30

GESTURES OF COURTSHIP IN THE LITHUANIAN CULTURE OF THE

20
TH
CENTURY: INFLUENCE OF THE STEREOTYPE ON THE SEXUAL
EXPRESSION OF THE SEXES
Andzelika Lapinskiene
Klaipeaa College, Lithuania
Abstract
Courtship gestures are signals transmitted in nonverbal manner and designed to engage a potential partner oI the
opposite gender. During communication, the signals sent by body language show erotic attraction, ability to impose, en-
chantment oI the partner and silent firt. On the other hand, seeing gender court discourse historically, one noticed, that to
intrigue a person oI opposite gender or to gain a Iavor was always diIfcult, because courtship success depends not only
on psychological or physiological diIIerences (i.e. person`s character Ieatures, communicational capabilities, etc.) oI gen-
ders, but also on culture, social context or epoch in which above mentioned signals could be understood diIIerently.
From the beginning till the middle oI the 20
th
century world-view oI Lithuanian society, rather strict catholic up-
bringing dictated distinctive norms oI behavior. On the other hand, in the 20
th
century a rapid modernization process took
place all over Lithuania. It is interesting how this atmosphere infuenced the youth: iI during the courtship to the person
oI opposite sex one Iollowed stereotypes oI gender roles, or on the contrary, was going step by step with socio-cultural
alterations, one broke the stereotypes? How was this alteration accepted and evaluated by elder generation, and Ior which
gender oI younger generation demonstrated courtship was soIter or stricter? ThereIore, in the paper attempt is made to
reveal the infuence oI stereotypes on diIIerent genders (premarital youth) intercommunication and their transIormation
problem in the 20
th
century. The aim oI the paper is to examine genders intercommunication changes and infuence oI tra-
ditionally Iormed stereotypes oI roles oI genders on the sexual expression oI the 20
th
century Lithuanian village youth. To
achieve the aim, the Iollowing objectives have been set: 1) to ascertain courtship expressions Iorms; 2) to reveal society`s
normative Iunctions in respect oI diIIerent gender; 3) to identiIy gender`s intercommunication, courtship expressions and
normative Iunctions` modifcations in time context.
Courtship gestures and private genders` intercommunication have not been widely investigated. It is a very specifc
topic, which has been investigated only in some youth communication aspects by several ethnologists: Z. Saknys (1996,
1999, 2001, 2002) J. Mardosa (2000), D. Urbanaviciene (2000), the author oI this paper (1999, 2004, 2006) and Iew other
researchers (Imbrasiene, Satkauskiene 2006). ThereIore there is no doubt that this paper would add to evolution oI histo-
riography oI this rather new topic.
The basis oI this paper is empirical material in the Iorm oI structural deep interviews, collected during ethnograp-
hical expeditions during years 1998-2006 using the questionnaire prepared by the author. Its data was processed using
mathematical statistical analysis. There are 656 presenters questioned. Also there are used manuscript department data
Irom Ausra museum in Siauliai and Vilnius University library.
Methodology used in the paper: Historical-contrastive method is used in order to reveal: a) dynamics oI courtship
Iorms in modernizing society oI the 20
th
century; b) Iactors that determined this run in and consequences on the Lithuanian
village oI the 20
th
century oI the process. Typological method is applied in scrutinizing genders reciprocity in courtship
during direct and indirect contact.
Summarizing courtship gestures in the Lithuanian culture oI 20
th
century one may state that great infuence on
gender courtship Iorms expression was made by environment where established norms and specifc stereotypes Ior each
gender dominated. They changed, as changed political, economic and social conditions. In spite the latter changed Iast,
among youth sexual body language in some cases retained predominant patriarchal attitude oI the society till the end oI
the 20
th
century. On the other hand, in the second halI oI the 20
th
century courtship gestures, compared with traditional
Lithuanian culture, created new gender courtship and its obligatory decorum conception body signals sent by nonverbal
means became openly demonstrated intimacy.
Keywords: sex, stereotype, courtship, body gestures, morality norms, traditional and modern culture.
Introduction
Formation oI sexual intimacy between the two
opposite sexes is usually defned as courtship or is tre-
ated as a process oI paying attentions to the opposite
sex or a firtation on the whole. In other words, court-
ship is a Iorm oI interaction between the sexes expres-
sing their libido as well as the proIundity oI the latter.
Grading the intensity oI sexual senses courtship lies
on the lower stage oI love; it is the beginning oI love,
the period when the frst natural Ieeling oI the rousing
liking is displayed.
The frst step oI love is usually taken in the
youth, i.e. girls are completely ready Ior intimate re-
lations both physiologically and mentally at the age
oI seventeen, and boys become matured at the age
oI nineteen. Despite the diIIerence in age mentioned
above, this period shares two specifc Ieatures: 1) a
deliberate attempt to draw the attention and regard oI
31
a representative oI the opposite sex; 2) an active at-
tempt to get into a closer contact and relationship with
a representative oI the opposite sex overcoming one`s
own timidity and morality (Kralikauskas, 1993). Hen-
ce, courtship is one oI the ways which help young pe-
ople oI the opposite sex to eliminate both physical and
emotional barriers and be regarded as beloved ones.
The eIfciency oI courtship depends on the man-
ners oI a sex or on a set oI stimuli which are used by
sex in particular social environment. An attempt that
is too intensive may turn a liking oI one sex to the ot-
her into antipathy.
Both physical and mental diIIerences oI the se-
xes show that two types oI courtship exist: masculine
courtship and Ieminine courtship which are usually
expressed by diIIerent Iorms oI both verbal and non-
verbal communication or by secret terms, secret sexy
words or gestures oI partners which are not compre-
hensible to other people (Maslow, 2006).
