While this is probably going to be one of the most talked about issues of the (unnamed) newsletter,

for me, it was the hardest to start and finish.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, this is a special edition of the newsletter. This month’s theme is
“Love, Romance and that Three Letter Word”.
Being that I recently fell out of love, I am NOT feeling romantic NOR am I thinking about that three
letter word! But far be it from me to scurvy my fabulous readers just because I am on asexual
mode. I guess you can say I’m taking one for the team this round.
In an effort to continue to deliver impactful, insightful and inspiring content, I took mental notes at
our GIRLZ NIGHT IN and posed some VERY probing questions to approximately 30 guys in the
hopes of gaining insight into how they REALLY think about sex.
The answers may surprise you… some may shock you… some might leave you needing a cigarette
and you don’t even smoke!
Whatever the case, be inspired as always. And please…. KEEP THIS EDITION OUT OF THE
CHILDREN’S REACH!
As always, you can hit me up on e-mail, Myspace or text me if you have any comments. And now I
present to you, the findings of my survey (read on).

B.da….
 Sex toys in the bedroom, yay or nay?
Why or why not?

Whoo-wee! 99% of the respondents said HELLZ YEAH

to the sex toys! Handcuffs, blindfolds, vibrators, whip cream,
hula hoops (hula hoops?)… adding a little something extra to
the evening’s festivities was definitely a good thing. As one
respondent so bluntly put it “Anything that'll make a girl cum
more. F*ck her while you suck her (a dildo). Vibrate the clit
as you f&ck her (a bullet). Double stimulation.”
(Is it hot in here or is that just me….)
As always, however, not all were agreed on toys in the
bedroom. One lone respondent said that toys were “too much
maintenance… a distraction.” He went on to say that, in his
opinion, “ guys that DO like toys [use them] to compensate for
what they can’t do.“ (Ouch!)

What is your favorite oldie, but goodie

sexual position?

Responses varied on this question, but the majority had to give mad props to the
tried and true “doggystyle” position. As one respondent says, “it’s the perfect
blend of pain and pleasure, both given and inflicted. For a guy, it’s like running
into a soft wall.” (interesting)
The runner up position was “riding” the man. One respondent mentioned that he
likes to “see the sexual expression of a woman's face…to see her breasts move
up and down and to feel that a&% smackin’ on me… ummm ummmmm
ummmmmmm a beautiful thang.” (oookay)

Missionary was also mentioned…by one respondent.

 Anal sex... what is the big deal?
Why do men like it so much?

Of all the guys I polled, the majority responded with the same basic answer.
“Driving the Hershey highway” is still considered a ‘forbidden’ act, and that is its
main appeal. The allure of it being so taboo is basically the main reason guys
want you to allow them that backdoor action.
For some of the men, it was an ego thing. As one man stated, “it brings forth a
sense of achievement… to know we've been in every hole imaginable.” Another
respondent had a similar take on the ego thing saying he “liked to hear women
scream and push back like they cant take it”. (Um, torture much?)
Some men also mentioned the fact that it’s a great way to have sex and not have to
worry at ALL about getting a girl pregnant. What surprised me the most was that
none of the men who participated in the survey brought up the fact that the risk of
HIV transmission is greater with anal sex. I didn’t bother to bring this up to them,
but in an effort to educate you, dear reader, peep…
The risk of HIV transmission is greater than it is in vaginal intercourse because the
lining of the rectum tears more easily than the vagina. The resulting tears to the
skin and the bleeding it can cause increases the possibility of the transmission of
bodily fluids containing the virus that causes AIDS.
If you choose to engage in either vaginal or anal penetrative sexual acts, using
latex condoms is the best way to reducing the likelihood of HIV transmission.
Condoms MUST be made of LATEX to prevent STDs! None of this lambskin
crap please!
 When it comes to a
chick giving head....
why do men prefer
her to swallow? Does
it REALLY matter
where it ends up?
If so, why?

