Sung J.

Woo
American Sister
If one more Asian were to come into Ally's life, just one more, she'd scream.
"HI-YA!" she'd screech out, maybe even with some osey !un" fu stance, ti"er
style with fin"ers curled into claws, ready to ummel the unwanted #asterner bac!
to wherever he came from. $ot that she'd want to force him bac! to his own
country or anythin", she wasn't one of those eole, but if he could just leave her
alone, that'd suffice.
%he had lenty of e&erience screamin". It's what she did when she wasn't
waitressin" at %han"hai %urrise, her day job, or more accurately, the job that aid
the food and rent she shared with 'ona (on", her aartmentmate. Ally wor!ed the
dinners, so in the afternoons she screamed into the microhone at )uc!y %tars
%tudios, screamin" and "runtin" and ma!in" all sorts of other fi"htin" noises she
never !new were in her. In between her violent sound effects, she uttered
lau"hably bad lines, li!e "*hen you !illed my master, you should have !illed me!"
or "I shall aven"e your death until I can die no more, father!"
Ally +arter was a dubbee. ,hat's what the sleey-eyed A-. techie, a .ietnamese
"uy named ,ran, called her and the two other actors who rovided #n"lish-
translated dialo"ue for him to slice into the neverendin" suly of awful !un" fu
movies stac!ed in the closets of )uc!y %tar. )i!e Ally, ,ran had thou"ht this job
would be a stein" stone to somethin" better, but li!e Ally, there'd been nothin"
else. *hat started out as a si&-month stint had turned into a two-year stay. And
countin".
"%ielber"," he told her the last time they went outside to catch a smo!e, the
/anuary wind cuttin" into them. ,hey switched hands after each uff, !eein" one
in the oc!et of their jeans at all times in a vain attemt to !ee warm. "I was
suosed to wor! with %ielber". $ot directly with him, but with one of his
underlin"s. 'y rof, he had this whole thin" set u for me." A dramatic dra", a
dramatic e&hale. "I'm such a fucking idiot."
Ally too! a dee dra" herself and said nothin", just nodded. ,ran had already
told her his sob story at least twice - he declined to "o out west because of his
"irlfriend, who was now someone else's "irlfriend - but obviously he hadn't
remembered tellin" her. It's what ain did to you - made you for"et, made you
want to share your bad luc! so you could dum it on to someone else. 0od only
!new how many times she must've told her sorry-ass story to 'e" at the %han"hai
as they stood outside li!e this, "usts of arctic wind free1in" their !nees until they
literally !noc!ed to"ether.
< 2 >
,ran - he was another one, another Asian. 'ona, her aartmentmate,
,aiwanese. 'e", her fellow waitress and friend at the restaurant, 2orean. 3aymond
+how and 3aymond )iu, her two bosses with the same American first names, Hon"
2on" imorts. ,he "uy she bou"ht coffee from every mornin", whatever his name
was, Indian. And 4ill was /aanese.
4ill. %he "ave his bac! a "ood shove off the cliff of her mind, and for a second
he was "one - but then he floated, little white win"s ullin" him u, landin" him
ri"ht in front of her.
Ally too! another dra" on her ci"arette. %he had to brea! it off with him. ,oday.
After the readin". A hand on her shoulder.
"Hey."
"Hey," she told 4ill, and she !new she wouldn't brea! it off today, and not
tomorrow, maybe never. A roduct of a /aanese father and an Italian mother, 0od
had maniulated the erfect "enetic combination to ma!e him the handsomest man
she !new. #verythin" about 4ill $a!amura was erfect on the outside - his brown
eyes with sec!s that "limmered "old, his voice so baritone that it tic!led, his feet,
she loved his feet, toes li!e little carved totems - which made it all the more
heartbrea!in" and mysterious that he should be so imerfect on the inside. He was
so afraid of everythin" - afraid of eole disli!in" him, afraid of misreadin" his
lines, afraid that he wasn't "ood enou"h. His fear was what !et him from bein" a
successful actor, a fact he himself reco"ni1ed, yet that self-awareness failed to "ive
him any stren"th. If anythin", it just made him more afraid.
%he didn't even thin! what they had could be cate"ori1ed as a relationshi.
After a readin", they stole to his lace, had se&, and ordered in. Afterwards, they
tal!ed about nothin" of conse5uence, her head nestled in the croo! of his arm, her
fin"er outlinin" the loose cluster of seven fine hairs on the center of his chest.
,here was an ei"hth one that had just started to srout, and Ally wondered if she
would see it "row as lon" as the others.
,hey were never suosed to be to"ether, but circumstances and owers
beyond their control were at wor!, or at least that's what she told herself to
alleviate the "uilt. )ast $ovember, after their third day of readin", they were
wal!in" from the studio to the %tarbuc!s on 67th when a blac! man in a tattered
blac! leather coat stoed them in the middle of the street with one word and the
"lint of a lon", hoo!ed blade, the !ind you use to filet a fish. A bi" fish, Ally
thou"ht, or a belly.
< 3 >
"'oney," he said 5uic!ly, softly.
It was %unday ni"ht, and because they were on a ti"ht deadline, the session
had ta!en them to half ast midni"ht. Ally loo!ed around and saw not a sin"le
erson, not that they'd hel, anyway.
