Creative Listening

Beginning Technique - No Experience Required

A creative listener asks carefully designed questions to help people think aout things in ne!
!ays" The results can e fantastic# resulting in inventive solutions to prole$s# overco$ing
frustration# !orry and $ild depression# or ne! !ays to relate !ith friends# fa$ily# and co!orkers"
Creative Listening is essentially a tiny suset of NL%" &t is free and unrestricted# takes aout '
$inutes to learn# and is super-effective in so $any !ays(
) *elp others understand things they+ve een thinking aout in entirely ne! !ays# often resulting
in prole$s solved# attitudes ad,usted# and progress $ade"
) -nderstand things you+ve een thinking aout in entirely ne! !ays"
) .uickly estalish rapport !ith clients# custo$ers# teenagers# parents# etc"
) Express criticis$ !ithout offending# and elicit changed ehaviors"
) *elp people feel etter aout the$selves and their lives"
&n ,ust a fe! $inutes# you can learn enough to co$$unicate $ore effectively !ith fa$ily# friends#
and yourself" &n ,ust a fe! hours you can eco$e professional# offering your services as a
Creative Listener to others"
/ou can use Creative Listening !ith a neighor in the super$arket# or in a professional session#
or anything in-et!een" /ou can use it !ith friends# fa$ily# clients# custo$ers# associates -
anyone# young or old"
Easy 0teps to Creative Listening
0tep 1
Respectfully challenge a$iguities"
/ou+d e a$a2ed at !hat people leave out of conversations" &nterestingly# $any of these details
have never really een analy2ed y the speaker" 0o# !hen you ask for $ore detail# very
interesting ne! thoughts can develop"
3or instance(
Everyone says" - 4ho specifically says that5
&t can+t e done" - 4hat exactly prevents it fro$ eing done5
0he hates $e" - &n !hat specific !ay does she let you kno! that she hates you5
The relationship is in troule" - *o!+s it in troule5
The situation is hopeless" - 4hat is the situation# exactly5 6r# 4hat tells you it+s hopeless5
/ou $ight think this rude or offensive# ut in $ost cases# !hen you respectfully ask for $ore
detail# the speaker is honored - kno!ing that so$eone truly !ants to kno! !hat they are thinking"
0tep 7
Ask questions that cause people to think aout things in ne! !ays" *ere is a typical set(
4hat !ould you like5 This is a good place to start in $any cases" 8ariations can include( 4hat+s
on your $ind5 4hat do you !ant5
4hat !ould having that do for you5 This !ill ofter cause the speaker to 2oo$ out and see the
igger picture - often for the first ti$e"
And !hat !ould having that do for you5 0o$eti$es the degree of 2oo$ isn+t enough - even !hen
you think it is" /ou+d e surprised !hat co$es up !hen you 2oo$ out t!ice"
*o! !ill you kno! !hen you have it5 A surprising !ay to 2oo$ in for a closer look"
4hen you have it# !hat !ill you lose that you value5 This !ill typically ring the speaker to a
dead stop for a $inute# and can ring up all sorts of useful o,ections" 9no!ing those o,ections
!ill reveal reasons for procrastination# hesitation# and defocusing activities"
4hat+s the opposite of that5 Another vie!point that $any people have never considered in ideas
they $ay have considered often" This can get the$ out of a loop"
*o! !ill your friends# fa$ily# significant other react !hen you have it5 Another !ay to find hidden
locks"
&f your ::::: !as a athtu to fill !ith so$ething# !hat !ould you put in it5 This is ,ust an
exa$ple# you could use all sorts of si$ilar questions here - ones that the listener doesn+t expect#
!hich !ill ,u$p the$ off their typical track - often !ith spectacular results"
No! that !e+ve discussed it a it# !hat !ould you like5 ;on+t e surprised if the ans!er is quite
different fro$ the original ans!er the first ti$e you asked this question"
4hat good things co$e to so$eone !ho :::::5 <enerally# this is a t!ist that opens ne!
