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"Ah, the esteemed Mr. Darwin, I presume. I trust your journey was
pleasant."
The figure stood gawking, as if he were in shock.
"Ah, then I take it that the light was none too welcome. You'll get
over the shock shortly. It happens to everyone."
Charles Darwin was dead. He knew that. But he didn't know
what he was doing alive. There had been this light, and he had suddenly
burst into being here. There was no slow evolution.
"Who are you?" Charles asked, fearing that he already knew.
"I am God, your Father, as you are well aware. You're here because
you're dead. All spirits have to be judged by me after death, but I think that
we'll commute1 that judgment."
"Why's that? It's not because I don't believe in you. You know I'm
2
gnostic ," Charles began.
"I know. You don't have to explain anything. I know that you also
used to be more than gnostic, at least before you discovered science and
before you lost Annie3."
That name hit Charles hard, and pain and anger welled up in him.
He was about to vent for losing his daughter to the this cold and uncaring
God, when God spoke again.
"Charles, I want to show you my latest evolutionary marvel."
That definitely perked Charles's interest. He had been studying
evolution his whole life. To be able to witness a new aspect of it was
unbelievable. Why, this was more than he could have ever hoped. But just
then his thoughts were distracted.
"Where are we?" Charles asked.
1 commute: delay
2 gnostic: believing that there is a God, but allowing for a large amount of uncertainty
concerning his true nature and our flawed existence here.
3 Annie: Annie was one of Charles Darwin's daughters. He became bitter after her
death.
"Why, a new world, of course," God replied.
"But there's nothing here. I can't see anything."
"Ah, just wait and watch. Something's bound to happen shortly.
That's why I brought you here, so that you could take notes. You did bring
a pen and notepad with you, didn't you?"
"No. I didn't bring anything with me."
"True, that's all that most people carry with them on such a trip.
Well, this is far too important to miss because of such trifles. Have a pen
and field book."
With that, a pen and empty field book appeared in Darwin's
hands. The quality was supreme. His name was monogrammed into the
cover and on the pen. The title of the book read, On the Origin of the
Matter and the Collective Processes That Are Used to Fashion a New
World, or the Observations of the Evolution of a New World. That was
quite a mouthful. He should have chosen something a little more concise4.
On the title page, there was a note:
Dear Charles,
You have always had an inquisitive mind ever since I can remember, which
is, by the way, far longer than you can. Since you love and appreciate
nature and species to a degree comparable to my own fascination for
creation, I have given you this book and this opportunity as a chance to
catalog all that you see happen as this new planet is created. I hope that
you enjoy this observation. I would love to compare notes with you and
discuss your findings later.
With Love,
Your Father
"Thank you," Charles said as he finished reading.
He looked around to discover that there was no one there. The only
thing in sight was a park bench. On the bench was an extra large bag of
theater style popcorn. It was extra buttery, judging by the smell. Attached
to the bag there was a note. The note merely read, "Sit back and enjoy the
4 concise: brief; short
show."
Darwin sat back and munched on popcorn as he waited for
something to happen. Evolution takes some time, he knew, so he was
patient. Besides, the popcorn bag kept refilling itself. After what must have
been an eternity, he grew bored. Even the popcorn had grown stale.
"I must have been here forever," Charles groaned aloud.
"Not quite, only a few hundred million years," God said as he
appeared suddenly. "You were with me for much longer before I sent you to
earth, where you only lasted seventythree years. Let's stick to the facts.
Now, did you see anything exciting?"
"No," Charles said glumly. "You must have taken me to the wrong
place."
"Trust me, Charles, I am never wrong. This is the right place. Here
there will be a planet full of hundreds of millions of species. You will see
like you thought before, that diversity proves my existence. Now, tell me,
what do you see?"
"Nothing," Charles responded.
"Ah, but you are wrong. There is more matter here than meets the
eye. Let me show you."
With that materials began to form into a sphere.
"Where is all of this coming from?"
"Rest assured, I am not creating something from nothing. All of this
matter has always existed. Some of it was here, and other bits come from
destroyed creations. I'm just forming it and organizing it according to my
desires."
"Why would you destroy a creation? Wouldn't its destruction make
its creation useless? Wouldn't that make you cease to be God?"
"No, destruction is not always useless. Consider how some seeds
need fire to open them, and how younger trees need fire to destroy older
ones so that they might take their place in succession. What I create only to
destroy has only ever been needed elsewhere in creation, as you will see.
There now, that does it."
"Amazing," Darwin gasped.
There before his eyes was a new planet. It was still dark and
uninhabited, but it was fascinating. It had taken hardly any time to create.
"Now, I'm certain you'll see your evolutionary marvel now. After
all, now there is a world in which to observe. It's covered with water, too.
