When God

Hides His Face

Chaplain Mark H. Stevens, M.Min
When God
Hides His Face
Copyright 2008 by Chaplain Mark H. Stevens, M.Min
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When God Hides His Face
Chapter One ealin! "ith the Grievin! in General and b# Gender and $!e
Chapter T"o C%lt%ral ifferences in Grievin!
Chapter Three What Makes S%icide the Most iffic%lt Sit%ation
Chapter Fo%r & The C%lt%ral and 'eli!io%s (ie"s of S%icide
Chapter Five & (ario%s 'eli!io%s (ie"s on Mo%rnin!
Chapter Si) The 'i!hteo%s O S%ffer
Chapter Seven ivine *rovidence
Chapter +i!ht What We ,earned Fro- .ob
Chapter /ine & Tho%!hts on eath
Chapter Ten *ost Tra%-atic Stress
Closin! Tho%!hts
Co#te#ts
This 0ook is dedicated to -# Clinical *astoral +d%cation teacher and S%pervisor,
r. 'obert W. Cholke, r. Cholke died $pril of 1223, and 4 "ill -iss hi- !reatl#.
He helped -e reall# co-prehend "hat it -eans to be concerned abo%t a h%-an
bein!s spirit, so%l, and bod#. He ta%!ht -e to listen "ith a co-passionate ear and
help patients reali5e the faith and di!nit# that lies "ithin the-. 4 pra# that this book
helps #o% %nderstand that h%-an tra!ed# "ill so-eda# to%ch all of %s in so-e "a#.
4 a- !rievin! ri!ht no" beca%se 'evr. Cholke is !one, and 4 cannot !lean fro-
hi- an#-ore6 b%t 4 can re-e-ber his "ar- s-ile and carin! "a#s, and pass that
on to the people to "hich 4 teach and -inister to. 4 dre" a pict%re of .es%s s%fferin!
on the cover beca%se this is a side of .es%s "e often i!nore. +ven .es%s e)perienced
!rief and sorro". We often for!et His final "ords on the cross6 My God, My God
why hast thou forsaken me! $t so-e point in o%r -ortal lives "e "ill all feel that
God has forsaken %s. avid felt God forsaken "hen he penned *sal- 78. 9eep
livin! #o%r da# is co-in!. One da# #o% "ill ask God How long will you hide your
face from me? Forever?
Chaplain Mark H. Stevens, M.Min
&edicatio#
4ntrod%ction
4 chose to develop this thesis to assist people that -inister to the sick, the d#in!,
and the people that have been affected b# the careless "ords and insensitivit# of
others. 4 have e)perienced pain and tra!ed# in -# o"n personal life and as a
Hospital Chaplain and *rison Minister 4 have seen -# fair share of pain. 4 spent 18
#ears in the $ir Force and 4 have seen the effects affects of "ar and death. 4 ca-e
ho-e fro- esert Stor- and ca-e do"n "ith an $%to&4--%ne disease
:Sarcoidosis; like -an# of -# fello" service -en, "e s%ffer for reasons no one can
or is "illin! to !ive an ans"er. 4 a- blind in one e#e, 4 a- in pain 1<=3 fro- the
rhe%-atoid condition ca%sed b# the Sarcoidosis and 4 also have ,#-phade-a fro-
l#-ph node da-a!e fro- the Sarcoidosis.
4 have lost t"o !ood pa#in! >obs beca%se of -# illness6 4 also had to care for -#
-other that had bone cancer, renal fail%re, and e-entia. /eedless to sa# all of
these thin!s affected -e and -# "ife?s life drasticall#. One da# 4 sat in -# car, the
da# 4 "as told 4 "as losin! -# >ob d%e to illness, and 4 conte-plated s%icide for the
first ti-e in -# life, and the onl# thin! that kept -e fro- pickin! %p -# s%rvival
knife and slittin! -# throat "as an!er@#es an!erA M# "as an!er escalated6
to"ards the -ilitar#, an!er to"ards ever#one that co%ldn?t see ho" -%ch pain 4
"as in. 6 $n!er4 "as even an!rier at -#self for allo"in! self&pit# to destro# -e. 4
-ade a decision that da# that 4 "o%ld help people that "ere in pain.
4f #o% read this book and "onder "h# 4 placed infor-ation abo%t vario%s
reli!ions and !ro%ps, this is "h#6 4 a- a Christian and 4 believe in .es%s as ,ord
and Savior, 4 a- also convinced that in order to help people "e have to %nderstand
"h# people think the "a# the# do, and "hat belief s#ste- shaped their paradi!-s.
$s a chaplain 4 -inister to all races, faiths, and c%lt%res. 4 do not co-pro-ise -#
beliefs, b%t 4 tr# to %nderstand all beliefs. 4 "ill share a brief stor# "ith #o% to help
#o% f%ll# %nderstand "here 4 a- co-in! fro-. 4 "ent into a -an?s roo- one ni!ht
to offer pra#er6 he looked at -e "earin! -# cler!# collar and t%rn a"a# as if to sa#
B/o thanksAC So 4 noticed he "as "atchin! the *hillies on television, 4 also noticed
on his chart that he "as .e"ish, no" 4 co%ld have !iven %p and "alked a"a#, b%t
this -an "as d#in! of cancer. So 4 asked hi- "hat "as the score of the !a-ethe
score of the !a-e "as is. He t%rned and looked at -e and told -e, so 4 said thanks, 4
told hi- 4 "as rootin! for the Mets, and he s-iled and said he "as too. 4 sat "ith
this d#in! -an for abo%t three innin!s of baseball and "e disc%ssed nothin! b%t
baseball, "e never -entioned God for 8 three innin!s. When 4 !ot %p to leave he
looked at -e and said@CThanks ChaplainC /o" "hat this -an never kne" "as 4
can pra# and "atch baseball at the sa-e ti-eA He asked -e to pra# for hi- before 4
left, and 4 didA When "e reali5e that h%-ans are not statistics for o%r o%treach
chart at ch%rch and b%t rather so%ls in need of healin! then "e "ill reall# be doin!
9in!do- "ork. .es%s "as a !reat listener as "ell as teacher. When "e listen to
people "e earn the ri!ht to pra# and share later on. 4 love the Gospel of .es%s
Christ, b%t the older 4 !et 4 reali5e the Gospel is not >%st preached, b%t lived b#
sho"in! %nconditional love "itho%t >%d!-ent or conde-nation.
One of the val%able lessons 4 learned fro- 'ev. r. Cholke "as that the ans"ers
"e are seekin! are alread# inside of %s, as chaplains "e >%st help the- find the
ans"er "ithin. 4 have learned thro%!h -an# visits and verbati-s that r. Cholke
"as ri!ht. 4n o%r s%pervision sessions 4 reali5ed this beca%se he %sed these principals
on -e. 4 "as !oin! thro%!h so-e severe pain in -# personal life. 4 "as depressed
and conte-platin! s%icide at one point. 0%t 'ev. r.Cholke?s abilit# to see li!ht in
dark places in -# so%l helped resc%e -e. 4 "ant to honor the -e-or# of r. Cholke
b# contin%in! to help others see the ans"er "ithin. One of -# favorite script%res is
Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world. The !reater one is "ithin
%s and "illin! to help %s in all of o%r str%!!les.
ha!lain Mark "tevens, M.Min
Chapter One
ealin! "ith the Grievin! in General and b# Gender
5#e of the first thi#gs I ca!e beca!e a%are of$ as a 6ospital Chaplai#$ %as that !e#
a#d %o!e# grieve differe#tly. 5fte# %e ass"!e that every h"!a# bei#g sho"ld respo#d
the sa!e %ay to grief. I# the Christia# co!!"#ity$ deali#g %ith grief is especially
diffic"lt beca"se of preco#ceived #otio#s a#d dog!a. 7e ofte# teach people that grief is
te!porary a#d i#divid"als sho"ld 8get over it9. I have %it#essed grief "p close a#d
perso#al si#ce -,82 %he# I started vol"#teeri#g as a hospital chaplai#. Si#ce 200/ I have
bee# a professio#al chaplai# at o#e of A!erica:s b"siest 'ra"!a Ce#ters a#d at a large
state +sychiatric 6ospital. I have sat %ith %o!e# that lost t%i#s$ g;ra#dpare#ts that lost
gra#dchildre# i# fires$ a#d victi!s of drive.by shooti#gs: fa!ilies. <ach sit"atio# %as
totally differe#t. I# !ost cases I ca# ho#estly say that !e# deal %ith grief very differe#tly
tha# %o!a#. 7o!e# te#d to be !ore de!o#strative a#d vocal %hile !e# "s"ally sit
="ietly a#d i#ter#ali>e their pai#. 'he other factor that !aes grief differ is c"lt"re. I
do#:t %a#t to so"#d stereotypical or racist i# !y assess!e#ts$ b"t people are differe#t. I
i# #o %ay declare o#e gro"p or c"lt"re is s"perior to a#other$ b"t so!e c"lt"re are !ore
de!o#strative tha# other i# the real! of grief$ %hile so!e are !ore i#trospective. I a!
%riti#g this to help a #e% chaplai# or +astoral Care vol"#teer better assess the sit"atio#
he or she !ay be called to respo#d to.
I titled this boo 85bservi#g ;rief7he# ;od 6ides 6is ?ace9 beca"se i# !a#y cases the
best thi#gs o#e ca# do is si!ply observe a#d be prese#t %he# so!eo#e is grievi#g.
+eople i# grief do N5' #eed a ser!o# or a lect"re. @"st co#ce#trate o# liste#i#g to the
%ords that are bei#g shared %ith yo". )esist the "rge to preach a#d ed"cate the grievi#g
perso#. 7o!e# %ill ge#erally ve#t verbally !ore tha# !e#$ allo% her to ve#tA <ve# if
she is screa!i#g a#d %aili#gBC<' 6<)A Des it !ay !ae D5( "#co!fortable$ b"t
D5( are there to C5*?5)' 6<)A I have sat %ith grievi#g people a#d said very little$
so!eti!es I si!ply hold their ha#d or give the! a h"g a#d si!ple prayer. 5"r prese#ce
!ea#s so !"ch beca"se ti!es of grief are lo#ely ti!es. 7he# a perso# has lost a love o#e
it is lie losi#g a part of the!selves. A %o!a# loses her h"sba#d to ca#cer$ b"t if he %as
the sole bread%i##er she is also looi#g at possibly losi#g !ore. A !a# o# disability
loses his %ifeE he #ot o#ly lost a %ife b"t a caretaer. No t%o cases are the sa!e a#d #o
t%o people ha#dle grief the sa!e %ay. So!e people %ill see! to bo"#ce bac fro! a
death s%iftly %hile so!e carry their grief to their grave. 'he tr"th be told$ grief is #ever
easy as %e thi# it is. <ve# @es"s grieved over the death of 6is co"si# @oh# the Baptist.
?rie#ds$ relatives$ a#d #eighbors are "s"ally s"pportive at the ti!e of a death a#d
d"ri#g the %ae a#d f"#eral that follo%s. ?ood$ flo%ers$ a#d physical prese#ce are a!o#g
the tho"ghtf"l eFpressio#s. B"t after the f"#eral$ !a#y grievi#g people %o#der %here
their frie#ds are. I# so!e %ays they #eed s"pport a#d cari#g fro! their frie#ds eve# !ore
%he# the reality hits a#d the lo#g process of grief begi#s. 7ays of helpi#g grievi#g
people are as li!itless as yo"r i!agi#atio#. So!e s"ggestio#s are:
'ry to "#dersta#d the grief process rather tha# be a##oyed by it.
GIH! sorryG or GI careG is all that is #ecessary to sayE a s="ee>e of the ha#d$ a
h"g$ a iss ca# say the %ords.
&o#Ht say: GDo" %ill get over it i# ti!e.G 'hey %ill #ever stop !issi#g the
perso# %ho died. 'i!e !ay softe# the h"rt$ b"t it %ill #ot 3"st go a%ay. 'here
%ill al%ays be a scar.
Ciste#$ liste#$ liste#. 'ali#g abo"t the pai# slo%ly lesse#s its sti#g. *ost
bereaved perso#s #eed to tal. It is helpf"l for so!eo#e to liste#. 'ry to
beco!e a# effective liste#er.
&o#Ht tell people: GItHs ;odHs %ill.G <Fpla#atio#s do #ot co#sole.
<#co"rage eFpressio#s of specific feeli#gs: a#ger$ g"ilt$ fr"stratio#$ co#f"sio#$
depressio#$ hate.
Be patie#t. *o"r#i#g taes ti!e. +eople #eed yo". Sta#d by the! for as lo#g
as possible. 'here is #o ti!etable for grief. &o #ot give a pep tal or s"ggest a
ti!etable.
'al abo"t the good !e!ories. 'hey help the heali#g process.
S"ggest that grievi#g people tae part i# s"pport gro"ps. Shari#g si!ilar
eFperie#ces helps heali#g.
Be there cari#g$ sayi#g GIH! sorryG a#d helpi#g i# practical %ays.
Si#cerely as$ G6o% are yo" doi#gIG Bereaved perso#s ca# tell if yo" %a#t to
hear Gfi#eG or if yo" really %a#t to #o%.
6elp the bereaved to eli!i#ate eFpectatio#s as to ho% they sho"ld feel a#d
%he# they %ill be healed.
Be approachable$ a%are$ a#d i#terested.
Be accepti#g of the perso#$ of hisJher feeli#gs$ hisJher co#f"sio#.
Acts of tho"ghtf"l#ess.a #ote$ visit$ pla#t$ helpf"l boo$ plate of cooies$
pho#e call$ i#vitatio# to l"#ch or to go shoppi#g$ coffee.
Be co#fide#tial %ith %hat is shared %ith yo".
WH$T 4S G'4+FWhat is GriefD
;rief is yo"r e!otio#al reactio# to a sig#ifica#t loss. 'he %ords sorro% a#d heartache
are ofte# "sed to describe feeli#gs of grief. 7hether yo" lose a beloved perso#$ a#i!al$
place$ or ob3ect$ or a val"ed %ay of life Ks"ch as yo"r 3ob$ !arriage$ or good healthL$
so!e level of grief %ill #at"rally follo%.
A#ticipatory grief is grief that stries i# adva#ce of a# i!pe#di#g loss.M yo" !ay feel
a#ticipatory grief for a loved o#e %ho is sic a#d dyi#g. Si!ilarly$ both childre# a#d
ad"lts ofte# feel the pai# of losses bro"ght o# by a# "pco!i#g !ove or divorce. 'his
a#ticipatory grief helps "s prepare for s"ch losses. ;rief is "#iversalE it affects all races$
c"lt"res$ a#d religio#s. 7e are also #ot eFe!pt fro! grief beca"se %e love ;od$ read o"r
bibles$ pay tithes$ or go to a Spirit.?illed Ch"rch.
-. ;)I<? is the #or!al a#d #at"ral reactio# to loss of a#y i#d. *a#y ass"!e grief
co!es o#ly after a death$ b"t grief occ"rs a#yti!e there is lossE Coss of life$
relatio#ships$ i#co!e$ career$ or hope i# ge#eral.
2. ;)I<? is the pai# a#d desperate lo#gi#g yo" feel %he# yo" lose so!eo#e %ho
has give# !ea#i#g a#d p"rpose to yo"r life. 'he loss of a pare#t$ spo"se$ child$ or
close frie#d.
N. ;)I<? is that sile#t$ #ight life terror a#d sad#ess that co!es a h"#dred ti!es a
day %he# yo" start to spea to so!eo#e %ho is #o lo#ger there.
1. ;)I<? is the helpless %ishi#g that thi#gs %ere differe#t$ %he# yo" #o% they are
#ot a#d #ever %ill be the sa!e agai#.
/. ;)I<? is a %hole cl"ster of ad3"st!e#ts$ apprehe#sio#s$ a#d "#certai#ties that
strie life !ai#g it diffic"lt to reorga#i>e a#d redirect yo"r e#ergies.
0. ;)I<? is lie a lo#g valley$ a %i#di#g valley %here a#y be#d !ay reveal a totally
#e% la#dscape.
2. ;)I<? is the a#gry reactio# of a !a# . so filled %ith shoc$ "#certai#ty$ a#d
co#f"sio# that he stries o"t at the #earest perso#.
8. ;)I<? is the achi#g yo"r body feels %he# yo" lo#g to hold yo"r baby %ho died
after s"ch a brief life . a#d yo" 3"st ca#:t a#y!ore.
,. ;)I<? is a #or!al a#d healthy se#se of loss. 'he e!otio#s i#volved are real$ a#d
they #eed to be recog#i>ed a#d eFpressed.
-0. ;)I<? is "#i="e a#d "#predictable a#d each perso# %ill eFperie#ce it i# his or
her o%# %ay.
--. ;)I<? is a part of every life. ;rief is #o respecter of age or perso#.
-2. ;)I<? is a# atte!pt to bri#g life bac i#to foc"s after the le#ses have gotte#
t"r#ed o"t of foc"s.
-N. ;)I<? is the e#tire ra#ge of #at"rally occ"rri#g h"!a# e!otio#s that acco!pa#y
loss.
-1. ;)I<? is pai#. ;rief begi#s %ith the first ra% a%are#ess of the cha#ge b"t the#
beco!es a terrific str"ggle: a viole#t disp"ti#g of the facts$ a strivi#g for life
agai#$ a revisi#g of ter!s by %hich %e #o% o"rselves$ a s"rre#der to despair$
fi#ally a co#scio"s accepta#ce of the cha#ge. 'his is pai#f"l a#d diffic"lt b"t
%he# acco!plished$ it bri#gs rebirth a#d gro%th.
ifferent 9inds of ,oss
?eeli#gs of loss are very perso#al a#d o#ly yo" #o% %hat is sig#ifica#t to yo".
+eople co!!o#ly associate certai# losses %ith stro#g feeli#gs of grief. 'hese ca#
i#cl"de:
&eath of a part#er
&eath of a colleag"eJclass!ate
&eath of a roo!!ate
Coss of a close frie#d
&eath of a pare#t or child
Serio"s ill#ess of a loved o#e
&eath of a sibli#g
)elatio#ship brea"p
Coss of career
Coss of stat"s
&eath of a relative
S"btle or less obvio"s losses ca# also ca"se stro#g feeli#gs of grief$ eve# tho"gh
those aro"#d yo" !ay #ot #o% the eFte#t of yo"r feeli#gs. So!e eFa!ples
i#cl"de:
Coss of health thro"gh ill#ess
Coss of !e#tal ability
&eath of a pet
Cha#ge of 3ob
*ove to a #e% ho!e
;rad"atio# fro! school
Coss of a physical ability
Coss of fi#a#cial sec"rity
Ceavi#g ho!e
What is !rievin!D
;rievi#g is the process of e!otio#al a#d life ad3"st!e#ts yo" go thro"gh after a loss.
;rievi#g after a loved o#eHs death is also #o%# as bereave!e#t.
;rievi#g is a perso#al eFperie#ce. &epe#di#g o# %ho yo" are a#d the #at"re of yo"r loss$
yo"r process of grievi#g %ill be differe#t fro! a#other perso#Hs eFperie#ce. 'here is #o
G#or!al a#d eFpectedG period of ti!e for grievi#g. So!e people ad3"st to a #e% life
%ithi# several %ees or !o#ths. 5thers tae a year or !ore$ partic"larly %he# their daily
life has bee# radically cha#ged or their loss %as tra"!atic a#d "#eFpected.
What are co--on s#-pto-s of !rief and !rievin!D
A %ide ra#ge of feeli#gs a#d sy!pto!s are co!!o# d"ri#g grievi#g. 7hile feeli#g
shoc$ #"!b#ess$ sad#ess$ a#ger$ g"ilt$ a#Fiety$ or fear$ yo" !ay also fi#d !o!e#ts of
relief$ peace$ or happi#ess. 7hile grievi#g is #ot si!ply sad#ess$ 8the bl"es$9 or
depressio#$ yo" !ay beco!e depressed or overly a#Fio"s d"ri#g the grievi#g process.
'he stress of grief a#d grievi#g ca# tae a physical toll o# yo"r body. Sleepless#ess is
co!!o#$ as is a %eae#ed i!!"#e syste! over ti!e. If yo" have a chro#ic ill#ess$
grievi#g ca# %orse# yo"r co#ditio#.
Altho"gh it !ay be possible to postpo#e grievi#g$ it is #ot possible to avoid grievi#g
altogether. If life circ"!sta#ces !ae it diffic"lt for yo" to stop$ feel$ a#d live thro"gh the
grievi#g process$ yo" ca# eFpect grief to eve#t"ally er"pt so!eti!e i# the f"t"re. I# the
!ea#ti!e$ "#resolved grief ca# affect yo"r ="ality of life a#d relatio#ships %ith others.
The E sta!es of !rief are:
-. enial O 'he i#itial stage: "It can't be happening."
2. $n!er O "How dare you do this to me?!" Keither referri#g to ;od$ o#eself$ or
a#ybody perceived$ rightly or %ro#gly$ as Grespo#sibleGL
N. 0ar!ainin! O "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
1. epression O "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
/. $cceptance O "I know that I will be in a better place."
What is anticipator# !riefD
A#ticipatory grief is si!ilar to the #or!al process of !o"r#i#g$ b"t it occ"rs before the
act"al death Ki# a#ticipatio# of the deathL.
7hile !o"r#i#g is "s"ally disc"ssed i# regards to the fa!ily a#d loved o#es of a dyi#g
perso#$ a#ticipatory grief ca# be eFperie#ced by the fa!ily$ loved o#es$ a#d the child
dyi#g. A#ticipatory grief occ"rs before death$ ofte# as a res"lt of a ter!i#al diag#osis or
to a life.threate#i#g ill#ess$ %he# death is a possibility. 'his grief has so!e co!!o#
stages a!o#g people i# the sa!e sit"atio#E ho%ever$ every i#divid"al a#d fa!ily is
differe#t a#d eFperie#ces grief$ death$ a#d ill#ess i# their o%# "#i="e %ay.P
What are the different phases of anticipator# !riefD
;rief a#d !o"r#i#g do #ot have specified vol"!es or ti!e restrictio#s. <ach i#divid"al
eFpresses hisJher grief a#d bereave!e#t i# hisJher o%# %ay a#d ti!e. A#ticipatory grief
!ay i#cl"de the follo%i#g phases$ tho"gh #ot eFcl"sively i# this order. ;rief is ofte# a#
eFpressio# %hich i#cl"des each of these phases or stages i# !"ltiple ti!es$ i#te#sities$
a#d orders.M
*hase 4
I# this stage$ a# i#divid"al reali>es that death is i#evitable a#d there is #o
eFpectatio# for a c"re. Sad#ess a#d depressio# are ofte# associated %ith this
first stage of grief.
*hase 44
'he #eFt phase of a#ticipatory grief is co#cer# for the dyi#g perso#. ?a!ily
!e!bers !ay regret arg"!e#ts or discipli#i#g the dyi#g child. ?or the dyi#g
child$ co#cer# !ay be i#creased for hi!Jherself a#d hisJher o%# fears of
death$ or beca"se of the e!otio#s eFpressed by loved o#es aro"#d hi!Jher.
*hase 444
I# this phase$ the act"al death !ay be Grehearsed.G 'he physical process of
death a#d %hat !ay happe# after death are co#cer#s i# this phase. ?"#eral
arra#ge!e#ts a#d sayi#g good.bye to loved o#es !ay occ"r as a res"lt of
so!e a#ticipatory grievi#g.
*hase 4(
I# the last phase$ loved o#es !ay be i!agi#i#g %hat their lives are goi#g to be
lie %itho"t the perso# that is dyi#g. +are#ts !ay be thi#i#g abo"t the
"#"sed toys left behi#d$ !issed pro!s a#d birthdays$ or eve# %hat they are
goi#g to tell the childHs teachers %he# school is !issed. Sibli#gs !ay %o#der
%hat it %ill be lie to lose their brother or sister. 'he perso# dyi#g !ay thi#
abo"t life after death. 'he perso# dyi#g !ay also try to i!agi#e %hat it %ill be
lie for hisJher loved o#es to live %itho"t hi!Jher.
The E sta!es of !rief are:
-. enial . 'he i#itial stage: "It can't be happening."
2. $n!er : "How dare you do this to me?!" Keither referri#g to ;od$ o#eself$ or
a#ybody perceived$ rightly or %ro#gly$ as Grespo#sibleGL
N. 0ar!ainin! : "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
1. epression : "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
/. $cceptance : "I know that I will be in a better place."
HOW TO 0+ OF COMFO'THo" to 0e of Co-fort
-. onFt desert. After the i#itial co#tact %ith the patie#t$ there is a te#de#cy to
leave the bereaved alo#e a#d forsae#. If this has bee# tr"e for yo"$ ="estio#
yo"rself as to %hy yo" did thatI 7as it o"t of co#cer# that yo" !ight f"rther
distress those %ho have s"ffered lossI I# other %ords$ %ere yo" afraid that
yo" !ight trigger a#other ro"#d of tears %hich ca# loo lie yo" are bri#gi#g
!ore pai# o# the! the# they already haveI If yo" reali>e that yo"r prese#ce
is %hat !atters #ot yo"r %ords$ yo" %ill ha#g i# there a#d #ot leave.
2. 0e a path"a#. Coo at yo"r prese#ce as a path%ay to heali#g. A#d heali#g
ofte# co!es thro"gh pai#. 'he r"le of th"!b is the ="icer a#d !ore i#te#sely
a perso# grieves$ the soo#er they %ill heal. 'his r"le does #ot #egate a
perso#:s %ill or choice. It 3"st re!i#ds caregivers that bei#g %ith a griever a#d
givi#g the! per!issio# to feel a#d eFpress their grief$ is %hat %e:re all abo"t.
&o#:t try a#d co#trol the grief process$ let it be %hat it %ill be.
N. onFt tr# to fi) the pain. Bereave!e#t is pai#f"l. 'here !"st be pai# before
there ca# be heali#g. 'he !ost diffic"lt thi#g to lear# abo"t co!forti#g is to
per!it the bereaved to live their o%# pai#. It is o#e thi#g to sorro% %ith a
perso# b"t ="ite a#other thi#g to i#terfere %ith their pai#. 7e are #ot doi#g
a#yo#e a service by tryi#g to tae their pai# fro! the!. Nothi#g D5( ca# do
%ill tae a%ay the pai#.
1. ,isten "ith #o%r heart. ;rievi#g is a !atter of the heart rather tha# the head.
Ciste#i#g to the feeli#gs of the bereaved is !ost i!porta#t$ per!itti#g the
sorro% to s"rface a#d the pai# to be ope#ly eFpressed. I#vite all feeli#gs to
s"rface a#d liste# thro"gh the sile#ces. Do"r bei#g there is !ore i!porta#t
tha# #o%i#g %hat to say. ;rief is a !atter of the heart. +eople:s hearts are
h"rti#g a#d yo" !"st ope# D5() heart to help a perso# that is h"rti#g.
weep with them that weep!
/. $ccept all e)pressions of !rief "itho%t censorin!. 5fte# there are
aggressive feeli#gs eFpressed$ i#cl"di#g a#ger$ rese#t!e#t$ g"ilt a#d sha!e.
So!eti!es the bereaved feel cheated by ;od. Cet the! be a#gry. ;od
"#dersta#ds grief. 'he o#ly ti!e to i#terve#e is if the a#ger is eFpressed i# a
%ay that !ay physically h"rt so!eo#e. 'he %ay to heali#g o#es a#ger is
thro"gh first ac#o%ledgi#g a#d processi#g it. 'he# is %he# a perso# is !ore
liely to begi# aba#do#i#g it.
0. *er-it the bereaved opport%nit# to talk. 'his is a vital part of the heali#g
process. 'o e<#forced sile#ce i# this regard ca# be very detri!e#tal a#d
preve#t recovery. ;e#tly as the bereaved if they %o"ld lie to tal abo"t
their loved o#e.
2. 0e sincere. &o #ot !ae a prete#se at bei#g i#terested i# the bereaved if yo"
are #ot. +rete#se really ca# h"rt. 'hi# ho% yo" %a#t to be treated a#d al%ays
see to be i#d. +eople %ho are grievi#g ofte# feel isolated or lo#ely i# their
grief. Soo# after the loss$ social activities a#d s"pport fro! others !ay
decrease. As the shoc of the loss fades$ there is a te#de#cy o# the part of the
griever to feel !ore pai# a#d sad#ess. 7ell.!ea#i#g frie#ds !ay avoid
disc"ssi#g the s"b3ect d"e to their o%# disco!fort %ith grief or their fear of
G!ai#g the perso# feel bad.G 'hey !ay G#ot #o% %hat to say.G
+eople %ho are grievi#g are liely to fl"ct"ate bet%ee# %a#ti#g so!e ti!e to the!selves
a#d %a#ti#g close#ess %ith others. 'hey !ay %a#t so!eo#e to tal to abo"t their
feeli#gs. Sho%i#gfeeli#gsE sho%i#g co#cer# a#d tho"ghtf"l#ess abo"t a frie#d sho%s that
yo" care. ItHs better to feel #ervo"s a#d a%%ard sitti#g %ith a grievi#g frie#d tha# to #ot
sit there at all.
.
#e swift to H$%& and slow to s!eak
Helpin! a Wo-an Grieve
6elpi#g begi#s %ith yo"r ability to be a# active liste#er. Do"r physical prese#ce a#d
desire to liste# %itho"t 3"dg!e#t are critical helpi#g tools. &o#Ht %orry so !"ch abo"t
%hat yo"Hll say$ . 3@"st co#ce#trate o# liste#i#g to the %ords that are bei#g shared %ith
yo". )esist the "rge to preach a#d ed"cate the grievi#g perso#. 7o!e# %ill ge#erally
ve#t verbally !ore tha# !e#$ allo% her to ve#tA I had a %o!a# that lost a 1 !o#th old
baby screa! at !e at the top of her l"#gsE 87hy did ;od &5 '6ISI9 I 3"st let her
screa! a#d get it o"t of her syste!. <ve#t"ally she broe do%# a#d cried i# !y ar!s. I
did#:t try a#d give her a dissertatio# o# the sovereig#ty of ;od. 5fte# clergy try a#d help
people !ae se#se of tragedyE "#fort"#ately !ost tragedies !ae #o se#se. @ob:s three
frie#ds !ade this !istae as %ell. 'oo ofte# !i#isters try a#d teach people lesso#s i# the
hospital a#d at f"#erals. 7he# a perso# is i# pai# %hether physically or e!otio#ally the
last thi#g they #eed is a ser!o#. If yo" are a child of ;od s"fferi#g$ @es"s sees yo"r pai#
a#d %ill do so!ethi#g abo"t it. @es"s "#dersta#ds pai# beca"se he felt it tooA

' %nd his disci!les asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his
!arents, that he was (orn (lind?
) *esus answered, +either hath this man sinned, nor his !arents, (ut that the
works of God should (e made manifest in him.
- . must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day, the night cometh,
when no man can work.
/ %s long as . am in the world, . am the light of the world. 0*ohn 12
'he disciples %ere 3"st as de#se as %e are todayA 'hey as the ="estio#$ 87ho si##edI9
7ell if he %as bor# bli#d$ %hat si# did he co!!itI &id he ic his !other i# the %o!bI
'r"thf"lly all of "s are bor# si##ersA K+sal! /-L. 7hy %o"ld ;od p"#ish hi! for his
pare#t:s si#I I:! glad @es"s a#s%ered their ="estio#. @es"s said 8Neither hath this !a#
si##ed$ #or his pare#ts.9 I a! a fir! believer that !a#y today are #ot healed beca"se
those that !i#ister forget that the glory belo#gs to the Cord of 6ost. If yo" %atch the so.
called great !e# a#d %o!e# of ;od today$ they act lie they are the healers a#d #ot
Christ alo#e. ;od %as very a#gry %ith @ob:s frie#dsA 7hyI Beca"se they falsely acc"sed
@ob a#d !isreprese#ted ;od$ 'hey %ere also self.righteo"s as they bo!barded @ob %ith
i##"e#do a#d acc"satio#. 'he best thi#g yo" ca# do for so!eo#e that s"fferi#g is pray
for the! a#d eep yo" !o"th sh"t. A h"g goes a lot f"rther i# !ost cases tha# a lect"re.
