Saying No

Continue to say no.

Your nos needed to be nice.
Nos shud be powerful and respectfull.
Positive nos..over time we will learn over time to be more effective.deliver positive no in every
areas of life..
Better ways to deal with your differences.
How do you negotiate co-operatively when other ppl dont take interest???

Art of leadership is not saying yes but saying no.

We submit to inappropriate demands by saying yes.
Say no in positive way.
No is equal importance to yes..precondition to say yes effectively..
Triology..
Getting to yes
Gettint to no
Power of a positive no
Life skill book..all of life is a dance of yes and no..
How we say no determines the quality of our lifegracefully and respectfully..

People do say no..but in indirect fashion

Basic principle of positive no..
I find it challenging to say no in certain situations.Fervently wishing I had said no.power of a
positive no
Essential art of saying no

The great gift of No

No uttered from deeper conviction is better and greater than a yesto please and worst to avoid
trouble..

How can you say no without spoiling the relationship with someone
How can you possibly speak up and say no
Without feeling bad how can you say no.
In order to stand up for what counts..satisfy your needs you have to say no.
Saying no is always important.
Everywhere ppl are overloaded and overwhelmed,stressed bcuz of not able to say no
Everywhere ppl are finding hard to set and maintain boundareies.no is a biggest challenge
No is the most important word in vocalbulary.
I dont want spoil the relations..I am aftraid what they ll do to me
Excercising your power ,act of saying no
3 common approaches to this power vs relations hip
1.

Say yes when you want to say no.

Unhealthy yes..temporary peacethat leads to more n more demands.and both are

trapped..unahppy
We go along to get along even if we know its not the right decision for us..
Our yes is our destructive yes
We all want to be liked and accepted..no one wants to be a bad guyso we usually proceed to ok a deal
with which we will grately regret in future
The price of saying yes when u shud b saying nohas never been higher..
We use our power and attack to say no.we say no in a way tjat is hurtful to others and destruct ur
relationship
When you Speak when you are angry ,you will make the worst speech you will ever regret.
A void we say nothing at all.
we say nothing at all..we avoid..its the exteremely common reference for avoiding conflicts
avoidance can be costly for our personal health and also for organizational health..
avoidance in whatever domain is deadlyour voice begins to end the day we bc um silent for the
matters that matter
1.

Avoidance

2.

Attack

3.

Accommodation-leads to resentfull,guilty and destructive..

Public reputation was damaged..tits credit rating was reduceno one had the courage to say no

POSITIVE NO..IS WAY OUT.

Engage in constructive and respectful conversation

Speak up for yourself

Its possible to use your power of no and preserve the relationship
Positive no is a yes ,no ,yes in contrast to normal no
What I propose it do a new arrangement ..

1.

Yesinterest

2.

Noasserts your power

3.

Yesstrengthens your relationship

First yesinternally focusedaffirmation of your interest

Yesexpternally focusedinvitation for others to confirm with others interest?
The key to positive nois respect to yourself.
Its different from attack----because u respect to others
U stand on your feet rather than standing on their toes.

We can learn a lot from trees..they know how to stand up for themselves.

3 gifts of positive no
3 fundamental process.
1.

Creationpreserve or protect-transofrm

Create what you want

You can not truly say yes until you truly say no..
All you have to do is say a yes and no.every important yes requires a thousand nos.
Protect what you value.think for a moment about all that matters to you
Personal happinessorganizational successsafetly of your relation(society)
You might find utterly helpless at first.
First yespeace and safety(express your yes)
Nowas violence

(assert your no)

and yesfor others helpingand building it(positive outcome)

Every creative change begins with intentional no.

Positive no method can help you say no to yourself.

Positive no is un common senseit goes against normal impulses and reactions..

Audio3 partsprepare a positive nodeliver a positive no..follow thru turning others
resistence to your no

Offers a way to stand up to yourself.without harming ur relationship

Practice ..patience and effort.
More familiar..more second nature for you.
Freedome to be truly who you are and do what you are here to do

Chapter one:
2.

Prepare uncover your yes

3.

Empower your no

4.

Respect your way to yes

Biggest mistake of no..is to start from no.

Positive no---oppositestart from yes.root your no in your deeper yes..yes to your core interests and
what deeply matters to you..
Power of your no..comes directly from the power of your yes..
First step is uncover the yes that lies behind your no.deeper you go. More powerfully our yes. Thus
more powerfull your no.from reactive to proactive
Its our own true human tendencies to react..to act with intensive motion without clear purpose.
3 A trapbecome proactive

When you want to say no..do not react out of anger. Take a deep breathe. Focus on what is really
important to you.be proactive and focus on yes. Than being reactive and focus on no.

Why ..why do you want to say no??what are your needs and values
Stop go to the balcony..we do not hav chance to influence theothers ountil we control our own anger
reactions..