This paper Iocuses mainly on gestures oI court-
ship, i.e. on non-verbal symbols used to quicken the
interest oI a representative oI the opposite sex. There
is a dominating theory that part oI these signals are
mastered and perIormed deliberately. However, the
majority oI them come out oI one`s subconsciousness.
In other words, they are inborn (Pease, 2003). It has
been noticed that when an individual fnds himselI/
herselI in a company oI the opposite sex, particular
physiological changes occur in his/her organism, such
as the increase oI a muscle tone, the Iace and eyes
become more lively, the body becomes sturdier and
straighter, the chest is stuck out and the belly held on
(Pease, 2003).
According to Randall Collins, an American so-
ciologist, behaviour oI the opposite sexes, their diIIe-
rences are determined not only by personal experien-
ce but also by the society, its traditions and culture
which surrounds them (Collins, 1988). Along with in-
born and Iundamental diIIerences between the sexes,
both a man and a woman are infuenced by traditions
and thus acquire stereotypes oI particular behaviour
established by the surroundings
1
. The stereotypes
point to the idea that sex may be regarded not only
1
The notion oI a 'stereotype was frst used by an American jour-
nalist W. Lippmann in his book 'Public Opinion in 1922. He
distinguished Iour aspects oI stereotypization: 1) stereotypes are
usually much more straightIorward than reality; 2) stereotypes
are transIerred but not Iormed anew; 3) almost all stereotypes are
Ialse; 4) stereotypes are very vital, i.e. even iI the society is assu-
red that stereotypes do not correspond to the reality, they are not
rejected, however. Exceptions are confrmed, on the contrary (Px-
ona, http://www.genderstudies.inIo/social/s26l.php (accessed
on 05/10/2007)). Later on these aspects were supplemented by
S. Khan, F. Jandt, G. Tilleto, B. Barberio, etc.). The work Iocuses
on stereotypes oI the sexes, i.e. on the categories oI 'masculinity
and 'Iemininity which are constructed socially and usually stay
invariable. Moreover, these categories presuppose diIIerent social
parts oI men and women, their status and culture oI behaviour.
as a creation oI nature but as a piece oI culture the
Iorms oI which are shaped by a specifc normative
system oI the society (Tereskinas, 2001). It expects
the body to Iollow the same principles that the system
Iollows itselI. To cite M. Foucault, this is the reason
why 'sexual morality still requires and will require
an individual to obey a particular way oI liIe which
specifes aesthetical and ethical criteria oI existence
(Foucault, 1999).
Lithuania has been regarded as a country oI de-
ep traditions oI the morals Ior a very long time. They
have been Iormed by a particular world outlook oI the
society sharing norms oI traditional culture as well as
by strict Catholic upbringing. The latter ignored sexi-
ness and Iorbade public demonstration (both verbal
and non-verbal) oI intimate relations. According to
Artras Tereskinas, a researcher oI Lithuanian cultu-
re, sexuality (as well as gestures oI courtship which
seem to be a Iorm oI the expression oI sexuality) is
turning into an issue oI a public discussion at present
(Tereskinas, 2002).
No doubt, the young generation has been the
most receptive to novelties at all times. 'Such beha-
viour oI the youth is absolutely natural and justifable
as awareness oI innovations and rejection oI the old
point oI view gives much more Ireedom and more pos-
sibilities
2
Ior the young (Grigas, 1998). The article
aims at the revelation oI the infuence oI stereotypes
on premarital interrelationship oI the opposite sexes
(the interrelationship oI the youth, namely) as well as
on the problem oI transIormation in the 20
th
century.
The aim oI the article is to examine the changes in the
relationship between the sexes and the infuence oI
traditional stereotypes which speciIy the roles oI the
sexes on the sexual expression oI the youth in the pro-
vinces oI Lithuania in the 20
th
century. In pursuance
oI the aim mentioned above the Iollowing obfectives
were set: 1) to clariIy the Iorms oI expression oI court-
ship between the sexes; 2) to reveal normative Iunc-
tions oI the society with regard to opposite sexes; 3)
to determine modifcations oI the expression oI court-
ship and those oI normative Iunctions in the context
oI time.
The article will consider the gestures oI court-
ship Irom the point oI view oI an ethnologist. Ethno-
logical research carried out on gestures oI courtship,
private interrelationship between the sexes has been
insuIfcient in Lithuania. It appears to be a very speci-
fc subject which has been considered in some aspects
2
All the material (656 respondents, born in 1905-1985, have been
questioned) collected Irom all over the Republic oI Lithuania is
stored in a manuscript in VMU Faculty oI Humanities Department
oI Ethnology and Folklore. See the archive oI The Department oI
Ethnology and Folklore Science oI Vytautas Magnus University
(VDU ER), case No. (b.) 157-158; 201-203; 246; 255-256; 591;
672-674; 710-714; 840. Collected by A. Bylaite-Lapinskiene.
32
oI the contact among young people by several ethno-
logists only, such as: Z. Saknys (Saknys, 1996, 1999,
2001, 2002), J. Mardosa (Mardosa, 2000), D. Urbana-
viciene (Urbanaviciene, 2000), R. Racinaite (Raci-
naite, 2002), the author oI this article (Lapinskiene,
1999, 2004, 2006) and some other researchers (Imb-
rasiene, Satkauskiene, 2006). No doubt, the article
would supplement the development oI the historiog-
raphy oI the subject which appears to be quite inno-
vative.
The basis oI the article consists oI the empirical
material collected using questionnaire prepared by the
author herselI as well as using the method oI a struc-
tural interview during ethnographical expeditions oI
the feld in 1998-2006*. It has been processed using
mathematical-statistical analysis. 656 respondents ha-
ve been questioned in total.
