TMA WhenSheSaysIHaveABoyfriend436

2010 X & Y Communications LLC, All Rights Reserved
E-Mail Scot McKay: scot@deservewhatyouwant.com

Get The Mans Approach: www.themansapproach.com

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A AA A A AA As you may very well know by now, I have issued a standing invitation to each
and every one of you to send me your main sticking points, high quality
problems and/or whatever you want to call the issues you face as you move
toward excellence with women. The quick survey youve probably already seen
at www.themansapproach.com is just one example of that.

And every day I continue to get amazingly insightful e-mails and social media
messages from many of you. This is great, because the more I know about
whats important to you, the better well be at answering questions youre actually
asking

One of the themes I am seeing time and again revolves around the whole
concept of a woman announcing that she has a boyfriend when you meet her
and ask for her phone number. And thats the one were going to get to the
bottom of today.

Man, I have to tell youwhen it comes to this whole issue I can seriously relate
to what you guys are feeling.

I remember getting the same thoughts every time I saw a woman who stopped
me dead in my tracks.

First, I had to deal withand hopefully get pastthe assumption that all sexy
women must have a boyfriend already. (And fortunately, thats a total myth in
and of itself. Sometimes the hottest women are frustrated by not finding a real
man to get into a relationship with.)

Then, if that idea didnt cause me to avoid approaching her, I still had to wrestle
with a certain insecurity that I might be bothering her or even offending a woman
if I attempt to make conversation with her only to find out she really does have a
boyfriend.

I mean, even if all pretty women arent in a relationship already, theres always a
chance they are, right? And like most guys, the last thing I wanted to do was
offend some woman I hadnt even met before.

And then there was the worst nightmare of all. What if I got past all the fear and
began a conversation with her, only to have her boyfriend appear out of
nowherein real life? I mean, what if he had gone to the mens room real quick
or had been picking up a six-pack on another aisle?

Seriously. Just the very thought of a woman dropping the bomb that she has a
boyfriend is enough to make us reject ourselvesbefore we even have a
chance to find out for ourselves what shes really like and what she really has
going on, right?


Im with you, man. Its as tough as it gets sometimes to keep from psyching
yourself out in these situations.

But obviously, we dont end up meeting many women if we dont actually walk up
and talk to them anyway, right?

And while its always a great feeling to have a woman flash a big smile, open
right up to us and turn out to be completely unattached, the hard truth is that all
too often you really do end up hearing The Worlds Most Dreaded Phrase.

Heres the thing, though. Simply hearing I have a boyfriend doesnt necessarily
have to spell disaster in and of itself. How you handle the situation is what really
matters.

Unfortunately, a lot of us either become a deer in the headlights, or we flat-out
end up proceeding in a way that all but ensures things arent going to end well.

For example, the focal point of such a conversation might go something like this:

Guy: What do you say we get to know each other better?

Woman: That sounds good, but I dont think that I can let ya.

Guy: I dont know, tell me is it sodo you get a kick outta telling brothers
no?

Woman: No its not that, see, you dont understand. How should I put
itI GOT a man.

Guy: Whats your man got to do with me?

Woman: Ive GOT a man.

Guy: Im not trying to hear that, see?

Id have given you a buck if you could have told me that Positive K was the hip-
hop artist who made those words (in)famous. And even though I cant believe
those lyrics are fifteen years old, the conversation itself is A LOT older than that.

Clearly, when you hear this sort of response from a woman you just met you are
being confronted with a clear objection to your interest in her. But as were about
to find out, that can be for at least three reasons.


Getting familiar with all three is precisely whats going to equip you for mastery
the next time youre in a bind.

Thats because once you have a handle on WHY women tell you they have a
boyfriend, you can adapt to the situation more effectively on a case-by-case
basis rather than being stopped dead in your tracks every time.

So lets go over those three reasons.

1) Maybe she DOES have a boyfriend

Whether Positive K is trying to hear it or not, sometimes the straight-up truth
is that the woman really is in a committed relationship. Moreover, shes
actually interested in remaining faithful to the guy shes committed to.

