Stilettos in The Kitchen e Book PDF

i
Welcome to the
Wonderful World of
Domestication
Part 2.
The Modern Girls Guide
to Being a Domestic Goddess
Volume 1:
How to Be Sexy and Savvy in the Kitchen
and in Your Life!
Stiletos in the Kitchen
Te Modern Girls Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess
ISBN 978-0-9841778-0-6
First Edition Copyright 2009 by Shanel Cooper-Sykes
SCS Media Publishing, INC.
New York, NY
Front and back photos and cover design by Jay Sullivan
Edited by Vicky Florendo-Montenegro
Design and Layout by Marc Montenegro
Illustrations by Eugene David
Tis book is dedicated to
My Mommy, My Big Brother, Lil Sister, and my Nephew
Dreams DO come true!
And to every young woman who wants more out of life.
Te one who dreams.
Te one who yearns to release her greatness.
Tis book is for you. Tank you.
Acknowledgments
First, all praise be to God. I am truly blessed and highly favored
and for that I am grateful.
Tere are so many people who have helped me along this journey,
be it negative or positive. I have many people to thank!
To my family, thank you. How could a girl be so lucky to have you?
I draw from our unspoken bond. We are truly survivors.
From Cancer to Katrinanothing can break us!
C. Tomas Gambrell, Te Great! Tere is no way anyone would be
holding this book if it wasnt for you. Tank you
for following your calling.
Shelby and Simone, my Feminine Force!
Tere is nothing like real support from real friends.
Luther, did you ever think that Caf Shane could impact someones
life so much? Tank you for just being you.
Mr. Anthony Clouden, thank you for harboring a superstar!
Jay Sullivan, you rock!
Vicky and Marc, thank you for all your hard work. You are the true
defnition of make it happen!
Debrena Jackson Gandy, it was your book that sparked my fame.
Tank you.
Carl, through it all, thank you for believing in me.
Chance, litle do you know that you were the frst person
to buy my book.
DOMESTIC
adjective
1. of or pertaining to the home, the household, household
afairs, or the family: domestic pleasures
2. devoted to home life or household afairs
3. tame: domesticated
GODDESS
noun
1. a female god or deity
2. a woman of extraordinary beauty or charm
3. a greately admired or adored woman
Domestic Goddess, Defned
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Far beyond the traditional cookbook, Stiletos in the Kitchen is a guide to
being sexy and savvy in the kitchenand in your life! Tis extraordinary read
explores every aspect of feminine empowerment. From fnance to romance,
beauty tips to culinary skills, all the way to creating your perfect body inside
and out, Stiletos in the Kitchen will show you how to sizzle and serve up the
good life! For the fabulous single girl and the wife who wants to spice up her
marriage, Stiletos in the Kitchen will create a lifestyle movement for those
yearning to live a more purposeful and juicy life.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shanel Cooper-Sykes is a twenty-something, self-taught
Renaissance woman. She is a lifestyle coach, professional make-
up artist, sought-after speaker, and a magnifcent cook.
Stilettos in the Kitchen was born when she realized her gift
of domestication, independence, and fabulousness that was
uncommon for average young women to possess.With book
shelves lined with I am woman hear me roar books, Shanel
decided to combine her coaching skills, love for cooking,
and beauty expertise to write a book that flls and bridges
a generational gap in womens empowerment books.
Shanel believes that her purpose in life is to share her gifts to
motivate those who want to live a ferce and fabulous life. She
uses her sassy in-your-face style to spread her vision of a new
kind of empowered womana Domestic Goddess. She works
and plays in New York City.
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My Story ix
Introduction xiv
Who is the Domestic Goddess? xviii

Part I. Basics of being a Domestic Goddess

Chapter 1: I Love Me 2
Chapter 2: Te Essence of a Woman 12
Chapter 3: K.I.S.S. 20
Chapter 4: Stileto Body 38
Chapter 5: Love Isnt Blind 54
Chapter 6: Money Maters 73

Part II. Welcome to the Wonderful World of Domestication

Chapter 7: How to Boil Water 84
Chapter 8: Kitchen Necessities 89
Chapter 9: Goddess Etiquete 111
Chapter 10: Shanels Secret Recipes 122

Part III. Unleash your Inner Goddess

Chapter 11: Gold Diggin 101 143
Chapter 12: When the Queen is Ready, the King will Appear 148
Chapter 13: Put the Pole in the Kitchen 158
Chapter 14: Living a Delicious, Juicy Life 167

Table of Contents
ix
n 24 hours I changed my life.
Everything seemed wonderful in the picture perfect word I
had created for myself. I was just beginning to experience my
twenties; making money; driving a fancy car; living in a fabulous
lof; having the best clothes, shoes, and jewelry. You name itI had it.
I was living between Milwaukee and Chicago working as a model and
make-up artist and had all the trappings to show for it. I was the true
defnition of young and fabulous!
In my head, I had it going onuntil I woke up one morning and my
spirit just felt heavy! I said to myself, Im not happy. I dont want to be
here. I had no idea why I was unhappy, where I wanted to go, or what
I was going to do. I just knew that I did not want to be where I was; I
did not want to be doing what I was doing. Despite all the glam and
gliter that made my life look so good on the outside, in reality I was
I
My Story
x
miserable! My rent, car note, and every bill in my name were behind.
Even though I was making great money, I never paid my bills on time.
I was in a relationship with a man who I really didnt want to be with,
and I felt empty and powerless every single day. My spirit was telling me
that something had to changeimmediately!
I wanted to pursue my dreams and live a purposeful lifeeven though
I wasnt quite sure what that meant for me. Up until that point, I thought
I had been doing the right thing. At 7:30 on that fateful morning, I
decided to listen to my spirit. My heart said I needed to move, but my
mind asked, And go where? So I fipped a coin: heads to New York,
tails to Los Angeles. It landed on heads. Next thing I knew, I was on
the phone telling people that Im moving, and Im selling my stuf...
In about fve hours everything was sold. My dishes, clothes, furniture,
the art of my wallseverything. I put my apartment keys in an
envelope with a note to my landlord and drove my leased car back to
the dealership.
I called my family; they thought I had completely lost my mind. I took
the money that I made from selling everything, packed one suitcase,
and went to the airport. It was about 9:30 in the evening when I got a
one-way ticket to New York City. I had no idea where I was going, what
I was going to do, or why I was doing it. I also didnt know a soul in New
York. But Ive always been known for doing wild, spontaneous things
which usually dont make sense to other people. I call it following my
intuition. (And I will show you how to do that later on in the book.)
At this point my dreams started conjuring up visions of the good life
in Harlem, being a mover and shaker in New York City, and playing
with the big boys! Tese were my only plans: stay in a hotel, ride the
trains, check out some neighborhoods, and set up shop.
xi
My Story
One day I wound up in Brooklyn and walked past a restaurant called
Caf Shane. Te owner was outside, sweeping. I stopped and asked,
Excuse me, do you know where I can fnd an internet caf? I need to
look for an apartment. Tat moment turned out to be complete divine
intervention: As it turned out, the owner had a friend who had an
apartment for rent, and I went to check it out.
Te entire apartment was the size of my old bedroomtalk about
tiny! And it was raggedy as hell. I thought to myself, Hell, no. Tere
is no way on Gods green earth am I going to live in this shoebox. I
proceeded to venture uptown over the next few days to take my pick
of a legendary Harlem Brownstone or a fancy New York loflike the
ones I saw on TV. But my litle bubble quickly burst when I realized that
the $6,000 rent they were asking for was nowhere close to my budget.
Reality Check 101: Tat Brooklyn shoebox was starting to sound
good.
I took the apartment and afer two months of trying to fgure out why
the hell I moved to New Yorkwith no job, no friends, and nowhere to
goI started to get depressed. It was the beginning of winter and New
York can be a cold and lonely place when you dont know anyone. So I
turned to the two things that I thought could keep me sane: drinking
and cooking. I found myself siting in my apartment for weeks at a time,
cooking huge meals and collecting empty botles of wine. For some
reason, cooking made me feel beter, and the winewell, thats another
story. But I knew I had to do something with myselfand fastor I
was going to fnd myself on the streets of New York!
Sometimes I got an occasional make-up job or modeling gig, but I
was starting to believe that New York was not where I was supposed to
be. A year of doing absolutely nothing with my life had fown by. I was
xii
terribly unhappy! So I packed all my things, sublet my apartment, and
went on a hideous trip back to the Midwest.
I thought that a trip back to my roots would help me fgure out what
the hell I was doing with my life. But that didnt work, too. I wasnt happy
there either; I was staying with a friend doing the same things I was
doing in New York: drinking and cooking. Ten it hit me: Something
very drastic had to change in my lifeand that something was me! All
this time, I had been looking for happiness in all the wrong places. I
thought that a bomb apartment, a nice car, a man, and a killer collection
of stiletos were all I needed to have a fabulous life. I never learned how
to really love myselfor what living a purposeful life really entailed.
Or even what it meant. All the unsetling feelings of unhappiness and
anxiety trapped inside me were mere manifestations that my spirit
needed some atention.
From that moment, I made a complete mental shif. Instead of running
away from my problems, I started to face them and deal with the internal
things that were blocking me from truly living the purposeful, fabulous
life that I always wanted.
I started to focus on cleansing my life, fnding out who Shanel
Cooper-Sykes really isand what she really wanted. I began a journey
of self-love and exploration. I began to groom and shape my life so I can
use my God-given gifs, talents, and abilitiesand fnd my purpose. I
fgured out my worth and turned to my womanly instincts to improve
my relationshipsand atract men who truly deserve my time and
atention. I learned how to manage my fnances and be in complete
control of my life. And along the way I used cooking as my friend and
mentor.
xiii
My Story
My journey of self-love and discovery unfolds and intensifes every
single day! I love my life; I love my journey; and most of all, I love
myself. Yes, I am madly, passionately in love with Shanel Cooper-Sykes!
And it feels so good. I am fnally able to wake up in the morning and say,
I am happy.
I stopped existing and I started living: Living a fabulous life full of
love, purpose, happiness, and of course, plenty of sky-high stiletos.
xiv
our life is one big recipe!
Tink about it: A recipe is a list of essential ingredients,
with the instructions on how to use these to prepare a
possibly delicious outcome. Well, ladies, thats all this life
is! You just need to fnd your perfect recipe.
Tink about all of the things that you want and need for your life
to be fulflled, complete, and happy. Imagine living your life with all of
your desires. What does that look like? Write it down. Type it on your
computer. Create a vision board. (No worries, Im going to show you
how to create one.) Start clarifying exactly what it is you want so you
can create your perfect recipe.
Once you get a clear picture of what it is you want, start thinking
about the ingredients you need to turn your recipes into realities
like a cup of courage, a heap of focus, and a dash of restraint when it
Introduction
Y
xv
Introduction
comes to spending unnecessary money. Maybe you need an ounce of
patience when working out to get your perfect body or when trying to
atract your soul mate. Or even a generous serving of self-refection so
you can fnd the guts to get out of your dead-end job and fnd a career
that pays the bills but also nourishes your soul.
What spending habits do you need to change to save money or
fund your dreams? What useless waste of your timesiting in front
of the T.V. for hours on end, mindlessly surfng the Internet or running
your mouth on the phone gossipingcan you cut loose to fnd time to
exercise? When are you ever going to make the move toward fnding a
do-right man that will treat you like the queen that I know you are?
Once you have all of your ingredients, start your prep workall
of that chopping, dicing, mixing, and blending that you need to do to
get the satisfying, delicious fnal result you want. Chop up your budget.
Dice up your schedule. Mix in some new activities to increase your
skills. Blend in new people who add value to your life.
Once everything is prepared, start cooking! Take on as much of
your personal recipe as you feel you can handle. Start out by following
one step at a time, pacing yourself, and following the instructions youve
laid out carefully and methodically. When you take this approach,
you wont feel overwhelmed. Te process will feel natural, not like
something youre trying to rush. Along the way, youll be knocking out
the smaller goals and building your confdence along the way. Smell
that? Tats success coming out of the kitchen of your personal dreams.
Its starting to smell prety darn good, right?
But youre not done yet. Now you need to let it cool. Step back
a momenttake some time to evaluate where things stand. Did you
use all of your ingredients? Did you have to improvise, make a few
xvi
substitutions here and there along the way? Tats okay. Even the best
recipes for success require a litle tweaking.
Ahhhh. Now its done. Youre ready to savor the end result of all of
your hard work. Voila! Welcome to your perfect outcomeand its just
as delicious and satisfying as you wanted it to be!
Now this process doesnt happen overnight. Changing your life
is like a good marinade, you have to give it time. You also have to be
realistic about where you are. Some of us have more work to do than
others, so patience, persistence, and determination are key ingredients
for you to have. If Bill Clinton was still in ofce the last time you hit the
gym, aiming for a Beyonce-like body by next month is an incredibly
unrealistic goal. And hell, you just might kill yourself in the process!
Pace yourself. Following that recipe one step at a time will eventually
lead to a delicious outcome that you will devour with much gusto.
Why I Wrote this Book
Stiletos in the Kitchen is a metaphor for life. I truly believe that, as
women, our power lies in our ability to create. Te ability to create life.
Te ability to create a meal. Te ability to create opportunities. We are
the vessels of life. Te nurturers of the earth. Te substance that makes
the world go round. Stiletos in the Kitchen isnt just about being sexy
in the kitchen. Its about transforming your life. I want you to change
the way you see yourself. I am going to give you lessons not only in
the kitchen but in every aspect of your existence. Yes, this book will
defnitely teach you how to keep it hot, how to cook, how to be sexy and
ridiculously fabulous! But thats not all that makes a woman powerful.
Tis book will teach you how to have substance and control over your
xvii
Introduction
life. Tis book is a true one-stop shop to geting your mind, body,
spirit, money, relationships, and life in order. I want to show you how
to be a real empowered woman! I am going to reignite the traditional
roles of womanhood. Te roles that made us infuential mothers, loyal
wives, and homemakers. Te roles that allowed us to have real love, real
families, and real happiness. Im also going to show you how to be self-
sufcient, dominant, and fulflled at home and in the world. Im going
to teach you to use your God-given gifs, talents, and abilities to live
your dreamsand how to be fnancially ABLE to live as fabulously
as possible, with or without a man. I want to show you how to have
charm, etiquete, and grace to enhance the essence of your femininity. I
am going to teach you to fall madly, passionately in love with yourself so
you can then fnd, feed, and love the man of your dreams.
In the chapters that follow, Ill show you how to recreate yourself,
inside and out. And through it all, youll learn how to be a beter, more
authentic version of yourselfa woman who knows what she wants
and isnt afraid to go out and get it!
Now lets start the transformation so you can cross over to the
world of a Domestic Goddess. Are you ready?
Create your recipe for life! Take a deep breath, relax, and turn the
page to start your journey
xviii
Who is the Domestic Goddess?
A Domestic Goddess is a woman of extraordinary power,
beauty, great intellect, and confdence.
She moves through life with ease, grace, and gratitude.
She is extremely seductive
she knows what she wants and knows exactly how to get it.

Her family and close friends are some of her sources of power,
so she takes pride in nurturing home and looking afer all
of the people who add value to her life.
She has extremely high standards and only expects the absolute best
from herself and others around her.
She exudes femininity and completely embraces her sexuality
she honors her king without compromising her own wants,
needs, and desires!
Alignment with her inner joy and consistent nurturing of what
energizes and renews her mind, body, and spirither inner home
are a top priority.
And most importantly, the Domestic Goddess is madly, deeply in love
with herself, which allows her the magnitude to love others unselfshly
and, in return, receive love unimaginable to the average person.
It is every womans birthright to be a Domestic Goddess!
~Debrena Jackson Gandy
Said the woman to her Inner Power, Come out,
come out, wherever you are.
1

Domestic Goddess
Part 1
Basics of Being a
2
t was the middle of a beautiful summer with lots of parties
and fabulous shindigs to atendso fresh pedicures and
peep-toe stiletos were a must. I was in one of those fancy
spa pedicure chairs, enjoying my generic massage as my
nail tech groomed my toes for display. Next to me was a stylish young
woman who obviously took very good care of herself. She was dressed
to the ninewith a Gucci purse siting on her lap, Tifany bracelets
dangling of her wrists, Juicy dazzling in rhinestones across her chest,
and make-up as fawless as the girls at the MAC counter. She seemed
to really have her ish together. We exchanged eye contact for a second,
and she gave me a very quick, unconvincing smile. Being naturally
inquisitive, I sparked a conversation with her. I was really nosy. I wanted
to know what she did, where she lived, and who her man was (for her
to be laced in all that fancy stuf!). But something about her energy
I Love Me
Receiving the love you deserve from others
starts with loving yourself
I
1
3
I Love Me
was of; she had emptiness in her voice and a glare of unhappiness in
her eyes (at least from what I could see behind her false lashes.) She
went on and on about where she shops and how she has to force herself
to make time to get her hair done every week because she is so busy.
I didnt ask, but she told me how much she hated her job; how tight
money is; and how she has to go out on the weekend to let loose or
else her life would be a wreck.
Ten she proudly declared, Yes girl, I have to take care of myself.
Self-love is so important. I didnt realize it at that moment, but the
emptiness in her voice and the sadness in her eyes were calls for help
which no one, but her, could answer.
Give a Little Self-Love
I love me has become the modern girls theme song, but weve allowed
the message and true meaning of that afrmation to become twisted
and superfcial.
Sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart, but going to the spa, geting
your hair and nails done, or taking yourself shopping does not mean
you love yourself. Tat is pampering. And pampering yourself when
you dont have any money is defnitely not self-love. A lot of women
think taking care of yourself on a complete outer physical level equals
self-love. Te reality of that is youre just patronizing the spa, the mall,
and your hair stylistjust to stay visually appealing to the world. Your
hair is whipped and your clothes are crisp; meanwhile, your spirit is lef
screaming for atention.
Self-love is the most misunderstood type of love. Self-love means
making your wellbeing priority number one. It means giving your mind,
4
your body, and your spirit what they needwhen they need it! It means
taking time to stop the perpetual motion of your life and giving your
spirit a chance to catch up with your body. Self-love means appreciating
your physical body for all that it allows you to do and honoring your
mind for the decisions that it allows you to make. It means examining
your values and beliefs and not compromising your self-worth to satisfy
anyone elses expectations.
Self-love is loving yourself the way you want to be loved by someone
else. It is making the time to do the things that you want your man, your
children, your friends, and your family to do for you. It means speaking
to yourself with respect, listening to yourself and your intuition, and
treating yourself like the queen that you are.
As women, we spend 80 percent of our lives taking care of others:
our husbands, children, parents, our bosses, our homes, our bills. And
most of the time, everyone and everything else is being nourished,
recharged, and loved long before we take a moment to recharge and
nourish ourselves.
Its disempowering when you let everyone and everything else feed
from your half-empty cup of life. Ten you wonder why youre always
tired; why your body is carrying the excess weight thats afecting your
confdence; why you never seem to have enough money; why you
always have a headache or get irritated easily; why your sex life is as
boring as watching paint dryand why you are not experiencing deep,
passionate love in your life!
Commit to yourself! You deserve it. Self-love is the beginning of
living an abundant, purposeful, fulflled, and fabulous life.
Before you can honestly say you are expressing ongoing self-love,
you have to defne what those two wordsself and lovemean to
5
I Love Me
you. Who are you, and how do you need to be loved? What does love
mean to you? It takes some soul-searching, some exploring, and an
abundant life experience to fully understand what love really is. It takes
listening to your heart, understanding your body, and knowing what
nourishes your soul. It takes being honest with yourself and forgiving
yourself for all of the times that you did not honor your body, mind, or
your spirit. And most importantly, it takes making a commitment to
always practice self-love.
A Few Ways to Practice Self-Love
Listen to your body. So ofen we ignore the messages our bodies are
telling us. When we have a headache or feeling a litle weird, weve
goten so accustomed to just popping a Tylenol and moving on.
In essence, this is just telling your body to shut up. Youre saying,
What youre feeling now isnt important, lets keep you quiet so I can
continue doing everything but pay atention to you. Listening to your
body means literally hearing what its telling you it needs. Maybe that
headache is a call for hydration or nourishment. Or that pain in your
stomach could be a warning that your body is being overworked. Or
those buterfies could be your intuition telling you that you need to do
something diferent. Practice listening to your body and understanding
what it needs.
Heres an exercise that will begin to cultivate your listening skills:
Wear light clothes and go barefoot and lie on the foor. Let the foor
hold your body up and feel your surroundings. Listen. Wiggle your toes,
squeeze your muscles, breathe deeply, and just listen. Say thank you
to your body for allowing you to move, walk, speak, and think. It may
6
not feel like youre doing anything, but with practice, your body will
soon appreciate the fact that its being acknowledged. You will begin
to see a diference in how you feel, think, and act. And your inner voice
will become louder and louder as you begin to listen. Do this twice a
day: 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night.
Speak to yourself with respect. Watch your words! Your body listens
to what you say. We are cautious to speak to others with respect and
kindness, yet we speak to ourselves with words of discouragement
and criticism. We say things like, Im fat, Im broke, I never have
any money, I cant do that, or Tis is too hard for me. Instead of
saying I am fat, say My body is holding on to excess weight and I
am in the process of releasing it. Dont say Im broke, I dont have any
money. Instead, say I am temporarily low on money, but money fows
to me easily and freely so more is coming my way. Say I love you to
yourself; look in the mirror and say it everyday. Tell yourself that you
are amazing, powerful, and beautiful. Remind yourself that you deserve
to have the things you want and that you are going to receive them.
Tell yourself, Day by day, in every way, I am geting beter and beter.
Speak to yourself with love, compassion, and belief. If you dont, who
else will?
Read. You can only do what you know. And in order to do something
diferent with your life, you have to learn something new! Read. Pick
up a book that will enhance your life. Start reading about money and
fnance, relationships, or how to communicate more efectively. Read
the autobiography of a person you admire. Hell, pick up an old high
school textbook and pretend you are in school again. Most people stop
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I Love Me
learning once they fnish high school or college and then just exist with
the knowledge that they have. Tis is how we get on the treadmill of
lifedoing the same things over and over again and geting the same
results. Enhance your skills and knowledge so you can get more out of
life.
Be self-FULL. Notice how fight atendants say, Put your own oxygen
mask on frst? Do you ever think about what will happen if you helped
others before you had one on? Ah yes, youd be in big trouble! Tis is
true in life of the plane as well. You have to be full before you can give
to someone else. Tis means saying No when someone asks to borrow
money and you have bills that are due. Saying No when someone
wants to hang out when you are tired and dont have any energy. Not
answering the phone at 2:00 a.m, when your best friend calls crying
about her sorry boyfriend. Why? Because you need your rest. Learn
to be full before you give. Tis is one of the main ingredients of self-
love. Always remember: You have to fll up your own cup so you can
overfow into the lives of others.
Romance yourself. Tis may sound weird, but have you ever taken
yourself out on a date? Do you know what its like to be in your own
company? Tis is one of the best ways to 1) understand how you act
when youre in the presence of a man and 2) allow yourself to fnd out
how youd like to be treated when youre dating or in a relationship. If
you dont know what you like or how you want someone to make you
feel, then how will that person know? Send yourself some fowers in
your own workplace. Go to a fancy restaurant and enjoy a meal and a
nice glass of wine. Give yourself a massage, touch your own body. Go
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to the movies or a theme park alone. You will discover so much about
yourself. You will learn how to enjoy your own companywhich is
how you begin self-love.
Mental Discipline
To discover what is truly in your heart and soul and to manifest ultimate
desires, youre going to have to tell the mental chit-chat in your brain
to shut up. Tat endless conversation that goes on and on in your head
is mostly garbage. Its a reaction to all the stimuli experienced in the
modern world: television, billboards, advertising, iPods, honking
horns, even your girlfriends nagging.
Tat is why prayer and meditation, time with nature, orin my
casetime in the kitchen, is so important. It gives you a chance to
discover the real meaning of your thoughts. And when you understand
what youre thinking, its easier for your intuition to rise to the surface
and give you the guidance you need to follow your heart. When was the
last time you sat down and truly tried to understand your thoughts?
Explore this right now. Afer this paragraph, close the book and
try this exercise. Picture this: You have the me, myself, and I. Imagine
yourself in an all-white room with nothing but two white chairs. Te me
(your physical body) is siting in a chair, looking across the room, silent
and listening. Te self (your thoughts) is on the other side of the room,
in another chair, talking. Now just be quiet and listen. What are you
saying? What do you want? Whatever your thoughts are, that is who the
I will be. Your thoughts become things! So when you can control your
thoughts, youre in control of your life.
Your mind and thoughts are shaping your realityliterally. If you
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I Love Me
are thinking about all the drama in your life, the bills, problems with
your manthat is probably your reality. Mental discipline is so vital
because you have the power to change any circumstance in your life in
an instant. Ever wonder why you just cant stop eating those chips? Or
make yourself work out on a regular basis? Its because you have allowed
your body to take control of your mind, instead of having your mind
control your body. Te me and the self are under hypnosis by the media,
friends, and all the noise because of your lack of mental discipline, which
causes you to be infuenced and controlled by everything around you.
Now close the book and see if you can connect with yourself and
listen to your thoughts. It may be difcult if this is your frst timeso
take as long as you need.