Now I have to admit, I just knew the answers to this one

would awaken the feminist in me. I kept hearing random
lines from that old NWA song “Don’t Matter Just Don’t Bite
It” come to mind and shuddered at how my guys would
answer this one.
But I have to admit, they surprised me. Only 1 of my guys
gave the ultimate HELLZ YEAH to swallowing being a
mandate. In his words, spitting “ruins the moment.”
One of my guys got a little deep on me with his answer,
stating that to him it says that a girl really cares for him.
When I asked him why this was, he said “[A man’s] precious
genetic materials are not going to waste. It’s an ego boost!”
(hmmm…) In the next breath, however, he mentioned how it
is good for the girl for dietetic and aesthetic reasons (I.e. it’s
good FOR her and tastes good TO her). (Sorry hon, NOT
buying that one!)
Outside of that, most men didn’t see swallowing as the end
all, be all. In fact, some prefer she not swallow. A few of
their quotes:
“I prefer her to drool. I like to see it drip out of her mouth.”
“I’d rather have the cum on her, or in her.”
And my favorite quote in response to this question:
“I could care less what she does with the load; spit, swallow,
freeze it and save it for later… just dont get it on my shoes!”
(Where do I GET these guys from? LOL!)
The best birth control is...
“abstinence… nah, make that
“communication “ celibacy. Celibacy has a
spiritual connotation.
Abstinence is you just haven’t
put yourself in a position to
“swallowing!” have sex. “

“condoms.”

A zip-lock and a
twisty tie!...oh yeah
and a mask like
“condoms plus birth R.Kelly wears.
control pills “ (WTH?)
Sex on day one is

…rare for the average

…a turn off, but I still do it! Joe, but pretty normal
for me!

…exciting. But what

about the other days?
…something to be cautious of and
to be safe with.. Protect yourself.

Great! What’s the hold up? Either a guy respects you from first
impression or he doesn’t. If you want a long-term relationship with
a guy, the last thing you’ll want to do is have sex with him. If you
are unsure or know it’s not going anywhere…go with the flow.
 And lastly, I asked the guys to finish some sentences.
Here are some of the best responses:

The best head I ever received

…was when I was
…was during sex and getting head and getting ...felt as though
I was on the verge of …was from a my a** licked at the she had sucked
having an orgasm. I very experienced same time. every drop of
went from being IN lady who shoulda my life-force
her to her swallowing been in a porn “How did from my body
when I came. Right movie, making a she accomplish and this was
when I felt myself lot of money!!! that?” before we'd
about to come, she Plus we were actually had sex.
said don’t come yet… making love, so it …it was with two I started to go
and then put me in her was great. I chicks and they had and buy her an
mouth and WHOO- could tell she was me screaming like a award for
WEE! really into me. b*tch! excellence.

The best head I ever gave

(note: Most of my guys answered …was when I had somebody
…was a few years ago,
this by saying every time they do it that apologized for coming
when we went to a hotel.
it is the best. Yeah, ok…) in my mouth. She felt so
I blind folded her and
bad that she felt so good and
licked her ‘til she broke
she apologized.
out in tears

Sex is
…you’re with a
person that …both of the …both
parties are
…it is spontaneous
and it’s with a person
you are a
knows how to
satisfy your
sexual needs
lil’ tipsy bomb down for
anything.
that you are
extremely attracted to
but not committed to.
when

…you have smoked

some weed, popped an
“X” pill, and been
drinking Hennessey.
(Um, could you BE any
more specific? LOL!)
 “3 pieces of advice actually…be safe, be free and be
If there was one confident.”

piece of sexual “Protect yourself at ALL times… for so many reasons

and on so many levels.”
advice you could “Learn what turns your man on and surprise him with
that. We hate to have to always have to be the one to
give to women, initiate sex. When a man wants to try something new
don't be so damn fast to have a negative answer or
what would it be? response. Be adventurous and creative. Leave lil’ sexy
notes, emails, or text messages.”

If there was one piece of advice you could give

to women, what would it be?
“2 things: Be honest and be secure with yourself before developing a relationship
with a guy. Those two things are the most attractive, rare and sexy attributes that a
woman can display to a man and not enough women possess them.”

My most memorable
sexual experience
involved...

“Chocolate syrup, plantains, a bag of

pesos, a Mexican girl and a Dominican
girl, some Prince music, me and a hula
hoop!” (Who IS this guy?)
Can I be your muse?
Can I be your paintbrush to use?
Create a masterpiece like the one we painted on my sheets
Be a Picasso
Make more than a rib
Stretch me to every part of your fossil
Architect every part of me
Abandoned the prototype
Blueprint me

Can I be your muse?

Can I be your clay to mold?
Sculpt, squeeze, hold
Michael Angelo my Mona Lisa
Turn the clay until it pleases you
Place me on the world's view
But I'm not the spectacle
Just an expression of the artist that is you

Can I be your muse?

Can I be your microphone to use?
Adjust our levels
Make it hotter than the devil
Make it louder than we can stand
Rock the mic
Wreck the band
Bang Alicia's keys
Fuck As and Bs
Hit notes like Vs and Zs
Singing higher than we can get by climbing trees

Can I be your muse?

