The Manners

A series by Amr Khaled

Selflessness (Al-eethar)

The Manners 1 Selflessness (Al-eethar)

 Selflessness – “Al-’eethar”

I seek refuge in Allah, the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing,

from the accursed Satan. In the name of Allah, the Most
Compassionate, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah, thank
Him, seek His help, guidance and forgiveness. We seek
refuge in Allah from the evil in our souls and the sinfulness
of our deeds. “He whom Allah guides, he is the rightly-
guided; but he whom He sends astray, for him you will
find no guiding advocate”.

Today, we will discuss the manner of al-’eethar

(selflessness: giving preference to others over yourself and
considering their happiness and welfare before your own).
It is amazing that some Islamic ethics have vanished and
become unknown although Islam calls for them and the
Messenger (PBUH) propagated such ethics, applied them
and practiced them himself. This goes to the extent that
when I say the word “al-’eethar” to youth, they ask me,
“What does it mean?” It is also amazing that there is no
exact equivalent for the word “al-’eethar” in any other
language like English or French. This is not the case of the
word “al-’eethar” only, but also of many other Islamic
ethics. The word “Al-haya”1, for example, is translated as
shyness in English, which does not entirely satisfy the broad
sense of the word in Arabic as we have already seen in the
lecture of Al-Haia’a. The same can be said about the word

1
This word covers a large number of concepts which are to be taken together; amongst them are self-respect,
modesty, bashfulness, scruple, etc (a footnote added by the translator).
The Manners 2 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
“Al-tawadu”2, which is translated as humbleness in English;
the translation of this word means humility only rather than
Al-tawadu with its broad sense. This also applies to the
word “al-’eethar”.

What a loss, O youth! Who are we learning our values

from? Not from our rich Islamic values, no! We are clinging
to the West instead! I wish we had learnt technology,
civilization and knowledge of management from the West,
but we are just imitating them blindly. I wish our Ummah
(Islamic community) were developed and civilized, and had
just imitated the West in other less important matters.
However, our Ummah is weak, lagging behind and still
faces problems, yet instead of trying to solve the problems
we're facing, youths are unfortunately imitating the West in
the way they dress, eat and listen to Western songs. When
the matter comes to our Islamic ethics, they do not want to
learn anything! Where can you find al-’eethar then? You
can find it only in what the Prophet (PBUH) taught us, and
in the milieu of the men who believed in Islam and lived for
it.

Let's now discuss the meaning of al-’eethar. Al-’eethar

means giving preference to others over yourself and
considering their happiness and welfare before your own.
That is to say, to relinquish some of the pleasures of life to
others; they enjoy them and you lose them. When we say
that a person has given preference to another one over

2
This word covers a lot of concepts; amongst them are submission, subservience, respecting others, humility, etc
(a footnote added by the translator).
The Manners 3 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
himself, it means that he preferred this person to himself for
the sake of the reward of the hereafter.

Examples of Al-’eethar:

In a severe winter's night in Al-Madinah, a woman of the

Ansar (The Muslims of Madinah who sponsored and
defended the Call to Islam) brought a woven velvet cloak to
the Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) took it, as he
was in need of it to protect himself from the severe cold.
Then, the Prophet (PBUH) came out wearing it for the first
time, just as you would buy a new suit and wear it for the
first time. One of the Companions from the Ansar looked at
him and said, “How nice it is! O Messenger of Allah, give it
to me”. What would your reaction be if you were in the
place of the Prophet? The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Yes” and
gave it to him on the spot. Peace be upon you, O Messenger
of Allah. Do you realize the meaning of al-’eethar now?
The Companions became angry with the Ansari and told
him, “the Prophet is in need of it!” The man replied, “I am
in need of it more than he is. I want to make it my shroud
when I die”.

Here is another example of Al-’eethar:

Twenty three years after the mission of the Prophet (PBUH)

had started, Makkah and Khaibar were opened (to Islam)
and booty was gained. During this period of the mission,
the Prophet and the Companions were suffering hardships
and poverty to the extent that the Prophet (PBUH) used to
The Manners 4 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
fasten two stones against his stomach out of hunger. After
Allah had granted Muslims victory, the Prophet's share of
booty was a number of sheep enough to cover the space
between two mountains. Imagine! Such a huge number of
sheep became the possession of a poor man who had
experienced poverty for such a long time. However, the
Prophet (PBUH) sought the reward of the hereafter. An
Arabian came to the Prophet and looked at the booty. The
Prophet asked him, “Do you like it?” The Arabian
answered, “Yes.” The Prophet said, “It is yours.” The
Arabian wondered, “O Muhammad! Are you serious? The
Prophet said, “Yes, take it if you wish”. Do you imagine to
what extent one can prefer others to himself? The Arabian
ran to the sheep and looking all around him took them all.
Then he returned to his people, saying, “Embrace Islam. I
have just been with the best man that ever has been.
Muhammad gives with the generosity of a person who has
no fear of poverty”. The narrator said that the Prophet
never retained anything he owned from anyone who asked
for it.

