Board of Regents of the University of Oklahoma

University of Oklahoma
Beirut, the City That Moves Me
Author(s): Evelyne Accad
Source: World Literature Today, Vol. 76, No. 1 (Winter, 2002), pp. 85-89
Published by: Board of Regents of the University of Oklahoma
Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/40157011 .
Accessed: 09/04/2011 05:58
Your use of the JSTOR archive indicates your acceptance of JSTOR's Terms and Conditions of Use, available at .
http://www.jstor.org/page/info/about/policies/terms.jsp. JSTOR's Terms and Conditions of Use provides, in part, that unless
you have obtained prior permission, you may not download an entire issue of a journal or multiple copies of articles, and you
may use content in the JSTOR archive only for your personal, non-commercial use.
Please contact the publisher regarding any further use of this work. Publisher contact information may be obtained at .
http://www.jstor.org/action/showPublisher?publisherCode=univokla. .
Each copy of any part of a JSTOR transmission must contain the same copyright notice that appears on the screen or printed
page of such transmission.
JSTOR is a not-for-profit service that helps scholars, researchers, and students discover, use, and build upon a wide range of
content in a trusted digital archive. We use information technology and tools to increase productivity and facilitate new forms
of scholarship. For more information about JSTOR, please contact support@jstor.org.
Board of Regents of the University of Oklahoma and University of Oklahoma are collaborating with JSTOR to
digitize, preserve and extend access to World Literature Today.
http://www.jstor.org
t h e C i t y
T h a t M o v e s M e
EVELYNE AC C AD
Wh e ne v e rI h e a r t h e de s t i na t i o n "Be i rut " a nno unce d
by
t h e s t e wa rde s s a s we a re a bo ut t o
la nd,
my
h e a rt
le a ps
wi t h
jo y
a nd
e xci t e me nt ,
a nd I a m o v e rwh e lme d
wi t h a s e ns a t i o n o f
i de nt i t y
a nd
be lo ngi ng.
I lo o k o ut
t h e wi ndo w a t t h e
ci t y
be lo w,
wh i ch h a s
ch a nge d
s o
much a nd
y e t
s o li t t le o v e r t h e
y e a rs ,
a nd I s e e t h e s a me
fla t
ro o fs , t h e s a me mo unt a i ns
ri s i ng
fro m t h e s e a , t h e
ma ny
s i t e s o f de mo li t i o n a nd re co ns t ruct i o n fro m t h e
s e v e nt e e n
y e a rs
o f
ni gh t ma ri s h
wa r
(1975-92),
a ll o f
wh i ch ma ke s me lo v e Be i rut e v e n mo re i n i t s
de s pa i r,
li ke a mo t h e r
t e ndi ng
h e rs i ck ch i ld.
M y
h e a rt
pa lpi t a t e s
wi t h e mo t i o n fo rt h i s
co unt ry ,
wh i ch h a s ne v e rce a s e d
t o a ma ze me wi t h i t s
ca pa ci t y
t o o v e rco me wa r a nd de -
s t ruct i o n a nd i t s re s i li e nce i n
co nt i nua lly s t a rt i ng
a ll
o v e r
a ga i n.
1 lo v e
ma ny
o t h e rci t i e s : Pa ri s ,
C h i ca go ,
T uni s ,
C a i ro ,
Si nga po re
-
o ut s t a ndi ng
a nd be a ut i ful a ll. It i s
i n Pa ri s t h a t I wri t e be s t ,
i n
my
li t t le
a pa rt me nt
i n t h e
18t h
a rro ndi s s e i ne nt ,
o v e rlo o ki ng
t h e M o nt ma rt re ce me -
t e ry
a nd i t s wh i t e
gra v e s t o ne s
do t t e d wi t h
s pla s h e s
o f
co lo r, flo we rs a nd
y e llo w
le a v e s ,
li ke
pa i nt i ngs by
t h e
Impre s s i o ni s t s
wh o o nce li v e d a nd wo rke d i n t h i s
ne i gh bo rh o o d.
T h e Pa ri s
s ky
h a s
e xt ra o rdi na ry ,
e v e r-
ch a ngi ng li gh t ,
clo uds t h a t bre a k
a pa rt
a nd
re a rra nge
t h e ms e lv e s a s
t h e y a lt e rna t e ly
t h re a t e n a nd
co mfo rt ,
re fle ct i ng
t h e h o urs a nd t h e s e a s o ns ,
a
me t a mo rph o s i s
i n t une wi t h t h e
rh y t h ms
o f na t ure . De a t h h e re i s
pe a ce -
ful;
i t do e s no t
fri gh t e n
me ,
o r ra t h e r,
I no
lo nge r
fe a ri t .
In
Be i rut ,
duri ng
t h e wa r,
I wa s a fra i d o f de a t h ,
fo rI
co uld fe e l i t s o
clo s e ,
s o
t a ngi ble .
WORLD LIT I-RAILRH 'IOH AY V\ I\ ,1 Y. R 2002 85
It i s i n
C h i ca go
t h a t I co me t o t e rms wi t h t h e mult i -
pli ci t y
o f
my i de nt i t y .