In order to reveal the dynamics oI the Iorms oI
courtship in the 20
th
century society, which is beco-
ming more and more modern, alongside with Iactors
that have infuenced the development oI the process,
and consequences in the provinces oI Lithuania in the
20
th
century, a historical-comparative method is used
in the article. In addition, a typological method is used
in the article when analyzing the correlation oI the se-
xes during direct and indirect courtship. Besides, a
mathematical-statistical analysis has been applied in
the article in order to reveal the intensity oI the spread
oI the phenomena under the examination.
Expression of courtship
One oI the ways to convey gestures oI court-
ship is a dance. Erotic attraction, ability to impose,
enchantment oI a partner or a wish to firt is especially
strong while dancing. Philosopher S. Salkauskis is oI
the opinion that modern dances (Ior example, tango,
Ioxtrot, etc.), which spread in Lithuania in the period
oI time between the two world wars, can be characte-
rized by particular body language signals mentioned
above. Despite the Iact that a dance is usually a natu-
ral expression oI joy and relaxation, 'it is enough to
cast a critical glance on modern dances just once and
it becomes clear that movements oI couples dancing
in an intimate cuddle convey sexual experience, howe-
ver (Salkauskis, 1928).
The latter infuence observers, thus inapprop-
riate behavior is mastered
3
. A similar opinion is also
3
The Iact that dancing used to arise immoral Ieelings is supported
by the Iollowing characteristics oI modern dances: 'tango was re-
garded as dirty, Ioxtrot as cynical, jive as brutal, schottische as pro-
vocative, shimmy and blue were dances oI St. Vitas (Barstyte,
1929). Furthermore, letters sent by bishops to Lithuanian Catholic
youth organizations or the young generation itselI also express the
same opinion. In some countries church punishment was meted
out Ior people who used to dance these dances. In Austria, Ior
example, mothers who allowed their daughters dance modern dan-
ces were threatened against the remission oI sins (M. A., 1937).
expressed in A. Pakalniskis` (Pakalniskis, 1977) and
I. Koncius` (Koncius, 1996) descriptions oI parties or-
ganized in Western Lithuania at the end oI the 19
th
cen-
tury in the beginning oI the 20
th
century. Periodical
magazines, such as 'Pavasaris (Tamosaitis, 1940; M.
A., 1937), 'Naujoji Vaidilute (D. P., 1921); Barsty-
te, 1929) and Catholic didactic books issued Ior the
youth in the interwar period deal with this idea as
well. The Iormation oI such an opinion was infuen-
ced by the world outlook oI the society, quite strict
Catholic education, and public demonstration oI inti-
mate relations being a taboo. However, it should be
reminded that a person`s moral or immoral behaviour
depends on a particular moment, intention, circums-
tances, character, etc. as well. Hence, it is interesting
to know iI dances and their observation aroused any
intimate Ieelings oI the youth in the provinces oI Lit-
huania in the 20
th
century and was hazard Ior norms oI
moral upbringing, accordingly. In order to clariIy this
issue, gestures oI courtship used by young people du-
ring dancing part or aIter them should be considered.
It is quite complicated to engage a representati-
ve oI the opposite sex or to get him/her on the right
side oI yours. It is even more diIfcult to be successIul
when courting as courtship is part oI the expressions
oI sexual behavior. Success oI courtship depends on a
person`s ability to show and accept signals oI courtship
as well as on culture, social context, epoch in which
they may be understood in a diIIerent way, used or re-
jected. Moreover, some gestures oI courtship may be
demonstrative, others are very subtle. For this reason
gestures oI courtship have been classifed into those
oI a direct contact and those oI an indirect contact.
Gestures of indirect contact
According to the studies oI the feld, it was an
eye-wink, a quick glance aside or a long (intimate)
eye contact and a smile; doing up one`s hair or clot-
hes; demonstration oI one`s legs; keeping one`s thumb
beyond a belt or hand-keeping on the waistline; an air
kiss considered to be the gestures oI indirect contact
among the youth who Iell in love or had a liking Ior
a person oI the opposite sex in the provinces oI Lit-
huania in the 20th century. On the other hand, such
gestures as hand taking, giving somebody`s hand a
squeeze, a tinkle or a kiss; a cuddle; a kiss on a check
or lips; touching intimate body parts (petting) are attri-
buted to the ones oI a direct contact.
The research oI the feld shows that an aye-
wink was the most Irequent gesture oI indirect contact
among the youth oI the provinces oI Lithuania in the
20th century. Some respondents have remarked that
this gesture was especially preIerred by boys (ER, b.
839, d. 2., l. 5) in the period between the two World
Wars. However, the ones born in the Soviet period oI
33
time claim that it was used by girls as well. It is wit-
nessed by 37.5 oI respondents (this gesture was pre-
Ierred by 54.2 oI boys oI all the respondents (24).
On the other hand, during the whole 20
th
century an
opinion that an eye-wink was a male gesture oI court-
ship was dominant. Shy girls would react by dropping
their eyes or by glancing aside whereas the braver
ones used to respond by an eye contact or a little smi-
le. It has been noticed that a combination oI the latter
gestures was also possible. It was called an intimate
seductive glance (Pease, 2003). Usually it lasted Ior
2 seconds. It was indecorous to keep a glance Ior a
longer time, thus a boy could have been rejected by
a beloved girl due to this. 33.3 oI the respondents
claimed that such an intimate short glance was more
preIerred by boys not girls in the provinces oI Lithua-
nia in the 20th century. This phenomenon is recogni-
zed in a number oI peoples in the world. According to
M. Moore, A. Pease, a girl (a woman) is responsible
Ior initial stages oI courtship. As her movements are
subtle (i.e. a girl appears near a boy out oI a sudden
or she looks at him Ior some time without his notice),
that is why a boy (a man) is regarded as an initiator
more oIten(Moore, 2005). The other reason is enlarge-
ment oI a girl`s eye pupils. 'II the pretty sex 'is not
indiIIerent to a boy (a man), her eye pupils enlarge
when she glances at him, whereas a man`s subconscio-
usness 'catches' this signal by all means, when a man
does not even perceive it on his mind (Pease, 2003).
