Part 2

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Table Of Contents Part 2
Chapter 10: The Drama Method_________________________________ 3
Chapter 11: The Addictive Seeds Of Desire Tactic___________________ 11
Chapter 12: The Cocktail Drama Techni!e________________________ ""
Chapter 13: The S#eet T!rmoil Method__________________________ $3
Chapter 1": The %motional &ariet' Trick__________________________ ($
Chapter 1): The Art Of Dramatic Se* Appeal______________________ 10+
Chapter 1+: The ,mpatience -!le______________________________ 13(
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Chapter 10: The Drama Method
,n Chapter 9, I spoke about the emotional cage reality that men are stuck in, and I
also mentioned how, because of this, men are natural born thrill seekers. What this
ultimately means, is that men actually WANT drama.
Now I also spoke about good stress, or eustress, and bad stress, or distress. ood
stress is the embodiment of necessary drama. It!s the kinds of thrills that we allow
oursel"es to e#perience or go through, so that we can e#perience a peak mode of
ultimate pleasure and happiness. In this case, the more the necessary drama, the
merrier.
It!s basically like winning the emotional lottery.
This is $%ACT&' what men are after, but most of the time they can only get a few
thrills here and there, with their thrill seeking "entures. They ultimately look to
women, therefore, to fill in the rest of the blanks, and to actually help them fulfill the
(other half) of e"erything they are still missing.
What are they missing* Well they are still missing proper emotional fulfillment. They
don!t ha"e a place to put all of their emotions, so this means that, again, all of the
good emotions are pent up, and locked away, until a man feels safe enough to unlock
the cage.
To recap on what you!"e also learned, men are also e#tremely "ulnerable, once they
do unlock their emotional cage, which is why they are "ery, "ery careful as to who or
what they allow near this cage.
Now, men N$$+ drama, because of the fact of how their emotions work. They need a
place, and a way to release those emotions. ,ntil or unless that way is created, their
emotions build up, until the guy emotionally e#plodes, but this (e#plosion) is ne"er a
good thing, because it usually means that a man has imploded internally, before this
3
e"er was made known e#ternally.
,ltimately, what the +rama -ethod will do, is it will gi"e you the ability to completely
remo"e the internal emotional implosion that men feel, from bulking up their emotions
o"er time, by gi"ing them a release, similar to the one adrenaline gi"es them, only on
a scale that is so grand, that it will become impossibly addicti"e to a man.
.ut, before I can tell you how to do this, there is /ust one more thing that I ha"e to
show you, for your own benefit, when using this method. I ha"e shown you that men
need a certain kind of drama, and that they actually seek it out, pri"ately, right
underneath your nose. .ut did you know, that men N$$+ drama beyond this le"el as
well, $01$CIA&&' in a relationship, otherwise they get bored, and lea"e*
&et me e#plain.
I want you to imagine a beautiful goddess of a woman. &et!s say, that this woman has
e"ery facet of beauty, that you could e"er imagine. $"erything about the way that she
looks, is beyond reason. 0he is absolutely stunning, beautiful, gorgeous, and sultry, in
appearance.
Now, let!s also say that this woman is with a man who lo"es her. 0he can be married,
engaged, or dating, depending on the preference2 but she must be with a man, who
wants to be with her.
This man, of course, is absolutely thrilled, because he 3445 feels that way about this
woman. 6e finds her to be the most stunningly beautiful woman he has e"er laid eyes
upon, and he is definitely more than attracted to her.
0o, let!s allow some time to pass, shall we*
-aybe 7 months, tops*
What do you think would happen between these two, after 7 months ha"e passed* +o
you think they are still together, and their lo"e has grown stronger8 because of this
fact*
If you thought this, you!d be dead wrong. In fact, you!d be so wrong, that the real
truth would shock you.
4
A couple in this situation, would not e"en last 7 months, regardless of their
relationship status either. It wouldn!t matter how long they had been together, before,
either, because the reason upon which e"erything started, will 9uickly become the
death of the entire relationship.
In this case, the basis of the relationship, was attraction. The man was ob"iously
smitten, with this woman!s beauty.
.ut as you learned in an earlier section of this program, men need, desire, and cra"e
something more, something .$':N+ simply (lo"e at first sight) itself. $specially in this
day and age, that reality really does not apply.
In fact, the whole (lo"e con9uers all) thing, doesn!t work, as you!"e learned. What!s
e"en more de"astating, to this reality, is the fact that men easily grow bored of a
woman!s looks. As you!"e learned, lo"e alone does not con9uer all. The same thing
applies to physical attraction.
While it may (start) a relationship, it simply cannot, on its own, 0,0TAIN a
relationship. $"entually a man will grow ;used! to the way a woman looks, e"en if she
is the most beautiful woman he!s e"er laid eyes upon.
What happens once a man grows used to something about a woman, is that this
woman must step up to the plate and deli"er something more, to further fuel and
sustain his interest. If she does not do this, and continues to rely on the initial basis
for attraction, such as her beauty, in this case, then a man will grow bored, because
she will be unable to fulfill him on a deeper le"el.
&ooks alone, can only fulfill a man for so long, before he becomes bored of them. This
is why men, need to be stimulated, mentally, emotionally, and physically, beyond that
le"el, and e"en beyond the le"el of lo"e itself.
They N$$+ this, and when they don!t get it, guess what they do*
They either stray, or they lea"e. 'ou!ll note that with Amy!s story, at the beginning of
this program, her man also strayed. In fact, he cheated on Amy.
5
Now it might be reasonable to e#pect Amy to hate +erek for that, and to ne"er forgi"e
him, but Amy reali<ed one =$' thing. What was that thing she reali<ed*
.art of it #as her fa!lt/
0ee, the problem is this> Amy thought that she was fulfilling +erek!s e"ery desire and
dream, by mothering him to death.
.ut what she learned, was that he didn!t actually want to be lo"ed, the way that S0%
wanted to be lo"ed.
What does that mean e#actly*
Well, it means this> the way that you want to be lo"ed, will ne"er be the same way
that your man wants to be lo"ed. If you want to be treated e#tremely kindly,
passionately, gently, and want to be able to talk out all of your feelings, and to be
comforted when you are hurting etc8 with your man, trust me, your man has a
different idea of how 6$ wants to be lo"ed.
That!s all fine and dandy for you to want that, and many men would be more than
willing to oblige that, but it!s important to learn, that /ust because you want those
e#act things, that it doesn!t mean your -AN wants that for himself, as well.
Amy made the fatal error of trying to lo"e her man, the way she actually wanted to be
lo"ed herself, and it resulted in her simply mothering the guy, and smothering him
with all kinds of things, that actually ne"er reached him.
Why didn!t her attempts to reach him work*
Again, it!s because that!s not what he needed, and it!s not the way he needed it. Amy
also didn!t know how to communicate properly with him, which also meant that most
of her attempts to reach him, ended up confusing him more, and he almost always
got the wrong message each time.
Another problem, that Amy reali<ed, was that lo"e simply was not enough, and that
+erek had grown bored of her looks. Amy had to bring something else to the table,
beyond simply her (beauty).
6
The reason she couldn!t get him to commit, and the reason why she /ust couldn!t get
him to become 3445 e#clusi"e to her, is e#actly that same reason. +erek actually
feared spending his life with Amy, and had e"en referred to her, as a (6eck No) reality,
if you recall.
6e feared committing to her, because initially he was attracted to her looks, but o"er
time she failed to help him become attracted to the other parts of her, parts that
would ha"e maintained the relationship, if they had finally been fulfilled.
Now, Amy e"entually did fulfill the other aspects o"er time, and this caused +erek to
completely commit to her, and to finally gi"e in emotionally. They now li"e happily e"er
after, in the (right) way, but this only happened when Amy reali<ed that there is more
to fulfilling a guy than simply how you look.
This is why necessary drama is important. To help illustrate this for you, I want you to
imagine your fa"orite food.
'ou can only pick one thing. +o you ha"e something in mind* 0omething you really
cra"e, and lo"e, and could eat a ton of*
ot it*
ood.
I want you to imagine that you are only allowed to eat ?,0T this one thing, for the
rest of your life.
Now imagine, day 3 of eating this thing. It would be ama<ing, mouth2watering, with a
(man oh man, this is delicious) kind of a feel8 right*
6ow about day @* 0till pretty good, and it feels awesome to be able to eat this two
days in a row, because of how delicious it is.
What about day A, though* +ay B* 6ow about day 37*
Cemember that you are :N&' allowed to eat this one thing. 'ou literally cannot
substitute or change anything out. 'ou must only eat this one thing, from hereon out.
7
.y day 74, this is going to probably be your least fa"orite food, e"en if you really like
it, isn!t it*
Try multiplying that into the future, for the rest of your life.
'ou!d ha"e to say (no), now, to this reality. Why would you ha"e to say no, to your
fa"orite food*
It!s simple> you need "ariety. In order for this to be your fa"orite food in the first
place, you ha"e to be able, allowed, and gi"en the opportunity to actually try, eat, and
en/oy other foods too.
Without the dramatic element of other foods, $D$N the not so great ones, you!d ne"er
be able to feel that you ha"e a fa"orite food. If anything, you!d end up in a cycle of
unnecessary drama, as you eat the same thing e"ery day, spitefully.
=eep in mind that the only reason you e"er gained appreciation for your fa"orite food
in the first place, is because of the "ariety reality, which in itself, is a form of necessary
drama. This is the same reality that has to be present between you and a man.
'ou must create a "ariety reality, otherwise you will cease to remain or become his
ultimate and most desired outcome.
If you don!t do that, /ust like with the e#ample of the beautiful woman, a man will
become bored, and will 9uickly stray, either emotionally, mentally, or physically. $ither
way, he won!t be (all there) emotionally, and he will only be partially in the
relationship after that, because it!s impossible for him to feel fulfilled.
,sing the +rama method, therefore, is the ultimate key into creating a "ariety reality,
in your relationship, so that you are appealing to e"ery sense, desire, wish, and need
that your man could possibly e"er ha"e.
Now I know this sounds e#tremely difficult, but it!s actually pretty easy. There are a
few simple core steps that you must follow to achie"e this, and then the rest comes
naturally. 0o here!s where I!d like to introduce you to the second half of this program,
by introducing the steps behind the +rama -ethod.
There are e#actly B steps which you need to follow, as the core principle or base of
8
the +rama -ethod itself. These steps allow you to infuse the right amount of
necessary drama into your relationship, to fulfill your guy to the ultimate le"el of
emotional intensity peaks, which in turn, makes him see you as the ultimate resource
for eternal fulfilment.
What are those steps e#actly*
Step 1: 1o! Char2e 0im 3p %motionall'4 Which means that you gi"e him an
emotional high, by raising his emotional temperature. It means that no matter
whate"er situation you are in, you ha"e to twist his ;lo"e intensity knob!, to make the
situation a lot more spicy.
Step 2: 1o! Offer A 5ittle -elief 6rom The Char2e4 Which means that you gi"e
him a little relief, by diffusing some of that charge, or by offering some relief from the
charge. 6ow* 'ou open a loop, but then step back, or talk about something different,
to gi"e your man the space to handle, process, and deal with this new charge. At this
stage of the step you can also substitute stepping back or changing the concentration
on the sub/ect, by rewarding him with intense le"els of appreciation, respect or
admiration.
Step 3: 1o! Make 0im 7ork To 8et Complete -elief4 This means that you only
go halfway, but make him come the rest. This means that you do not hand him the
relief, or the complete reward, without making him first earn it, and work for it.
-aking a man work for the relief, ignites a deeper purpose within him, that he
ultimately feels pleasure in ha"ing acti"ated, through you.
Step ": -ene# 0im4 Which means that you diffuse the charge, and charge him up
with something new. 'ou open up a new loop, after this, and thus gi"e him something
else to work on.This means that you don!t /ust start something, and then lea"e it as is,
hoping that your relationship will be fi#ed with /ust one thing, but it instead means
that you will mo"e on to another techni9ue, or method so that you are always
renewing your man!s ability to ha"e his emotional peaks raised, at all times.
The 9asis of these " steps is simple> 'ou emotionally charge him up, and you
maintain control o"er the le"el of the charge, throughout timeframe that acti"ely ha"e
the charge working. 'ou only release that charge, once you ha"e him, where you need
9
to be, if that means emotionally, mentally, or physically, either way, you maintain
control.
.ecause men look to women as the ultimate emotional masters, and because men
react based on how you act, this means that by holding onto the emotional charge,
and tuning it up and down based on his reactions, you can completely change the
outcome of any situation you are in with a man, or your relationship.
In the coming sections, you will see how to apply these B steps to e"en more powerful
tactics and methods, where I will show you e#actly how to use these steps, to get
specific results. =eep in mind, howe"er, that the basis of each new tactic you are
about to learn, remains the same.
The core of each one, still centrali<es around controlling the le"el of emotional
intensity, and using necessary drama to achie"e this result. The coming sections will
show you e#actly what kind of necessary drama, you need to use, to do e#actly that.
10
Chapter 11: The Addictive Seeds Of Desire Tactic
:Treat 1o!r Man As 0e 7ants To ;e Treated:
The best way to control a man!s le"el of emotional lo"e intensity toward you, is to
treat your man as he actually wants to be treated.
.y now you!"e probably heard the saying8 (do unto others, as you!d ha"e them do
unto you), which basically translates in most people!s minds as this>
Treat people, as I want to be treated.
.ut let me tell you something shocking about this reality8
-en don!t actually want you to do that. In fact, they 6AT$ it when you do this.
Why*
-en don!t want to be treated, as you want to be treated.
The problem with prescribing to the (I am treating you, as I want to be treated)
mentality, is that you end up lo"ing your man, in a way that ':, actually want to be
lo"ed.
.ut, in his world, that lo"e means something else, because it!s mostly created, dri"en,
and pro/ected in ways that actually are more in tune with what you want, need, and
desire.
Again, if you are lo"ing your man in a way that basically represents how you actually
want to be lo"ed, and thus, is really a form of how you want to C$C$ID$ lo"e, then
you are doing it all wrong.
I want you to imagine, for /ust a 9uick second here that your fa"orite kind of ice
cream, is chocolate. Now, since this is your fa"orite kind of ice cream, you want others
11
to en/oy it e9ually as you do.
0o you gi"e them this ice cream too, e#pecting that it will taste the same to them, and
that they too will react as strongly as you did, since it!s your fa"orite ice cream.
.ut, suddenly, other people start to tell you, that it!s (:=), but it!s not their fa"orite.
Confused, you begin offering them more and more chocolate ice cream, /ust thinking
that if you simply gi"e them more, that e"entually they will (get) that chocolate ice
cream really is the best.
.ut, the only thing that happens then, is people start a"oiding you, and they e"en
start to feel as if you are a little bit cra<y.
They ha"e already communicated that this wasn!t their fa"orite. .ut, instead of
accepting that response and reality, you /ust keep trying to gi"e them more, and trying
to con"ince them that they must accept your reality.
In your mind, if you can simply e#plain it, and offer more, people will e"entually
agree.
.ut the reality of it is, people simply cannot agree, because no matter what, their
tastes are different.
Now some of those people might agree, and say (hey, chocolate is my fa"orite too),
but it!s e#tremely important to understand, that you ha"e to let the other person
choose, and feel like they are allowed to choose, their fa"orite fla"our of (lo"e).
1rescribing to the (do unto others) mentality, means that you are actually trying to
force somebody into a reality that completely centrali<es around what you want, and
how you want those things.
When you are dealing with lo"e, and a man, howe"er, you cannot do this. 'ou ha"e to
completely change your le"el of approach and thinking, because your man wants to be
lo"ed in a way that reaches him.
This may, or may not be the same as the way that you want to be lo"ed, but you must
allow him to communicate, in the "ery least, what it is that he e"en wants.
12
A lot of women completely cut off the communication, by trying to T$&& the man what
he should want, by pro/ecting the (do unto) reality onto them.
They start lo"ing their man, intensely, but in a way that reflects hea"ily, the same kind
of lo"e that a woman wishes for in return.
?ust like with the ice cream story, a lot of men might come in and say (hey, this isn!t
my fla"our), or they might not react as strongly as you wish.
0o a lot of women, end up trying to gi"e the guy more of their (chocolate ;lo"e! ice
cream), after that, thinking that they /ust need to do more, say more, and lo"e harder,
and then the guy will gi"e in.
.ut as you can see, it!s not about how hard you lo"e, or how hard you try to con"ince
him that you really do lo"e him. It!s actually /ust about 6:W you lo"e.
As you are starting to see, the (how) is all in the art of the approach, and the art of
the approach in this case, simply means, learning to lo"e your man the way he
actually wants to be lo"ed.
+o this, and you will reach him on an e#treme le"el, because you will be pleasing and
fulfilling him to such an unimaginable le"el, that he will melt like putty into your hands
after.
It!s important to note, therefore, that men want to be treated a certain way, and as
you ha"e /ust learned, that way doesn!t always look, sound, or feel like what you are
used to, and it might be something completely different than how you want to be
lo"ed.
.ut this is completely alright. In this section, I am going to show you e#actly how to
use a tactic that helps you to implant addicti"e seeds of desire into a man!s mind.
This tactic, utili<es the ;treat a man as he wants to be treated! rule, to help you
implant an idea into your man!s mind, that you are his resource for the ultimate form
of appro"al in lo"e.
Now, what e#actly do I mean by, appro"al in lo"e*
13
All men ha"e a certain standard within them that seeks to uphold a certain le"el of
appro"al, because e"ery man commands a certain le"el of respect.
Cespect to a man, is the ultimate boundary condition, wherein he actually uses it to
draw his boundaries, and define himself.
+ue to this fact, a man also commands respect in his relationships as well, because it!s
a part of how he defines himself, and it!s a part of how he gains acceptance within
and without, in his lifetime, regardless of his age.
This is true throughout e"ery facet of a man!s life, from his friendships, to his career,
to his family, but a man has a whole N$W le"el of respect and boundaries pertaining
to this, when it comes to lo"e and intimacy with a woman.
The history of man, actually lends an interesting insight into the reason behind why it
is that men need to ha"e, and feel respected in their relationship, and e"en within the
other kinds of interpersonal relationships that they e#perience in their lifetime.
'ou see, the history of men, is one that has had men pro"iding, leading, and guiding
their tribes, and families e"er since the dawn of time. It is deeply ingrained in the
male subconscious, therefore, that his role in life, and society, is one that has him
commanding, therefore, a certain le"el of respect.
Why is that*
Well, for a man to be able to command a group of people, or to lead them, or e"en for
a man to be able to pro"ide for a group of people, he has to be able to first be in a
position where the people want this from him, and feel that he can pro"ide it.
This is where respect comes into play, because if you truly did not respect somebody,
you!d ne"er listen to what they had to say, or take what they had to offer. In fact,
you!d be more likely to re/ect anything that this person could do for you, based on
your lack of respect.
Thus, respect to a man, means his ability to in essence fulfill his core purpose as a
man. What is that core purpose*
14
That core purpose is to pro"ide for, to command and lead, and to guide.
It!s so important to a man, to be seen as capable in this purpose of his life, that a man
would e"en rather be seen as stupid, than to be seen as incompetent, unable, and
e"en unworthy of respect.
-en e"en peg the importance of respect as being abo"e and beyond their need for
lo"e. 'ou see, a man could put up with a great deal of many things. A man could
handle or e"en accept being seen as stupid, or cold e"en, and he could e"en handle
not being lo"ed, but no man wants to be seen as being the kind of guy who is
unrespectable in nature.
Now this does not, by any longshot mean that men simply don!t want to be lo"ed, or
that they don!t want lo"e. Euite the contrary. In fact, men start to begin feeling lo"ed,
and begin to open up to lo"e, once they feel they ha"e first established a boundary of
respect surrounding their relationship with a person.
6a"e you e"er, for e#ample, seen a (mama!s) boy* This is the kind of guy who
basically would do anything to please his mother, and he listens to her e"ery word.
This beha"iour e"en dri"es some women mental, because it means that his mother
always gets the final say, e"en o"er his own girlfriend or wifeF
.ut let me e#plain something here, about this kind of a beha"iour. If you e"er see a
man commanding himself in such a way, it means that there is a le"el of respect going
on, in that relationship, so deep, and so profound, that the man will more than go out
of his way, to lo"e that person, to e"en unreasonable le"els.
What is e"en more astounding about the (mama!s boy) relationship, is that it means
that the man!s mother would ha"e so intensely gi"en her son a le"el of respect, that
he feels absolutely fulfilled in returning anything she desires, back to her.
This is why (-ama!s boys), are often seen going well out of their way to please their
mother, and their relationship is often more intensely strong, than any other kind of
relationship.
At first glance, to many outsiders looking in, it might appear as if the mother is hea"ily
controlling, and that she has an unrealistic grip o"er her son and his life, but if you
were to really look into this relationship, all the mother has really done, and e"er did,
15
was gi"e her son a le"el of respect.
:nce she did this, the son felt important, and found a purpose, therefore in e"erything
after, the lo"e in the relationship only grew to intense amounts.
The good thing about this reality, is that you can replicate it, on an e9ual and e"en
greater capacity as well, but this time, without ha"ing to (mother) your man into
lo"ing you. There is a way to get the same response, in your lo"e life, and in your
relationship with a man, wherein he will e9ually open up his control panel of lo"e to
you, and allow you in, to get, do, and ha"e anything that you want from him.
Now keep in mind here, that this isn!t some kind of sneaky, under the table trick here.
'ou can do this right in front of your man, e"en with his awareness, and he will
literally W$&C:-$ this reality.
Why is that* Well the answer is simple> as long as you gi"e a man the le"el of respect
that he needs to feel fulfilled, he doesn!t care what else is going on.
Again, a man would willingly allow himself to feel stupid, to be considered cold, and to
e"en forfeit lo"e, if it meant that he was a"oiding a disrespectful situation. -en, will
go out of their way to ensure that they command respect, which means e"en allowing
other intense situations, /ust to accomplish that.
This is why, once you respect a man, in the way that he needs, you will find that it
wouldn!t bother him after this point, to actually do things for you, and that he won!t
e"en feel bad doing it either, because the main thing, that was the most important to
him as a man, is being fulfilled through you.
What!s e"en better about this reality, is that because men are hard2wired to be
pro"iders and helpers, it means that once you show him that you respect his
leadership, as a man, he will then proceed to fulfill his other core desire, which is to
pro"ide for you and help you.
This is why a man who feels respected in his relationship, is often seen as going abo"e
and beyond to help pro"ide for and help the woman gi"ing him this respect.
It means that if you need certain things from your man in the future, whether that is
romancing you, or helping you around the house, or listening to you8 that he will
16
more than oblige, and in fact you will find him agreeing with you more often than not
after this too.
0o remember, to prioriti<e respecting your man, as he needs in the relationship, to in
turn ha"e his main priority taken care of. :nce you take care of a man!s main priority,
he then has all the room in the world to concentrate on anything that comes after this
priority.
=eeping that in mind, there!s one more thing I!d like you to know about this respect
and lo"e reality. In the earlier sections, I hinted at the idea that women are emotional
thinkers, because they ha"e been encouraged to e#press this part of them, and to
define their li"es around that reality.
.ut I also noted, that men, howe"er, are logical thinkers, because they ha"e been
discouraged from openly e"ol"ing around their emotions, and thus they had to take on
a different le"el, and reality of thinking, which we call logical thinking.
Now all logical thinking is, is simply a form of reasoning that takes your personal
feelings or emotions out of the e9uation.
To best gi"e you an e#ample of what this means, I want you to imagine for e#ample,
that you ha"e a pet cat, but your cat is sick, and old.
'our "eterinarian is telling you, that your cat may need to be put down, but because
you feel so deeply for your pet, you opt for surgery to try and sa"e your cat, and
prolong hisGher life.
A man in the same situation, although he may feel e9ually passionate about trying to
sa"e his pets life, would more likely opt, howe"er, to actually put his cat down.
Why is that*
Well, this is where a man would bring logic into the situation, because the situation
re9uires for a decision to be made.
0hould he spend a great deal of money, on surgery for his pet, and hope for the best,
only to ha"e to come to the same conclusion, because his cat is sick and old.
17
:r should he allow things to be, as they are, because his cat is dying, his cat has li"ed
a long life, and his cat is old, and let his cat pass away*
&ogic would dictate that a man would ha"e to remo"e his personal feelings from the
situation, e"en if he wanted to spend an eternity with his belo"ed pet, he has to
consider reality.
Ceality, therefore, will tell him that putting his cat down, might be the best thing for
his pet, because then his pet no longer has to be in pain, no longer has to suffer, and
doesn!t ha"e to go through an intense and e"en more painful surgery.
&ogic would remind a man that his cat is old, and has li"ed a typically longer life, than
what was e#pected, and so, trying for anything further would /ust be trying to post
pone the ine"itable at this stage. It would mean putting both himself, and his cat
through more pain.
Thus, the only conclusion left, therefore from this man!s logical perspecti"e, would be
to let his belo"ed cat pass away, and although this is a painful decision, he had to
consider his cat!s 9uality of life, and other things, abo"e simply what he felt.
Now this may seem like an e#treme e#ample, but it!s the perfect e#ample of the kind
of thing that goes on in a man!s mind, e"en when he is dealing with lo"e, but
$01$CIA&&' when he is dealing with respect in a relationship.
Now, there is one more thing which must come into this mi#, because of that reality.
It!s something called>
5o2ical Attraction
-en are therefore wired to focus on their "isions, thoughts, and ideas, before they
focus on the feeling surrounding any of that. -ore importantly, is the fact that the
forefront of all of their thoughts, is always going to be what is going on cogniti"ely
and logically, rather than emotionally inside of them. ,ltimately, this means that the
forefront of a man!s thoughts is fueled by logic, rather than his emotions.
This is also why men appreciate and need respect, because respect is more of an
action of logical confirmation, than it is of emotional satisfaction. Cespect means that
the other person in"ol"ed, logically recogni<es the importance of that man, and that
they recogni<e this man as being "aluable and useful.
18
It means that the other person, isn!t relying simply on how they feel, but rather are
relying on the actual facts of what is, when they approach that person. This is e#actly
what a man is looking for, wants, and needs, when it comes to lo"e. This is actually
called (5o2ical Attraction<.
6e wants you to be able to think beyond your feelings, to see who he is, what he is
capable of, and to recogni<e his importance beyond your feelings. Why is this*
Well, again, men were not taught to rely on their emotions to guide them. They were
taught to rely on logic. .ut there!s an e"en deeper reason for this need that men ha"e
for logical attraction, which is this>
'our emotions can fluctuate. It!s impossible for you to feel only one way, and one
emotion for all of eternity. 'our feelings, mo"e, fluctuate, and change, because your
circumstances in life will ne"er be the same either.
-en recogni<e this, and therefore are weary of relying solely on emotions, because
they know that instant changes can come in life, but they especially know that
relationships go through all kinds of changes.
It!s impossible, therefore to predict 3445 how things will be, and is dangerous,
therefore to rely solely on how you ;feel! about somebody, to dictate your entire future
together.
-en re9uire a deeper confirmation, to feel secure, and will actually a"oid committing,
until they start to see that this confirmation is present.
What confirmation is that*
The confirmation that you respect them and that through this respect, logical
attraction e#ists. 'ou see, respect, in a man!s mind, e9uates as a deeper emotional
understanding.
It means that, no matter how much your emotions wa"er, and that no matter what
goes on outside of the relationship Hor circumstances of lifeI, that you do in fact
recogni<e this man as being important, as being capable, and as being competent.
It means that you put faith in your man, and that you trust him, to do the right thing,
19
and to know what to do, no matter what the circumstance is. It means that you will
also recogni<e this, e"en if he makes you mad, or upsets you.
It means that you will still be there for him, on a deeper le"el, e"en if your emotions
are not always on the same page.
When you do this, you will find that a man will act a lot 9uicker to rectify and fi# a
situation, wherein you emotionally are lost, or ha"e been hurt by him. It means that
he will mo"e e#tremely fast, to ensure that you feel better again, because again, he
knows that you $%1$CT him to do his /ob as a man, and to lead, and that you respect
this in him.
Thus, respecting a man, also means drawing an in"isible, but known boundary
condition, wherein a man knows that it!s his /ob, from hereon out to take care of you,
because you ha"e shown him that you TC,0T him to do that.
-espect therefore = tr!st > lo2ical !nderstandin2
This e9uation, although at first glance, might ha"e seemed rather confusing, but
again, it!s all about &ogical Attraction here, to a man. 6e needs you to pro"e that you
can "alue him beyond your emotions, and that you can logically recogni<e who he is
as a man.
+oing that, of course, comes in e#tending a le"el of respect to a man, in the first
place, which then tells a man that he can trust you, and that you are capable of
understanding him. To e#tend that le"el of respect to your man, you must first
understand one important thing, which is known as this>
Addictive Seeds Of Desire
'ou!ll notice that this section is called the Addicti"e 0eeds :f +esire tactic.
Now here is where e"erything ties in together, because the main basis of the Addicti"e
0eeds :f +esire tactic, is e"erything you ha"e /ust learned. The core principle of this
tactic, is simply using logical attraction, to fulfill a man!s desire and need for respect.
This tactic, is actually aptly named so, because doing this, is basically the e9ui"alent
20
of implanting seeds of desire, into your man!s mind.
As I pointed out with the earlier e#ample of (mama!s boys) who often can be seen
going out of their way, to please their mothers, the reason they do that, is because a
seed of desire has been planted deep into their core.
This seed, o"er time, grows up, into a blossoming tree of trust and understanding.
Again, if you can pro"e to your man, that you are capable of trusting his ability to
pro"ide, guide, and help, then you will ha"e effecti"ely opened up the eternal door to
recei"ing this reality from a man.
When you open up the door of trust, in his ability to do this, it means that a man feels
3445 comfortable, therefore, in doing e"erything and anything for you, to help fulfill
that purpose further. It means that you finally recogni<e, but more importantly,
A&&:W your man to actually become a gi"er, pro"ider, and helper in your relationship.
The same is true for (mama!s boys), only with a little bit of a difference in dynamic.
These men go out of their way to gi"e, pro"ide for, and help their mothers, because
once again, their mothers ha"e e#tended a le"el of respect, which in turn shows their
sons, that they are welcome to fulfill their ultimate purpose as a man, of being the
pro"ider and gi"er in the relationship.
After that point, there are no more 9uestions, doubts, or e#cuses in the way. If a
man!s mother asks for something, she simply recei"es it, after that point, and her son
is more than happy, and willing to do it too.
The importance of the Addicti"e 0eeds of +esire tactic, in this case, is that it takes this
same reality, but completely digs deeper into a man!s core. In this case, you in"ol"e
attraction, which is logical in a man!s mind as well, which creates an e"en more
powerful response, and reaction from a man.
It shows a man that you are the kind of woman that he can spend his life with, and
the important thing to note here, is that when a man gets into a serious relationship
with a woman, he is in effect, creating an entirely new life.
.efore this point, his life is that of his family, and work.
.y using logical attraction, you open the door to a completely new life, for your man
21
to create for himself, which finally gi"es your man the power to be seen as, and to
fulfill his destiny, as a pro"ider in his lifetime.
6e would finally ha"e a new family, and something of his own to create, pro"ide for,
and fulfill. This is why the Addicti"e 0eeds of +esire tactic is e#tremely powerful,
because it gi"es your man his own purpose, one that he will defend, protect, and fulfill
till he dies.
It!s important to note that men are always after the ability to create and fulfill a
legacy. They want to be able to create, and lea"e something behind, something which
makes them feel like they ha"e fulfilled a greater purpose in life.
Now in the coming sections, I will e#plain a little bit more about the purpose of a
man!s legacy, and what it truly means in your relationship, but for now, know this>
After a man!s need for respect, this is the ne#t, most intense need that a man will e"er
ha"e, for the length of his life.
.ut, by using the Addicti"e 0eeds of +esire tactic, you can effecti"ely take care of
.:T6 of these realities, by firstly opening up the door, for him, to actually do this
through you, in the first place.
0o how do you pro"e to a guy, that you are capable of ha"ing a le"el of &ogical
Attraction toward him* There are B le"els of respect which you need to fulfill, in order
to make a man feel fulfilled with &ogical Attraction.
$ach le"el, implants an addicti"e seed in your man!s mind, which grows to fulfill his
needs. When this happens, your man will effecti"ely desire you more and more,
especially as the seed solidifies and grows with time, because at that point, he won!t
e"en be able to remo"e it.
Think of it like an ama<ing tree of life. This tree blossoms, and creates (lo"e fruits),
which your man can eat, if he wants to ha"e more in life, or if he simply wants more
of life itself. $ach time he takes a bite of the fruit, he feels re/u"enated, more ali"e,
and feels his sense of purpose being fulfilled and satisfied.
Now o"er time, to satisfy his hunger, he will ha"e to come back to this tree. .ut, this
tree is in your garden, and your man knows this too. 0o to recei"e from the tree, he
22
must enter your garden, and thus he comes back to you, addicted to what you ha"e
to offer.
Now, when it comes to the B le"els of respectful fulfillment, which I /ust mentioned, I
want you to imagine that this same tree, has B different fruits, with each one, fulfilling
a different need, but each still e9ually capable of calming his hunger. 6e can come,
therefore, and ha"e a "ariety, so that not only is his hunger fulfilled, but his desire to
ha"e "ariety therein, for each different cra"ing, is also fulfilled.
What!s important to remember about this idea, is that no other tree, will be like the
tree you ha"e planted. The trees that other women plant, or try to offer, will be more
like lemon, orange, or apple trees. 0ure they satisfy the hunger, but they don!t fulfill
him on a deeper le"el. They simply scratch the surface.
Would you rather, eat a fruit that made you feel like your ultimate purpose was
satisfied J fulfilled your hunger8 or would you instead, want a fruit that simply
stopped making your stomach growl*
:b"iously when gi"en the choice, you!d pick the first fruit, the (lo"e fruit), because it
simply offered you far more, and still satisfied your initial hunger.
This is why your seeds of desire, when planted will become 3444 times more
addicti"e, because not only do you scratch the surface, but you dig deeper and help to
fulfill an e"en stronger desire that men ha"e.
0o what do you ha"e to do then, to implant the addicti"e seeds of desire* There are B
things which you need to fulfill, and they are as follows>
Step ?1: 8ive 0im A 6eelin2 Of %motional Choice4
.ecause your man!s main desire is to feel as if he can pro"ide, lead, and guide, as a
part of his core purpose and make up as an indi"idual, it means that you man -,0T
feel as though he actually has a choice.
Kailure to make your man feel this, means that he feels caged, and feels as though
you doubt his ability to lead and pro"ide for you. 1art of e#tending respect to your
man, in the way that he needs it, comes within the idea of gi"ing him a feeling of
ha"ing an emotional choice in the first place.
23
What is an emotional choice*
It means gi"ing your man the ability to C6::0$ to be with you, want you, desire you,
and ha"e you.
A lot of women make the mistake, of trying to force their man to be with them.
$motionally, it means that you are pro/ecting, and appear to need your man on such
an e#treme le"el, that it no longer feels like a choice to your man.
Again, you ha"e to be able to pro"e to your man, that you are capable of respecting
his ability to lead, and part of that comes in the choices he makes. A man needs to
feel that he actually chose you, and that this is his decision.
When you pro/ect your emotional neediness onto him, by becoming clingy, calling too
much, or 9uestioning his loyalty e"ery @ seconds etc8 it means that you ha"e now
made this into a decision that is :N&' yours now.
'ou ha"e decided that you want to be with him, and this is final. A guy, therefore
feels, in that moment, that this no longer has anything to do with what he wants, or
his own decisions8 and that now it!s all about what you want, and your choices.
It e9uates simply, to you not trusting in his ability again, and this means, in a guy!s
mind, that you don!t respect him.
0o the trick here is to logically remo"e your emotional needs, temporarily, and to be
careful not to pro/ect your emotional needs hea"ily onto the guy. &et him know that
you are there, but don!t push the idea of being together, or ha"ing him want you
deeply, onto him.
&et him C6::0$ to ha"e that, on his own, by gi"ing him the emotional freedom and
space in the first place to do that. A man can!t decide to do that, if you are
emotionally pro/ecting onto him, all of your wants and needs, e"ery moment of the
day.
Therefore, if you are guilty of telling a guy all the time, /ust how much you lo"e him,
want to be with him, want to marry him, need him in your life, or need him to comfort
you, etc etc etc8 to such a le"el where basically, you are turning your man, into your
24
entire life, almost, then you are only making a man feel disrespected, and worse>
'ou are forcing it upon him. It!s no longer a decision anymore. 0o the key again, is to
not seek his appro"al. No acting in a needy way, and no demanding him to fulfill your
needs, because you feel desperate or alone.
It means that you demonstrate your attracti"eness, on a deeper scale, by using
restraint in the way that you act, and react around him.
,ltimately, what this means, is that you WANT the guy, but don!t need him. It means
pro"ing to him, that you can handle yourself, and that he is not your (end all) or (be
all) situation.
When you do this, you ignite a (loss reality) within your man!s mind, which tells him,
that he better act, and choose to need you, or else he might lose you. It plays into the
(scarcity) mentality that we all ha"e.
A scarcity mentality, is simply this ultimate fear, that there is not enough of something
to go around, and thus we must get as much of that thing, as 9uickly as possible, to
alle"iate the fear that it might not be there fore"er, or always.
This is the same fear that e"ery man has, but it!s only e"er triggered in a relationship
situation, if the woman in 9uestion, first lets the man know, that she doesn!t need
him, but simply wants him.
It means, going halfway, but gi"ing him the power to come the rest of the way,
himself, and to choose.
'ou!ll find that in this situation, men almost always come the rest of the way, simply
because you ha"e shown and ha"e pro"en that you trust him to make the right
decision, instead of trying to emotionally force him to do it, which in itself would mean
that you ne"er trusted him to do the right thing.
Step ?2: 8ive 0im A 6eelin2 Of Control4 Again, playing into the ultimate desire
that your man has, to be allowed and appreciated for his leadership, decision making,
and pro"ider realities, you gi"e your man the ability, again to do this, by allowing him
to ha"e a sense of control.
25
As I e#plained in step L3, dumping your needs and desperate emotional pro/ections
onto a man, to try and force him to do the right thing, and accept you, doesn!t work.
It in fact, signals to a man, that he should lea"e, because you don!t respect his
decision making processes.
Well, when you try to make a guy be with you, by hea"ily throwing e"ery emotion and
effort therein, his way, you make him feel as though he has no control o"er anything.
It!s basically like saying this, to a man>
(6ey, be with me. Korget how you actually feel about this, or what you need or want.
?ust do it anyway. It doesn!t matter).
Nothing gi"es a man more fear, than e#actly that> which is the feeling that he has no
control o"er any part of the situation, regardless of what is going on.
It completely remo"es his ability to actually be a man, and remo"es his ability to do
his /ob as a man in the relationship. A man!s /ob is to lead, and pro"ide.
.ut you are stepping on his toes, and are basically saying (hey, that!s my /ob now),
when you do that. Again, it means you aren!t respecting him, and you are trying to
use emotional attraction, to reach him, when he actually needs logical attraction.
Again, men don!t ha"e the same le"el of emotional control as you do, which is why
you must gi"e them &:ICA& control.
0o how do you do that*
'ou temporarily suspend your emotions, at strategic inter"als, so that you don!t make
it about (feelings) all of the time.
Now I know that you would like for your man to fulfill your emotional needs, and you
e"en find comfort in e#pressing your emotions, in his presence, but a mistake that a
lot of women make when it comes to this, is they turn the entire relationship into an
emotional nightmare.
$"erything becomes about how you feel, and about your feelings after that. It means,
it becomes all about you, which means you are trying to be in power, and in control.
26
All of this, once more, e9uates to you undermining your man!s ability to lead, and help
you fulfill your needs. It means you prematurely pro/ect your needs to the forefront of
the relationship, and completely o"ershadow any of your man!s needs, at the same
time.
This is why you ha"e to strategically, and temporarily suspend some of your own
emotions, so that you don!t inad"ertently make e"erything about you, and completely
cut off his needs, wants, and desires.
The relationship needs to be balanced. It cannot be about one person taking, taking,
and taking o"er and o"er again, all of the time. Worse, is the fact that you don!t e"en
allow your man to gi"e to you, in his own space and way, by doing this. It means that
you are instead, draining8 instead of taking at this stage too.
0o how do you strategically remo"e your emotions, or temporarily suspend them, so
that the relationship isn!t always about how you feel*
'ou begin to take responsibility for some of your own emotional fulfillment, that!s how.
As I e#plained in the earlier sections of this program, it!s unfair, and e"en
unreasonable to e#pect your man to fulfill e"erything you could e"er need, desire, or
want in life.
It means that you are asking your man to li"e your life for you, and that he is
supposed to carry himself, 1&,0 you, at the same time.
That!s an impossible re9uest.
Ki#ing this problem,therefore comes in your ability to begin taking care of some of
your own emotional needs, but more importantly, in learning how to separate a
relationship need, from a personal need.
0ome of your emotions will ha"e to be fulfilled by the relationship, and it!s completely
:= to actually ask for that.
.ut a lot of your emotions, you will find, actually should be fulfilled and dealt with on
a personal le"el. :ne such emotion, for e#ample, is the feeling of loneliness.
It!s insulting to a man, when you pro/ect this emotion onto him, because it!s basically
27
like saying this> (hey, e"en though we are in a relationship, I feel alone). It!s the
e9ui"alent, of punching your man in the gut, and saying (you are not enough for me.
+o moreF .e moreF).
Is that how you want to be communicated to* Would you feel good, if your man did
that to you* 1robably not, right*
This is why a feeling or emotion such as that, must be dealt with pri"ately, and you
must look into the core problem causing that emotion, therefore.
-ost likely, with a feeling like loneliness as the e#ample here, it means that you are
struggling to accept your own company, or that you are dealing with some self2esteem
issues, that make you feel as if being alone in your own company is not fulfilling.
Why would that be true*
Well in this case, it would mean that you don!t see enough "alue in your own being,
and that you seek appro"al therefore, with your man.
This can become to#ic if you allow an emotion like this into the relationship, because it
means that you e#pect your man to gi"e you a feeling of self2worth and "alue, as a
human being. .ut this, 9uite ob"iously, is something that you actually ha"e to learn,
earn, and gi"e yourself o"er time.
This will ne"er be something that another person can fulfill for you, or gi"e you, e"en
if they wanted to, you!d always find yourself coming back, with doubts, and needing
more reassurance.
Why is that*
It!s because that self2worth, appro"al, and feeling of "alue came from somebody else.
It came from their ideas, their opinions, and their thoughts8 all of which are outside
of your core. It will ne"er feel natural, and you can ne"er accept this 3445, because
of that fact.
It must come from within, be reali<ed from within, and more importantly, be 1C:D$N
from within.
28
This is why you!d find yourself always coming back and pro/ecting this need to feel
"alued, because you are lonely, because the answers and appro"al were ne"er
1C:D$N, they were /ust stated by the other person.
The only way to get proof, therefore, is to internali<e that emotion and to deal with it
pri"ately, outside of your relationship needs, therefore. It is a personal need, and
although you can ask your man for help, you cannot e#pect, therefore, in the future
for him to simply fulfill that emotion.
Again, e"en if he wanted to, he!d ne"er be able to, because it is a bottomless pit that
can ne"er be filled, until or unless, you actually recogni<e that this is an emotional
need that you actually ha"e to personally fulfill and handle.
There are 9uite a few other emotions that ha"e the same effect on a relationship, and
all of which actually are outside of the relationship. These emotions all tie back into
the negati"e emotions that I spoke about in ChapterM.
.asically, any time that you recogni<e an emotional need creeping up, that remotely
resembles something that makes you feel e#treme pain, sorrow, or an#iety, then this
is almost always something that you should suspend, or temporarily hold off trying to
pro/ect into the relationship.
Almost always, when an emotion like that comes up, that makes you feel as
mentioned, it means that it!s something you must look at personally, and pri"ately. It!s
not usually something that your man can fi#, or change for you, e"en if he wanted to.
Now I listed some of those emotions, in Chapter M, so I!d like to remind you that you
can always go back to that part of the program, if you need a reminder of e#actly
what kinds of emotions these are.
'ou!ll notice that I also mentioned, that you must strategically suspend your emotions,
or you must learn how to not pro/ect negati"e and bad emotions into the relationship.
+oing this, gi"es your man the space, and room to actually help you, where he is
meant to, and shows him that you are not concentrating the entire relationship into a
(how I feel) reality.
I!d like to clarify now, that in times when the emotions are positi"e, it is perfectly fine
to e#press, talk about, and e"en pro/ect those emotions. 0o if you are feeling happy,
29
secured, or e#cited etc8 it!s perfectly fine, to stop and address that emotion, and to
e"en share it.
+oing this actually helps your relationship, because it signals to your man, that he
should be doing more of the things you lo"e, because you are rewarding him with
positi"e feedback.
It also lea"es him room to actually concentrate on gi"ing you more of the ;good!,
because you are no longer weighing him down emotionally, with all of your emotional
needs, and are gi"ing him a reasonable need to fulfill now.
It also shows him that you are capable of handling yourself, outside of him, which in
turn gi"es your man a sense and feeling of control. If you do not do this, your man
will feel as if he has no control, because you would in effect be re9uiring him to fi#,
sol"e, and help e"ery aspect of your life.
It means you are telling him, that you cannot help yourself, and he would feel an
intense onset of pressure, as he tries to do his best, only to learn each and e"ery
time, that no matter how hard he tries, it will ne"er be enough.
Again, it!s important to remember that a great deal of your negati"e emotional needs,
actually stem from something deeper that you need to look at, address, and fulfill
outside of the relationship. 1ro/ecting them into the relationship, and onto your man,
means that you will be creating an endless and bottomless pit, which he can ne"er fill,
no matter what he does.
There is no faster way, to make a man feel out of control, than to gi"e him a
bottomless pit, but to still e#pect him to succeed in filling it. A man simply cannot, and
the feeling of loss of control in this situation, will be o"erbearing.
This time, it means that you are o"erbearing him, and that you don!t e"en trust
yourself. It makes a man feel disrespected as well, as he tries to work out, why it is
that nothing he does is e"er enough for you, as you keep coming back with hea"y
demand after demand, due to your emotional neediness.
Thus, the best, and 9uickest way, therefore to make him feel respected, is to bring
some logic back into the mi#.
30
0uspend emotions that you should actually be addressing yourself, but allow positi"e
emotions through, that are meant to be pro/ected toward your man, so that he can
feel in control, and secondly, so that he can actually feel as if he can finally do
something with those emotions.
@ote: this is the step that offers relief to your man, because you take away the
burdens that don!t actually belong in the relationship or on his shoulders, and thus
gi"e him room to act, and react to the things that he actually should be responding to.
Step ?3: 8ive 0im A 6eelin2 Of %motional Si2nificance4
This is the biggest, and most important step. Why is that* -en ha"e fragile egos.
If it wasn!t clear already, it will be now> the whole reason why men command, and
demand respect, is because they ha"e fragile egos.
Cespect is all about helping a man resol"e that internal conflict, of his fragile ego, so
that he always feels secure. When a man feels insecure, you will find that he becomes
e#tremely "olatile, and e"en reckless. In that state, a man may insult you, become
rude, or say things that he really didn!t mean, to try and regain a feeling of power
again, and control.
Thus, as part of the logical attraction and respect realities, you ha"e to help him
solidify his sense of ego and self, as strongly as possible, so that you ne"er find your
man wa"ering therein, and so that he no longer struggles to maintain that internal
balance, within.
6ow do you do that* 'ou gi"e him a sense, and a feeling of emotional significance.
$"ery man wants to feel important HhelpfulI, and wants to feel as if he is useful.
Again, a man could accept being considered stupid or dumb, but it would completely
crush his core, if somebody were to say he had no use, or that he wasn!t helpful.
Now I spoke a bit about this earlier, but I!d like to completely take the lid off of this
reality, by re"ealing something important to you now.
'ou see, the reason why a man could take being seen as stupid, and e"en dumb8 is
that it doesn!t change how he feels about himself. If he is secure within himself, his
31
abilities, and his understanding of himself2 this would N$D$C bother him.
In fact, it wouldn!t upset him in the least. As long as a man has confidence in his
ability, to pro"ide, help, and lead, then he will N$D$C feel compromised, no matter
what others think, or feel about him.
.ut, if somebody begins to start 9uestioning his ability to pro"ide, help, lead, and
guide8 well then a massi"e contro"ersy rises up deep within him, that now brings a
man to his knees.
Why is that*
Again, a man!s entire core purpose, is to be able to pro"ide, and lead. Now, if
somebody is suggesting that he might not be good at that, it!s basically like telling a
man, that he!s not a man.
$"ery single man, will therefore fight that reality, to regain his sense of purpose, self2
worth, and being. It!s his /ob to protect his ability to be a man in the first place,
because after all, this is what a man stands for.
Who would he be, and what would he be, otherwise*
Thus, as long as a man feels secure, you could say and e"en do anything to him, and
he would not feel compromised. .ut if you cause a crack in that security, by
9uestioning or placing doubts within him, of his own ability to be a man, then he will
completely crumble, and will come back with a "engeance against you as well, to
pro"e you wrong.
0o keeping this in mind, I!d like to talk about a little something called, (sucking up),
that a lot of women are guilty of.
As I ha"e /ust shown you, as long as a man is secure within himself, nothing that
others say, really has any significance to him, or in the "ery least, doesn!t affect him
deeply.
The only time, a man listens then, is when something is genuine and "alid. This is why
men freak out, when their ability to pro"ide, help, and be a leader is compromised. It
means that there is a genuine concern, about their abilities, and they will immediately
32
address it.
.ut, if somebody /ust called them stupid, ob"iously that has nothing to do with their
ability. It /ust means that the other person is getting emotional, and most guys brush
that off, because nothing was pro"en, it was /ust a statement.
The same problem happens when you try to (smoo/) a guy. What I am talking about
here, is sucking up to him, by gi"ing him insincere compliments, or by telling him what
you think he wants to hear.
Tons of women are guilty of this, but it actually does the opposite of what you think it
does. i"ing him a compliment, /ust because you want to make him feel better, or
because you are trying to inflate his ego, translates in a man!s mind, as a lack of
respect.
It means that you!d willingly lie to him, or falsely state something, simply to try and
achie"e a genuine response from him.
:f course, in your mind, this wasn!t lying, and you were /ust trying to do the right
thing. .ut in a man!s mind, this was insincere, and it wasn!t genuine, it means that
you are all talk, and that you will say anything, e"en if it wasn!t true.
Again, heading back into the whole realm of respect, this is not what men see as
being respectful or e"en helpful, especially when it comes to their ego.
If you want to reach the male ego, you ha"e to be sincere and genuine, e"en if it
means being brutally honest.
Cemember, that what you think would hurt you, doesn!t actually hurt a guy. A guy can
e"en handle being called stupid, because again, he is secure within himself. 0o it
means, that as long as you are being real, and direct, that he can handle it.
Thus, the solution here, is to gi"e him bits of respect, in e"eryday life, when he
actually deser"es it, or has earned it. This is the strongest way to gi"e your man a
better sense of self2 worth in the relationship, but more importantly, to pro"e to him
that you actually logically recogni<e a le"el of importance and "alue in what he is
saying, or doing.
33
The problem with sucking up to your man, is again, it shows him that you are
approaching the relationship, as an emotional reality. It means that you are turning
e"erything into a (how I feel) reality, and then it all becomes about your emotions.
Turning things around to only actually compliment him when he!s earned it, or when
he is actually doing something right, means that you respect him, and that you are
capable of using logical attraction.
:nce more, a man needs you to ha"e a le"el of logical attraction, so that you can
pro"e to him, that you can lo"e him, desire him, and understand him beyond a le"el of
your emotions alone. 6e needs you to be able to recogni<e the true and genuine
"alue.
Indicating that to him, and pro"ing that to him, means genuinely complimenting, and
speaking to him on a genuine le"el. It means you no longer falsely inflate his ego, or
falsely in/ect ideas or feelings that aren!t actually there, /ust because you wanted to.
Again, with step L@, you ha"e to control what you release, so that he can actually see
the bigger picture, and can recogni<e what it is that you are doing in the first place.
(0moo/ing) up to your man, is basically putting up a huge wall, that will ultimately
block him, one insincere compliment at a time, from being able to reach you, as he
needs to.
Thus, the ultimate way to gi"e him a feeling of emotional significance, is to make it
sincere, and to not turn it into a game of only complimenting your man based on how
you actually want to feel, by remo"ing false ego inflation.
If you make it genuine, and gi"e accordingly2 rather than always gi"ing in, and dishing
out goodies to him e#cessi"ely2 he will actually start to feel, e#actly as you wanted
him to, a lot 9uicker, and faster.
What!s e"en better about this method, is that he will become more consistent in his
actions, and words, because now you are gi"ing him C$A& feedback. It means that
you are finally telling him when he is really doing his best, instead of falsely telling him
that he is good all the time, e"en when he is not.
Cemember that the ego responds to genuine compliments, but also genuine threats.
34
.eing real with him, when you actually need to be, instead of falsely telling him
e"erything is fine when it!s not, allows his ego to actually begin addressing and
changing things accordingly.
$arlier, I spoke about how a man will respond and react almost "iolently, when he
feels that his ego has been compromised, and the only way for that to happen, is for
you to 9uestion his ability to do something properly, on a le"el that matters to him.
When you implement this step, you will notice that his ego will acti"ate, accordingly, to
push him to actually impro"e, fi#, or change his beha"iour, when a problem arises in
the future, because it means you are no longer falsely telling him all the time that he
is perfect, and that e"erything he does is fine.
It also pro"es, and shows your man that you are not becoming e#treme with your own
statements, and pro/ections. =issing up to a man, is in itself e#treme, because you will
say, and almost do anything, if you thought that your guy would feel good, in the
process.
The biggest problem with this, howe"er, is that it signals to a guy, that you don!t ha"e
his best interests in mind. Why is that*
+oing this, tells a man that you ha"e your :WN best interests in mind. It means that
you!d lie, falsify, or blow things out of proportion, to fulfill one of your own needs or
desires. :nce again, it means you are making e"erything about how you feel, and you
are once again o"ershadowing any of his needs.
This is why it!s e#tremely important to show him that you really do ha"e his best
interest in mind, by not getting e#treme with your statements. Again, try to withhold
your emotional feelings, so that you can deli"er the reality first.
It!s ok to let your feelings come into the picture after this, but you must first show a
le"el of respect, that way, before you bring the emotions into the mi# again. 1ro"e the
logical attraction, so that you can bring in emotional attraction.
&ogical attraction would simply dictate, that not e"erything your guy does is
spectacular. &ogical attraction reminds you to not always kiss up to him, /ust because,
but to do this when it has actually been earned.