1 di s co v e rt h e e no rmo us a t t ra c-
t i o n o f
s ky s cra pe rs re a ch i ng up
t o t h e
clo uds ,
t h e i r
a rms e xt e nde d t o t h e
wi nd,
but a ls o t h e s lums a nd
po v e rt y
o f i t s So ut h
Si de , li ke t h e So ut h o f Le ba no n
cro uch i ng
unde rs un a nd s no w. Vi o le nce h e re
fri gh t e ns
me mo re t h a n i n
Be i rut , fo ri t i s o ft e n
gra t ui t o us ,
a s
i ne xpli ca ble
a s a de s e rt wi nd. In
C h i ca go ,
o ne i s t o ld,
t h e re a re "li t t le Be i rut "
di s t ri ct s , t o be a v o i de d li ke t h e
pla gue ;
but I h a v e ne v e rwa nt e d t o a v o i d Be i rut ,
li t t le
o r
bi g,
a nd I do n't unde rs t a nd t h e
lo gi c.
T uni s I ch e ri s h a s a h a rbo rt h a t s h e lt e re d me dur-
i ng
s o me o f t h e h a rde s t
y e a rs
o f t h e Be i rut wa r. It i s a ll
curv e s a nd
s e a s , h i lls do t t e d i n blue s a nd wh i t e s . It re -
mi nds me o f Be i rut wi t h i t s
h i s t o ry
o f
co nque s t s
a nd
e xch a nge s .
It i s a ls o a cro s s ro a ds o f
ma ny
ci v i li za t i o ns ,
la ngua ge s , re li gi o ns .
It s s un a nd s e a a re
s o o t h i ng
t o t h e
s o ul,
pe rme a t i ng
e a ch
ge s t ure ,
e a ch
t h o ugh t .
It i s h e re
t h a t
Que e n
Di do la nde d fro m
Ph o e ni ci a ,
t h e Le ba no n o f
pre -bi bli ca l da y s .
Sh e fo unde d
C a rt h a ge
a nd e re ct e d
t e mple s
t o t h e Ph o e ni ci a n
go ds
a nd
go dde s s e s
t h a t
ble s s e d i t s s h o re s . Li ke
Be i rut ,
C a rt h a ge
wa s
co nque re d
by
t h e Ro ma ns a nd
di s a ppe a re d,
t o be
re pla ce d by
T uni s .T uni s a nd
Be i rut ,
t wo ci t i e s ri s e n fro m t h e i ro wn
a s h e s ,
h a v e
s pre a d
t h e ms e lv e s o ut
mo ns t ro us ly
i n re -
ce nt
y e a rs , o v e rflo wi ng
o n a ll s i de s wi t h
ugly
co ncre t e
bui ldi ngs
de v o i d o f e s t h e t i c
pla nni ng.
C a i ro I h a v e v i s i t e d
ma ny
t i me s o n re s e a rch
t ri ps .
M y
fa t h e rwa s bo rn i n
Egy pt ,
a nd re la t i v e s wh o m we
li ke t o v i s i t a re s t i ll
li v i ng
t h e re . I h a v e
a lwa y s
be e n fa s -
ci na t e d wi t h C a i ro 's
C i t y
o f t h e
De a d,
a n e nt i re di s t ri ct
ma de
up
o f ce me t e ri e s wh i ch us e d t o s urro und t h e
ci t y
co mple t e ly
but
h a s ,
o v e r
t i me , be e n t ra ns fo rme d i nt o a
fre e -h o us i ng
o r lo w-i nco me be lt wi t h i n t h e
s pra wli ng
me t ro po li s .
T h e s uburbs o f
C a i ro , Be i rut ,
C h i ca go ,
a nd
T uni s a re s i mi la ri n t h e i rdi s o rde ra nd
po v e rt y ;
t h e
ra pi d
i ncre a s e o f t h e i r
po pula t i o ns
ma ke s t h e m burs t a t
t h e i r
pe ri ph e ra l
s e a ms a nd o v e rflo wwi t h li fe i n
s ple n-
di d
mi s e ry .
Si nga po re
I di s co v e re d
o nly re ce nt ly ,
t h a nks t o a
bro t h e ra nd h i s C h i ne s e wi fe . It i s a
ci t y
o f co nt ra s t s ,
li ke
C h i ca go ,
wi t h
s ky s cra pe rs
a nd o rde ra t i t s ce nt e r
a nd a
di s ci pli ne
mo re a ki n t o t h e Swi s s
me nt a li t y
t h a n
t o
a ny t h i ng
Ame ri ca n,
y e t
wi t h a n
a ppe a li ng
di s o rde r
i n i t s C h i ne s e a nd Indi a n
qua rt e rs ,
wi t h co lo rful a nd
s e ns ua l Buddh i s t
t e mple s
i n t h e mi ddle o f s o uks di s -
pla y i ng
t h e mo s t e xo t i cfrui t s a nd
v e ge t a ble s
I h a v e
e v e r
s e e n,
a ll o f i t
e xe rci s i ng
a h a rmo ni o us
ca lmi ng
e ffe ct i n i t s re s e rv e d Ea s t e rn wa rmt h a nd
h o s pi t a li t y .
