2 THE COLUMBIA LION

Summer 2014
Senior Editors
Sean Augustine-Obi (CC 16) Editor
Michelle Marchese (CC 15) Managing Editor
Lian Plass (CC 16) Design Editor
Ojas Sathe (SEAS 17) Humor Editor

Contributors
Jacob Greenberg (SEAS 17)
Shreyas Vissapragada (CC 17)
Alexandra Warrick (BC 17)
Katherine Whatley (BC 17)

Editors Emeriti
Jake Davidson (CC 14)
Stephen Snowder (GS 14)
Marilyn He (CC 14)
Matthew Byrd (CC 13)
Jose Montelongo (CC 13)
Conor Skelding (CC 14)
Daniel Stone (CC 16)
Sonalee Rau (CC 14)
Johni Light (CC 14)
Abigail Struhl (CC 14)

Friends of the Lion
Maggie Alden (CC 14)
Nicolas Biekert (SEAS 13)
Jack Goetz (CC 14)
Samantha Henderson (CC 14)
Grace Rosen (CC 14)
Peter Sterne (CC 14)
Sam Kazer (CC 14)
FROM THE
EDITOR
A year and a half ago, Te Lion was founded by for-
mer Spectator Managing Board members Jake Davidson
(CC 14) and Stephen Snowder (GS 14). Originally a blog
designed to fnd the humorous aspects of campus news,
its grown into an online publication thats received men-
tions everywhere from Jezebel to Te New York Times.
Now weve gone one step further with our frst ever print
issuehopefully the frst of many.
We maintain a lean staf, but welcome anyone who
wants to join, whether theyre interested in writing, edit-
ing, design, social media, selling ads, or just hanging out
with fun people. Our belief is that anyone with a recorder
and a keyboard can join the conversation, and theres
enough space on campus for three publications. We hope
to bring an interesting, fresh, and funny perspective on
Columbia life to readers.
Today, Te Lion continues to aim to provide Columbia
news you want to read. Visit our website at columbial-
ion.com, and add us on Facebook and Twitter. Heres
to another school year flled with scandal, intrigue, and
quality reporting.
Sean Augustine-Obi
Editor-in-Chief
Want to join The Lion or
fnd out more about us?
Come to our Open House on
September 6 at 3 PM in Butler 407
or email us at
thecolumbialion@gmail.com!
THE COLUMBIA LION 3
BACCHANAL CANCELED:
BACCHANAL FALL CONCERT CANCELED BY DEANS,
SPRING CONCERT FACING CANCELLATION
Sean Augustine-Obi
Bacchanals fall concert has been canceled, and the spring concert is pending cancellation, following administra-
tive action to ostensibly combat sexual violence.
Last week, we got a tip about about the cancellation of the fall Bacchanal concert. Previously, the concert went by
the name of Lowlapalooza and featured numerous student artists. Tis year, the events scale was ramped up, with
three major recording artists booked to perform.
However, according to a press release from Bacchanals board, co-written with student council representatives,
administrators fnalized the fall concerts cancellation earlier today and placed the spring concert under administrative
review. As a result, Bacchanals board cancelled their contracts with the artists, and were reimbursed for the $55,000
they forfeited in performer fees.
Te move for cancellation was led by the four undergraduate deans and relayed to Bacchanal by the Ofce of Student
Engagement and interim Dean of Student Life Todd Smith-Bergollo. In their meeting with Bacchanals co-president
Ben Kornick, they made general comments about safety concerns associated with drinking and sexual harassment.
Bacchanals board repeatedly attempted to mollify these administrative concerns. In the days afer Kornick met
with admins, the board sent emails to the four undergraduate deans (Deans Awn, Valentini, Hinkson and Boyce)
expressing their concerns and asking for the reasons behind the cancellation.
Ten, on August 1, students submitted a formal proposal to the deans outlining extensive measures they were
willing to make the event safer. Among them:
measures to improve crowd control and fght excessive drinking
changes to the concert theme that would convey a positive message
plans to give out backstage passes to students who participated in bystander intervention trainings
provided by Sexual Violence Response
plans to provide water stations and food inside the fences
an ofer to move the concert to a seated venue if that was what it took to provide the security the
deans required to reverse the cancellation
Te deans turned down the proposal, issuing a letter to student representatives that fnalized the fall concert can-
cellation and suggested the status of the Annual spring concert [was] in question.
Tis isnt the frst time Bacchanals faced opposition from the administration for alcohol-related issues. Te num-
ber of disciplinary and alcohol-related complaints at Bacchanal doubled between the 2012 and 2013 concerts, putting
Bacchanal in hot water. Public Safety went so far to ban visibly intoxicated students from this springs concert.
Before this years spring concert, then-Dean of Student Afairs Terry Martinez sent a candid email to all students
encouraging good behavior. In it, she enumerated facilities damages from last years festivities and advised students to
make smart, safe, and responsible choices as you enjoy the social opportunities and traditions available on campus.
Apparently, this was a veiled threat to not screw this Bacchanal up.
Before the email was sent, members of both student councils wanted the administration to use diferent language
to address the issue. When the administration declined, they refused to co-sign the letter.
However, this failed to curtail student alcohol abuse. A rumor printed in the May issue of the Blue and White says
that 40 students were CAVAd during the day.
In contrast to these rumors, the number of students CAVAd sharply decreased during 2014 Bacchanal, and
only one student needed to be transported to St. Lukes. Additionally, the total number of alcohol-related com-
plaints signifcantly dropped. A letter from the deans addresses these fgures, saying that those eforts resulted in
a much improved, yet still problematic, event last spring. Te councils proposals, the deans wrote, provide an
excellent starting point for a robust planning process for the potential spring event.
In spite of the decrease in reported incidents, however, sexual misconduct at Bacchanal was widely discussed on
social media platforms. One student wrote an op-ed for Spec detailing her experience being groped at Bacchanal, and
one student named in the recent Title IX complaint against the university was allegedly assaulted during the concert.
Students who are charged with misconduct during Bacchanal ofen face heavy disciplinary penalties from the
Ofce of Judicial Afairs. In one such instance this spring, a starting athlete was kicked of his team for allegedly
climbing onto Alma Mater while drunk and spraying other students with a water gun.
Regardless of the immediate justifcation for the change, Columbia faces the distinct possibility of becoming the
frst Ivy League school without a spring concert, public or private.