Its pretty much a foregone conclusion that if a woman is in a healthy
relationship and is fully satisfied, youre pretty much beating your head
against the wall trying to win her away from the guy.

Now, youd think this would signal the end to a very short conversation on the
matter.

Now, most guys assume that I have a boyfriend automatically means I am
in a relationship that I am 100% satisfied with.

But guess again.

Remember always that simply talking to a woman does not mean youre
hitting on her, necessarily. So just stay cool and keep up the conversation.

Is she game to continue talking to you? Is she facing you squarely, smiling
and giggling, or even seeming to flirt a little even after she told you she had a
boyfriend?

If so, what you should do is tell her shed make a nice friend and get her
Facebook info, if not her e-mail address or phone number.

Importantly, youre not implying that youre not intending to ask her out.
Youre simply making friendsand thats a perfectly good idea even to many
women who have a boyfriend.

Now I know what youre thinking. You dont want to be friends with her, you
want her to be wildly attracted to you and all over you.


Well, those two ideas dont have to be mutually exclusive. Sometimes, by
leading with friendship when shes got a boyfriend you position yourself as
chooser rather than a chaser.

Whats more, if you are masculine, confident and caused her to feel safe with
you, you can rest assured shes attractedeven if shes not exactly
available. Shes a red-blooded human being, and thats absolutely how it
can go.

From there the key is patience.

Think about it. All of us end up breaking up with every single person we date
except for possibly one, right?

And there are plenty of women who are not completely satisfiedor who are
even flat-out dissatisfiedwith their boyfriends, even while theyre not
comfortable with being cheaters.

If you open your eyes, youll find that describes a huge percentage of women
who are in relationships.

So while they may yet be taken, it might not be for long. And your confident,
masculine presence may very well have been a poignant reminder to that
woman you just met that she could use a change of scenery.

But againkeep your cool for now. You do not want a cheater for your next
girlfriend.

Let me explain.

Given the nature of how we operate around here, we get e-mails from both
men and women. As we read through them, we tend to discover amazing
patterns.

One of the more amazing ones is how we tend to get e-mails from guys who
ARENT able to date/get to know/hook up with women because they have
boyfriends.

Yet, the women tend to write us because they ARE dating/getting to
know/hooking up with guys who are already taken (e.g. married).

To quote an old Warner Brothers cartoon, It just dont add up.

We have no idea why women in particular let themselves get emotionally
tangled with some married guy to begin with. Then again, we have no idea
why guys want to get into a mess like that either.


Heres the deal. No matter what, its true that if you find out shes really got a
boyfriend (let alone a husband), then trying to get her to compromise that
relationship means youre asking her to compromise her character and
therefore become a cheater.

And if shes a cheater, you want no part of her because shell cheat on you
just as easily when the next particularly persuasive guy comes along. Makes
sense, right?

Believe me. We tell women this story ALL THE TIME. Yet, we keep getting
e-mailshopeful ones about how they hope married guy leaves his wife for
them. Its nuts. And by no means is that mess gender specific.

Now lets expand the scope of this conversation a bit.

So what if youre in a situation where a woman in your social circle has a
boyfriend, but youre in a position to interact with her often? How then do you
apply what were talking about?

The answer is to banter and be your devastatingly attractive self all the while,
realizing that MOST boyfriends get broken up with. Were that not the case,
wed al be married by fifth grade or something, right?

So dont actively push her to break up with her boyfriend. This will just irritate
her, and it comes off as completely self-servingif not flat-out desperate.
Neither trust nor comfort is achieved there.

Basically, I dont advocate going under the radar in an attempt to subvert
her relationship with her boyfriend.

But that doesnt mean you cant assert your opinion on how women should be
treated relative to the situation, should your opinion be asked. For example,
you might listen to her rants about her boyfriend and agree that she deserves
better, but that she should give him a chance or something because some
guys need time to mature or whatever.

Again, youre just making conversation without pledging your undying love to
her as soon as you can convince her to break up with the loser.

Believe me, she probably doesnt require much convincing on the matter.
Stay cool.