Si nga po re ,
li ke Be i rut ,
o pe ns
o nt o t h e
s e a ,
but h e re t h e
s e a i s a n
o ce a n,
ma je s t i c
a nd v a s t . T h e
h umi di t y
o f i t s
wi nd s t i cks t o t h e s ki n a s i n
Be i rut ,
ca lli ng
o ne t o t h e
h o ri zo n a nd t o
fa ra wa y pla ce s .
St i ll,
no
ci t y
i s a s e ffe ct i v e a s Be i rut i n
t urni ng my
e mo t i o ns
ups i de
do wn,
i n
co nfro nt i ng
me wi t h
my
i de nt i t y
i n a ll o f i t s
co mple xi t y ,
i n
ma ki ng
me re a li ze
wh a t li e s a t t h e co re o f s o me o f t h e wo rld's mo s t cruci a l
i s s ue s . It i s i n Be i rut t h a t I s e e k a ns we rs t o
my que s -
t i o ns ,
be ca us e h e re I h a v e
e xpe ri e nce d
t h e m
di re ct ly .
Ea ch t i me I la nd i n Be i rut no w,
I a m re mi nde d o f h o w I
fe lt
ri gh t
a ft e r
my
fa t h e r's de a t h a nd
duri ngmy
co nv a -
le s ce nce fro m bre a s t ca nce r.
1995. We a re
a ppro a ch i ng
Be i rut . So o n we wi ll
la nd.
Ni gh t
i s
fa lli ng.
Be i rut ,
t h e
ma gi ca l ci t y .
Be i rut ,
t h e s e ns i t i v e
ci t y ,
s o o ft e n clo s e t o
fo lly
a nd de a t h .
Be i rut ,
e a t e n
up by
a
ca nce r,
a
de v o uri ng
wa r o v e r
wh i ch i t
t ri umph e d.
Be i rut ,
ci t y
o f
my
ch i ldh o o d a nd
a do le s ce nce . I mi s s Fa t h e r,
wh o wi ll no t be t h e re t o
gre e t
me wi t h h i s bro a d s mi le ,
wh o t o rme nt e d me dur-
i ng my
a do le s ce nce ,
o nly
t o
a po lo gi ze
la t e ra nd t e ll me
t h a t I wa s a n o v e rs e ns i t i v e ch i ld,
t h a t h e s h o uld no t
h a v e be e n s o s t ri ct wi t h me . I
cry
o v e r t h e lo s s o f Fa t h e r
a nd t h e lo s s o f
my y o ut h .
Be i rut ,
t o me , me a ns
fa mi ly ,
a do le s ce nce ,
y o ut h ,
cra zi ne s s ,
li fe a nd
de a t h ,
mi xe d wi t h t h e
t ra gi cde s t i ny
o f a la nd t o wh i ch I fe e l a t t ra ct e d a s t o a
ma gne t .
So
much i s
h a ppe ni ng
a ll t h e t i me i n Le ba no n.
M y
h e a rt i s
bo t h
h e a v y
a nd
li gh t
fro m a ll i t s wo unds ,
s lo wly
h e a l-
i ng y e t re o pe ni ng
wi t h t h e
s li gh t e s t
mo v e me nt o f
wi ngs ,
wi t h
a ny a ggre s s i v e ne s s ,
wi t h
e v e ry
h a rs h wo rd,
wi t h e a ch
pa i nful i ma ge ,
wi t h e a ch ut t e ra nce o f una s -
s a i la ble
do gma ,
wi t h a ll t h e me mo ri e s t h i s
co unt ry
h o lds fo rme .
Wh y
h a v e I
a lwa y s
be e n dri v e n t o re t urn
t o t h i s t o rme nt e d la nd?I
plunge
i nt o
my pa s t
a nd i nt e r-
ro ga t e
i t .
1973. Wi nt e rh a d t a ke n Be i rut ,
ra wa nd
bi t i ng.
T h e
s e a wi nds
gus t e d.
T h e s h ut t e rs ra t t le d,
a nd fro m t i me t o
t i me a wi ndo w wo uld s h a t t e ri n a s udde n s h o we ro f
gla s s . Si t t i ng
ne a ra
fo gge d-o v e r
wi ndo w,
I wa t ch e d t h e
s t re e t flo o de d
by
t o rre nt i a l ra i ns ,
t h e ra re
pa s s e r-by
wh o
le a pe d
o v e r t h e
muddy po o ls ,
a h urri e d me rch a nt
s t ra i ni ng e v e ry
mus cle t o
pus h a lo ng
h i s
wo bbly
ca rt ,
la de n wi t h
lumi no us ly purple e ggpla nt s
a nd s ca rle t
t o ma t o e s ,
glo bule s
o f co lo r
gli s t e ni ng
wi t h ri v ule t s o f
ra i nwa t e r. Fa r
a wa y ,
o n t h e h o ri zo n,
t h e
s ky
wa s bla ck,
t h e s e a a
me na ci ng
wh i t e . I wa s t ra ns fi xe d
by
t h e e le c-
t ri ci t y , by
t h e
be a ut y
a nd
fra gi li t y
o f t h e mo me nt ,
by
t h e
s e que nce s
o f
my
li fe wh e n I h a d s a t
lo o ki ng
o ut
86 WORLDLIT ERAT URET ODAY WINT ER2002
upo n
t h i s s a me
t h o ro ugh fa re , my ga ze
dra wn t o t h a t
s a me
h o ri zo n,
dre a mi ng
o f t h e
fut ure ,
e xpe ct a nt
o f wh a t
I
h o pe d
li fe wo uld
bri ng.