Can I be your, sphinx, your taj mahal, your great wall
Can I be the 9th wonder?
Can I complete your diamond?
Can I be the delivery of the punch line with perfect timing?
Can I be whatever you need me to?
Can I be the one who inspires you?

-Lady X
www.myspace.com/desypha1
 ent
Diffe r
htly
Slig

5 ^ Valentine’s Day Ideas….

1 You know those models, video
chicks and random whorish
looking women he ogles?
BECOME THEM!
(on film anyway)
Buy a wig, exaggerate your make-
up, throw on something skimpy or
heck, go nude and take some racy
photos of you and give them to him
for Valentine’s Day.
Looking to get away for Valentine’s Day?
Outside view
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his
2
stomach. Take him out to eat at his favorite
restaurant and request a booth in a quiet corner of
the restaurant. Instead of sitting across from him,
sit next to him and give him “hand” while you wait
for your food to arrive.
You know that “thing” he has been
3 bugging you to try sexually? How
about this Valentine’s Day you
surprise him and LET HIM!
4

Inside view
Why not slip off to a hotel or spa for the weekend. One we love is the Artista
Resorts in Wisconsin Dells. Located on the lakefront, these luxury suites
have themes such as Asian Flair, Moroccan Paradise, African Safari, and our
favorite, the VIP Lounge (pictured). When rolling in VIP, you experience a
metro skyline, chairs fit for the finest New York club and a private dance
floor, complete with a dancer’s pole! For more info call 866.403.3557

5
For Romance on a budget,...
Leave a love note on the mirror for him to see when he wakes up. Instead of letting the alarm wake him
up, wake him up with some impromptu head. Fix his favorite breakfast while wearing the clothing he
LOVES to see you in (or hell, lack of clothing for that matter…lol). Text him throughout the day with
thoughts of what you plan to do to him when he gets home. That night, set the mood: rose petals leading
from the front door to the bathroom, bubble bath ran with rose petals, candles all over the place. Have
fresh towels and slippers already in the bathroom.

Tell your spouse to take some "him" time and relax in the tub. Bring a glass of champagne to him while
he’s soaking.
Added bonus: Have the song “Cater 2 U” by Destiny's Child playing while they are relaxing in the
bubble bath. Or, play the song after he gets out of the tub, sit him on the couch or bed and dance for
him.
 People are their most passionate
I learned back in
at two specific points: at the apex Elementary school to write
of pursuit; and at the nadir of “I like you, do you like me?
desperation. Check the box: Yes or maybe”
See, “No” wasn’t an option
That's why people are their most
Its either you like me now…
romantic when they're
Or eventually
a) Trying to get you and b) Trying
to get you BACK.

"At the
touch of I think that love is conceived in the
love moment that you care more about
everyone protecting someone than protecting
becomes a
poet.“ yourself from them.
-Plato

“When I say beautiful things, I'm not

necessarily living them; when I live
them, the beautiful thing is that words
aren't necessary.” - Brock Tully

"The world is a puzzle and we're two

pieces that fit perfectly together."

"If you were a

tear in my eye, I
"Whenever you see love would not cry for
coming, welcome it with fear of losing
open arms and let it you."
enter into you. People
will ask, 'Are you in
love?' You will say, No,
To love is to have a heart; to be
in love, is to make it beat."
LOV E
love is in me.”
 Being sincerely saved, single and a sexual being, in
my opinion, is a recipe for a full-throttle guilt trip.

On the one hand, you can feel the eyes of God and
the voice of the Holy Spirit encouraging you to live a
spirit-filled life (translation: celibate).

But on the other hand, when Mr. “Right now/possibly

forever” comes along, it seems like no words ring
more true than those that say, ‘the spirit is willing, but
the flesh is weak’.

Although you answered the phone, engaged in the sexual banter, raced to the door 20
minutes later when he came over and wound up doing things that might make even a
porn star blush, it isn’t until the sun (make that SON) comes into view that those
feelings of letting God down come into play.

So how does one balance being saved, single and a sexual being? Ha! If only I had
the answer to this age old query.

I don’t think there is one definitive way to deal with it, although I would imagine that
keeping God’s word close and immersing yourself in that which is righteous and
rational (thanks Pops!) is an excellent place to start.

Beyond that, look for ways to lovingly express yourself without compromising who
you are in Christ. If you think about it, any chick off the street can open her legs and
provide a man a few minutes of pleasure. Do not for one minute think that your panty
puddin’ is the best the world has to offer and that he will stay because it is just that
good.