Have this remote. You can zoom in wherever you like. Just for good
measure, I'll even send an large asteroid to crash into the water, even though
we know that the odds of that would be slim to none. Let me know what
you discover."
With that He was gone. Charles played around a bit with the
remote. He zoomed in on one part and then another on the planet. He saw
plenty of water. Feeling adventurous, he explored along the ocean floor.
Nothing seemed to be happening, not even on a microscopic level. After
focusing on the impact of the crater from the asteroid's impact for eons upon
eons, he threw the remote down. Why did the origin of life have to be so
frustrating? There were plenty of materials there necessary for life.
"You're right, Charles. All the molecules necessary for life are
present. I guess they're just being stubborn. You know how rice cooks when
you watch it—it doesn't. Are you feeling up for a game? There's a brilliant
one that was created long after you died called Risk. It'll take us a few
millennia to complete it, as long as I don't cheat. Maybe by then something
will have happened."
God was right. It took an eternity to complete that game. In fact,
Charles ultimately grew so frustrated with it that he just capitulated5.
"You let me win," God said petulantly6. The funny thing about
being God was, He knew that He was right.
"How long do you think we've been here?" Charles asked, in a
7
flagrant attempt to change the subject.
"Oh, the last count was about five billion years. That's a decent
margin of error, compared to earth. Tell me if you've seen anything yet."
Charles picked up the remote. He zoomed in near the asteroid,
confident that that would be the best location. He searched around, with
5 capitulated: surrendered
6 petulantly: rude and poutingly
7 flagrant: obvious
his mood becoming ever more dismal8. There seemed to be no signs of life,
intelligent or otherwise.
"Perhaps, Charles, we just need to add another element. It's kind of
drab around here. It almost has me feeling goth9. Let there be light."
Before Darwin could ask what goth meant, an extraordinary light
burst upon the scene. Clutching his eyes, he began screaming.
"Oh, sorry. I'd forgotten that I'd kept you in the dark for several
billion years. I should have let your eyes adjust first. Have some shades."
With that sunglasses veiled Darwin's eyes.
"Thank you, that's much better," he responded. "I think light might
just be what we need. It will warm up those chemicals and start the
reactions."
"Of course," God said. "I'll be back in a little bit. Have you ever used
a yoyo?"
Charles barely had enough time to catch it as it came flying at him.
He might have been dead, but he was sure that his hands were sore from the
force of the throw. That's the thing about being omnipotent10, God
sometimes forgets how strong He is. Darwin was sure he'd been given the
yoyo for a reason.
Ages of inactivity in the lit and heated waters proved that God
was right, as always. He sat with the remote, zooming in on various parts
of the world and playing with the yoyo with his right hand. This was the
supreme form of boredom. But at least Darwin learned how to "walk the
dog."
"That's a beginner's trick , Charles," God told him as He appeared. "I
can teach you some cool tricks later, if you're so inclined. But you probably
don't want to see another yoyo again ever."
"You may be on to something. What I would like to see is the origin
of life. I want to see evolution. Instead, I've seen every inch of this planet
so many times that I've counted how many cracks. and holes in the ocean
floor there are."
8 dismal: sad; gloomy
9 goth: dark and disturbed, or those who portray such
10 omnipotent: allpowerful
"You're off by two," God said. When he noticed Darwin's
disproving frown, He then quickly continued, "Trust me, you counted two
twice."
"Do I even want to know how long that I've been here?"
"Probably not. Let's just say that you've been here far longer than it
should require to create life. Let's call it the first day."
"I know that I've been here longer than one day," Darwin began.
"Yeah, but for the sake of simplicity, we'll say a day. You can say
period if you'd prefer."
"Thank you, you're very kind."
"I know. Listen, I've been thinking that we're still missing
something."
"Life?"
"That too. But I was thinking of something more along the lines of
an atmosphere. Let there be an atmosphere."
"And that would help because?"
"If you have an atmosphere, then you'll have clouds and storms.
Storms bring lightning."
"Perhaps the lightning will cause the reactions to occur?" Darwin
asked hopefully. Lightning crackled in the new atmosphere, distracting his
attention. He turned to look back at God, only to find that He had once
more disappeared.
"I hate it when He does that," Charles mumbled. "Hopefully this
won't be too long of a wait."
However, it turned out to be a long wait. The lightning and storms
were fun to watch for a while, but the lack of results put a real damper on
things. Charles could have sworn that he heard popping coming from the
popcorn bag. The yoyo seemed to taunt him, begging him to pick it up. He
fingered it lazily, but he knew that if he did not learn to control these
urges, he would soon be playing Risk against himself. He would rather die
first.
"I give!" he cried. "The atmosphere and lightning didn't work. Let's
try something new."