It wa s t h e s a me s e a I h a d o ft e n
cro s s e d,
i t s t o ne
h a v i ng
a lt e re d i n
t e mpo
wi t h t h e s e a -
s o ns ,
i n
rh y t h m
wi t h
my
li fe ,
y e t a lwa y s
t h e s a me s e a o f
h i dde n a nd i mmut a ble
de pt h s .
I h a d s a i le d t h a t
s e a ,
s pe cula t i ng upo n
unkno wn
co a s t li ne s ,
ne w
fa ce s ,
unpubli s h e d
no v e ls ,
a nd
a lwa y s
I
h a d re t urne d t o t h i s s ma ll co rne ro f t h e e a rt h ca lle d
Le ba no n.
Wh y
h a d I
a lwa y s
co me ba ck t o t h i s t urbule nt
co unt ry ,
de v a s t a t e d
by
wa rs ,
co nque s t s ,
co lo ni za t i o n,
re v o lut i o n,
a nd
re li gi o us
fa na t i ci s m? Wa s i t be ca us e o f
na t i o na li s m o r
pa t ri o t i s m? De e p
wi t h i n me I
re a lly
di d
no t kno wi f I
be lo nge d
t o t h i s
co unt ry ,
t h e la nd o f
my
fa t h e r,
o r t o t h e o t h e r
co unt ry ,
t h a t o f
my
mo t h e r. I fe lt
bo und ne i t h e rt o t h e o ne no rt o t h e o t h e r. But
wh y
h a d
my s t e ps
le d me h e re ? I wa s
s e a rch i ng, t ry i ng
t o unde r-
s t a nd,
wh i le
me di t a t i ng
a nd
re fle ct i ng upo n
t h a t la nd-
s ca pe
t o rn
by
t h e v i o le nce o f t h e wi nd a nd t h e
i nt e ns i t y
o f t h e h o ur.
1980. T h e Le ba ne s e ci v i l wa r s h a ke s me ,
h urt s a nd
wo unds me
de e ply . M y
wo rld s e e ms t o crumble a nd fa ll
a pa rt
i nt o
fra gme nt s
o f wh a t I h a v e h e ld mo s t
pre ci o us .
T h e
t ra ge dy
ma ke s me a s k mo re
que s t i o ns .
I
t ry
t o e x-
pla i n
i t s
crue lt y
bo t h
s ci e nt i fi ca lly
a nd
e xi s t e nt i a lly ,
h a v -
i ng
bo t h
e xpe ri e nce d
i t
up
clo s e a nd s e e n i t fro m a fa r. I
di s co v e rt h a t
pra ct i ce s
s uch a s fo rce d
ma rri a ge
a nd v i r-
gi ni t y ,
cla us t ra t i o n,
t h e
v e i l,
po ly ga my , re pudi a t i o n,
be a t i ngs ,
de ni a l o f fre e do m a nd o f t h e
po s s i bi li t y
t o
a ch i e v e o ne 's a i ms a nd de s i re s i n li fe
-
o ppre s s i o ns
wh i ch mo t i v a t e d me t o run
a wa y
fro m Le ba no n a t t h e
a ge
o f
t we nt y -t wo
-
a re
clo s e ly
co nne ct e d t o t h e i nt e r-
na l wa r i n Le ba no n. I a m t h e re fo re
co mpe lle d
t o ma ke
co nne ct i o ns be t we e n t h e ro le o f
wo me n,
t h e re la t i o n-
s h i ps
be t we e n me n a nd
wo me n,
a nd t h e wa r.
T h e y
be co me t h e ce nt ra l t h e me o f a n
e s s a y
I la t e rwri t e o n t h e
s ubje ct .
I
a na ly ze
t h e
me a ni ng
o f Be i rut a nd t h e co nne ct i o n
be t we e n
s e xua li t y
a nd wa r. I ch o o s e a fe w no v e ls a bo ut
t h e wa r i n Le ba no n t o i llus t ra t e t h e ne xus o f
s e xua li t y ,
wa r, na t i o na li s m, fe mi ni s m, v i o le nce , lo v e ,
a nd
po we r
a s
t h e y
re la t e t o t h e
bo dy ,
t h e
pa rt ne r,
t h e
fa mi ly ,
M a rxi s m,
re li gi o n,
a nd
pa ci fi s m.
T h e wo rks
s t udi e d,
o ri gi na lly
wri t t e n i n Ara bi co r
Fre nch ,
a re
by
Le ba ne s e wo me n
a nd
me n,
a ut h o rs wh o h a v e li v e d o r a re s t i ll
li v i ng
i n
Le ba no n. All t h e no v e ls a re s e t i n
Be i rut ,
i n t h e co nt e xt
o f t h e
wa r,
a nd a ll o f t h e m ca n be
a na ly ze d
t o s h o w h o w
wa r a nd v i o le nce a re ro o t e d i n
s e xua li t y ,
i n t h e t re a t -
me nt o f wo me n i n t h a t
pa rt
o f t h e wo rld. M o s t o f t h e
ch a ra ct e rs me e t wi t h a
t ra gi c
fa t e due t o t h e
wa r,
t h e
wo me n
be i ng
t h e ult i ma t e v i ct i ms o f bo t h
po li t i ca l
a nd
s o ci a l v i o le nce .
