Conversational Mastery Basics Part01, 2011 Edition

Christina Melanie Cooper 2012
Published 2012
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Conversational Mastery Basics
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Know the rules
- so that you know how to
break them properly
-Dalai Lama

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CM. Cooper // undercover-coaching.com 2012 all rights reserved
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The Art of Seductive Conversation
= C O N T E N T =
Intro &................................................................................................... 1
1. Conversation is Action
1.1 Conversational Master 1eduction 2 3nfluence............................... *
1.2 4ego0bloc%s of verbal interaction &.......&................................... -
Key Point Overview &..........&......................................................... 1)
. !a""ort # !esonance
2.1 5hat ma%es a conversation seductive6 &............................&..... 1*
2.2 1hare our #orld &........................................................................ 2)
$. Methods # Mindsets
) .1 4istening is a 7ardcore 1%ill &..................................................... 2.
).2 7ave ou ever 8 3magine that &.................................................... )9
).) +ne Note on :hthm &................................................................. ).
).9 1ense 2 1ensualit &.................................................................... 90
).* 1teering the Conversation ............................................................... 9*
A fe# #ords from m sponsor ........................................................... 9/
;uic% tips for Connection 2 Flo# &........&...................................... 9-
Basic Conversational Trainin% Chec&'list &.................................... *0
5hat is s in <art 33 6 ............................................................................. *2

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Intro
Mastering the Art of Conversation opens doors. =ou net#or% better
and ou become a more pleasant and attractive person to be around.
Add some sensuality AN, 8 these s%ills #ill allo# ou to connect
#ith bright! beautiful! se> and sophisticated #omen on deeper and
more intruiging levels.
3n this manual! ou get an introduction to the Art of Seductive
Conversation (odule II) The Conversational Mastery Basics.
First 3 #ill define conversational master and the subtle difference
bet#een coercion and seduction. 3n 1. 3 #ill sho# ou the basic
?building bloc%s@ of verbal interaction.
.1 ,efines the Art of 1eductive conversation! and 3 briefl address
conte>t 2 cognitive bias.
. ?1hare our #orld@ gives ou a neat little ?tactic@ ou can
emplo! #hen ou #ant to create ra"id ra""ort A the implied
reference.
$.1 *istenin% 8 is most li%el the most important AN, the most
overloo%ed s%ill! #hen it comes to mastering the art of
conversational master! seduction! influence and flirting.
1impl practising our active audio0A5A:BNB11 #ill get ou ver
far. $onusC the #orld #ill seem as if it has been opened up for ou in
an entirel ne# #a &
3n paragraph $. 3Dll give ou four little sentences ou can
A445A=1 use! #henever ou feel ourself ?getting stuc%@ in a
conversation and Eust ?donDt %no# #hat to sa@.

= 1 =
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<ractice! b soa%ing up as much general %no#ledge and random
factoids as ou possibl can! and #hen ou appl the techniFues
described in section $. ) $.$! ou #ill notice ho# our
conversations start flowin% al*ost effortlessly ...
$.+ ,Sense # Sensuality #ill introduce ou to the world of sensual
*eta"hor! and paragraph $.- gives ou the basics of the basics
#hen it comes to steerin% a conversation.
At the end of each paragraph! ou can navigate directl to the
original article on m #ebsite G as #ell as to related articlesHvideos
through the hperlin%s embedded in the te?t I 8 an comments H
Fuestions are #elcome! or ou can simpl post our Fuestion toB
chris.undercover'coachin%.co*
/N0O1 2

= 2 =
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But first a flowchart !
0 to give ou an overvie# of the 3asic ele*ents in Jhe Art of
1eductive Conversation.
Jhe main idea here! is that there is *ore than one piece of the
=pu""le> to master.
Flirting 2 seduction is a 1K$1AJ of interpersonal connection
s%ills.
Dou can be a great conversationalist! but #ithout a
1AN1KA4 a#areness! our interactions #ill lac% the
sensual Hse?ual vibe.
4lirtin% is open imagination! sensual a#areness 2 curiosity
4i%e#ise! mastering onl ,"acin% and leadin%> ma%es no
sense! if ou do not %no# ho# to pa attention to rhthm and
structure.

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3f ou have a strong sensual awareness but no clue on ho#
to 1JBB: a conversation! ou #ill not be able to capture and
4BA, imagination.
4ac%ing curiosity 8 goes #ithout saing! this influences our
level of 431JBN3NL.
1o! to master the Art of 1eductive Conversation 8 these pieces of
the pu""le need to be practised.
+NB piece of the pu""le is the pre0reFuisite for all the others to be
able to pla together. =ou need to have a %een <:+CB11
a#areness.
Noticing flo#.
Knderstanding emotions as flow6 and interactions as a process of
flo# and movement is the ver core level basic a#areness that
need to be present for all the other elements to ma%e sense to even
$BL3N to get a grasp on.
3 #ill sho# ou the advanced linguistic ?ninEa0tactics@ and Medi
tric%s some other time. For no#! "ractice the 4asics.
Jhe onl real difference bet#een a novice and a Master 8 is that
the Master does the basics e>tremel #ell &
And here 8 is a sensual metaphor in the format of a photograph ....

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! Con"ersational #astery$
%e&uction ' (nfluence!
First published )0. august 2011
What is conversational mastery ?
7aving the s&ill set of being able to steer a conversation in and out of themes!
topics and areas of our choice.
Managing toB
*aintain
*odulate
a*"lify
0 #hatever 6IB/ ou #ould li%e the interaction to have more H
less of. 3t is the abilit toB
Pace and lead other peoples realities
Ma%e other people feel rela7ed and welco*e in our presence.
Jhe last part is a big chun%.
Conversational master is not about being the one #ho is the
=most entertaining>.
$eing entertaining is fine. $eing ver entertaining is certainl fun
in itself! and can give ou lots of attention.
7aving the s%illset of conversational master ma%es ou an
interestin% "erson5 that "eo"le will want to 3e around.

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+f course! possessing these s%illsets is not going to magicall
ensure! that ou are al#as going to be able to lead a conversation
in the direction D+K #ant it to.
Conversation is dialo%ue! and if the other person in some #a or
form is disagreeing #ith ou! or resisting #hat ou are tring to
do! the dialogue becomes a battle0 rather than a plaing field.
More on the ele*ents of conversational *astery later 8 let9s
tal& a3out S/:;CTION.
No# one ma argue! that to be =seductive> one need not practice a
#hole hell of a lot of conversational s%ills.
And some ma even go so far as to sa! that ou donCt need
conversation s%ills at all. 3n m vie#! this is & Eust not true.
Aven the master seducer #ho does not thin% he applies an form of
conversational s%ill to his seduction processes! still possesses at
least a basic understanding on ho# verbal interactions #or%.
3t ma be latent! and he
need not be able verbali"e
e?actl #hat he is doing.
$ut that does not mean!
that itCs not a good idea to
learn the s%ills that he G or
she & I is actuall also
appling.
4irst of all.
5hen our intention is to
influence or seduce
another person! it is a t#o0
#a street.
Jhe other person needs to at least on some level! be o"en to our
efforts. 3f a #oman is activel resisting our =seductive efforts>!
ouMre not going to get ver far.
3f she! on the other hand! trusts ou and feels rela?ed in our
presence! it is much more li%el that she is going to respond
positivel! #hen ou attempt to pace and lead her realit.
Dou can stud various =influencing techniFues> until ou are blue
in the face! and 1J344 not be able to have other people follo#
our lead! if ou lac% a basic sense of o"enness and curiosity
to#ards the #orld! our attempts to lead and influence others Eust
comes across as insincere.
5hich of course! on some level! the are.

