The CAMBODIA DAILY 9

8 DECEMBER 26-27, 2009

EULOGY FOR A CAMBODIAN GRANDMA
D
ear Pascal, Jean-Paul, Philippe, Flo-
rence, Marion, Loemie, Sovath, So-
phie, Sandra, Ester, Karen, Alexis,
Brianna, andSteven,
Your grandmother, CamYouk Lim, was an
incredible woman. She grew up in an age and
place when women were the property of men,
andyet shesought independence. Onher home
was a sign Proprit de Madame Lim (Pro-
pertyof MrsLim).
She acted in Director Ly Bun Yims first fea-
ture film, Ronteah Krusar (Thunderstormin
theFamily), andwaspaidashareof theprofits.
BunYimusedherhouseasaset forhismovie
because he had no money. The actors were all
shareholders of his enterprise, and they made a
small fortuneshetoldme.
She married your grandfather, Ear Muy
Cuong, anddeliveredSam, Sophieandmeinthe
1960s and 1970s. Her first born, our brother
Sangkum, sheallowedtogolivewithGrandmas
oldest sister, who was childless. Sangkumhas
been missing since the fall of PhnomPenh in
1975becausethetwofamiliesweresplit up.
On 17 April 1975, when the Khmer Rouge
came topower, she hadtotake her five children
(Sam, Sophie, and me, plus stepson Sopha and
adopteddaughter Danny) andhusbandtowher-
ever they toldher to go. She endedup inPursat
provincewheregrandpawas madetoworkuntil
hedied, andshewasleft withfivekidstofeed.
One day, the Khmer Rouge chief told the vil-
lage that Vietnamese citizens would be allowed
to return to Vietnam. She decided to take a
chance and claimed to be Vietnamese. It was a
dangerous bet. If it turned out that she was
wrong, she would certainly have been killed.
People in the commune warned her it might be
atrap. Auntie, theyrelying, theyll kill youwhen
you go back there, they said. To stay is to die,
to go is to die, so I might as well go, she told
them.
As shearrivedinthecampontheCambodian
border with Vietnam, she discovered that shed
given all the boys Vietnamese girls names and
all the girls boys names. Her spoken Viet-
namesewas bad. Shedlearnedit inthemarkets
and with friends, not in any formal way. But
becauseof thekindnessof astranger, MrsTeuv,
whopointedthis out toher andthentutoredher
for the next couple of days, her Vietnamese im-
proved so much that she passed the language
test that the Khmer Rouge and the Vietnamese
cadres gave her. Remember, if she failed we
wouldall bedead.
Imagine the courage it took for her to stand
there and pretend to be someone she was not:
Vietnamese. On the day of the interview, she
wrapped us in blankets and made us pretend to
be sick so we would not be questioned. The
Vietnamese cadre asked grandma: Sister what
is your name? Sheansweredinher best Saigon
accent: My name is Nguyen Thi Lan, a name
shed given herself. They kept asking whether
grandpa, whohadownedasmall drugstore, had
been a big shot. She stuck to her story. No, he
wasatrader, thatsall.
When at last she received permission to leave
Cambodia, she was so happy. This chance to
leave was like being reborn with all of her chil-
dren. Ontheboat toVietnam, shewasgivenrice
andcannedmilkfor me, thebaby. Without even
warming it up, she fed it to me until I became
bloatedandsick. Your parentscried: I want noo-
dles! I want noodles! Shehadnomoney, soshe
sold her last ring and bought a pot and some
three-layeredporkfat tomake our first real meal
insixmonths.
It was this determination that allowed us to
survive, andit was inVietnamat HongNguthat
the Vietnamese authorities left us to find family
or be taken to a collective farm, which wasnt
much better than where the Khmer Rouge had
takenus.
At a market one day, as time ran out, she
bumpedinto someone who knewher sister and
brother-in-law who lived in Ho Chi Minh City
(Saigon). Sheaskedthat wordbesent, andsoon
after, bysheer luck, onaboat downtheMekong
River, her brother-in-lawcame to the rescue. He
bribed guards to let us out in the middle of the
night andinJanuary1976wewerefinallysafe.
Over the next two years, she somehowman-
agedtosurvivebyher witsandthemoneyof her
sister, LimYouk Chan, who was sending it to
Vietnamto help her. By 1978, distant family in
Francehelpedusget there. Eventhen, richfami-
lies were offering her money to switch one or
more of her kids with their children, so they
could get to go to France and to freedom. She
couldhavemadealot of gold, but sheabsolutely
refused.