Anger can blind..fear can paralyze and guilt can weaken(who am I to say no to themthis is fear.)
Stand up to your fear.real action for standing up for yourself takes place inside you
Stopgive time and uncover your yes..
Stop and get some perspective on situation before proceeding with no
The scarcest resource is time to thinkwrite phrases that come handy.say I am sorry this is not a
gud time to talk about it..let me think about it get back..i need to consult my partner. Why dont we take
a break or time out for 5 mins,would you excuse me..indeed a coffee refill
Yes or no ---important factors
Wait a minute is equally important factor.
Use the moment to quiet think..Go for a walkexercise. If you feel angry or fear full.so when you
say no you can say from place of calm and balance

Fear ,guiltaccommodate or avoid

Angerattack.
Suppression drives feeling underground.
Become aware of your emotions. Take control of them rather than they take control of you
Deal with negative emotionsis not to act them out. But to hear them out.
No hesitation. No edge. Just a matter of fact announcement..there will b no resistance and no scene..
Trace emotions to underlying needs. Once you have truly understood hidden message of emotions.
Their intensity subsides..and you bcum calmer.recognize them as natural reactions for others
demands
Listen to them.let them express themselves fully to you.
Just studying your emotions with interest and concern will help you express .
I am angry.. You are your emotion here

I have a feeling of anger in side me. Experience the emotion without feeling possessed by them

You have the emotions..but they dont have you..

Uncover the motivations for your underlying no..keep asking why?? Interest by contrast .is the
reason to say no.articulate your interest.what do you really want and what order of priority.
Whats the behavior you find it inappropriate. Picture it in your mind. Be very concrete and specific.
Understand your interest..and ask yourself why??its hard to satisfy your real interest if you are not sure
what they are ??
Ask yourself. What am I thinking to create by saying nowhat are the activities I can say yes
to.what core interest is my risk if I say yeswhat am I seeking to change by saying noprobe
deeper into your underlying motivationoften we list our interest. We list our underlying wants,
desires.
If we probe deeper we will find these underlying wants.
Safety or survival
Food drink and another lifes necessities
Belonging in love
Respect
Freedom and control.

Ask your self why you really want to say nothere is a basic need beneath..rooted in something you
deeply care about..deeper you go you will hit the bed rock..a place of strength and stability..listen ot
your emotions
Fear alerts us to possible threat
Anger something in situation is wrong and needs to be corrected
Guiltalerts us to be sensitive to important relationship
If we can listen to these feeling than reacting to them..we will benefit greatly from it.
If I get a queasy feelingkeep your emotions as sign post.pointing it to their core needs.

Stand for your own personal interests

Courageous action for standing up for what was right.
In saying no illegal and non-ethical practices.
Uncovering your underlying values can provide motivation necessary to deliver..
What really matters. What are your true priorities
Find yourself asking. Can I actually do it..if I say no..will I b able to stick to it..
Its essential Dig deep down to your core to ur true self at place of inner certainity and conviction.
Keep probing. What is your deeper purpose. What is true and right for you.what is the message of ur
soul
He said no to travelSay no inorder to be with children
Know and believe your core values..
So when you are about to say no..consult ur basic machine and core values. Think not just ur short term
interest. Long term. Not just narrow interest. But enlightened interest
Deepest source of your no and connect.deeper u go with your yes. Stronger ur no will be..
Your yes is ur intention to protect and advance ur core interest. Intention adds to your interest to an
element of commitment
True strength does not come from physical capacity. Comes from indomitable realm
Few things in life are clear intentions. Most powerful intentions are positive.ur intention is not

something u invent..rather something u crystalize ur real power ,needs and values

Single position of no..can lead to many motivations of yesand one intention that sums them all up.
Honest..integrety..respect..fairness.

Values provides strong motivation for you to say no

Question of values. Uncover your underlying values it can deliver the motivation necessary to
deliver a powerful and positive noreach down to ur core uncover ur needs and values

What really matters. What are your true prioritiesprospect of saying no triggers self-doubt and
anxiety
Can I actually do it?? If I say no will I be able to stick to it.
Dig deep down to your core ..that place of inner certainty and conviction..
Core of self respect that wil enable you to stand up and say no..deeper purpose..what is true and right
for you.
When u say no..consult ur basic mission and core values. Think of long term interest not just short
term.not just narrow. But enlightening self interest
Goal it to find the deepest source of ur no and connect with it..deeper ur yes. Stronger ur no
Yes is ur intention to protect and advance ur core interest..
You make a commitment to fulfilling ittrue strength comes from indomitable realm
Most powerful intentions are for and not against
--intrests are liked roots of trees.ask yourself what am I truly standing for?
Face the challenge of saying no . Write down your intention and read it out to your colleague.
Saying yes is the last thing you want to do at any point to anyone...
we confuse the question of whether or not we say no...
we rationalize ourself to feel better .clarify as you consider what you really want to do in this situation.
once you clarified your intention its time to give it energy.
Emotion provide fuel for action. emotion if directed properly can give immense motivation. positive
intention grows out of your emotions. Listen deeper to your feelings.
At the right moment release your emotional energy. Anger is as useful and powerful as electricity. But
only as we use it as electricity.