Emotional Responsibility
Feelings are one of the most difcult things to understand and work
with in life. A good place to start is to realize that you are responsible
for your own emotional wellbeingnot daddy, not mommy, not your
man, not your best friend, and defnitely not Jack Daniels or Ben and
Jerry. Stop pointing the fnger outward and point it at yourself. Beter
yet, wrap your arms around your shoulders, waist, or knees and give
yourself a big hug. Feels good, right?
Be kind to yourself. Nurture yourself. Love yourself. Make friends
with your emotions and understand that they come and go like the
breeze. Emotions are not who you arethey are feeting feelings that
are a result of diferent circumstances. Tey are experiences that you
can ride like a wave once you stop fearing them. Learn to embrace
them; you have to learn how to feel your feelings. In the midst of an
10
emotional takeover, like extreme anger, sadness, or even joy and
happiness, completely stand still and recognize what you are feeling. A
great technique that works for me is whenever I am angry or extremely
happy, I ask myself, How are you feeling and why? Ten I tell my body
if its allowed (or not) to embrace these feelings. Sometimes, without
your mental permission, your feelings will take control of you and your
lifewithout you even realizing it.
Goddess
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NEVER LET EM SEE YOU SWEAT
A true Goddess never wears her emotions on
her sleeve. Fear, anxiety, discouragement,
disappointment, shyness, or any other emotion
that shows vulnerability should be tucked away
until you are behind closed doors. Never let
people see you sweat! If they cant help you,
like a mother or a close friend can, then you
should always maintain your composurelike the
Goddess that you are!
Body Beautiful
Te reality is that good health starts in the mind, moves through your
thoughts, ignites the spirit to action, and becomes life in motion. True
beauty comes from the cultivation of your inner glow and is optimized
by a healthy lifestyle. Weve all heard people say, Shes prety but
shes got an ugly personality. Or I dont know what it is, but theres
something about her I like. A vibrant inner glow trumps a tight body
any day, but an inner glow and a tight body, whatever shape that may be,
are both ageless and timelessthe true nature of a Goddess. Physical
11
I Love Me
beauty is something that is developed over time. It doesnt have much
to do with genetics. I have seen many aesthetically beautiful women
who look terrible: Teir skin is rough and dull. Tey have permanent
frown marks on their forehead. Tey have no fre in their eyes because
it has been put out from living such an unfulflled life.
Inner beauty comes from having real joy and passion in your life. And
when you have real joy and passion, it seeps through your pores and
gives you an undeniable physical atraction. Your skin glows, your smile
radiates, your walk is confdent, and you just have an inner peace that
other people cant help but notice.
How well are you loving YOU? Answer these questions honestly. Tis
is for you; there is no point system. I want you to really refect on your
level of self-love. And look at the areas you need to improve on.
Do you sometimes feel empty and unfulflled?
Are you okay with being by yourself ?
Do you overeat at times when youre feeling sad or lonely?
Are you in control of your fnances?
Do you tell yourself that you are beautiful?
Do you get easily irritated by other people?
Do you get tired or sleepy in the middle of the day?
Do you keep your hair and your nails done even when you
cant aford to?
Do you accomplish the goals that you set for yourself ?
Are your thoughts ofen jumbled and confused?
Do you exercise your bodyand your mind?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
12
omen are some of the most powerful creatures on
this planet. We are the strength behind the force of
the universe. We are given physical and mental gifs
that no other species or gender has been blessed
with. We are magnets of the eye, the substance of the household, and
the gentle touch in this harsh world.
Embracing the essence of being a woman means loving every single
cell in your being, every single curve on your body and understanding
that you are human, while completely accepting your femininity.
However, before you can totally embrace the essence of being a woman,
you must frst know the roles of a woman.
Mother
We are the givers of life; we carry a growing human being in our wombs
2
Te Essence of a Woman
Champion your feminine powers
W
The Essence of a Woman
13
for nine months, introducing them to the world through the miracle of
childbirth. However, being a mother is more than just about biology. As
mothers, we connect to our children, acting as their protectors, teachers,
mentors, and advocates. We love our children fercely and want them to
reach their full potential and fnd ultimate happiness.
Lover
Te feminine mystique has led many a man to renounce his throne, give
up his fortune, and abandon his countrymen. Yes, a womans sexuality
and sensuality are a powerful force, indeed; it is life-afrming and a
source of unimaginable pleasure. As a lover, it is a womans role to give
herself to her partner selfessly, to harness her sensual power to please
her mate, and tap into what arouses herwith the goal of mutual
maximum satisfaction, of course.
Sister
A woman who is lucky enough to have a female sibling has a bond
like any other. Sisters have an eternal friendship that is encoded into
their DNAthey know things about each other that no one else does,
they understand behaviors and atitudes, and appreciate one anothers
talents and faws.
Aunt
Te ultimate mentor, a good aunt is a teacher for her nieces and
nephews. She bestows praise and disciplines when necessary. She is a
sounding board for ideas and grievances that cant be discussed with
mom and dad. She is a co-conspirator, a loyal ally, and a knowledgeable
resource.
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Boss
A woman running things is a force to be reckoned with. She is confdent,
calm, and graceful under pressure. She is a problem-solver, an organizer
who knows how to bring out the best in her employees and deals with
crises with style and poise. She gets the job done, using resources
creatively and resolving conficts diplomaticallyall while keeping a
frm eye on the botom line.
Employee
She is a team player, a valuable asset, a complete professional. She always
gives it her all, isnt afraid to tell it like it is, and uses her considerable
talents to beneft her employer.
Friend
A true friend is honest, trustworthy, and loyal. Shes not about to let you
get down on yourself or endure an abusive situation. Shes the person
who comes to pick you up, no questions asked, ofers you a place to stay,
a shoulder to cry on, and an ear to listen to your troubles. She shares
your laughter, ofers companionship, and encourages your dreams.
As women, we can be all of these things and more! But before we
can fulfll these roles, we need to embrace our authentic selves. When
you are authentic, the need to adapt becomes efortless because of how
gracefully and easily you can fow through life. You know your own
center and can play all of your roles because you are not neglecting
yourself.
15
Give a Woman a Pair of Stilettos
and She Can Rule the World!
Women have more opportunity in the world today than ever before.
Hell, we can even run for President! Tink about what the world
was like years before our timewomen couldnt get PHDs, run
corporations, or even vote. We have so many modern conveniences that
a lot of us take for granted. Your grandmother didnt have a Blackberry
or a personal computer; she probably couldnt even drive, let alone have
access to a car of her own. Te door of opportunity was frmly closed.
Womens sole responsibilities back then were to cook, clean, take care
of the house, and raise the children, yet most of them still managed to
look good while they did it. Somehow we have forgoten about these
roles. We have become accustomed to having everything we want that
weve forgoten how to cultivate family, how to love and really take care
of our men. (Which we will discuss further in Part Tree.)
Nowadays, we can do all of those things and still live our dreams,
have a wonderful career, and be powerful. You can actually bring home
the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and serve it to the love of your life!
Tere is absolutely nothing out of your reach. With the click of a
buton, you can connect to anyone on the face of this planet. With the
mere stroke of a key, you can get an answer to any question your mind
can possible think of. Heck, for $59 (if you know where to look) you
can fy anywhere in the world you want to go. Tere is absolutely no
excuse not to be living the life that you want. Yes, it is really possible
to be a good Mother, Wife, Lover, Friend, and Sisterand be CEO,
doctor; get your PHD; drive whatever car you want; make however
much you want; and do whatever the hell it is you want to do! Tats
called being a Domestic Goddess.
16
Use What Youve Got to Get What You Want
Ah, yes, the physical gifs of a woman! We have breasts, hips, legs, eyes,
lips, and fowing hair (whether its yours or not). We smell like fowers
and fruit, have a sway to our walk, arch in our backs, and sofness to our
skin. Dont you just love being a woman? But thats not all we have. We
have intuition, knowledge, creativity, infuence, and so much more. We
have the ability to create absolutely anything we want! Unfortunately,
some women only know how to use their physical gifs to get what they
wantand when you do that, your integrity gets fushed right down the
toilet. Using your mindover your behindmakes all the diference
in geting what you want. Using your ASSetsthats easy, honey. I can
stroll past any group of guys in a pair of really bad Mary Jane stiletos
and cleavage from here to Mexico and get whatever I wantsure can!
But walking past someone with class, gracefulness, and that inner
glow we talked about earlier will get a mans real atention. And once
you open your mouth and start to make sense, you become even more
atractiveto men and everybody else. Using your mindyour real
assetand your intuitiveness as a woman makes you 10 times more
likely to get what you want out of life.
Using what youve got to get what you want means knowing what
youve got. Who are you? What do you have that adds value to other
peoples lives? What do you know how to do well? How big your breasts
are or how phat your behind is really doesnt count for much these days.
Trust me!
You can get any job you want, any man you want, live in any house
you want, and have anything your prety litle heart desires. You just
have to know how to get it. So lets explore what youve got
17
What are you skilled at? _______________________________
____ __________________________________________
What are your talents? _______________________________
_______________________________________________
What is your specialty? _______________________________
_______________________________________________
On a scale of 1-10, how well do you communicate?_____________
On a scale of 1-10, how well do you negotiate?________________
Are you aggressive? What does that mean to you?______________
_______________________________________________
Are you assertive? What does that mean to you? ______________
_______________________________________________
Overall, what are your assets? ___________________________
_______________________________________________
Example: I am a motivator. I have the ability to move people to a
higher level in their life. I am a good listener. I am an amazing cook;
I know how to create a meal from almost anything. I can speak three
languages, which increases my ability to communicate with the world.
I am extremely creative. I studied marketing in college so I know to
increase revenues for any company through branding. (And so on.)
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
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When you know your true assets and abilities, this gives you maximum
power to go out in the world and get whatever you want!
If you had trouble answering any of those questions, guess what that
means? You need to increase your assets. Like I said earlier, you can only
do what you know. So in order to do and have something diferent, you
have to learn something new. Enroll yourself in life school. Devote
30 minutes everyday to learn something newtaking a class, reading
or listening to an audio book, or doing research on a specifc topic like
culture, religion, or politics. Tere are 24 hours in a day; eight should
be spent geting your beauty rest, and that leaves you with 16. Im sure
you can fnd 30 litle minutes to devote to yourself so you can enhance
who you are as a woman. Arent you worth it?
Basic Skills that Every Domestic Goddess Must Have
Confdence
Te invisible crown that every woman should wear, confdence is the
substance that embodies a woman who knows what shes worth. It is
not always a natural asset; confdence needs to be learned sometimes.
Its a process. It consists of falling in love with yourselfand knowing
why others should love you too. Tey call it self-esteem. Lets say that
again: self-esteem. As in the regard, respect, admiration, value, worth,
signifcance, and importance that you place on yourself! Te way you
see yourself is exactly the way the world will see you. (And there is
nothing sexier than a strong, confdent womanjust ask any man!)
Communication
Te most essential ingredient in life! Despite the fact that most people
19
think they are good communicators, most struggle to master this
quality. Te beter you communicate, the beter you can navigate the
world. Period. Communication is only efective when both the sender
and receiver understand the purpose and the message of whats being
communicated. Women like to talk. We like to gossip, chit chat, and run
our mouths to whoever will listen. (Dont act like you dont!) Tis is
one of our biggest downfalls. We talk too much and dont listen enough.
(Yes, I know, usually we say that men dont listen, but some of us have
that problem too.) We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. We
are supposed to listen more than we speak.
Listening makes up 80% of communication; unfortunately, most of
us dont even know how to listen. (You just get quiet until the other
person is fnished talking so you can have your turn to speak.) Listening
means that your mind is engaged in what it is receiving. When you
listen efectively, you are more successful in conveying your point. Bad
communication results in tremendous confusion, wasted energy, and
missed opportunities. Sharpen your communication skills; its one of a
womans most valuable assets!
Cooking
Uh duh, this book is called Stiletos in the Kitchen. Every woman must know
how to whip up a meal in the kitchen. Cooking is an ofen overlooked
yet basic survival skill that many women of this generation dont have.
Cooking is a way of connecting with yourself and those that you feed
because there is power in creating nourishment to fuel a persons soul.
Your spirit and energy go into your edible creation. If you dont know
how to cook, trust me, you will by the time you fnish this book.
You can go ahead and add I am a fabulous cook to your list of assets.
20
s women living in the modern world, we tend to
overcomplicate things. I say K.I.S.S.Keep it Simple,
Sexy!
Life is easy. Yes, I said it: LIFE IS EASY! It only seems hard
because when we add too much, think too deep, become too weighed
down with worry, all of that turns itself into fearwhich stands for
False Evidence Appearing Real. Tere is absolutely nothing that is out
of our reach. Te universe is designed for us to live prosperouslyand
simplisticallyin abundance. I learned this fact to be true from a dear
friend and mentor of mine, Ms. Debrena Jackson Gandy. In her book,
All the Joy Tat You Can Stand: 101 Sacred Power Principals for Making
Real Joy in Your Life, she perfectly describes how we tend to make our
lives more difcult than it really has to be.

3
A
K.I.S.S.
To get what you want, youve gotta simplify
21
K.I.S.S.

When I frst read that, it was like a ton of bricks had hit me. My life
was full of silt! It was full of mess and drama, and I just couldnt fgure
out why and how to fx it. It was me that was overcomplicating things,
me who carried all of my emotional baggage from one relationship to
the next, me who clogged up my life and stopped joy and happiness
from fowing.
What comes to mind is a river. Life moves with a fow and a rhythm
to it like a river, and when we know how to go with the fow, our lives
work. We want to know how to go with the fow, but instead many of
us are swimming upstream against the current. Or we have goten
lost in a side stream somewhere, caught in an undertow, or the silt
in our lives is weighing us down muddying our vision, clogging our
spiritual channels and impeding our ability to grow.
Silt is sand, dirt, rock, and mud that accumulates in the botom
of a river and clogs it up. Many of us have accumulated mental,
emotional, and spiritual silt in our lives, and we dont even know it,
we really dont know how to clean it out.
Our internal silt can take the form of denial; drama; struggle; not
being true to ourselves; self-sabotage; self-doubt and self-defeating
thoughts of lack, limitation and fear, while the internal silt can take
form of toxic relationships, negative judgment, destructive criticism,
physical atacks fom others, depletion of our spirits, invalidation,
and physical and emotional abuse. Tis silt needs to be dredged,
cleared out, and removed so that our lives can become clear and we
can experience fow again. (Chapter 1 Clear the Silt)
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I have created a new principle for myself: K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple,
Sexyand I use it in every category of my life. I keep my life simple and
I let it fow. I dont try to make my river of life fow the way I want it
and wind up swimming upstream. Ive learned to simplify everything
and let my life fow naturally, and Im always cautious for the silt that
can easily pile up.
Make Space
In order to obtain what you desire, there has to be space in your life to
receive it. We hold on to way too much stuf in our lives. Old papers
and bills, clothes, old furniture, friends, menwe just accumulate a
whole bunch of baggage that creates massive cluter (or silt) in our
lives and blocks all of the amazing gifs that we could be receiving.
Teres no room for a new pair of shoes because our closets are piled
high with things that we have had for years and will probably never even
wear again. Teres no room for fresh fruits and vegetables, spices and
seasonings because our refrigerators and cabinets are flled with old food
and junk that have been there for far too long. Teres no room for a new
car because our garages are full of old boxes that were supposed to go
of to the Goodwill years ago. Teres no room for our soulmate because
that space is taken up by someone who is below our standards.
You have to clean out. Notice I said, clean out and not clean up. A
lot of times, we say we are cleaning up when were just straightening up
something, puting the excess in a box, and just moving it to a diferent
part of our home. We dismiss a boyfriend from being in a relationship,
yet make him a friend who still has access to our body and our life.
No, no, noyou must clean out.
23
K.I.S.S.
Let it go! Release it! It doesnt mater what or who it is. To get
something, you have to give up something. You have to make space for
the greatness that can come into your life by clearing out the unnecessary
baggage and trash. Once you clear space, you will be amazed at how
easily happiness and joy will begin to fow into your life.
Whatever it is that you want, its just waiting for space in your life. Its
right there, looking at you, and patiently waiting for you to eliminate
its competition so it can gracefully appear and become a reality. You
are worthy of receiving your desires. You are destined for greatness. So
dont sabotage yourself by holding on to things that serve no purpose
to you and your life.
One way to evaluate what to hold on to and what to let go of is
to understand the reason it is in your life. People, experiences, and
material things show who you are and where you are at that particular
moment. Use them to learn and grow, then know when to let them go.
When you do this you empower yourself to move to a higher level that
you cant get to when youre weighed down by things that have already
served their purpose. People and things come into your life for a reason,
a season, or a lifetime. A wise woman knows how to distinguish among
the three and is strong enough to accept whichever outcome it may be.
When you clean out your space, you clean out your mind. When you
have a clear mind, you have more control over your life.
Clean Out Checklist
Take a moment and think about the things that you need to clean out
of your life. Tink about the material things you have. Do you have a
closet full of clothes that you havent worn since 1999? Do you have
a refrigerator full of food that are past their expiration dates? What
24
about your bathroom cabinetis it full of old makeup, empty botles
of lotion, and random junk that have been there for years? Now think
about the people in your life. Who needs to go? Do you want to be in
a commited relationship but you are holding on to some guy youre
just having casual sex with? Are you holding on to a childhood friend
who is still doing the same old things that you two did back in high
school? What about your body? Is it full of toxins that make you tired
and sluggish everyday? Make a list of all the things that you need to
clean out of your life and write the date you intend to have it cleared.
Tings in my house that have to go: _______________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
People in my life that have to go: _________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Personal habits that have to go: __________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
25
K.I.S.S.
Miscellaneous things in my life that have to go: _______________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________

