Every Womans Battle Lesson 5 Guarding Your Mind

You are getting into a four-door car by yourself. Its late at night and you are in a rough
neighborhood. In order to feel safe, what is the first thing you are going to do when you get in
the car? Right. Lock the doors.
How many doors will you lock? If you only lock one or two doors, would you be safe?
f course not. !ll four doors must be locked to kee" out an unwelcome intruder.
#he same is true with kee"ing out unwelcome se$ual tem"tations. #hese tem"tations can
in%ade our li%es and e%entually gi%e birth to sin in four ways. #he thoughts we choose to
entertain in our minds can influence us. #he words we s"eak or the con%ersations we engage in
can lure us down unrighteous, dangerous "aths. &o can the failure to guard our hearts from
getting in%ol%ed in unhealthy relationshi"s. !nd when we allow our bodies to be in the wrong
"lace at the wrong time with the wrong "erson, we can be led toward se$ual com"romise.
'%en if we lea%e only one of these doors unlocked, we are %ulnerable. (e must guard all
four areas )our minds, our hearts, our mouths, and our bodies* to ha%e any ho"e of remaining
safe and maintaining se$ual integrity. (ell discuss the first of these areas in this cha"ter and
the other areas in each of the ne$t three cha"ters.
)Romans 7:212!* +I find then a law, that, when I would do good, e%il is "resent with me. {22}
,or I delight in the law of -od after the inward man. {23} /ut I see another law in my
members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into ca"ti%ity to the law of sin
which is in my members.+
(hats on the inside of your heart and mind? 0ould you, like 1a%id, be so bold as to "ray
such a thing as this. 2#est me, Lord, and try me, e$amine my heart and my mind3 )"salms
2#:2* +'$amine me, LR1, and "ro%e me4 try my reins and my heart.+ 5otice 1a%id didnt
say, 2'$amine my actions.3 He asked -od to e$amine what he was thinking.
'%en young women who ha%e ne%er had a serious relationshi" or been in%ol%ed in se$ual
acti%ity often ha%e im"ure thought and longings. Regardless of our "ast, all of us share in this
struggle.
5o matter how well any of us try to "re%ent tem"ting thoughts from entering the gate of
our mind, some will still sli" through. Life itself brings tem"tation. #he day you sto"
e$"eriencing tem"tation isnt the day you sto" reading romance no%els or watching 6#7 and
R-rated mo%ies. It isnt the day you "ut a wedding band on your finger 8 or e%en the day you
fast and "ray for twel%e hours straight. $%e day you sto& e'&erien(ing tem&tation is t%e day
you die. #em"tation comes e%ery day with being human.
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:ust because e%eryone has tem"ting thoughts doesnt mean that it is wise to indulge in
them or entertain them. You cant sto" a thought from "o""ing into your mind, and -od
understands this. Howe%er, you can refuse to entertain such thoughts.
If you want to be a woman of se$ual and emotional integrity, youll want your thoughts
to rea" "ositi%e actions and habits so you might better reflect a 0hristlike character and fulfill
-ods destiny for your life. #o hel" you understand how to do this, lets e$amine t%ree
)uestions about your thought life.
1* W%at e++e(t do your t%oug%ts %ave on your ,attle +or se'ual and emotional
integrity- ...........................................................
2* /o0 (an you guard your mind against in+luen(es t%at (ause you to sin- .......
!* W%at does t%e Bi,le say you s%ould +o(us your mind on1 and %o0 is t%at
&ossi,le- ............................................................
#o hel" answer the ;uestion about what effect your thoughts ha%e on you, imagine an
actor "re"aring to "erform in a "lay. &he memori<es her lines, gets inside the characters head,
and tries to understand how this "erson would feel and act. &he rehearses being that "erson.