;ive the grievi#g perso# per!issio# to eFpress heris feeli#gs %itho"t fear of criticis!.
Cear# fro! yo"r frie#dE do#Ht i#str"ct or set eFpectatio#s abo"t ho% she sho"ld respo#d.
Never say$ GI #o% ho% yo" feel.G Do" do#Ht. 'hi# of yo"rself as so!eo#e %ho %als
alo#gside$ .#ot behi#d or i# fro#t of$ .the o#e %ho is !o"r#i#g. If the %o!a# i# ="estio#
allo%s it give her a h"g$ so!eti!es a h"g !ea#s !ore tha# a#ythi#g yo" co"ld possibly
say. 'he grievi#g perso# ofte# feels aba#do#ed a#d alo#e so co!passio# goes a lo#g
%ay. 'he +astoral care giver !"st be ca"tio"s #ot to over do it %ith the to"chi#g. SeF"al
i!propriety is a sad reality i# !i#istry these days.
Do"r o#goi#g a#d reliable prese#ce is the !ost i!porta#t gift yo" ca# give yo"r grievi#g
frie#d. 7hile yo" ca#Ht tae the pai# a%ay$ yo" ca# e#ter i#to it thro"gh bei#g there for
heri!. )e!ai# available i# the %ees$ !o#ths$ a#d years to co!e. )e!e!ber that yo"r
frie#d !ay #eed yo" !ore later o# tha# at the ti!e of the death. 'he lo#eliest ti!e is
!o#ths after the f"#eral$ %he# all the frie#ds a#d fa!ily has go#e a%ay. 'ae her o"t to
l"#ch so!eti!es or have her over for coffee a#d &a#ish.
Helpin! a Man Grieve
*e# grieve differe#tly fro! %o!e#. 5"r c"lt"ral roles !ae it diffic"lt for !e# to loo
for s"pport$ a#d harder agai# to accept it. *e# are so ofte# sile#t$ solitary !o"r#ers %ho
i!!erse the!selves i# activity a#d private$ sy!bolic rit"als. 'hey feel profo"#dly$ b"t
ofte# ca#Ht eFpress the depth of their loss. .
A !a# is s"pposed to be Gstro#g$G to s"pport$ to cope$ a#d to pla# i# the after!ath of loss.
6is o%# pai# !"st be p"t a%ay. .
;rief does#Ht discri!i#ate bet%ee# ge#der ora#d c"lt"re. 5"r society has placed clear
eFpectatio#s a#d re="ire!e#ts "po# o"r roles as !e# a#d %o!e#. Boys lear# ="icly
%hat behavior is co#sidered i#appropriate thro"gh s"ch state!e#ts as$ 8Sta#d "p a#d tae
it lie a !a#.9 8Do":re the !a# of the ho"se$9 a#d the i#sidio"sly cr"el GBig boys do#Ht
cry.9 .
*ale grief te#ds to have fo"r !ai# characteristics:.
7. Moderated feelin!s *e# have deep feeli#gs b"t do#Ht eFpress ope#ly$ a !ore
readily available feeli#g is a#ger. *e# deal %ith their real feeli#gs by redirecti#g
their e#ergies.
1. Co!nitive +)perience *e# %or !ore %ith cog#itio#s eFplai#i#g their grief
or %ith proble!.foc"sed strategies that help the! adapt a#d protect.
8. *roble-&Foc%sed $ctivit# *e# !ay adapt to loss by practical ha#ds.o#
fi#di#g sol"tio#s to proble!s associated %ith the loss.
<. esire for Solit%de *e# do#Ht see s"pport gro"ps. 'hey %a#t to !aster
their o%# feeli#gs a#d also reflect the !ore practical behavior i#volved i#
adapti#g to a loss.
Societal e-ands on Men
*e# are eFpected to be 8i# co#trol9 of life:s de!a#ds a#d have to s"b!it to the follo%i#g
a#Fiety society has placed o# the!. 'heyHre eFpected to:
)e!ai# e!otio#ally a#d physically stro#g
Al%ays be ratio#al
&o#Ht cry or p"blicly !o"r#
&o#Ht as for s"pport or affectio# .O be self.s"fficie#t
)e!ai# as #o#.eFpressive as possible
+rovide$ #ot #"rt"re
Shae ha#ds$ do#Ht h"g.
'hese ge#erali>atio#s co#ti#"e to hold their i#fl"e#ce over !e# i# pai#. CetHs tae the
old !yth abo"t cryi#g. 'he tr"th is it taes a tr"ly stro#g !a# to be able to cry.
Ac#o%ledgi#g that each of "s grieve i# very differe#t %ays ca# allo% !e# to cope %ith
loss a#d pai# "si#g their o%# vario"s copi#g !ethods. 7e all grieve despite o"r ge#der$
race or c"lt"re. 7e grieve beca"se %e have loved a#d$ thro"gh o"r 3o"r#ey$ %e ca# be
healed. As a retired !ilitary !a# I ca# give !a#y acco"#ts of ho% !e# grieve differe#tly
tha# %o!e#.
3),3 4o the chief Musician, % 5salm of 6avid. How long wilt thou forget me,
7 87&6? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
&avid felt lie the ;od of Abraha!$ Isaac$ a#d @acob had forsae# hi!. At ti!es if %e
are ho#est$ %e feel the sa!e %ay. *e# have a hard ti!e cryi#g to h"!a#s$ b"t re!e!ber
the !e# of the BibleBthey cried o"t to ;od$ so !"st !e# today i# order to be healed
e!otio#allyA
Tips for S%rvivin! Go%r Grief
-. 6eal at yo"r o%# pace a#d i# yo"r o%# %ay. Never co!pare yo"rself to
a#other grievi#g perso#. <ach of "s are o"r o%# ti!e cloc. &o#:t let others
tell yo" ho% yo" sho"ld feel.
2. It:s oay to feel depressed. Cryi#g is clea#si#g . a %o#derf"l release. Be
%ith yo"r feeli#gs for a%hile.
N. A#ger is part of grievi#g. Nearly everyo#e gets a#gry %he# they lose
so!eo#e or so!ethi#g very dear to the!. Cha##el yo"r a#ger %isely$ a#d it
%ill s"bside as yo" heal. ?or eFa!ple: hit a pillo%$ ic o# a bed$ yell a#d
screa! %he# yo":re alo#e$ eFercise or play a physical ga!e$ hit a p"#chi#g
bag$ play the pia#o.
1. ;"ard yo"r #"tritio#. ;ood eati#g habits help the heali#g process.
/. )eali>e yo"r v"l#erability. Do"r:re resista#ce %ill be lo% for a %hile. I#vite
help o#ly fro! those %ho are tr"st%orthy.
0. Be%are of rebo"#d. 'here:s a hole i# yo"r life. Be caref"l abo"t r"shi#g to
fill it.
2. Avoid addictive activities. Alcohol$ dr"gs$ food$ diversio#s . ca# all
!o!e#tarily help "s escape fro! pai#$ B(' %e ca# beco!e addicts$ a#d
these cr"tches N<Q<) help "s to heal.
8. Do" %ill gro%. As yo" %or thro"gh yo"r sad#ess$ yo" %ill lear# that yo"
ca# .s"rvive. 'he pai# eve#t"ally lesse#sRs . heali#g does occ"r.
,. Begi# grad"ally to loo to the f"t"re. Slo%ly eFperi!e#t %ith #e% life styles
. #e% %ays of filli#g yo"r day. Do" !%ay eve# discover that so!e of the!
!%ay be f"#.
-0. ;ive yo"rself praise. Do" are beco!i#g a richer$ deeper$ %iser perso#.
--. Be ope#. ;ive yo"rself opport"#ities to !eet #e% people$ places$ ideas$
eFperie#ces$ b"t do#:t forget to b"ild o# the past. &o#:t thro% o"t %hat has
bee# %orth%hile to yo". S!all cha#ges are best at first.
-2. Begi# to give of yo"rself. ;ivi#g ca# bri#g yo" the greatest 3oy. It is
heali#g.
-N. <Fpect relapses. 'here %ill al%ays be certai# thi#gs that trigger sad#ess
agai#.
-1. Alo#e does #ot !ea# lo#ely. Solit"de ca# be creative$ restf"l$ eve#a#d eve#
f"#. Do" ca# lear# to e#3oy it.
-/. Cear# to appreciate yo"r freedo!. Do" are #o% i# co#trol. *ae the !ost of
yo"r choices Do"yo" ca# eve# lear# to tae riss.
-0. Celebrate yo"r s"rvivalA Beco!i#g yo"r o%# best frie#d is#:t al%ays easy$
b"t the re%ards are %orth it. Covi#g this #e% yo" allo%s yo" the freedo! to
be i#depe#de#t a#d !ae %ise choices for yo"rself.
'he le#gth of the grief process is differe#t for everyo#e. 'here is #o predictable sched"le
for grief. Altho"gh it ca# be ="ite pai#f"l at ti!es$ the grief process ca##ot be r"shed. It
is i!porta#t to be patie#t %ith yo"rself as yo" eFperie#ce the feeli#gs a#d yo"r "#i="e
reactio#s to the loss. 7ith ti!e a#d s"pport$ thi#gs ge#erally do get better. 6o%ever$ it is
#or!al for sig#ifica#t dates$ holidays$ or other re!i#ders to trigger feeli#gs related to the
loss. 'ai#g care of yo"rself$ seei#g s"pport$ a#d ac#o%ledgi#g yo"r feeli#gs d"ri#g
these ti!es are %ays that ca# help yo" cope.
S"rvivi#g grief is #ot as easy as it so"#ds beca"se everythi#g bri#gs "s bac to the poi#t
of o"r pai#. *y !other died last year a#d I had to pac "p her belo#gi#gs a#d clea# o"t
her apart!e#t. <very ti!e I paced a boF it re!i#ded !e of !y !other. Seei#g her
clothes re!i#ded !e of differe#t eve#ts i# o"r lives. 5fte# years after a loved o#e dies
%e have flashes of their lives co!e across o#e %ay or a#other. I clea#ed o"t her storage
"#it a#d fo"#d pict"res of !e %he# I %as a child$ the tears flo%ed agai#A 7hy$ beca"se
grief does#:t sh"t off lie a fa"cet. ;rief #ever goes a%ay$ it s"bsides a#d it lesso#s at
ti!es$ b"t the !e!ory of o"r loved o#es li#gers as lo#g as %e live. I# esse#ce !e!ories
live as lo#g as %e doA 'his is %hy !i#isteri#g to grievi#g people is #ot a o#e ti!e thi#g.
7e$ as !i#isters$ ca##ot say a special 87ord fro! ;od9 to erase !e!ories a#d pai#.
)e!e!ber @es"s %ept %he# Ca>ar"s died eve# tho"gh 6e #e% 6e co"ld raise hi! fro!
the dead. @es"s %as sad %he# @oh# the Baptist %as beheaded eve# tho"gh 6e ho#ored
@oh# a#d #e% that @oh# %o"ld be i# heave# %he# 6e got there$ yes eve# @es"s grieved.
;rief is #ot a disease that ca# be c"red$ it is a part of every h"!a#:s life$ a#d yes eve#
@es"s felt the pai# of grief. <Fa!i#e 6is death o# Calvary a#d yo" %ill see this plai#ly.
@es"s %as i# pai# o# the cross #ot 3"st physically b"t e!otio#ally as %ell. ?irst$ 6e %as
"pset at leavi#g 6is !other *ary %ho %as already a %ido% alo#e.$ Sseco#d$ 6e %as i#
a#g"ish over bei#g forsae# by 6is ?ather.$ Aa#dA#d last$ @es"s %as aba#do#ed by 6is
disciplesA 5#ly @oh# st"c by 6i!$ %e ofte# co#de!# @"das alo#e$ b"t ACC of the
disciples forsoo 6i!. I recall the ;arde# of ;ethse!a#e ho% the &isciples slept %hile
@es"s toiled i# prayer. <ve# the So# of ;od eFpressed a#g"ish a#d despair. 5fte#
Christia#s act lie %e sho"ld #ever eFpress h"!a# e!otio#s or eFpress pai# i# a#y %ay.
Chapter T"o
C%lt%ral ifferences in Grievin!
Grief is...a normal emotion, with significant differences to (e e9!ected
from one culture to another:
H$verill and /%nle# .
Hand(ook of #ereavement
;rief$ %hether i# respo#se to the death of a loved o#e$ to the loss of a treas"red
possessio#$ or to a sig#ifica#t life cha#ge$ is a "#iversal occ"rre#ce that crosses all ages
a#d c"lt"res. 6o%ever$ there are !a#y aspects of grief abo"t %hich little is #o%#$
i#cl"di#g the role that c"lt"ral heritage plays i# a# i#divid"alHs eFperie#ce of grief a#d
!o"r#i#g. Attit"des$ beliefs$ a#d practices regardi#g death a#d grief are characteri>ed
a#d described accordi#g to !"lti.c"lt"ral co#teFt$ !yth$ !ysteries$ a#d !ores that
describe cross.c"lt"ral relatio#ships
0
. 'he pote#tial for co#tradictio# bet%ee# a#
i#divid"alHs i#traperso#al eFperie#ce of grief a#d his or her c"lt"ral eFpressio# of grief
ca# be eFplai#ed by the prevale#t Ktho"gh i#correctL$ sy#o#y!o"s "se of the ter!s grief
Kthe highly perso#ali>ed process of eFperie#ci#g reactio#s to perceived lossL a#d
!o"r#i#g Kthe socially or c"lt"rally defi#ed behavioral displays of griefL.M
A# a#alysis by Co%les of the res"lts of several foc"s gro"ps$ each co#sisti#g of
i#divid"als fro! a specific c"lt"re$ reveals that i#divid"al$ i#traperso#al eFperie#ces of
grief are si!ilar across c"lt"ral bo"#daries. 'his is tr"e eve# co#sideri#g the c"lt"rally
disti#ct !o"r#i#g rit"als$ traditio#s$ a#d behavioral eFpressio#s of grief eFperie#ced by
the participa#ts. Co%les co#cl"des that health care professio#als #eed to "#dersta#d the
part c"lt"ral !o"r#i#g practices !ay play i# a# i#divid"alHs overall grief eFperie#ce if
they are to provide c"lt"rally se#sitive care to their patie#ts.
I# spite of legislatio#$ health reg"latio#s$ c"sto!s$ a#d %or r"les that have greatly
i#fl"e#ced ho% death is !a#aged i# the (#ited States$ bereave!e#t practices vary i#
profo"#d %ays depe#di#g o# o#eHs c"lt"ral bac.gro"#d. 7he# assessi#g a# i#divid"alHs
respo#se to the death of loved o#es$ cli#icia#s sho"ld ide#tify a#d appreciate %hat is
eFpected or re="ired by the perso#Hs c"lt"re. ?aili#g to carry o"t eFpected rit"als ca# lead
to a# eFperie#ce of "#resolved loss for fa!ily !e!bers. 'his is ofte# a da"#ti#g tas
%he# health care professio#als i# the (#ited States a#d Ca#ada are predo!i#a#tly %hite
i# race a#d Christia# i# religio#$ yet serve patie#ts of !a#y eth#icities. 7
6elpi#g fa!ily !e!bers deal %ith the death of a loved o#e i#cl"des sho%i#g respect for
the fa!ilyHs c"lt"ral heritage a#d e#co"ragi#g the! to decide ho% to co!!e!orate the
death. *c;oldric$ et al.$ ide#tified five ="estio#s cli#icia#s co#sider partic"larly
i!porta#t to as those %ho are deali#g %ith the e!otio#al after!ath of the death of a
loved o#e.
0
7. What are the c%lt%rall# prescribed rit%als for -ana!in! the d#in! process,
the deceasedFs bod#, the disposal of the bod#, and co--e-oration of the
deathD

1. What are the fa-il#Fs beliefs abo%t "hat happens after deathD

8. What does the fa-il# consider an appropriate e-otional e)pression and
inte!ration of the lossD

<. What does the fa-il# consider to be the !ender r%les for handlin! the
deathD

E. o certain t#pes of death carr# a sti!-a :e.!., s%icide;, or are certain t#pes
of death especiall# tra%-atic for that c%lt%ral !ro%p :e.!., death of a child;D
&eath$ grief$ a#d !o"r#i#g are "#iversal a#d #at"ral aspects of the life process. All
c"lt"res have evolved practices that best !eet their #eeds for deali#g %ith death at a#y
poi#t i# ti!e. 6i#deri#g these practices ca# disr"pt the #ecessary grievi#g process.
(#dersta#di#g these practices ca# help cli#icia#s to ide#tify a#d develop %ays to treat
patie#ts of other c"lt"res %ho are de!o#strati#g atypical grief. ;ive# c"rre#t eth#o.
de!ographic tre#ds$ health care professio#als #eed to address these c"lt"ral differe#ces
i# order to best serve these pop"latio#s.
4o really understand a !erson;s grief, you have to walk a while their shoes.
So!e eth#ic gro"ps a#d c"lt"res deal %ith grief differe#tly tha# others$ this !ay so"#d
stereotypical or racist b"t it is#:t. @e%ish people have a belief syste! that ide#tifies a#d
deals %ith grief. 'he +sal!s a#d +roverbs are a# eFcelle#t road!ap to help o#e deal %ith
grief a#d s"fferi#g. 'he @e%ish religio# has a b"ilt i# 8therapist9 i# the 5ld 'esta!e#t
teachi#gs$ %hich devo"t Christia#s adhere to as %ell.
So!e races are !ore e!otio#al a#d de!o#strative tha# others$ I have respo#ded to !a#y
calls as a Chaplai# to !i#ister to fa!ilies that s"ffered loss. 'he !ost e!otio#al by far
are Cati#os. 'his is #ot a criticis! or 3"dg!e#t$ 3"st a# observatio#. I really thi# this is a
better %ay to deal %ith grief$ ofte# I see the opposite %ith A#gloJ<"ropea# A!erica#s$
!ost of the ti!e they are !ore reserved a#d i#trospective. I really thi# the 8da!.
breai#g9 type of grievi#g is act"ally healthier. I#ter#ali>i#g pai# a#d h"rt ca# be
detri!e#tal to the grievi#g party. I tr"ly believe eFpressi#g pai# is healthy$ eve# if yo"
have to screa! or p"#ch a bag at the gy!. 7hatever is #eeded to eFpel the a#ger a#d
pai# is al%ays healthier tha# i#ter#ali>i#g it.
Do"r c"lt"ral bacgro"#d ca# affect ho% yo" "#dersta#d a#d approach the grief process.
So!e c"lt"res a#ticipate a Gti!e to grieveG a#d have developed rit"als to help people
thro"gh the grief process. S"pport fro! others ca# be a re!i#der that grief is a "#iversal
eFperie#ce a#d that yo" are #ot alo#e. After a sig#ifica#t loss$ so!e c"lt"res have
!o"r#i#g rit"als to !ar the passage of ti!e a#d help i#divid"als reco##ect %ith their
ordi#ary lives. 0
A !o"r#i#g rit"al ca# occ"r d"ri#g a !ea#i#gf"l ti!e$ lie a# a##iversary$ %ae$ or
holiday$ or at a disti#ct locatio#$ lie a ch"rch$ sy#agog"e$ or ho!e. I# North A!erica#
c"lt"res$ for eFa!ple$ there are the Catholic a##iversary !ass$ the reciti#g of Saddish$
a#d <l &Ta de los *"ertos. *a#y cere!o#ies have spo#ta#eo"sly gro%# "p aro"#d the
Qiet#a! 7ar *e!orial$ a#d a special !o"r#i#g pro3ect$ the AI&S U"ilt$ traveled
thro"gho"t the #atio# to e#able !o"r#ers to participate i# this eFpressio# of grief. ;rief
rit"als a#d cere!o#ies ac#o%ledge the pai# of loss %hile also offeri#g social s"pport
a#d a reaffir!atio# of life.
Do" !ay #ot be co#scio"s of ho% yo"r o%# c"lt"ral bacgro"#d affects yo"r grief
process. 'ali#g %ith fa!ily$ frie#ds or clergy is o#e %ay to stre#gthe# yo"r a%are#ess
of possible c"lt"ral i#fl"e#ces i# yo"r life. ?rie#ds a#d fa!ily !ay be able to help yo"
ge#erate ideas to create yo"r o%# rit"als. So!e have fo"#d solace i# creati#g their o%#
"#co#ve#tio#al cere!o#ies$ s"ch as a f"#eral or cere!o#y %ith perso#al frie#ds i# a
private setti#g.
Do"r c"lt"ral bacgro"#d ca# affect ho% yo" "#dersta#d a#d approach the grief process.
So!e c"lt"res a#ticipate a Gti!e to grieveG a#d have developed rit"als to help people
thro"gh the grief process. S"pport fro! others ca# be a re!i#der that grief is a "#iversal
eFperie#ce a#d that yo" are #ot alo#e. After a sig#ifica#t loss$ so!e c"lt"res have
!o"r#i#g rit"als to !ar the passage of ti!e a#d help i#divid"als reco##ect %ith their
ordi#ary lives.
A !o"r#i#g rit"al ca# occ"r d"ri#g a !ea#i#gf"l ti!e$ lie a# a##iversary$ %ae$ or
holiday$ or at a disti#ct locatio#$ lie a ch"rch$ sy#agog"e$ or ho!e. I# North A!erica#
c"lt"res$ for eFa!ple$ there are the Catholic a##iversary !ass$ the reciti#g of Saddish$
a#d <l &Ta de los *"ertos. *a#y cere!o#ies have spo#ta#eo"sly gro%# "p aro"#d the
Qiet#a! 7ar *e!orial$ a#d a special !o"r#i#g pro3ect$ the AI&S U"ilt$ traveled
thro"gho"t the #atio# to e#able !o"r#ers to participate i# this eFpressio# of grief. ;rief
rit"als a#d cere!o#ies ac#o%ledge the pai# of loss %hile also offeri#g social s"pport
a#d a reaffir!atio# of life.
Do" !ay #ot be co#scio"s of ho% yo"r o%# c"lt"ral bacgro"#d affects yo"r grief
process. 'ali#g %ith fa!ily$ frie#ds or clergy is o#e %ay to stre#gthe# yo"r a%are#ess
of possible c"lt"ral i#fl"e#ces i# yo"r life. ?rie#ds a#d fa!ily !ay be able to help yo"
ge#erate ideas to create yo"r o%# rit"als. So!e have fo"#d solace i# creati#g their o%#
"#co#ve#tio#al cere!o#ies$ s"ch as a f"#eral or cere!o#y %ith perso#al frie#ds i# a
private setti#g.
"hapter #hree
<hat makes suicide an es!ecially difficult loss?
S"icide is a reactio# to over%hel!i#g feeli#gs of lo#eli#ess$ %orthless#ess$ helpless#ess$
hopeless#ess a#d depressio#. It occ"rs %he# a perso#Hs pai# eFceeds his or her reso"rces
a#d ability to cope. It is the third leadi#g ca"se of death for people -/.21 years of age. I
lost a good frie#d to s"icide bac i# -,81. 7e %ere statio#ed at 5sa# AB$ i# the
)ep"blic of Sorea. 6e %as a recoveri#g alcoholic that that fell off of the %ago# o#e #ight
a#d %oe "p i# a hotel roo! %ith a prostit"te. 7he# he reali>ed %hat he !ay have do#e
Kad"lteryL he h"#g hi!self. 'he g"ilt of cheati#g o# his %ife drove hi! to ill hi!self. I
"sed to go to ch"rch every S"#day %ith this !a#. As his frie#d$ I felt g"ilty beca"se I
ased !yself$ $hy couldn%t he come and talk to me?!
'he s"icide of a loved o#e raises pai#f"l ="estio#s$ do"bts a#d fears. C"lt"ral a#d
religio"s i#terpretatio#s of a# earlier day are respo#sible for the stig!a associated %ith
s"icide. 'he #o%ledge that yo"r love %as #ot e#o"gh to save the perso# yo" loved$ a#d
the fear that others %ill 3"dge yo"$ !ay raise feeli#gs of fail"re$ of sha!e a#d bla!e i#
additio# to the sorro% of loss. S"icide affects everyo#e beca"se everyo#e as the sa!e
="estio#$ 7hyI
6ere are so!e thi#gs yo" ca# do %he# yo" have lost a loved o#e to s"icide:
?or those %ith co#cer#s of a spirit"al #at"re$ do try to fi#d a ge#tle$
#o#3"dg!e#tal !e!ber of yo"r faith$ a#d ope# yo"rself to that perso#.
)ather tha# bei#g co#cer#ed abo"t the stig!a s"rro"#di#g s"icide$ co#ce#trate o#
yo"r o%# heali#g a#d s"rvival.
It is i!porta#t that yo" co#fro#t the %ord suicide$ diffic"lt as it !ay be. Seepi#g
the ca"se of death a secret %ill deprive yo" of the 3oy of speai#g abo"t yo"r
loved o#e a#d %ill isolate yo" fro! fa!ily a#d frie#ds %ho %a#t to s"pport yo".
If yo" do#:t allo% yo"rself to have that eFperie#ce$ yo" are bloci#g yo"r heali#g.
I#stead of tryi#g to de#y or !edicate the pai#$ reali>e that the h"rt is #ecessary i# order
for yo" to heal. 5"r eFperie#ce of !e#tal s"fferi#g offers "s the cha#ce to gro% stro#ger
i# the process.
FreI%entl# $sked J%estions abo%t S%icide:
What sho%ld #o% do if so-eone tells #o% the# are thinkin! abo%t s%icideD
If so!eo#e tells yo" they are thi#i#g abo"t s"icide$ yo" sho"ld tae their distress
serio"sly$ liste# #o#.3"dg!e#tally$ a#d help the! get to a professio#al for eval"atio# a#d
treat!e#t. +eople co#sider s"icide %he# they are hopeless a#d "#able to see alter#ative
sol"tio#s to proble!s. S"icidal behavior is !ost ofte# related to a !e#tal disorder
Kdepressio#L or to alcohol or other s"bsta#ce ab"se. S"icidal behavior is also !ore liely
to occ"r %he# people eFperie#ce stressf"l eve#ts K!a3or losses$ i#carceratio#L. If
so!eo#e is i# i!!i#e#t da#ger of har!i#g hi!self or herself$ do #ot leave the perso#
alo#e. Do" !ay #eed to tae e!erge#cy steps to get help$ s"ch as calli#g ,--. 7he#
so!eo#e is i# a s"icidal crisis$ it is i!porta#t to li!it access to firear!s or other lethal
!ea#s of co!!itti#g s"icide.
What are the -ost co--on -ethods of s%icideD
?irear!s are the !ost co!!o#ly "sed !ethod of s"icide for !e# a#d %o!e#$ acco"#ti#g
for 00 perce#t of all s"icides. Nearly 80 perce#t of all firear! s"icides are co!!itted by
%hite !ales. 'he seco#d !ost co!!o# !ethod for !e# is ha#gi#gE for %o!e#$ the
seco#d !ost co!!o# !ethod is self.poiso#i#g i#cl"di#g dr"g overdose. 'he prese#ce of
a firear! i# the ho!e has bee# fo"#d to be a# i#depe#de#t$ additio#al ris factor for
s"icide. 'h"s$ %he# a fa!ily !e!ber or health care provider is faced %ith a# i#divid"al
at ris for s"icide$ they sho"ld !ae s"re that firear!s are re!oved fro! the ho!e.
Wh# do -en co--it s%icide -ore often than "o-en doD
*ore tha# fo"r ti!es as !a#y !e# as %o!e# die by s"icideE b"t %o!e# atte!pt s"icide
!ore ofte# d"ri#g their lives tha# do !e#$ a#d %o!e# report higher rates of depressio#.
*e# a#d %o!e# "se differe#t s"icide !ethods. 7o!e#$ i# all co"#tries$ are !ore liely
to i#gest poiso#s tha# !e#. I# co"#tries %here the poiso#s are highly lethal a#dJor %here
treat!e#t reso"rces scarce$ resc"e is rare a#d he#ce fe!ale s"icides o"t#"!ber !ales.
Who is at hi!hest risk for s%icide in the K.S.D
'here is a co!!o# perceptio# that s"icide rates are highest a!o#g the yo"#g. 6o%ever$
it is the elderly$ partic"larly older %hite !ales that have the highest rates. A#d a!o#g
%hite !ales 0/ a#d older$ ris goes "p %ith age. 7hite !e# 8/ a#d older have a s"icide
rate that is siF ti!es that of the overall #atio#al rate. So!e older perso#s are less liely to
s"rvive atte!pts beca"se they are less liely to rec"perate. 5ver 20 perce#t of older
s"icide victi!s have bee# to their pri!ary care physicia# %ithi# the !o#th of their death$
!a#y did #ot tell their doctors they %ere depressed #or did the doctor detect it. 'his has
led to research efforts to deter!i#e ho% to best i!prove physicia#sphysicia#:sI abilities
to detect a#d treat depressio# i# older ad"lts.
$re !a# and lesbian #o%th at hi!h risk for s%icideD
7ith regard to co-pleted s%icide$ there are #o #atio#al statistics for s"icide rates a!o#g
gay$ lesbia# or biseF"al K;CBL perso#s. SeF"al orie#tatio# is #ot a ="estio# o# the death
certificate$ a#d to deter!i#e %hether rates are higher for ;CB perso#s$ %e %o"ld #eed to
#o% the proportio# of the (.S. pop"latio# that co#siders the!selves gay$ lesbia# or
biseF"al. SeF"al orie#tatio# is a perso#al characteristic that people ca#$ a#d ofte# do
choose to hide$ so that i# psychological a"topsy st"dies of s"icide victi!s %here ris
factors are eFa!i#ed$ it is diffic"lt to #o% for certai# the victi!:s seF"al orie#tatio#.
'his is partic"larly a proble! %he# co#sideri#g ;CB yo"th %ho !ay be less certai# of
their seF"al orie#tatio# a#d less ope#. I# the fe% st"dies eFa!i#i#g ris factors for
s"icide %here seF"al orie#tatio# %as assessed$ the ris for gay or lesbia# perso#s did #ot
appear a#y greater tha# a!o#g heteroseF"als$ o#ce !e#tal a#d s"bsta#ce ab"se disorders
%ere tae# i#to acco"#t.
7ith regard to s%icide atte-pts$ several state a#d #atio#al st"dies have reported that
high school st"de#ts %ho report to be ho!oseF"ally a#d biseF"ally active have higher
rates of s"icide tho"ghts a#d atte!pts i# the past year co!pared to yo"th %ith
heteroseF"al eFperie#ce. <Fperts have #ot bee# i# co!plete agree!e#t abo"t the best
%ay to !eas"re reports of adolesce#t s"icide atte!pts$ or seF"al orie#tatio#$ so the data
isare s"b3ect to ="estio#. B"t they do agree that efforts sho"ld foc"s o# ho% to help ;CB
yo"th gro% "p to be healthy a#d s"ccessf"l despite the obstacles that they face. Beca"se
school based s"icide a%are#ess progra!s have #ot prove# effective for yo"th i# ge#eral$
a#d i# so!e cases have ca"sed i#creased distress i# v"l#erable yo"th$ they are #ot liely
to be helpf"l for ;CB yo"th either. Beca"se yo"#g people sho"ld #ot be eFposed to
progra!s that do #ot %or$ a#d certai#ly #ot to progra!s that i#crease ris$ !ore
research is #eeded to develop safe a#d effective progra!s.
