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Dear Christina,
I pray that you are well and that you are able to rest a little now with the summer recess. I
made the decision to ask the prayers of the Abbot of the monastery, Father Theodosios, to
send you this letter. A week ago I was suddenly overcome by severe weakness of my facial, arm
and leg muscles, despite the medication I am taking for my illness, Myasthenia Gravis. The
medication Mestinon is exclusive for this sickness only and simply relieves the symptoms for a
few hours, but does not cure it. It usually works well, however, it has a lot of side effects and its
strength weakens with time which means that I have to increase the dosage. Imagine: I started
out with tablet 3 times a day and now I am taking 1 tablet 5 times a day. The recommended
dosage is 1 tablet 3 times daily. The doctor has had to supplement it with Cortisone with brand
name Prednisone.
I am under the care of a well-known Neurologist who is guiding me with reference to
medication, diet, etc. His name is Dr. Dimitrios Mantellos. He is in a private hospital MHTEPA.
He comes to the monastery sometimes. For examinations I have to go to public hospital. He
told me that my sickness is a blessing. It is rare. You dont know from one hour to the next
what might happen. Last week I was doing so well and suddenly, during lunch, my arm, leg and
facial muscles weakened, my power abandoned me. I could do nothing. I must admit it really
scared me. The doctor called it a blessing because I must always be prepared spiritually for
what may occur. If this sickness affects the breathing then I am finished!
I asked the Geronda to write you now, because I dont know what will happen and my
conscience bothers me greatly. He told me to write you from my heart which is in Christ, and
to let my conscience guide me.
And I thought within myself: What does a father write to his daughter with the hope that she
will not misunderstand or interpret his words wrongly? Then I remembered what Saint Tarso
told me when I asked her what I should do to be saved. She gazed toward the ground and
simple said: Remember and commemorate all the Saints. Although I read every day from
the LIves of the Saints I realize now what Saint Tarso wanted to tell me. Through the Saints we
learn the true virtues of the Christian life and not the hypocritical theater I was in. Humility,
patience, ascetic struggle against the slavery to our passions, true repentance (not only Im
sorry. but a sincere resolution not to sin again), forgiveness from the heart, love for those who
have hurt and wronged us, acceptance of our weaknesses, the sorry for injuring others with
actions and words, showing mercy (which means compassion, charity, pity, forgiveness,
forbearance, benevolence, a heart full of love for everyone, kindness, goodness), and most
importantly sacrificial love for the truth, for loved ones and for enemies, that perfect love which
Christ gave us when He accepted to be crucified on the Cross. Sacrificial love. This is the
message I want to give to you my daughter.
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I want to tell you Christina that Mom and I love you; forgive me for not showing paternal love,
for not expressing that love in the right way. I will not go back to the past. I will not reflect
upon what happened, what went wrong; questions which lead nowhere. I will not make
excuses for my mistakes, nor ask for excuses for the truth is in our hearts no matter how hard
we try to run away from it or smother our conscience. It is there and shall remain even after
death.

Why should I mention death? It is not a very popular topic. Modern man doesnt want to think
about it. Even in serious sickness we smother the thought of death with pain-killers, TV, and
Facebook friends. But death is actually a blessing. It brings to an end evil, sin, and inequality.
It stops our hypocrisy, lies, our words of anger, revenge, deceitfulness (craftiness, deception),
our delusions, false hopes, dreams, our self-righteousness, pride in general in removes the
mask we are wearing and we come to see ourselves as we really are. It is an end to our
imaginary freedom; a freedom which in reality is an imprisonment to our passions, our delirium
for pleasure. Most of all it is an end to inequality. THE TRUTH IS REVEALED.
Why do I write this? Because in the end what I did, what I accomplished, what I tried to do,
what I argued about, what I dreamed about was vanity. Your separation from Mom and me
was an unnecessary evil. The only thing that remains are sacrificial love; a love which the
Apostle Paul writes: Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant
or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice
at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
and endures all things.
But who has such love. Even non-Christians quote these words (but they use and interpret
them inaccurately and in a worldly way) of the Apostle, however, in reality very few are able to
acquire it. We say it with our mouth only, not with our heart. We are all, to a greater or lesser
degree, hypocrites. But to say I love Christ, such love is essential.
With these thoughts I ask Christ one thing. For His mercy and that no one may die in their sins.
Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on us, and let no one die in their sins.
I ask to see you Christina. I ask that you express a sacrificial love toward Mom and me as your
Mom did to you and to me. I do not ask for pity, and beyond the consideration that we are old,
or that I have a serious illness. We know that death plays tricks and does not come only to the
old and sick. These are not reasons to see you, to embrace our beloved daughter whom we love
with all our heart. I ask to see you Christina, because we love you, because you are forever our
daughter, because we know that in your heart you possess that sacrificial love.
Shall I give you a story from the Lives of the Saints? No. I will give you what happened to me
16 years ago (then I was 52 years old). Because of my fathers personal weaknesses,
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disagreements and my outbursts of anger, inferiority complex, severe depression and pride I
hadnt seen my parents for 22 years. I would occasionally call them on holidays, only. One day
my Dad sent me a letter asking that I come to see them. My heart was cold and I reacted with
fear because I was afraid that upon my visit our past arguments, disagreements would come
up, something which I could not endure.