&omething similar ha""ens when you fantasi<e about se$ually or emotionally
ina""ro"riate beha%ior. You are rehearsing when you imagine the con%ersations you would
ha%e with someone if you were e%er alone with that indi%idual. You are rehearsing when you
en%ision a se$ually intimate encounter. You are rehearsing when you en%ision what youll say
and do in these encounters. Rehearsing makes you susce"tible to acting out the scenarios you
ha%e been fantasi<ing about. It feeds your desire and breaks down your resistance. &o when
&atan lays the tra" and "resents you with a similar com"romising situation, guess what? 6ore
than likely you will "lay the "art e$actly the way you ha%e rehearsed it. If you dont guard your
mind, youll find that when it comes to your relationshi"s with the o""osite se$, your resistance
can be low before any encounter takes "lace.
/ut you do ha%e some choice in this matter 8 you dont ha%e to be a sitting duck for
&atans darts. You can train your mind. ,or instance, "erha"s one of your friends has a really
cute boyfriend and you feel tem"ted to stay after class to chat with him, =ust to see where the
con%ersation may lead. )&ecretly you wonder if he could grow to like you more than her.*.
6aybe a guys football uniform makes you wonder for a fleeting moment what he looks like
without it on. !gain, such random thoughts are not sin, but dwelling on ina""ro"riate or se$ual
fantasies is sin and increases the likelihood that you still act on such thoughts in the future. You
cant kee" from being tem"ted, but you can a%oid rehearsing, and you can certainly refuse to act
out a tem"ting thought. You can train your mind to mind. 5o tem"tation becomes sin without
your "ermission.
&o, how do we a%oid dwelling on random thoughts to the "oint that we are 2rehearsing3
rather than 2rebuking3 them? #here are three "rimary ways. #he $/REE Rs.
Resisting
>
Redire(ting
Rene0ing
You ha%ent sinned when these thoughts "o" u" in your mind4 they are merely "esky
tem"tations. '%ery "erson on the "lanet e$"eriences those at times. In /e,re0s 2:151#, we
see that :esus was tem"ted, e%en se$ually but that He was also sinless.
)/e,re0s 2:151#* +,or we ha%e not an high "riest which cannot be touched with the feeling of
our infirmities4 but was in all "oints tem&ted like as we are, yet without sin. {16} Let us
therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to
hel" in time of need.+
:esus understands what it feels like to be tem"ted. He was human too. He underwent the
same kinds of tem"tations you e$"erience in relationshi"s, yet He did not gi%e in to any of
them. If you ha%e the Holy &"irit li%ing in you, you can ha%e the same %ictory as you learn to
resist tem"tation.
You can resist tem"tation by redirecting your thoughts. In fact, you do this all the time.
,or e$am"le, you can distract yourself with a tele"hone call from a friend when you ha%e a list
of house chores a mile long. 1o you a%oid thinking about the dirty clothes "iling u" in the
basement when an o""ortunity to go sho""ing for new ones "resents itself? f course you do.
(e constantly make choices either to dwell on or disregard thoughts. (e can either entertain
ideas or ignore them, and se$ual tem"tations or emotional cra%ings are no e$ce"tion.
2* How does it make you feel to know that :esus understands what its like to be tem"ted and
that you can a""roach Him with confidence? ????????????????????????????????????????
You can bounce ina""ro"riate thoughts right out of your brain by rehearsing a""ro"riate
res"onses to them. ,or instance, if you suddenly imagine yourself getting se$ual with your date,
bounce that thought by imagining how you will res"ond if he starts kissing you or asks you to
do something se$ual. @ractice in your mind how you will "olitely refuse to go there. Instead of
en%isioning how you can mani"ulate your boyfriend into being alone with you, imagine how
much fun you can ha%e together in a "ublic setting. In your minds eye, see yourself ni""ing
any unhealthy obsession in the bud. /ounce unhealthy thoughts out of your mind and usher in
healthy ones.
For Group Discussion:
You can also rebuke tem"tation by mentally rehearsing how to communicate to a guy that
you are not to be toyed with or that you are not emotionally needy.
Imagine how you would respond if your best friends boyfriend approached you while
you are alone and said that hes always thought you were pretty. Rather than flirting
back or entertaining thoughts that would betray your friend, imagine sim"ly telling
him, 2#hank you,3 and walking to where others are gathered.
