understand Mrs. Psycho's perspective.
- Well, everyone knows Mrs. Psycho is under a great deal of pressure at home.
- Mr. Psycho mentioned he's really feeling overwhelmed.
Once you have established that your Horrible Boss makes negative comments about your boss,
you have another great opportunity. You can destroy your Horrible Boss's credibility and
judgment -- he's given you the opening!
Simply say something like, I wouldn't take it personally. Horrible Boss just picks the closest
target sometimes. Making it seem like this is your bosss problem defangs him when he
complains about you. After all, if your Horrible Boss complains about the Senior Leader, the
Senior Leader probably believes these comments are unfounded. So, take advantage of this.
There are obviously many other opportunities in this situation. The key is to take advantage of
your Horrible Bosss poor judgment to create a bonding moment with your Senior Leader.
The best part about situations like this is that they dont come up just once. After your
conversation with your Senior Leader, think back to what he said, make a mental note of what
bothered him the most and you can leverage that going forward.

When Your Horrible Boss is Missing In Action

No matter where you work, whether it is a Wal-Mart or a Fortune 500 company, everyone will
have a time when their Horrible Boss is away and a Senior Leader comes by to look for him.
This is an opportunity for you to shine and for him to look like an idiot. To do this, follow these
simple rules:

 If you know where your Horrible Boss is, dont volunteer that information. If you are
asked directly, fine, otherwise, dont mention it.
If you dont know where your Horrible Boss is be honest. Use a flat tone. Don't play it
up. Simply say you don't know or that he headed out but that he didn't tell you where he
was going. If you're obviously trying to make your Horrible Boss look bad, the Senior
Leader will worry that you'll do the same to him.
Be upbeat and pleasant. Now is the time to show you are a team player.
Volunteer to help. If he takes you up on it, make it your first priority. Report back
directly to the senior leader. Dont bother telling your Horrible Boss. After all, your
Horrible Boss doesnt NEED to know everything you do.
Ask if the leader wants to leave a message if so, take one, if not, dont bother to
mention to your Horrible Boss that he was missed.
The main goal of the conversation is to have the Senior Leader walk away with a good
impression of you and a questionable impression of your Horrible Boss. When it works it will go
something like this:

The Warlizard Corporate Translation Guide Presents:

Wheres the Horrible Boss?
Heres the way the conversation could go
WHAT IS SAID

WHAT YOUR SENIOR LEADER MEANS

/ HEARS

Senior Leader:

"Have you seen Jeff?"

"I can't find Jeff, AGAIN."

Peon:

"He's in a meeting."

"He's doing his job and contributing to the

team."

Senior Leader:

"Thanks."

"Well that was completely useless. I now know

more than I did before but I'm no better off."

Heres the way the conversation SHOULD go

WHAT IS SAID

WHAT YOUR SENIOR LEADER MEANS

/ HEARS

Senior Leader:

"Have you seen Jeff?"

"I can't find Jeff, AGAIN."

Peon:

"I 'm not sure. I haven't seen him in over an

hour. Maybe I can help you. What do you
need?"

His team doesn't know where he is so he's

either screwing off or a poor communicator.
You can rely on me though.

In this one line, you make him look bad, while making yourself look good. Do you know where
he is? No idea, maybe at lunch, maybe getting coffee innocent speculation (note he is NEVER
in a meeting, with a client or with the boss).
Just dont let this backfire. Be careful about doing this when your Horrible Boss steps out for a
few minutes and tells you so. If your Horrible Boss leaves or tells you that he's heading out and
will be back soon, be honest. If you don't, you know what will happen. He gets back, looks
around, talks with the Senior Leader and makes you look like an idiot.
Dont fall for that. This works best if your boss is prone to long lunches and everyone knows it.

Horrible Boss Prevents You From Being Successful

I was working for one of the Big Six consulting firms and a negotiation we had was going
badly. We were bidding on a large contract and part of the bid was a piece of unique software
that was required to do the job. We were trying to get the owner of the company that made the
software to give us a discount and he wouldn't budge.
The Partner on the deal spent hours on the phone with them to no avail. They said they knew we
needed it and there was simply no reason to discount it. No matter what they did, we would still
buy it.
As it happens, I love negotiating. It's like a big game to me so I asked the Partner if I could give
it a shot. Considering we had nothing to lose, you would think that he would have had no
problem, but he pushed back. After a long, drawn-out conversation, he finally let me saying,
Sure, but theres nothing you can do.
I got a 30% discount, saved over 100k and we won the bid. To his credit, the Partner told
everyone I was the guy who did it, but more like I was a talking dog than a skilled negotiator.
Many Horrible Bosses will try to stop their employees from doing things better than they do.
This may mean that they change responsibilities, leave you out of meetings, whatever it takes to
keep their leadership role protected. This can be done by any of the Horrible Bosses, but it is
always done by the Losing Coach. After all, if you are better than he is, how can he teach you?

Getting Your Shot

Once you know your Horrible Boss isnt as good at something as you are, you have a chance to
show your value. If he realizes what youre about to do, theres no way hell let you, so you have
to be sneaky.

The best way is to let your boss think its his idea. You can do this any way you like but there are
some classical moves, such as the I need more experience ploy.
This involves asking your Horrible Boss for a chance to learn and grow. The idea is that you
need the experience. This works almost every time with the Losing Coach and pretty frequently
with other types of Horrible Bosses. Its a no-lose situation for him. If you tank and look like an
idiot in an area he already sucks, he can blame the failure on you. If you do passably well, he
never has to do this particular task again. Hell never consider youre going to hit it out of the
park.
If you cant get any traction with your Horrible Boss, you still have another chance and that is by
getting your Bosss Boss to give you a shot. This can be achieved by simply throwing the
question out there. Many higher ups dont really know who does what. Having you volunteer for
something is generally encouraged, so they will probably say yes without thinking it through too
much. If you can get them to agree, this is the best way to go. The down side is that your
Horrible Boss will be annoyed. The upside is your Bosss Boss will see that you can do this
function better than your Horrible Boss.
Once you have your chance, make the most of it. Own the situation and promote yourself. This
means once you have done better than your boss, dont hide it. Now is not the time for modesty.
Let people know what you did and take the praise in stride. Remember, you want more chances
like this and you want to be promoted. False modesty here is deadly.

The Horrible Boss Pushed a Pricy Product

Another corporate rule that is commonly broken is that employees aren't allowed to give
preferential treatment, i.e., jobs or contracts to their family and friends. It's an obvious conflict of
interest and keeps the company from getting the best possible people, products and services.
Keeping things fair protects the company but also the employees. If the company gets sued by
someone claiming the bid process was flawed, don't you think they're going to go after the
employee who was in charge?
Knowing how seriously companies take this, anyone guilty of stacking the deck for a brother-inlaw can get in enormous trouble very quickly. You'd think that everyone would avoid even the
appearance of impropriety, but they don't. We all hate this type of unethical behavior because it
goes against our sense of what's fair.
Somehow, it's something Horrible Bosses do all the time. Maybe they think they wont get
caught or believe it will be worth the risk but if you look closely, you'll find the tracks and
knowing that puts you in a very strong position. Here's how it works
Years ago at one company, we were buying software that translated the old mainframe-style
green-screens into a web format. One of the Regional Vice-Presidents told us which software

we had to use. The problem was, it was nearly a million for the software and I had an alternative
that was 200k.
Having two different vendors is always part of the process, so I put out a proposal that showed
we could save 800k, get free onsite training and a full months worth of free development if we
used the other group. She fought tooth and nail to get her product even though it was almost five
times the price. The product she wanted would have cost us more and didn't include the training
or onsite development. By saving over 800k, we could hire new team members, increase salaries,
give out bonuses or anything else toward the project, but she wanted to pay it to another
company unnecessarily.
Eventually, she was forced to concede, but she wasnt happy. I later found out why she was so
persistent. She was married to someone on their board. My proposal was what was best for the
company and our team but she was willing to use something with less capability just to funnel
money to her husband.
So, what can you do once you have information like this?

Have you ever noticed that Decisions are sometimes made after your Horrible Boss is
out playing golf
its not just where you work.

Dropping Hints
Once you know this is the case, you dont have to ever announce it. If you tell your boss, Her
husband is on the board, you will be labeled a snitch. You never know what he might have done
and he needs to know that you're not going to "drop dime" on him as well. On the other hand, if
you hint, he will still get the idea, but he will think it is his idea. For instance, you could say
something like, Well, I know the proposal I want is $800,000 less, but I really think we should
seriously consider what she is saying I mean isnt her husband in that industry?
This one is just so much fun because you never know how far a Senior Leader will take it. After
all, $800,000 out of his budget is big, but trying to snow him is even bigger.
I know that I have said this time and time again, but dont get caught. If you do, it is likely your
Horrible Boss will try to get even. Worse than that, if your Senior Leader thinks you are a
Gossip, you will lose his trust after all, he doesnt want you doing the same thing to him.

Leveraging Your Good Ideas

One of the dumbest things Peons do is to give away their brilliant idea. Sometimes its because
they lack confidence in it and other times its because they want to impress their Horrible Boss. I
feel really badly every time someone drops a golden nugget in the middle of the table for the
boss to pick up.
It doesnt make you more promotable or get you a raise. All it does is give your Boss a really
good idea to present to management as his own. Inevitably, even if he references your name
when he presents it, the credit will go to him and not you.
Since the Horrible Boss cant promote you, youll need someone else to think you are brilliant
and capable. Save your amazing ideas for them, not your Boss. Mention them in passing to
people who can promote you and can give you the credit you deserve Your Senior Leaders.
Of course, it is not as easy as it may sound. In order to do this well, you have to be a bit subtle.
It cant come off as though you are trying to go over your Horrible Bosss head. You have to
appear to be genuinely concerned about the company and just throwing out things that might
work. If its done right you can Build Yourself Up and Tear Down your Horrible Boss at the
same time.

Big Ideas for the Senior Leader

If youve been taking notes and paying attention, youve already created strong relationships
with the Senior Leaders. They see you as someone who provides them solid information, on
time, when needed. Now its time to grow into the guy who has the fresh ideas, the solutions to
problems theyre facing, and ideas on how to make things better.
Its time to act.
You need to start with a single idea, one that is tangible. Dont go crazy trying to reinvent the
entire business. If you do, youll look like a dreamer or someone who cant understand reality.
It doesnt have to be huge, it just has to be solid. The idea needs to revolve around one of two
things making money or saving money.

Nothing else matters. Sure, you can try to create a brand new process that improves efficiency,
but thats hard to track and even harder to prove. Plus, the person who implements this idea in
their team gets almost as much credit as you do, if not more. Whatever you do, avoid like
anthrax anything thats designed to improve employee morale.
Youre looking for an idea that will save or make money today. Not in five years, not when it
comes to fruition, but right now. This is the way CEOs make a name for themselves throughout
the organization. They come in, make a few small changes that save millions and take off before
the problems from the ideas are noticed. Therefore, dont worry too much about the impact of
your idea in three years. Worry about now.
Why will your Senior Leader care about your idea? Well, if you save money the Senior Leader
can use it to get himself a bigger bonus. Thats what its all about. The Senior Leader needs to be
able to take your idea up even higher, to the CEO or President and get the approval to make it
happen. Times are tough and if you can come up with a way to save or generate money any
amount of money, you will be the most popular kid since the invention of the spitball.
Stick with the normal things that people are familiar with and tend to understand. You want to
look for opportunities to consolidate a team or teams, outsource a function to a cheaper company
or division or maybe make a procedural change that cuts down on work.
Whatever it is, you want it to be something that is under your Horrible Boss, something he could
have proposed but didnt because he never thought of it.
This type of an idea provides tons of benefits. Even if it isnt implemented, it makes your
Horrible Boss look like hes wasting money. If its a good idea, the Senior Leader will wonder
why the boss didnt come up with hit. That creates tension and doubt in your bosss judgment.
Do this a few times and its not a huge leap for the Senior Leader to believe that if you were in
charge, things would run better, i.e., hed make more money. Plus, the perception is that
someone who can find areas to save money with a small budget could do even more on a larger
budget.
Even though you may find opportunities in other areas, try to stick with ideas that are under your
Horrible Bosss jurisdiction. Remember, other Horrible Bosses will try to take you down if you
go after them and thats a war you will lose.
Your goal is to take down your Horrible Boss, not do whats best for the organization. Therefore,
while it may be a great idea to reduce headcount in other areas, you dont want to propose this
idea yourself. (Keep it in mind though. Well use it later).

