MARRIAGE AND FAMILY (SCL 9)

CALLINGS IN LIFE: VOCATIONS IN CHRIST (Marriage and

Holy Orders)
Someone who is baptized and confirmed can receive
moreover a special mission in the Church in two special
sacraments and thus be enlisted in the service of God:
Holy Orders and Matrimony.
Vocation - as rising from Gods personal call to
respond to the needs of others and of
the Church itself; and
Ministry - as serving to build up and strengthen the
Church in its mission.
1. Married Life
God created in His image; male and female He
created them. He blessed them saying: Be fertile and
multiply, fill the whole earth and subdue it. (Gn. 1:27)
For this reason a man shall leave his father and
mother and shall cling to his wife and the two shall be
made into one. This is a great foreshadowing; I mean it
refers to Christ and the Church. (Ep 5:31f)
2. Priesthood / Religious Life
They are directed to the good of others. No one is
ordained just for himself, and no one enters the married
state merely for his own sake. They are supposed to
build up the People of God; in other words, they are a
channel through which God pours out love into the
world.
The man who is ordained receives a gift of the Holy
Spirit that gives him sacred authority that is conferred
upon him by Christ through the Bishop. [1538]
Being a Priest does not mean just assuming an
office or a ministry. Through Holy Orders a priest
receives as a gift definite power and a mission for his
brothers and sisters in faith. 150,215,228,236 (YouCat
249)
Priestly ordination is administered as a means of
salvation, not for an individual man, but rather for the
whole Church. (St. Thomas Aquinas 1225-1274)
Why does the Church require priests and bishops to live a
celibate life?
Jesus lived as a celibate and in this way intended to
show his undivided love for God and Father. To follow
Jesus way of life and to live in unmarried chastity for
the sake of the kingdom of heaven (Mt 19:12) has been
since Jesus time a sign of love, of undivided devotion to
the Lord, and of a complete willingness to serve. The
Roman Catholic Church requires this way of life of its
bishops and priests, while the Eastern Catholic Churches
demand it only of their bishops. [1579-1580, 1599]
Celibacy, says Pope Benedict, cannot mean
remaining empty love, but rather must mean allowing
oneself to be overcome by a passion for God. A priest
who lives as a celibate should be fruitful inasmuch as he
represents the fatherly character of God and Jesus.
(YouCat 258)
What is Christian Vocation to celibate loving?
Virginity or celibacy, together with marriage, are the
two ways of expressing and living the one mystery of
Gods covenant with His people. Priests, religious, and
lay persons who have freely chosen single blessedness,
do so for the Kingdom of God in order to hold fast to
the Lord and bear special witness to the Resurrection
and life hereafter.
Everyone who is baptized is called to a life of
holiness. All the faithful of Christ are invited to strive for
the holiness and perfection of their own proper state.
In the Church there is diversity of ministry but unity
of mission. All the vocations are directed towards the
building up of the Body of Christ.


CHAPER 1. EMERGING REALITIES MARRIAGE
Marriage is one goal that most people want. For
them getting married means settling down, paglalagay
sa tahimik. It is in marriage that men and women look
forward to attaining stability in life, security and
fulfillment in establishing a family.
God created the first man and first woman in His
own image and likeness. For them He planned a life
where sexuality, love, marriage and family were an
integrated part revealed to them by God through their
human experiences. However, when sin came into the
couples life, His plan for them became blurred. God,
however, did not abandon them because of their
disobedience and weaknesses. He redeemed them and
all mankind from their fall and also restored marriage
to its original dignity.
Marriage is something innate, natural, that comes
from the deeper part of human beings that make them
want to marry and have a family.
Their minds tell them that there is a superior power
connected to getting married, and to their life together
with the family that follows. Thus, they look for the signs
and symbols for this mysterious presence, and seek to
understand its presence in their life.
The early Christians acknowledged marriage as a
msyterion or a sacrament: a sign of a higher and sacred
reality which entered salvation.
Marriage is a divine and human institution.
Theological tradition considers marriage as an officium
naturae or a duty of nature because it is directed to
the task of procreation. God, the author of nature,
entrusted this specific goal to the marital partnership.
St. Thomas Aquinas says, that it is natural for human
beings: a man to establish a lasting relationship with
particular woman. This excludes any promiscuous
relations of either one with somebody else. That the
couple choose and accept each other adds another
element to their union of love and life.
The Encyclical letter Casti Conubii states that from
God comes the institution of marriage itself, together
with its ends, the laws that govern it, and the blessings
that flow from it. Through the generous surrender of his
own person to another for life, and with the help and
cooperation of God, man becomes the author of his
particular marriage. Thus it takes three to make this
divine and human institution happen: God, a man, and a
woman who are all in love with one another. (CC 9)
Marriage is a covenant means a pact, an alliance or
partnership that a man and a woman form to commit
themselves to a lifetime of togetherness for their own
good, and for the procreation and education of children.