35
Step ?": Do These 3 3nreasona9le Thin2sA To 8ive 0im A 6eelin2 Of
6reedom B

It!s important to create a certain atmosphere around your man, that makes it easy for
him to lo"e you. 1art of creating that atmosphere means that you may ha"e to do a
few things, that at first seem completely unreasonable to you, but at the same time
those "ery same things mean the world to your man, if you were to do them.

It!s important to remember that what seems unbearable to you, as a woman, is
sometimes completely normal and fine in a man!s world. A man, for e#ample, can get
away with bottling up his emotions, and could e"en feel fine with it, because he has
his own 9uirky coping mechanisms in place.
.ut you, howe"er, under the same circumstances would feel like you were going to
e#plode trying to hold e"erything in.
This is the kind of unreasonable, therefore that I am talking about, when I say that
sometimes you must do unreasonable things. I don!t mean to say that these things
are completely out of the ordinary, or out of this world, but rather to say that they are
definitely out of your comfort <one, because they align more with realities that men
are comfortable with.

,ltimately, what these A unreasonable things will do, is they will put you in a position
where you can make your man -:C$ T6AN pleased with you. In fact, doing these
three things, will make your man feel e#treme /oy, and infatuation toward you,
because "ery few women take these e#tra precautionary steps when it comes to their
relationships.

The point to these A unreasonable rules is simple. 0ometimes you ha"e to bend o"er
into your man!s state of logic, and being, so that he can know that you understand
him, and so that you can be there for him the way that he needs.
This is no different than the moments when your man has to bend o"er sometimes
36
into your state of logic, to listen to you when you want to e#press your emotions, and
to be there to support you in your emotions.

This is not a natural thing that all guys go around doing, so if your man is doing that
for you, it means that he is bending o"er, to your reality, from time to time, to help
you feel comfortable, lo"ed, and at ease.
There are many other things that men do to bend o"er into your reality, because if
they were to approach you from their reality, all of the time, you would ne"er end up
feeling supported, lo"ed, or cared for.
Why is that*
Again, a man!s reality is to come in hea"ily with logic, and problem sol"ing "iewpoints.
0ometimes you don!t need him to sol"e your problems, and instead /ust need him to
listen, or need him to be there to be your sounding board.
0ee my point now*
If a man were to come in strictly with his own "iewpoint and reality, you!d end up not
feeling heard, and would feel as if he isn!t e"en trying to listen to you, because he!d
be busy telling you how to fi# it, and would be pushing you to do something about it.

The same reality applies when you approach your man, in that sometimes you ha"e to
be able to bend o"er into an area that actually helps him feel supported, in a way that
he needs, as he needs it.
The A ,nreasonable things that you must do, therefore represent A things that you
will ha"e to bend outside of your own reality, to do, but doing them means that you
will be able to make your man feel so lo"ed, understood, and comfortable in your
presence, that he will become e#tremely romantic after this, because he will deri"e an
e#treme sense of satisfaction out of lo"ing you, the way ':, want to be lo"ed.
Why will he do that*
.ecause again, you will ha"e taken the leap to lo"e him the way he needs to be lo"ed
37
first.
0o, what are those A unreasonable things* They are as follows>

The 6irst 3nreasona9le Thin2 4 i"e him an unreasonable amount of space. What
this means, is that you must gi"e him space, e"en when you don!t feel like it.
,ltimately, it means that you gi"e him space, $D$N when things are going brilliant.
I know this sounds absurd, and again this sounds completely unreasonable.
Why would you step away from your man, if e"erything was going perfectly*
0ee, that!s /ust it, if you want to maintain that 1$CK$CT, you ha"e to learn to back off
from your man, strategically, e"en when things are going well.
Why do you back off*
'ou back off so that you don!t ultimately end up o"erbearing your man with things
like>
AI The same routine e"ery day, which ultimately leads to a feeling of boredom. 0ure
things are great, but after a while this gets boring ha"ing the same le"el of (good)
always happening.

.I 'our o"erbearing presence can ensure that e"en if things are going smoothly, that
the more time you spend around your man, the more time he has to notice your
annoying habits. Thus, the little things start to grow on him o"er time in a negati"e
way, /ust as they would grow to annoy you o"er time as well. 'ou don!t want him to
get annoyed of being around you.

CI The relationship itself can o"ershadow the personal time that your man needs.
0ometimes men /ust need a break from the relationship. It!s nothing personal against
you, and it!s not meant to disrespect the relationship either. .ut sometimes men ha"e
things that they need time to work out alone, pri"ately, but a relationship can eat up
so much of their time that they ne"er get the time to pri"ately problem sol"e on more
personal or pri"ate, yet unrelated things.
38

There is so much more that can be said about this, but the main basic point is simple.
-en need that space, plain and simple, and it!s nothing personal against you, again.
It!s /ust something that they need, so that they can regenerate, and so that they can
maintain a le"el of freshness and calmness for you in the relationship. It!s basically a
renewal period that you allow your man from time to time, in a lo"ing way.
'ou must let him know that you want to gi"e him this, and sometimes he may say no,
so the key then is to /ust let him know that it!s a"ailable if he wants it.

+oing this, once more, allows your man to renew himself, so that he is always at his
best le"el of presence in the relationship, and so that each time he can come back to
you with a renewed sense of de"otion.

The Second 3nreasona9le Thin24 'ou must create a life outside of your man. Now
this doesn!t /ust mean that you ha"e your own /ob or career outside of him, and that!s
it.
-any women, when they find a man they truly lo"e and desire, end up wanting to
turn that man into their life. They want to spend their life with this man, so they begin
con"erting their life o"er into his, until suddenly, the only thing that you are doing,
concentrating on, and are li"ing in your life, is basically your relationship with your
man.
This ultimately translates to a reality where if you are bored, you want your man to
entertain you, or if you are sad you want him to cheer you up. $"entually it gets to a
point where any time something happens, or doesn!t happen, you come in with an
e#pectation that your man should help you sol"e or fulfill those things.

This places a hea"y burden on men, and is an e#pectation that they cannot actually
fulfill. A man /ust simply put, cannot be your life, nor can he become your life. 6e can
:N&' be something in your life, but he cannot become your whole life, and he cannot
be e"erything, therefore for you.

39
This is why it!s e#tremely important to learn to create a separate life outside of your
man, so that he sees you are a strong, independent indi"idual, instead of a
needyGobsessi"e leech.

Now I know this is putting it pretty harshly, but if this offends you, imagine how tough
it is for a man, who feels like he has to come in and be e"erything, do e"erything, and
say e"erything for a woman, otherwise she has no life*

That!s an e"en harsher reality. 0o the message here, is this> get a life outside of your
man. It means that you ha"e to find a way to fulfill some of your needs outside of
him, so that his load in the relationship becomes more reasonable, as well.
This means that you should begin taking up new hobbies, or widening your social
circle, without the e#pectation of your man ha"ing to be in"ol"ed. It means that you
are your own uni9ue indi"idual outside of him, who has your own set of dreams,
goals, and interests.
-eanwhile your man has his own, as well, outside of you.
'ou!ll find that once you do this, and begin separating your life from his, you will ha"e
a lot more to talk about with your man as well, because now you finally ha"e some
uni9ue, but interesting differences, in what you do each day, or each week, or in what
you are pursuing in your li"es.

It adds a deeper le"el of 9uality and understanding to your relationship as well, as you
encourage your man in his dreams, and he encourages you in yours. It gi"es you
more to celebrate when you accomplish it as well, because now you are accomplishing
many things, instead of only a few things.
The Third 3nreasona9le Thin24is to show him an unreasonable amount of respect,
e"en when you feel he doesn!t deser"e it. -en "alue respect at a higher le"el than
lo"e e"en, which means that they would rather you respected them, before you e"en
lo"ed them.
Why*
40
Again, it!s about a logical le"el of attraction in a man!s mind, which pro"es a deeper
kind of lo"e to them. Cespect, in a man!s mind is basically like a deeper le"el of lo"e,
and that lo"e e9uates to a man recei"ing appreciation, acknowledgement, and
acceptance from those around him.

