Pastoral Care and Marriage Reflection Paper

Before I took the course Pastoral Care and Marriage, I had preconceived ideas about it that I thought I
had it all figured out. However, after going through the entire course I found myself to be so nave as far
as pastoral care is concerned. I also realized that there are some areas in my life and marriage that I
have to apply what I have learned in this course before I could go out and minister to others. The
emphasis on the family (my wife and kids) as my second ministry after my ministry to the Lord and not
after my ministry to other people is so reaffirming especially that there is always that tendency or
temptation to prioritize work or ministry to others at the expense of my family and my time with them.
One of the lessons I found most helpful in this course was about Boundaries. Indeed, you cannot be
everything to everyone no matter how passionate you are to minister to others. As I was going through
this lesson on Boundaries, I was reminded when I was still in my youth and living with my grandmother. I
was very much involved with youth ministry, programs and activities that almost every night I come
home late. My grandmother was concerned and asked me where I was and why I am always late in
coming home at night. My reason is that I was involved in our churchs youth ministry and there were
activities and programs we were invited to join like evangelism, bible study and school ministry, etc. My
grandmother responded to me by simply saying, You have to learn to say NO, since she was concerned
that I may be neglecting my studies and I had no more time at home. Surely setting up boundaries does
help you set priorities in doing ministry.
Another very important lesson, I believe, that is helpful is about handling conflict. Lighting a Peacefire in
the midst of a Wildfire is not going to be easy. In fact, I decided to take up the Two Fires Course that
Prof. Brian DeCook provided in their website. It is interesting that even the Christians in our place
responds the same was as non-Christians as described by Prof. Brian and indeed, these Christians are
aware and have been taught about the teachings of Jesus Christ and how Jesus himself responded when
He was also in a conflict. I agree so much with what the professor said that Christians should be
equipped with a sustainable method on how to respond to conflict that is grounded in biblical truth and
a relentless reliance in Jesus Christ. However, I believe that emphasis should be on a relentless reliance
in Jesus Christ because I have observed fellow Christians and even myself as I reflect on this that
knowledge of biblical truth will lose its intended impact unless Christians relentlessly rely in Jesus Christ
especially when the conflict arising is unexpected.
One lesson I find as a challenge to talk about is Biblical Sexuality in Marriage. In our country, even
though the secular society could talk about it as easily compared to the church or Christian community,
it is still generally considered a taboo. In fact, the mere mention of the male and female genitals will
almost always produce a negative response. I remember growing up that my parents even our adult
relatives would scold us and tell us to slap our own mouth or lips when we say sexual words
intentionally or unintentionally. This is the culture I grew up and even until now I still find adults scolding
and telling children the same thing. So, providing leadership in this fragmented area in the church
setting would require utmost care so as not to send the wrong message. This is also an area that I think
should begin in my own relationship with my wife.
I never thought hospital and home visitation could be complicated at times. The instructions given by
Prof. Henry Reyenga are very practical and important so that the visit will be a blessing and not a burden
to the parishioner. However, in my own observation based on our church setting here in our country, I
think the most important thing to remember in this type of pastoral care is the relationship between the
minister and the parishioner. For instance, in a church government setup where the minister remains
there for life so to speak, minister-parishioner relationship is so established that items such contacting
ahead of time are being overlooked except of hospital visitation where hospital policy has to be
considered.
In general, all of the lessons in the Pastoral Care and Marriage course are very helpful to me personally.
The most important thing highlighted and emphasized is the ministers personal walk with Jesus Christ.
And all of the pastoral care any minister could provide must be a result of his personal walk with the
Lord and must first be reflected in his own marriage and family.