A
Say that a handsome guy at wor says you are so hot that thoughts of you mae him
ha!e to tae a cold shower. Rather than being flattered by such an ina""ro"riate
se$ual remark, sim"ly en%ision yourself gi%ing him an a""ro"riate re"ly such as, 2I
dont a""reciate that kind of comment,3 and walking away. If something like this
actually occurs and your re"ly doesnt deter him, inform your boss that you are being
se$ually harassed.
Suppose a cute guy ass you out, but he has a bad reputation and doesnt belie!e in
"od. Rather than considering all the ways you could 2change him with your lo%e3 and
imagining what it would be like to date him, en%ision yourself re"lying, 2I a""reciate
your asking, but no thank you.3
Imagine that a much older guy begins flirting with you and in!iting you to meet up
with him later# Rather than thinking about how much youd like to go out with him,
imagine "olitely telling him something like, 2Im sorry, but Im not interested.3
Share with the group an e$ample of how you either succumbed to or resisted temptation
because of how you rehearsed your part in your thoughts# %hat did you learn& '(nsa!ed date,
no to drugs, !irginity pride, se$ before marriage, drining)
nce you begin sto""ing tem"tations at the gate and "ractice redirecting tem"ting
thoughts, you are ready to begin the "rocess of renewing your mind, which basically means
"utting new things into your brain so that you ha%e better things to think on and meditate o%er.
#his is critical to your battle "lan if you want to become a woman of se$ual and emotional
integrity. Here are some s"ecific e$am"les to get you thinking in the right direction.
(hen an ina""ro"riate or sinful thought comes into your mind, redirect it by
meditation o+ verses you ha%e memori<ed as a way to kee" your focus where it needs
to be. #he following %erses are good.
'Revelation 3:21) *+o him that o!ercometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, e!en as I
also o!ercame, and am set down with my ,ather in his throne#*
'Proverbs 17:28) *-!en a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise. and he that
shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding#*
'Romans 12:12) *I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of "od, that ye present
your bodies a li!ing sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto "od, which is your reasonable ser!ice# {2}
/nd be not conformed to this world. but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that
ye may pro!e what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of "od#*
5* In your own words what A things is -od asking us to do? ????????????????????????????
%hat do you thin it means not to conform to this world&0000000000000000000000000000000
%hat does it mean to be transformed by the renewing of your mind&
0000000000000000000000
1ow can you renew your mind&
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
B
3ing a song in your mind that hel"s you resist tem"tation. (hat are some good songs
you know?
Instead of entertaining se$ual or ina""ro"riate thoughts about a guy &ray for his
future wife. r &ray for the husband you may ha%e someday. Remind yourself that
entertaining ina""ro"riate or se$ual thoughts about this "erson may create emotional
baggage you wouldnt be "roud to bring into your future marriage relationshi". #hank
-od that with His hel" you are able to kee" your heart and mind "ure.
(hen you come face to face with tem"tation, sim"ly do t%e ne't rig%t t%ing. (ere
you on your way to work or school when you saw this handsome hunk? #hen do not
hesitate. -o to your destination. (ere you heading to meet a girlfriend? 1ont kee"
her waiting. -o. If you want to remain on the "ath toward righteousness, dont allow
yourself to get sidetracked by a handsome guy if this is a relationshi" you should not
entertain.
Maintain your +o(us on t%e 4reator )-od* rather than focusing on the creation )cute
guysC*.
5o(us on God
Memori6e s(ri&ture*
Read 4%ristian ,oo7s*
3tart a &rayer 8ournal*
$al7 0it% ot%er 4%ristians*
)Matt%e0 22:!7!9* +:esus said unto him, #hou shalt lo%e the Lord thy -od with all thy
%eart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. {32} #his is the first and great
commandment.+
#his %erse doesnt say :esus wants you to lo%e the Lord with whate!er is left of your
heart, soul, and mind. 5or does it say you should sit around all day and meditate on -od. He
knows you ha%e a life. Hes the ne who ga%e you life. He wants the best life "ossible for you.