It!s kind of like this8 would you want somebody to hate you, /ust because you made a
mistake, or did something wrong, e"en if you didn!t intend to*
No, ob"iously not.
'ou!d want them to still be capable of lo"ing you, if possible, and in fact, you!d more
than lo"e if they could forgi"e you, and could e#press admiration toward you,
regardless of that fact.
If anything you!d feel really good, knowing that somebody was not punishing you or
blaming you for that mistake.
-en want the same kind of a thing, only in a little bit different of a format. They want
you to be able to offer them a le"el of respect, e"en if they are not perfect, that tells
them that you are still supporti"e of them, on a deeper le"el, regardless of what is
going on otherwise.
When you gi"e this to a man, ultimately it helps him to feel worthy, and ultimately
makes him want to return that feeling back to you, on a "ery strong scale.

0o coming back to the A ;unreasonable! points together, once you do these A things,
you will find that your man will sway and bend more often into your reality as well, to
help fulfill your needs and desires, because you will ha"e made it really easy for him to
feel comfortable and at ease around you, by offering him an e#tended understanding
that you communicated through actions, and not /ust words alone.
To Make These Steps 7ork:
A key factor in all of these steps, is that you are not needing him to like you, or want
you, but instead you are /ust wanting that from him, openly.
41
0omething brilliant happens, when you actually emotionally and physically step back
from pro/ecting your needs onto him, and instead, turn them into (wants)8 he comes
back, and fulfils your needs.
Why would a man do that, if you aren!t clearly telling him that you a9sol!tel' need
him*
This happens, because you ga"e him the space to actually need you, in the first place.
-en want to be able to need you, and want you, but if you make it impossible for
them to freely feel like they are allowed to, then they cannot.
Again, you don!t want to end up remo"ing their feeling of choice, or ability, and thus
disrespecting their power to do this, but instead you want to make your man feel as if
this is his idea, that he is allowed to do this, and that he is KC$$ to do this.
.y doing this, you grow from becoming the woman who was simply chasing after him,
to becoming a woman that 6$ now chases after.
,ltimately, this means learning to :1$N&' respect him. What that translates to, is
simply this> you don!t need something from him, simply because ':, are doing the
right things.
'ou remo"e the e#pectation of> (hey, I respected you, and I therefore ga"e you
something, therefore you better be better with me). It means that you are showing
your man, that you are not doing anything to earn, or e"en win something from himN
but instead are gi"ing him the room to actually figure that out, and 1C:.&$- sol"e on
his own.
A part of a man!s leadership and helper mentality, means that men are hea"y problem
sol"ers, and that problem sol"ing is something that they N$$+ to do, to feel as if they
are useful, and are doing something right.
A lot of women, remo"e a man!s ability to problem sol"e, by handing him all the
answers, and by being too o"erbearingly direct with their needs, to such a le"el where
you are practically gagging the guy, by forcing that down his throat.
There!s no fun, thrill, or desire therein, though, for a man to actually comply through
42
that method, because you completely remo"ed the core key, re9uired for a man to
want to gi"e back to you in the first place.
That core key, is in allowing him to do his /ob, and gi"ing him the space to figure
things out, and problem sol"e on his own. 'our /ob is to guide him to your pool of
lo"e, but you cannot stand there, sho"e his head in the water, and try to force him to
drink from it.
'ou simply lead him to it, let him know it!s there, and respect his own ability to figure
out what he must do with it. Again, remind yourself along the way that your man
WI&& actually recogni<e, and know that this is a pool of lo"e.
Cemo"e the fear, or the idea that your man cannot see that this is a pool of lo"e.
Cemo"e the thinking that he is sitting there thinking it must be a pool of acid, or a
pool of rotten garbage.
No. Trust your man!s ability to recogni<e, and reali<e that this is the ultimate pool of
lo"e, to drink from, by respecting his ability to first choose, to secondly know, and
thirdly, to therefore act accordingly therein.
That!s what the first three steps you ha"e /ust learned, are all about, they are about
simply guiding your man into the right area, and then letting him know that you will
let him take the rest of the steps necessary, by trusting in his ability to do that in the
first place.
+oing this, means that you are now acting based on how your man commands
himself, instead of only acting based on the fact that you need something. It means
that, in your man!s eyes, e"erything you do from hereon out, is e#tremely genuine,
and "alid.
It helps to remo"e any doubts your man may ha"e about you, or the relationship,
because all of the unnecessary drama has been remo"ed.
+o these B steps, then you!ll see that your man will desire you more, and will become
addicted to your presence, because you will be pro"ing to him that you know how to
treat him, on a deeper le"el.
0imply put> gi"e to him, the way he wants to be gi"en to, and you shall recei"e.
43
Chapter 12: The Cocktail Drama Techni!e
(If you wait until you can do e"erything for e"erybody, instead of something for
somebody, you!ll end up not doing nothing for nobody.) O -alcom .ane
,n Chapter M, I spoke about how there are two kinds of emotions, we e#perience. I
also spoke about how we need both of those emotions to be fulfilled, because
(negati"e emotions), are actually an indication of a deeper need.
Thus, by fulfilling negati"e emotions, a deeper need, want, or desire is ultimately
resol"ed.
The purpose of the Cocktail +rama Techni9ue is to actually tie in together both
negati"e and positi"e emotions, so that a sweet mi#ture of fulfillment is created,
afterward, for your man.
That is why it is called the Cocktail +rama Techni9ue, because it is a mi#ture of both
realities, to form one final, and brilliantly prepared cocktail of emotions.
This method, will show you how to blend together both kinds of emotions, and how to
actually resol"e and fulfill negati"e emotions, within your man, so that by the end of
it, your man is left standing with only an intense le"el of awe and ultimate desire for
you.
0o how does this techni9ue work*
Well, the 9uickest way to tapping into any kind of emotional fulfillment, is to show and
e#hibit a le"el of appreciation. .y doing so, you gi"e a man a false sense of power,
and a feeling of control.
Now, when I say ;false sense of power!, I use this term lightly, because the truth here,
as you!"e learned, is that you actually are in control, and you are the one guiding your
44
man.
.ut you ne"er actually want your man to feel, think, or know this. 'ou want him to
belie"e, and feel as though he is in control, and as you ha"e learned in the pre"ious
section, a man needs that reality to be fulfilled, before he can trust you.
I!"e shown you how to handle that reality, in the pre"ious section, but the Cocktail
+rama techni9ue takes this reality to a whole new le"el, by bringing emotions back
into the mi#, and by furthermore gi"ing your man the idea that he absolutely is in
control.
0o how do you do that* There are two components to the Cocktail +rama techni9ue.
The first, is the (gi"e). The gi"e refers to the mental and emotional stimulation that
you gi"e your man. This does not mean, simply gi"ing things to your man, but it also
means gi"ing to your man, in a way that has him working for what you gi"e, which
brings me to the second point>
The second half of the Cocktail +rama techni9ue, is the (take). The take, temporarily
remo"es and suspends your man!s ability to recei"e, which in essence, means that you
stop gi"ing to him. +oing this, causes your man to push for you to gi"e in, and return
the (gi"e).
The reason this half of the techni9ue, is called the take, is because you actually, take
back e"erything you /ust did, said, or ga"e8
+oing this, reminds your man, that he must earn it, and that it should not be taken for
granted. .ut, a much deeper response happens within your man, when you do this.
'ou see, the Cocktail +rama techni9ue, is really a (halfway) reality, wherein you meet
your man halfway. It means that you don!t /ust gi"e him e"erything, without him
agreeing or wanting to return any of that back to you, in the first place, but rather, it
forces your man to want to return e"erything back to you, ten2fold, /ust to recei"e
more from you again.
This is why it!s a halfway reality8 because you show your man, that something is
there, and you come halfway. .ut you let him W:C=, the other half of the way, to
recei"e it, so that you are not left feeling used, and instead end up feeling
45
appreciated, desired, and wanted by your man.
The best part about this techni9ue, is that it harnesses the power of both positi"e and
negati"e emotions. There is a powerful reaction that occurs, when you gi"e
something, but then temporarily take away a man!s ability to recei"e it.
What is that reaction*
It!s a mi# of negati"e and positi"e emotions. Kirst you were making him feel good,
e"erything was going right. .ut then you remo"ed his ability to feel good, in essence.
Now, negati"e emotions come into play. Keelings of loss, re/ection, and insecurity
arise.
The power of this techni9ue, comes in the fact, that in order to resol"e those new
negati"e feelings, that he -,0T first come through you, again, to fi# this.
This isn!t something in his control anymore, and you now yield the power, which is
why he comes to you to fi# this, and to feel a sense of control regained again. ,ntil, or
unless you release him, in this "ery moment, he will do, say, and be anything that you
need, to come back to a le"el of (take) and recei"ing again.
Thus, you train your man, o"er time, to actually work, and want to work to gain a
(take and recei"e) reality from you. The result is an o"erwhelming le"el of
appreciation, lo"e, commitment, and desire that comes from his end, as he ultimately
ends up wanting to gi"e more to you, in order to recei"e more from you.
The end goal, is therefore achie"ed, of getting your man to endlessly fulfill your
needs, as he ends up feeling that his are e9ually fulfilled as well. I will e#plain in /ust a
bit, how this techni9ue can actually fulfill your man!s needs as well, and I will e"en
show you W6' it is that your man re9uires you to do this, but for now, I want you to
remember that your man has an ultimate need to feel in power.
.ut, it!s your /ob to gi"e him the ability to be in power, in the right way. In the
pre"ious section of this program, I spoke about how a man needs a certain le"el of
respect, because he re9uires a woman to ha"e faith in his ability to lead and guide.
I also spoke about how some women take this idea, and end up ruining it, by trying to
46
kiss up to their man. 1art of kissing up to your man, also comes in how much you gi"e
him, without him actually ha"ing earned it in the first place.
I will e#plain this in /ust a bit, but understand that no man can truly appreciate,
desire, or want something that almost /ust fell upon their doorstep, without them e"en
trying to get it in the first place.
They especially will not want that thing, if the thing appears to be worn out, used, and
tattered. They would end up throwing that thing in the garbage, because it would
appear to be (gross). 0ome men might e"en assume that this thing was simply a piece
of garbage that blew onto their doorstep, because of the condition it arri"ed in.
What do I mean by that*
Well, this is where one key aspect of the Cocktail +rama techni9ue comes into play.
This aspect, is what I call the (1edestal 0ecret).
The .edestal Secret
The (pedestal secret), is a condition that men actually re9uire from the women they
become intimate with, which commands women to become the ultimate pri<e.
A lot of women, when they approach a guy they want to be with, come in, with their
emotional neediness guns bla<ing, shooting at e"erything they possibly can.
This ob"iously, reeks of desperation to a man, which then suggests a "ery sick and
awful reality to a man.
What is that reality*
It!s an idea that you are /ust too easy to ha"e, and thus that basically any guy could
ha"e his way with you, and that you!d accept, and welcome any kind of guy into your
life.
It tells a man that you are a low 9uality catch. 'ou end up appearing to be the
wrapper on top of the actual thing the man wants.
47
To gi"e this some perspecti"e, imagine that you ha"e /ust bought an item. :n the
outside of this item, is a fancy wrapper, with all kinds of graphics to make the actual
item appear appealing.
When you were in the store, you actually found the item to be appealing, because of
the outside packaging, but when you take the item home, what do you do with the
package*
'ou unwrap it, and take the item out. What happens to the package then*
'ou throw it away.
It was nice, when it was introducing the actual item you purchased, but now you don!t
need it, do you*
An (easy to ha"e) girl, is like the fancy packaging. At first, a man pays attention to it,
because it!s ad"ertising this (ama<ing thing) inside. .ut then, when the man takes it
home, he reaches in for the actual item8 only to find that the package was empty..
Why was the package empty* .ecause it was all about the package, and nothing else.
0o what does the guy do* 6e throws it away, and he might e"en demand a refund
too, because he paid for something, that wasn!t there.
6ow does this tie into neediness, and being easy*
Anybody can get the package. .ut can you gi"e the guy, the actual item inside*
Can you gi"e him, the actual thing, that you are ad"ertising*
:r are you /ust a flashy, but empty bo#*
The point here, is this> 'ou can sell anything if you package it right8 e"en /unk. This
is going to hea"ily offend you, but understand that this honesty is only coming to you,
to help you, not to hurt you.
An easy to ha"e woman, as in a woman who easily gi"es in to a man!s wants, desires,
and needs, is almost entirely seen as being ?,N= in a man!s eyes. The flashy
48
packaging, in this case, refers to how willing you are to gi"e in to him, how nice you
are, or how gi"ing etc8
All of that, is simply not enough, because the man needs the actual item, to be inside
of that packaging, and furthermore, he needs that item to be of 9uality.
No man wants to in"est in something that he feels is actually /unk, or low 9uality8
especially if that in"estment means taking a part of his life, and putting that back into
that thing.
That!s why you must pro"e to him, that you are the ultimate pri<e, and N:T /ust an
empty package.
1art of this comes, by remo"ing some of your "ulnerability from the mi#. 'es, you
ha"e needs, and wants, and desires. .ut you can!t hea"ily pro/ect that onto your guy,
because if you do, you appear to be e#tremely needy, but worse> you appear to be
easy.
Again, easy in a man!s mind, e9uates to /unk.
Why is that*
Well if you start dishing out the goods, without e"en making him earn it, it means in
his mind, that he can literally do N:T6IN, and will still recei"e.
The problem with this, is that a man will start to wonder, "ery early on, /ust how many
other guys you are this way around. This is the deadliest idea your man can e"er
ha"e, because it actually makes him disgusted, thinking about you, after that, because
now he will imagine that you ha"e been this easily open and gi"ing for e"erybody.
It!s no longer special or nice anymore. Now it!s /ust gross in his mind that you are this
gi"ing, this open, or this nice etc8
Why is that*
Again> the man didn!t ha"e to do anything, to earn that reality or reward from you.
'ou simply handed it out, /ust because he was present.
49
It makes a man feel de"alued as well, because again, you are compromising his ability
to actually gi"e you more. In a guy!s mind, it also means that you see him as a low
9uality catch.
We all ha"e a worthiness factor within us, which actually demands that we earn our
own le"el of worthiness in e"erything. Now this doesn!t mean, that we must work
6AC+ for e"erything, all the time, and thus e"erything seems or feels impossible.
That!s not what this means. It actually means, that we ha"e to feel we ha"e simply
earned what we are recei"ing, at least on a /ustifiable le"el that we can accept in
oursel"es. I will illustrate this with an e#ample in /ust a bit, but for now I want you to
understand how this works with men.
In men, the worthiness factor is acti"ated the minute he gets into a relationship with a
woman, because now he feels that he has to pro"e he is worthy to her.
.ut the problem comes, when women make themsel"es too easy, because now you
completely remo"e your man!s ability to actually be able to feel worthy. 6ow did this
happen*
'ou ga"e e"erything to him, without e"en allowing him the chance or opportunity to
pro"e that he deser"ed it, and worse> you remo"ed his ability to pro"e to himself, that
he actually deser"es this.
It makes your man feel, again, like he is a low 9uality catch. Why is that*
In his world, it means that you!re /ust doing this anyway. It becomes a pretentious act
now, one which your man will not tolerate, nor appreciate. :n his end, he sees this>
it!s not as if you are doing this because your man has earned it, or because he brings
that "alue to the table. 'ou!re /ust doing it, out of desperation, and you!re doing it,
because you ha"e an intensely hollow need to fill within your own personal emotional
"oid.
It lowers a man!s self2esteem, because it!s not coming from a place of genuineness,
it!s rather coming from a place of seeking appro"al, and hoping in return that he will
gi"e you appro"al.
50
To help you understand how this works in a man!s mind, I want you to imagine that
e"eryone was telling you to your face, that you are really good at playing the piano. In
fact, e"eryone starts to tell you how ama<ing you are, and no matter what key you
press on the piano, and $D$N if you aren!t e"en touching the piano, people applaud
youF
What if, howe"er, you actually didn!t e"en know how to play the piano, and you =N$W
this. What if deep inside, you began to 9uestion the sincerity, therefore, of e"eryone
around you8 because you actually know for a fact, that you don!t e"en know how to
play the piano.
To further solidify this idea in your mind, is the fact that people compliment you, e"en
when you aren!t e"en playing the piano, and moreo"er, people applaud you, no matter
what keys you press, when you are pressing the keys of a piano.
Would you, in that moment, $D$C be able to accept other people!s praise* Would you
be able to belie"e them*
Would you e"en want people to tell you how great you are at playing the piano, after
this, when you!"e clearly pro"en to yourself that you don!t e"en know how to play the
piano*
What if, you knew that you sucked at it too, and a few people, were real with you
about it, at least*
What if you e"en couldn!t stand the sound of the piano as you played it, because of
how horribly you knew you played*
Would you still try to belie"e that you are good at it, and would you e"er accept
anybody else!s words as a genuine compliment*
:r, would you think, and feel that people were lying to you, and you would re/ect their
opinions*
In this case, most people would probably re/ect the compliments, or opinions of
others, if they knew that they really couldn!t do the "ery thing that e"eryone was
gi"ing them praise for.
51
Why is that*
Again, people ha"e to feel like they ha"e earned that praise, at least on a belie"able
le"el. 1eople desire the ability to feel like they +$0$CD$ and ha"e $ACN$+ the praise,
and rewards that they recei"e from others.
-en ha"e this same need.
.ut, unfortunately, a lot of women come in with the (easy) route, and start
complimenting their men on their beautiful (piano playing), when their man actually
doesn!t know how to do that.
These women start gi"ing that man all kinds of praise and rewards, for this reality, but
the man deep down inside, knows that e"erything that is happening from the woman!s
end, is not genuine, and is in fact, fake.
'ou cannot be in a position, therefore, of always gi"ing, gi"ing, and gi"ing some more.
This is why the Cocktail +rama techni9ue, in"ol"es both gi"e and take.
The whole position of being (easy), only e#ists, because some women only know how
to gi"e, gi"e, and gi"e some more. They do not allow any room for (taking).
It!s all about gi"ing, regardless of whether or not the man had earned that, deser"ed
it, or actually needed it.
0o the (easy woman), in this case, refers to a woman who simply gi"es, gi"es, and
gi"es8 but without ha"ing any sort of conditions in place, for a man to recei"e what
she has to offer, to begin with.
.eing the gi"er, makes you "ulnerable as well, because again, you now appear to be a
flashy package, without anything inside. A man can get e"erything, but if that
(e"erything) comes without the feeling that any of it is of "alue, a man will be forced
to discard those things.
Why*
'ou!d be gi"ing him absolutely nothing of what he truly wants, and in essence you
simply become the flashy package with nothing inside then.
52
Ki#ing this problem, fortunately, is simple. It in"ol"es the pedestal secret.
'ou see, within the kind of power that a woman is meant to harness, is a "ery
intelligent secret. What is that secret*
It!s the secret of the pedestal.
The pedestal is something you must place yourself high upon, so that you don!t
appear to be easy to ha"e, to a man.
It means pro"ing to him that you are the ultimate pri<e, by gi"ing in to him, and
rewarding him only 0:-$ of the time, and in doing so, you acti"ate the ;scarcity
mentality! that I spoke of in Chapter 33.
The scarcity mentality, once again, is simply an ultimate fear within all of us, that
something of great "alue, will disappear, or will not always be there. When we
encounter something in which we see great "alue within, we end up making the most
of that thing, and thus we end up appreciating that thing to the ma#, because we
understand that we cannot take it for granted.
When a man appreciates you, it means that he sees such a le"el of "alue in you, that
he will go out of his way, after that point to please you, and to do anything for you, as
long as he felt that doing those things, would please you.
The best part about the pedestal secret, is that it remo"es your "ulnerability from the
mi#. 0o if you were desperate, lonely, and needy, when it comes to lo"e, you will now
be able to mask that reality, and to control that reality, to a le"el where your man no
longer sees only T6AT side of you.
The pedestal secret, allows a man to enter deeper into who you are, what you ha"e to
offer, and so much more, because it creates a ne"er ending chase, and challenge for
your man, but in a good way.
'our /ob here, is to ne"er frame yourself as the helpless, and needy girl. .eing the
(gi"er), all of the time, causes your man to see you as such. 'ou must pro"e to this
man, that you are a powerful woman, who in herself, commands the "ery best to
come out from within her man.
53
irls are helpless, needy, and fragile, but #omen are powerful, goddesses who know
how to take care of themsel"es, and in doing such, establish themsel"es as the
ultimate trophy, for a man to obtain in his lo"e life.
This may sound strange, but a man wants you to be a challenge.
Why*
0o that he can know, understand, and appreciate the fact that you truly are the
ultimate pri<e.
To help illustrate this for you, I want you to imagine a world, where the only pri<e was
a (participation award), and that e"erybody got that pri<e, no matter what they did.
Would you feel good, special, or powerful in achie"ing this pri<e then, if e"erybody got
it*
Would it feel special to know that some people literally had to do nothing, and sat on
their butts, and still recei"ed it*
Would you feel good in knowing, that a million other people also got this pri<e* 6ow
about, the fact that M billion people all got it, regardless of what they did to earn it*
They could ha"e been low 9uality people, or complete losers, and yet they recei"ed
this (participation) award. 0ome of these people could ha"e e"en been abusers, or
worse, and yet, they too would ha"e recei"ed this award8 and for what*
Kor simply participating. Kor simply being there. That!s the only criteria, and the
problem, as you can see with this reality, is that e"eryone (wins) or gets something
then.
There has to be, therefore, some criteria that goes beyond simply (being there), or
being present. :therwise the (award) or (reward) itself becomes useless, and e"en
the people who recei"e it, would no longer see "alue in that pri<e, because they only
won it, simply by (being there).
54
Again, people ha"e to be able to reasonably /ustify the things they recei"e, especially
if they are things that appear to be a reward, within themsel"es.
If a man, cannot work out why it is that he is recei"ing something, aside from simply
e#isting, then he will ha"e to 9uestion the entire purpose of it all, and then he will
wonder if it!s e"en "aluable in the first place, if it seems like something (anybody) can
/ust come along and get.
The same concept applies to your man, and the relationship, which /ustly means
simply this> you cannot reward him, with e"erything that you ha"e to offer, ?,0T
because he is simply there.
0ure, he!s interested in you. 0ure he might e"en like you. .ut has he $ACN$+
e"erything from you, simply by participating and being there*
No, he has notF
'ou are turning yourself into a (participation award), if you simply gi"e in to your man,
and go all out for a man who is :N&' present, but who isn!t in himself, doing more
than simply e#isting in the relationship.
This is what the pedestal secret means2 it means re9uiring a man, to do, say, and .$
more, before you allow him to reach you. It!s also important that you do, because as
you learned in Chapters9 and 34, men need the thrill of it all, to feel like they are e"en
getting any kind of emotional fulfillment or release.
'our /ob, of course, is to make your man feel like that release can come through you,
and it all starts with the pedestal secret.
'our man actually feels a sense of control and power in his life, when he takes part in
any kind of thrill, because again, that!s releasing a ton of emotional aggression for
him. It!s something that he finally feels, is in control, when his internal workings are
running wild emotionally.
1art of the pedestal secret, is gi"ing your man the thrill of chasing ':,. 'es, you
heard that correctly, your man should be chasing you, e"en if you ha"e been in a
relationship for a long time, and especially if you are /ust getting to know one another.
55
It doesn!t e"en matter what stage of the relationship you are in either, because this
reality ne"er goes away. It will always be true for a man, no matter how long he!s
been around you, and e"en if you feel like he already has you, and that you!"e gi"en
him e"erything.
Cemember that there is always -:C$ to gi"e, and men are 3445 open to recei"ing
more too. 1art of gi"ing a man more, comes in creating that (more door) for him to
open in the first place.
0o how do you do that* 6ow do you make a man chase you, and see you as the
ultimate goal, and desire*
1o! p!sh him to do that/
6ow do you push a man*
Well, this is where e"erything comes full circle again, back to the Cocktail +rama
techni9ue itself. 'ou see, now that you understand the core dri"e within this concern2
which is to use the pedestal secret, and to ne"er allow yourself to :N&' be the (gi"er),
you are ready to learn the @ simple steps, of the Cocktail +rama techni9ue.
Step ?1: The 8iver4
Now a lot of women are pretty familiar with this step, but the gi"ing that I am
referring to, is not the same kind of gi"ing that most women are familiar with.
The gi"ing that you are probably familiar with, in"ol"es a lot of the (easiness), that I
e#plained is a huge no2no because of the pedestal secret.
.ut the =$' here, is that you only gi"e him one thing at a time, not e"erything at
onceF The second key to this step, is that you are "ery careful in what you actually
gi"e him as well, so as to ensure that it!s seen as "aluable and desirable to your man.
What I am talking about, is when you gi"e a guy something, such as a compliment, a
reward, or something that he!s been wanting from you for a long while etc8 but you
attach a reason to it, and secondly, you attach that to an action of his, to further
"alidate it.
56
Thus, what you gi"e him becomes genuine. 'ou cannot play around with saying what
you think he wants to hear, or doing what you T6IN= he wants at this stage, without
actually telling him W6' you are e"en doing that.
In the pre"ious chapter, I spoke of how men seek genuine "alidation, which means
that if you compliment them on something, for e#ample, it has to be the kind of
compliment that isn!t /ust tossed around lightly, isn!t being said all of the time, or
simply has a rhyme to the reason.
'ou must, therefore, be able to deli"er a genuine form of gi"ing, one that only has you
e"er gi"ing that thing, genuinely Hmore rarelyI, instead of insincerely Hor all of the
timeI.
A good e#ample to help illustrate this, is a statement that many women make
constantly around a man, almost horrendously and robotically.
What statement is that* The (I lo"e you) statement.
These A simple words, are almost like play2dough in a woman!s hand, and a lot of men
find this annoying. A man doesn!t want to hear e"ery 34 minutes, how you lo"e him.
In fact, the more you do this, the more he starts to 9uestion if you actually do,
because you are only e"er robotically telling him that you do, as often as possible.
.ut you ne"er seem to attach any reason to this statement. 'ou simply /ust lo"e him.
.ut a man needs to know W6', to find "alue in it. 6e needs to be able to see what he
is doing right, or what is being done positi"ely from his end, that is causing this lo"e in
the first place, so that he can internally "alidate what you /ust said.
It takes away the "alue of the words, and the meaning, when you continuously pro/ect
your feelings, through one statement, all the time, o"er and o"er again, without
actually e#plaining any rhyme or reason to it.
(I lo"e you) will not mean the same thing to a man as you intended it to, after the
34,444
th
time of simply saying it and repeating it.
57
It ends up meaning (I am needy, and desperate, here, please take my lo"e. 1lease),
after a while.
Tying this all back into the first step of gi"ing, what this means, is that you don!t hand
out your ;gifts! or ;rewards! to him like clockwork anymore, without first attaching an
action of his to the statement.
'ou must change it up when you deli"er something to him, e"en if it!s something as
simple as saying you lo"e him, so that your man can recogni<e and see the "alue in
what you are saying.
&ikewise if you are +:IN something for your man, you must change up how you
deli"er that to him, so that he e9ually can see or understand why it is being done.
In the case of the (I lo"e you C a million)response, that many women appear to be
stuck reusing, there is actually a "ery simple way to change up that reward of letting
your man know that you do ha"e a positi"e feeling toward him. What way is that*
'ou simply attach an action to your feelings.
It means that instead of saying (I lo"e you), you now say something like this>
('ou know what I really lo"e about you*)
Allow the 9uestion to sink in a bit, because you are now building up curiosity for your
man to want to know. :b"iously he doesn!t know yet, but now he will be waiting for
you to answer.
6e is e#pecting you to simply come in and say that you lo"e him, but now you are
saying that there!s something to this lo"e, and this will definitely intrigue him.
.ut, this is where you now attach an action of his to the emotional statement, such as
saying the following>
(I really lo"e how you take the time to listen to me, after I!"e had a stressful day. It
makes me feel so appreciated and lo"ed. Thank you)
Now here!s where things get interesting. Not only ha"e you gi"en him a reason, you
ha"e also told him e#actly what that does for you Han e#planationI, but you!"e also
58
rewarded him. HThanked himI.
0o now you are gi"ing on a le"el of A tiers, instead of one.
.efore, you would ha"e /ust said the feeling, and left your man hanging, as he tries to
figure out why you are e"en saying it.
.ut now, you!"e not only told him how you feel, but you!"e also told him what it is
that he does for you, inside of that feeling, 1&,0, you!"e rewarded him for that, by
thanking him.
There are B things you must include, therefore, in any statement that you gi"e to your
man, when it comes to the (gi"ing) stage, of this tactic.
These B stages appear as follows>
Sta2e 1: Attach an emotional no!n or ver9A a/k/a/ a positive feelin2/ Tell him
the positi"e feeling that you ha"e, regarding what you are about to say. $#amples of
this include, but are not limited to "erbs like> lo"e, like, en/oy, appreciate, admire, or
e"en statements, like ;I am cra<y about!, or ;I really take comfort in! etc8
Sta2e 2: Attach the action 'o!r man is 9ein2 addressed for/ 0tate the thing he
is doing or saying, so that now your statement becomes about his actions, and is
/ustified, because you can pro"e he has actually done something now to earn that
feeling from your end.
Sta2e 3: %*plain #hat this action does to 'o!A or #h' 'o! feel that #a'A 9'
attachin2 a D9eca!se< e*planation/ To further solidify what you are saying, as a
genuine and "alid statement, you should tell him what it is e#actly, about the thing
that you are addressing, that has led you to feel as described in stage 3.
Kor e#ample, you could say something like this>
(I really lo"e how you call me pet names, ;%CA3S% it makes me feel special knowing
that we ha"e our own pri"ate language, that only I understand.)
:r
59
(I really en/oy it when you hold me before we fall asleep, 9eca!se it makes me feel
safe, warm, and protected)
:r
(I really take comfort in the fact that you always follow through on your promises,
9eca!se it shows me that I can trust you, and I appreciate that).
Again, you are gi"ing a reason now, as to why you feel that way. 'ou are simply
e#plaining /ust a little bit deeper, why that feeling is important to you, or what you get
out of it.
The e#planation can say anything, but try not to make it too complicated, and limit
your e#planation of the reason behind the feeling, to only a few things, so that it!s
simplified and clear in your man!s mind.
Sta2e ": -e#ard himA !sin2 appreciative #ords or actions/ This stage can be
done in @ ways, and the two ways can e"en be combined into one, depending on how
generous you feel, and how rewarded you want your man to feel.
The first way, is to "erbally thank him. Now you can simply say (thank you), or you
can take it a notch further and suggest that you appreciate it, using other appreciati"e
words, or statements, such as ;I appreciate it!, ;I am really thankful for that!, ;I am
really fortunate to ha"e someone as caring as you!, ;I really en/oy that!, or ;I am really
indebted to you!etc8
When you put each of these B stages together, into one statement, the backbone of
your statement now appears as such>
( I really H0tage 3I it when you H 0tage @I. It makes me H0tage AI, H0tage BI.)
Cemember that you are free to play around with the words, or actions that you refer
to, as it!s important to indi"iduali<e this formula, so that it works in your situation, and
so that it!s belie"able to what you!d reasonably say, or feel.
+oing this, will actually encourage your man to want to do more of the same actions
or beha"iors that you are rewarding him for, because now you are gi"ing him specific
instructions as to what e#actly it is that you actually need, en/oy, or want from him.
60
Cewarding him, is indicating to a man, that you actually want more of what you are
rewarding him for.
This is why it!s e#tremely important to :N&' reward a man, when he!s actually earned
it, because KA&0$ rewarding Hgi"ing in to him, /ust (because)I, communicates to a
man, that he should actually do more of the poor things that he!s been doing, e"en
though you clearly need him to impro"e.
This doesn!t mean that you can!t reward him for the small things either. In fact, you
can, and it!s encouraged. If he makes a small breakthrough, or takes a tiny step in the
right direction, you may reward him all you want, but always remember to attach an
action to the reward, and to ne"er simply gi"e to him, without first ha"ing him earn it
in some way.
Now, there is one more step, that needs to come into play here, so that you can
ma#imi<e the full potential of the Cocktail +rama techni9ue.
This first step alone, works wonders, but there is one final twist which you can add to
the mi#, that will absolutely dri"e your man mental, and will push him to take
immediate action, in any way that you need, or see fit for him to do, after, which
brings me to my ne#t point8
Step ?2: The Taker4
The (taker) is the one who almost e#clusi"ely recei"es, and takes, and (gets) in the
relationship. Now, as I!"e e#plained, you actually need a balance of both gi"ing and
taking, for your relationship with your man to work, because if you limit yourself to
e#clusi"ely one pattern, you end up setting yourself up to be "iewed as too easy, or in
this case as a low 9uality user, in your man!s eyes.
$ither way, you end up appearing to be a low 9uality catch.
0o what e#actly do takers do*
Takers are generally the opposite of the gi"ers. They don!t earn anything that they
recei"e. They don!t work for it8 whereas gi"ers work hard for e"erything they do, and
they deser"e any positi"e result they get.
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This is not the kind of (taking) I am referring to though, because the kind of taking I
am actually going to introduce here, actually pro"es its worth, and earns its right to
recei"e. In doing such, you actually cause yourself to be seen as the ultimate
(1edestal 0ecret) kind of a woman, because again, you are gi"ing your man a way to
/ustify the (taker) attitude.
0o how e#actly do you become a taker*
The first step, is actually to be a gi"er. 'ou!"e seen how to effecti"ely (gi"e) to your
man in step 3 of the Cocktail +rama techni9ue, but the second step, is simple. All you
do, is remo"e e"erything you!"e said, so that you effecti"ely put a stopper on how
much your man can get, without taking further action to earn more.
Normally, a typical ;gi"er! would compliment her man on something, but unfortunately,
she wouldn!t stop there. A lot of women keep on gi"ing and gi"ing, and gi"ing some
more.
0o e"entually, e"en if you were complimenting your man, or were rewarding him for
something he did good, you actually stop somewhere in there, rewarding him for
doing the right thing, and begin to instead reward him for doing the bad thing.
This happens, because continuous gi"ing, means that you are rewarding and
rewarding, without a pause, or lapse in time, that allows for your man to actually
respond to what you had to say in the first place.
'ou /ust keep feeding him with reward after reward, without actually stopping to let
him respond, or react to that.
If you were to actually stop, howe"er, for a short bit, you!d notice that something "ery
magical happens.
'our guy tries to please you more. 6e does more for you. 6e steps out of his comfort
<one to now do -:C$ of what you asked, because now he not only has a reason to,
but furthermore, you actually stepped back to let him do his /ob.
Cemember how in Chapter 33, I spoke about the problem sol"ing reality that men
ha"e* -en want to be able to problem sol"e, because it!s a part of how they indulge
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in their need to pro"ide for others, and lead others.
0tepping back to allow a man the space, and room to problem sol"e, means that you
are actually gi"ing him a chance, and the moti"ation, to come up with better ways to
do more of what you said you en/oyed, liked, lo"ed, or wanted from him.
Kailure to do this, means that again, you doubt his ability to do that, and e"en though
you clearly told him you liked it, you ha"en!t gi"en him the space, time, or way after,
to do more of it, because you /ust keep bombarding him with compliment, after
reward, after ;goody!8 (/ust because).
Well now you will be taking out that (/ust because) factor, and you will be replacing it
with a new (thrill of the chase) factor.
I mentioned earlier, within the pedestal secret, that you can create a ne"er ending
chase, within your man!s heart, by pro"ing to him that you really are the ultimate
pri<e. 'ou show him that you are the pri<e, simply by creating the chase to begin with,
and that chase is created when you :N&' gi"e in to him halfway, but let him work to
come through the rest of the way.
'ou can complete that reality, by offering up, a positi"e reality to the man with step
L3, but by stepping away to let the man work toward more of that, in this part of the
step.
It!s basically like showing the guy, a huge gold mine8 but by then saying (hey, it!s
here, and you can e"en ha"e access to it, but you!ll ha"e to get your picka#e out, and
dig a little, but it!s all here. If you do that, you!ll see that gold will appear, and it!s not
e"en that far down either.)
It!s important to note, that women who simply gi"e, and don!t partake in step L@, end
up doing this, instead>
(6ey, here!s the gold mine, and you ha"e access to it. Wait while I go get my picka#e
out, so I can dig it all up for you.)
-eanwhile, a little while later, these women end up doing this, too>
(WhewF That was a lot of work, but here8 see8 here!s all the goldF I dug up e"ery
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last chunk of it for you. Now I want you to ha"e all the gold here. 6ereF Take it.)2 and
then these women proceed to cram this down their man!s throat, and into e"ery
cre"ice that they can possibly find, /ust to make him take it.
The poor guy, though, is left choking, and beaten up by the time these women ha"e
tried attaching all of this gold onto him, so that he can take it.
.ut the fact of the matter is, he can!t e"en lift all of that gold at once, and secondly, it
was beyond bi<arre for him to watch it all be dug up, /ust for him, without him e"en
earning or deser"ing it.
:b"iously, it /ust sounds ridiculous, when worded this way, but that!s the same thing a
man e#periences, when you :N&' do step 38 e"en if you are doing all of the stages
of step 3, the fact of the matter is, that until or unless you step back to let him work
for the gold himself now, you!d basically be digging it all up for him, plus gi"ing it to
him, on top of that.
Trust, and understand that it!s enough to 0I-1&' lead him to it, to offer it, and $D$N
show him where it is.
That should be enough, and honestly it is, so the sooner you accept the reality that by
rewarding him, and stepping back to let him work for the rest, you!ll both end up
succeeding, the better it will be for you.
Again, be careful to remind yourself, that you!"e actually done a lot in rewarding him.
'ou don!t need to come in and dig e"erything up for him too, and process it all for
him, and hand it to him. That!s actually his /ob, so stop stepping all o"er his toes.
et off his toes, so that he can mo"e to do it himself.
0o how do you get off his toes then* 6ow do you become a (taker)*
1o! appl' a co!nter condition to ever'thin2 'o! said in step ?1/
What is that counter condition* 'ou shut the gi"er door on your man, when it comes
to him e"er wa"ering or faltering on that sub/ect e"er again. 'ou basically gi"e him no
option, but to mo"e forward, and onward from there.
I want you to imagine, that you are a huge building. &et!s say that there are @P floors,
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to your being. 'our man is currently on le"el 3, after the first step of the Cocktail
+rama techni9ue, but you actually secretly want him to be on floor L@P.
Now ob"iously, he can!t /ust magically end up on floor @P either. 6e must pass through
each floor, before he can e"er get to floor L@P, whether or not he takes the stairs or
the ele"ator, the fact still remains. 6e can!t get to floor @P, until he has passed by all
other floors first.
The way to get him to want to reach the other le"els, and floors, though, is to let him
know that once he is on the ground floor, or le"el one, that there is no turning back.
6ow do you do that*
'ou gi"e him something so enticing, and so powerfully gripping, that he won!t e"er
walk out the front doors again, back onto the main street. This will be something that
pushes him so hard, to want to go to the ne#t floor, and up into your building, that he
won!t e"en T6IN= about what!s outside anymore.
6e will belie"e, after this point, that all of the gold, is within the building, and so he
works to stay there, and works to mo"e up each le"el, to recei"e it all.
0o what e#actly do you ha"e to do then, to close the gi"er door* 'ou gi"e him a
counter condition, which communicates to your man, that -:C$ of whate"er you /ust
said, has to occur.
.ut you do it in a gentle and encouraging way, that lea"es your man feeling like he
actually has a C6:IC$ to want to do it, and secondly, lea"es your man feeling like it is
something he 06:,&+ do.
'ou do this, by rewarding him once more, but this time, prematurely.
To best illustrate this, I want to gi"e you an e#ample of this stage in motion. 0o let!s
say that you!"e /ust rewarded your man for being loyal to you. 'ou!"e told him how
you appreciate how dedicated he is to you, and then you!"e told him what that does
for you.
0o now there!s only one thing left to say, and that!s the following>
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(I know you!ll ne"er cheat on me, because of this, and for that, I really appreciate
you.)
0o the key here, is that there are A stages, after the (gi"er) step. Those A stages are
as follows>
Sta2e 1: State #hat 'o! #ant to have happen in the f!t!reA or #hat 'o!
#ant more ofA matter4of4factl'/
,se the purpose that you first ga"e to him, in step L3, of the Cocktail +rama
techni9ue, as le"erage for this step.
What this means, is that you remo"e all ideas that there is any doubt e"en in your
mind, that your man would e"er N:T do this thing again in the future Hencouraging
him to do more of thisI. 0o you must use words or phrases that reflect your
confidence now, in the fact that you =N:W your man will do more of that in the
future.
0tatements which accomplish this reality, include, phrases like> (I know that), (I can
see now, that),(I trust that), (I am confident that), or (I feel secure therefore, in
knowing) etc8
Sta2e 2: Transition to the conditionA #hich 9asicall' dictates a do or donEt
sit!ation/ This in"ol"es using action statements, like (you willGwon!t), (you willGwill
ne"er), or (wouldGwouldn!t e"er) etc8
And then insert the action or thing that you want to see him do, or not do.
'ou are free to play around in the deli"ery of the message, but the core must remain
the same. 'ou must be sure to "ery clearly point out what it is that you actually
e#pect afterward, and to also make it clear that you are not e"en asking, but rather
are clearly e#pecting.
There is no (might not), or (maybe) anymore. 'ou ha"e completely remo"ed the idea
that he (could) do something, but now are replacing that, with an e#pectation of what
he 06:,&+ do.
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The phrases that I ha"e /ust gi"en you, "ery clearly indicate to your man, that you are
actually e#pecting more of that in the future, and it will be e#tremely hard for him,
after that point, to break free of that reality.
6e will now be stuck, with an intense need to fulfill that desire, because you ha"e first
rewarded him, but secondly, you ha"e now made it clear that you want more of that,
using the "ery compliment you ga"e to him in step 3, as the purpose for him to gi"e
you more of that.
Sta2e 3: %*plain #h' 'o! need thisA 9' re#ardin2 him premat!rel'/ This is
where you add in a cementing and premature (rewarding statement).
A cementing and premature (rewarding statement), is a finali<ation statement that
gi"es a (why) to your re9uest. Although you are actually telling your man what you
want to see more, or none of, in stage L@, your man actually sees this as a re9uest.
0ince he sees this as a statement of something you!d like further from him, that!s why
it feels like a re9uest to him, but what you want to do, to make him comply, is to once
more e#plain the reasoning.
'ou do this by prematurely rewarding him, but this time, by using re"erse psychology.
To do that, you simply re"erse whate"er it is that you said in step L3, and combine
that with stage L@.
0o for e#ample, if in step L3, you complimented your man on his honesty, what you!d
want to do ne#t, is say something like this> (This makes me feel secure in knowing,
that you trust me enough to be honest with me, and I appreciate that).
The re"erse psychology, comes into play, with the part where you said that you know
that your man trusts you enough to be honest with you. This implies that he will do
more of this in the future too, and you tie all of it together, by further reiterating the
fact that you do appreciate it.
0ome other e#amples of a re"erse psychology statement, include, but are not limited
to8
.ecause you!re not like other guys.)
.ecause I know you!d ne"er disappoint me.)
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I /ust hope things don!t go sour between us, because I!d really miss this about you.)
I trust that I am in good hands now, because you really know how to treat me like
a lady.)
I am really looking forward to more of this now, because I /ust can!t get o"er how
ali"e this makes me feel.)
$tc8
Note, that you don!t e"en always ha"e to tie in, a specifically thankful statement.
0imply stating that you e#pect more of that and why, alone, can be rewarding enough
for your man, because now you are literally telling him, that you can ,0$ more of
that.
The idea that you can make use of more of that beha"ior alone, is rewarding to a
man, because it indicates to him, that he is doing something right, and that more of
that, means a better future with you.
It!s important, howe"er to understand that you ha"e to indicate what it is that you
want now or don!t want, pertaining to your original statement from 0tep L3 of the
Cocktail +rama techni9ue, and to tie in an e#pectation of what you want or don!t want
in the future immediately after.
+oing this, actually rewards your man prematurely, because you are in effect,
thanking him for repeating this beha"ior in the future, by telling him that you =N:W
he will do more of that, or by clearly stating that you know he will ensure not to do
anything to compromise that in the future.
6a"e you e"er seen a comedy skit, for e#ample where a piece of paper money is tied
to a string. When somebody comes along to pick up the money, somebody pulls the
string, and the paper mo"es away.
enerally, the person might try to continue picking up the paper, but the person
holding the string keeps pulling it away.
This stage of the tactic, is essentially like that, e#cept with one huge difference. 'ou!"e
gi"en him the paper money, but you!"e attached to that, an entire bank account filled
with tons and tons of paper money bills.
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'ou now, simply pull the string to lead him to that bank account, by telling him that
more or less of a certain beha"ior in the future, means that he gets the password to
that bank account.
At this stage, your man will want to oblige, because you!"e not only gi"en him a small
tidbit of relief, but you!re also showing him something e"en bigger, in the picture.
0o to sum up the A stages, into one e9uation, when you are done, you should end up
with a finali<ing statement which looks something like this>
I QQQQHstage 3I that youQQQQ Hstage @I, because QQQQHstage AI.
0o, some e#amples of this, to help illustrate all A stages together, look something like
this>
(I know that I can trust you now, because you!re not like other guys.)
( I /ust hope things don!t go sour between us, because I lo"e the way you do this for
me.)
(I know 'o!Ed never disappoint me.)
(I know that I can e*pect to see more of this in the future, and I appreciate that.)
(I know you #onEt disappoint me, after this, 9eca!se no# I can trust you.)
(, tr!st that , am in good hands now, because you really know how to treat a lady.)
(I!m lookin2 for#ard to more of that from you now, because you really make me
feel ali"e.)
(I finally feel secure, and I understand now that you would ne"er hurt me.) $tc8
To Make These Steps 7ork:
0o, tying the two steps of the Cocktail +rama techni9ue, together into one process,
what you ultimately end up with is this>
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1/ A re#ardin2 statement, clarifying e#actly what it is that you are rewarding and
why.
2/ A cementin2 statement, further solidifying the importance of the first statement,
by now clarifying a future e#pectation, with the option of premature appreciation, to
further cement the idea.
When put together, into words, these statements, may sound something like these
e#amples, for reference>
(When you talk nicely to me, I really en/oy it, because it makes me feel respected. I
know that you are trying your best, and I look forward to more of that in the future.)
:r
(I really lo"e it when you go out of your way to help me out with the little things. It
helps me to feel less stressed out, and shows me that you take responsibility in the
relationship. I now know that I can trust you to know when I need a little e#tra help,
and I appreciate that.)
:r
(I can!t belie"e how kind you!"e been to me lately. It /ust really shows how much you
truly care for me, and I trust that I am in good hands now. Thankyou.)
:r
(I really en/oy it when you take time out of your day to listen to me, e"en if you are
tired. I really feel understood when you do this, and I know you!d ne"er disappoint me
because of this.)
:r
(I find comfort in the fact that you are so loyal to me. It helps me to know that you!re
not like other guys, and that you!d ne"er cheat on me. I really appreciate that, about
you.)
$tc8
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Again, your initial statement can literally be about any topic, and you can use this
tactic for almost e"erything imaginable, as well, because of the way it is set up.
'ou can e"en use this method on intense sub/ects like, a concern with loyalty for
e#ample, and what it does in that case, is it further solidifies in your man!s mind, the
idea that he should remain loyal to you.
Now earlier on in this section, I spoke about how the Cocktail +rama techni9ue caters
to .:T6 kinds of emotions, from negati"e to positi"e, and I also mentioned how this
techni9ue can e"en 6$A& negati"e emotions, to gi"e a positi"e outcome.
I!d like to e#plain briefly, why this is so, now that you know how to use the tactic.
'ou see, when you use this tactic, you allow a man the space, and the room to
actually problem sol"e. .ut you also don!t let your man walk all o"er you either.
What this means ultimately, is that you remo"e any lingering negati"ity, or hard
feelings that normally would ha"e remained in your relationship, because you now are
clearly communicating to your man, what you!d like to see more or less of.
'ou also help to resol"e negati"e emotions, because you gi"e your man a deeper
purpose.
What purpose is that*
The purpose of working to fulfill your needs, because now you ha"e created a
challenge that he cannot back out of, but you!re gi"ing him a reason to see ultimate
"alue in that purpose, so that he doesn!t want to back out of it anyway.
The reason why negati"e emotions can be resol"ed, as well, is because you are
actually directly addressing the 1:0ITID$0 that you!d like to see more of, and you are
rewarding the positi"es.
It means that you are not gi"ing intense power to the negati"es in your relationship
anymore, but furthermore you help to alle"iate any negati"e emotions by also directly
addressing them, but this time, without pro/ecting onto your man, and without
dumping a ton of emotional baggage onto him.
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This effecti"ely gi"es you a way to still create and use necessary drama in your
relationship, but without causing further harm, or drawing upon painful things, but
rather by using what is already working, in such a way that it reaches your man on a
deeper le"el.
The best part about this particular techni9ue is that the more you draw upon his
strengths and encourage that, the less concentration room your man will ha"e, to
spend time doing all of the things you hate.
It also means less time spent on negati"e emotions from his end, which actually hurt
or bother you greatly8 because now you ha"e gi"en him something else to replace
that reality with, something which is far more powerful than any negati"e emotion he
could ha"e.
Another reason why negati"e emotions can be fulfilled and resol"ed with this tactic, is
because you are not addressing the negati"e with a negati"e. 'ou are actually coming
in with a positi"e, and are encouraging growth and change in a positi"e direction.
It means that you aren!t nagging him, pushing him, or punishing him into an outcome,
but rather are encouraging, and are actually challenging him to bring out his best, by
reminding him of what it is that is so good about him, and are using that as
moti"ation.
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Chapter 13: The S#eet T!rmoil Method
It!s not enough to be spectacular sometimes, you ha"e to be spectacular e"ery single
time.)
0a"e you e"er heard of the fable, of the goose that laid the golden eggs* This story is
one of the many great fables told by a legendary man named Aesop, who li"ed a long
time ago. A fable, is simply a short story, designed to con"ey an underlining or
ob"ious moral message. I!d like to use this particular story, in this section, to help
demonstrate a "ery important message, which is at the core of the 0weet Turmoil
-ethod.
To do this, I!d like you to first hear the story, which is as follows>