$re $frican $-erican #o%th at !reat risk for s%icideD
6istorically$ Africa# A!erica#s have had !"ch lo%er rates of s"icides co!pared to
%hite A!erica#s. 6o%ever$ begi##i#g i# the -,80s$ the rates for Africa# A!erica# !ale
yo"th bega# to rise at a !"ch faster rate tha# their %hite co"#terparts. 'he !ost rece#t
tre#ds s"ggest a decrease i# s"icide across all ge#der a#d racial gro"ps$ b"t health policy
eFperts re!ai# co#cer#ed abo"t the i#crease i# s"icide by firear!s for all yo"#g !ales.
7hether Africa# A!erica# !ale yo"th are !ore liely to e#gage i# victi!.precipitated
ho!icideI By deliberately getti#g i# the li#e of fire of either ga#g or la% e#force!e#t
activity$ re!ai#s a# i!porta#t research ="estio#$ as s"ch deaths are #ot typically
classified as s"icides.
4s s%icide related to i-p%lsivenessD
I!p"lsive#ess is the te#de#cy to act %itho"t thi#i#g thro"gh a pla# or its co#se="e#ces.
It is a sy!pto! of a #"!ber of !e#tal disorders$ a#d therefore$ it has bee# li#ed to
s"icidal behavior "s"ally thro"gh its associatio# %ith !e#tal disorders a#dJor s"bsta#ce
ab"se. 'he !e#tal disorders %ith i!p"lsive#ess !ost li#ed to s"icide i#cl"de borderli#e
perso#ality disorder a!o#g yo"#g fe!ales$ co#d"ct disorder a!o#g yo"#g !ales$ a#d
a#tisocial behavior i# ad"lt !ales$ a#d alcohol a#d s"bsta#ce ab"se a!o#g yo"#g a#d
!iddle.aged !ales. I!p"lsive#ess appears to have a lesser role i# older ad"lt s"icides.
Atte#tio# deficit hyperactivity disorder that has i!p"lsive#ess as a characteristic is #ot a
stro#g ris factor for s"icide by itself. I!p"lsive#ess has bee# li#ed %ith aggressive a#d
viole#t behaviors i#cl"di#g ho!icide a#d s"icide. 6o%ever$ i!p"lsive#ess %itho"t
aggressio# or viole#ce prese#t has also bee# fo"#d to co#trib"te to ris for s"icide.
4s there s%ch a thin! as LrationalL s%icideD
So!e right.to.die advocacy gro"ps pro!ote the idea that s"icide$ i#cl"di#g assisted
s"icide$ ca# be a ratio#al decisio#. 5thers have arg"ed that s"icide is #ever a ratio#al
decisio# a#d that it is the res"lt of depressio#$ a#Fiety$ a#d fear of bei#g depe#de#t or a
b"rde#. S"rveys of ter!i#ally ill perso#s i#dicate that very fe% co#sider tai#g their o%#
life$ a#d %he# they do$ it is i# the co#teFt of depressio#. Attit"de s"rveys s"ggest that
assisted s"icide is !ore acceptable by the p"blic a#d health providers for the old %ho are
ill or disabled$ co!pared to the yo"#g %ho are ill or disabled. At this ti!e$ there is
li!ited research o# the fre="e#cy %ith %hich perso#s %ith ter!i#al ill#ess have
depressio# a#d s"icidal ideatio#$ %hether they %o"ld co#sider assisted s"icide$ the
characteristics of s"ch perso#s$ a#d the co#teFt of their depressio# a#d s"icidal tho"ghts$
s"ch as fa!ily stress$ or availability of palliative care. Neither is it yet clear %hat effect
other factors s"ch as the availability of social s"pport$ access to care$ a#d pai# relief !ay
have o# e#d.of.life prefere#ces. 'his p"blic debate %ill be better i#for!ed after s"ch
research is co#d"cted.
What biolo!ical factors increase risk for s%icideD
)esearchers believe that both depressio# a#d s"icidal behavior ca# be li#ed to decreased
seroto#i# i# the brai#. Co% levels of a seroto#i# !etabolite$ /.6IAA$ have bee# detected
i# cerebral spi#al fl"id i# perso#s %ho have atte!pted s"icide$ as %ell as by post!orte!
st"dies eFa!i#i#g certai# brai# regio#s of s"icide victi!s. 5#e of the goals of
"#dersta#di#g the biology of s"icidal behavior is to i!prove treat!e#ts. Scie#tists have
lear#ed that seroto#i# receptors i# the brai# i#crease their activity i# perso#s %ith !a3or
depressio# a#d s"icidalitys"icidal behavior$ %hich eFplai#s %hy !edicatio#s that
dese#siti>e or do%#.reg"late these receptors Ks"ch as the seroto#i# re"ptae i#hibitors$ or
SS)IsL have bee# fo"#d effective i# treati#g depressio#. C"rre#tly$ st"dies are "#der%ay
to eFa!i#e to %hat eFte#t !edicatio#s lie SS)Is ca# red"ce s"icidal behavior.
Can the risk for s%icide be inheritedD
'here is gro%i#g evide#ce that fa!ilial a#d ge#etic factors co#trib"te to the ris for
s"icidal behavior. *a3or psychiatric ill#esses$ i#cl"di#g bipolar disorder$ !a3or
depressio#$ schi>ophre#ia$ alcoholis! a#d s"bsta#ce ab"se$ a#d certai# perso#ality
disorders$ %hich r"# i# fa!ilies$ i#crease the ris for s"icidal behavior. 'his does #ot
!ea# that s"icidal behavior is i#evitable for i#divid"als %ith this fa!ily historyE it si!ply
!ea#s that s"ch perso#s !ay be !ore v"l#erable a#d sho"ld tae steps to red"ce their
ris$ s"ch as getti#g eval"atio# a#d treat!e#t at the first sig# of !e#tal ill#ess.
oes depression increase the risk for s%icideD
Altho"gh the !a3ority of people %ho have depressio# do #ot die by s"icide$ havi#g !a3or
depressio# does i#crease s"icide ris co!pared to people %itho"t depressio#. 'he ris of
death by s"icide !ay$ i# part$ be related to the severity of the depressio#. Ne% data o#
depressio# that has follo%ed people over lo#g periods of ti!e s"ggests that abo"t 2
perce#t of those people ever treated for depressio# i# a# o"tpatie#t setti#g %ill die by
s"icide. A!o#g those ever treated for depressio# i# a# i#patie#t hospital setti#g$ the rate
of death by s"icide is t%ice as high K1 perce#tL. 'hose treated for depressio# as i#patie#ts
follo%i#g s"icide ideatio# or s"icide atte!pts are abo"t three ti!es as liely to die by
s"icide K0 perce#tL as those %ho %ere o#ly treated as o"tpatie#ts. 'here are also dra!atic
ge#der differe#ces i# lifeti!e ris of s"icide i# depressio#. 7hereas abo"t 2 perce#t of
!e# %ith a lifeti!e history of depressio# %ill die by s"icide$ o#ly - perce#t of %o!e#
%ith a lifeti!e history of depressio# %ill die by s"icide.
A#other %ay abo"t thi#i#g of thi#i#g abo"t of s"icide ris a#d depressio# is to
eFa!i#e the lives of people %ho have died by s"icide a#d see %hat proportio# of the!
%ere depressed. ?ro! that perspective$ it is esti!ated that abo"t 00 perce#t of people
%ho co!!it s"icide have had a !ood disorder Ke.g.$ !a3or depressio#$ bipolar disorder$
dysthy!iaL. Do"#ger perso#s %ho ill the!selves ofte# have a s"bsta#ce ab"se disorder
i# additio# to bei#g depressed.
oes alcohol and other dr%! ab%se increase the risk for s%icideD
A #"!ber of rece#t #atio#al s"rveys have helped shed light o# the relatio#ship bet%ee#
alcohol a#d other dr"g "se a#d s"icidal behavior. A revie% of !i#i!"!.age dri#i#g
la%s a#d s"icides a!o#g yo"ths age -8 to 20 fo"#d that lo%er !i#i!"!.age dri#i#g
la%s %as%ere associated %ith higher yo"th s"icide rates. I# a large st"dy follo%i#g ad"lts
%ho dri# alcohol$ s"icide ideatio# %as reported a!o#g perso#s %ith depressio#. I#
a#other s"rvey$ perso#s %ho reported that they had !ade a s"icide atte!pt d"ri#g their
lifeti!e %ere !ore liely to have had a depressive disorder$ a#d !a#y also had a#
alcohol a#dJor s"bsta#ce ab"se disorder. I# a st"dy of all #o#.traffic i#3"ry deaths
associated %ith alcohol i#toFicatio#$ over 20 perce#t %ere s"icides.
I# st"dies that eFa!i#e ris factors a!o#g people %ho have co!pleted s"icide$ s"bsta#ce
"se a#d ab"se occ"rs !ore fre="e#tly a!o#g yo"th a#d ad"lts$ co!pared to older
perso#s. ?or partic"lar gro"ps at ris$ s"ch as A!erica# I#dia#s a#d Alasa# Natives$
depressio# a#d alcohol "se a#d ab"se are the !ost co!!o# ris factors for co!pleted
s"icide. Alcohol a#d s"bsta#ce ab"se proble!s co#trib"te to s"icidal behavior i# several
%ays. +erso#s %ho are depe#de#t o# s"bsta#ces ofte# have a #"!ber of other ris factors
for s"icide. I# additio# to bei#g depressed$ they are also liely to have social a#d
fi#a#cial proble!s. S"bsta#ce "se a#d ab"se ca# be co!!o# a!o#g perso#s pro#e to be
i!p"lsive$ a#d a!o#g perso#s %ho e#gage i# !a#y types of high ris behaviors that
res"lt i# self.har!. ?ort"#ately$ there are a #"!ber of effective preve#tio# efforts that
red"ce ris for s"bsta#ce ab"se i# yo"th$ a#d there are effective treat!e#ts for alcohol
a#d s"bsta#ce "se proble!s. )esearchers are c"rre#tly testi#g treat!e#ts specifically for
perso#s %ith s"bsta#ce ab"se proble!s %ho are also s"icidal$ or have atte!pted s"icide
i# the past.
What does Ls%icide conta!ionL -ean, and "hat can be done to prevent itD
S"icide co#tagio# is the eFpos"re to s"icide or s"icidal behaviors %ithi# o#eHs fa!ily$
o#eHs peer gro"p$ or thro"gh !edia reports of s"icide a#d ca# res"lt i# a# i#crease i#
s"icide a#d s"icidal behaviors. &irect a#d i#direct eFpos"re to s"icidal behavior has bee#
sho%# to precede a# i#crease i# s"icidal behavior i# perso#s at ris for s"icide$ especially
i# adolesce#ts a#d yo"#g ad"lts.
'he ris for s"icide co#tagio# as a res"lt of !edia reporti#g ca# be !i#i!i>ed by fact"al
a#d co#cise !edia reports of s"icide. )eports of s"icide sho"ld #ot be repetitive$ as
prolo#ged eFpos"re ca# i#crease the lielihood of s"icide co#tagio#. S"icide is the res"lt
of !a#y co!pleF factorsE therefore !edia coverage sho"ld #ot report oversi!plified
eFpla#atio#s s"ch as rece#t #egative life eve#ts or ac"te stressors. )eports sho"ld #ot
div"lge detailed descriptio#s of the !ethod "sed to avoid possible d"plicatio#. )eports
sho"ld #ot glorify the victi! a#d sho"ld #ot i!ply that s"icide %as effective i# achievi#g
a perso#al goal s"ch as gai#i#g !edia atte#tio#. I# additio#$ i#for!atio# s"ch as hotli#es
or e!erge#cy co#tacts sho"ld be provided for those at ris for s"icide.
?ollo%i#g eFpos"re to s"icide or s"icidal behaviors %ithi# o#eHs fa!ily or peer gro"p$
s"icide ris ca# be !i#i!i>ed by havi#g fa!ily !e!bers$ frie#ds$ peers$ a#d colleag"es
of the victi! eval"ated by a !e#tal health professio#al. +erso#s dee!ed at ris for
s"icide sho"ld the# be referred for additio#al !e#tal health services.
4s it possible to predict s%icideD
At the c"rre#t ti!e there is #o defi#itive !eas"re to predict s"icide or s"icidal behavior.
)esearchers have ide#tified factors that place i#divid"als at higher ris for s"icide$ b"t
very fe% perso#s %ith these ris factors %ill act"ally co!!it s"icide. )is factors i#cl"de
!e#tal ill#ess$ s"bsta#ce ab"se$ previo"s s"icide atte!pts$ fa!ily history of s"icide$
history of bei#g seF"ally ab"sed$ a#d i!p"lsive or aggressive te#de#cies. S"icide is a
relatively rare eve#t a#d it is therefore diffic"lt to predict %hich perso#s %ith these ris
factors %ill "lti!ately co!!it s"icide.
Chapter Fo%r
The Theolo!ical=C%lt%ral (ie"s of S%icide
So!e s"icides are co!!itted for #oble or selfless reaso#s. So!e s"icides are beca"se the
i#divid"als a#ticipate a physical or e!otio#al horror that is "#bearable KSi#g Sa"lL. 'he#
there is @es"s Christ %ho co!!itted s"icide as a sacrifice for the %orld. 7e have bee#
co#ditio#ed especially i# 7ester# c"lt"re to al%ays vie% s"icide as evil or co%ardly. I#
<aster# C"lt"re s"icide is see# as co"rageo"s a#d ho#orable.
6ard pressed by +hilisti#e soldiers$ Sa"l %as %o"#ded. (#able to escape$ a#d afraid of
bei#g capt"red a#d tort"red by the e#e!y$ Sa"l "rged his ar!or.bearer to ill hi!.
Afraid$ he ref"sed. So Sa"l fell o# his o%# s%ord a#d died. Seei#g this$ his ar!or.bearer
did the sa!e. 'his do"ble s"icide %as o#e of o#ly five s"icide eve#ts recorded i# the
Bible.
4 Sa-%el 87:< LThen said Sa%l %nto his ar-o%rbearer, ra" th#
s"ord, and thr%st -e thro%!h there"ith6 lest these %ncirc%-cised co-e
and thr%st -e thro%!h, and ab%se -e. 0%t his ar-o%rbearer "o%ld not6
for he "as sore afraid. Therefore Sa%l took a s"ord, and fell %pon
it.L
Sa"l #e% that the +hilisti#es %o"ld #ot let hi! live. 6e %as afraid they %o"ld tort"re
hi!$ before they act"ally illed hi!$ so he aseds his ar!o"rbearer to ill hi!. Sa"l did
#ot %a#t these "#circ"!cised +hilisti#es to be able to brag$ that they had illed hi!. 'he
+hilisti#es %ere #o%# for their cr"elty. 5#e eFa!ple %as %he# they poed o"t the eyes
of Sa!so#. Sa"l did #ot %a#t to be h"!iliated lie this. 6is ar!o"rbearer %as afraid to
ill Sa"l. 6e had$ probably$ tae# a# oath to protect hi!. Sa"l$ act"ally$ co!!itted
s"icide. 6e fell "po# his o%# s%ord. A# A!alaite passi#g by said he helped hi! fi#ish
the act.
4 Sa-%el 87:E L$nd "hen his ar-o%rbearer sa" that Sa%l "as dead,
he fell like"ise %pon his s"ord, and died "ith hi-.L
'he h"!iliatio# of allo%i#g his !aster to die %as !ore tha# the ar!o"rbearer co"ld tae.
6e co"ld #ot face that ridic"le a#d he illed hi!self$ as Sa"l hadE . 6hee fell o# his s%ord
a#d illed hi!self.
'he +hilisti#e soldiers fo"#d Sa"lHs body. I# spite of Sa"lHs fail"res a#d si#s$ he had do#e
!"ch to protect Israel$ a#d his body %as a great trophy to his e#e!ies. 'hey c"t off his
head a#d str"#g his body o"tside the city %all for all to see. Sa"l #e% his fate if capt"red
alive %o"ld be too horrible to i!agi#e. I# Sa"l:s shoes %o"ld D5( do the sa!e thi#gI
Sa-son co--its s%icide
0%ddhis-
Accordi#g to B"ddhis!$ i#divid"alsH past acts bear a heavy i#fl"e#ce o# %hat they
eFperie#ce i# the prese#tE prese#t acts$ i# t"r#$ beco!e the bacgro"#d i#fl"e#ce for
f"t"re eFperie#ces Kthe doctri#e of ar!aL. I#te#tio#al actio# by !i#d$ body or speech
has a reactio#. 'his reactio#$ or reperc"ssio#$ is the ca"se of co#ditio#s a#d differe#ces
%e co!e across i# the %orld.
-NB"ddhis! teaches that all people eFperie#ce s"bsta#tial s"fferi#g Kd"haL$ %hich
s"fferi#g pri!arily origi#ates fro! past #egative deeds Kar!icallyL$ or 3"st fro! bei#g i#
sa!sara$ the cycle of birth a#d death. A#other reaso# for the prevale#t s"fferi#g
i#divid"als eFperie#ce is i!per!a#e#ce a#d ill"sio# K!ayaL. Si#ce everythi#g is i# a
co#sta#t state of i!per!a#e#ce or fl"F$ i#divid"als eFperie#ce dissatisfactio# %ith the
fleeti#g eve#ts of life. 'o brea o"t of sa!sara$ o#e si!ply !"st reali>e his or her tr"e
#at"re by <#lighte#!e#t i# the prese#t !o!e#tE this is Nirva#a.
0%ddhist vie" on life
-N?or B"ddhists$ si#ce the first precept is to refrai# fro! the destr"ctio# of life$ i#cl"di#g
o#eself$ s"icide is clearly co#sidered a #egative for! of actio#. &espite this vie%$ a#
a#cie#t Asia# ideology si!ilar to sepp"" Khara&kiriL co#ti#"es to i#fl"e#ce oppressed
B"ddhists to choose the act of Gho#orableG s"icide. 'he !ost %ell.#o%# i#sta#ce of this
%as 'hich U"a#g &"cHs s"icide by self.i!!olatio# to protest the gover#!e#t of Ngo
&i#h &ie!. Also i# !oder# ti!es$ 'ibeta# !o#s have "sed this perceived ideal to
protest the Chi#ese occ"patio# of 'ibet a#d Chi#aHs h"!a# rights violatio#s agai#st
'ibeta#s.
@"st %hat the origi#al teachi#g of the B"ddha %as is a !atter of so!e debate.
No#etheless$ it !ay be said to have ce#tered o# certai# basic doctri#es. The first of the
Fo%r /oble Tr%ths, the 0%ddha held, is s%fferin! :d%hkha;. By this$ theyhe !ea#t #ot
o#ly that h"!a# eFiste#ce is occasio#ally pai#f"l b"t that all bei#gs . h"!a#s$ a#i!als$
ghosts$ hellR . bei#gs$ eve# the gods i# the heave#sR . are ca"ght "p i# sa!sara$ a cycle
of rebirth$ a !a>e of s"fferi#g i# %hich their actio#s KSar!aL eep the! %a#deri#g.
Sa!sara a#d ar!a are #ot doctri#es specific to B"ddhis!. 'he B"ddha$ ho%ever$
specified that sa!sara is characteri>ed by three !ars: s"fferi#g$ i!per!a#e#ce$ a#d #o .
self Ka#at!a#L. I#divid"als #ot o#ly s"ffer i# a co#sta#tly cha#gi#g %orld$ b"t %hat
appears to be the Gself$G the Gso"l$G has #o i#depe#de#t reality apart fro! its !a#y
separable ele!e#ts.
The second /oble Tr%th is that s%fferin! itself has a ca%se. At the si!plest level$ this
!ay be said to be desireE b"t the theory %as f"lly %ored o"t i# the co!pleF doctri#e of
Gdepe#de#t origi#atio#G Kpratityasa!"tpadaL$ %hich eFplai#s the i#terrelatio#ship of all
reality i# ter!s of a# "#broe# chai# of ca"satio#.
The third /oble Tr%th, ho"ever, is that this chain can be brokenHthat s%fferin!
can cease. 'he B"ddhists called this e#d of s"fferi#g Nirva#a a#d co#ceived of it as a
cessatio# of rebirth$ a# escape fro! sa!sara.
Finall#, the fo%rth /oble Tr%th is that a "a# e)ists thro%!h "hich this cessation can
be bro%!ht abo%t: the practice of the noble +i!htfold *ath. 'his co!bi#es ethical a#d
discipli#ary practices$ trai#i#g i# co#ce#tratio# a#d !editatio#$ a#d the develop!e#t of
e#lighte#ed %isdo!$ all tho"ght to be #ecessary.
?or the !o#s$ the #otio# of offeri#g eFte#ds also to the givi#g of the &har!a i# the
for! of ser!o#s$ to the cha#ti#g of script"res i# rit"als K%hich !ay also be tho"ght of as
!agically protective a#d sal"taryL$ a#d to the recitatio# of s"tras for the dead.
Christianit#
<arly Christia#ity %as attracted to death as !artyrdo! %hich %as so!ethi#g they felt
called "po# by their faith to per!it. <ve# the death of @es"s ca# be co#sidered a i#d of
s"icide$ by so!e$ s"ch as 'ert"llia#. 'here %ere seve# s"icides i# the 5ld 'esta!e#t. I#
*atthe% 22:N$ the s"icide of @"das Iscariot$ %ho betrayed @es"s$ is perhaps a sig# of his
repe#ta#ce or at least the recog#itio# of his g"ilt.
'he !ost #otable pro.s"icide gro"p %as the &o#atists$ %ho believed that by illi#g
the!selves they co"ld attai# !artyrdo! a#d go to heave#. 'hey 3"!ped off cliffs$ b"r#ed
the!selves i# large #"!bers$ a#d stopped travellerstravelers$ either offeri#g to pay the!
or threate#i#g the! %ith death to e#co"rage the! to ill the s"pposed &o#atist !artyr.
'hey %ere eve#t"ally declared heretics.
As Christia#ity beca!e the do!i#a#t religio# of the )o!a# e!pire<!pire$ ho%ever$ its
vie%s o# s"icide cha#ged$ grad"ally. I# the siFth ce#t"ry$ s"icide beca!e a religio"s si#
a#d sec"lar cri!e. I# /NN$ those %ho co!!itted s"icide %hile acc"sed of a cri!e %ere
de#ied a Christia# b"rial$ %hich %as a re="ire!e#t for goi#g to heave#. I# /02$ all
s"icides %ere p"#ished i# this %ay. I# 0,N$ eve# the atte!pt of s"icide beca!e a#
ecclesiastical cri!e$ %hich co"ld be p"#ished by eFco!!"#icatio#$ %ith civil
co#se="e#ces follo%i#g.
I# the fifth ce#t"ry$ St. A"g"sti#e %rote the boo #he "ity o' (od$ i# it !ai#g
Christia#ityHs first overall co#de!#atio# of s"icide. 6is biblical 3"stificatio# for this %as
his #ovel i#terpretatio# of the co!!a#d!e#t$ Gtho" shalt #ot illG$ a#d the rest of his
reaso#s %ere fro! +latoHs G+haedraG. Altho"gh this %as a h"!a#itaria# oppositio#$ so!e
Christia#s e#ded "p persec"ti#g s"icides$ degradi#g their bodies Kso!eti!es by bei#g
b"ried at crossroads %ith a stae thro"gh their bodyL$ defa!i#g their !e!ories$ a#d
persec"ti#g their fa!ilies.
*a#y Christia#s believe i# the sa#ctity of h"!a# life$ seei#g it as a creatio# of ;od.
'herefore$ a#d obligi#g every effort beis !ade to preserve it %he#ever possible.
It %as #ot "#til abo"t a tho"sa#d years after St. A"g"sti#e that Christia#s agai#
="estio#ed s"icide. 'h"s$ eve# %hile believi#g that s"icide is ge#erally %ro#g$ liberal
Christia#s !ay hold that people %ho choose s"icide are severely distressed a#d that the
lovi#g ;od of Christia#ity ca# forgive s"ch a# act.
Modern Catholicis-
I# Catholicis!$ s"icide has bee# co#sidered a grave a#d !ortal si#. 'he chief Catholic
arg"!e#t is that o#eHs life is the property of ;od$ a#d to destroy that life is to %ro#gly
assert do!i#io# over %hat is ;odHs. 'his arg"!e#t r"#s i#to a fa!o"s co"#ter.arg"!e#t
by &avid 6"!e$ %ho held that if it is %ro#g to tae life %he# a perso# %o"ld #at"rally
live$ it !"st be %ro#g to save life %he# a perso# %o"ld #at"rally die$ as this too see!s to
be co#trave#i#g ;odHs %ill. So!e !itigatio# of this co#trast !ay eFist %he# eFa!i#i#g
the Catholic doctri#e of eFtraordi#ary !ea#s: the Catholic Ch"rch teaches that there is #o
!oral obligatio# for a perso# to chosechoose eFtraordi#ary !ethods of savi#g o#eHs life
i# the face of possible death.
'he -,,2 "atechism o' the "atholic "hurch i#dicates that s"icide !ay #ot al%ays be
f"lly co#scio"sR O a#d th"s #ot o#e.h"#dred.perce#t !orally c"lpable: "(rave
psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave 'ear o' hardship, su''ering, or torture can
diminish the responsibility o' the one committing suicide."
Modern Cconservative Christianit#
So!e Co#servative Christia#s K<va#gelicals$ Charis!atics a#d +e#tecostalsL have arg"ed
that beca"se s"icide i#volves self.!"rder$ a#yo#e %ho co!!its this si# goes to 6ell.
5ther co#servatives hold that salvatio# forgives all si#s past$ prese#t$ a#d f"t"re K%itho"t
havi#g to as forgive#ess for each specific si#L$ a#d th"s eve# o#e %ho co!!its s"icide
ca# go to 6eave#.
Script"rally there is N5 proof that s"icide is a# "#forgivable si#. 'he o#ly si# that is
described as "#forgivable is Blasphe!y of the 6oly Spirit$ %hich is really the re3ectio# of
@es"s Christ as the *essiah %hich is %hat the +harisees did %he# they attrib"ted the
po%er of @es"s to Beel>eb"b. 'here are a fe% people i# script"re that co!!itted s"icide
or at least co#te!plated itE 'hethe first pro!i#e#t o#e of co"rse is *osesByes *osesA
*oses at o#e poi#t %as so fr"strated leadi#g the childre# of Israel a#d their co#sta#t
co!plai#i#g$ he ased ;od to tae his lifeE Si#g Sa"l fell o# his s%ord %he# the
+hilisti#es %ere "po# hi!$ this %as i# his !i#d better tha# bei#g tort"red by the e#e!y.
(#less a perso# has ever bee# i# co!bat they !ay #ot "#dersta#d the possibility that the
tort"re a#d pai# o#e %o"ld s"ffer if capt"red$ is %orst %orse tha# s"icide.
I ca# ide#tify %ith Sa"l i# so!e respects beca"se I have a# ill#ess that is slo%ly ca"si#g
!e !ore pai# a#d %orse#i#g disability. If I have to be i# a#y %orst %orse pai# or i# a#y
%ay be *5)< i#capacitated I !ay %a#t to die !yself.
+)a-inin! the 0iblical +vidence
As al%ays$ a#y i#vestigatio# i#to a diffic"lt !oral$ or ethical or spirit"al dile!!a sho"ld
begin %ith a# appeal to the 7ord of ;od. "$hat saith the )ord?" sho"ld al%ays be o"r
first ="estio#. It is tr"e that ;od !ay #ot specifically or directly address each of o"r
co#cer#s$ b"t o#e %ill rarely$ if ever$ fail to fi#d so!e g"ida#ce via pri#ciples$ eFa!ples
a#d ill"stratio#s. 5#e !ay %ell be forced to e!ploy a !eas"re of good old.fashio#ed
co!!o# se#se$ b"t %e o"ght to be doi#g that !ore tha# %e do a#y%ayA 'he %isdo! to
gover# o"r lives is available if %e %ill prayerf"lly see it. Altho"gh the Bible does #ot
e!ploy the %ord Gs"icide$G #evertheless %e see several dra!atic eFa!ples of those %ho
too their lives$ or %ho po#dered doi#g so. ?ollo%i#g is a fairly eFha"stive list:
$bi-elech O @"dges ,:/0./2. Altho"gh Sa"l %as the first i#g of the (#ited
Si#gdo! of Israel$ Abi!elech$ of the tribe of ;ideo#$ %as the first Israelite to
bear the title Gi#g$G altho"gh he %as !ost liely #ot recog#i>ed as s"ch beyo#d
the bo"#daries of <phrai!. 6e %as a# eFtre!ely %iced despot$ #o%# as #he
*ramble +ing, %ho !"rdered 20 of his fatherHs ho"sehold to help sec"re his
po%er. 7hile attaci#g the city of 'hebe>$ a %o!a# i# a to%er dropped a
!illsto#e o# Abi!elechHs head$ cr"shi#g his s"ll. 6e called o"t to his ar!or
bearer$ G&ra% yo"r s%ord a#d ill !e$ lest it be said of !e$ HA %o!a# sle% hi!.HG
'he ar!or bearer co!plied %ith this re="est a#d Gpierced hi! thro"gh$ a#d he
died.G So!e %o"ld arg"e that this %as #ot a s"icide$ beca"se Abi!elech hi!self
did #ot co!!it the fatal act. 6o%ever$ by defi#itio#$ it does applyRGs"icide V the
tai#g of o#eHs o%# life$ or causing it to be tae# by a#other.G
Sa-son O @"dges -0:2,.N0. 'he story of Sa!so#$ a#d his death$ is %ell.
#o%#...eve# to o"r childre#. 6e %as capt"red by the +hilisti#es$ follo%i#g his
betrayal by &elilah$ his eyes %ere go"ged o"t$ a#d he %as led i# chai#s to a priso#
i# ;a>a. 7he# bro"ght i#to the te!ple of their god ,agon o#e day$ to a!"se the
cro%d of abo"t N000 !e# a#d %o!e#$ he grasped the pillars of the te!ple$ cried
o"t "#to ;od$ GCet !e die %ith the +hilisti#es$G a#d bro"ght the place do%# o#
top of everyo#e. GSo the dead %ho! he illed at his death %ere !ore tha# those
%ho! he illed i# his life.G
It ca# be arg"ed$ a#d has bee#$ that this %as a case %here ;od assisted this s"icide$ a#d
i#deed g"ara#teed its s"ccess. @"st prior to tai#g his o%# life that day$ a#d the lives of a
great !a#y others$ Sa!so# prayed$ G5 Cord ;od$ please re!e!ber !e a#d please
stre#gthe# !e 3"st this ti!e$ 5 ;od$ that I !ay at o#ce be ave#ged of the +hilisti#es for
!y t%o eyesG K@"dges -0:28L. Altho"gh the teFt #o%here specifically states ;od either
heard or respo#ded to this plea$ the act of Sa!so# i# bri#gi#g do%# the te!ple %ith his
bare ha#ds stro#gly s"ggests ;od did. 5#e !"st also #ot overloo the fact that Sa!so# is
listed i# 6ebre%s --:N2 as o#e of the gia#ts of faith$ a !a# Gof %ho! the %orld %as #ot
%orthy.G 'here see!s little do"bt$ therefore$ that ;od eFte#ded eter#al salvatio# to this
!a# of faith %ho co!!itted suicide.