!ccording to these %erses, :esus wants us to lo%e -od more than any of the other things
that demand our time and attention. (e are to lo%e -od abo%e anything else in this world, with
as much strength and "assion as each of us "ossible can. (e demonstrate this lo%e for -od by
focusing our thoughts and energies on those things Hes "re"ared for us to do and that are
"leasing to Him. -od wants us to do what @aul encouraged the "eo"le of @hili""i to do.
)"%ili&&ians 2:9* +,inally, brethren, whatsoe%er things are true, whatsoe%er things are %onest,
whatsoe%er things are 8ust, whatsoe%er things are &ure, whatsoe%er things are lovely,
whatsoe%er things are of good re"ort4 if there be any virtue, and if there be any &raise, think
on these things.+
1eres how a woman who lo!es "od and li!es to ser!e 1im might put this !erse into
practice. She rolls out of bed to prepare for her day, trying to loo her best to gi!e a positi!e
impression to the people she encounter, because she nows she represents "od# She might
D
spend a few minutes reading her 3ible, praying or singing songs to the 4ord as she curls her
hair in front of the bathroom mirror# /s she eats breafast, puts the finishing touches on her
maeup and prepares to lea!e, she is preparing to be a responsible woman# /s she focuses on
her teachers or 5ob, she does so in order to ma$imi6e the potential "od has placed inside her#
/s she goes throughout the day, she has her eyes open for girlfriends who need
encouragement# If she has a friend who doesnt now 7esus at all, she loos for opportunities to
show that person what 1e loos lie through her attitudes and actions# /s she writes a note of
congratulations to a friend or forwards a funny e8mail or call to chec in with family, she does
it all to build and maintain healthy and positi!e relationships#
!m I saying that -od is su""osed to be the only thing you think about? 5o. /ut I am
saying that as you think on the things that daily demand your attention, you can still lo%e -od
with all your heart, soul, and mind and share His lo%e with others. (hen you demonstrate
res"onsible stewardshi" of the life He has gi%en you, your life offers undeniable "roof of your
lo%e for Him.
):saia% 2#:!* +#hou wilt kee" him in "erfect &ea(e, whose mind is stayed on thee. because he
trustet% in thee.+
)4olossians !:5#* *9ortify therefore your members which are upon the earth: fornication,
uncleanness, inordinate affection, e!il concupiscence, and co!etousness, which is idolatry. {6}
,or which things; sae the wrath of "od cometh on the children of disobedience.*
Inside e%ery 0hristian two o""osing forces fight each other. #he /ible refers to these two
forces as our flesh and our s"irit. (hile 0hristians take delight in -ods law, we also continue
to battle the 2law of sin,3 which causes us to cra%e ungodly things. @aul wrote of these two laws
at work within us in his letter to the Romans.
)Romans 7:2125* *I find then a law, that, when I would do good, e!il is present with me# {22}
,or I delight in the law of "od after the inward man. {23} 3ut I see another law in my
members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into capti!ity to the law of sin
which is in my members# {2<} = wretched man that I am> who shall deli!er me from the body of
this death& {2?} I than "od through 7esus @hrist our 4ord# So then with the mind I myself
ser!e the law of "od: but with the flesh the law of sin#*
&ound familiar? Ha%e you e%er tried to sto" doing something that you knew was wrong
but =ust couldnt sto"? '%er tried to be more disci"lined in a certain area of your life, only to
ca%e under "ressure? (hen both good and e%il battle within you, do you know who will
e%entually take the "ri<e? (hen your flesh wrestles with your s"irit, do you know who will
e%entually win? %hiche!er one you feed the most. If you feast of 6#7 and romance no%els,
you can bet that your flesh takes control when you face se$ual tem"tations. Howe%er, if you
feast on -ods (ord, "rayer, and healthy relationshi"s with godly "eo"le, your s"irit can
consistently o%er"ower your flesh, e%en in the midst of fierce tem"tations. (hen you fill your
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mind with se$ual images, you awaken se$ual desires that should only be entertained and
fulfilled within marriage.
For !lass Discussion:
4%rissie began reading her moms romance no%els and soon found that they not only
stimulated her emotionally but also stimulated her se$ually. &he e$"lains. 2&ometimes I hold a
romance no%el in one hand while masturbating with the other. I am too scared and ashamed to
ask anyone about what I am thinking and feeling. 5o one talks about this stuff at church, so I
often wonder, /m I the only one who thins lie this&
'%en though 0hrissie feels alone in her struggle, shes certainly not.
