International Conference on Communication, Media, Technology and Design

24 - 26 April 2014, Istanbul Turkey

My Parents are My Friends Friends on Facebook

Bahire Efe zad
Faculty of Communication and Media Studies, Eastern Mediterranean University
Agah Gm
Faculty of Communication and Media Studies, Eastern Mediterranean University
ABSTRACT
Social Network Sites (SNS), particularly Facebook, have become the most popular platform for socialization recently. The
widespread use of Facebook added new dimensions to peoples social lives. Research into Facebook is mostly conducted
with college students. The present study seeks to explore teenagers reaction to having their parents as their Facebook
friends and also their reaction to their parents being Facebook friends with their children's peers. The study is designed as
a qualitative study and data have been collected through in-depth interviews with the teenagers, focus groups with the
families of the teenagers and analysis of teenagers Facebook pages. In the study, it is found out that girls are more
sympathetic towards having their parents as their Facebook friends. Also, girls are more positive about having their
parents as the friends of their real life friends on Facebook. Parallel to former research, it is observed that, provided that
the teenagers feel secure in their relationships with their parents, Facebook boosts their relationship further.
As natives of the Internet age, teenagers not only make use of the World Wide Web (WWW) extensively, but also they
feel comfortable towards the use of new technology. Despite the belief that children learn a lot, if not almost about
everything from their parents, and thus parents stand as authority figures; when the new technology is the case,
teenagers know a lot more and are better users of new technology. Prensky (2001) classifies people as digital natives and
digital immigrants based on the age and ability of users. This suggests that young generation are digital natives whereas
parents are digital immigrants. According to this definition, younger generation know the language of new technology
better, and thus feels at home with new developments. Based on this distinction, power relations at home change.
Children feel powerful to comment and critique if not teach their parents on new technology related matters. Since they
acknowledge themselves more knowledgeable, they feel free to make strong comments on their parents actions. This is
very much valid for the use of Facebook. The present study seeks to explore the reaction of the teenagers towards their
parents provided that the parents become Facebook friends with their children and their children's real life friends.
Popularity of SNS, particularly Facebook, stands as one of the milestones of the new millennium. After its launch in 2004
as a student project in Harvard University in the United States of America, Facebook diffused into the world quickly.
Currently, Facebook stands as the most popular Social Network Site all over the world. In a short time like a decade,
almost everyone who has access to the Internet or has a smart phone has a Facebook account. This common use might
lead to some unwanted confusions and conflict in the lives of family members and lead to some conflicts between parents
and children.
Family members all are involved in a variety of relationships in different contexts. Despite being the first socialization
milieu, sharing the same house with the other members of the family and school and other places with friends, such a
distinction does not exist on Facebook. In other words, there is only one virtual arena where people meet: on their
Facebook pages. Once on the Facebook, the parents have the opportunity of becoming friends of their childrens real life
friends. Thus, parents have access to the most if not all of the communication among their friends and activities they do.
This particular situation causes a problem for teenagers. In actual life, their families and friends are in separate locations.
They meet their families at home and their friends outside. On Facebook, their families and circle of friends get together.
Teenagers would like to separate their families from their peers. When their parents join in as their Facebook friends, they
feel that their parents interfere with their private lives. This situation leads to different solutions like blocking the parents,
asking the parents not to include their childrens friends as their own Facebook friends or asking their parents not to write
comments on their children's Facebook friends' postings. The present study seeks to explore teenagers concerns when
their parents become Facebook friends with their childrens real life friends.
LITERATURE REVIEW
Social Network Sites (SNS) started in the late 1990's and flourished with the new millennium. SNS are defined as:webbased services that allow individuals to (1) construct a public or semi-public profile within a bounded system, (2)
articulate a list of other users with whom they share a connection, and (3) view and traverse their list of connections and
those made by others within the system (boyd and Ellison; 2007:210). The focus of the majority of research into
Facebook has been on college students. There are only a few studies in relation to teenagers' Facebook use; these studies
are mostly concerned about the privacy settings in Facebook. Research conducted in the USA point out that teenagers are
vulnerable to online privacy risks (Schonberg, 2005); mostly these risks come from on-line markets (Boveda-Lambie &
Hair, 2012).
Kanter, Afifi and Robbins(2012) draw our attention to the Impact of Parents Friending Their Young Adult Child on
Facebook on Perceptions of Parental Privacy Invasions and Parent-Child Relationship Quality. In the research article
Kanter, Afifi and Robbins (2012) point out that they conduct an experimental research with 118 parents and young adult
children who are college students. In the study, parents in the experimental group were asked to create a Facebook
account and became Facebook friends with their children for two months. For those in the control group, parents were not
Facebook friends with their children. They report that, having their parents as Facebook friends resulted in decreased
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International Conference on Communication, Media, Technology and Design