Example: Consolidation
Every organizational head wants more people. Its a measure of status. The more people you
have, the more important you are, right? So no one willingly gives up people and they will fight
tooth and nail to keep them, even if theyre useless. Your task is to find jobs that are replicated
by each group and think about how to consolidate those tasks.
The best way to come up with this idea is to talk to every group with whom you have contact.
Ask them if you can see their organizational chart (org chart). Make up any excuse it doesnt
matter. Usually theyll let you have it, no questions asked. Go through it with a fine-tooth comb.
Isolate redundancies. If possible, find an org chart from a few years prior.
There are very few companies doing as much volume as they were three years ago but they still
have the people that were hired back when business was booming. If four people did the work
back then, why are 8 people doing less work now?
Now, you may be worried that your idea is going to reduce peoples jobs, but if you dont
identify the redundancy someone else will. If there is extra capacity in the organization, either
the company will hemorrhage money and start struggling or someone will identify it and reduce
those jobs. If it is going to happen, you may as well be the one to do it.
If you want to make sure they keep their jobs, find other functions that they can pick up. Maybe
they should be calling customers regularly, or finding a way to bring in new sales. However you
make the suggestion, as long as it saves money or makes money you are fine.

Example: Technology Reduction

Technology replication is something that every organization has, no matter how efficient they
may seem. I was working at one company where every time a new project was initiated, a
separate server was purchased. The problem was, the servers were barely being used. There were
hundreds of servers requiring millions of dollars every year in maintenance fees and not a single
one had more than 15% utilization. That meant that one server had the capacity to do the work of
seven projects. Even worse, there were mainframes that werent being used at all!
Our company was paying $1,000,000 per year in maintenance fees to keep ONE mainframe
running and NO ONE was using it. Not a single person. It seems absurd but this is the case in the
Fortune 50 companies. Its just easier to keep something than to make a change.
Talk to the IT guys if you arent one. Ask them how theyd save money if they could. Dont ask
the managers, ask the low-level guys. When I did this I found that there was some new
technology that could be used to take the mainframe and basically turn it into thousands of
virtual servers. Because it was already there and paid for, the cost for a new Virtual Server was
almost zero.

We were able to get rid of hundreds of servers and their associated support costs, eliminate the
cost of new servers on an annual basis, speed up the time it took to deploy a new server and save
the company a ton of money.
This is the kind of idea you need.
No matter what shape the idea takes, as long as youre saving money, youre going to be fine. By
the way, cost savings are easier to sell that new money coming in. Senior Leaders are skeptical
of additional revenue, generally because it rarely materializes. Better to go with an idea that
saves money.

Bypassing Your Horrible Boss

Now you have your idea but you need to get it in front of the Senior Leader. If you just tell your
Horrible Boss hell take the credit. You have to get around him but it has to seem innocent and
accidental.
Companies are always trying to solicit new ideas but be wary. In some cases, your company has
regular meetings to discuss ideas like these with Senior Leaders. The problem here is that your
Horrible Boss will usually ask for everyones idea before that type of meeting.
Large meetings are a bad venue to propose your idea. First, there are too many people and too
many ideas being thrown out at once. Next, your boss, if he isnt a total fool already screened his
staffs ideas for the best ones to take. If you dont give him your idea upfront, it will look like
you were holding back. If you do, your idea becomes his. Either way, you lose. Last, I dont like
announcing ideas in public. There are too many people there who will tell you that it cant be
done, plus, if your idea increases workload or cuts staff, youll be hated.
Its better if you can get credit for the idea and have it trickle down to your boss. You would talk
to one of the Senior Leaders and in the course of a conversation, casually suggest that with all
thats going on, there are probably many ways to save money. Perhaps it could be worth having a
program where each person is responsible for one idea. Maybe throw out your idea, like you just
thought of it on the spot. Nothing is wrong with this, and it makes you look like you think on
your feet.
Once you can get this idea to your Senior Leader make sure to volunteer to spearhead it. If you
dont, you can find yourself left out of the implementation of your suggestion. Never miss an
opportunity to Build Up your reputation in the organization.

Trojan Ideas to Sabotage Your Horrible Boss

Of course, that doesnt mean there wont be meetings where you will have to give your Horrible
Boss a few suggestions. If you have to do it, may as well make it a Trojan Idea. A Trojan Idea is
something that looks good from the outside but is fundamentally flawed and either cant work or
will be too expensive to implement.
Typically, this works best if you dont have a Politician for a Horrible Boss they usually can
see right through this type of thing. However, the Moron or the Roadblock will often fall for it,
hook, line and sinker.
Lets say that you noticed that the organization has one Executive Assistant for each Senior
Leader. Most likely, these Assistants have some bandwidth. In some organizations, the
Assistants dont work for just one Leader, but for a few or even an entire department. This type
of change reducing the Executive Assistant pool is a great Trojan Idea. If there are twenty
assistants and you can cut half of them, with salaries, taxes, benefits and bonuses, reducing this
workforce by 10 could easily save half a million or more a year. On the surface, this seems like
a good idea.
Wrong.
While it makes financial sense, it is political suicide. Anyone suggesting removing such an
obvious perk as having a secretary would be roundly hated by the entire group. Lets say youre
a Senior Leader hanging with your golf buddies from another company. You casually toss off,
Sure, just call my secretary Betty and shell get you on my schedule. As soon as someone tells
you that youre going to lose that, youre going to fight like crazy. A secretarial pool doesnt
have the cool-factor of an actual dedicated secretary. Losing her is a loss of status and no one
wants that.
So when you plant this idea in your Horrible Bosss head, you focus on the financial benefits and
downplay the political repercussions. If hes the idiot you already know he is, he will jump at the
idea and never realize just how damaging this could be. After all, money today is tight and
Senior Leaders constantly say they are tightening their belts. So, let him have the idea. When
he takes it to his boss, thats when the Trojan Idea explodes.
The end result is that your Horrible Boss proposes a vague concept that includes pissing
everyone off and will never fly. When your Horrible Boss proposes cutting staff, the Senior
Leader will nod thoughtfully but inside hell be thinking, Really? Thats the best you could
come up with? Are you so institutionally unaware that you thought it would work? Dont you
realize that youre going to piss off my entire division?
At this point, you need to be prepared to defend yourself. Odds are good that your Bosss Boss
will use a delay tactic like requesting a proposal or presentation about it. At this point your
Horrible Boss may realize that the room has turned against him. To get out of trouble, he will
delegate the proposal or documentation to you, I think it would be a great experience for
Warlizard to do the legwork on this one. Just be prepared when this happens.

Remember, there is no reason to continue to work on a bad idea. Now, is time to distance
yourself. Hey, Horrible Boss, after we left the meeting, I thought of something. Losing the
secretaries would probably send this place into a tail spin during the re-org. The amount of
money saved would probably be less than the money lost through institutional knowledge. I
really dont know what I was thinking. Unless someone else objects, I think we should just table
this idea.
In the end, the only person who didnt know it was stupid was your Horrible Boss and now that
is apparent.
There are many things that can be Trojan Ideas, and they vary depending on your business. Ideas
that are not feasible, more expensive than they originally sound, or just political suicide are all
useful for your purposes. Whatever you do, dont get too deeply involved in the Trojan Idea. If
you have to create the support documents or do anything that links your name to the idea, it can
backfire on you.

Stay Focused!
Remember, this isnt something you do for just one day or one week. This is the way you work.
Your Senior Leader should be someone you contact regularly, speak to regularly, and when your
Horrible Boss screws up, you need to think how are you going to get the word to the Senior
Leader.
You start with the Senior Leader, and then expand out farther and farther, but dont ever stop
working this angle.
Next

Destroy the Second Pillar:

His Relationship With

His Employees

Why Employees Matter

Lets face it, if it werent for the employees, management would never be able to get anything
done. Thats why one of the pillars of any managers success is his employees. When the group
is motivated, the team will accomplish more and even the worst, most undeserving boss looks
good. But when people realize who they are working for, they dont try as hard, dont do as
much and dont do it as well.
So, the next pillar you need to start to attack is his employee base.
The great part about this pillar is that it should be the easiest for you to attack. However, dont
underestimate the risks and the rewards here. Just because you have access to these people
doesnt mean you dont have to work at it!

Keeping a Strong Relationship While Avoiding a Friendship

Obviously, you already know how to find your Bosss employees and you probably have a
relationship with each of them. But if you want to Steal Your Bosss Job, you are going to have
to make sure his relationship with them fits your goals.
Remember, even though these people are currently your peers, you want to become their boss.
Make sure that you build the relationship with them accordingly. You want to be seen by them as
one of the superstars.

Create a Distance, an Unapproachability

You want to avoid being too approachable. That doesnt mean that you want to come across as
off-putting but you dont want to be seen as too easy. Remember, your goal is to get the attention
of the Senior Leaders, not to make friends. However, if you are always hanging out with the
same group of Coworkers then Senior Leaders may unconsciously (or maybe consciously) lump
you in with these people.

Therefore, while you want to be friends with these people, you dont want to spend too much
time with them. If you look like you are part of a clique or too friendly, their reputation will start
to rub off on you. You have spent too much time on your image to let something like a work
relationship tear it back down. Dont let yourself be seen as being too close with anyone,
especially those people who have already been labeled permanent Peons by management.
One of the funny things this does is it also makes it appear as though your coworkers arent your
Peer Group. Remember, you talk to Senior Leaders in the hall. You call your Bosss Boss by his
first name. You are creating an aura about who you are and more importantly, who you will be.

Ignore What People Think of You

One mistake that many people make when dealing with their peers is they get caught up in what
people are saying about them. Remember, when you want a rumor to spread, you fan the fire by
denying it or fighting it. When you want it to die, you do just the opposite. You laugh at it, dont
take it seriously and even repeat it yourself! After all, it is just that absurd.
No matter what you do, not everyone in your peer group will like you. You cant be a Ladder
Climber and have all the Peons love you remember at least one of them is destined to be a
Horrible Boss one day. You cant win everyone over, so dont waste your time trying.

Become a Mentor
If you can, try to become a mentor. In general, this is a really easy thing to do and it makes your
life easier:
You appear to have the respect and admiration of your peers
You have at least one meeting a month (or every other week) that is considered work
but is really nothing more than listening to someone talk for an hour or so.
You can use this person to get information on another area or team.
One easy way to find a potential mentee is to go after the young new-hires. Plenty of these
people may be interested in getting some guidance from someone with a bit more experience.
In general, try to get a mentee without appearing to ask him or her. You can do this by
meeting up with the person who has just started, maybe offering to go to lunch or some other
welcome meeting. After that, direct the conversation to getting ahead at the company, what types
of opportunities exist and leave an opening for them. The smart ones will take this hint and ask
you to mentor them.

Make sure you dont bother with people who cant help you. All theyll do is drag you down.
When I was in Basic Training, preparing for my 4-year stint in Military Intelligence, I was made
squad leader. One of my guys was an idiot. He couldnt make his bunk, button his jacket or even
march. The Drill Sergeant took me aside and told me it was my responsibility to fix him.
This was the year after Full Metal Jacket came out and I knew I was in trouble. I got up early,
worked my butt off to help Private Spearman but he just couldnt seem to do the simplest things.
Every time Spearman screwed up, the Drill made me do hundreds of pushups and told me Id
have to figure out how to fix this utter failure of a human whod been assigned to me.
In the end, I punched Spearman in the face and he figured out making his bed was better than the
alternative.
Since you cant do this at work, avoid these people.

Promote Gossip
One of the best ways to take your boss down with his employees is by learning to use the Office
Gossip effectively. Every office has gossip. It doesnt matter how big or how small the office is,
the people who work there always talk about each another. This is the best reason why you dont
want to reveal too much information to your Coworkers. The more they know, the more they can
gossip about you. However, getting to know the gossips is critical.
Some people just love to talk about others. They dont actually need or want information in
exchange. They want the chance to tell you something juicy because they have no lives and
crave attention. You dont need to provide any information to be their friend. You just need to
listen and widen your eyes in appreciation.
Your Office Gossip is one of the best places for information. By the way, people tend to think
the Office Gossip is usually a woman, but dont be fooled. Some of the best, most destructive
Office Gossips are actually men. I knew one guy who was able to control an entire office just by
creating the right rumors.
However, dont aspire to this position. Even though you can do quite a bit of damage as the
Office Gossip, it wont fit with the image youre creating. No one promotes the Gossip. They
just use them.