The research oI the feld shows that during the
process oI indirect courtship both a boy and a girl en-
deavoured to straighten their clothes (Ior example, a
boy would straighten his tie, and a girl used to straigh-
ten her skirt) (20.8 ) or hair (29.2 ). Such a gestu-
re was more common among girls than among boys.
These gestures were perIormed involuntarily having
caught an eye oI a partner.
In the second part oI the 20th century the most
seductive gesture oI an indirect contact was conside-
red the one when a girl would sit having put her leg on
the other one or when making a slow action oI putting
her leg on the other one and taking it oII in the presen-
ce oI a boy. This gesture was especially stirring when
'mini Iashion (a tight short skirt above the knees)
became popular in the province. Some researchers oI
body language express an opinion that the latter gestu-
res make an impression oI a high muscle tone which
is dominant to a person ready Ior sexual intercourse
(Pease, 2003). This may be the reason why girls in a
province avoided perIorming this action. The rather
that townswomen oI that time were criticized Ior such
a behavior and were encouraged to discard it: 'Lets
have a rule. to respect others ana yourself. .~ Co-
quetry is an actual aesecration of a girls personality
ana her moaesty especially. .~. Is it proper when
auring the youth meeting a girl starts speaking in
such a voice that everyboay woula hear her, or woula
sit there where she is most visible to everyone, or puts
her leg on the other one ana starts charming everybo-
dy (Kuklumas, 1936).
A gesture oI 'keeping one`s thumb beyond a
belt was common between both sexes in the last de-
cades oI the 20
th
century. It was noticed that girls used
to put out one thumb Irom a pocket (usually the one
oI the jeans) as well. It was a consequence oI Western
culture that came to the provinces oI Lithuania via the
youth in the town. According to some researches oI
non-verbal language carried out by Ioreign scientists,
it is the most aggressive gesture oI courtship which
emphasizes the locus oI men`s or women`s genitalia
(the same is said about the gesture oI keeping man`s
legs widely spread while sitting) (Mentnnx, 2003;
Pease, 2003; Courting, 2005). However, the youth in
the provinces oI Lithuania had an opinion that this
gesture was more like a Iollow oI Iashion, repetition
oI the behavior oI contemporaries, demonstration oI
arrogance or simply a perIect means oI disguise oI
hand quiver having met an object oI liking.
In the sixtiesnineties an 'air kiss was consi-
dered to be a gesture oI indirect contact between a
boy and a girl who were not indiIIerent to each other.
The beginnings oI this gesture go back to more than
two thousand years. In the ancient Greek and Rome
an 'air kiss was sent to a deity when entering and
leaving a temple (Ellis, Beattie, 1986). In the provin-
ces oI Lithuania oI the 20
th
century the youth would
usually use it when parting with each other. A person
would touch the fnger tips by the lips (the palm was
turned to the chin) and make a slight blow with his/
her fnger tips turned towards the addressee. Usually
the hand was not kept Iully outspread. However, some
respondents claimed that 'this type oI a kiss could be
sent only in case oI serious relationship between a girl
and a boy. II a girl behaved like this with any boy who
accompanied her she would not avoid backbiting oI
the youth itselI (ER, b. 672, l. 41). This proves once
again that it is important to Iollow the rules oI the be-
haviour common among the youth themselves.
Gestures of direct contact
Gestures oI courtship, as a phenomenon, were
not very tolerated in the provinces oI Lithuania in the
20
th
century. This kind oI an attitude was especially
spread in the beginning oI the 20
th
century. At that
time any public demonstration oI intimate Ieelings
among the youth was regarded as immodest. Moreo-
ver, it was equal to debauchery. Courtship gestures oI
a direct contact (i.e. hand taking, embrace, a kiss, etc.)
were considered to be the most negative ones. The re-
ason might be that touching or intimate destination
could not be avoided when applying them.
34
The data oI the studies oI the feld prove that
one oI such gestures oI courtship was a kiss. Some
respondents claimed that 'when the lips touched the
heart would shiver with delight and bliss (ER, b.
714, d. 2, l. 10). The ethnographical survey shows,
however, that such behaviour in a group oI young pe-
ople brought a big disgrace and shame on parents. It
meant that they had Iostered their young oIIsprings in
a wrong way. Consequently, parents used keep watch
over their children and control them. In spite oI the Iact
that a boy was more initiative when courting a girl, it
was she who had to Iollow certain norms oI behaviour
most oI all, namely, a girl might go to a dancing party
with a beloved boy only in assistance with a group oI
Iriends or a senior brother or a younger sister (she, in
her turn, soon wanted to go to sleep and did not allow
her sister enjoy the party Ior a long time). A girl had
to avoid a contact with a boy in dark corners and to
reject his oIIer to chat outside aIter dark. II a girl beha-
ved in the opposite way, the youth themselves would
not tolerate it and call her 'a hussy (though such girls
were in the minority). AIter the party the girl had to
return home accompanied by the persons mentioned
above but not alone with the beloved. According to
some respondents, they could not talk alone at the ga-
te Ior a longer time. 'As soon as Iather noticed them
talking, he would soon think oI some reason to depart
us: Rama (a shortened name A.L.), go home quic-
ker as dumplings will cool down! (ER, b. 714, d. 2,
l. 13). There were cases when a girl would Ieel ill at
ease in respect oI a boy due to such interIerence oI her
Iamily members. An inhabitant oI Pasvalys (a small
town in Lithuania) remembers as she 'was talking to
a guy in the porch at dark. My brother saw us and told
the parents. My Iather ran towards us holding a whip
in his hand and started shouting: 'Isn`t there any place
leIt in the house that you are standing apart! I stood
ashamed in Iront oI that guy as I didn`t behave like a
wanton (ER, b. 712, l. 20).