channels of consideration" The lank is often filled !ith !hat the person is doing no!" 3or
instance( 4hat good things co$e to so$eone !ho does not start a ca$era store5
4hat !ould so$eone have to elieve :::::5 =uch like the question aove# you can t!ist it
ack!ard# and e ready to hear so$e very interesting results"
4hat+s the first step to getting :::::5 This is a good !ay to 2oo$ in# and see the first and $ost
i$$ediate o,ection"
4hat should & !rite here in $y notes5 This often elicits a $ore honest self-appraisal"
&n asking all these questions# leave plenty of ti$e for ans!ers" Although at first a!k!ard# you can
!ait even 1' seconds !ithout saying another !ord" The person !ith !ho$ you are speaking !ill
feel a need to fill the silence# and $ay co$e up !ith so$ething very interesting indeed# if given
sufficient silent ti$e"
/ou can ask these# and other questions# in any sequence that see$s right" &ndulge your curiosity"
;on+t e afraid of questions that see$ too personal or prying" &f you ask these !ell# and follo! the
steps elo!# not only !ill you get the ans!ers you seek# ut the person !ith !ho$ you are
speaking !ill feel quite honored that you care enough to ask such deep things"
&f the conversation veers off-track# you can steer it ack y saying so$ething like# >Thank you#> or
>/es# & can see ho! that !ould happen#> ut then ask for specific infor$ation that+s ack on track"
3or instance# if the person starts talking aout exactly ho! he uilt a ookshelf# you $ight say# >&
see you really en,oyed that pro,ect" 0o# !hat !ould you""">
/ou can guide the conversation to !hat+s called a +!ell-for$ed outco$e"+ -lti$ately# you+d like the
person you+re conversing !ith to state a desire in the positive# have it e so$ething s?he can
initiate and $aintain# and have a $anageale feasiility"
0tep @
&t has een said that A@B of co$$unication is non-veral" /ou have experienced that" 3or
instance# so$eone $ay say that their neighor is +alright#+ ut as they say it# you see their
shoulders rise up# their facial features tighten# their respiration eco$es shallo!" &n this situation#
do you learn $ore fro$ their !ords C+alright+D# or fro$ their physiology5 /ou can do a lot !ith this
A@B"
/ou can uild tre$endous unconscious rapport y $irroring posture# gestures and audio tonality"
&f you !ait approxi$ately E seconds and then position yourself the sa$e !ay# if you $oderate
your speed# volu$e and pitch aout the sa$e !ay# if you play ack gestures# your listener !ill
eco$e $ore trusting# $ore !illing to share deeper thoughts and e$otions# and $ore !illing to
listen carefully to !hat you have to say" ;on+t take $y !ord for it - try it out" 0urprisingly# you
!on+t e +usted+ unless you do it very latantly" &n $ost cases# you can $irror people very
co$pletely# and they never suspect a thing"
Backtracking is very valuale" This $eans that you repeat certain key phrases ack to the person
you are conversing !ith# generally several seconds or even $inutes later" 3or instance# if your
user states that so$ething good is +tuular#+ and if you use that sa$e !ord in a si$ilar context#
this !ill put the$ at ease - they+ll feel honored - and heard" Backtracking is actually the opposite
of a technique kno!n as +active listening+ in !hich you rephrase !hat you+ve heard to prove that
you understood it" Backtracking has the rather surprising effect of $aking the listener elieve
even $ore that you understood !hat !as said"
Noticing physiology can let you kno! !hen it is ti$e to shift gears" /ou can read !hen you+ve lost
so$eone+s attention# !hen you have asked for too $uch detail# gone into an area that rings
sadness# and so on" 4ith practice# you can read !here to focus $ore attention" 3or instance# as
the conversation shifts to parents# you $ay see physiology changes that indicate so$ething $ore
needs to e discussed aout a $other or father"
0tep F
Re$e$er !hat you are trying to acco$plish" .uite often# your story# your attitude# your
concerns creep into the conversation" &n $any cases# that+s counter-productive" The $o$ent you
start coaching or telling your story# your effectiveness as a creative listener !eakens"
;epending on !hat you !ish to acco$plish# you $ay not have to tell the person !ith !ho$
you+re talking anything specific" 0i$ply giving the$ the opportunity to talk can help the$ feel
etter# see things in ne! !ays# and so on# especially if you use steps 1 and 7"
0tep '
0o$eti$es# you $ay feel a need to actively create change"
0o ho! do you do that !ithout reaking the rapport# !hile still eing a creative listener5 0peak
$etaphorically" C;etails hereD"
&f you+d like to experience creative listening for yourself# give $e a call toll free at CGGGD 'GG-7GAG
or CF1'D HH@-I@1I" The price is J1"GI?$inute# !ith no $ini$u$# and fully guaranteed" All
conversations are fully confidential# friendly# and fun" - Keff
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