Bohulano 1

BOHULANO, Nathaly Kate N.

English 10
November 4, 2014
Love Commercialized
Everyone has that small voice in their head, wondering about the chances of
being caught in the tempest that we call love, wondering when that special
someone would end up together with us, wondering when and how it will happen.
We hope to find a person that we would treasure for the rest of our days, a person
that we would adore no matter what, a person that we couldnt live without. Wed
call what we feel for this person romantic love. But what is love?
Iris Murdoch observes that Love is the extremely difficult realization that
something other than oneself is real (The Sublime and the Good, 51).
Furthermore, in Paulo Coehlos opinion, Love is an untamed force. When we try to
control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to
understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused (qtd. In goodreads.com).
Moreover, on a more technical perspective, Belli and others claimed that love is a
bodily emotion that humans express through the use of language (Human Affairs,
249). For a host of people, love has become a must. Love has become societys
advocacy. It is endlessly promoted, subliminally or more often than not deliberately.
We could find hundreds of visual and olfactory material telling us about how
fortunate we are if we find the person who brings out the best in you and
eliminates the worst (Holquist, qtd. In goodreads.com). We are told that love

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comes hand in hand with contentment and gratification--and because of this, it has
become one of the most coveted commodity in the world.
A great deal of books and films revolve around depicting varying perspectives
on romantic love. For instance, the Ancient Greeks wrote of unconditional and
unmitigated love. An example of this would be the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice,
wherein Orpheus journeyed through the depths of the underworld just to reclaim
Eurydice from the clutches of death. When he failed in his quest, he didnt struggle
as his murderers cut his body up, because he was so distraught about losing his
wife forever (vcu.edu). People dream of being able to receive this kind of devotion.
Also, a prominent English playwright, William Shakespeare, wrote about two starcrossed lovers so deliriously in love with each other that their separation pushed
them into a scheme that ultimately led to their untimely death. It was the definition
of romantic--loving someone enough to not even consider the possibility of a future
without them. In addition, in recent times, the popular noon time Filipino program,
Be Careful with my Heart, which has been airing for two whole years, talks about a
maid falling in love with her employer, and after some time, her employer responds
positively towards her affections. Eventually, they get married and live like a family.
Love like that cant get any more true, right?
Humans seek love like we seek air. In the article Shared brain vulnerabilities
open the way for non-substance addictions: carving addiction at a new joint?
scientists have shown that there is a correlation between the positive body
reactions associated with romantic human love and the synthetically produced
stimulations and reactions gained through the use of addictive substances like
alcohol, heroin, or cocaine (Frascella and others, 2-3). To put it bluntly, their study
indicates that we could view romantic love as just another type of substance

Bohulano 3
addiction--an addiction that the majority of us are affected by and an addiction that
is nurtured by societys commercialization and dramatization of the whole thing.
Love has become a must-a requirement of survival, of fitting in-when, in fact, it
isnt. Vassopressin, the hormone responsible for monogamy, is only present in 3% of
mammals, and we humans arent part of that tiny number (Jard, 87-88). While it is
true that the act of searching for affection (which ultimately leads us to copulation,
which is necessary for the survival of our species) is part of our genetic make-up, it
doesnt necessarily follow that we are programmed to self-destruct at the loss of
love.
We are only so smitten about the idea of love because society influences us
to be so. Franois de la Rochefoucauld, a noted French author, said that there are
some who never would have loved if they never have heard it spoken of
(books.google.com). This is backed up by Belli and others, who claim that without a
history background about people falling in and out of love, most of us wouldnt
know how to cope with love, or how to react to the feelings that we associate with it
(251). Society gives us the hope that we would be the recipient of the kind of love
that would travel through the woes of the underworld for us, refuse to face the
thought of a life without us, and ignore our social class standings. Does it really
exist, though? Does that kind of love happen outside books or movie screens? Do
people really marry other people who are far from them in terms of social-financial
standing, just like what happened to the maid in the aforementioned Filipino noon
time show? As reported in nytimes.com, the official New York Times website, crossclass marriages have a lot of complications and usually end up with a power
struggle between the partners. There is also Orpheuss love story, which mirrors
societys subtle enforcement of the custom of monogamy. Frankly, monogamys