,hen she saw 4ill's hand on her arm - lon" fin"ers, shar !nuc!les, the hand of
a fi"hter. #arlier that evenin", before they read the lines between the drun! comic
relief and the hi"h and mi"hty rincess, he had told her that he too! !arate for
three years. Ima"inin" 4ill throwin" one li"htnin" unch after another, she
suddenly saw the thief for what he really was8 scared. You could see it all over him
- his jumy, bloodshot eyes, feet that never stoed fid"etin". He held the !nife,
but it was too dee inside his jac!et, lenty of time for a 5uic! !ic! to the !nee
that'd !noc! him down.
"Hurry u," 4ill said, nud"in" her urse. *ith his other hand, he "ave the man
the cash contents of his wallet.
,here wasn't much in her handba", almost all of it in sin"les, her tis from the
ni"ht before. ,he "uy snatched it and too! off without sayin" another word, his
footstes "rowin" faint as they watched him disaear into the dar!ness.
")et's "o," 4ill said, ta!in" her hand and srintin" to the end of the street,
where there was more li"ht and eole. At the corner, they slowed down and 4ill
leaned bac! a"ainst the neon-trimmed window of a ta!e-out +hinese sho, sun-
faded hoto"rahs of their oular entrees behind his wobbly le"s.
"9h," he said in between bursts of tears and hitches, loo!in" at her with such
candid, childli!e terror, "oh ... we ... could've ... died."
Ally did the only thin" she could do, which was to ta!e him in her arms li!e a
mother, shield him away from the evils of the world. *ee!s later he'd as! about the
stain on the left shoulder of her suede coat, and she'd tell him it had always been
there.
,hat ni"ht they made love for the first time. "I've heard of this," 4ill told her in
bed, the studio aartment smellin" of se& and i11a. 4ill had half a ie left over
from the ni"ht before, so they reheated it and ate it all u ri"ht down to the crust,
surrised at their late-ni"ht hun"er. ":eole, when faced with life-threatenin"
situations, "et se&ually char"ed, li!e us." He turned, his face so close, less than an
inch away. "Is this what haened;"
< 4 >
Ally !issed his eyebrows, then his nose, then his mouth. %he'd fantasi1ed this
situation since the first day, na!ed in bed with 4ill, and in that fantasy she !new
ity e&isted, but never in a million years would she have believed it would've
ori"inated from her. "Is your life threatened now;" she as!ed.
"$o, not articularly."
"<o you want to fuc! me a"ain;"
,hat smile. How was it ossible that a mere human "esture could so thorou"hly
satisfy her; %he !new it was shallow to love somethin" so hysical, but that smile
would wie out a rainstorm, ma!e the heavy clouds burn u in an instant to reveal
an everlastin" sun. As she felt him slide inside her a"ain, she thou"ht she'd do
anythin" to see that livin" wor! of art blossom across his face. %he didn't care if he
was en"a"ed to be married in the fall. %he wouldn't have cared if he'd murdered a
floc! of nuns and ate their holy hearts.
4ut that was only when he was with her. Afterwards, when Ally returned from
another "ruelin" evenin" of waitressin" and fell on her bed, she layed a slee-
derivin" "ame of ta" with her conscience, one where she was always "it." %he'd
find a reason to blame 4ill for everythin", but then would thin! of somethin" else to
ut the onus bac! on her. %he'd never layed the role of the other woman, and it
was e&haustin".
$ow, as he stood in front of her, she wanted to run the other way. %he wanted
to tear his clothes off. %he wanted to tell him it was over. %he wanted to !iss him.
%he wished he were dead.
"+ome on," she said, flic!in" away her ci"arette, the butt sinnin" end over end
until it fi11ed out in a rainbow-swirled uddle. %he oened the door for him and
tried not to ima"ine his ti"ht ass underneath those jeans as they climbed the stairs,
and failed.
At the to of the stairs, 4ill held the door to )uc!y %tar %tudios oen for her.
*hen he saw that she wasn't "oin" in, he smir!ed - not as otent as his smile, but
luscious in its own ri"ht - and as!ed, "Are we waitin" for an invitation;"
,ran wal!ed ast and nodded at her, and sittin" in the bac! corner was
3aymond +how, the bi" screen ,. tattooin" his entire body, a air of chrome
chostic!s dee into a white carton of +hinese food. He was havin" fried shrim
and e"" dro sou a"ain, the fatty, carnival smell ubi5uitous. ,he li"ht in the
"lassed-in bo& where they read was off, but soon it would be on and she and 4ill
would be in it, readin" their stuid lines and yellin" their stuid yells into their
microhones.
< 5 >
%he had to "et away from Asians. )i!e everythin" else horrible in her life, it all
started out so innocuously8 After "raduatin" from $Y=, she was loo!in" to share an
aartment, and there was 'ona (on"'s tiny in! ad inned on a bulletin board,
as!in" for a sin"le female to live with her in >ueens. Ally initially had reservations
about livin" with someone of a different culture, but her fears were allayed when
she met 'ona and saw how American she was, born and raised in /ersey li!e
herself. *hen the startu where Ally had been secretary filed for ban!rutcy, 'ona
"ot her the job at %han"hai %urrise throu"h her father, who was friends with the
owner, 3aymond )iu. And at the restaurant, Ally met 'e", who'd served 3aymond
+how so many times that they were on a first-name basis. %he told Ally about the
"i" at )uc!y %tar %tudios, and now here she was, loo!in" bac! at her Asian-overrun
life, hoeless.
