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How to Deal With Loneliness
Three Parts: Comforting Yourself Getting Social Again Enjoying Your Solitude
People feel lonely for a number of reasons, including simple social
awkwardness and intentional isolation. Everyone experiences loneliness.
Luckily, though, there are a number of ways to overcome it.
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Realize that you aren't alone. We all get lonely. It doesn't mean there is anything
wrong with you. People are particularly prone to loneliness during major life
transitions, especially ones made for the better. If you're changing in ways such as
exploring new alternatives and paths for yourself, you're bound to get a little lonely as
you look for people who share your new interests and thoughts.
Get involved in activities. Join a sports league or take a class. Volunteer within
your community. If you are very shy, nd a group for social anxiety, even if it has to
be online. Look on places like Craigslist or local news websites for activities in your area.
Don't attend functions with the sole idea of making friends or meeting people.
Try to go with no expectations whatsoever and to enjoy yourself regardless of
what happens. Look for activities that interest you and that also involve groups
of people like book clubs, church groups, political campaigns, concerts and art
exhibitions
Don't allow yourself to wallow. Instead of persistently dwelling on how alone you
feel, do anything to get your mind off it. Take a walk, ride your bike or read a book.
Explore activities and hobbies, and don't be afraid to try new things. Having experience
gives you a basis upon which you can comment in more social situations (thus talk to
more people) and strike up conversations that will interest other people.
Keep yourself busy. Having down time is what causes feelings of loneliness to
creep in. Throw yourself into work or extracurricular activities.
Do social activities by yourself. Many times it isn't the partner or friend you are
missing, but the activities and hobbies you shared. Take yourself out for a date. For
example, if you would have gone out to dinner or to a movie on a date, then take
yourself out to a movie or to a nice restaurant. Although, at rst, it may seem awkward to
be doing things by yourself that you used to do with someone else, don't hold yourself
back. It is not strange to be by yourself and out doing things! Once you remember why
you did these things before, you can enjoy the activity for itself again.
Take a book, magazine, or journal with you if you go out to eat or have coffee
on your own, so you'll be occupied when you would usually be conversing. Bear
in mind that people do go out on their own on purpose just to have "me" time by
themselves; it is not as if people will look at you sitting alone and assume you
have no friends.
Part 1 of 3: Comforting Yourself
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Consider getting a pet. If you're truly struggling without companionship, consider
adopting a dog or cat from your local animal shelter. Pets have been domestic
companions for centuries for a reason, and winning the trust and affection of an animal
can be a deeply rewarding experience.
Be a responsible pet owner. Make sure your pet is spayed or neutered, and only
commit to bringing a pet into your life if you're prepared to handle the daily tasks
of caring for it.
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Call or get together with the people you know. Even if they aren't who you want
to be with right now, human contact makes establishing more contact easier. This
includes your mother and the guy at the deli counter.
Do more listening than talking. Listening and drawing people out will deepen
your contacts more than just talking endlessly about yourself.
Do not exhaust your existing connections; these are all you have at the
moment.
Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships. Don't wait for
people to approach you: you should approach them. Ask the person if they want to
chat or get a coffee. You must always show interest in other people before they will
show interest in you, if they ever do.
Remember that you are trying to make a place for yourself in another person's
life, and be considerate. Do not think that just showing up will win you instant
friends. It can be a long, painstaking process and most people you meet already
have their own friends and lives.
Spend time with your family. Even if you don't have a great history with a family
member, chances are they will take you up on an invitation. You can share friends
and meet new people together. This will help diminish that awkward feeling of being
alone in public.
If you are constantly busy, you may not have time to go the distance with people
who you do value in life. Making baked goods for those people, a meal for
someone less fortunate, or making dog biscuits for your loyal furry friend, will
build sweetness in your relationships.
Be a pleasant presence. Draw people toward yourself by providing enjoyable
company. Be complimentary rather than critical. For a casual comment, don't
nitpick other people's clothes, habits or hair. They don't need to be reminded they have a
small stain on their shirt when they can't do anything about it. They do need to hear that
you think their sweater is cool or you read their article. Don't make a big deal of it, but
just casually mention it when you like something. This is one of the best ice-breakers
around and it builds trust steadily over time as people come to understand that you won't
criticize them.
Part 2 of 3: Getting Social Again
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Join an online community. Sometimes it can help. Share your thoughts and
experiences, or ask questions to those who are going through similar situations.
Online forums often allow you to help others while being helped yourself. Also check out
the free Phone Buddies peer counseling community.