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3f ou donCt =get> that influencing and seducing is basicall
something ou are doing 53J7 someone else! and not J+ them6
Forget it. Dou are not going to be able to be open enough for the
other person to actively let you into T</I! reality.
It really is as si*"le as that.
<eople #ho are =naturall> open! curious and have a broad
%no#ledge about a lot of different things! most often come across
as being =naturall seductive> or =naturall being able> to pace
other peoples realities.
7ave ou ever tried =convincing> somebod about something!
onl to find that the stronger argumentation ou used! to support
our idea or vie#! the more that person resisted our ideas 6
It9s IN'fluence! not =on>0fluence &
5henever ou tr ramming some idea! suggestion or concept over
someoneCs head! the are going to resist! for the simpl reason that
nobod li%es having other peoples ideas imposed upon them b
force.
7ave ou ever tried convincing a #oman! that ou #ere =meant to
be>6 +r convincing her! that going out #ith ou #ould someho#
ma%e her life complete 6
,oesnMt #or%! does it 6
And the ne?t time! ou are feeling li%e ou have reached another
=level> of =Nber tight game> because ou used some ne#
a#esome =techniFue +N her>6
0 thin% again.
1eduction is a <:+CA11 of influence.
3t reFuires that the other is open to our efforts and is follo#ing.
53J7 ou &
+f course ou can ta%e steps to allo# the other person to follo#
along more eagerl than if ou did not activel influence their state
of mind.
Pacin% is one of the methods b #hich to achieve that! and in this
boo% 3 #ill introduce ou to the concept and give ou a fe#
methods.
Comments H ;uestions 6
Lo to the original post hereB
httpBHH###.undercover0coaching.comHupdateHconversational0master0
seduction0influenceH

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Conversation is dialogue. If
the other person is resisting
or finds ou disagreeable! the
dialogue becomes a battle0
rather than a plaing field

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!)! The *+E,O-blocks-
of .erbal (nteraction
From m 2010 =3n0tension> 2 200/ =4iving <assion> seminars
Key Points:
Conversations are a series of ACJ3+N1.
Ma%e it AA1D for the other to be a part of the action
Ono# #hen to be vague and #hen to be direct
$eing a#are of conversational structure 8 the #a in #hich a
conversation naturall unfolds! is a %e component in mastering
the art of seductive conversation as #ell as basic conversational
s%ills.
Conversational Analsis GCAI is the science of eliciting these
structures! a form of =reversed engineering> that allo#s us to
notice ho# #e negotiate meaning and share our e?periences
through verbal interaction. <ut in plain termsB 7o# #e tal%.
CA is a method that see%s to define the structures of everda
tal%ing. For instanceB #hat 8 s"ecifically 8 ma%es us perceive one
person as being =dominant> #hile another ma be perceived as
=submissive>6
5e ma be perceived in one #a or the other because of ho# #e
tal%! #hat #e sa and ho# #e sa it.
A =dominant vibe> is something someone ,+A1! and the same
goes for being =seductive> and =flirt>.
Des! bodlanguage also plas a part in ho# #e perceive others! but
verbal actions and bodlanguage do tend to go together &

= 9 =
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1o in CA the aim is to elicit these =building bloc%s> 0 or as 3 li%e to
call them 4AL+ bloc%s. Gbecause lego is latin for =pla>0 see ...I
Jhe implied reference as presented in the follo#ing article is one
of these building bloc%s.
Jhe most basic frame#or% for understanding ho# a conversation
naturall proceeds is thisB
<erson A produces a state*ent G1I or poses a =uestion G;I 8
person B produces a res"onse G : I that can either be a statement!
a Fuestion or a statement follo#ed b a Fuestion.
AB ;H1 P
BB :B1H; P
AB :B;H1 P
BB :B1H;
5e all %no# this intuitivel! so #h even bother #riting a formula
to illustrate it6
$ecause ver often! #e forget that in order for a dialogue to
M+QA F+:5A:, someone needs to ,+ something to ma%e sure
it %eeps flo#ing.
Jhis is OAD. Knderstanding conversations as a series of
ACJ3+N1.
5ith verbal actions #e ,+ things.
5e can invite5 re>ect5 o"en5 close and share #ith the verbal
actions #e choose.
5e can create! *aintain and 3rea& connections.
All in ver3al action.
5e can demonstrate higher status than the other! simpl b
deliberatel brea%ing the rules of consensus 8 #e can sho#
submission b letting the other person lead the interaction and #e
can of course share each others e?periences b e?changing
information.

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$ear in mind! that letting someone be in the =lead> in a
conversation need not be the same as being submissive.
$ut it does become a bit of an uphill slog for the other person! if
she has to initiate ever turn of the conversation herself! because
ou donCt %no# ho#.
No! that is not =being a challenge> in a good #a! that is Eust being
rude.
4i%e#ise! ou have most li%el been in the tpes of dialogue!
#here ou felt that D+K #ere doing all the #or%! and the other
onl seemed to be able to repl #ith one0sllable grunts.
3deall! ou are interacting #ith the other person on eFual terms!
and the =leading> is so subtle! that she does not feel as if she is
being lead at all ...
Ma%e a mental note of the above =formula>. 3ts not as nerd as ou
ma thin%.
Dou %no# ho# it is! ou are te?ting the girl from last 1aturda 8
and #h did she not respond to our last message6
Most li%el! ou either ans#ered a Fuestion and did not follo# up
#ith a NA5 Fuestion! or ou simpl #rote a state*ent. <erhaps
one e?pressing agreement as inB yeah I like sunsets too.
Des! and 0 6
5hat am 3 supposed to respond6 5hat CAN 3 respond6
Jhin% about flirting li%e thisB
1ou want to *a&e it as /AS1 for the other "erson as "ossi3le
to %et involved in the dialo%ue.
Ono#ing the =rules> of ho# a dialogue flo#s naturall! ma%es it a
#hole lot easier to %eep the conversation alive and flo#ing.
3t ma%es it so much easier to 4AA, .
In Part II of CMB 8 in *odule II of The Art of Seductive
Conversation ho*e study course5 ou get a simple frame#or%
for getting to %no# these =basic building bloc%s> of everda
conversation.
5e #ill be loo%ing atB

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The turn'ta&in% syste*? 7o# do #e negotiate #hose =turn> it is
to tal%6 $eing a#are of these mechanisms! ma%es it easier to ta%e
the lead as #ell as not come across as rude.
Ad>acency "airs? Averda conversation is littered #ith this
structure! %no#n b conversational analtics as =adEacenc
pairs>. Aver #ondered #h some conversations simpl seem
to grind to a halt6
Most li%el! ou have e?change a series of these statement0
response seFuences! and #hen no new seFuence is initiated 8 the
other understands the conversation as being closed.
State*ents5 "ro"ositions and direct =uestions? +ften #e fail to
e?press an invitation clearl! simpl because it is e?pressed as a
vague proposition. +r #e fail to indicate #ith our tonality! that the
statement is to be understood as a Fuestion.
Jhe other person #ill then not understand! that an invitation is
being made and can therefore not accept it.
/7a*"le?
ehh .. I was wondering if you might like to join me for
coffee sometime ...
Jhat is a QALKA statement.
A direct Fuestion! e?pressing the same invitation #ould beB
Meet me for coffee on Thursday at 16: !

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$efore moving on to define the Art of 1eductive
Conversation! here is a schematic overvie# of the %e
points in this eboo%.
!C"I#$ K!% P#I$"
1&1 C#$'!()"I#$)*
M)"!(%+ !,-C"I#$ .
I$/*-!$C!
1eduction is a t#o0#a process
Conversational Master is the s%ill0set
of pacing 2 leading inviting others into
our #orld R sharing theirs
1&2 *!0# B*#CK #/
'!(B)* I$"!()C"I#$
Conversations are a series of
ACJ3+N1.
Ma%e it AA1D for the other to be a part
of the action
Ono# #hen to be vague and #hen to be
direct
2&1 12)" M)K! )
C#$'!()"I#$
!,-C"I'!3
Jhin% of seduction as something ou
are doing 53J7 another person
1eduction is a form of stortelling
Notice our o#n cognitive bias
Conte?t dictates the stle of
communication
Lirls can be clueless in communication
too ...
2&2 2)(! %#-( 1#(*,

Notice ho# often implied referencing is
used in everda conversation
3mplied referencing establishes
boundaries R builds rapport

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!C"I#$ K!% P#I$"
3&1 *I"!$I$0 I )
2)(,C#(! KI**
<ractice listening as ou #ould
practice an other s%ill
Kse :eceive0Appreciate0
1ummari"e0As% for building
rapport
Oeep the conversation light0
hearted #hen flirting
3&2& 2)'! %#- !'!( 4
IM)0I$! "2)"
A stor H Eo%e Hanecdote does not
have to be relevant! for ou to
sa that it is.
,are to e?plore
$uild our base of general
%no#ledge
$e curious for the sa%e of being
curious