In the frst halI oI the 20
th
century demonstra-
tion oI the gestures oI courtship was restricted by a
traditional participation oI adults at youth entertain-
ment parties. It was elderly women and neighbours
who enjoyed staying longer and watching the youth
in amusement especially. In Iact, they talked scandal,
thus the young attempted to oust them. For instance,
there were cases in the suburb oI Svencionys when
boys would deliberately start scuIfing aIter midnight
in order these women were hit and they would run
away scared. II they were not Irightened by such an
accident, boys in the province would unanimously co-
me to terms and send a young boy who was not able
to dance or was drunk. The women did not want to be
laughed at because oI such a no-good dancer and, hen-
ce, withdrew (ER, b. 713, l. 53). Public demonstration
oI Ieelings (a kiss) among the young was not tolerated
by the church either. One oI the sermons preached by
J. Pabreza in Kretinga in 1819 contained the words
that a person may be sinned against virginity not only
hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting but touching as well
(Gidzinas, 1994). One oI the ways oI expression oI
the latter was a kiss. This Iact is also confrmed by
E. Glemzaite-Dulaitiene who described the relations-
hip oI young people in Kupiskis suburbs in the 19
th
century. According to the author, iI a girl kissed a boy,
she suIIered physical punishment set by her mother
and also she had to perIorm a penance imposed by the
priest. By the way, it was mother herselI who would
preach her daughter upon the priest (Dulaitiene (Glem-
zaite), 1958). The data oI the studies oI the feld con-
frm the Iact that a priest`s penance was also imposed
Ior such an oIIence against virginity in the period bet-
ween the two World Wars. For instance, a person had
to go around the church on the knees Ior three times
or to Iast Ior some days (ER, b. 712, l. 86). Slav peop-
le had a similar penance Ior a sin. Namely, a penance
oI a 12-day Iast was imposed Ior a long kiss in Russia
(Kon, 2001).
In the case mentioned above Iolk prejudices
were like a guard oI the youth`s morality as well. To
illustrate this let`s consider Dusetos suburbs. People
used to say there that `iI a girl kisses a boy their lips
would scab. The inhabitants oI Panevezys region be-
lieved that 'iI a girl kisses a boy, a Irog would grip on
their lips beyond the grave (Vysniauskaite, 1966).
Regardless oI such prejudices, this gesture oI
courtship was quite common in the communication
oI the youth Irom the 1900s till the fIth decade oI the
20
th
century. 72.5 oI the respondents claimed that
having taken her home and with nobody in sight a boy
attempted to 'steal a kiss oI his beloved. II the rela-
tionship between a boy and a girl were serious, a boy
would ask a girl`s permission Ior a kiss which was
usually given. According to A. Venskiene, 6 oI the
respondents claimed that boys oI a province liked to
kiss girls having thick lips very much as their lips we-
re perIect Ior kissing. However, an opinion that thick
lips raised some doubts about a girls morality (i.e.
thick lips were associated with the Iact that a girl had
already kissed a lot) (Venskiene, 2000). On the other
hand, during the interwar period a youthIul kiss was
short, innocent, 'not as it is now when young people
gnaw each other (ER, b. 713, l. 2). Nevertheless, a
shy, honest province girl still Ielt embarrassed. A girl
who had been kissed would usually 'fush like a rose
or even stay at home and not leave Ior the whole the
week(ER, b. 672, l. 66; b. 711, l. 33; b. 713, l. 11).
On the basis oI the data oI empirical survey,
such behaviour was initiated by town-dwellers in so-
me parts oI the provinces oI Lithuania (Ior example,
35
in the suburbs oI Birzai) in the frst halI oI the 20
th
century (ER, b. 712, l. 50). An inhabitant oI Roman-
cauka province (the region oI Ignalina) claimed that
when she was young it was rich boys oI the province
who usually took the lead in the attempt to kiss a girl.
'He saia. 'Lets have a kiss, ok?. Ana I saia. 'My
cat likes kissing very much. I will bring it ana you
will be able to kiss it (ER, b. 713, l. 18). The boy
took oIIence at such conversation and did not call her
to dance any more. There were other ways to reIuse
to have a kiss: a slap in the Iace or a trick. To illust-
rate this let us consider the Iollowing words oI one
woman: 'Some boy was cuaaling but I aia not want
him. So, I screamea that I haa a terrible toothache
ana he let me go then (ER, b. 712, l. 23). The Iact is
that not all girls were so clever and brave. Due to the
lack oI sex education, some girls oI a province (espe-
cially, the god-Iearing ones) thought that a girl would
get pregnant aIter a kiss. The Iollowing words oI an
inhabitant oI Radute province (the region oI Rokiskis)
may serve as a means oI illustration: 'A guy grabbea
my hair, lay aown on my back ana kissea holaing me.
Oh Jesus Christ, I was so crying, I thought I woula
have a baby after that` (ER, b. 712, l. 68). A similar
opinion was dominant in the provinces oI Lithuania
in the frst halI oI the 20
th
century when a young boy
also used other gestures oI courtship, such as, sitting
next to a girl, a cuddle or an embrace (ER, b. 672, l.
17; b. 713, l. 7).