Another Example of Al-’eethar:

A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and told him that he

had nothing to eat. The Prophet sent a messenger to ask his
wives if they had food. However, when they were asked,
each replied, “No, by Allah I have nothing except water.”
The Prophet stood and called his Companions, “Who will
entertain this man as a guest?” An Ansari said, “I will, O
Messenger of Allah.” Afterwards, the man took the guest
The Manners 5 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
and went quickly to his wife and asked her, “Do you have
food?” She replied, “We have nothing except the food of
my children” - that is to say, the remaining food that could
only suffice their children. Then, he told her, “Make your
children forget the food, put them to sleep if they ask for
supper, and turn the lamp off when the guest comes so that
he would think that we are eating and would eat like us.”

Do you see al-’eethar? Nowadays, we see two or three

young persons traveling together, each hiding his food in his
pocket. They do not eat together as the companions used to,
and as the Prophet told us to.

When the guest came, she made her children sleep and
turned the lamp off. Then, both of them pretended to be
eating while the guest ate until he became full. When they
went to pray the dawn prayer, the Prophet (PBUH) said to
them, “Tonight Allah wondered at your action”- that is to
say, Allah has been pleased with what you have done to
your guest this night. Then, Allah revealed what can be
translated as “and give them (emigrants) preference over
themselves even though they were in need of that” (TMQ
59:9).3 It means that they prefer others even though they
were in toiling, hunger, poverty or need.

They gave preference to their guest although they had

nothing. We miss this ethic; we do not hear of it anymore
nowadays. Have you ever considered giving preference to
3
TMQ: Translation of the Meaning of the Qur'an. This translation is for the realized meaning, so far, of the stated
(Surah:Ayah) of the Qur'an. Reading the translated meaning of the Qur'an can never replace reading it in Arabic, the
language in which it was revealed.
The Manners 6 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
anyone over yourself by giving him your new suit for
example? Our motto should be the following hadith; the
Prophet (PBUH) said, “None of you will have faith till he
wishes for his brother what he likes for himself.”4 This is
the motto of al-’eethar. That is to say your faith will be
complete only when you wish for your brother what you
wish for yourself.

There are other examples of the Companions' ‘eethar

towards the Prophet (PBUH) in which they were ready
to give away their souls not just their money:

On the day of the battle of Uhud, while arrows were shot

towards the Prophet (PBUH) from every direction, Abu-
Dogana gave preference to the Prophet over himself and
hugged him in order to protect him from arrows. Abu-Bakr
said, “When I looked at the back of Abu-Dogana, it was
pierced by so many arrows that he looked like a hedgehog.”
He gave preference to the Prophet over himself and went on
doing that although he was wounded. Where is our ‘eethar
towards the Prophet? Do we foster his Sunnah? (The Arabic
word Sunnah has come to denote the way Prophet
Muhammad (PBUH), the Messenger of Allah, lived his life.
The Sunnah is the second source of Islamic jurisprudence,
the first being the Qur'an.)

Another example of the Companions' ‘eethar:

4
Authentic Hadith
The Manners 7 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
On the day of Uhud, Talha Ibn-Ubaidullah came to the
Prophet and told him, “Do not raise your head, O
Messenger of Allah. (Let) my neck (be struck) rather than
your neck, O Messenger of Allah.” When the Prophet was
shot with an arrow, Talha intercepted it with his honorable
hand, causing it to be paralyzed.

Another example is:

On the day of Uhud, the Prophet asked, “Who would

prevent disbelievers from reaching me, and enter Jannah
(paradise) as a reward?” At that point, disbelievers were
flocking towards the Prophet in order to kill him. Ten of the
Ansar youth (ranging between 18 and 19 years old)
proceeded. The first one died, followed by the second, then
the third. The last one was Yazeed Ibnul-Sakan who died at
the foot of the Prophet while he was defending him. The
Prophet raised his hand and supplicated, “O Allah, bear
witness that Yazeed Ibnul-Sakan has fulfilled his duty.”