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4 THE COLUMBIA LION
SEXUAL ASSAULT
ACTIVISM TIMELINE:
2014
JANUARY Columbia makes the NY Times
for criticism of its sexual assault poli-
cies. President Bollinger later announces
the release of aggregate data on campus
assaults. Te Blue and White publishes a
widely-read two-part feature describing
the experiences of sexual assault survi-
vors.
MARCH Members of No Red Tape march on
admitted students event in Lerner distrib-
uting fyers listing Columbias problems
with sexual assault. Tey are escorted out
of the building.
APRIL Coalition Against Sexual Violence
pushes for two town halls. Survivors
and allies question administrators about
sexual assault policies in ofen heated
exchanges.
Twenty-three students fle federal Title IX,
Title II, and Clery Act complaints against
the university.
Dining puts out controversial Sexual
Violence Prevention cake, complete with
roses and black ribbons.
MAY Rapist lists circulate campus. Activists
stage protest at Commencement by put-
ting red tape on their caps.
JUNE Criticism from alumni and activ-
ists mars proposed two-year extension of
President Bollingers term.
JULY Location of the Sexual Violence
Response center announced to replace
board rooms in Lerner, to the chagrin of
student groups.
AUGUST Columbia unveils new sexual
assault policies, with minimal student
input. Some concerns remain, such as the
ability for the academic deans to veto judi-
cial rulings.
RAPIST LISTS:
AMID FRUSTRATION WITH SEXUAL
ASSAULT response AND FINALS,
LISTS OF ALLEGED RAPISTS APPEAR
Original Reporting by
Jake Davidson and Sean Augustine-Obi
In May, a list of names written in marker began popping up in
highly-trafcked womens restrooms across campus. Te list, titled
Sexual assault violators on campus, named four male students
who had undergone judicial proceedings for sexual misconduct.
Tree were found responsible of violating university codes of
conduct, each suspended for a semester. Te name of the fourth
student, Jean-Paul Nungesser, was revealed in a police report fled
by his alleged victim, Emma Sulkowicz, a week afer the lists were
publicized. He had initially been found responsible, but success-
fully appealed the ruling to Columbia College Dean Valentini.
To avoid chilling complainants from coming
forward and to respect all parties involved,
the University does not comment on the par-
ticulars of disciplinary proceedings regarding
sexual misconduct. In addition, the University is
mindful of the multiple federal laws that govern
these matters and provide important protec-
tions to survivors of sexual violence and to
students engaged in our investigative process.
These laws and our constitutional values do
not permit us to silence debate on the dif-
cult issues being discussed.
Katherine Cutler, Director of
Communications and Special Projects
Te existence of the lists quickly spread across social media.
Students caught new instances of the lists faster than campus
media could catch up. Te author(s), it seemed, would not stop
until the names were made public. At the same time, Bwog was
criticized for a perceived confict of interestone of their editors
was named on the list, and they did not report on the existence of
the lists for a few days. Afer seeking advice from a lawyer, they
removed the editor from their staf.
Te lasting impact of the lists remains to be seen. News crews
came to campus, interviewing activists and reporters. In what had
become a theme that semester, the administration was slammed in
of-campus media for failing to protect survivors. Te identities of
the author (or authors) were never revealed publicly, and it remains
unknown whether their eforts to evade security cameras and
Public Safety ofcers were successful. Te incident remains contro-
versial, revealing divisions of opinion on a campus that remains a
hotbed of activism.
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THE COLUMBIA LION 5
a conversation long overdue
a response to down to festa: The Thetagate Scandal
Shreyas Vissapragada
Tis Feburary, members of sorority Kappa Alpha Teta threw a Beer Olympics themed mixer with fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon. In
a scandal now known as Tetagate, some of the sisters outfts for the Parade of Nationsnamely Team Japan and Team Mexico
were viewed by some, especially cultural groups like Chicano Caucus, as ofensively built on stereotypes, and by others as harmless
fun. When photos of Chicano Caucus also donning the stereotypical sombreros and mustaches appeared on Bwog, many were quick
to cry hypocrisy at Chicano Caucus.
In response to the whole shitstorm about Chican@ Caucus and Teta, I would like to cite the always-quotable
Lion daily editor Ojas Sathe: People fnd hypocrisy more enticing than wrongdoing.
Its pretty simple. When a bunch of people who are in no way connected to a culture caricatures that culture in a
misrepresentative way, that action is ofensive. And sure, while whatever happened at Glass House complicates the
situation (and even then, it really shouldnt, because reclamation of your own culture is markedly distinct than using
another culture because its convenient, but thats a subject for another time)that doesnt make what happened at
Teta any less ofensive. Chican@ Caucus is simply not at fault and even if you want to dispute that fact, they are
certainly nowhere close to being as in the wrong as Teta is, nor do they justify Tetas actions.
I dont even think Teta is wholly in the wrong hereif youll look at some of the pictures they posted, some are clearly
worse than others. Personally, I think Team Jamaica was done in good taste, and it didnt really strike me as ofensive (as
compared to Team Mexico or Team Japan). Im not criticizing Teta as a whole. But the few Teta women who made a big
mistake and ofended a large portion of students on campus are indisputably at faultnot Chican@ Caucus.
I know if there was a Team India with a bunch of people ofensively playing up a bunch of Indian tropes for the
purpose of having fun at a Beer Olympics party, I would be ofended as hell. I feel for all the people who have been
victimized by the events that have transpired in the past few days. Taking a culture thats not your own and using in
a way thats ofensive is just a shitty thing to do, and nothing that happened at Glass House Rocks changes that.
People of color should not have to constantly defend their culture from appropriation; and they certainly shouldnt
have to do so at Columbia. Tis school is supposed to be a safe space in which students can feel comfortable in their
culture, race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, and whatever other avenues people defne themselves through. Recent events
have shown that we arent that safe space afer all. Te fact that people have chosen to target the Chican@ Caucus for
reclaiming their culture rather than the few members of Teta who started this controversy is deeply troubling.
Teres a very easy parallel to draw here to bodily autonomy and rape culture. Especially in liberal havens like Colum-
bia, people are beginning to identify with the idea that you are allowed to do anything with your own body it is yours,
and no one elses. People are also starting to realize that infringement of that bodily autonomy, whether it be in the form
of rape or anything else, is both wrong and the fault of the infringer, not the infringed. Tese are encouraging trends.