To the degree that covenant is a more apt definition of
marriage than contract, so is the saying pagiisang
dibdib more meaningful than pag-aasawa.
It can be observed that a couple within a marriage
cannot depend solely on themselves. There is a
communitarian and public dimension to the institution
of marriage. It needs connection or access to such
necessities as education, economics, property, medical
attention, public decency, and safety. Marriage needs
the support of the community and civil society.
Community laws are necessary to protect the rights and
privileges of the individuals within a marriage. In spite of
the promise of a lifetime commitment of love and
fidelity, for various reasons, a spouse may no longer feel
bound to his her promises. There is the need for a social
unit to be responsible for them, to provide reminders of
a persons marital commitment and responsibilities.
There must be institutions to protect abandoned
spouses and children. Their rights must be defended.
If marriage is to be lived in the Lord, as perceived in
faith by Christians, then the couple needs the
encouraging support of a believing community. Today,
especially, there are emerging threats to family life that
must be counteracted by a strong moral and spiritual
community of persons formed by married couples and
individuals.

CHAPTER 2. PERSONALITY GROWTH AND MATURITY
GROWTH AND MATURITY
For marriage to really work, a man and woman
should know what is expected of them, and should have
the capacity to fulfill the expectations. This necessities
having the complement of intellectual, psychological /
emotional and social qualities that make them able to
live, act and interact according to normal expectations
as spouses and parents able to love each other, live
together and build their family.
Marriage is the most serious partnership ever
entered into by a man and a woman. There is such thing
as marrying at the right time. In a word, it requires
maturity. Maturity is that stage of growing up when a
person may be described as grown up, an adult,
mature, or of age. It is with maturity that a person
sufficiently develops powers of the body and mind to
understand the implications of what he or she wants. In
doing so, one calls to mind the important and serious
steps in life in order to make necessary decisions.
Maturity is identified as Christian when the person
intending to make decisions and take action does so
based on the perspective and principles of the Christian
faith, assisted by grace. It simply means, here is a mature
person who is Christian and acting the Christian way.
Importance of Christian Morality
For Christians, a man and a woman in marriage are
not simply two human persons relating to and loving
each other, but it is a Christian man and Christian
woman loving each other like the love of Christ for the
Church; and loving each other as Christ loves them.
Theirs becomes a marriage in and with Christ. They are
Christian husband and a Christian wife, and to-be
Christian parents (Sheen, D.D., 1957)
To attain this level of relationship and to insure a
satisfying marriage, two steps should be taken. The first
is to do what one possibly can to improve ones
personality in terms of maturity. The second is to look to
Christ and His grace which will come from a nurturing
and abiding relationship with Him.
Predisposing Factors:
Heredity. From our parents, both sets of
grandparents and other relatives up the ascending lines,
we inherit our basic personality traits, physical,
emotional and intellectual qualities strengths and
weaknesses. These form the basis or the seeds of the
emerging distinctiveness in a person. What we are going
to be like will be result of what we know about
ourselves, what we want to change or not to changes in
us, and what can be or cannot be altered. We can help
ourselves form a mature Christian personality.
Environment. It is not easy to assess how much and
to what degree we are or may be influenced by other
people, especially when we are unconscious that it is
taking place. We are continuously being conditioned
by the people around. The influences may be visual,
verbal and may be positive or negative nature. Their
impact on us depends on many causes. One is that the
projected example comes from people we love, believe
in and trust. Another is when something is entertaining
and desirably shown on or presented with convincing
impact. Ideas transmitted from these two ways and
other such channels may be easily taken in by us, for
many ideas and values are caught not taught.
Awareness and discernment of this happening can
help prevent, accept or reject certain influences that
affect the positive information of our Christian
personality.
Education. Learning to be a normal well-adjusted
young Christian persons with the ability to meet the
different situations, make decisions and act on them
means learning to be mature, to accept responsibility,
face reality, be independent, satisfy psychological needs
and have healthy interpersonal relationship.
The Gift of Grace. Moved by grace, a man turns
towards God and away from sin (CCC2018).
Sanctifying grace is the gratuitous gift of His life the God
gave us infused by the Holy Spirit into the soul to heal
it of sin and to sanctify it. (CCC 2023) With our
cooperation we can be transformed not only into better
persons, but at the same time better Christians. The
power of Gods grace to work in extraordinary ways
should not be overlooked, although this is not the usual
process.
Masculinity and femininity are traits that must be
developed, fostered, protected and lived in truth
because they are a manifestation of the spirit. We must
become the man and woman God intends us to be since
our vocation is to love Him back and to love our whole
humanity. God inscribed in the humanity of man and
woman this vocation and thus, the capacity for and
responsibility to love in communion with society.