I am in the process of cleaning and grooming my life so that I can
receive the things that I desire. I am worthy of living an amazing life
and I will do the things necessary to make that happen. Starting
today ___________________ (date)
Signed ___________________
Be Prepared
You know how they say, God wont give you anything you cant
handle? Well, that statement rings true in so many ways! We ofen
desire so many things that we are physically or mentally not ready to
receive.
Ive heard myself complain so many timesand Im sure this rings
true for you tooabout never having enough money, living paycheck
to paycheck, or yearning to have material things that I cannot aford. As
I look back on those times, I realize that I had no idea how to handle
my money.
When I was growing up, money and fnances were not talked about in
my family. I watched my mother work long hours and give so much of
herself to others, while trying to maintain a comfortable life for me and
my siblings; however, I never saw her balance a checkbook. She never
26
talked about credit or cash fow, just bills and work. As I grew into my
womanhood, no mater how much money I earned, I was always broke.
My checking account was always in the negative, and I thought a FICO
score was some sort of tally for a sport.
Now dont get me wrong: My mother is an amazing woman. She has
instilled things in me that some mothers are totally clueless about. But
it wasnt until my adulthood that I learned how to reprogram my mind
to atract and maintain money. So, you see, I wasnt mentally prepared
to handle money, and thats why I lived a perpetual cycle of being broke.
I never had enough money because I couldnt handle it.
Tat goes for everything in your lifethe world will not give you
anything that you cant handle. I hear so many women marching around,
saying, Tere arent any good men out there. Tis is the biggest lie Ive
ever heard! Te truth is: Youre just not prepared to handle a good man.
You have to groom, organize, and arrange your life to atract someone
that you are mentally, physically, and spiritually able to handle.
Te same thinking can be applied to your career. If youre stuck in
a dead-end job, counting down the minutes before your lunch break
and watching the clock before quiting time, you may not be ready for
a career that is spiritually fulflling and fnancially rewarding. You cant
just wish for more money or more responsibility. Its not that simple.
You have to go the extra mile: take classes, volunteer for projects,
networkall of the things that will prepare you for change. Just like we
discussed earlier, you have to increase what you know in order to do, be,
and have something diferent!
Once you ask yourself what it is that you want and answer honestly,
you have to prepare yourself to receive those things. Success, afer all, is
what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
27
K.I.S.S.
Clarity
One of the main ingredients of the K.I.S.S. principal is claritybeing
clear about what exactly you want. If you dont know what you want,
how will the world know what to give you? While you are cleaning out
and preparing yourself, be crystal clear about what you are actually
preparing yourself for. If youre confused and uncertain, you are
sending out mixed signals; when you send out mixed signals, you get
mixed results. Read that sentence again: Mixed results cause you to
have anxiety, fear, disorder, inconsistency, insecurity, frustrationand
can make you fat-out angry at your life because youre not geting what
you want. And you not geting what you want is the result of you not
clarifying your desires. You have to dig deep and ask yourself, What
do I want? What results do you want out of life? Weve all heard this
before, but let me remind you: Ask and you shall receive.
So what is it exactly that you want?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
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Affrmations
You are who you say you are.
Your present life is the result of the choices you have made in the
past. While you are cleaning out, aligning, and preparing yourself for a
new you, you have to make sure that youre not saying the same things
you have been telling yourself. Having a clear mental and physical space
is wonderfuland so is having a vision board (which Im going to
show you how to do in the next section). But if you change, yet you
keep telling yourself the same things you have been in the past, you will
continue to get the same results.
Afrmations are the statements that we make that shape our lives,
either positively or negatively. You can purposely say afrmations to
train your mind to do something diferent, or you can unconsciously
say things like I am so tired or Nothing ever goes right for me. Te
amazing thing about afrmations is the more you say them, the more
that becomes your reality. So if you are telling yourself, Nothing ever
goes right for me, then guess whatnothing will ever go right for you.
One of my favorite afrmations to say is: I always get everything I want,
right when I want it, all the time, and every time. And I do!
Afer you create your vision board, I want you to make a list of positive
afrmations that correspond with the things you want. But before you
do that, lets explore how to efectively use afrmations.
How Afrmations Work
All the things you are experiencing in your life are a result of your beliefs.
For example, you know (and have the belief ) that if you put your hand
on a hot stove, you will get burned. Terefore, you dont touch the stove
with your bare hands when its hot. However, the belief system of a child
29
K.I.S.S.
isnt fully developed yet, so they dont know the diference between hot
and cold. If they touch the stove and get burned, or if they are told
repeatedly that touching the stove is bad, then their belief system will
start to form and they will avoid touching the stove, whether its hot or
cold. Tis is how afrmations work. When you experience it or you are
told over and over again what the efect is, you believe it.
If you fnd that youre broke all the time or you make money but youre
living paycheck to paycheck, it is because of the beliefs you hold in your
mind about moneythings like I have to work hard to earn money or
Money doesnt grow on trees. Te same goes for your body and even
your relationships; if you are saying I am fat or I only get approached
by losers, this is what your reality is going to be. You may not even be
aware of what youre saying to yourself because your belief system has
been greatly infuenced by your childhood. If your parents ever told you
Dont do this, You cant have that, or Stop doing this, you may be
having trouble ataining your dream because you have a deeply rooted
belief that says, You cant do that.
Our minds are so powerful. Toughts are truly things and you are
who you say you are. In order to become who you want to be, say it,
speak it, and do it. Here are a few tips to master the art of afrmations.
Speak in the present tense. Speak as though you have already received.
Saying I want afrms that you only have a wish for something. Using
the words I am states who you are and what you have in the present
moment. Lets say you want to be an actress, you should be saying: I
am an amazing actress, as opposed to I want to be an actress. When
you do this, you are telling the world who you are, and it will begin to
manifest in your life much quicker.
30
Be positive. When you are afrming things to the world, the words
not, no, dont, cant, and wont are not recognized. Saying I dont
have money issues translates to I have money issues. Say Money
comes to me easily and frequently instead. When you are creating
your afrmations, dont say what you dont want. Change the whole
statement around and say what you do want.
Keep repeating. In order to see signifcant changes in your life, afrmations
have to be done several times a day until they become your reality. If you
do them for two or three days or just say them here and there and expect
drastic changes to happen, youve got another thing coming, girlfriend.
You have to get what I like to call beasty: going afer what you want
hard. Say your afrmations 15-20 times everydayover and over and
over again. You may feel silly, and it may seem like nothing is happening,
but do it faithfully. Tink about a song, when you hear it over and over on
the radio, you will begin to sing it in your head. Same with this: Say them
until you believe it. Your beliefs make you who you are.
Take a moment and create some of your own afrmation statements.
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
____________________________________________________
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K.I.S.S.
I want:
________________________
________________________
________________________
________________________
________________________
Action needed:
________________________
________________________
________________________
________________________
________________________
Alignment
So youve decided to K.I.S.S your life and clear out the cluter. You know
exactly what you want, and youre starting to prepare yourself to receive
it. In order to make all of those wonderful things happen, you have to
begin to align your actions with what you want. Tis means looking
at what you are doing in your life and asking, Is this action going to
produce the result that I want? If not, then you need to adjust your
actions so that they correspond with your desired results.
I love this principle because it holds you accountable. You cant blame
anyone else. Saying Im going to lose 10 pounds but going for fast food
drive thru for dinner is not in alignment with what you want. You dont
have to wonder why youre not losing any weight. Lets say again that
you want to pursue an acting career. Siting around, watching TV, and
hanging out on weekends wont land you a gigtaking an acting class,
practicing a monologue 20 minutes a day, or researching headshot
photographers or casting directors will. You have to fgure out what
actions you need to take to align yourself with the things you want.
Take a moment and think about what you want and what actions you
need to take.
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Real women have vision
Once you are clear about what you want, you can now create a vision to
make it happen. Blindness isnt a tragedy, sight with no vision is. Before
you can atain anything, you have to be able to see it in your mind, as
though it were actually happening in your life. You typically go where
you are looking; so if you are looking at bills, drama and the same ol
stuf every day, then that is the direction youre headed. A vision board
is a powerful tool; every Domestic Goddess must have one in her home.
It allows you to get your desires out of your mind and in front of your
eyes. When you look at the things you want everyday, this gives you the
motivation to take action to go and get it.
Heres how to cook up an efective vision board:
Ingredients:
Large colored construction paper or board
Glue stick
Magazines (Tink Forbes, O, Health, Money, Life and Style, etc.)
Pen and paper
Directions:
Before you get started, sit down and ask yourself: What do I want?
Make two columns on a piece of paper and label it SHORT TERM
and LONG TERM. (Or you can use two separate pages.) Under short
term, think about the things you desire to have in your life right now or
in the very near future. Some examples:
I want to earn $4,000 in monthly income.
I want to release 10 pounds and faten my tummy.
I want to read more and increase my knowledge.
*
*
*
33
K.I.S.S.
I want to buy a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. (Every girl
should have a pair!)
I want to take an acting class.
I want to join the choir at my church.
I want to buy a new car before winter. (A new Lexus,
perhaps.)
I want to begin to date new people and improve my social life.
I want to learn about diferent religions.
I want to take a trip to Jamaica this fall.
You get the point, right?
Now sit back and reread what you want. Ask yourself if its realistic
for you and if it is, go back and change those statements to I will.
Because what you want and what you will do are two diferent things.
You must have a deadline so you know how to pace yourself. Next
to each goal, write the date you intend to accomplish it. For long term,
think about the big picture of your life; write down what you want that
to look like.
I want to acquire $1,000,000 over the next fve years.
I want to live in a six-bedroom house on the beach in Miami.
I want to marry the man of my dreams. (Describe in detail
the man of your dreams.)
I want a Range Rover.
I want to take a trip to Egypt.
I want to fund a Ministry and open a church.
I want to lose 100 pounds and create a lean, healthy body.
I want to be an Oscar-winning actress.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
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Lots of people will want to put pictures of Oprah on their boards. (I
just had to say this because almost every vision board Ive ever seen has
a picture of her on itand yes, I do too!) But you have to be specifc
about what it is about her that you want to emulate or achieve. Do you
want to be like her, be a guest on her show, be an audience member,
have wealth like her, or meet her? Be specifc.
You need to have a deadline for your long-term goals as well;
next to each, write the date that you created your board and
your turnaround: one year, 10 years, six months, and so on.
Next, fip through the magazines and clip out pictures and phrases
that represent those things that you listed on paper: a picture of a body
you want to create, a house youd like to live in, the exact car that you
want to drive, a wedding ring, picture of the beach, picture of money
whatever is on your list.
Find some pictures of yourself and write or type out some encouraging
afrmations like:
I am amazing.
I have the power to create the life of my dreams.
I deserve to have all of my desires.
God frst, then people, then money.
I will do the things that others wont to have the things that
others dont.
I am sexy.
Happiness is my birthright.
Money fows to me in abundance.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
35
K.I.S.S.
Make sure you put this right on the top of the board:
Follow
On
Course
Until
Successful
To actually create your board: In the middle of your board, paste your
picture and post all of the encouraging quotes around it. (Tis should
divide your board into two sections.) On the lef, post all of your short-
term goals in order of importancemost important on top. On the
right hand side of your board, post all of your long-term goals in order
of importance. Ten randomly place pictures of yourself in between the
magazine pictures.
Keep the paper or the page with your deadlines near your board so
you can refer to it to make sure you are on track and on time.
Te result? When you look at your board, there is order and structure
and you can actually see what you are working for everyday! As you go
along, check of the things that you have accomplished. Ten replace it
with something new to work on.
Finally: Afer posting your board, you will have a great sense of
accomplishment. But motivation is like bathing; its recommended that
you do it daily. You need to create your personal mission statement.
A personal mission statement is a verbal commitment to remind
yourself of what you are working toward everyday. It should be
memorized and repeated twice daily. Stand in front of your vision
board every morning and every night and review your goals. Ten read
36
your personal mission statement out loud. An example of a powerful
mission statement:
I am in the process of creating the life of my dreams. I am commited
to excellence and greatness and will accept nothing less than that. My
goal is to become a doctor and empower people of this generation to
be healthy and physically well. I am working everyday to achieve my
goal and live within my purpose. I will only engage in activities that add
value to my life and are in alignment with my goals. I am on a mission to
be one of this generations greatest doctors! I am POWERFUL.
Or you can keep it simple and general.
I am in the process of making my life beter than it has been for
the past 15 years. I am going to eat beter, get more rest, drink more
water, and smile more. I will save more money and learn how to be
fnance-savvy so I can be fnancially free some day. I will tell my family
and loved ones how much I appreciate them today. I am an amazing
woman, and God has a purpose for my life. Today I will take a step
toward that purpose. I will not live in fear; I have extreme faith and I
know that everything that has happened in my life thus far is shaping
the amazing life that I am preparing myself to live. I am POWERFUL.
Or
I will earn $4,000 in monthly income. I will use my God-given
gifs, talents, and abilities to acquire that amount of money. I will use
that money to get my fnancial issues out of the way as I am building
my company, and I will earn more than $15,000 per month from
my business this time next year. I will work out three days a week to
increase my energy, and I will take a class to sharpen my skills while I
37
K.I.S.S.
am building my life. By December 2013, I will have earned $500,000
from my company, have my dream home, the love of my life, and the
luxury to take a vacation every two months because I deserve it. I am
POWERFUL.
Memorize your personal mission statement. As you go through
your dayif something is distracting you, or you get frustrated or
overwhelmedrepeat it to yourself out loud then re-align your
thoughts and actions with your mission.
My challenge for you: I challenge you to gain clarity on what you want.
Create your vision board and read your personal mission statement out
loudtwice a dayfor 30 days straight. While you do this, practice
the Listen to your Body exercise from Chapter 1, right before you
read your mission statement. At the same time, increase your prayers
and decrease the distractions in your life: TV, radio, partying, gossiping,
unwarranted relaxation, doing nothing on the internet. Tis will begin
to create momentum in your life so you can atract the things you want.
Start today!
38
hat is a Stileto Body, you ask?
A Stileto Body is one that stays in a healthy and
balanced state. It exudes sex appeal, has well-defned
curves, and vibrates with energy, strength, and
power. It thrives in self-love and nutrition and has an invisible shield of
worthiness and authority that radiates with every step it takes. A Stileto
Body is cultivated over time. Its not forced. You dont need a six-week
workout challenge, a personal trainer, and high-tech gym equipment
to get a Stileto Body. (I am not, of course, disqualifying the power of
exercise. It is still essential: Exercising optimizes a Stileto Body and
allows it to function at an even higher level. But lets not obsess over the
crunches, shall we?)
Depriving yourself of food that tantalize the taste buds is not
required either. And there is no miracle pill for this.
4
W
Stileto Body
Mold your perfect body
39
Stileto Body
A Stileto Body is created through a combination of things: A spiritual
connection with a higher power, general knowledge of food and its
nutritional value, a daily movement routine utilizing its own body
weight, and awareness of its sexual, feminine power. You simply make
no space for stress, toxins, negative energy, and excess waste in your
bodyits much too fabulous for those.
I learned this from my mother years ago. I would watch her every
morning bend and stretch, do breathing exercises, and talk to herself.
She would wind her hips and roll her neck in circles and hum to herself.
My mother ate whatever she wanted; I never heard her say that shell go
on a diet. Never saw her not eat something because she didnt want to
gain weight. She just did (and still does) her unusually short routine
faithfully, every morning and every night, and maintained her perfect
size 6 frameeven afer three kids. And she still has the same body
to this day, mind you. When were out, people think were sisters. (If I
revealed her age, shed kill me.) My mother has a confdence about her
that people just couldnt fgure out. When she speaks, people listen; when
she moves, people watch. Her physical energy is powerful, and I know
her daily routine is what helps to cultivate and maintain that essence.
I had no idea what she was doing back when I was a kid, but when
I got older, I started to do the same thingevery morning and every
night. At frst it didnt occur to me what was happening: why I had a
natural, efortless energy that people notice; why my body would easily
adjust to an intense cardio workout; or how I was able to show results
immediately when I did go to the gym or if I eliminated certain things
in my diet. I remained calm in stressful situations, unleashed my sexual
energy on demand, and ate whatever I wanted and still maintained my
perfect weight.
40
It didnt take me long to understand what was really happening:
My body is loved. It gets atention every single day; so whatever I need
it to do, it does it with ease and graceand no hesitation. Its used to
being stretched, spoken to with compassion, challenged, and moved.
Creating and maintaining a Stileto Body is a ritual that every Domestic
Goddess should master and hold sacred.
Stiletto Body Ritual
Te Stileto Body Ritual consists of afrmations, expressing gratitude,
deep breathing, stretching and bending, and massaging yourself. You
will need to dedicate 30 minutes a day: 20 minutes right when you wake
up and 10 minutes before you go to sleep. And dont say you cant fnd
30 minutes to devote to youyou fnd the time to chat and send tweets.
Consider these 30 minutes a part of your self-love journey.
Te First Few Steps
In the morning, the moment you open your eyes, lay still. Take deep
breaths for 10 to 15 countsin through your nose, out through your
mouthto release the stale air in your lungs. Place your hand over
your heart and feel the beat; connect with your spirit. Hug yourself;
run your hands over your face and down your body. Get up. When you
place your feet on the foor, say thank you with each step you take.
You are thanking God for allowing you to see another day. Do not pick
up your cell phone and start a conversation with your man (besides a
simple Good morning, baby perhaps); do not eat or drink anything
and defnitely dont start thinking about geting to work, what bills are
due, or any other stress or drama in your life. Tis is your time, not your
41
Stileto Body
mans, your jobs, or Mr. Debt who tries to controls you. (Control him,
hon.) Go straight to your sacred place (more on this in Part Tree), lie
on the foor, and be still for 60 seconds.
Tat is the beginning of the workout. I could go on and on describing
this divine experience, but Id have to write a whole diferent book for
this. Ive provided steps to the frst part of the exercise; for the entire
workout, go to my ftness website: www.stiletobody.com. (Stileto
Body launches October, 2009.) It is a bit difcult to understand just by
reading it, so there are instructional videos and information for you to
create your own daily routine. But this is how you get started.
Stand in the middle of the foor with your feet together and
arms at your side. Take a deep breath. As you breathe, pull
your tummy in, like theres a string connected to your navel
and someone is pulling it through your back.
Roll your neck clockwise, then counter clockwisefour times
in each direction.
Rotate your shoulders forward and backfour times in each
direction.
Slowly reach down and touch your toes. As you go down, glide
your hands down your thighs and legsfeel your body.
Touch your toes and feet and say, Tank you. Tank your
feet and legs for walking you through your life.
Come up slowly and glide your hands up your body; feel your
hips, your stomach, and your breasts, then raise your arms over
your head as though you are reaching for the sky. Say thank
you again. Repeat three times.
Lie on the foor.
Elongate your spine. Imagine you have a string pulling you
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
42
from your head and your feet in opposite directions. Hold this
position for 15 seconds.
Reach your arms over your head and now imagine the string
is pulling your fngertips. Be careful not to raise your spine of
the foor, so hold your tummy in tight. Hold for 15 seconds.
Bring your knees to chest, wrap your arms around them, and
hug your entire body. Say I love you out loud several times.
Hold this position for 15 seconds.
Bring one knee to chest and hold for 15 seconds then do it for
the other leg for 15 seconds. Repeat three times.
Release your knees and massage your lower abdomen or your
wombwhere all of your power comes from. With your
fngertips, add pressure onto your abdomen and move them in
a circular motion. (If youve never done this before, it will feel
very weird, but it is a way of connecting with your feminine
energy and it stimulates your digestive systemyour body
will love it.)
Te rest of the workout continues with a series of standing stretches
and bends, waist and hip movements. Te workout ends with a series
of afrmations. Everyones afrmations wont be the same as we all have
diferent desires with our bodies and our lives. Your afrmation may
sound similar to any of these:
I am an amazing woman.
My body is resilient
I can eat whatever I want and maintain my perfect weight.
My body is flled with energy and vitality.
*
*
*
*
*
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Stileto Body
I am sexy.
I love every cell in my being.
I use my body to do things that will add value to my life and others.
I am a walking, breathing magnet for the things I desire in life.
Every curve in my body was designed especially for me.
Positive energy runs through my body.
All good things come to me in abundance.
I was created for a special purpose.
My sexiness exudes me.
My inner beauty exudes me.
I am powerful.
I have greatness within me, and today I will release it.
I am grateful for my body and all that it allows me to do.
My body radiates with confdence.
Day by day, in every way, my body gets beter and beter.
Cultivating a Stileto Body will open your life up to so many things.
Your body will stay supple and fexible, your skin will glow, and your
mind will be prepared for any physical challenge. Now, dont get your
Stileto Body Ritual confused with working out. A Stileto Body will
not make you lose weight or build muscle. It just makes exercising
much easier and even allows for quicker results.
So yes, you do need to exercise. Like I said in the frst part, exercise
is vital in optimizing the daily performance of your Stileto Body. Your
body has now been prepped to receive everything that comes its way
your Stileto Body can take it, trust me! Stop making excuses for your
body. Te body is ready, even the mind is set. Its you whos fnding an
excuse not to move. I wont hear any of your tired excuses; Ive heard
44
a million of them, and theyre all equally pitiful. Which one of these is
your favorite?
Ill start tomorrow. Sure you willuntil you come up with another
excuse to delay it another day or two. If youre serious about geting
ft, then start today. Start right now. Just suck it up and go to the gym.
Or go for a walk. As a mater of fact, stand up right now and bust out a
couple of squats!
Tere. Now pat yourself on the back. Today was the frst day of the
rest of your healthy lifestyle.
I just dont have the time! Yes, you do. Were all overbooked these
days, and we wear it like a badge of honor when we can hardly fnd the
time to sleep. Make time in your life for the things that are important to
you, like looking and feeling good about yourself. If you have the time
to sit and watch a TV show for an hour, you have 30 minutes to go for
a run.
I dont need to work out; Im not overweight. You dont have to be
overweight to exercise. I know a lot of slim women who have no energy,
no zest, and no fre. Exercise is much more than just losing weight or
building muscles. Working out strengthens your mind, your heart, and
your spirit. It provides you with discipline; it increases your energy. Te
more energy you have, the more you will get out of life.
I love myself, and Im fne just the way I am! Teres nothing wrong
with embracing your shape and loving your curves. I want you to have a
good self-image. I just dont want you to be in denial. It kills me when I
hear overweight women say, I love myself; theres nothing wrong with
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Stileto Body
having a litle meat on your bones. I may hurt a few feelings here but
if youre fat, then you need to exercise. Period. Being overweight and
unhealthyand knowing itand being satisfed with it does not mean
you love yourself. It means that you do not acknowledge what you can
do to improve your body and your life.
Meat on our bones is not okay if you can barely go up two fights
of stairs. Our bodies arent designed to carry around excess weight and
still function at an optimum level. Im not saying that you need to be a
Skinny Bitchno pun intendedbut I am telling you to get healthy.
And be realistic about your weight. You can be curvaceous, thick,
voluptuous, and healthy!
I dont want to sweat my hair out. Tis is the dumbest excuse Ive
ever heard in my life! It just doesnt make any sense. Your hair is super
fabulous and your body looks a hot, raggedy mess? Tats called being
fnefrom the neck up. Gorgeous hair wont conceal the tummy
hanging over your pants. Do we even need to discuss which onehair
or healthis more important?
Find Your Balance
Tere are so many extreme diets, quick-fx meals, pills and powders,
and trendy workouts that we have lost the real meaning of a healthy,
balanced lifestyle. I mean, sure, you can drink lemon juice, maple syrup,
and cayenne pepper for two weeks and look like one of the Olsen twins.
Ten you see a piece of bread and you blow right back up to your regular
size. (Its a master scam, I tell you.)
46
Tats not a healthy way to live. Achieving a healthy, balanced
lifestyle comes from consistency, understanding food, and loving
your body. Dont listen to the no-carb-cant-have-this-stop-eating-that
messages that the media is constantly pumping into your prety litle
head. You can live the life you want, eat the food you want, and look the
way you want if you understand what living a balanced lifestyle really
means. When most people think about geting in shape, they focus on
exercise, when thats just a portion of the equation. Its just as (or even
more) important to be mindful of what you allow your body to take in.
You Are What You Eat
Have you ever taken the time to really think about whats in the things
you eatand where your food actually comes from? What does the
source actually look like? Tink about a pork chop or a steak. Its juicy
and scrumptiousbut how do you feel afer you eat it? Tired? Bloated?
Sluggish?
Well, consider the source: a pig. Its fat, slow, and round. And what
comes to mind when you picture a cow? A big, lazy animal that typically
stands in one place all day long. Now think about fruits and vegetables.
Teyre crisp, frm, and full of color and texture. Tey grow in the sun,
move with the wind, and are fragrant and full of life. Do you get my
drif?
Im not suggesting that you just eat fruits and vegetables all day and
sit in the sun and get blown by the wind. Heres what Im saying: Make
wise choices on what you put into your body. I know most of you think
that you already do that, but you may not be making as many wise food
choices as you think. Allow me to give you a litle lesson in Food 101.
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Stileto Body
Calorie
Simply put, a calorie is a unit of food energy. For my science nerds out
there, calories are the amount of energy it takes to heat a liter of water by
one degree. For the rest of us, heres what you need to know: Just about
every bit of food and drink that you put into your body has calories; the
only exceptions are water, unsweetened teas, and diet sodas.
Our bodies need the food energy that calories provide to function
properly and put a litle pep in our steps. Te amount of calories you
should consume in a day can vary, depending on such factors as your
body type, how physically active you are, and if youre trying to lose
weight. But the recommended daily intake for women is about 2,000
calories.
If you eat more calories than you burn, youre going to put on
weight. So you need to do one of two things: watch your calorie intake
or exercise. I say do both.
Nutrients
Nutrients are the components in foods that our body uses for a variety
of functions: cell growth, tissue repair, nerve functionyou get the
idea. Examples of nutrients are vitamins, minerals, protein, fber, and
fats.
Vitamins
Our bodies do a lot of amazing things, but one of the things we cant
do is make vitamins. Vitamins are organic compounds that we have to
take in through the things we eat to keep everything running like a well-
oiled machine.
48
Tere are two types of vitamins: fat-soluble, which can be stored
in our body fat, and water-soluble, which are fushed out of our bodies
when we take in too much. Because the fat-soluble vitamins (including
A, D, E, and K) hang around for awhile, we dont need to freak out if
we dont eat foods containing them each and every day. We should be
mindful of the water-soluble vitamins (such as B-complex and vitamin
C), which need to be constantly replenished.
Minerals
Tese are non-vitamin, chemical compounds that keep us healthy
and help build strong bones. Te essential minerals include calcium,
potassium, phosphorous, magnesium, and sodium. Trace minerals,
such as fuoride and zinc, are also important, but we need signifcantly
smaller amounts than the essential minerals.
Carbohydrates
Carbohydrates are a type of food that your body breaks down into
energy. Tey are divided into two categories: simple carbs, which are
found in dairy products, fruits and sugar, and complex carbs, such as
those in whole grains, beans, and starchy vegetables. Te American
Heart Association suggests that half of the grains you eat be whole grains.
Carbs generally come packed with fber, vitamins, and other good-for-
you nutrients, but products made with refned sugar are best avoided.
Protein
Another source of energy, proteins provide us with amino acids that
play a vital role in cell growth and repair. Meats, eggs, and dairy products
are good sources.
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Stileto Body
Fats
Fat isnt always a bad thing. We need fat to absorb nutrients, store
energy, and transport vitamins throughout our bodies. Ideally, about
10 percent of our body weight should be fat. A gram of fat contains, on
average, about eight calories.
How to Decode Nutrition Labels
Wondering how to make good choices at the grocery store?
Everything you need to know is right there on the package. Thank
the Unites States Government for that: Before nutrition labels
were mandated, you could never really be sure of what was in your
foodand you just had to take a lucky guess about the nutrients it
may (or may not) contain.
Serving Size
This is the amount of food that the manufacturer decides should be
the typical amount someone would eat in one sitting. Its no wonder
that what they consider to be a serving is usually much, much less
than what most of us actually eat. For instance, the average serving
size of cereal is anywhere from to of a cup, when you are
probably pouring a cup-and-a-half out for your breakfast.
Calories from Fat
Prety self-explanatory and quite eye-opening once you start comparing
labels. Te less fat per serving, the beter.
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Calories
Tis is the amount of calories in each serving.
Total Fat
Tis listing and the sub-categories beneath it (usually saturated,
unsaturated, trans fats, and polyunsaturated fats) break down the
number of grams of fat and the percentage of daily value in each serving.
Be on the lookout for too much saturated and trans fatstheyve been
linked to the development of heart disease.
Cholesterol
Tis waxy substance is made in our bodies, and its also common in a
lot of the foods we eat. Too much can buy you a one-way ticket to the
cardiac care unit, so limit your intake.
Sodium
Too much sodium (a.k.a. salt) is a defnite no-no. To stave of high blood
pressure and a laundry list of other ailments, limit your intake to less
than 2,300 milligrams (one tablespoon) a day. Unfortunately, a lot of
packaged goods contain high amounts of sodiumanother reason to
learn how to cook with natural ingredients.
Sugar
Ah, the sweet stuf! Youd be surprised how much sugar is in diferent
foodseven things that you dont associate with sweetness. A teaspoon
has only 15 calories, but a lot of sugar can make you as hyper as a kid
on Christmas Eveand wreck your teeth. With that said, a Domestic
Goddess does not use sugar!
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Stileto Body
Dietary Fiber
Te more, the beterfber keeps our digestive systems running smoothly
and pushes toxins and other unpleasantness out of our bodies.
Vitamins and Minerals
You wont see the complete amount (and kind) that a food contains
listed here, but you should get the numbers for vitamin A, vitamin, C,
calcium, and iron.
Percentage Daily Value
Tis endnote explains how the percentages listed on the label are
determined, based on a 2,000 calorie a day intake for women and 2,500
calories for men. Yeah, the guys get to eat more. I know. Its not fair.
Watch Your Serving Sizes!
Tere are so many overweight people in the world for one simple reason:
We just eat way too much. Some people eat two and three servings of
food and dont even realize itand thats why were two to three sizes
bigger than we need to be.
Its time for a litle reprogramming. Use this serving size guide to
determine visual references for how much you should eat.
Meat, Fish and Poultry: Te size of your fst or it should ft in the palm
of your hand
Raw Veggies and Fruit: Te size of a baseball
Cheese: One slice (I know, this ones hardI love cheese too!)
Bread: No bigger than a cassete tape
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Cooked Rice and Pasta: Half a baseball
Buter and Margarine: One dice
Ice Cream: A tennis ball
Water: A lot!
One of the most important things you need to do to keep your body
healthy is to stay hydrated. Tink about a pipe. If no liquid is running
through it, it gets clogged up with the solids that are trying to pass
through.
Its the same with your body: All of the food you eat and toxins your
body takes in wont be fushed out without liquids. You feel tired, you
get breakouts, your stomach bulges, and your brain cells get clogged
up and you lose your focus. To fgure out how much water your body
needs, take your current body weight and divide it in half. Tats the
number of ounces of water you should be drinking. (If you weigh 140
pounds, you need to drink 70 ounces of water every day.)
The Recipe for a Perfect Body
Creating and maintaining your perfect body is simple. Like I said before,
you dont have to go to extremes and its defnitely not difcult. Just
remember these six rules:Practice your Stileto Body Ritual faithfully.
Mix in a workout routine that you enjoy doing two to three
times a week. (Run, take a dance class, do Pilates, or if youre
a tough cookie, go hard at the gym.)
Eat small portions throughout the day.
Stay hydrated.
*
*
*
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Stileto Body
Get six to eight hours of sleep every night so your body can
recharge.
Keep a positive mindset and watch your language when you
are referring to your body.
Yes, its that simple!
*
*
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know you want to think that the man of your dreams will love
you for you, no mater what you look like. But contrary to
popular belief, love isnt blindwell, at least not a hundred
percent legally blind. Loves vision may be a bit blurry around
the edges, but it still likes to focus on something prety and pleasing.
When you take your daily or weekly beauty rituals seriously, its also
a way to nurture and care for yourself, but on a physical level. Tis,
in turn, cultivates your inner glowthe foundation of beauty for any
Goddess.
Face It
Ah, that prety litle face of yours. Looks can be so deceiving. Youre
walking around piling all types of products, plastering on foundation,
5
I
Love Isnt Blind
Beauty rituals of the Domestic Goddess
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Love Isnt Blind
and glossing the parts you want to shine. But beneath all those layers,
your pores are screaming for air and begging for you to stop polluting
them with all types of junk. I am lucky enough to have a mother who
was a make-up artist and skin care specialist, and I later followed in her
footsteps and did the same thing. Ive always made taking care of my
skin a priority; now let me teach you to do the same.
Types of Skin
Oily Skin. Tis skin type needs maximum care because its prone to
breakouts and acne which we defnitely dont want. Te skin will feel
dewy and slippery most of the time and will need extra atention. It
must be thoroughly washed, exfoliated, and masked more ofen than
normal.
Dry Skin. Tis skin type needs extra atention too or it will stay tight
and dull-looking. Dry skin needs to be washed gently and given extra
moisture. Te good thing about it is it rarely breaks out because less
sebum (oil and bacteria) is produced.
Combination Skin. Most people have this skin type. Its oily in the
T-zone (the area around your nose and the feshy part of your cheeks)
and dry in other areas. Caring for combination skin is prety basic:
Make sure you cleanse and moisturize properly.
Normal Skin. Not much maintenance is required for normal skin.
Teres no excess oil or dryness, no breakouts, and no redness. Lucky
you! But dont get too excited; you still have to cleanse and moisturize
if you want to maintain it.
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Tere are six essential steps to creating and maintaining fawless
beautiful skin: cleansing, toning, moisturizing, steaming, exfoliating,
and masking.
Cleansing
Washing your face is a no brainer, but cleansing your face with the
proper product and using the right technique is whats key. You have
to wash your face every morning and evening with a cleanser that
fits your skin type. Your cleanser should be water-based; it should
produce just enough lather and have no fragrance or perfumes. (If
you have dry skin, using an oil-based cream cleanser is fine, but
be sure to rinse well because it can leave residue.) The ingredients
should be simple and as natural as possible. If there are tons of
chemicals (hint: words you cant read, pronounce, or understand)
in it, leave it right there on the shelf. And if you see menthol
anywhere in the ingredients, run! You might as well become a
chain smoker and skip bathing all together. (Ever wonder why you
just cant stop using your Noxzema or Carmextwo products that
contain menthol? Youve become addicted to it.)
When you cleanse your face, use your finger tips. Never wet a
towel and lather it with the cleanser. Your fingertips are gentle and
they will stimulate blood circulation in your face. Move in an outer
circular motion and avoid your eyes until the end. To rinse, douse
your face with water, dont wipe with a towel. Start off using warm
water and then use cold water for the last few splashes; it closes
your pores. Pat your face dry with a clean towel, preferably one that
you only use for the face.
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Love Isnt Blind
Toning
Tis is an important step that a lot of women miss. Toning picks up the
lefover residue of your cleanser and brings back the natural PH balance
in your skin. It also kills bacteria that are lingering around and cause
breakouts. Look for toners that have tea tree, cucumber or peppermint
extract; citrus extracts; and anything with vitamins A, C, and E in it.
When you apply toner, use a 100% pure coton ball or pad, swipe in
circular, upward motions, and stay away from your eye area. Dont just
stop at your neck! Apply toner all the way down your jaw bone, behind
your ears, down the back of your neck; then take a new coton ball and
apply on your chest area, collarbone, shoulders, and on top of your
breast. You want that area to glow too, dont you?
Moisturizing
One of the most misunderstood steps in skin care. It doesnt mater
what type of skin you have; you have to moisturize. For some reason,
women who have oily skin think they can skip this step. When you dont
use a moisturizer, your skin notices the loss of moisture and quickly
produces its own. Tis causes skin to turn oily. Find a moisturizer that
fts your skin type (try oil-free, gel-based). Tere is such a wide range of
moisturizers that you have to be very selective on what you use. Tis is
a product that is not rinsed of, so the ingredients have to be just right
for your face. And never use lotion. Te chemicals are too harsh for the
delicate skin on your face and most have too much fragrance in them.
Steaming
Steaming your face opens your pores and releases ground in dirt and
bacteria that cant be reached from cleansing alone. Steaming should
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be done right afer you cleanse and before you exfoliate. Boil some
water and place the hot pot on the table. Lean over so your face is over
the pot and take a big bath towel and drape it over your head to direct
steam straight to face. Sit there for about 10-15 minutes or until you
are dripping with sweat. (Seriously.) Once you fnish, immediately
rinse your face and start exfoliating; you dont want to give your pores
time to close back up. You can also add some herbs to your water, like
rosemary or lavender, to enhance the experience. Steam your face once
or twice a week.
Exfoliating
Have you ever seen skin that looks like a layer of dust is siting on it?
Its dull, excessively dry, or its so oily it looks like the person works at
a Jify Lube. Run your fnger around the crease of your nose and that
area between your eyebrows. If it feels like the skin on the botom of
your feet, its because youre not exfoliating, and so you get a buildup
of dead skin cells. Dead skin is a normal part of the cell turnover
processour skin is constantly growing and replacing dead skin cells.
Proper exfoliation should be done twice a week, right afer you wash or
steam your face and before you apply a mask. Find an exfoliator with
granules made of pumice, fne ground dead sea salt, or sugar. Never use
one made with tiny pebbles or sand; the edges of the granules arent
usually round and can cause tiny slits on your skin that can let bacteria
in. Look for one with natural ingredients like lemon oil, avocado buter,
lavender, or almond extract.
On a wet face, take a scoop of exfoliator and roll it around on your face
just as you do with your cleanser, except add a litle more pressure. You
can also use a face brush or exfoliating pad to add to the experience
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Love Isnt Blind
but careful if you have sensitive skin and stay away from the areas around
your eyes. Rinse your face but leave your skin damp.
Masking
Masking helps to detoxify, purify, and sofen the texture of your skin.
You should mask once or twice a week and right afer you exfoliate.
Look for a mask that is clay-based and with spearmint or peppermint,
fruit or fower extracts, vitamins and minerals. While your face is still
damp from exfoliating, take a scoop of your mask and apply it on your
skin, avoiding the area around your eyes. Once you have it on, go lay
back on a couch or bedas gravity will take over and you dont want
your face to become droopyand let it dry. Once its fully dry, rinse and
pat your face completely dry, then follow with toner and moisturizer.
Lets Not Forget About That Stiletto Body of Yours!
Cleansing your body with the proper products is just as important
as your facial skin care. You may as well take a bath in laundry
detergent if you are using drugstore-bought soaps and fruity-
smelling shower gels loaded with chemicals and fragrances.
Everyones skin is different, and shea butter or extra moisture is
not for everyone. Besides, some of those soaps are strong enough
to singe the hair off someones legs!
You want to use a mild, natural liquid soap that cleansesnot
stripsyour skin and helps keeps it supple and well-moisturized.
Stay away from bar soaps: They are made of wax and have the
tendency to leave a film on your skin over time and clog your
pores.
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Body Scrubs
Your body needs to be exfoliated just as your face does. I actually make
it a habit of exfoliating my face and body the same day. You can use a
scrub that is a bit more abrasive than the one for your face. Only use
sea salt or sugar scrubs with a natural oil base, like olive or almond oil.
Wash as usual in the shower and then turn of the water. Take a scoop
of scrub and start at your feet. Roll the product around in a circular
motion until your skin starts to tingle. Continue all the way up your
body, and dont miss anything. (Except perhaps for the one special area
you should know to exclude.) Go all the way up to your neck and then
just stand there for a minute or two to let the oil moisturize your skin.
Ten rinse. Moisturize with lotion or body cream while skin is still
damp to help lock in the moisture.
Moisturizing your body
Tis is one step you should try your hardest to avoid skipping. Your
skin is the biggest organ your body owns, so you have to take care
of it. Keeping your skin properly moisturized helps to maintain its
Goddess
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COFFEE BODY SCRUB
A great way to exfoliate and energize your skin is to
exfoliate with coffee grounds. The caffeine will wake
up your skin cells and the grounds will roll around
on the top layer of your skin and pick up dead skin
thats just sitting there. Take a handful of coffee
grounds and mix in a little water to create a paste.
Then rub it around in a circular motion on your
thighs, butt, breast, and tummy. Trust me: Its better
than any cellulite treatment you can buy.
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Love Isnt Blind
elasticity and sofness. When you moisturize your skin, it should stay
moisturized all day. And if you take care of your skin religiously, then
your skin should be naturally smooth and supple all the time. If it
isnt, here are the reasons:
You are moisturizing unexfoliated skin. If your skin is not prepped
for moisture, it will just sit on top of the dirt and dead skin; skin wont
soak in the moisture. It will be like spreading buter on stale bread.
You are using a moisturizer with too many chemicals and ingredients
that arent meant to be used on the skin. Why not just rub yourself
down with ammonia? Read the labels on your moisturizer, and if it
doesnt say anything like aloe vera, sweet almond oil, shea buter,
jojoba oil, coconut oil, or any sort of vitamins, dont use it on your
skin! (Try using it to lube a squeaky door hinge instead; it may work
much beter.)
You are using a moisturizer that has way too much water in it. If
youre buying botles of lotion that are bigger than a gallon of milk,
its probably flled with 75% water and 25% chemicals. If you ever
wonder why youre all slick and oily when you leave the house but
come home looking like you had a fght with a bag of four, its because
your moisturizer turned to vapora.k.a nothing.
I prefer body buters over lotion. Tey are ofen made with natural
ingredients and give your body a beautiful sheen. Tey dont have any
water or alcohol in them so they dont evaporate or turn your skin dry
by the end of the day.
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Makeup Magic
Make-up. Tat stuf that lets us hide all our imperfections. Te lie that
we tell the world. (I am fawless!) Ten we get behind closed doors and
the truth is revealed. Nothings worse than a woman that takes of her
make-up and looks like a completely diferent person. Heres the reality
of make-up: Te more you wear, the worse your natural skin will look.
Contrary to popular belief, your skin needs to breathe and soak in some
vitamin D from the sunor your skin winds up looking pale and pasty.
So rule #1: Dont plaster your face with make-up everyday.
Make-up is used to enhance, not disguise. Te more natural it looks,
the beter. Foundation needs to be undetected; brows shouldnt look
drawn in (besides, this ages you by fve to ten years). Nor should you
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SECRET SPRAYS
Im in love with delicious-smelling perfume! I have
to smell good all the time. I once had a guy friend
of mine ask, How do you just smell good all over?
Its so even! Its my secret sprays. Besides the
neck and wrists, I also spray perfume between my
breasts, on my tummy, in the creases of my arms
and legs, my inner thighs, and the small of my back.
I then mist it in the air, close my eyes, and walk thru
it so it gets in my hair and on my whole body. Yes, I
know it sounds like a lot, but because its so spread
out and not concentrated in the same areas, the
scent doesnt overwhelm. Your heart pulsates the
most in these spots too, and theyre the warmest
places in your body, so it allows the perfume to heat
up and sort of radiate. You will create a wind of
deliciousness when you walk by someone!
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Love Isnt Blind
see the blush siting on top of your cheeks. (Did the circus come to
town?) Being a make-up artist, I see women who look like they just lef
a face painting contest. So Rule #2: Less is more.
Im not saying that you shouldnt wear makeuphello, Im a makeup
artist. Im saying that beauty is from within, and make-up just helps you
express who you are, explore your creativity, and yes, hide an occasional
faw or two. I have a saying: Beauty is in the eye of the artist. And you
are the artist of your face. So have a feld day and experiment with your
make-up. Just remember that youre still beautiful even without it.
Make-up Secrets
Dont buy cheap make-up. If the cost is cheap, then it will probably
look cheap on your face. Its okay to buy drugstore brands, but buy the
good ones. Im not saying you have to spend hundreds of dollars on a
new make-up kit, but if youre paying $.99 for your lipsticks, then you
need to step it up a litle bit.
Invest in good brushes. I use the word invest because quality brushes
arent cheap. Tey are usually made from animal hair and are crafed
very well. A good powder brush can run you anywhere from $30-$100,
but they last for years. My brush collection is worth over $1000, and
Ive had it for about six years. If you dont need a full brush collection,
make sure you have the main ones: powder, blush, foundation, fat
shadow brush, a crease and an angle brush (for your brows and eye
liner). Tey make a world of a diference when you are applying your
makeup. Because these brushes are made with real animal hair, wash
them using a moisturizing shampoo.
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Keep your make-up and tools clean. A lot of women dont realize they
are breaking out because their make-up is full of bacteria and germs. If
youve been swiping your oily face with the same sponge for the last
fve months, youre actually puting on foundation and germs. Ten the
make-up product itself is ruined because you keep dabbing the same
dirty sponges and brushes in them. Change your sponges every one to
two weeks, sharpen your pencils afer every three to four uses, and wash
your brushes every week.
Make sure you remove your make-up well. Any residue can easily
cause breakouts or make your skin look tired and dull. Use make-up
removerformula or wipesbefore you wash your face. Dont just
use your cleanser to remove make-up; its meant to cleanse away dirt,
not make-up. I like to take my make-up of with olive oil. Te oil picks it
right up and it helps to moisturize my skin. And never sleep with make-
up on. You may as well buy a plastic bag over your face and go to sleep.
Practice. Tere is no special diploma that allows you to apply your
make-up well. It comes from practice and knowing your face. Try
diferent things out in the mirror. Play around with diferent lipsticks or
shadows and take pictures to see how you look in them.
Tere are tons of diferent foundations: powders, creams, paints, spray-
on, liquids, cream to powders, sticks, mousse, mineral, and whatever
else cosmetic companies will come up with. If youre not experienced
in the make-up world, its easy to get lured into thinking that you need
to mask your face with a bunch of diferent products.
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Love Isnt Blind
So let me break each one down for you so you know how to make
cosmetically smart choices:
Types of Foundation
Powder. Tis pancake pressed foundation is great to just whip on and
go. Not much blending is required because its applied with a sponge.
It will give you medium coverage, but go easy because it layers on
your skin. Each time you swipe your face, youre adding another layer
of foundation. (Tis is what causes the RuPaul look.) For lighter
coverage, use powder brush. Powdered foundations are great for oily
and combination skin because it helps to absorb formulation, making
foundation less noticeable. Heres a litle secret: Never wear powdered
foundations in pictures. It contains titanium dioxide, so when the
camera fashes, it refects and makes you look white and chalky.
Cream. Tis type is generally oil-based and gives medium to full
coverage. If you have oily skin, stay away from cream. Tis is a good
choice if you have imperfections or blemishes (that tend to be dry or
faky) that you want to smooth out. And cream looks great in pictures. I
also recommend this if you have dry skin because the oil will keep your
skin sof.
Liquid. Because there are so many new foundations in the market, people
rarely use liquid anymore. But this kind is great for those who want
something lightweight. Most liquid foundations are water-based and give
medium to light coverage. Its best to apply this with a brush or sponge
instead of your fnger tips. Your fngers have oil and germs that can spread
over your face. Besides, its messy and will destroy a good manicure.
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Cream to powder. Tis dual action foundation will give you full
coverage. Tese are typically oil- or silicone-based and with talc mixed
in. Tis foundation is best if you are going for the full-face Barbie look.
I like to use this foundation when I am doing a photo shoot or flming
something because it lasts long and gives you a mate fnish. But I dont
recommend using it on a regular basis; it can easily clog your pores.
Mineral. Tis is a new type of foundation that has become very popular
over the last few years. Its made from crushed minerals and when the
light hits your face, it gives of a refection. It typically gives medium to
light coverage and is great for all skin types. Its actually very prety on
the skin when its worn right.
Tinted moisturizer. My favorite! Tis is what I wear on a daily basis. It
moisturizes the skin while giving it very light coverage, protecting your
skin from pollution while still allowing your skin to breathe. Once its
setled on your face, it gives of a healthy glow. Its quick and simple
and keeps you looking natural as possible.
Foundation should only be worn if and when necessary. When your
skin is naturally fawless, there is no need to hide it. Tis is why your
skin care regime is so important. Even when I wear eye shadow and
lipstick, I rarely wear foundation; my skin doesnt need it.
Here is my daily make-up regime: Apply a dime size of tinted
moisturizer with a foundation brush. Ten I blend it with a sponge. Fill
my brows in with brown pencilnotice I said fll not draw. Dust my
cheeks and eyes with mineral powder thats one shade darker than my
skin tone. Apply mascara, nude lip liner, and a skin-tone gloss.
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Love Isnt Blind
Make-up tips and tricks
Baby powder cheekbones
Use a powder brush and lightly dust baby powder on the higher part of
your cheek bones. It will go on transparent and when the light hits it, it
will highlight your cheeks.
Powder your lips
Before you put on your lip liner and lipstick, apply loose or pressed
powder over lips. Tis will give you a very sharp line and keep your
lipstick on all day.
Twist, dont pump
Never pump your mascara brush; this lets air and bacteria in and
causes your mascara to get dry and clumpy quick. Instead, fully put the
brush back in the botle, twist it shut, and re-open it. And never share
mascaraits like sharing underwear.
Highlight your lips
Want pouty lips? Its all about highlighting. Start out in the center of
your botom lip with a very light, peach-colored lipstick and fll the rest
of your lip in with a dark plum or sof brown pencil. Add a light clear
gloss on top and voilasexy, pouty lips!
Blush your eyes
Find a nice nude blush that looks good on your skin tone and use it
not only on your cheeks, but dust it over your eyes as wellinstead of
wearing eye shadow. It gives your eyes a nice litle pop.
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Chisel your cheeks
If you want a sculpted look to your face, chiseling your cheeks will
give you that illusion. Take an angled blush brush and use powdered
foundation that is one shade darker than your skin tone. Swipe the lower
part of your cheeks until you can see the color. Ten take a sponge and
blend it in.
Conceal your brows
Having neatly shaped brows is a must, but you can accentuate them
by using concealer. Take a fat brush and a cream concealer that is one
shade lighter than your skin tone and lightly glide it right on your brow
bone and directly under the brow line. Tis will give you a very crisp
and bright look right in the frame of your eyes.
Line with shadow
Use a black or dark brown eye shadow to line your eyes instead of a
pencil. You can take a skinny angle brush, dip it in the shadow and
carefully line the tops of your eye lids. It will leave a very subtle depth
to your eyes but without the harshness of a pencil.
Lipstick Shadow
If you have an eye shadow color thats prety enough to wear on lips,
whats stopping you? Flake of a litle of the shadow and mix it with
clear gloss.
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Love Isnt Blind
Closet Makeover
Your skin is nice and smooth and you know how to rock your makeup
now lets talk about what youre wearing.
Remember when we talked about cleaning out earlier? Well nows
the time to overhaul that closet of yours. Go through it and take out
everything thats too small, too big, and too unfatering for you to be
seen in public wearingand prepare to give it all away. (And if you
dont know anyone who can beneft from your castofs, Im sure the
Goodwill, Salvation Army, or a womens shelter will fnd someone who
will appreciate them much more than you do.)
I have to be honest: Ladies, I am so disappointed in some of you.
Many of you have been leaving your house looking like who did it and
what for! In other words, a hot-ass mess. Let me just say this: Jeans
are made to ft you, you are not made to ft the jeans. Stop squeezing
into jeans that you know you or nobody in your family has any business
wearing. Youre making Monistat rich, for ghods sake! And trust me
the rest of the world doesnt want to see the crack of your behind.
Tey should have put an age and weight limit on low-rise jeans. And
dont get me started on skinny jeans. Im going to say it again: skinny
jeans. Skinny jeans, as in: made for skinny people, who are the opposite
of curvy. So if youre not skinny, why are you torturing the poor things
by forcing yourself into them? And if you have a mufn top hanging
over or you somehow look like Spongebob Squarepants, do not atempt
to wear a pair of skinny jeans.
Got bootydo? Tats when your stomach sticks out further than
your booty do. If this describes your body type, choose the proper
garments that will fater your atractive assets and not magnify faws.
(And start working on your Stileto Body Ritual!)
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Im no fashion expert, but I do know that were not supposed to
see your panties and bra through your clothes. First of, your clothes
shouldnt be that tight anyway. Were so lucky to be living in a world
flled with Spanx, control tops, seamless fabric, and thongs. You have
no excuse! One of the most unatractive things that a woman can do is
show of her panty lines. And if you have not-so-toned legs, please stop
wearing fabrics that display every dimple, bump, and ripple on your
body.
Its okay to be fabulously sexy and show of your curves and skin.
Just make sure its the right curves and the right parts of your skin that
youre faunting.
Up Your Shoe Game
As youre cleaning out your closet, dont forget to trash those busted
shoes that you have been wearing for the past six years. If they are
leaning to one side, the sole is worn out, the heel has rubbed down to a
slant, and the sides are all scufed up, its time to say bye-bye
Before I really understood how important quality shoes were, I would
buy my shoes from the typical chain stores or big discount department
stores. Until I learned the hard way. A while back I went out with some
girlfriends and on this particular night, I just knew I was fy! I got all
decorated up, had on a cute outft, and my sexy litle pair of $39.99
stiletos I bought earlier that day.
As I atempted to strut across the dance foor and down the steps to
where my girls were siting, the heel broke on my shoe. I went tumbling
down the stairs with an audience of people to cheer me on. It was one
of the most embarrassing moments of my life. From that day on I vowed
never to buy cheap shoes again.
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I strongly recommend that you become a skilled stileto shopper
instead. A rule of thumb when buying stiletos: Be certain of the
crafsmanship. Here are other things to keep in mind when shopping
for the right pair of stiletos:
Te leather should be real.
Te sole should be nice and thick.
Te heel should be made from wood or metal. (Yes, Ive seen
chicks wearing shoes with rubber heels.)
When you put them on, fesh shouldnt be hanging out the
front or the backand the sides, for that mater.
Do not buy shoes that have glue holding them together. (You
know what Im talking about.)
Te shoe should have some weight to it; afer all it does have
to hold up all of your weight.
Sof Tootsies
Let me keep it real for a second: I have a serious problem with women
walking around with crusty heels and raggedy toes. You need a whoopin
if you slip your feet in a hot pair of stiletos and your toes look like youve
been playing soccer barefoot on gravel. Take of your shoes right now
and look at your feet. If they look like youve been playing footsie in the
soccer feld, march to the nearest drugstore and buy a pumice stone, a
pair of toe-nail clippers, some cuticle oil, a good foot cream, and a thick
pair of socks. In between your weekly pedicure (yes, weekly), you have
to take care of your feet yourself. Or make sure youre giving yourself a
pedicure once a week. Every other day or so scrub the botoms of your
feet in the shower; check for claw-like toenails and keep your cuticles
*
*
*
*
*
*
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moist. Every night before bed give yourself a foot massage with some
cream and put on your thick socks. Tis daily maintenance ensures you
are always ready to show of your feet at any given moment. It also shows
your feet some love for all the hard work that they put in for you.
Stileto Posture
My mother is the queen of stileto posture. When I was younger and
wed be out, shed always bend over and whisper in my ear, Tuck your
pelvic under, back up straight, and suck that tummy in! I was only 10
years old and had no idea why I had to be so proper. Litle did I know
she was seting me up to have fabulous posture and a walk that puts a
Victorias Secret model to shame!
Tucking your pelvic under when you stand and walk creates a sleek
silhouete and allows you to sort of glide when you move. Most
women think that walking with your but sticking out makes it look
bigger. Nah, it just makes you look silly.
Instead, imagine a string pulling your hip bones forward, your navel to
your spine, your shoulders down, and your spine up. Give it a try: Tuck
your pelvic under, suck that tummy in, and pull those shoulders back.
Be aware of your posture and try this for a weekyoull see a dramatic
diference in the way you look (it will also faten your tummy for good)
and the way you strut in your stiletos. You can master this posture by
doing your Stileto Body Ritual every morning; your confdence will
shoot through the roof!
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Money Maters
Mind over money
W
6
hoever said money isnt everything is someone
who probably didnt have any. Money is important,
and not just money itself but the power that it has
and what it represents. Everything on the face of
this planet is run by money. From the house you live in, to the food
you eat, to the way your mind thinksits all controlled by money. And
money determines the quality of life that you live; the more you have,
the beter it is. I mean, sure, you can march around saying money isnt
important. You can live in an impoverished neighborhood, never have
enough to pay your bills, and be limited to the things you can eatall
because of that silly afrmation. Lets see how happy you will be.
There is nothing wrong about wanting money or realizing the
importance of money. Its not being greedy. Or materialistic. Its
called being practical. Being smart. Geting real.
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Mentally Rich
Acquiring money starts with your mind. Te way you think about
money. Te things that you say and the way you treat money all have
an efect on how much of it you have. Remember when I talked about
belief systems? Well, money is one of the main things controlled by
your beliefs.
So what do you think about money? Do you think its hard to acquire?
Do you think you can only make money from your job? Do you say
things to yourself like, Its tough out here? Or Were in a recession
and I never have any money? Well, if you read Chapter 3 thoroughly,
you should know that those afrmations are shaping your reality.
Deeply rooted beliefs that were passed down from generation to
generation can also be a factor. Tink about everyone in your family. All
of you are most likely in the same fnancial situations. Ten think about
wealthy people: Everyone in the family has access to money and has the
mindset to acquire more.
So what mindset have you adopted from your family about money?
Did you hear your parents say, Money doesnt grow on trees or You
cant have that because we dont have enough? You are probably
holding on to those afrmations in your mind, and theyre causing you
to live in the trap of fnancial despair.
Newsfash: Tere is money all around you!Money is exchanging
hands every second, so there is plenty of money to go around. Tere
is enough money on this earth for every person to have one million
dollars. People who dont have money hold a belief that is blocking
them from receiving it. So what do you think of money?
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Money Maters
Write down your thoughts:
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Value for Money
Are your bills just crumpled up, gathering like trash at the botom of
your purse? Are there loose dollar bills scatered around your house
and change in between your couch cushions? Tese say a lot about how
you value money. It says, I dont care, money isnt important. How
well do you respect the material things that money allowed you to buy?
Do you take care of your clothes and keep your house clean? Or are
clothes thrown all over the place and is your house a complete mess?
Is your car clean? Or is it dirty with dents and scratches all over and
with junk in the backseat? When you physically respect your material
thingsand physical money itselfyou are placing a high regard for
what money represents in your life.
Remember: You will never receive anything that you cant handle. So
if you dont know how to handle money, youve already fgured out why
you dont have any.
Gratitude
When money is low, bills are due, and youre stressed out, it can be
easy to develop a very unappreciative atitude. You look at the money
that you have and cringe at the thought of having to give it to the gas
76
company or your landlord. Or you pay your credit card bills late because
you dont want to let go of the litle money that you have. Look at it this
way: You have to pay a bill because you were given a service or item
in return. Be grateful that you have a home and a landlord, that you
have electricity and a piece of plastic to get something now and pay for
later. Tere are people that dont have that luxury. Pay your bills with
gratitude. When you are writing out that check to send in to the cable
company, say thank you. Pay your landlord or your mortgage with a
smile and think of how comfortable your home is. When you do this,
you are actually seting yourself up to receive more. Until one is truly
grateful for what they have now, they cannot receive any more.
Sources of income
Get a JOB
Most of us are taught to be employees, to work for someone else at
an hourly wage. Te reality of this is you are using your time to build
someone elses dream in exchange for just enough money so you cant
live yours. A job stands for Just Over Broke. And thats exactly what it
does: It provides you with just enough money to live, eat, and entertain
yourself without going broke. A JOB isnt your dream; most people
arent truly passionate about what they do either. So you just do enough
work for you not to get fred, and the job pays you just enough for you
not to quit. Being an employee is a surefre way to get on a fnancial
treadmill. I dont care how much it pays. If you get fred, laid of, or the
company closes down, your money stops. Im not telling you to quit
your job or that having a job is a bad thingabsolutely not! What I am
saying is that its not going to give you fnancial freedom. So read on
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Money Maters
Become Self-Employed
A lot of people get this confused with being a business owner. When
youre self-employed, youre still an employee. Yes, using your gif
or talent or providing a service to earn money is a great thing to do.
But keep this in mind: If you stop working, so does your money.
Self-employment is a big responsibility, but it is one of the frst steps
to fnancial independence. It allows you to learn about business and
control how much money you actually make. Youand not an hourly
wagedictates just how much you can earn.
Own a Business
Tis is where the cash fow starts to come in. A business owner is
someone who creates a medium for a product or service to be supplied to
people, and this medium is operated by employees. Te great thing about
business owners is that they dont have to be present for their business to
make money. It doesnt mater where you are or what youre doing, cash is
always fowing into your pockets. Tink about how good that would feel!
Tis is one of the smartest ways to become fnancially free.
Investing
Now youre thinking! You are officially a financially smart woman
once youve stepped into the world of investing. To sum it up: An
investor uses their own capital (money) to gain financial returns.
There are many things that you can invest in: real estate, stocks,
certain types of bank accounts, different companies, or even people.
Investing is a surefire way to watch your money grow. But investing
takes patience and practice. You have to learn how to be a savvy
investor; if you dont, you might fnd yourself in big trouble.
78
How much money you have and your ability to make more comes
from making a frm decision on which source you choose to get money
from. Granted becoming a savvy investor or starting your own business
doesnt happen overnightand yes, it takes time, money, and planning
to do these thingsthat doesnt mean you cant increase your cash fow
right now.
Ways to Increase Your Cash Flow
Money is fowing everywhere! Figuring out how to make it fow toward
you is the challenge. Tis is where creativity comes in. Now do you see
why its a valuable skill for a woman to have?
Here are a few creative ways to increase your cash fow while you are
seting yourself up for fnancial freedom.
Provide a Service
Are you a skilled writer or graphic designer? Can you translate any other
language? Can you type well or have administrative skills? Do you have
good taste in interior design? Tere are websites like craigslist.com or
elance.com where you can post your service and let people fnd you.
Teach a Class
What are you good at that other people want to know how to do? Can
you dance? Do you know how to do make-up? You can even do a cooking
class. (Hey, maybe everyone hasnt had a chance to read this book yet!)
Organize a class and advertise around your day job, school, and church,
and let people know what you do. If you have just fve people a week
taking a classat $50 bucks eachthats a nice litle chunk of change.
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Money Maters
Become a Consultant
Te title consultant is geting more and more popular these days.
You can basically put any word before consultant and turn it into a job:
Marketing Consultant, Financial Consultant, Wardrobe Consultant,
Beauty Consultant, Technology Consultant, and so on. You can be so
creative with this, and people will actually pay you for your services!
I know because I have paid several people to consult with me in
diferent areas of my life.
Join a Direct Sales Company (Also Known as Network Marketing)
Tis is a defnite way to increase your cash fow. I know frsthand:
Network marketing is what funded my dreams! You may have heard
of some companies like Mary Kay or Avon but there are hundreds of
others that give you an opportunity to make a ton of money. Direct
sales is where you become a consultant for a company and you sell
a product directly to the customer and get a percentage of the proft,
typically anywhere between 20-50%. Te great thing about some of
these companies is you get paid right away; some even have debit cards
where your money is directly deposited. You can make anywhere from
$50 to a couple thousand dollars a month, depending on how much
you sell. Some people even earn a full-time or six-fgure income from
their direct sales business. Hell, I even know a few millionaires.
You can do this by building a team of people and geting a percentage
of what they sell. I truly believe that direct sales is one of the best ways to
have an additional stream of income andin some casesan express
route to fnancial freedom. Unfortunately, the direct sales industry has
goten a bad rap from people who tried it and didnt fnd successand
because they didnt, they called it a pyramid scheme. Its far from that!
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Te real defnition of a pyramid is a job. Your boss it at the top and the
managers, supervisors, and employees (meaning you) exist somewhere
down below. Dont let terrible belief about network marketing stop you
from trying and possibly making money.
Sell on E-bay
Tis is a quick and easy way to make some extra cash. Go through
your house and fnd things that are of value but which youre not using
anymore. One mans trash is really another mans treasure. I once sold an
old Chanel bag on e-bay for $200, so I know for a fact that this works.
Start an Investment Club
Get a couple of girlfriends and do the research on a few proftable
companies. Each of you put a couple hundred dollars and invest in the
company. When you get your return, split it among yourselves. Who
knows, you may even quadruple your investments.
How Much are You Worth?
Te world will gladly pay you what you ask of it. So knowing what
your worth is important. Im not talking about your self-worth; Im
talking about how much your time is valued at. Too ofen we let a job
or someone else determine our value. When you have set a standard for
yourself and accept nothing less, then you will begin to be paid what
youre worth.
So ask yourself: What qualities, skills, and services do I provide, and
how much are they worth? Literally. So you may say: I am a graphic
designer and my services are worth $70 an hour. When you know that
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Money Maters
number exactly, and assertively tell the world, that is what you will be
paid.
I remember back when I was building my website for this book, I was
in need of a videographer to flm and edit a short segment. I met this
guy at a cofee shop who said he was a videographer. Great, I thought;
so I asked him how much he charges. He said Eh ya know, doesnt
really mater. Doesnt really mater?! So I asked again, How much do
you usually charge? And he gave me another unclear answerlike
his services werent worth much. He fnally threw out $200, and I said
Deal! Litle did he know, I had done my research and had set a budget
of $1000 for that project. So he lost out on $800 because he wasnt clear
about what his service was worth.
Te world will gladly pay you what you say youre worth. Tis even
goes for a job. You shouldnt be concerned about how much the job
pays; they should be concerned about how much youre worth.
Take a moment and ask yourself: What am I worth?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
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Get money conscience
Im no fnancial expert, so Im not going to sit here and tell you how to
boost your credit score or how to spend your money. I approach money
from a totally diferent standpoint than most people. I believe 1) that
accumulation of money starts in your mind and 2) the more you know
about money, the more you can handle it. So I want this to be your
starting point in increasing your money conscience and awareness.
Yes, there are hundreds of books out there that will teach you how to
get your ish togetherfnancially speaking. I just wanted to give you a
nudge to wake you up a litle.
Here are some books that will teach you what you need to know to be a
fnance-savvy Goddess that you deserve to be:
Tink and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill (My favoriteI read it
over and over.)
Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
Smart Women Finish Rich by David Bach
Te Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke
by Suze Orman
83