People seem to think that defning cultural autonomy is a lot harder to pin down. Teyre actually quite similar. For
people who identify with a specifc culture, that culture is their own, and no one elses. And the infringement of that
culture, whether in the form of caricature or anything else, is both wrong and the fault of the infringer, not the infringed.
By this defnition, the fault lies with those members of Teta that did wrong, not with the Chican@ Caucus.
It strikes me that a lot of the comments on websites like Bwog go against this dynamic not because the comment-
ers want to be derisive towards the victimized cultures, but simply because they dont understand that what they are
saying speaks to a larger, exigent purpose. Te rhetoric that has been established surrounding the events of the last
week is characteristic of a school that doesnt really give a shit about protecting the identity of its students. And thats
just not true. We have so many ethnic groups established for the purpose of preserving and perpetuating culture, so
many groups that rally for inclusion, so many groups committed to creating a safe space on our campus. Its a shame
that their work is being undone.
So if youre criticizing the Chican@ Caucus along these lines, keep in mind that your valuation of hypocrisy over
legitimate wrongdoing is creating a precarious situation in which its more and more okay for identity (be it cultural,
racial, sexual, etc.) to be attacked, and one in which agency for members of that culture is largely removed. Tis
backwards moral code has no place at Columbia. Take pride in the fact that our school can and should be a very safe
space for people of diferent identities dont challenge it.
6 THE COLUMBIA LION
IN SEARCH OF BARNARDS TRANS STUDENT POLICY
Kat Whatley
Earlier this year, a Blue and White article discussed the difculties of transgender students at Columbia. Tough
the author is a Columbia College student, many of the experiences he shared refected the larger struggles of trans
and non-gender conforming individuals at college campuses. However, not all students face the same problems, and
my alma mater, Barnard, occupies a unique place in the efort for trans students to gain acceptance and recognition
by their colleges.
As the transgender rights movement gains speed and becomes more and more present in collegiate life, womens
colleges, including Barnard, have been asked to change their admissions process to refect a new understanding
about trans men and women.
Currently, womens colleges have varying degrees of openness towards trans students. Smith College was in the
news recently for not accepting a trans woman last year. At that time, the prospective student was openly trans, but
had not changed all her documentation to refect her new gender identity. Student activists claim that most trans
high school students cannot fulfll Smiths paperwork requirements.
In fact, according to Lauren Malotra-Gaudet, President of Q, Barnards Queer student group, on top of the costs
of changing paperwork being prohibitive for many high school students, not all states will allow people to change
their sex on documentation until they have had sexual reassignment surgery, which is not something that all trans
people want. With these difculties in mind, Mills College, in California, recently became the frst womens college
to accept trans and gender fuid students, regardless of paperwork or ofcial documentation.
So what about Barnard? Unlike Smith and Mills College, but similar to Bryn Mawr, Barnard does not specifcally
address trans students on their website, and there is no mention of trans student application policies.
Afer emailing a number of diferent administration ofces on campus, including Well Woman and Admissions,
I fnally received a response from Dean Avis Hinkson on the requirements for trans students to be accepted.
As a womens college, Barnard has never had a formal policy on transgender students. Each application is
reviewed individually on a case-by-case basis. Transgender students at womens colleges is a topic of much discus-
sion nationally and among our senior leadership team, and we are looking forward to convening more conversations
that help our community engage with these important issues. [...] With regard to the Common Applications gender
box, applicants who select male would receive an automated message that Barnard is a womens college and only
receives and reviews applications from applicants who select female. If we were to receive a follow-up question
about this from an applicant who selects male but identifes as female, their request and individual circumstances
would be taken into consideration. To date, the College has not received any such requests. As such, there is no set
procedure for medical or legal records at this time.
Dean Hinksons response is telling. Either, no trans women have applied to Barnard, or more likely, they have
been put of by the email reminding them that Barnard is, both in name and function, a womens college.
Not only should Barnard explicitly state their policy on their admissions website, but they should make a concerted
efort to be more welcoming to trans men and women. According to Malotra-Gaudet, there is already a push from
student groups on campus to be more welcoming to trans students. Q is partnering with SGA to change the frst year
housing survey that determines who frst years will be paired for the year. Tese changes will hopefully make it more
inclusive of trans and LGBTQ students, as well as adding the option for trans or queer students to be paired together.
Other projects in the works include a new Barnard housing video that will be more representative of all the
groups on campus than the current one, and a gender quiz on Facebook that will give admitted students a better
understanding of the trans student movement before they arrive on campus. Malotra-Gaudet hopes that in a few
years there can even be a gender and sexuality awareness foor just as there is a wellness foor within frst year student
housing. She hopes this foor will help strike a balance on campus between being welcoming of trans students, and
inclusive of students with all types of gender identities.
It is time for the Barnard administration to be more transparent with regards their trans student policy. Rede-
fning what it means to be a woman, and pushing those boundaries have always been a central part of Barnards
mission. As the most competitive womens college in the United States, allowing trans and gender fuid students to
apply, regardless of their paperwork, would be a strong, positive step. For who is Barnard to arbitrarily assign who
is a woman or not?
THE COLUMBIA LION 7
SPEC GOES WEEKLY
Jake Davidson and Sean Augustine-Obi
According to a tweet from former EIC Sammy Roth, the
Columbia Daily Spectator will no longer be daily. In addition
to cutting back print production, the paper will also extend
its work-study program to many of its core members.
In a move by the current Corporate Board (their edi-
tor-in-chief, managing editor, and publisher) announced at
a staf-wide meeting tonight, Spectator will be the frst Ivy
League daily to go digital-frst this fall. In a phone conver-
sation with editor-in-chief Abby Abrams, she added that
the paper will be enhancing its digital content and that
all changes are pending the approval of Spectators board of
trustees.
Te newspaper, which currently prints on weekdays, with
an extended weekend supplement on Fridays, will print a
weekly edition measuring 12 to 16 pages on Tursdays start-
ing next semester.
According to a tweet from former Managing Editor Finn
Vigeland, Te Eye magazine will also be afected by the
changes, and will cease print production in favor of a more legitimate online presence. In addition, the two full-time asso-
ciates of Spectators advertising staf, Dan Smullyan and Ellen Lannon, who previously worked fve days a week, will now
only work three days a week.