3&3 #$! $#"! #$ (2%"2M
:hthm is flo#! flavour 2
movement
<ausing is %e
3&4 !$! . !$-)*I"%
<ractice an +<AN a#areness.
Jhin% detail R not data
Add sensor rich descriptions
3&5& "!!(I$0 "2!
C#$'!()"I#$
Kse open0ended Fuestions for
opening
Kse closed0endedHleading
Fuestions for closing

= 14 =
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)! /hat makes a
con"ersation se&ucti"e0
From m 2010 =3n0tension> 2 200/ =4iving <assion> seminars
Key Points:
Jhin% of seduction as something ou are doing 53J7
another person
1eduction is a form of stortelling
Notice our o#n cognitive bias
Conte?t dictates the stle of communication
Lirls can be clueless in communication too
7ere is the F3:1J thing ou need to %no# about seduction.
5e A44 seduce ourselves constantl.
From the =rationali"ations> #e use as to #h #e desperatel need
the ne#est smartphone! even though the one #e have #or%s Eust
fine! over the sill stories #e tell ourselves to ma%e sense of the
#orld! the stereotpes #e appl to ma%e the #orld seem simpler 8
to the e?pectations #e create in ourselves! b filling in the blan%s
on information #e do not have and b interpreting data that #e
thin% #e have.
5e A44 do this! habituall and perpetuall.
5e see the #orld through several laers of a#areness filters! and
onl the fool claims to do other#ise.

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1ometimes! #e see more clearl than others.
Jhe #ise person %no#s this dnamic and is constantl mindful of
his +5N filters of a#areness. Jhis ta%es practice.
Jhis is #h 3 constantl stress the importance of o3servation over
inter"retation #hen ou #ant to develop personal leadership.
5e all have cognitive bias! #e can be more or less a#are of them!
but #e can never eliminate our o#n cognitive bias altogether.
Ono#ing this! ma%es it easier N+J to fall under the influence of
people #ho reall are not loo%ing out for our o#n best interests!
but even the best of us still get fooled and tooled from time to time.
1eduction is not something ou do J+ another person! it is
something ou do 53J7 another person. 3t does reFuires some
level of co0operation. 3t can be passive and it can be active.
<ersonall! 3 find active co0operation much more interesting. 3
could not possibl thin% of anthing more dull! than having
someone blindl follo# m lead and not activel parta%e in the
creation of a shared e?perience &
Aven though ou ma not thin% of ourself as a =storteller> 0 in
realit! we are all storytellers.
5hen #e interpret our observations through a filter of assumption!
preconceived ideas andH or beliefs! #e are telling ourselves a stor.
3t ma or ma not be entirel accurate! but that does not %eep us all
from doing it 0. all the time.
Dou are telling a stor about ourself b the actions ou ta%e! the
words that ou use! #hat ou choose to focus on! and ho# ou
describe ourself! our dreams our ambitions and the #a ou
understand and e7"erience emotions and the #orld in general.
Mabe the stor ou are telling is seductive to one person! but un0
interesting to someone else.
Jhat is the good ne#s. 3deall 8 our =stor> is dee"ly intri%uin%
to the #omen ou truly desire! and onl mildl interesting to all
the others ...
As the conversation or interaction unfolds! there is a shared stor
being told. $ut it need not be! that both parties are in agreement in
terms of #hat the stor is about &

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e56ction is essentially a 7or8 o7
art76l 8is5irection
No need to beat around the bush on this point. 1eduction is
essentiall a form of manipulation. 3t is our personal integrit and
our intentions that decide #hether ou are mis0 or Eust leading &
M aim is to teach ou methods of communication that ma%e it
easier for ou to C+NNACJ #ith other human beings in general!
and intimatel #ith those of the opposite gender in specific.
$ut ou ma #ant to consider! in #hat #as these methods can be
recepes for disaster. Jhis is #h 3 stress the importance of staing
clear of =emotionall vulnerable> or =mentall volatile> #omen.
1ome people are more easil lead than others! and some are reall
good at adding on more laers of interpretation to #hat ou sa! do!
donCt sa and donCt do than ou ma even intend.
Dou can never control ho# another person chooses to interpret our
actions! but ou can see% to minimi"e the more grave
misunderstandings! b %no#ing #hen to be direct and #hen to be
vague.
Focus on being "layful5 fun and flirty.
As a general rule! being vague and ambiguous #hen flirting is a
great idea. 5hen ou #ant to connect #ith someone on a deeper
level! directness is the #a to go.
5hen it comes to elicitin% and cali3ratin% core values and
e7"ectations! direct is the stle of communication that ensures the
least level of misunderstanding. 5hen solving conflicts and even
giving apologies 8 this is N+J the time to be vague.
6a%ueness and a*3i%uity can create the I((;SION that we
understand each other. In itself 8 this is seductive.
Jhis is one of the parameters that ma%es a conversation seductive 8
that the other #ill need to =fill in the blan%s> in those areas #here
ou choose to be vague and ambiguous.
No# personall! 3 find that being ambiguous in terms of #hether its
=on> or not! is plaful. Liven! that #e both %no# that it is ...
1e?ual ambiguities are one of m favourite things to pla #ith! and
3 li%e to pla #ith multi laered meanings! as 3 hope #ill ou.

= 17 =
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4un5 flirty 8 fine.
$eing vague and ambiguous in terms of core level values! such as
honest! decenc and our intentions & not so much.
3f ou are a little too triggerhapp #ith the vagueness and
ambiguit! andHor if ou fail to cali3rate e7"ectations and
someone ends up getting hurt #ithout ever %no#ing #h .. 0 #ell!
donCt sa 3 did not #arn ou.
3 am of course assuming! that ou are the %ind of person #ho
#ould never deli3erately do anthing to hurt another human being.
$ut ou could find ourself in a situation! #here ou
inadvertently disappointed or even hurt someoneCs feelings.
Dou #ill need to clear up that %ind of mess ourself! but 3 thin%
directness is the #a ou #ill #ant to go. 4AA:N from the
mista%e and do our utmost not to ma%e the same mista%e again.
Jhat is to saB find out! e?actl! ho# H in #hat #as H #hat has lead
the other person to mis0interpret our intentions and H or
e?pectations. Jhat #a! ou %no# ho# ou can do better the ne?t
time.
Des! that means ou #ill have to actuall tal& to #homever ou
have disappointed! and hear them out on #hat the have to sa.
3t #or%s the other #a around too! of course.
1ometimes #omen #ill be ever so flirt and fun! even ma%e all
manner of covert se?ual suggestions! and ou might assume that
this means that =its on>.
3t could also Eust be her standard #a of relating to people & or it
could be one too man margaritas tal%ing. Dou donCt %no#.
$ut if in doubt! ou can al#as Eust as%B say" are you flirting with
me! or! if her name happens to be Mrs. :obinson ou could sa
are you trying to seduce me! Gthat reference #ill onl ma%e
sense to ou! if ou %no# the film &I
Also &now this?
M+1J #omen and girls arenCt reall all that #ell versed in the art
of neither flirting nor seduction.
5hich means that the sometimes come across as flirt #hen the

= 18 =
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donCt reall mean to! and other times come across as =not0flirt>
#hen that is e?actl #hat the #ould li%e to be.
Aspeciall ver oung girls! #ill sometimes ma%e the most clums
attempts at flirting! such as teasing ou for #earing a brightl
coloured shirt or saing stupid things about our shoes.
Jhe #ill even sometimes moc% the #a ou #al%! tal% or dance as
a #a of getting our attention.
No5 its not a ,test@. Most often! theCre either Eust rude! clums!
insecure or both.
Ksuall! ou can tell #hether a girl is insecure or not! b the #a
she reacts to a genuine! direct compliment .. 3f she simpl sas
=than%sS> #ith a big smile! it is almost al#as safe to assume that
she has a fairl high level of self0esteem.
Jhis of course also means! that ou need not be discouraged b
#omen #ho act clums or even rude to#ards ou! #hen ou
attempt to connect #ith them.
And it also means! that sometimes our clever and multi laered
attempts of plaing #ith ambiguities and Eust being plaful ma fl
straight over the heads of someone that loo%s cute! but ma not be
the brightest bulb in the pac%.
+r ou ma need to #or% on our tonalit! as to better
signalHindicate! that #hat ou are saing is meant to be understood
in more than one #a.
1ome girls! Eust li%e gus! need a direct un0ambiguous invitation
#ith gilded edges in triplicate! before the =get> that ou are
interested.
Lirls #ill literall spend 7+K:1 analsing #hat some gu said the
other da! #hat this te?t0message =reall means> and #h he has
li%ed this and not that picture on faceboo%.
1o if the cute girl from last 1aturda didnCt repl to our message
et6
1he ma be bus sitting #ith a bunch of girlfriends tring to figure
out ho# she should respond &
And sometimes6 Jhe reason #h ou cant =figure out> #hether a
#oman is into ou or not! could be as simple as the fact that she
ma not reall %no# herself.