Welcome to the
Part 2
Wonderful World
of Domestication
84
f course you know how to boil water. Step one: Grab a
pot. Step two: Fill the pot with the desired amount of
water. Step three: Place pot on stove. Step four: Turn
stove on, and heat water until lots of bubbles appear.
Simple, right? Of course it is. But now that youve got that water
boiling, what are you going to do with it? Make pasta? Okay, but how
do you fgure out how much you need so you dont cook too much?
Also, when should you add it to the pot, and how do you know when its
done? And do you really need to add salt, or can you do without it?
Suddenly, boiling water isnt as easy as it sounds. If you dont know
what to do with it, then all youve got is a pot of hot liquid.
Most of us dont know how to cook. We think we can cook because
we followed some recipes, made a few things that were edible, and
didnt burn the house down in the process.
7
How to Boil Water
Successful cooking and success in life start with the basics
O
How to Boil Water
85
Tats not cooking. Tats following directions. Just like assembling
a bookshelf from Ikea doesnt make you a carpenter, following recipes
doesnt make you a cook. If you lost the directions, can you fgure out
what to do? Tats what I thought.
Being a Domestic Goddess means that you dont need a recipe all the
time to whip up something fabulous!
Why We Cant Cook
Who can we blame for our pathetic culinary skills? Lets start with our
mothers. Dont get me wrong, they meant well when they chased us out
of the kitchen and encouraged us to go out, get advanced degrees, and
start our own businesses.
Our moms didnt want us to become housewives. Tey wanted us
to become doctors, lawyers, and CEOsprofessional women who can
compete with the old boys club, who didnt need to rely on a man to
bring home the bacon. Or if they were traditionalists, they had no clue
and no comment on how to negotiate a changing world where women
had the option to pursue their dreams.
In either case, the art of cooking got lost along the way. Their good
intentions left us clueless in the kitchen, lacking the know-how to
cook meals for ourselves (never mind a family!) on a regular basis.
So what do we do? Live on expensive takeout, restaurant meals
and pre-packaged, reheat-and-eat dishes loaded with sodium and
preservatives. And if we do decide to cook, its boxed rice, canned
vegetables, and pre-seasoned meat. Now thats no way to feed your
soulor anyone elses for that matter.
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But mom isnt the only one to blame. Remember Home Economics?
By the time most of us got to high school, the required course that
taught cooking, cleaning, scheduling, and budgeting skills became
an electiveif it was even still being ofered at all. Budget cuts, social
trends, whatever the reason, good old-fashioned Home Econ 101
went out of style with acid washed jeans, leaving us with a serious
lack of kitchen knowledge, a complete inability to efciently purchase
groceries, and no idea how to go about creating a meal of the top of
your head. (But acid wash is backcan you believe it?so maybe
there is hope for domesticity bliss?)
If mom didnt sit us on a stool and give us formal cooking lessons,
and our schools couldnt be bothered to teach us the basics, how did
we learn how to cook? More ofen than not, we had to teach ourselves
through a trial-and-error process that lef an explosion of ingredients
and set of a smoke alarm or two. Because the foundation of cooking
wasnt instilled in our generation, we have somehow developed a sort of
laziness to get in our own kitchens and cook on a regular basis.
Rediscover the Joy of CookingA Metaphor for Life
We shouldnt learn how to cook just because we feel like we have to.
Cooking is fun. Cooking is sexywhoever said that the way to a mans
heart is through his stomach defnitely knew a litle something!
Cooking is an excellent way to express our creativity and accomplish
something that has nothing to do with our careers. At its purest, most
basic level, cooking is a metaphor for life.
Best of all, the skills that we acquire learning how to cook can be
applied to other areas of our lives. For example, when we know how
How to Boil Water
87
to make a weeks worth of meals on a budget, we can fgure out how to
save up enough money on other things to pay for that next pair of ferce
Louboutin platformswith cash instead of credit. Or if you can fgure
out how to make a complete meal with a box of noodles, an onion, and
some meat, you can fgure out a creative way to solve any problem that
you have.
Few things compare to the rush you get from seeing the results from
something you created, and that feeling is a guaranteed side efect when
you make a meal thats not just edible, but delicious! Tats a natural
high, one that will have you pating yourself on the back and feeling like
theres nothing you cant do in your life.
If cooking has never made you feel that way, then its about time that
it did. Let these next few chapters be your guide to unleashing your
culinary confdence. Now lets get you familiar with your kitchen: It
can be an intimidating place, but dont be afraid. Im going to walk you
through everything you need to know and put you on the path towards
becoming that Domestic Goddess.
First things frst, lets fgure out what kind of cook you are right now.
Pick one from the three categories that best describe your culinary
personality.
Te Ingnue
If youre geting setled into your frst post-college apartment or if youve
survived for the past few years on nothing but takeout, Lean Cuisines,
and restaurant meals, then youre defnitely an Ingnue. Your idea of
meal preparation is reheating lefovers. Your kitchen cabinets are flled
with out-of-season clothes instead of non-perishable food items. Is that
dust on your stovetop? If so, youll defnitely want to start here.
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Te Diva
You know a thing or two about making meals, have a handful of dog-
eared cookbooks on your shelf, and a dozen or so recipes you can make
without having to follow step-by-step directions. You can pull together
a variety of appetizers if company drops by, but the thought of preparing
a big holiday dinner leaves you in a cold sweat.
Te Goddess-in-Training
You like to get creative when you cook, and whipping up a litle something
on the fy is usually not a problem, but your aspirations outpace your
abilities. Youd like to learn how to fre up a famb, whip up a frappe,
and lay out some canaps. (For all you Ingnues and Divas that we just
lost with that jargon, dont worry. Youll get there in no time.) Tis is
the category for all you Food Network junkies who dream of recreating
the recipes from your favorite showscomplete with garnishesbut
have fancy appliances and utensils that tend to go unused.
Now that you know where you stand, lets take a closer look at what
you should be working with. Te Ingnues got the basics, the Diva
is kicking it up a notch, and the Goddess is taking it to a whole other
level.
Keep in mind that the Ingnue may have a few things that the Diva
and Goddess dont, but the level of difculty and expertise generally
increases by category.
89
ow that weve defned your culinary personality, if
youre ever going to hold court in the kitchen, then you
must know your way around itand everything thats
in it. No Goddess is ever caught unaware of the things
going on around her.
So do you know your rotisserie from your roaster? Oven from broiler?
Your mince from your dice? Heres a quick crash course on cooking and
kitchen speakfor the Ingenue, Diva, and Goddess.
Major Appliances
Ingnue
Te Stove
Te most basic of all cooking appliances, everybody has one. (If you
Kitchen Necessities
Master the art of cookingand add spice to your own life
N
8
90
dont have a stove, you need to have a serious chat with your landlord.)
Most stoves (or ranges, as theyre also known) have four burners and are
powered by either gas or electricity. Heres how to tell the diference: A
gas stove has open fames, while the electric has coils that conduct heat.
Is one beter than the other? Generally speaking, an electric stove
cooks more efciently and will produce less smoke because heat is more
evenly distributed. However, if youd like to do some fancy things like
char a red pepper, you just cant pull that of without the kind of nice,
controlled fre that a gas stove provides. But electric stoves are easier to
cleanjust wipe and gowhereas the gas ones will require you to lif
out the grates to get to those hard-to-reach splaters and crumbs.
Te Oven (and Broiler)
Otherwise known as that big thing with the door, the oven is
sometimes below the stove, other times its a separate appliance that
can come with a broiler underneath. Te oven is where to cook things
that need to be surrounded by heat, such as whole chickens or casserole
dishes (lasagna, macaroni & cheese, etc.), while the broiler is where
you put things that need a quick hit of direct heat, like your more tender
cuts of meat, poultry, and fsh.
Te Refigerator
Te ideal place for most of your perishables (i.e. the things that will
spoil prety quickly if you dont store them in a cool place), like milk,
eggs, orange juice, cheese, lunchmeat, soda, white wine, cut fruits and
vegetables, and lefovers you plan to polish of within a few days, are just
a few of the things that take up residence in the fridge. If you havent
noticed it already, fnd the knob on the inside (or the LED display, if
91
Kitchen necessities
your fridge is really fancy) and check the temperature. Too cold and
your food will have litle ice crystals on it. Too warm and that milk that
should have lasted a few weeks will curdle days afer you bought it.
Te Freezer
If youre a true ingnue, this is where you keep the Haagen-Daazs and
ice cubesand not much else. But the freezers usefulness extends far
beyond freezing your ice cream. Use it to store certain types of lefovers
for the long-term and to keep bagged frozen fruits and vegetables handy
so you can thaw them out and enjoy them out-of-season or when you
dont have time to pick up fresh produce.
Te Microwave
Tis is that other appliance with the door, the small one that heats
and cooks with microwaves instead of fre and hot coils. While ideal
for reheating most lefovers and cooking things like microwave meals
(which you shouldnt be eating too many of anyway) and popcorn,
cooking anything else in here should be avoided.
Te Toaster
Slices of bread, bagels, toaster wafes, and Pop Tartsthey all go in
here for crunchy-on-the-outside, warm-on-the inside goodness. All
toasters have an adjustable timer or heat seting, so play around until
you fnd the setings that toast things up just the way you like them.
Wide-slot toasters are sold practically everywhere, so dont cram
those oversized bagels into a regular toaster. And never, ever stick your
fnger or a utensil into the toaster to free a stuck piece of bread, thats a
defnite no-no!
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Diva
Te Food Processor
Chopping, mincing, and dicing by hand works in small batches, but if
you need to add a lot of cut up ingredients to a dish or are making several
dishes at once, a food processor is a godsend. Equipped with diferent
types of blades, a good processor will cut your food preparation time
in half.
Te Blender
It doesnt require too much expertise to work a blender, but if you know
how to get creative with one, the possibilities are practically endless.
Whip up a smoothie for breakfast, create yummy frozen cocktails, mix
together wet ingredients for a recipeyou get the idea.
Te Cofee Maker
Cofee makers can be simple litle devices that only require you to
stick a pre-flled pod of ground beans in a slot and wait for the magic to
happen, or they can be complicated, programmable pieces of machinery
that grind fresh beans and sense how weak or strong you want your
Joe to be.
Cofeemakers need a lot of TLC and regular cleaning. If your model
uses flters, youll have to replace them ofen. And if your machine is a
drip model, youll have to run a botle of white vinegar through it at least
once a month to keep mildew from altering the taste of your cofee.
Te Outdoor Grill
Tis earns a spot in the Diva section of appliances because anything
involving an open fame in the great outdoors requires a litle extra
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Kitchen necessities
know-how! Types of grills range from the old-school charcoal ketles
and portable hibachis to gas-powered varieties.
Make sure theres plenty of open space to use your grill properly,
and never, ever use one indoorsnot even in an enclosed porch. Also,
resist the urge to get your fre going faster by pouring on more kerosene
than you needunless you think singed eyebrows are a good look.
Te Slow Cooker
Tese babies may have fallen out of vogue in recent years, but if you like
the idea of coming home to a cooked meal, a slow cooker is for you. Set
it up in the morning, put your ingredients in, program the heat seting,
and when you walk in the door in the evening, youll be greeted by the
fabulous scent of dinner.
Goddess
Te Stand Mixer
If youre serious about baking (and have enough counter space), youll
want to invest in a good electric hand mixer. Once you have one, youll
never want to hand mix anything ever again. And, if you care to invest in
some atachments, you can use your mixer to create homemade pastas,
ice creams, and to grind your own meat.
Te Rotisserie
Not an essential but defnitely a timesaver! A rotisserie can cut cooking
time in half and is ideal for whole chickens and other poultry. Your
bird will come out even, with crunchy, perfect skin, and unlike using a
regular oven, you wont have to remember to come back and baste it to
keep the meat from drying out.
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Pots, Pans and Bake Ware
Ingnue
10-Inch Fry Pan
Unless youre cooking for a small army, a 10-inch fry pan is big enough
to handle things like chicken breasts, fsh, and pancakes.
4-Quart Saucepan with Lid
A nice 4-quarter will keep your pasta sauces from splatering all over the
stoveif youve ever atempted to make sauce in a fry pan, you know
what Im talking about here. Tey are also ideal for dishes that require
even heat distribution, like rice, oatmeal, and steamed vegetables.
3-Quart Saute Pan with Lid
A saut pan is ideal for anything that needs to be cooked in a hurry
think stir-fries, vegetables, fsh, chicken, and lean cuts of meat.
7-Quart Stockpot with Lid
Tis pot is deep enough to handle all of your pastas, make batches of
soups and stews. If you need to make something that wont ft into your
saut pan, use the stockpot instead.
Baking Sheet
Beloved for making cookies, its fat and thin for fast, even results.
Diva
12-inch Fry Pan
Just a bit bigger, this pan handles larger cuts of meator use it when
the 10-inch is busy cooking something else.
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Kitchen necessities
5-1/2 Quart Dutch Oven
Also known as a French oven or a casserole dish, this piece of cookware
is perfect for hearty soups, stews, and yes, casseroles. Dutch ovens are
thicker than most other pots to beter spread heat to the center.
Roaster
To get those whole chickens done with minimal mess, youll need a
roaster with a rack insert. Tis will keep the botom of your bird from
burning, and direct the drippings away so the meat and skin wont be
soggy.
Mufn Pan
Put the bater into the litle holes, and out come perfectly formed
mufns.
Baking Dish
For oven-bake casseroles, roast vegetables, and more, use glass or
stoneware, depending on your budget.
Goddess
Wok
If youre serious about stir-fry, a wok pan with a rounded botom
concentrates heat in the centermaking it easier and faster to cook all
of your ingredients evenly. You can also use it to braise and fry the old-
fashioned way.
Grill Pan
Tis is what you use when you want to recreate the same grilled look
96
and taste youd get in your backyardbut in the convenience of your
kitchen. A grill pan looks just like a regular pan, but with raised grills
that look like road bumps on the botom, or it can be a long, fat pan
with handles on each end that fts over two burners.
Crepe Pan
If you have a crepe pan, Im scared of youand I want to come over
for brunch! Crepes are notoriously hard to master, and this specially
designed pan makes it as easy as possible to get that crispy, light texture.
You can also whip this pan out to make regular ol pancakes.
Cake Pan
Use round or square, depending on your preference.
Utensils
Ingnue
Basic Flatware
Tese are the forks, knives, and spoons that youll use every day to eat
your meals. Ideally, you should have four of each handy (more if you
have a large family or like to entertain), and they should all match!
If the ones you have are scratched up, bent, or broken, replace them
immediately.
Now, theres no need to head for the silverware section of a fancy
department store to replenish your fatware drawer. Places like Target,
Ikea, and Pier 1 have great selections that are suitable for any budget.
Just fnd a set you like that feels good in your handsnot too heavy, not
too lightand youre good to go.
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Kitchen necessities
Serving Fork and Spoon
Larger than a place seting, these get portions from the serving dish to
the plate with ease.
Pierced/Sloted Spoon
Used when cooking, this long-handled spoon lets liquids drain out so
you can separate out solid bits of food.
Ladle
Like a deep spoon with a long bent handle, ladles get into deep pots and
resurface with soups, chili, and more with minimal mess.
Mixing Bowls
Youll want to have several of these on hand in a variety of sizes to use for
jobs as small as whisking one egg or as large as combining ingredients
for a casserole. Start with an 8-inch, a 10-inch, and a 12-inch diameter
bowl, and fll out your collection with bigger and smaller sizes as you
see ft.
Diva
Steak Knives
When it comes to cuting up certain things, like a juicy steak, a regular
knife wont do. A steak knife has a serrated edge, all the beter to slice
through thick cuts of meat, and its slightly heavier so you can keep a
frm grip.
Buter Knives
Youll probably only break these out for entertaining or, more ofen, if
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you eat a lot of bread with your meals. Smaller and rounder than other
knives, you wont accidentally cut anything with one of these.
Salad Servers
A rounded fork with fat tines and a fat spoon are ideal for grabbing
greens and chopped salad ingredients.
Pastry Server
Cut out a piece of pie, cake, etc. with one side, and use the other to lif
it out and place the serving onto a plate.
Goddess
Soup Spoons
Flater and wider than regular spoons, soup spoons keep slurping and
spillage to a minimum.
Salad Forks
Shorter than a basic fork, these usually have a lighter handle.
Cocktail Forks
If shellfsh (lobster, crab, etc.) is on your menu, its a good idea to have
these around to get delicate meat out of hard-to-reach places.
Teaspoons
Tiny and delicate, these are perfect for stirring afer-dinner tea (and
cofee, by the way).
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Kitchen necessities
Cutlery
Ingnue
Paring Knife
Small and smooth-bladed, this knife handles the detail work: peeling
vegetables, deveining shrimp, and removing seeds from peppers.
Utility Knife
Tis is a good, multi-purpose knife, but not the best choice for big,
hearty vegetables or meats.
Chef s Knife
A workhorse knife with a slightly rounded blade, its designed to create
clean, even slices.
Serrated Knife
Also called a bread knife, this weighty blade with a saw-like edge slices
bread and delicate produce (think tomatoes) without mashing them
down.
Kitchen Shears
Use these to cut open packaging, remove excess fat, and trim small
vegetables. Teyre especially good for cuting up small amounts of
fresh herbs.
Sharpening Steel
Knife blades get dull over time, and if you dont sharpen them, it will take
you longer to prepare ingredientsand you might even hurt yourself.
Run your knives down the sharpening steel to keep them ready to cut.
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Diva
Carving Knife
A long, thin-blade knife that cuts meat precisely, its ideal for cuting up
roasts and poultry.
Cleaver
Tis heavy rectangular knife is what you need to cut up a whole chicken
with ease.
Goddess
Boning Knife
Does exactly what you think it does, without shredding the surrounding
meat, thanks to its fexible blade.
Fillet Knife
Working with a whole fsh? Tis fexible knife gets under the skin and
around the bones.
Cooking Tools
Ingnue
Grater
Shred veggies and cheese with ease. You can get the kind that you hold
over a bowl, but I like the box graters that have diferent-sized holes and
a hatch at the botom so you dont get food all over the place.
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Kitchen necessities
Peeler
Tose potatoes wont peel themselves, and unless you want to risk a trip
to the E.R., you dont want to peel something with a knife. Peelers have
double-sided blades that shear of skin and keep your hands safe.
Measuring Cups and Spoons
Unless you can eyeball teaspoons, tablespoons, and cups, you need
these. A set of cups should include 1/4, 1/3, half, and whole cups,
while a measuring spoon set should have a , , and 1 teaspoons and
1 tablespoon.
Strainer
Get rid of the liquid from pastas and boiled veggies without losing
your food down the sink. Pour the pot or pan, contents and all, into a
strainer, let the water drain out of the botom, and give it a litle shake
to coax out those extra stubborn droplets.
Diva
Spatula
Use it to stir, spread, and fip food that needs to be evenly cooked on
both sides. Tese can be wood, metal, or silicone. My votes for the
siliconeit wont leave scratches behind and doesnt conduct heat.
Whisk
Whip up some eggs, mix together ingredients, get the lumps out of
baterwhisks add air as you move them around, resulting in a lighter,
fufer consistency. You should have two: a fat whisk to use in shallow
bowls or in a pan and a balloon whisk to get into deep bowls and pots.
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Goddess
Rolling Pin
Because you dont believe in store-bought crusts, you like to make them
the old-fashioned waydito for biscuits and cuts of meat that could
use a litle fatening.
Basting Brush
Use it to spread juices over an oven-cooked chicken to prevent dry-
out.
Pastry Brush
For you fancy bakers out there, this litle brush will spread buter on
delicate pastries and crusts, giving you that coveted browned efect.
Kitchen Torch
Fire it up to give crme brulee its distinctive crunchy topping and
quickly caramelize sugars in other desserts. Now you are ofcially a
Domestic Goddess if you have one of these babies in your kitchen!
Preparation Techniques
Ingnue
Chop
Simply put, chopping is cuting things up with a knife, usually into bite-
size pieces. Work it like the pros do! Keep your knifes sharp and keep
the fngers of your opposite hand out of the blades way. Some people
curl their fngers under or steady the food with their fngernails. Find
what works for you and keeps you out of the emergency room.
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Kitchen necessities
Dice
Just like chopping, only now youre cuting things into smaller pieces,
about half to a quarter of the size of chopped ingredients.
Grate
Use a kitchen grater to turn blocks of cheese into fabulously thin slices
that are perfect for adding to your cooking or sprinkling on top of chili,
soups, salads, and more.
Whisk
Break out a whisk and give your wrist a workout! Whisking adds air
to wet ingredients, transforming egg whites into fufy meringues, for
example, or mixing whole uncooked eggs into a blend that makes the
perfect scramble. Whisking also combines wet and dry ingredients
smoothly and evenly.
Blend
A super-fast way to combine diferent ingredients, it can be done in a
blender, a food processor, or old-school style with a spoon or spatula.
Diva
Julienne
Tis is the slicing of foodgenerally, vegetablesinto thin slices,
roughly about 1/8 of an inch thick and at least an inch in length.
Marinate
Give your foods a good soak, and theyll give you a lot of favor.
Marinating involves immersing raw ingredients into a favored sauce
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(such as a soy sauce, oil, vinegar, or herb-based sauces) and leting them
absorb the liquid for a half hour or longer.
Peel
Removing the skin of fruits and vegetables takes a bit of practice. You
dont want to cut too deep and remove the good parts that youre trying
to get to. You can peel with a knife (the smaller and sharper, the beter),
but a vegetable peeler makes the process much easier.
Goddess
Stuf
Hello, Tanksgiving! Stufng done right isnt as easy as cramming the
birds backside full of bread and vegetables and leting it do its thing in
the oven. If youre not careful, the bird will be undercooked and the
stufng will absorb raw juices. Pay close atention to the birds internal
temperature (use a cooking thermometer for an accurate reading) or
skip the stufng and bake a dressing instead. Its the same ingredients,
just baked in a casserole dish instead of inside the bird. I wont tell
anyone you cheated.
Reduce
When you want a litle less of the liquid to reduce the volume and
concentrate the favors, heat it and boil of some of the juice until you
achieve the desired amount and consistency.
Puree
Te goal here is to create a thick liquid, so youre using a strainer or
crushing ingredients (normally beans or veggies) to break down or
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Kitchen necessities
remove solid pieces. Te puree that remains becomes its own ingredient
that is then added to your cooking.
Cooking Techniques
Ingnue
Boil
Boiling heats liquid (excluding oils) in a pot until you see a lot of litle
bubbles. It doesnt need to be just plain water; boiling potatoes in low-
fat chicken stock or vegetable stock, for example, gives them a rich,
hearty favor.
Steam
Te next level of boiling! Steaming takes the vapors from boiled water
and cooks food in an indirect way. Tis is a great way to cook vegetables,
especially if you like a nice, crunchy texture. You can do this with a
special steamer pot, if you like, or you can place a strainer on top of a
pot and cover it with a lid.
Bake
Fire up the oven and put your food inside! Baking uses dry heat to cook
food slowly, making it ideal for things that you defnitely dont want to
overdo, like temperamental breads and other baked goods.
Saut
Tis is what is known as a browning technique, using small amounts
of buter or oil at high heat in a pan on the stove. Sauting keeps foods
nice and juicy (perfect for things like pork chops, flet mignon, and thin
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strips of fank steak) while searing in the favor. Te juices that remain
are commonly used to make a sauce, or simply drizzled straight from
the pan onto the food to enhance the taste. If you dont use the juices,
technically youre pan-searing, not sauting.
Grill
Fire it up, baby! Tis is cooking over direct heat, right on top of an open
fame. Te grill gives you a surface to place food on, making cooking
fast. Just make sure youre keeping that fre under control.
Stir-Fry
A technique using hot oil and high heat, stir-frying retains the crunchy
texture of vegetables and cooks meats and tofu quickly.
Diva
Roast
Tis is baking in the oven, but at a higher temperature and for a shorter
amount of time. When meats are roasted, you can baste them with the
juices that drip to the botom of the pan to avoid dry-out. Do this every
few minutes if you can rememberno one likes a dry cut of meat!
Deep-Fry
Kind of like boiling, but with hot oil, frying is a quick-cook process that
creates a crunchy-on-the-outside texture, especially when you cook
meats with their skins on or anything with bread crumbs or four coating.
Its not a complicated technique, but it is a bit high-maintenanceyou
beter keep your eye on the stove or risk burning your food, yourself,
and your entire kitchen.
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Kitchen necessities
Slow-Cook
If youre married, someone probably bought you a slow-cooker (a.k.a.
Crock Pot
) whether you actually registered for one or not. If youve