We have talked with Dan and Ellen about reducing their work schedule, and they are totally on board with that, said
Abrams of the change.
Although rumors about reducing print have existed since the start of the recession, sources confrm that the move is
not due to fnancial considerations, as the Spectator has had a positive net income for the past six years.
Te meeting also revealed that Spec will also be extending its federal work-study program to members of the deputy
board who meet certain economic criteria, a long-time goal of the publication. In contrast to earlier reports, Spec will not
be directly paying members of the Managing Board, Abrams said.
We currently have a work-study program at Spectator, but we are expanding it beyond the Managing Board. In the
past years, we have covered the Managing Board, and what were doing now is, were expanding the work-study program
to cover all the deputy boards, which is a lot more people.
Tat means that people who cant really aford to work for free will really get to take advantage of Spectator and will feel
that Spectator, hopefully, is a more accessible place for them. Tats the really exciting part.
We are expanding this to cover as many people as possible, and we havent determined exactly how many people that
will be yet, honestly, because we still need to talk to all the members of our staf and see who is eligible to receive federal
work-study. I dont have a hard number for you right now thats something well be fguring out as we go towards next
semester.
Abrams also discussed the importance of the board of trustees opinion on the changes. Te decision has not been
fnalized, and it is pending the vote by the board of trustees later this week. Te meeting tonight was really exciting, and our
staf is really excited to be focusing more on the content, to be doing great things with our digital presence next semester,
but its just important to us that we convey that we do still need the vote of the board of trustees at the end of this week.
All changes will take place in the fall semester, and weekly print production will begin with the Orientation Issue in
August.
Tese changes come in the wake of attempts by Spec to recruit and pay web developers to redesign the Eye and Spec-
trum websites. Previously, these websites were maintained by Spectators Online section, which was unpaid.
Although the changes will afect many of the newspapers print subscribers, the paper hopes to continue its commit-
ment to cover all campus news, as well as the neighborhoods of Morningside Heights, the Upper West Side, West
Harlem, and Manhattanville.
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SPEC TO CUT PRINT SCHEDULE?
Te Lion has heard rumors that the Spectator has
plans to cut its print production schedule, and that a
related meeting set for earlier tonight was canceled.
Tese rumors being unverifed, the Lion got in touch
with EIC Abby Abrams. She did not deny them.
We are always talking about that kind of stuf, every
year since the fnancial crisis, she told the Lion over the
phone. Tis year, we have also had conversations like
that.
Referring to ongoing conversations about what our
digital future is, she added that any news organization
that is not talking about its digital future is really going
to fail.
Asked about this evenings canceled meeting, she
said, We did schedule an all staf meeting for Sunday,
and that has been canceled. Tat was going to be about
things that Spectator is thinking about in terms of our
digital future.
Te Lion has gotten word that select speccies will
hear more on Wednesday.
8 THE COLUMBIA LION
ENDING THE FARCE:
THE LEGALITY OF UNPAID INTERNSHIPS
Peter Sterne
Its nice to see Columbia fnally end the charade of providing fake
R credit for unpaid internships. Tis change puts Columbias policy
in line with its peer schools I dont believe that any other Ivy League
school provides fake credit for unpaid internships. Yale specifcally says
that it does not award credit for internships.
Columbias old policy didnt make much sense; the R credit didnt
actually count toward your degree, so there was no reason for students
to bother applying for it. All it really did was make employers feel bet-
ter about violating labor laws. Companies believed (wrongly, in my
opinion) that as long as the Columbia students working for them could
receive college crediteven if that credit was meaninglessthen the
students could be classifed as interns and legally not be paid.
But according to the Department of Labor, the diference between
an unpaid intern and an employee (who must be paid) isnt whether
or not one receives academic credit. Tere are actually six criteria for
distinguishing an unpaid intern from an employee. Providing college
credit arguably fulflls one of the criteria, which involves providing
training which would be given in an educational environment. But
there are still fve more criteria that need to be met, such as the require-
ment that an intern not displace regular employees.
So if you hire an unpaid intern to do work instead of hiring a paid
employee, it doesnt matter whether or not the intern receives college
credit; the unpaid internship is illegal regardless.
Career Services knows this. If any of these criteria are not met, the
intern must be paid, it tells potential employers for students.
Tere is actually a way for Ivy League students to receive academic
credit for their internships. With a professors guidance, a student can
pursue an academic internshipwhich is basically an independent
study that requires you to write a research paper about something
related to your internship. Like any other independent study, this will
give the student real academic credit, not the fake R credit stuf.
I know from personal experience that Columbia does this, too. Last
year, while I interned at the Columbia Journalism Review, I took a two-
credit class in the Poli/Sci department called Workshop in Media and
Politics. We might see more students doing these kinds of academic
internships and independent studies.
Most likely, Columbias decision will add to the pressure on employ-
ers to pay their interns. Its possible that some employers will refuse to
hire Columbia students because they wont receive credit, but I think
thats pretty unlikely, especially since the other Ivy League schools have
already adopted these policies. Is an employer really going to refuse to
hire any Ivy League students just because they mistakenly think they
dont have to pay people who receive college credit? I doubt it.
Tis policy change, along with the increasing numbers of lawsuits
fled by unpaid interns, will hopefully get employers to understand
what the law actually says: you have to pay the people who work for
you. With actual money, not college credit and experience. l
secret society
fun facts
Last March, the membership lists of the
two senior societies, the Nacoms and
Sachems, were leaked to campus media.
Along with the names of the Class of 2014
inductees, hundreds of unfattering photos
taken at the Sachems Centennial Dinner
were published by Bwog. But names and
photos only tell so much. What else do we
know about Columbias secret societies?
Did you know?
Te Sachems were founded in 1914, and
the Nacoms were founded in 1898. Only
three fraternities have lasted on campus
that long.
Legend has it that the exclusion of Jewish
students from the Nacoms led to the crea-
tion of the Sachems.
Te selection process for the societies is
rigorousthe groups tend to choose lead-
ers of high-profle student groups, such as
the Spectator, the Varsity Show, and the
student councils.
Afer being tapped, Sachem inductees
go through an initiation period lasting a
few weeks, culminating in a dinner in Riv-
erside Church.
Sachems tap juniors with a pie in the
face. One alum says that it took weeks to
get the smell of cream out of her clothing.