Getting To Know Your Office Gossip

The Office Gossip is one of the best people to have on your side. If you can, keep them as a
friend and whatever you do, dont make them an enemy.
The Office Gossip will tell you whos sleeping with whom, whos in and whos out, who hates
their boss, or even whos gunning for your job. The thing is, a good deal of the rumors will
actually be made up, but most people just dont care. As long as they sound true, for all intents
and purposes they are true.
Just remember to take everything they say with a grain of salt. Dont base any of your actions on
this type of information. You never know who else has read this book and knows how to plant a
good rumor.

Planting Rumors
If you want an effective way to distract your Horrible Boss and make him embarrassed and
annoyed at work, keep him busy with rumors. Some people get so distracted by them that their
work suffers. They spend all day trying to talk about the problem which is great for making
your boss tear himself down. The key is to create a believable rumor without it being attributed
to you.
People think that most rumors are created maliciously by people who are trying to create and
spread lies. Not true. Most are created by just talking, with no specific goal in mind.
Think of the game telephone. When even an innocent sounding phrase is passed around a
room, the little misunderstandings every time its repeated make the story change.
By the end of the chain, the story the final person hears is very rarely the same as the original.
Gossip is the same way. It isnt about creating a specific lie; its just coming up a truth that
people want to talk about. It will be distorted the more its repeated and in the end, your Horrible
Boss is fighting smoke. Where did the rumor start? No one knows.
The more people are talking about your Horrible Boss, the more likely rumors will be created.
For instance, lets say that your boss was just hired or just promoted. If you want to start tearing
him down with gossip, just ask the local office gossip if he or she has any idea how your
Horrible Boss got the job.
Harmless, right? All you did was ask a simple question. Wrong. Most likely this will start an
entire conversation and you can volunteer anything you know for sure. Maybe that he
interviewed through a particular agency, used to work nearby, that sort of thing. Keep the
conversation going, but dont make up any lies. You wont need to. This is one of those
interesting topics and people will want to believe something sneaky happened behind the scenes.
One of the best parts about starting a rumor this way is that you will get to be truly surprised
when it circles gets back to you. Remember, all you did was ask the question. There is nothing
wrong with that. However, by the time this topic comes back to you chances are it will be more
than a question. There will be a rumor about relationships with Coworkers or something that is
not necessarily on the up and up.
Of course this is just one of the many tear down questions you can ask about your boss. The
only limit is your imagination.

Was he complaining about Mary?- This one often creates a fight where there wasnt one
before. As soon as you say something like this, it makes people wonder if hes complaining
about them too. To make this work well, pick someone who is generally well liked so that your
Horrible Boss doesnt come off like a hero.

He said that it was a hard project. Did he help you a lot with it? - This one often starts the
rumor that your boss is a credit hog. Since most Horrible Bosses are, it probably isnt a stretch
and you can use a version of this regularly.
Have you seen them leave the office together? This is a great one to ask if you want to start a
rumor of an office affair. You arent saying that you did, but you are sort of implying that you
might have. It is an especially useful rumor your Horrible Boss is married or in a significant
relationship.
Is that why he left his last job? This is an easy way to make people believe that your Horrible
Boss has a history of problems (and he probably does). If he is doing something Horrible and
you think it isnt new, asking this question is perfectly innocent. This can be especially useful if
it the rumor winds up being about an HR issue.

Try any of these topics in your office or for more fun, try one each week or month and see what
happens. You will know you were successful when someone comes over and whispers in your
ear the truth behind the story.

Delegating Rumor Creation

There are so many management classes that focus on good delegation skills. I hope you paid
attention because here is the first useful way you will use them. Delegate the spying on your
boss.
If you plan to use your gossip chain and other employees to do some of your dirty work, you
have to make sure to get them started off right. Lets say that you suspect your boss is sleeping
with someone from work. It would take a while to prove it and frankly, you dont want to work
that hard. So, what do you do? Get everyone else to watch him.
You: Wheres my Horrible Boss?
Office Gossip: I think hes out to lunch with Sally.
You: Should have known. I guess well see him in a few hours."
Office Gossip: Really? Do tell!
You:

Huh? Oh, nothing. Im just spacey today. Im sure hell be back soon. I have to
get back to work. Talk to you later.

You havent said your boss is lazy, having an affair, cheating the company by taking long
lunches, or playing favorites, but its not a hard leap to make for the Office Gossip. She knows

your boss isnt around and she knows you are trying to hide something for him. Shell ask
around to see if anyone has noticed that your Horrible Boss is having an affair, because, hey,
thats juicy gossip.
Now, every time your boss leaves, there will be 30 sets of eyes on him. Before long, it will
become common knowledge that hes having an affair with Sally. People will become irritated at
him for the long lunches, Sally for getting the preferential treatment and resentment will begin to
build.
All from less than a couple dozen words and you never said a thing.
The best part about this is even if he isnt doing anything, the fact that everyone suspects him
and that he is doing enough to keep them suspecting him will still destroy his reputation. It is so
much easier than actually doing the work yourself.

Disheartening the Team

Lets face it. Some people will take the same punishment and fall for the same tricks over and
over. Many of your coworkers dont even realize how bad your boss is. Instead, they fall for
every lie and keep up the happy attitude expecting something to change. It is your job to help
them understand their situation.
You: Anything new going on?
Peon:

Well, I did see a new position on the job board. It looks like it would be great for me and
Horrible Boss suggested I apply.

You: Horrible Boss is right, that will be good practice for you.
Peon: What do you mean?
You:

Well, didnt he let Brian apply for that team lead position before he brought in his friend from
XYZ Company.

Peon: Well, yeah, but

You:

And he even gave Amanda a chance to apply for that management position before he brought
Bob on board, remember?

Peon: Oh yeah.

At this point, all is now clear. You havent said the system is all a giant game, nor have you said
that your boss is lying to the employees. However, when the Horrible Boss approaches someone
to dangle the job over their head, they will know they have no chance. They will also know the
Horrible Boss is lying to them about his interest in their career. That will make them question
everything he has said to them.

Making Horrible Boss Evil By Association

Sometimes you can take advantage of who your Horrible Boss decides to do business with
instead of waiting for them to corrupt him. There are some companies that have a reputation of
fostering relationships. For instance, is there a vendor that invites people to lots of golf
outings, or a company that sends out gift baskets on the holidays? To many people, these types
of gifts indicate a company that doesnt do business based only on ability, but instead, uses
bribes and money to get a deal. So, use this to your advantage.
You: Did you see Horrible Boss selected the new vendor?
Coworker: Who was it?
You:

I cant remember the name It was that company that sent Horrible Boss that big gift
basket last month who was that?

Coworker: What gift basket?

You:

You remember that big basket that was sitting on his desk for a week? The one with all the
cookies? I think he got it after that golf outing.

Coworker: What Golf Outing?

Come on, you remember the vendor meeting that just happened to take place at the golf
club. He played golf all afternoon and missed our staff meeting. Anyway, I cant remember
You:
the companys name, but yeah, he finally decided on that company. He said their bid was
amazingly low.

You havent said your boss took a bribe. You havent said he was working for his own interests
and not those of the company. You havent said he cheated the other companies out of a fair
bidding situation. It doesnt matter. Your coworker is now convinced that something went down.
He or she will spread the word and next thing you know, people will recall the golf outings the
Horrible Boss had with the new vendor, the long and expensive lunches and the new car he just
bought.

Fanning the Fire

Once the rumor gets started there are also ways to fan the flames of the story. In general, the best
way to stop a rumor is to dismiss it out of hand. Whatever you do, if a rumor about your
Horrible Boss arises, dont be dismissive. Remember, people are dismissive about lies. If I
someone says Im cheating and I know I am not, I will dismiss it. If on the other hand, I have
something to hide, I will want to know more to figure out where I went wrong and how I got
caught. Therefore, you cant act dismissive if you want the rumor to take on a life of its own.
Instead, feign concern with phrases like, You dont think thats true do you? or maybe I am
really sorry to hear that he did that, and my personal favorite, Thats terrible, you cant tell
anyone, it would destroy his reputation!

While your outward goal is to quash the rumor, none of these phrases will do that. Instead, all of
these are meant to incite and they probably will. Just remember, to try to make it appear as
though you are taking the high road and trying to stop the rumor.
The more you try to stop it, the worse it will generally become. Its like having your own builtin intelligence organization. The next time you see the Office Gossip, she is bursting with new
information. Eric over in accounting said your Horrible Bosss lunch bills are huge, Jane saw
them going to a hotel together, and Susan just got a feeling from seeing them together.
Your next step is critical. You act surprised. You deny that you know anything about it. You
wonder aloud if it could be true. And you never repeat the story yourself.
The Office Gossip now thinks youre a nice guy, maybe a bit nave, but certainly loyal. A great
Build Up / Tear Down with hardly any of your own effort.

Keeping a Rumor Alive

There are a few things that keep a rumor alive in corporate America. The first is a person who
hates the target of the rumor. For instance, if your Horrible Boss has a subordinate that really
dislikes him, this person could repeat the same rumor for years, even if there is no merit to the
story. If he seems to have forgotten, you can always remind him.
The second one is your Horrible Boss. Oddly enough your Horrible Boss can keep a rumor about
himself alive better than anyone else. The more he fights it, tries to clear it up, etc., the more
everyone else is convinced the rumor is true. Keep your Horrible Boss reminded of it from time
to time by asking innocent questions like, Hey, did you ever find out how that crazy rumor
about you harassing Beth got started? For most people, except the most serious Ladder
Climbers, these kinds of hints are irresistible.

Dont Overdo It
If you are looking to distinguish yourself from the Peons dont get too involved in the corporate
gossip. Listen to it, know what is going on, but dont get the reputation for spreading or creating
the rumors yourself. This also means that you cant associate that frequency with the office
gossip or you will be seen to be part of his clique (every office gossip is in a clique for some
reason).
Sure you may know some dirt, but you want to use that to your advantage, not give it out for free
to the rumor mill. Remember, you want to become a Ladder Climber not the leader of the
Peons!

Finding Dirt on Your Horrible Boss

Now that you know how to take him down, its time to focus your attack.
When you think of a great boss, you probably know what he or she will be like. He is the kind of
guy that employees love because he rewards hard work, promotes the best leaders, creates a team
environment, is trusted by his employees, peers, clients, and customers. The best part is he does
it while moving the company in the right direction while giving bonuses and raises.
What does this ideal look like? Well a great boss has five major traits:
Integrity
Diligence
Intelligence
Loyalty
Effectiveness
Unfortunately, you dont work for this guy, otherwise you wouldnt have this book. The trick to
stealing your bosss job is to make his failings apparent to everyone his boss, his employees,
even his peers. Once that is done, you wont have any problem taking your bosss job.
Once you know your bosss shortcomings, your goal is to let people know what already exists,
not make something up. The more accurate you can be, the more traction your campaign will
have.
The reason this is superior is that people sense things without knowing them for sure. If you try
to create something from scratch, its harder and youre going against someones own opinion.
Whats easier, to suggest that your boss is having an affair, or that he is stealing from the
company? Well it depends on what he does. If he is always sitting on the prettiest girls desk and
chatting her up, it is believable, even likely that he is having an affair. After all, its only a small
mental leap to go from friendly to lecherous. But if he is in accounting and the companys
profitability has suddenly fallen, well, then maybe he is stealing money.
Basically, if you tell someone something they know to be false, you look like a fool. But if you
confirm something they already believe, you build yourself up and tear the other person down.

Any of these shortcomings, illegal activities or inappropriate behaviors, if known, will destroy
his reputation. Your job is to make them known to the right people.
Remember, DO NOT LIE. Everything you ever say should be true. You are just pointing it out.

Be Aware of Company Policy

Companies put policies in place because they want them followed. However, most people have
no idea what they are. This also means that people dont know when they are violating those
policies.
If your Horrible Boss decides to try to get rid of you, it is much easier if he can find a way to say
you violated some obscure rule. So, be aware of what they are. Read everything you can and
understand which ones really mater and to whom.
Remember, it is also easier to Take Down your Horrible Boss when you know he is doing
something he shouldnt be, than if hes clean.

Why Employees Care About their Bosss Lack of Ethics

Now, some of you may be wondering, why does it matter? Well, each of the problems your
Horrible Boss has impacts you and the rest of his team. But because he is hiding his
shortcomings, it is your reputation that suffers, not his. Every time your Horrible Boss does
something shady, it makes things worse for everyone. The employees who are working for their
unethical boss suffer far more than the boss ever will.