Getting to France took a lot of work. For one
thing, grandma had no direct family in France,
and a lady with the same last name had to be
convinced to sign papers claiming she was relat-
ed. After signing the papers, they got lost in the
mail. There again, a randomperson helped, he
was a Frenchman named Bernard who was
taken by the idea of helping a Cambodian re-
fugee family. He demanded that paperwork be
done, hecajoled, andyelledat staff intheFrench
Ministry of Foreign Affairs office and demanded
they reopen because, by his watch, it wasnt yet
closingtime!
You wouldnt knowthis, but your grandmoth-
er made it possible for us to live in France. She
worked hard to sew fancy tablecloths and nap-
kins with embroidered flowers for rich people
whocouldbuyit asartworkandpayher pennies
for each painstaking piece of work. With all the
stress of havingsurvivedthe Khmer Rouge, she
still managed to eke out a living. Once, when
Samenviedafriendsping-pongpaddle, shetook
himtothestoretobuyone.
In 1985, she packed up her bags again and
took Sophie, Samand I to the US, where it be-
came possible for her tostart a newlife, tobegin
her version of the American Dream. By then,
shewas already49years old. Shemannedagro-
cerystorethat hersisterhadstarted, sheworked
as a seamstress in the garment factories of
Oaklands Chinatownmakingfancydresses that
had labels like Jessica McClintockdresses no-
bodyweknewcouldafford, muchlessdreamof,
but sheusedthoseskills tomakeSophieclothes
that were just as good and custom-made to
make us what we could not afford to buy. Once,
inhighschool, I reallywantedasweater withthe
imageof theYellowJackets, theschoolssymbol.
She embroidered one that became the envy of
myfriends.
On Christmas we could haul fromthe garage
a plastic Christmas tree and decorate it with
some pathetic lights. We had few if any orna-
ments, much less gifts to put underneath the
tree. But material things, thoughnice, areimper-
manent. It was her love that mattered and she
gave us more that we needed in her 73 years of
life.
All through this time, she pressed all of us to
study in school and to go on to University. No,
she was not interested in a life of quick riches.
Often she was asked, why are you letting your
kids do so much schooling? It makes no sense.
Berkeley is full of crazy people, have themwork
instead. But grandma never once believed that
cutting school short to work made sense. She
believedineducation, andfor her, educationwas
not only about making money, it was about
learning howto think. This, froma woman who
had seven years of schooling in her life but
ended up speaking five languages: Khmer,
Cantonese, Vietnamese, French and English.
Shed always tell me: Knowing another lan-
guage will help youfigure out if youre beingled
to the slaughter, and to save yourself. She
believed in, and was living proof of, the power of
languageandknowledgetosavelives.
Somehow, shedidnt needanymoretoknow
that our role as her children was to get an edu-
cation. And we did. Sam graduated from San
Francisco State University in computer science
and nowworks as a software engineer. Sophie
received a Doctor of Pharmacy degree from
UC San Francisco and is now a pharmacist. I
graduated fromUC Berkeley with a PhD and
amnowa professor. Eventually, we had you as
our children, nieces, and nephews, and while
you may be too young now to understand it,
you need to know just what grandma meant,
because she meant the world to us, and our
expectations for youare the same as she hadof
us. She suffered so that we did not have to, and
sothat youwill not havetoeither. Shesavedsix
lives fromthe Killing Fields, and nowwith you
14grandkids, shehassaved20livestodate.
The Talmud says that if you save a life, you
save the world. The Chinese have another
proverb, Whenyousavealife, youareresponsi-
blefor that life. Sheisresponsible, intheoriginal
sense of the word, for all of our lives. Yes, your
grandmother, Cam Youk Lim, really was an
incrediblewoman.
(Sophal Ear is anAssistant Professor of National
Security Affairs at the US Naval Postgraduate
School inMonterey, California.)
A Letter To
Cam Youk Lims
Grandchildren
BY SOPHAL EAR
Courtesy of Sophal Ear
Top, a photo mosaic of Cam Youk Lim made up of family photographs using AndreaMosaic
software. Above left, a Buddhist shrine to honor Cam Youk Lim after she passed away on Oct
5. Above right, a portrait of Cam Youk Lim.
Courtesy of Sophal Ear
Cam Youk Lim, center, and her family in Vietnam after escaping Pol Pots Cambodia.