We always hear of individuals who practice al-’eethar, but

we have never heard about a whole country that practices it.
Al- Madinah was such a country and the Ansar were its
people. Their ‘eethar was truly incredible. When the
Muhajireen (emigrants) emigrated from Makkah to Al-
Madinah, they had nothing except the clothes they were
wearing although they were rich merchants in their own
country. Some of them came to Al-Madinah on foot.
Whereas the people of Al-Madinah (the Ansar) were
farmers, the Muhajireen knew nothing about agriculture.
The Manners 8 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
However, what happened was incredible. The Companions
said that the Muhajireen entered Madinah by ballot because
the Ansar were crowding and competing to host whoever
arrived from the Muhajireen.

Look at us now; a mother might find no one to host her

when she grows old and needs someone to take care of her,
although she has a daughter-in-law, a son-in-law and she
has her own daughters. However, they keep sending her to
each other. The Ansar, on the other hand did the opposite,
although they were weak and poor. Nowadays, everything
is available in our homes, yet a daughter-in-law wouldn't
bear to host her mother-in-law.

Examples of the Ansar’s ‘eethar to the Muhajireen:

Sa’d Ibn-Al-Rabi (an Ansari) hosted Abdur-Rahman Ibn-

Ouf, a Muhajir (an emigrant). The former said to the latter,
“Here is my money. I will divide it between you and me.
This is your share and this is mine. Here is my property. I
will divide it equally between you and me. I have two
wives. See which of the two you like so that I may divorce
her and you can marry her after she completes her Iddah
(prescribed retreat)”. Can you see to what extent they were
practicing al-’eethar? However, Abdur-Rahman Ibn-Ouf
was decent and did not make use of this opportunity. He
replied, “May Allah grant you good reward. Where is the
market?”

The Manners 9 Selflessness (Al-eethar)

In all immigrations throughout history, there was blood-
shed. Take for example the immigration of Europeans to
America at the cost of the native Americans, as we have all
seen in movies. Have you seen how much blood was shed
and how many native Americans were killed so that
America would belong to the Europeans? However, the
greatest immigration that ever was throughout history was
full of love and ‘eethar; it was the immigration of the
Muhajireen to Al-Madinah. Consider how the Ansar
received them. Imagine! Each Ansari shared his home,
money, clothes, his wives’ clothes and his children’s clothes
with a Muhajir and his family. Who can imagine that
someone would share his house with another person? Were
the Ansars’ homes big? 200 or 300 square meters for
instance, or were they small? How did the Ansar behave in
such a way without being afraid that their wives might be
angry! How come their wives accepted their attitude? The
reason is that al-’eethar spreads blessing and pleases Allah,
and that increases your sustenance. On the other hand, the
more selfish you are, which is the opposite of al-’eethar, the
less blessing you will feel.

Open your cupboard and have a look at it, you will find out
that there are clothes that you have not worn for years, or
even have not worn at all. Why do not you give them to the
needy? I am not asking you to give them the new clothes
you have, although the Prophet gave others the new clothes
he had! What do you think of that? What do you think of the
one who shares his house with others! It is a very hard
example to follow, is it not?
The Manners 10 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
When the Prophet (PBUH) and his Companions immigrated
to Al-Madinah, the Prophet went to the Ansar and told
them, “Your brothers (Al-Muhajireen) have come to you
and they know nothing about agriculture. What do you
think of sharing your property with them?” They replied,
“Yes, O Messenger of Allah. We will divide our money
equally between us and them”. The Messenger wanted the
Ansar only to help the Muhajireen when he asked, “Can you
help them more?” the Ansar replied, “How, O Messenger of
Allah?” He said to them, “Share your fruits with them" -
because they can neither make use of money nor get out of
Al-Madinah as it is besieged. They replied, “Yes, O
Messenger of Allah, but for what (in return), O Messenger
of Allah?” He said to them, “For Al-Jannah”.

Do you see the reward of al-’eethar? After a whole year of

farming, an Ansari would take the ripe dates to a Muhajir
before going to his own home. He would not choose the
best and give the rest to the Muhajir. You, on the contrary,
might give the worst money in your pocket as Sadaqa
(charity). However, an Ansari would take all the dates he
collected to the Muhajir and tell him, “I will come back to
you after an hour so that you can choose whatever you
like”, so that he wouldn't embarrass him. Then, at the
Ansari’s return, he would discover that the Muhajir chose
the worst of the dates for himself, and they would keep
quarreling; each insisting that the other should take the best
fruits.