:ne day a countryman going to the nest of his oose found
there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was
as hea"y as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he
thought a trick had been played upon him. .ut he took it home
on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an
egg of pure gold. $"ery morning the same thing occurred, and
he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew
greedyN and thinking to get at once all the gold the oose could
gi"e, he killed it and opened it only to find,Rnothing.)

It might not seem like it at first glance, but this story actually has a lot to do with the
way that a lot of women approach their relationships, and it especially has a lot to do
with the way that women in general approach the art of lo"e itself.
'ou see, in this story, your relationship is actually the goose, and lo"e is the golden
eggs that are being laid, for you, in your relationship.
Now a lot of women when they see the golden eggs start to appear want to come in
and get A&& of them at once, /ust like the countryman, in the story.
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.ut, the result of doing that, means you ultimately, kill the goose8 or in this case, you
end up killing the relationship. 0o then you are left with no more relationship, and no
more golden eggs of lo"e either.
This is why it!s important to pace yourself, when it comes to your (relationship goose),
so that you end up getting your little golden egg of lo"e, each and e"ery day.
Kailure to do this, because you want to come in and get e"erything at once, when you
reali<e in the beginning that your relationship has the potential to gi"e you the golden
eggs, means that you end up cutting open your own relationship, in an attempt to get
more.
This is where the 0weet Turmoil -ethod comes into play, because the purpose of this
method is to actually allow you the opportunity to pace yourself properly, and to set
your (relationship goose) up, so that you actually end up with a golden lo"e egg
e"eryday.
0o what e#actly is the 0weet Turmoil -ethod*
The basis of this method is simple. 'ou ha"e your golden lo"e eggs, and the goose
already8 so e"erything should be going smoothly, and it is. .ut you ha"e to throw in
the element of the pace, so that you don!t end up trying to take too much at once, or
worse> so that you don!t end up gi"ing your man too much at once either, because the
same thing is going on, on his end too.
:n your man!s end, the e#act same thing is happening here. 6e has the goose, who in
this case is the relationship. 'ou are gi"ing him your golden lo"e eggs as well. 0o he is
actually going through the e#act same e#perience as you, and the same problem on
his end is almost 3445 likely to occur.
What problem is that*
The 2reed factor/
'ou are gi"ing him a golden egg, but the first thought that pops up into a man!s mind,
is (what else can I get too) or (how much more of this can I ha"e, N:W).
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There!s actually a reason for this, which I will get to in /ust a bit, but the moral of this
story is simple. It!s in our human nature to want almost e"erything at once, whether
that in"ol"es us gi"ing, or us recei"ing, if we feel that the thing we want, is going to
gi"e back to us, ten2fold.
0o, the truth of the matter remains to be simply this> that we are inclined to want to
go all out, if we feel that the thing we are in"ol"ed in, is going to gi"e back more.
Now, earlier on I spoke about something called the greed factor, which in essence is a
response that many men ha"e when it comes to relationships and lo"e. They see the
goose laying the golden eggs, and the ne#t thing you know, they are trying to cut the
goose up to get it (all) at once.
This is something that almost e"ery man has within them, and it!s always acti"ated
the moment that something seemingly "aluable appears in a man!s life.
The reason for this, ties back into some of the principles which I e#plained to you in
the earlier sections of this program. -en are designed to want to lead and guide.
.ut, what you may, or may not ha"e reali<ed, is that a part of leading and guiding, is
con9uering. That!s why men lo"e to problem sol"e, because it!s a form of (mental)
and (emotional con9uering) for them.
As you!"e learned already, men are often stuck with a lot of pent up emotions, with
nowhere to place them. When they get into a relationship, they!d like to be able to
start placing those emotions back into the relationship, but they can!t do that, unless
the woman they are with knows how to open that door for them.
Thus, until they can do that, they thrill seek. 1roblem sol"ing, is a form of thrill
seeking for men, because it means that something can be laid before them, in which
they actually can dictate the outcome of, which ultimately means that they gain a
sense of control, figuring out how something works, or should be fi#ed.
The same is true, when it comes to con9uering. This is why "ideo games, sports, and
basically any acti"ity that in"ol"es a challenge where there is a clear winner, are all
addicti"e acti"ities that men partake in.
0o what does this ha"e to do with lo"e, and the 0weet Turmoil -ethod* Well,
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e"erything.
'our man wants to be able to con9uer you. 6e sees you as the ultimate challenge,
and problem which he can sol"e for himself. 'ou see, although he won!t admit this,
and his pride would ne"er allow him to re"eal this8 you really are the ultimate thrill
and challenge to your man.
That is, as long as you keep it that way.
What!s e"en more sick about this reality, is the fact that your man $N?:'0 that about
you. It!s e#actly what keeps him sticking around. If he didn!t feel that way, he would
ha"e left, a long time ago. It!s that simple, in his world.
:f course when translated o"er to your world, it appears a lot differently. It looks
more confusing, is more frustrating, and makes almost no sense.
Why doesn!t it make sense for you*
.ecause on your end it looks something more like this, usually>
(I want you8) 8 (wait..no8no I don!t)8. (I want you again8)8 (actually, ne"er2
mind8.)8 (No, please I really do want you, /ust8)8. (no, now I!m sure I don!t want
you.)
+oes this kind of beha"iour sound familiar*
It probably does, e"en if you are in a long term relationship, or are in the initial dating
phase8 I!m pretty sure that you!"e heard, or seen a guy beha"ing this way toward
you.
Kirst he comes, on strongly. Clearly he wants you. .ut the ne#t thing you know, he!s
pulling away again.
This beha"iour continues for 9uite a while, and although it!s e#tremely frustrating to
women, it has a "ery interesting effect on almost e"ery woman, that cannot be
denied.
Which effect is that*
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The effect of creating the chase.
What e#actly does that mean*
It means that, o"er time your man either grew bored of you, or began to feel as if you
were not challenging enough to ha"e, be around, or e#perience. 0o what does he do*
6e pulls away, creates a bit of negati"e drama, and suddenly you are sucked into this
emotional "orte#, where you find yourself chasing after him, as he pulls away more
and more.
This is a "ery typical tactic that men use, to either test women, or to create an
(imbalance) which they can come in and sol"e.
Why would men need to create an imbalance, or need to cause problems if e"erything
is going good*
Well it!s simple> for him it!s not going good. 6e!s becoming miserable, and bored out
of his mind. 6e N$$+0 that thrill, to be maintained, again because it!s a part of his
ability to release his emotional tension.
0o if e"erything is going fine, and he finds that the relationship and e"en ':, are
settling, almost always, a man will instantaneously pull away, on purpose.
The thing is, though, that this is mostly a subconscious response. Not a lot of men are
aware of this reaction, but the thing is, the ones who are, don!t stop it from
happening either, because again, there is a need that must be fulfilled.
The problem with this reality, is that>
AF It means that you are not fulfilling your man in the way he needs. 6e!s bored, he
wants to be challenged, and he needs you to gi"e him something more than what is.
0o, tying this back to the goose story, it!s like this>
6e had :N$ golden egg, but now he!s thinking8 gee8 I had one, but now I need
more. 6ow do I get more*
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0o then8
;F6e pulls away, which in effect is basically like cutting the goose open, and it takes
away any control that you ha"e o"er the relationship, and causes you to end up
needing him, running to him, and basically dancing to his e"ery tune.
To tie e"erything back together now, the problem with point ., is that when you do
this, you end up becoming the golden goose who gets cut up, by the farmer, to see if
he could get all of the gold out at once.
.ut, let me ask you a pretty serious 9uestion, about this.
What do you think the farmer did with the goose, once he was finished with it, and
learned that there were no golden eggs to be had, through that method*
+o you think he cuddled the goose, held it, and told it how much he lo"ed it*
:r do you think he threw it in a trash can, and got rid of it*
:b"iously, the farmer would ha"e gotten rid of the goose. It can!t lay eggs anymore,
because he killed it. 6e can!t do anything more with it now.
The same problem happens with point ., in that you set yourself up to appear as if
you don!t ha"e any golden eggs left, anymore, when you gi"e in to your man that
way.
Cemember how earlier on, in this section, I mentioned that men want to con9uer, and
that it!s a part of their ;leadership! programming*
Well, what e#actly does con9uering mean*
Con9uering means to o"ercome, or to take control of. In essence, it means that the
man feels he has the power, is in control, and moreo"er that he has gained all of it, by
o"ercoming something.
This same mentality carries on through into intimate relationships that men ha"e,
wherein they need to feel like they are con9uering and controlling it.
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.ut this is one area of your mans! life, where you shouldn!t actually gi"e in to, and
here!s why>
:nce a man con9uers you, he is in essence (done) with you. 6e has done all that he
feels CAN be done with you.
0o it is actually your /ob to create an ultimate chase, and an impossible mountain to
climb, for your man, so that there is always something sitting in there, for him to
actually con9uer.
If your relationship is the goose, and the golden eggs are the lo"e8 then it!s your /ob
to make sure that your man doesn!t come in, trying to cut the goose open to get
$D$C'T6IN at once, because if he does, there is no more (relationship goose), and
no more golden eggs.
That!s basically what e"erything means, here. This is the essence, of the 0weet
Turmoil -ethod.
It means that you must TCAIN your man, to wait, and take one golden egg at a time.
'ou do this by pro"ing to him, that by waiting, and recei"ing one golden egg at a
time, that he will actually get -:C$ o"er time, instead of less.
'ou basically teach your man that cutting the relationship goose open, yields nothing,
and train him to want to recei"e the golden lo"e eggs strategically, instead of
forcefully.
This of course, goes against the nature of what a man WANT0 to do, because as
you!"e /ust learned, a man wants to con9uer you, and he wants to get e"erything at
once from you8 that!s in his nature.
.ut you can train, and guide a man to feel that it!s actually a better idea, to do this
o"er time, instead of all at once.
When you do this, you!ll find that your man becomes far more attenti"e to sticking
around longer, committing better, and he!ll e"en become e#tremely nurturing as he
begins to see that the better he treats the ;relationship goose!, the better the 9uality
of the ;golden lo"e egg! too.
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0o how do you do that* There are @ steps to the 0weet Turmoil -ethod.
Step ?1: Make 0im See The &al!eA 9' 2ivin2 him a heav' compliment/
This compliment, in essence acts as the proof that there is in fact a giant golden egg
lying around, and what!s better> he will be able to see that this egg is coming from
you, and is being offered to him.
0o what you do here, is you come in with a hea"y positi"e statement, compliment, or
recognition of something that you feel is already golden, or something that C:,&+ be
golden, about your relationship, or your man.
It!s important to note, that whate"er you say, has to be belie"able, and must, once
again, be something that he has actually done, or has earned recognition for. I!"e
already e#plained why this is important, in the pre"ious section of this program, but
/ust remember that it needs to be /ustified.
0o you can!t come in with a statement or compliment like this> (:h wow, my /aw is on
the floor. 'ou are /ust the most ama<ingly brilliant man I ha"e e"er come across.
Nobody is like you, and how great you areF)
:b"iously, that becomes unbelie"able to a man, because again>
AF 'ou ha"en!t /ustified anywhere in the compliment, W6' this is true.
;F It /ust sounds like an emotional (/argumble) of desperate feelings, and desperate
attempts to seek appro"al.
0o keep the statements and compliments /ustifiable. +o this, and you will begin to
start pro"ing to him, that there is a golden egg laying goose in your relationship,
because you are now re"ealing to him, e#actly where those golden eggs are hidden.
$nsuring that your statements are /ustifiable, ensures that you are in essence gi"ing
him something that he cannot really deny either, or something which he cannot 3445
disagree with.
It must be something which he can reasonably accept, which is why, if you use
phrases or terms that tie into ultimate desires or wants, that your man has, you will
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see e"en greater success, because now you are tapping into a greater need of
fulfillment that your man has.
0o what are some e#amples, of greater needs or desires that your man has*
Well almost e"ery man, as noted has a desire to be and feel, respected, helpful,
wanted, desirable, useful, understood, or in control etc8
0o, if you simply play into those desires and needs, now, by gi"ing him a statement of
"alue, you ultimately create an undeniable truth, that your man cannot back away
from, or get out of at this point.
6e will ha"e no choice but to agree, because he wants that from you, and now you
are recogni<ing it directly.
0o for e#ample, you could tell him something like (We could be wonderful together),
or, you could say something like ('ou know, other couples struggle to find the kind of
understanding that we ha"e between each other).
0ome other e#amples include, but are not limited to>
(We get along really well8) 8 (We are compatible)8 (I feel good around you)8. (I
can!t belie"e how happy you make me feel), or (I am still trying to wrap my head
around how understanding you are) etc8
Step ?2: 1o! Add ,n The ;3T 6actorA com9ined #ith a ;arrier Condition
In this step, you make him #ork to get the daily golden lo"e eggs, by reminding him,
that there is a barrier in between. 6e can get to the egg, but he will ne"er be allowed
to solely ha"e the goose itself. 'ou e"en go as far as to let him know that he will only
be allowed to ha"e and recei"e the golden eggs, through you too.
0o now he has no choice, but to come back through you, to get them each and e"ery
time, but keep in mind here, that your man will come back, because you!"e already
/ustified a reason for him to do that in the first place.
Also remember that at this stage, the (golden egg) is good enough for him. 6e
doesn!t need direct access to the relationship goose, if he is preoccupied with the idea
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of the eggs, and doing whate"er it takes to continue recei"ing them.
0o this is where the (.arrier Condition) comes into play.
What is a barrier condition*
The barrier condition, is basically an idea or suggestion which you impose, that cuts
immediately through your man!s ability to try and pull e"erything out from the
relationship, and your lo"e at once.
It means that after you ha"e gi"en the hea"y compliment, you come in and softly
re/ect him, for that same reality, by contradicting what you /ust said with a "ery slight
issue, condition, or boundary which you raise up.
,ltimately, this creates a disconnect, and you do that, by adding in the (but8) reality,
and then by attaching a condition upon which your statement in step L3 will not be
1$C-AN$NT&' true immediately after.
In other words> you gi"e your man a C$A0:N as to why your hea"y compliment might
not always be true.
If you recall, earlier I spoke of how men want to con9uer all, but once they do, they
basically feel that they are +:N$ or finished with that thing. This part of the step,
ensures that you remind him that the ball is actually not in his court yet.
6e has the golden egg, but he won!t get all of the golden eggs, until he sticks around,
and works for it. Trying to cut the goose open and get it all at once, doesn!t work
either, so you deal him a new reality, one where he learns that there is more that can
be done, to recei"e more golden eggs from you.
0o what you are doing here, is therefore creating a barrier of disconnect. To put it into
simple terms, you gi"e him &I-IT$+ access to yourself, /ust like you!d ha"e to do with
the goose that lays the golden eggs.
The man can!t come in and get ,N&I-IT$+ access to e"erything Hwhich translates as
him coming in and trying to take e"erything at onceI /ust like he cannot go in and get
,N&-IT$+ golden eggs, by cutting open the goose.
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Thus, the only way for him to recei"e, is for your man to understand the barrier, and
secondly, for you to impose it in the first place.
0o how do you create the barrier* 6ow do you make him work around the limitations
you are about to set*
'ou create doubt, introduce a contradiction, or insult him slightly when it comes to his
ability to do or fulfill whate"er you said in step L3.
To best illustrate this, I am going to gi"e you some e#amples of what can be said. Kor
e#ample>
If, in step 3, you told your man that you!re glad that your relationship is an honest
and open one, you could come in, immediately after, and say the following>
('ou know, I am glad that our relationship is an open an honest one, but it might not
work out between us, because sometimes people change.)
What you are doing, in the second half, is introducing doubt, or the idea that you
actually indirectly e#pect him to be -:C$ honest with you. 'ou aren!t directly saying
that, but what you!re doing, is you!re saying it like this>
(&ook, you!re really good at this thing now, but I need you to be good A&& the time at
this thing).
'ou!ll notice that the beginning of this chapter, starts with a 9uote that reads> It!s not
enough to be spectacular sometimes, you ha"e to be spectacular e"ery single time.)
The essence of step L@, is e#actly the same point that this 9uote is making. It!s that
you need your man to be spectacular all of the time.
It!s not enough to /ust be good N:W. 'ou need him to want to work to be great all of
the time. The way to do that, has /ust been re"ealed to you, because both steps of
the 0weet Turmoil -ethod ultimately push your man to want to become more
spectacular, as he reaches deeper into himself, to try harder for you, do more for you,
and to .$ more for you.
=eep in mind that he!s not /ust doing this for no reason either, because you are in
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essence rewarding him each and e"ery time as well, by gi"ing him the idea or the
challenge of what he is working toward.
0o you are simply pulling out something good, and are refining it into something
better. Thus your relationship goes from ha"ing one golden egg, to ha"ing many.
To help you do this, I!d like to offer you a few more e#amples of the types of
disconnects you could create, once you combine step 3 and @. 0o, for e#ample you
could say>
I can!t belie"e we get along with each other so wellF ;!t, let!s take things slow for
now.)
'ou!re so honest with me, 9!t I hope that things remain that way.)
'ou treat me really good, 9!t usually people change with time.)
I like how you take the time to listen to me, 9!t I know that sometime in the
future you probably won!t care to try.)
$tc8
As one final statement for step L@, I!d like to clarify something "ery important. 0ome
women already unknowingly use this tactic, but they do it indirectly, testing their man
by saying something like this>
(:h, I know you lo"e me now, but will you still lo"e me when I am fat, old, and ugly*)
It should be noted that T6I0 is e#treme, and again a man responds to e#treme, with
e#treme. 0o you must be careful to tone it down, and not to e#tremely insult the guy
or back him into an emotional corner that he can!t e"en get out of.
Euestions like (am I fat) or (will you still want me, if I was ugly) etc8 are e#actly the
kind that you must a"oid trying to ask, because they actually do the e#act opposite.
Again, the point here, is to offer a hea"y compliment, and to slightly counter balance
that reality, so that he doesn!t take you for granted, or so that he doesn!t /ust assume
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that e"erything will come magically on its own.
Another important factor in this method, is the fact that you need your man to feel
like he should work for it.
No man would e"er want to work for something that scares the li"ing crap out of him.
Intense 9uestions or statements like the ones I /ust described, only scare a guy, and
make him feel like you are li"ing on e#treme le"els, emotionally.
'ou want him to know and understand that you are emotionally reasonable, which is
why you must always be careful to tone down your statements in step L@, so that
they do not completely o"ertake step L3.
They must play off of step L3, but must ne"er o"ershadow, or completely ruin step
L3. The message of the compliment, and what is going CI6T, must always still be
able to shine through.
Again, you are only nudging him, or encouraging him to seek more from you. 'ou!re
not trying to make him become the farmer who cuts open the goose, by pushing him
hard.
The reason why this method is actually called the 0W$$T Turmoil method, is because
of the fact that you at least offer a morsel of sweetness, by letting him know that
something is actually good.
'ou aren!t /ust coming in, and bashing him with complete turmoil this way, which
ultimately, when done in the way that the two steps describes, actually encourages a
man to repeat more of the beha"iour you lo"e, rather than to do more of the things
you hate.
0o always remember, that when using this tactic, to make sure that the sweetness
factor is included, so that your man doesn!t feel like you are simply punishing him.
0o you might be wondering what happens ne#t, after you use this method. 6ere!s
what will happen8
6e will suddenly find himself feeling strong urges to pro"e himself to you because you
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gently re/ected him. Again, you basically came in and said (hey I like something you!re
doing, but I am not sure you are good enough to gi"e me more of this in the future).
This is a kind of re/ection therapy, wherein your man now has something new, he
feels that he needs to con9uer.
Without using this method, your man would ha"e been sitting comfortably, getting
bored, thinking that he already con9uered that area of your relationship, or that thing
which relates back to you.
.ut by using this kind of soft re/ection, you gi"e him the idea that he hasn!t actually
W:N e"erything yet, or that he hasn!t actually con9uered it all. 'ou ultimately create
the endless chase, one which your man will gladly oblige you in, because it helps him
to feel fulfilled in doing so.
We all want what we can!t ha"e and that!s the feeling you!re creating in his mind by
using this.