9in! Sa%l and his $r-or 0earer O - Sa!.Sa!"el N-:1./E - Chro# Chro#icles.
-0:1./. Sa"l had bee# !ortally %o"#ded by a# archer d"ri#g a battle %ith the
+hilisti#es. &"ri#g this battle several of his so#s had bee# slai#$ i#cl"di#g
@o#atha#. Sa"l ased his ar!or bearer to dra% his s%ord a#d ill hi! K!"ch lie
the re="est of Abi!elechL$ Glest these "#circ"!cised co!e a#d pierce !e thro"gh
a#d !ae sport of !e.G 'he ar!or bearer$ ho%ever$ %as afraid$ a#d %as "#%illi#g
to ill the i#g. GSo Sa"l too his s%ord a#d fell o# it. A#d %he# his ar!or bearer
sa% that Sa"l %as dead$ he also fell o# his s%ord a#d died %ith hi!.G GScholars
ge#erally co#sider a differe#t acco"#t of Sa"lHs deathR2 Sa!. -:-.-0 O as a story
i#ve#ted by a# a!bitio"s yo"#g !a# %ho tho"ght he %o"ld thereby please
&avidG KInternational -tandard *ible .ncyclopedia, vol. /, p. 0123.
Cie Sa!so#$ so!e scholars have s"ggested that Sa"l also was eFte#ded salvatio# by the
Cord ;od. After all$ did #ot GSa!"elG K%ho at the ti!e %as very !"ch deadL say to Sa"l$
G'o!orro% yo" a#d yo"r so#s %ill be %ith !eG K- Sa!. 28:-,LI ?e% %o"ld do"bt that
Sa!"el %as saved$ th"s$ they arg"e$ Sa"l a#d his so#s !"st be saved as %ell.
$hithophel O 2 Sa!.Sa!"el -2:2N. G5#e of &avidHs !ost i#fl"e#tial advisors K-
Chro#.Chro#icles 22:NNL$ Ahithophel %as a# ast"te$ crafty politicia# %ho later
e#co"raged Absalo! to rebel agai#st &avid. 7he# Absalo! t"r#ed do%# the ey
part of the pla# that Ahithophel had prepared$ Ahithophel shre%dly #e% that the
revolt %as doo!ed a#d h"#g hi!self .. the o#ly s"icide i# the 5ld 'esta!e#t that
%as #ot !otivated by %arG K7illia! Barer$ .veryone In #he *ible, p. 243.
Mi-ri O - Si#gs -0:-8. 6e reig#ed as i#g over Israel for o#ly 2 days$ after
illi#g the previo"s i#g$ <lah$ %ho %as i# the palace dri#i#g hi!self dr"#.
Wi!ri had previo"sly bee# the co!!a#der of half of Si#g <lahHs chariot forces.
5!ri$ ho%ever$ led the people agai#st this "s"rper$ a#d G%he# Wi!ri sa% that the
city %as tae#$ he %e#t i#to the citadel of the i#gHs ho"se a#d b"r#ed do%# the
royal palace over hi!self$ a#d died.G
.%das 4scariot O *atthe%. 22:/E Acts -:-8. Altho"gh the passage i# Acts does
#ot specify that the death of @"das %as by !ea#s of s"icide$ #evertheless the
readi#g of the acco"#t i# *atthe% leaves little do"btRGA#d he thre% the pieces
of silver i#to the sa#ct"ary a#d departedE a#d he %e#t a%ay a#d ha#ged hi!self.G
7ith regard to the above$ GNo#e of these acco"#ts eFplicitly co#de!#s s"icide as a si# or
a cri!e$ or has a clear state!e#t that s"icide per se was a punishment 'or past sins.
I#deed$ i# so!e i#sta#ces the s"icides %ere ho#ored by their s"rvivors. B"t i# other
i#sta#ces they %ere clearly o"tside the divi#e %ill a#d p"rposeG 5International -tandard
*ible .ncyclopedia, vol. /, p. 0123. #hus, we 'ind only seven Kthere are t%o listed "#der
XNL act"al s"icides i# the pages of the Script"res. 'he co#teFt really does #ot offer a lot of
co!!e#tary as to the right#ess or %ro#g#ess of these actio#s$ altho"gh$ certai#ly$ %e ca#
all dra% o"r o%# co#cl"sio#s.
7e sho"ld also #ote at this 3"#ct"re that there is temptation to commit suicide, as %ell as
atte!pted s"icide$ fo"#d i# the Ne% 'esta!e#t %riti#gs. Sata#$ follo%i#g o"r CordHs
forty days a#d #ights i# the %ilder#ess$ too @es"s to the pi##acle of the te!ple a#d said
to 6i!$ GIf Do" are the So# of ;od$ thro% Do"rself do%#G K*atthe% 1:/O0E C"e 1:,L.
'he &evil %o"ld have lied #othi#g better tha# to have @es"s 3"!p off the te!ple prior to
the begi##i#g of 6is p"blic !i#istryA @es"s did#Ht fall for it$ ho%everA 7e also fi#d a #ear
s"icide i# the city of +hilippi d"ri#g +a"lHs seco#d !issio#ary 3o"r#ey K/-./1 A&L. +a"l
a#d Silas had bee# i!priso#ed$ b"t a po%erf"l earth="ae shoo the fo"#datio#s of the
priso# a#d ca"sed the doors to be ope#ed a#d the chai#s to fall fro! the priso#ers. GA#d
%he# the 3ailer had bee# ro"sed o"t of sleep a#d had see# the priso# doors ope#ed$ he
dre% his s%ord a#d %as abo"t to ill hi!self$ s"pposi#g that the priso#ers had escapedG
KActs -0:22L. 'his 3ailer %o"ld later be co#verted to Christ$ he a#d his %hole ho"sehold.
So!e scholars feel the state!e#t of @o#ah$ i# @o#ah -:-2$ co#stit"tes$ by defi#itio#$
s"icidal i#te#tRG+ic !e "p a#d thro% !e i#to the sea. 'he# the sea %ill beco!e cal!
for yo"$ for I #o% that o# acco"#t of !e this great stor! has co!e "po# yo".G S"icidal
i#te#t is also perceived by so!e i# A!os ,:2 a#d )evelatio#s ,:0$ both of %hich !ay
reflect a desire for death$ a#d a# effort to effectaffect it$ d"ri#g ti!es of great perso#al
distress.
As distastef"l as it !ay be for so!e$ it !"st #evertheless be poi#ted o"t that there are #ot
a fe% biblical scholars %ho see o"r CordHs self.sacrifice "po# the cross as a for! of
suicide, albeit a noble one! 6fter all$ @es"s clearly declared$ "I lay down 7y li'e ... 8o one
has taken it away 'rom 7e, but I lay it down on 7y own initiative" K@oh# -0:-2.-8L. 'his
%o"ld certai#ly te#d to fall %ithi# the defi#itio#al para!eters of the ter! s"icide. Cater
@es"s %o"ld say$ G;reater love has #o o#e tha# this$ that o#e lay do%# his life for his
frie#dsG K@oh# -/:-NL. 'his is eFactly %hat @es"s did for "s.
+)tra&0iblical +vidence
Before %e get i#to a# a#alysis of s"icide itself$ a#d the vario"s pros a#d co#s proffered
thro"gh the years by those %ho have st"died the iss"e fro! a biblical perspective$ %e
#eed to briefly #otice so!e of the a#cie#t eFtra.biblical testi!o#y regardi#g s"icide. 'he
%!ocry!ha$ for eFa!ple$ speas of s"ch tragic occ"rre#ces o# several occasio#s. Notice
3"st a fe%:
+lea5ar R - *accabees 0:1N.10. &"ri#g a !a3or battle %ith the occ"pyi#g ar!y$
<lea>ar$ also #o%# as Avara#$ ra# "p "#der#eath a large %ar elepha#t$ "po#
%hich he s"pposed the e#e!y i#g to be ridi#g$ a#d stabbed the elepha#t i# the
belly$ th"s ca"si#g it to fall dead o# top of hi!. 'his allo%ed others to attac the
o#es ridi#g that elepha#t$ %hich he hoped %o"ld t"r# the tide of battle agai#st the
e#e!y. GSo he gave "p his life to save his people$ a#d he %o# a# everlasti#g #a!e
for hi!self.G
'a5is R 2 *accabees -1:N2.10. 'his !a# %as o#e of the elders of @er"sale!$
a#d highly regarded by the @e%s$ %ho! he loved dearly. I# a# effort to discredit
hi!$ a gro"p of soldiers fro! the occ"pyi#g forces %as se#t to arrest hi! a#d
!ae a p"blic spectacle of hi! before the @e%s. 'he teFt relates a very gr"eso!e
acco"#t of ho% )a>is atte!pted s"icide three ti!es before fi#ally s"cceedi#g$
Gpreferri#g to die #obly rather tha# fall i#to the ha#ds of vile !e# a#d s"ffer
o"trages "#%orthy of his #oble birth.G
7e co"ld also list the s"icide of the yo"#gest of seve# brothers$ %ho$ after %it#essi#g the
horrible tort"re a#d !"rder of his siF older brothers by the e#e!y$ ref"sed to de#y 6is
;od a#d too his o%# life. @"st before he died$ he sho"ted to the e#e!y$ GI !yself$ bei#g
abo"t to die$ %ill #ot forsae the testi!o#y of !y brethre#. A#d I call "po# the ;od of
!y fathers to be !ercif"l to !y raceG Kread 1 *accabees 8.-2 for this !ovi#g acco"#t of
the !artyrdo! of these seve# brothersL. 7e co"ld also list the !other of these seve#$
%ho$ G%he# she herself %as abo"t to be sei>ed for the p"rpose of bei#g p"t to death$G
too her o%# life Grather tha# that they sho"ld to"ch her perso#G K1 *accabees -2:-L. G5
tho" !other$ %ho together %ith seve# childre#$ didst ... eFhibit the #oble#ess of faithG
Kvs. 2L. 'h"s$ they %ere praised by the people of Israel for re!ai#i#g faithf"l$ eve# to the
poi#t of sacrifici#g the!selves.
'he @e%ish historia# *ose!hus also lists several #otable s"icides i# his a#cie#t %riti#gs.
?or eFa!ple$ he tells of the heroic 9hasaelus, "who died with great bravery." 6e had #o
%eapo#s available to hi!$ but "he prevented all abuses by dashing his head against a
stone" 5$ars o' the Jews, book :, chapter :;, section :<3. 6 suicide pact among several
patriots is recorded by Josephus in $ars o' the Jews$ alo#g %ith the vario"s co#flicti#g
e!otio#s that acco!pa#ied that resolve Kboo N$ chapter 8$ sectio#s 1.8L. Det a#other
s"icide pact is described i# 7ars of the @e%s$ boo 2$ chaptera#d chapter 8:0 . ,:-. 'hese
%ere all @e%ish patriots %ho preferred to die at their o%# ha#d$ a#d dispatch their o%#
loved o#es$ rather tha# s"ffer the atrocities a#d tort"res that %o"ld be i#flicted "po# the!
by the e#e!y.
G'he history of @"dais! prese#ts a varied patter#. After the <File s"icide %as
basically r"led o"t beca"se of the stro#g revere#ce for h"!a# life. Det !ass
s"icides occ"rred at both ;a!ala K02 A&L a#d *asada K2N A&L at the ti!e of
revolt agai#st )o!a# r"leG KInternational -tandard *ible .ncyclopedia, vol. /, p.
01;3.
GSo!e early Christia#sH accepta#ce of$ eve# desire for$ !artyrdo! see!s to s"ggest a#
accepta#ce of s"icide O e.g.$ Ig#ati"s$ b"t Cacta#ti"s vehe!e#tly opposed it. Chrysosto!
ca"tio#ed agai#st h"rryi#g o#eHs appoi#ted e#d$ a#d @ero!e co#sidered @"das IscariotHs
s"icide a cri!e. A"g"sti#e "sed the siFth co!!a#d!e#t to crystalli>e the opi#io# that
s"icide %as %ro#g. +robably i# reactio# to a large #"!ber of Christia#s %ho %ere eager
to leave this life$ he arg"ed that s"icide foreclosed a#y opport"#ity for repe#ta#ce a#d
that it %as also a# act of co%ardice. Cater ch"rch co"#cils K"ouncil o' (uadi= in ;<1 6,,
"ouncil o' "arthage in ;/> 6,, "ouncil o' *raga i# /0N A&L a#d thi#ers$ i#cl"di#g
'ho!as A="i#as$ rei#forced this teachi#g. A="i#as relied o# #at"ral theology to i#sist
that s"icide %as agai#st #at"re a#d therefore agai#st ;odHs ordi#a#ce. ;od alo#e has the
right to give a#d to tae a%ay life. 'he #egative vie% %e#t virt"ally "#challe#ged "#til
the -2th ce#t"ry$ %he# @oh# &o##e$ the <#glish cleric$ %rote Biatha#atos$ i# %hich he
arg"ed coge#tly for a positive vie% of s"icide. &o##e relied heavily o# @es"sH sayi#g i#
@oh# -/:-2f .. '(reater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his li'e 'or his
'riends.' <ve# !ore eFplicit is - @oh# N:-0$ '*y this we know love, that He laid down His
li'e 'or us? and we ought to lay down our lives 'or the brethren'" Kibid$ p. 0/2.0/NL.
'ationale against S%icide
"#hou shalt not murder" K<F. 20:-NE &e"t. /:-2L. 'his is o#e of the #en "ommandments,
a#d those %ho arg"e agai#st s"icide declare that tai#g o#eHs o%# life is self.!"rder.
'h"s$ they declare it forbidde# by ;od. "$hoever sheds man's blood, by man his blood
shall be shed, 'or in the image o' (od He made man" K;e#. ,:0L. It is f"rther arg"ed that
%e are created i# the very i!age of ;od$ therefore it is #ot the prerogative of !ere !a#
to shed the blood of !a# ... either of others or of hi!self. S"ch is vie%ed as a# affro#t to
;od$ the very 5#e %ho created "s all i# 6is o%# i!ageA 'he opposi#g side$ ho%ever$
%o"ld arg"e that ;od has !a#y ti!es co!!a#ded !e# to ill$ a#d that there is a
sig#ifica#t differe#ce bet%ee# illi#g a#d murdering. 7hat is "#iversally co#de!#ed is
murder. 'here are sit"atio#s$ ho%ever$ it is arg"ed$ that %o"ld 3"stify killing ... eve# of
o#eself. 'here is #o ="estio#$ scholars %ill ad!it$ that the biblical teFt does !ae a
disti#ctio# bet%ee# !"rder a#d illi#g. 'he for!er is co#de!#ed by ;od$ the latter ofte#
is co#do#ed$ a#d at ti!es eve# co!!a#ded$ if circ"!sta#ces %arra#t s"ch a# actio#.
'here are several other biblical passages "sed to de!o#strate s"icide is not in keeping
with the will o' (od. "I have set be'ore you li'e and death ... choose li'e in order that you
may live" K&e"t. N0:-,L. 7he# give# the choice$ %e are "rged to choose life. 5bvio"sly$
*oses %as #ot tali#g abo"t s"icide$ b"t so!e believe these %ords co#vey a pri#ciple
that co"ld be !ade to apply. @ob said$ "8aked I came 'rom my mother's womb, and naked
I shall return there. #he )ord giveth and the )ord taketh away. *lessed be the name o'
the )ord" K@ob -:2-L. 'he tho"ght here$ say those %ho oppose s"icide$ is that o#ly the
Cord has the right to Gtae a%ayG K%hich they assert applies also to o#eHs lifeL. 7he# the
+hilippia# 3ailer "drew his sword and was about to kill himsel'" KActs -0:22L$ +a"l cried
o"t to hi! i# a lo"d voice$ ",o yoursel' no harm!" Kvs. 28L. 'his they believe is a
co!!a#d of a# apostle "#iversally applicable to those %ho see to har! the!selves$
%hatever the ca"se. 'his sa!e apostle %o"ld %rite$ ",o you not know that your body is a
temple o' the Holy -pirit who is in you, whom you have 'rom (od, and that you are not
your own?" K- Cor. 0:-,L$ therefore %e have #o right to destroy this Gte!pleG %hich is
#ot o"r o%#A +a"l also %rote$ GNo o#e ever hated his o%# flesh$ b"t #o"rishes a#d
cherishes it$ 3"st as Christ also does the ch"rchG K<ph. /:2,L. +"tti#g to death o#eHs flesh$
they arg"e$ hardly co#stit"tes #o"rishi#g a#d cherishi#g it.
'ationale for S%icide
'hose %ho arg"e that there are legitimate occasions %he# e#di#g o#eHs life !ay be a#
acceptable choice before both ;od a#d !e#$ arg"e stro#gly fro! the positio# of
sit"atio#al ethics. 'hey declare o"r 3o"r#ey thro"gh life to be far fro! the series of clear
Gblac or %hiteG choices see!i#gly advocated by the a#ti.s"icide legalists. It is easy$ for
eFa!ple$ to declare s"icide %ro#g i# ACC sit"atio#sE #o eFceptio#s. It is !"ch harder to
3"stify that positio#$ arg"es the pro.s"icide gro"p$ %he# faced %ith real life sit"atio#s.
?or eFa!ple$ is the soldier %ho thro%s hi!self o# the live gre#ade to save the lives of his
beloved co!rades co!!itti#g a si#I Is he #ot rather evide#ci#g the tr"th of @es"sH %ords$
"'(reater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his li'e 'or his 'riends" K@oh#
-/:-NLI A#d %hat abo"t - @oh# N:-0$ 8$e know love by this, that He laid down His li'e
'or us? and we ought to lay down our lives 'or the brethren." By defi#itio#$ s"ch a# actio#
is Gs"icidalGRG'he act of illi#g o#eself i#te#tio#allyE the %illf"l ter!i#atio# of o#eHs
o%# life.G Det$ %e characteri>e s"ch !e# a#d %o!e# as GheroesAG Are %e %ro#gIA Des$
so!e deaths$ self.i#flicted$ are acts of co%ardiceE #o#e %o"ld de#y that. 5thers$
ho%ever$ are %itho"t do"bt acts of tre!e#do"s co"rage a#d love. I#deed$ they evide#ce
the heart of Christ @es"s. Cife is not al%ays Gblac or %hiteG ... s"ch thi#i#g is fallacio"s
a#d de#ies reality.
5# Septe!ber --$ 200- %e all %atched %ith horror as !e# a#d %o!e# leaped to their
deaths fro! the b"r#i#g$ cr"!bli#g 'o%ers i# Ne% Dor City. So!e "#do"btedly fell
accide#tally as they cli!bed o"t %i#do%s seei#g to flee the fla!es. 5thers$ ho%ever$
!ade a co#scio"s choice: they co"ld either s"ffer a# ago#i>i#g death i# the fire$ fro!
%hich they had #o escape$ or they co"ld tae the lesser of t%o evils: 3"!p to their deaths.
7ere these suicides? @es, they were. 7ere they Gsi#f"lG actsI I perso#ally do#Ht see ho%A
;ive# the sa!e t%o fatal choices$ I %o"ld have 3"!ped also. Sit"atio# ethicsI DesA 7e
face s"ch choices daily i# every area of life. 7he# several passe#gers bro"ght do%# that
3et airli#er i# a +e##sylva#ia field o# ,J--$ rather tha# allo% it to beco!e a flyi#g bo!b
%hich !ight ill h"#dreds or tho"sa#ds$ they !ade a choice to give their o%# lives to
preve#t others fro! perishi#g. Sho"ld they have sat there passively lie cattle$ or %as
their sacrifice a# act of love a#d co"rageI I believe it %as the latter. A soldier is capt"red
d"ri#g %ar a#d bites i#to a cya#ide caps"le rather tha# reveal "#der tort"re i#for!atio#
that %o"ld cost the lives of tho"sa#ds of his co!rades. 7as his sacrifice si#f"lI ;ood$
ho#est !e# %o"ld arg"e passio#ately o# both sides of the debate.
I believe it co!es do%# to motivation o' heart. Neither ;od #or !e# thi# highly of
those %ho flee lifeHs diffic"lties beca"se they do#Ht have the co"rage to face the! head.
o#. So!e choose to Gopt o"t of lifeG si!ply beca"se they are tired of the daily str"ggleE
th"s$ they r"# a%ay. It is the "lti!ate act of escapis!. It evide#ces #o faith or tr"st i#
o#eHs ;od. So!e #oble so"ls$ ho%ever$ !otivated by great love for others$ placi#g their
good above that of their o%#$ so!eti!es !ae the "lti!ate sacrifice so that the lives of
others !ight be preserved or e#riched. 7he# the 'ita#ic sa#$ there %as li!ited roo! i#
the life boats. 5#ly so !a#y co"ld be saved. *a#y brave so"ls gave "p a cha#ce to get o#
o#e of those boats so that a spo"se or child co"ld s"rvive. Is this s"icideI Des$ by
defi#itio#. Is this si#f"lI NeverA GI# the o#goi#g debate$ scholars a#d ethicists re3ect the
harsh co#de!#atio#s of the *iddle Ages.G KI#ter#atio#al Sta#dard Bible <#cyclopedia$
vol. 1$ p. 0/NL
I a! co#victed that !a#y have chose# s"icide %ith noble motivation? !ore others&
centered tha# self.ce#tered. 'he !a# %ho gives "p his place o# a life boat so a child
!ight live$ does so #o%i#g he is forfeiti#g his o%# life so a#other !ight be saved. 5#e
%ho chooses to e#d his life rather tha# reveal to terrorists the hidi#g place of loved o#es$
is %illi#gly layi#g do%# his o%# life to preserve the lives of others. 7e serve a ;od %ho
is certai#ly #o stra#ger to the idea of a perso#al sacrifice that is !otivated by love for
others.
So!e see the broader pri#ciple of self.sacrifice co#tai#ed$ at least to so!e degree$ i# s"ch
passages as *ar 8:N1.N/$ %here @es"s speas of self.de#ial$ tai#g "p a cross$ a#d #ot
feari#g to lose o#eHs life for the sae of the gospel ... @oh# -N:N2$ %here +eter said to
@es"s$ ")ord, why can I not 'ollow @ou right now? I will lay down my li'e 'or @ou" ....
)o!. /:2$ %hich speas of so!e %ho %o"ld dare to die for a good !a# .... )o!. -1:2.8$
%here +a"l speas of so!e %illi#g to "die 'or the )ord," rather tha# si!ply livi#g for
o#eself. +a"l declared$ "Aor to me, to live is "hrist, and to die is gain" K+hilp. -:2-L.
'here are i#deed ti!es %he# there !ay be great gai#$ #ot o#ly for o#eself$ b"t also for
others$ i# death.
Hind%is-
-NI# 6i#d"is!$ !"rderi#g o#eHs o%# body is co#sidered e="ally si#f"l as !"rderi#g
a#other. Script"res ge#erally state that to die by s"icide Ka#d a#y type of viole#t deathL
res"lts i# beco!i#g a ghost. 6o%ever$ "#der vario"s circ"!sta#ces it is co#sidered
acceptable to e#d o#eHs life by fasti#g. 'his practice$ #o%# as -allekhana$ re="ires so
!"ch ti!e a#d %illpo%er that there is #o da#ger of acti#g o# a# i!p"lse. It also allo%s
ti!e for the i#divid"al to settle all %orldly affairs$ to po#der life a#d to dra% close to
;od.
6i#d"is! is o#e of !a#i#dHs oldest religio#s$ a co!pleF syste! of beliefs$ doctri#es a#d
practices that i#corporate differe#t aspects of the %hole$ a philosophy of "#ity #o%# as
Brah!a#. 6i#d"is! is a fl"id$ he#otheistic religio# of tolera#ce a#d i#cl"sio#$ o#e %ith
!a#y for!s %hose adhere#ts !ay e!brace a spectr"! of philosophies a#d
i#terpretatio#s of divi#e !a#ifestatio#.
6i#d"is! holds that %e tra#s!igrate thro"gh cycles of birth$ life a#d death$ o"r progress
to%ards the "lti!ate goal of e#lighte#!e#t deter!i#ed by ar!a$ %hich is the
acc"!"latio# of all o"r actio#s$ good a#d bad. 6i#d"s believe that %hile a body dies$ the
core of the self$ the At!a#$ does #otE b"t rather is rebor# over a#d over$ each
rei#car#atio# !eas"red by the ar!a achieved i# the previo"s life. 'his cycle of rebirth is
#o%# as sa!sara a#d is vie%ed as a for! of s"fferi#g. 'hro"gh p"re a#d selfless
tho"ghts a#d deeds$ %e !ay asce#d to progressively higher levels or life pla#es i# o"r
s"bse="e#t i#car#atio#s$ a#d !ay "lti!ately be liberated fro! sa!sara to achieve
*osha$ the deathless self$ a#d a state of eter#al peace.
$ncient .apanese 'it%alistic S%icide
Sepp"" %as a ey part of b"shido$ the code of the sa!"rai %arriorsE it %as "sed by
%arriors to avoid falli#g i#to e#e!y ha#ds$ a#d to atte#"ate sha!e. Sa!"rai co"ld also be
ordered by their dai!yo Kfe"dal lordsL to co!!it sepp"". Cater disgraced %arriors %ere
so!eti!es allo%ed to co!!it sepp"" rather tha# be eFec"ted i# the #or!al !a##er.
Si#ce the !ai# poi#t of the act %as to restore or protect o#eHs ho#or as a %arrior$ those
%ho did #ot belo#g to the sa!"rai caste %ere #ever ordered or eFpected to co!!it
sepp"". Sa!"rai %o!e# co"ld o#ly co!!it the act %ith per!issio#.
I# his boo #he -amurai $ay o' ,eath, -amuraiB #he $orld o' the $arrior Kch.1L$ &r.
Stephe# '"r#b"ll states:
Sepp"" %as co!!o#ly perfor!ed "si#g a ta#to. It co"ld tae place %ith
preparatio# a#d rit"al i# the privacy of o#eHs ho!e$ or speedily i# a ="iet cor#er of
a battlefield %hile o#e:s co!rades ept the e#e!y at bay.
I# the %orld of the %arrior$ sepp"" %as a deed of bravery that %as ad!irable i#
a sa!"rai %ho #e% he %as defeated$ disgraced$ or !ortally %o"#ded. It !ea#t
that he co"ld e#d his days %ith his tra#sgressio#s %iped a%ay a#d %ith his
rep"tatio# #ot !erely i#tact b"t act"ally e#ha#ced. 'he c"tti#g of the abdo!e#
released the sa!"rai:s spirit i# the !ost dra!atic fashio#$ b"t it %as a# eFtre!ely
pai#f"l a#d "#pleasa#t %ay to die$ a#d so!eti!es the sa!"rai %ho %as
perfor!i#g the act ased a loyal co!rade to c"t off his head at the !o!e#t of
ago#y.
-N So!eti!es a dai!yo %as called "po# to perfor! sepp"" as the basis of a peace
agree!e#t. 'his %o"ld %eae# the defeated cla# so that resista#ce %o"ld effectively
cease. 'oyoto!i 6ideyoshi "sed a# e#e!yHs s"icide i# this %ay o# several occasio#s$ the
!ost dra!atic of %hich effectively e#ded a dy#asty of dai!yo forever$ %he# the 6o3o
%ere defeated at 5da%ara i# -/,0. 6ideyoshi i#sisted o# the s"icide of the retired
dai!yo 6o3o (3i!asa$ a#d the eFile of his so# (3i#ao. 7ith o#e s%eep of a s%ord the
!ost po%erf"l dai!yo fa!ily i# easter# @apa# disappeared fro! history.
I# ti!e$ co!!itti#g sepp"" ca!e to i#volve a detailed rit"al. &ressed cere!o#ially$
%ith his s%ord placed i# fro#t of hi! a#d so!eti!es seated o# special cloths$ the %arrior
%o"ld prepare for death by %riti#g a death poe!. 7ith his selected atte#da#t
Kaisha"#i#$ his secondL sta#di#g by$ he %o"ld ope# his i!o#o Kclothi#gL$ tae "p his
%ai>ashi Kshort s%ordL or a ta#to K#ifeL a#d pl"#ge it i#to his abdo!e#$ !ai#g first a
left.to.right c"t a#d the# a seco#d slightly "p%ard stroe to spill o"t the i#testi#es. 5# the
seco#d stroe$ the aisha"#i# %o"ld perfor! daki&kubi$ a c"t i# %hich the %arrior is all
b"t decapitated Ka slight ba#d of flesh is left attachi#g the head to the bodyL. Beca"se of
the precisio# #ecessary for s"ch a !a#e"ver$ the seco#d %as ofte# a silled s%ords!a#.
'he pri#cipal agrees i# adva#ce %he# the aisha" !aes his c"t$ "s"ally as soo# as the
dagger is pl"#ged i#to the abdo!e#.
'he seco#d %as "s"ally$ b"t #ot al%ays$ a frie#d. If a defeated %arrior had fo"ght
ho#orably a#d %ell$ a# oppo#e#t %ho %a#ted to sal"te his bravery %o"ld vol"#teer to act
as his seco#d.
I# the Hagakure, Da!a!oto 's"#eto!o %rote:
-N ?ro! ages past it has bee# co#sidered ill.o!e#ed by sa!"rai to be re="ested
as aisha". 'he reaso# for this is that o#e gai#s #o fa!e eve# if the 3ob is %ell
do#e. A#d if by cha#ce o#e sho"ld bl"#der$ it beco!es a lifeti!e disgrace.
I# the practice of past ti!es$ there %ere i#sta#ces %he# the head fle% off. It %as
said that it %as best to c"t leavi#g a little si# re!ai#i#g so that it did #ot fly off
i# the directio# of the verifyi#g officials. 6o%ever$ at prese#t it is best to c"t
clea# thro"gh.
So!e sa!"rai chose to perfor! a co#siderably !ore taFi#g for! of sepp"" #o%# as
CDmonCi&giri K$ literally Gcross.shaped c"tGL$ i# %hich there is #o aisha"#i#
to p"t a ="ic e#d to the sa!"raiHs s"fferi#g. It i#volves a seco#d a#d !ore pai#f"l
vertical c"t across the belly. A sa!"rai perfor!i#g CumonCi&giri %as eFpected to bear his
s"fferi#g ="ietly "#til perishi#g fro! loss of blood.
4sla-
Isla!$ lie other Abraha!ic religio#s$ vie%s s"icide strictly as si#f"l a#d highly
detri!e#tal to o#eHs spirit"al 3o"r#ey. 6o%ever$ h"!a# bei#gs are said to be liable to
!ai#g !istaes$ th"s$ Allah$ or ;od$ forgives the si#s a#d %ipes the! o"t if the
i#divid"al$ after death$ is tr"ly si#cere i# repe#ta#ce$ tr"e to the ca"ses a#d deter!i#ed i#
i#te#tio#.
?or those %ho for!erly believed$ b"t "lti!ately re3ected belief i# ;od$ the res"lt see!s
"#a!big"o"sly #egative. I# the U"rHa#$ the Isla!ic holy boo$ altho"gh Allah K;odL is
said to be Hthe *ost *ercif"l$ the *ost Si#dH a#d to forgive all si#s$ the great si# of
"#belief is dee!ed "#forgivable. Accordi#g to the S"##ah Klife a#d %ay of the +rophet
*"ha!!adL$ a#y perso# %ho dies by s"icide a#d sho%s #o regret for his %ro#gdoi#g
%ill spe#d a# eter#ity i# hell$ re.e#acti#g the act by %hich he too his o%# life. So!e
Isla!ic 3"rists hold the i#terpretatio# that hell is #ot eter#al b"t i#defi#ite a#d o#ly
re!ai#s to eFist %hile the earth e#d"res at its prese#t state. 5#ce the &ay of )eco!pe#se
passes$ 6ell %ill eve#t"ally be e!ptied.