Characteristics of a Maturing Person
1. Prayerful and Humble
2. Morally upright: prudent, self-disciplined, just and
courageous
3. Responsible: Competent, Committed, decisive, faces
consequences, penitent
4. Loving: forgiving, compassionate, respectful and
helpful
5. Self sacrificing: patient, perseveres in doing good
6. Full of Christian hope.
Dimensions for Maturity
1. Physical
2. Psychological
3. Socio and Cultural
4. Spiritual

CHAPTER 3. FULLY HUMAN IN SEXUALITY
A. GODS DESIGN FOR HUMANSEXUALITY
Sex is a gift from God and is therefore sacred.
The Bible say that after putting Adam in the
middle of the Garden of Eden, Yahweh God said, it is
not good that man should be alone, I will make him a
helpmate, so from the soil Yahweh fashioned all the
beasts and all the birds of heaven. These He brought to
Adam to see what he could call them; each one was to
bear the name man could give it. The man gave names
to all the cattle, all the birds of heaven and all the wild
beasts. But no helpmate suitable for man was found to
him. (Gen. 2:18-20)
Man discovers that he is unique and therefore
different from all living things. He also discovers that,
like Adam before Eve, he is alone and has an exclusive
relationship with God. Adam established a true covenant
with God where he must abstain from eating the fruit of
the tree of good and evil. Deep inside, he realized that
though he knew who he was, he was not happy when he
was done. H did not feel completely fulfilled. He felt that
there was something fundamental that was lacking. (St.
Pope John Paul II)
God created man as male and female. He created
them for each other and for love. He created them with
erotic desires and the ability to experience physical
pleasure. He created them to transmit life. [2331-2333,
2335, 2392]
Being a man or being a woman is very deeply
imprinted on the individual human person; it is a
different way of feeling, a different way of loving, a
different calling with respect to children, another way of
believing. Because he intended that they should be
there for each other and complement one another in
love. God made man and woman different. That is why
man and woman attract each other sexually and
intellectually. When a husband and wife express their
love for each other in bodily union, their love finds its
deepest sensual expression. Just as God is creative in his
love, so too man can be creative in love and give life to
children. (YOUCAT 400)
God endowed men and women with identical dignity
as persons. [2331-2335]
Both men and women are human beings created in
Gods image and children of God redeemed by Jesus
Christ. It is just as unchristian as it is inhumane to
discriminate unjustly against someone because he is
male or female. Equal dignity and equal rights,
nevertheless, do not men uniformity. The sort of
egalitarianism that ignores the specific character of a
man or a woman contradicts Gods plan of creation.
(YOUCAT 401)
The following principles that are drawn from
scriptures will help in the understanding of Gods design
for human sexuality. Firstly, in creating man, male and
female, God gave man and woman an equal personal
dignity (FC 22,cf. GS 49:2). Each of the sexes is an image
of the power and tenderness of God, with equal dignity
though a different way (CCC 2335). Every man and
woman should acknowledge his and her sexual identity,
physical and moral differences and complementarity are
oriented toward the goods of marriage and the
flourishing of the family life (CCC 2333). Maleness and
femaleness affect all aspects of the human person in the
unity of the body and soul. It especially concerns the
affectivity, the capacity to love and procreate and, in a
more general way, the aptitude for forming bonds of
communion with others (CCC2332).
The kind of affective life proper to each sex is
expressed in ways characteristic of the different states of
life: consecrated celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of
God fro priests and religious, conjugal union for married
persons and single blessedness chosen by lay persons.
RIGHT APPROACH OF SEX AND HUMAN SEXUALITY
Differentiating Sex from Human Sexuality
The word sex refers to a biologically based need that
is naturally oriented towards the generation of new life
although not exclusively. Its immediate aim is genital
activity but its real purpose, which has unfortunately
been missed by many who engage in the sexual act, is its
connection to procreation and committed love between
man and woman. To be human is to be sexual in ones
very being. Sexual means everything that makes a man,
man; and a woman, woman. Everything a man does is
sexual whether reading a book, driving, watching a
movie, etc. It is a mode of relating to other human
beings and the world. This relational power includes
qualities of sensitivity, warmth, openness to persons,
compassion and mutual support.
Sexual relationship refers to our being with other
sexual beings due to the need to relate with other
human beings, to communicate and to commune with
them. Such communion brings about acts that are sexual
in nature, biologically geared towards the generation of
life and the education of children who will comprise the
future society.
Sexual maturity is the emotional and physical
satisfying capacity to form a stable relationship with the
opposite sex. This is in contrast to sexual deviant
behavior, which refers to the behavior of those who
have been for , unable to form relationships with the
opposite sec in equal terms and who cannot, therefore,
give and receive love on a wholly satisfying way [sex
becomes less of sharing, it becomes a distortion of the
personality].