yet to say I do, give this gif to yourself. Slow-cookers are deep, self-
heating stand-alone electrical appliances that cook foods at a low
temperature, allowing you to fll it, set it, forget it, and enjoy a ready-to-
eat meal hours later.
Barbecue
Tink grilling, but with a sauce or spice rub added before cooking.
Additional sauce is normally brushed on while cooking to keep
food from drying out. Meats and vegetables can also be marinated
beforehand.
Goddess
Broil
Broilers cook food in a drawer under the direct heat source of most
ovens. Dont have a separate broiler? You can get the same efect if your
oven has two diferent sources of heat. Turn the lower heat source of,
turn the upper one on, and place your food close to the upper source
Braise
It all goes down in a pot, with the moist heat created from liquid
(typically tomatoes or wine) turning the toughest of meats into melt-
in-your-mouth goodness. Vegetables are ofen added and the remaining
liquid can be used to make a killer sauce.
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Caramelize
Tis uses direct heat under a broiler or a kitchen torch to brown sugar,
like the yummy, nuty topping on crme brulee.
Simmer
Tis is cooking with water just below the boiling pointrequiring a
close eye and fnesse at keeping the temperature right where it needs to
be. Bring water to a boil and then back the heat down gradually until the
bubbles stop appearing. Ideal for keeping delicate foods (that may turn
mushy under a full boil) intact and for anything that you dont want
fully cooked, such as a poached egg.
Preserve Your Sexy Kitchen Swagger
Okay, so you know what youre doing. Youve got your lingo down pat.
Now lets talk about what you look like in the kitchen. Plain and simple,
you need to look good! Not just cute in a clean-and-smelling-good sort
of way, but cute in a sexy, damn-girl-what-are-you-making-in-here way.
We want your man to catch a whif of what youre making and come
into the kitchen to see you looking just as delicious as the dish. Get the
picture?
So lets take a look at what youre working with. If your usual kitchen
atire is a worn-out velour sweat suit, a raty robe or housecoat, or
anything with a stain or a tear, you need to be ashamed of yourself.
Please dont run around your own home looking like a hot mess.
I dont want the UPS guy to think youre some sloppy maid, and I
defnitely dont want your man to catch you looking like his great-
grandma.
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Kitchen necessities
Dont let anyone else (or for that mater your own mirror), catch
you looking like anything less than the refned and sophisticated lady of
the house that you really are. I know your old clothes are comfortable,
and Im not asking you to buy a new wardrobe, but you know when
certain things pass the wear by date. If you wouldnt be caught dead
wearing something out in public, dont wear it in your kitchen; get rid
of it. Now.
Of course you dont bust out your couture when youre leaning over
a hot stove. But spice it up a bitnot only will it make you look good,
but your man will defnitely appreciate it!
Now that weve got you looking good, can we talk about those fip-
fops on your feet? Yes, youll want to lose those. Unless your house is
on the beach, fip-fops in the kitchen arent hot.
Neither are fuzzy slippers. Nothing screams Im a housewife and Ive
let myself go more than footwear that makes you look like you have
paws. Your only excuse is if your kids gave them to you for Mothers
Day. Ten you can wear them a few times for their sake until you
accidentally misplace them.
And dito for those hideous, plastic cloggy things. Youre not working
in the garden, and youre not a professional chef slaving away on an
eight-hour restaurant shif. You dont need to wear those anti-fashion
statements. And did I mention theyre hideous? Seriously, plastic clogs
are like man repellent. If youve got these on you, might as well pull on a
plaid muumuu, tie a bandana around your head, and call it a day.
So what should you wear on your feet? Umstiletos, of course! Its
such a liberating experience! Swaying around in the kitchen, bending
over a hot oven with an arch in your backyes, unleash your sexiness
in the kitchen.
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Now, lets talk about wearing those stiletos. Teres a right way and
a wrong way to wear those babies, and the wrong way is clomping
around like your feet hurt. So not sexy. If you havent worn stiletos in a
while (or ever!), youll have to get in some practice time. Start out just
standing still in your stiletos. Youre about three to fve inches higher
of the ground than when you are in fats and sneakers, and that takes a
litle geting used to. Try shifing your weight around and placing one
foot in front of the other.
Next, take a litle stroll. When you walk in stiletos, your hips should
sway gently, like a tree blowing in the breeze. Tat horse-like strut that
supermodels do on the runway may look hot on television, but it looks
sort of ridiculous and kind of scary in real life. Tink subtle shifs, not
popping hip joints. And your feet should glide across the foor. No
stomping. Te heel should meet the foor with a click, not a thud.
Repeat this afrmation: I am light on my feet. I am light on my feet
Put on some music and practice walking in rhythm. As you walk, pull
your pelvic under and lean your shoulders back. Never walk with your
but sticking out and your shoulders forward. Tis gives you a bird
look when you walknot a good thing. Keep your legs together; as
much as possible, they should almost touch as you walk to create a sort
of V shape in the lower body. When you stand, be careful not to look
like a quarterback, with your feet wide apart. Go for the ballerina stance:
feet looking almost like the leter T and your knees pointed in.
If you have to bend over in your stiletos, start out bending from the
knees, not the waist. A waist bend (which your man will love, by the
way) is an advanced move that will send you crashing to the foor if you
arent careful. So give it a litle practice, throw on some stiletos, and get
in the kitchen!
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idnt your mother ever tell you to say please and thank
you? Im sure she taught you these magic words (among
other things), but its rare to fnd a woman with true
manners nowadays. We go through our days pushing
and bumping past each other, not saying thank you to the cashier,
or even saying good morning to the ones we love. Not because we
are trying to be rude; we just dont fully understand that manners are
another form of gratitude. Yes, gratitudeshowing appreciation or
acknowledging another person for his or her actions. Its also another
form of awarenessbeing aware of what you are giving and receiving
in the world.
Your manners also display your class, your gracefulness, and how
unselfsh you are. It releases part of your inner beauty and, in a way,
adds to your glow.
Goddess Etiquete
Say Please and Thank you
D
9
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My Story
When I frst moved to New York, it was a total culture shock!
Growing up in the Midwest with a southern family, manners
were just instilled in me. As I walked the streets no one spoke
to each other; no one said excuse me or thank you or even
made eye contact with each other. I thought, Whats wrong
with these people? But before I knew it, I was the same way.
I went through my days caught up in the hustle and bustle,
only speaking when spoken towhich was rare. I was also
biter all the time. I felt unappreciated by the people that
were around me, and Im sure they felt the same fom me.
I took a trip back home, and I remember a fiend of mine
took me out to eat. I barely looked at the waiter and never
said please or thank you while I was being served. At
the end of our dinner, my fiend said to me, Whats your
problem? You cant say thank you? Youve really changed
since you moved. Ten it hit me. Ive forgoten the golden
rule: Do unto others as you would have them do to you. I
had become a rude, unappreciative, litle b*****! From
that moment on, I always remembered to say please and
thank you. And to my surprise, when I started to show my
appreciation and politeness to others, I started to get the
same in return. I realized that it wasnt New York; it was me
being rude to other people, and that is what I was geting in
return. So now, wherever I go, I always mind my manners!
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Goddess Etiquete
Here are a few words and phrases to incorporate into your vocabulary.
Please
Tank you
Excuse me
Pardon me
My pleasure
Bless you
No worries
Absolutely
No problem
Id be honored
I appreciate you
Please forgive me
I apologize (Never say Im sorry; thats an afrmationand
youre not a sorry woman.)
You deserve it (Said in a positive context, of course.)
Yes, you may
Yes Maam/Sir
Of course you can
You made my day
Smile
Practice smiling more ofen. It makes you feel amazing no mater what
you are dealing with. Just start smiling when you are pissed of about
something and see what it does. Its also contagious: Tere is no way
you can smile at someone and they dont smile back. (If they dont,
*
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theyve got some serious issues.) Tats where you get the Teres just
something about her comment made about you. When you exude a
feeling of happiness, other people are afected by it. Te same goes if
youre walking around looking crazy with your forehead all wrinkled
and with a sourpuss, Im mad at the world snarl in your prety face.
People will pick up on your energy and give it right back to you. Ten
you wonder why everyone seems to have an atitudeno honey, its
you!
Im not saying walk around looking like Ms. Congeniality of the
beauty pageant world. Im saying practice smiling more. Smile with
your eyes and your body language. Laugh more. Te next time youre
upset or sad, just start laughing. Te only way to bring happiness into
your life is to start being happy right now. Te next time you see your
man or your best friend, light up a big smile and greet them with a hug
or a kiss! And watch the energy that you get in return.
Table Manners
Teres nothing worse than a woman with bad table manners. Shes got
her purse and her elbows on the table, reaching over your plate to grab
the hot sauce, drowning her food in pepper, while chewing with her
mouth full. Just a messa hot ass mess! Te way you eat at a table says
a lot about your character. You can always spot a poised and graceful
Goddess siting at a table a mile away.

