How to Be a Good Boyfriend to a Insecure Girl

Three Methods:Showing Your LoveHandling Rough TimesHelping Her Self-Esteem

Girls today are constantly bombarded with messages about how to look and act: be
rail-thin but curvy, sexy but to not look provocative or invitational, perfectlooking but not trying too hard, better than "other girls" but not unfeminine, e
tc. This leaves a lot of girls feeling insecure about their looks and personalit
ies. In all this noise, how can a boyfriend make her see everything she is to hi
m?
Method 1 of 3: Showing Your Love
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1
Make her feel special. This can be done by getting her little gifts you see in y
our day, picking her flowers, texting or calling her randomly during the day, ta
king photos to say "This reminded me of you," making her food, and planning spec
ial things just for her.
Take into account her interests and favorite things. Some girls think that the p
erfect surprise date is a walk on the beach, others prefer a hike through the wo
ods, and some would rather sit in front of the TV with popcorn and a warm blanke
t.
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2
Be yourself around her. As simple as it seems, showing her that you're comfortab
le around her demonstrates trust and respect. It encourages her to be herself ar
ound you too.
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3
Compliment her. She may not always believe you, but the positive words will slow
ly but surely help her feel more confident in herself.
Give her compliments that uniquely describe her. "You're funny" is a generic com
pliment that is easy to shrug off. "Your sci fi satires are hilarious" is much m
ore specific, and is harder to discount.
Talk about things besides her beauty. Compliment her personality, her intelligen
ce, or her kindness too.
Use your vocabulary. Try words like magnificent, gorgeous, radiant, et cetera. P
erhaps it's a little cheesy, but many girls love it.
Does she think something is a flaw? Challenge that perspective. Tell her that yo
u love her freckles, her gap teeth, her strong opinions, or the way she snorts w
hen she giggles. Explain that because it's part of her, you think it's adorable.
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4
Take part in her interests. If she's in robotics club, ask to come see the robot
she's working on sometime. If she's autistic, come to an autistic pride event.
Engaging in her interests helps her know that you care about her, and care about
the things that matter to her.
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5
Be there for her. Listen thoughtfully to her, and offer your services as a sound
ing board or shoulder to cry on when she's sad. This will strengthen your relati
onship and help her work through her problems.
Practice basic sympathy techniques: "I'm really sorry to hear that." "So you're
worried about your brother, huh?" "That stinks."
Ask her how you can help. Depending on the situation, she may want advice, help
fixing the problem, or just someone to listen to her.
Method 2 of 3: Handling Rough Times
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1
Don't get angry if she doesn't accept your compliments. Sometimes insecure girls
wrongly think that guys are lying or flattering when they are trying to genuine
ly compliment her. She's not doing this as a way to fish for compliments or atte
ntion; she genuinely thinks that she is too ugly or worthless to deserve those c

ompliments.
If she doesn't believe you, defuse the argument and walk away.
If this becomes a pattern, then she may have serious self-esteem issues or a men
tal illness such as depression. She may need to see a therapist in order to over
come it.
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2
Challenge her negative thinking. This will help her realize that she isn't being
fair to herself, and teach her how to stop her bad thoughts in their tracks. Be
come a kind and gentle voice that defends her from her self-hatred.
Contradict her when she says something negative about herself. For example, if s
he says "Nobody wants to see this in a bikini," then you can reply, "Really? I w
ould."
Tell her that you don't like her negative self-talk. For example, "Hey, nobody t
alks about my girlfriend that way."[1] Then smile at her and gently contradict h
er.
Notice dangerous questions. For example, if she asks, "Do you think I'm fat?" th
en cut to the heart of the problem.[2] Tell her that she's beautiful, and ask wh
y she's asking.[3]
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3
Be patient with her. Life is rough for insecure girls, and they may blame themse
lves or start a downward spiral if they think you're mad at them.
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4
If her insecurity is getting out of control, distract her. A spontaneous gesture
of love can interrupt her bad feelings and cheer her up. Try getting her out of
the house: taking her to a movie, going on a hike, exploring a different part o
f town, attending a carnival, going to one of her favorite places, et cetera. It
'll quiet the voice telling her that she's worthless, and she'll look back on it
later with fond memories of what a great boyfriend you are.
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5
Take good care of yourself. Practicing healthy habits will help you feel good an
d have the energy to be a good boyfriend. Maintain a balanced life, with plenty
of sleep, exercise, and time spent on hobbies and other things you like. Your me
ntal health is important.
Method 3 of 3: Helping Her Self-Esteem
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1
Treat other girls with respect, and don't trash-talk them. Being judgmental towa
rds other girls will tell her that judgmental remarks are okay and normal for he
r to experience, both from other people and from herself.
Avoid comparing her to other women. Many insecure women compare themselves too m
uch and forget to look at their intrinsic worth.
If you respond judgmentally to other girls (e.g. "she's such a hoe" or "girls wh
o plaster their faces in makeup are so fake"), then you'll just be increasing th
e insecurity of other women.
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2
Try introducing her to feminism. Feminism, particularly the body positivity move
ment, has helped many women recognize their struggles and feel better about them
selves.[4][5] Feminism can teach her to stop judging her appearance so harshly a
nd become a more confident person.
Don't worry about her turning into a man-hater: studies show that feminists actu
ally feel less hostile towards men than non-feminists do.[6][7]
Consider becoming a feminist ally yourself.[8][9] This will encourage your girlf
riend to adopt a healthier attitude towards herself.
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3

Write a list of all the things you love about her. Find the little things, such
as the way her nose wrinkles when she laughs, or how her eyes squint when she sm
iles. Keep the list for yourself, give it to her on a bad day, or "accidentally"
let it sit out where she'll find it.
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4
Always treat your girlfriend with compassion and respect. With you, she will fee
l happy and safe.
We could really use your help!
Can you tell us about
box braids?
YesNo
Can you tell us about
dogs?
YesNo
Can you tell us about
printer fixes?
YesNo
Can you tell us about
5-minute miles?
YesNo
Tips
Patience is key. Remember that this isn't her fault.
Always be nice
Never be intentionally hurtful with your words during a fight or argument, that
may be unforgivable
Warnings
If you find that she's constantly feeling insecure, or that her worries are spir
aling off the deep end, then she may be dealing with a mental illness.
Related wikiHows
How to
Deal with a Depressed Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Sources and Citations
^ Advice for Dating a Fat Girl
^ Psychology Today: The Best Way to Respond to "Does This Make Me Look Fat?"
^ Auntie Sparknotes: Do You Think I'm Fat?
^ Study on how fat activism has improved fat people's health and self-esteem
^ Quotes and overview of fat activism study
^ Are Feminists Man Haters? Abstract of study
^ One feminist discusses anti-feminists' lack of respect towards men.
^ So you want to be an ally
^ Resources for Allies
Article Info
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