Sexual health, according to the World Health
definition, is the integration of the somatic, emotional,
intellectual and social aspects of sexual well-being, in
ways that are positively enriching and that enhance
personality, communication and love. The definition
spells out four levels of sexual well being: somatic
(bodily or physical) emotional, intellectual and social.
The additional clause (in ways that are positively
enriching and that enhance personality, communication
and love) is recognition of a number of factors.
ValueFormationinHumanSexuality:
1. Contributes to integral maturation of the person
2. For healthy interpersonal relations
3. Fosters healthy acceptance of ones sexuality
4. Comfortability with ones body
5. Motivates genuine efforts to develop ones
manhood or womanhood
The Original State of the Human Person
Man and woman, in addition to the gifts of intellect
and free will inherent in their nature as delineated
above, where also, in the beginning, endowed by God
with other preternatural and supernatural gifts. An
absolutely supernatural gift elevates into the divine
order of being and activity while a preternatural one
(also called relatively supernatural) perfects within the
created order. What is supernatural is natural only to
God and not to any creature, while what is preternatural
to one creature may be natural to another.
SupernaturalGift: SANCTIFYING GRACE
PreternaturalGifts:
1. Bodily Immortality
2. Freedom from the Signs of Death (pain
and suffering)
3. Freedom from Irregular Design
4. Knowledge of Natural and Supernatural
Truths Infused by God
- MysteryofCreation(PaulHaffner)

Male and Female Differences
Why did God design man different from woman?
The keyword that answers the question is
complementarity. Their differences are based on the
predominant qualities and traits found in each. If one is
a male person, he has to have the dominant qualities
and traits expected among males, and if female, the
predominance of female qualities. The following
statements show significant differences between male
and female. Regarding qualities of mind and heart, men
tend to be more logical while women get easily upset
and show it more readily. Males tend to be less
emotional; females are more emotional and more
sympathetic and caring. Males tend to be loners and
often prefer to keep things in themselves; females want
company and like to talk. In expressing themselves, men
are clearer and direct to the point; women tend to beat
around the bush. Males experience a sense of fulfillment
not only in marriage but also in work; females are more
centered in marriage and family life. Regarding qualities
of the spirit, men are less religious than women, have
less patience and though physically strong, their
endurance is less; females are more religious, more
patient and can endure and persevere.
Regarding sexual qualities, males tend to learn love
through sex and are inclined to physical aspects of
relationship, while females learn sex through love and
are inclined to the psychological aspects of a
relationship.
An awareness of male and female differences will
make for better understanding and acceptance of the
ways of the opposite sex. It will also make each one
realize not to judge the other by his yardstick because
inherently, male and female are different in their ways
of thinking, feeling and acting. It must be pointed out,
however, that these masculine and feminine differences
are neither absolute nor exclusive. That, there is no such
thing as one-hundred-percent male or one-hundred-
percent female. Finally one should realize that the
differences between a man and a woman also reveal
Gods plan, for marriage, for we are made the way we
are to complement one another through the sharing of
love and the giving of life to build the great family of
God. Human sexuality, therefore, for man and woman
should always be in the service of love and life.
Kinds of Sexual Attraction
Male and female complement each other; for
this reason there exists a natural attraction between
them. Sexual attraction may be classified as general and
personal. General sex attraction is the kind which
consists in an intriguing interest in the opposite sex as a
whole. Boys are attracted to the beauty and fragile grace
of girls, which girls are drawn to the calm deliberation
and muscular build of the boys. This kind of attraction
generally happens at the onset of puberty. The males,
when together, talk about females, and vice versa. Males
take the opportunity to join outings, excursions, parties
where they meet as many members of the opposite sex
as possible. Personal sex attraction is the kind that plays
role in Gods plan for marriage. Only those who are
eligible for marriage should foster this kind of sexual
attraction. Personal sexual attraction is characterized as,
first, being exclusive where presence of a third party is
resented: second, oneness which manifests itself in the
desire for togetherness.
HOW CAN ANYONE LIVE A CHASTE LIFE? WHAT CAN
HELP?
Someone lives chastely when he is free to love and is
not slave of his drives and emotions. Anything,
therefore, that helps one to become a more mature,
freer, and more loving person and to form better
relationship helps that person to love chastely, also.
[2338-22345].
One becomes free to love through self discipline,
which one must acquire, practice, and maintain at every
stage of life. It is helpful for me in this regard to obey
Gods commandments in all situations, to avoid
temptations and any form of double life or HYPOCRISY,
and to ask God for protection against temptations and to
strengthen me in love. Being able to love out a pure and
undivided love is ultimately grace and a wonderful gift of
God.
Doeseverybodyhavetobechaste,evenmarriedpeople?
Yes, every Christina should be loving and chaste,
whether he is young or old, lives alone or is married.