Rather, seek to differentiate yourself from the rest. Let WHO you are be what drives
him wild. Your love for God, your passion for life, your loyalty, your faithfulness,
your excellent cooking, the fact that you are about your business, keeping a clean
house that makes him feel at home, your quirky sense of humor, your willingness to
listen and make him feel loved. THESE are the things that differentiate a hoe from a
housewife.

It’s the Proverbs 31 woman who can guarantee her mate a lifetime of love.
 Alternatives to Sex
From Lydia P. Smith’s brochure: “101 Ways to Make Love Without Doing It” 1995

Send each other a card
Go to church together
Kiss

Watch the game
Go to the mall
Call each other on the phone


Ask each other out on a date
Save money
Go for a long drive

Laugh
Make a new friend
Color in a coloring book

Clean your room
Visit the zoo
Cry during movies

Go mountain biking
Go cross-country skiing

Go for a picnic in the park
Study Together
Hold hands

Play computer games
Read to each other
Go out to dinner

Rent a movie
Go grocery shopping
Feed each other popcorn

Sing to each other
Go star gazing
Eat by candlelight

Go fishing in the dark
Feed each other grapes

Cuddle up close with hot chocolate
Take a walk together

Read a romantic poetry book to each other

Talk about your feelings
Watch the sunset together

Eat ice cream cones
Cuddle on the couch
Go swimming

Swing at the playground
Look into each other's eyes

Play in the rain
Lie in fresh cut grass
Play Twister

Work out at the gym together
Learn a foreign language

Make a (cd) of your favorite songs
Listen to each other

Get tested for HIV
Write love letters
Meet the parents

Tell them you love them

 Sing it, spit it or say it… it’s about being heard

69 Songs for the Lover in You….

1. Moments in Love Art of Noise 37. For the Lover in You Shalamar
2. Can’t Stop Loving You Kem 38. All This Love DeBarge
3. Fire & Desire Rick James & T.Marie 39. I Am Ready for Love India Arie
4. Your Body’s Calling R. Kelly 40. Let’s Get it On Marvin Gaye
5. Signs of Lovemaking Tyrese 41. Freakin’ You Jodeci
6. Feel the Fire Peabo Byrson 42. Bump and Grind R. Kelly
7. Whip Appeal Babyface 43. Sexual Healing Marvin Gaye
8. Sensuality Isley Brothers 44. Weekend Love Dwele
9. Meeting in my Bedroom Silk 45. Nice and Slow Usher
10. As We Lay Shirley Murdock 46. How Does It Feel D’Angelo
11. Dear Love Frankie 47. Get You in the Mood Whispers
12. Secret Garden Q.Jones& Friends 48. Between the Sheets The Isley Brothers
13. Getting Late Floetry 49. Love Ya Keri Hilson
14. Tonight Ready for the World 50. Prototype Raheem DeVaughn
15. Head to Toe Eric Roberson
51. Spend My Life Eric Benet f/ Tamia
16. Pretty Brown Eyes Mint Condition
52. You’re All I Need Method Man f/ M.Blige
17. Beautiful Ones Prince
18. All My Life KCi and Jo Jo 53. Tease Me Tonight Guy
19. Let’s Get it On Marvin Gaye 54. So Amazing Luther Vandross
20. Love’s Holiday Earth Wind and Fire 55. T-Shirt and Panties Adina Howard
21. A Love of Your Own J.Holiday 56. Anytime Janet Jackson
22. Can I Come Over Aaliyah
57. Dangerously in Love Beyonce
23. Soon as I Get Home (remix) F.Evans f/A.Hall
58. How Deep is Your Love Bee Gees
24. Crown Royal Jill Scott
25. Slow Wind R. Kelly 59. Can You Stand the Rain New Edition
26. Nothing Even Matters Lauryn Hill f/ D’Angelo 60. Whenever Maxwell
27. Happily Ever After Case 61. I Need Love LL Cool J
28. Rest of Our Lives Jagged Edge 62. My My My Johnny Gill
29. Love Need and Want You Patti LaBelle 63. If This World Were Mine Luther Vandross
30. Say It Ne-Yo
64. Three Times a Lady Commodores
31. Love Musiq
65. Tonight Xscape
32. Adore Prince
66. Best Friend Ledisi
33. Never Jaheim
34. Always Atlantic Starr 67. Every Thought is You Kelly Rowland
35. Fallin’ Jamiroquai 68. I’ll Be By Your Side Zhane
36. If I Had You Frankie 69. Always on My Mind SWV