= 19 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
$e plafull ambiguous #hen
flirting and seducing. 5hen ou
#ant to connect #ith someone
for further contact and deeper levels
direct is the #a to go.

= 20 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Be t9e c9ar8in: c9a8eleon+ not a
s9a8eless s9a;es9i7ter <
Mastering the Art of 1eductive Conversation is being able to steer
the conversation into themes that are se>uall ambiguous and
sensuall charged.
3t is having the s%ill set of a("in% u" the volu(e on the flirty and
sensual vi4e! #hilst staing clear of #hat 3 term the
?conversational minefields@.
Jhe %inds of topics that can spar% conflict before #e even get to
%no# each other.
Jhere is a time and a place for everthing! and to use the Fuote 3
opened up this boo% #ith G and the Fuote 3 open all m live
presentations on conversational master! artfull smalltal% and social
e>cellence #ith 8 because its an a#esome Fuote I
#now the rules $ so you know how to %reak them &ro&erly
Conversational Master is being able to be li%ht'hearted and
"leasant co("any. $eing able to weave topics and themes in and
out of each other in a sea(less and so"histicated manner.
$eing a a master of 1B,KCJ3RB conversation! is being able to
%eep the conversation plafull passionate.
3t is %no#ing ho# to "ace and lead! and it is %no#ing ho# to
listen for resonance #ith your own core values.
<ersonall! 3 do not see an point in creating the illusion that ou
are deepl connected to someone! #ho does not share our core
values! does not share our e>pectations and simpl put! reall is
not ?on the same page@ as ourself.
$ut 3 do see a point in %no#ing ho# to practice social e8cellence6
so that ou CAN move freel through a variet of different social
conte>ts and be a pleasure to be around. =ou feel more confident
as a result! %no#ing that ou can tal% to anone about anthing.
Mastering basic conversational s%ills! opens doors and creates
opportunities for better professional net#or%ing! better #or%ing
environments and a more fulfilling social life.
For instanceC A Eob intervie# is Eust as much a conversation as an
other! e>cept most often! ou are not on an entirel eFual footing

= 21 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
#ith the intervie#er. Pno#ing ho# to be assertive #ithout coming
across as dominant is a valuable s%ill.
And 8 ou reall dont #ant to be flirting #hen negotiating an
form of business deal either. At the ver least not blatantl.
No! it #ould not be ?good practice@ to pla #ith phonetic
ambiguties #hen the #oman #ho ma be holding the %es to our
future! is sho#ing ou around the building ou ma be sharing
#ith future colleagues.
3 hope that #ould go #ithout saing! but imagine saing something
li%e oh $ those are hard wood floors! 'h dont you just lo(e hard
wood ) *ell" I can certainly see myself slipping right into your
space here then" hee hee.
=eah! that #ould get her smiling. And get you on the top of the list.
Jhe list of ?creeps #e are N+J hiring@. Conte>t ...
Sidenote) 3t is often said amongst 7: consultants! that #hen a man
applies for a Eob! ou need to subtract *0U of #hat he states as his
strong points! credentials and accomplishments. 5hen a #oman
applies for the same Eob! ou need to add *0U & 5omen #ill
often do#npla their successes! and attribute them to the merits of
others. 5hereas men! generall 8 #ill do the opposite. 1o 8 donDt
be a girl &
$ut intimate connections are N+J mercantile #as of relating!
flirting is not li%e ?appling for a position@ and should in m vie#
never be regarded as such. .
5hich is #h 3 strongl advice ou to #eed out an sales0
metaphors ou ma currentl be using to describe the processes of
flirting! dating and seduction ...
$ut thatDs an entirel different discussion! for no#! lets Eust agree
that thin%ing about intimate connections in terms of someone
selling a product to someone else is a terrible #a of thin%ing about
the #hole thing.
2O< are not a -"roduct@ or a "iece of (erchandise and neither
is the relation you ho"e to create.
1ales are sales 8 human connections are human connections.
4earn to spot the difference and 3 can safel promise ou! that ou
#ill be a much happier human as a result.

= 22 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
)!) %hare your /orl&
Key Points:
Notice ho# often implied referencing is used in everda
conversation
3mplied referencing establishes boundaries R builds
rapport
First published 22. 1eptember 2011
+ne of the best #as in #hich to ensure =mutual rapport> or inter
subEective resonance! deep connection or #hatever term ouMd
li%e to use! is #hat 3 term ver3al action e7clusivity.
Dou #ill notice! that amongst people #ho %no# each other #ell!
#hen the engage in the act of tal%ing! there is usuall a high
freFuenc of #hat in conversational analsis is termed ,i*"lied
references@.
!=a8;le:

so, did Sally send you that video from last Saturday yet ?
1all #ho 6 5hat video 6 5hat happened last 1aturda 6
3 have no clue! since 3 neither %no# 1all nor #as 3 present at
#hatever event happened on 1aturda.
$oth the person =1all>! =that video> and =last 1aturda> are all
i*"lied references to something other that #hat is going on in this
instant! in the present interaction.

= 23 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
5hen a sentence li%e this is produced in a conversation! ou have
absolutel no #a of "artici"atin% #ithout having to as% to an
one of the variables e?pressed.
Knless ou actuall do %no# =1all> andHor #hat event the spea%er
is referring to.
3f a #oman is out #ith a bunch of her friends! and she reall #ants
to get rid of #homever has entered their little group! #hat is the
best strateg 6
As% them to leave 6
5ell! es that ma be one #a of doing it.
$ut a slightl more polite #a of letting people %no#! that the are
not =invited>! is b esta3lishin% the 3oundaries of our own little
,in'%rou"@ b referring in conversation to either other people!
events or concepts that most li%el are going to be unfamiliar to the
un#anted person in the group.
1ometimes people do this Fuite deliberatel 8 other times! the Eust
do it. <erhaps out of insecurit andHor do not %no# #hat to tal%
about. 1o the tal% about something the =%no#>. 3nstead of
as%ing Fuestions to the ne# people present in the group or
interaction.
<roblem is! of course! that insecurit is often indistinguishable
from rudeness.
!=a8;le:
hey umm so eh $ did you see the show last night
and how is your %rother doing !
5hat sho# and #tf are ou tal%ing about 6
3Mve #itnessed this time and time again at dinner parties and other
social gatherings! #here a group of people alread %no# each
other! and instead of opening up a conversation about topics that
are of relevance to a broader audience! the retreat into a series of
implied references! that Fuite effectivel shuts everbod else out
of the conversation.
No# 3Mm not saing! that a little implied referencing is not
absolutel fine.
$ut a lot of it! is Eust plain rude and terribl obno?ious.

= 24 =
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Knderstanding this structure! ma enable ou to not be perceived
as being rude in compan.
AN, b doing the opposite 8 see%ing to establish common
grounds! others ma perceive ou as being o"en and invitin%.
3f for instance! ou are engaged in conversation #ith a #oman at a
part 8 and her friend comes over to see if she needs to be
=rescued>.
3s it better to include or e?clude the friend from the conversation 6
3 sa! that in most cases! it is much better to invite her to Eoin the
conversation! because this #ill lead the friend to thin% of ou as
being the =cool social friendl gu> and not the annoing bastard
#hoMs hitting on her friend &
+f course! ou ma at a later point #ant to e?clude the friend from
the interaction! unless .. #ell 8 #eMll leave that one hanging.
1o on one level! verbal e?clusivit has the po#er of e?cluding
others from the interaction.
5hich of course also means! that on another level! verbal
e?clusivit can create a sense of dee"er connection.
5h 6
Because this is what "eo"le who &now each other well5 do A((
the ti*e.
1o b doing #hat people naturall do all the time! #hen alread
having established a connection! ou are "acin% the reality5 that
ou and #homever ou are tal%ing to! alread %no# each other
reall #ell ...
Si*"le. /ffective.
IN S;MMA!1. +ne of the #as in #hich #e signal to each other!
that #e %no# each other #ell! is the =implied reference>.
3mplied references can ta%e on the form of reference to something
outside of the interaction that is going on! ri%ht now.