"ac# to $andout:
5o tem"tation sei<es you that isnt common to other women. 1 4orint%ians 1;:1! says, +#here
hath no tem"tation taken you but such as is (ommon to man. but -od is faithful, who will not
suffer you to be tem"ted abo%e that ye are able4 but will with the tem"tation also make a way to
es(a&e, that ye may be able to bear it#*
Sadly, some women allow their mental fantasies to become their reality# Such was the
case with %hitne&s sister# +he two of them used to lo!e watching 9+A and teem soaps B
9elrose Clace, Dawsons @ree and old episodes of 3e!erly 1ills EF21F, but %hitney stopped
when she heard a pastor tal about the problems that can result from putting such images into
our minds# (nfortunately, her sister didnt# %hitney tells her sad story. G %hen my sister was
si$teen, she was dressing lie 9adonna and other pop stars and had a steady boyfriend who
hung out at the house a lot# 3y the time she turned se!enteen, she found out she was pregnant#
She had to drop out of school because she felt so sic# 1er boyfriend refused to ha!e anything
to do with her of the baby, and she had to gi!e the baby up for adoption# She lost most of her
friends and no guys e!er as her out# (nfortunately, she still watches some of the stuff that I
thin got her into all this trouble in first place#H
"ac# to $andout:
,antasy and masturbation are certainly two of the most common. (hile I dont know of
anyone who intentionally becomes addicted to "ornogra"hy, many "eo"le innocently stumble
onto "ornogra"hic mo%ies or (eb sites, and rather than immediately turn it off and bouncing
their thoughts, they watch it, only to find how addicting it can be. #hats one of the frightening
things about "ornogra"hy 8 e%en when you arent %iewing it, the images flash on the screen of
your mind. Its also disturbing how "ornogra"hy can suddenly land right in front of your eyes,
e%en when you are not looking for it.
For !lass Discussion:
7en says that this is what happened to her# 4ate one night she was channel surfing in her
room and came across a show that looed lie 3aywatch# / guy and girl were on a beach, and
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he was gi!ing her mouth to mouth, lie he had 5ust sa!ed her from drowning# 7en was shoced
when they started doing se$ual things that you dont normally see on a tele!ision show# -!en
when she reali6ed it was a pornographic mo!ie, she ept watching the film, and then another
and another that night# She began staying up after e!eryone had gone to bed, 5ust to watch that
channel# 7en shares this. GSe!eral wees later, I freaed out when my mom woe me up at 2
a#m#, asing, H%hat are you watching, young lady&H I had been watching porn mo!ies, but I
was too afraid to admit what I had been doing, so I lied# I said that I had been watching a prim8
time type tele!ision show earlier and had fallen asleep around 1F p#m# before the channel
turned to porn# 9y mom belie!ed me, but I!e always felt bad about it# It did put the fear of "od
in me that I should ne!er loo at that ind of stuff again, and I ha!ent# I 5ust wish I could get
the images out of my mind#
I wish I new of a Iuic fi$ that would help 7en rid her mind of such images, but I dont#
Jaylie had no idea that she was about to !iew a pornographic message when she opened
an e8mail with the sub5ect line. G"irls %ho 7ust %ant to 1a!e ,un>H She thought it was a
cartoon or a message from a friend# %hen she saw it was pornography, she thought it was
funny and showed it to a friend# 1er friend then told her about some porn %eb sites where she
could see similar images# 3efore she new it, Jaylie says she was hooed. G/t first, I went to
some of those sites 5ust for the shoc !alue and to laugh at them, but then I found myself drawn
to looing at that ind of stuff all the time# /t night I thin about those pictures, and I sometimes
e!en get up in the middle of the night to surf the Internet for other sites# Im worried that maybe
Im addicted to them, because I cant seem to stop#
7en and Jaylie disco!ered what too many women are disco!ering the hard way B
pornography can be addicting and consume your mind with thoughts that continue to plague
you, e!en when your eyes are closed#
"ac# to $andout:
If you ha%e a steady diet of messages in the media that weaken your defenses in the battle
for se$ual integrity, you need to go on a star%ation diet. (hen you star%e your a""etite for sin,
it loses "ower o%er you. #hen your hunger for righteousness and "urity begin dri%ing your
thoughts, actions, and attitudes. #o star%e yourself, sim"ly do these things.