'he evide#ce of forbiddi#g s"icide is verse 2, i# s"rah A#.NisaaK 'he 7o!e#L "6nd do
not kill yourselves, surely 6llah is most 7erci'ul to you." U"rYa# 1:2, Also it has bee#
reported i# the collectio#s of hadiths$ i# the t%o Sahihs fro! Ab" 6"rayrah$ radiAllah"
a#h"$ %ho said that the *esse#ger of Allah salAllah" alaihi %a sal.la! said:
G7hoever ills hi!self %ith a# iro# tool$ the# his tool %ill be i# his ha#d a#d he
%ill be stabbi#g hi!self %ith it i# the ?ire of @aha##a!$ forever a#d everZ
7hoever ills hi!self %ith poiso#$ the# his poiso# %ill be i# his ha#d a#d he %ill
eep tai#g it i# the ?ire of @aha##a!$ forever a#d ever. 7hoever ills hi!self
fro! a !o"#tai#$ %ill eep falli#g i# the ?ire of @aha##a!$ forever a#d ever.G
S"icide is forbidde# i# all circ"!sta#ces eve# i# %ar$ si#ce the +rophet salAllah" alihi
%a sal.la! said abo"t the !a# %ho had bee# afflicted i# a battle %ith !a#y %o"#ds a#d
illed hi!self that he %ill be i# the 6ellfire.
Bei#g a *"sli! does #ot protect a#yo#e fro! the reality of s"fferi#g. Belief is #ot so!e
i#d of spirit"al i#oc"latio# %hich %ill provide i!!"#ity fro! all that is diffic"lt a#d
pai#f"l. 7e love AllahRb"t does#:t 6e care %he# %e s"fferI I# ti!es of crisis$ it is so
easy to feel that 6e is far a%ay a#d ca##ot hear o"r cries.b"t this is #ot so. 6e is closer
tha# o"r o%# #ec vei#E or$ as the *esse#ger Kpeace a#d blessi#gs be "po# hi!L
to"chi#gly p"t it$ closer tha# the #ec of o"r o%# ca!el. 6is love %ill #ever desert "s or
let "s do%#$ eve# i# o"r darest ho"r.
It is #ot %ro#g to grieve. +eople %ho believe i# ;od grieve for all sorts of thi#gs$
i#cl"di#g the callo"s a#d hardhearted attit"des so!e people have to%ards o#e a#other$
a#d at the !ess that h"!a# rebellio# agai#st ;od has !ade of 6is %orld. +eople %ith
sy!pathetic hearts feel h"!a# !isery deeplyE so!e %or to eFha"stio# to heal the sic
a#d reach o"t to the #eedy. 'o see so!eo#e %e love s"fferi#g !aes "s "#"tterably sad$
a#d ;od #o%s that. 6e gave "s the feeli#gs i# the first place.
B"t believers sho"ld #ot grieve i# the sa!e %ay as those %ho have #o hopeRfor ;od
pro!ised 6is people co!fort a#d stre#gth right i#to the valley of the shado% of death$
a#d beyo#d.
EIbrahim saidB F< )ord! -how me how you give li'e to the dead.% He saidB F,o you
not believe?% He saidB F@es, but to satis'y my own understanding, 5tell me3.% 6llah
saidB F#ake 'our birds and tame them to return to you? put one o' them on each o'
'our separate hills, then call to them. #hey will come 'lying to you with speed.%G
56l&*aHarah 2B20<3
.%dais-
@"dais! has traditio#ally$ i# light of its great e!phasis o# the sa#ctity of life$ vie%ed
s"icide as o#e of the !ost serio"s of si#s. S"icide has al%ays bee# forbidde# by @e%ish
la% i# all cases. It is #ot see# as a# acceptable alter#ative eve# if o#e is bei#g forced to
co!!it certai# cardi#al si#s for %hich o#e !"st give "p o#eHs life rather tha# si#.
Assisti#g i# s"icide a#d re="esti#g s"ch assista#ce Kthereby creati#g a# acco!plice to a
si#f"l actL is also forbidde#$ a !i#i!al violatio# of Cevitic"s -,:-1$ ",o not put a
stumbling block be'ore the blind," for the )abbis i#terpreted that verse to prohibit a#y
type of st"!bli#g bloc: theological Ke.g.$ pers"adi#g people to believe i# false doctri#eL$
eco#o!ic Ke.g.$ givi#g bad fi#a#cial adviceL or i# this case !oral st"!bli#g blocs$ as
%ell as physical o#es Ksee 'al!"d Bavli KB.L +esah.i! 22bE B. *oHed Sata# /a$ -2aE B.
Bava *e>ia 2/b. a#d B. Nedari! 12bL.
'he prohibitio# agai#st s"icide is #ot specifically recorded i# the 'al!"d. 'he post.
'al!"dic tractate Se!ahot K<vel )abbatiL 2:-./ serves as the basis for !ost of later
@e%ish la% o# s"icide$ together %ith ;e#esis )abbah N1:-N$ %hich bases the biblical
prohibitio# o# ;e#esis ,:/: "6nd surely your blood o' your lives will I reHuire." Cf. *.'.
Ca%s of *"rder 2:NE Babylo#ia# 'al!"d tractate Ca%s of Co"rts KSa#hedri#L -8:0E S.A.
Doreh &eHah KCode of @e%ish Ca%L N1/:-ff.
Accordi#g to Chassidic philosophy$ a so"l desce#ds i#to this %orld to perfor! a !issio#$
%hich ca##ot be perfor!ed i# the Gspirit"al %orldsG. 'his is the Chassidic i#terpretatio#
of the 'al!"dic state!e#t G5#e seco#d i# the 7orld.to.Co!e [!ea#i#g both the afterlife
a#d the %orld of *essia#ic <ra\ is !ore pleas"rable tha# the %hole life i# this %orld. B"t
o#e good deed i# this %orld is !ore i!porta#t tha# the %hole eter#ity of the 7orld.to.
Co!eG K<thics of 5"r ?athers$ *ish#aL. Accordi#g to Chabad school of Chassidis!$
altho"gh spirit"al bei#gs Kso"ls a#d a#gels livi#g i# spirit"al %orldsL have access to
#o%ledge of ;.dHs eFiste#ce$ they have #o access to ;.dHs <sse#ce. &"ri#g perfor!a#ce
of 'orahHs Co!!a#d!e#ts$ a perso#Hs body a#d so"l gai# access to the CreatorHs <sse#ce
Ksi#ce 'orah represe#ts ;.dHs %ill$ %hich is o#e %ith his esse#ceL a#d p"rify both the
body a#d the so"l$ as %ell as the physical %orld. 'he p"rificatio# of the physical %orld
thro"gh perfor!a#ce of Co!!a#d!e#ts leads eve#t"ally to *essia#ic <ra$ %hich is the
goal a#d p"rpose of Creatio#. 'herefore$ life i# the physical %orld prese#ts a perso#Hs
so"l a "#i="e opport"#ity$ a#d to co#scio"sly a#d %illf"lly brea a%ay fro! this
opport"#ity is regarded as a gravest si#.
'he Co!!ittee o# @e%ish Ca% a#d Sta#dards$ the body of scholars of @e%ish la% i#
Co#servative @"dais!$ has p"blished a teshuva o# s"icide a#d assisted s"icide i# the
S"!!er -,,8 iss"e of "onservative Judaism, Qol. C$ No. 1. It affir!s the prohibitio#$
a#d the# addresses the gro%i#g tre#d of A!erica#s a#d <"ropea#s to see assista#ce
%ith s"icide. 'he Co#servative teshuva #otes that %hile !a#y people get sic$ ofte# %ith
ter!i#al ill#esses$ !ost people do #ot try to ill the!selves. 'he co!!ittee believes %e
are obliged to deter!i#e %hy so!e see help %ith s"icide a#d to a!eliorate those
circ"!sta#ces.
'he Co#servative respo#se states:
G... 'hose %ho co!!it s"icide a#d those %ho aid others i# doi#g so act o"t of a
plethora of !otives. So!e of these reaso#s are less tha# #oble$ i#volvi#g$ for
eFa!ple$ childre#Hs desires to see *o! or &ad die %ith dispatch so as #ot to
s="a#der their i#herita#ce o# Hf"tileH health care$ or the desire of i#s"ra#ce
co!pa#ies to spe#d as little !o#ey as possible o# the ter!i#ally ill.G
'he paper says the proper respo#se to severe pai# is #ot s"icide$ b"t better pai# co#trol
a#d !ore pai# !edicatio#. *a#y doctors$ it asserts$ are deliberately eepi#g s"ch patie#ts
i# pai# by ref"si#g to ad!i#ister s"fficie#t pai# !edicatio#s: so!e o"t of ig#ora#ceE
others to avoid possible dr"g addictio#E others fro! a !isg"ided se#se of stoicis!.
Co#servative @"dais! holds that s"ch for!s of reaso#i#g are Gbi>arreG a#d cr"el$ that
%ith todayHs !edicatio#s there is #o reaso# for people to be i# perpet"al tort"re.
It the# i#vestigates the psychological roots of hopeless#ess felt by so!e patie#ts$ a#d
asserts:
G+hysicia#s or others ased to assist i# dyi#g sho"ld recog#i>e that people
co#te!plati#g s"icide are ofte# alo#e$ %itho"t a#yo#e tai#g a# i#terest i# their
co#ti#"ed livi#g. )ather tha# assist the patie#t i# dyi#g$ the proper respo#se to
s"ch circ"!sta#ces is to provide the patie#t %ith a gro"p of people %ho clearly
a#d repeatedly reaffir! their i#terest i# the patie#tHs co#ti#"ed life ... )e="ests to
die$ the#$ !"st be eval"ated i# the ter!s of degree of social s"pport the patie#t
has$ for s"ch re="ests are ofte# %ithdra%# as soo# as so!eo#e sho%s a# i#terest
i# the patie#t stayi#g alive. I# this age of i#divid"alis! a#d broe# a#d scattered
fa!ilies$ a#d i# the a#tiseptic e#viro#!e#t of hospitals %here dyi#g people
"s"ally fi#d the!selves$ the !it>vah of visiti#g the sic Kbikkur HolimL beco!es
all the !ore cr"cial i# s"stai#i#g the %ill to live.G
ifferent Cate!ories of S%icide
'ho"sa#ds of boos have tried to a#s%er the ="estio# of %hy people ill the!selves. 'o
s"!!ari>e the! i# three %ords: to stop pai#. So!eti!es this pai# is physical$ as i#
chro#ic or ter!i#al ill#essE !ore ofte# it is e!otio#al$ ca"sed by a !yriad of proble!s. I#
a#y case$ s"icide is #ot a ra#do! or se#seless act$ b"t a# effective$ if eFtre!e$ sol"tio#.
A slightly !ore elaborate list of so!e reaso#s people co!!it or atte!pt s"icide follo%s.
'he categories are arbitrary a#d overlap to so!e degree. 6o%ever$ this is 3"st a# o"tli#e$
a#d there is #o lac of boos that disc"ss s"icidal !otivatio# i# !"ch !ore detail a#d
fro! !a#y differe#t perspectives.
-. $ltr%istic=Heroic s%icide. 'his is %here so!eo#e K!ore.or.lessL vol"#tarily
dies for the good of the gro"p. <Fa!ples i#cl"de the ;rees at 'her!opolaeE
the @apa#ese Sa!ia>e pilots at the e#d of 77IIE the B"ddhist !o#s a#d
others %ho$ starti#g i# -,0N$ b"r#ed the!selves to death tryi#g to stop the
Qiet.Na! %arE elderly I#"it K<si!osL illi#g the!selves to leave !ore food
for their fa!iliesE so!e Co!!"#ists %ho co#fessed to i#ve#ted Ka#d ofte#
i!possibleL cri!es d"ri#g the +"rge 'rials of the late -,N0s a#d early -,/0s.
;a#dhiHs tactic of h"#ger stries$ called GsatyagrahaG or Gso"l forceG$ %o"ld
have falle# i#to this category$ had the British a"thorities failed to respo#d to
his de!a#ds. Sa!so# a#d @es"s also fall i#to this category eve# tho"gh !ost
<va#gelicals %o"ld disp"te this. @es"s ;AQ< 6is life a#d Sa!so# did as %ell
to f"lfill the pla# that ;od laid do%# for the!.
2. *hilosophical s%icide. Qario"s philosophical schools$ s"ch as stoics a#d
eFiste#tialists$ have advocated s"icide "#der so!e circ"!sta#ces.
N. 'eli!io%s s%icide. 'here is a lo#g history of religio"s s"icide$ "s"ally i# the
for! of !artyrdo!. 'his %as %idespread i# the early years of Christia#ity
a#d %as also co!!o#ly see# i# the vario"s GheresiesG "prooted before a#d
d"ri#g the )efor!atio#$ Co"#ter.)efor!atio#$ a#d I#="isitio#. *ore rece#t
eFa!ples !ay i#cl"de !e!bers of the Solar 'e!ple i# S%it>erla#d$ ?ra#ce$
a#d Ca#ada$ the Sa# &iego 6ale.Boppers i# *arch$ -,,2$ the Bra#ch
&avidia#s i# 7aco$ 'eFas$ a#d so!e of the people at @o#esto%#$ ;"ya#a.
1. +scape fro- an %nbearable sit%ation. 'his !ay be persec"tio#$ a ter!i#al
ill#ess$ or chro#ic !isery. 'here is #o lac of historical eFa!ples:
A. <pide!ics of s"icide %ere fre="e#t a!o#g @e%s i# !edieval <"ropeE
Kso!eti!es they %ere give# a choice bet%ee# co#verti#g to
Christia#ity a#d deathL. Cater$ both I#dia# a#d blac slaves i# the Ne%
7orld co!!itted !ass s"icide to escape br"tal treat!e#t. 5#e slave
o%#er s"pposedly stopped s"ch desertio# a!o#g his slaves by
threate#i#g to ill hi!self a#d follo% the! i#to the #eFt %orld$ a#d
i!pose %orse repressio# there.
'here %ere large #"!bers of s"icides d"ri#g ti!es of pestile#ce i# !edieval <"rope.
*ore rece#tly$ AI&S has ge#erated a si!ilar respo#se a!o#g !a#y of its victi!s.
'here %as also a %ave of s"icides a!o#g priests a#d their %ives aro"#d -02/$ after +ope
;regory QII i!posed celibacy o# the clergy$ %ho had previo"sly bee# allo%ed to !arry.
*arriage had bee# o#ly slightly !ore pop"lar tha# da!#atio# %ith the Ch"rch KGIt is
better to !arry tha# to b"r#.GL$ b"t had bee# accepted for its first tho"sa#d years.
A sig#ifica#t #"!ber of illers co!!it s"icide. ?o"r perce#t of 02- co#sec"tive
!"rderers later illed the!selvesE a#d abo"t -./ perce#t of s"icides follo% !"rders.
All of these sit"atio#s ca# be readily see# as !ore.or.less G"#bearableG. 6o%ever$
so!eti!es G"#bearableG !ea#s faili#g a# eFa!$ or !issi#g a free thro% i# the big ga!e.
As ;eorge Colt #otes$ G*ost adolesce#t depressio# is ca"sed by a reactio# to a# eve#t$ a
poor grade$ the loss of a relatio#ship$ rather tha# a bioche!ical i!bala#ce ... ?eeli#g bl"e
after #ot getti#g i#to o#eHs first.choice college is as appropriate as feeli#g happy after
scori#g a %i##i#g to"chdo%#. B"t !a#y adolesce#ts %ho eFperie#ce depressio# for the
first ti!e do#Ht reali>e that it %o#Ht last forever.G
5r$ as a# a#o#y!o"s tee#ager said$ GIt so"#ds cra>y$ b"t I thi# itHs tr"e$ ids e#d "p
co!!itti#g s"icide to get o"t of tai#g their fi#als.G
/. +)cess alcohol and other dr%! %se. 'he observed high correspo#de#ce
bet%ee# alcohol a#d s"icide ca# be eFplai#ed i# several %ays$ i#cl"di#g:
Alcoholis! ca# ca"se loss of frie#ds$ fa!ily$ a#d 3ob$ leadi#g to social
isolatio#. K'his !ay be a chice#.a#d.egg ="estio#E itHs e="ally pla"sible that
fa!ily or 3ob proble!s i#d"ce the eFcess alcohol "se. I# its later stages$ the
fact a#d co#se="e#ces of alcoholis! do!i#ate the pict"re a#d are ofte#
bla!ed for everythi#g.LE KbL Alcohol a#d s"icide !ay both be atte!pts to deal
%ith depressio# a#d !iseryE KcL Alcohol %ill i#crease the effects of other
sedative dr"gs$ fre="e#tly "sed i# s"icide atte!ptsE KdL Alcohol !ay i#crease
i!p"lsive actio#s.
'he sig#ifica#ce of the last t%o poi#ts is e!phasi>ed by fi#di#gs that alcoholic s"icide
atte!pters %ho "sed highly lethal !ethods scored relatively lo% o# s"icidal.i#te#t tests.
'he correlatio# bet%ee# lethal i#te#t a#d !ethod %as fo"#d o#ly a!o#g #o#.alcoholics.
'h"s$ to clai! that alcoholis! Gca"sesG s"icide is si!plisticE %hile the associatio# of
alcohol eFcess %ith s"icide is clear$ a ca"sal relatio#ship is #ot. Both alcoholis! a#d
s"icide !ay be respo#ses to the sa!e pai#. GA !a# !ay dro%# his sorro%s i# alcohol for
years before he decides to dro%# hi!self.G
0. 'o-antic s%icide. LM# life is not "orth livin! "itho%t hi-L. 'his is !ost
celebrated a!o#g the yo"#g$ as i# )o!eo ] @"liet$ b"t is probably !ost
fre="e#t a!o#g people %ho have lived together for !a#y years$ %he# o#e of
the! dies.
S"icide pacts Kd"al s"icideL co#stit"te abo"t -^ of s"icides i# %ester#7ester# <"rope.
*ost ofte#$ their participa#ts are over /- years old$ eFcept i# @apa#$ %here 2/^ of d"al
s"icides are GloversH pacts.G
2. L$nniversar#L s%icide. It is characteri>ed by "se of the sa!e !ethod or date
as a dead loved o#e$ "s"ally a fa!ily !e!ber. GI!itativeG s"icide is si!ilar to
a##iversary s"icide i# its foc"s o# the dead$ b"t "ses a differe#t date a#d
!ethod.
8. LConta!ionL s%icide. 'his is %here o#e s"icide see!s to be the trigger for
others$ a#d i#cl"des Gcl"sterG a#d GcopycatG s"icides$ !ost ofte# a!o#g
adolesce#ts. ?or eFa!ple$ o# April 8$ -,80$ D"io 5ada$ -8$ 3"!ped to her
death fro! the seve#th floor of her recordi#g st"dio. She had rece#tly
received a# a%ard as @apa#Hs best #e% si#ger. *edia atte#tio# %as i#te#se. NN
yo"#g people$ o#e #i#e years old$ illed the!selves i# the #eFt -0 days$ 2- by
3"!pi#g fro! b"ildi#gs.
'here are co!parable eFa!ples fro! !a#y parts of the %orld. 'he highly p"blici>ed
s"icide of a 6"#garia# bea"ty ="ee# %as follo%ed by a a# epide!ic of s"icides by yo"#g
%o!e# %ho "sed the sa!e !ethod.
Si!ilarly$ there %as a spate of ethyle#e glycol Ka"to!obile a#tifree>eL i#te#tio#al
poiso#i#gs i# S%ede# follo%i#g t%o accide#tal fatalities a#d Gspectac"lar atte#tio# i# the
S%edish !ass !edia.G
I# the (.S. there have bee# cl"sters of s"icides$ !ost ofte# Kor !ost ofte# reportedL
a!o#g high school st"de#ts$ b"t #ot #ecessarily "si#g ide#tical !ethods. <ve# fictio#al
acco"#ts !ay be e#o"gh$ as i# a clai!ed sp"rt of G)"ssia# ro"letteG deaths shortly after
the release of the fil! 'he &eer 6"#ter$ %ith its po%erf"l a#d #ihilistic )"ssia# ro"lette
sce#e.
5# the other ha#d$ other st"dies fo"#d #o li#age bet%ee# !ost #e%spaper reports a#d
s"icides. Nor do copy.cat s"icides occ"r co#siste#tly. ?or eFa!ple$ the -,,1 death of
Nirva#a lead si#ger S"rt Cobai# %as #ot follo%ed by a cl"ster of s"icides. I# the seve#
%ees follo%i#g his death there %ere 21 other s"icides i# the Seattle area$ co!pared %ith
N- i# the correspo#di#g %ees of the previo"s year.
,. $n atte-pt to -anip%late others. GIf yo" do#Ht do %hat I %a#t$ IHll ill
!yself$G is the basic the!e here. 6o%ever$ the %ord G!a#ip"lativeG does #ot
G...i!ply that a s"icide atte!pt is #ot serio"s....fatal s"icide atte!pts are ofte#
!ade by people %ho are hopi#g to i#fl"e#ce or !a#ip"late the feeli#gs of
other people eve# tho"gh they %ill #ot be aro"#d to %it#ess the s"ccess or
fail"re of their efforts.G Nevertheless$ %hile people so!eti!es die or are
!ai!ed fro! their atte!pts$ the i#te#tio# i# this case is to ge#erate g"ilt i#
the other perso#$ a#d the practitio#er ge#erally i#te#ds a #o#.fatal res"lt.
-0. Seek help or send a distress si!nal. 'his is si!ilar to G!a#ip"lativeG s"icide
eFcept that there !ay be #o specific thi#g bei#g eFplicitly so"ghtE itHs the
eFpressio# of too !"ch pai# a#d !isery. 'his !ay occ"r at a#y age$ b"t it is
!ore fre="e#t i# the yo"#g. 6o%ever$ G+are#ts !ay !i#i!i>e or de#y the
atte!pt. 5#e st"dy fo"#d that o#ly N8 perce#t of treat!e#t referrals after a#
adolesce#t atte!pt %ere acted o#. A#other fo"#d o#ly 1- perce#t of fa!ilies
ca!e for f"rther therapy follo%i#g a# i#itial sessio#. YItHs ofte# diffic"lt to get
pare#ts to ac#o%ledge the proble! beca"se they are the proble!$H says +eter
Salt>!a#$ a child psychiatrist.G
--. LMa!ical thinkin!L and p%nish-ent. 'his is associated %ith a feeli#g of
po%er a#d co!plete co#trol. ItHs a GDo"Hll be sorry %he# IH! deadG fa#tasy.
A# ill"stratio# is the old @apa#ese c"sto! of illi#g o#eself o# the doorstep of
so!eo#e %ho has ca"sed i#s"lt or h"!iliatio#. 'his is si!ilar to
G!a#ip"lative s"icideG$ b"t a fatal res"lt is i#te#ded. ItHs so!eti!es called
Gaggressive s"icide.G I# a po%er str"ggle$ if yo" ca#Ht %i# yo" ca# at least get
i# the last %ord by illi#g yo"rself.
-2. C%lt%ral approval. @apa#ese Klie )o!a#L society has traditio#ally accepted
or e#co"raged s"icide %here !atters of ho#or %ere co#cer#ed. 'h"s$ the
preside#t of a @apa#ese co!pa#y %hose food prod"ct had accide#tally
poiso#ed so!e people illed hi!self as a# ac#o%ledg!e#t of respo#sibility
for his co!pa#yHs !istae.
For Those Considerin! S%icide
*y heart goes o"t to those %ho have tho"ghts of e#di#g their o%# lives thro"gh
s"icide. If that is yo" right #o%$ it !ay spea of !a#y e!otio#s$ s"ch as feeli#gs of
hopeless#ess a#d despair. Do" !ay feel lie yo" are i# the deepest pit$ a#d yo" do"bt
there is a ray of hope that thi#gs ca# get better. No o#e see!s to care or "#dersta#d %here
yo"Hre co!i#g fro!. Cife 3"st is#Ht %orth livi#g...or is itI

&ebilitati#g e!otio#s are eFperie#ced by !a#y at so!e ti!e or a#other. U"estio#s
bro"ght to !y !i#d %he# I %as i# a# e!otio#al pit %ere$ GCo"ld this ever be the %ill of
;od$ %ho created !eIG GIs ;od too s!all to help !eIG GAre !y proble!s too big for
6i!IG
I a! happy to tell yo" that if yo" %ill tae a fe% !o!e#ts to consider letting (od truly
be (od i# yo"r life right #o%$ 6e %ill prove 3"st ho% big 6e really isA "Aor nothing will
be impossible with (od" KC"e -:N2L. +erhaps scars fro! past h"rts have res"lted i# a#
over%hel!i#g se#se of re3ectio# or aba#do#!e#t. 'hat !ay lead to self.pity$ a#ger$
bitter#ess$ ve#gef"l tho"ghts or %ays$ "#healthy fears$ etc.$ that have ca"sed proble!s
i# so!e of yo"r !ost i!porta#t relatio#ships. 6o%ever$ s"icide %o"ld o#ly serve to
bri#g devastatio# to loved o#es yo" #ever i#te#d to h"rtE e!otio#al scars that %ill have to
be dealt %ith the rest of their lives.
7hy sho"ld yo" #ot co!!it s"icideI ?rie#d$ #o !atter ho% bad thi#gs are i# yo"r life$
there is a ;od of love %ho is %aiti#g for yo" to let Him g"ide yo" thro"gh yo"r t"##el of
despair$ a#d o"t i#to 6is !arvelo"s light. 6e is yo"r s"re hope. 6is #a!e is @es"s.

#his Jesus$ the si#less So# of ;od, identi'ies with you i# yo"r ti!e of re3ectio# a#d
h"!iliatio#. 'he prophet$ Isaiah$ %rote of 6i!$ "He has no stately 'orm or maCesty that
we should look upon Him. 8or appearance, that we should be attracted to Him. He was
despised and 'orsaken o' men. 6 man o' sorrows and acHuainted with grie'. 6nd like one
'rom whom men hide their 'ace, He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. -urely
your grie's He Himsel' bore, and our sorrows He carried? @et we ourselves esteemed
Him stricken, -mitten o' (od, and a''licted. *ut He was pierced through 'or our
transgressions? He was crushed 'or our iniHuities? #he chastening 'or our well&being 'ell
upon Him, and by His stripes 5whipping3 we are healed. 6ll o' us like sheep have gone
astray. .ach o' us has turned to his own way? *ut the )ord has caused the iniHuity o' us
all to 'all on Him" KIsaiah /N:2.0L.

?rie#d$ all this @es"s Christ e#d"red i# order that yo" !ight have all yo"r si#s
forgive#A 7hatever %eight of g"ilt yo" carry aro"#d %ith yo"$ #o% that 6e %ill forgive
yo" if yo" h"!bly repe#t Kt"r# fro! yo"r si#s$ to ;odL. ""all upon 7e in the day o'
trouble. I will deliver you 5set you 'ree3, and you will glori'y 7e K+sal! /0:-/L. /othin!
#o% have ever done is too bad for .es%s to for!ive. So!e of 6is choicest serva#ts i# the
Bible co!!itted gross si#s$ lie$ !"rder K*osesL$ ad"ltery KSi#g &avidL$ a#d physical
a#d e!otio#al ab"se Kthe Apostle +a"lL. Det$ they fo"#d forgive#ess a#d a #e% ab"#da#t
life i# the Cord. "$ash me thoroughly 'rom my iniHuity, and cleanse me 'rom my sin"
K+sal! /-:2L. "#here'ore, i' any man is in "hrist, he is a new creation? the old things are
passed away? behold, new things have come" K2 Cori#thia#s /:-2L.

7hy sho"ld yo" #ot co!!it s"icideI ?rie#d$ ;od sta#ds ready to repair %hat is
Gbroe#G... #a!ely$ the life yo" have #o%$ that yo" %a#t to e#d by s"icide. 'he prophet
Isaiah %rote: "#he -pirit o' the )ord (od is upon me, because the )ord has anointed me
to bring good news to the a''licted? He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to
proclaim liberty to captives, and 'reedom to prisoners...to com'ort all who mourn? #o
grant those who mourn...(iving them a garland 5crown o' beauty3 instead o' ashes? #he
oil o' gladness instead o' mourning? #he mantle o' praise instead o' a spirit o'
'ainting. -o they will be called oaks o' righteousness, the planting o' the )ord, that He
may be glori'ied" KIsaiah 0-:-.NL.

Co!eCo!e to @es"s$ a#d let 6i! restore yo"r 3oy a#d "sef"l#ess as yo" tr"st 6i! to
begi# a #e% %or i# yo"r life. "Iestore to me the Coy o' #hy salvation, and sustain me
with a willing spirit. G.! 5 Cord$ ope# !y lips$ that !y !o"th !ay declare 'hy
praise. ?or Do" do #ot delight i# sacrifice$ other%ise I %o"ld give itE Do" are #ot pleased
%ith b"r#t offeri#g. #he sacri'ices o' (od are a broken spirit? 6 broken and a contrite
heart, J (od, @ou will not despise" K+sal! /-:-2$ -/.-2L.
Chapter Five
Ho" (ario%s 'eli!ions Mo%rn
.e"ish Mo%rnin!
@e%ish !o"r#i#g practices ca# be broe# i#to several periods of decreasi#g i#te#sity.
'hese !o"r#i#g periods allo% the f"ll eFpressio# of grief$ %hile disco"ragi#g eFcesses of
grief a#d allo%i#g the !o"r#er to grad"ally ret"r# to a #or!al life. N
7he# a close relative Kpare#t$ sibli#g$ spo"se or childL first hears of the death of a
relative$ it is traditio#al to eFpress the i#itial grief by teari#g o#eHs clothi#g. 'he tear is
!ade over the heart if the deceased is a pare#t$pare#t or over the right side of the chest
for other relatives. 'his teari#g of the clothi#g is referred to as eriyah Klitliterally
Gteari#gGL. 'he !o"r#er recites the blessi#g describi#g ;.d as Gthe tr"e @"dge$G a#
accepta#ce of ;.dHs tai#g of the life of a relative. N
?ro! the ti!e of death to the b"rial$ the !o"r#erHs sole respo#sibility is cari#g for the
deceased a#d prepari#g for the b"rial. 'his period is #o%# as a#i#"t. &"ri#g this ti!e$
the !o"r#ers are eFe!pt fro! all positive co!!a#d!e#ts KGtho" shaltsGL$ beca"se the
preparatio#s tae first priority. 'his period "s"ally lasts a day or t%oE @"dais! re="ires
pro!pt b"rial.
&"ri#g this a#i#"t period$ the fa!ily sho"ld be left alo#e a#d allo%ed the f"ll eFpressio#
of grief. Co#dole#ce calls or visits sho"ld #ot be !ade d"ri#g this ti!e.
After the b"rial$ a close relative$ #ear #eighbor or frie#d prepares the first !eal for the
!o"r#ers$ the seH"dat havraHah K!eal of co#dole#ceL. 'his !eal traditio#ally co#sists of
eggs Ka sy!bol of lifeL a#d bread. 'he !eal is for the fa!ily o#ly$ #ot for visitors. After
this ti!e$ co#dole#ce calls are per!itted.
'he #eFt period of !o"r#i#g is #o%# as Shiva Kseve#$ beca"se it lasts seve# daysL.