On the other hand, a kiss, as a gesture oI court-
ship, was common in youth games in the beginning oI
the 20
th
century. A task to kiss somebody was Irequent
when playing at IorIeits which were organized during
the cold seasons oI the year. Advent Iorbade dances
and songs during the largest halI oI this period. Mo-
reover, the majority oI rituals Ior the maternity oI the
young were perIormed during this period oI the year.
Nevertheless, some oI such ceremonies were carried
out during the warm period oI the year too) (Saknys,
1996). It should be mentioned that October and No-
vember as well as January and February were most su-
itable Ior a wedding whereas spring and July especial-
ly were the most unIavourable ones (Milius, 1959). As
gestures oI courtship were not tolerated, this period oI
time was the most Iavourable to express these gestu-
res and a perIect possibility to show their liking and
interrelationship. In this case one oI the most popular
games in Dzkija region was called 'Baking oI small
woodpeckers (Urbanaviciene, 2000) (i.e. Christmas
cookies are being baked orally up to the moment
when one oI the indicated players kisses a baker). A
game called 'A bint sitting on the foor (Urbanavi-
ciene, 2000) was popular in Zemaitija (in detail a girl
was sitting in the middle oI a circle and had apples or
nuts in her hands (apples and nuts were the symbols
oI eroticism). When a conductor oI the game pointed
out to some player, he kissed a girl and she gave him
the symbols mentioned above. In addition, a game cal-
led 'Who loves who (VUBRS, b. 169-445, l. 12; ER,
b. 673, l. 55-56) was popular in Aukstaitija region (a
similar game was 'Shooting the sparrows when two
players sat on a chair back to each other and iI they tur-
ned to the same side aIter a special signal, they had to
kiss each other). There were more games, such as 'Pic-
king cherries (ER, b. 673, l. 8) when a boy had to
manage to kiss a girl, who was sitting on a chair, at the
moment oI jumping, or another game called 'Feeding
the pigeons (ER, b. 673, l. 67) (also known as 'Re-
pair oI a bridge or 'Check oI the telephone) when
people had to transIer a match or any other thing Irom
lips to lips, etc.
According to D. Urbanaviciene 'games with
an erotic tone were a part of the ola peaagogy. They
helpea to aevelop erotic senses, express feelings ana
thoughts, reveal ones inaiviauality. .~ these ga-
mes maae it easier to bring out psychological com-
plexes of a boy or a girl which preventea them from
a normal communication. .~ Repetition of such
games helpea to hna out how to behave properly
when kissing a belovea or an unpleasant person, a
brother or a friena (Urbanaviciene, 2000). However,
it is unlikely that the games mentioned above were
used as a ritual having pedagogical purpose only. The
Iact that the youth played not ordinary games but tho-
se oI an erotic type (when there were cases oI harsh
courtship) in the province oI the period between the
two World Wars is witnessed by a prohibition oI the
church to play such games (ER, b. 673, l. 8) as well as
parents` unwillingness to allow their daughters take
part in such gatherings. Some inhabitants oI Vezionis-
kiai (the region oI Prienai) expressed the opinion that
in such gatherings oI the youth (when playing blind
man`s buII and barely-break especially) 'young peop-
le become aware of baa more than gooa, i.e. they seek
to touch each other, boys start fonaling girls sitting
on a bea or behina the stove, or sometimes in a aark
porch or corner (Saknys, 1999). Catholic press also
wrote about this at that time. For instance, magazine
'Pavasaris ('Spring) examined a secret questionnai-
re called 'What are the ways oI amusement and the
answers claimed that jollies were a good opportunity
to 'touch up girls. When a lamp started smoking so
much that one could see only two steps ahead, the ac-
tivities oI 'petting bears were visible everywhere
(Kaip atrodo pasilinksminimai, 1936). Thus, in this
case we deal not only with hand taking, kisses or an
embrace but also with the touch oI intimate parts oI
the body or petting.
However, some respondents claimed that 'girls
were so timid that they even did not allow a boy to
36
embrace them. A young man might only kiss but not
touch a thigh by all means. A girl would get irritated
at once, hit a boy`s hand and call him to be shameless
(ER, b. 672, l. 32; 67). Gestures oI touching intima-
te parts oI the body are discovered in get-togethers
which took place on weekdays in the period oI Advent
and meat-eating. 'Girls ripped Ieathers whereas boys
chatted about love. Suddenly they blew the Ieathers;
the girls started catching them whereas the boys star-
ted catching the girls then. Having caught the girls,
the boys used to give them a tinkle, embrace, kiss or
even pet. Nobody was concerned about the unbeco-
ming conduct (ER, b. 672, l. 54). 'II a boy Iailed to
catch a girl, he attempted to sing a song so loud that
the light would turn oII, so, he could kiss or embrace
the girl he had had an eye on (ER, b. 673, l. 8). A si-
milar, though in some cases even a more unrestrained
relationship among girls and boys, is observed in get-
togethers oI Eastern Slavs, Russians, Byelorussians
4
,
and Ukrainians (3enennn, 1991; Ipomtxo, 1986). Be-
sides, it should be mentioned that courtship was espe-
cially aggressive during the team work oI the villagers
when harvesting rye, pulling and braking fax(Mardo-
sa, 2000) and during some Iestivals oI Christian calen-
dar (Pancake Day, Pentecost, Feast oI St. John, etc
5
).
J. Mardosa expresses the opinion that youth`s erotic
behaviour have resulted Irom the understanding oI a
justifable behaviour model which existed in collecti-
ve consciousness. The perception was based on the
idea that norms oI people`s moral behaviour might
have been more liberal in a particular place and time
(Mardosa, 2000; Merkiene, 1967; Mickevicius, 1938;
Saknys 2001; Vysniauskaite, 1980). Besides, such be-
haviour oI the youth during the united work oI the
villagers was determined by the particularity oI social
work and the interests oI villagers (Ior instance, reas-
suring Iertility).