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Chapter 1": The %motional &ariet' Trick
%motional "ariety is the spice of life)
,n the pre"ious section, I spoke about how men can grow bored around you, if they
feel as though they ha"e (con9uered all). It means that they end up feeling as if there
is nothing left to do, say, or e"en feel that they ha"en!t already e#perienced.
:b"iously, when worded that way, such a life +:$0 sound boring. To help illustrate
this to you, I want you to imagine that you ha"e a fa"orite T.D. show, and you like to
tune into this show, e"ery time a new episode comes out.
I want you to also imagine the thrills, e#citement, and passion that peaks up from
within you, as you go through the twists and turns that your fa"orite T.D. show offers
you emotionally.
Now, what if, one day, all of a sudden, e"erything on T.D. were to be cancelled, for
e"eryone, e"erywhere, e#cept for :N$ episode, which happens to be your fa"orite
episode of that "ery same T.D. show you lo"e.
This doesn!t sound so bad at first. At first you re/oice. 'ou!re happy. At least it!s
something you like, after all, right*
.ut after a while, you start to miss the entertainment "alue, that other T.D. shows had
to offer, and you $D$N start to miss shows that you hated.
After a while, of reali<ing that the :N&' thing that will e"er play on your T.D. e"er
again, is this :N$ episode of a show that you!"e now seen P444 times, you e"entually
decide to completely turn off the tele"ision, and to start doing other things, only to
87
ne"er look back at T.D. as a fulfilling thing in your life e"er again.
In fact, you are rather disappointed, if anything, about the way that things turned out,
when it came to the tele"ision and you.
I want you to now imagine, that this is how a &:T of men feel, when they are in a
relationship.
'ou see, men get into relationships, e#pecting that the "ery same thrills and peaks in
emotions that they e#perience early on, will be maintained. .ut then they aren!t.
To make matters worse, o"er time, the (other) shows start to slowly get cut off, until
finally there is only one repeat show, that is left playing, o"er and o"er and o"er
again.
Now how many times, do you reasonably e#pect your man to want to :N&' watch
that same show*
6ow many times could you reasonably e#pect your man to do that, before finally, he
will say (I!"e had enough of this. This is boring and predictable now).
$"entually, under those circumstances, there is only so much patience that a man can
ha"e, once the relationship starts to turn into a repeat episode, of the e#act same
show o"er and o"er again.
:f course, not all of this is your fault, and some of it may be his, because as you get
into a relationship, you begin to get comfortable with the other person, then there
comes a (settling stage), as you learn how to settle into each other!s habits and li"es.
.ut then, there comes a deadly stage, which I like to call, the 0C6$+,&IN stage.
The scheduling stage is basically a stage, that almost e"ery single person and
relationship ends up stuck in.
It!s the ultimate limbo <one, where basically e"erything you had worked so hard for,
goes to die.
Why is that*
88
The scheduling stage, is all about routine, and repetiti"eness. .y the time you ha"e
reached, or are inside the scheduling stage, it means that your entire life can literally
be predicted almost 3445... from when you get up, to what you eat, to what you and
your partner do together, and when.
'eah, it!s pretty bad8 but the problem is, is that most people don!t see that, or
recogni<e it, until it!s too late.
.y the time you!"e reali<ed you are in the scheduling stage, you!"e probably argued
your brains off with your man, and he has e9ually argued to hell and back, with you in
return too.
Why is that*
Well things got so boring, so predictable, and so scheduled8 that almost always, you
begin arguing with your partner, to create a little drama, and to spice things up.
The only problem is, that arguing becomes a part of your schedule too, until finally
arguing completely takes o"er your entire schedule, so that the only thing you and
your partner e"er do after that, is fight, until finally one of you cheats, or you simply
/ust break up.
:f course, this may sound e#treme, especially if you are learning this for the first time,
but this truly and honestly is the typical pattern of almost all relationships. Why is this
the most common pattern of all relationships*
It!s because neither partner understands that some "ariety is needed. .oth partners
get so wrapped up in the idea of feeling comfortable, that they forget, it was the
DACI$T' that actually made them feel comfortable.
1eople get sucked into the scheduling reality, simply because of how simple it appears
to make things. &earning how to mesh your life in with a completely different persons!
life can seem, and e"en feel awkward.
0cheduling makes it easier to plan and mesh both of your li"es in together, so that you
at least somewhat know what you are doing. 0o, scheduling can be useful, but it
becomes to#ic when couples begin to turn $D$C'T6IN into a scheduled e"ent, from
how you should feel, to how you should fight, to e"en when you should get intimate,
89
and how.
$"erything becomes this massi"ely, replayed out routine, and it grows old, boring, and
predictable "ery 9uickly.
0o how do you sol"e this dilemma* 6ow do you fi# this problem*
The answer is simple. 'ou use the $motional Dariety Trick.
The $motional Dariety Trick, is an emotional loop hole opener, wherein you plant a
seed to a new idea, that will gi"e your man something bigger, deeper, and better to
look forward to, think about, or desire from you.
To put it simply> it gi"es him a window, to become more passionate with you, by
allowing him to e#perience an emotional "ariety, that you will gi"e him.
Now, you ha"e most of the basis that you need to understand this trick, which I ha"e
gi"en you at the beginning of this section, wherein I e#plained how a relationship can
fall into a deadly and dull <one, one which completely lacks passion or any thri"ing
emotions.
.ut there!s one little detail which I strategically left out, until now. What detail is that*
The fact that men grow bored at a rate 3444 % faster than that, of a woman.
Why is that*
Well, it all comes back to, again how you percei"e and e#perience your world. As a
woman, you deri"e a lot of depth from e"erything around you, by attaching an
emotional e#perience or feeling to things.
'ou percei"e your day, based on how you felt about it. 'ou percei"e your fa"orite
foods based on how they make you feel when you eat them too. $"erything on your
end is an emotional transaction, taking place, wherein deeper needs are often
satisfied, as long as you in"ol"e your emotions.
As you know, men can!t always do that, so they ha"e to look at things more logically.
The problem with being e#tremely logical, howe"er, is that e"erything is mostly dry,
90
and boring after that.
There!s a lot of (surface) interests that take place in this reality as well. To help you
understand, I want to illustrate one "ery important key, that is predominant in men,
when it comes to attraction and intimacy.
-en are initially "isually attracted to women. What does that mean*
It means that a man first feels attracted to you, based on how you look. Now this
doesn!t mean that he!s e#pecting or demanding a (.arbie doll) kind of a figure8 but
rather it /ust means, that he will physically look at you, to see if parts of your body,
from your hair, to your eyes, to your hands etc8 appear to be appealing to him.
It!s ne"er /ust one specific thing, either that he!s looking for, which is why men can
feel attracted to a "ariety of women, e"en if they look different from one another.
.ut why do men pay attention to the physical, before they pay attention to the
emotional connection*
Well I!"e already mostly e#plained that, by teaching you about the closed off nature of
a man!s emotional flood gates, and I!d like to remind you now, that the door to a
man!s emotional connecti"e side, can only be opened once he first establishes a le"el
of trust with you.
'ou!"e learned a little bit about how to do that in the pre"ious sections, which in"ol"ed
using something called &ogical Attraction, to pro"e to a man, logically that you can
offer him what he needs, first.
When a man uses physical attraction, initially, it!s only because that!s the only thing he
can go off of, until you pro"e that you can gi"e him more. It!s not to say that men are
chau"inist pigs, or that they are se#ist e"en.
In fact, it has nothing to do with that. It!s simply all that a man can know, or trust, to
at least 0TACT initiating some kind of relationship. 0o the only thing he can see is
maybe if you ha"e nice eyes, or if you smell good, or if you are articulate in your
words etc8
6e will go off of the seemingly superficial, until you gi"e him more, and furthermore,
91
until you pro"e to him, that he should want more from you as well, because men don!t
want to end up stuck in"esting their time, and emotions in a woman who might be a
waste of their time.
The reason I am telling you this, is because this actually remains to be true, e"en if a
man is in a relationship with you. 6e may stay stuck in the superficial le"el, of logical
attraction, if you ne"er actually help him open up a deeper le"el.
'ou could e"en be married to a man for years, and yet the le"el at which he addresses
the relationship, and you, is still in the early stages of infancy, rather than a deeper
stage of passionate desire, and ultimate understanding.
What this ultimately means, is that your man will grow bored, and has no choice. &et
me be brutally honest with you here, and fill you in on a little secret8
-en actually begin to hate logical attraction, if they ha"e to be stuck on that le"el for
the rest of their life.
It means that the superficial no longer temporarily satisfies them. It means that those
beautiful eyes, and the way that you speak etc8 no longer (cuts it) for him.
$"entually, he will start to long for more, because there is only so much that the
logical le"el of attraction can fulfill, and a lot of that fulfillment comes early on.
0o the problem is, that as long as a man is stuck in the logical attraction stage with a
woman, wherein he has not yet crossed o"er into a deeper more connected emotional
le"el of attraction, it means that it!s not an emotional transaction yet for the guy.
At this stage, it!s mostly logical attraction Hwhich I spoke about in an earlier sectionI
and direct emotions, for a man, which means e"erything is mostly black and white, or
hot and cold for him.
This is why emotional "ariety is important, because it allows you to open up an
emotional window that was either closed, or did not e#ist, within your man, so that he
can begin to feel, and e#perience you on a deeper, more passionate le"el.
This is a le"el which will go beyond the surface logic, to dig deeper into his ultimate
desires, but this le"el can only be acti"ated, if you know how to push the right buttons
in the first place.
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As you are now aware, a man can only open up his emotional flood gates to you, if he
feels like you are going to gi"e him a safe place to do that, but more importantly, he
can only do that, if he feels like you are capable of fulfilling his needs to begin with.
The $motional Dariety Trick, actually gi"es you a way to create trust in your man!s
mind and heart, that you can actually fulfill his emotional needs, which in turn begins
to help him open up his control panel of lo"e, e#clusi"ely to you.
0o what do you ha"e to do, to use the $motional Dariety Trick to open up your man!s
flood gates of emotional passion and fulfillment*
There are @ simple things you need to do, which are as follows>

Step ?1: .lant a Seed Of S!22estive .otential4
What is a seed of suggesti"e potential* A suggesti"e potential, in and of itself, is
something which you raise, or bring up, with your man, that has the power to (be),
but doesn!t e#ist /ust yet.
The power of the suggestion comes into play, in the fact that you are informing him
that it!s something that C:,&+ be, or C:,&+ happen, but you aren!t directly telling
him, that it!s going to be, /ust yet.
It should be something that gets your man!s creati"e /uices flowing, or something
which makes your man feel or think (huh, that!d be nice), or (huh, I wonder what
that!d be like).
The purpose of this seed, is that it will become something that rolls around in your
man!s mind o"er and o"er again, and it will be something that continuously creeps
back in his mind, as his curiosity spikes more and more, wondering what that thing is,
or what that thing would be like.
0o how do you do that*
'ou open a loop, which you only partially e#plain or fulfill.
0o if you are telling him a story, you don!t gi"e him the conclusion /ust yet. If you are
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complimenting him, you only do that half way. If you are telling him about something,
you only gi"e him 0:-$ of the details, but hint that there is more.
$"en if you are talking about something that you did today, or something that you
want to do, you are careful to only gi"e away as many details that simply gi"e your
man the I+$A of it, but opens a door, to another idea that you ha"en!t e#actly gi"en
him A&& of it.
+o you see the bigger picture yet*
.asically what you are doing, is you are enticing your man to want to ask more, know
more, and get more from you, because you are basically lea"ing him hanging, right in
the middle of the most /uicy parts.
It doesn!t e"en matter what you are talking about either. 'ou could be talking about
work, and what happened there, but the minute you suddenly cut off a piece of
strategic information, or if you indicate that there is something important you are
withholding, your man will be stuck in a perpetual place where after that, he will want
to know more.
There are actually A ways to accomplish this, which are as follows>
Method A: The ;!r2er Theor' Compliment4 This basically uses the same format
as a burger, wherein you ha"e the bottom bun, the burger patty in the middle, and
then the top half of the bun on the top. The two sections of the bun, represent what
will become two positi"e compliments, that will hold the entire thing together. The
(burger patty) in the middle, is actually a negati"e compliment.
&ayering your idea seed as a burger compliment, means that it becomes digestible for
your man, and e"en ;tasty!, as sick as that might sound.
0o what this ultimately means, is that you come in, offer up a compliment, and then
you counter balance that with a negati"e statement, only to counter react that once
more with a compliment.
Kor e#ample, you might say something like this>
(I really like you as a person, but I don!t know if we would get along, howe"er I kind
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of like ha"ing you around.)
0o you deli"ered a roundhouse compliment, to your man, but then you threw in your
negati"e statement, only to hold it all together again, with a compliment that brings
e"erything back around, /ust like a burger.
0ome more e#amples of this method, include, but are not limited to, saying things
like>
I really lo"e how comfortable you make me feel, howe"er, I am not sure that you
are the right guy for me. .ut ne"ertheless, I still like how you can calm me down so
easily.)
I am really cra<y about the way you kiss me, but sometimes it seems like you!re not
all that into it. $ither way, when you do take the time to kiss me passionately, it really
dri"es me wild.)
0ometimes you do this thing, where you open up to me, about something, and I
really like that. .ut then sometimes you shut me out, and get mean. I am glad that
you!re only mean sometimes, because I really lo"e it when you treat me right.)

Method ;: The O!tsidersE Stor'4This method utili<es the story of somebody or
something which is outside of your relationship. It could be a story of a friend, a
coworker, or e"en something you!"e read in the news.
'ou can $D$N make the story up, but the point is that e"erything you reference to in
the story, will appear to be something that either should N:T happening in your
relationship, or will appear to be something which 06:,&+ be happening in your
relationship.
What you do, when deli"ering this story, is you offer a compliment, either hinting at a
beha"ior that you want more or less of, ultimately, but without directly saying it.
.ecause you are no longer telling your man what to do directly, this will rattle around
in his brain, as he thinks about what you said, especially when you add in the element
of prematurely complimenting him on something that hasn!t happened yet.
Again, as I!"e e#plained in Chapter 3@, a premature compliment is something which
you offer up, before your man has actually earned it, in such a way, that it makes your
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man work to actually earn it, after that point, because now he knows you e#pect it
from him.
Kor e#ample, you could say something like>
('ou know, my friend recently told me that her husband cheated on her. 0he
e#plained how crushed she feels, and how alone and abandoned this has made her
feel. Now she doesn!t know what to tell her kids either, because she has been crying,
and her kids /ust keep trying to ask her what!s wrong, but she doesn!t ha"e the heart
to tell them, because she wants them to still lo"e their daddy. 6er story really made
me appreciate the fact that you are so loyal and committed to me. I know that you!d
ne"er do something like this to me.)
0o to recap, with this e#ample, what you are doing, is basically offering up a scenario
in a story format to your man, of a situation, either negati"e or positi"e.
'ou then tie in your man himself to the story, by prematurely complimenting him for
either doing that thing, or not doing that thing, which further cements in your man!s
mind, the fact that he should be doing more of that.
Now this was a pretty dull e#ample here, so since we are trying to ignite passion, I
want to gi"e you a couple of direct e#amples, of using the outsider!s story method,
only this time, you are trying to encourage your man to take an action which is
directly passionate, or you are hinting that you!d like him to do something. 0o for
e#ample, you could tell your man, this>
(Today I saw a young couple kissing, and I laughed to myself, because I /ust thought,
we share such a more intense passion toward each other. I remember this one time
you kissed me Hthen e#plain howI, and I /ust got oosebumps on my skin. I really
lo"e that about us.)
This would cement the idea, in your man!s mind now, that you really lo"e it when he
does that, but an e"en deeper seed will be planted, one that tells your man, that he
needs to take things to the ne#t le"el, because you now /ust indicated, that this is
what you really like about him, but you!"e also indicated how he is different than other
guys in that area.
'our man will now work to pro"e this to be -:C$ true, because you!"e directly come
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in and hinted now, that this is something he should be doing more of.
6ere are some other e#amples, to help you get a better idea, of what you could say>
I was reading an article online earlier today, about a couple who were arrested,
because they were fighting o"er whose turn it was to watch their fa"orite T.D. show. I
almost burst out laughing, when I read what they were arguing o"er, and then I
reali<ed that I am so glad that you at least take me out to do things together, and gi"e
me a choice, and sometimes you e"en en/oy the mo"ies I pickF I!m /ust so glad that I
ha"e an understanding guy like you.)
:r
When I was younger, my mom and dad used to go out for a walk, together once a
month. -y mom e#plained that when they did this, they wouldn!t try to include
anything else in the walk. They wouldn!t get food, or go to see a mo"ie, but they!d
/ust walk together, beside each other.
0he e#plained that the reason they did this, is because they had stopped spending
time on one another, and were concentrating on e"erything else. Taking the time to
/ust walk together, without planning on doing anything else, ga"e them the time to
actually e#press what was really going on to one another, without masking it.
0ometimes when you come home from work, and listen to me tell you how my day
was, I feel like we are getting close to ha"ing that. I really appreciate it when you do
that for me, it makes me feel like you truly lo"e me.)
:r

I got this really dirty te#t from a wrong number today, out of nowhere. Then the
person goes (oh, wrong number). I /ust laughed to myself, at how corny and dry the
message was, because at least when you talk dirty to me, it really makes me go wild,
and it really makes me feel like I am with a passionate man.)

:r
Today on my way to work, I saw a couple arguing by a car, screaming at each other,
and one of them /ust kept yelling (you!re not listening to me. &istenF Will you /ust
listen*F) and then I thought, I am so glad that I ne"er ha"e to go through that with
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you, because you always take the time to hear me out, e"en if what I ha"e to say
upsets you.)

:r

Cecently my girlfriends all started talking about how their men don!t take them out
anymore, and how boring their relationship has become. I told them about how you
used to take me out, and how ali"e and wild I felt, when you did. I!d really like to
e#perience that again, and I know that we won!t end up like them, stuck in a dry
relationship.)