By keeping your masculine, confident presence up and not kissing up to her,
you stay out of the Friend Zonewhich is exactly what keeps your equity up
for the future when she indeed breaks up with him.


And when she does, act FAST. Dont sweat her getting back together with
the guy or becoming her rebound relationship. Those are risks you have to
take, but which also can be mitigated by having known how to attract her from
the beginning. Theres probably some energy already smoldering under the
surface there.

But no matter what, mark this: You probably werent the only guy on a
breakup watch there.

2) Most Socially Connected, Attractive Women Have BoyfriendsBut
Not Really.

If a woman is socially connected and considered attractive by a healthy
percentage of guys, shell almost always have a maxed out address book in
her cell phone.

Lets face it, such a woman can call any number of guysall of whom will be
happy to be her date for the night, weekend, or however long shed like.

Before we get carried away, let me remind you that you as a guy can have
any number of women in your life also, provided you can escape the social
pattern of thinking that dictates men are the choosers and women are the
chasers.

Nevertheless, we as guys dont typically get to that point, do we? Given our
penchant for pre-qualifying a woman from afar based on her looks, we hand
over all the power as soon as we see her, really.

As such, the simple fact is that more women have more options than most
guys do. So when a woman flatly states she has a boyfriend, she could be
telling you that she has ENOUGH guys in her life for now, or so she feels.

She may be seeing a guy casually, or even gravitating towards one in
particular.

So you can readily see how what Im talking about here intersects with what I
said earlier about how its a myth that all beautiful women have boyfriends.
Knowing a bunch of guys who are clamoring for her is very different than
being off the market.

And if shes not in a committed relationship, you do indeed have a chance
even if she leads with I have a boyfriendas long as she wasnt completely
unattracted. Again, you dont act needy or demand she get rid of every other


guy friend she has in order to be with you. That lowers your stock in her
mind.

What you do instead is ramp up the masculinityand therefore the
attractiona bit more than you would if she were in a committed relationship.
By creating raw attraction as a confident, masculine man you become more
and more irresistible to her and your stock builds.

But you still must be more patient than if she was purely single and looking.
Remember, when it comes to truly great women, you MUST deserve what
you want, as always.

You know, this reminds me of another point. Sometimes guys even make the
mistake of simply SEEING a woman with a guy and automatically
ASSUMING theyd hear the words I have a boyfriend from her were they to
talk to her.

Bad assumption. I went ahead, rolled the dice, and met a woman one time
who was actually hanging out with her brother. You just never know.

3) Its A REALLY Effective Excuse

Here it is. Thanks to a realization that most women make very early in life,
youre likely to hear I have a boyfriend sometimes even if shes 100%
unattached.

The straight-up truth is that she may have dealt with her fair share of bozos.
So having had enough of dealing with guys who are either obnoxious, creepy
or too sex-focused early on, shes gotten to where she wants to weed out the
pretenders fast. If you think about it, this is perfectly understandable.

What women realize here is very similar to what YOU have realized from a
lifetime of going to the electronics store and/or dealing with telemarketers.

Whether you tell the store employee that youre just looking or tell the
telemarketer that youve got one of those already youve long since figured
out that something magical happens when you say stuff like that: People get
off your back and go away.

And Positive K notwithstanding, almost 100% of all guys give up and go away
as soon as a woman says she has a boyfriend.

Its like instant guy repellent.


Ive even known women who wear rings on their left ring finger just to ward off
creepy guys. Thats a fact.

So is it indeed that women get a kick outta telling brothers No?
Not at all.

The deal is that yes, most women really do look forward to the movie
moment with a great guy, but that doesnt preclude the idea that yes,
sometimes women are caught off guard by men approaching them.

Other times, they just arent in the mood to deal with you. Everyone goes
through days like that, right?

But the most likely issue at play when you hear The Worlds Most Dreaded
Phrase when it really isnt the case is that youve failed to deploy.

Now, you can go the sneaky route and jump right back at her with something
to the effect of, Really? He must be a great guy. Tell me about him.

But dont expect her to drop her guard and say, Haokay, youve got me. I
dont really have a boyfriend. Heres my number. Thats just not likely.

