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AreYouEmotionallyIntelligent?Here'sHowtoKnowforSure.
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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Here's

How to Know for Sure.
Image credit: jeffsmallwood| Flickr
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/242881
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Travis Bradberry
Co-Author Of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 And President At TalentSmart
FEBRUARY 18, 2015
LinkedIn Influencer,Dr. Travis Bradberry, published this post originallyon LinkedIn.

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link
in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of
the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ
was the sole source of success.
Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that
sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90%
of top performers have high emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the something in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how
we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to
achieve positive results.
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Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how
much you have and what you can do to improve if youre lacking. You can always take a
scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with theEmotional Intelligence
2.0book.
Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests arent free. So, Ive analyzed the data
from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that
are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.
You Have a Robust Emotional Vocabulary

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as
they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic
because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and
counterproductive actions.
People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use
an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe
themselves as simply feeling bad, emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether
they feel irritable, frustrated, downtrodden, or anxious. The more specific your word
choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and
what you should do about it.
Youre Curious about People

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It doesnt matter if theyre introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are

curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the
most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what
theyre going through, the more curiosity youre going to have about them.
You Embrace Change

Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear
of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for
change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these
changes occur.
Related:The 6 Secrets of Self-Control (LinkedIn)
You Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Emotionally intelligent people dont just understand emotions; they know what theyre good
at and what theyre terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the
environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ
means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your
full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.
Youre a Good Judge of Character

Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other
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people, know what theyre about, and understand what they're going through. Over time,
this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You
know what theyre all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden
beneath the surface.
You Are Difficult to Offend

If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, its difficult for someone to say or do something
that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded,
which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people
make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and
degradation.
You Know How to Say No (to Yourself and Others)

Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification,
and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San
Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to
experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major self-control
challenge for many people. No is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield.
When its time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as I dont think
I can or Im not certain. Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing
commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
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You Let Go of Mistakes

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without
forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer
to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to
walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes
makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound
to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of
improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
You Give and Expect Nothing in Return

When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return,
this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation
with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up
with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because
they are constantly thinking about others.
You Dont Hold Grudges

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress
response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival
mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a
threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the
threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have
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devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have
shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease.
Holding onto a grudge means youre holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people
know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now
but can also improve your health.
You Neutralize Toxic People

Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals
control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they
need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their
own emotions and dont allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the
difficult persons standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when
things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person
with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
You Dont Seek Perfection

Emotionally intelligent people wont set perfection as their target because they know that it
doesnt exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal,
youre always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce
your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and
what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what
you've achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
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You Appreciate What You Have

Taking time to contemplate what youre grateful for isnt merely the right thing to do; it also
improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research
conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to
cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical wellbeing. Its likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.
You Disconnect
Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your
stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your
work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline
and evengulp!turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have
shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology
enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It
is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will
change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop
onto your phone at any moment.
Related:Caffeine: The Silent Killer of Success (LinkedIn)
You Limit Your Caffeine Intake

Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is
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the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational
thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing
you, but not so great when youre responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your
brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your
behavior. Caffeines long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time
working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and
they dont let it get the better of them.
You Get Enough Sleep

Its difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence
and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling
through the days memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that
you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control,
attention, and memory are all reduced when they dont get enoughor the right kindof
sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.
You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our
negative thoughts are just thatthoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or
never happens, this is just your brains natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the
frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts
from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new
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outlook.
You Wont LetAnyoneLimit Your Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other
people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent
people feel good about something that theyve done, they wont let anyones opinions or
snide remarks take that away from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to
what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself to others, and you can always
take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are
thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Why Leaders Lack Emotional Intelligence
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Image credit: Shutterstock
Travis Bradberry
Co-Author Of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 And President At TalentSmart
MARCH 19, 2015

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Over the past century, the heartless, no-nonsense CEO has become something of an iconand a
clichin American society. Hollywood would have us believe that the Machiavellian chief exec is
still alive and well. Whether its the Donald fromThe Apprenticeor Jack Donaghy from30 Rock,
these eat-the-weak-for-breakfast-types seem to be as powerful as ever.
But thats just TV, right? How about in the real world? Do businesses today still allow these
inhumane relics to survive?
To find out, we analyzed the emotional intelligence profiles of the million-plus people in our
databaseworkers from the frontlines to the C-suite. We discovered that the answer is yes,
organizations today do promote the emotionally inept...except when they dont. Allow me to
explain.
We found that scores climb with titles from the bottom of the corporate ladder upward toward
middle management. Middle managers stand out with the highest emotional intelligence (EQ)
scores in the workplace because companies tend to promote people into supervisory positions
who are level-headed and good with people. The assumption here is that a manager with a high
EQ is someone for whom people will want to work.
Related: Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Here's How to Know for Sure.
But things change drastically as you move beyond middle management. For the titles of director
and above, scores descend faster than a snowboarder on a black diamond. CEOs, on average,
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have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace.