The Horrible Boss Who Was Sleeping with His Secretary

While this one sounds innocent enough, when a Horrible Boss has a relationship with a
subordinate, its more than just a violation of company policy. It actually can damage the team,
make your life harder and make more work for everyone.
This example comes from personal experience. I had a boss who was having an affair with his
secretary. I know, giant clich, but it happened. He did a pretty good job of keeping it low key.
They didnt make googly eyes at each other in the office, sneak off for quiet lunches or play
footsie during meetings. All in all, he was pretty discreet. It didnt matter.
There were signs that the Horrible Boss couldnt hide. He became overly protective of her and
lost his objectivity. His relationship with her clouded what he did and changed the way she

behaved in the office. Unfortunately, all of his team was now impacted. Some of the things she
did were so over the top she should have been fired, but he protected her:

Falsifying documents The woman lied on her job application and HR wanted to let her go,
however, he saved her.
Sharing Confidential Information Apparently he told her what everyone was making and what
bonuses were being distributed. When she repeated them to a member of my team, word got out
and soon, they went crazy. Discovering the unfairness of corporate salaries disrupted work and
upset my team.
Vindictiveness When someone complained about her unethical behavior, he made sure there
were consequences. For instance, when the complaint about her gossiping came out, we were in
the midst of annual reviews and he started slashing the ratings of people who complained.
In the end, while he was having the affair, he made everyones life miserable. He was willing to
allow his team disintegrates to protect his love life. That shows a lack of integrity and that kind
of thing impacts everyone at work.

Now, What Shortcomings Does Your Horrible Boss Have?

How Does He Lack Integrity?

Here are some areas where your boss can display a lack of integrity:
Will he steal other peoples ideas and claim them for his own?
Can he be bribed?
Will he do whats best for himself to the detriment of others?
Does he make sure the bills are paid (if applicable)?
Will he take advantage of someones ignorance?
When you ask him something, does he tell you the truth?
Does he treat everyone fairly? Or does he play favorites?

There are so many different examples possible, so just keep your eyes open. Does he use his
expense account to pay for personal lunches? Does he take credit for your work? Does he hide
his mistakes from his boss?

How Does He Lack Intelligence?

Bosses love to give the impression that theyre in the know, that theyre all-powerful and their
experience and intelligence are so far beyond yours that theres just no reason to question him.
But is this true? Is your boss really the seasoned professional he wants you to believe he is?
Everyone makes errors and we all work to hide them its human nature. You just need to make
sure that your errors are minimized and your bosss are magnified. His carefully crafted image
can be quickly shattered. Did he:
Buy the wrong product?
Send out a bad proposal with the wrong price?
Start an initiative that spectacularly failed?
Each of these things impacted his team negatively and you can bet that people hate him for it.
They may have missed out on bonuses, had their annual raises denied, etc. The thing is, they may
not know it was his fault. He may have tried to convince everyone that corporate did it or his
hands were tied (especially if he is a good Politician) but it can be discovered.
Everyone does something. You just have to pay attention.

Have you ever noticed that Whenever your Horrible Boss does anything wrong, there is
always someone else who gets the blame?
its not just where you work.

Is He Loyal?
When you realize that you are a tool for your boss to use, your relative value comes in question.
Your usefulness to him and to the company is only as good as your last success. People have
short memories and theyll forget that time you saved their bacon after they screwed up but
remember with complete clarity the day you left early and didnt get them that report you

promised. Sure, your Dad had died, but the important part is you let down your boss thats
what they remember. So ask yourself, is your boss loyal? Does he have your best interests at
heart and is he working to advance YOUR career?

Why is He SO Lazy?
Your Horrible Boss may want to tell everyone that he works harder than everyone in your office,
but is it true? Most likely, he is the first one gone, takes long business lunches and all-in-all,
makes his team do the grunt work. But that doesnt mean that your team is ok with that.
Does he leave for hours at a time?
Does he give tasks to people at the last minute, forcing them to work weekends or
nights?
Does he fail to help his team get the word done?
Does he take credit after you do all the hard work?
You know what he is doing is wrong and it will be easy to show that to others.

Is He Effective?
This is a simple concept and easy to identify. An effective leader can make things happen and is
willing to throw himself into situations to make sure the results are right. He communicates
clearly and is a person you can count on. Is your boss that person?
Can your boss get things done or is he always coping with an emergency?
Do people listen to him?
Do they respect his opinion and make decisions based on it?
An ineffective boss is hard on your team. They cant get anything done and this can render the
smartest, most capable people useless. A leader like this can stifle his group. Even the best
people wont get noticed because the rest of the organization associate him (and by extension his
team) with problems and difficulties.

Who Makes Things Happen In Your Group?

Being effective is one of the best characteristics to attack. If you can show his employees how
ineffective he is they will lose their trust and faith in him. Most likely, this will be the easiest
pillar to attack if you have a Horrible Boss. For instance:
Does your team get the recognition it deserves?
Does he count on you or someone else to get things done the right way?
Would he be lost without someone on your team?
Do your Senior Leaders even know how much your team does?
Its a shame, but many Horrible Bosses just dont appreciate their team and are not real leaders.
As a result, the team suffers the most under one of these people. The good news for you is that
these problems are usually so widespread that it wont take much to fan the flames. A few
strategic comments, some reminders here and there and you should be well on your way to
taking him down.

Have you ever noticed that Your Horrible Boss talks like he works the hardest, but no one
actually ever sees him doing any actual work?
its not just where you work.

Now You Are Prepared to Destroy His Reputation

You dont have to completely obliterate your Horrible Bosss reputation, but each element you
compromise restricts his ability to move forward and jeopardizes his job security. The most
important thing to remember is that this MUST NOT BE TRACED BACK TO YOU.
Ill say it again to make sure its clear.
THIS MUST NOT BE TRACED BACK TO YOU.
You have to keep your own reputation clean and if you are known as someone who spreads
rumors, no matter how true, you cant be trusted and no one will promote you into a position that
requires discretion.
So you must become the puppet-master. Your minions will do the dirty work for you, freeing
you to take the high road and remain unblemished by the tawdry rumors that will abound.

Since youve already established a tight rapport with the company gossips, your job will be to
feed them information without appearing to do so. You will NEVER say anything outright
quite the contrary. Everything you pass along will be small hints, questions, threads youll allow
the gossips to unravel. They will, because thats what they do, and when they present their
newfound knowledge as fact, youll simply fail to confirm it. Youll know youve succeeded
when someone else repeats the rumor back to you.

Making Your Horrible Bosss Unethical Behavior Public

We already agree that your Horrible Boss is doing things that shouldnt be done at work. So, the
question is, how do you bring these to everyones attention? Well, in some cases, like when he
complains about his boss, you take it directly up, but other types of behaviors are better spread
among his team then the higher-ups.
In some cases, your senior leaders really wont care unless you make them care, and that
means disgruntled employees.
So, how do you do it? Well, you need to make all of his problems public information.
Start by identifying his shortcomings. This should not be hard, but focus on one at a time. Dont
pick things that drive you nuts, like the way he chews when he eats, try to pick things that relate
to work and are damaging. So for instance, if he is always late for meetings, that would be
something you could use against him.
Next think of a few recent examples. If the problem happened a year ago, it is too old unless it
was illegal or incredibly unethical. In general, try to get a list of four or five small items, or one
extremely egregious shortcoming. For instance, if he is a Psycho, you could come up with four
or five time he embarrassed your team publically. Or, if he is a Bully, you may find a few
examples of him favoring his friends.
Now that you know what he does and when, you want to start spreading the word in a harmless
way that doesnt appear to be malicious. For instance, if he is late to meetings, you may as a
coworker, Gee, is he alright, he seems to be running late to everything lately. If he is a Psycho
who has been yelling, Wow, nothing makes her happy any more, I wonder if she and her
husband are fighting again? or if he is the Bully you could mention, Wow, Brian (Bosss
friend) seems to be getting lots of great assignments lately.
Whatever you do, make people aware, but be subtle. You can drop hints, use the office gossip,
tell a friend, or even get someone on your team to do the dirty work for you.
The more you do these, the easier they will get, and the more effective you will be. Here are a
few examples of how this can work and how it looks in the real corporate world.

Case Study: Making The Horrible Boss Known for Taking Credit For YOUR
Work
You shouldnt be shocked to learn your boss is lazy. The higher you get in an organization, the
easier it is to avoid real work like answering customer complaints or accounting. One of the
perks of upper management is concentrating on fake work, like meetings and conferences.
Despite that, every Horrible Boss you meet will try to convince you he works harder than anyone
else. Its not usually true. A really great boss may help employees with projects, be there
whenever the team is asked to work late and in general, help the team achieve results.
Your Horrible Boss is probably not like this and it impacts your entire team. When he gives
unreasonable projects, with ridiculous deadlines and expects the team to just make it happen, it
impacts morale. In the end, the team gets it done, and who gets the reward? Your Horrible Boss!
One situation I saw was particularly galling. This Horrible Boss was told to prepare a report and
bring it to the CEO. He calls a meeting this is how it went:
Horrible Boss:

Just got the word down from Corporate. We need to have a full audit on all the PCs in our
district.

Peon: What does that mean?

Horrible Boss: We need to know every piece of hardware and software thats in each machine.
This is going to take weeks! We will have to inventory absolutely everything, including the
Peon: memory, the hard drive, installed software, check to make sure its in the system. This will
take weeks.
Horrible Boss: I know you can handle it. Thats why I am putting you in charge.
Peon: Im in charge? Thats great. How many people can I get to do this?
Horrible Boss: You can use Chris.
Peon: Just Chris? When is it due?
Horrible Boss: Next Friday.
Peon:
Horrible Boss:

But its Wednesday afternoon! That gives us only five work days, if we start tomorrow
morning!
Well, if you need the weekend to do it, well, do what you have to do. Ill leave it up to
your judgment.

Peon: (realizing hes screwed) Ok.

Horrible Boss:

I know this is tough but I just found out about this today. Look, if you werent so sharp,
wed be in a tough spot. I dont know anyone else could make this happen.

Peon: Ok, but I hope you fight for me when it comes time for bonuses and raises.
You know I will. I knew I could count on you. One more thing could you put it up on the
Horrible Boss: Intranet in a simple website? Doesnt need to be much, just a landing page with our logos
and a link to the formatted report.
Peon: FML.

So the Peon busts his ass, works 12-hour days and all weekend, gets all the information into a
usable format, builds a site on the Company Intranet, and gets it to your Horrible Boss by COB
Friday. Hes congratulated and heads home to collapse after 9 straight days of working morning
to night.
So, how did it turn out for the Peon & Chris? Well their Horrible Boss took the report home
over the weekend (yes, it wasnt really due on Friday), reads it, writes up a nice cover letter the
following week and presents it at the end of the following week at an luxurious offsite meeting.
He is praised for his hard work and how effective he is motivating his team.
Now, who worked harder?
While some Horrible Bosses can do this successfully for years, it is damaging to their team, and
to your career. So how do you make it known?

Have you ever noticed that Your Horrible Boss seems to say we instead of giving credit
to the person who did the work
its not just where you work.

Getting the Real Info

The first step when you get any absurdly hard project like this is to find out more. Lets face it,
very few projects this big come up at the last minute. Therefore, your Horrible Boss forgot about
it, ignored it or was too stupid to realize how much work was necessary.
Either way, your first goal is to find out what the real information is. While this may sound
difficult, your Horrible Boss may actually let this information slip if you press him. So, before
you ever leave the office you need to ask him a few more questions
Begin by discovering who exactly wants the report. Get the name of the person who this report
will be delivered to. If it is going to a division in Corporate find out which division and which
mailbox. Dont be afraid to ask for this. There is no reason why he shouldnt let you know. If he
gives you a hard time, remind him that understanding who wants it will help you understand the
report. Dont yet mention that you want to contact this person. If you do he may try to keep the
information from you.
Next, ask for a sample of the report. If this has been done before or is being done by every group,
he may have a sample. This will tell you how it has been done in the past and may give you more
clues.