On the other hand, it should be stated that in
the frst halI oI the 20
th
century the youth in the provin-
ces oI Lithuania was quite temperate and attempted
to Iollow the established rules oI certain behaviour as
well as norms oI morals. AIter World War II, when
communal customs oI the province disappeared, high-
ly supervised court gradually progressed to relatively
short private court and to courtship gestures oI direct
contact accordingly. The studies oI the feld show that
in the fIties-eighties oI the 20
th
century it was alrea-
dy possible to embrace a girl, take her hand, even to
4
VUBRS abbreviation oI data Irom manuscripts oI Vilnius Uni-
versity library.
5
In Belarus during a party it was usual that not only admirers
showed their aIIection to the chosen girls but all young men who
had come there. A girl might not spurn anyone or wound a man
by pushing, hitting by fsts or using harsh words. Moreover, it was
inappropriate to Iorbid a boy to have a seat nearby in spite oI the
Iact that a girl did not like the young man, or they had had a row
or a boy would have even beaten her (3enennn, 1991).
give a light kiss on the lips (56.1 ) in the daytime.
However, the majority oI the youth brought up by pa-
rents who were born in the period oI time between the
two World Wars did not attempt to express their Iee-
lings publicly. For example, girls used to avoid long
walking with boys aIter a dancing party. There was a
dominant opinion that iI 'a girl used to gad at nights
it showed her fippant character. It was also thought
that aIter a public kiss 'one will burn with shame.
Lets consider the Iollowing telling by an inhabitant
oI Matlaukis province (a region oI Vilkaviskis): 'I re-
member we wanted to have a kiss and so we hid our
Iaces behind a newspaper in order nobody could see
us and pretended reading it (ER, b. 202, l. 43).
Moreover, not every girl Irom a province or a
town considered a public embrace acceptable in the
fIties-eighties oI the 20
th
century. According to some
respondents, a hand on a shoulder was already regar-
ded as something more shameIul. Lets consider the
Iollowing telling by an inhabitant oI Matlaukis provin-
ce (a region oI Vilkaviskis): 'I remember we wanted
to have a kiss and so hid our Iaces behind a newspaper
so that nobody could see us and pretended reading it
(ER, b. 712, l. 53). We may presume that one oI the
reasons oI such a constrained behaviour oI the youth
was the Iact that they were brought up by parents born
in the period oI time between the two World Wars.
The other reason may be the Iact that 'modern cus-
toms refect a special perception oI 'the normality
which is prompted not by general observance oI so-
cial norms but by a person`s ability to examine and de-
velop mutual Ieelings as well as his/her ability to keep
a constant watch on these Ieelings (i.e. to Iollow pos-
sibilities oI the use oI gestures oI courtship A. L.)
(Sutton, 2003).
A girl Ielt uneasy when a boy took her hand.
An inhabitant oI Rumsiskes (region oI Kaunas) clai-
med that when a boy took her hand she even 'Ielt
something like sparks on her body (ER, b. 591, l.
34). According to K. Baiburin and A. L. Toporkov, a
handshake conveys sexual attraction. Consequently,
a handshake between a man and a woman was Iorbid-
den in a number oI nations (Russian, Byelorussian,
Kirghiz) (Faypnn, 1990). This explanation may
be also applied to another gesture oI courtship used
during dancing parties in the provinces oI Lithuania
in the period between the two World Wars. It was tic-
kling a girl`s leIt hand palm, i.e. making a circle on it.
We may presuppose that this gesture is a symbol oI
the expression oI sexual intercourse (i.e. the connec-
tion oI the masculine (the right hand) and oI Ieminine
(the leIt hand) origins (Kon, 1989; Faypnn, 1990).
In this case a fnger perIormed a Iunction oI a phallus
and a circle perIormed a Iunction oI a womb. This ges-
ture was also mentioned by A. Kriauza in the frst halI
37
oI the 20
th
century when he described secrets oI an in-
timate liIe oI a girl living Kupiskis suburbs (SAM, b.
52, l. 125). The gesture mentioned above was known
to Latvians as well (ER, b. 712, l. 17). The studies oI
the feld point to the Iact that this gesture was usual-
ly used when a boy wanted to have sexual intercour-
se with a girl. No words were necessary Ior that, a
man had merely to take a girl`s leIt palm and perIorm
this action. A tinkle or a slight press oI a boy`s palm
conveyed a girl`s consent (ER, b. 713, l. 53; 91). The
etiquette oI that time required that a respectable girl
would push a boy`s hand aside and leave. Even physi-
cal violence was tolerated in this case, i.e. a girl could
knock against the boy`s hand, slap him in the Iace or
push him. However, not all girls knew the meaning oI
the gesture oI courtship mentioned above. Thus, there
were exceptional cases when vulgar boys used to tres-
pass on their ignorance(ER, b. 713, l. 70). Young men
usually exhibited inappropriate behaviour on girls
oI easy virtue, whereas they intended to have a joke
when showing this gesture to more modest girls and
make certain that the girls knew the meaning oI this
mysterious gesture oI courtship. The latter gesture has
been observed less and less oIten since the fIties oI
the 20
th
century. In the seventies eighties oI the 20
th
century there were cases when it was girls not boys
who used their initiative via this gesture (ER, b. 713,
l. 85; b. 710, l. 34). A possible reason may be that the
old meaning oI this gesture has been dropped out (at
present the meaning oI sexual intercourse is conveyed
while making circles on fngertips or the gaps among
the fngers oI a partner`s hand). Some girls were oI
the opinion that this gesture was used to ask Ior Iriend-
ship merely or to show the acceptance oI Iriendship
(ER, b. 710, l. 24).