In t h e de s t ruct i v e co nt e xt o f
wa r, v i o le nce ,
a nd s e x-
ua l
o ppre s s i o n,
I a s ke d
que s t i o ns
I
pe rs o na lly
fe lt we re
mo s t
pre s s i ng:
We re t h e re
po s i t i v e
a ct i o ns a nd re s o lu-
t i o ns t h e ma le a nd fe ma le ch a ra ct e rs co uld t a ke ? Wh a t
we re t h e di ffe re nce s a nd s i mi la ri t i e s be t we e n ma le a nd
fe ma le
pro t a go ni s t s ,
be t we e n ma le a nd fe ma le a ut h o rs ,
be t we e n t h o s e
wri t i ng
i n Ara bi ca nd t h o s e
wri t i ng
i n
Fre nch ? Wh a t we re s o me o f t h e
ne ce s s a ry ch a nge s
Le ba no n h a d t o
unde rgo
t o s o lv e i t s
t ra ge dy
a nd o nce
a ga i n pla y
i t s o ld de mo cra t i cro le a s a
me lt i ng po t
o f t o l-
e ra nce a nd fre e do m i n t h a t
pa rt
o f t h e wo rld?
T h e re we re i nde e d di ffe re nce s be t we e n t h e
wa y s
me n a nd wo me n wro t e a bo ut wa r. Wo me n a ut h o rs un-
ma s ke d t h e
ugli ne s s
o f
wa r;
me n e xa lt e d i t a nd e v e n
fo und
ple a s ure
i n i t . Wo me n
s o ugh t pe a ce ful
s o lut i o ns
t h ro ugh
a ct i v e ,
no nv i o le nt me a ns ;
me n a s ke d fo rmo re
v i o le nce a nd mo re de s t ruct i o n. T h e di ffe re nce be t we e n a
WORLDLIT ERAT URET ODAY
*
WINT ER2002

87
ma n a nd a wo ma n's
re pre s e nt a t i o n
o f Be i rut
a ppe a re d
t o me e v e n mo re
cle a rly
wh e n I li v e d t h e wa r i n Be i rut
wh i le t h e re o n s a bba t i ca l o r re s e a rch le a v e . I wa t ch e d
my
wo me n fri e nds
de t e rmi ne dly
t ra v e rs e t h e
ci t y
t wo o r
t h re e t i me s a
we e k,
re pe a t e dly cro s s i ng
t h e de ma rca t i o n
li ne
-
t h e mo s t
de s o la t e ,
de pre s s i ng,
a nd
(o ft e n)
da n-
ge ro us s po t
i n Be i rut
-
mo s t o f t h e t i me o n
fo o t ,
a s
o nly
a fe w ca rs wi t h
s pe ci a l pe rmi s s i o n
we re a llo we d
t h ro ugh ; t h e y
we re co nv i nce d
t h a t ,
by
t h i s
ge s t ure ,
re a l
a s we ll a s
s y mbo li c,
Le ba no n's re uni fi ca t i o n wo uld ult i -
ma t e ly
t a ke
pla ce .
T h e y
di d t h i s
a ga i ns t
a ll
lo gi c,
unde rt h e i ro ni c
y e t
s o me t i me s
a dmi ri ngga ze
o f t h e i rma le
co mpa ni o ns .
T h e y
de fi e d t h e la ws o f
we a po ns ,
mi li t i a s ,
po li t i ca l
ga me s . T h e y
t o ld me h o w t h e de ma rca t i o n li ne h a d
be co me a
me e t i ng pla ce
wh e re ,
e a ch
mo rni ng, t h e y
lo o ke d fo rwa rd t o
s e e i ng
o ne a no t h e r,
wa lki ng
s t e a d-
fa s t ly
i n t h a t
a po ca ly pt i cs pa ce
a nd
s mi li ng
a t o ne
a no t h e ra s
t h e y pa s s e d,
co ns ci o us t h a t t h e i rma rch wa s
no t a n
o rdi na ry
o ne ,
t h a t t h e i r
cro s s i ng
wa s a
da ri ng
a ct ,
i mpo rt a nt
a nd v i t a l t o Le ba no n's s urv i v a l.
1997. It i s
a lwa y s
a
v e ry mo v i ng e xpe ri e nce jus t
t o
be i n
Le ba no n,
ce nt e ro f
cult ure ,
cro s s ro a ds o f s o
ma ny
fa s ci na t i ng e xch a nge s ,
a
co unt ry
t h a t h a s s uffe re d s o
much ,
t o be
a mo ng pe o ple
I co nne ct wi t h a t t h e
v e ry
de e pe s t
le v e l.
Na s rC a fe o f t h e
Pi ge o n
Ro ck i n Ra s -Be i rut . I t o o k a
lo ng
wa lk,
a nd no w I a m
h a v i ng
a co ld be e rwh i le wri t -
i ng.