The Manners 11 Selflessness (Al-eethar)

When Khaibar was opened (to Islam) and there was a lot of
money, the Prophet said to the Ansar, “May Allah grant you
good reward, you have fulfilled the conditions.” They said
to the Prophet, “O Messenger of Allah, you have stipulated
a condition and we have done the same. We have fulfilled
your condition for the sake of Jannah.” He replied, “You
will have it”. Do you see the reward of al-’eethar? Give
others what you have. The more you give others, the more
generous you will become, and the further away you will be
from malice and envy.

There is an amazing relationship between al-'eethar and the

comfort of the heart, peoples' mercifulness, and abandoning
arrogance and envy. If you want to clean away your heart's
diseases, learn Al-eethar.

When the Prophet (PBUH) received a larger sum of money

from Bahrain, he declared that all of it would be for the
Ansar (his companions from Al-Madinah) in return for their
sacrifices and efforts. The Ansar objected, “No! Messenger
of Allah, we will not take it unless our brothers from the
Muhajireen share it with us!”.

The Muhajireen did not accept, “No, Messenger of Allah!

That would mean that our brothers have taken all the
reward” leaving the final decision to the Prophet (PBUH),
who said, “No; as long as you pray for them you shall
receive the same reward.” What an amazing society! One
that can be easily established if the faith and morals of Islam
return, and if Paradise is the target sought.
The Manners 12 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
Al-eethar is not only seen in financial matters as described
earlier but spiritual ones as well. Ikrima Ibn-Abu-Jahl
fought the Prophet (PBUH) for twenty two years, then
converted to Islam and became a very good Muslim who
died as a martyr because of al-eethar. Ikrima was among
those injured in the battle of Yarmuk. All the wounded
were gathered in a certain area until the battle was over.
Ikrima's cousin was one of the water carriers i.e. those who
were giving the wounded water to drink. He narrates, “I
was searching for Ikrima and found him among the injured,
wounded, in pain and about to die. He was surrounded by
ten other wounded Muslims. I ran to give him water, but
when he took the waterskin and was just about to drink he
heard a Muslim brother saying, “I am thirsty!” He said
“No, I swear by Allah I shall not drink unless my brother
drinks first.” I moved to the second. When he was about to
drink he heard another brother saying “Ah!” Then he said,
“No, I swear by Allah I shall not drink.” Then I went to the
next, and the next, and so on, until I reached the tenth
soldier, who said “No, I swear I shall not drink unless
Ikrima drinks.” I went back to Ikrima to find that he has
already passed away as a martyr. He practiced 'eethar even
when he was wounded and dying.”

Today we are reluctant to give away money, clothes, or

even knowledge fearing that our colleagues might surpass
us using such information.

‘Eethar of Abdullah Ibn-Omar

The Manners 13 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
This is an astonishing story of al-'eethar. Abdullah Ibn
Omar used to like the ayah, which can be translated as, “By
no means shall you attain Al-Birr (piety, righteousness -
here it means Allâh’s Reward, i.e. Paradise), unless you
spend (in Allâh’s Cause) of that which you love; and
whatever of good you spend, Allâh knows it well.”(TMQ
3:92). Therefore he used to give alms from the things he
liked. One day, while riding on his she-camel he realized
that he liked it. So he dismounted it and stood next to it in
the middle of the road waiting until he found an old poor
man and said, “Ride it old man, it is yours!”

On another occasion, he was given a fish as a gift, and he

used to love fish. His wife grilled it for him and he was
very pleased. Then, a poor man knocked on his door asking
for something to eat, so he told his wife, “Give him the
fish.” His wife said, “We have bread and barley and meat
in the house.” However, he said, “and what about Allah’s
words, (which can be translated as), “By no means shall
you attain Al-Birr (piety, righteousness - here it means
Allâh’s Reward, i.e. Paradise), unless you spend (in
Allâh’s Cause) of that which you love; and whatever of
good you spend, Allâh knows it well. Give him the fish.”
The woman gave the beggar the fish then said, “Would you
sell it to me for one dirham?” The man agreed. The wife
brought back the fish and put it in front of Ibn-Omar who
was pleased and just as he was about to eat, the poor man
knocked on their door again asking for alms. Ibn-Omar told
his wife, “Give him the fish”, the wife replied, “I did it
The Manners 14 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
once.” He said, “Allah said it many times not just once!”
The wife handed the man the fish and said, “I would like to
buy it from you again.” The man agreed, so she said, “I beg
you not to come back a third time.”