= 25 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
$ut it can also ta%e on the form of referring to something that #ent
on earlier in the interaction itself.
+O that sounds rather intricate! but reall it is =uite si*"le?
4et sa ouMve been tal%ing about travelling! and then #ent on to
discuss favourite films.
No# an reference to =travel>! #ithout actuall mentioning the
#ord =travel> is going to be an implied reference.
!=a8;les:
so $ when you say that you really enjoy the freedom
of %eing like" on your way to somewhere" what do you
&.or! sa ouMve been on the topic of se?! from the perspective of
=ho# animals do it>! then the conversation turned to be about
something rather dull! li%e =do #e have an friends in common>
G#hich ma be interesting! but he 8 #e have faceboo% for that &I
s&eaking of aardvarks ha'e you e'er though a%out $
Dou can of course use i*"lied referencin%5 #hen establishing
further contact5 #hen ou t?t that cute girl from the part.
Dou %no#! the one last 1aturda &
httpBHH###.undercover0coaching.comHupdateH#ellcome0to0m0#orldH

= 26 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
1! +istenin2 is a
3ar&core %kill
Key Points:
<ractice listening as ou #ould practice an other s%ill
Kse :eceive0Appreciate01ummari"e0As% for building
rapport
Oeep the conversation light0hearted #hen flirting
First published ,ecember )Crd 2011
4istening is a s%ill that needs to be trained and practised 8 Eust li%e
an other s%ill.
3f ou feel! that our communication is not al#as received the
#a ou intend! it is a good idea to focus on ho# to listen in a
more multi0dimensional #a.
4istening for resonance and metaphors most certainl also
reFuires an active position of listening.
5e all fail at this from time to time. 1ometimes #e fail to hear
#hat is reall being said! other times #e thin% #e hear things! that
are not being said at all.
Jhis is one of the reasons #h 3 advocate practising focus on
+$1A:QAJ3+N! rather than interpretation. 3t is not eas.
1ometimes! #e hear others through a filter of 7+<A! sometimes
through a filter of FAA:! AQA:13+N or ,A13:A.
3n conflicts! ver often it all of the above. Communication then
becomes entangled. 5e sometimes proEect our o#n frustrations
and insecurities onto others! #hen #e are communicating.
+thers do the same! and 3 thin% the most compassionate thing one
can do is to be a#are that this process of filtering though our
emotional states! is going on #ithin us all! most of the time.

= 27 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
3n seduction! communication becomes entangled too 8 but of
course! since the process of flirting and seducing is a process of
amping up the <4AA1K:A$4A emotional flo#s! this
=entanglement> feels good.
$ut at the core! it is the 1AMA <:+CA11.
Mastering Jhe Art of 1eductive Conversation reFuires! that ou
have a basic level of understanding for basic conversational
master.
Mastering basic conversational s%ills reFuires the abilit of
431JAN3NL.
3 found this great video on JA,.com the other da! #here Uulian
Jreasure gives five #as of listening better.
1& "9e 8i=er
7o# man different channels of sound can ou hear
8 right no# 6
2& ilence
,edicate ) minutes a da to silence.
3f ou cant get absolute silence! go for Fuiet &
3& avo6rin: so6n5s
4isten to everda sounds.
1avour their uniFue Fualities.
5hat is the structure! ho# does the sound *ove6
5hat does it remind ou of6

= 28 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
4& *istenin: ;ositions
AdEusting our position of listening! to #hat is appropriate.
<laing #ith our A5A:ANA11 filters and focus.
Ada"tin% to the situation?
Active Hpassive
:eductiveHe?pansive
Critical H empathetic.
5& ( ) )
An acronm for conscious listening
#hen communicating #ith others.
! A !eceive
A A A""reciate
S A Su**ariBe
A A As&
1imilar to models used in sales and conflict solving! as #ell as
negotiation this frame#or% provides for a simple et po#erful #a
of establishing a shared sense of connection.
Cuite si*"lyB #e feel more connected to others! #hen #e are
heard. 5e can elicit core values #hen listening #ith an open frame
of mind. 5e understand others better! #hen #e actuall ta%e the
time to 431JAN to #hat the are e?pressing. Not #hat #e J73NO
the ma be tring to sa ...
> Is "2)" ?9at yo6 are sayin: 3
+n m improv0 and stortelling #or%shops! #e do a fun little
e?ercise called =3s J7AJ 5hat Dou Are 1aing666>
Jhe e?ercise is done in pairs! #here each is given a role. 3t could

= 29 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
be A is the <rime Minister and $ is an intervie#er! or A is a doctor
8 $ is the patient 0 A is a hot dog vendor and $ is a roc%et
scientist. Dou get the idea.
A ma%es a statement and B then proceeds to interpret the statement
either through a positive or a negative mindset.
Jhe idea is then for B to ma%e as e?treme and absurd assumptions
as to #hat the other is saing as possible 8 the more absurd the
better! preferabl #hile staing in character. 5hile A of course
remains in a calm state as possible! and does hisHher best to =%eep
the frame>.
Jhe e?ercise is brilliant for illustrating ho# our o#n filters of
a#areness ma%es us Eump to conclusions and ma%e inferences!
based on #hat #e Eust happen to be thin%ing! feeling and
e?periencing that moment in time.
And 3 might add 8 the e?ercise can also be used as a fun little game
ou can pla #ith a #oman ou have Eust met &
3t goes #ithout saing! that #hen #e see% to C+NNACJ #ith
others 8 #e need to do the e?act opposite. N+J ma%ing undue
assumptions! inferences and interpretations. 1eduction ho#ever!
does rel heavil on the +J7A: Eumping to conclusions and
ma%ing undue assumptions. 1o ou need to find the balance.
)ss68in: t9at it@s al?ays #$ &&
Assuming that =its on> #hen flirting #ith someone is not the #orst
possible a#areness filter ou can appl. $ut there 31 a trap in that
mindset.
$ecause if ou are not actuall =feeling it>6 3t ma Eust be! that
there is no mutual attraction & 3n #hich case it ma%es no sense
#hatsoever to =assume that its on.>
+ther than for the sa%e of =practice> and personall 3 find that to
be the most mind0numbing mindset of all. $ut thatCs a different
discussion.
So*eti*es #e feel almost instantl connected to someone! and #e
donCt have to force ourselves to =assume> 0 #e Eust =%no#>! that
3JC1 +N. All #e then need to do! is %eep the spar%s fling and
thro# more #ood on the fire &
5ith mindfulness practice! it becomes easier to tell #hether #hat
ou are feeling is in fact MKJKA4! or #hether ou are simpl
=proEecting> our o#n attraction onto the other. Cultivating bod
a#areness etc. JhatCs a different course! but 3 thin% it fair to assume
that ou have e?perienced this %ind of attractionHconnection at
least at some point in time.

= 30 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
i5enote: *istenin: to t9e Baseline &&
Allo# me to briefl address the importance of 431JAN3NL in
intimate relationships.
3f ou Eust had a fight #ith our loverHgirlfriend 8 ou ma thin%
that ou can get bac% on trac% and enEo the fun flirt passion!
simpl b =assuming its on>.
1ometimes that #or%s. +ften! it doesnCt.
$ecause if #hatever caused the conflict in the first place! has not
been addressed and it is something that is of great importance to
7A:6 1he is Eust going to be pissed off as hell! #hen ou start
flirting as if nothing happened.
Jhere is a balance! of course. $eing able to ta%e a #omanCs mind
off serious issues and lead her imagination into states of free
flo#ing pools of passion is a #onderful s%ill to have.
3f there is some serious issue! she feels the need to address! and
ou simpl steer the conversation out of the topic into something
more FKN6 5ithout at least giving out the 3M<:A113+N that ou
understand andHor ta%e the issue presented seriousl6
Jhat is not going to ma%e her feel a""reciated and heard & rather
the contrar.
Jhe opposite is true for initial stage flirting 8 or almost the
opposite! because #hereas ou in a relationship need to also be the
supportive listener! that is N+J #hat ou #ant our main focus to
in the initial sta%es of flirtin%.
<erhaps #e could call this the DEFE rule of su""ort vs. fun.
5hen our girlfriend brings up a serious topic! our focus #ould
perhaps be /0H20 support vs. fun.
5hereas in the initial stages of a flirt 8 our focus #ould be 20H/0.
Dou #ant to e?press =being supportive> 0 but not so much! that it
Fuenches the flirt.
3n a committed relationship ou can =afford> to be hugel
supportive #ithout Fuenching the se?ual tension.
7o#6
$ecause being se?ual #ith each other! is alread an esta3lished
NO!M for the way in which you relate.
GJhe fluff hat follo#ers get this #rong all the time .. No! ou do
not ruin the se?ual tension b A41+ being a genuinel nice man ..I

