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Secrets of the crematory:
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$).#!/0 BOOKS1 EXCERPTS1 EDITOR'S PICKS1 DEATH1 CREMATORIUM1 MORTICIANS1 LIFE NEWS
Caitlin Doughty (Credit: YouTube/OrderoftheGoodDeath)
Excerpted from "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes: And Other Lessons From The Crematory"
The day started innocently enough. Caitlin! Mike hollered from the preparation room,
Hey, come in here and help me get this big guy on the table.
293 98
38
Secrets of the crematory: Hey, come in here and help me get this big guy on the table
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Actually, I remember him saying, Hey, come in here and help me get this big Mexican on
the table. But that cannot be right. Mike was always politically correct in his
terminology. (He once referred to the victims of Oaklands gang violence as young urban
men of color.) I have trouble believing this big Mexican is not just a trick of my
memory. Regardless, the man we transferred from the stretcher to the prep table was
neither big nor Mexican. He was massive and El Salvadorian, an insurance salesman who
weighed well over 450 pounds. Should you ever wish to understand the phrase dead
weight in all its gravitational glory, attempt to lift the corpse of a morbidly obese man off
of a perilous, wobbly stretcher.
Juan Santos died from an overdose of cocaine. His body went undiscovered for two days
in his apartment in the East Bay. He was autopsied by the medical examiner and his chest
sewn back up leaving a dramatic Y-shaped stitch stretching from his clavicle to his
stomach. Did you catch this guys bag of viscera in the back of the reefer? Mike asked.
Viscera? All his organs and stuff ?
Yeah, the medical examiner takes the organs out and piles them in those red hazmat bags.
Comes in to the funeral home with the body.
Just, like, tucked up next to em or something? I asked.
Mike grinned. No, Chris carries them slung over his shoulder like Santa Claus.
Really?
No, man, no. What the hellthats gross, Mike said.
Ah, Mike in a jovial mood. I tried to play along with his yuletide-themed organ humor.
So thats where the legend of Chris Kringle comes from? Is it the good or bad kids that
get internal organs for Christmas?
I guess it depends on how morbid a kid you are.
Does it all get put back in the body?
Eventually. When Bruce comes in this afternoon to embalm him. Theres a service
tomorrow, so hell soak them in embalming sludge and stick them back in, he explained.
After hoisting Juan onto the table with a theatrical heave, Mike brought out a tape
measure. The family bought a casket, too. Im going to measure him. I hope he ts
because I really dont want to call this family back and tell them they need the oversized
casket. Maybe Ill make you do it, Mike said, smiling at the thought.
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Caitlin Doughty
by Taboola Sponsored Links
Caitlin Doughty is a licensed mortician and writer living in Los Angeles. She is the
founder of The Order of the Good Death and the host of the Ask a Mortician webseries.
W. W. Norton will publish Caitlin's memoir, "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons
from the Crematory," on September 15. Follow on Twitter at @TheGoodDeath.
2)34 !"#$%#& ()*+,$-5
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