Decide not to watch daytime or e!ening soap operas# &oa"s that tare "o"ular with
teens such as 9elrose place, @harmed, Dawsons @ree and +he =#@# usually "ortray
se$ outside of marriage as something e%eryone is doing and is socially acce"table. /ut
the characters on such shows rarely deal with un"lanned "regnancy, se$ually
transmitted diseases, low self-esteem, de"ression, s"iritual con%iction, and all the
other things that come along with "remarital se$ outside of marriage as acce"table.
/!oid watching tele!ision tal shows that mae a mocery of "ods plan for se$#
!lthough it can be entertaining to hear all the shocking details of other "eo"les se$
li%es on such "rograms, these shows are a huge waste of time and do much more harm
than good.
G
@hoose not to read steamy romance no!els# #hese are "ornogra"hy for females. #he
se$ually gra"hic scenarios are taken in mentally and stir us emotionally, which can be
e%en more alluring to women than %isual images. #he usually glamori<e se$ outside
of marriage and can easily arouse you se$ually. #hey also can set you u" for
disa""ointment in future romantic relationshi"s and e%en later in marriage, because
romance no%els do not reflect real-life relationshi"s. If your idea of the "erfect mate or
the "erfect relationshi" is formed by reading romance no%els, you are setting yourself
u" for disillusionment down the road.
Dont watch 9+A# 0onsider that FDH of %ideos shown on 6#7 that tell a story
in%ol%e se$ual imagery, o%er DIH in%ol%e %iolence, and GIH combine the two,
suggesting %iolence against women. 1ont feed that kind of garbage into your brain
and allow it to infect your life.
/!oid looing at any form of pornography, whether it is in print, on film or on the
Internet# @ornogra"hy is anything %isual or auditory that is intended to be se$ually
"ro%ocati%e or de"icts se$ual acti%ity in a gra"hic way. 6aga<ines, mo%ies, (eb
sites, and e%en tele"hone hotlines can be "ornogra"hic. 7iewing these images merely
creates a battle in your brain, one that youll ha%e to fight all your life. !fter you
marry, youll more than likely ha%e to disconnect from the mental "ictures you%e
stored in your memory to connect fully with your husband. You dont want to ha%e
your se$ual desires awakened "rior to marriage. You dont want your future se$ual
focus distracted away from your husband by the memory of cou"les in "ornogra"hic
scenes. Rather than allowing "ornogra"hy to control you, control your desire to feed
your flesh with such images.
"salms 1;1:! says, +I will set no 0i(7ed thing before mine eyes. I hate the work of them that
turn aside4 it shall not clea%e to me.+
(hen you refuse to look at, read, or listen to these forms of se$-saturated media, you
strengthen your ability to resist tem"tation. !llow only healthy messages to come into your
mind 8 messages that are going to e;ui" you to lead the kind of truly fulfilling, -od-honoring
life that you desire to li%e.
I challenge you to share the secret with your friends of guarding your mind and winning
the mental battle. 'ncourage you friends to look to the real world and to -ods (ord for how to
ha%e great relationshi"s rather than looking to the media. In%ite them to church, where they can
get to know "eo"le who are ha""ily married and li%ing the fulfilling life that we all want to li%e.
/e the kind of woman who set great e$am"les in your own friendshi"s and dating
relationshi"s. #hen youll accom"lish three great goals. guarding yourself, guiding others, and
glorifying -od.