T h e s e a i n fro nt o f me i s
ra gi ng,
li ke t h i s
co unt ry
wi t h i t s unfa t h o ma ble v i o le nce .
Ye s t e rda y
Elo i s e a nd I
we nt t o
pi ck up T h e o ph i le
a t t h e
a i rpo rt .
A ma n i n uni -
fo rm re a r-e nde d o urca r.Elo i s e
i gno re d
i t . We we re
s t uck i n
t ra ffi c, h o we v e r,
a nd t h e
guy
s t a rt e d
i ns ult i ng
Elo i s e . Sh e
re s po nde d
i n ki nd. I wa s wo rri e d be ca us e
t h e ma n wa s
pro ba bly
a rme d.Elo i s e t o ld me i t wo uld be
wo rs e t o le t o ne s e lf be
i nt i mi da t e d,
t h a t s h e s h o uld h a v e
i ns ult e d h i m
ri gh t
fro m t h e
be gi nni ng.
I a dmi re t h e
co ura ge
t h i s wo ma n h a s a nd t h e
s uppo rt
s h e
ga v e
T h e o ph i le t h ro ugh o ut
t h e wa r. At t h e s a me
t i me ,
I do n't
li ke t h e
wa y
o ne h a s t o
pus h
a nd s h o v e
t h ro ugh
t ra ffi c
a nd
t h ro ugh
li ne s
h e re ,
a nd t h e
a ggre s s i o n
s o me
pe o ple
e xh i bi t di s t urbs me .
T h e o po li s
i n t h e
mo unt a i ns ,
t h e ch urch be ne a t h
wh i ch Fa t h e ri s buri e d. Acro s s fro m t h e
ch urch ,
o ne ca n
s e e t h e h o us e Fa t h e ra nd h i s bro t h e r
bui lt ,
wh e re we
us e d t o
s pe nd
o ur s umme rs a nd wh e re Fa t h e r
t h o ugh t
h e wo uld
s pe nd
h i s o ld
a ge .
T h e wa r a lmo s t
de s t ro y e d
t h e
h o us e ,
wh i ch i s s t i ll
s t a ndi ng
t h a nks t o t h e
s t re ngt h
o f i t s wa lls o f h e wn s t o ne . Fa t h e rdi e d be fo re
be i ng
a ble
t o
e njo y
t h e frui t o f h i s
la bo r,
but h e wa s
h a ppy ,
i n lo v e
wi t h
M o t h e r,
e xce pt
t h a t h e s uffe re d t o o much i n t h e
e nd wi t h t h i s t e rri ble di s e a s e , ca nce r,
fro m wh i ch I t o o
h a v e
jus t e me rge d.
Ra s -Be i rut ,
s i t e o f
my
ch i ldh o o d a nd
my
a do le s -
ce nce . I a m
s i t t i ng
i n t h e s a me
s po t
wh e re
Ja y
a nd I h a d
s i ppe d
a
be e r,
a lmo s t
t we nt y -fi v e y e a rs a go ,
wh e n t h e
wa r h a d no t
y e t
s t a rt e d a nd we di d no t
y e t e xpe ct
i t . We
we re a ls o no t a wa re t h a t we wo uld
s pli t up
o ne
da y .
So
much h a s
h a ppe ne d.
Ho w
ma ny t h i ngs
a re we s t i ll un-
a wa re o f? Ho w
qui ckly
t i me
go e s by .
M y t ri p
t o Le ba no n i s
pa i nful
but e s s e nt i a l. M o t h e r
i s
no t h i ng
but s ki n a nd bo ne s a t t h i s
po i nt .
Sh e
we i gh s
fo rt y -e i gh t
ki lo s i n
s pi t e
o f h e r
h e i gh t .
So me o f h e rbo ne s
a re e v e n
s h o wi ng t h ro ugh
i n
pla ce s .
Sh e h a s t o be
s po o n-fe d
no w,
a nd I do t h a t fo r
h e r;
I a ls o
s i ng,
wh i ch
ma ke s h e r
v e ry h a ppy .
Sh e us e d t o lo v e
s i ngi ng,
a nd I
i nh e ri t e d h e rv o i ce . No w s h e ca n
ba re ly s pe a k,
le t a lo ne
s i ng.
I ca n t e ll t h a t
h e a ri ng
me
i s ,
fo r
h e r,
a lmo s t li ke
s i ngi ng a ga i n
h e rs e lf,
a nd h e rfa ce be a ms wi t h
jo y
de -
s pi t e
t h e
pa i n
s h e s uffe rs a ll o v e rh e r
bo dy .
So I
s i ng
a nd
I
s i ng, re li gi o us
a nd fo lk
s o ngs ,
Swi s s a nd Fre nch
s o ngs
fro m Pi a f t o Bre l,
s o ngs
i n
Engli s h
a nd
Ara bi c,
wh a t e v e r
co me s t o mi nd. I
go t h ro ugh my
e nt i re
re pe rt o i re
fo r
my
mo t h e r. I fi nd i t s o
t h e ra pe ut i c
t o
s i ng!