"Bad second day?" God asked as he reappeared, munching on a
carrot. "I guess we should consider making some land. Humans don't walk
on the sea floor, now do they? Besides, when your pond scum finally does
evolve, it will need some place for its descendants to evolve."
"I guess we can try land," Charles said, somewhat unconvinced that
it would spur the evolution of life.
"Good. Let there be land."
With that, great eruptions began to happen. Lava spewed from the
earth and cooled in the oceans time after time. Great continents and small
islands formed. The rich soil would certainly harbor life. Darwin looked
back around, thinking that God would have disappeared as He had done
before.
"Would it be all right if I cheated and went ahead and created
plants?" asked God. "After all, they're not mobile. Besides, it will give you
something to do."
"I don't mind, but you know I'll have to make sure to note that
plants didn't evolve in my book. By the way, how will plants give me
something to do?"
"Someone's got to plant them," God said. He handed a Darwin a
stick and a bag that had a label saying, "Everything And Anything That
You Could Ever Want To Or Possibly Grow, And More."
"What am I supposed to do with these?"
"Plant them, of course. I created the seeds. Just stick the stick into
the ground and drop in the seeds. They'll take care of the rest. They won't
grow beanstalks, but they'll do fine enough on their own. Besides, this will
give you a chance to really explore this planet and see what life is evolving."
Darwin looked at the bag, and then he looked at the world. Then,
he looked at the bag again. He knew from experience that millions and
millions of species of plants existed. There were even plants that no one
thought were plants. But they still were. It would take forever to get them
all planted.
"It seems like you're just trying to keep me busy for the next few
eons," he said.
He looked around, and saw no one. He was beginning to be a true
believer that God had a sense of humor. The faint laughter echoing through
space seemed to confirm it. After bending over and planting all of the seeds
on land and water, his back was definitely sore. Sadly, he had not
witnessed any other forms of life.
"The volcanoes were a dud," he said.
"So, how was day three?" God asked as he reappeared stirring a cup
of hot chocolate.
"Long. I can see why you needed a rest."
After God chuckled, he asked, "Would you like a cup of hot
chocolate, too?"
"Yes, please," Darwin responded eagerly. Perhaps now he could get
the butter taste out of his mouth.
"I knew you would," God said causing it to float from behind his
back and over to Charles.
"Did I miss anything while I was gone?"
"Just my back ache. Something must be missing. You're not leaving
out something that you did on earth, are you?"
"No. But it's quite possible that the seas need to be stirred a bit.
Then, he addressed the planet, saying, "Let there be day and night."
Darwin was about to ask what day and night had to do with
stirring the seas. Then, quite a commotion commenced. The planet began to
groan as it slowly began to turn on its axis. Carousel music started to play,
and the planet began to spin with vigor.
"Sorry, it usually doesn't groan. It's just been sitting here getting a
little rustier than normal for this experiment. Certainly with the night and
day, heat and cool, spinning, plants, storms, and asteroid debris we'll get
some evolved life. You haven't figured out what fast forward does on the
remote yet. Just press that double chevron11. You'll be amazed."
He looked down at the two arrows that God had pointed at. He
pressed them, and the planet seemed to rotate faster. Just to the left of the
planet was written "2X." He discovered that he could press it repeatedly.
Each time would accelerate the passage of time. The planet's fast forward
option did max out at 128X. Afterwards it returned to normal.
"That was amazing," Charles said. He looked around, and
11 double chevron: >>
discovered that he had been left to his observations again. He tinkered with
the other double arrows, and quickly discovered that he didn't want to do
that. He'd already seen what had happened once. That was enough. An eon
at 128X still hadn't provided anything useful. The plants were turning out
beautifully, though.
"How's day four going?" God asked as he abruptly reappeared.
"A lot faster. I wasn't expecting you for a while yet."
"Well, time flies when you're in fast forward. What have you
found?"
"Nothing. Not even a hint of life. Tell me truthfully, will any
invertebrates or paramecium ever form at this rate?"
"No."
"And you're not sabotaging this, are you?"
"Nope."
"Then how did all of the animals come to be?"
"Well, the answer might surprise you."
"Why's that?"
"Because it's so simple," God responded. Then he said, "Let there be
a million zillion species upon the land and below the sea, species that can
swim, fly, and slash or walk of all sizes and shapes. Let there be plenty of
them spread out in such a way as to baffle scientists."
"You do have a sense of humor, after all."
"Yep. But I wasn't kidding about the last part. I did that
intentionally on earth, too."
They turned to look at the creations forming on the earth below.
There were more than Darwin had ever imagined.
"That was simple enough," Darwin said.
"I told you, but you didn't believe me. Here, let's go plant a garden.
I'll have the animals and plants live in one place with you for a while.
You'll have easy access to see how they evolve. Pay careful attention to the
monkeys."