Shiva is observed by pare#ts$ childre#$ spo"ses a#d sibli#gs of the deceased$ preferably
all together i# the deceasedHs ho!e. Shiva begi#s o# the day of b"rial a#d co#ti#"es "#til
the !or#i#g of the seve#th day after b"rial. *o"r#ers sit o# lo% stools or the floor
i#stead of chairs$ do #ot %ear leather shoes$ do #ot shave or c"t their hair$ do #ot %ear
cos!etics$ do #ot %or$ a#d do #ot do thi#gs for co!fort or pleas"re$ s"ch as bathe$ have
seF$ p"t o# fresh clothi#g$ or st"dy 'orah KeFcept 'orah related to !o"r#i#g a#d griefL.
*o"r#ers %ear the clothes that they tore at the ti!e of lear#i#g of the death or at the
f"#eral. *irrors i# the ho"se are covered. +rayer services are held %here the Shiva is
held$ %ith frie#ds$ #eighbors a#d relatives !ai#g "p the !i#ya# K-0 people re="ired for
certai# prayersL.
If a festival occ"rs d"ri#g the !o"r#i#g period$ the !o"r#i#g is ter!i#ated$ b"t if the
b"rial occ"rs d"ri#g a festival$ the !o"r#i#g is delayed "#til after the festival. 'he
Shabbat that occ"rs d"ri#g the Shiva period co"#ts to%ard the seve# days of Shiva$ a#d
does #ot e#d the !o"r#i#g period. +"blic !o"r#i#g practices Ks"ch as %eari#g the tor#
clothes$ #ot %eari#g shoesL are s"spe#ded d"ri#g this period$ b"t private !o"r#i#g
co#ti#"es.
'he #eFt period of !o"r#i#g is #o%# as Shloshi! Kthirty$ beca"se it lasts "#til the N0th
day after b"rialL. &"ri#g that period$ the !o"r#ers do #ot atte#d parties or celebratio#s$
do #ot shave or c"t their hair$ a#d do #ot liste# to !"sic.
'he fi#al period of for!al !o"r#i#g is Avel"t$ %hich is observed o#ly for a pare#t. 'his
period lasts for t%elve !o#ths after the b"rial. &"ri#g that ti!e$ !o"r#ers avoid parties$
celebratio#s$ theater a#d co#certs. ?or eleve# !o#ths of that period$ starti#g at the ti!e of
b"rial$ the so# of the deceased recites the !o"r#erHs Saddish every day.
After the Avel"t period is co!plete$ the fa!ily of the deceased is #ot per!itted to
co#ti#"e for!al !o"r#i#gE ho%ever$ there are a fe% co#ti#"i#g ac#o%ledg!e#ts of the
decede#t. <very year$ o# the a##iversary of the death$ fa!ily !e!bers observe the
deceasedHs Dahr>eit KDiddish$ lit. GA##iversaryGL. 5# the Dahr>eit$ so#s recite Saddish
a#d tae a# Aliyah Kbless the 'orah readi#gL i# sy#agog"e if possible$ a#d all !o"r#ers
light a ca#dle i# ho#or of the decede#t that b"r#s for 21 ho"rs. I# additio#$ d"ri#g
services o# Do! Sipp"r$ She!i#i At>eret$ the last day of +assover$ a#d Shav"Hot$ after
the 6aftarah readi#g i# sy#agog"e$ close relatives recite the !o"r#erHs prayer$ Di>or
KG*ay 6e re!e!ber...GL i# sy#agog"e. Dahr>eit ca#dles are also lit o# those days. N
7he# visiti#g a !o"r#er$ a g"est sho"ld #ot try to eFpress grief %ith sta#dard$ shallo%
platit"des. 'he g"est sho"ld allo% the !o"r#er to i#itiate co#versatio#s. 5#e sho"ld #ot
divert the co#versatio# fro! tali#g abo"t the deceasedE to do so %o"ld li!it the
!o"r#erHs ability to f"lly eFpress grief$ %hich is the p"rpose of the !o"r#i#g period. 5#
the co#trary$ the caller sho"ld e#co"rage co#versatio# abo"t the deceased.
7he# leavi#g a ho"se of !o"r#i#g$ it is traditio#al for the g"est to say$ G*ay the Cord
co!fort yo" %ith all the !o"r#ers of Wio# a#d @er"sale!.G
Christianit# and Grief
;rief is so!ethi#g all of "s eFperie#ce at o#e ti!e or a#other. 'he loss of a pare#t$ a
child$ a spo"se or a frie#d ca# devastate "s. I# o"r loss$ itHs ofte# diffic"lt to fi#d co!fort
or "#dersta#di#g. 7hat co!fort ca# %e get fro! the BibleI 7hat does ;od pro!ise "sI
I# @es"s$ %e have a co!forter %ho "#dersta#ds %hat it is lie to live i# a h"!a# body a#d
s"ffer the pai# of h"!a# loss. 8-/ ?or %e do #ot have a high priest %ho ca##ot
sy!pathi>e %ith o"r %ea#esses$ b"t 5#e %ho has bee# te!pted i# all thi#gs as %e are$
yet %itho"t si#. -0 Cet "s therefore dra% #ear %ith co#fide#ce to the thro#e of grace$ that
%e !ay receive !ercy a#d !ay fi#d grace to help i# ti!e of #eed.9 K6ebre%s 1:-/.-0
NASL
7he# @es"s lost 6is frie#d Ca>ar"s$ he %ept. 8N/ @es"s %ept. N0 'he# said the @e%s$
Behold ho% 6e loved hi!A9 K@oh# --:N/.N0L 6eartbrea a#d sorro% are #ot a !ystery to
o"r Cord. 6e #o%s the! a#d has sy!pathy for o"r losses. B"t sy!pathy is little co!fort
to the %o!a# that has to e#d"re %itho"t her h"sba#d.
'here is little physical or e!otio#al co!fort fro! grief. +art of livi#g is s"rvivi#g the
death of a loved o#e. No !atter ho% %e try %e ca#:t get aro"#d the achi#g$ the pi#i#g
a#d the lo#eli#ess. 7e also eFperie#ce a#ger$ both at ;od a#d the o#e %ho has left "s.
&epressio#$ a#Fiety$ a#d g"ilt are co!!o# feeli#gs for those i# grief.
&"ri#g these ti!es$ it %o"ld be so easy to p"ll a%ay fro! ;od a#d bla!e 6i! for the
pai# %e feel. 6is sho"lders are big e#o"gh for o"r a#ger so rail a%ay at 6i! if it helps
for a bit. B"t tae the ti!e to reflect o# the co!fort 6e offers "s$ too. 7e %ill be
re"#ited:
-1 ?or if %e believe that @es"s died a#d rose agai#$ eve# so ;od %ill bri#g %ith
6i! those %ho have falle# asleep i# @es"s. -/ ?or this %e say to yo" by the %ord
of the Cord$ that %e %ho are alive$ a#d re!ai# "#til the co!i#g of the Cord$ shall
#ot precede those %ho have falle# asleep. -0 ?or the Cord 6i!self %ill desce#d
fro! heave# %ith a sho"t$ %ith the voice of the archa#gel$ a#d %ith the tr"!pet of
;odE a#d the dead i# Christ shall rise first. -2 'he# %e %ho are alive a#d re!ai#
shall be ca"ght "p together %ith the! i# the clo"ds to !eet the Cord i# the air$
a#d th"s %e shall al%ays be %ith the Cord. K- 'hessalo#ia#s 1:-1.-2 NASL
Share yo"r tears %ith ;od. So!eti!es$ the tears of grief are really a prayer$ eve# %he#
there are #o %ords. 'ears help %ash a%ay so!e of the grief. It feels lie there is a
botto!less %ell of tears$ especially %he# o"r grief is fresh. As yo" cry$ reflect o# %hat
@oh# says i# )evelatio# 2-:1$ 8A#d ;od shall %ipe a%ay all tears fro! their eyesE a#d
there shall be #o !ore death$ #either sorro%$ #or cryi#g$ #either shall there be a#y !ore
pai#: for the for!er thi#gs are passed a%ay9 KS@QL
'ears %ill co!e %he# yo" least eFpect the!. 'hose thi#gs that yo" i!agi#e %ill be
pai#f"l are#:t so !"ch a#d thi#gs yo" do#:t eFpect to be pai#f"l %ill h"rt !iserably. It:s
#at"ral to start isolati#g yo"rself a little or eve# a lot so as #ot to have to deal %ith p"blic
displays of grief. Do" !ay eve# fi#d that after a %ee or t%o$ #o o#e !"ch %a#ts to hear
abo"t yo"r grief eFcept those %ho grieve %ith yo" or have eFperie#ced a si!ilar i#d of
grief. 'he lo#eli#ess of grief starts to co!po"#d. Det there is 5#e there for yo". 5#e %ho
has pro!ised #ever to leave yo"r or forsae yo". 'hat 5#e is ;od a#d 6e is ready to hear
yo". 8Casti#g all yo"r care "po# 6i!E for 6e careth for yo".9 K- +eter /:2 S@QL
Do"r tears are so precio"s to ;od i# fact that 6e records each o#e of the! a#d stores
the!. 9Do" eep trac of all !y sorro%s. Do" have collected all !y tears i# Do"r bottle.
Do" have recorded each o#e i# Do"r boo. 8 K+sal! /0:8 NC'L 6e so %a#ts to help yo"
thro"gh this a#d carry the b"rde# for yo". @es"s says$
28 8Co!e "#to *e$ all ye that labor a#d are heavy lade#$ a#d I %ill give yo" rest.
2, 'ae *y yoe "po# yo"$ a#d lear# of *eE for I a! !ee a#d lo%ly i# heart:
a#d ye shall fi#d rest "#to yo"r so"ls. N0 ?or *y yoe is easy$ a#d *y b"rde# is
light.9 K*atthe% --:28.N0 S@QL
;rief ofte# bri#gs g"ilt alo#g %ith it. All i#ds of 8if o#ly9 state!e#ts %ill pop "p. If
o#ly I had !ade hi! go to the doctor$ if o#ly I had bee# drivi#g$ if o#ly I did#:t let her go
o"t that #ight. I #o% the pai# of these 8if o#ly9 darts. *y beloved died of a heart attac
despite !y efforts at C+). 'here is #o fr"it o# the _if o#ly: tree$ o#ly despair. Be
prepared to fight off these arro%s %ith the tr"th$ 8A#d %e #o% that all thi#gs %or
together for good to the! that love ;od$ to the! %ho are the called accordi#g to 6is
p"rpose.9 K)o!a#s 8:28 S@QL 7O
Des$ I do #o% that it see!s lie #o good ca# co!e fro! yo"r loss. A#d$ it %ill probably
#ot feel lie it for a lo#g ti!e. <ve#t"ally$ yo" %ill see ho% ;od allo%s yo" to "se yo"r
pai# to ease so!eo#e else:s b"rde#. A#d this see!s lie poor pay!e#t for yo"r loss. It
s"rely is for yo"$ b"t #ot for the perso# that yo" are able to help. If yo" loo aro"#d$ yo"
%ill see people i# yo"r life %ho have s"ffered a loss ready a#d %illi#g to help yo"
thro"gh yo"r loss. 'his is %hat ;od pro!ises.
N 8All praise to the ;od a#d ?ather of o"r Cord @es"s Christ. 6e is the so"rce of
every !ercy a#d the ;od %ho co!forts "s. 1 6e co!forts "s i# all o"r tro"bles so
that %e ca# co!fort others. 7he# others are tro"bled$ %e %ill be able to give
the! the sa!e co!fort ;od has give# "s.9 K2 Cori#thia#s -:N.1 NC'L
'he a%f"l tr"th is that #othi#g %ill !ae yo"r grief go a%ay a#d it !ay go o# for a very
lo#g ti!e. 'he co!forti#g tr"th is that ;od is there to help yo" a#d s"stai# yo" thro"gh
it. )each o"t a#d tae 6is ha#d. Cet 6i! hold yo" a#d carry yo" thro"gh this. 8&ra%
#igh to ;od$ a#d 6e %ill dra% #igh to yo".9 K@a!es 1:8a S@QL
'he ;ospel %riters describe a @es"s %ho had feeli#gs. 'here %ere ti!es %he# 6e %as
a#gry a#d sho%ed it: 86e looed aro"#d at the! i# a#ger a#d$ deeply distressed . . . 9
K*ar N:/ NIQL. @es"s co"ld also be i#dig#a#t: 87he# @es"s sa% this$ he %as i#dig#a#t9
K*ar -0:-1 NIQL.
'here %ere !o!e#ts %he# @es"s %as tro"bled a#d f"ll of sorro%: 8S"rely he too "p o"r
i#fir!ities a#d carried o"r sorro%s9 KIsa /N:1 NIQL. 8'he# he said to the!$ _*y so"l is
over%hel!ed %ith sorro% to the poi#t of death:9 K*att 20:N8 NIQL. 86e [@es"s\ . . .
bega# to be deeply distressed a#d tro"bled9 K*ar -1:NN NIQL. @es"s #e% ho% to cry:
8As he approached @er"sale! a#d sa% the city$ he %ept over itG KC"e -,:1- NIQL.
@es"s eFperie#ced a#g"ish: 8A#d bei#g i# a#g"ish$ he prayed !ore ear#estly$ a#d his
s%eat %as lie drops of blood falli#g to the gro"#d9 KC"e 22:11 NIQL. 8After he had
said this$ @es"s %as tro"bled i# spirit9 K@oh# -N:2- NIQL.
@es"s eFperie#ced a#d displayed the f"ll ra#ge of e!otio#s i#cl"di#g 3oy$ love$ a#d
co!passio# KC"e -0:2-E 6eb -2:22E @oh# -/:-0.--E -2:-NE *ar -0:2-E -:10.1-E C"e
2:-NE *ar -: N/.12E *att -1:-N.-1L.
'he Bible says that @es"s %as 8a !a# of sorro%s$ a#d ac="ai#ted %ith grief9 KIsa /N:1
S@QL. 6e displayed the deep e!otio# of a#g"ish a#d despair i# a ti!e of i!pe#di#g loss
%he# he said$ 8*y ;od$ %hy have yo" forsae# !eI9 K*att 22:10 NIQL. @es"s:
="estio#i#g a#d despair are o#e of the co!!o# faces of grief. @es"s sho%ed grief over
6is beloved city @er"sale! K*att 2N:N2L.
@es"s grieved at the ti!e of Ca>ar"s: death K@oh# --L. I# Chapter-- @es"s cried a#d others
observed 8ho% !"ch he loved hi!9 K--:N/.N0 NIQL. 'he passage goes o# to say that
@es"s %as 8deeply !oved i# spirit a#d tro"bled9 K--:NN$ N8 NIQL. I# a classic
co!!e#tary o# the life of Christ$ the a"thor #otices ho% @es"s felt every bit of the 8pa#g
a#d a#g"ish as he said to his disciples$ _Ca>ar"s is dead.:9
Altho"gh @es"s %as a%are that he %o"ld raise Ca>ar"s i# a short %hile$ he grieved for the
pai# a#d a#g"ish that *ary a#d *artha had to eFperie#ce. I# h"!a# sy!pathy 6e %ept
for those i# sorro%. 6e also %ept for those %ho %o"ld pla# his o%# death beca"se of
their "#belief a#d hatred for @es"s.
'he i#te#t of shari#g these passages is to say that if @es"s$ o"r !odel a#d eFa!ple$ ca#
grieve a#d be h"!a#$ the# h"!a#s i# this %orld of si# a#d %oe ca# also h"rt a#d grieve.
'he ey is i# allo%i#g others to %it#ess o"r pai# a#d s"pport "s i# o"r grief. ;rief
"#s"pported a#d "#eFpressed %ill eve#t"ally tae its toll.
4sla- and Grief
I# Isla! the belief that Cife begi#s #ot e#ds at death is a stro#g deterre#t fro! allo%i#g
grief to co#s"!e "s. 'he perspective a#d releva#ce of this life is so clear that !o"r#i#g
see!s !ea#i#gless as o#e sees the passi#g a%ay of a loved o#e as a te!porary
separatio#. +rophet *"ha!!ad Kpeace be "po# hi!L stated that the life of this %orld is
b"t a drop i# the 5cea# co!pared to life i# the here after.
7he# faci#g the loss of a loved o#e the desire to do so!e thi#g for the! is so i#te#se that
if %e %ere #ot advised by the +rophet of the N thi#gs that ca# co#ti#"e to be#efit the
loved o#es after death Ks"ch as givi#g charity i# their #a!e$ righteo"s childre# !ai#g
s"pplicatio# for the! a#d their o%# deedsL %e %o"ld feel helpless a#d th"s hopeless.
Seco#dly the Isla!ic traditio# of !ai#g peace or resolvi#g co#flicts a#d asi#g
forgive#ess of each other allo%s "s to forgive o"rselves a#d #ot to feel g"ilty. 'his type
of reco#ciliatio# gives both the dyi#g a#d those left behi#d peace.
Agai#$ the advice of the +rophet is to !ae o"r %ills$ this is also a s"re %ay of relievi#g
o"r fa!ily of the b"rde# of g"essi#g o"r %ishes a#d gives "s a se#se of clos"re a#d
re!i#ds "s to re!e!ber that this life is te!porary.
7e have bee# advise by o"r beloved prophet to treat others or %a#t for others %hat %e
%a#t for o"rselves$ therefore looi#g after the #eeds of o"r brothers a#d sisters i# their
ti!e of #eed is o"r d"ty. 'h"s$ the right of the patie#t that they be visited a#d co!forted
a#d the right of the deceased that they receive a *"sli! b"rial a#d that *"sli!s %ill
atte#d their f"#eral a#d !ae s"pplicatio# for their forgive#ess a#d that the co!!"#ity
%ill tae care of their fa!ilies a#d depe#da#ts.
Best %ays to help a grievi#g fa!ily are:
-. Be a# active liste#er
2. Advise is #ot al%ays #ecessary
N. Avoid preachi#g
1. )e!i#d of Allah:s *ercy a#d forgive#ess
/. (#dersta#d people are at differe#t level of spirit"al develop!e#t do #ot 3"dge
0. 5ffer practical help s"ch as shoppi#gE baby sitti#g
2. )eciti#g the U"ra# %ith per!issio#
8. Seepi#g visits short
6'ter Hardship cometh ease surely 6'ter Hardship cometh ease! 5Kuran3
Care for the #in!
7he# a *"sli! is #ear death$ those aro"#d hi! or her are called "po# to give co!fort$
a#d re!i#ders of ;odHs !ercy a#d forgive#ess. 'hey !ay recite verses fro! the U"rHa#$
give physical co!fort$ a#d e#co"rage the dyi#g o#e to recite %ords of re!e!bra#ce a#d
prayer. It is reco!!e#ded$ if at all possible$ for a *"sli!Hs last %ords to be the
declaratio# of faith: GI bear %it#ess that there is #o god b"t Allah.G
(po# death$ those %ith the deceased are e#co"raged to re!ai# cal!$ pray for the
departed$ a#d begi# preparatio#s for b"rial. 'he eyes of the deceased sho"ld be closed$
a#d the body covered te!porarily %ith a clea# sheet. It is forbidde# for those i# !o"r#i#g
to eFcessively %ail$ screa!$ or thrash abo"t. ;rief is #or!al %he# o#e has lost a loved
o#e$ a#d it is #at"ral a#d per!itted to cry. 7he# the +rophet *"ha!!adHs o%# so# died$
he said: "#he eyes shed tears and the heart is grieved, but we will not say anything e=cept
which pleases our )ord." 5#e sho"ld strive to be patie#t$ a#d re!e!ber that Allah is the
5#e %ho gives life a#d taes it a%ay$ at a ti!e appoi#ted by 6i!. It is #ot for "s to
="estio# 6is %isdo!.
*"sli!s strive to b"ry the deceased as soo# as possible after death$ avoidi#g the #eed for
e!bal!i#g or other%ise dist"rbi#g the body of the deceased. A# a"topsy !ay be
perfor!ed$ if #ecessary$ b"t sho"ld be do#e %ith the "t!ost respect for the dead.
Washin! and Shro%din!
I# preparatio# for b"rial$ the fa!ily or other !e!bers of the co!!"#ity %ill %ash a#d
shro"d the body. KIf the deceased %as illed as a !artyr$ this step is #ot perfor!edE
!artyrs are b"ried i# the clothes they died i#.L 'he deceased %ill be %ashed respectf"lly$
%ith clea# a#d sce#ted %ater$ i# a !a##er si!ilar to ho% *"sli!s !ae abl"tio#s for
prayer. 'he body %ill the# be %rapped i# sheets of clea#$ %hite cloth Kcalled the ka'anL.
F%neral *ra#ers
'he deceased is the# tra#sported to the site of the f"#eral prayers Ksalat&l&CanaLahL. 'hese
prayers are co!!o#ly held o"tdoors$ i# a co"rtyard or p"blic s="are$ #ot i#side the
!os="e. 'he co!!"#ity gathers$ a#d the imam Kprayer leaderL sta#ds i# fro#t of the
deceased$ faci#g a%ay fro! the %orshippers. 'he f"#eral prayer is si!ilar i# str"ct"re to
the five daily prayers$ %ith a fe% variatio#s. K?or eFa!ple$ there is #o bo%i#g or
prostratio#$ a#d the e#tire prayer is said sile#tly b"t for a fe% %ords.L
0%rial
'he deceased is the# tae# to the ce!etery for b"rial Kal&da'inL. 7hile all !e!bers of the
co!!"#ity atte#d the f"#eral prayers$ o#ly the !e# of the co!!"#ity acco!pa#y the
body to the gravesite. It is preferred for a *"sli! to be b"ried %here he or she died$ a#d
#ot be tra#sported to a#other locatio# or co"#try K%hich !ay ca"se delays or re="ire
e!bal!i#g the bodyL. If available$ a ce!etery Kor sectio# of o#eL set aside for *"sli!s is
preferred. 'he deceased is laid i# the grave K%itho"t a coffi# if per!itted by local la%L o#
his or her right side$ faci#g *ecca. At the gravesite$ it is disco"raged for people to erect
to!bsto#es$ elaborate !arers$ or p"t flo%ers or other !e!e#tos. )ather$ o#e sho"ld
h"!bly re!e!ber Allah a#d 6is !ercy$ a#d pray for the deceased.
Mo%rnin!
Coved o#es a#d relatives are to observe a N.day !o"r#i#g period. *o"r#i#g is observed
i# Isla! by i#creased devotio#$ receivi#g visitors a#d co#dole#ces$ a#d avoidi#g
decorative clothi#g a#d 3e%elry. 7ido%s observe a# eFte#ded !o"r#i#g period KiddahL$
1 !o#ths a#d -0 days lo#g$ i# accorda#ce %ith the U"rHa# 2:2N1. &"ri#g this ti!e$ she is
#ot to re!arry$ !ove fro! her ho!e$ or %ear decorative clothi#g or 3e%elry.
7he# o#e dies$ everythi#g i# this earthly life is left behi#d$ a#d there are #o !ore
opport"#ities to perfor! acts of righteo"s#ess a#d faith. 'he +rophet *"ha!!ad o#ce
said that there are three thi#gs$ ho%ever$ %hich !ay co#ti#"e to be#efit a perso# after
death: charity give# d"ri#g life %hich co#ti#"es to help others$ #o%ledge fro! %hich
people co#ti#"e to be#efit$ a#d a righteo"s child %ho prays for hi! or her.
Chapter Si)
The 'i!hteo%s O S%ffer
Job :B: #here was a man in the land o' ML, whose name was Job? and that man
was per'ect and upright, and one that 'eared (od, and eschewed evil.
2 6nd there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.
; His substance also was seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and
'ive hundred yoke o' o=en, and 'ive hundred she asses, and a very great
household? so that this man was the greatest o' all the men o' the east.
/ 6nd his sons went and 'easted in their houses, every one his day? and sent and
called 'or their three sisters to eat and to drink with them.
1 6nd it was so, when the days o' their 'easting were gone about, that Job sent
and sancti'ied them, and rose up early in the morning, and o''ered burnt o''erings
according to the number o' them allB 'or Job said, It may be that my sons have
sinned, and cursed (od in their hearts. #hus did Job continually.
@ob %as #ot yo"r average believer. 6e had ="alities %e all sho"ld possess. 'he
="alities @ob possessed had a great deal to do %ith the thi#gs that tra#spired i# his
life. 'he %ord perfect i# verse o#e does#:t !ea# he %as %itho"t si# K%e are#:t
eitherLE it !ea#s he %as spirit"ally !at"re. (pright speas of his perso#al i#tegrity
a#d ho#or. It also said he hated evil. 'he fact that he %as blessed had a great deal to
do %ith his i#tegrity. K+roverbs -2:22 a#d +sal! -:NL @ob %as a blessed !a#. I read
a fa!o"s faith preacher:s boo so!e years ago$ a#d he said @ob s"ffered beca"se of
his fear for his so#:s si#s. 'his is #ot liely for a fe% reaso#s. ?irst %e sho"ld o#ly be
so blessed to have a father lie @ob. I do#:t thi# people reali>e that @ob %as %ritte#
before the la% %as %ritte#. @ob %as ="ite possibly the oldest boo i# the Bible. @ob:s
dedicatio# to offer sacrifice ca!e fro! the #o%ledge of ;od:s #eed for ato#i#g
blood to cover !a#:s si#. @ob had #o Ca% to g"ide hi!$ yet he %as i# to"ch e#o"gh
%ith his creator to #o% there %as a #eed for a blood sacrifice. @ob !ight have heard
the story of Abel a#d Cai#$ b"t regardless he #e% he #eeded ato#e!e#t for hi!self
a#d his fa!ily. I dare say the father is to be a spirit"al coveri#g for his ho!e. @ob
%as a classic eFa!ple of this. No% if yo" eep readi#g yo" %ill fi#d that @ob had his
fa"lts$ b"t yo" %ill also fi#d that ;od did allo% his cala!ity #o !atter ho% yo" slice
it.
0 8ow there was a day when the sons o' (od came to present themselves be'ore
the )JI,, and -atan came also among them.
4 6nd the )JI, said unto -atan, $hence comest thou? #hen -atan answered the
)JI,, and said, 'rom going to and 'ro in the earth, and 'rom walking up and
down in it.
> 6nd the )JI, said unto -atan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there
is none like him in the earth, a per'ect and an upright man, one that 'eareth (od,
and escheweth evil?
N #hen -atan answered the )JI,, and said, ,oth Job 'ear (od 'or nought?
:< Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all
that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work o' his hands, and his
substance is increased in the land.
:: *ut put 'orth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee
to thy 'ace.
:2 6nd the )JI, said unto -atan, *ehold, all that he hath is in thy power? only
upon himsel' put not 'orth thine hand. -o -atan went 'orth 'rom the presence o'
the )JI,.
'hese are probably the !ost dist"rbi#g seve# verses i# the Bible. 7hyI Beca"se the
devil a#d 'he Cord are playi#g cos!ic chess$ %ith a piece called @ob. 'he positive #ote
is ofte# overlooed. ;od is o!#iscie#t a#d the devil is #ot. ;od #e% that the i#tegrity
of @ob co"ld %ithsta#d the e#e!y:s o#sla"ght.
No% @ob has #o idea there is a devil tryi#g to destroy hi!. A#d he ass"!es it is the Cord$
@ob is partially right. 7hyI Beca"se the Cord allo%ed the devil to attac hi!A Coo at
verse eight: 86ast tho" co#sidered *D serva#t @obB9 6e called @ob S<)QAN'A 6e
said there %as N5N< lie hi! i# the e#tire earthA 6e %as ha#d piced for Sata#:s
o#sla"ght. @ob %as #ot o"t of fello%ship %ith Dah%ehA *a#y of today:s faith teachers
tear i#to @ob looi#g for a fla% i# his character$ '6<)< 7AS N5N<A 6e co!!e#ds @ob
to the e#e!y by calli#g hi! a ;od feari#g !a# that hates evil. 'r"thf"lly o#ly a !a#
lie this co"ld %ithsta#d the e#e!y:s attac. K+lease read Isaiah /1: -0$-2L 7he#
people tell yo" bad happe# to yo" beca"se yo" si##ed Ki# so!e cases it is si#L yo" are
h"rti#g the! a#d i#s"lti#g ;od.
I# ;od:s %isdo! he allo%ed Abel to die$ Ceah to be h"rt$ @oseph to be e#slaved$ Israel to
s"ffer 100 years i# <gypt$ &avid to be p"rs"ed by Sa"l$ @osiah to be illed i# battle.
K@osiah %as Israel:s !ost sa#ctified i#gL$ a#d @ere!iah to be ab"sed. All of these people
had o#e thi#g i# co!!o#$ they all s"ffered a#d they %ere #ot evil people$ i# fact !ost
%ere very righteo"s. 'he 86all of ?aith9 i# the Boo of 6ebre%s list people that %ere
believers that served ;od yet s"ffered. *a#y say a good ;od %o#:t allo% the righteo"s
to s"fferE they obvio"sly #ever read 6aba". 'he prophet so"ght ;od:s face abo"t this
very s"b3ect. ;od:s reply %as this: 8'he 3"st shall live by their faith.9
2< #hen Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and 'ell down upon the
ground, and worshipped,
2: and said, naked came I out o' my mother's womb, and naked shall I return
thitherB the )JI, gave, and the )JI, hath taken away? blessed be the name o' the
)JI,.
22 In all this Job sinned not, nor charged (od 'oolishly.
*a#y faith !ove!e#t teachers say @ob %as i# error %he# he said the Cord 8hath tae#
a%ay9 beca"se they teach ;od is #ot a taer b"t a giver. If this %ere tr"e the# @ob &I&
charge ;od foolishly$ a#d the 7ord clearly states that he did #ot. @ob %as rightA
(lti!ately <Q<)D'6IN; is i# ;od:s co#trol. ;od did #ot directly ca"se @ob:s
s"fferi#g$ b"t he allo%ed it. ;od is S'ICC a good ;od beca"se i# 6is i#fi#ite %isdo!
6e #o%s the o"tco!e of every eve#t a#d %hat %e "lti!ately #eed. @ob #eeded
so!ethi#g a#d %e %ill later address %hat it %as.
N Aor as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your
ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
:< Aor as the rain cometh down, and the snow 'rom heaven, and returneth not
thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring 'orth and bud, that it may give
seed to the sower, and bread to the eaterB 5Isaiah 11BN,:<3
+art of o"r proble! is %e thi# 8good#ess9 !ea#s #ever losi#g a#ythi#g at all. 'hi# i#
ter!s of a #at"ral pare#t. 7he# I %as a tee#.ager !y !other !ade !e avoid certai#
frie#ds. I tho"ght she %as cold a#d !ea#B"#til those frie#ds e#ded "p i# 3ail or dead.
*y !other had i#sight a#d %isdo! %here I %as laci#g. <ve# tho"gh %e are spirit.
filled$ Bible readi#g$ a#d so!eti!es theologically trai#ed sai#ts$ %e S'ICC are #ot as
s!art as ;od Al!ighty a#d %e %ill #ever be. So!eti!es %e are lie @ob:s frie#ds. 7e
pres"!e to #o% ;od better tha# a#yo#e else. 'heology is#:t a# eFact scie#ce
KpreachersAL. 7e ca# st"dy a#d !editate o# the thi#gs of ;od 21J2 a#d still "#less ;od
chooses to e#lighte# "s o# a partic"lar !atterE %e are i# the dar. ?alse prophecies are
#ot helpi#g this ca"se either. 7e are so!eti!es so starved for spirit"al i#sight %e %ill
believe a#ythi#g. Do" %a#t a perso#al 7ord fro! the CordI 'he# get perso#al %ith
6i!A ;et to #o% 6i! i# prayer$ st"dy$ a#d !editatio#.