This doesnt really help you take him down, but it may lighten your workload if you can copy
someone elses work. Remember, this is the corporate world. You dont get extra credit for doing
the work yourself or for coming up with a novel poster board project. Getting it done the way the
company already wants it is usually a good thing.
Another good thing to find out is when your Horrible Boss found out about the project. The
reason you want to know is many times, truly Horrible Bosses forget important projects and then
make their team run around like maniacs trying to make up for their mistakes. However, they
wont usually admit that, which can be useful to you.
Because they arent willing to admit mistakes, instead you can catch them in a lie, making them
look bad. To get them to blame someone else, just say something like, Wow, I cant believe
they threw this at us at the last minute. He either has to admit that he forgot or agree with you.
Most likely, it wasnt last minute but most Horrible Bosses will not admit that. Instead, he will
agree and you can use that against him later. You could drop this information at a meeting with
his Boss and enjoy the sudden, awkward silence
And lastly, ask lots questions about what is being requested and why. Try to ask with enough
detail until you get to an area in which he doesnt know the answer. Then, ask if you can contact
the requester. The more you do this the easier it gets. Just make sure to give realistic examples so
that he cant just guess at the answer, but dont make your questions make the project harder.
For instance, if you are doing the inventory, you may ask if there is an application that can be
used to scan the hardware instead of doing it manually. Since every group is being asked for this
information, its not crazy that your company has made this investment. Your boss probably
wont be sure, but since this is a common tool to use, its reasonable to want it. So, he will give
you permission to call the requestor. Once you have that, you are golden.
By the time you walk out of the room, you want to know who wants the report, why they want it
and the exact date it is due. You also want to have received permission to contact whoever
requested the report. If you have achieved these goals, you can start to Take Him Down.

Getting the Info Out

Now that you are stuck doing this type of project, you may as well take your boss down a bit
with it. Here is what you do.
First, if you know one of your Bosss Peers, you want to make a passing comment about how
much work they just threw at your team. Often this person will not comment aloud, but you
have just told them something they didnt know, that your boss was unprepared and dropped the
ball until just now. This will spread.
After that, follow up with the requesting team (if possible) to get more details on the assignment.
This will let that team know that your boss has delegated this task and will give you a chance to

build another relationship. Normally, this will also cut down on the work you have to do since
you have the exact requirements, not your bosss interpretation.
Next, let your peers know what you are working on and that it was last minute. This will let
them know that your Horrible Boss gives unreasonable deadlines and doesnt try to protect your
team from corporate.
There are, of course, other ways to make him look bad, but the point is, there are many different
possibilities. Use them all.

Keeping the Problem Alive

If your boss did this once, it isnt going to be the only time he does it. What you want to do is
keep these problems alive by reminding your Coworkers about it in a non-accusatory manner.
So, for instance, lets say your friend Brian gets another unexpected assignment that is due in a
week, comments that you could say include:
Wow, so sorry, I remember when our Horrible Boss gave me one of those last month.
It took me 9 days of straight work and then he didnt even present it for a week! If you
need any help, let me know.
Oh, well you arent doing it alone, right? Your Horrible Boss will be there this
weekend, right? (He wont be, so this will antagonize your already annoyed coworker).
Always offer to help on assignments like these, because even a few extra hours are worth the
benefit of taking your boss down. You will be surprised how many positive effects this can have.
Your coworker will naturally appreciate the fact that you were there for him when he needed
help. This means that when he complains about your Horrible Boss, he will also be Building Up
your reputation by saying you helped. Since you want to be the Boss one day, it helps that your
potential employees think well of you.
While you are working after hours or whenever, you have lots of great face time with the injured
employee. The entire time, you can continue to fuel the fire of frustration while you work with
him. Commiserate, feel sorry for him or just, let him rant. All of it helps you by Tearing Down
your boss.
We also know that Dirty Jobs are a great way to get ahead. If someone really wants the report,
odds are good the information will be used somewhere and is wanted by someone of importance.
Finding these Dirty Jobs is always valuable. You should know what is in the report and who
requested it. Use the assistance you are giving to Build Up your reputation with the requester.
Let them know you are helping.

And lastly, when you are working on a project, you have the right to talk about it. So now, you
dont have to rely on Brian to spread the word of the unfair work, you can legitimately talk about
the project yourself.
If this is something your Horrible Boss does frequently, you will have plenty of opportunity to
fuel the fire on a continuing basis. Just be careful not to be too obvious.

Using Coworkers HR Complaints to Your Advantage

You may be imagining a big disaster where you can pit the entire company against your Horrible
Boss and HR will walk him out in a fit of fury. This very rarely happens remember, HR
complaints only lead to terminations if the company already planned to terminate him anyway.
Sure, you may get lucky and your Horrible Boss may get walked out, but remember, the person
who made the complaint will also find himself out of a job in a completely unrelated
coincidence. Therefore, you dont want it ever to be traced to you. Remember, you cant be the
one to make the complaint. But, that doesnt mean you cant leverage other peoples frustrations.

Using HR Complaints to Your Advantage

Just because you dont want to take your Horrible Boss to HR, doesnt mean you should
discourage anyone else from filing a complaint against him. Remember, HR complaints can stop
career growth cold, so why not let someone else do it?
Do you have a coworker that has been complaining about your Horrible Bosss off-color jokes,
demeaning attitude or poor work ethic? If any Coworker suggests to you that he or she wants to
make a complaint, dont discourage it encourage it. This could be one more nail in his coffin.
Be prepared though. If your Coworker does make a complaint and you have supported him or
her, you will most likely be named as a witness to the complaint. This means that your Coworker
will be asked who else has noticed the problem. Most likely, they will name you and you will be
called down to HR. This is your opportunity to help, but dont let yourself get involved. This is a
dangerous game to play, but it can work.
DO say you talked with your coworker and confirm that he or she was upset as soon as
the incident happened.
DO NOT add your own story. Remember, you dont want to be seen as a troublemaker,
but as a supporter.
DO admit to trying to diffuse the situation.
DO NOT say anything that makes it sound like the HR action was your idea. You can
say that you encouraged your coworker to talk with someone about the issue, but dont
make it sound as though you have already decided your Horrible Boss is at fault.

 DO NOT admit to having witnessed everything etc. Remember, as a witness you

could be seen as involved and may be asked to explain why you went along with the
behavior (thus pulling you into the action). In the best case, you look like a fool, in the
worst case you look like an accomplice.
Remember, whatever questions you are asked, make sure that you present the facts in a way that
makes you look as good as possible. You want to be considered his replacement, not another
trouble maker.

Case Study: Never Lie To HR

One thing that many people arent aware of is that it is often considered against company policy
to lie especially if it is during an HR investigation. As a matter of fact, even if the
investigation finds nothing, lying that can be proven could be cause for termination.
I had one Horrible Boss, who was taken to HR. If he had just told the truth and apologized he
would have received a slap on the wrist. Instead, he lied about everything and tried to cover
things up. Unfortunately, while this may work during a he said / she said conversation, it cant be
used against security cameras and email logs.
Therefore, whatever you do, DO NOT LIE during an HR investigation. You will get caught. You
dont want to get yourself in trouble you want to get rid of your Horrible Boss.

Organizing a White Mutiny

Occasionally, you may find that there is so much unrest with your Horrible Boss that you want to
take advantage of your coworkers frustration. You cant just start ignoring the boss. If you are
late or do anything that is against company policy you can get fired on the spot. Therefore, an
outright mutiny is difficult, dangerous and never recommended. On the other hand, a white
mutiny is more subtle.
A white mutiny is just like a regularly mutiny in that the team is upset and wants to show it. The
difference is in how its executed. Instead of overtly disobeying the Horrible Boss, you do what
he says, and ONLY that.
When you do anything, you do it slowly. That means that there wont be any direct resistance but
nothing will happen quickly. Perpetrators of a white mutiny it will purposefully misinterpret
commands, hinder communications, and push back on any directive.
No one wants that.
Imagine your Horrible Boss is in hurry to get something done. Hes forgotten something and
needs to have it happen as quickly as possible. Its early in the morning and he dashes off an
email asking one of his directs to handle it. Normally, you would expect it to get done. But with
a White Mutiny, the email is ignored for a while. At the end of the day your Horrible Boss
receives an email back that says something like this:

Boss,
Sorry, I was in meetings all day and just saw this. My team is working on XXXX now. I estimate
it will take 14 man-hours to complete the task you just gave us. Do you want us to stop working
on the project the Senior Leader put us on? Or do you want to authorize overtime? My team will
be glad to do whatever you need.
Low-Level Manager

Using email replies is a tried-and-true method of delay and everyone in the corporate world
knows it. No matter how simple and clear the request was there is always a way to pushback.
The note above works for a few reasons. First, the delay is reasonable the low-level manager

was in meetings. Email is useful, but not guaranteed, so not responding for an entire day isnt
crazy.
Next, the manager is saying he cant complete the task in time. He estimates 14 hours of work
and its already the end of the day, so there just isnt time. This means overtime is requested.
Now the Horrible Boss has to put down, IN WRITING that the team gets overtime for a project
he should have already done.
Plus, the manager has pitted his Horrible Boss against a Senior Leader. When the Peon asked
Do you want us to stop working on the project the Senior Leader put us on he is forcing the
issue to get escalated to the Horrible Bosss Boss. And lastly, he finishes by saying hes perfectly
willing to help, he just needs direction.
This simple email is a minefield. There isnt a single thing the Horrible Boss can point to that is
wrong.

Destroy the Third Pillar:

His Relationship With

His Peers

His Peers Fun, Easy and Destructive

If you want to be a Ladder Climber you need to start to get to know your Horrible Bosss peers.
These are the people he normally works with who are at his level (and presumably just above
yours). The more comfortable you get with this group (or even the group above them) the better
your chances for promotion. The goal is twofold. First, it makes them feel like you are already a
leader in the organization so when the time comes and the promotion opportunity presents itself,
you will make a smooth transition. Second, you can use them.
I love working with my bosss peers most of all. The thing about this group is that while there
may be a few good people in the group, the peers of your Horrible Boss are probably Horrible
Bosses in their own right. Often, they are middle managers, promoted for a variety of reasons,
desperately trying to get ahead and not knowing why they are stuck in place.
The thing with this group is that they can be easily used to help you take down your Horrible
Boss. Most of the time they wont see you as competition, but they will want to destroy your
Horrible Boss to either make themselves look better or to be able to take his team or
responsibilities.
Therefore, you have realize that this group, not your own peers are your real corporate
competition. By using them to take down your Horrible Boss, you will not only have people who
will help you do your dirty work, but when they get caught (and some of them will) it will help
clear the field for you.
The reason why this group is last is that they are the hardest to manipulate. Do not try this
section until you have built your relationship with your Horrible Boss and learned to manipulate
your peers. You are going to be playing with the big boys and girls now, so be prepared.
First, you need to get to know them. As with a Senior Leader, you can use something you have in
common to get to know them, but dont use that as the basis of your relationship. For instance,
you could have both gone to the same high school, but the last thing you want them to think is
that you are that guy that only talks about his glory days on the high school football team or
some other nonsense.
What you want to do is use the relationship to Take Down your Horrible Boss.

Give His Peers Ammunition

Lets face it, every Horrible Boss delegates work he should be doing himself and then presents it
as his own. The best way to get the word out on this is to prepare in advance, using one of his
peers.
Here is the way it works
Your Horrible Boss has you working on a project. You know he is going to present it as his own,
but you want to get credit. First, befriend one of his Peers who will be part of the project or at
the meeting where he presents the information. Ideally, you want someone who has something to
gain from taking your Horrible Boss down a peg or two.
Begin by letting your Peer Target know you are working on. You can drop hints that this is your
task, any way you want. Maybe you are proud you got the assignment or maybe you ask some
questions as though the Peer Target is a subject matter expert. Whatever you do, make sure you
keep the Peer Target informed with everything thats happening. The goal is to ensure he is
100% certain its your work, your effort, and your ideas.
As it gets closer to completion, you can indicate more and more that you think your Horrible
Boss is going to cut you out of the project reward. Make sure to drop hints about the various
pieces that your boss is unaware of. Give them enough ammunition so that your Peer Target
could stump your Horrible Boss in a meeting with questions he wont know the answer to. For
example:
You: Wow, this assignment was large it really was a bear!
Peer Target: Yeah?
I hope my Horrible Boss realizes how much we had to do to get it done. Do you know the
statistics I added? I think those are really going to help clarify why were losing money.
You:
They were in a report from Corporate and Im lucky as hell I found them. I wish I could see
the reaction when everyone sees it.
Peer Target: Really?
Yeah, my Horrible Boss said hes better if he presents it. Hey, youll be there right? Let me
You: know how it goes, will you? I keep telling him how important those statistics are. I hope he
brings them up. They really are critical to understanding the whole report.
Peer Target:

Dont worry about it. Im sure it will be fine. (said with a smile as he or she realizes that it
will be possible to make your Horrible Boss look bad in that meeting).