The trick is,for every title in the graph above, the top performers are those with the highest EQ
scores.Even though CEOs have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace, the best-performing
CEOs are those with the highest EQs. You might get promoted with a low EQ, but you wont
outshine your high-EQ competition in your new role.
The higher you go above middle management, the more companies focus on metrics to make
hiring and promotion decisions. While these bottom-line indicators are important, its shortsighted
to make someone a senior leader solely because of recent monetary achievements. Even worse
than metrics, companies also promote leaders for their knowledge and tenure, rather than their
skill in inspiring others to excel. Companies sell themselves short by selecting leaders who arent
well-rounded enough to perform at the highest levels for the long term.
Once leaders get promoted they enter an environment that tends to erode their emotional
intelligence. They spend less time in meaningful interactions with their staff and lose sight of how
their emotional states impact those around them. Its so easy to get out of touch that leaders EQ
levels sink further. It truly is lonely at the top.
Whether youre a leader now or may become one in the future, you dont have to succumb to this
trend. Your emotional intelligence is completely under your control. Work on your EQ and it will
boost your performance now and ensure that you dont experience declines as you climb the
corporate ladder. Even if your employer promotes you for the wrong reasons, youll still
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outperform your contemporaries.

To help you get started, here are five of my favorite EQ-boosting strategies for leaders. They
apply to anyone, so give them a try, even if youre not a leader.
Acknowledge Other Peoples Feelings

Assertive, action-oriented executives dont exactlyignoreother peoples feelings. What they tend
to do instead is to marginalize them or fix them so that they dont get in the way of action. While
some have suggested that this is a predominantly male problem, it can more accurately be
described as a power problem. People who fail to acknowledge other peoples feelings fail to
realize that lingering emotions inhibit effective action. So the next time you notice someone on
your team expressing a strong emotion, ask him or her about it. Then listen intently and play back
what you have just heard in summary form. By validating their emotions, youll help them feel
understood so that they can move forward without hindrance.
Related: Why You Need Emotional Intelligence to Succeed in Business
When You Care, Show It

This might be the easiest thing you can doas long as you actually do it. Good leaders always
notice when people on their teams are doing good work, but they dont often show it. When you
appreciate something that another person does, let him or her know about it. Even a quick email
or pat on the back goes a long way in this regard. There are people who do great work around
you every day. Dont put off letting them know how you feel about it. Your praise will build fierce
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loyalty and inspire your people to work even harder.
Watch Your Emotions Like A Hawk

The techniques above are extremely effective, but both require an awareness of your own
emotions in the moment. You may think you have a world-class poker face, but if youre like the
average executive, your weakest self-awareness skills are understanding how your emotions
impact others and recognizing the role you have played in creating difficult circumstances. In
other words, you would become a much more effective leader if you obtained a better
understanding of what you feel, when you feel it. Practice this by taking notice of your emotions,
thoughts, and behaviors just as a situation unfolds. The goal is to slow yourself down and take in
all that is in front of you, so that you can understand how your emotions influence your behavior
and alter your perception of reality.
Sleep
Ive beaten this one to death over the years and cant say enough about the importance of sleep
to increasing your emotional intelligence and improving your relationships. When you sleep, your
brain literally recharges, shuffling through the days memories and storing or discarding them
(which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention,
and memory are all reduced when you dont get enoughor the right kindof sleep. Sleep
deprivation also raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. The
pressure that leaders are under often makes them feel as if they dont have time to sleep, but not
taking the time to get a decent nights sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting
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things under control.
Quash Negative Self-Talk

A big step in developing emotional intelligence involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks.
The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our
negative thoughts are just thatthoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the negative
and pessimistic things your inner voice says, its time to stop and write them down. Literally stop
what youre doing and write down what youre thinking. Once youve taken a moment to slow
down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in
evaluating their veracity.
You can bet that your statements arent true any time you use words like never, worst, ever,
etc. If your statements still look like facts once theyre on paper, take them to a friend or colleague
you trust and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels
like something always or never happens, this is just your brains natural threat tendency inflating
the perceived frequency or severity of an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as
thoughts by separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of negativity and move
toward a positive new outlook.
A version of this article originally appeared at TalentSmart.com.
Related: 13 Habits of Exceptionally Likable People
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3/21/2015

Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Here's

Image credit: jeffsmallwood| Flickr

FEBRUARY 18, 2015

LinkedIn Influencer,Dr. Travis Bradberry, published this post originallyon LinkedIn.

You Have a Robust Emotional Vocabulary

Youre Curious about People

It doesnt matter if theyre introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are

You Embrace Change

You Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Youre a Good Judge of Character

You Are Difficult to Offend

You Know How to Say No (to Yourself and Others)

You Let Go of Mistakes

You Give and Expect Nothing in Return

You Dont Hold Grudges

You Neutralize Toxic People

You Dont Seek Perfection

You Appreciate What You Have

You Limit Your Caffeine Intake

You Get Enough Sleep

You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks

You Wont LetAnyoneLimit Your Joy

Why Leaders Lack Emotional Intelligence

Image credit: Shutterstock

MARCH 19, 2015

have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace.

outperform your contemporaries.

Acknowledge Other Peoples Feelings

When You Care, Show It

loyalty and inspire your people to work even harder.

Watch Your Emotions Like A Hawk

things under control.

Quash Negative Self-Talk

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