Similarly, when Omar Ibn-Al-Khattab (RA) was dying after

being struck by Lo’lo’a Al-Majoosi, he asked his son
Abdulla Ibn-Omar to go to Um al-Mo'mineen, Aisha (RA)
and tell her, “Omar Ibn-Al-Khattab, and don’t tell her Amir
Al-Mo'mineen for I am not so any more, tell her Omar Ibn-
Al-Khattab is requesting your permission to be buried
beside his friends (the Prophet (PBUH) and Abu-Bakr (RA))
in her room. She replied, “I wanted that place for myself,
but I shall offer it to Omar”. Imagine that she was going to
be buried beside her husband and father, i.e. the Prophet
(PBUH) and Abu-Bakr (RA). What an honorable burial
place! Despite this, the great lady agreed to be buried in the
Baqee (a graveyard in Al-Madinah) and offered that place to
Omar.

Abu-Huraira narrated, “Sometimes I used to be so hungry

that I could have gone crazy. People would say that I was
crazy and I would swear I was not insane; I was starving! I
used to sit beside the Prophet's (PBUH) minbar (the pulpit
in the mosque where the Imam stands to deliver sermons),
and recite verses of expenditure from the Qur’an whenever I
saw a Muslim passing by, hoping that he would give me
something. Abu-Bakr (RA) passed by me but did not realize
what I wanted, and so did Omar (RA). Then the Prophet
(PBUH) passed by. He looked at me and knew what I was
The Manners 15 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
going through. He said, 'Abu-Huraira, follow me!' We
entered his house after taking permission from his wife. He
asked her, 'Do we have anything?' She said, 'A bowl of
milk; enough for a man or two only.' I was looking eagerly
at the milk but to my surprise the Prophet (PBUH) asked me
to call all the needy.” The Prophet (PBUH) wanted to teach
him al-'eethar. Those people were as poor and as hungry as
Abu-Huraira. They were about a hundred Muslims. Abu-
Huraira then said, “I got depressed and told the Prophet
(PBUH), 'Will this be enough for all of them?' I was very
depressed but I could not but obey the Prophet's orders and
so I went and got them all. Looking at me with a smile, the
Prophet (PBUH) said, 'O! Abu-Huraira let them drink from
it.' The Prophet meant this to be a lesson for him and us as
well. Then Abu-Huraira said, "I took the bowl and started
passing by them until they all drank, while the Prophet
(PBUH) was looking at me and smiling. Then he told me,
'O! Abu-Huraira no one else is left except you and me.' I
told him, 'Right you are, O Messenger of Allah.' He then
told me to drink." He preferred them all over himself, and
then did the same with Abu-Huraira and the milk was
sufficient for all that large number of people. This was to
teach us something about Al- 'eethar and the blessing it
brings. Abu-Huraira said, “I drank then gave the bowl to
the Prophet (PBUH) but he insisted, 'Drink Abu-Huraira!' I
drank over and over again as he told me, then I said, “I can’t
drink anymore I swear by Allah (SWT).” Finally, the
Prophet (PBUH) took the bowl and drank the remaining
milk.” He actually drank what remained after all this! Drive
away stinginess out of your houses and pockets and you will
The Manners 16 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
be blessed with the generosity of the soul and you will taste
the sweetness of al-'eethar. Whenever you give, it is as if
you have been given.

Let's see the Prophet's (PBUH) 'eethar, in the battle of al-

khandaq (the trench). He taught the whole army that great
moral. Jabir Ibn-Abdullah approached the Prophet (PBUH)
and said, “We have at home a chicken and some wheat, so
would you come over and eat with me?” The Prophet
(PBUH ) looked at him and asked, “Me alone?” The
companions and the Prophet (PBUH) were extremely tired
after digging for fifteen days. They used to tie stones against
their stomach out of hunger. Jabir Ibn-Abdullah continued,
“You and one or two more men.” However, the Prophet
(PBUH) stood on a hill and said, “O! Community of Al-
Muhajireen, O! Community of al- ansar, our lunch today
will be offered by Jabir Ibn-Abdullah.” Jabir said, "I
sneaked back home to my wife and told her, 'The Messenger
of Allah (PBUH) is coming with the rest of the army!” She
asked, “Did you inform him about the food we have?” He
said, “Yes!”