Bohulano 4
physiologically

unorthodox-and

this

is

simply

because

we

are

biologically

programmed to seek out multiple prospective mates and to release and react to
different blends of pheromones. Lets not forget about the story of Romeo and Juliet.
When I was younger, I was crazy about their story. I had wanted someone to love
me in the same manner as they loved each other. I didnt care that they died in the
end, because I had believed that love was worth anything. How nave I was, to think
that the death of a thirteen year old girl and a seventeen year old boy could be
justified by a bunch of chemical reactions. This naivety is common in our current
generation. We think that every sacrifice for the sake of your lover is warranted
because theyre important to us. Well, let me tell you this-love is not worth the loss
of a life. By focusing on the overly aggrandized good elements of love, we neglect
the deeper and darker consequences that come with believing in the promised
exaggerated benefits of being in love, setting up rather high standards, and
overthinking emotions.
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Tennysons take on love seems to be the predominant mindset of our generation.
Love, sparks, the ever present hoity-toity; we idolize love. We put it up on a
pedestal, erase its cons and exaggerate its pros. We neglect its dark side. We tend
to forget that love is only a bodily reaction, and can also be seen as a distraction.
Love leads people astray. The kind of love that society subtly conveys is true is just
an idea amplified by the thousands of people who say that they feel it. Rejection,
loss of a loved one, the feeling of abandonment-- all of these things lead to
depression, which is the top cause of suicide (suicide.org). Love has been a reason
to kill and will continue to be a reason to kill.

Bohulano 5
Countless suicides, homicides, murder cases are reported every day, and
most of these are caused by the scorn, anger and apparent temporary psychosis of
a person distraught by the loss, betrayal, and treachery, of a person that they think
they love.
As reported in msnbc.com, in March 2007, in Knoxville, Tennessee, Eric
McLean shot and killed an 18-year-old boy, Sean Powell, who had been having an
affair with McLeans wife. He did this in order to save his marriage. He was a man
who had gone from loving, adoring, [and] caring for his wife to becoming obsessed
with her, so much that he could kill someone. Who could also forget the story of
Susan Smith? She was the woman from Union, South Carolina that killed her sons
(she locked them up in her car and watched as the vehicle rolled into the lake), just
so that she could fix her relationship with Tom Findlay, a man who had broken up
with her prior to the murder because he didnt want children (crime.about.com). She
had confessed to her crime after nine days of investigation, but two innocent lives
were still lost. There is also the case of the 13 year old Filipino boy who shot his 17
year old lover with a .22 cal. handgun then committed suicide in front of Congo Grill,
a restaurant inside SM Pampanga. Police investigation showed signs of a crime out
of jealousy and evidence of a premeditated murder and suicide based on the suicide
note found in the younger boys bag that said that he was willing to die just to be
together with his lover (newsinfo.inquirer.net). It sounded like a modern Romeo and
Juliet love affair, with guns instead of poison, but just as romantic, right? I dont
think so.
Many crimes have been committed in the name of love. Too many to count,
and there are still many to come. Yet society continues to further encourage our
obsession with all-things love related. It deludes us into thinking that the absence of

Bohulano 6
it would cost us our happiness and that no one could survive without it. It tells us
that its the one thing that everyone should strive for, because we are nothing
without love (Schneider, qtd. In kboing.com).
Is romantic love really worth a life? For what is love but the effect of
heightened mammalian neurohypophysial hormone levels (Viero and others, 39)?
Its just a chemical reaction, set by biological evolution to help us with choosing
compatible mates and helping us with our survival. Its just a bunch of reactions to
stimuli looked at through rose-colored glasses by society. Attraction, which is the
first step of love, is made possible through our reactions to certain pheromones that
we excrete. Then our hormones, oestrogen and testosterone act up, which causes
us to lust after the person that we are attracted to (psychologyinaction.com). After
this, the Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to
liquid. Or burst into flames (Roth, 143) feeling happens. Jess Rothenberg describes
this as,
When youre in love, the world is brighter. Sunnier. The air smells
flowerier, and your hair is silkier, and suddenly, you find yourself smiling at
babies and strangers and old couples walking down the beach holding hands.
You smile because now youre in on one of lifes Greatest Secrets Ever. Youve
graduated to the Big Time, Baby. Youre officially in the Cool Kids Club. And
suddenly, now when people look at you, they cant help noticing that
somethings different.
This is actually the manifestation of our body reacting positively towards
interaction with the said person. Our hands get sweaty, we have trouble
concentrating, our pupils dilate, we feel excited and happy-this is because of the