Emotion such as fear and anger can either be destructive or constructive.

Anxiety ,fear and anger bring you the gift of tranformative energy.These emotions can give you the
guts to say no if you use it constructively than destructively.
Your no can be for your needs. Not for others. Instead of saying rejectively no..say yes to your own
needs. You now have the fuel to deliver your no.

Empower Your No
Saying no is not easy . Other may react strongly to your no..you need confidence, you need power.
Empower your no. Develop positive power. Once you uncover your intention, its time to back up you
intention.
Plan B is positive power, to back it up.

Turn fear into confidence. Plan B- many people are reluctant to think about worst case scenario.
This is the powerful excerscise to deliver you powerful no. Planning an alternative means of success.
You naturally feel fearful and angry. Plan B biggest benefit is pscychological benefit you need. The
more you need others to do what you want ,the more power you give them over you and the less
power you have influence the situation.
The neediness create stress for both of you. Feeling of coversion for others , weakness and
dependence of you. Your fears what others might do in retaliation to your no. Device a plan B. Its
a best course of action if others do not accept your no. capacity of address your needs
independent of whether or not others accept your no.
you can say no with greater ease if you have a Plan B--(back up).
Plan b is action you can take independent of others cooperation.
Plan a- for accpetance or agreement.
Plan b- is back up not fall back.... plan b is not a option to agreement but rather alternative to
agreement independent of agreement.
Empowerment not punishment.
Its not an outlet for your frustration and anger.
Its not power over the other but power to meet your own interest.

Whether and how you mention your plan b to others.

Strengthen your plan b.
brainstorm a variety of plans. Come up with creative alternative . Biggest obstacle that kill creative
ideas is the voice back of our brain which says oh thats rediculouse..golden rule for brainstorm is
suspend criticism for few minutes. Think wild ideas. Many successful ideas are wild. Develop one or
serveral possible alternative into concrete operational plans.

Types of alternatives
1. unilateral what could you do on your own to satisfy your own needs and desires without being
dependent on others
2. exit what would it mean for you to leave the situation or relationship with others. say no effectively
if you know your plan b
3. involve a 3rd person who can help you.
Intermediate and alternate plans-- develop sequence of plans small ones which can lead to big one.
Plan b- one of them is Build a winning co relation.who shares my interests? Gather support from others
so that you collectively with others can tackle the situation.
2 kinds of power: organized money and organized people.
anticipate the others power moves. What can they do if you say no?
Don't attack the other ,but simply remove the ability of others to attack you.

Consider the worst case...it can be useful to think thru in advance...whats the worst thing others can do
to you if you say no to them.
Whats the worst thing they cud do to me...??
In moments of tension we tend to let our anxiety and fear magnify the potential consequences of saying
no..when we take a clear out look we can boldly stand our desires and our tensions....
.you are in a position to ask yourself a question,shud I say no?
After all say ing no can cost a significant cost for you and for others....

ask yourself 3 questions...indeciding whether to say no...

do I have the interest?protect or advance key interest of yours. Listen to your innervoice ,if your
intention is clear and strong you can plan and go ahead.
Do I have the power?
Do I have the right? In some situations we might ask ourselves am I allowed to say no?
If you had made a promised or signed a contract...its not appropriate..but too much of demands,
inappropriate demand ,unreasonable demands we accommodate....which is unfair...
final analysis we all have the right to say no...hall mark of a free person is the right to say no and make
decisions for themselves and face consequences.
In case of doubt, After doing the work of interest..you have compelling interest to say no,the power to
say no..and right to say no...
when your interest power and right is aligned....
simply give them respect....respect is the subject of next chapter......
its not easy to say no particulary the people whom we depend.

Respect your way to yes..

never take a persons dignity it is worth everything to them and nothing to you. now Prepare others to
say yes to your no........
how you can make easier to others to accept your no and accept your yes..
how can you make others to others often takes our no as personal rejection.....
how can you open a channel of communication so that your no is essentially positive.....
others takes our no as personal rejection ,but that might not be our intent......how can we make easier to
others to accept your no .
nointentionally or un-intentionally rejection the others....(it might imply you and your interest doesnt
count.....the other will likely close their ears to message causing our relationship to suffer.....)
disrespect takes it toe from every domain from family to work.
The secret for others to accept our yes is not to reject them but to respect them. Let the respect diminish
the string of rejection
By respect mean not accommodating. It means positive attention to others by listen to them and
acknowledging them as fellow human beings, what they have to say, treat the others with the same

sense of dignity which you would like to be treated.

Reconciliation..whoever has the mind to fight has broken his connection with universe study how to
resolve the conflict but not how to start....