:4 6nd Jesus answered and said unto him, *lessed art thou, -imon *arConaB 'or
'lesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Aather, which is in heaven.
57att. :0B:43
'he spirit ca# o#ly "#dersta#d spirit"al thi#gs. 7e !"st see ;od:s directio# i# every
area of o"r lives. K+roverbs N: -.0L 7e ofte# ass"!e ;od is sayi#g so!ethi#g. I a!
al%ays %ary of people that say$ 8;od told !e so!ethi#g to tell yo".9 'his sa!e perso#
ofte# ca#:t re!e!ber the last ti!e they %ere i# prayer abo"t their o%# lives. No% this
!ay shoc yo"$ b"t ;od does#:t tell "s everythi#g. So!eti!es ;od %ithholds
i#for!atio# for o"r good. @ob a#d his 8frie#ds9 did#:t #o% %hy ;od allo%ed @ob to
s"ffer. K'hey tho"ght they didL
Chapter Seven
ivine *rovidence
?irst of all let !e say that #othi#g i# life happe#s by accide#t. 'here are #o big ba#g
theories at %or i# o"r lives. 'he Cord is a# i#tellige#t bei#g that #ot o#ly has a pla# for
!a#i#d b"t pla#s for each i#divid"al. 7e are ;od:s creatio# a#d %e are #ot cos!ic
accide#ts that go thro"gh life depe#di#g o# l"c a#d cha#ce. ;od to"ches every aspect
of o"r life. 6e is a ;od of reco#ciliatio#. 'he Cord:s #"!ber o#e co#cer# is !ovi#g "s
i#to a lovi#g relatio#ship %ith 6i!. ;od is #ot so!e aloof character i# the heave#s. ;od
is o"r father that %a#ts certai# thi#gs fro! "s: 7. 5"r %orshipE 1. 5"r loveE a#d 8. A
relatio#ship %ith 6i!. I believe o"r every step is ordered by the Cord. 6e eve# taes o"r
!istaes a#d "ses the! to o"r adva#tage. 6e chaste#s "s %he# %e #eed it a#d he leads
eve# %he# %e do#Ht reali>e it.
e2; #he steps o' a good man are ordered by the )JI,B and he delighteth in his
way.
2/ #hough he 'all, he shall not be utterly cast downB 'or the )JI, upholdeth
him with his hand.
21 I have been young, and now am old? yet have I not seen the righteous
'orsaken, nor his seed begging bread. 59salm ;43
; #hou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acHuainted with all my
ways. 59salm :;N3
:: #each me thy way, J )JI,, and lead me in a plain path, because o' mine
enemies.
N ,eliver me not over unto the will o' mine enemiesB 'or 'alse witnesses are risen
up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. 59salm 243
'he Cord is defi#itely i#terested i# o"r activities. 6e %a#ts to lead a#d g"ide "s i# 6is
%ays. So!e of "s gre% "p i# horrible e#viro#!e#ts$ so!e %ith a silver spoo#. It is the
Cord that deter!i#es the fi#al o"tco!e. @oseph:s brothers ab"sed hi!$ falsely acc"sed
a#d i!priso#ed hi!. Det i# the fi#al a#alysis ;od said the brothers did it for evil$ b"t
;od allo%ed it for a greater good. @oseph %as the reaso# his fa!ily KIsraelL %as able to
s"rvive a fa!i#e.
7e ofte# ="estio# ;od:s good#ess %he# s"fferi#g or trial taes place b"t %e !"st
"#dersta#d so!ethi#g I call 8'he ;reater ;ood9. 5fte# blessi#gs co!e as a res"lt of
so!eo#e else:s sacrifice. I# 6ebre%s -- the 86all of ?aith9 lists those that e#d"red
ple#ty of hardship for Israel a#d the f"t"re ch"rch age.
:; #hese all died in 'aith, not having received the promises, but having seen
them a'ar o'', and were persuaded o' them, and embraced them, and con'essed
that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
:/ Aor they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country.
:1 6nd truly, i' they had been mind'ul o' that country 'rom whence they came
out, they might have had opportunity to have returned.
:0 *ut now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenlyB where'ore (od is
not ashamed to be called their (odB 'or he hath prepared 'or them a city.
:4 *y 'aith 6braham, when he was tried, o''ered up IsaacB and he that had
received the promises o''ered up his only begotten son. 5Heb.::3
Notice the fact that Abraha! %as tried. Abraha! %as ha#dpiced by ;od to be the
?ather of a Natio#. 7ith a#y !ove!e#t or actio# so!eo#e !"st be the forer"##er or
leader. It is 2008 a#d Africa#.A!erica#s tae for gra#ted that they co"ld vote$ go to a#y
college$ a#d ride o# the fro#t of the b"s. 'he tr"th of the !atter is !a#y Blac !e# a#d
%o!e# died a#d s"ffered so %e co"ld have these rights. @"st prayi#g that everythi#g
%o"ld cha#ge %as #ot e#o"gh$ there had to be so!e actio# as %ell. )e!e!ber faith
sho"ld ca"se %ors to be birthed i# each of "s. Na!e it a#d clai! it is #ot really
script"rally acc"rate. ;od is #ot a cos!ic A'* !achi#e. 6e is a bei#g %ith feeli#gs a#d
co#cer#s for o"r lives a#d %ell bei#g. 6e %a#ts "s to co!!"#icate o"r tho"ghts a#d
feeli#gs to 6i! #ot 3"st ="ote so!e verses a#d de!a#d 6is atte#tio#.
:N 6nd I will break the pride o' your power? and I will make your heaven as
iron, and your earth as brassB
2< 6nd your strength shall be spent in vainB 'or your land shall not yield her
increase, neither shall the trees o' the land yield their 'ruits.
2: 6nd i' ye walk contrary unto me, and will not hearken unto me? I will bring
seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins. 5)ev.203
Notice ho% it says ;od %ill brea the pride of their po%er. So!eti!es %e are f"ll of
selfish !otivatio# a#d o"r o%# self %ill. ;od %ill i#terve#e i# o"r lives to t"r# "s i# the
right directio#. 'his ofte# co!es i# the for! of chaste#i#g. 'he botto! li#e is this if
yo"r %al is co#trary to yo"r tal yo" %ill get so!e ha#ds o# discipli#e fro! ;od.
3= 4hen he o!eneth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction,
3> 4hat he may withdraw man from his !ur!ose, and hide !ride from man.
0*o( ))2
5"r p"rpose !"st be hid i# 6isE %e are the sheep of 6is past"re. 7e have to see 6is
%ill for o"r lives. 'he Cord %ill "#fold 6is %ill as %e ope# o"r hearts to 6i! a#d re#e%
o"r !i#ds i# 6is 7ord. ;od eve# operates thro"gh the lives of #o#.believers. I call this
divi#e provide#ce or i# so!e cases divi#e i#terve#tio#. I:ll give yo" a# eFa!ple. I %as
activated for 5peratio# &esert Stor! - !o#th after the bo!bi#g of Baghdad. I %as se#t
to Cori#g A?B$ *e. I stayed there for abo"t N0 days. I %as s"pposed to stay there 0
!o#ths. 'hro"gh so!e treachery by !y s"periors !y assig#!e#t got cha#ged a#d I %as
se#t to the border of Syria i# '"rey. I %as a#gry a#d "pset beca"se I felt lie the e#e!y
%o#. 7hy did I have to be a%ay fro! !y #e% %ife for 1 ` !o#thsI I:ll tell yo" %hy$
there %ere 2 *osle!s the Cord %a#ted !e to lead to 6i!. ;od has pla#s for o"r lives.
6e allo%ed a lie to be told i# order for !y assig#!e#t to be cha#ged. 'he so"ls of those
t%o '"rs %ere !ore i!porta#t tha# !y bei#g ho!e i# Ne% @ersey.
28 6nd we know that all things work together 'or good to them that love (od, to
them who are the called according to his purpose.
2N Aor whom he did 'oreknow, he also did predestinate to be con'ormed to the
image o' his -on, that he might be the 'irstborn among many brethren.
;< 7oreover whom he did predestinate, them he also calledB and whom he called,
them he also Custi'iedB and whom he Custi'ied, them he also glori'ied.
;: $hat shall we then say to these things? I' (od be 'or us, who can be against
us?5Iomans >3
Chapter +i!ht
What We ,earned Fro- .ob
No% co#trary to %hat so!e teach$ @ob:s proble! %as#:t a lac of faith. It %as a lac of
#o%ledge. @ob %as righteo"s. @ob %as ;od.feari#g. @ob %as a good father. @ob %as
lie "sE he did#:t really "#dersta#d ;od:s %ays or the sovereig#ty. I# the e#d ;od had to
sho% @ob ho% little he really "#derstood abo"t theology.
/<B: 7oreover the )JI, answered Job, and said,
2 -hall he that contendeth with the 6lmighty instruct him? He that reproveth (od
let him answer it.
; #hen Job answered the )JI,, and said,
/ *ehold, I am vile? what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my
mouth.
1 Jnce have I spoken? but I will not answerB yea, twice? but I will proceed no
'urther.
0 #hen answered the )JI, unto Job out o' the whirlwind, and said,
4 (ird up thy loins now like a manB I will demand o' thee, and declare thou unto
me.
> $ilt thou also disannul my Cudgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest
be righteous?
N Hast thou an arm like (od? Jr canst thou thunder with a voice like him?
It a!a>es !e %he# I hear preachers tal abo"t ho% they 3"st ="ote the right verse a#d
;od 6AS to !ove. ;od does#:t have to &5 a#ythi#g b"t be ;od. 7hat ;od does re="ire
of "s is a relatio#ship. ;od is #ot a# A'* !achi#e. 6e is a# i#tellige#t a#d passio#ate
bei#g that %a#ts to #o% "s a#d %a#ts "s to #o% 6i!.
2: 8ot every one that saith unto me, )ord, )ord, shall enter into the kingdom o'
heaven? but he that doeth the will o' my Aather which is in heaven.
22 7any will say to me in that day, )ord, )ord, have we not prophesied in thy
name? 6nd in thy name have cast out devils? 6nd in thy name done many
wonder'ul works?
2; 6nd then will I pro'ess unto them, I never knew youB depart 'rom me, ye that
work iniHuity. 57att. 43
1 I have heard o' thee by the hearing o' the earB but now mine eye seeth thee.
0 $here'ore I abhor mysel', and repent in dust and ashes.
4 6nd it was so, that a'ter the )JI, had spoken these words unto Job, the )JI,
said to .liphaL the #emanite, 7y wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy
two 'riendsB 'or ye have not spoken o' me the thing that is right, as my servant Job
hath. 5Job /23
<ve# tho"gh @ob %as a good !a#$ he really did#:t #o% ;od o# a# i#ti!ate level. 'he
botto! li#e i# o"r %al %ith ;od is #ot prosperity or ho% !"ch ;od ca# give "s$ b"t it is
do %e #o% 6i!I @ob reali>ed this after his ordealE he ac#o%ledged this by sayi#g$
8#o% !i#e eye seeth thee.9 If yo" #otice ;od did #ot give @ob a# eFpla#atio# abo"t his
ordeal$ b"t @ob ca!e to a reali>atio#. 'he reali>atio# %as I #o% ;od #o%.
:< #hat I may know him, and the power o' his resurrection, and the 'ellowship o'
his su''erings, being made con'ormable unto his death?
:: I' by any means I might attain unto the resurrection o' the dead.
:2 8ot as though I had already attained, either were already per'ectB but I 'ollow
a'ter, i' that I may apprehend that 'or which also I am apprehended o' "hrist
Jesus.
:; *rethren, I count not mysel' to have apprehendedB but this one thing I do,
'orgetting those things, which are behind, and reaching 'orth unto those things
which are be'ore,
:/ I press toward the mark 'or the priLe o' the high calling o' (od in "hrist
Jesus.
+a"l eFplai#ed it best i# +hilippia#sE +a"l believed that the #o%ledge of Christ a#d a
relatio#ship %ith 6i! is so vital that everythi#g else is si!ply d"#g. ;od co#sidered
@ob beca"se @ob %as a good !a# that #eeded to #o% ;od better. 'ragedy %hether %e
%a#t to ad!it it or #ot ca"ses "s to see ;od:s face$ I #o% fro! !y o%# perso#al
eFperie#ce that pai# ca"se "s to see ;od. I# o"r pai# %e cry o"t to 6i!$ so!eti!es it is
i# a#ger a#d disg"st. +sal! /- is a# eFa!ple of ho% so!ethi#g terrible ca"sed &avid to
see ;od %ith his 765C< heart a#d bei#g. 'he Cord does %or i# %ays that are ofte#
stra#ge to "s. 7he# a loved o#e dies it see!s lie ;od too a vacatio# fro! o"r lives.
7he# yo" !i#ister to so!eo#e that has eFperie#ced tragedy re!e!ber they !ay be "pset
%ith ;od. )e!e!ber that ;od is All.+o%erf"l a#d 6e ca# ha#dle o"r a#ger a#d
attit"des$ ;od allo%ed @ob to ve#t a#d eFpress his a#gst f"lly. )e!e!ber the people yo"
are !i#isteri#g to %ill ofte# say thi#gs lie 87hy ;odI9 or 8;od has aba#do#ed !eA9
C.S. Ce%is %as a# atheist beca"se his !other died %he# he %as a child$ a#d he co"ld#:t
believe ;od let her die. 'he sa!e C.S. Ce%is reali>ed his faith %he# faced %ith the
horror of 77I a#d the death of his #e%ly %ed %ife.
Chapter /ine
Closin! Tho%!hts abo%t eath
Webster?s ictionar#: 8<Fti#ctio# of lifeE *a##er of dyi#gE state of bei#g deadE
deceaseE dissol"tio#E ter!i#atio#.9 It did #ot help !e %hat so ever to loo at this
defi#itio#$ for a#s%ers. I co#ti#"ed to search.
+nc#clopedia 0ritannica: 8'otal cessatio# of life$ processes that eve#t"ally occ"rs i#
all livi#g orga#is!s. 'he state of death has al%ays bee# obsc"red by !ystery a#d
s"perstitio#. 'he precise defi#itio# of h"!a# death re!ai#s co#troversial a#d differs
accordi#g to c"lt"res a#d legal syste!s. 'he diag#osis of death i# the !a!!alia#
orga#is! %as lo#g based o# the follo%i#g easily established early criteria: the abse#ce of
peripheral p"lse a#d heartbeat$ the abse#ce of respiratio#$ the lac of cor#eal refleF a#d
the prese#ce of a bl"ish colo"r Kcya#osisL that res"lts fro! a lac of oFyge# i# the
blood.9 It co#ti#"es to say$ 8*a#y belief syste!s have tried to disti#g"ish bet%ee#
physical a#d spirit"al bei#g. &espite the deco!positio# of the h"!a# body follo%i#g
death$ the idea has persisted that so!ethi#g of the i#divid"al perso# co#ti#"es to s"rvive
the eFperie#ce of dyi#g$ 'his belief occ"rs i# virt"ally all religio#s$ past a#d prese#t$ a#d
decisively co#ditio#s their eval"atio#s of !a# a#d his place i# the "#iverse.9
4n the book BHeaven, #etter (y FarC: $ report I%oted fro- the ,ondon Ti-es
"ritten b# r. Henr# 0eecher proposed three helpf%l -edical definitions of "hen
death occ%rs:
-. 'he !o!e#t at %hich irreversible destr"ctio# of brai# !atter$ %ith #o possibility
of regai#i#g co#scio"s#ess$ is co#cl"sively deter!i#ed.
2. 'he !o!e#t at %hich spo#ta#eo"s heartbeat ca##ot be restored.
N. 'he electroe#cephalogra! establishes the !o!e#t 8brai# death9 occ"rs.
$lso o%tlined in BHeaven, #etter (y FarC is the reli!io%s point of vie", death is
e)plained as a separation fro- the so%rce of life. Script%re differentiates three
t#pes of death:
-. *h#sicalOthe separatio# of the body fro! the so"l a#d the spirit.
2. Spirit%althe separatio# of so"l a#d spirit fro! ;od.
N. +ternalOspirit"al death !ade per!a#e#tE 8'his is the seco#d death9 these are
fo"#d i# the boo of )evelatio#.
5#e bad day of !o"r#i#g$ %hile I %as cryi#g terribly hard$ I piced "p !y da"ghter:s
Bible I ra# !y th"!b alo#g the edge a#d stopped at the boo of Isaiah. 'o be !ore
precise$ it %as as if the boo stopped !e a#d fell ope# to:
.saiah />,3? #he righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart? devout men
are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be
spared 'rom evil.! #hat was the 'irst verse I read. 56lthough I had never read it in
the *ible be'ore this tragedy3
Matthew /,-? *lessed are those who mourn, 'or they will be com'orted.!
I did see it ="oted o# al!ost every sy!pathy card I received. At first I co"ld #ot accept
these$ I did#:t feel co!forted at all$ #or co"ld I "#dersta#d that evil %o"ld co!e if
)ebecca did#:t die that day. It too !e a fe% !o#ths Kat least NL after the loss to stop
bei#g !ad at ;od a#d everyo#e else. 5#ce !y a#ger decreased a bit$ I started to po#der
the !ea#i#g of these verses$ a#d the# I %a#ted to research related !aterial. ?irst$ I
t"r#ed to the Bible a#d fo"#d !a#y other script"res.
$cclesiastes >,3@' says, 6 good name is better than 'ine per'ume, and the day o'
death better that the day o' birth. It is better to go to a house o' mourning than to go
to a house o' 'easting, 'or death is the destiny o' every man? the living should take
this to heart!.
&omans =,'), Aor the wages o' sin is death, but the gi't o' (od is eternal li'e in
"hrist Jesus our )ord!.
&evelation '3,- 6nd I heard a loud voice 'rom the throne saying, 8ow the
dwelling o' (od is with men, and he will live with them. #hey will be his people, and
(od himsel' will be with them and be their (od. He will wipe every tear 'rom their
eyes. #here will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, 'or the old order o'
things has passed away.!
All the co#cepts i# the verses above clai! that death is really a begi##i#g to a #e% life$
the gift called eter#al life. 7he# I read these I bega# to %o#der abo"t 6eave#. A frie#d
se#t !e a boo called 86eave#$ better by far9. I read this %ith a si#cere desire to
"#dersta#d !ore. 'he boo also ="otes !a#y script"res. 'he boo eFplai#s that eve#
a!o#g Christia#s there is a %idespread fear of the lo#ely eFperie#ce of death. 5r
perhaps it !ay be fear of the process of dyi#g rather tha# fear of death itself. 'here are
!a#y eFperie#ces i# o"r lives that are %ithi# o"r co#trol$ b"t death is so!ethi#g that is
e#viable a#d el"des o"r grasp. I had a co"ple of ="estio#s a#s%ered after readi#g this
boo.
4s heaven a place or a state of -indD 8&o #ot let yo"r hearts be tro"bled. 'r"st I#
;odE tr"st also i# !e. I# !y ?ather:s ho"se are !a#y roo!sE if it %ere #ot so$ I %o"ld
have told yo". I a! goi#g there to prepare a place for yo". A#d if I go a#d prepare a
place for yo"$ I %ill co!e bac a#d tae yo" to be %ith !e that yo" also !ay be %here I
a!.9 'hese are %ords fro! @es"s fo"#d i# fro! @oh# -1.
'he i!age of a ho"se %ith !a#y roo!s leads !e to believe it is a# act"al place$ #ot 3"st a
state of bei#g for o"r so"ls. 5"r physical body !ay be cha#ged i#to a spirit"al body$
b"t that body #eeds to reside so!e%here.
What is it like for o%r da%!hter in Heaven no"D 8No eye has see#$ #o ear has heard$
#o !i#d has co#ceived %hat ;od has prepared for those %ho love hi!9 this co!es fro!
- Cori#thia#s 2:,.
It is tryi#g to tell "s that %e ca# o#ly i!agi#e %ith o"r !ortal !i#ds$ %hat is there %e
ca##ot fatho!. I# *atthe% -,:-1 @es"s said$ 8Cet the little childre# co!e to !e$ a#d do
#ot hi#der the!$ for the i#gdo! of heave# belo#gs to s"ch as these.9
I !"st state that !y da"ghter %as a child as %ell as a good Christia#$ therefore I have #o
do"bts that she is i# 6eave#.
*hilippians <:12&17 tells "s 8B"t o"r citi>e#ship is i# heave#$ A#d %e eagerly a%ait a
Savior for there$ the Cord @es"s Christ$ %ho$ by the po%er that e#ables hi! to bri#g
everythi#g "#der his co#trol$ %ill tra#sfor! o"r lo%ly bodies so that they %ill be lie his
glorio"s body.9
'his is the pro!ise of %here all believers %ill go$ a#d %hat %e %ill loo lieE I perso#ally
fi#d it easy to !ae the choice to believe. 'he other choice is to believe that I have lost
!y precio"s da"ghter forever.
Chapter Ten
*ost Tra%-atic Stress
I spe#t 2N years i# the !ilitary a#d N years as a Co"#ty Correctio#s 5fficer. I ca#
ho#estly say I have eFperie#ced tra"!a. +rese#tly I a! a Chaplai# at a 'ra"!a 6ospital
a#d at a +sychiatric 6ospital i# So"ther# Ne% @ersey. I have see# !ore tra"!atic eve#ts
tha# the average h"!a# bei#g. I spe#t a !o#th i# So!alia$ %here I %aled over dead
bodies i# the street a#d had to %orry abo"t s#ipers as I %aled to %or. I %as held at
g"#poi#t for al!ost a# ho"r %hile there as %ell. I have c"t do%# i#!ates that h"#g
the!selves %hile a Correctio#s 5fficer. I have had to co!fort rape victi!s$ both !ale
a#d fe!ale. I have had to !ove dead bodies i# a #"!ber of tragedies to i#cl"de the
@o#esto%# !assacre i# ;"ya#a$ %he# I %as statio# at &over A?B$ &e.
I %o"ld be lyi#g if I said #o#e of these thi#gs ca"sed !e so!e degree of +'S. I have had
#ight!ares a#d so!e sleepless #ights$ b"t I !"st ad!it I a! blessed #ot to have had a
%orst ti!e of it. I added this chapter at the last !i#"te beca"se of the 7ar i# Ira= a#d
Afgha#ista#. I pray this sectio# of the boo helps so!eo#e that !ay have had a sleepless
#ight or t%o. 7ell %hat eFactly is +'S&$ +ost.tra"!atic stress disorderI It is a
debilitati#g psychological co#ditio# triggered by a !a3or tra"!atic eve#t$ s"ch as rape$
%ar$ a#d a terrorist act$ death of a loved o#e$ a #at"ral disaster$ or a catastrophic accide#t.
It is !ared by "psetti#g !e!ories or tho"ghts of the ordeal$ Gbl"#ti#gG of e!otio#s$
i#creased aro"sal$ a#d so!eti!es severe perso#ality cha#ges.
5fficially ter!ed post.tra"!atic stress disorder si#ce -,80$ +'S& %as o#ce #o%# as
shell shoc or battle fatig"e beca"se of its !ore co!!o# !a#ifestatio# i# %ar vetera#s.
6o%ever i# the past 20 years$ +'S& has bee# diag#osed i# rape victi!s a#d victi!s of
viole#t cri!eE s"rvivors of #at"ral disastersE the fa!ilies of loved o#es lost i# the
do%#i#g of ?light -0N over Cocerbie$ Scotla#dE a#d s"rvivors of the -,,N 7orld 'rade
Ce#ter bo!bi#g$ the -,,/ 5laho!a City bo!bi#g$ the ra#do! school a#d %orplace
shooti#gs$ a#d the release of poiso#o"s gas i# a @apa#ese s"b%ayE a#d$ !ost rece#tly$ i#
the Septe!ber --$ 200-$ 7orld 'rade Ce#ter a#d +e#tago# terrorist attacs. +'S& ca#
affect ad"lts of all ages. Statistics gathered fro! past eve#ts i#dicate that the ris of
+'S& i#creases i# order of the follo%i#g factors.
fe!ale ge#der
!iddle.aged K10 to 00 years oldL
little or #o eFperie#ce copi#g %ith tra"!atic eve#ts
eth#ic !i#ority
lo%er socioeco#o!ic stat"s KS<SL
childre# i# the ho!e
%o!e# %ith spo"ses eFhibiti#g +'S& sy!pto!s
pre.eFisti#g psychiatric co#ditio#s
pri!ary eFpos"re to the eve#t i#cl"di#g i#3"ry$ life.threate#i#g sit"atio#$ a#d
loss
livi#g i# tra"!ati>ed co!!"#ity
?or eFa!ple$ over a third of the 5laho!a City bo!bi#g s"rvivors developed +'S& a#d
over half sho%ed sig#s of a#Fiety$ depressio#$ a#d alcohol ab"se. 5ver o#e year later$
5laho!a#s i# ge#eral had a# i#creased "se of alcohol a#d tobacco prod"cts$ as %ell as
+'S& sy!pto!s.
Childre# are also s"sceptible to +'S& a#d their ris is i#creased eFpo#e#tially as their
eFpos"re to the eve#t i#creases. Childre# eFperie#ci#g ab"se$ the death of a pare#t$ or
those located i# a co!!"#ity s"fferi#g a tra"!atic eve#t ca# develop +'S&. '%o years
after the 5laho!a City bo!bi#g$ -0^ of childre# i# a -00 !ile radi"s of 5laho!a
City %ith #o direct eFpos"re to the bo!bi#g had i#creased sy!pto!s of +'S&. 7ea
pare#tal respo#ses to the eve#t$ havi#g a pare#t s"fferi#g fro! +'S& sy!pto!s$ a#d
i#creased eFpos"re to the eve#t via the !edia all i#crease the possibility of the child
developi#g +'S& sy!pto!s.
Ca%ses and s#-pto-s
Specific ca"ses for the o#set of +'S& follo%i#g a tra"!a are#Ht clearly defi#ed$ altho"gh
eFperts s"spect it !ay be i#fl"e#ced both by the severity of the eve#t$ by the perso#Hs
perso#ality a#d ge#etic !ae."p$ a#d by %hether or #ot the tra"!a %as eFpected. ?irst
respo#se e!erge#cy perso##el a#d i#divid"als directly i#volved i# the eve#t or those
childre# a#d fa!ilies %ho have lost loved o#es are !ore liely to eFperie#ce +'S&.
Nat"ral disasters acco"#t for abo"t a /^ rate of +'S&$ %hile there is a /0^ rate of +'S&
a!o#g rape a#d 6oloca"st s"rvivors.
*edia coverage plays a #e% role i# both ad"lt a#d pediatric o#set of +'S& sy!pto!s.
'he heighte#ed level of #e%s footage of act"al tra"!atic eve#ts$ s"ch as the 5laho!a
City bo!bi#g a#d the terrorist attac o# the 7orld 'rade Ce#ter a#d the +e#tago#$
i#creases the eFpos"re to the viole#ce$ i#3"ry$ a#d death associated %ith the eve#t a#d
!ay rei#force +'S& sy!pto!s i# i#divid"als$ especially yo"#g childre# %ho ca##ot
disti#g"ish bet%ee# the act"al eve#t a#d the repeated vie%i#g of the eve#t i# the !edia.
+'S& sy!pto!s are disti#ct a#d prolo#ged stress reactio#s that #at"rally occ"r d"ri#g a
highly stressf"l eve#t. Co!!o# sy!pto!s are:
hyper alert#ess
fear a#d a#Fiety
#ight!ares a#d flashbacs
sight$ so"#d$ a#d s!ell recollectio#
avoida#ce of recall sit"atio#s
a#ger a#d irritability
g"ilt
depressio#
i#creased s"bsta#ce ab"se
#egative %orld vie%
decreased seF"al activity
Sy!pto!s "s"ally begi# %ithi# three !o#ths of the tra"!a$ altho"gh so!eti!es +'S&
does#Ht develop "#til years after the i#itial tra"!a occ"rred. 5#ce the sy!pto!s begi#$
they !ay fade a%ay agai# %ithi# siF !o#ths. 5thers s"ffer %ith the sy!pto!s for far
lo#ger a#d i# so!e cases$ the proble! !ay beco!e chro#ic.
A!o#g the !ost tro"bli#g sy!pto!s of +'S& are flashbacs$ %hich ca# be triggered by
so"#ds$ s!ells$ feeli#gs$ or i!ages. &"ri#g a flashbac$ the perso# relives the tra"!atic
eve#t a#d !ay co!pletely lose to"ch %ith reality$ s"fferi#g thro"gh the tra"!a for
!i#"tes or ho"rs at a ti!e$ believi#g that the tra"!ati>i#g eve#t is act"ally happe#i#g all
over agai#.
?or a diag#osis of +'S&$ sy!pto!s !"st i#cl"de at least o#e of the follo%i#g so.called
Gi#tr"siveG sy!pto!s:
flashbacs
sleep disorders: #ight!ares or #ight terrors
i#te#se distress %he# eFposed to eve#ts that are associated %ith the tra"!a
I# additio#$ the perso# !"st have at least three of the follo%i#g Gavoida#ceG sy!pto!s
that affect i#teractio#s %ith others:
tryi#g to avoid thi#i#g or feeli#g abo"t the tra"!a
i#ability to re!e!ber the eve#t
i#ability to eFperie#ce e!otio#$ as %ell as a loss of i#terest i# for!er
pleas"res Kpsychic #"!bi#g or bl"#ti#gL
a se#se of a shorte#ed f"t"re
?i#ally$ there !"st be evide#ce of i#creased aro"sal$ i#cl"di#g at least t%o of the
follo%i#g:
proble!s falli#g asleep
startle reactio#s: hyper alert#ess a#d stro#g reactio#s to "#eFpected #oises
!e!ory proble!s
co#ce#tratio# proble!s
!oodi#ess
viole#ce
I# additio# to the above sy!pto!s$ childre# %ith +'S& !ay eFperie#ce lear#i#g
disabilities a#d !e!ory or atte#tio# proble!s. 'hey !ay beco!e !ore depe#de#t$
a#Fio"s$ or eve# self.ab"si#g.
)ecovery !ay be slo%ed by i#3"ries$ da!age to property$ loss of e!ploy!e#t$ or other
!a3or proble!s i# the co!!"#ity d"e to disaster.
ia!nosis
Not every perso# %ho eFperie#ces a tra"!atic eve#t %ill eFperie#ce +'S&. A !e#tal
health professio#al %ill diag#ose the co#ditio# if the sy!pto!s of stress last for !ore
tha# a !o#th after a tra"!atic eve#t. 7hile a for!al diag#osis of +'S& is !ade o#ly i#
the %ae of a severe tra"!a$ it is possible to have a !ild +'S&.lie reactio# follo%i#g
less severe stress.
Treat-ent
Several factors have sho%# to be i!porta#t i# the treat!e#t of post.tra"!atic stress.
'hese i#cl"de proFi!ity of the treat!e#t to the site of the eve#t$ i!!ediate i#terve#tio#
of therapy as soo# as possible$ a#d the eFpectatio# that the i#divid"al %ill eve#t"ally
ret"r# to !ore #or!al f"#ctio#s. 'he !ost helpf"l treat!e#t of prolo#ged +'S& appears
to be a co!bi#atio# of !edicatio# alo#g %ith s"pportive a#d cog#itive.behavioral
therapies.
