Conflict Resolution Strategies - -Skills

For Managing Conflict

Conflict can be Good
Conflict causes ill feelings, like an itch that needs to be scratched. It is however
inevitable, and individuals can use conflict to their advantage.
Musicians use sustaining chords to create an uneasy feeling before the satisfying
resolving chord. Screenplay writers are masters of conflict. Without it, the story sucks,
theres no clima, and no resolution at the end. !rtists use conflict in their works to
make their art interesting.
"ifes conflicts make life interesting and sometimes funny# if you need an eample,
$ust watch any evening sitcom. "earn to deal with conflict appropriately, so you dont
have that awful itch sensation without the tools to scratch it.
Keep Yourself Calm
%on&t pull your hair out. 'et to the root of the conflict.
Manage Conflict: Don't et Conflict Manage You
(esolving conflict is an important skill to use when working with others, but it is
necessary to understand the root of the conflict before using strategies to fi it. )ne
misconception is that conflict is a negative thing# however, conflict is one of the best
opportunities to strengthen relationships.
*eams who are able to work through conflict become more likely to succeed in future.
Conflict resolution in personal relationships is no different. *he best strategies for
resolving the conflict are going to depend on the situation. Some conflicts need to be
resolved immediately. (esolving a conflict with peers may look much different than
resolving a conflict with your boss. !nd consider the number of people involved.
Conflict Sources
Conflict can occur within ourselves or with others
Conflict !"pes
!nother misconception is that conflict only occurs between individuals. Internal
conflict can cause strife that is sometimes more difficult to identify and resolve.
+efore attempting to resolve conflict with another person you should be sure you do
not have internal conflict. In other words, dont fight when you dont even know what
you stand for.
Internal conflict is not when you are arguing about one thing with someone when you
are really upset about them doing another thing. Internal conflict is the kind that
makes you unhappy with no apparent reason. (efer to the illustration of potential
conflict sources. ,otice that all points written in black capital letters are within your
own self or your own actions. %ont forget that conflict can occur in these areas. +e
sensitive to your own personal struggles to avoid pro$ecting problems on others, and
creating eternal conflict with others.
#nternal Conflict can make "ou $n%ious
Internal conflict can feel $ust as bad as conflict with others. -hoto by Sasha
#nternal Conflict: Conflict &it'in Yourself
.ou have a goal to become a songwriter and need to buy a guitar, but you are not
saving your money for the guitar. .ou are using your money on frivolous items such
as dining out and entertainment.
In this case your behaviors are not in line with your established goal. *his creates
internal conflict that can produce negative feelings. In this case take responsibility and
avoid blaming others. /ust reali0ing the issue may give you enough insight and
motivation to resolve the conflict.
#nternal Conflict #dentification acti(it":
1. )rite "our name in t'e middle of a blank piece of paper
2. Surround "our name &it' &ords t'at describe "ou suc' as: !rtist,
Christian, -lumber, 'iver, "over, Competitive, etc. 'o beyond physical
descriptions.
3. *se anot'er color and &rite anot'er la"er of "our goals+ 4se action words
such as5 !ttend College, +e a good mom, 6eep my car clean, 7isit my
grandparents more, +ecome a great artist, etc.
8. ,e%t- use anot'er color and &rite "our be'a(iors t'at relate to "our
descriptions of "ourself and "our goals suc' as: I paint every day, I take
lessons sometimes, I used to place my art in contests, I change art teachers
when they put down my work, and I never paint with other people.
9. Finall"- Dra& lines bet&een "our descriptions of "ourself- "our goals- and
"our actions t'at are related+ :or eample5 !rtist;;;;+ecome a great artist;;;;
used to paint every day;;;; sometimes take lessons;;;;used to enter contests;;;;
change art teachers often;;;;%ont paint with others.
In this eample, the person views himself or herself as an artist with the goal of
becoming a great artist, but is clearly having trouble with being evaluated by others in
different situations. In this case to resolve the internal conflict the person needs to
modify goals and<or behaviors. *he great solution here would be to create a new goal
that was not at first apparent5 !llow others to criti=ue my art. *he conflict could have
been viewed as a conflict with others >everyone who ever gives negative feedback?.
*he pattern of repeated conflict in different situations and settings illuminated the real
issue. In this case a new goal and related set of behaviors, allowing others to criti=ue,
resolves the root of the internal conflict.
,otice that in this case the solution is to create more specific goals. In other words, to
be a great artist is a goal, but accepting criticism is a specific attainable goal that will
help the individual achieve the ultimate goal of becoming great. *hese new insights
brought out by introspection result in personal growth and development.
)nce the individual has resolved the internal conflict, he or she may need to apologi0e
to those who have been inadvertently hurt as a result. :or eample, apologi0e to the
art instructor that was cussed out for being honest. +ecoming more aware of your own
personal beliefs, goal, and values as well as noticing behaviors can prevent future
internal conflict. !fter the internal conflict is resolved and conflict with others eists it
is time to incorporate eternal conflict strategies.