You: I suppose so...

Again, you didnt whine that your boss stole the credit for your idea, failed to help advance your
career or that hes a jerk who doesnt have your back. But what you did was worse. You gave
your Peer Target information that he could use to make your boss look like a fool at the meeting.
Whats even better is that your Peer Target also has a rumor he can start to spread. What will
leak out is that hes a huge jerk. People will stop trusting him and will be less likely to work hard

for him. We all have an inherent sense of whats fair and when the Horrible Boss violates that,
there is hell to pay.

Finding Your Horrible Bosss Peers

Before you can do any of this, you need to identify your Bosss peers and get to know them.
Unfortunately, since they are your Horrible Bosss peers and probably control other areas, there
wont be as many opportunities to work with them as there are with Senior Leaders. But there are
ways.
One thing you can do is check your meeting invitations and see which Peer Targets are invited. If
you know who will be attending your meeting, you can accidentally be by their desk or in their
area when they start toward the meeting. Since you are both going to the same place, this is an
easy opportunity to chat on the way.
If you cant get them on the way into a meeting get them on the way out of the meeting. Walk
out together or just linger and see who leaves last. Often Senior Leaders and Peer Targets stay in
the room a bit longer to chat. By gathering your things slowly you can join one of these
conversations.
Next, if the Peer Target smokes or takes regular breaks, arrange your schedule accordingly.
Since this is a group you want to cultivate as friends it is fine to run into them from time to
time.
And of course there is the classic lunch break. Invite them out, ask them to join your group, join
them at the cafeteria. Having a few minutes to talk uninterrupted is always valuable.
Of course, this also means that you will have to be the one to start the conversation and make the
first contact. As you did with the Senior Leaders, introduce yourself, and start your conversations
about work. If you have a project in common, give them an update or ask a question. If they
arent in your area at all, treat them like a Subject Matter Expert, and ask them flattering
questions about their team and their work. Of course, if you are normally introverted, this may be
hard for you to do at first, but it is worthwhile.

Sneaky Also Works

If you are a little more socially adept, you should have no trouble creating accidental
meetings. It may take a bit of trying, but if you can manage it, there are some ways you can
manipulate the situation to appear to be a natural run-in.

Most people park in the same place every day. To give yourself some time to talk, switch your
parking closer to theirs and then wait in your car (try fiddling with the stuff in your glove
compartment to look busy). When they arrive and park, get out of your car and then casually say
hello. Walking in together will give you time to talk.
If your desk is nearby, you can arrange to leave around the same time. This will give you a
chance to talk as the day winds down. Once again, have your stuff mainly packed and be ready to
get up and leave as they approach your desk.
There are of course, other things you want to avoid. For instance, dont try to run into them in the
break room or bathroom. Meeting in the bathroom is creepy even if you are a girl. No one wants
to talk in the bathroom, so even if you run into them there, dont strike up a conversation.
However, meeting in the break room is almost worse it creates the impression that you are
never working. Instead of making a friend, you may give his Peer the impression that youre a
slacker. Then, when your Horrible Boss complains about you (and you know he does) the Peer
may add to the conversation by mentioning how often he sees you in the break room.
Lastly, if you do try to arrange accidental meetings, dont overdo it with the same Peer Target.
Running into someone once in the parking lot is fine, twice is an odd coincidence, three times
and youve crossed the line from casual to stalker. Remember, everything you do should be a
Build Up. If it isnt Building Up your reputation, dont do it.

More Advice on Mentors

As we mentioned earlier, one of the more common pieces of advice that is totally misplaced is to
get a mentor from among your Horrible Bosses peers. The idea is that a mentor can help you
navigate the difficult company waters. A good mentor should help you be more successful and in
turn should help you get farther in the company. While this is a great idea in theory, the way it is
actually implemented in most companies is useless at best, harmful at worst.
Many programs expect people to choose a mentor a level or so above them. This is a problem for
you for so many reasons.
First, if you have a low level mentor your mentor is now another idiot, just like your Horrible
Boss. These relationships can slow you down in the company. You never know what they will
say about you or what growth tasks they will assign you. Effectively you will wind up with
another Horrible Boss.
Second, if you do get promoted, this person will now be a peer who was, or possibly still is your
mentor. Once that happens, you are stuck in this relationship until you can force your way out of
it. It may take a while to get their respect as a peer and during that time, they may look at you as
if you were still a subordinate.

Third, it makes you look like you need help. As soon as you ask for a mentor it is like
admitting that you need help to reach the next level. It is a sign of weakness.
Fourth, its possible to insult or offend your Horrible Boss or even a Senior Leader by picking
someone they dont like.
Last, and worst of all, people talk. Often the people who are mentors in your leadership team
talk to each other. Sure the mentor relationship is supposed to be strictly confidential but lets
face it, it never is.
Of course, there are companies that require mentor relationships and the person who is
mentoring you may be assigned to you directly. If this happens, make sure to do your best to
make the relationship a Build Up for you and never a Tear Down. Dont use this person as a
therapist. It will ruin your reputation. If you use it to trumpet your successes, it can be useful.

Keep An Eye Out for Your Horrible Boss

Unfortunately, smart Horrible Bosses will limit your contact with their peers, for multiple
reasons.
The Jealous Girlfriend may be afraid you will like a Peer better. The Bully may just want to keep
you down. The Politician realizes it is only a problem for him. Dont be surprised if your
Horrible Boss is very interested in what you talked to his Peer about, why you were talking at all
or shuts you down with a simple get back to work (think of the Psycho).
Therefore, try to avoid the Horrible Boss as you build these relationships. He never needs to
know that you have made these people your work friends.

Finding & Sharing Private Information:

If your Horrible Boss were honest and forthright, this particular tack wouldnt work. Not to
worry, you dont work for that guy.
The best companies are open and have clear lines of communication with their employees.
Nothing is hidden, because nothing needs to be.
Is yours?
Leaking information is a dangerous game to play but can be highly effective if used correctly. It
needs to be the lever that tips over the giant boulder, not the dynamite that blasts it into pebbles.
By now, your boss has already lost some of his trust capital with his employees. Theyre
suspicious of his motives, his interest in their careers and they doubt everything he says. But you
want him to lose the trust of his peers as well.
Your goal on this task is to make him seem like an information leak. Word constantly gets out in
corporations and everyone suspects it is everyone elses fault.
Its time to cement their suspicions and turn them into beliefs.
You need to show his peers that you know as much as they do and that you know things you
shouldnt they will immediately blame your boss. Youd think its hard to get that, but it isnt.

Have you ever noticed that Decisions are often made after your Horrible Boss is out
playing golf
its not just where you work.

Where to Find Corporate Secrets

Everything in the corporate world is documented and people arent careful with information.
Most of the time, things that are labeled confidential manage to find their way all over the
organization. If you know where to look, you can know what your company is doing without
waiting to be told.

Fortunately, there are lots of great places to gather your information with no one ever the wiser.

Raiding the Printer Bins

You wouldnt believe how many confidential papers are left in the trash can next to the printer.
Its ridiculous. Oh sure, they say, CONFIDENTIAL on the top, but hey, who digs through
trash cans?
Ladder Climbers, thats who.
When you see something labeled as private, grab it. People print out PowerPoint presentations all
the time that have the most incredibly sensitive information on them. Org Charts, company
strategy, performance evaluations, and much more can be found just sitting in these public bins.
One of the benefits of acquiring information this way is that it cant be traced back to you. I used
to give each person different versions with slight changes so if they leaked, Id know who the
guilty party was. Since you pulled it from the printer bin, even if it is leaked and someone was as
paranoid as I was, the trail leads back to someone else, not you.
A resume is one of the best things you can pull from the bin. There are many logical reasons for
a resume to be printed up at work, but there are far more nefarious reasons. Is that person going
for a new position? Are they applying for a job outside the company? When coupled with org
charts, this type of information is incredibly powerful.
Remember, The more you know

Scanning Conference Rooms

After a big meeting, there is always information left in the room. Some people trash their
handouts as they leave, others forget them. They figure theyll remember what was said, so why
keep a paper copy of a presentation? Sometime people take notes on white boards in the room
and forget to erase it. You never know what you will find in a conference room.
This is information gold.
After the meeting, slip in and see what you can gather. Usually, big meetings mean that all sort
of fun stuff is left in the room. Take any papers or CDs you can find. It doesnt matter how
innocent they may seem. Get it all. You can always review it at your leisure.
If anyone sees you or asks what youre doing in there, just tell them you were looking for a quiet
place to work or just checking for leftover muffins and sodas from lunch. Either one of these is a

100% believable excuse. After large meetings, there are always goodies in there that werent
consumed during the meeting. Go in, ostensibly to get something and check the trash.

Keep Your Eyes & Ears Open

No matter where you go in your company keep your eyes and ears open for
information. Overheard conversations are often great ways of finding out things that you
wouldnt know otherwise. Great places to overhear conversations include bathrooms, cafeterias,
hallways, elevators, cube farms, and anywhere people gather. Pay attention to what is said and
linger if you have to.

Case Study: Noticing the New Org Chart

Sometimes, information can be found in the most unexpected places, like on a Senior Leaders
desk. There are times when you may be in a Senior Leaders office and notice something on his
desk.
In one case, a coworker found a new org chart sitting out on the new CIOs desk. It was good
information to have, but it wasnt the type of information that could be leaked. After all, your
CEO may not have released the chart to anyone in your division. If it comes out that you know,
odds are good he will remember back to when you were in his office and will stop trusting you.
Remember, all information you publically know should seem to have come from your Horrible
Boss. You always want to appear to be trustworthy and honest.

Read Your Email

How many times have you seen an email that has been forwarded dozens of times? More times
than I can count, original, sensitive documents are left on an email that I had NO business seeing.
I was sent the information as an FYI and I ALWAYS check for that. Usually, the top level email
has information thats specifically for me, but is also appropriate for others.
Its stupid but it happens. People accidently forward things they shouldnt, all the time. Usually,
it isnt in the message they send you, but if you read down to the original message that was being
forwarded, sometimes people forget to delete the confidential information. Reading emails to the
bottom can give you access to lots of things you wouldnt know otherwise, the problem is trying
to use it.

Using emailed information is dangerous because you may not know how many people got the
information. Anything that was sent directly to you and then leaked throws suspicion on you and
can get you fired.
There are very few ways to successfully use email. If you forward an email to someone, there is
a record. All email is saved for at least two years and if youre in a financial industry, it can be 5
years or more. If someone finds out about this anytime in the next five years, it wont just be
your word against theirs, they will have proof.
Even if you have complete and 100% trust in someone, that can change. If youve sent them an
email that incriminates yourself, they can show someone else and youll be in trouble. So, dont.
What if you just show someone an email at your desk or on your notebook computer? This is
obviously better, but they may not get the right impression. You dont want them to read it and
misinterpret it. You only want them to have the impression YOU give. Letting them read
something quickly and then go away may mean that they forget what was written or eventually
link it to you instead of your Horrible Boss. This can work, but you have to be careful.
With that said, if you really want to, heres how to do it with the least amount of risk.
If you get one of those indiscreet emails with a confidential attachment, you can forward it to
someone else, add some innocuous message at the beginning, but follow up with them and
verbally suggest they read the entire message closely. They will get the hint.
Lets say you get one of these forwarded emails and theres an org chart attached. When you
look at the chart, you see some proposed changes to the organization, ones that reallocate people
from one group to another. If you send it over to the person whose group is affected, they get
advance information about whats going to happen and they have a chance to prevent it. But, you
can get caught. So, what do you do?
You take the honest road. It wasnt a secret email, your boss didnt take you into his
confidence, so you can assume the information is available. Go over, talk to your Peer Target
and hint that you know what is going to happen, or, you may imply that the org chart that was
sent out was incorrect and he needs to fix it. Whatever, you do, be subtle, but let it slip that your
boss sent you an email all about it.
Build Up your reputation, Tear Down your Horrible Boss.
You look like a hero to that person. They can begin to prepare a defense against the power grab.
If they are successful, you have an ally. If they fail, you have sowed dissent and they wont trust
your boss. His effectiveness is diminished and your reputation is enhanced.
It works, but you have to be incredibly careful. If your Peer Target goes to your boss, demanding
to know why the hell hes trying to grab their people, pointing to the email you sent them, youre
going to catch hell. Since you were just forwarding over an email that you received, you can
deny any malice and play innocent, but you dont want to raise any suspicions.