Te dos and donts of dining
DO say a prayer or grace to give gratitude for the opportunity to enjoy
a meal.
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Goddess Etiquete
DO place your napkin on your lap before you eat.
DO pick up the proper utensils and glassware as you eat.
DO say please and thank you when being served or when asking to
pass items across the table.
DO cut up large pieces of food to make it easier to eat.
DO compliment the chef or gracefully receive compliments if you were
the Domestic Goddess who prepared the meal.
DO engage in conversation that is stimulating and appropriate for the
table.
DO eat slowly and with ease; completely chew your food and truly
enjoy the moment.
DO indulge in dessert and enjoy every piece of it.
DONT chew with your mouth open.
DONT use your cell phone or CrackBerry at the table.
DONT talk while you have food in your mouth.
DONT point, gesture, or talk with your utensils.
DONT talk too loud or too much.
DONT blow on hot food; instead stir it around and sit patiently until
its cool enough to eat.
DONT take a sip of your drink while you have food in your mouth.
DONT put your purse, keys, or sunglasses on the table.
DONT put your elbows on the table.
DONT take your shoes of under the table.
DONT pick up a utensil or napkin once it has fallen on the foor,
instead ask for another one.
DONT scrape your teeth against your utensil.
DONT ask for hot water to sterilize your utensils (Its ofensive and
doesnt work anyway.)
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DONT blow your nose at the table.
DONT smack or make chewing noises while you eat.
DONT play with your hair or earrings at the table.
DONT pick or suck your teeth.
DONT order something that you dont know how to eat unless you are
going to ask for instructions (i.e. whole lobster, sushi, oysters).
DONT complain about your food if you dont like it. Dont eat it or ask
to have it replaced.
DONT talk about being on a diet or needing to lose weight.
DONT place bones, shells, or any unwanted item on the table or on a
napkin. Find an empty corner on your plate instead.
DONT spit food back out of your mouth; if you dont like something,
discreetly spit it out in a napkin.
DONT talk about what you dont like to eat or make negative comments
about what others are eating.
DONT lean over to eat your food; sit up straight and bring the utensil
to your mouth.
Drinking
Whats a meal without a nice cold glass of something to drink? Tea,
soda, water, juiceso much to choose from but heres a litle secret I
want to share with you: Never drink anything (unless its wine) before
or afer you eat. Tink about this: What happens to rice or bread when
you pour water on it? It expands. Do you ever wonder why youre full
two bites into your meal or why you feel so bloated like youre about to
roll out of your chair? Its because the food that you are eating is siting
on top of a pool of liquidand everything is expanding. Its okay to
take a sip while youre eating if your throat gets dry or you want to clear
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Goddess Etiquete
your palate. But dont guzzle down several glasses of water or juice with
your meal.
Alcohol
Teres nothing wrong with having an alcoholic beverage. However, a
true Goddess never lets it control her actions or emotions. You should
never drink until the point where youre intoxicated, discombobulated,
incoherent, or fat-out drunk! A woman who knows herself should
know her limitand her friends too. Tis may sound funny, but if you
want to know how you are when drunk, have wine and cocktails night
at home. Go ahead and get drunk and see how you act. Take a video.
Youll know exactly what type of behavior you are displaying when you
are out in public.
Goddess
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BEAT THE ALCOHOL BLUES
To avoid getting too tipsy or having a possible
hangover the next morning, hydrate yourself
before you go out and only drink if you have had
a full, hearty meal at least an hour before. Have
a glass of water between each drink and eat a
snack midway through the evening. This will help
absorb the alcohol and fush it out of your system.
Before you go to bed, drink more water and take
a multi-vitamin. This will replenish all of the nutrients
that the alcohol stripped away from your body.
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My Story
I had recently turned 21 and just started drinking. One of
my girlfiends set me up on a blind date with this guy. He
was great; he had a degree, a great job, and he was super
handsome. We went to dinner at this nice litle restaurant. I
ordered seafood pasta with extra sauce, and I had an Apple
Martini. (I had no idea what was in an Apple Martini;
it just looked good.) We enjoyed our dinner, had great
conversation, and we seemed to really be hiting it of. Being
young and naive I didnt realize that you werent supposed
to drink a martini like it was water! So by the time we got
up fom the table, I was wobbling a litle, trying to keep my
composure.
Afer dinner we went to a club, and he asked if I wanted
a drink. Sure, I said. Whatever youre having. WRONG
ANSWER! He ordered us two glasses of Long Island Iced
Tea, and I drank mine like it was really iced tea. Within
20 minutes my seafood pasta with extra sauce, my Apple
Martini, and the Long Island Iced Tea were splatered all
over my dates shirt. I was so embarrassed! Luckily he was a
gentleman about it. He escorted me to the ladies room, and
he went to clean himself up. Of course we had to leave afer
that but heres the worst part: Te ride home felt like I was
on a rollercoaster. And before I knew it, I had thrown up
againall over his brand new truck. What a mess! Moral
of this story: Know what certain alcoholic concoctions do to
you, know your limit, and dont drink on blind dates!
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Goddess Etiquete
Wine and the Glasses They Come In
Let Me Break It Down for You
White wine
White wine has foral to fruity favors with a clear to yellowish color.
White wine should be served cold. Te bowl of the glass is oval-shaped
with a long, slender stem. When drinking, it should be held by the
stemnot the bowlto avoid your hand warming the wine. A litle
trick I like to do when Im home is to rinse the glass and stick it in the
freezer for a minute to frost it.
Common white wines:
Chardonnay (shar-don-ay)
Light, crisp, subtle favors of fruit and generally with a light aroma of
honey
Riesling (REES-ling)
Full-balanced favor with strong aromas of peach, melon, or passion
fruit; Rieslings can be dry to very sweet depending on the harvest (Te
later the harvest, the sweeter it is.)
Sauvignon Blanc (SO-vin-YAWN-blon)
Dry, citrusy favors with sof notes of melon and honey
Pinot Grigio (Pee-no-GRIZ-yo)
Very crisp and foral, with an apple and berry favor; some can be tart
and fruity as well
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Gewurztraminer (ga-VERZ-stra-mee-nur)
Spicy and dry, with aromas of cloves and roses
Moscato (pronounced as spelled)
Very sweet, full of fruit and foral favors; most Moscatos are served as
a dessert wine (careful not to drink too many glassesits loaded with
sugar)
Red Wine:
Red wines have robust, rich, intense favors that can vary from oak to
berriesall the way to chocolate. Red wine is also loaded with anti-
oxidants so you should always keep a botle in stock! Red wine should
be served at room temperature. Te bowl of the glass is wider and
shorter than a glass for white wine. Te stem is shorter and typically
thicker as well. Red wine needs to breathe so swirling it around helps to
release the aromas that have setled at the botom. You can hold a red
wine glass by its bowl because the heat from your hand helps to release
the wines favors.
Common red wines:
Merlot (Mer-lo)
Rich oak and blackberry favors with hints of vanilla, plums and cherries;
it is full- to medium-bodied and very smooth, sof, and subtle
Cabernet Sauvignon (CAB-er-Nay SO-vin-YAWN)
Very similar to Merlot, however, it has more spice to it; it is full-bodied
with hints of cedar and cherries.
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Goddess Etiquete
Pinot Noir (PEE-no NEW-are)
Fruity yet spicy with hints of pepper and plums
Shiraz (SHA-raz)
Spicy, with aromas of very ripe fruit and with hints of berries
Chianti (KEE-aunty)
Very subtle, easy aromas with tastes of berries and pepper
Goddess
101
DO NOT STICK A STRAW IN A WINE GLASS!
You may as well wear a sign that says I have
absolutely no class, and I have no business being
out in public, drinking alcohol! The only alcoholic
beverage that should have a straw in it is a
COCKTAILas in a mixed drink! Thats why they
are called COCKTAIL straws. If you cant sense my
irritation about this matter from the abuse of capital
letters, let me catch you out sitting at a bar with a
glass of wine with a straw in it. Youre going to be in
big trouble! THE SAME GOES FOR MARTINI GLASSES!
122
ou should know by now that Im all about using creativity
to get what you want out of life. Well, same with food. Im a
true believer in creating your own recipes and experimenting
with diferent favors and styles of cooking. Tats what this
whole book is about: creating whatever you want. So Im not going to
give you a boatload of recipes that I came up with for myself. I want you
to get in your kitchen and create your own. But I do have a few of my
favorite dishes that I couldnt help but share with you.
Im all about favor, exquisiteness, and the whole experience around
preparing and serving your food. Te time spent in the kitchen is sacred.
And the time spent with friends, your man, and your family over a
delicious home-cooked meal is priceless. I dont believe in cooking 15
minute meals because life has me so busy. Or shopping on a budget
and cooking with inexpensive, convenient ingredients to save money.
10
Shanels Secret Recipes
Real food gives real satisfaction
Y
Shanels Secret Recepies
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Or using everything thats fat-free, light, and with as litle caloriesand
tasteas possible so we dont gain weight.
Heres my philosophy: If you have balance, peace, and joy in your
life and your fnances are in order and you have a nice cash fow, then
you should have the time to spend preparing a real meal and be able
to purchase the ingredients you need to whip up something new,
exciting, and exotic. If youre doing your Stileto Body Ritual, working
out, and loving your body, then you should be able to eat whatever you
want. However, there are (only) two things that I refuse to cook with
and those are salt and sugarfor obvious reasons. Ive replaced these
ingredients in my kitchen with sea salt and agave nectar or honeyall
actually much more favorful and benefcial than the real thing.
I like to think of my recipes as sexy, southern comfort food. Food to
feed your soul and comfort your spiritand allows you to unleash your
sexiness while youre cooking! So yes, my recipes have real ingredients,
and I want you to prepare them with real love and make sure you have
on a real nice pair of stiletos!
Louisiana Style Seafood Gumbo
Its so funny to me when I order gumbo at a restaurant and they bring
out their version of Louisiana style chicken soup. Its such a shame
to see most people living their lives with the wrong understanding of
what a real Louisiana gumbo tastes like! I am blessed with a family
of beautiful Creole Domestic Goddesses who have taught me how
to make an additive seafood gumbo. Yes, my family is really from
Louisiana. So trust me when I say I know what real gumbo should
taste like. Try my recipe and add a litle bayou favor to your life!
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You will need:
4 pounds of medium raw, peeled and deveined shrimp
4 pounds of uncooked blue crabs (preferably 6-8 whole crabs cleaned
and split in half )
1 whole stewing hen cut into pieces (or you can use a whole cut up
chicken)
1 package of smoked chicken or turkey sausage
1 package of smoked turkey necks
2 large onions
2 medium sized bell pepper
3 cups of freshly sliced or frozen okra
3-4 ribs of celery
2 cloves of garlic
1 cup of four
2 tablespoons of buter
1 tablespoon of garlic powder
Several teaspoons of gumbo fl (Do not skip this ingredientits not
gumbo without it!)
Creole seasoning (Just keep the container next to you.)
1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon of crushed red pepper
tablespoon of ground cumin
3 bay leaves
2 quarts of chicken stock (which you will make from your chicken)
2 cups of water
White rice (enough for a full pot)
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Every good gumbo starts with a roux. In a large iron skillet, blend the
oil and four and bring to a medium heat. Stir constantly and be very
careful not to burn it. If you see black specks in the pot, youve ruined
it. Youll have to start over. Keep stirring until the roux gets a nice dark
amber color. (It should take about 15-20 minutes.) Remove from heat
to let it cool. (If you dont, the heat will keep cooking it.)
In a large stock pot, add the hen and water and bring it to a boil. Let it
boil until more juice from the meat begins to form. Ten add the garlic
cloves and bay leaves. Continue to boil for another 15-20 minutes.
Ten add the roux, stir, and bring to a boil. Once its boiling, drop in
the turkey necks.
In a separate skillet, saut the onions, bell pepper, and celery in the
buter along with 3-4 tablespoons of Creole seasoning. (Yes, thats a lot
of seasoning, but this is where the favor starts to come in.) Saut for 5
minutes (dont let them get mushy). Take the skillet of the fre and set
aside.
Add the sausage, okra, and the rest of the seasonings to the stock pot
and continue to boil for another 10 minutes. Turn the heat down and
let simmer for 45 minutes. Stir the gumbo every 10 minutes or so. And
taste to ensure the favor is to your liking. (You can add as much Creole
seasoning as youd likego nuts with it!) While your gumbo is cooking,
boil your rice. (Follow the instructions on the box)
By this time your gumbo should be nice and robust with a medium
consistency. (If its too thin, make more roux with more four; if too thick,
add water.) Drop in your crabs and cook on medium heat for another 5-6
minutes. Ten drop in your shrimp, gumbo fl, sauted onions, and celery.
Let it cook for one more minute until the shrimp turn pink. Ten turn of the
heat, stir, and let stand for 10 minutes. Serve over a bowl of rice.
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Ginger Hush Puppies
I love these litle things. Tey are simple to make, and they go with
anything!
You will need:
2 Cups of corn meal
1 tablespoon four
teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 tablespoons agave nectar or honey
cup of fnely chopped onions
1 cup of butermilk
1 beaten egg
teaspoon of salt
teaspoon of ginger powder or extract
1 cup of olive oil (not virgin) or peanut oil
Mix together all of the dry (corn meal, four, salt, baking powder, baking
soda) ingredients in a large bowl. Stir in butermilk, onions, egg, and
agave nectar. Heat olive oil in a medium-sized skillet over medium heat.
Form small balls about the size of a golf ball, and carefully drop them
individually into the hot oil. Fry for 10 minutes or until golden brown.
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Shrimp Creole
You will need:
3 medium cloves of minced garlic
1 cups of chopped onion
1 cup of chopped celery
1 cup of bell peppers
cup of buter
1 15-oz can of tomato sauce
1 cup of water
3 tablespoons of Creole seasoning
tablespoon of crushed red pepper
2 crushed bay leaves
2 tablespoons of dried parsley
2 lbs. of peeled and deveined medium shrimp
3 cups of rice
In a large heavy skillet, add buter, onions, celery, bell pepper, and
garlic and saut until they are tender. Remove from heat and stir in
tomato sauce, water, parsley, Creole seasoning, red peppers, and bay
leaves. Simmer uncovered for 10 minutes. Add water if needed. Stir in
the shrimp and bring to boil. Cover and cook for about 10 minutes on
medium heat or until shrimp are pink and tender. Serve over rice.
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Honey Glazed Salmon
with Lemon Butter Shrimp Sauce
You will need:
2 salmon steaks
10-12 peeled and deveined shrimp
3 tablespoons of olive oil
6 tablespoons of warm honey (run the botle under hot water)
2 tablespoons of salmon seasoning
1 teaspoon of white pepper
4 fresh lemons
3 tablespoons of honey mustard
2 cloves of minced garlic
Preheat oven on broil. In a small bowl, mix together honey, garlic
powder, salmon seasoning, white pepper, and olive oil. Lay salmon on
aluminum foil on top of a broiler pan. Pour mixture on top of salmon
and rub it in until it is even. Place in the broiler for 10 to 12 minutes.
(Tats all the time you need; the salmon will cook fast!)
Meanwhile, chop up the shrimp into small chunks. In a medium
skillet, bring buter, mustard, garlic, and 1 tablespoon of the salmon
seasoning to a light boil and drop in the shrimp. Cook until the shrimp
turn pink. Slice the lemons in half and squeeze in the fresh juice into the
pan. Stir and let stand for 5 minutes.
Transfer the salmon of the broiler pan to a plate and pour the shrimp
mixture on top.
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Peach Pepper Duck
You will need:
2 duck quarters (leg and thigh atached)
1 cup of peach preserves (Not jelly! Fresh preserves.)
3 whole jalapeo peppers fnely chopped
tablespoon of sea salt
1 tablespoon of crushed red pepper fakes
1 tablespoon of Creole seasoning (Have you noticed by now I use this
on everything?)
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a small bowl, mix together the preserves,
chopped peppers, and olive oil. Season the duck with the salt, red pepper
fakes, and Creole seasoning. Place the duck in a glass baking pan and
pour the peach mixture on top. Cover the pan with foil and bake for 1
hour. (Check on the duck midway through cooking and remove the foil
so the duck can brown.)
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Pecan Crusted Lamb Chops
You will need:
4 fresh lamp chops
cup of coarsely ground pecans
cup of fresh chopped parsley
1 tablespoon of fresh chopped rosemary leaves
1 teaspoon of sea salt
cup of seasoned breadcrumbs
teaspoon of ground black pepper
2 tablespoons of Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons of horseradish mustard
In a food processor or chopper, combine pecans, parsley, rosemary,
garlic, bread crumbs, salt, and pepper. Process until very fnely chopped.
(For all you Ingnues and Divas, youre going to have to put in a litle
handwork if you dont have a chopperso use a sharp chopping
knife.)
Transfer the mixture onto a plate. Meanwhile, add olive oil to a baking
pan thats wide enough to hold the chops in one layer. Set oven to 350
and place pan in oven to preheat.
Combine the two kinds of mustard and rub each lamb chop with
it, then place it on pecan mixture, turning to coat all sides. Place in
preheated pan, then in the oven, and roast for about 20 minutes. Turn
the lamb chops once when they are cooked halfway through.
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Coconut Curry Chicken Breasts
You will need:
1 bunch of chopped green onion
1 tablespoon of buter
2 tablespoon of olive oil
2 cloves of minced garlic
cup of four
1 cup of chicken stock
cup of cream of coconut
2 tablespoons of curry powder
cup of milk
Salt and pepper to taste
In a medium saucepan, melt the buter over medium heat. Add onion
and garlic; saut for about 2 minutes. Stir in the four until nice gravy
starts to form. Add in chicken broth and cream of coconut; stir to blend.
Add the curry powder. Continue cooking until thickened and bubbly
then set aside.
In a large skillet over medium-high heat, cook chicken in the olive
oil until it is browned on both sides. Sprinkle with the salt and pepper.
Pour of any excess oil then add the sauce mixture and bring to a
simmer. Reduce heat to low, cover, and cook for about 10 minutes, or
until chicken is cooked through. Stir in the milk and bring to one fnal
boil. Ten remove from heat and let stand for 10 minutes.
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My Famous Macaroni n Cheese
I call it famous because everyone that I have ever cooked for says my
mac n cheese is the best theyve ever had. Not to toot my own horn,
but I will agree! Tis is no ordinary mac n cheesebe careful because
its addictive!
You will need:
3 cups of macaroni noodles
1 bib of celery, fnely chopped
bell pepper, fnely chopped
small onion, chopped
2 cups of shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1 small block of Velveta cheese
1 cup of mixed white cheeses (Swiss, Mozzarella, Asiago, and Romano
or get the Italian blend)
1 cup of white cheddar cheese
1 egg
2 cups of whole milk
cup of buter
1 teaspoon of honey or agave nectar
2 tablespoons of fne pepper
1 cup of breadcrumbs
cup of chicken stock
teaspoon of onion powder
And you guessed right: 4 tablespoons of Creole seasoning
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Heat oven to 375 degrees. In a large pot, boil your noodles until they
are halfway cooked. Drain and rinse with hot water and transfer back
into the large pot. In a separate medium-sized pot, mix together all the
cheeses (except for the white cheddar) and 1 cup of the milk. Stir until
all the cheeses are melted. In a separate skillet, melt the buter and saut
the chopped onions, celery, bell pepper, and Creole seasoning. Cook
for 5 minutes then remove from heat. In another small skillet, heat the
chicken stock and saut the breadcrumbs and onion powder. (It should
be just enough chicken stock to give it a sizzle, you dont want to make
the breadcrumbs soggy.)
In the pot with the noodles, stir in the egg, warm honey, and pepper.
Add the sauted vegetables then pour in the cheese mixture. Stir until
all the ingredients are mixed well. Stir in the remainder of the milk until
the consistency is nice and creamy. Taste it to make sure its favorful
it should actually be a litle salty tasting because half the favor will be
absorbed by the noodles.
Transfer into a large baking pan and cover with foil. Let bake for 30
minutes. Remove the foil and sprinkle the breadcrumbs on top. Add a
layer of white cheddar cheese on top of the breadcrumbs. Place back in
the oven for another 10 minutes. Remove from oven and let stand for
10 minutes.
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Sweet Cabbage
You will need:
2 heads of fresh cabbage, chopped and rinsed
2 bell peppers (1 red and 1 yellow sliced into thin pieces)
1 onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, chopped
Tick cut turkey bacon
4 tablespoons of honey
1 teaspoon of onion powder
1 teaspoon of crushed red pepper fakes
1 tablespoon of Creole seasoning
In a large heavy skillet, heat the olive oil and drop in the cabbage. Cover
immediately to let the cabbage cook down. In a separate skillet, cook
the bacon and add the honey. (It will also create its own juice that you
will add later to the cabbage.) Once the bacon is fully cooked, take of
the heat and let cool.
Saut the cabbage and add the bell peppers, onion, garlic, and the rest
of the seasoning. Continue to cook for 10-15 minutes with the cover on
the skillet.
Remove the bacon from the skillet and chop it up on a cuting board.
Add the bacon and the juice it created to the cabbage. Cook for another
5 minutes.
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Southern Fried Chicken
Now what type of Domestic Goddess would I be if I didnt have a fried
chicken recipe? All you need is some chicken, oil, four, a hot pair of
stiletos, and a hungry man to feed!
Well, okay, you need a few more things than that:
1 whole frying chicken or 2-3 pounds of legs and wings
2 cups of vegetable oil
2 cups of all purpose four
of an onion
3 tablespoons of Creole seasoning (for the chicken)
4 tablespoons of Creole seasoning (for the four)
1 tablespoon of onion powder
1 teaspoon of pepper
4 tablespoons of parsley fakes
2 eggs
cup of buter milk
Wash chicken pieces thoroughly and pat dry. In a shallow glass baking
dish, whip the eggs and milk until mixture is white and fufy. Place the
chicken in the dish and roll it in the mixture. Let it stand for 5 minutes
Meanwhile, in a large iron pot, heat the oil on a high temperature.
Make sure the chicken absorbed most of the egg mixture. (If not,
pour out the excess.) Season the chicken, but save 2 tablespoons of the
parsley fakes. In a large plastic bag, mix together the four and Creole
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Dill Skin Potatoes
You will need:
6-8 red potatoes
cup of milk
cup of ranch dressing (preferably Hidden Valley)
Handful of fresh chopped dill
Chop up potatoes into small cubes (keep the skin on) and boil until
they are sof. Drain and transfer back into pot. Turn the fre on low and
mash the potatoes with a fork. (But not too much, they should still be
chunky.) Add the milk, ranch dressing, dill, buter, and salt. Stir and let
stand for 10 minutes.
1/3
seasoning and shake, then add the chicken to bater. Check to make
sure your oil is hot by dropping a few sprinkles of four in the pot. If it
sizzles, youll know its hot. Turn the fre down to medium heat.
First put of an onion in the oil. (Tis will add to the favor and
reduce the fried chicken smell from geting in your hair and clothes.)
Place the chicken in the hot oil and let cook until its golden brown, but
make sure you turn it ofen so it cooks evenly. Take a large plate and
layer it with paper towel to absorb the oil. Remove the chicken from the
oil with a long fork or tongs. Sprinkle the remainder of the parsley fakes
on the fnished chicken.
137