In order to stop hearing I have a boyfriend much less often than you do,
meaning more in line with how often they really do have boyfriends, youve
got to know how to cause a woman to feel comfortable in your presence as
quickly as possible without causing them to feel like they have to bail out of
the situation.

Remember, having created simple attraction is not enough.

When a woman is attracted to you, youve still got to succeed at inspiring
confidence. Then she wont have to reach for the easy excuseso she
probably wont. Thats when you wake up and realize youre hearing I have
a boyfriend far less often than you may have in the past.

So How Do You Get All Of This Right?

Its not as hard to do as you might think. In fact, attracting women from the very
first meeting is every bit as natural as masculinity and femininity are in and of
themselves.

As a man, you are actually designed to attract women. Have you ever thought
about that? Its true.


But based on how you may have been socially conditioned to believe that simply
being a man is offensive to women, or even that masculinity and femininity are
actually outdated stereotypes, its no wonder there are so many challenges to
getting the women in your life you want most.

Its not your fault that things are the way they are socially these days. Youre
only one guy, and dont represent other guys before you who may have screwed
things up for all of us.

But there are ways to make sure you rise above all of that and take your rightful
position as a man who ignites femininity with confidence and devastating
effectiveness.

Where most other guys fold up and give up, youll be winning the attention of
women who are literally starved for a man to come sweep them off their feet.

That guy needs to be you. After all, other guys just arent stepping up. Heck,
most dont even know how to.

Hearing The Worlds Most Dreaded Phrase Sometime After Youve Gotten
To Know Her

But wait a second. Id be remiss if I didnt explore another angle associated with
todays topic.

In addition to when you first meet a woman, theres actually another time when
you could possibly hear her say, I have a boyfriend.

Thats some time after youve just struck a conversation with her. It could be five
minutes or five dates afterward.

But make no mistake, if you hear the oft-dreaded phrase any time after she has
appeared to reciprocate your interest in any way, shape or form; youre looking at
a very different scenario than what weve covered so far.

Simply put, the general rule goes like this.

If you hear it as soon as you express interest, it means go away, or at least not
right now. Clearly.

But if you hear it after she has flirted with you back a bit it means, Im conflicted.

And its that specialized situation that Id like to focus on for a minute here.


The first conclusion that you can make when you hear I have a boyfriend after it
looked like it was game on is that yesshe indeed has a boyfriend. She isnt
playing games.

But what youve succeeded at doingperhaps even in a very short amount of
timeis planting that seed of doubt in her regarding her relationship with said
boyfriend.

Things are probably not going well with him, and youve intrigued her.

When you encounter such a situation, remember first that you have not done
anything wrong.

Ultimately, againas weve already establishedmost couples break up, right?

So the fact that her current relationship is obviously up in the air is not your fault.

How you handle the situation though, on the other hand, is completely in your
court.

Your first impulse may be similar to when she has a boyfriend (or three) and
does not appear to be interested in you just yet because she already has too
much going on. You might lose patience, elect to go for broke and tell her to
lose the zero and get with the hero.

But using old Vanilla Ice lines has never workedeven back in 1991.

What makes this situation dramatically different than those weve discussed thus
far is that she has clearly demonstrated attraction and has delayed her disclosure
of some pretty critical information about her social life.

But even though you already know she likes you in this case, Id say you still
dont want to play the aggressor in persuading her to leave the other guy.

Sure, you may invite her to go out with you anyway, and what her boyfriend
wont know wont hurt him (you guess). And she might, in fact, go ahead and
hang out with you.

Beware such a strategy, however. You seriously do not want to encourage (and
therefore validate) a cheaterever.

If you really want to inspire confidence in a woman in this situation, you do what
sounds all but unthinkableat least to the novice.
You tell her that youre not into breaking up couples, but that you and she can be
friends for the time being...and if she ever breaks up with her boyfriend, maybe


the two of you can hang out. But you wont disrespect her boyfriend by making
plans with her now.

What does this accomplish?

First of all, it shows you are not desperate. Last we checked, that was still
attractive.

But thats not the major factor.