Letting Someone Else Sneak Successfully

Once you have these secrets in your hot little hands dont think you have to do all the work. You
arent he only one who doesnt like your Horrible Boss and you probably arent the only one
working to take your Horrible Boss down. There are probably many other people in the
organization that are also out to get him. So, help them along by letting them sneak information
from you.
One of the groups that will have the most motivation is his Peer group. Other Horrible Bosses are
just as sneaky and dishonest as yours. So, let them use those skills to advance your career. I
know I said dont use email but heres one risky way. Leave an incriminating email up on your
monitor where the Target Peer can see it.
People are nosy. If you are talking to them, look away and give them the chance to see what
youre reading. They really cant help it. Theyll look and see things they shouldnt. Youre in
the clear since you didnt tell them directly and they wont incriminate you after all, they were
snooping, right?
Bring up the email that has salary information, bonuses, or whatever shows that your boss is
lying. Call over the person hes lying to and talk about something completely within the bounds
of your relationship. It should be real, not something thats an obvious construct. Use an excuse
to leave your desk and leave them alone for a couple minutes at your desk.
When you come back, continue the conversation as if nothing had happened. Now they know
what you want them to know but youre blameless.
These are just a couple examples but the principle remains the same. Expose information without
incriminating yourself.

Have you ever noticed that Lots of people in your company seem to have their own
Horrible Boss?
its not just where you work.

Dont Forget to Be Your Horrible Bosss Friend

This may seem counter intuitive, but you dont ever want to alienate your Horrible Boss. No
matter how crazy he or she is, the person could be a combination of all the worst traits of the
different types of bosses, but you still want him or her to trust you. You get so much more
benefit when you keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
If you build a strong relationship with him, you can learn so much. Spending time together will
give you the opportunity to view your Horrible Bosss work first hand. This lets you discover his
weaknesses and you may find he has more than you ever imagined. Getting to know them means
you get ammo to use against them.
This is also a great way to learn is if your tactics are working. If they are, your Horrible Boss will
start to complain about being left out of meetings or being under appreciated. As your campaign
moves along, you will also hear him start to talk about leaving or hear him worrying about
getting laid off. This is all great validation that what you are doing is having an effect.
Lastly and most importantly, when you do get rid of him no one will ever suspect that you
tanked him. After all, you were the only friend he had left!
So, how do you build this friendship. It may be distasteful, but it is easier than you think.

Listen with Attention to Your Horrible Bosss Boring Stories

The only time you talk about something other than work is if your boss is doing the talking. You
probably arent interested, but so what? He is.
Does he love Christian Rock? Guess what? You would love to learn more. Does he enjoy talking
about his kids? Well, their soccer practice today was just riveting. Even if the conversation
sucks, when your Horrible Boss wants to talk about something, listen. This helps build the
relationship and will help you in the long run.
For some reason, people tend to define a good conversationalist as someone who listens well and
seems to show interest in what they say. Oddly enough, you dont need to bring up ideas, you
just need to ask questions and act like you care about the answers.

This particular task is one of the most annoying but it pays off. Sure, you hate the guy, sure, he
is an utter fool but you still must make him your friend. Why? Because friends talk to friends.
Friends help friends. Do you want to know about the latest big project where you work?
Friends talk about that sort of thing. Do you want to get some more visibility? This is the way to
do it.

Make Your Horrible Boss Need You

Most people are lazy and your Horrible Boss is probably the same. One of the Horrible Bosses
that comes to mind for me was a real tool. He wanted to know what was going on, but didnt
have the context to really understand what we were doing. In general, if you talk for 10-15
minutes about something and provide detailed statements, people think they have all the
information they need. That does not mean that they will be prepared to answer questions. In
fact, talking for 10 to 15 minutes is nothing and can be meaningless. For instance, lets say a
project is going live and I am responsible for testing. I could easily spend 10 to 15 minutes
giving detailed anecdotes about the progress that has been made, the testing that has been
completed, the types of results found to date, number of defects, what was fixed last week, what
the priority will be for this week, etc. All of that is great, but if the management team asks about
testing under load, my manager may have no idea. Therefore, instead of giving all the data
upfront, load your relationship with your Horrible Boss with data, just not information.
On the other hand, when you get a chance to get in front of any senior leader, do just the
opposite. Make sure you are clear, to the point, and hitting the most critical factors. You want
him to realize that you know what you are doing.

Have you ever noticed that Your Horrible Boss assigns jobs easily but seems to have no
idea how to do them himself?
its not just where you work.

Be Careful - Dont Be Too Encouraging

If youre not careful, you run the risk of him getting the wrong idea. There are plenty of
people out there who are needy enough that any flattery or positive comments will go directly to
their head. Think about it, you dont like him and odds are good, you arent alone. Now, you
pretend to like him. Well, you are the best person ever and presto! You now have an obsessed
fan.
Like it or not, this is always much more of a risk for women then it is for men. As a woman, you
might think of your Horrible Boss as old, balding and fat, but he could misunderstand your

friendship and fall for you even if he is married with 5 kids. Believe it or not, it happened to
my wife. So be careful. There are plenty of crazy bosses out there, and the Jealous Girlfriend,
The Psycho and even the Losing Coach are susceptible to flattery. People can be crazy and often
dont need much positive encouragement at all.

Moving Him Out

Make Him WANT to Go

By now, you have been working tirelessly taking every opportunity to get your boss out of the
way. The one problem? He is still there.
Corporations are slow moving entities that hate change. Even when it is obvious that something
should be done, most companies have long, drawn out processes in place that make getting rid of
your boss slow and time consuming. Well, you dont want to wait, and there is no reason to.
Instead, take your Ladder Climbing to the next step and get him motivated to leave.
Remember, we need to continue to weaken his organizational support and make him feel alone.
You want work to become an uncomfortable place for him. The best part about this is that he
will start to tank himself.

Making Him Feel Alone

The first step to making him feel alone is to keep up your friendship. Everyone wants a friend at
work and you need to make sure that you are that person for your Horrible Boss. If you arent
that person, he may find someone who could actually help him. Or worse yet, he could become
friends with one of the people (like the Peer Targets or the Office Gossip) who you have been
using so effectively against him.
The interesting thing about this is that if you do it right, you may become the only person he
trusts. I have seen Ladder Climbers who effectively destroyed their boss but they were so good at
it that their boss had no idea. He truly believed the Ladder Climber was his only friend.
The Horrible Boss began to distrust others and only trusted this one person. The Ladder Climber
effectively controlled all the information his Horrible Boss received or at least his Horrible
Bosss perspective on that information. On the surface, this sounds absurd. How could you be the
only way he gets info? He still has email and a phone, right?
Heres the deal if its done right, your Horrible Boss no longer WANTS to talk to people. The
slights are subtle, the looks hidden, but he knows that they are against him. The thing is, he
already knows hes guilty but doesnt know what people have learned.

Encourage him whenever it is to your benefit. Is one of your Peer Targets gunning for him?
Dont try to convince him all is well, let him mope around and encourage him with
noncommittal looks and comments. Is your boss annoyed with a mistake he made? Support his
fears and encourage him to find somewhere where he will be appreciated.

Encourage His Frustration

The more you do to destroy your Horrible Boss, the more he will be frustrated with being at
work. Once things have started going wrong for him, he will begin to hate being there. This is an
emotion we want to encourage. After all, the sooner he starts looking for another job, the sooner
you will get his job. Make sure he realizes what is going wrong. Dont hide it, commiserate with
him.
Ideally, everyday, something else will happen. The office affair he used to enjoy has become a
public embarrassment. The Peons who use to slave away for carrots and sticks have now caught
onto his tricks. And the Senior Leader who used to invite him for lunch, now avoids him.
He will begin to let it affect his attitude and his work. You have seen that person before. He is
marking time, every day after miserable day. He hates what he does and everyone he works with.
Hes no longer objective, he questions every email and sees hidden meanings behind every
phrase.
If you play your cards right, this will be what will happen to your Horrible Boss. To keep it
going, keep your friendship with him intact. Let him believe that you are supporting him, even
while you are surreptitiously orchestrating his destruction.
The more upset he is, the worse his behavior will become. He may start to snap at people, to miss
deadlines, and to avoid Coworkers. Encourage his frustration but make sure that you dont say
anything he can quote you on later.

Cutting His Ties With His Boss

In some cases, the Senior Leader will continue to be friendly and affable. However, you want to
discourage this relationship if you can. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this. Most
Horrible Bosses are susceptible to flattery. Pointing out the fact that one of his peers got the
highly visible project, that he wasnt invited to the latest off-site meeting, or any slight at all will
start to make your Horrible Boss doubt what his boss thinks of him.
Once again, make sure to keep these comments as hints, and suggestions, not all out statements
of fact. You never want him to be able to consider it information, only innuendo. After all, a lie

can be identified as such but an implication, well, if it is subtle enough, there are always hints of
truth in them.

NOW! Get Your Horrible Boss Gone!

The goal of getting your Horrible Boss out of the way is to get you a promotion. So, how do you
do that? Fortunately, there is more than one way to get ahead of the game. Remember, no matter
how bad he is, your goal isnt revenge. Its a promotion. So, it doesnt really matter where he
goes, it just matters that hes gone.
By now, everything has gone horribly wrong for your boss and its time for him to go. You are
ready, make it happen.

Get Him a New Job

One of the easiest ways to get rid of an annoying boss is to get him out of the company. Even if
he hates his job, if it pays him well, he may not feel any need to leave. Therefore, you will need
to do the legwork for him on this.
Start by cruising the job boards. Places like monster.com and jobing.com can be great places to
start but dont expect too much. Just remember that the position has to be alluring. Since you
dont know your Horrible Bosss salary, you will have to make some assumptions. Its better to
work with headhunting firms. Play up your boss tell them hes the next best thing to a pocket in
a shirt and is looking to jump ship.
If your Horrible Boss is an officer of the company you work for, assume that he is making at
least 20% more than you are. If he is not an officer assume only 10% more. From there you can
get an idea of your Horrible Bosss starting salary. Any position below this salary probably
wont be enticing.
Next, filter the positions by title. In many cases, people will jump at a chance to move to a better
title even if the money makes it a lateral move. Maybe your Horrible Boss is a manager but if
there is a nearby job as a Director that your Horrible Boss is qualified for, that title may be
enough.
Next make sure that the position is actually a match. To do this, contact the recruiter or hiring
manager directly. This can confirm that the job is a match and give you a real contact. You can
actually tell them about the candidate you have in mind. Since recruiters make money when they
place a good candidate, they are always looking for recommendations. Just remember to make

your Horrible Boss sound good. It may take a bit of spin (in some cases your Horrible Boss may
even need a referral from you) but it is a small price to pay to get rid of an annoying boss.

Lie If You Have To

The thing about your Horrible Boss is that he can be unpredictable. Even if you find him a great
job that is better than his current position, he may be reluctant to go. There are a few types of
Horrible Bosses that are most likely to get an interview and then change their mind at the last
minute. Remember, if your Horrible Boss were a real Ladder Climber, he would have gotten
another job and gotten out of your way already. Hes not. So, he may need to be pushed.
The Roadblock will get cold feet and decide he doesnt want change. Remind him of how
unstable your company has been lately. Bring up recent layoffs, or any other problems that your
company has had that make it unstable.
The Jealous Girlfriend may be hesitant to leave the Coworkers he is dependent on. Remind him
that his friends at your current company will follow him to the new organization.
The Psycho may just up and bail for no good reason. On the bright side, she may flip-flop instead
of committing to no. When she is in a good mood, thats a great time to talk about the
wonderful opportunity she has.
The Aristocrat may be afraid of stepping into a new company after all, they know the higherups in your company you are at. Making yourself sound jealous of the opportunity he has will
usually work. If that doesnt work, dont worry. Youve made his life a living hell and hes going
to use his connections to get out anyway.
The point is, whatever the type of boss you have and whatever the excuse he has for staying, you
need to encourage him to leave and that means you have to be ready to do what it takes. If he
asks if you think it is a great opportunity, the answer is yes.
If he asks you about the new company, tell him it sounds great. Play up the problems he has had
in your organization and remind him how unhappy he is. Whatever you do, be as encouraging
and supportive as possible when it comes to him moving on.
I knew one person who had completed all the legwork to this point and even had her boss going
on interviews. He was excited the day he came in and told her that he finally had an offer. It was
for more money and a higher title. My buddy was thrilled, but she made one mistake.
The boss was a Jealous Girlfriend and when he asked my friend, If I go, will you come with
me she didnt realize what that meant. She answered honestly that she couldnt because her
current job was closer to her home and therefore closer to her kids. He turned down the job. It
later came out that he was in love with her. One screw up and she had to deal with him for
another year.