= 31 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
BacA to Initial ta:e /*I("I$0 . e56ction&
5ith someone ou have Eust met! of course ou have not
established that baseline et! so too much focus on being =nice and
supportive> ma%es it difficult to %eep the spar%s fling ..
As a general rule! of course.
$ut ou ,+ #ant to e7"and the friendBone5 #ith a #oman ou
#ant to get to %no# on a se?ual level.
Notice! that 3 sa AV<AN,3NL and not =getting out of> ...
1o the method of !eceive'Appreciate'Summari"e'As% is a great
#a of connectin% $AJJA: #ith someone #e alread %no#.
Jhe same frame#or% can be used in 1eductive Conversation.
$oth as a method of elicitin% values! and as a method for staing
clear of the minefields @ &ee"in% the conversation li%ht and
flowin%.
DEFE 8 4;N vs. Su""ortive ..
!=a8;le:
A? I just had my hamster &ut down. It was really ill" I had to do it.
B? really ! That must ha'e %een hard $ well" I guess if it was ill
you had to do it. (&ause) * Tell me" when did you first
disco'er your lo'e for small furry creatures !
+O thatCs a sill e?ample! but ou get the point. Also 8 notice the
LANJ4A change of topic. 3f the e?pression of smpath had been
left out! that #ould #e rather an abrupt change of direction. 5e go
from =illness> to =love 2 affection> Galbeit for small furr
creaturesI in +NA sentence.
From here! its onl half a lin% to Alpha Centauri & G @ 7itchhi%ers
reference .. I
$ut ou get the point. 5e donCt #ant to be e?ploring some girls
pet0hamsters ailments. 3t ma be Fuite interesting! but the phsical
#ell0being! or in this case! not0#ell being is hardl a seduction
conducive theme! is it6
An implied compliment could also be a good #a of changing the
topic! as inB you know! I find that it says a lot a%out a &erson"
how much they care a%out their &ets ..

= 32 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
5e #ant to steer the conversation into something more (IG<T
and flirty.
No# 3 am going to pic% this small seemingl sill e?ample apart!
because in realit6
3ts not so sill after all.
3 use a synony* for hamster! that is light0hearted one.
1mall furr creatures @ cute! cuddl! fun.
$etter than saing =gerbils> or =rats #ithout tails>.
Jhe latter is funn! but it #ould almost be li%e moc%ing the lad
for being sad that her hamster died.
Jhe ne?t sentence introduces the the*e of love and affection as
#ell as prompts her to thin% bac% =#hen did ou F3:1J
,31C+QA:>.
Also! if ou reall #ant to get all nerd 8 there is an embedded
command too. =JA44 MA>.
3 give ou loads of more e?amples of ho# to lin& # 3rid%e from
seemingl dull topics to more interesting ones! in the Art of
1eductive Conversations course.
$ut 3 hope ou get the main idea so far...
httpBHH###.undercover0coaching.comHupdateHlistening0is0a0s%illH

= 33 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
1!) 3a"e you e"er 4
(ma2ine that
Key Points:
A stor H Eo%e Hanecdote does not have to be relevant! for
ou to sa that it is.
,are to e?plore
$uild our base of general %no#ledge
Be c6rio6s 7or t9e saAe o7 Bein: c6rio6s
First published November 2)Crd 2011
,o ou ever feel that a conversation is heading to#ards a bit of a
=dead end> or that the topic our are on! or the Eust the
<A:1<ACJ3QA on it! needs to be changed! for the interaction to
sta fun! flirt and vibrant 6
Lo to m #ebsite and chec% out the short clip from one of m Art
of 1eductive Conversation presentations! #here 3 give ou four
little sentences ou can A45AD1 use! #hen ou either #ant to
change the topic! or Eust steer the conversation in a ne# direction.
No# some of ou! 3 %no#! are thin%ing yeah %ut what if nothing
s&rings to mind !
7ereMs #here our general %no#ledge becomes relevant! and
#here our o#n favourite Eo%es! anecdotes and stories are of use.
Cultivate curiosity H
IhyJ
Are ou not curious as to ho# others perceive and e?perience the
#orld6 7o# can one N+J be curious &
Jhe %e is to dis"lay our ACJ3QA curiosit. Chart the =territor>
2 dare to e?plore.

= 34 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
A?amplesB
Have you ever thought a%out the difference %etween
attraction and connection !
have you ever %een so dee&ly immersed in some acti'ity"
that you com&letely lost track of time !
That reminds me of this show I was watching the other
day" don+t ask me why $ a%out how lions mate $ now did you
know that
ou know, when you say &ersonal de'elo&ment , dance
classes , &alm trees , roller coasters" that makes me think of
when I was in there was this
That makes me think of this joke a%out
Dou get the idea.
+r! if ou actuall ,3, happen to see an interesting sho# on
NatLeo 5ild! ou read an article that #as of particular interest that
da! or sa# someone doing something strange on the street 8 use
that.
5hether ou #ant to put a se?ual ambiguous spin on it or not! of
course depends on the conte?t &
4irst and fore*ost5 "ractice the art of ST//!ING the
conversation ..
3f there is a topic H them ou #ould li%e to dive into 8 ,+.
Dou do not have to #ait until the other person touches upon the
subEect.
No# of course! ou donCt #ant to be constantl ma%ing those
strange Eu?tapositions and random associations! but sometimes it
can be ver useful to sha%e up the conversation a little.
Oeeping it alive and F4+53NL ...
<ere is the GO(:/N !;(/?
A stor H Eo%e Hanecdote does not have to be =relevant>! for
you to say that it is.

= 35 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Jhe other person canMt read our mind! so #hoMs to sa if roller
coasters Eust happen to remind ou of ho# lions mate or not &
No# if ou happen to %no# a little bit about Neuro 4inguistic
<rogramming GN4<I ou ma recogni"e the sentence -a'e you
e'er ... and Imagine that ... as the first part of the structure H
pattern commonl %no#n as the =#easel phrase> or simpl a
suggestive predicate.
Jhis is Conversational Master $A13C1! so 3 #ill save the list of
suggestive predicates for later G ou #ill find them in =<laing
#ith 4anguage>I for %no#! Eust imagine that #hen ou start to
thin% about ho# these structures #ill provide ou #ith ample
opportunities to start practising a more sophisticated #a of
connecting 8 ou ma notice! ho# conversations flo# almost
effortlessl and ou ma find ourself #ondering ho# ou start to
feel even more and intruigued and the more intrigued ou feel 8
the more ou #ill #ant to e?plore &
+O! 3 #ill put the #easels bac% in their cage no#. 4ets move on to
something not the least bit entirel different.
First a brief note on :hthm and then some good 1ense 2
1ensualit.
Co**ents F Cuestions J
httpBHH###.undercover0coaching.comHupdateHhave0ou0ever0imagine0
thatH

= 36 =
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1!1 One Note on 5hythm
A?plore :7DJM. Jhe #a in #hich ou modulate our speech.
Jhere is nothing more dull and drear! than listening to someone
#ho drones on and on in a monotonous voice #ith absolutel no
variations in tonalit.
5hen ou #ant to practice e?pressing emotions! ou need to be
able to C+NQAD emotions. A#areness to rhthm of speech is a
large chun% of this. Pausin% .. is one of the %es.
Consider the follo#ing piece of classic literatureB
=Jo see the #orld in a grain of sand
and heaven in a #ild flo#er
to hold infinit in the palm of our hand
and eternit for an hour>
5hen ou read this aloud! ou notice that the verse has a rhthm to
it. Des! it does rhme! but a verse need not rhme to have rhthm.
4i%e#ise! #hen ou read an of 1ha%espeareCs sonnets! there is a
ver clear rhthm 8 the are #ritten in #hat is %no#n as iambic
pentameter! and #h do ou thin% reading 1ha%espeare is an
almost indispensable part of AND Anglish language course6
5h do #e still read the =classics>6 $ecause these masters of the
#ritten #ord can teach us an immense amount in terms of
eloFuence and sophistication.
1ome of the language in #hich these pieces are #ritten seem
outdated! #e no longer sa =#here art thou> 0 #e #ould sa
=#here are ou>! but the #a in #hich the rhthm flo#s b the
#a the #ords are chosen! can still teach us a thing or t#o in terms
of enriching our o#n verbal e?pressions. 3f ou #ant to stud more
contemporar art forms of the spo%en #ord! 3 #ould suggest
chec%ing out something li%e =Alphabet Aerobics> b $lac%alicious
and other artists that donCt Eust ma%e ho rhme #ith moC &

