Friday, August 1, 2014

I write this while sitting in the waiting room of my sons therapeutic day program.
Im waiting to speak with one of the clinicians about what happened this morning
that really threw him off. He ended up dealing with the transportation snafu on his
own and quite well (on which I tried to get him to focus) and even tolerated my
gently pushing him to put his feelings into words (and supported him without giving
in to my urge to teach him a lesson). Still, incidents like these collide with his
tenuous self-confidence and threaten to trigger a withdrawal into his shell. If he
does so, hell stop going to the program which would add to the slowly creeping
signs of depression I am already seeing. So Im waiting to talk to them about the
things they are missinglike letting us know when we need to renew his
transportation order. And the ways theyre not supporting his job because he
doesnt tell them he needs to call on the days hes on-call because he is very concrete
about following the rules of no cell phones during groups. And the need to begin to
encourage him to come a 4
th
day a week to the program because he is not working
that much, is too overwhelmed to get a second job, but is bored with 2 full days of
doing nothing. He would have been so much further along if I had been around to
deal with his needs this year


I read the list of Ben Franklins pithy proverbs. I was surprised how many have
become part of the vernacular (in slightly different forms) without our being aware
that they are Franklins words. I was also struck by how many (8 of 30) have to do
with our words: what we say, how we say it, if we should speak or not, the
consequences of our words, etc.
Better slip with foot than tongue.
None preaches better than the ant, and she says nothing.
He that speaks much is much mistaken.
He that scatters Thorns, let him not go barefoot.
Well done is better than well said.
NUMBER SIX


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Hear no ill of a Friend, nor speak any of an Enemy.
Tart Words make no Friends: a spoonful of honey will catch more
flies than a Gallon of Vinegar.
A quarrelsome Man has no good Neighbours.
Much is written in Jewish texts about speech. Abraham is lauded for speaking up for
the people of Sdom and Amorah and arguing with God not to destroy the cities if he
can find even 10 good people. Miriam is punished severely for speaking jealously
and negatively of her brother Moshe. In the confession prayers we recite on Yom
Kippur, our wedding day, and before death, we ask forgiveness for a myriad of
collective sins including slandering, lying, and giving bad advice. And a major value
in Judaism is Shmirat HaLashon, literally guarding the tongue but referring to both
what and how we say things and to refraining from gossip.
I had all this in mind after I shared my Forging Tough Questions weebly page with
my group during class. I had listed some questions on the page in preparation for
my meeting with the 4 rabbis and the cantor at Temple Israel. As I had explained to
my boss, Helen Cohen:
I would like to get their individual takes on God, prayer, Israel,
Torah--all the areas I will be teaching and coordinating. I just
want to understand their views as the rabbinical team. It's just
part of how I like to get the lay of the land at a new job.
I wanted to know if there was a party line about these big ideas. And if not, I
wanted to know what the range was and who stood where. In addition, though I
grew up in the Reform movement, I now identify and practice as a (very) modern
Orthodox Jew, so it was important to me to be sure I understood the acceptable
language and positions and goals of the synagogue for the preschoolers and families.
And, finally, I anticipated that parents, and perhaps some children, would be asking
me about what was going on in Israel and I needed to have an acceptable answer.

On the other hand, although I knew one of the rabbis very well (I worked for him 30
years ago and he married us) and knew another a bit through my brother, I had
never met the other two, nor the cantor. I was concerned about getting into this
heavy stuff in my first meeting and with my boss there. My GRiTT colleagues
advised caution. Ease in, they said. Maybe just introduce yourself and speak about
general questions, but stay away from God and Israel.

On the day of the meeting, this past Tuesday, I walked into the outer office where
Helen introduced me to Sue, the rabbis assistant. Sue was about to introduce me to
Rabbi Ronne Friedman when he enveloped me in a huge hug. I was introduced to
Rabbi Morrison and then the gorgeous Rabbi Elaine Zecher, my brother Pauls good
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friend and colleague, came in. Rabbi Soffer had left on a solidarity mission to Israel
unexpectedly and Cantor Einhorn couldnt make it. We caught up, I showed pictures
of my kids, and then I more formally introduced myself for Rabbi Morrisons sake. I
explained that since my job as Judaic Coordinator entailed teaching and
collaborating and liaising with children, teachers, and families, I needed to have a
good grasp of my role and the preschools mission as part of the larger temple
community. And to be a good representative, I needed to be able to speak and teach
the philosophy and theology and practice that they wanted. So, I said, now that
weve just met, I want us to talk about religion and politics! That got a laugh and
broke whatever ice might still have been clinging to the ceiling.

We proceeded to have a fascinating discussion. They tabled the Israel question so
they could all think about it (today I sent a thank you and reminder with some
thought-provoking links). They gave me some basic language (e.g., names they do
and do not use for God, Israeli Hebrew pronunciation not Ashkenazi). They talked
about not wanting kids to have to unlearn too many stories and ideas, while
acknowledging preschoolers need for concrete answers and wonder-full stories and
beliefs. And I was able to reassure them that I was not about to be preaching
something wildly different. We left with a feeling of warmth and excitement and
intellectual stimulation in the air.

And finally, finally, I started feeling a bit of my old self-confidence coming back





















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