Remember to be safe when online. Not everyone is who they say they are and
predators feed off loneliness.
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Differentiate between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is when you are
unhappy to be alone. Solitude is when you are happy to be alone. There is nothing
wrong with solitude, wanting to, or enjoying being alone. Alone time can be useful and
enjoyable.
Work on improving and making yourself happy. Usually, when we're devoting
most of our time to other people, we tend to neglect ourselves. If you're going
through a period of loneliness, take advantage of it by doing the things that you want to
do for yourself. This is a wonderful opportunity and you should be happy!
Consider joining a gym. Working out and taking care of our bodies is usually the
rst thing that gets tossed aside when we get busy. If you're spending less time
with other people than normal, try using that time to exercise. If you exercise at a gym,
you might even meet some new friends or a new special someone!
Learn a new skill. If you want to make the most of this time and feel great while
doing it, consider learning a new skill. You could learn to play an instrument, learn
to draw, or learn to dance. Going and learning these subjects with others may help you
meet new people but it will also give you a creative outlet for your feelings. Turn your
loneliness into something beautiful!
Cook yourself a nice meal or make baked goods for friends or neighbors.
Cooking up a meal is rewarding, you can channel your focus into something
nourishing.
Do something big. People oftentimes have something really big that they want to
do and a thousand excuses not to do it. Have you ever wanted to write a book?
Make a movie? Use this loneliness as the excuse to do something great. Who knows,
maybe it will turn into something that helps others deal with their loneliness...
Tips
Part 3 of 3: Enjoying Your Solitude
Learn to be happy with yourself. When you like/love who you are, it
shows. People like to be around those who are upbeat and condent.
Understand that you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. It
may be difcult to see your friends going off and dating people or feeling
like there's something wrong with you for not dating. But you don't have
to date to feel like you're part of a group or surrounded by people that
care about you. Go make some new friends and date only when you're
ready.
Remember that the reason you are self-conscious is because everyone
is self-conscious. People are not focusing on your faults rather, they
are more likely focusing on their own.
Create a positive mood and atmosphere. Realize that loneliness can be
a right time to try out something new, relax or nurture your creativity.
After all, some of the most famous personalities spent a lot of time
alone.
Be yourself! You don't have to be another person to make others like
you or be with you. Different people have different styles and
uniqueness. Spend time with yourself and get to know some qualities
that you have. People will like you for who you are, not who you want to
be.
Sometimes you may be the one to bring out yourself. Don't let yourself
be that person even if you have to go through awkward moments for a
short periods of time. It's better to take the chance to go out,meet
people, and try new things. Love yourself so others can love you as
well.
Analyze why you're lonely. Sometimes, especially after a break-up, you
might think you're lonely because you miss dating someone. This might
not always be the case though. In the course of a relationship, you
might have started spending less time with friends or forgotten how
much better you can feel when you're just around people you like and
that like you. Try to understand what type of companionship you really
need.
Don't take casual acquaintances to be deep true friends you can trust
with everything. Build that trust gradually and accept them as they are.
There's nothing wrong with having lots of acquaintances, a fair number
of friends you'd be comfortable meeting in person to share activities and
a much smaller intimate group of friends you'd trust with personal
information. Think of your contacts as a series of concentric circles.
Realize that one can be "lonely in a crowd." You may have friends,
family and acquaintances, but still feel lonely. For some people, it is
difcult to connect with those around them. In this case, outside
counseling may help.
For those with religious beliefs, consider fellowship with those of your
faith. Most churches should have some sort of regular fellowship. If your
church doesnt, then consider starting one.
Show 1 more tip
If you're feeling lonely, consider taking a break from social media
Warnings
websites like Facebook and Twitterthey do not help your social
relationships. Not only can people sometimes be cruel on these sites,
seeing others "update their status" with fun activities can make you feel
even worse. Instead, try doing something outside. Maybe take a long
walk, play with your dog, or hang out with a sibling.
If you have a persistent feeling of loneliness, seek medical help. It might
be a sign of depression.
Becoming overly dependent on online communities as a social outlet
may lead to addiction and more complications. Use it as a tool to meet
people in your local area who share your interests and make the effort
to get together with your online friends. It can be a good lter to sort out
mutual interests, but don't expect people to be the same ofine as they
are online.
Loneliness is a state where cults, gangs and other groups take
advantage of the vulnerable and will negatively inuence you. Be
careful and listen to what others have to say about any group you are
thinking of joining.
You may nd bad people in bad groups. Try to nd good people in good
groups.
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Categories: Featured Articles | Managing Sadness and Nostalgia | Single Life
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