If she had just lied and said, Yes he would have been gone. Instead, she had to start all over,
and find a new way to get rid of her Horrible Boss. Fortunately, there are many.

Take His Responsibilities

If your job market seems flooded, it may be difficult to find your Horrible Boss another job that
he wants. Instead, it may actually be easier to just try to take parts of his job, bit-by-bit. The
downside of this approach is that it takes a while and if you handle it wrong, it may appear like a
Build Up for him and a Tear Down for you. However, if you do it right, it will make him look
nearly useless as you take over more and more of his responsibilities.
Until he is out of the organization, you will have more work and no title or pay increase to go
along with it. However, when your company is looking to lay some people off, you may find
your boss out of your way. The upside is that you will have effectively gotten the promotion and
the next review period should result in more money and great feedback.

Take Advantage of The NEW Senior Leader

As mentioned earlier, management is always jockeying for more people. When a new CIO or
CEO comes in, they always say nothing will change and for six months, nothing does. Then
comes the reorganization. The thinking is, the new CEO has had the chance to understand the
strengths and weaknesses of an organization and knows how to shift things around for maximum
efficiency.
This is crap.
Its all a game. The new CEOs only goal is to get a huge bonus and move on to the next
company. They usually expect to do this every three years. They buy themselves six months with
the analysis of the organization, another six months to a year with their reorg, an additional six
months after that to gain efficiencies, and then they start looking for another job. During this
period, they trumpet small successes, decimate organizations and leave before the long-term
effects are known.
This sounds like a disaster, but the greatest opportunities come in times of chaos.
Most Ladder Climbers will know this and will immediately start jockeying for position. Theyll
take the initial six months of the new CEOs reign to show why their organization could do so
much more if they just had a few more people. New org charts will be proposed, showing how
consolidating groups (i.e., taking someone elses people) will make the company more money,
reduce costs, and provide the new CEO with a huge win.

This is also a great opportunity for you to jump ahead of your boss. Use these strategies to get to
know the new boss, propose your own ideas and take over your organization. Chances are a
huge layoff will ensue anyway, so your boss can be eliminated and you promoted without much
trouble.

Dont Forget To Keep Your Eyes Open

Now, if you find any jobs that you would prefer, you could always be the one to get the new
job. Even though you may be looking for a new job for your Horrible Boss, keep an eye out for
yourself. If the job is a step up from where you are, it could always be a good way to get that
promotion even faster.

Watch Out for Dirty Promotion Tricks

Now, some Horrible Bosses will be reluctant to leave especially the Roadblock. At this point,
they will realize that you are an up-and-comer, that their career has stalled, and sometimes, they
will try to do something to prevent you from getting too far ahead. So, make sure to look out for
these dirty tricks as they can slow down your progress.

Promotion Lie #1
The In-Line Promotion
This is one of the tricks that can catch even a skilled Ladder Climbers. In this case, your Horrible
Boss will offer you a promotion. However, it isnt a real promotion. The job still reports to him
but may be a level above your current job. Odds are good that your responsibilities and salary
will remain the same or get a slight boost. It is one of the best tricks in management. The
reason? It effectively eliminates you from the promotion pool.
Think about it this way. If you receive a promotion, even a small one, theres no reason to give
you another. As a matter of fact, your Horrible Boss can make a very good case for you to take
some time in your new role before you get promoted again. This means that you are now frozen
for a year or maybe more in a job that is not really a promotion at all!
If you are offered one of these promotions, you need to start negotiating. If they want to promote
you, make sure that you get something from it. You need a significant raise, additional bonus
money, days off, direct reports, something to make the promotion more legitimate. Be very
careful of these types of actions since they are often used to placate otherwise capable
employees.

Promotion Lie #2
The Future Raise
Just because you are offered the position you want, dont think that means you have to take the
job terms they offer you. In many cases, companies will try to pay internal promotions less
money than they would if they hired externally. However, there is always room to negotiate.

In one case, I was promoted into a management position after I convinced my boss to move to
another team. He was thrilled and so was I. When I got the official offer it came in much
lower than I expected.
I was called into a room with my Bosss Boss and he was smiling proudly. He went through his
entire presentation. He talked about what my old boss would be doing how he was successfully
transitioning to another team (not shocking since I had orchestrated the entire thing) and how the
team was going to be redesigned, yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, he finally got to the important
part. They had decided to promote me into his old position. Congratulations! At first it sounded
exactly like that I had been working for. I had the promotion, the responsibility and the job. I
thought Id won. It turned out I was mistaken.
Seeing as I was an internal employee, my boss decided to try to trick me into the new position. It
turned out he was offering me the job, but when I asked for more information, it was only the
responsibility. Not the salary, title or benefits!
Yes, he was trying to sell me on the idea that more work for nothing was an exciting opportunity
for me. Now, I know some people would have jumped at the offer hey, money and benefits
could come in time (he promised it would). But I always prefer the bird in the hand.
One of the problems many people have is that they dont feel that an offer can be negotiated. I
dont have this particular problem. After all, you cant get what you dont ask for. I accepted the
position, in concept and then started negotiating the package.
At first it was a pretty one sided negotiation. He said they had no money and it wasnt time for
mid-year or annual reviews, so he had no leeway, which was fair. But a good, reasonable
argument shouldnt ever stop you from asking for more.
Remember, one of the jobs of management is to get the job done for less. If they think they can
convince you to take the promotion and accept a pay cut, well, hey, they will be happy to do it.

Case Study: Its only $1000

When you first hear that a raise will come in six months, it doesnt sound like much, but
allowing someone to delay your raise, or give you just a few percent less than you deserve can
have staggering consequences to your salary over the course of your lifetime. Lets just say you
accept a 5% raise as opposed to a 7% raise. Its only a difference of $1000 the first
year. However, every raise is based on your starting salary, so, each year, you are losing not just
the $1000 but more. If you get only a 5% raise each year for the next 20 years, missing that one
opportunity will cost you over $30,000 during your career. Whats worse is if you miss an
opportunity like that every year (only losing 2% of a raise), it will cost you nearly $400,000 over
your 20 year career.
Always negotiate for as much as you can get.

Promotion Lie #3
The Phantom Job
This one isnt as common as the other two, but it is worth knowing about. When people realize
you are a Ladder Climber, some people, like your Horrible Boss may perceive you as a
threat. As a result, they will work to try to remove you from their organization before you
remove them. The Phantom Job is a great way to do this. Heres how it is played:
Your Horrible Boss tells you about a new position he is creating. Something above your current
level with more responsibility and possibly even more money. He calls you in, tells you he
thinks you are perfect and then asks if you are interested. Most people love the idea of a
promotion and more money, so they jump at the chance.
Your Horrible Boss now has the opportunity to place you into another role, get you started on
something new and move you on your way. However, the trick here is that the role isnt real.
When a new job is created, especially in this economy, that job can also be easily eliminated.
In some cases, before you even settle into the position, your new job will be eliminated and since
your old job has already been filled, you are left with nothing.
Always be VERY careful with newly created positions. They are almost always trouble. There
is one exception. If the position was created by a senior leader in the organization for you, then
you will be safe as long as the leader is in place. If he or she leaves, you can be sure that your
position will be termed around the same time.

Promotion Lie #4
The Poison Project
Your boss calls you into his office and tells you that he has a new project for you and it will be
good for your career. The more he tells you, the more you realize this is not only a complex
project, but youre not even sure you can do it.
When you ask what resources youll have, he minimizes the difficulty and focuses on the
accolades youll get from successfully completing it. You leave his office pumped up and ready
to charge forward into the next stage of your career.
This is better known as the Poison Project and is one of the oldest tricks in the book. You are
being set up as the fall guy, someone he can blame when things go horribly wrong.
This happens for one of two reasons. Either he wants you to fail spectacularly so that he can
justify firing you or he is simply distancing himself from a project he thinks is going to
fail. Whichever it is, the effect for you is the same.
When it fails, he can shake his head, point to you and say that its your fault.

Think this cant happen? It happened to me.

I was called into my Senior VP's office and presented with this exact scenario. It was typical
Poison Project. The Senior Leaders wanted it done, but my Horrible Boss didnt think it could
work. Because she was a Politician, she was supportive even though she believed it would be a
complete failure. It was an extremely technical project, rife with unknowns and as a savvy and
highly-political woman; she wanted nothing to do with it. The Senior Management Team wanted
it to happen so she shuffled it off to me and sat back, sure I would fail.
As far as Horrible Bosses go, a Poison Project is a great thing to have around, especially if you
feel one of your employees is a threat. You can assign it to someone, step away, and then when it
fails, blame the person who led the effort.
Poison Projects can get you fired, destroy your credibility and are extremely dangerous. If youre
given one, dont give up hope. You have options. Remember, by now, you have relationships
throughout the organization, and the skills to manipulate the company to suit your purposes.
Here is what I did.
First, I discovered who wanted the project done. As expected it was a Senior Leader, so that gave
me the opportunity to work closely with someone new. Next, I learned why he wanted it done
and what he actually needed. By the time I was done, I had him convinced that I was going to
help, had hinted that my boss wasnt supporting me and promised him the most important items
would be done first. So now, I have added a Senior Leader to my team and given myself
visibility by completing the most important parts first. And if it fails, I already let him know
that my Horrible Boss wasnt helping me.
Obviously there are many ways to handle a Poison Project. This was just one. Other times
Ladder Climbers will delegate it, ignore it and then blame the Horrible Boss for never assigning
it or any number of things. Whatever you do, the important part that a good offense is the best
defense in these situations.
In my case, I made it happen and actually received an award for the project.

Did It Once, Do It Again

Now that you have done the work, and dodged the bullets, you will find that things will start to
go well. Senior Leaders are your friends, your boss is crying in a ball in the corner, and his
employees are coming to you for guidance.
Finally one day, you show up for work, your Horrible Bosss desk is empty and your former
bosss boss asks you to temporarily take over your old bosss responsibilities. Sure, the job will
be posted. Of course, you and a bunch of people on your team will apply, but this time, you will
see it happens differently. While interviews are going on, you are being brought into the high
level meetings. While your competition is working hard on their resume, you will be running the
team and working on reports for your Senior Leader. By the time the decision is announced it
will be anticlimactic.
Whatever you do, dont think the game is over now. Some people just take the job and, now
satisfied, are done. This is the most foolish mistake you can make.

Make It Happen Again

When you get to your position, you may find that you want to move on. Fortunately, there are
many options for promotion.
If you like where you are, you can stay, take some time off grow your skills until you figure
out what you want to do next. Enjoy the job and enjoy your promotion. You earned it and you
deserve it.
Do you happen to have a good boss this time? If you happen to like your boss, dont worry that
you have nowhere to go. After all, odds are good that someone in your company has a Horrible
Boss and you can help take him down too.
Is your new boss horrible? Well, now you know what to do.

Watch Your Back

And whatever you decide to do, remember to keep your eyes open. You may have been the
obvious choice, but that wont stop people from resenting your promotion. Your old peers will
think it wasnt fair and in general, there will be some tension. Once again, dont care about this.
First make sure to establish yourself as the manager. One of the big things you need to do is to
make sure your old manager moves on. If he has transitioned to another position in the company,
he may still try to lead remotely through you. Dont let that happen. Remember, you earned that
job and now you just have to do it without letting someone else take over.
Whatever you do, just keep your eyes open. You never know when someone will think youre a
Horrible Boss.

Thank You
We hope you enjoyed this book. For more humorous and motivational reads try other Books by
Warlizard including:

The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War

My new fiance Betty and I were sitting on the couch, watching the Westminster Kennel Club
dog show when she looked over at me and casually said, "My first orgasm came from a dog." As
I sat there stunned, trying to control my reactions and collect myself, I had two immediate
thoughts:
1. Now I know why my dog likes her better.
2. I wish this were the worst thing she'd ever told me.
And so begins the descent into the crazy improbable world of Warlizard, an average guy with an
exceptional life. With no excuses and no apologies, Warlizard lives his life by one simple rule "If opportunity knocks, answer the door." Gulf War Veteran, womanizer and serial troublemaker,
sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses, but his stories are outlandish, extreme, fast-paced and
funny as hell.