4ut it wasn't hoeless, she told herself. %he would ta!e control, ta!e bac! her
life. %he'd "one with the flow lon" enou"h? it was time she swam a"ainst the Yellow
%ea.
"Hi hi," 3aymond said, jumin" u from the sofa and scurryin" over to her. ,hat
was the way he "reeted everyone, which seemed cute in the be"innin" but now
just "ot on her nerves. He was a little man whose comletely bald head always
"listened as if coated with .aseline, and his round belly o!ed out enou"h to ma!e
him loo! seven months re"nant. 4ehind his bac! they called him +hi-'on!,
because while he had the buc! teeth of the rodent, he ossessed the tran5uil
disosition of a devout cleric. 4ill imersonated him with deadly accuracy,
scrunchin" his shoulders down and barin" his front teeth in a scowl as he so!e in
bro!en #n"lish, and while Ally lau"hed just as hard as ,ran had, shame "nawed at
her afterwards. 3aymond was such a "entle, sweet man that no one should ma!e
fun of him, but of course in reality eole li!e him were the ones attac!ed the
most.
"Hi 3ay," Ally said. %he !new he li!ed her, almost in a reverent sort of way, and
Ally didn't !now why. +ertainly her erformance was not the reason - in fact,
considerin" the number of times she'd flub her lines er session @at least three,
each time "eneratin" some form of under-the-breath e&letive from ,ranA, she was
luc!y he hadn't fired her. It didn't hurt that she was a blonde white "irl, robably
the only one he had any re"ular contact with. 3ay had never come onto her, just
ee!ed at her surretitiously, the way shy men do. ,he hardest art about leavin"
would be tellin" 3ay, but she'd do it. %he'd be stron". ,his was her last movie. %he
had nothin" lined u, her future no different than it was two years a"o. 4ut that
didn't matter. *hat mattered was "ettin" the hell away.
< 6 >
"How are you;" he as!ed.
"Han"in" in," she said with a layful unch on his shoulder. He blushed fiercely
and almost droed what he was about to hand her.
It was a .H% cassette sleeve, and on the cover were hoto"rahs of the two
characters she'd come to loath, %un +hui and Yan +heh, wearin" their usual ancient
+hinese "arb. %un, voiced by 4ill, was a doctor who just also haened to be a
!un" fu e&ert, and when he wasn't savin" some oor sic! villa"e with his
acuuncture needles and e&otic herbs, he was riddin" the countryside of corrut
officials and their hoodlum osse. His braided hair sna!ed down to the middle of his
bac!, and before a fi"ht he twined it ceremoniously around his nec!, to !ee it out
of the way from the acrobatic combat that eventually ended u with the bad "uy
imaled on some shar object before the credits rolled.
Ally's job was bein" Yan, %un's orhaned nehew who was always "ettin" into
some !ind of idiotic trouble and needin" to be rescued. At first it was stran"e to
lay the art of a youn" male, but then Ally recalled that animated shows on
television featurin" boys were often voiced by women, li!e 4art %imson or 4obby
Hill. %he deeened her voice sli"htly and so!e with a 4ritish accent, which was
re5uired of all the actors e&cet 4ill, who had to fa!e a +hinese-American accent. It
made no sense, but that was aarently the e&ected style of dubbed !un" fu
movies, at least here at )uc!y %tar %tudios.
Inside the recordin" bo&, Ally cleared her throat and downed a swi" of water.
%he loo!ed at the scrit, her lines hi"hli"hted in yellow. 4ill loo!ed at his with a
tired "rimace on his beautiful face. His jaw was clenched as he loo!ed u and met
Ally's eyes, and she reali1ed that 4ill hated this job more than she did, if that was
ossible. ,he fa!e accent bothered him more than anythin" else, made him wonder
why he too! all those voice lessons from the %tella Adler %chool in the first lace
when all he had to do was sea! li!e his father.
"%orry I'm late," 0ordon +han said, siin" on a styrofoam cu of coffee. (or a
man who urorted to be sorry, he never acted li!e it. He un1ied his brown
leather jac!et, hun" it on the hoo! behind the door, eeled off his matchin" "loves,
unfurled the scarf around his nec!, folded it into an e&act s5uare, laced it into the
oc!et of his jac!et, too! another lon" si of the coffee, and e&cused himself for
the bathroom.
< 7 >
"0od, I hate that "uy," 4ill said.
Ally desised him, too, but he was one of the most talented man she'd wor!ed
with. He did every other voice in the movie with such distinctly different styles that
you'd never thin! for a second that it could all be the same erson. He even did
women erfectly.
0ordon closed the door behind him, and the bo& was suddenly comletely silent.
He was a fat, hairy, u"ly man, destined to a life of voiceovers, dubs, and radio. He
ic!ed u his scrit and flied to the ri"ht a"e.
"Ah," he said, loo!in" over to Ally. #ven from three feet away, she could see the
blac! hairs ric!lin" out of one nostril, li!e the le"s of an insect. <idn't he ever loo!
in the mirror; ")oo!s li!e it's you and me, "irlfriend. I remember now, you didn't
want to do this art last ni"ht."
"*e both didn't want to do it."