[2348-2394]
Not everyone is called to marriage, but everyone is
called to love. We are destined to give our lives away;
many do so in the form of marriage, others in the form
of voluntary celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of
heaven. All human life finds its meaning in love. To be
chaste means to love with an undivided heart. The
unchaste person is torn and not free. Someone who
loves authentically is free, strong, and good; he can
devote himself in love. Thus Christ, who gave himself up
completely to his Father in heaven, is a model of
CHASTITY, because he is the original model of strong
love.
To give your body to another person symbolizes the
total gift of yourself to that person. (St. John Paul II
meeting with young people in Kampala, Uganda,
February 6, 1993)
Education for Chastity Begins at Home
Parents are the first teachers and catechists of the
child. He learns the rudiments of sexual matters from
the way his parents relate to each other, from the male
and female differences and roles of male and female
siblings or relatives.
Personal hygiene and grooming are basics and may
be the occasion to discuss body changes as an example
is the onset of menarche and the change of voice which
are explained as natural signs of growth that are
expected, have meaning and purpose.
When parents dedicate their time to their children
and really place themselves at their level with love, they
help them channel their anxieties and aspirations
correctly, and teach them to reflect on the reality of
things and how to reason. Children who have this
experience are better disposed to live according to those
moral truths they see lived by their parents.
However, the role of the Church through the
Catholic Christian education and a sacramental and
liturgy responsive to the needs of the youth, the Church
assists and support the family in their journey in how to
balanced growth as a persons in the world of their time.
Through legislation and institutions, the State promotes
and defends the welfare of the family.
WhyistheChurchagainstpremaritalsex?
Because she would like to protect love. A person can
give someone else no greater gift than himself. I love
you means for both: I want only you, I want all that
you are, and I want to give myself to you forever!
Because that is so, we cannot, even with our bodies,
really say I love you temporarily or on a trial basis.
[2350-2391]
Many people take their premarital relationships
seriously. And yet there are two reservations involved
that are incompatible with love: the exit option and
the fear of a child. Because love is so great, so scared,
and so unique, the Church teaches young people the
obligation to wait until they are married before they
start to have sexual relations. 425 (YOUCAT 407)
If love is true then, it is willing to wait, for according
to St. Paul LOVE IS PATIENT. For the unmarried, there is
no better way to prepare a future of endless love than
by living present love before marriage with purity.
Based on studies, there are other evils linked with
premarital sex. Firstly, a great number of engaged
couples break their engagement after having had sexual
intercourse; and secondly, courtships that involve
intercourse are more likely to end in divorce or in
adultery after marriage. Why these findings? Based on
studies, this may be due to reasons such as:
a) Many young men lose the desire to marry girls who
have been easy with them.
b) The man loses respect for the girl. Any form of
relationship, if it is to last, should be founded on
mutual respect.
c) Unfaithfulness to ones fiance before marriage can
lay the groundwork for unfaithfulness of another
kind of marriage. Gods standards are still the best
guidelines given to young men and women. No new
morality can ever replace them.
Whatismeantbyfornication?
Fornication (from Greek word porneia) originally
meant pagan sexual practice, for instance, temple
prostitution. Later the term was applied to all forms of
sexual activity outside of marriage. Today in English it
generally refers to consensual sexual relations between
an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. [2353]
Fornication is often based on seduction, lies,
violence, dependency, and abuse. Fornication is
therefore serious offence against charity; it harms the
dignity of the person and fails to recognize the meaning
of human sexuality. Civil authorities have the duty to
protect minors especially from fornication. (YOUCAT)
What are the essential elements of Christian marriage?
1) Unity: Marriage is a covenant that by its very
nature brings about bodily, intellectual, and
spiritual union between a man and a woman;
2) Indissolubility: Marriage lasts until death do us
part;
3) Openness to offspring: Every marriage must be
open to children;
4) Commitment to the spouses welfare. [2360-
2397, 2398]
If one of the two spouses deliberately excludes one
of the four points listed above at the time of their
wedding, the SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY does not take
place. 64, 400
Today, the need to avoid confusing marriage with
other types of unions based on weak love is especially
urgent. It is only the rock of total, irrevocable love
between a man and a woman that can serve as the
foundation of which to build a society that will become a
home for all mankind. Pope Benedict XVI, May 11, 2006
What significance does the sexual encounter have within
themarriage?
According to Gods will, husband and wife should
encounter each other in bodily union so as to be union
so s to be united ever more deeply in bodily union so s
to be united ever more deeply with one another in love
and to allow children to proceed from their love. [2362-
2367
In Christianity, the body, pleasure, and erotic joy
enjoy a high status: Christianity believes that matter is
good, that God himself once took on a human body, that
some kind of body is going to be given to us even in
Heaven and is going to be an essential part of our
happiness, our beauty and our energy. Christianity has
glorified marriage more than any other RELIGION: and
nearly all the greatest love poetry in the world has been
produced by Christians. If anyone says that sex, in itself,
is bad, Christianity contradicts him at once (C.S. Lewis).