= 37 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Come to thin% of it 8 clear diction F articulation is something that
ou 7AQA to practice as a rapper. Dou cant #ell be spitting rhmes
and *u*3le if ouCd li%e to be ta%en seriousl &
No# ou ma recall the =formula> 3 introduced in the first
paragraph.
CFS K !?SFC
Jhis is rhthm too. 5hen #e spea%! seFuences flo# in a natural
rhthm of FuestionsHstatements 8 responses.
5hen #e feel that a pause is =a#%#ard> this is almost al#as due
to the rhthm or the flo# of the conversation being perceived as
being a bit out of snc #ith #hat #e e?pect from a =rela?ed> and
free flo#ing conversation.
Cultural and linguistic differences appl #ith regards to rhthm in
spo%en language! both on the seFuential and the single #ord level.
For instance! 3 sometimes thin% m Middle0Aastern friends are
having a fight! #hen in realit the are Eust tal%ing about #here to
go for lunch. $ut as a 1candinavian! 3 perceive a lot of hard
consonants and rapid turns in the conversation as =aggression>.
7ere is another one of m favourite e?amplesB
1tandard disclaimerB the Lerman language can be Fuite elegant
too! so donCt thin% 3 am bashing m neighbours here.
And of course ou can use the e?ample above as a fun factoid to
thro# into a conversation and have fun #ith..
-a'e you e'er thought a%out * ... !

= 38 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
& add some detail to the way ou
describe thoughts! things! emotions
and e.&eriences
3t onl reFuires getting
attentive to detail in the
first place &

= 39 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
1!6 %ense ' %ensuality
Key Points:
<ractice an +<AN a#areness.
Jhin% detail R description not =data>
Add sensor rich descriptions
From m 200/ =4iving <assion> seminar! published as article ,ecember (th 2011
$eing a master communicator! is ver much about being able
to create images in the other persons mind.
$eing able to induce "leasura3le states of mind! and further
+<AN3NL! deepening and e7"andin% the "ositive states that are
A4:AA,D there.
2o? 5o ?e 5o t9is 3
First of all! #hen describing something! ou #ant to add to our
descriptionB
colour
structure
de"th
di*ension
S/NSO!1 "erce"tion rich descri"tions.
<la #ith snaesthesia.
1tart noticin% the #orld around ou! using all si? senses.
4ets start out #ith the Q31KA4 sense.
Notice our surroundings and see .. 8 #ell! #hat ,+ ou see 6

= 40 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
19en I say *!)'! ?9at s;rin:s to 8in5 3
Jhe colour green 6 1ummer 6 <almtrees 6
Jhe s#eet rustling sound of #ind bree"ing through crisp and living
foliage 6
1o for instance! #hen ou are describing the a da at the beach!
#hat might ou sa 6
It was warm" and there was only little wind.
+r ou could saB
The sun was !la"ing from a clear !lue sky"
and the sea was the colour of tur#uoise.
Notice the phonetic :7DJ7M in the last e?ample.
0aCelles . Potatoes
AdEectives and adverbs are our friends. AdEectives are used to
describe nouns. As inB The girl is %eautiful and se.y.
1o the descriptive #ords here are se? and beautiful. 1impl 8
#hat is the girl li%e 6 $eautiful 2 se? @ ad>ectives.
Adverbs are used to describe verbs! adEectives or other adverbs.
7o# does she move 6 The woman mo'es confidently or the
woman mo'es gracefully.
Jhe descri"tive words being confidentl and gracefull.
Dou could also use a *eta"horFsi*ileB
3nstead of saing gracefull! ou could use the simileB
=/he mo'es like a ga0elle
or
she mo'es like a %ag of &otatoes on the %ack of a truck.
No# the latter is vividl descriptive! but hardl of the #ord
gracefull. Dou of course #ant to sta clear of metaphors that are
N+J flattering! #hen describing something pleasant.
As a %eneral rule5 that is. 1ometimes! odd Eu?tapositions can also
be Fuite interesting! but more on that in a later article.
For no#! letMs stic% to the $A13C1.

= 41 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
,etail to t9e "ale
Add some detail to the #a in #hich ou describe things. Jhis of
course reFuires! that ou <AD AJJANJ3+N to detail in the first
place.
Jhen! add some UK3CA to our descriptions.
Jo the right is a simple depiction of a leaf.
$elo#! here 0 is anotherB
Jhe first image provides little information! #hereas the second
image has both C+4+K:! 1J:KCJK:A! ,A<J7 and
,3MAN13+N.
Jhin% of these t#o images as an e?ample of the difference bet#een
simpl providing :ATA
and on the other handB
providing a detailed :/SC!IPTION.
Dou #ant to add some 43FA 2 <A113+N 8 *ove*ent5 "rocess
and e*otion.
,oes a leaf have emotions 6
Most li%el not! but lets pla around #ith the idea that the have.

= 42 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
6er3s that i*"ly a will full intent5 could do that.
A?ampleB
Imagine a &icture of a golden leaf against a dark
%ackground.
It1s colour suggests" that we are in the month of 2cto%er" the
leaf displaing a final %urst of s&lendour %efore it #ill drop
from the %ranch and Eoin the choir of silent rustling foliage
on the ground.
7ere is another one of m favourite photographs of trees. Dou
could describe the image
in simple termsB
AL 3t is a colour photograph!
BL Clearl ta%en from right at the
base of the tree loo%ing up into the
cro#n.
Dou could sa!
CL #hat O3N, of tree it is! and :L
that the s% is blue.
$ut ou can also do something more. Dou can add an emotional
description.
Dou could sa! that the trees are standing proudl against a deep
blue morning s%.
Notice! ho# the nuance of the description changes! #hen #e lean
on the se7ually a*3i%uous words?
trees are standing &roudly against a
dee$ %lue morning sky
Jhe are leaning in the same direction 8 ever so slightl
intertwined" almost as if the are supporting each other in
stretching their branches to#ards the brightl shining sun. GA cnic
#ould of course sa! that the #ere competing for the light. $ut 3
li%e the first interpretation better.I

= 43 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dou could also describe the tactile sensation of the tree.
I*a%ine ... #hat it #ould feel li%e to touch the silky smooth
surface on the stem 8 noticing a certain softness against the hard
solid core! roots gras&ing firmly into the ground &
Dou get the picture! es6
3t is ver eas to branch from here 8 directly into an e7"licit
se7ual *eta"hor
Gin case ou didnCt thin% that #as e?plicit enough .. I
For instanceB & nah 8 go figure that one out for ourself ...
IMAGIN/ & is of course an indirect G@embeddedI co**and.
As in =imagine that ...> @ one of the four short sentences G the ones
3 gave ou in paragraph ).2 I that ou can al#as use! #hen ou
either #ant to change direction or simpl %o dee"er into a theme
or a topic ...
Comments H ;uestions6
httpBHH###.undercover0coaching.comHupdateHsense0sensualitH

= 44 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
1!7 %teerin2 the
Con"ersation
Basic %uidelines?
5hen ou #ant to +<AN! $:+A,AN and ,AA<AN the
conversation! use +<AN0ended Fuestions and statements.
570Fuestions.
#ith
#ho
#hat
#hen
#here 8 and ho# &
5h 0 is also an open Fuestion! but as a general rule! sta
clear of =#h> Fuestions in seductive conversation.
5h6 1ee if ou can thin% of a reason as to =#h> ma not
be the best #a of A43C3J3NL QA4KA1 ...
Better? Kse #hen H #here and ho#.
!=a8;le:
A? When did you first disco'er" that you were into leather
and %ondage !
M A o"en ended =uestion L
B? ummm .. when I was ten I think like" I got these
leather really cool leather %oots for my 3irthday and