Te Sachems choose who they want to
tap individually; the Nacoms decide as a
group.
Roger Lehecka, former dean of CC, runs
the Sachems.
Before the spring 2014 leaks, much of
the information about the senior societies
came from a 2006 Blue and White arti-
cle, Tap, Youre It! Current Nacoms and
Sachems are quick to point out inaccura-
cies.
At least one Native American student on
campus is not happy about the appropria-
tion of the names of indigenous tribes for
Ivy League societies.
St. Anthony Hall, or St. As, is not a senior
society.
THE COLUMBIA LION 9
how we dont live:
i am in rehab, for the tenth time now
Stephen Snowder
I dont know where Jefrey lives, but he spends a lot of his time on my street in the South Bronx. For fun, he gets
drunk or high and runs into the street in front of oncoming buses, only to jump out of the way at the last second. I
do it for the adrenaline, he always tells me.
He usually asks me for money, and when I have a few bucks, Ill give it to him. As a result, weve sort of become
friends. Hey, Columbia man, he said to me once. Im your only black friend in this neighborhood. Anyone ever
mess with you, Ill fuck them up. To demonstrate his toughness, he lifed up his shirt and showed me an enormous
scar across the lef side of his belly. Some dude got me with a shotgun, he explained. He thought I stole from him.
I didnt do it. Id tell you if I did.
Tis is just one of a thousand stories Jefrey likes to tell about his life. How many of them are true, I have no idea.
Frequently over the last few years, Ive suggested that he should write them down. Ive done this more as a means of
getting out of the conversation than anything else.
In September, Jefrey told me he was going to rehab. I dont need to stop drinking, he said. I just need to stop
drinking for 28 days. Ten he told me that while he was away, he was going to take my advice and write down the
story of his life. I had heard the rehab plans before, and he never actually seemed to go anywhere for very long. But I
encouraged him to write down the story.
Tis time, he really went to rehab. When he came back, he looked like a diferent person. Tinner, more alert. He
came running up to me the frst time he saw me afer he was back. In one hand, he had a bottle of rum. In the other,
he had a plastic shopping bag.
He gave the bag to me. Inside were four notebooks, flled front to back with his handwriting, in pencil. I did like
I told you I was gonna do. I wrote it all down.
Tis is a selection from the beginning of Jefreys story. Its veracity is unknown to me. I know Jefreys last name, and
with that information Ive been able to verify some of what he writes, but not nearly all of it. Ive edited it only to correct
spelling errors that rendered meaning unintelligible, to occasionally clarify things with bracketed comments, and to add
paragraph breaks. Te Lion is publishing this because it provides an interesting perspective on a side of New York, and
New Yorkers, that Columbia students are not ofen privy to.
Hi, my name is Jef. I am in rehab again, for the tenth time. My friend Stephen had me
write this because he thinks I am crazy.
Anyway I have been using since 1976, when I was fourteen. I have been to hell literally
and back. It was hard at frst.
I used to go to school at frst, but that didnt last long. We used to light the whole back
of the 4 train up with weed smoke. Back then we used to tag the trains and buses. I used
to go to school high every day. My mother cared but when I went to high school she could
not keep up with me.
My friends were hoods and thugs. My best friend Norman used to rob supermarkets in
the morning and we used to ride around in nice cabs back then. Tey had [illegible] and
Touch of Class and Godfather cabs.
I remember one time him and his brother-in-law Mike robbed a supermarket on 176th
Street and Jerome Avenue, and my friend was telling me about it as we were driving by the
supermarket that they had robbed the day before. He tells the cab driver to stop the cab
right in front of the supermarket that they robbed. He tells me that he had some car keys
for some car that was around the corner from the place that they robbed. What he didnt
tell me was that the car he was going to get belonged to the man that he robbed in the
supermarket the day before.
10 THE COLUMBIA LION
Anyway he goes around the corner and he comes back a few minutes later and tells me
that he could not fnd the car. Like I said, he didnt tell me that the car he was going to get
belonged to the man in the supermarket. So I say lets fnd another cab. So we are looking
for another cab to ride around in because he had my bookbag full of money and food
stamps that they robbed from the supermarket that they had robbed the day before.
Anyway we couldnt fnd any cabs so I say let me go in the supermarket and call a cab,
so I go in the supermarket to call a cab. So Im in the back of the store to call a cab and
the man that my friend robbed the day before pulls a big knife on me and says I robbed
his store the day before. I wasnt there when my friends robbed the store. So they call the
police on me. So the cops come and they ask the man in the store was I one of the guys that
robbed the store and the guy says no but the guy that I was with outside the store was one
of them, so the cops tell the man that they couldnt hold me for anything, so they let me go
from the store.
Let me tell you I wanted to kill my friend but he did say that they did rob the store the
day before. I should have lef him alone afer that but I didnt. Tey used to rob a lot of
supermarkets but they never took me. He used to call me afer they robbed something. One
time he did take me to rob a check cashing place on 176th and Jerome avenue in the Bronx.
(I can confess now because that happened over thirty years ago). Anyway he had a pellet
gun that looked real. So Im standing outside the place and time goes by and Im waiting
for him and he doesnt come back. So I take a chance to go look for him and he is not in
the check cashing place. Im looking around and I dont see him, so Im saying no police
is coming where is he at. I look up and hes in the train station talking to some girl. What
happened was, he went in the check cashing place and pulled the fake gun out and the man
took it from him and he walked out the store, but he didnt tell me what happened. I should
have lef him alone that time too but I didnt.
Let me go back for a second. My friend Norman was a hood and he didnt have to be.
His father owned his own company so Norman didnt have to rob anyone but he liked rob-
bing supermarkets and check cashing places. Te frst time I should have lef him alone is
when we were in school and I was eating a burger and drinking a milk and Norman had
this big knife in his pocket and he say to me, Lets go rob this guy that was walking down
a hallway in the school. I said no because we were on the same foor as my math class that
I didnt go to and the teacher was the dean of the school. Busy-Bee Starski the rapper, that
was one of the best rappers there was at the time, was in my class. We used to go to Dewitt
Clinton in the Bronx. He got kicked out and I think he went to Gompers [another high
school in the Bronx]. Anyway back to Norman. His time as a stick-up kid was about to
come to an end. Back to the guy he robbed in the school, the police got him and my other
friend told them I was with him when he robbed the guy and I didnt know anything until
afer he did it. I was on the other side of the door going down the steps when he did what
he did and I end up in jail for something that I had nothing to do with what he did. Anyway
me and him was in the Bullpens in the Bronx courthouse and I told him to tell them I had
nothing to do with robbing that guy or I was going to hurt him. I dont know what he told
them but they let me go.