$tc8
Now,there is one component to this method, which I ha"e not e#plained /ust yet, but I
will e#plain it in /ust a bit, because it!s actually 0tep L@, to the $motional Dariety trick.
.ut, before I can re"eal to you what that last component is, and e#plain it, I first ha"e
to show you the last method to 0tep L3, which you can use.
.ut for now, understand that with this method, as a part of 0tep L3, all you are
basically doing is making an e#ample of an outsiders! situation or story, and then you
are tying that back into your own relationship, by pointing out something about that
original story that you either like about that happening in your own relationship.
This ultimately indicates to your man, that he should step up his game, and should
take action to fulfill your indirect re9uest.
Method C: The Direct ;!llEs4e'e4
This method goes directly in for the kill, by directly complimenting your man, or by
directly pointing out a positi"e beha"ior of his that you either>
AI Want to see more of,
.I Ceally en/oy, or
CI Absolutely need him to do again, immediately.
This method is a lot like the method in Chapter 3A, in that you offer up a sincere
compliment, only this time, you don!t e#plain W6', and you +: N:T /ustify the
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compliment. 'ou simply deli"er the compliment, but you ensure that the compliment
itself is actually reasonable or belie"able.
0o for e#ample, you could say something like this>
(I really lo"e it when you hold my hand, in the car.) :r (0ometimes you tell me how
your day was, and I really appreciate it).
Again, normally you!d be telling him W6' you feel this way, but it!s important for this
method, to actually cut that off, because you are going to add in another element,
from step L@, that actually ties in and finishes off this method, which leads me to my
ne#t point>
Step ?2: DonEt 7ater The Seed 1o! G!st .lantedA 7ith All Of 1o!r 7ater At
Once
In this part of the step, you carefully make sure that you only re"eal 0:-$ of the
information from step L3, or that you 6INT that there is -:C$, after you!"e re"ealed
the information that you needed to.
In all of the methods abo"e, from step L3, what you are doing, is planting an idea.
.ut you need this idea to grow into a certain le"el of curiosity from your man!s end,
wherein this idea starts to rattle around in his mind, and it starts to play o"er and o"er
again, in his subconscious.
'ou see, curiosity, in a man!s hands, is the ultimate fire of passion, because it starts
the process of (problem sol"ing) in your man!s mind.
Why does it do that*
It does that, because you!"e now presented a potential problem that now needs a
solution8 e"en though you ha"en!t e#actly said that something is completely wrong,
you!"e still suggested that something can be better.
0o now your man will work to figure out how, because you!"e initiated a subconscious
le"el of interest. 0o for now you!"e created the loop, but now it!s time to completely
rip that loop open.
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'ou now want to create an open loop, by twisting through e"erything you /ust said,
and cutting it short. 'ou must do this, because if you truly want him to get to work
immediately, you ha"e to create a disconnect within e"erything you /ust said.
This disconnect, will ultimately tell him that there is something -:C$, or that there is
something else within e"erything you /ust said that he A&0: needs to know.
This is about, creating one final thing, which you say, that makes your man feel as if
you ha"en!t gi"en him e"erything, and which also makes him want to dig to get
e"erything.
0o how do you do that* 'ou add in a (.ut Kactor), /ust like you did, with the 0weet
Turmoil -ethod from the pre"ious chapter.
Again, a (.ut Kactor) is simply a further condition you impose, indirectly or directly,
that indicates to your man, that he must now either do more, or do less of whate"er
you are hinting at.
:nly, when it comes to this particular method, you are going to use the (.ut Kactor) to
actually WIT6:&+ that information, instead of actually gi"ing it to your man. 'ou are
literally going to use it, to stop him dead in his tracks, from getting the whole story
from you.
The best way for you to see what I mean, is once again for me to illustrate it. 0o let!s
say, that you!"e used method C, from step L3, and you!"e deli"ered a +irect .ull!s2eye
compliment. 6ere!s what that compliment, combined with step L@, will look like, in
action, once you say it to him>
(I!"e noticed something good about you, but something strange as well.)
What you will do now, is you will actually ID$ him that good thing, but you will out2
rightly refuse to actually tell him what that (strange) thing is. Thus, you are creating a
barrier, to withhold the rest from him, and this is what I mean, when I say not to
water that seed right away.
'ou reser"e some of that water for later, and you do that, by withholding a piece of
information, preferably a negati"e piece of information, from him, and by instead
gi"ing him the compliment.
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'ou!ll notice that when you do this, your man will be dri"en almost mad, as he tries to
figure out what it is that you are withholding, and he will e"en begin pressuring you to
re"eal it, but the key is, to withhold re"ealing it, until later.
'ou can :N&' release him, once he!s worked to try and get the answer, and once he
has begun making progress in the first place. This is especially true, if you are trying
to spike his curiosity, so that he will take action, toward something.
0o for e#ample, if you ha"e /ust begun dating a guy, and you are in the early stages,
you might want to help raise that guys! interest in you further, by saying something
like this>
There are A things that I /udge a guy on, early on. The third thing I!ll tell you later on
when I get to know you.)
0o you gi"e him the first @ things, make them positi"e sounding, and lea"e the third
thing for later. It doesn!t matter how hard the guy pushes to learn the A
rd
thing, you
simply don!t water that seed, until later.
Answering a part of something, but lea"ing the other part of that something
unfinished and unanswered, causes the idea to circulate in your man!s mind constantly
after that point, as he waits for relief from you.
The best part about this is, that until or unless you actually gi"e in and tell him, he will
keep coming back with an e"en more intense le"el of curiosity, until you finally tell him
what that other thing is.
I mentioned in -ethod ., from step L3, that there was an aspect of that method,
which I would detail further in 0tep L@, so I!d like to come back to that now. 'ou!ll
notice that in a lot of the sample stories gi"en, from that method, that at the end of
each story, a condition is imposed.
What condition is that*
The e#pectation that your man either will or will not do the same thing, or will do
.$TT$C than e"erything you /ust e#emplified in your story.
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This is a part of step @, wherein you gi"e your man a 6INT of something, by using the
outsiders! story, but where you don!t directly gi"e him the answer to that, e#cept to
say that you are happy he does or does not do that thing.
All you are simply doing, is adding in a (.ut Kactor), on top of the story, wherein you
say something like> (.ut I know that you wouldn!t do that to me), or (.ut I know you
wouldn!t disappoint me like that) or (.ut I know that you lo"e me, so I look forward to
the times that we do those things.) $tc8
It basically implants the idea that, again, your man should be doing whate"er it is that
you are hinting at, whether that!s taking you out dancing, becoming more loyal, being
more open, or communicating better8 etc.
It doesn!t really matter what it is that you are hinting at, it /ust matters how you
deli"er it, so that it has the chance to grow as an idea of something that your man
must do more of, and must look into.
The reason why method . works so well, from step 3, using the outsiders story, is
because it cements the idea that this isn!t /ust you demanding or asking for it
anymore, but this is you telling your man that something is happening, and he is a
part of a bigger picture.
It!s planting the seed to allow him to step up to the plate and make something of
himself because of that, which then gi"es your man a new, more empowering
challenge.
At the beginning of step L@, I mentioned that you must carefully re"eal 0:-$ of the
information from step L3, or that you 6INT that there is -:C$, after you!"e re"ealed
the information that you needed to.
I!d like to walk through how that works for each method listed in step L3.
,f 'o! are !sin2 Method AA the .urger Theory -ethod, all you do, is simply
withhold the details about the negati"e statement you sandwiched between the two
compliments. 'ou simply don!t $%1&AIN why you feel that way, and you post pone
e"en discussing it until a later date.
'ou can post pone that, by either>
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AF .lacin2 an e*pectation on him4 such as telling him that you can only do that,
once you know that you can trust him more. :r saying that you can only re"eal it
when he!s pro"en that he can handle you etc8
:C
;F 8ivin2 him an e*act timeA at #hich 'o! #ill reveal it2 such as telling him2 (I
will tell you later tonight). :r, (I can!t tell you till tomorrow). :r, (I will show you what
I am talking about in A days).
If you use this method, your man might ask you why, because again, he!s trying to
pressure you into gi"ing up the details and the goodies here, to which you basically
must only gi"e a somewhat reasonable answer, but still stick to your guns, and
withhold the information.
After the e#pectation has been fulfilled from option A, or the timeframe has passed,
from option ., you can re"eal to him what that thing was, and e#plain it.
It!s important to not completely lea"e him hanging, because then he will start to feel
like you are playing mind games, and he will learn pretty 9uickly that you are only
doing this to entice a response.
It!s better to allow him to reap the rewards of his efforts, e"en when the only thing
you are re"ealing is something negati"e, which is the case in -ethod A8 remember
that your man 0TI&& wants to know that, and at this stage finds it 6$&1K,&.
0o you can literally be negati"e, and your man at this stage, would en/oy it, and would
find it helpful, simply because of how you deli"ered it, and made him curious about it
in the first place.
6e wouldn!t ha"e normally cared otherwise, if you ne"er made him curious, but now,
he!s in"ested in it, and interested, and now it!s useful to him, because of that fact,
e"en if it!s a negati"e reality.
'ou!ll find that once you deli"er the negati"e tidbit, that your man will actually work to
rectify that situation, because now, again, you!"e made him interested in wanting to
do that.
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It!s important to remember as well, that when you deli"er the negati"e piece of
information, that it!s a good idea to counter balance that as well, by reminding him
that there are good things you like too, so it doesn!t turn into a huge (bash your man)
session.
,f 'o! are !sin2 Method ;A DThe O!tsiders Stor'<A from step ?1A then you
apply 0tep L@, by adding the (but factor) condition that I spoke of earlier. 'ou simply
add on an additional e#pectation, that you make clear is automatically e#pected from
your man, from that point forward.
+oing this raises his curiosity, and can help peak his passion, because now you ha"e
gi"en him a purpose, indirectly, but without demanding it or nagging him to do it.
Now you ha"e actually gi"en him a reason as to why he should do it too, because
you!"e directly gi"en an e#ample with your outsiders! story, as to why that would be a
good or bad thing, if he didN but you!"e also boosted his $:, in the process, by
making him out to be the ultimate hero.
+oing this pushes your man to want to do more of the beha"ior you like, but also
opens up his emotional floodgates for you, because you directly ga"e him an e#ample
of what that can do for him, if he were to do it. Thus the moti"ation to seek more of
that, and to find comfort through you in that, is at an all2time high.
,f 'o! are !sin2 Method CA the Direct ;!lls4%'eA from Step ?1, then you might
recall that I specifically told you to actually gi"e N: reason or /ustification for your
compliment when using this method.
The reason for that is, because with 0tep L@, you actually come in, and counter that
compliment with something negati"e, or with a time barrier. This entices your man to
want to work for an answer to .:T6 realities, but more importantly, it doesn!t
immediately answer e"erything for him, which in turn spikes his curiosity.
To help illustrate this for you, I!"e prepared a few e#amples of what you can say,
paired with 0tep L@, which either counter balances the compliment, or it remo"es
your man!s ability to get an immediate e#planation to that compliment.
6ere are some e#amples, of what you could say, when pairing both steps together>
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I!"e noticed A wonderful 9ualities in you, but /ust one bad trait.)
0ometimes when you re"eal your secrets to me, I feel really good, but .... ne"er
mind, I!ll tell you more about that some other day.)
There are things I!d like to discuss with you, but we can only do that once we know
each other on a different le"el.)
Now, as you can see from some of these e#amples, you basically offer up the
compliment, but lea"e your man hanging halfway in the middle of that, by taking
away a part of it, with a (but factor) reality, either by telling him that you can!t re"eal
it all till later, or by counteracting it with a negati"e statement.
It!s important for you to note and understand that you must partake in step L@, in
order for the $motional Dariety Trick to work, because until or unless you take away
the piece of the pu<<le for your man, either by making him wait, or by suggesting
there is something else he doesn!t know8 you are not effecti"ely creating that
curiosity spike within him.
It!s important to stick to your guns, e"en if your man starts attempting to beg, argue,
or coerce you into re"ealing it. Cemember that the only reason he is doing that in the
first place, is because his curiosity is spiking, but you must :N&' gi"e in, once his
beha"ior is more in tune with what you want.
It!s bad to gi"e in, when he is misbeha"ing, or when he is not doing what you actually
asked for or intended, because it means you are rewarding him for all the wrong
things.
0o /ust be careful when using this tactic to hold your ground, if your man does react,
and to remember that after a while he will gi"e in, and will get the hints you are
dropping. Again, allow him to do his /ob and problem sol"e.
+on!t o"ershadow that, by stepping on his toes early, and gi"ing in.
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Chapter 1): The Art Of Dramatic Se* Appeal
If you truly want to be happy, get out of your own wayF) O -ichael Nitti
0a"e you e"er eaten something, which looked so gloriously delicious, and was put
together so beautifully, that mentally, you built up this idea of what you imagined it
would taste like*
I am talking about the kind of food, which when you see it, you almost ha"e a mental
orgasm, because of how good it looks. I mean, this food, is on a whole other le"el.
Now, when you saw something like that, did that "ery same idea of how great that
food looked, e9uate to a feeling that this "ery same thing, would taste, well, so
frigging awesome*
It probably did seem like it would taste awesome, didn!t it*
:n the same token, when you went to take a bite of this absolutely, and e#9uisitely
delicious looking thing, did you e#pect that "ery same thing to taste like crap*
1robably not right*
.ut it did.
What!s worse, is that now you are .$':N+ disappointed, because you were more
than looking forward to the tasting e#perience you were about to ha"e.
6owe"er, your delicious looking food, seemed to ha"e other plans, as now it has
become the ultimate disappointing reality for you.
It!s hard for you, after that, to e"en finish the food, too, because you built up this
image in your mind, that it was going to taste awesome, but now you are chewing on
something that you!d rather /ust throw away.
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Now, would you e"er want to go back and eat that food again, when you know that
e"en though it looks delicious, taste2wise it!s /ust absolutely disappointing*
1robably not.
:n the same token, howe"er, ha"e you e"er eaten something which looked absolutely
disgusting, and well, honestly could appear to almost look like "omit on your plate,
but it was A.0:&,T$&' delicious*
$"er had that e#perience*
What were your thoughts, when you had that e#perience*
They were probably pretty interesting thoughts weren!t they* &ike ;hey, initially I was
worried about this tasting good, but now8 well wow8 now I want more.!
'ou!d probably end up eating all of it up, and you!d probably end up feeling like this
was one of the best meals you had, regardless of how it looks now.
.ut why is that*
Well, you see, it!s all about how you feel, when you are eating that thing. Now you
may not reali<e it, but a lot of the things you e#perience, you actually e#perience
throughout a wide array of emotions that all combine together, to gi"e you, a final
e#perience.
That!s what makes the e#perience, either highly satisfying, mediocre, or really
disappointing. It!s those (feelings) that get in"ol"ed.
0o when you eat something, or drink something, you come in with a secret plethora of
emotional e#pectations.
'ou want that thing to satisfy you on a le"el .$':N+ simply the taste alone. A good
e#ample of this, is popGcola.
It!s not really something that humans need to drink, yet we do. Why*
Well, it is fi<<y. 0o you get this interesting rush of sensation in your mouth and throat
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when you first drink it.
It!s sweet, and most likely cold, so now you start to feel refreshed, but the fla"our also
grabs you and makes you feel a rush.
0o you went from simply drinking something, to now feeling a cold rush, and if you
were really thirsty, you might now feel rela#ed and regenerated.
'ou!ll also notice that a lot of drinks ha"e "ery "i"id colors. Almost e"ery drink doesn!t
ha"e to, but a lot of them do. Why is that*
Again, it!s designed to appeal to your senses. 'our eyes, and what you see are a part
of that e#perience, /ust as in the pre"ious e#ample where I described seeing
something that looked delicious, but didn!t taste so good.
The point here, that I am trying to make howe"er, is simple> when you put e"erything
together, into one final mi#ture, you end up with a wide "ariety of feelings and senses
being satisfied, no matter what it is that you are doing.
In the pre"ious section, I spoke about how you can use the $motional Dariety Trick to
spike a le"el of curiosity from within your man, which ultimately appeals to a wide
"ariety of a man!s emotional needs, because it changes up the way in which he
e#periences you, and the relationship.
The same kind of a thing has to happen, when you get intimate with a man, and
when you are dealing with intimacy in general. 'ou ha"e to be able to appeal to as
many senses and emotions as possible, within your man, if you want to be able to
reach him on a le"el of ultimate intimate se# appeal.
Now I am using food as an e#ample here, because it!s a common e#perience which
e"ery single one of us is familiar with. We want the food to look, and taste good8. but
we would ne"er want that food if it only looked good, but didn!t taste good once we
were actually ha"ing it.
I will e#plain that in /ust a bit, but understand that all of us are designed to want to
get the ma#imum emotional and intimate e#perience from e"erything we participate
in, from watching mo"ies, to eating, to e"en dri"ing.
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+id you know, for e#ample, that there are people who actually engineer and +$0IN a
"ery specific engine sound, and e"en door (clunk), so that when you get in your car,
you K$$& the best that you possibly can, from the minute you open and close your
door, to the moment you start your engine*
This kind of attention to detail goes on all the time, around e"ery aspect of e"erything
you could possibly in"est in. There are people behind that thing, designing it, so that it
can appeal to as many senses as possible, so that at the end of the day, you get the
best e#perience from it. 0o this includes, how something tastes, smells, sounds, feels,
looks, mo"es, and beyond.
0cientists and engineers, therefore, ha"e learned that humans want to be appealed to,
when it comes to their senses, on a deeper scale2 e"en if they are not consciously
aware of it, they want to come in and get an immediately good e#perience, is basically
what this means.
The same is true for men, and e"en for you.
When you e#perience something, you want it to be ama<ing, and to gi"e you a good
feeling. This is especially true, the more intimate you get, especially with a man, and
likewise the more intimate a man gets with you.
6e wants to be able to be reached on a deeper le"el of emotions and senses. It!s not
e"en that a man WANT0 that either, he actually N$$+0 it. -ore importantly, if you
want a man to settle for you, and settle with you, you -,0T bring this element to the
table.
A man would ne"er settle for, or be happy with a woman who could not do this,
because he!d always be left with the feeling that he could ha"e more, and should want
more.
?ust like with the fancy food, that looked good, but tasted like crap8men hate being
stuck in that situation. They hate being in a situation where at first glance, a woman
looks good, but once he actually (tries her out), she is rather disappointing.
In this section, I am going to actually show you e#actly how to use the art of dramatic
se# appeal, to appeal to a wide "ariety of your man!s intimate emotional needs and
senses, so that your lo"e life becomes e#tremely fulfilling, for both your man, and you.
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This will form a "ery powerful grip, which you can use to penetrate deep into your
man!s ultimate emotional and se#ual needs, to such a depth, that your man will feel
an intensely passionate le"el of desire and lust for you, afterward.
To start things off, I!d like to e#plain what +ramatic 0e# Appeal means. +ramatic 0e#
Appeal is a le"el through which you can appeal to your man, that goes beyond simply
how you look. 'ou see, a man really only gi"es a 342@45 le"el of importance to how
you look, when it comes to se# and intimacy.
?ust as in the e#ample with the food, the (looks) only go so far. It only makes up a
part of the real e#perience, and the looks are only an INITIA& e#pectation, because as
you know, something could look awful, but if it TA0T$0 absolutely delicious and (to
die for), then you!ll completely throw away any pre"iously concei"ed notions about
how it looks.
The same is true for a man. 6ow you look physically, only helps to temporarily aid a
man, in tailoring his e#pectations, for the short term. .y the time he!s gotten you into
bed, or is about to get intimate with you, howe"er, that!s where the looks are either
made, or broken, because now he wants a deli"ery that can match or $%C$$+ the
e#pectations he has mentally set.
0o if you are smoking hot, he will want you to be able to match that idea, in the
bedroom, intimately with him. If you are ok looking, or are below a"erage, then he
won!t e#pect much, which is why it would completely .&:W 6I0 -IN+ away, if you
were to e#ceed those e#pectations.
Now I know a lot of women may think that men are strictly "isual, but that only makes
up a small percentage of how a man percei"es a woman se#ually, especially the longer
he is around that woman.
In the pre"ious sections, I spoke a bit about logical attraction, and how a man must
use this le"el of attraction, initially, because he hasn!t yet opened up his emotions to a
woman.
+uring the logical attraction stages, a man!s concentration on how you look and sound
is definitely ele"ated, to a le"el beyond the P42745 range, but did you know that
there is one more factor, that can completely turn a guy :KK, or :N, instantaneously*
110
What is that factor*
It!s how you act, beha"e, and conduct yourself. 'ou see, that!s what makes you
uni9ue, interesting, fascinating and so much more.
Why is that*
Well again, it!s more about how you can appeal to most, if not all of a man!s senses.
&ooks only appeal to the "isual sense, and some part of a man!s se#ual desire.
.ut if you were to get inside a man!s head, when it comes to physical appearance and
se#uality, you!d see that a man actually mentally applies your physical se# appeal, to a
bunch of other senses. Thus, the only reason you are "isually appealing now, is
because of a deeper idea, that you can come in and 0ATI0K' other senses, and other
urges.
A man, uses that as a tool to help him gauge what to e#pect, but more importantly, he
uses a woman!s looks initially as a tool to help him mo"e on to the fulfillment of his
other desires, senses, and emotions.
This is why looks are N:T e"erything, and in fact, they are only temporary.
Now I know that the media, and e"en the men of our modern society, sometimes
place a hea"y and great le"el of emphasis on a woman!s physical looks. .ut I don!t
want you to be fooled with those false images, of what a man actually wants.
'ou!ll find that many men, when actually directly asked, will start to admit that they
don!t care about a lot of the things that you might feel they do, when it comes to your
looks.
Again, why is that*
It!s because men actually need something more, and this especially becomes truer, the
more a man matures.
.ut, to help you understand something here, I want you to know a "ery disturbing
fact about men. This is a fact that may offend you, but I am only telling you this, to
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help you learn something deeper about men.
What is that fact*
Men stare at #omen all the timeA and 2a!2e their se* appealA all the time
too/
This is only a fleeting thought, howe"er, because what you need to reali<e about this
reality is the fact that although a man may do that, he only e"er CAC$&' actually acts
on those thoughts.
Think about it this way8 you see food all the time. 'ou see ad"ertisements on T.D.N
you see it as you walk past restaurants, fast food chains, and grocery stores.
.ut you don!t end up eating it all, or buying it all8 do you*
Why is that*
Well8 not e"erything appeals to you. 0,C$, you might think about eating it, and sure
you might want to, but something inside of you, will always be there, saying (no).
That (something) inside of you, that says (no), is the part of you that knows right
away that this thing will not appeal to your senses, and it also knows that you could
ne"er eat e"erything, e"en if you wanted to, and it knows that trying to do that is a
bad e#perience.
'our stomach would hurt, you!d get sick etc8.
'ou know that, so what you do, from this point forward, is you C:N0I+$C, e"erything,
but N:W you only look for the thing that will gi"e you the best 9uality outcome. Now
you are searching for the kind of food that will taste good, and will make you feel the
best.
0o it doesn!t matter anymore, if you browse past all kinds of foods, because now you
already know what you want, and you aren!t planning on getting anything else but
that.
The same thing happens in a man!s subconscious. 6e sees all kinds of women, and
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most of the time he isn!t doing it on purpose, but some of the time he is. 0hould he
become aware of a woman, who slightly appears to be appealing, the ne#t thought
that comes into his mind is one simple thought>
Will this appeal to me on a deeper le"el*
Almost always, that answer is no.
0o this is why you don!t find guys sleeping with e"ery single woman they think about,
or see, /ust like you don!t eat e"erything you see either.
This is why e"ery single man isn!t trying to be with e"ery single woman. It simply
doesn!t work like that, e"en if men are "isual creatures, they ha"e a deeper set of
rules and guidelines which steer them to only accept or go for things that appear to
be able to fulfill their deeper desires.
I want you to trust, that men actually ha"e a deeper le"el of self2control, guided by
their own deeper desires, which means that they only place a small emphasis on how
you look, ultimately.
0o what does this all mean, then, when we get down to the art of +ramatic 0e#
Appeal*
It means that the art of +ramatic 0e# Appeal, is about appealing to his senses beyond
the le"el of simply how you look.
I!d like to come back now, to the e#ample I ga"e earlier, of the food that looked
ama<ing, but tasted like crap.
I want you to imagine now, that this ama<ing looking food, is a gorgeously hot
woman.
Any man who would see this, would initially ha"e to at least hope, that this woman
would be satisfying, but a "ery strange thing would happen, if that man were to take
that woman home.
What do you think that thing is*
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Well, he!d find out that she looked good, but didn!t taste good. It was, therefore, a
deceitful image, because it lacked any substance, or actual fla"our.
+o you think he!d want more of that woman, after reali<ing this*
The answer is an astounding no. After that, a woman could look as good as she
wanted to, but the man would ne"er go back for more, once he reali<es that this
woman ;tastes gross!, metaphorically speaking.
That taste, that I am talking about here, by the way, is all in the personality, and
emotional appeal. The personality, is the actual fla"oring.
Again, it!s not all about the looks anymore. After a while, the whole (appeal) of the
woman!s body, and a woman!s looks starts to grow old, because it isn!t the (whole)
e#perience.
If you are hungry, you aren!t going to stare at that burger. 'ou are going to de"our it.
1lacing emphasis on your looks, is basically like e#pecting a man to come in and only
want to stare at the burger, but not want to eat it. Thus there has to be something
more, and a man starts to long for a deeper connection.
Why is that*
0e# appeal, means that there is something about you, that makes a man want to be
as close to you as possible. It ultimately means, that there is something so enticingly
attracti"e about you, that a man wants to bond with you.
If you are all looks, but ha"e no fla"our, a man will not want to touch you with a 34
foot pole8 basically. 6e will not want to de"our your greatness, because you actually
taste bad to him.
0e# and intimacy, therefore, are about more than simply how a woman looks. It
becomes now, about how you can make a man feel, and more about how you can
appeal to his senses, to gi"e him the ultimate e#perience.
What this section is therefore going to teach you, is e#actly how you can do that.
'ou!ll notice that this particular section is called the art of +CA-ATIC se# appeal, and
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it is named aptly so, because if you want to appeal to a man on a deeper le"el, you
ha"e to start in"ol"ing and dramati<ing a man!s emotions, to appeal to them.
There are A steps that you need to follow and apply, therefore to accomplish this.
Step ?1: Ass!me Attraction4
A lot of women carry their insecurities on their slee"es, but this is a huge no2no when
it comes to se#ual appeal and intimacy.
If you were to be the hottest woman on the planet8 how would you act and react
around this guy* Would you stand there, telling him how you think you are fat, or how
you are uncomfortable with the lights being on during intimacy*
Would you constantly 9uestion him, to ensure that he is in fact attracted to you*
1robably not, yet what you don!t reali<e, is that by the time a guy is showing se#ual
interest in you, it means that he physically finds you hot enough, or good enough. It
means that physically you already appeal to him.
It!s basically like shooting yourself in the foot, to come back and 9uestion that at all,
and to constantly push your insecurities about your image, body, and se#uality on to a
man, after he!s clearly shown that he is in fact interested.
This is why, the first step to ha"ing dramatic se# appeal, is to actually A00,-$ that
this man is attracted to you, e"en if you are in the early stages of the relationship. It
means that e"en if you ha"e doubts, and e"en if you ha"en!t 3445 secured this man,
that you 0TI&& act secured in ':,C0$&K.
It!s basically about stepping back, and remo"ing the control of your own insecurities
o"er the situation, to allow this man to treat you as you actually want. It!s stepping
out of your :WN way. 'ou!ll notice that at the beginning of this section, there is a
9uote about how you need to actually step out of your own way, if you want to see
happiness.
A lot of women are holding the door shut, to intimacy, because they are pro/ecting
hea"y doubts and insecurities toward their man. It means that you 9uite literally are
the only thing standing in the way of your own happiness here, and that!s why it!s
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important to learn to pro/ect the CI6T things toward your man. To help gi"e you
some perspecti"e I want to let you in on a little secret.
It!s actually rude to do anything .,T assume that a guy is attracted to you.
Why is that*
Well it!s basically like saying (hey, e"en I am unsure of your choice in me. I am kind of
ugly, why did you e"en pick me* $ww, gross, why are you e"en attracted to me*F 6ow
re"oltingF)
It!s basically directing the guy to N:T be attracted to you, to not en/oy you intimately,
and to basically gi"e up altogether, when it comes to feeling attracted toward you.
'ou are ultimately, and unfortunately indicating to a man that you belie"e that he
shouldn!t>
AI Kind you attracti"e,
.I Want to be intimate with you, and
CI Waste any more time on you after this, because you are clearly telling him that he
should doubt his own decision.
.ecause of that fact, it!s e#tremely important to assume that a man is attracted to
you, and to deal with your insecurities and doubts more pri"ately. It!s your man!s /ob
to pro"e to you, that he wants you, by taking action.
It!s not his /ob to confirm to you e"ery step of the way, with W:C+0 alone, that he is
into you. $ncouraging a guy to "alidate your needs, "erbally, means that he ends up
becoming a guy who is a lot of (talk), but not a lot of game.
0uch encouragement is e#actly what leads to one night stands, where a guy doesn!t
want to see you after, because you basically are signaling to him, that you actually
didn!t need a commitment of further action.
Worse, is the fact that a lot of women become e#tremely insecure after se# as well,
and the same problem occurs. It tells a man that he shouldn!t stay with you, and that
you don!t want him around in the future, because you are creating an intense le"el of
doubt.
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Now there is another section in this program, where I talk about that. 'ou will find
that information, in Chapter3S, but it!s important to note that all of your doubts and
insecurities are almost always hea"ily un/ustified, and should only e"er be
acknowledged, but ne"er considered or acted upon.
It!s natural to ha"e a sea of doubts when you are around a man, because you are
trying to almost read his mind, and figure out if e"erything is going fine. .ut you ha"e
to gi"e your attention and time, to a more important reality, one that goes beyond a
temporary doubt or insecurity.
'ou will find in fact, that your insecurities and doubts start to be resol"ed, once you
step back from them, and begin gi"ing attention and time to actually A00,-IN that
this man has made the right choice in you, and by furthermore, AC=N:W&$+IN
that, and recogni<ing it.
Now this isn!t about becoming somebody else or pretending to be somebody you are
not either. It!s actually about allowing your man to recogni<e you, and to treat you as
the se#y kind of woman that he already sees you as, in the first place.
It doesn!t mean that you can!t tell your man about your feelings either, but it /ust
means that you ha"e to work on pro/ecting a le"el of confidence in his choice to be
with you, that translates o"er into the bedroom as well.
Cemember that there is a time and place for e"ery emotion, but insecurities should
only e"er be mentioned and brought up, when you are clearly outside of the bedroom,
or when you are not in an intimate moment. That!s when it!s appropriate to bring up
something serious like that.
.ut when you are actually at a stage of being intimate with your man, the only thing
you can bring out, and the only thing you 06:,&+ pro/ect, is an intense le"el of
confidence in yourself, and moreo"er in his choice to choose you, in the first place.
0o how do you act as if he is already attracted to you* There are B stages that you
must follow, to immediately assume attraction.
Sta2e 1: -emove the D6ail!re To< 6actor4 The (Kailure To) factor, refers to all of
the things that you KAI& to do, or simply struggle to do.
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It includes, but is not limited to>
Kailure to keep eye contactG remain engaged with your eyes when a man is speaking
to you, which in turn tells him that you either>
AI Are not interested Hagain, insultingI
.I Are e#tremely shy, Htoo high maintenance, and too hard to get to know nowI or
CI Are e#tremely insecure, which is a turn off.
Kailure to accept compliments or praise from your man, for something that he
en/oys, sees "alue in, or likes about you. $"en if you don!t agree with it, that doesn!t
matter, because your -AN agreed with it, and it really spoke to him, so refusal to
accept it is like outright re/ecting your man.
Kailure to ha"e fun, because you either turn too many things down, are too scared,
or can!t seem to allow yourself to get wrapped up in the moment because you are
concentrating more on how ner"ous you are, than what is actually happening K:C you
in that "ery moment. It!s a bu<< kill to your man.
Kailure to approach. 'our man likes to lead, but he doesn!t want to end up feeling
like he is doing all the work, because you are constantly emotionally shutting down, or
are closing off opportunities due to insecurities or doubts.
Kailure to be fluent in your con"ersations. A confident person is comfortable
speaking, to others, and about themsel"es. They don!t worry too much about what
the other person might think, and they can e"en come up with things to talk about
and say, e"en if they ha"e the most boring life. Why is that* Well, confident people
are already secure in themsel"es, so they don!t need nor do they seek intense
appro"al or "alidation from their men, or e"en other people.
$tc8
0o you must remo"e the (failure to) factor. Whene"er you feel the pull to suddenly
0T:1 and N:T do something, that normally you should be doing, what you ha"e to
do, is acknowledge that fear, or that pull, but you must ne"er actually &I0T$N to it.
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It!s only there because you are an#ious, therefore, listening to it, means you are
feeding your an#iety. It means that you are not gi"ing your man a good feeling around
you, because you are sending him mi#ed and e"en negati"e signals about whether or
not you e"en want him, and want to be there with him.
Sta2e 2: -eco2niHe And Ackno#led2e 1o!r 8reatness4 now this doesn!t mean
that you ha"e to walk around with the most inflated ego that the world has e"er seen.
No. This means that if you are good at listening, you acknowledge, embrace and
accept that. If you are awesome, you welcome that, and pro/ect that as well.
'ou ha"e to recogni<e and find within you, the potential that you actually ha"e, to be
the best person that you can be. 1art of doing that, comes with reali<ing that you are
N:T your problems.
A lot of women peg their problems as a definition of who they are. 'our problems are
simply what happens to you. If you had a bad day, it doesn!t mean you are a bad
person. If you!"e dated some /erks, it /ust means that you!"e hung around the wrong
guys, but it doesn!t mean that ':, are the wrong person, or the worst person.
To help you 9uickly learn how to do this part of the stage, I!d like to talk about
something called the .ad 0mell Kactor.
1o! m!st eliminate The ;ad Smell 6actorA from 'o!r endA if 'o! #ant 'o!r
man to feel an intense level of passion and love for 'o!A intimatel'/
:ne of the main themes which has been appearing fre9uently, so far throughout this
program, is one of setting yourself up so that your man feels, and e#periences an
ultimately attracti"e, addicti"e, and good "ibe around you.
There is a "ibe called the .ad 0mell Kactor, which actually determines the 9uality of
man you end up e#periencing in your relationship, which means, that your man will
either be good to you, or bad to you based on this. &ikewise, this "ery same "ibe, will
e"en affect the kind of men that you attract in the first place. This ultimately, also
affects your intimate lo"e life.
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'ou see, whene"er we meet somebody, we always get a certain feeling of who this
person is. This feeling is what we call the first impression.
0ometimes our first impressions are wrong, but sometimes they are correct.
The .ad 0mell Kactor basically affects e"ery aspect of a man!s impression of you, from
the first, to the second, to the more permanent impressions, but this is especially true
for ;intimate impressions!.
'our /ob, therefore is to first of all, lea"e your man with the best possible first
impression that you possibly can, and secondly, if you cannot do that, you must help
him get past the first impression if it is bad.
0econdly, your /ob is to help any future impressions of you, that your man will ha"e,
to be of high esteem, so that you can know for certain that your man feels good about
you, feels good around you, and feels good WIT6 you.
This is where the .ad 0mell Kactor comes into play, now, because there is an element
that e"ery single woman brings to the table, unknowingly, and almost unconsciously,
but it can be the difference between a man who can!t stand you, and a man who can!t
stand to be without youF
0o what is the .ad 0mell Kactor*
The .ad 0mell Kactor is a -$NTA& feeling or "ibe that your man gets when he is
around you that ultimately repulses him, /ust like a bad smell. ,ltimately, the .ad
0mell Kactor, is something that you pro/ect towards men, that makes it hard for them
to want to be around you, and makes it hard for a man to be attracted to you
intimately. ,ltimately, it stops a man from wanting to gi"e you more, because there is
one specific thing that you are saying and doing, that really throws them through a
loop.
What is that thing*
It!s when you .$C:-$ your problems, and become incapable of stepping outside of
them. A lot of women are guilty of this, and the reality, is that any time you do this,
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you let off a (bad smell factor), that starts to tell your man the following>
That you are going to be difficult to handle, not only in the short term, but the long
term.
That you are e#tremely dramatic in an unnecessary way.
That you are really negati"e and thus are not e"en fun to be around, and are too
serious.
That you are e#tremely needy, and potentially desperate in a detrimental way.
That you don!t know how to handle yourself and take things to the e#tremes.
That you want others to fi# e"erything for you.
That you don!t e"en know how to handle a challenge or problem in your life.
$tc8
The list actually goes on and on, honestly, because there are so many things this
reality affects, that many women don!t reali<e.
0o what does it mean, when I say that many women ;become! their problems* Well, it
means that when something is going wrong, or when you are facing a challenge, that
you basically start to turn that entire problem into your life, from the inside out.
It means that you start to complain about how this problem defines you, how it affects
your moods, how it affects your ability to function, and you keep going until finally you
feel like this problem 9uite literally is, and embodies who you are.
It basically means that you take all of your problems so personally, that you become
them, instead of separating the problem from who you are as an indi"idual.
It basically means, that if for e#ample, somebody called you ugly, that you take it so
personally, that now you start to ask and say things like (I must be ugly), or (Am I
ugly*), or (I am so ugly).
Again, any of the abo"e responses to an instance of somebody calling you ugly, means
that you are trying to define yourself by the problem. It means that you are not
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separating who you are, from what is happening to you.
A lot of women don!t reali<e that the problem is what happens to you. .ut it is not
who you are. 'ou are not your problems. They are /ust what happens to you.
.ut a lot of women, $01$CIA&&' around men, and in relationships, and especially
during intimate moments, take all of the challenges and problems so personally, that
they no longer understand or accept the fact that these problems are not actually
supposed to define them.
An e#ample, is if a guy doesn!t call you back right away. -ost women come in, with
this hea"y assumption that it must be something they did, said, or didn!t do. Again,
blaming themsel"es and taking it WA' too personally. Now suddenly, it!s not /ust
something that is happening that you don!t like, but now it!s starting to define who
you are as a person, as you 9uestion your "alue, worth, and e"erything else /ust
because a guy didn!t call you back right away, one time.
+o you see now, how detrimental this can be*
-eanwhile on the other end, your man may ha"e been busy, maybe he was doing
something, or maybe he /ust wanted some space, because he was dealing with
something outside of you. 'et you were sitting there for possibly hours on end feeling
miserable from this one thing, because why*
Well again, because you took it so personally, that you became the problem.
This is what the .ad 0mell Kactor reality really is. It!s this condition that you create,
any time you are around a man, where you basically turn anything that is happening
that is difficult, challenging, or hard, into an assumption that it must be a reflection on
who you are as an indi"idual.
+oing this means that you ultimately tell your man that you cannot handle him, and
that you cannot e"en handle yourself either. It lea"es an $%TC$-$&' bad taste in any
guys! mind, when it comes to his impression of you, and is one of the deadliest things
that women bring into a relationship, from when they first meet a man, to when they
are in a long term relationship.
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This is one of the main causes of men suddenly cutting off contact or communication,
or men who suddenly withdraw. Why do men do that*
Well you basically made it impossible for him to help you or be there, so he finally /ust
gi"es up.
6ow did you make it impossible* Again, you turned e"erything into this intense inferno
of self2depreciation and took e"erything far too personally, which meant that the
problem cannot actually be sol"ed.
A man cannot resol"e all of your insecurities and doubts. 6e simply cannot.
Now this doesn!t mean that he won!t try to do that for you, because almost e"ery
single man out there, will do this, because his pro"ider and protector roles will be
acti"ated. .ut it won!t take him long to reali<e that he!s fighting an impossible battle,
as you e#plode e"ery problem internally each and e"ery time by turning your entire
life into that problem.
This means that when you are around a man, especially INTI-AT$&', that it!s not :=
to actually constantly talk about a problem, o"er and o"er and o"er, ne"er sol"ing it.
This kind of beha"ior means that you are in fact, turning a problem into your life.
It means that men ha"e no choice but to see you as this ultimate negati"e nagger,
who constantly complains, and who is a downer, and who twists e"erything around
into something that it wasn!t. This is not attracti"e, but worse8
It makes men feel like they ha"e to be walking on egg shells /ust to be around you,
and makes them weary of being honest, open, or fearful of e"en gi"ing you critical
feedback that you need.
I want you to imagine that your man needs to tell you that something you are doing is
really upsetting him. I want you to also imagine that your man is AKCAI+ of telling
you this, so he keeps it to himself.
:"er time, you continue to do that thing, that upsets him, and slowly he withdraws,
and you /ust can!t seem to figure out why.
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Why is that*
Well he felt so afraid to tell you about it, that now he isn!t communicating properly
with you.
Why was he afraid*
6e!s afraid because he figured out that if he tells you what that problem is, that you!ll
take it so personally, that the problem will take o"er the entire relationship after that
point.
No man wants that.
.ut I know that no woman wants this either. 0o the solution here, is to learn to
separate your problems from who you are as an indi"idual, and to recogni<e that your
problems don!t define you, and should not be allowed to.
They should be dealt with separately, and outside of you as an indi"idual, because
they are what happens to you, but they are not therefore who you are.
&earning to do this, o"er a period of time, means that men can feel more comfortable
being around you, because they can trust that you won!t completely break down if
something une#pected happens, or if you are faced with a challenge.
It makes men feel like you are a high 9uality woman too, because not many women
are actually aware of this beha"ior, and not many women know 6:W to change it
either.
.ut, it!s e#tremely important that you work on this, because this affects e"ery aspect
of your relationship with a man, e"en if you ha"e /ust met him. It!s the difference,
ultimately, between a man who wants to be with you passionately, and a man who
would ne"er be with you.
:ne more important aspect about the .ad 0mell Kactor, is that women who constantly
re"ol"e their li"es around their problems, and who let themsel"es become consumed
by the problem, almost A&WA'0 attract losers, abusers, and users in their li"es.
Why*
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Those are the :N&' kinds of men who will put up with this reality.
6igh 9uality men do not go near women who cannot tell the difference between an
e#ternal problem and an internal problem.
0o if you are a woman who has been finding dead beat men, fre9uently in your life,
and you ha"e been asking yourself (why), for a long time now, this is your answer.
It means that you ha"e an addicti"e pattern running through your mind, wherein you
concentrate yourself around your problems and thus pro/ect this. This turns away the
high 9uality men, but attracts the low 9uality men.
Ki#ing that once again, means separating who you are, from what is happening to
you, and dealing with each thing, 0$1ACAT$&'. 0o if you ha"e insecurities, fears and
doubts those get dealt with as a completely different concern, and problem, outside of
what is happening to you. Then if you ha"e a problem outside of you, such as in the
e#ample of somebody calling you ugly, you reali<e that this doesn!t mean that you are,
but it means that the person who is saying this has an internal issue they need to
resol"e.
It means you don!t allow the problem to become you, or to encompass who you are.
0eparating your own internal problems, from e#ternal ones means that the 9uality of
your life increases too, as you will find your problems will be sol"ed a lot faster, and
easier this way, because now you are not o"er complicating things, and aren!t gi"ing
too much attention and time, feeding the wrong things.
0o coming back to the main point now, of this stage, which is to appeal to a man,
intimately, by allowing your greatness to shine through, the main point here is this> if
you want a man to be attracted to you, on a deeper, emotional le"el, you first ha"e to
remo"e the mental barriers that he may ha"e surrounding you.
Cemo"ing the (bad smell factor), means that you make room, for the main point of
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this stage, which is to assume that your man is attracted to you now. As part of this
stage, you also ultimately assume that you are W:CT6' of attraction. It now means
that you are funny, you are beautiful, you are li"ely, you are fun, and you are e#citing
to be around.
Again, you are not your problems8 so don!t con"ert those "ery same problems o"er
into the bedroom, or into your intimate life. +eal with them, as they need to be dealt,
and allow yourself to acknowledge and recogni<e that there is more to you, so that
you can embrace that reality.
Assume this, and you will start to $-.:+' it.
Sta2e 3: Conve' That Ass!mption Thro!2h Action Solidif'in24 What is ;action
solidifying!* Well, it!s simply applying actions to your assumption, so that now you are
actually +:IN what you assume as well. To best help you understand what I mean, I
ha"e you show you what that looks like.
0o, what does that look like*
It looks like this>
;' 9ein2 in a state of !naffected realit'/ It means that you are non2reacti"e to
whate"er it is that is going on around you, especially when it comes to your man.
Cemember> you WANT him, but you don!t need him. 'ou aren!t a desperately needy
chick here.
'ou are an awesome power house, and this guy would suffer a loss if he doesn!t come
swoop you up. 'ou know that you deser"e that from him, so command it too, by not
being an o"erly reacti"e person.