Caramel Apple Crepes
For the crepe, you will need:
3 medium eggs
cup of four
1 tablespoon of agave nectar or honey
1 cups of milk
teaspoon of sea salt
2 tablespoons of melted buter

Beat the eggs until they are light and fufy. Gradually add the milk
and four, beating until smooth. Beat in the salt, nectar or honey, and
buter. Cover the bater and chill for at least an hour.
Heat a lightly greased crpe pan. (Or if youre still an Ingnue, a
big wide skillet will do just fne.) Remove the skillet from heat, then
spoon in about 3 tablespoons of the bater (make sure it runs to the
edge of the skillet and becomes round and fat). Ten return to heat.
Brown lightly, then fip the crepe and brown the other side. Remove
from pan. (If you cook it too long, it will be very fat and dry, so be
careful!)
Keep the cooked crpes covered and warm. (You can put them in
the oven on the lowest temperature.)

For the caramel apple sauce, you will need:
2 tablespoons of cornstarch
2 tablespoons of agave nectar or honey
Dash of sea salt
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1 cup of skim milk
1 tablespoon of lemon juice
2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
2 fresh thinly sliced apples (Make it sexy, use one green and one red.)
Container of caramel sauce (Get the squeeze botle....)
Can of whipped cream (Or vanilla ice cream if you really want to be
naughty!)
Dash of powdered sugar (Okay, this is the other time you can use
sugar.)

In a saucepan, combine the cornstarch, agave nectar or honey, salt,
milk, lemon juice, vanilla, and 2 tablespoons of the caramel. Cook and
stir over medium heat until slightly thickened, then remove from heat.
In a small bowl, stab the apples to create some juice and loosen the
texture and add them to the cream mixture. Return to heat, cook, and
stir until thickened. (Bring it to a very light boil to sofen the apples
and thicken the sauce.) Allow to cool.
Making the crepe: Lay the dry crepe open on a plate. Pour the apple
mixture down one side of the crepe. Te mixture should be thick
enough so its not runny. (Pour slow so you dont make a mess!) Fold
it in half. It should look like a half moon. If you want to make it fuller,
then fold it again and pour the sauce on the other half so it looks like a
quarter of a circle.
Drizzle the caramel on top of the crepe and K.I.S.S. it (Keep
It Simple Sexy) with the whipped cream or ice cream. Dash the
powdered sugar on top. (You can also dash it with cinnamon and
K.I.S.S it with a cherryto keep it sexyif youd like.)
139
Peach Cobbler
Cmon now, I wouldnt be a real southern girl if I didnt have a recipe
for peach cobbler!
For the flling, you will need:
2 cups of sugar (Tis is one recipe where youre allowed to use sugar;
you have to because this calls for a dry sweeteneryou can use Splenda
if you choose.)
cup of corn starch
8 cups of fresh peeled and sliced peaches (you can also use frozen
peaches but not canned)
teaspoon of almond extract
teaspoon of vanilla extract
cup of melted buter
For the pastry, you will need:
4 cups of four
Pinch of sea salt
1 cup of shortening
8 tablespoons of ice water
cup of melted buter
cup of agave nectar
teaspoon of cinnamon
1/3
140
For the flling: Combine agave nectar and cornstarch and toss with
peaches. Add the almond and vanilla extract, lemon juice, and the 1/4
cup melted buter. Set aside.
For the pastry: Combine the four, sugar, and salt in a mixing bowl.
Cut shortening into the four mixture until it is the consistency of
cornmeal. Gradually add ice water, stirring, just until the dough holds
its shape. Roll out on a foured board and cut it in half. Line the botom
and sides of the baking dish with half of the dough. And cut the other
half into strips. Pour the peach flling mixture into the pan. Ten
crisscross dough strips over the flling and brush pastry generously
with remaining buter. Bake for 30 minutes or until the crust is brown.
141
Mimosas
If you know me, youd know that Im the queen of mimosas! Every
Sunday, I create a new favor to go with my brunch. Its a Shanel Cooper-
Sykes ritual.
Ten main ingredient: Rose Moet. You can use any type of fruit, just
follow the remainder of the recipe.
You will need:
A handful of any type of fresh fruit you like (strawberry, kiwi, blackberry,
peaches, mango)
1 teaspoon of warm agave nectar or honey
Mash the fruit until juice starts to form, and add the warm honey and lemon
juice. Scoop the fruit mixture in a champagne glass about halfway full. Fill
the rest with champagne.
Here is one of my favorite favors; its made a litle diferently than the
others.
You will need:
4 thin slices of green apple
Cup of apple cider
Cup of ginger liqueur (I like Domaine de Canton.)

Put 2 slices of apple in a champagne glass. Fill the glass with with
apple cider and another with ginger liqueur. Fill the rest ( of
glass) with champagne. Delish!

142

Unleash
Part 3
your
Inner Goddess
143
ou ought to be ashamed of yourself! I can see you now:
reading through the table of contents, seeing Gold
Diggin 101, and scrambling to get to this chapter. Did
you really think, afer all of this, that I was going to show
you how to use men for money? If you did, you need to fip back to page
one and start reading from the beginning!
Here is what I am going to teach you: How to dig your own gold
and create a rich life for yourself. You are a valuable woman. You have
a hidden treasure within you that is just waiting to be discovered. You
dont need a man to buy you things and take care of you. And what
makes you think he wants to spend his hard-earned money on some
needy chick anyway? If he does, well, we all know what he expects in
return.
11
Gold Diggin 101
Where is the treasure?
Y
144
Heres what real gold digging is: using your God-given gifs, talents,
and abilities to create the life you want. Becoming rich in self-love, in
spirit, and in life so when a man does come along, you are overfowing
with treasures and he only adds value to what you already have.
Women who call themselves gold diggersor they probably dont
call themselves that, but we all know thats what they areand chase
men for money and material things are pathetic. Having some random
guy drop a load of cash on you so you can walk around laced in things
that you know you cant aford yourself does not make you special. And
being trophy pieces, arm candy, or a wifey of a baller is nothing
spectacular either. Do you know how common, average, and simple-
minded that makes you? Let me tell you what men really thing of women
like that: nothing. Tats right. You are nothing but entertainment. Just
like hed pay to go watch a movie, hes paying to watch you.
So if youre siting around waiting for a free handout because youve
got a prety face, youve got another thing coming, girlfriend. Its time to
unlock your own treasure and begin to dig your own gold!
No Finance, No Romance
If youve still got your gold digging radar up, put it away. No
finance, no romance doesnt mean that if a man has no money, you
dont talk to him. It means: Until you have your own financial house
in order, looking for a relationship should be out of the question.
Money is the number one cause of divorce, drama, and confusion
in relationships. And getting into a relationship with no money
and no plan to get anyis a setup for failure.
Gold diggin 101
145
Heres the biting truth: The more money you have in a relationship,
the more you can enjoy life together. Money gives you the ability to
do more; it allows you more freedom to focus on each otherand
not on the bills.
Its sad, I know. Money can infuence your relationship. But its not
because youve made money a priority in your relationship. Having
moneyor to put it in proper context: being fnancially stable
means that you have complete control of your habits, your priorities,
your life. It means you have everything in order. It also means that you
value yourself enough to secure a stable futureand isnt self-value
something you have to have frst before you become part of a couple?
You dont get into a relationship to complete yourself or your life. Yes,
Jerry Maguire was way of.
And this goes back to What you bring to the table determines who
sits down at your table. To atract a man with money and fnancial
ability, you have got to be doing the same for yourself. Be totally self-
sufcient so no mater what he does, you can maintain your lifestyle
with or without him.