Pleasure, of course, is not an end itself. When the
pleasure of a couple becomes self-closed and is not
open to the new life that could result from it, it no
longer corresponds to the nature of love.
WHATISLOVE?
Love is the free self-giving of the heart. [2346]
Love is seen as the first and greatest commandment:
to love God above all. It is our central task as Christians
to give love to the primary source of love. Secondly,
Jesus, challenge by the Pharisees, declared that we are
to love our neighbors and even our enemies as much as
we love ourselves.
Love is also a decision, and not just a feeling.
Fundamentally, love means, to think and will and do the
good of another. It is the commitment, care and concern
for the other. As an active power in man, it is dynamic
and a changing thing. It is primarily giving and not
receiving.
To have a heart full of love means to be so pleased
with something that one emerges from oneself and
devotes oneself to it. A musician can devote himself to a
masterpiece. A kindergarten teacher can be there
wholeheartedly for her charges. In every friendship
there is love. The most beautiful form of love on earth
however, I the love between man and woman, in which
two people give themselves to each other forever. All
human love is at home. Love is the inmost being of the
Triune God. In God there is continual exchange and
perpetual self-giving. Through the overflowing of divine
love, we participate in the eternal love of God. The more
a person loves, the more he resembles God. Love should
influence the whole life of a person, but it is realized
with particular depth and symbolism when man and
woman love another in marriage and become one
flesh (Gen 2:24). 309
Two Kinds of Love
1. Sensible Love is physical attraction leading to
desire to satisfy ones biological needs, just like
the animals.
2. Rational Love is rooted in mans spirituality and
openness to being, a personal response to the
true nature and love worth of the other.
ElementsofLove
Common to all forms of love are four basic elements
which clearly show the active characteristics of love.
(Fromn, 1989)
Care, which is shown by the active concern for the
life and the growth of the one we love. Responsibility,
which means the ability to respond to his/her needs,
expressed or unexpressed. Respect, which denotes the
ability to see a person as he is; to be aware of his unique
individuality. Knowledge, which is the active in-depth
consciousness of another persons real image, leading to
genuine communion.
MatureLove
Genuine love is the love that endures. It is love that
is tested over and over again as time goes by. It is love
that is able to overcome crises, difficulties,
disappointments and serious problems. For a marriage
to work, this is the love that is required. We call this
mature love.
QualitiesofMatureLove
Mature love is altruistic. This means that lovers give
affection, time and energy to the beloved without
considering what will be received in return. Mature love
is freeing. This means that one is allowed to be as he is,
for better and for worse, so that one can be a better
person. Mature love is honest. This allows lovers to
know each other very well, so that it is love for the
person that matters, and not simply his or her image.
Mature love is happy, sad and neutral. It means that
sometimes it is fun, at other times, tender, or marred by
hurt or anger. At times, the emotional climate is neutral.
But mature love is mostly happy. Mature love is
empathetic. It means feeling with another and not
sympathy which is feeling for poor you. Mature love is
strengthening. In mature love, both people are growing
together.
HOWISSEXUALITYRELATEDTOLOVE?
Sexuality must not be separated from love; they
must go together. The sexual encounter requires the
framework of a true, dependable love. [2337]
Sexuality, by means of which man and woman
give themselves to one another through the acts
which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is by
no means something purely biological, but
concerns the innermost being of the human
person as such. It is realized in a truly human way
only if it is an integral part of the love by which a
man and a woman commit themselves totally to
one another until death. The total physical self-
giving would be a lie if it were not the sign and
fruit of a total personal self-giving. St. Pope John
PaulII,ApostolicExhortationFamiliarisConsortio
When sexuality is separated from love and is sought
only for the sake of satisfaction, one destroys the
meaning of the sexual union of man and woman. Sexual
union is the most beautiful bodily, sensual expression of
love. People who look for sex without love are lying,
because the closeness of their bodies does not
correspond to the closeness of their hearts. Someone
who does not take his own body language at its world
does lasting damage to body and soul. Sex then becomes
inhuman; it is degraded to a means of obtaining pleasure
and degenerates into a commodity. Only committed,
enduring love in marriage creates a space for sexuality
that is experienced in a human way and brings lasting
happiness.
Everything that makes a sexual encounter easy
hastens at the same time its plunge into irrelevance.
Paul Ricoeur French Philospher
LOVEOFFRIENDSHIP
True friendship is one of the greatest treasures that
exist in this world; and one necessary requisite of
marriage is genuine friendship between husband and
wife. Marriage cannot last unless the parties are genuine
friends.