Bohulano 7
chemical compound called Phenylethylamine, which is responsible for controlling
the monoamines norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. Norepinephrine and
serotonin causes our excitement while dopamine is responsible for the feeling of
happiness. Theyre the reason why love feels like an addiction. The last yet the most
important stage of love is the attachment stage, where we form bonds with our
prospective mate and develop feelings of loyalty. The hormone oxytocin, also known
as the cuddle hormone, and vasopressin (which isnt present in us, but part of the
process in other mammals), work together at this stage. Oxytocin causes the
development of attachment, and can be achieved through touching. The body
releases a lot of it during orgasm, breastfeeding and childbirth. It is responsible for
our feelings of loyalty (Bisset and others, 311; Havelicek and Roberts, 2-3).
Love has become synonymous to addiction. Recent studies suggest that it
could be classified as a dependency with similar effects as that of other substance
related problems (Earp and others, qtd. In academia.edu). We start to crave love,
look for it in everything we do, and romanticize every little thing that happens to us.
We dont just become preoccupied our significant others, we also become
consumed with the idea of love and searching for love and experiencing the feelings
that come along with it. From an early age, were informed that love is a perplexing,
remarkable and phenomenal thing. Were told enough good and bad quirks and
qualities of it to be curious of it and to seek it out. We also fall into the presumption
that someday well stumble upon love, and this is why failure in doing so usually
leads to depression. Were instructed to hope for love, pray for love, wish for love,
dream for love (Hale 126), but is it right that we set up such high expectations?
Would we still feel romantic love if society didnt influence us to be aware of it?
Would we still go gaga over every little thing that our crushes do if we hadnt grown

Bohulano 8
up watching soaps and chic flicks about people doing just that? Would we still
dream of beach weddings and hilltop picnics if we hadnt seen it happen on
basically every other movies happy ending? Is love a social construct? Is it just a
way for society to manipulate our consciousness?
Although I concede that to love and to be loved is an age old human need, I
still maintain that there is no need for to society to embellish it so much. Society
tells us how dire it is to live without the presence of love. Society exaggerates how
lonely it is to be without romantic love, but when in truth, would we feel such
loneliness if it has never told us that it would feel like that in the first place?
The upshot of all of this is that society should stop idealizing, commercializing
and exaggerating the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of love. Although it
exists, I believe that it is not powerful enough to drive a person into distraught,
depression, and death. Love is not a one-time thing, as our culture today says it is.
It is a milieu of chemical and biological processes intended to help us in multiplying
and adding to the number of our species, not to diminish it. We shouldnt be scared
into thinking that monogamous love is the only kind of real romantic love. We
shouldnt be pressured into staying with an abusive partner just because we fear
that we would be ostracized and pitied if we are without love. We shouldnt condone
acts of violence done under the name of romantic love. To take a case in point,
Article 247 of the Revised Penal Code of the Philippines, states that:
Any legally married person who having surprised his spouse in the act of
committing sexual intercourse with another person, shall kill any of them or
both of them in the act or immediately thereafter, or shall inflict upon them
any serious physical injury, shall suffer the penalty of destierro.

Bohulano 9
If he shall inflict upon them physical injuries of any other kind, he shall be
exempt from punishment.
These rules shall be applicable, under the same circumstances, to parents
with respect to their daughters under eighteen years of age, and their
seducer, while the daughters are living with their parents (chanrobles.com).
Love isnt supposed to be the reason for violence, but rather, its supposed to guide
us into the opposite of that. It follows then, that love isnt an excuse for abusive
acts. There arent enough words to describe love, but the only thing I know for sure
is that it is not the root vile acts. Although the commercialization and idealization of
love seems trivial, it is in fact crucial in terms of societys ever-burgeoning
obsession with all things love-related.

We shouldnt correlate love and the acts

done in the name of it with the over inflated expectations, standards, and
stipulations of society. We should wake up from the daydream induced by countless
romanticized paraphernalia handed out to us on a daily basis and see that love is
just one of natures incentives for the act of procreation, not the commercialized,
dramatized, and blown out of proportion version that society apprises us that it is.

Works Cited:

Bohulano 10
"13-year-old Boy Shoots Alleged Lover, Then Self." Inquirer News. Web. 5 Dec.
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