;' havin2 a health' sense of ph'sical 9od' lan2!a2e/ It means you sit closer
to him, lean in to him, and that you are comfortable allowing this man into your
physical space, and that you in fact, welcome it. 'our eyes stay on the pri<e, locking
into his ga<e, so that he cannot get lost looking anywhere else. 'ou know he is
attracted, which means you know where he needs to be looking, and who he needs to
be with you8 and that is in ':,C direction, so help him to head in that direction too,
with your body language.
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;' leadin2 #here it co!nts/This means that you are not always asking for, nor
seeking his appro"al, in e"erything that he asks you, or in e"erything that you say. A
lot of women make the mistake of becoming a (right), or (9uestion) woman, when
after e"erything they state, or answer for a man, they start asking for their appro"al,
or begin saying things like> (what do you think*) or (does that freak you out*) etc8
When you ask a 9uestion after something you!"e re"ealed, answered, or stated, it tells
a guy that you are not secure or confident in yourself. .e careful not to always ask for
your guys! stamp of appro"al after e"erything you say. If what you said is true for you,
that should be enough, and if you accept it, he will too, in time, so remember that.
Thus, it!s ok to take the lead in a con"ersation, if what you are discussing pertains to
something that you are telling him, answering for him, or are gi"ing him, so that you
aren!t coming back to him to finish e"erything off with a seal of appro"al each and
e"ery time.

;' 2ettin2 off the apolo2' train4 'ou aren!t 3445 certain what your man wants
all of the time, so when you feel like you said the wrong thing, you immediately come
in with your apology train, offering up all kinds of apologies, /ust to gain his appro"al
again. A woman who assumes that a man is attracted to her, doesn!t need to
apologi<e all the time, for e"ery little thing. Why should you be sorry* Think about
that, which leads me to my ne#t point>

0avin2 the a9ilit' to 9e h!moro!s4 This means that instead of apologi<ing at
e"ery thing you might get wrong, or not say right, you now /ust laugh it off. Again,
you are assuming attraction here, which means that you ha"e to ha"e a le"el of
confidence in your mans! choice, that he made to be interested in you in the first
place.
.eing e#tremely apologetic, therefore, tells a man that you are insecure, but laughing
things off, and moreo"er being able to be humorous, tells a guy that you are secure,
and that you don!t take e"ery little thing as this ultimately damaging and serious
reality.
It makes it easier for him to be around you, because now he knows that you aren!t
turning e"erything into this huge and intense (deal), where you freak out e"ery
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second o"er the smallest of things.
Sta2e ": Take ,t 6or 8ranted4 $"ery fiber of your being is going to want to
9uestion if he really does like you, and if e"erything is going well. 'ou are going to
want to know what he C$A&&' thinks, but again, don!t gi"e in to that. In fact, throw
that out the windowF
Instead, act as if this guy has already been madly in lo"e with you, and get
comfortable with that idea. Take for granted now, the fact that he +:$0, and get
-:C$ T6AN comfortable in that reality.
'our /ob here, is to assume again, that attraction is there. The whole purpose of that,
is to help you e#hibit a le"el of confidence that will ha"e your man wanting to know
more about you, and further more will attract him to want to be with you on a deeper
le"el.
This means that you 9uite literally ha"e to take him for granted, and e"en yourself.
'ou are more than enough for him. 0o don!t 9uestion this, and don!t worry about this.
Again you are not going to try and 1C:D$ that this guy needs you, by begging him to
stay, or trying to force him to see the goodies by becoming e#tremely needy. That
only makes a guy think that you are desperate.
.ut taking him for granted a little bit, makes him work hard to force you to see 6I0
"alue, which now has him chasing after you.
It means that you aren!t, for e#ample, calling him like cra<y, and you aren!t constantly
seeking his appro"al e"ery step of the way by asking for his opinion on e"erything. It
instead means that you gi"e /ust as much space as is needed, and that you offer your
own opinions, and make him take them.
Again, if you assume that your man has already been madly in lo"e with you, would
you feel the need to call him e"ery 34 minutes* Would you be intensely wrapped up in
trying to find out if he thinks one of your eyes is more crooked than the other*
1robably not. 'ou!d probably act, and feel a lot more comfortable if you had been with
this guy for a long time, and knew already that he was comfortable8 right*
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'ou wouldn!t be worrying about intensely chasing this guy, at that stage.
That!s e#actly what you need to do N:W, is rela#, therefore, and take your man for
granted, so that you are no longer getting in your own way, which leads me to the
ne#t point, of step L@ in the +ramatic 0e# Appeal method.
Step ?2: Dramatic 6lirtin24 This is where you take the idea,and you put it into
action now, only you twist e"erything to be in your fa"or. That!s the element of drama,
in this case, because what you are in essence going to do, is you are going to change
the typical outcome, into something completely different.
What this means, is that, if your man is flirting hea"ily with you, you will come in and
throw a stopper on it, thus gi"ing control back to you, all the while intriguing him
further.
If your man is growing dry and distant, and isn!t on the sub/ect, what you do, then in
that case is twist things around, to drop another bombshell teaser on him, so that now
he is coming back to the sub/ect.
.asically, all that you are doing in this step, is you are changing the outcome of
things, to be in your fa"or, by stopping the original outcome, and replacing it with an
e"en more powerful reality of an open loop that you are creating. This open loop can
only be satisfied and answered through you.
0o you!re assuming that he is attracted to you, and you are e#hibiting a le"el of
confidence. ,nnecessary drama is remo"ed now, which means you ha"e room to
throw in some necessary drama. This is where you want to tease him, and build up an
intense le"el of curiosity, surrounding you.
What you!re going to do, therefore, is this> drop hints that he is already attracted to
you, by directly teasing him for that reality in a slightly cocky manner, this time, with
statements where they don!t belong. There are two ways to do this.
The first, way, is when your man is either>
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AI Klirting with you,
.I +ropping hints that he is into you, or,
CI Is clearly showing interest in you physically, or with his statements, by
complimenting you, or caressing you etc8
What you do in this case, is you push him away a little bit. 0o for e#ample, if he is
flirting hea"ily with you, you drop a dramatic bomb, saying something like this>
(I can see youTre into me, but can we please take it easy*)
It!s important to understand that a man!s natural response to this, would be to
basically go (what the heck*), and to almost ignore your re9uest, and try to push
further, because now you!"e challenged him.
'ou!"e basically put a stopper right in the middle of it, and said (hey, I like this, but I
don!t need this). 'our man is going to want work, to make you see that you do in fact
want it as badly, as he will now want it from you.
$motionally this spikes his le"els of curiosity, and a desire to appro"al seek will arise
from within him, as he will now seek further "alidation from you.
'our man will also feel confusion, as he tries to work out what e#actly it is that he isn!t
doing well enough, to make you want to take things further.
'ou are now at this stage, starting to appeal to his emotions. .asically what you are
doing here, is you are dictating the course of action now, and aren!t /ust letting him
decide. 6e was $%1$CTIN you to gi"e in, but you came in and twisted that agenda,
into another reality, where 6$ now has to gi"e in to you.
'ou are literally telling him (what!s what) now, right when he was about to start into
something deeper with you. It makes your man work e#tremely hard after this to seek
your "alidation and appro"al.
0ome other e#amples of things you could say, include, but are not limited to the
following>
&et!s say that you went out on a date and you can see that he is getting bored,
that!s when you spice things up, by saying> (Aren!t we so fond of each other already,
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look at how much we ha"e to talk about*), and then you laugh, to further cement the
teasing aspect.
After the date, you can te#t him saying> (Today was wonderful, howe"er, donTt get any
cra<y ideas yet and don!t ask me why I am saying that either.) 'ou basically, at this
stage, are gi"ing him something to work toward figuring out, once again. 'ou aren!t
/ust handing him e"erything easily.
'ou could also say, (I am getting strange feelings around you, which can!t be
described, but I!m not sure if it!s good or bad yet. -aybe I!ll know with time.)
It!s important to note that you must state these in a funny way, and you cannot
appear to be T:: serious when you say these things. It!s only going to come across
as a T$A0$ if you pro/ect it in a teasing way.
0o it!s not about being rude, insulting him, or /ust turning him down2 but rather about
/ust mi#ing up a little humour and slight re/ection into the mi#, so that your man
works harder to please you after this.
+oing this emotionally and intimately e#cites your man, because you build up a
deeper emotional connection, and le"el of appro"al seeking. It means that he starts to
need fulfilment through you.
Now earlier, I mentioned that there are two ways in which you can dramatically flirt
with your man. The first way, is when he is directly heading toward something
intimate, or when he is being direct with his attraction.
The second way, that you can dramatically flirt with your man, is to drop hints,
completely out of conte#t, when you know that your man wasn!t e"en hinting at that.
It means teasing him outside of the moments when he e#pected it, and it makes him
think about you, after the fact, because now you dropped a huge hint.
0o, if your man, for e#ample is talking about buying a new car8 that!s when you
throw in a bomb like this>
(I hope you!re not buying that to impress me, I would rather prefer that you /ust take
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me out to a nice dinnerF)
:r if your guy is talking about how hard work is, say something like>
(I really lo"e how hard you work. It turns me on.)
.asically, you flirt with him, and bring the con"ersation back to an idea, that you are
interested in him, or that something he is doing, is attracti"e to you, or impressi"e, in
a way that is seducti"e.
.ut you must be careful again, not to insult him, and to state things lightly, and
teasingly.
Step ?3: Appeal to 0is %motions4Although men are naturally born leaders, one
6,$ problem men ha"e when it comes to intimacy, is that they often feel like they
are ha"ing to spoon feed their women.
A lot of women are so afraid to take the lead, intimately, that a man feels like he is
always stuck in a position where he has to tell her e#actly what to do, how he wants
it, and why, e"ery waking moment.
:b"iously, that gets e#hausting if a man feels like he always has to e#plain himself,
and always has to initiate e"erything. It means that he ends up feeling as if he is
almost forcing you to be intimate with him, or forcing you to be there, and forcing you
to understand him.
T6,0, if you want to appeal to your mans! emotions there are A things you must do.
'ou must>
AI ,nderstand
.I Acknowledge
CI Dalidate
What are you understanding, acknowledging, and "alidating* 'ou are basically
recogni<ing his "iew of things, as a man, but you are going to do this, without
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conditions or /udgements.
I know it sounds selfish, but guys deep down, need that from a woman, /ust like how
a woman needs unconditional lo"e from her man. It!s basically offering him up the
ultimate form of intimacy, by being compassionate, understanding, accepting, and
thankful for the reality that your man is and represents.
So 0o# Do 1o! 3nderstand 0imI
0o the first step to understanding, in"ol"es listening. &istening does not ?,0T mean,
with your ears. It means paying attention to how he reacts, and feels when something
happens2 but also paying attention to what he says about that thing.
It means paying attention to all aspects of his reaction to something, so that you can
start to get the bigger picture. 'ou!ll notice o"er time, that your man actually drops
hints, or tells you what he wants, sometimes with actions, and other times with words.
It helps you to piece together his true desires, when you step back and actually listen,
and thus gi"e him the space to communicate comfortably.
&istening means, that you don!t cut him off when he is trying to tell you something. It
means that you don!t immediately argue what he is trying to say, or try to pre"ent him
from re"ealing something to you, because it!s hard for you to handle.
&istening means that you take in what he is saying, or doing, and you allow that thing
to /ust e#ist and be, without reacting hea"ily, and without immediately turning that
into something about you.
It means you completely allow the concentration to be on your man, and what he is
saying, and on his feelings therein.
Another part of understanding comes in being able to recogni<e when your man is
going through something, or is feeling something, without him always ha"ing to tell
you.
It means that if you see him withdrawing for e#ample, that you don!t immediately turn
that into this assumption that he must be mad at you, and that ':, did something
wrong, because that would be a misunderstanding, but rather turn that back to him,
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on what is immediately happening.
'ou can ask him in that moment if something is bothering him, but he may or may not
answer. It!s better, instead to recogni<e, the emotion first, by saying something like
(hey, I notice that you!"e been a little distant lately.)
'ou then let him come to you, by not asking him to e#plain himself, but by backing
away, and gi"ing him the room to do that on his own terms, and in his own territory,
when he is ready.
This makes him feel more understood, because you are not /umping to conclusions,
but you are at least letting him know that you recogni<e something is going on.
An e"en better way to offer understanding for your man, is to after that point let him
know that you are there for him, but not to pressure him to open up, before he is
ready, either.
That alone, re"eals to a man that you truly understand his needs, because you aren!t
pushing him to do what you want, but are gi"ing him the space to prepare himself, to
do it. This is beyond attracti"e and intimately comforting to a man.
So 0o# Do 1o! Ackno#led2e 0imI
The second thing you must do, therefore, to reach your man emotionally, is to
acknowledge the fact that he I0 a man.
This means that you do not /udge him, or you do not place a condition on how he is
feeling, or what he is telling you. It also means that you basically don!t blame, /udge,
or critici<e any beha"iours of his which are predominantly a part of his make up as a
man.
It means showing and pro"ing to him that you are not the kind of a woman who sees
him being a man, or who notices him doing his typical male routines, and /udges him
for that. It means that you don!t end up saying things like>
(I can!t belie"e my boyfriend spends so much time watching sports), or (,ghF 6ow
come he doesn!t /ust talk about e"erything he is feeling).
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'ou cannot e#pect your man to beha"e like a woman. 'ou must remember that men
ha"e a different set up in the head, and they need to be recogni<ed and
acknowledged for it.
'ou cannot punish your man, for simply being a man. 0o acknowledging your man,
means accepting, allowing, and A11C$CIATIN, all of the things that make him
different from you, from his beha"iour, to mannerisms, to how he talks and thinks
etc...
This means that you begin letting him know that you are accepting of his ways, being,
and beha"iours, without being /udgemental about it.
0o if your guy lea"es the toilet seat up Hone of those "ery common arguments that
annoys some womenI, don!t turn this into a battle of the se#es, and demand that he
react to his bathroom business, like you would.
Instead, accept that, don!t make a big deal about it. Acknowledge that he is doing it,
because he!s a man, and that!s about it. There!s no need to punish him for this.
The same thing when it comes to intimacy, you might notice that your man is pretty
direct in his approaches, and goes in straight for the kill. 'ou might want him to take
longer, and do more8 but he!s only doing it this way, because his logical brain is
saying hey, do that.
6is emotional brain is not acti"ated yet, so he!s only reacting based on how he!s been
taught to react as a man.
Again, accept the beha"iours if you can, and don!t /udge him. 0ome of them can be
impro"ed and changed, and some of them cannot. The sooner you work out which
ones are actually a part of him, and which ones can be impro"ed the better, because
then you will be able to do the ne#t step almost effortlessly8
So 0o# Do 1o! &alidate 0imI
-en want to know that they are doing things right, and that you lo"e them for being
men.
This means that you must show appreciation, and "alidation toward the things that he
does, says, and e#presses, so that he can feel like he!s heading in the right direction,
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and so that it can feel fulfilling to him, emotionally, to come to you with his needs,
wants and desires.
This is especially true when it comes to intimacy, because that is the most "ulnerable
time that a man will e"er spend around you. 6is entire (manhood) is on the line there,
and can easily be disrespected, and his ego can easily be crushed in that "ery
moment.
0o what you need to do is "alidate him. Now this doesn!t mean blowing things way
out of proportion, because as you learned in the pre"ious sections, you actually ha"e
to make it /ustifiable.
0o what you do here, is you begin to recogni<e and offer appreciation or "alidation
toward things that he is saying, or doing that you really en/oy. 'ou tell him why you
en/oy that, and what it does for you.
This ultimately tells him that he is truly appreciated, admired, and needed, and helps
him to fulfill a deeper purpose, of the need to feel useful. This tells him, that he is
useful to you, and helpful.
,ltimately, this appeals to a man on a deeper emotional and intimate le"el, because
you soothe him
Makin2 These Steps 7ork:
It!s important to understand that if you truly want to be able to turn a man on, appeal
to him se#ually, and satisfy him intimately, that the 9uickest, easiest, and most
profound way to do this o"er and o"er again, is to appeal to his emotions.
Throughout this chapter I ha"e gi"en you ways to help remo"e some of your own
obstacles, that as a woman, may get in your way of your ability to do that.
If you truly want to ha"e an intensely satisfying e#perience with your man, from start
to finish, it!s important to take care of him on a deeper le"el. :nce you begin doing
this, you will notice that your man will pay attention to your needs as well, especially
intimately.
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This means that if you are dealing with a se#ually dry guy, or with a se#ually selfish
partner, that he will change his beha"iours, because again, you are leading the way. If
you take the time to stimulate him on a deeper le"el, that idea will be cemented into
his mind e"ery time he thinks of you, so that ultimately he will be turned on hea"ily
e"en /ust at the thought of you.
When you do this, you also create an intense le"el of attraction and affection, which is
constantly at a peak le"el. It means that your man will start to feel like he cannot get
enough of you, and he will begin to want (all) of you.

Things that might ha"e been ignored, or things which he might not ha"e found
attracti"e before, will now become irresistible.
Why*
Again, he will want to eat A&& of you up, on a "ery passionate and intense scale.
Why would a man suddenly want to treat you this way*
Again, if you reach him on that deeper le"el, you ultimately open up a window of
intensely passionate desire, because you would ha"e in essence made your man
C:-K:CTA.&$ enough to open up around you, emotionally to begin with.
If you want him to open up on an intimately emotionally le"el, howe"er, you must first
comfort him in general, and must then coa# him into a dramatically appealing intimate
reality, that all first starts with his emotions and in his head.
If you were to think about it, all of our feelings come from our thoughts. 0o intimacy
starts in the thoughts, which is why it!s important to first reach a man based on how
he thinks about you, and to dramatically appeal to his thought process of who you
are, and what is attracti"e about you, so that ultimately you can cement a "ery
powerful idea that you are this ultimately appealing woman, who he needs to /ust
come in, swoop up, and la"ish with pleasure.

137

Chapter 1+: The ,mpatience -!le
0ometimes you ha"e to get a little impatient, before you can get patient.)
So far, in this program I ha"e been talking a lot about what you ha"e to do, to gi"e
your man what he wants, in order to get what you want from him in return, but I!d
like to now completely turn that reality upside down, for a moment.
Why is that*
Well, sometimes, it!s not about gi"ing your man what he wants, in hopes that you will
get what you want. 0ometimes, it!s about not gi"ing him what he wants, so that ':,
get what you want.
Allow me to e#plain8
When your man is (beha"ing), he most likely will go well out of his way to please you,
and to react to you positi"ely, correct*
'ou!ll notice that by gi"ing him what he needs, he gi"es back to you 34 times more,
/ust because.
.ut sometimes, you either end up with a man who you feel like you ha"e to mother or
baby sit into doing the right things, or your man starts to get la<y as he begins taking
things for granted.
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$ither way, sometimes you /ust need a tactic like this to kick your man back into
shape, because otherwise, if you did not, he!d end up walking all o"er you.
Now if you recall, in the story at the beginning of this program, Amy!s boyfriend +erek
/ust so happened to be one of those cases, of a man who really needed 9uite the kick,
to get going.
At first, Amy thought that she /ust had to push him, and that e"entually +erek would
(get it), but then o"er time she began to reali<e that a part of this, was her own fault,
and she learned that it wasn!t how hard you pushed a man, that mattered.
What mattered was 6:W you pushed a man to begin with, and if you followed
through on your own demands, in the first place. In fact, it wasn!t e"en about
(pushing) your man to do something, but rather was about encouraging him, and
furthermore, by remo"ing his ability to N:T do the right thing, in the first place.
What e#actly do I mean by that*
Well, a lot of women actually end up doing one of the following, when their man is
misbeha"ing, or when he isn!t doing the right thing>

