Adolf Hitler

(Redirected from Hitler)

There is still reasonable evidence linking Hitler to Iraq and WMDs.

~ Dick Cheney on Hitler

Hitler, keeping his pimp hand strong. "You must be this tall to ride in my wohnwagen".

Adolf "Chuckles"
Hitler (April 20,
1889April 30,
1945) was, quite
The faux patriot snake
For the religious among us who
surely, the greatest
handlers atConservapedia have an even
choose to believe lies, the so-called
funnier article about Adolf Hitler.
man who ever lived
experts at Wikipedia have an article
about Adolf Hitler.
(since Jesus Christ whom he so strongly opposed). He had
very sexy legs. I wouldn't mind a piece of that. Mmm, mmm, good.[Citation not needed at all;
thank you very much] Hitler was also the Chancellor (and Fcker) ofGermany from 1933 to 1945.
During his time in office, he socially and economically reformed Germany after the injustice of the
1919 Treaty of Versailles, established the Third Reich (Deutsches Reich), architected
theHolocaust, and had three root canals as a result of his infatuous indulgence inReese's Peanut
Butter Cups.
Despite these accomplishments, he was most famous for having led Germany as an Axis
power through World War II,[1] or as he referred to it, The European World Tour 1939-1945, when
he liberated Poland from Jewish influence, liberated Francefrom incompetent rulers, and
liberated Austria from itself. Notably, he also tried to
liberate Russia from Communism and Britain from its collapsing Third Worldimperialism, but was
unable to do so.
He was also known for his amateur but passionate art and acting talents as displayed throughout
his memorable thespian service to the German war effort inWorld War I and for the penning and
publication of his entertaining autobiography.
His efforts to promote global tolerance would earn him title as Time Magazine's "Person of the
Year" in 1938, nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1939[2], and one of People Magazine's "50

Most Beautiful People" for 1943. Additionally, he was leader of theNational Socialist German
Workers Party and vice president of the Anti-Defamation League for several years, but was
removed from this office after it was discovered that he didn't pay his membership fees.
Contents
[show]

Early

life

Childhood and education

You know what they say, people look like their homes

Hitler was born April 20, 1889 [citation needed] at Braunau am Inn, Australia Austria, a poor
village slum in Upper Austria, bordering Germany, the third son and eighth child of six. His father,
Alois Hitler, (born Schicklgruber), (18371903), was a customs official in Australia-Hungary on the
border with the German Empire; his mother, Gretta Plzl (18601907), Alois' second cousin, was
his father's third wife who was also her own grandmother.
Hitler once declared in "Mein Kampf" that his political views stemmed from the observations he
had made while he was young. Some historians suggest Hitler may have felt cramped inside
his mother's womb, giving way to his later resentment of foreigners invading his already cramped
space in Europe. It has also been suggested that the insides of Hitler's mom were not diverse
enough, contributing to his later xenophobia. In addition, the nutrient needs of an unbirthed Hitler
may have, from time to time, gone unfulfilled. This most likely contributed to his paranoia and
sense of impending doom regarding the continued availability of resources at Germany's disposal,
including Aryans.
The fact that Hitler's conception was unplanned, some have argued, may have attributed to his
laterpessimism and stress-induced anxiety. A certain Alice had sexual relations with Hitler back
in 1942. Hitler killed himself 3 years later. In another context, paranoid tendencies may have led
to his decision to invade the Soviet Union, acting on preemption; however, it may have just
been penis envy. It should be mentioned, however, that Stalin planned to invade Germany.
See also: Little Adolf's School Report
Young Adolf tended to be a rebellious youth. In particular, he was disruptive in class, with one
notable incident occurring in third grade. Hitler was seated next to a Polish boy and a French boy,
and one day when the teacher was off in the teacher's lounge, he beat them up and tried to take
their desks away because, he said, he needed more room to work on his math homework.
However, when he tried to beat up Ivan, the exchange student from Moscow, young Adolf ended
up with a black eye. A nearby American kid stepped in to help restore order, but only after the
fight had already gone on for twenty minutes. Some psychologists believe that this event may
have been a formative one for the impressionable young Adolf.

Hitler proved to be an incredibly gifted child with superior intelligence until his high school years
in which Hitler's teachers claimed he had "far exceeded the courses offered at even the most
prestigious institute." Hitler once stated that some of his idols and heroes growing up
were Michael Jordan and Pontius Pilate.[3] No longer challenged and bored with school, Hitler left
school with no qualifications at the age of sixteen.