Phenomenology of Love

SUMMARY
Before a person experiences love, he first experience loneliness. Starting from his childhood,
where he only cares for things within the reach of his five senses, there will be a chapter in his
life that he will begin to search for his true identity and self as he is gifted with self-
consciousness. Searching for his true identity, he turns to his fellow adolescents for
understanding and acceptance. While he enjoys the equality of being one with his chosen
friends, he begins to evaluate his experiences and soon understand his true self. He will
realize he cannot completely imitate the ideas that he wants to achieve just to be called in
because, to put it simply, they dont have the same way of thinking and living. Even if they are
called barkada, they still have different worlds. They have different families and the
environment in which they grew up on but unfortunately, he will soon realize that he did not
leave the boundaries of loneliness all along. To escape the walls of loneliness, he now resorts
to drinks and drugs, giving him an escape from reality, resulting in temporary happiness and
ecstasy. He can also resort to creative activities of his choice. But despite all of his attempts, he
still finds himself enclosed within the walls of loneliness. For him to truly escape loneliness, one
must reach the person with only one thing: LOVE. According to Fromm, Love is a union under
the condition of preserving ones integrity, ones individuality. Love makes him overcome the
sense of isolation and separateness, yet, it permits him to be himself, to retain his integrity. This
is now called the loving encounter. Because it is in love that he finds true happiness and he
can truly express himself freely in any way he chooses without hesitation. Because the truth is
he really needs people who manifest true love, who will care for him and accept him no matter
who he is. The loving encounter is not simply bumping into each other or an exchange of
pleasant remarks, though these can be good foundations for a relationship. It is in the loving
encounter that the loneliness will vanish. It can also be a possibility that we still have no idea
that a lot of people are already trying to reach us and we are just looking at the wrong places.
To fully understand and comprehend the people around you, one must also try to understand
simple signals and gestures they are trying to relay to us. Speaking of relationships and
infatuation, love should not be based on the qualities of the person that you can perceive
physically, but rather the true beauty of a person lies within him/her. One should also never
think that compatibility should necessarily equate to love. Love must be put into action and not
simply by mere words. It is in love that you care for his/her everything; even the smallest or what
you think is insignificant of his needs and wants, which manifest submission. But submission
must not be taken literally, because if you love the person you can also refuse the request if you
think that will bring harm to your loved one. Love also requires that you know each other
because it is in the knowledge that you can also help shape his destiny and grow up together for
good. But love must not be one-sided. A person who loves also desires the love of the other.
One must not completely promote or sell himself just to show love. This only shows that you
cant give what you dont have. You must first love yourself and have genuine love before you
can give it to somebody. But according to Fromm, Love is an active power in man. This is
because we are first loved by our parents, teachers and friends that is why giving back that love
is already in our blood. This is the joy we first experienced in life: The joy of being loved. Giving
and receiving gifts rather than love are just two of the many events that a person experiences
throughout his life. But of course one could not escape the inevitable, which is rejection. But one
must not be disappointed when love is not reciprocated because rejection also tests the
authenticity or the validity of the love being shown or manifested. The experience is painful but it
can also be a chance for him to change, improve, re-examine himself and also learn valuable
lessons from the experience. Indeed, the risk and reality of love being unreciprocated proves
that price and numbers will never define love.
REFLECTION
I would like to base my idea of love from the Bible by quoting 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: Love is
patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-
seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. The
word "love" in the Scripture means a "purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another."
(Abrams, bible-truth.org). This verse may be self-explanatory but I would just want to emphasize
a few lines. Love does not keep a record of wrongs: Love should always forgive. All those bad
memories and those undesirable things that happened in the past should be forgotten because
these can badly affect the relationship. Love is not easily angered: In a relationship, anger can
also badly damage a relationship. Arguments may not be prevented, but we can always control
our reactions. Love is not self-seeking: Love should not be self-centered and it should be felt by
your loved one, just like what is mentioned at the article, A person who loves also desires the
love of the other. Love always perseveres: You should do the best you can for the one you
love. You do it for her life, welfare and her happiness no matter what it costs. To love means
giving up yourself for the betterment of those you love, just like Jesus did when He died for our
sins. He died because He loved us and He also wants us to be with Him in Heaven. As time
passes by, the love you show will no longer be as a sacrifice on your part but will already
become natural or inculcated in you. Love can be a sacrifice because you are doing something
for someone even if you dont feel like it or having a hard time doing it. You do it anyway
because you love him/her. Love is a crucial element in a relationship and it can even do the
impossible. It can fix broken relationships, prevent a divorce, save millions of lives, make an
enemy a friend and many other amazing things. These may seem exaggerated for some people
but talking about reality, love has changed the lives of billions of people and saved a lot of
marriages and relationships. Putting God at the center can let the genuine love bloom and shine
throughout your marriage and relationship. There are a lot of important lessons I learned from
this article. First is that you cant give what you dont have. What you have to show is not just
love, but genuine love. Love should not be a show-off. Secondly is love shouldnt be by mere
words only but rather should be put into action and making the person feel it completely. And
lastly, talking about the reciprocation of love, one must not be disappointed with rejection
because it is in rejection that you will learn a lot of things. It can help you re-examine yourself so
that you can improve and maybe be accepted in the future. Truly love is a gift from God and
another reason to thank Him for!