RESPONSE TO EMAIL OF 12/10/09

FROM TAMMY MOLLENDOR

TO KAY WHITE
December 11, 2009

1. The issue of Kristi – he did not claim to not know her, Jeff said is it Kristi or
Chris, etc.
2. The children accused him of drinking last Friday (12/4) and being kicked out
of a bar that night and again on Tuesday (12/8). This came up in the context
of a discussion about what Cheyenne was angry at her father about – I stated
to everyone that part of Cheyenne’s anger was his past drinking and that
he’s mean to the kids when he drinks. Cheyenne agreed that was part of her
anger.
3. The issue of alienating the children: I only asked the children where they got
the information – they stated their mother had told them. I was upset by that
and said your mother should not be talking to you about adult issues and that
it was a set up for Jeff to fail at the therapeutic parenting. And I do believe
that – please let the children make up their own minds. What you heard from
Kristi could be categorized as “gossip”. She may be a trustworthy friend of
yours, however, since there was no proof the children would have been
better off not knowing what she said. That you had told the children that Jeff
was drunk and thrown out of a bar on Friday and was drinking on Tuesday, is
what caused the tears for Cheyenne. She felt Jeff was lying to her. What Jeff
said was that he was not drinking Friday night or Tuesday night. He did
admit to drinking on Saturday night at a concert. Jeff did not “lie” about the
drinking you told the children about – Friday and Tuesday. On his own he
admitted to drinking on Saturday, and I said so you are still drinking, right?
He said yes.
4. In regard to “don’t have their facts straight” that came up in the context of
the children telling their father they were mad at him for not attending any of
their functions. He explained his understanding of the time line of events and
the restraining order.
5. I do believe that Jeff’s drinking has interfered with his parenting ability. I am
NOT dismissing that fact.
6. Jeff has been to rehab twice – not that he’s stopped drinking entirely. It
would be better for everyone, even Jeff, if he did quit drinking completely.

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 7. Since your friend Kristi said the blankets were under his bed – I would ask
that he bring them back to you and to Chase. My hunch is that the blankets
have more meaning for you than for Chase.
8. I do not want your children to be harmed by Jeff. However, I do believe that
you have caused some of the emotional harm also – by telling the children
things about adult issues. Just because kids ask does not mean they need
the unvarnished truth – that is usually done for that person’s feelings and not
in the children’s best interests. They should only be told things at an age
appropriate level.
9. I have mentioned to Tammy twice that the children need therapy of their
own. I would recommend Craig Eades, LCSW, CAC at 7631 West 41st Ave,
720-272-7830; Dr. Edward Ladon, Ph.D. at Behavioral Healthcare at Lowry,
130 Rampart Way, #110, 303-344-2425 or Katina Ryan, MA, LPC, 7050 W.
120th , #55, 303-304-0218. All of these people work well with children. A
therapist just for the children could get a sense of what is going on and how
much or how little alienation is happening.
10.I am on the children’s side, not yours and not Jeff’s.
11.And, the comment about when this is over – was that the children would not
even make eye contact or speak directly to Jeff.
12.This is a Court order, so it would be nice if we could move forward and give
this enough time to play itself out. No, unsupervised has requirements
before it happens, this might take 6 months to one year to work through.

I ask that you, Tammy, don’t give the children negative messages about Jeff, they
have negative memories of their own. My hunch is they may have positive
memories also. I think there is another issue between Cheyenne and Jeffrey about
things she tried to take from his home. Therapeutic parenting-time is painful at
times; children don’t get to pick their parents – they just get what they get.

I also ask that Jeff not disparage you or Dave in any way.

Thank you,

M. Kay White, MA, LPC