Back to what I was saying about Normans life as a stick-up kid, him and two other guys
tried to stick up a check cashing place uptown in the Bronx and Mike got shot in the head
by the man from the check cashing place and they lef his body on the ground all day. So
Normans father found out what happened and turned him in. He got a two to four and he
turn into a monster.
Teres a lot more to Jefreys story. We dont have room to publish all of it here, but we may publish more excerpts
in the future. If anyone is interested in helping to fnd a publisher for the full thing, email me at thecolumbialion@
gmail.com.
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THE COLUMBIA LION 11
midnight snack:
how to make your v-day less lonely
Michelle Marchese
For all those people who still like to call Valentines
Day Singles Awareness Day, heres a cheesy playlist to
help keep your romantic holiday loneliness at bay.
As Long As You Love Me by the Backstreet Boys
I dont care who you are, where youre from, what you
did, as long as you love me.
Whether youre still recovering from your winter
hibernation (extended six weeks, thanks a lot Punxsut-
awney Phil) or, like, a serial killer, the Backstreet Boys
will always be here for you. As long as you love them.
What more could you possibly want?
What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction
Youre insecure, dont know what for, youre turning
heads when you walk through the door.
Dont have a date for Valentines Day? Youre probably
feeling pretty ugly. But dont fretyouve got fve guys
running around on a beach telling you that you dont
even need makeup to cover up, no matter how ratchet
you might look crawling out of your Butler cave.
Its Gonna Be Me by NSYNC
Every little thing I do never seems enough for you ... and
when you fnally get to love somebody, its gonna be me.
When youre feeling lonely and undesirable, theres
nothing quite like having baby Justin Timberlake tell
you that hes willing to jump through hoops just for your
attention. And the songs synthpop makes you feel like
youve just out-run a blue shell in Mario Kart, so its just
an ego-boosting win-win.
My Girl by the Temptations
Ive got sunshine on a cloudy day; when its cold out-
side, Ive got the month of May.
From the soul of one of the Original Greats in the
world of boy bands, no song warms you up when youre
alone quite like imagining youre the song sweeter than
the bees that makes the Temptations have such smooth
harmonies. Fun fact: Playing this song for babies is guar-
anteed to make them do this.
Ill Make Love to You by Boyz II Men
Ill make love to you like you want me to, and Ill hold
you tight, baby, all through the night.
Enough said. Light some candles, make a night of it,
treat yourself.
alexander hamilton
cares about your health. deeply.
Ojas Sathe and Jacob Greenberg
Weve all been in Hamilton. Weve all taken classes
in it that we hate. Weve probably all taken classes there
we slightly enjoy
1
. As a matter of fact, if youre a CC
student, its probable youve spent a fair share of time
there ignoring Lockes Second Treatise of Civil Govern-
ment or Hobbes Leviathan. But one thing is for certain;
a lot of work gets done in this building
2
. Everyone who
goes into the building goes in to work and get his or her
hands dirty
3
. Te issue stemming from this problem is
that there is nothing people can do to remedy the dirty
hands situation when moving between foors. Or is
there?
Tats right, there is actually a hand sanitizer dis-
penser right in the stairwell between foors two and
three. Te hand sanitizer dispenser, which will, for all
further mentions, be referred to as the Handy Sanny
of Hammy, has its own nicely contained alcove
4
. Tis
means that during peak hours when everyone is using
the staircase, a potential user could stop, mid-trafc,
and sanitize his or her hands, while simultaneously
allowing for unhindered walking space. Basically, the
Handy Sanny of Hammy is the best thing Hamiltons
name has been attached to since he graduated from this
esteemed university.
Handy Sanny can be credited with a large portion
of the joy that is had in Hamilton. Te real question
you should be asking when you are lucky enough to
have a Handy Sanny sighting isnt Why is there a hand
sanitizer in the middle of the staircase? but rather
Why doesnt every building have one of these?! and
they should. Te only downside to Handi Sanny is that
the statue of Hamilton immediately outside the building
doesnt have access to it.
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1: Tis line was required by our editor. We deeply
apologize if we have ofended any parties by assuming
that you ever actually enjoyed a class in Hamilton, or a
class at all for that matter.
2: As an engineer, I refuse to admit that any REAL
work gets done in liberal arts buildings, but seeing as
most of the undergraduates here are liberal arts stu-
dents, Id rather not say that explicitly, at least within the
confnes of the actual article.
3: See note 2.
4: Which is bigger than most frst-year singles.
12 THE COLUMBIA LION
for off-campus students,
new sign-in policy takes a
toll on friendships
Jake Davidson
Afer living with the same group of friends for three years, Alex Jonokuchi, CC 14, decided he would fnally
join his fraternity brothers and move into Beta Teta Pis privately owned brownstone. But thanks to a new policy
change from the Ofce of Residential Programs, what once seemed like the perfect senior year is turning into a
nightmare.
As Bwog initially reported, Columbia quietly changed its housing policy over the summer to re-classify any
student without an undergraduate housing assignment as a guest and its made Jonokuchi into a second class
citizen.
Despite holding a position in the Beta fraternity, leaving his long-time suitemates was no easy choice for Jonokuchi.
In an email to Te Lion, he explained how he worried that living of-campus would separate him from his oldest
Columbia companions.
As much as I love my fraternity and as much as I have wanted to live in our amazing brownstone, I was afraid
that by choosing to live outside of Columbia housing I would isolate myself from people with whom I have become
so close over the years, said Jonokuchi.
Afer a long deliberation, Jonokuchi decided that living in Beta while still regularly visiting his old friends was
a preferable balance. Plus, all of his fraternity brothers had previously been able to get swipe access by flling out an
online form.
However, when Jonokuchi returned to campus in the fall, he received an unpleasant surprise. Te form was gone,
and his CUID no longer granted him access to campus dorms.
Would knowing this last semester have afected his decision to live in Beta? Defnitely, says Jonokuchi.