J
)E&%esians 2:2222* +#hat ye "ut off concerning the former con%ersation the old man, which
is corru"t according to the deceitful lusts4 {23} !nd be renewed in the s"irit of your mind4 {2<}
!nd that ye "ut on the new man, which after -od is created in righteousness and true holiness.+
'ither sin will #eep &ou (rom the "ible) or the "ible will #eep &ou (rom sin*
f course, reading or e%en studying the /ible wont kee" you from sin. (e ha%e to
internali<e and a""ly what the /ible says. #o renew the mind means to bring fresh, li%ing
thoughts into our minds in addition to kee"ing old, decaying thoughts at bay. '%en though its
not humanly "ossible to em"ty your mind of garbage, it is "ossible to crowd the garbage out by
filling your mind with "ure thoughts. Your mind can only concentrate on so many things at
once, and the more you concentrate on wholesome thoughts, the more your unwholesome
thoughts will ha%e to take backseat.
'Romans 12:12) *I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of "od, that ye present
your bodies a li!ing sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto "od, which is your reasonable ser!ice# {2}
/nd be not conformed to this world. but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that
ye may pro!e what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of "od#*
%hat media do you use to get information to li!e by& /re you reading maga6ines to get
information about se$& (nfortunately, may women do# +hey loo to maga6ines far more than
they loo to the 3ible for ad!ice on life, fashion and relationships# +ele!ision shows also set
you up for failure when it comes to guarding you mind, heart, and body from se$ual
compromise# (nfortunately, the music industry glamori6es female pop stars who ha!e what
they consider to be the right loo, the right mo!es, and the right wardrobe# 9any of these
women set a poor e$ample of biblical concepts of modesty, se$ual propriety, and guarding your
mind, heart, and body# 3efore you mae an idol out of any pop star, e$amine her songs and
weigh her words against the %ord of "od# Do you really want those messages to enter your
mind& I dont thin so#
(e could go on and on about the se$ual messages you can be e$"osed to through the
media, but you already know they are out there. #hey are e%erywhere, so you need to recogni<e
when the world bombards you with bad ad%ice and ungodly e$am"les and learn how to duck
and run for co%er. If you want to become a woman of se$ual and emotional integrity, I
recommend that you take the following ste"s.
9. #hink about all the ty"es of media you en=oy 8 list the maga<ines, books, mo%ies, and
tele%ision shows you watch as well as your fa%orite songs and musicians. !lso include
any (eb sites that you fre;uent.
>. !sk yourself the following ;uestions about each item on your list.
(ould I feel embarrassed if my 0hristian friends, my "astor, or my "arents knew I
was indulging in this? 1o I feel the need to kee" this a secret from them?
1oes this glamori<e ideas, %alues, or situations that o""ose my 0hristian beliefs?
9I
1oes this book, show, song, mo%ie or (eb site lea%e me feeling de"ressed or
dissatisfied with myself or hungry for unhealthy relationshi"s?
If you answer yes to any of those ;uestions, it may be a warning that you are on an
unwise "ath.
A. ,inally, go to -od in "rayer about it and ask some ((:1 ;uestions.
(hat would :esus do?
(hat would :esus s"end His time watching?
(hat would :esus listen to?
(hat would :esus s"end time reading?
!gain, one of the "rimary ways to guard your thoughts is by limiting the action of
ina""ro"riate fantasies and images of se$ual misconduct to your mind. 0losely monitor
your reading %iewing, and listening habits. It may seem difficult at first, but it will
e%entually become second nature.
If you fill your mind with images of se$ually com"romising comments and situations,
you will become desensiti<ed to similar scenarios in your own life. If you guard your mind from
these messages, youll also be guarding your heart and life as well.
1eres a challenge for you. +urn off your tele!ision and resist all worldly se$ual
messages through mo!ies, maga6ines, music, the Internet, and so on for thirty days# Its oay to
watch the news or something you now is sIueay clean, but if there is any Iuestion in your
mind as to whether something is appropriate or not, resist it altogether for thirty days# In doing
so, you will be gi!ing your mind a bread from the medias constant bombardment of se$ual
messages# 3y resisting them altogether, you will become Gsensiti6edH to them once again and
better able to recogni6e when the media is feeding you garbage#
%ill you tae the challenge& Spend those thirty days en5oying only media and
entertainment that supports @hristian !alues# Cray and as "od to help you see and hear things
as 1e does# +hen youll be a true master of your media world>
!s you di%e into the things of -od and go dee" in your s"iritual walk with Him, you will
gain "ower o%er your flesh and will grow s"iritually strong. #he things that tem"ted you before
will "ale in com"arison to the =oy of walking in obedience and en=oying sweet fellowshi" with
0hrist.