The courtship gestures oI direct contact mentio-
ned beIore were used in public without any restraint
(81.1 ) at the end oI the 20
th
century in the begin-
ning oI the 21
st
century. Yet, diIIerent generations Ia-
ced harsh cross-purposes upon this matter. The youth
perceived such means oI the expression oI intimate
relationship as a norm, whereas the elderly genera-
tion considered it to be the degradation oI morality.
'We face total lack of morals auring aancing parties
nowaaays. Girls are wearing short skirts, hanas of
boys are kept unaer the skirts. Young men are arunk.
Eroticism is enlivenea by music even more. She is
putting her leg asiae, ana he, keeping his 'cock`
up-stanaing, intenas to ao something to her, most re-
asonably. No prohibition is left. The youth haa some
secrets before, now they are gone. Still being young,
ana alreaay elaerly. So, when is it time for girlhooa
(ER, b. 712, l. 76). Yet, sociologists explain that 'fee-
lings ana relationship of the youth have not 'wiltea'
so much but their criteria have become more complex
ana more psychological like (Konas, 1988) at the end
oI the 20
th
century in the beginning oI the 21
st
centu-
ry. As the society became more and more democratic
and liberal, the progress oI liIe norms and understan-
ding was evident, as well as establishment oI an indi-
vidual`s right to a Iree choice in all spheres oI liIe.
Moreover, we may presume that a Iree expression oI
intimate Ieelings was also infuenced by the tenden-
cy oI physical maturation oI the youth to start earlier.
According to the data oI anthropologists and ethnolo-
gists, at the end oI the 20
th
century in the beginning
oI the 21
st
century an average age oI girls` maturation
(menarche) started at the age oI 15 in the provinces oI
Lithuania, in later decades it started at the age oI 14,
while this age tends to decline up to the point oI being
13 years old at present (Racinaite, 2002; Balciniene
1991). The tendency oI physical maturation to start
earlier and earlier is certifed by the studies oI the feld
as well. It was noticed that in the last decades oI the
20
th
century 10-14-year-old teenagers already showed
their liking to the opposite sex by such gestures oI
courtship as an eye-wink, hand-taking. Besides, boys
used to touch up girls when stroking their back with
a fnger and thus checking iI a girl was wearing a bra.
Another way oI touching up the girls was especially
popular in spring. Boys would tease a girl shouting
'Ona (a Lithuanian name A.L.), raise your skirt or
they would perIorm this action having run at the girl`s
back and shout 'Spring has come!, 'Look, your skirt
is ripped!(ER, b. 591, l. 33; b. 672, l. 70). In this case
we may presuppose an interest in intimate body parts
oI the opposite sex, concern Ior touching them which
is one oI the gestures oI courtship mentioned above.
This is confrmed by sociologists as well. According
to their data, in the fIties oI the 20
th
century some
13-15-year-old teenagers had already had their frst
sexual intercourse, which made 1.8 . Still, it was not
a Irequent phenomenon iI compared to the seventies
oI the 20
th
century. In the seventies the percentage oI
the frst sexual intercourse experienced by juveniles
(13-14-year-old teenagers) was already 4.8 (Kli-
mas, 1997). The interrelationship oI the youth desc-
ribed above was infuenced by new technologies (i.e.
the radio, television, cell phones, personal computers,
the Internet) to a great extent. They carried the banner
oI Western way oI liIe which Iormed new culture oI
relationship, new perception and usage oI gestures oI
intimacy and courtship.
Conclusions
AIter the discussion oI the gestures oI court-
ship, it is necessary to emphasize that the youth oI
the provinces oI Lithuania in the 20
th
century used the-
se gestures Ior equivalent purposes, i.e. both a young
man and a girl aimed to reveal their liking (and more
38
intimate Ieelings aIterwards) Ior the opposite sex in a
non-verbal way.
The gestures oI indirect contact used Ior court-
ship (i.e. an eye-wink, a smile, 'an air kiss, holding
one leg on the other when sitting, etc.) that were dis-
tinguished above proved that the frst love oI young
people living in the provinces oI Lithuania had not-
hing in common with libido or the instinct oI having
descendants throughout the 20
th
century.
On the other hand, the use oI the gestures oI
direct contact in the relationship between the sexes,
such as hand taking, embrace, kisses, etc., pointed up
the Iact that a person in love, as an active subject, star-
ted Ieeling sexual desire Ior the opposite sex sooner
or later.
The contrastive analysis oI the expression oI
courtship and the analysis oI normative Iunctions in
the context oI time have confrmed the Iact that the
expression oI the Iorms oI courtship was infuenced
by socio-cultural environment, its norms, and stereo-
types oI 'male and 'Iemale behaviour which were
conditioned by norms dominating in the society and
attributed to each sex. Stereotypes oI behaviour displa-
yed the domination oI the male sex during non-verbal
courtship in the frst halI oI the 20
th
century due to
norms oI morality based on patriarchal attitude and
Christian values. An active behaviour oI a girl during
the process oI courtship was regarded as a negative
one, however. Sexual equality in terms oI intimacy
demonstrated publicly was considered to be irrepre-
hensible only in case oI a collective consciousness oI
a province community.
Relics oI the standpoint oI patriarchal socie-
ty in the youth`s sexual speech when looking Ior a
partner oI the opposite sex were already observed by
the end oI the 20
th
century. Alternatively, gestures oI
courtship, iI compared with Iorms oI courtship in tra-
ditional culture in the provinces oI Lithuania, Iormed
a new notion oI courtship which had been previously
tied by decent behaviour in the second halI oI the 20
th
century. Namely, the society did not object to a public
demonstration oI intimacy expressed via non-verbal
signals oI a body by both sexes at the end oI the 20
th
century in the beginning oI the 21
st
century.
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