"*hatever," 0ordon snorted. "You ready;"
"I've been ready," Ally said.
"Hut!" 0ordon said, "oin" ri"ht into it.
"Hi!" Ally said.
"Hoo!"
"9h!"
"Ya!"
"*aa!"
"#ee!"
"*hoa!"
,here were three more a"es of this until 0ordon would say, "You thin! you're
fast, but I'm faster," to which Ally would rely, "Ha! *e'll see." And then two more
a"es of ure "runtin" torture. After her first dub, she'd as!ed ,ran why they just
didn't use the ori"inal fi"htin" sounds from the movie.
"3aymond wants continuity," ,ran told her. *hen he saw her confusion, he
shru""ed. "Hey, I just do as I'm told, you !now; He says he wants the sea!er and
the fi"htin" sounds to sound the same."
"I can't ima"ine anyone would notice the difference."
"Girlfriend," he said, imitatin" 0ordon, "you're reachin" to the choir."
Ally also couldn't ima"ine anyone even watchin" these thin"s. %ince they were
at least thirty years old, they didn't feature a sin"le cool effect, no 2eanu 3eeves
dod"in" bullets in ultra slo-mo, no +how-Yun (at "lidin" throu"h the s!y and
swordfi"htin" while balanced on a sin"le tree branch. As she continued to ma!e
"uttural animal noises inside this "lassed hellhole, she too! solace in the fact that
this was the last time she'd have to do this, the last time, the last time, the last
time.

*hen Ally returned to the aartment, she was surrised to find 'ona in the
!itchen.
< 8 >
"*hat are you doin" here;" Ally as!ed, not meanin" to sound so accusatory.
%he felt even worse when she saw how ale 'ona loo!ed.
"I feel li!e shit," she croa!ed, stru""lin" to oen a can of chic!en sou. It was
the new !ind of can that oened u li!e cat food, where a bro!en fin"ernail was
retty much a "uarantee.
Ally sat her down at the dinin" table and too! over. %he ried the lid oen with
the handle of a for!, dumed the contents of the can into a covered bowl and stuc!
it in the microwave, settin" the timer to three minutes and watchin" the bowl sin
slowly countercloc!wise throu"h the meshed window. 9n the subway ride bac!
from the studio, Ally had been loo!in" forward to ve"etatin" in front of the
television until her shift at the restaurant, but now she'd have to not only tal! to
'ona but ta!e care of her, too. Her friend wasn't sic! often, but she was one of
those eole who wholeheartedly immersed themselves in their sic!ness, almost
enjoyin" it in some masochistic way.
Ally brou"ht her the sou and sat down ne&t to her.
",han!s," 'ona said, wadin" throu"h the s5ui""ly white noodles and soonin"
u just the broth. "0od, I feel awful. #very sin"le muscle in my body feels bruised.
#ven my ton"ue feels tired. I just can't seem to "et rid of this cold."
"Have you seen a doctor;"
"I should, don't you thin!;"
Ally nodded, but her mind was elsewhere, wonderin" if 'ona's new
aartmentmate would brin" her a hot bowl of sou the ne&t time she felt under the
weather. #very time Ally wanted to tell 'ona about her lans, of movin" out of here
and into 4roo!lyn, somethin" always "ot in the way. It still wasn't too late, the
lease e&irin" in three months, enou"h time to find a relacement or for 'ona to
find another aartment. ,hree simle words, she'd told herself so many times she
wondered if it was ever "oin" to haen, all she had to say were three words8 "I'm
movin" out." 4ut it was so hard. *ould 'ona be an"ry; *ould she cry; *hat if she
cried; Ally didn't !now how to handle that. ,he remainin" time in the aartment
would be a ni"htmare, their relationshi destroyed. %he definitely couldn't tell her
that she si"ned the contract for the other lace last wee!, a house to be shared
with two other "irls, white "irls, asirin" actresses li!e herself. %he'd met them at
an audition for an investment ban! commercial, where the comany was loo!in" to
hire an airheaded-loo!in" but smart-soundin" woman. $one of them had landed
the job, but Ally hit it off with one of the "irls, /olene, who invited her to ta!e a loo!
at their lace. It wasn't as roomy as her aartment now, but it was Asian-free.
< 9 >
/esus, did she actually just thin! that; Asian-free; *hat was ne&t, shavin" her
head and "ettin" a swasti!a tattoed on her bice;
$o, she had to do this. %he had to.
"'ona," Ally said. %he'd just say it ri"ht now, never mind that her friend was in
the middle of a snee1in" fit. ,he only way to "et it out was to just "et it out, no
more e&cuses.
"*ait a minute," 'ona said, ic!in" u the nearest aer roduct, a stac! of
baby blue na!ins on the table. %he blew her nose once, twice, the second time a
little too hard. 4lood soa!ed throu"h the thin tissue, turnin" it crimson. "%hit ...
shit, I'm bleedin". ="h."
Ally jumed out of her chair and ran to the bathroom. %he oened u the
medicine cabinet and found what she was loo!in" for, a ba" of cotton balls, and ran
bac! to "ive 'ona a handful.
%he shoved one into her left nostril, waited, ulled out the blood-infused stum,
and relaced it with a clean one. It was her routine every time she "ot a nosebleed.