+-er!enc# care
I!!ediate i#terve#tio# is i!porta#t for i#divid"als directly affected by the tra"!atic
eve#t. <!erge#cy care %orers foc"s o# achievi#g the follo%i#g d"ri#g the ho"rs a#d
days follo%i#g the tra"!a:
protect s"rvivors fro! f"rther da#ger
treat i!!ediate i#3"ries
provide food$ shelter$ fl"ids$ a#d clothi#g
provide safe >o#e
locate separated loved o#es
reco##ect loved o#es
provide #or!al social co#tact
help reestablish ro"ti#es
help resolve tra#sportatio#$ ho"si#g$ or other iss"es ca"sed by disaster
provide grief co"#seli#g$ stress red"ctio#$ a#d other co#s"ltatio# to e#able
s"rvivors a#d fa!ilies to ret"r# to #or!al life
As %ell as providi#g care to others$ e!erge#cy perso##el ofte# #eed the sa!e s"pport as
the s"rvivors. 5peratio#al debriefi#g is "sed to orga#i>e the e!erge#cy respo#se a#d to
disse!i#ate i#for!atio# a#d se#se of p"rpose to the first respo#ders. Critical I#cide#t
Stress &ebriefi#g KCIS&L is a for!al gro"p i#ve#tio# desig#ed to i#cl"de vario"s crisis
i#terve#tio#$ s"ch as i#for!atio# disb"rse!e#t$ o#e.o#.o#e co"#seli#g$ co#s"ltatio#$
fa!ily crisis i#terve#tio#$ a#d referrals. CIS& is #ot "sef"l for s"rvivors a#d is a# i#teri!
s"pport for first respo#ders "#til they are able to receive therapy.
Medications
*edicatio#s "sed to red"ce the sy!pto!s of +'S& i#cl"de a#Fiety.red"ci#g !edicatio#s
a#d a#tidepressa#ts$ especially the selective seroto#i# re"ptae i#hibitors KSS)IsL s"ch as
fl"oFeti#e K+ro>acL a#d sertrali#e 6Cl KWoloftL. I# 200-$ the (.S. ?ood a#d &r"g
Ad!i#istratio# K?&AL approved Woloft as a lo#g.ter! treat!e#t for +'S&. I# a
co#trolled st"dy$ Woloft %as effective i# safely i!provi#g sy!pto!s of +'S& over a
period of 28 %ees a#d red"ci#g the ris of relapse.
Sleep proble!s ca# be lesse#ed %ith brief treat!e#t %ith a# a#ti.a#Fiety dr"g$ s"ch as a
be#>odia>epi#e lie alpra>ola! KXa#aFL$ b"t lo#g.ter! "sage ca# lead to dist"rbi#g side
effects$ s"ch as i#creased a#ger$ dr"g tolera#ce$ depe#de#cy$ a#d ab"se.
Therap#
Several types of therapy !ay be "sef"l a#d they are ofte# co!bi#ed i# a !"lti.faceted
approach to "#dersta#d a#d treat this co#ditio#.
Cog#itive.behavioral therapy foc"ses o# cha#gi#g specific actio#s a#d tho"ghts
thro"gh repetitive revie% of tra"!atic eve#ts$ ide#tificatio# of #egative behaviors
a#d tho"ghts$ a#d stress !a#age!e#t.
;ro"p therapy has bee# "sef"l i# decreasi#g psychological distress$ depressio#$
a#d a#Fiety i# so!e +'S& s"fferers s"ch as seF"ally ab"sed %o!e# a#d %ar
vetera#s.
+sychological debriefi#g has bee# %idely "sed to treat victi!s of #at"ral disasters
a#d other tra"!atic eve#ts s"ch as bo!bi#gs a#d %orplace shooti#gs$ ho%ever$
rece#t research sho%s that psychological debriefi#g !ay i#crease the stress
respo#se. Si#ce this type of debriefi#g foc"ses o# the e!otio#al respo#se of the
s"rvivor$ it is #ot reco!!e#ded for i#divid"als eFperie#ci#g a# eFtre!e level of
grief.
$lternative treat-ent
Several !ea#s of alter#ative treat!e#t !ay be helpf"l i# co!bi#atio# %ith co#ve#tio#al
therapy for red"ctio# of the sy!pto!s of post.tra"!atic stress disorder. 'hese i#cl"de
relaFatio# trai#i#g$ breathi#g tech#i="es$ spirit"al treat!e#t$ a#d dra!a therapy %here
the eve#t is re.e#acted.
*ro!nosis
'he severity of the ill#ess depe#ds i# part o# %hether the tra"!a %as "#eFpected$ the
severity of the tra"!a$ ho% chro#ic the tra"!a %as Ks"ch as for victi!s of seF"al ab"seL$
a#d the perso#Hs readi#ess to e!brace the recovery process. 7ith appropriate !edicatio#$
e!otio#al s"pport$ co"#seli#g$ a#d follo%."p care$ !ost people sho% sig#ifica#t
i!prove!e#t. 6o%ever$ prolo#ged eFpos"re to severe tra"!a$ s"ch as eFperie#ced by
victi!s of prolo#ged physical or seF"al ab"se a#d s"rvivors of the 6oloca"st$ !ay ca"se
per!a#e#t psychological scars.
What are the s#-pto-s of *TSD
+eople respo#d i# differe#t %ays to eFtre!e tra"!a. *a#y people %ho eFperie#ce
eFtre!e tra"!a do #ot develop +'S&. 6o%ever$ for those %ho do$ +'S& sy!pto!s
"s"ally appear %ithi# several %ees of the tra"!a$ b"t so!e people do#:t eFperie#ce
sy!pto!s "#til !o#ths or eve# years later.
'hree categories O or Gcl"stersG O of sy!pto!s are associated %ith +'S&.
Cl%sters
'e&livin! the event thro"gh rec"rri#g #ight!ares or other i#tr"sive i!ages
that occ"r at a#y ti!e. +eople %ho s"ffer fro! +'S& also have eFtre!e
e!otio#al or physical reactio#s s"ch as chills$ heart palpitatio#s or pa#ic %he#
faced %ith re!i#ders of the eve#t.
$voidin! re-inders of the eve#t$ i#cl"di#g places$ people$ tho"ghts or other
activities associated %ith the tra"!a. +'S& s"fferers !ay feel e!otio#ally
detached$ %ithdra% fro! frie#ds a#d fa!ily$ a#d lose i#terest i# everyday
activities.
0ein! on !%ard or bei#g hyper.aro"sed at all ti!es$ i#cl"di#g feeli#g
irritability or s"dde# a#ger$ havi#g diffic"lty sleepi#g or co#ce#trati#g$ or
bei#g overly alert or easily startled.
+eople %ith +'S& !ay have lo% self.estee! or relatio#ship proble!s or !ay see!
disco##ected fro! their lives. 5ther proble!s that !ay !as or i#te#sify sy!pto!s
i#cl"de:
+sychiatric proble!s s"ch as depressio#$ dissociatio# Klosi#g co#scio"s
a%are#ess of the 8here a#d #o%9L or a#other a#Fiety disorder lie pa#ic
disorder.
Self.destr"ctive behavior i#cl"di#g:
o Alcohol or dr"g ab"se
o S"icidal i!p"lses
o 6igh.ris seF"al behaviors that !ay res"lt i# "#i#te#ded preg#a#cy or
seF"ally tra#s!itted diseases KS'&L$ i#cl"di#g 6IQ
o 5ther high.ris behavior that !ay be life.e#da#geri#g$ s"ch as fast or
recless drivi#g
+hysical co!plai#ts$ a#y or all of %hich !ay be acco!pa#ied by depressio#$
i#cl"di#g:
o Chro#ic pai# %ith #o !edical basis Kfre="e#tly gy#ecological
proble!s i# %o!e#L
o Stress.related co#ditio#s s"ch as chro#ic fatig"e sy#dro!e or
fibro!yalgia
o Sto!ach pai# or other digestive proble!s s"ch as irritable bo%el
sy#dro!e or alter#ati#g bo"ts of diarrhea a#d co#stipatio#
o <ati#g disorders
o Breathi#g proble!s or asth!a
o 6eadaches
o *"scle cra!ps or aches s"ch as lo% bac pai#
o Cardiovasc"lar proble!s
o Sleep disorders

Closin! Tho%!hts
If yo" are a Christia# a#d yo" are s"fferi#g %ith a# ill#ess of so!e i#d be e#co"raged.
;od has #ot forsae# yo". I #o% it !ay feel lie it b"t 6e has#:t. I have received great
co!fort fro! +sal! -N$ a +sal! of &avid. 'his +sal! has ta"ght !e that o#e of the
!a3or proble!s %ith s"fferi#g is deali#g %ith a#ger a#d bitter feeli#gs to%ards ;od
6i!self. 7e have bee# ta"ght the #e% %ave !essage of 8positive co#fessio#9$ b"t %hat
;od really desires fro! "s is a# ho#est co#fessio#. 5"t of all the boos i# the Bible$ the
o#e that has delivered !e the !ost is the +sal!s. 'o !a#y believers +sal!s is 3"st a
collectio# of praise so#g. *a#y theologia#s loo at +sal!s$ +roverbs$ a#d especially
<cclesiastes as boos %itho"t !"ch doctri#al %eight or val"e. 6o% %ro#g they areA
'hro"gh all of !y trials a#d trib"latio#s$ I have bee# able to fi#d a poi#t of co#tact a#d
"#dersta#di#g by readi#g +sal!s. *y favorite +sal! is +sal! -N.
After yo" read it yo" !ay %o#der$ 86o% ca# this depressi#g psal! be so!eo#e:s
favoriteI9 'his is the !ost ho#est prayer i# the script"res. &avid ased ;od a ="estio#$
86o% lo#g %ill yo" forget !e CordI9 'his ho#esty i# prayer helped !e reali>e that ;od
%a#ts to hear everythi#g %e have to say$ the good a#d the bad. &avid felt aba#do#ed by
;od. I ca# ide#tify %ith this feeli#g. ?or the last three years I have bee# battli#g
sic#ess. I have bee# poed$ prodded$ a#d eFa!i#ed. I have had Scarlet ?ever. I have
bee# !isdiag#osed %ith 5steo!ylitis Kbo#e i#fectio#L. I %as o# a# IQ for 8 %eesE !y
l"#gs %ere sca##ed a#d X.rayed to fi#d gro%ths. I have gra#"lo!as Klesio#sL i# differe#t
parts of !y body that ca"ses severe pai# i# !y 3oi#ts a#d !y eyes$ a#d the ca"se of all of
this is a# i#c"rable ill#ess called Sarcoidosis. I bega# to recite +sal! -N as tho"gh I
%rote it. 'he good #e%s is fo"#d i# the /
th
a#d 0
th
verses. &avid obvio"sly recalled ho%
the Cord had bee# !ercif"l a#d i#d to hi! i# the past. &avid:s %as to co#ti#"e to tr"st
i# the !ercy of ;od a#d hope i# the lovi#g.i#d#ess of the Cord. I feel that !a#y of o"r
prayers go "#a#s%ered beca"se %e are #ot ho#est %ith ;od. 6o%ever &avid felt$ that
%hat he eFpressed to the *aster. 'his is o#e of the eys to bei#g a !a# after ;od:s o%#
heart.9
:;B: #o the chie' 7usician, 6 9salm o' ,avid. How long wilt thou 'orget me, J
)JI,? 'or ever? how long wilt thou hide thy 'ace 'rom me? 5,avid 'elt like the
(od o' 6braham, Isaac, and Jacob had 'orsaken him. 6t times i' we are honest,
we 'eel the same way.3
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?
how long shall mine enemy be e=alted over me? 5,avid was going through
e=treme emotional distress. "hronic illness can cause this kind o' emotional
trauma in ones li'e.3
; "onsider and hear me, J )JI, my (odB lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the
sleep o' death? 5,avid is not a'raid to let the )ord know how distraught he is, and
at the same time he makes his supplications known to (od. I believe (od honors
an honest con'ession more than a positive one.3
/ )est mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him? and those that trouble me
reCoice when I am moved.
1 *ut I have trusted in thy mercy? my heart shall reCoice in thy salvation. 5,avid
was able to trust in the )ord%s mercy because he had a relationship with Him.
,avid although discouraged was able to rebound because o' his love 'or the
)ord3
0 I will sing unto the )JI,, because he hath dealt bounti'ully with me. 5Jne o'
the keys to getting through a stress'ul season is to give (od praise through it all3
'his +sal! has helped !e get thro"gh !y !ost pai#f"l !o!e#ts beca"se it re!i#ds !e
that ;od has a#d %ill co#ti#"e to deliver !e. 7e !"st tr"st i# ;od:s sovereig#ty as %ell
as 6is po%er. 'r"sti#g i# 6is ability to #o% %hat is best for "s taes !ore faith tha#
r"##i#g aro"#d 8#a!i#g a#d clai!i#g9 everythi#g. I %as at a revival a#d so!eo#e
ased !e$ 86ave I clai!ed !y heali#g yetI9 I %as really dist"rbed at this ="estio#E I
reali>ed that this perso# really did #ot #o% the Cord or !e very %ell. If they #e% !e
they %o"ld #o% I love the Cord %ith all !y heart a#d %hether I a! healed or #ot I still
love 6i!. If they really #e% !e they %o"ld #o% that I believe i# the heali#g po%er of
;od b"t I also tr"st i# 6is ti!etable a#d sovereig#ty. &o#:t be disco"raged sai#ts of ;odE
the Cord is o# yo"r case. 'he grace of ;od ca# eep "s thro"gh all of o"r trials a#d
trib"latio#s #o !atter ho% severe they !ight be. 5#e of the bea"tif"l thi#gs abo"t the
Bible is that the characters %ere 3"st lie "s. *e# a#d %o!e# i# the Bible s"ffered
sic#ess$ loss of life$ a#d ab"ses. I believe ;od allo%ed every story i# the Bible to be
graphic a#d "#c"t beca"se %e #eed to see the ha#d of ;od i# every sit"atio#$ both good
a#d bad. I love the ra%#ess of the 5ld 'esta!e#t$ people %ere #ot all good a#d everyo#e
%as#:t blessed all the ti!e. +eople that %ere good s"ffered a#d people that %ere bad
received !ercy. ;od is sovereig# a#d i# co#trol eve# %he# it loos lie 6e is#:t.
, 6nd he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made
!erfect in weakness. 7ost gladly there'ore will I rather glory in my in'irmities,
that the power o' "hrist may rest upon me.
3A 4herefore . take !leasure in infirmities, in re!roaches, in necessities, in
!ersecutions, in distresses for hristBs sake, for when . am weak, then am .
strong. 5II "or.:23
Abo"t five years ago$ I visited a %o!a# fro! !y ch"rch i# the hospitalE she s"ffered
fro! C"p"s a#d Ca#cer. @"st o#e of these diseases is e#o"gh to destroy so!eo#e:s life. I
ased her ho% she %as feeli#g a#d the "s"al s!all tal. Before I left she looed at !e a#d
said so!ethi#g that !ade !e %ell "p %ith tears. She said$ #he thing that hurts to most
is that the saints o' (od think I did something wrong because o' my condition.! 'his is
%hat I call the 8Spirit of @ob:s ?rie#ds9E it is %reci#g havoc i# the Body of Christ. It is
ca"si#g those that #eed love$ a h"g$ a#d "#dersta#di#g to be sh"##ed by the o#es that
sho"ld !i#ister to the!. 'he o#ly ti!e @ob:s frie#ds did a#y good %as %he# they
sile#tly sat %ith hi! %hile he s"ffered. As soo# as they ope#ed their !o"th$ they h"rt
hi!. 'elli#g so!eo#e that is sic thi#gs lie$ @ou need 'aith!!$ Iepent!, or 8-top
claiming the sickness9 is cold a#d i#se#sitive. 'here are ti!es %he# ;od re#ders 6is
3"dg!e#t o# si#f"l %ays$ b"t i# !a#y cases the ill#ess has #othi#g to do %ith si#. Cet:s
eFa!i#e the 7ord.
:1 #he )ord then answered him, and said, #hou hypocrite, doth not each one o'
you on the sabbath loose his o= or his ass 'rom the stall, and lead him away to
watering?
:0 6nd ought not this woman, being a daughter o' 6braham, whom -atan hath
bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed 'rom this bond on the sabbath day?
:2 6nd when he had said these things, all his adversaries were ashamedB and
all the people reCoiced 'or all the glorious things that were done by him. 5)uke
:>3
'his %o!a# %as ide#tified as a da"ghter of Abraha!$ !ea#i#g she %as a believerA @es"s
did #ot !e#tio# a#y of her si#s. 7as she si#lessI Is a#yo#eI 5f co"rse #ot$ @es"s healed
this %o!a# for t%o reaso#s$ -. She %as a da"ghter of Abraha!E a#d 2. 'hat 6e !ight be
glorified. 7hat does this !ea#I If yo" are a child of ;od s"fferi#g$ @es"s sees yo"r pai#
a#d %ill do so!ethi#g abo"t it. @es"s "#dersta#ds pai# beca"se he felt it tooA

2 6nd his disciples asked him, saying, 7aster, who did sin, this man, or his
parents, that he was born blind?
; Jesus answered, 8either hath this man sinned, nor his parentsB but that the
works o' (od should be made mani'est in him.
/ I must work the works o' him that sent me, while it is dayB the night cometh,
when no man can work.
1 6s long as I am in the world, I am the light o' the world. 5John N3
'he disciples %ere 3"st as de#se as %e are todayA 'hey as the ="estio#$ 87ho si##edI9
7ell if he %as bor# bli#d$ %hat si# did he co!!itI &id he ic his !other i# the %o!bI
'r"thf"lly all of "s are bor# si##ersA K+sal! /-L. 7hy %o"ld ;od p"#ish hi! for his
pare#t:s si#I I:! glad @es"s a#s%ered their ="estio#. @es"s said 8Neither hath this !a#
si##ed$ #or his pare#ts.9 I a! a fir! believer that !a#y today are #ot healed beca"se
those that !i#ister forget that the glory belo#gs to the Cord of 6ost. If yo" %atch the so.
called great !e# a#d %o!e# of ;od today$ they act lie they are the healers a#d #ot
Christ alo#e. ;od %as very a#gry %ith @ob:s frie#dsA 7hyI Beca"se they falsely acc"sed
@ob a#d !isreprese#ted ;od$ 'hey %ere also self.righteo"s as they bo!barded @ob %ith
i##"e#do a#d acc"satio#. 'he best thi#g yo" ca# do for so!eo#e that s"fferi#g is pray
for the! a#d eep yo" !o"th sh"t. A h"g goes a lot f"rther i# !ost cases tha# a lect"re.
-/ IeCoice with them that do reCoice, and weep with them that weep.
:0 *e o' the same mind one toward another. 7ind not high things, but condescend
to men o' low estate. *e not wise in your own conceits. 5Iomans :23
'hese t%o verses say it allA B"t foc"s o# verse -0$ 8co#desce#d to !e# of lo% estate.9
'his !ea#s stay !ee a#d h"!ble i# yo"r character$ beca"se the sa!e cala!ity co"ld
happe# to yo".
2; )et us hold 'ast the pro'ession o' our 'aith without wavering? 5'or he is 'aith'ul
that promised?3
2/ 6nd let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good worksB
5Heb.:<3
0B: *rethren, i' a man be overtaken in a 'ault, ye which are spiritual, restore such
an one in the spirit o' meekness? considering thysel', lest thou also be tempted.
2 *ear ye one another's burdens, and so 'ul'il the law o' "hrist.
; Aor i' a man think himsel' to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth
himsel'.
#ear ye one anotherBs (urdens, and so fulfill the law of hrist.
Cord tae this c"p a%ay fro! !e....
L4 canFt son, it belon!s to #o%L
B"t Cord this c"p is too !"ch for !e to bearA
LGo% can handle it, .es%s drank fro- the c%pL
B"t Cord I ai#t @es"sA
L0%t He lives in GOKAL
B"t Cord I a! %eaA
LHis stren!th "orks best "hen #o%?re "eakL
B"t Cord have yo" see# %hatHs i# !y c"pI
LGeah 4 kno" 4 p%t it in thereAL
B"t Cord there is sic#ess i# !y c"pA
L$nd 4 called #o% to healL
B"t Cord there is co#f"sio# i# !y c"pA
L$nd 4 called #o% to teachL
B"t Cord there is pai# i# !y c"pA
L$nd 4 called #o% spread -# WordL
B"t Cord %hy do I have to dri# '6IS c"pI
C0eca%se 4 "ant #o% to act like -# SonAC
Cast ="estio# Cord....&oes everyo#e have to dri# this c"pI
L+ver#one has to taste their realit#L
*ar Steve#s
$0OKT TH+ $KTHO'
Chaplain Mark H. Stevens "as an KS$F MS!t. He spent 18 #ears in Co-bat
Operations. He spent over a -onth in Mo!adish% So-alia "here he faced death and
sa" h%-an s%fferin! in a life chan!in! "a#. Mark Stevens "as also stationed at
over $F0, e., "hen the near tho%sand bodies ca-e in fro- G%#ana after the .i-
.ones -assacre. He received a Co--endation Medal for helpin! -ove h%ndreds of
bodies. He served in esert Stor- in i#arbiker T%rke# for E -onths and served as
interi- Chaplain at a location "here there "as no -ilitar# Chaplain assi!ned.
Mark Stevens is an ordained Minister in the Ch%rch of God in Christ. He has a 0$
in Theolo!# and an M$ in Ministr# fro- Freedo- 0ible Colle!e and Se-inar#. He
also !rad%ated fro- *hiladelphia 0iblical Kniversities 4nstit%te of .e"ish St%dies6
he also is an +T$ certified teacher. He is the ean of the Charles Harrison Mason
0ible 4nstit%tes of /.. He is a staff Chaplain at $ncora *s#chiatric Hospital in So%th
.erse#. He is the fo%nder and instr%ctor of The /e" .erse# 4nstit%te of Theolo!ical
St%dies.
+lder Stevens has had to help -an# people cope "ith the loss of loved ones, divorce,
and illness. He deals "ith his o"n challen!e of livin! "ith the painf%l chronic
diseases Sarcoidosis and ,#-phade-a "hich he has had since ret%rnin! fro-
esert Stor-.
4n spite of his o"n pain he "orks tirelessl# helpin! others that are in pain ph#sicall#
and e-otionall#.
Observin! Grief
4 sa" a "o-an d#in! fro- !rief, her pain %nnerved -e
her pain -ade -e ver# %nco-fortable
her pain "as like a lar!e serpent in the roo-
it "rapped itFs coils aro%nd ever#one in the +'
"e all felt like "e "ere d#in! a little bit fro- the !rief
even tho%!h it "asnFt -# child, she "asnFt -# "ife, and 4
"asnFt her brother....4 died a little #esterda#...fro- the !rief.
Mark Stevens
WO'9S C4T+ $/ FOOT/OT+S
-. Co%les SQ: C"lt"ral perspectives of grief: a# eFpa#ded co#cept a#alysis. Journal o'
6dvanced 8ursing 2NK2L: 282.2,1$ -,,0.
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(rie'B ,iversity in Mniversality . 7ashi#gto#$ &C: 'aylor ] ?ra#cis$ -,,N.
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1. Co%les SQ$ )odgers BC: 'he co#cept of grief: a fo"#datio# for #"rsi#g research a#d
practice. Iesearch in 8ursing and Health. -1K2L: --,.-22$ -,,-.
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-0K0L: 28.N0$ -,80.
0. *c;oldric *$ Al!edia )$ 6i#es +*$ et al.: *o"r#i#g i# differe#t c"lt"res. I#: 7alsh
?$ *c;oldric *$ <ds.: )iving *eyond )ossB ,eath in the Aamily. Ne% Dor: 7.7.
Norto# ] Co!pa#y$ -,,-$ pp -20.200.
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i# the develop!e#t of bereave!e#t practices. "ultural, 7edicine and 9sychiatry 8K1L:
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8.Childre# *o"r#i#g$ *o"r#i#g Childre# O 6ospice ?o"#datio# of A!erica Se##eth
&oa$ +h&
,. *o"r#i#g ] *it>vah O A##e Bre#er
@e%ish Cights +"blishi#g
-0. I#trod"ctio# to Biblical Co"#seli#g O @oh# *cArth"r: 7 +"blishi#g ;ro"p -,,1
--. Civi#g 7ith ;riefJ<thical &ile!!as at the <#d of Cife O 6ospice ?o"#datio# of
A!erica. 200/ 6ospice ?o"#datio# of A!erica
-2. 'o 6eal the So"l K'he Spirit"al @o"r#al of a Chasidic )ebbeL Sal Shapira @aso#
Aro#so# I#c. -,,/
-N. We# B"ddihis! a#d +sycha#alysis O <rich ?ro!!$ &' S">"i$ a#d )ichard &e
*arti#o. 6arper Colopho# Boos K6arper])o% +"blishersL
-1. No 7o#der 'hey Call 6i! Savior O *aF C"cado J-,80 *"lt#o!ah +ress
-/. Civi#g )eligio#s K/
th
<ditio#L O *ary +at ?isher J +re#tiss 6all I#c. 200-
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-2. Charts of Christia# 'heology ] &octri#e O 6. 7ay#e 6o"se J Wo#derva# -,,2.
-8. +sychology i# Actio# O Sare# 6"ff!a#$ *ar Qer#oy$ a#d @"dith Qer#oy O @oh#
7iley a#d So#s I#c +"blishi#g. -,82
-,. 'he U"r:a# O 'ahrie 'arsile U"r:a# I#c.
20. 'heory a#d +ractice of Co"#seli#g a#d +sychotherapy O ;erald Cory JBroos ] Cole
'ho!so# Cear#i#g
2-. Sy!bols of 'ra#sfor!atio# O C; @"#g J +ri#ceto# (#iversity +ress -,/0
22. Spirit a#d Nat"re O +apers fro! the <ra#os Dearboos J +ri#ceto# (#iversity +ress
-,22
2N. So"l 's"!a#i O Ceo#ard S%eet J Wo#derva# +"blishi#g -,,,
21. Christia#ity i# @e%ish 'er!s O 7estvie% +ress 200-
2/. 'he So"rce of *y Stre#gth O &r. Charles Sta#ley J I# 'o"ch *i#istries 2002
20. #he -amurai $ay o' ,eath, -amuraiB #he $orld o' the $arrior O Blac Belt
*aga>i#e April 2002
22. 'he Catechis! of the Catholic Ch"rch$ -,,2 <ditio#
28. 6ope for the Separated.7o"#ded *arriages Ca# be 6ealed O ;ary Chap!a# J*oody
+ress$ -,82
2,. 7he# Bad 'hi#gs 6appe# to ;ood +eople O 6arold S"sh#er J S"!!it Boos -,8,
N0. 7ho Needs ;od O 6arold S"sh#er JS"!!it Boos -,,-
N-. *"ltic"lt"ral Iss"es i# Co"#seli#g O Co"rtla#d C. Cee
N2. 5dd ;rief )it"als O <lai#e Childs.;o%ell J Statio# 6ill -,,2
NN. 7hy 6er No% KA *a#:s @o"r#ey 'hro"gh Cove ] &eath ] ;riefL O Co# <l!er J
Sig#al <l!$ -,82
N1. S%allo%ed by a S#ae: 'he gift of the !asc"li#e side of heali#g. O 'ho!as ;olde#. J
*c&o#ald a#d 7ood%ard +"blishi#g -,,2
P8E. 4nternet So%rces
Ca#cerNet. Coss$ ;rief$ a#d Bereave!e#t K+&UaL S"pportive Care . 6ealth
+rofessio#als. Natio#al Ca#cer I#stit"te. Cast *odified: 0NJ200-. Available thro"gh li#
at: http:==cancernet.nci.nih.!ov=copin!=e-otionalQconcerns.sht-l
P8O. WWW.C$'M.COM Christian $polo!etics Ministr#
83. S"sa# @effers$ @o"r#ey fro! Cost to ?o"#d: Search that begi#s %ith the e#d of a
relatio#ship$ Balla#ti#e$ -,,N
N8. <li>abeth S"bler.)oss$ 7ori#g it 'hro"gh: A %orshop o# life$ death ]
tra#sitio#$ Collier$ -,82
N,. <da Casha#$ Cear#i#g to Say ;ood.Bye: 7he# a pare#t dies $ Avo#$ -,88
10. )a#do$ 'herese$ 6o% to ;o 5# Civi#g 7he# So!eo#e Do" Coves &ies$ Ba#ta!$
-,,-
1-.)i#poche$ Sogyal$ 'ibeta# Boo of Civi#g ] &yi#g: A #e% spirit"al classic fro! o#e
of the fore!ost i#terpreters of 'ibeta# B"ddhis! to the 7est$ 6arper$ -,,2
12. Schiff$ 6arriet Sara#off$ Civi#g 'hro"gh *o"r#i#g: ?i#di#g co!fort ] hope %he# a
loved o#e has died$ +e#g"i#$ -,82
1N. 'agliaferre$ Ce%is$ )ecovery fro! Coss: A perso#ali>ed g"ide to the grivi#g process $
6ealth Co!!$ -,,0
11.'atelba"!$ @"dy$ Co"rage to ;rieve: Creative livi#g$ recovery a#d gro%th thro"gh
grief$ 6arper ] )o%$ -,80
1/. 7orde#$ 7illia!$ ;rief Co"#seli#g ] ;rief 'herapy: A ha#dboo for the !e#tal
health practitio#er$ Spri#ger$ -,,-
10. Se#sy$ Nova$ a#d 5chs $ Christia#ity i# @e%ish 'er!s E 7estvie% +ress 2000
12. Sahlil$ ;ibro# $ 'he +rophet Alfred A. S#op +"blisher$ ND ND
18. Broo Noel a#d +a!ela &. Blair$ 8I %as#:t )eady to Say ;oodbye: Copi#g a#d
6eali#g After the &eath of a Coved 5#e
1,. <lisabeth S"bler.)oss a#d &avid Sessler: 85# ;rief a#d ;rievi#g: 'he ?ive Stages
of Coss
/0. C.S. Ce%is: 8A ;rief 5bserved9
/-. C.S. Ce%is: 8'he +roble! 7ith%ith +ai#9
/2. Colly 7i#sto#: 8;ood ;rief9
/N. 6arold Iva# S!ith: 8A &ece!bered ;riefE )iving with grie' while others celebrate!
/1. Gettin! to the Other Side of Grief: Overco-in! the ,oss of a Spo%se
:*aperback;
by S"sa# @. Wo##ebelt.S!ee#ge$ )obert C. &e Qries
//. Knderstandin! Go%r Grief: Ten +ssential To%chstones for Findin! Hope and
Healin! Go%r Heart :*aperback;
by Ala# &. 7olfelt KCreatorL$ Ala# &. 7olfelt +h.&.
/0. The Grief Cl%b: The Secret to Gettin! Thro%!h $ll 9inds of Chan!e
:*aperback;
by *elody Beattie
/2. Thro%!h a Season of Grief: evotions for Go%r .o%rne# fro- Mo%rnin! to .o#
:*aperback;
by Bill &"##$ Sathy Ceo#ard
/8. Grief ,essons: Fo%r *la#s b# +%ripides :/e" Gork 'evie" 0ooks Classics;
:Hardcover;
by <"ripides$ A##e Carso# K'ra#slatorL
/,. Siblin! Grief: Healin! after the eath of a Sister or 0rother :*aperback;
by +. ;ill 7hite
00. Helpin! *eople thro%!h Grief :*aperback;
by &elores S"e##i#g
0-. $ll O%r ,osses, $ll O%r Griefs: 'eso%rces for *astoral Care :*aperback;
by Se##eth ). *itchell$ 6erbert A#derso# G<Fperie#ces that evoe grief are both !ore
fre="e#t a#d !ore varied tha# !ost people i!agi#e...G