Using your Gifts, Talents, and Abilities
You have been blessed with a gif, talent, or ability that was designed
especially for you. Maybe its singing, acting, playing an instrument;
maybe you have an athletic ability or a powerful body; or it could be
that you have a passion for helping people or speaking, a knack for
sales or negotiating, or maybe a fair for beauty and fashion. Whatever
gif that you have, it was given to you for a special reason: for you to
compensate your life. Yes, God has already given you exactly what you
146
need to be fnancially rewarded the way you deserve to be. And within
that gif also lies your happiness, your joy, and your passion.
When we bury our gifs and forget they existor know they exist
but dont use themour punishment is unhappiness, anxiety, and
frustration in life; feelings of unworthiness, sadness; and loss of fre.
And you dont deserve those! You were designed to be brilliant and to
receive all of the amazing things that God put on this earth for us to
enjoy.
Have you ever noticed that the people who live within their
purpose have the happiest and most abundant lives? Tey have great
relationships, money, and are passionate about everything they do.
Tats because they are fully utilizing their gifs, talents, and abilities in
such a way that the world repays them tenfold.
What you give to the world it gladly gives you back. But if youre not
geting much, thenyou guessed ityoure probably not giving much.
So ask yourself: What gifs, talents, and abilities do I have that I can
share with the world? Te moment that you do, you ofcially unlock
the door to your treasure.
Unleash your Greatness
You are amazing, phenomenal, gorgeous, and powerful. Yes, you! Te
greatness thats inside you is pounding on your chest in the form of your
heartbeat, the brilliance that lies within you is the buterfies that futer
in your stomach, and your illumination is in your smile that brightens
the world around you.
Do you have any idea how wonderful you are? What your potential
is? Or the possibilities that await you?
Gold diggin 101
147
Unleashing your greatness takes a boldness that a lot of women are
afraid to embrace. You may know how wonderful and talented you are
but are afraid to unleash it because you dont know how or youre too
worried about what others will think or say. Are you afraid that people
may say, Who does she think she is? Dont be. Ill tell you who you
are: You are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. You are
the designer of your life. Its your world; everyone else just lives in it!
Realize who you are and the value that you bring to the world and let
it loose.
Tis is one of my favorite quotes:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness, that most fightens us. We ask
ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child
of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. Tere
is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people wont feel insecure around you. We are all meant
to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some
of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the
same. As we are liberated fom our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others. ~Marianne Williamson
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was 22 years old and thought I had it going on. I was in the
midst of living that fabulous life I talked about earlier and in
a relationship that seemed to be perfect on the outside. Yes, I
was the it girl. My man took care of me, gave me everything
I wanted, and I had a beautiful ring on my fnger. So what was the
problem, you ask? Our relationship was terrible! He was seeing other
women; I was seeing other men. We argued all the time, went through
each others private things, and had absolutely no communication or
respect for each other. I wanted to live my dreams, move to LA, and
become an actress. He wanted to have kids and make me his trophy
wife. Tere were lies, trust issues, and of course, our physical atraction
to each other had completely died.
I stayed in that relationship because I thought I had to. I thought
Id never fnd anyone who took care of me the way he did and that I
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When the Queen is Ready,
the King will Appear
Preparing yourself for the man of your dreams
I
When the queen is ready, the King Will Appear
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needed to be in a relationship to be whole. As time passed, our
relationship got worse and worse, and I just couldnt figure out
why. It got to the point where the sight of him chewing his food
made me cringe.
Deep inside I knew what I wantedor at least I thought I did. I
was so confused. Leave. Stay. Cheat. Get married. Dump him. Stay
engaged until things change. Move to LA. Have a baby. I was so lost
and completely miserable.
Looking back on that relationship, I realized what the problem
was. I was not ready to be in a loving, passionate, committed
relationship. I had not yet fallen in love or committed to myself.
I didnt know what it felt like to be really loved and how I was
supposed to love someone in return.
That relationship was just a lesson. He wasnt my king because
I had not yet become a queen. My life wasnt groomed, prepared,
and ready to handle the responsibilities that come with being in
a real relationship with a real man. I hadnt yet learned how to
communicate effectively or how to trustor what commitment
really meant. I realized that I had to learn all of these things before
the type of man I deserve will show up.
After that relationship, I was single for quite some time. It
seemed there were no men aroundno one was asking me out; I
didnt even meet any quality men. Then it hit me: This was my time
to fall in love with me, with no distraction of a man. I began to learn
exactly what I wanted and expected out of a relationship. I learned
to enjoy my own company and really, truly take care of myself. And
when this happened, I was then ready for my king to show up.
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All Men are Dogs
Do you really still believe this line? Unfortunately, All men are dogs
is a linea beliefthat some women still hold on to. Who are these
women? Tese are the women who sit and wait for a good man to fall
into their laps. Tese are the same women who feel that they have the
privilege of geting an honest, good manwithout lifing a fnger. And
when they dont, they act stunned, hurt, and betrayed. And they say,
All men are dogs.
Listen up: Tere is an abundance of good men walking this earth!
Like I said before, theyre all over the place. But they will not walk into
your life if youre not ready for all that a good man brings. And they
will defnitely not walk into your life if its a life that they dont wish to
be a part of. Who are you to ask for a good man if you are not yourself a
good woman whos living a good life?
If you havent found that perfect man for you, its not because there
arent any available; its because youre not ready for him. Heres the
solution to fnding your perfect man: Focus on you. Become the person
that you want to have in your life. Do all the things that you would want
your man to do for you. Display the behavior that youd want him to
have. So if you want an honest, fnancially able man who is physically ft
and spiritually grounded, thenyou guessed rightthats exactly who
you have to be.
You have to start speaking the truth, geting your fnances in order,
and geting your body together. You have to explore your spirituality
and strengthen your relationship with God. Because whatever you are
doing is exactly what you will atract.
So if youre siting around doing nothing all day, youre out of shape,
and your fnances are all jacked up, you cant walk around complaining
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about the shortage of good men and wondering why you keep atracting
losers. Step back, refect, and ask yourself: Who am I and what am I
atracting?
Say I Do to YOU
A wedding vow is a promise, a pledge, and a personal commitment that
you make to the person that you plan to spend the rest of your life with.
You vow to love this other person for richer or for poorer, in sickness
and in health, until death do you part. Tats a big commitment! But
arent you really the person that you have to spend the rest of your
life with? Have you made that commitment to yourself ? Do you love
yourself no mater what? If you dont know how to commit to yourself,
how can you fully know how to commit to someone else?
Not being commited and in love with yourself can show up in many
ways: in the form of toxic relationships, loneliness, frustration with
your current boyfriend or husband, and confusion as to why you cant
fnd the right man for you. If youre experiencing any of these things,
its time to make some vows of your own while you prepare yourself for
Mr. Right to show up.
Take some time and write down some vows to yourself. Heres an
example:
I vow to love myself passionately, from physical body to my spirit
and soul. I will honor my body, and preserve it until the love of my
life shows up because the power that it has is invaluable. I will commit
to increasing my spirituality and place a high value on money and
the material things that it can provide for my life. I vow to trust my
instincts and intuition and to always listen to my heart. No mater what
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circumstance I fnd myself in, I will always put my needs frst so that
I can be full enough to give to others. I am worthy of receiving all my
desires and I vow to only accept people and things that add value to my
life. I solemnly swear to love Shanel Cooper-Sykes until death parts me
from this earth.
Now make a solemn, sincere vow of your own:
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
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What Do You Bring to the Table?
Quality men look for women who bring something to the table. Tey
want a woman who will add value to their lives and make them a beter
man in every possible way. Sure, being cute, having a nice body and
good cooking skills is a plusbut what else do you have? No one can
answer that question but you. Tink about this: What you bring to the
table determines who sits down at your table. And if you dont know
what you bring, then prety much anyone can sit downor worse, no
one will want to take a seat. Tis goes back to using what youve got to
get what you want. And whatever type of man you want, you must fll
your table with the things that will atract him into your life.
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So what do you want? Teres that magic question again. What is it
exactly that you want in a man? Too ofen we focus on what we dont
want. Saying things like, I dont like short men, I dont like broke
men, I dont like dishonest men. Tese are all afrmations and will
wind up being exactly what you get. So focus on what you do want in
a man. And be very specifc because it may not be how or when you
expect it, but he will show up in some form or fashion.
So lets get clear about what you want in a man. (Do this exercise even
if youre in a relationship; it may uncover some things that you didnt
even realize.)
My perfect man will
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
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What Men Really Want
Did you think I could answer that? Sorry, darling, Im a woman just
like you, and I have no idea how to answer that question. Tis is a
big problem for us. When we have men issues or questions, we ask
our girlfriendswrong move! Men have diferent needs, diferent
approaches to solving things, and diferent ways of communicating, so
a good habit for you to develop is to ask a man when you want to know
something about men.
I took an online poll and asked a few men the question that puzzles us
women all the time: What do you want from a woman? I got responses
from men all over the world, and heres what they have to say
Jonathan: Confdence! I want a woman who knows what she wants,
knows who she is, and is confdent being in her own skin.
Rob: I like a natural woman. All the hair weaves and fake fngernails is
a major turnof. And not too much make-up, if any at all. I cant stand
kissing a woman with sticky lips full of lip gloss.
Michael: I like smart women. Not like school smart, but smart about
life. You can always tell a woman who has a good head on her shoulders
by the choices and decisions that she makes in her life.
Corey: I like a woman who can hold a conversation. When she opens
her mouth, shes not talking non-sense. Shes aware of whats happening
in the world and has something to say about it. Tats sexy.
Jelani: I like a woman who can cook and likes doing it. I shouldnt
have to take you out to dinner every night.
Alero: I like a woman who is modest. If I can see everything that you
have to ofer, I really dont need to get to know you to fnd out anything
else. Its like, if youve got it on display, I know its easy for me to get.
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Daniel: I like a woman who has her own money. It shows that youre
not waiting for a man to come and take care of you. When a woman has
her own, it makes me want to spend more for her. Needy women are
the worst.
Jay: I like a woman that knows what stage shes at when it comes
to men. Do you just want to date, are you ready to be in a long term
relationship, or do you want to get married? So I know how to approach
everything.
Anthony: I like a woman who doesnt try too hardlike overdressing
or too much jewelry. Just be yourself.
Pete: Loyalty. Respect. Honor. And food! My woman has to know
how to cook!
Shawn: I like classy, ladylike women. But then know how to turn into
a bad girl when needed.
Aaron: You have to let me lead and be the man.
Dave: A woman needs to complement my life, not complicate it!
Oscar: She has to know about money and how to handle it. Finance is
an important part of a relationship.
Ike: Sex, sex, and more sex. For some reason women slow down or
give it up when they get in a relationship. If we were having sex ofen
when we frst started dating, what makes you think its okay to slow it
down? If anything we want it more!
Alex: I like a woman who is independent but not too proud to ask for
help when she needs it.
Wilson: I like a woman who is passionate about her dreams and isnt
afraid to go out there and make it happen.
William: My woman has to be supportive. She has to be able to push
and motivate me to do beter.
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Mario: She has to have nice feet. Batered toes and chipped polish is a
major turnof. I dont care how good the rest of you looks.
Bennie: I like a woman who is naturally sexy. One who doesnt have
to dry too hard.
Rodger: She cant be scared and timid in the bedroom. I like a woman
who has sexual confdence and does not just go through the motions
but is actually enjoying the experience.
Olu-Yomi: Cookieand lots of it! Cookies will keep the monster
home!
Louis: She has to know how to dress, too tight or unfatering clothes
where extra skin or rolls that are visible is a turnof.
Oleye: I like a clean womanclean body, clean house, and clean
mind.
Rolleho: I like a neat woman who doesnt have too much going on
with her, like a carrying a big ol purse, too much jewelry, messy clothes,
and hair all over the place. Just keep it simple.
Nathaniel: She has to know how to be my friend. I dont want to have
to hide things or feel like I need to lie.
Benjamin: Spirituality is important. I fnd that when they are spiritually
grounded, they are beter able to handle relationships.
Kenny: Nice underwear.
Clay: I like a woman who has high self-esteem and self-love. If you
cant tell me how to love you and be confdent enough to do so, then
were doomed.
Bill: I like assertive women, women who know what they want. I dont
like confused and indecisive women.
Nyles: I like a woman who takes care of her body. Works out and is
health conscious.
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Gregory: I like a woman who is comforting, who always has open
arms and listens.
Martin: She has to understand my needs, realize that they change, and
be willing to make sacrifces for the sake of our relationship.
Lenny: Maternal instincts are a plus. If were going to build a life
together, she has to be a good mother.
Gino: A woman whos a fghter, who can keep it together when were
going through rough times.
Interesting huh, ladies? I hope you took note. Rule of thumb: Do not
ask your girlfiends for advice on men. Ask a man; beter yet, ask your
man. Once you do fnd that perfect guy and get the relationship you
want, remember that youre not the only one in it. Find out what your
man wants and what he likes, and be sure to provide it. Because what
you wont do, somebody else will. (We will talk about this in the next
chapter.)
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es, I said put the pole in the kitchen! Pole dancing and
stripper classes have become more popular than ever.
Tey are ofered at almost every gym, there are DVDs and
instructional manuals, and you can even buy a pole to put
in your house! But heres my question: How are you going to strip for
your man if hes too hungry to pay atention? Ask any mana home-
cooked meal is beter than watching a chick swinging on a pole. He may
act like hell die without sex, but trust me, most men would rather have
sex afer a satisfying meal thats prepared by his Domestic Goddess.
Now, if youre really claiming the title of a Goddess, why not put a
pole in the kitchen, cook your man a meal, and put on a show? It may
sound silly, but hey, every man has a fantasy, and that just might be his.
Okay, that may be a bit much for some of you. But you get my drif: You
have got to keep your relationship hot!
Put the Pole in the Kitchen
Give a little passionate TLC
Y
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Keep it Hot!
So we know theres nothing like having a real man who loves you, takes
good care of you, and makes you feel like the queen of the world. But
ofen times, we forget what we did to get his atention and how we
looked when we reeled him in. Once we get him, we get comfy yet we
expect him to still cater to all of our demanding needswhen his have
been forgoten.
You have got to keep your relationship hot, especially nowadays.
Lets keep it real for a moment: Tere are a lot of chicken-heads out
there, puting all their goodies on display, just ploting their hooks
into your man. Tey dont care that hes takenthat makes him all the
more atractive. Afer all, if youve got him, he must be worth pursuing,
right?
Dont let your mans needs go unatended to and defnitely dont give
him a chance to get bored and fall prey to the cheap allures of all the
rag-a-mufn, manless, hootchie mamas who are out there. You have to
command your relationship, which includes commanding and keeping
his atention. Never get comfortable, never setle, and never ever forget
the Goddess that you are! Whether you are in a new relationship, just
dating, or have been married for years, keep it hot in the kitchen, in the
bedroom, in the living roomhell, any room that you fnd yourself in
with your man.
Get UNcomfortable
I see you geting ready to go to bed with your hair tied in a scarf and
pimple cream doted on your face. And dont think I didnt notice those
raty, baggy pajamas youve slept in every night for the past two years.
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Do yourself a favor and march on over to the mirror. Now, do you see
a hot, sexy, passionate woman staring back at you? No? Well, neither
does your man.
Im sure, when you frst snagged him, you probably walked around the
house looking like a model out of a Fredericks of Hollywood catalog.
Now time has passed, you fell in love, got used to each other, and maybe
even had a kid or two. So you feel like its okay to be comfortable and
walk around looking like Weezy from Good Timeshe still loves you
right? Yes, Im sure he does, but hed probably love and appreciate you
much more if you put a litle efort in your appearance. Familiarity
breeds contentment. But you cant allow yourself to fall into this trap.
Its a defnite way to spark a rif between you and the love of your life.
Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hotat All Times
Invest in Good Lingerie. Forget the long-sleeved pajama set. Lose that
massive t-shirt you stole from his drawer. And burn that fannel L.L.
Bean nightgown that comes down to your ankles. Oh, and no coton
pantiesI dont care how comfy they are. I dont even care if you get
them in a bikini cut. Teyre still not sexy. You know what your man sees
when he sees you in a pair of coton undies? His sister. And thats gross!
So please dont do that to him. What you need is lingerie. Real lingerie,
not that cheap, polyester crap in Day-Glo colors that they sell in the
chain stores at the mall. Im talking well-made, beautifully constructed,
expensive-looking lingerie.
Now lingerie isnt going to be your everyday undergarments. Tis
is the firty, naughty, bad girl stuf that you break out when you want
to seduce your man. So invest a litle time and money into building a
collection of nice bra and panty sets. Trow out all of your old granny
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panties and stretched out brasif you dont have them, you cant wear
them. And if you must keep your period panties, make sure he doesnt
see you in them. Wearing nice underwear isnt just for your manit
keeps you feeling sexy too! And when you feel sexy, you are. Teres
nothing more satisfying than taking of your clothes and tantalizing
your own eyes.
Keep your body supple. Oooh, the sof, smooth feel of a woman
theres nothing like it! Keep your body exfoliated, supple, and ready for
your mans hands to be all over it. Let the sun kiss your skin sometimes
(with some SPF, of course) to increase your glowso your man will
want to kiss it too.
Create a sensual atmosphere. Look around your bedroom. Is it
appealing to the eye? Does it make you want to take of all your clothes
and unleash your sexual energy? Your bedroom is your kingdom. Its
where most of the magic happens. (Of course the kitchen is the other
place.) But magic cant happen if your walls are bare and white, sheets
and pillows are worn and faded, clothes are thrown everywhere, and
youre using a 100 wat bulb to brighten the room. Tats not sexy at
all. Your bedroom should speak seduction, passion, and love. Paint
your walls a sof color; decorate your bed with beautiful pillows and
matching sheets. And use dim lighting and candles to illuminate the
room at night. And most important: Keep it clean. Real sexual energy
cant be released if theres cluter everywhere.
Location, location, location. Even though your bedroom is your sex
kingdom, it can get a litle stale if thats the only place you two are doin
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the do. Get freaky with your choice of location and jump his bones on
the couch. Start undressing him the moment he walks in the door and
have sex standing up. Let him bend you over the sink. Or have sex on
your living room foor. And who says you have to stay at home to be
sexually creative? Make him pull over next time you take a long drive
or, hey, get a litle wild while hes driving if you know what I mean. Next
time youre at the movies, wear a skirt and no undies to give him easy
access or be really naughty and sneak in the bathroom next time you
visit his parents house. Wherever, whenever, whatever! I guarantee you
he wont ever get boredand neither will you.
Sweat your technique. If your sex life has been a little blah, its time
for a new position. Make that several new positions. Remember I
said you can only do what you know? Well if you do the same ol
thing every time you have sex, no wonder your man is bored!
Pick up a copy of Kama Sutra or one of the dozens of other sex
books on the market. Stop by a women-friendly sex store and buy
a few toys and videos. Or be bold and go to a strip club and take
mental notes. (Yes, those girls know a thing or two about technique.)
Surprise your man in your next sex session. Men like new, exciting
things, and most of all, they like anything that will make sex better.
So improve your skills, girlfriendalways keep him crawling back
for more!
Increase your fequency. How many times a week are you leting your
man indulge in that Stileto Body of yours? One, maybe two? Well
thats not enough, sweetheart. Yes, I know, life is busy. Youre tired,
youve got cramps, you had a long day at work, and youve got kids to
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take care of and dinner to cook. So what? None of that maters. Sex is
a major portion of the bond that holds a relationship together. Now
Im not saying you have to have long lovemaking sessions seven days
a week. But you should be having some sort of sexual encounter with
your man every single day.
Yes, you heard me right: every single day. It can be some passionate
hugging and kissing before you send him of to work. Or give him
quick erotic massage during half time of the game. Maybe send him
a quick X-rated video to his phone. (You know you have a camera on
your Blackberry.) And oral sex always does the trickand no, theres
nothing wrong about it! Just be sure that your man knows that you love
him, that you desire him, and that the passion in your relationship is
never going anywhere. And besides, sex isnt just for himyou deserve
to be satisfed ofen too.
Keep your best fiend prety. Dont act like you dont know who your
best friend is, as Oprah would call heryour vajayjay. Next to that
prety face of yours, your man has to enjoy looking at that too. So keep
her looking prety as well. Find out how he prefers her to look and try
your best to keep her that way. No excuses! Even if he likes the Chia
Pet look, make sure you maintain a well-groomed Chia Pet. Tere are
many ways to do this, just fnd a technique thats comfortable for you.
Waxing, shaving, hair removal cream, or an electric clipperit doesnt
mater. Keeping that groomed is just as important as the hair on your
headand you know you have to keep that looking good.
Dont nag. Who wants to hear someone nagging all day? Where are
you? When are you coming home? Who are you with? Who was
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that? You never do this or that. Give the poor guy a break for ghods
sake. Let him go out with the fellas, and dont call him while hes out.
Give him some space sometimes, and let him stay out all night without
questioning him when he comes in. And dont run your mouth all day
about what hes not doing, what you dont like, and what you cant
stand about him. What all this does is create drama in your relationship.
Develop a foundation of trust, mutually set boundaries and standards,
and leave it at that. Communicate but dont nag.
Nagging may cause him to want to rebel, and we dont want that.
Let your man be a man! And when you do that, he has no reason to go
anywhere.
Be thoughtful. Youre not the only one who deserves compliments,
cards, and fowers sent to your job. Your man needs the sweet gestures
too. Be thoughtful and express your appreciation to him all the time.
Write him a love leter and slip it in his briefcase. Or fll his coat pockets
up with Hersheys Kisses. Make him a bag lunch, kiss a napkin with
red lipstick, and write I love you on it. Tell him how handsome you
think he isor all of the things about him that turn you on. Its the litle
things that make a world of a diference in your relationship. Your man
needs to be appreciated just as much as you doif not more.
The 80/20 Rule
In any relationship a man fnds himself in, whether it be a casual,
friends-with-benefts type of arrangement or a till-death-do-us-part
marriage, hes really only geting about 80% of what he needs from
his woman. Sure, hes geting the unconditional love, the comfortable
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companionship, the sweet nurturing, the trusting confdante, the ideal
mother for his adorable, intelligent children, blah, blah, blah. But despite
all that perfection, all those things that any man thinks will complete
his life and make him a whole, well-rounded individual, he may still
wind up cheating or leaving his woman to get the other 20% of what he
needsor thinks he needsbut isnt fnding on the home front.
And what, pray tell, is that 20% that he would shame his wife,
embarrass his children, and risk everything hes worked so hard to
achieve and maintain?
Sex, submission, and sex!
Tats right. Hot, wild, unlimited, downright, lowdown, freaky
naughty, nasty kinky sexserved up by someone who will spoil him
roten and do whatever he wants, with no hesitation or complaints. Tat
selfsh man wants a woman who will say to him24 hours a day, seven
days a weekWhatever you want me to do, baby. No mater what he
doesstays out all night; leaves his funky, smelly socks on the foor; or
refuses to take out the garbage. He wants the fantasy, that woman who
will be mischievous, seductive, confdent, and submissive, and whip up
a delicious meal thats hot and on the table the instant he walks in the
door and be served like a king siting on his throneevery night.
But you and I know how this sorry tale ends, dont we? Afer all, its
played out over and over throughout history, and the outcome never
changes. Unfortunately, some men will leave the 80% of the good stuf
theyve got at home and run out and chase the 20% that they think they
just cant live withoutand theyll end up stuck, miserable, and pitiful.
So to cut down the possibility of this happening in your relationship, its
your job to be your mans 100 percent, to fulfll absolutely everything
that he needs, wants, and desires.
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What You Wont Do, Somebody Else Will!
Now that you are aware of the 80/20 Rule, you know that there is
someone who will give him what he wants. Yes, theres a chick out there
who will happily take your mansmelly socks, other faws, and all.
Trust me, what you wont do, somebody else will. Dont be nave and
think, Oh no, my man is happy; hes not going anywhere! Sit back and
think about the last time you cooked him a romantic dinner or rubbed
his back afer a long day at work. When was the last time you did
something thoughtful, freaky, or helpful? Or showed him how much
you support him, believe in him, and love him? If you cant remember,
you may want to ask yourself: Where is my man right now while Im
siting here reading this book? (God forbid hes with Litle Miss 20
Percent!)
Your man doesnt really want to leave you. He loves you. But life is
short, and if he feels like hes missing something, he just might drop you
like a bad habit to experience what hes looking for. If he really, truly
wants something in your relationship you fat-out refuse to do or dont
realize that youre not giving, I promise you that he can go out and fnd
that woman who will do it gladly, whenever he wants, and with a smile
on her face.
So make sure you are playing your role in the relationship. Te whole
role, not just parts of it. Communicate with your man, and ask him what
he needs, what he wants, and what he desires from you. And make sure
you do exactly that becauseI will say it one more timewhat you
wont do, somebody else will.
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f I havent said it enough, let me say it again: You can have
absolutely everything you want in this world. From men to
money, a fawless face and a perfectly bangin body, to your
dream home and a closet full of all the stiletos you wantyes,
and I mean Manolos and Louboutins and none of the $39ers anymore.
Its all yours for the taking!
Are you ready to receive it? Are you ready to work for it? Being a true
Goddess whose life is full of passion, joy, happiness, love, money, and
freedom is not just going to be handed to you. Its something that you
have to cultivate, grow, and maintain. When you plant a seed in rich
soil, it will blossom into a strong, beautiful fower thats ready for the
world to indulge in its exquisiteness. But are you ready to grow? Is your
soil rich and fertile, groomed and prepared for you to blossom into the
Goddess that you deserve to be?
14
Living a Delicious, Juicy Life
And so it is...
I
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Afer all of the cleaning out, self-love practice, and afrmations, how
will you know when youre ready? Your spirit will tell you. You will feel
a light tapping in your heart and a discomfort in your body that will
say, Tis is enough; I am ready to grow! It will show up in the form of
buterfies, anxiety, and excitement, and you will no longer have interest
in things that arent in alignment with your growth. It will manifest itself
in your relationships, body, and fnances; all of a sudden, the people
who are not supposed to be in your life will disappear, your body will
start to crave things that fuel it, and you will have a sense of control and
freedom with your fnances.
When one is truly ready for something, it will magically appear. So
take everything youve learned thus far and apply itand know that
you are in preparation to receive your greatness.
Find Your Sacred Place
As you are preparing yourself to receive the desires of your heart,
having a place where you can easily and freely connect with your spirit
and plug yourself into our source of power is essential. And where is
your source of power? Its within you, but it cant be released unless you
allow it. You have to have a sanctuaryyour very own private, special
place. And you can create a sacred place in many diferent ways. It can
be a special room in your house, a corner of your ofce, or one of your
favorite places out in nature.
For me, I made my living room my sacred place. I painted the walls a
warm burgundy color, put a plush rug on the foor, and placed scented
soy candles and books all around. Teres no TV, no cell phones, no
shoes, and no noise allowed in my sacred place. Just me and God! I sit
Living A Delicious, Juicy Life
169
in the middle of my foor and just think, pray, and write in my journal.
Its one of the only places that I am able to fully connect with my spirit
because there is no distraction. Its my place to recharge.
I also have my altar in my living room. Its a litle table that sits low
to the ground and holds things that give me energy and powerlike
a picture of my mother and of me and my brother when we were
young (this represents the kid in me). I have a few spiritual books and
seashells, which represent water so my life can fow like a river. It also
has my atraction box. Its a litle shiny box that holds litle pieces of
paper of all the things I want. So if I want to earn a certain amount of
money that month or atract a certain person or thing, I write it down
on a Post-it, say it out loud (afrmation!), and put the note inside the
box. To me that symbolizes manifestation and creationof me puting
what I want on paper and leting go of worry or the need for that thing
to show up. I ask for it, then I let go and let God. I do not ask for it again,
and I defnitely dont stress about geting it. I just live my life and align
my actions with what I want. And it shows upall the time.
Another one of my sacred places is Central Park in New York. Tere is
a specifc bench in a secluded litle corner surrounded by trees that I go
to when I want to clear my mind. Sometimes Ill make myself a picnic
basket and take my journal and spend the whole day there. Te beauty
of the trees, the grass, and the smell in the wind capture my mind and
allow me to release my creativity.
You see, your sacred place can be anywhere you want it to be. Its your
space to connect with your spirit. Going to your sacred place allows
you to see the world more clearly than you normally would. It helps to
unclog your mind so you can be clear about where youre going. When
you are connected with your spirit, you can navigate through lifeand
170
the worldmuch easier. Youre in tune with your emotions and can
make beter decisions and choices as you move through life. Every
Goddess needs to fnd her sacred placeand go there ofen to increase
her power and maintain her sanity.
The Manifestation of a Goddess
So here you are: ready to step into your power and claim your thrown.
Yes, you are Goddess, and I can hear you roar! You are ready to receive
all the desires of your heart. Te man of your dreams, who will love you
passionately and put you on a pedestal; the money that you deserve to
receive in your life; the happiness that you long for; and everything else
thats meant for youtheyre all about to show up!
No more playing small, being average, and acceptingand
expectingless than you deserve. Embrace each and every quality
that you have as a woman. Be ferce and be bold! Take your newfound
cooking skills, your discovery of self-love, and your new zest for life and
create your recipe for life. Make it one big, juicy, delicious dishand
sink your teeth into it.
Dont have a bite out of life; devour it!
Living A Delicious, Juicy Life
171
Were not done yet

I want to keep in touch with you!
You can connect with me in many ways. Yes, I am human and Im
a modern Goddess living in a modern world, so here is how you can
reach me: www.stiletosinthekitchen.com. You can join my mailing list
or e-mail list to stay informed on whats happening in my world. Or if
you have a comment or testimonial that you want to share about this
book, you can create a video or leave a message. Share with the world
how Stiletos in the Kitchen has afected your life.
You can also send me a personal leter. Send to:
Shanel Cooper-Sykes
259 W. 139
th
Street
New York, New York 10030
Or email shanel@stiletosinthekitchen.com
Yes, I do personally read each leter, card, and e-mail,
though I may not be able to respond to all.

You can also join Shanels Classroom, which launches on October
1, 2009, for monthly motivationwhat I call Life Lessonsas
you continue your journey of self-love and abundant living. Shanels
Classroom is an online virtual community of young, empowered people
from all over the world. Students get the opportunity to connect with
me and listen in on a life-changing tele-seminar every month.
With the click of a buton, you can empower your life! Enrollment
information and class schedules can be found at www.shanelsclassroom.
com.

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