“Allah and his Messenger know more!” she commented.

The Prophet (PBUH) stood and told Jabir, “You shall be our
gate keeper today.” While he split the bread, Jabir allowed
ten men in at a time to eat and then to come out, to allow the
next ten in.

Do you realize when the miracle of the Prophet (PBUH)

appeared and the blessing took over? It appeared when this
The Manners 17 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
incident in which he taught al-'eethar took place. Although
they were hungry for quite some time they were all fed.
Jabir Ibn-Abdullah said, “When ever I allowed a group in, I
thought it would be the last group to eat and that there
would not be any food left for the next, but they used to
come out with their stomach full, cleaning between their
teeth. Finally Jabir entered and the Prophet (PBUH) told
him, “May Allah bless your food, yours and your family's.”
Jabir was shocked to find the food as it was, except for a
small eaten piece of the chicken. Peace be upon our Prophet
the teacher of al-'eethar. What a pity that our nation no
longer has the moral of al-'eethar.

Jaffar Ibn-Abu-Taleb died in the battle of Mo'tah leaving

behind three children. The companions were weak and poor.
The Prophet (PBUH) stood up and asked, “Who will adopt
Jaffar's children?” The narrator of the story said, “Three of
the companions stood arguing, “Me, O Messenger of
Allah!" "No me, O Messenger of Allah!” Each one of them
was poorer than the other and yet they were willing to adopt
three orphans. Today if a person's brother passes away he
would instead try to get rid of his late brother's orphan son
and send him to his other brother and in the end the boy is
lost. Jaffar Ibn-Abu-Taleb when alive had the morals of
al-'eethar, and therefore Allah (SWT) blessed his sons and
allowed them to be brought up well. The Prophet (PBUH)
used to name Jaffar the father of the needy. The community
will not feel comfort, safety, or stability except if al-'eethar
is practiced. Imagine with me the community today, the
husband works day and night collecting money, and maybe
The Manners 18 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
the wife too, but why? They want to make sure that their
children would have a good future and leave behind a
fortune that is enough for them! Why? They know if they
die the children will be on the streets; no one will take care
of them and they will be at a loss. On the other hand, if
there is al‘eethar in the community, the mother or father
will die knowing that there will be someone who will look
after their children and may be even argue about that matter
as the Ansar did with the children of Jaffar Ibn-Abu-Talib.
That is why al-'eethar is important.

Imam al-Ghazaly says in his book Al-Ehyaa (The Revival),

that there are three levels/grades of al-'eethar:

- First- to give your brother what you would give to a

servant, i.e. you eat and give him your leftovers.
- Second- to treat him just like yourself i.e., you give him
what you would take for yourself.
- Third- to prefer him over yourself, i.e. provide his
needs before yours. His children, for example, will enter
school and have no clothes, so before buying clothes for
your own children you buy for his.

These are three levels of al-'eethar for you to choose from.

The greatest 'eethar in this life is to seek Allah's pleasure
over that of mankind, yourself, or any other thing.
On the Authority of Abu Muhammad Abdullah bin Amr
Ibn-al-As (may Allah be pleased with him) who reported
that the messenger of Allah said, "None of you is a true

The Manners 19 Selflessness (Al-eethar)

believer until his inclination becomes in accordance with
what I have brought"5
Allah's pleasure should be given the priority.

When we live only for ourselves, we live a short life where

we are born small and die small! However when we live for
each other we live as great people whose lives would last as
long as humanity exists. If you live for others not only
yourself, you will find your happiness in other peoples'
smiles, your opportunities will be in other peoples'
opportunities. You will be extremely happy when you find
someone asking Allah (SWT), “May Allah be pleased with
him, as he pleased me.” It is a strange yet a great feeling!
Try it, and you will feel much more satisfied than you
would have been if you had reaped all the benefits for
yourself.

To conclude, a good man once said at the moments of his

death, “My daughter I don’t fear death any more, even if it
came now. I took a lot from life I mean I gave a lot!
Sometimes my daughter it is very hard to differentiate
between taking and giving, because for a believer they carry
the same meaning. Every time I gave, I took. Actually I
took more than I gave.” Youth! Let us try to apply this
moral. May Allah make us benefit from it.

5
A good and trustworthy hadith from the book of Hujjah with a sound chain of authority
The Manners 20 Selflessness (Al-eethar)
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The Manners 21 Selflessness (Al-eethar)