24 - 26 April 2014, Istanbul Turkey
conflict in the parent-child relationship. They also noted that in relationships where parent and child were rather
conflicted, becoming Facebook friends improved parent-child relationships.
Despite teenagers extensive use of Facebook, research with this age group is very new and few. Liu, Yin, Huang (2013)
conduct a study with 13-15 years old high school students in Taiwan in order to explore their relationships with their
friends, parents and teachers on Facebook interaction. They mention that facebook.com point out that more than half of
Taiwanese 13-15 years old teenagers have Facebook pages. Through the survey they conducted with 673 teenagers, they
found out that those teenagers who use Facebook with high frequency can improve their interpersonal communication
with their peers more than those who use it with low frequency. Provided that the teenagers used Facebook a lot, their
interpersonal relationships with their parents and teachers may weaken. The results of the study also point out that when
the duration of Facebook use is not taken into consideration; teenagers' real life interpersonal relationships are stronger
than virtual interpersonal relationship no matter it is with friends, parents or teachers. The study suggests that parents
should monitor teenagers Facebook use.
In a similar vein, Feng and Xie (2014:153) conduct a research in the USA in relation to teenagers' and their parents'
concern for privacy while using the SNS. Indeed, in the capitalist economy of the USA, on-line markets find teenagers as a
possible target market. Privacy concern of the parents towards their teenager children has been a popular research area
(Lenhart & Madden, 2007; Willard, 2007; Herring, 2008; Ou, 2011; Boveda-Lambie & Hair, 2012). Based on the former
research, Feng and Xie (2014:159) report that in the study, they found that parents are more sensitive towards their
children's privacy settings on SNS. Also, they report a positive relationship between teenagers' and parents privacy
concerns. Secondly, SNS usage is found to be another significant socializing agent that boosts teenagers' level of privacy
concern about exposing their information to marketers on SNS. Thirdly, they point out that teenagers whose parents have
higher educational level are more concerned about their on-line privacy. Fourthly, they note that teenagers who are more
concerned about their on-line privacy marked their profiles as private or partially private (p.160).
Research into SNS, particularly Facebook is ultimately conducted through quantitative methodology. The widespread use
of Facebook requires to be looked at through qualitative methodology which will provide in-depth, rich data. Based on
this, the present study is conducted through qualitative methodology and sets out to explore the teenagers use of
Facebook, their reactions to their parents when they become friends with the childrens peers; the reasons for this
reaction and precautions or solutions teenagers suggest for the situation.
RESEARCH METHODOLOGY
The present study is designed within the phenomenological paradigm of social science research. For this purpose,
qualitative methodology is favored and data is collected through in-depth interviews, analysis of Facebook pages and
focus groups. Therefore, in the study methodological triangulation is done. Data are collected from three boys and three
girls (age 13-18) and their families in order to check if there are any differences between the reactions of boys and girls.
Data are analyzed thematically.
ANALYSIS
Initially, the in-depth interviews were conducted with the teenagers. The interviews were conducted in an informal
medium in order to establish rapport with the participants. Interviews were not recorded or transcribed; instead short
notes were taken by the researchers. Six in-depth interviews, three with the boys and three with the girls, were
conducted. The participants were ensured that their names will be kept and informed that the talks will be analyzed and
reported as a research article.
Both boys and girls mentioned that did not feel that parents were interfering with their privacy by being their friends on
Facebook. The boys and girls reactions showed some differences with respect to having their mothers and fathers as
their Facebook friends. Girls mentioned that they welcomed becoming friends with both of their parents on Facebook. Yet,
all three boys pointed out that they did not mind their mother but had some reservations towards their fathers seeing
their postings on Facebook. One of the boys admitted that, from time to time, he blocked his father; however, he was
concerned that his father would be upset and their relationship would be influenced negatively by being blocked, he
removed the block.
The participants mentioned that they did not mind if their parents became friends with their real life friends on Facebook
either. Yet, they mentioned that the friendship proposal should not come from the parents but from their real life friends.
Also, they mentioned that they did not mind if their parents liked what their real life friends shared. The boys also showed
strong determinism that their parents should not write any comment to their friends. Girls, on the other hand, mentioned
that they did not mind if their parents commented on their real life friends pages/postings. It was also revealed that
fathers kept a distance with their children's real life friends on Facebook but mothers are more involved and write
comments to their children's real life friends' postings. In this case, both boys and girls point out that they find this
activity unbearable.
In the focus groups conducted with the families (children and both parents), the children showed their attitude towards
having their parents as their Facebook friends and also having their parents as the Facebook friends of their peers. The
participants mentioned that their parents could be their Facebook friends but should keep quiet and not write any
comments towards their peers. Both girls and boys are more positive about having their mothers than their fathers on
their Facebook.
The analysis of the Facebook pages indicated that the children are rather more active than their parents. Thus, having
inactive parents suggest that children do not make comments on their parents activities. By being inactive, parents give
the message that they do not interfere. The analysis of the Facebook pages of the teenagers proved that teenagers
mostly share photographs and sports related comments. Parents, on the other hand, mostly use Facebook just to see
what other's postings are and are mostly passive.
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CONCLUSIONS
Becoming friends with their parents on Facebook causes confusion between two separate lives: family and friends. The
parents involved in the study are between 40-50 years old. This choice is done on purpose for it is difficult to separate
parents younger than this age as digital natives or immigrants. Qualitative methodology employed for the study provides
rich data into teenagers concerns about having their parents as their friends on Facebook. It should be taken into
consideration that teenagers expect limited participation from the parents and write unseen rules of virtual participation.
The parents should know how to act and the children are there to set the rules.
The present study took place in North Cyprus. In this context on-line marketing is not very popular. Cyprus being an
island and shipping and tax applied when entering the country makes on-line shopping problematic. Thus, parents
primary concern is not opening teenagers Facebook information to on-line marketers. The concern here is more social and
is related to suitability of the behavior.
In conclusion, technology is an area in which young generation feel at home as digital natives and are better than their
parents. Therefore, they feel that they are in a position to set the limits for their parents as far as their own real life
friends are concerned. Research up to now takes into consideration parent-child relationships based on the assumption
that parents act authoritatively. The present study, however, looks at the parental interference from the teenager's
perspective. Teenagers definitely have a word in relation to virtual participation. The problem of socializing in the virtual
world is that it is an arena where there are no segments. This makes the relationships more complex. It is obvious that
digital natives know the appropriate behaviors and behave more happily in this virtual environment. Further research
could consider looking at how parents feel when their children become friends with their real life friends on Facebook.
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