The Dragon, the King, and the Princess,

by Joshua Horowitz


CHARACTERS

King Joe Bob Billy: Late 50s, Overprotective, Slightly crazy.


Princess Rachel: Teenager, Adventurous, stubborn


The Dragon: Mid 300s, Quick to temper, Always Hungry


Grumbly Groo: 6 human years old, 43 troll years old, speaks in rhyme, Scottish
TIME

Medieval Times, Late afternoon

PLACE

Joe's Palace, Entrance to cave, Cave Interior

SCENE ONE: CASTLE BEHIND THE SCENES

(Light go on. KING is sitting in his throne, PRINCESS walks by)

RACHEL
Bye, dad! I'll see you later.

KING
And just where do you think you're going, young lady?

RACHEL
To get my nails done! I told you about this! Twice! One of the times was with a
megaphone!

KING
Rachel, I couldn't possibly let you go to get your nails done; The aliens might
replace the nail polish with acid and destroy your beautiful, beautiful nails! I'll just
build a nail salon in the castle!


RACHEL
But I don't want a private nail salon! My friends are baking cookies. Can I go
over and bake with them?

KING
No! The ninjas might poison the cookie dough!

RACHEL
Can I least go to Janie's house for a sleepover with all of my friends?

KING
Never! Witches and warlocks will break down the roof and turn you into a toad!

RACHEL
(Storms off)
Oh, Fine!

KING
(Stands up)
Don't you take another step, young lady!

RACHEL
Auuuugh!

KING
She'll understand when she's older.

SCENE TWO: THE TROLL OF WISDOM

(RACHEL storms across the stage, bumps into GRUMBLY GROO)

GRUMBLY GROO
Stop right there, or so I dare!

RACHEL
Who are you?

GRUMBLY GROO
My name is Grumbly Groo, and I'm here to give advice to you!

RACHEL
Well, if you're an advice giving troll, you may as well give me advice. Otherwise,
(shouting) get of my way!!!!!

GRUMBLY GROO
There's no need to shout at me, for I shall give advice to thee! There lies a cave
up there ahead, so don't go there or you'll be dead!

RACHEL
What do you mean a cave?

GRUMBLY GROO
(Running off)
That is not for you to know. I cannot talk now- I must go!

RACHEL
A cave, huh? I'll see if that Mumbly guy is good for his word.

(RACHEL wanders for a little while, and stumbles upon the cave)

RACHEL
Well, there's the cave I guess. But should I go in? maybe that Bumbly guy wasn't
lying! But if I do go in, there might be that Tumbly guys troll treasure. No! It's too
dangerous! Wait a minute; that sounds like something my dad would say! I am
going in the cave. Neither my dad nor that Wumbly troll can stop me.

SCENE THREE: IN THE HEART OF THE CAVE

(RACHEL is in the cave)

RACHEL
(Wandering around, taking long pauses)
Sure is lonely in here not nearly as exciting as I expected nope, not a lot is
going on

(THE DRAGON enters)

DRAGON
(Yelling dramatically)
Boo!

RACHEL
Aah! Who are you?

DRAGON
I am the Dragon of Hunger! The Sultan of Starvation! The Master of
Malnourishment! And I have come to this cave today with intentions as black as
the midnight sky! My wickedness is unchallenged! My evil is ebbing! I laugh!
(Laughs) And I have come to this cave to kidnap you, my pretty! (DRAGON and
RACHEL act out the kidnapping as he talks about it) For, as the dragon of
hunger, I am cursed with an incurable hunger. However, as soon as I saw you
enter my cave I knew you could satisfy my starved self. But, what is a meal
without theatrics! So, I will dangle you above a pit of starved land-sharks, with a
candle burning ever so slightly into the rope that you are hanging by. Just as you
are at the brink of death by starvation, the rope will snap and you will plummet
into the land-sharks' hungry beaks!

RACHEL
Beaks?

DRAGON
Yes. Beaks!

(THE KING barges into the cave)

KING
Rachel! I told you not to go out! You disobeyed me!

RACHEL
Listen, Dad. I'm being dangled above a pit of land sharks, and you're complaining
about me going out? I'm only inches away from their hungry beaks!

KING
Beaks?

RACHEL
I know! I had the exact same reaction!

KING
Never mind! Unhand or unrope my daughter, you ah non-fiery dragon!

DRAGON
Well, considering how you just barged into my cave, I think I should have the first
word.

KING
Never mind whose word is first! Just give me back my daughter.

DRAGON
I'm sorry, King. I'm afraid I cannot do that.


KING
Well then you'd better learn fast, because I'll send my elite force of knights after
you!

(GRUMBLY GROO enters, dressed as a knight)

GRUMBLY GROO
Behold it is I! The King's best knight, sir Groo! Surrender now or I'll slaughter you!

DRAGON
Your sword! It smells like like orange?

GRUMBLY GROO
Yes, my sword has an orange scent. Here, have a better smell of it, gent!

(GRUMBLY GROO shoves his sword through the DRAGON's face, and
the DRAGON falls over dead)

GRUMBLY GROO
Dammit, I can't go back to jail! Excuse me, folks- it's time to bail! (begins to run
away)

KING
No, Grumbly! This isn't like those other times. You're my knight now, your job
was to kill that dragon.

GRUMBLY GROO
Oh. Hooray! I saved the day!

RACHEL
I'm sorry, Dad. You were right, I should have just stayed home. It's dangerous
out there.

KING
No, you were right, Rachel. I was wrong. I banned those ninjas from the
kingdom, like, two years ago. Why did I think they'd still be around?

RACHEL
Aw, c'mere dad!

(RACHEL and KING hug. GRUMBLY GROO, infected with familial love,
joins in the hug, which RACHEL and KING are both repulsed by. Then the
DRAGON rises up from the dead to join everyone)

EVERYONE
and they all lived happily ever after!