In fact, its clear demonstration of characterwhich has not only always
separated the men from the boys in situations like this, it has also always
separated the high quality women from those who are not so much.

(Hows that for turning the tables on the whole idea of tests, right?)

The net-net of it is that if you play your cards right, you would much rather be you
than her boyfriend when all of this is going onespecially if youre thinking youd
like to be the one who ultimately ends up with her.

Think about it.

After all, you know her current boyfriend is obviously not holding up his end of the
Big Four bargain by being masculine, confident, making her feel safe in his
presence and/or failing to show strong character.

So why level the proverbial playing field for him by compromising yourself?

Be the man she wants. Make the confident decision to be a man of character,
and therefore set a precedent she can follow with an equal measure of
confidence.

In doing so, youre going to likely elicit that supernaturally powerful thought in
her: Oh wowthis just makes me like this guy even more.

Money.

Stay in touch with her casually and give things, ohabout a week or two to sort
themselves out.

You wont need to help any, either. Shell be thinking about you instead of him
nonstop.

Once again, a seed of patience reaps a bumper crop of rewards here.


Final Thoughts

Ive armed you with an arsenal of information here that you can put to good use
right away, dont you think?

Every shred of what Ive shared is field-tested and proven so you should be able
to get immediate positive results. So definitely be sure to apply everything Ive
covered for you here to the next time you hear a woman say, I have a
boyfriend.

Here are four final thoughts to remember.

First, heres a really effective silver bullet that might keep you from ever having
to deal with The Worlds Most Dreaded Phrase at all. When you first meet a
woman, make sure its you who brings up her boyfriend first. Find a playful way
to proactively assume shes already got one.

For example, you might say, Man, I bet it drives your boyfriend nuts when you
do that, or What are you doing at the supermarket on a Thursday night? Didnt
your boyfriend offer to take you out? Whateveryou get the idea. The point is
that by assuming she has a boyfriend you do two magical things.

First of all, you take all the threat out of your presence if she does have a
boyfriend. Shell be far more open to having a natural, casual conversation at
that point.

But even more powerfully, if she doesnt have a boyfriend human nature dictates
that shell be very quick to correct your false assumption. Its almost a knee-jerk
tendency in us to do that, isnt it?

From there you know exactly what the deal is and youve avoided any potential
awkwardness associated with hearing I have a boyfriend. Outstanding.

Second, if you finally hear I have a boyfriend as late as after a date or two, you
should have been able to see this coming by exercising a bit of intuition. Women
are not very good at hiding inner conflict. Your spidey senses will tingle along
the way, more than likely.

This can only mean that if youre BLIND SIDED by the announcement after any
relatively brief amount of time with her has passed, it COULD mean shes
actually decided maybe not about you after having been at least a bit interested
initially. In other words, YOUVE BEEN REPLACED.

Ouch. That means youre suddenly no better off than if she had uttered the Fatal
Phrase moments after meeting her.


Third, none of what Ive discussed here should be confused with being
manipulated into accepting preposterous situations involving other guys because
youre Mr. Nice Guy.

An example of this would be signing off on letting her hang out with a friend
who is coming to town all weekend and telling her you trust her. That would
mean the shoe is decidedly on the other foot, and thats NOT cool.

And finally, I have a HUSBAND is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ball game
altogether compared to I have a boyfriend. Run away.

Be Good,

P.S. Im reading every single comment (over 1300 so far) that you guys have
submitted on that survey I have at www.themansapproach.com.

All I can say is that if youre experiencing fear of approaching women, struggling
with what to say to her after you meet her and/or finding that you inexplicably
flake out when its time to get her number you are not alone.

Lots of you also want to figure out where to meet high quality women, how to
create powerful attraction fast, and how to turn women you already know into
more than just friends.

Some of you are even saying that you can attract women you are not interested
in all day long, but somehow clam up when youre in front of a hottie. Man, can
I ever relate to that one.

All I can say is hang in thereIm putting the final touches on a complete
solution for you that will provide real-world answers to all the questions youve
been asking. Stay tuned

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E-Mail Scot McKay: scot@deservewhatyouwant.com

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