= 45 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ihen you want to C(OS/ a to"ic?
C7ANLA the subEect or
43NO to something else!
using C4+1A,0ended Fuestions and statements.
As in the e?ample in "ara%ra"h $ #ith the hamster H little furr
creature.
That must ha'e %een hard @ closed state*ent.
well I guess if it was ill" you had to do it @ closed state*ent
Also! notice ho# the :eceive0Appreciate0Summari"e0As%
frame#or% fits this e?ample Fuite #ell too.
%eally?@ is a rhetorical Fuestion. +ften #e use these! as a method
of signalling! that #e have received H have empath #ith H interest
in the statement made.
that must have !een hard @ appreciating the statement made.
=well I guess if it was ill .. @ summar
Finall! there is a Fuestion. +f course in this e?ample! #e are using
the Fuestion to change to subEect! not go further into the topic.
3f ou reall did #ant to learn more about the hamster! ho# it died
and #hat it smelt li%e #hen it did! of course ou #ould then as% a
Fuestion such asB /o .. when you say really ill" do you mean like it
was just lying in its cage or *!
$ut of course thatCs not terribl flirt! so the subEect gets subtl
directed onto something more intriguing instead.
Jhere #as also a direct co**and A one of the #as ou can
displa ASS/!TI6/N/SS.

A? 3 Eust had m hamster put do#n. 3t #as reall ill! 3 had to do it.
B? reall 6 Jhat must have been hard 8 #ell! 3 guess if it #as ill
ou had to do it. & GpauseI & 0 Tell *e
M A direct co**and L
#hen did ou first discover our love for small furr creatures 6

= 46 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
;uestions! #here ou can onl ans#er DA1HN+ @ closed ended
Fuestions.
!=a8;le:
A? /o .. would you e'er want to go %ack to /i%eria !
MA closed'ended =uestionL
B? es, I just lo'e the snow and ice 4
AB cool $ s&eaking of ice" that reminds me of this great
joke a%out the two &enguins
MA chan%e of to"icL
C4+1A,0ended Fuestions can of course also be 4AA,3NL &
linguistic differences ma appl here! but in Anglish a good
e?ample of a leadin% =uestion #ould beB
!=a8;le:
/o you really liked this &df" didn&t you ? 'yes(
5nd you would like to know more !

Go to undercover0coaching.com! and chec% out the
Art of Seductive Conversation programme S
G @ Command & I

= 47 =
2........................................................................................................................
@ And no"C A "ord from my sponsor FmeH@
2..........................................................................................................................
;id you ever wish you could 4e (ore -Creative@ in
conversationsJ
Ihen my upcoming mini#course 3arness the 8ower of
9ssociation may be for for you. Ihis course also
happens to be module 5Q in the Art of 3eductive
Conversation programme.
Clic. on the image or lin.s to learn more.
Iould you li&e to add so(e So"histication to the
"rocess of datin%6 flirtin% # seductionJ
Chec. out The : Keys of %ophisticate& %e&uction a
neat little eboo. pac.ed "ith solid advice mind blo"ing
ne" perspectives and inspiration on ho" to start "riting
your ,7N script 25 also give you some great e$amples
of sensual language you might really enEoy.
and finally 2
Iould you li&e to &now (y five favourite lin%uistic
(ani"ulation (ethodsJ
?ou are in luc.. My eboo. 8layin2 with +an2ua2e
gives you e$actly that.
F and more ... H
2..........................................................................................................
.......
Clic. on the image or lin.s to learn more
2..........................................................................................................
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
;uick Tips for Connection ' <low
1. Kse !'A'S'A for rapport5 "acin% ) elicitin% values
. /sta3lish further ra""ort using implied referencing
$. Chan%e to"ics using closed ;Cs Hstatements
+. O"en new threads using open ;Cs
-. :ive dee"er into a topic H theme using open ended ;Cs.
+n the ne?t page! ou #ill find a frame#or% or a =chec%0list> for
practising Conversational Master $asics.
3t is a guideline! so donCt get stuc% in the categories! but use it for
noticin% what actually %oes on in the conversations #here ou
e?perience a =good flo#> andHor a =good connection> and those
#here ou donCt.
Dou can use the same frame#or% for written co**unication
too. 3f ou %eep a chatlog from 1%pe! faceboo%! msn! phone0
te?t messaging etc 8 ta%e a loo% at a fe# conversations and see
ho# man =lego0bloc%s> ou can recogni"e.
Jhen! notice ho# the individual actions influence each other as
the conversation either grinds to a halt or unfolds deeper.
5hat is important here! is to remember that conversation is a
,3A4+LKA. 3f the person ou are communicating #ith! does
not seem =invested> 0 it ma be due to our lac% of
conversational master .. +: it ma simpl be lac% of core level
compatibilit.
Si*"ly "ut? Dou ma have absolutel nothing in common! so
donCt be bashing ourself if Miss Crstal Meth the e?otic <ole
dancing champion does not get our clever linguistic puns or
references to 7amlet.
3n #hich case! inviting her over for a cup of =coffee> reall
ma%es ver little sense! unless ouCd li%e to hire her for some
pole0dancing classes.
1tereotping6 Des. AlsoB Uust saing &

= 49 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Basic Con"ersational #astery
Trainin2 Check-list
=i& you !!! >sin2 !!! ( 4 O
#;en t9rea5s #;en D6estions3
#;en i8a:ination 2ave yo6 ever 4 t9o6:9t
aBo6t3
I8a:ine t9at3
"9at re8in5s 8e o73
Practice listenin:
*isten 7or resonance
(>)>>)3
,ive 5ee;er into t9e8es 4
to;ics
#;en D6estions3
teer o6t o7 to;ics Close5 state8ents3
)55 e8otion to yo6r
5escri;tions
,escri;tive ?or5s 4
;9rases3
!staBlis9 48aintain
ra;;ort
I8;lie5 re7erencin:3
!=;lore 4 5is;lay ens6al
a?areness
ens6al 8eta;9or3
ens6al a8Bi:6ities3
e=6al inn6en5o3
Initiate 76rt9er contact tate8ents 4 invitations
;9rase5 as 5irect o77ers3

= 50 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
19at is in Part II3
3n part 33 of Conversational Master $asics! #e #ill be
adding more insight and detail to the frame#or% ou
alread practiced in part 3.
! ,oin2 &eeper into the basics
1.1 Is it M1 turn to s"ea& nowJ
Knderstand this structure and ou never have to as% the
Fuestion =#h do 3 al#as get interrupted6> ever again.
3 #ill also give ou some e?amples of =adEacenc pairs>!
so that ou dont have to be pu""led! #hen a conversation
seems to grind to a halt and ou #ould have li%ed it to
continue.
1. Pause F Play
5hat ou can do #ith a fe# #ell0placed pauses! #hen
ou #ant to be more plaful and communicate #ith more
presence 2 passion.
)! #o"in2 in the <iel&
.1 Meta"hors and Mindsets
5hat is a metaphor and #h should ou care6
. The 4our PNs A conversational *inefields
Let this! and ou #ill be able to move #ith grace at social
functions #here good manners are important. Dou #ill
also have more confidence on ho# to %eep conversations
light and flirt
.$ The four Safe Oones
Jopics ou can all#as touch upon! #hen ou need to
s#itch the vibe in the conversation to a li%hter note.
From these topics! it is eas to move directl into
seduction conducive the*es5 such as sensor perception!
adventure! discover! indulgence! passion etc ..

= 52 =
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
1! Create ' be Curious
$.1 0ust tal&in%
5h #omen sometimes go ballistic on ou for =Eust
tal%ing> #ith another #oman! and ou honestl had no
intension of activel flirting #ith her. Jhis is about ho# to
avoid Eealous and our eventual girlfriendHs feeling left
out and not valued. 17A:3NL our #orld #ith people
ou suround ourself #ith.
$. Chartin% the Territory
7o# to elicit values and e?tract information! #ithout
as%ing directl &
7o# to build our radar for =screening>.
$.$ /7it with Grace
7o# to get out of either a delicate subEect in a
conversation or get out of the interaction alltogether
#ithout being a bastard about it &
7o# to avoid mis0interpretation of #omens sometimes
ver su3tle cues5 #hen she is either not interested in
ta%ing the interaction further 8 or #hen she 31 interested
in co*in% closer and &nowin% *ore ...

= 53 =

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Christina Melanie Cooper 2012

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