'ona had many routines, li!e the way she'd wash the dishes first, then the bowls,
then the utensils, always in that order. *hen she wanted to surf throu"h the
television channels, she flied to the last station, number B7, and wor!ed her way
down. ,he end of Aril would ma!e it three full years they'd lived to"ether, and it
suddenly occurred to Ally that she'd miss her. %he hoed they could stay friends.
"I'm "onna lie down on the couch," 'ona said. "*ere you "oin" to tell me
somethin";"
"$o," Ally said. "I should "et ready for wor!."
'ona lay down on the sofa, elevatin" her head by doublin" u on the throw
illows. "It's only, what, li!e three o'cloc!;"
"I told 3aymond I'd come in earlier," Ally said, which wasn't true. %he could visit
the 'et, wal! around and stare at the Imressionists section until her shift actually
started. 9r she really could "o in earlier, ma!e her lie into a half-truth and earn
some e&tra cash.
"All ri"ht," 'ona said. "I thin! I'll na for a while."
In the shower, Ally beat herself u for failin" yet a"ain to tell 'ona, but not for
lon". %he'd done it too many times for it to be effective. %he smelled 4ill's colo"ne
everywhere on her body, and that made her thin! about him and that hideous
situation. *hen she'd as!ed him, he reluctantly showed her the hoto"rah of the
"irl he was "oin" to marry, as if she mi"ht use it a"ainst him at some future oint.
%he could see it li!e a movie, layin" the role of the jealous "other" woman, findin"
his fiancCe and tellin" her that she loved him and that they'd done it forty-four
times. %he actually hadn't !et trac!, but obsessed eole usually did that !ind of
stuff. Her name was as lain as her face, 'ary. %he was a /aanese "irl he'd !nown
since forever.
< 10 >
"<o you love her;" she as!ed him. It wasn't the 5uestion she'd wanted to as! -
do you love her when you're fucking me? - but it was close enou"h.
(rom the way he'd loo!ed at her, both 5uestions would have resulted in the
same answer. He didn't love her, but his family did. It didn't hurt that she was
stin!in" rich. Ally wondered how many more affairs there would be in his life. %he
saw herself at the be"innin" of a vast line of women, shufflin" forward one ste at
a time. It was her turn now, but soon she'd ste throu"h and close the door. *hen
she 5uit )uc!y %tar, she'd 5uit him, too, and it would be easy. %he wouldn't have to
see him anymore. %he only wanted him when he was within eyesi"ht.
%he scrubbed 4ill and everythin" else off with a "enerous in! dollo of the
shower "el and her oversi1ed loofah son"e. %he dried off with a fresh towel, ta!in"
her time, the terry cloth massa"in" her s!in li!e tiny little fin"ers, one of the few
unadulterated enjoyments left in her life. %he blow-dried her hair, the steady "ust
of heat ma!in" her sweat. In her bedroom she ut on her face, and as she
buttoned down her white shirt and slied her blac! s!irt over her blac! ti"hts, the
wor! uniform she must've ut on a thousand times, she made a romise to herself.
%he'd tell 'ona the second she "ot out to the livin" room. %he'd be aslee, but Ally
would wa!e her. %he'd sha!e her and wa!e her and "et her life bac! on trac!.
'ona was indeed aslee, but Ally wasn't reared to see how youn" and little
she loo!ed with the blan!et ulled u to her nec!. %he loo!ed comically cute, one
nostril stuffed with cotton, her mouth sli"htly ajar as she snored li"htly.
%he'd tell her when she "ot home toni"ht. %he would.
%he had to believe it. If she didn't believe in her own lies, who would;

,he only art of %han"hai %urrise Ally would miss was 'e". ,hey romised to do
lunch at least once a wee!, thou"h Ally !new it wouldn't be the same. Instead of
sharin" a lau"h li!e last ni"ht, watchin" the hu"e "uy at the round table eatin" li!e
a starved lion, srayin" bits of his food everywhere as he devoured one dish after
another, they'd each have their own individual stories to tell. %he would comlain
about 3aymond )iu, and Ally would bitch about her new boss, whomever he or she
turned out to be. Ally "ot the office admin job at the ad firm two days a"o, and the
only erson she'd met was the human resources re.
< 11 >
=nless there was some other !ind of a bond, ost-wor! relationshis never
lasted. %he thou"ht bac! to +arol, her cubemate at the startu before it folded.
,hey were the best of friends, eatin" lunch to"ether almost every day, and yet
when she and Ally tried to "et to"ether afterwards, they ran out of thin"s to say
within ten minutes, the rest of the dinner alternatin" between stillborn
conversations and uncomfortable silences.
If the same haened to her and 'e", it wouldn't be the end of the world, but it
just seemed a shame that once you "ot to !now someone, you could sto !nowin"
them for no real "ood reason. Ally wondered how +arol was doin", if she thou"ht
about her at all. :robably as much as she did, which was almost never.
Ally wal!ed ast the front entrance of the restaurant and steed into the
assa"eway between %han"hai and its nei"hbor, a !arao!e bar. As she wal!ed by,
she listened to a "rou of "irls sin"in" the #urythmics son" "%weet <reams" with
"usto, not too bad for amateurs. ,hrou"h one of the side windows she could see
them, half do1en of them clustered around the two mi!es on the sotli"hted sta"e,
loo!in" youn" and loo!in" drun!. It wasn't even four o'cloc! yet, so they were
robably in colle"e, artyin" it u before the srin" semester resumed ne&t wee!.
