Wordy Sentences

McGraw Hill Handbook

Chapter 38

Wordy Sentences
Wordinessusing more words
than one needs to express ones
ideasis an issue even for
experienced writers.

Making Your Writing More Concise

Concise is an adjective that
means to express much in few
words; to be clear and to the
point.

Here are a few ways to make

your writing more concise.

How to make
your writing more concise

1. Recognize and eliminate wordy

phrases and empty words

Example: Wordy phrases

The fact is that at this point in
time more women than men
attend college.

Example: Wordy phrases

The fact is that at this point in
time more women than men
attend college.

Example: Wordy phrases

The fact is that at this point in
time More women than men now
attend college.

Example: Wordy phrases

More women than men now
attend college.

Example: Empty Words

Total college enrollments have
increased steadily upward since
the 1940s, but since the 1970s
women have enrolled in greater
numbers than men have.

Example: Empty Words

Total college enrollments have
increased steadily upward since
the 1940s, but since the 1970s
women have enrolled in greater
numbers than men have.

Example: Empty Words

Total college enrollments have
increased steadily since the
1940s, but since the 1970s
women have enrolled in greater
numbers than men.

How to make
your writing more concise

2. Recognize and eliminate

unnecessary repetition.

Example: Unnecessary Repetition

She is writing a fictional historical
novel set in the past about Anne
Hutchinson and the settling of
Rhode Island.

Example: Unnecessary Repetition

She is writing a fictional historical
novel set in the past about Anne
Hutchinson and the settling of
Rhode Island.

From the Dept. of Redundancy Dept.

What is wrong with these often used phrases?

Joined together
Final result
Few in number
Blue in color

Past history.
Refer back
Small in size
Cooperate together

How to make
your writing more concise

3. Recognize and revise

constructions built around weak
verbs and nouns derived from
verbs.

Example: Weak Verbs

There were millions of people
who donated generously to help
victims of the earthquake.

Example: Weak Verbs

There were millions of people
who donated generously to help
victims of the earthquake.

Example: Strong Verbs

Millions of people donated
generously to help victims of the
earthquake.

Example: Strong Verbs

The valley was surveyed by the
archaeologists for the purpose of
locating sites that had been
occupied by the Incas.

Example: Strong Verbs

Archaeologists surveyed the
valley for Inca sites.

How to make
your writing more concise

4. Recognize opportunities to
reduce clauses to phrases and
phrases to words.

Example: Reducing clauses to phrases

and phrases to words.

The film Dirty Pretty Things,

which was directed by Stephen
Frears, portrays the struggles of
illegal immigrants in London.

Example: Reducing clauses to phrases

and phrases to words.

The film Dirty Pretty Things,

which was directed by Stephen
Frears, portrays the struggles of
illegal immigrants in London.
OR

Example: Reducing clauses to phrases

and phrases to words.

Stephen Frears film Dirty Pretty

Things portrays the struggles of
illegal immigrants in London.

How to make
your writing more concise

5. Recognize opportunities to
combine several repetitive
sentences into one more concise
sentence.

Example: Sentence Combining

Little Red Riding Hood crossed
the river. After that, she walked
through the woods to
Grandmothers house.

Example: Sentence Combining

Little Red Riding Hood went over
the river and through the woods
to Grandmothers house.

Questions?