Genuine or true friendship is something that does
not happen overnight. It is developed through an
ongoing process that is tested through time and events
in the life of husband and wife. Like love, friendship
between husband and wife must be nurtured for it grow
and endure.
DifferentWaysofLookingFriendship
Abbot J. Nimeth, O.F.M., in his book I Like You Just
Because, writes that a true friend brings joy into life,
and pours back into the soul his self-respect. A friend
inspires, encourages, gives room to grow and helps to
think more graciously. A friend gives warmth,
understanding, trust, and love. It is the privilege of being
yourself and still being accepted. Finally, he describes
friendship as a means to appreciate the other person,
recognizing his gifts and talents and encouraging him to
use his talents in every possible way.
According to Aristotle, a friend is a singles soul
dwelling in two bodies. He stresses the values of virtue
and permanence regarding friendship. This means that
the permanence and stability in friendship are only
possible and sure when two people are friends by virtue
of the good in one another.
St. Tomas, the Angelic Doctor, who studies
friendship in the context of mans relationship with God
generally spoke of it as a kind of love. He sees love of
friendship as highest form of love and places it in
opposition to the love of concupiscence.
QualitiesofTrueFriendship
True friendship possesses three essential qualities.
First, the friendship must morally be helpful to both
parties. This means that the friendship should draw the
parties closer to a life of virtues and closer to God as
time goes by. They help each other to become better
person. Second, there must be a genuine basis of
agreement between the two parties. This means that
there must be a harmonious relationship between the
parties. The agreement does not mean that one party
should say yes when in reality this person means no.
In such a situation one could stand up for ones
conviction or principle and still remain a friend. And last,
the friendship must be characterized by a spirit of self-
sacrifice. This means that friendship is tested through
the amount of sacrifice one can offer for the sake of the
friend. Let us remember, Jesus said that, Greater love
than this no man hath that he lay down his life for his
friend.
Other Qualities of True Friendship
AbilitytoListen. This means having available to listen
not only to what the friend is saying but also to what he
is trying to say. A friend is for sharing, that is, sharing
thoughts, feelings, fears, and complaints, because a true
friend knows how to listen.
Trustworthiness is in every genuine friendship, for
we have right to expect and an obligation to give loyalty.
This means that no matter what secrets once entrusts to
another, they cannot be violated. Because of deep self-
disclosure in a friendship it is imperative that friends
remain loyal.
Reverence means a friend is not an object to be
possessed but a subject to be cherished. Friends are not
things to be labeled or catalogued, but are to be loved
and respected.
Receptiveness means being open to others. We have
to let down the bridge and open the gate. Soon we will
discover that our friends will receive and treat us gently.
FriendshipintheBible
Friendship, a concrete and valued experience, is not
absent from the inspired words of God. We read Exodus
33:11, Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to
face, as a man speaks to his friend. Regarding persons
of influence in the life of an individual, Deuteronomy
13:6 remarks that it is your friend who is your own
soul. The psalmist declares, The friendship of the Lord
is for those who fear him and He makes known to Him
His covenant. (Ps 25:14). In the Gospel of John, Jesus
tells His disciples, You are my friends if you do what I
command you (Jn 15:14). No longer do I call you
servants, for the servant does not know what his master
is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have
heard from my Father, I have made known to you (Jn
15:15)
FriendshipinMarriage
The permanent bond between husband and wife
can remain strong and stable only if they continue to
grow and mature in their friendship. How is this
possible? The following explains friendship in Marriage
(Greely, 1968).
Friendshipistrust; it is the conviction that you can let
yourself be important to others, in turn we allow them
to make demands upon us. When this happens we are
confident that the other person will not take advantage
of us or exploit us. One is sure that one is giving himself
to a friend who will not betray his trust.
Friendship evolves slowly. It cannot be created
instantaneously. It requires delicacy, tact, prudence,
urbanity and diplomacy. Competency in the marriage
union is not an attribute born into man; on the contrary,
the process evolves slowly, at least if the couple is
patient and open and permit this joint evolution to
occur.
Friendship is patient. It is based on developing
commonality and complementarity, growing out of
common interests, values and commitments and
mutually reinforcing contribution to the emerging
pattern o friendship.
Friendshipisnotcompetitive. There is no need in the
friendship for one to surpass the other or to be afraid of
being surpassed by the other. On the contrary,
friendship rejoices over the others success and
accomplishments because this bond takes nothing from
us, but will merely deepen and enrich our union with
one another.
Friendship is open-ended; that is to say, it is never
perfect, never fulfilled never incapable of more growth,
never offers us reason to relax efforts; on the contrary,
friendship is the basic means of human growth.