%he should've had more fun when she was in school.
"*hen your re"rets outnumber your hoes," her father had told Ally on her last
birthday, "you !now you're "ettin" old." It was a rotten thin" to say, but he was
really referrin" to his life more than hers - two failed marria"es, a business that
barely "ot him by, his current relationshi headin" for the toilet - and when he
reali1ed it, he added 5uic!ly, "but honey, you won't have to worry about that for a
lon", lon" time." He was wron". %he was a year away from turnin" thirty, and Ally
didn't see how her life would "et any better. %he tried harder than most eole she
!new, auditionin" for every role she could find, but all of them had led to nothin".
Her "reatest achievements so far have been two non-sea!in" arts, a bartender in
Sex and the City and a rostitute in Law and Order. ,here were so many eole
youn"er than her succeedin" wildly, and every time she saw one of them on the
cover of a ma"a1ine or on a billboard, she felt a bitterness ra"e inside her, the
an"er translatin" itself into a hysical, ainful heartburn. ,hat should be her bein"
interviewed about her latest bloc!buster movie, not this sweet-faced twenty-one
year old who just haened to be at the ri"ht lace at the ri"ht time. %ometimes
the world felt li!e an elaborate setu, e&istin" just to rovide her with an unendin"
suly of disaointments.
< 12 >
At the loadin" doc! of the %han"hai, she found 'e" li"htin" u.
"'ar"aret 'in-/oo )ee!" Ally said, doin" her best imression of a schoolteacher.
"Allison <ou"las +arter!" 'e" said. %he offered her a ci"arette and Ally too! it,
notin" smo!in" as another commonality between them. If the lunch thin" didn't "o
well, they could meet u for a cu of coffee and a ci"arette.
,hey each sat on a mil! crate and smo!ed, ta!in" in the nice day, the blue s!y,
the cris bree1e.
"I can't believe I won't see you tomorrow at this lace," 'e" said.
")unch every ,hursday, ri"ht;"
"Yeah," 'e" said, "yeah."
Ally didn't !now what to say to that, so she said nothin", just uffed. 9ne of the
little +hinese dishwashers joined them midway, dra""in" over another crate and
sittin" ne&t to 'e". )i!e the others, he hardly so!e any #n"lish, but Ally enjoyed
the idea that they could all share in the leasure of somethin" universal, even if it
was somethin" as bad as tobacco. %he'd have to 5uit sooner or later. %ooner,
loo!in" at this "uy, who has robably smo!ed all his life, his face li!e mistreated
leather, wrin!les etched so dee they loo!ed li!e scars.
'e" stood u and "round her ci"arette butt with her heel. "You !now who's
"onna be in the restaurant fifteen minutes from now;"
"Hmmmm ... let me "uess - 'adonna and %ean :enn;" It was an old jo!e
between them. 9n the first day they wor!ed to"ether, they found out that they'd
seen the movie "%han"hai %urrise" at the same theater. ,he idea that they mi"ht
have even sat ne&t to each another fifteen years a"o and were now here
waitressin" at the same restaurant seemed utterly cool and cosmic.
"$o, not %icoli and the 'aterial 0irl," 'e" said. ,hey wal!ed throu"h the
bri"ht, bustlin" !itchen, every ste revealin" a different rich scent8 battered
shrim, fried duc!, sesame chic!en. ,he "irls e&ited throu"h the double swin"in"
doors, their eyes forced to adjust 5uic!ly to the dar!ness. It was the dead time
between lunch and dinner, so there was no one in the main dinin" area.
,hey stoed in front of the "uestboo!, and 'e" ointed to the four o'cloc! slot.
,here was one +hinese letter ne&t to the time and a "D" ne&t to it. "I !now you
can't read +hinese, and I can't, either, but I !now this one because that's the same
as my last name."
< 13 >
")ee," Ally said. "%o ... ;"
"I overheard 3aymond tal!in" to his wife. ,hat )ee is Ang )ee."
"*hy would An" )ee be comin" to this lace;"
"*ho !nows; 'aybe 3aymond !nows a friend of his, or somethin". *ho cares;"
'e" loo!ed at her funny. ",his is An" )ee we're tal!in" about. He's made movies,
many movies, successful movies, 9scar movies. 3i"ht;"
Ally nodded. "4ut even if I were to serve him ... "
"9h, you'll be servin" him."
%he seemed sure about that, which meant that there'd be a tiff between her and
3aymond. 'e" was the best waitress, so she "ot to wait on the best tables, and no
doubt 3aymond would want his number one to service a celebrity.
'e" led her to the corner table near the firelace, the rimo sot of the
restaurant. ,hey set u three lace settin"s, the chostic!s on the left and the wide
ceramic sou soon on the ri"ht, the bur"undy na!in folded into a yramid and
laced on to of the "olden servin" late. A triad of tea cus, two !inds of soy
sauce, a fresh sin"le rose lun!ed into the mouth of the vase.