Now, every time he wants to visit someone outside of Beta house, Jonokuchi needs to be signed in. And that
means hes ofen isolated from the people who made his Columbia experience so special.
Tey are some of my closest friends I have at this school, said Jonokuchi. [Teyve] shaped how Ive changed
and grown over my time here, and I havent been able to see them as ofen as I want to because I want to avoid has-
sling them.
While a sign-in requirement might seem like a mere annoyance, the reality is that Columbia is not set up to
accommodate students who dont have swipe access. Many of Jonokuchis attempts to spend time with friends in
Columbia housing have ofen been so logistically intensive or time consuming that he has just given up.
It really upsets me when people say that it isnt a big deal, they can just sign in, or meet somewhere else, says
Jonokuchi. Sign-in has taken me as long as 40 minutes. And if most of the social gatherings occur in undergraduate
residence halls, then where am I supposed to go?
A central problem is East Campuss sign-in process. Signing in at high trafc times, the only times when Jonokuchi
can visit, can take almost an hour. Ironically, this problem is largely caused by Columbias insistence that all Barnard
students even those who live in Barnard College housing must be signed in as well.
Tis crush of people tediously flling out visitor logs makes getting into EC a chore for those who do have swipe
access. For students who dont, seeing friends in East Campus ofen means asking those friends to sufer in the
sign-in line as well something many prospective visitors are reluctant to do.
Another problem for those classifed as guests is they cannot be signed into a building by someone who doesnt
live there. For of-campus students, that means the following: If your friends are going to an event in another dorm,
and you cant convince someone in that building to sign you in, youre out of luck.
As Jonokuchi explains, this makes spending time with on-campus pals even harder. Am I supposed to take
my friends away from their other friends who are going to parties in their residence halls? he asks. I am like that
underage friend when going out to bars, or the high school friend visiting from another school, someone who is a
constant burden?
THE COLUMBIA LION 13
Jonokuchi also makes it clear that social impediments are just one part of the issue. Te larger problem is that
commuter students are made to feel like they dont really belong.
As a consequence of the change, the Beta member can no longer use the bathroom in John Jay, even when hes
eating a meal there, and is barred from the Schapiro practice rooms. He cannot study with classmates in the Wallach
Sky Lounge, use many of the printers on campus, or see a friends band perform in the John Jay. He cant even sur-
prise his boyfriend with a visit, because he needs to sign him in.
I cant do anything by myself, Jonokuchi adds. I am a dependent, incapacitated by a rule change that happened
under the table.
According to the administration, the new policy is merely making the old rules more consistent. In an email to
Te Lion, Katherine Cutler, Director of Communications for Student Afairs, said the following:
Access to the undergraduate residence halls is a paid privilege by students who choose to live in the residence
halls.
Students who were not in CC/SEAS (including Barnard College students who were not participating in the CU
Housing Exchange, General Studies, Columbia graduate students, other students with CUID) did not have swipe
access to the undergraduate residence halls due to safety, security, and access to amenities paid for by students living
in the residence halls.
In order to ensure consistency across schools, beginning in fall 2013, all CC/SEAS students who choose to live
of-campus need to be signed in by a resident host.
However, this statement simply leads to more questions. Is protecting the availability of residence hall amenities
worth ostracizing such large portion of the student body, including two entire schools, from the rest of the Univer-
sity? And how can Columbia students themselves be considered a security risk?
Most importantly: Why were people like Jonokuchi not informed of an impending rules change before they
signed up for housing?
Te answer to some of these questions may lie in an email conversation between Jonokuchi and Anna
Schmidt-MacKenzie, Director of the Ofce of Residential Programs. In the emails, which were provided to Te Lion
by Jonokuchi, Schmidt-MacKenzie appears to suggest that a desire to keep students in campus housing, combined
with security paranoia, is a motivating factor behind the policy change.
When accused by Jonokuchi of changing the Guide to Living in order keep students from seeking of-campus
housing in the future, the Residential Programs director denied his charge in the weakest possible terms.
[Te policy] is not intended to alienate anyone, but we would love to encourage all students to live on cam-
pus, wrote Schmidt-MacKenzie. Tat is not necessarily the reason for the policy, howeverthe policy has already
existed for other Columbia students all along. Tis policy for SEAS/CC students who select to live of campus makes
it more consistent with all Columbia schools. (Emphasis our own).
When confronted with the argument that Columbia was essentially telling commuter students they were more
of a security risk than on-campus students (the latter of which are allowed to sign into any dorm, whether they live
there or not), Schmidt-MacKenzie also had an unexpected answer.
I would actually agree and would prefer if students could only swipe into their residence hall, said the director.
Tat would be my preference, but this policy is not as extreme as that.
When contacted, Student Afairs denied any currently plans to revoke swipe access for on-campus housing resi-
dents. However, the fact that the director of Residential Programs herself appears to support this notion suggests it
is not outside the realm of possibility.
In addition to answering some of his questions, Schmidt-MacKenzie also promised to inform Jonokuchi of what
the administration can do make the sign in process easier. He is still waiting for that email.
Ultimately, whether or not Residential Programs understands how harmful their new policy has been, the rest of
campus appears well aware. Bwog commenters excoriated the administration for alienating their friends, and other
of-campus students shared horror stories about their experiences.
According to Jonokuchi, even Public Safety is on his side. As the Beta member recalls, During one particularly
infuriating visit to EC, the guard was surprised when I ofered my CUID and tried to swipe it because he didnt
believe I had to be signed in, but then I told him my situation and he agreed how shitty it was that I had to wait in
line with all of these random visiting students just to go to my friends suite. l
14 THE COLUMBIA LION
The Sandwich AmbASSADOR BALLOT INITIATIVE
Columbia Lion: Fixing student government, one sandwich at a time
Teres one thing that really matters in this world, and its sandwiches. When youre too tired from studying to
cook, sandwiches are there for you. When youve got midterms to take and you need a snack, sandwiches are there
for you. When you want to sit in your room all day and watch Netfix but need something to eat, what do you reach
for? Rocks? Grass? (Seriously, are there actually other foods that humans can eat?) Hell no, you go to the bodega and
you get yourself a sandwich LIKE AN AMERICAN.