Although I was not a monk I felt the need to speak to my spiritual father. He smiled and didnt
say much. He said strictly that since my father asked to see me I was obliged to go. He told me
that as a Christian I shouldnt have waited for my dad to ask me, but I should have asked on my
own. He said there were no excuses; that my blaming my father and his lifestyle for my ills was
wrong. He took out the Holy Bible and read to me the following passage.
Ecclesiasticus 3: 13-16 (Septuagint) - My child, help your father in his old age, and do not
grieve him as long as he lives; even if his mind fails, be patient with him; because you have all
your faculties do not despise him. For kindness to a father will not be forgotten. and will be
credited to you against your sins;
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in the day of your distress it will be remembered in your
favor like frost in fair weather, your sins will melt away.
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Whoever forsakes a father is like a
blasphemer, and whoever angers a mother is cursed by the Lord.
This was enough for me to decide to go. They picked me up at the airport. They didnt say
much. The typical conversation. Love was missing on my part, especially after so many years. I
now see how stone-hearted I was. I stayed seven days. My parents didnt bring up anything
about the past arguments, neither our reasons why we stopped communication for several
years. We looked at the photo album, talked about pleasant memories. We went to Church
together. My dad even took me to a reunion breakfast at the Pancake House, where a few
retired railroad colleagues would get together every two months. My dad proudly introduced
me: This is my son, who came all the way from Greece to visit me. No cuss (bad) words
which before was his main vocabulary. I saw a different dad. At home my Mom gave me the
Holy Bible and asked me to read to them from it.
The day for my departure arrived. At the airport my dad and mom came with me to the
boarding gate. There were over a 100 people waiting in line to board. Then my dad burst out
in tears and fell on my shoulders. He said: Son, forgive me. This will be the last time I see
you. I have terminal cancer and the doctors dont give me much time. I started crying and
told him it is I who should ask forgiveness. I could see that many of the other passengers could
not hold back their tears. For the first time I could say I truly loved my dad. He hid his illness
until the last moment. He asked forgiveness, I asked forgiveness; the ultimate act of sacrificial
love. My brother called me one morning, nine months later, and told me our dad passed away
in peace and in Christ.
I repent that my diabolical pride kept me from my parents, no matter how bad I felt they were.
I repent even more that my diabolical pride has separated your Mom and you. It is all my fault,
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but it would take volumes to write about it. I do not have the strength and Myasthenia Gravis
is worsened by stress and anxiety. Because of my fears and social inhibitions Mom was forced
to do many things I couldnt do. I was a real coward hiding behind your Mom. She suffered
mostly from the consequences of my diabolical sickness. I say diabolical for anything or anyone
which harms another person intentionally or unintentionally is under the influence, or shall I
say is possessed by the devil. The devils greatest success story was and is for people not to
believe in his existence; that we are free; that we are gods. Mom took the blame to cover my
sickness. Just believe me dear Christina. I am so sorry that I have made Mom and you suffer. I
am so sorry. I ask your forgiveness. When Christ comes He shall reveal all things; the secrets of
our heart.
I want you to know that I promise when you come nothing of the bad memories of the past will
be brought up and no questions asked. Mom promises the same. It is over. No more.
I would be happy if you could bring me some bagels and make me a bagel sandwich, just like
you did when I visited you in NYC and was leaving for the airport. You can also stay with Mom a
couple of days at the monastery guest room. We can see the universe at night, the stars in
their perfect formation which they have held for so many years. I will take a blessing for you to
meet my friends the goats. When they see me the little ones jump up and down. We talk a
little and then they start eating. You can hear the chickens screaming when one of them lays an
egg!!! We can look at the wild flowers near the chapel of Saint Mary of Egypt on the mountain
above the monastery and health permitting maybe they will take us to Saint Ephraim in Nea
Makri. Simple and blessed things. I remember one Geronda asked: If I take a 3 year old child
and give him the choice of choosing between a clothespin and an apartment building, he will
inevitably choose the clothespin. Simplicity as a child. This is what Christ taught.
Grandma and I would be so enormously happy to see our blessed Grandson Anthony, but it is
up to him if he wants to come. He has brought his Grandma and me so much happiness and
true blessings.
Finally, I ask you to remember that your Mom / Grandma is old and so tired. I know that it is
her wish and desire to hand over all the documents and the care of the home and land to you
and our Grandson. With my sickness and Moms exhaustion after doing so much for so many
years concerning the land and home we feel the time has come. Grandma has and continues to
fix, repair and keep everything in good order for you and Anthony. Please, keep this home and
land always, for they are from our love to the both of you and it is what you wanted also. They
were bought with Mom's prayers and tears for help to Panagia, Saint Tarso, and Saint Ephraim
(Nea Makri). Please help and be near your Mom / Grandma, always.
I am thankful that I had the strength to write this letter to you. I am thankful to the Mother of
God and St. Tarso that I am at this monastery to fulfill my vow which I made to Panagia at my
age of 17 years old becoming a monk and have been given the opportunity, these past six years
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to see myself as I really am and to cleanse my conscience which I suppressed so long. The truth
always comes out at the end. This letter is my testament of love to you my blessed daughter
Christina. Forgive me and remember me in your prayers my daughter, my daughter, my
daughter.
With love in Christ, always,
your Dad