*hat could she do; ,a dance on their table; 4rea! out in son" as she brou"ht
out the or! fried rice; *hat she didn't want to say was tell him she admired his
wor!, because she didn't. %he thou"ht ,he Ice %torm was borin" and actually fell
aslee while watchin" Crouching Tiger !idden "ragon. 4esides, it just seemed so
lame, to tell him those ridiculous words8 "I'm such a bi" fan of your wor!." How
was that "oin" to "et her any closer to her "oal of becomin" an actress;
And what about her no-Asian rule; *ouldn't "ettin" in contact with An" )ee
brea! that covenant;
,hat was the stuidest thin" she'd thou"ht u yet. It was just fear tal!in", and
she reali1ed that if she didn't ta!e any action here, she would be no less of a wuss
than 4ill. After all, she had nothin" to lose. ,he worst that could haen was
"ettin" fired, and what of it; %he was 5uittin" anyway.
"You here early," 3aymond )iu said. He shared the same nationality and first
name as 3aymond +how at )uc!y %tar, but this 3aymond was in every way the
oosite. He was tall, thin, and "enuinely seemed to enjoy screamin" at his hel.
He never tore into Ally or 'e" li!e he had with some +hinese waitresses and
busboys, but the fact that he was caable of dishin" out such cruelty made her
disli!e him. Ally's lan was to just wal! out toni"ht and never come bac!, leave him
a short hone messa"e overni"ht that she'd found another job.
< 14 >
"I had some time to !ill. Is that o!ay;"
3aymond nodded curtly. "You clean silverware," he said, ointin" her to the
station in front of the !itchen, as if she didn't !now where they were after wor!in"
here for over a year. %he did as she was told and left him and 'e" to tal!, and
stood olishin" the seldom-used for!s and !nives until she came over. 'e" briefed
Ally on An"'s menu, which had already been fa&ed over by his ersonal assistant.
"3aymond's "onna throw a fit," Ally said.
"(uc! him. %o," 'e" said, "whaddya "onna do;"
"I !now what I don't want to do, tell him how much I love his wor!."
"+ould you, li!e, act out a scene or somethin";"
%he was bein" serious. 'e" was a sweetheart, but she wasn't the bri"htest "irl
Ally !new. "I don't thin! so."
"You should do somethin"."
"I !now."
"You'll thin! of it," she said, and beamed her a winnin" smile. "/ust "o for it."
He loo!ed li!e he did in the few hoto"rahs and interviews she'd seen, a lithe,
"entle-faced man with warm, fro""y eyes, wearin" a lar"e winter jac!et with a
furry hood. He was accomanied by two older Asian men, and as soon as 'rs. )iu
too! their coats and sat them down, Ally aroached the table with a silver ot of
hot tea. 4ehind her, she heard 3aymond and 'e" ar"ue 5uietly.
%he "reeted them and too! down the orders of the other men, and somethin"
stran"e was haenin" with time because in a blin! she'd brou"ht out the sous
and the aeti1er and was now about to deliver three lar"e dinner lates balanced
recariously on her oval tray.
"How's it "oin";" 'e" as!ed.
"9!ay."
"/ust do it," she said, the $i!e slo"an hardly "ivin" her the boost she needed.
An"'s late loo!ed and smelled wonderful, a beef dish with basil and cilantro.
)oo!in" at his meal heled her remember one movie of his she did absolutely love,
an #n"lish-subtitled film called #at "rink $an %oman, a story about a chef and his
three dau"hters. ,he best art of the movie was the coo!in" and the eatin", and it
was touchin", too, the mendin" of a bro!en father-dau"hter relationshi. %he and
'ona had watched that to"ether at the aartment, and they both ended u
weein" as the movie came to a close.
< 15 >
Her final chance came with the bill, which she wrote out and slied inside a
lon" blac! wallet with a li for the credit card.
"Hoe you enjoyed it," she said.
"It was wonderful," An" said, slidin" his card into the slot.
It was a latinum American #&ress card, A$0 )##, member since 6BE6. %he
ran it throu"h the machine and hated herself for waitin" until the last ossible
moment to tell him somethin", anythin". %he had to say somethin". Years from
now, she'd tell an interviewer about this evenin", how it led to her bi" brea!, the
be"innin" of her real life.
%he brou"ht the rintout to the table.
",han! you," she said. "And 'r. )ee," she added, "I just wanted to say how
much I admire your wor!."
His smile was "racious and weary. How many times had he heard that one;
:robably a million.
",han! you," he said.
"I'm an actress, too," she continued, her voice falterin", but she willed her lun"s
to roel air throu"h her vocal cords, "and I hoe I "et to wor! with somebody as
accomlished as yourself in the future."
,he endoints of his smile drooed sli"htly, a variant he no doubt reserved for
deserate thesians, and she was lifted with a "limmer of hoe. Ally was "ettin"
throu"h to him, conveyin" her years of frustration in that one owerful sentence. It
would be so easy for him to tell her to sto by the studio tomorrow mornin", that
he was currently auditionin" for a coule of small roles for his ucomin" icture. 9r
anythin" at all - here's my card, "ive my "irl a call. I !now someone who !nows
someone.
"I wish you the best," he said.

At least she tried. ,hat's what she told herself on her wal! bac! to )uc!y %tar
%tudios that ni"ht, but it didn't ma!e her feel any better. ,his was yet another
failure in a "rowin" list of failures, and at some oint in the future, she'd have to
"ive it all u, face the fact that her dream of bein" an actress was just that, a
dream.