But theres a problem, friends. Tis sandwich nation has no representation. HamDel recently raised its prices,
Brownies Cafe doesnt take credit card, and Subsconscious still hasnt moved closer to campus (despite my let-
ter-writing campaign). How is it that we have student-brokered, weekly deals on alcohol at Havana, but no deals on
sandwiches?
Its time for change, and together we can start fxing this mess. We want to create the student council position
of Sandwich Ambassador (Sandbassador) who would work with local eateries and negotiate some much needed
discounts for us, plus keep us updated on menus, promotions, and all things sandwich-related. If you agree, sign this
petition and tell your friends. With 400 signatures, we can get this on the ballot during CCSCs special election next
week. (And lets be real: once its on the ballot its as good as passed because *sandwiches*.)
RESOLUTION TO ESTABLISH THE POSITION OF
SANDWICH AMBASSADOR (aka Sandbassador)
Whereas Columbia College Students eat sandwiches.
Whereas many Columbia College students eat at least one sandwich a day.
Whereas a signifcant minority of Columbia College students only eat sandwiches.
Whereas we should never, ever judge those students for literally only eating sandwiches for every single
meal because they are our friends and maybe even the authors of this resolution(were defnitely not
saying thats true were just saying its possible, why do you keep asking?).
Whereas Columbia College students face the very signifcant problem of sandwich-price-infation
without representation.
Whereas no formal relationship exists between the sandwich manufacturing industry andsandwich
consumption community.
Terefore be it resolved that the Columbia College Student Council will amend its Constitutionto
include a Sandwich Ambassador (hereafer referred to as the Sandbassador) whose responsibilities
will include but will not be limited to:
1. Working with local eating establishments to procure deals and special rates for students.
2. Communicating the desires of the student consumers to the vendors regardingproduct
innovation, pricing, and promotions.
3. Working to provide students with any and all relevant information on local eateries,their
pricing, selection, and other useful consumer data in a convenient and accessiblemanner.
4. Appearing on the Sundial once a semester to give a State of the Sandwich speechon what
the Sandbassador has accomplished and what they plan to accomplish in thenext semester.
5. Ending the $10 sandwich. No Columbia student should ever have to break a bill on a
sandwich.
Te Sandwich Ambassador ballot intiative passed with 88% of the vote.
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THE COLUMBIA LION 15
[NSFW] meet the male escort who gives
the duke porn star a run for her money
Editors Note: Occasionally, we get submissions. Some of them are requests to go to an event, review a play, or promote a new student group on
campus. Tis time, we got nothing less than the equivalent of a few pages from the memoirs of the Duke porn staralbeit male and Columbian. We
verifed the authors background, and though he wishes to remain anonymous, he is in fact a male escort who attends class at Columbia like any
of us. If you would like to submit your own unique college experiences, send us a tip. Until then, without any further ado, we present you his story.
On more than a few occasions, Ive been paid $800 to sit in a room and pop balloons while a woman masturbates.
Its not the strangest request Ive ever gotten, but its probably the easiest as far as regular clients go, if you ignore the
jarring anxiety and probably permanent ear damage that comes with popping balloons for two hours.
I have plenty of escort friends who will proudly announce their line of work to anyone who listens, my girlfriend
included, but Im always a little paranoid of it getting back to my parents. Tey would probably be distraught to learn that
the checks I send home are the products of dating women looking for afection and not the kind of hard work they sent
me to school for.
I come from the kind of lower-middle-class, traditionally Catholic family that has ten million kids. As well as it pays,
Im not exactly looking for my baby siblings to dream of growing up and making it big as an escort.
But fuck it, if I can get paid $15,000 to spend a December week lounging on a beach instead of freezing my ass of in
New York, Im going to do it, while Im still young enough to be hired for that sort of gig.
Of course, most of my dates are less glamorous. Te most common is four hours for dinner and sex, which for me runs
about $1200, plus the cost of dinner and a hotel room.
Te women that I usually get matched to are the kind who want to have sex but get really demure about it and ask to
leave the lights of. Te trick is to talk them into leaving the lights on and then spend the whole time telling them how great
they look, even if it isnt true. Tats how you get big tips and regulars.
Teres plenty of diferent types of women willing and capable of shelling upwards of $1000 for male company, but
considering Im a Boyfriend Experience escort literally marketed to create the illusion of a romantic relationship, most of
my clientele comprises neglected wives, divorced mothers, and shy women who have a hard time connecting, even though
there are defnitely exceptions.
A lot of my friends, on the other hand, are Pornstar Experience escorts, so they get a whole variety of women that usually
have secret fetishes and expect crazy sex marathons. I tried that for a while, but the BFE money is better, and theres only so
many times you can let a woman have at you with a strapon before it starts feeling a little too gay4pay. (My limit is once.)
My boss has her own divisions: within BFE escorts, the most common are the Dreamy Bad Boys and the Prince Charm-
ings. Teres also random giant lumberjack dudes and skinny nerds and everything in between, but mostly its the bad boys
and princes.
Im a Prince Charming; she tells me its because I remind middle-aged women of that popular guy they liked in high
school, even though I rarely play sports and was defnitely not Tat Guy in high school. But I guess it fts, one of my frst
dates was taking a girl whod been dumped earlier that day to her senior prom when I was 19.
Te weirdest clients are probably the ones who start getting their family and friends involved. My profle says the best
dates are usually the ones where we go to a concert or a show, so one woman had me accompany her while she took her
daughters to a Justin Bieber concert.
I think part of it was that she probably wanted that high school experience of fucking in the bathroom during a concert,
but somehow its a little diferent when Baby is whats playing over the speakers and youre at Barclays, not the Bowery.
Obviously, theres a lot of US legality issues with escorting, though its usually advertised solely as a companionship
service, and there are some escorts who dont ofer sex in order to protect themselves legally, but if you get signed to a good
agency your ass should mostly be covered. Alternately, move to Nevada or somewhere in Europe.
Teres inevitably some major discrepancies, at least to me, between female and male escorting, but thats because guys
are apparently more likely to be skeevy as fuck. Who knew.
It only doesnt bother me that my girlfriend is an escort because shes good at choosing what kinds of guys shes okay
with going on a date with and fguring out whos probably a psychopath. Sometimes its obvious. Tere was a guy who asked
her if she was open to a new and experimental sexual experience, going on about how clean and purebred his dogs are.
But otherwise, hey. Te work is really inconsistent, but $15,000 to sunbathe in Tuscany, right?
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