4/28/2014 How to Overcome and Abandon Jealousy: 11 Steps (with Pictures)

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How to Overcome and Abandon
Jealousy
Jealousy is an angry feeling that stems from a belief that there is only a finite
amount of love to go around and that your source of love is being diminished by
the presence of another person. This means that it is an emotion that has
evolved to protect one's resources, particularly love and nurturing. It is an
unpleasant emotion to experience and is very hard to shake. However, if you
want to maintain a great relationship, then you have to learn to overcome your
jealousy so that you can focus on what's important -- not on the threats that
aren't really there.
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Irrational jealousy can poison any relationship. For example, it can ruin good
communication between people, causing a downward spiral of unfounded arguments
and fights. Clear, sensitive open communication is the key. Talk, express your needs and
what you are willing to give. Be a peacemaker. Be a solution finder, not an accuser. Make
sure that you are not basing such an unpleasant emotion on insufficient evidence.
Irrational jealousy indicates insecurity in a persons self-worth and lack of
confidence in his or her ability to attract and keep a partner interested. A lover
who suspects a partner of unfaithfulness without having real evidence of that could literally
terrorize him or her by constantly accusing and questioning. This could even lead to a self-
fulfilling prophecy, being suspicious due to lack of trust, and questioning your partner about
his whereabouts in an investigating manner can cause unnecessary fighting and conflicts
and eventually break-ups of relationships that otherwise had great potential to develop and
prosper. Dont let this happen to you. If you believe that you subject your partner to your
jealousy, start working on eliminating it immediately.
Ironically, some people may develop jealousy when their relationship is great
and they are very happy with their partner. Their jealousy and their
possessiveness is a side effect of their desire not to lose something that is very special
and very precious to them. And the more precious their partner is to them, the more
carefully people guard him / her by being jealous. That concern and fear of loss of someone
very rare and special leads people to overprotecting it.
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Eliminating jealousy is not a quick process. Jealousy is a trait of character, a
frame of mind and an emotion, and as such getting rid of it is a gradual evolution
that requires work, self-reflection, patience, and persistence.
The great news is that the rewards of dealing with and overcoming jealousy
will likely keep you free of jealousy for the rest of your life and will make your
future relationships much more successful.
So, what are the steps that you can take to deal with and overcome jealousy
and possessiveness? The first and the most important step in dealing with jealousy
is, like with many other issues is recognizing that you have a problem. Most people who
have jealousy issues are in denial and refuse to admit that their behavior and perception
are irrational and their lack of trust is unsubstantiated by any real facts. Recognizing that
you have a problem is essential to your motivation to work on it and to your success in
overcoming jealousy. Once you have passed this crucial first step and have recognized that
you are jealous, it may be in your best interests to adopt the following, proven-to-be-
effective beliefs which will gradually eliminate your jealousy and all of its manifestations:
Become aware and accept the fact that whether you trust the person you are
with or not, whether you question his actions or not, and whether you spy
on him has no positive effect on his behavior and faithfulness. If a man or a woman
wants to cheat, he / she will find a way to cheat, and there is nothing you can do to prevent
it. So, stop it! Stop assuming the worst about him. Stop wondering where he is and what he
is doing at any given moment! Assume the best about your partner and his faithfulness to
you until and unless you have real reasons to believe otherwise.
Keep in mind that the only reason, the only thing that keeps your partner
around you is his desire to be with you. Nothing else keeps either of you near
each other. And his desire to be with you comes NOT from your pressure, your being
jealous or your attempts to convince him to be faithful to you but from your other qualities
that make you attractive and desirable. Your efforts to keep your partner have no positive
effect on your relationship. If anything, it might put excess pressure on that person -
something that no one enjoys and tolerates for very long. Remember that the best leash is
the loose one or even better a total absence thereof. To remove your mind from jealous
thoughts, become a little more selfish. Spend more of your time and your emotional and
intellectual resources on building yourself as an individual rather than perceiving yourself as
part of the relationship. Work on your career and your other goals. Take a class in a field
that you have an interest in, learn a new language, engage in a form of creative art, take a
dance class, and do anything else that you have or might have an interest in, so that there is
more to your life than just that relationship, and so that your life does not revolve around any
given person and his faithfulness to you. Pursuing other objectives of your life will prevent
you from obsessing over your partner and will keep you in a much healthier emotional state,
free of jealousy.
By getting rid of jealousy, you will exhibit some of the most attractive qualities
in you: your common sense, your confidence in yourself and in your ability to attract
the other person and maintain his exclusive romantic interest in you, your value as a wise
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person, and your confidence in your partners feelings. Dont miss out on such an easy way
to demonstrate those great qualities by rising far above jealousy.
Remember, there is no insurance policy or collection agency for any
relationship and jealousy certainly won't help make it more stable. Whether
you are casually dating someone or are married, whether you have been together for one
month or twenty years, its possible that your relationship will end at any time for a hundred
possible reasons. Not to be negative, but you should be aware of the reality of all
relationships. What does this mean to you? This means that you should enjoy and
appreciate your relationships as long as they last but at the same time accept and embrace
the possibility that any such relationship might be over one day. And if it is, it will be tough,
but you will get over it. It will not be the end of the world for you. Your duty is being the best
you can be in a relationship that you want to have. The rest is NOT up to you. The rest
depends on your partner and you have no control over it, and whatever you have no control
over, should not concern you or be a cause of your anxieties.
As you are successfully fighting jealousy, you will start experiencing
tremendous freedom - the freedom to enjoy your love life without the
taxing pain of jealousy and insecurity and the pleasure of giving your partner a
better, wiser, stronger, and happier you!
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