Add An" )ee to her catalo" of Asians who've screwed her over. %he hated him,
hated them all, their slitty eyes, their dirty yellow s!in, their "reasy blac! hair. ,hey
were chea, too, their tis at %han"hai %urrise always smaller than everyone
else's.
< 16 >
& wish you the 'est. I wish you "et run over by a bus, An".
"Hey," ,ran said when she wal!ed in, "you're here really late."
"*here's 3ay;"
"He's out, ic!in" u a friend of his from the airort. *hy're you here;"
"$one of your "oddamn business," Ally said.
"9!ay ..."
Ally fell into 3aymond's couch, the cassette sleeve of her current movie on the
side table. ,he idea of finishin" the dub made her want to "et drun!. 3aymond
would find somebody else in a heartbeat, another stuid "irl hoin" to ma!e it in
this rotten business.
"I just had a tou"h ni"ht."
,ran came over and sat ne&t to her. "It's all ri"ht. I've had a shitty evenin", too.
I fuc!ed u the sync for the last trac! somehow, so I basically have to start over.
In fact, I better "et bac! to it if I want to catch some slee."
"<o you !now when he's comin" bac!;"
"I'd say about now." ,ran said, ointin" to the door.
"Hi hi!" 3aymond said, ta!in" off his jac!et. Accomanyin" him was a small old
woman. "You here late, why;"
"/ust wanted to tal! to you," she said.
"9!ey-do!ey," he said. "4ut first, I have surrise!" He ointed two inde& fin"ers
at the woman he brou"ht and said, ",a-da!"
"Hello," the old lady said. %he was shorter than 3aymond and older, robably in
her si&ties, but there was somethin" familiar about her. *hen she saw that Ally
didn't reco"ni1e her, she leaed u and erformed a fancy double !ic! maneuver in
midair, then came down with her arms crossed and her fin"ertis bunched to"ether
in each hand. It was the sna!e style, and now Ally had no doubt as to who this was.
"Yan +heh;" Ally said.
"Yes! 'y name Yiyi," she said, her smile unmista!able, the same one they
showed at the end of each movie. %he'd a"ed thirty years, but her eyes were
identical, tiny blac! stones that sar!led li!e stars.
"4ut she's a woman," Ally said to 3aymond, who nodded and e&lained that Yiyi
dressed u as a man to lay a youn" boy. "You "irl, lay boy, but boy is really "irl.
*hat you say, ironic;"
"Ironic," Ally reeated.
Yiyi too! her hands and so!e to her in +hinese while 3aymond translated.
",han! you. You "ive me ... say; .oice. You "ive me voice."
< 17 >
Ally didn't !now what to say. It was a lovely thin", but not what she wanted to
hear ri"ht now. ",han! you," she told her, then as!ed 3aymond, "+an I tal! to you
in rivate;"
"%ure sure," he said. He sat Yiyi down on the couch and led Ally into his office,
which was nothin" more than one corner of the room sectioned off by a air of rice-
aer screens. He too! the seat behind the des! and motioned Ally to ta!e the
chair in front, but she wanted to stand.
"I'm 5uittin"," Ally said, surrised at her lac! of hesitation. In truth, she actually
found herself enjoyin" this moment. (or once she was on the "ivin" side of a
rejection, and she felt shar and stron".
3aymond blin!ed, then shoo! his head, as if he couldn't 5uite comrehend the
situation. ">uit; $ow;"
"Yes," she said. "I'm movin" on."
"$ot finish (ive $asters from )ei*ing;"
He was tryin" to "uilt her into stayin", but Ally stood her "round, choosin"
instead to believe that she'd wasted the last two years of her life in this lace, time
she could never recover. If anybody around here should be feelin" "uilty, it should
be 3aymond, not her.
"I won't finish the movie."
3aymond nodded, then "ot u from his chair. He smiled and oened his arms
wide, and it too! Ally a second to reali1e that he was waitin" for a hu". %he bent
down to "ive him one, his ot belly s5uee1in" a"ainst her own. It was li!e
s5uee1in" a warm illow, a comfortin" feelin".
"%ooner or later I !now you "o," he so!e softly into her ear. "I luc!y, very
luc!y, have you all this time."
"$o," Ally said.
"You beautiful, you talented, you "o ma!e bi" movies, o!ay;" He bro!e the
embrace and loo!ed at her oint-blan!. "9!ay;"
"9!ay," she said, her stren"th drained out of her. %he should've !nown that he
would say nothin" but the !indest thin"s, ma!e her feel li!e shit for runnin" out on
him. As she followed 3aymond out of his office, she was suddenly filled with terror.
#verythin" was chan"in" - new job, new aartment, new roommates, her life
becomin" someone else's.
,his was what she wanted, wasn't it;
Yiyi was "lued to the bi" screen ,., watchin" the final minutes of the last movie
Ally and 4ill had dubbed. "0oodbye," Ally said, but she wasn't sure Yiyi heard her.
%he must've, thou"h, because at the door, Yiyi yelled somethin" and waved.
< 18 >
"*hat did she say;" she as!ed 3aymond.
"'0oodbye,'" he said, "'"oodbye, American sister.' 0oodbye, Ally."
After the door closed, she stood in the half-lit dar!ness of the corridor and
listened to the cho-soc!y screams from the television lea!in" throu"h the thin
walls. %he waited until the e&it music swelled to a finale, until there was nothin",
just silence.
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