How to be British No.

1: You can tell Im British

You can tell Im British because...
I live in the past
I dont care what people think
Im a different person when the suns out
Im not bothered about a bit of dust
I never refuse a drink
I dont speak a foreign language
Im lost without my dog
I wouldnt live anywhere else






How to be British No. 2: The United Kingdom












How to be British No. : !tarting a con"ersation

Get around in English
Lesson Forty-four: How to Start a Conversation
Use this handy card whenever you want to start a conversation with a British person.
Just look them in the eye and say the conversation starter for your level. Its as easy as
that!
Elementary
Its a nice day today, isnt it?
Intermediate
Bit of a cold wind today, isnt there? Looks like were in for some rain later.
Advanced
A trough of low pressure is sweeping down from south-east Iceland, bringing fog and
frost to low lying areas, with scattered thunderstorms in the west and a belt of rain,
which may fall as sleet or snow over the Pennines, moving across the whole country by
tomorrow lunchtime.
Dont worry if you cant understand their replyjust keep smiling!
Tourists like you are ruining this place!
Yes, it is, isnt it?





















How to be British No. #: British beer

British Beer
or
Instant English!
Units Language level 1 pint No change to your English 2 pints Your English goes up a
level 3

Your English goes up a level (but the grammar disappears) 4

You become very fluent, but start mixing English with your own language 5

You discover you can sing in English, and are brilliant at karaoke 6

You suddenly know lots of taboo words in English (fortunately, no-one else seems to
understand them) 7

You cant speak English at all (and also forget your own language) Over 7
(Danger Zone!) You start speaking American English
How to be British No. $: Ye %lde Britaine


How to be British No. &: Brea'(ast











How to be British No. ): The British bathroom



The (British) Bathroom
1. The bath
2. Cold tap
3. Very cold tap
4. Shower (not in UK)
5. Chain (see instructions)
6. W.C.
7. Safety belt
8. Toilet brush (not to be used internally)
9. Medicated toilet tissue (industrial strength)
10. Washbasin
11. Air-conditioning
12. Monitoring device (for staff training purposes only)
13. Tiddles
14. Guest room (overspill)




How to be British No. *: How to com+lain


Get around in English: Lesson Sixteen How to Complain
This meat is as tough as old boots. Hows your fish?
It tastes off. And these vegetables are cold.
This wine is awful I asked for dry and theyve given us sweet!
And look, theres a worm in my side-salad..
How is your meal? Is everything all right?
Oh, yes. Its lovely!
Excellent thank you!
How to be British No. ,: Tourist -ttractions

How to be British No. 1.: !+ea' slowl/0 +lease

My English When I Arrived Here
Speak slowly, I dont can good understand
My English Now (5000 later)
Speak slowly, please, I dont can good understand!

How to be British No. 11: 1ractise Your 1re+ositions


Get aound in ENGLISH
Lesson Ninety-five: Practise Your Prepositions
down, up
next to, on
off, away
back

How to be British No. 12: How to be +olite

Get around in English
Lesson Twenty Five: How to be Polite
1. Wrong
HELP!
2. Right
Excuse me, Sir, Im terribly sorry to bother you, but I wonder if you would mind
helping me a moment, as long as its no trouble, of course








How to be British No. 1: 2ress sense


Mm. The British are obviously warmer people than I thought...

And I say youre not properly dressed!











How to be British No. 1#: !ho++ing


ust think there are over 200 museums, galleries and heritage sites in London

Luckily, I only had time to go shopping!






How to be British No. 1$: Brits -broad


I can't understand this it's all FOREIGN
This weather's too hot for me!
Well, take your pullover off then!
I'll tell you one thing you can't get a decent CUP of TEA in this place!











How to be British No. 1&: Big Bong


EXCUSEMECOULDYOUTELLMETHETIMEPLEASE?
I'MSORRYI'MASTRANGERHEREMYSELF







How to be British No. 1): 3hat to sa/ be(ore /ou eat


What to Say Before You Eat
A European Cultural Exchange Initiative

France: Bon appetit!
Germany: Guten Appetit!
Italy: Buon appetito!
Britain: Never mind!


How to be British No. 1*: Ha"ing a great time


Apart from The Weather, The Food, The accommodation, The Countryside, The
People and the Language Im having a great time here!
Wotcha, mate! How are ye diddling? Blooming brass monkey weather innit, eh? Say,
how are you fixed for the odd bob or two...?











How to be British No. 1,: 4ind the ga+5


Get around in English
Lesson Thirteen: Survival English

Mind the gap! Mind the gap!
Mm. I wonder what Mind the gap means...
Mind the gap! Mind the gap!
I must find out...
Ah! This must be why its called the Underground...






How to be British No. 2.: How to +ronounce the th


Get around in English
Lesson Seventy-two: How to Pronounce the th sound
1. Place tip of tongue behind the top teeth
2. Breathe out
3. Retract tongue
4. Vibrate air behind tongue and say:
5. he !"iths #ear thin clothes throughout the #inter "onths$
%. &onsult dentist








How to be British No. 21: -s'ing the 3a/


Get around in English
Lesson Six
Asking the Way







How to be British No. 22: 6at 7ish 8 9hi+s


EAT FISH & CHIPS
if its the last thing you do!











How to be British No. 2: :reat Britons

















How to be British No. 2#: Brain o( Britain


Brain of Britain

language learning facility (not visible to naked eye)
Royal Family recognition centre
mistrust of Europe ventricle
national pride gland (likely to become inflamed during World Cup)
etc, etc,...








How to be British No. 2$: !easide Holida/s


Seaside holidays

Ah, you can't beat a good old-fashioned British seaside holiday no worries about
harmful ultra-violet rays for us!









How to be British No. 2&: The British 1ub


THE BRITISH PUB has survived unchanged for a 1000 years. A little
thing like the smoking ban isnt going to make a difference








How to be British No. 2): 7air 1la/


BRITAIN, the home of fair play

After you!
No, I couldnt possibly its your turn!
and good losers!

Oh, bad luck
Never mind its only a game!

How to be British No. 2*: ;eal 4ail


You cant beat good old-fashioned REAL mail

agonising for hours over which card to buy
queuing up at the post office to buy the right stamp
writing a unique personal message by hand
sticking the stamp in the proper place
dashing to the nearest pillar box to catch the post
when it really matters

How to be British No. 2,: %n the 9oast


Get closer to the sea

VISIT THE BRITISH COAST
(while its still there!)




How to be British No. .: %n the 1hone


Get around in ENGLISH

Lesson Eleven
On the Phone