Arguing, nagging, and complaining about it C:N0TANT&', or any chance you get.
Negati"ely dramati<ing e"erything, so that e"en if he was trying, now e"erything he
does is wrong.
.laming and guilt tripping him, to make him ne"er want to do that thing again.
-aking a mountain out of an ant hill, to dramati<e the importance of the actual
thing.
.ringing in argumentsGstatements that are outside of the actual problem to further
guilt him into taking action.
Insulting and hitting a man below the belt to shame him into doing the right thing.
1unishing him for the beha"iour or actions that you don!t agree with.
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+isrespecting his boundaries, in an attempt to push him outside of his comfort <one
because you see your need as being more important, in the immediate future.
6a"ing emotional temper tantrums in front of him.
$tc8.
All of these beha"iours ha"e one unfortunate thing in common, wherein each and
e"ery single one of them is designed to only cause -:C$ problems, rather than to fi#
the problems.
$"ery single one of them, actually ends up making ':, wrong, because now you are
misbeha"ing, to try and get him to do the right thing. 6a"e you e"er heard the saying
(two wrongs don!t make a right), or how about the famous saying, by -ahatma
andhi, which goes (an eye for an eye, and the world would go blind)2*
These sayings e#ist for a reason. They e#ist because many people, throughout history
ha"e made the gra"e mistake of trying to sol"e their problems, with another problem.
.ut this is simply not how things should work, in life, and especially when it comes to
your relationships. It cannot work that way either, and here!s why>
If you try to sol"e a problem that you are ha"ing with your man, by introducing a new
problem, three ultimately negati"e things happen. They are as follows>
1/ 1o! t!rn the main concentration a#a' from the act!al pro9lemA on to the
ne# pro9lem. 0o now your man is ACT,A&&' trying to sol"e this new problem, so
that the immediate pain and frustration he feels from that problem, can be resol"ed.
The older problem, doesn!t feel as immediately important to him, because you ha"e
now /ust caused a "ery strong and "olatile reaction after that, which he will ha"e no
choice but to try and deal with first. 1art of his attempt to deal with that, may include
(a"oidance), because you are creating an emotionally intense en"ironment, that either
elicits the fight or flight response in a man.
This e#plains why, e"en if you do all of the abo"e, your man ne"er does what he
140
needs to, to /ust fi# the situation8. but he instead withdraws more, or fights what you
are trying to say.
2/ 1o! end !p ca!sin2 'o!r man to feel like 'o! are p!nishin2 him. 6e did
something wrong, now you are reacting strongly, and are doing e"erything in your
power to act against him, for doing that "ery thing. 6e will N$D$C get the message
that you actually mean well, or that you were trying to communicate a deeper need
this way.
When your man feels like you are punishing him, he will fight it, and will begin
resisting e"erything you are saying. $"en if you are right, you become WC:N now, in
your man!s mind, because you are reacting harshly to something.
3/ 1o! teach 'o!r man to do MO-% of the ver' thin2 'o! asked him not to
do/I know it sounds absurd to think that your man would want to go and do more of
the "ery thing you hate, after you /ust made his life so miserable8 but that!s e#actly
what happens. Why*
If I told you not to think of a pink elephant, right now8 what would you think of*
Well, most people would think of a pink elephant. It!s not because they want to be
defiant either, it!s because the message itself, gets broken down in the brain as this>
(Do not think of a pink elephant.)
+o you see the first word, of the sentence* It says (do). That is the first instruction
that the brain hears.
Now, the second word, is of course an instruction not to, but the brain only has so
much time to come to terms with such a sudden demand, that really has no conte#t.
I told you to not think of that elephant, but I ne"er really ga"e you any conte#t. I
didn!t say why, and I ne"er told you what it would do for you, if you didn!t etc8
I simply barked a command at you, and now you!re probably thinking of a pink
elephant, or in the "ery least, are listening to me talk about it now8 but either way,
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the concentration in your mind is now completely on that elephant, e"en though that!s
not what I wanted.
The same thing happens in a man!s mind when you try to push him away from
something. 6e hears this> do more of that thing.
It!s not e"en that he!s trying to be defiant, and it!s not that he!s trying to hurt you
either. It!s /ust that you ha"en!t gi"en him a proper incenti"e to actually 0T:1 doing
that thing, and e"en worse> you are gi"ing him permission to do -:C$ of that thing,
by "alidating his beha"iour.
What do I mean by that*
Well, when you put on a huge show, that gi"es attention to what he did wrong, it
indirectly tells a man, that by doing that, he can get more attention from you, he can
make you go emotionally cra<y, and that he can cause you to think so hea"ily about
him, that you e"en get mad.
It might sound sick to imagine that men actually en/oy this, but they do. It gi"es them
a huge ego boost to =N:W that they ha"e this much power o"er you, to elicit such a
strong emotional reaction.
0ure they don!t like what you are saying or doing during that reaction, because it!s
negati"e, but what they do like, is the idea that your reaction represents. It represents
an idea that they should do more of that "ery thing, because you are indirectly
rewarding them by reacting hea"ily.
It means this, in a mans mind>(I can do something wrong, and she will gi"e me
attention, she will prioriti<e me, and she will go nuts.)
0o what you must understand about this, is that you actually should not do that. 'ou
must not allow a man to gain power, through the wrong means. If he is wrong,
therefore, you must show him that he is actually wrong, through another means.
What means, therefore, should you do this through* This is where the Impatience
Cule comes into play.
The Impatience Cule does the e#act opposite of what you!d normally be doing.
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Normally you!d be waiting it out, and nagging your brains off, to this guy o"er a long
and emotionally e#tensi"e period of time, /ust to get him to listen, and then to get him
to respond.
Normally, you!d be arguing all kinds of things, and you!d e"en end up insulting your
man in "arious ways.
The Impatience Cule does none of that, and in"ol"es none of that. In fact, it is the
e#act opposite.
This rule in"ol"es A "ery simple steps, which when applied, will gi"e you a much better
outcome. What are those steps*
Step ?1:,nf!se A Solid 5evel Of .olite Sincerit'4
A lot of women, when something doesn!t go right with their man, end up feeling
angry, hurt, or hea"ily frustrated. The feelings multiply and grow o"er time, the more
that a woman feels her man is not listening to her, or is not changing, which in turn
results in her pro/ecting those feelings back onto her man, in an attempt to alle"iate
the pain she is feeling.
The problem with doing that, is again, as you!"e learned, the fact that your man ends
up feeling punished, and furthermore, the "alidation he recei"es from all of the
attention you gi"e him, if he does something wrong.
It!s therefore, impossible to (punish) your man into doing the right thing. No amount
of nagging, pushing, arguing, or (talking) will actually get the /ob done. There is a
le"el upon which, e#plaining will only go so far.
$#plaining things, in a man!s mind, means that you /ust want to be heard. It doesn!t
e9uate to the fact that you actually need to see a physical or emotional change in
your man. That is why you must change how you communicate with your man, if you
want him to change how he reacts to you.
To do that, you must follow a (Kact2Keeling2Ce9uest) format. This format completely
takes out any arguments, blame, or anything else from the mi#, and simply deli"ers
the reality that you are actually after.
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0o the (fact), in this case, is a simple statement of what is actually going on. It!s
basically, you pointing out, 9uite literally what has happened.
0o if your man is not listening to you, you would state something like this>
(0ometimes you ignore me, on purpose, when you get home from work), or
(0ometimes I notice that when you get home from work, you struggle to listen to me).
'ou must be "ery careful not to drag any personal emotions or feelings into this
statement, at this time. It cannot talk about how you K$$& that your man ignores you,
but rather must bluntly state the beha"iour that you want him to directly look at.
This must be done, so that your man can clearly see $%ACT&' what it is that you are
trying to get him to look at, which is happening. 0o be sure to only e"er list the direct
e"ent or circumstance as a fact, which means you might e"en ha"e to spend some
time to dig and think about what actually is happening, before you approach your
man.
The ne#t step, in"ol"es you telling your man how this makes you feel. This is basically
e#plaining the result of the beha"iour, and why you are bringing it up. This should be
stated also matter2of2factly, and shouldn!t drag on into a huge intense list of all the
hurt that you feel.
,sing the same e#ample as before, with trying to get your man to listen, what you
could say in that circumstance is the following>
(When you brush me off, I feel hurt, because I struggle to understand why you don!t
want to help me feel understood.)
In this part of the step, you can e#plain where the feeling is coming from, or why you
feel that way, but be careful again, to deli"er /ust the straight reality. If your man is
ignoring you, figure out the e#act negati"e feeling that is arising as a result of his
actions, and then let your man know that this is being caused, and that it is hurting
you.
The last part of this step, in"ol"es a re9uest. Now that you!"e stated what is
happening, and you ha"e told your man how you feel about that, you can now ask
him to make a change, because you ha"e gi"en him the problem, and a reason to
want to sol"e it.
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It is fair now, under this circumstance to now directly ask for something. This re9uest
must be fair, and must be reasonable.
Again, using the e#ample from before, of trying to get your man to listen to you, you
can now re9uest, something like this> (In the future, can you please take some time to
try and listen to me, for /ust 34 minutes, before you start doing other things*)
This is a more than reasonable re9uest at this stage, and you are no longer trying to
force him to change, by nagging him, or by punishing him for the fact that he is doing
something wrong. This time, you are opening up the door to a solution and are 9uite
literally handing it to him.
Now it!s up to him to actually follow through, but that!s where step L@ comes into play
for this part of the method. I will get to that in /ust a bit.
Step ?2:;ecome Consistentl' ,mpatient4
Now that you!"e made your re9uest, or you ha"e clearly brought up the issue in its
most raw form, your man is left with two options.
The first is to do something about it, as you!d like.
The second is to ignore it, and do nothing.
'ou can remo"e his ability to e"en attempt the second option, by drawing boundaries
that your man is not allowed to cross, or by imposing timeframes that your man must
complete your re9uest within.
A lot of women end up compromising when it comes to their relationships, and
especially when it comes to their men. Kor e#ample, you might need him to listen to
you more often, or to pay attention more often to some of the things you are telling
him.
.ut time and time again, he seems to either be e#tremely forgetful, or he simply
doesn!t e"er bother trying to place importance on hearing what it is that you ha"e to
say.
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-ost women, when faced with this situation, would end up waiting it out, and telling
him o"er and o"er again, that she!d like to be heard. 'et, she still sticks around, e"en
if he is N:T doing what she wants.
That!s where the compromising is coming into play. It means that you are settling for
less, by staying around, and by rewarding your man with your presence, lo"e, and
affection8 e"en if he isn!t listening to you properly.
The same is true for any other problem you might be ha"ing with your man. If he is
doing too much or too little of something, and you need him to change, as in you
A.0:&,T$&' need him to change that beha"iour, then you need to start sticking the
priority onto your own needs here.
It means that if you need him to listen more, you don!t gi"e in to him, until he!s
actually doing that in the first place. 'ou don!t A&&:W him to slip into the bad
beha"iour after that. It means that you no longer ha"e the patience to sit around, and
WAIT for whene"er your man (feels like) getting around to doing what you need.
This is not a (feels like) kind of a situation. $ither he!s going to be the best man that
he can be, in your presence, or he will be an e#tremely la<y and arrogant man.
.ut all of that depends on how you react to him, and how you &$A+ him, which is why
it!s your /ob to not actually compromise where it matters. If you ha"e a direct need,
and you need him to be fulfilling that N:W, then you don!t wait until B years from now
for him to start doing that thing, especially if what you are asking for is a realistic
demand.
This is where the art of impatience comes into play. 0ometimes, as the 9uote at the
beginning of this chapter suggests, you ha"e to get a little impatient, before you can
get patient, especially with a man.

It!s important for you to understand, therefore, that impatience is actually a good
thing here, because it works in your fa"or.
Impatience means that you won!t be wasting your time, efforts, emotions, and mental
power on a guy who refuses to gi"e you, what you are openly gi"ing him to begin
with.
146
Cemember that you are gi"ing your man affection, attention, understanding etc8 and
you cater to e"ery need that you possibly can, when you are aware of his needs. .ut
he is not returning that fa"or right now, which means he is taking you for granted, or
worse, he is /ust using you.
.ut you are not going to let that happen anymore. Allowing a reality of (patience) and
(understanding) which you e#tend toward all of the WC:N things, means that you
are missing out on all the greater things in life, and that you are settling for less.
0o how do you get impatient*
'ou start to impose deadlines, or you simply refuse to allow something to be, until or
when he finally does what you were asking.
In the story at the beginning of the program, this is the e#act tactic that Amy had
begun to use, to get her man to finally start committing to her, or calling her more
etc8
The way that she did it, was she worked with one problem at a time, and would start
to impose a deadline or a clear demand upon +erek, and she would not gi"e anything
back to him, until he did this.
Now Amy!s case was pretty e#treme, but the same thing applies, e"en if you are
dealing with a less e#treme situation.
0o how do you impose a deadline or make a clear demand*
Well, if you are gi"ing him a deadline, you state that you need or would like for him to
complete your re9uest, from step L3, within a certain reasonable time frame.
'ou do this, by asking in your re9uest, for him to do that.
0o if you asked him to listen to you more, you could actually change your re9uest to
accommodate a deadline, by now saying this> (Could you, gi"e me 34 minutes of your
time tomorrow, so that I could talk to you about what!s going on*).
Now you ha"e told him what you want, and how you want it, but you!"e also gi"en
147
him a time frame to complete it. The time frame should be attached to a reasonable
e#pectation of a date or place through which he could work to help change the
beha"iour.
'ou don!t ha"e to tell him to fi# this today, or tomorrow, but you could tell him W6$C$
he could work on that as well, if you ha"e an actual place for him to try that. 0o if
your man doesn!t listen to you after work, because maybe he!s tired, or whate"er the
reason, you could say something like this now> (Would it be possible for you to take
some time out of your day, for me, so that I could talk and share with you*)
'ou are still imposing a deadline, but this time you are gi"ing him some fle#ibility to
choose when he can do that. 'our man will gi"e you a response, or he might think
about it, but ask him to let you know, after that, when he thinks that can happen, if
you don!t want to gi"e him a direct date.
Indirect deadlines, like these are good for short term beha"iours that you!d like your
man to change, but with things, that aren!t a (make or break) the relationship kind of
a deal.
+emands, howe"er come into play, when your man is saying or doing something that
crosses your boundaries. These are things that you cannot, and must not compromise
on, which is why it now becomes a demand.
This includes things like, when you find that your man is hiding something from you
more often than not, or when you find that he is lying to you, or, if you find that your
man keeps on breaking his promises, etc.
These are serious situations that must be met with serious demands, because failure
to counteract the situation on an e9ual le"el, tells your man that it!s ok to be beha"ing
that way.
These kinds of situations, must be dealt with immediately, and strongly.
In these cases, you must change your re9uest from step L3, to a demand. 'ou must
clearly state what you want, and why, now, to a le"el where your man understands
that if he does not change it, there are conse9uences for 6I-8 but not for you.
Cight now all of the conse9uences are on your shoulders. 6e does something wrong,
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you suffer.
It should be the other way around. If he does something wrong, he should be the one
dealing with the conse9uences. :nce you can change the situation to be this way, you
will find that your man makes more of an effort after that point to do the right thing,
and secondly, he doesn!t e"en feel that N:T doing the right thing is an option
anymore, because there will be no reward in doing such.
0o how do you make a direct demand, if you need him to change something serious*
'ou first gi"e him a warning. This is a warning that does not attack your man, but
rather attacks the act or the beha"iour that you are ha"ing a problem with. In your
warning, you must once again address the beha"iour directly, that you are ha"ing a
concern with.
.ut you must do one more thing, this time when e#plaining your feelings, is you must
bring or allow him to bring his feelings into the mi#. Cemember that this beha"iour is
likely happening because your man feels a block, or because something you are doing
might be encouraging it.
0o it can be best sol"ed, if you can actually get him to tell you what it is that is
pushing him to do it in the first place.
6ow do you do that*
'ou let him know that you actually aren!t sure why he!s doing it, and you throw in a
few guesses of your own. They can be correct guesses or incorrect guesses, but the
main point now, is that you are clearly indicating to him, an intention to figure out or
know what is going on with him now, that is causing the beha"iour.
0o, using the e#ample of your man lying to you, you might say something like this
now>
(I don!t understand why you feel the need to lie to me, maybe it!s because you feel
that I might not understand you, or might /udge you incorrectly8)
0o you!re gi"ing him a clear indication that there is something negati"e happening,
and that you are trying to understand the cause. 'ou can also say something like>
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(I know that you ha"e been lying to me more often lately, but I find that when I point
it out, you a"oid me. I!d like to know what!s going on, but each time I try to address
it, you struggle to communicate with me. I want you to know that I am trying to
understand you, but I need you to tell me what!s going on, if you want me to actually
be able to help you here. I am sure that you don!t feel good lying to me either.)
As you can see in this statement, you are starting to bring his feelings into the mi# as
well, by pointing out how he must be feeling, or how hard it probably is for him as
well. 0o now you are recogni<ing that the beha"iour is happening, because your man
is already struggling, which means you are gi"ing him a chance to open up and finally
let you know why.
Again, it!s important to note that you should not attack your man, but should go after
the action itself. :nce you ha"e pointed out the actions, you can then bring in e#plicit
details as to why this is affecting you, and how.
In the other step, I mentioned that you should not gi"e too many details as to how
you feel, e#cept to /ust clearly state one or two things that are happening to you as a
result of the poor beha"iour.
In this case, the beha"iour is more e#treme, so it!s ok to get into more details, so that
your man can begin to understand the se"erity of the conse9uences of his choices.
:nce you ha"e done this, you must gi"e him a reason to change, and you must let
him know why that is in the best interest of not /ust you, but .:T6 of you.
0o using the lying problem, as an e#ample again, here!s what your statement would
look like, once you ha"e tied in, the problem, his feelings, your feelings, and the
statement of change that you wish for him to make8
'ou tell him this>
(I don!t understand why you feel the need to lie to me, maybe it!s because you feel
that I might not understand you, or might /udge you incorrectly, howe"er I /ust want
to let you know that you can be unconditionally honest with me, without fearing
/udgement or a lack of understanding from my part.
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I thought I!d /ust let you know this much, because I can sense that you ha"e been
lying to me, and you must ha"e some reasons why, so I /ust wanted to address them
and let you know that you can be completely honest with me.)
.y stating that you wanted to let your man know that he can do the opposite of what
he has been doing, which in this case, is to be honest, you are in effect, telling your
man what you want from now on.
The key here, is that this is actually a warning. This is where you clearly lay down
e"erything in front of him, and offer him a way out. 'ou ha"en!t come in and /udged
him. 'ou ha"en!t come in and pushed him hard with words.
'ou!"e simply said, (hey, this is how things are, but that reality is hurting both of us.
I!d like you to try this new reality now.)
Another way of putting this, is to turn it into a (fill in the blanks) kind of a statement,
which would basically now look like this>
Cecently, you!"e been QQQQQQQQQQQQQHinsert the actionI.
This makes me feel QQQQQQQQQQQHinsert the conse9uenceI. I am sure that you are
also feeling QQQQQQQQ Hinsert the secondary conse9uenceI because of it too.
I need you to stop doing this, because I won!t be able to QQQQQQQHinsert the future
conse9uence, such as> trust, understanding, acceptance etc..I you after this, if you
continue to do this.)
.ut here!s where the (demand) comes into play, because once you!"e gi"en him the
warning, he will either make a mo"e to change on his own, or he will once more
ignore that. If he ignores it, here!s what you do now.
'ou come in with a boundary, or a demand, that he must respect and fulfill, otherwise
you make it D$C' clear to him, that he won!t be getting much else from you, without
first doing that.
Now this is the part where a lot of women actually struggle, because again, you don!t
want to be mean to your guy, you /ust want him to listen, or be honest etc8 and you
think that by .$IN there for him in e"ery way, and by pushing him to do that, in
person, that he will do it.
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.ut that is the wrong way to approach things.
A man only listens so much to what you say, but he mostly listens to what you +:.
Again, you are in charge of actually leading your man here, which means he follows
your lead.
If your lead, means that you normally stay, gi"e him attention, baby him, or more
when he does something wrong, then that tells him one thing, and one thing only.
That thing, once again, is that it!s := to misbeha"e, because now you are staying and
putting up with it.
0o once it!s gotten to the stage where you ha"e to make a demand or draw a
boundary, understand that your man is INT$NT on actually crossing the line, which is
why you must now draw it and you cannot wa"er.
6e won!t listen to your words anymore at this point. 6e will only listen to your actions,
which means there is only :N$ action you can take.
That action is to pull away and take space.
0o instead of babying him, gi"ing him all the attention, and working around 6I0
schedule during the problem that he is refusing to sol"e, you now back away. &iterally,
you physically get away, and pull away emotionally.
This is to gi"e him the space to reali<e that his actions ha"e immediate conse9uences,
but without punishing him like you usually would. i"ing him the space to work
through it, is the e#act push that men need, to actually feel moti"ated to make a
change.
It tells them that their beha"iour was N:T ok, and that acting in the way that you
didn!t want them to, means that they end up losing out on all of the good things.
That being said, once you are at the point where your man has ignored your re9uest,
and is ignoring your warning as well, what you do is you say this>
(&ook, I tried my best, but if you want to continue to lie to me, I!ll need to protect
myself, since e"ery time you lie to me, it really hurts me, and affects the trust
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between us. Therefore, I!m /ust going to take some space for now.)
'ou make it clear that you!"e tried, and you also clarify the fact that your man is still
continuing the beha"iour, while making sure to once again clearly point out the
beha"iour which you dislike.
'ou then tell him again, that it hurts you when he does this, and now you apply a
conse9uence to that beha"iour, such as saying it makes it hard for you to trust him. :r
it makes you feel like you cannot be open with him, or that you cannot feel safe
around him etc8.
,ltimately the conse9uence should be something that he "alues, but something that
relates back to him as well, so that when you pull away, the effect is immediate on
him.
After this point, you must stand your ground. 'ou cannot wa"er on this.
It doesn!t matter how many times he apologi<es, or says what you want to hear, or
"erbally promises to change.
'ou can :N&' budge, once he is ACT,A&&' changing, not when he is only 0A'IN
that he will.
At this stage, you must emotionally back off, and physically you must lea"e him alone.
This means becoming dry, or e"en lea"ing, if that means staying with a family
member, or going somewhere else, then do it.
'ou do not go back to him, until or unless he changes that beha"iour, because men
react more to your actions, than they do to your words.
If you still stick around e"en though he!s lying to you, e"en when you!"e gi"en him all
the warnings, and e"erything, it!s "alidating, once more, his poor beha"iour, by gi"ing
him your attention and time, when he hasn!t earned it.
Now I know that this sounds harsh, and sounds hard to do, but remember at this
stage, you!"e already been more than kind, accommodating, understanding and
patient, but your man is clearly intent on pressing your buttons, and crossing your
boundaries.
153
If you allow him to continue doing that, it means that you are gi"ing him permission
to do the wrong thing, and that is N$D$C ok to allow or do.
It doesn!t mean that you are punishing him either, because you are gi"ing him a way
out, and you are not directing your concern at him personally, but rather you are
directing it at his beha"iour.
0o don!t feel guilty doing this, especially if his beha"iour is already e#tremely hurtful,
or is crossing some "ery solid boundaries that you ha"e.
:nce you do this, you will see that your man will ha"e no choice now, but to change,
because you are lea"ing him with no other option.
'ou are no longer babying him anymore, and you ha"e stepped back, and allowed him
the space to be a man, and to problem sol"e. =eep in mind that he chose his actions,
in the first place, which means that he can C6::0$ to undo them as well, especially if
you show him that he will only get that slice of hea"en, if he does the right things, in
the first place.
Step ?3: 3se The J%motionall' 5aH' .rincipleE4A lot of women when they are in
a relationship, ha"e an intense power struggle going on between themsel"es and their
man. This power struggle occurs often, and fre9uently in many relationships, and
usually almost always ends up in ha"ing the woman completely at the man!s mercy, as
he somehow works his way back into calling the shots, and ha"ing control.
A man usually does this by punishing the woman, for e"en trying to gain power o"er
him, through "arious means, such as ignoring her, insulting her, or e"en threatening to
lea"e. The ultimate fear of losing their man, means that many women end up
becoming submissi"e or end up putting up with backing down, so that they can still,
at least try to secure their man in the end.
0ometimes, as you may know, howe"er, a woman cannot back down, and needs to
hold her ground, because some of the decisions that a man makes when he is in
control, and in power of the relationship, are poor ones.
0ometimes they are things that you cannot sit back, and idly agree with, because
154
sometimes those decisions mean e"erything for the relationship.

In these moments, you need to be able to completely turn the situation around, to get
the power back, so that your man understands that ':, ha"e needs too, and that
':, need to be able to gi"e input, and be heard.
Thus in a situation like this, there is one simple thing which you need to do. 'ou need
to become ($motionally &a<y).
What does it mean to be emotionally la<y*
Well, when a man is going through his little moments of power struggle and
o"er<ealous dictating in the relationship, what normally happens, is a woman tries to
counterbalance that by e9ually throwing her own little fit.
0he tries to talk it out, almost to death, with the man. 0he cries, begs, pleads, and
chases him around with an emotional intensity like nothing the world has e"er seen
before. .asically it means that she pro/ects hea"ily onto him with her emotions.
As you!"e been learning so far though, emotional pro/ecting means that you are>
AI i"ing your man the "alidation to be o"er2<ealously controlling e"en further,
because you are now gi"ing him so much attention because of this fact.

.I Causing your man!s defenses to go up, because he feels attacked, by your
emotional onslaught and can!t handle all of the different emotions at once, and
CI Creating an intense le"el of desperation, which causes panic in the relationship, and
fear in your man!s eyes, because now you are o"erbearing, and are too pushy and
needy.

Thus, the only thing that you accomplish, without being emotionally la<y, is creating
more problems for yourself, that you can!t sol"e, and you only further end up causing
your man to ignore you.

155
0o, when I say that you need to be emotionally la<y, I mean that you must 9uite
literally take an $%TC$-$&' rela#ed emotional position during these moments.
,ltimately, what this means is that you temporarily take on an almost casual to e"en
completely apathetic emotional reality toward your man.
0o for e#ample, if your man has suddenly stopped calling you, because again he is
controlling the amount of e#posure and access that you ha"e to him, a woman who is
not being emotionally la<y, would call him up @4 times, and would lea"e him "oice
mails saying things like, (Why aren!t you picking up my call. I!"e called you @4 times.
Are you ok* Is something wrong* Are you ignoring me*)
-eanwhile, a woman who has taken on an emotionally la<y stance, would ha"e an
attitude more like this> (hey, I lo"e talking to you, and let!s chat, casually.)
A woman who is emotionally la<y, doesn!t reek of desperation or neediness, but
instead, "ery clearly isn!t going to be emotionally swayed by her man!s need to o"er2
<ealously "alidate his own ego by calling the shots in the relationship, in ways that she
ne"er agreed to.
.ut, she!s going to temporarily not care, which is not the same thing as agreeing to
what her man is doing, but rather is like saying (hey, go be a baby o"er in your corner
if you want, and a"oid me. It doesn!t bother me. If anything, T6AN=':,, because I
needed the space too, from your immaturity).
It!s basically like saying that, :N&' without ha"ing to say that. =eep in mind that you
ne"er want to 0A' something like that to your man, but you want to 06:W that you
feel this way to your man instead.
-en listen -:C$ to actions not words. This is why, if you freak out and DA&I+AT$ all
of his wrong beha"iour, by spending a ton of time and attention on it emotionally, he
does more of it.
.ut if you step back and take an emotionally la<y stance, you in essence tell the guy,
indirectly that (hey, this isn!t ok, and I don!t ha"e to put up with this, in fact, I am
indifferent to this. +o what you want, meanwhile I am o"er here dealing with the stuff
that actually matters.)
What happens when you do this, is your man feels enticed to an e#treme le"el to
basically calm down, and come down from his need to control, because now you are
156
not pulling him hard.
When you pull a man hard, whether "erbally, or emotionally, the only response most
men ha"e, is to pull back e"en harder. They want to feel like they are free, and as if
they ha"e the freedom of choice, e"en in a relationship.
They hate being pigeonholed into ha"ing to do something, which is why being
emotionally la<y, is such a brilliant tactic to implement, because again, it 9uickly brings
your man back down to a mutual <one, wherein he will listen, and hear what you are
trying to say finally.
Kurthermore, it means that you are easygoing and are more casual about e"erything,
and that you don!t try to cram e"erything into one rigid reality or outcome. This makes
it e#tremely easy for your man to feel comfortable in listening to what you ha"e to
say, because now he doesn!t feel like you are taking e"erything to emotional
e#tremes.
It means that you slow down, instead of speed up, your emotional reacti"ity. If you
are angry, for e#ample, you don!t come in with a (6eyF NowF &isten to meF 'ou!re such
a slobF), kind of approach.
.ecome proacti"e, and wait it out. +on!t e#press what you ha"e on your mind right off
the bat and lash out at your guy.
If you are la<y, it means that you aren!t too moti"ated to immediately make a huge
scene out of it, but you!d rather sit back and rela# for a bit, and it means that e"en if
things are intense, you still la<e around, emotionally.
Why*
Again, because doing this, signals to your man that you aren!t going to ID$ him the
power, to begin with. The only time a man e"er gains power o"er you, is if you allow
him to do that emotionally, by gi"ing him the time, emotional energy, attention, and
e"erything else that comes along with it.
Take that away, and you!ll see your man mo"ing 9uickly after that to listen to you
again, because you would ha"e effecti"ely taken back the power, and furthermore,
you would ha"e C$-:D$+ the power struggle.
157
6ow did you do that* 'ou did it by making your man the :N&' person in the
relationship who is struggling. It means that 6$ would be the only one still fighting,
still going to e#tremes, still being a huge whiny baby8 and that would make him look
ridiculous.
That alone, makes a man 9uickly change the tune he is dancing to, because e"ery
single man wants to li"e up to a certain standard and le"el of self2respect, and
e#ternal respect. .eing the only one freaking out in the relationship, and being the
only one who is acting immature, means that your man would be setting himself up
for a huge embarrassment, and worse, he is setting himself up to be wrong.
In that situation, your man would ha"e no choice but to calm down and finally come
back down to earth, where you and the relationship e#ist, in an e9ual opportunity
reality.

Makin2 These Steps 7ork:
After this point, it will be up to you, to gauge and decide where each step abo"e
belongs, and therefore, should be implemented. This means, that you will ha"e to
work out, the se"erity of the beha"iour against how immediately you need a change
to occur.
As you noticed in step L@, for e#ample, there were two ways to go about handling the
le"el of se"erity. :ne of them imposed a light condition whereas the other method
imposed a "ery clear demand and boundary. That, again, all depends on how
immediate you feel your need for change is, and on how se"ere you feel his beha"iour
is.

Therefore, be careful to use your own discretion in using these steps, to apply the
right le"el of impatience to the situation, so that you get the desired result from your
man.

'ou may notice, howe"er, that after /ust implementing step L3, or after implementing
the first two steps together, that your man may begin to misbeha"e more. It should be
noted that you don!t actually want to gi"e in to him during this stage, and you
definitely don!t want to stop this step because of that fact.
This may sound strange, but if your man is misbeha"ing more, or if he is acti"ely
158
trying to punish you, after the implementation of step L 3 or L@, or both steps
combined, that this $01$CIA&&' means that the steps are working.

As mentioned in 0tep LA, your man will sometimes ha"e a power struggle issue, as he
tries to ad/ust to reality, where he is re9uired to treat you like an e9ual partner in the
relationship. Cemember that up until this point, your man has been sitting on a high
pedestal, one that, depending on the timeframe in which it was first resurrected, could
ha"e been getting higher and higher for 9uite some time now.
:nce you implement step L3, and @, howe"er, you would ha"e effecti"ely knocked out
one of the legs of his pedestal, which in turn made the whole thing come crashing
down, due to a lack of balance.
In this situation, therefore, it!s important not to listen to any of your man!s whining,
pleading, complaining, or more. It really doesn!t matter, at this stage, again, what it is
that your man tries to tell you. 6e could threaten you, or he could throw a fit. 6e
could e"en ha"e the temper tantrum of a century, but you must not budge.
The only reason he is trying to get you to budge at this stage, once again, is because
he N$$+0 you to re2"alidate A&& of the WC:N beha"iours again. 6e wants the
admiration, respect, and attention that he used to get, because he gained a feeling of
power, when you would ultimately reward him that way, whene"er he did all of the
wrong things around you.

This is why it!s important to follow step LA, during, and e"en after the fact, of the first
two steps. This ensures that you are able to recogni<e the fact that your man is in fact
ha"ing a temper tantrum, and thus you don!t fear that reality, and instead, /ust
disregard it as your man being e#tremely unreasonable.
Again, he follows your lead, so if you become unreasonable as well, and gi"e in to his
whiny or e#cessi"e emotional outbursts prematurely, it means that you are effecti"ely
telling him again that it!s ok to be unreasonable.
'ou ha"e to be reasonable, sometimes, on behalf of both yourself and your man, in
the relationship, to help pull your man back into that reality as well. Again, sometimes
you also ha"e to be a little impatient, to get back to a place of being able to be patient
with your man.
159
:nce more, you also are not doing this /ust simply to punish your man, and you aren!t
getting direct like this, for no reason either. Cemember to remind yourself of the
reasons why you are doing this, during the moments when you are taking action, so
that you don!t lose hope, or gi"e in to your fears and doubts prematurely, before he
has actually permanently changed.

If your man, for e#ample, starts throwing a temper tantrum right in the middle of the
first two steps, you will ob"iously feel a strong pull to stop your beha"iour, because
you will feel like he is punishing you. 'ou must push past this reality, because again,
you are actually N:T at fault here, and are not doing something wrong.
If anything you are being reasonable. 'ou are gi"ing him more than enough time,
understanding, and e"en ways to do the right thing, but time and time again, your
man comes back and disappoints you.
Thus, you should not feel guilty in asking him for what is only fair, in the first place, in
your relationship, and in your life. Cemember that you deser"e to be treated fairly, and
that it is completely := to ask for this, and to get it from your man, and your
relationship, e"en if that means becoming a little impatient at times, to ensure that
your man respects this reality.

It!s important to also note and remember once again, that a man follows your lead.
This means that you ultimately allow or deny him the permission in the first place to
treat you a certain way. Thus, if a man is treating you with a less than worthy
approach, it is your /ob to whole heartedly put your foot down in the right way.
Cemember howe"er, that men don!t listen to your words as much as they listen to
your actions. 'ou will feel tempted to want to talk things out e#tensi"ely with your
man, and you will wish that he will /ust listen the first time, but sometimes a man
needs a little bit of a more clear boundary to be drawn, to fully understand the fact
that you are serious, or that you are not going to wa"er on your core needs or wants.

It!s important to also understand that a great deal of men are actually :.=. with this
reality, and they!d rather you be e#tremely clear, in your actions and words combined,
rather than /ust in your words.

Cemember that men are hea"y logical thinkers, and problem sol"ers, which means
that they will be looking, and e"en testing you, to see if you are doing what you are
160
saying. If you start to become a woman who says one thing, but does another,
especially when it comes to your own boundaries and how far you let others cross
them, a man will begin a pattern where he starts to disrespect your needs and wants.
Why do men begin that pattern*
Again, because in their mind, the e"idence e9uates to a reality where they feel like
you ha"e ultimately gi"en them permission to disrespect your boundaries, and desires,
because you are not matching up your actions consistently to your words.

This is why it!s e#tremely important to not fear the Impatience Cule as a tactic o"erall.
This rule, when used, will gi"e you a fair ad"antage in your relationship, especially
when you need it most.
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