T h e h o us e i n t h e mo unt a i ns wh e re t h e co nfe re nce
t o o k
pla ce ,
t h e Na di a T ue ni Fo unda t i o n i n Be i t
M e rri ,
i s
a re a l wo nde rla nd. Lo ca t e d i n a
pi ne
fo re s t ,
i t o v e rlo o ks
Be i rut a nd t h e M e di t e rra ne a n. Fa ra bo v e t h e
po llut i o n
a nd t h e t ra ffi cno i s e ,
I ca n
i ma gi ne
h o w Na di a T ue ni
wa s
i ns pi re d
t o wri t e h e r
po i gna nt po e t ry
i n s uch s ur-
ro undi ngs .
We we re a ll
v e ry
mo v e d t o s e e h o w fa i t h ful
Gh a s s a n T ue ni h a s be e n t o t h e
me mo ry
o f t h i s
wo ma n,
t h i s
e xt ra o rdi na ry
Le ba ne s e
fra nco ph o ne po e t .
I
t ry
t o be
fa i t h ful i n
my
o wn
wa y by t e a ch i ng
h e rwo rk i n
my
cla s s e s i n t h e St a t e s . He r t e xt
Jui n
e t le s me cre a nt e s
(June
a nd t h e
M i s cre a nt s ), a da pt e d
fo rt h e
s t a ge by Ro ge r
As s a f,
wa s
pla y i ng
a t t h e Be i rut T h e a t e rwh i le I wa s
t h e re . Fo ur
wo me n,
fo urdi ffe re nt Le ba ne s e i de nt i t i e s ,
fo ur
re li gi o ns re pre s e nt i ng
Le ba no n
(Druze , C h ri s t i a n,
M us li m, Je w),
fo urv o i ce s a nd fo ur
wa y s ,
fo urwo unds
e xpre s s i ng
t h e i r
de s pa i r,
t h e i r
s uffe ri ng,
t h e i r
jo y s ,
a nd
t h e i rs o rro w
a ga i ns t
t h e
ba ckgro und
o f t h e o ut bre a k o f
wa r: "C a n o ne
ke e p
t h e de s e rt fro m
le a v i ng
wi t h o ne 's
bo dy
/ na ke d a s a
pra y e r
/ O
s umpt uo us
ro t t e nne s s /
e a ch
da y
i s a re s urre ct i o n / wi t h t h e e a rt h 's
co mpli ci t y
/
a ll t h o s e unco nce rne d wi t h t h e s un / ma ke a
li qui d
no i s e / t h e
ni gh t s
/ h e re a nd t h e re / h a v e t h e
fli gh t
o f
bi rds i n t h e i r
e y e s
/
a nd I
cry
t h e t i me o f a s t a r/ t h e o ne
wh o s t o le
my
de a t h "
(my t ra ns la t i o n).
88 WORLDLIT ERAT URET ODAY WINT ER2002
1999. 1 we nt ba ck t o Le ba no n a nd,
a s I
a lwa y s
do ,
t o o k
ma ny
wa lks do wn
me mo ry
la ne . I s t ro lle d a ro und
t h e
ca mpus
o f Be i rut
Uni v e rs i t y C o lle ge
i n Ra s -Be i rut . In
my
ch i ldh o o d a nd
a do le s ce nce ,
t h e s e h i lls we re s t i ll
wi ld, co v e re d wi t h
flo we rs ,
wi t h bi rds
s i ngi ng
a nd t o r-
re nt s o f wa t e r
flo wi ng
do wnh i ll wh e ne v e ri t ra i ne d.
No w
t h e y
a re
di s fi gure d
wi t h luxuri o us co ncre t e
h i gh -
ri s e s ,
ma ny
o f t h e m v a ca nt be ca us e s o fe w
pe o ple
ca n
a ffo rd t h e m. It i s s a d t o s e e Be i rut t ra ns fo rme d i nt o a
h uge
co ns t ruct i o n mo ns t e r.
So me
y o ung pe o ple
ca me t o s e e me . We h a d co ffe e
s e v e ra l t i me s a t t h e
C i t y
C a fe
ri gh t
be lo wBUC . It i s a
v e ry po llut e d
a nd
no i s y s po t ,
but I wa s
gla d
t o v i s i t
wi t h t h e m. One
y o ung
ma n co nfe s s e d t o
fe e li ng re je ct e d
be ca us e h e i s
ga y .
A
y o ung
wo ma n t o ld me t h e
o nly
o ut le t fo rs e x i n t h i s
s o ci e t y
i s
ma rri a ge .
Sh e wa s ma de
t o fe e l s h e h a d t o fi nd s o me o ne t o we d i n o rde rt o be
a cce pt e d,
a nd s h e fe lt
ma rgi na li ze d
be ca us e s h e di d no t
h a v e
a ny o ne .
I t o ld t h e m a bo ut
my
li fe ,
wh a t I h a d
e xpe -
ri e nce d i n
my
a do le s ce nce ,
much a s re co rde d i n
my
no v e l L'Exci s e e .
T h i ngs
h a d no t
re a lly ch a nge d
s i nce
my
y o ut h ;
ra t h e r,
t h e ble a ke rs i de o f
h i s t o ry
s e e me d t o be
re pe a t i ng
i t s e lf a nd
s pi ra li ng
o ut o f co nt ro l. T h e
pro mi s -
e s o f mo de rni za t i o n h a d no t be e n
ke pt ;
t h e
s pe ct e r
o f
ch a o s a nd di s e a s e lo o ms
gre a t e r
t h a n e v e r.