Friendship is outgoing. Because it enriches us and
develops the hidden dimensions of our person; because
it enables us to be that which we would really like to be
it enables us to give more to the other. Since the other
believes in us and what we wish to be, we are able to
become what we want to be. We have quite literally
more to give to the other and together we have much
more to give to the world. Love, after all, is not two
people looking at each other but two people together
looking in the same direction.
Finally, friendship is playful because is one of mans
primary obligations, and the ones we are most at ease
with in our play are, of course, our friends. Play brings us
out of ourselves, enable us to relax, to let our hair
down and have fun. In playful activities, we put aside
our barriers, lower our defenses, cast away our
inhibitions, and we are able to do this and enjoy most
completely when we know we can trust those with
whom we are playing.


HUMAN LOVE IN ITS FULLNESS
The Love between Husband and Wife
Human love in its fullness is found in conjugal
love the love between husband and wife. This love
requires total commitment. If the sacramental grace of
matrimony should work in daily life, the role of all or
nothing is required. This means, above all, giving
unconditional love by both partners to each other.
Fidelity, understanding, kindness, compassion, respect
and support must be given in its fullness; otherwise,
marriage and family life will not endure the test of time.
This sacramental grace serves as a reminder of the total
commitment of Christ to His spouse, the Church.
Conjugal love, if it is to grow, requires the
common life which means, sharing bed, board and
lodging. Furthermore, this common life demands
selfless love especially in terms of sharing everything:
hopes, joys, disappointments, challenges, crises, and
concerns of each day.
This is not an easy thing to do. It is the result of a
long and difficult process wherein both should
continuously concretize their love through a constant
giving of the best of themselves to each other and
through constant victories over inordinate self-love.
However, they should not forget that trials and
sufferings are means of sanctification.
Sex in Marriage
What significance does the sexual encounter have within
marriage?
According to Gods will, husband and wife
should encounter each other in bodily union so as to be
united ever more deeply with one another in love and to
allow children to proceed from their love. [2362-2367]
In Christianity, the body, pleasure, and erotic joy
enjoy a high status: Christianity believes that matter
is good, that God himself once took on a human body,
that some kind of body is going to be given to us even in
Heaven and is going to be an essential part of our
happiness, our beauty and our energy. Christianity has
glorified marriage more than any other RELIGION: and
nearly all the greatest love poetry in the world has been
produced by Christians. If anyone says that sex, in itself,
is bad, Christianity contradicts him at once (C.S. Lewis).
Pleasure, of course, is not an end itself. When the
pleasure of a couple becomes self-enclosed and is not
open to the new life that could result from it, it no
longer corresponds to the nature of love.
The sexual act, also known as the conjugal act
between married persons, is not only a sacred act as
ordained by God for procreation but also a celebration
of love a most intimate and unique way of expressing
their love for each other. This act is a blessed reward
and encouragement for the sacrifices a couple makes in
loving each other for the better or for worse till death
do us part.
The conjugal bond that joins husband and wife
in marriage is not for mere cohabitation. To equate the
conjugal bond with mere cohabitation is against the
virtue of justice and destroys one esteemed value found
in society: the value of marriage. Young people of today
are given the wrong signal and have the tendency to
embrace a radically distorted notion of freedom.
Examples of this kind of distortion are the increasing
evidence of just living together without the benefit of
marriage and the growing number of separations and
divorce when the honeymoon is over.
The truth is that marriage is ordained by God for
procreation and education of new life in order that the
human race might increase and fill the earth in keeping
with His divine command. Thus the fundamental task of
the family is to save life, to actualize in history the
original blessing of the Creator that of transmitting by
procreation the divine image from person to person
(Gen 5:1-3).
It is good to recall here the teachings of St. Pope
John Paul II in marriage and sexuality. He states that in
marriage, sex is not something purely biological. Sex in
marriage pertains to the innermost being of the human
person and it can be realized in a truly human ways only
if it is an integral part of the love by which man and
woman commit themselves totally to one another.
Therein lies the connection between the two meanings
of the conjugal act: the unitive and creative meanings
which are written in the beings of man and woman and
in the dynamism of their sexual communion. What St.
Pope John Paul II declares is that by safeguarding both
these essential aspects the unitive and procreative
the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of
true mutual love and its ordination towards mans calling
to parenthood. Sex in marriage, therefore, signifies not
only love but also potential fecundity or fruitfulness.
WHAT TO EXPECT IN A PROSPECTIVE LIFETIME PARTNER
Incidental Factors
The single most important choice an individual
makes in his lifetime is the selection of a marriage
partner. Certain factors come into play in the choice of
ones prospective spouse. Firstly, we have geographical
and residential propinquity. The term propinquity means
closeness or nearness. This is a tendency to choose
someone who lives close by (boy / girl next door).
Second is homogamy. This term has been most
frequently used to apply to social and cultural likes,
that is to say, persons belonging to the same race,
nationality, region or social class. A third factor is sharing
of similar cultural values