!s you e$ercise caution, use wisdom and become a master of the media and its influences
in your life, your mind will become free of the negati%e and degrading messages that can erode
your character and endanger your ability to win the battle for se$ual and emotional integrity.
Youll disco%er that filtering unhealthy se$ual messages from your life is a small "rice to "ay
for such enormous and rich rewards.
1o the thing that you fill your mind with lead you toward -od or in the direction
opposite from -od? /e honest with yourself and with -od. nly He knows what is best for
you. In%ite Him to shine His s"otlight of truth into your heart and mind, showing you what you
can do to make your mind more resistant e%en to being tem"ted in the first "lace.
99
)<eremia% 17:1;* +I the LR1 search the heart, I try the reins, e%en to gi%e e%ery man
according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.+
#* (hat rewards do you think the Lord grants to those who try to guard their minds?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
7* How does this %erse ins"ire you to guard your mind against se$ual sin? ????????????
9* Kse your own words to describe how feasting on se$-saturated forms of media affects
your ability to o%ercome se$ual tem"tations. ??????????????????????????????????????
=* How would feasting on mental images which su""ort 0hristian se$ual %alues hel" you
win the battle for se$ual integrity? ??????????????????????????????????????????????
1;* (hat are some "ractical ways to do this? ??????????????????????????????????????
11*!re there "articular shows, musicians, maga<ines, and so on that you%e chosen to gi%e
u" for the sake of mastering the media? ??????????????????????????????????????????
Share with the group some of the insights you ha!e gained about your media habits#
%hich particular for ms of entertainment can you feel good about&
%hen has pornography 5ust seemed to 5ump out at you from nowhere& %hat did you do& %hat
should you do&
%$+, %-./D 0-. D-1
1# / friend wants to watch an K8rated mo!ie that you now has graphic se$ual scenes#
2# / handsome man you!e been seeing for a while suggests that the two of you mo!e to a
more Gphysical le!elH in your relationship, putting pressure on you to perform se$ually#
3# / well8meaning relati!e offers you a ticet to a concert#
<# %hen a handsome, single coworer ased to meet with her pri!ately about some issues
affecting the office staff, Donna could ha!e entertained thoughts of being alone with him#
3ut as an ethical professional and a woman of integrity, she has rehearsed such
situations# +o guard against any possibility of inappropriate beha!ior, Donna replies,
G%hen you notify my secretary to schedule the appointment, ha!e her reser!e the
conference room#H 3ecause of the windows all around this room, she could hear his
complaints pri!ately without the two of them being isolated fro other people#
D. /t the office where she wors as a dental hygienist, there is an attracti!e patient who is
o!erly friendly with 4inda each time he comes in# She nows that she must eep him at
bay and imagines how she will shut him down when he maes inappropriate comments#
She was seeing him to the front des one day after he had a filling replaced, and as
e$pected, he made his mo!e# 1e placed his hand to the side of his sore chee and said,
G9y mother would always iss me where it hurts,H and leaned 4indas direction# 4inda
responded without hesitation, G%ell, Im not your mother# %hen you go home, maybe
shell iss it for you#H
Cractice maes perfect# Kehearsing their lines of defense enabled these women to resist
temptation at the gate# Cracticing your line of resistance will gi!e you !ictory in the face of
temptation as well#
)2 4orint%ians 1;:!5* +,or though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh. {<}
),or the wea"ons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through -od to the "ulling down of
9>
strong holds4* {?} 0asting down imaginations, and e%ery high thing that e$alteth itself against
the knowledge of -od, and bringing into ca"ti%ity e%ery thought to the obedience of 0hrist4+
9>. How is taking thoughts ca"ti%e a wea"on against se$ual and emotional com"romise?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
9A. Is it a wea"on you%e learned to use effecti%ely? ??????????????????????????????????
9A