Be i rut ,
a s ph y xi a t e d,
crus h e d,
put
t o de a t h s o
ma ny
t i me s ,
y e t a lwa y s ri s i ng a ga i n
fro m i t s a s h e s a nd fro m
t h e s e a .
Be i rut ,
li ke
my
li fe ,
co mple x
a nd
co nt ra di ct o ry ,
wi t h i t s
mult i ple
i de nt i t i e s ,
i t s wo unds
ba re ly
h e a le d,
t h e s ca rs s t i ll
s po t t e d
wi t h
blo o d,
re co ns t ruct i o n s t i ll i n
i t s fi rs t
s t a ge s .
I cro s s t h e
ne wly
re co ns t ruct e d ce nt e ro f Be i rut . It
h a s be e n re no v a t e d t o re v i v e t h e
s pi ri t
o f t h e o ld bui ld-
i ngs
a nd s o uks . But i n a n i ro ni cco nt ra di ct i o n,
t h e y
a re
a ll
e mpt y ,
fo rno o ne h a s
e no ugh mo ne y
t o re nt t h e m,
o r
da re s t o
o ccupy
t h e m
y e t ,
a s
t h e y
lo o k t o o
ne w,
t o o
po l-
i s h e d. T h e
purpo s e
o f
re s t o ri ng
o ld Be i rut i s de fe a t e d. I
wa lk
a lo ng
co bble s t o ne s t re e t s clo s e d t o ca rt ra ffi c.
M y
h e a rt i s
po undi ng
wi t h e mo t i o n.
I wa lk i n a n
e mpt y
fi e ld. T h e re i s e xca v a t i o n
e v e ry -
wh e re ,
e xpo s i ng la y e rs
a nd
la y e rs
o f o ld Be i rut s fro m
Ph o e ni ci a n, Gre e k, Ro ma n,
Ot t o ma n t i me s . Ne xt t o t h e
fi e ld,
a
h i gh wa y
i s
be i ng
bui lt ,
wi t h i t s
bri dge s
a nd i t s
h i gh -s pe e d
la ne s . Be i rut wi ll be a mo de rn
ci t y
a ft e ra ll. I
re gre t
t h e
di s fi gura t i o n
o f t h e
la nds ca pe ,
t h e lo s s o f t h e
ce nt e rt h a t we us e d t o ch e ri s h i n
my
ch i ldh o o d. I
we e p
a t t h e lo s s o f
my
ch i ldh o o d a nd o f t h e
pa rt
o f me t h a t
li e s buri e d i n t h e s e rui ns . EB
Uni v e rs i t y o f
Illi no i s , Urba na
Bi bli o gra ph y
Acca d, Ev e ly ne .
"Ent re de ux." Emo t i o ns . Bo s t o n.
Ho ugh t o n
M i f-
fli n.
1994.

. L'Exci s e e .Pa ri s . L/Ha rma t t a n.

1982. (Engli s h
t ra ns la t i o n:
Wa s h i ngt o n,
T h re e C o nt i ne nt s , 1989.)

.
Se xua li t y
a nd Wa r:
Li t e ra ry
M a s ks
o f
t h e M i ddle Ea s t . Ne w
Yo rk. Ne w Yo rk
Uni v e rs i t y
Pre s s .
1990.

. T h e Wo unde d Bre a s t : Int i ma t e

Jo urne y s t h ro ugh
C a nce r.
M e lbo urne .
Spi ni fe x.
2001.
Adna n, Et e l. Si t t M a ri e Ro s e . Sa us a li t o ,
C a li fo rni a . Po s t -
Apo llo .
1982.
C h e di d,
Andre e . La ma i s o n s a ns ra ci ne s . Pa ri s . Fla mma ri o n.
1985.
Kh o ury ,
Eli a s . La
pe t i t e mo nt a gne .
Pa ri s . Arle a .
1987.
T ue ni ,
Na di a . La t e rre a rre t e e . Pa ri s . Be lfo nd.
1984.

. Le s ce uv re s
po e t i que s co mple t e s .
Be i rut . Da r An-Na h a r.
1986.
Ev e ly ne Acca d,
a na t i v e o f Le ba no n, i s Pro fe s s o ro f Fre nch a t
t h e
Uni v e rs i t y
o f Illi no i s i n Urba na .
Amo ng
h e r
ma ny publi ca -
t i o ns i n
Fre nch , Ara bi c,
a nd
Engli s h
a re t h e no v e l L'Exci s e e
(1982)
a nd t h e no nfi ct i o n t e xt s
Se xua li t y
a nd Wa r
(1990)
a nd T h e
Wo unde d Bre a s t
(2001).
Sh e h a s
re gula rly
re v i e we d
co nt e mpo -
ra ry fra nco ph o ne
a nd Ne a rEa s t e rn li t e ra t ure fo r WLT fo rmo re
t h a n a
qua rt e r-ce nt ury ,
a nd
re ce nt ly
s e rv e d a s a me mbe ro f t h e
2002 Ne us t a dt Pri ze
jury .
WORLDLIT ERAT URET ODAY WINT ER2002 89