Before Darwin realized it, he was standing in one of the most
beautiful places he had ever been. It was even more beautiful than lunch on
a starving day. He was certain that God had left him again. A diversity
unimagined surrounded him. He began to associate with the monkeys,
watching carefully with his field book at hand. With the passage of time,
he began to press fast forward more and more.
"I can't believe that they just sit around scratching and howling all
day!" Charles exclaimed.
"Oh, they do a bit more than that. They eat, they sleep, they fight,
and the reproduce. But over all, they're pretty basic creatures, not like you. I
imagine you're pretty lonely by now. Why haven't you created someone to
keep your company. Five days have already passed."
"Well, it's not that easy," Darwin began.
"Why not? You're an intelligent man. You saw how easy it was to
create all of these species. You only have to speak , and it is done."
"You only have to speak and it's done. That doesn't work for me."
"What about for pond scum. They only have to exist, and poof, so
does every other form of life, right?"
"Apparently not. I still haven't found the missing link."
"Well, I'll tell you the answer, and you're not going to like it. I'm
the missing link. Only, not a link between monkeys and man, just the link to
their creation."
Darwin watched as God took the earth of the garden in his hands.
He slowly and formed the shape of a man. Then, he breathed into him, and
the shape became a living being. He hastily scribbled into his field book.
When he finished, he closed the book , and looked pensively at the new
creation.
"So, now that that's all through, I'd love to read your observations,"
God said.
Sheepishly Darwin handed over his field notes.
"Don't worry son, I'm sure you've done well," God said, then he
began to read.
I sat around for millennia.
God formed the earth, even letting a gigantic asteroid crash into it. Nothing
happened.
Then, He gave it light. Nothing happened.
Then, He formed an atmosphere replete12 with lightning. Nothing happened.
Then, He made continents and put plants on them. Plants grew, but
otherwise nothing happened.
Then, He created day and night. Plants still grew, but otherwise nothing
happened.
Then, He created animals. It was about time. He put me in a garden. There
were lots of fig leaves. The animals reproduced, and plants grew. I watched
the monkeys long and hard. They scratched themselves, but otherwise
nothing happened.
Finally, He created humans. No monkeys were involved. Trust me, they
were still scratching themselves and picking for lice at that moment.
Now, I'm going to take a break.
"That's pretty concise, not like most of your other works. It sounds
pretty similar to another book I've read."
"So there was some truth to the Old Testament after all?"
"Maybe just a little," God said with a wink.
"Why did you give such care and attention to the humans? You
could have just spoken, and they would have been," Charles asked, trying to
understand.
"Everything else is just gravy compared to humans. This planet and
everything in it has been created for my children. Some things exist to
beautify the earth, and some things exist or existed to befuddle13 the minds
of those who tried to look too far from the truth. The matter I use and reuse
is billions of years old, which helps confuse those who rely solely on carbon
dating. Then, consider the dinosaurs as an example. I purposely created
those, not just to produce fossil fuels, but in large manner to confuse those
who will grasp for any straws so as not to believe in me. We generally have
a few laughs about it afterwards."
"So, there was never any evolution at all?"
"Well there's slow adaptation. But as for evolution itself; all of the
species and such came not because of random but divine design."
12 replete: complete
13 befuddle: confuse
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"You wouldn't have believed me. You take the same beliefs and
habits with you when you leave the world as you had when you were
there14. Most people just need time to teach them the truth so that they can
abandon false habits and beliefs. Some need only a matter of seconds. You,
however, needed a little more."
"I'm sorry, it's just that everything I witnessed seemed to point to
evolution."
"You shouldn't trust so much in others and in the misinterpretable
that you try to explain away my creations. It is preferable to join the truly
intelligent crowd instead, accepting on faith because I said so. Faith is
intelligence; confidence in science is blind pride. All of the world trying to
explain away my existence while enjoying my creations cannot succeed. I
am not a happenstance God, as people try to imagine. I did not create and
abandon either.
“I love you, for you are my children. Each of you was sent here to
learn, and you had a different challenge. You had to cease believing in fact
to trust in my power. Note that you never had power over death, and death
itself is not a thing to be feared but a blessing. Remember that your ways
are not my ways your thoughts are not mine15. Everything was done for a
purpose because I love you."
Darwin was overwhelmed by all that he had learned in this short
passage of billions of years. But then that scientific mind considered one
more question. "What's your name, or what shall I call you?"
"Do you want the genus and species?" God asked with a smirk.
Then he replied, "Father."
From The Dementia of Iyan Igma
14 You take. . . there: see Alma 34:34. Melvin J. Ballard, an Apostle, said “We will
find when we are dead every desire, every feeling will be greatly intensified. ” (Three
Degrees of Glory, page 11.)
15 ways. . . mine: Isaiah 55:8
Copyleft 2007/2008 by Iyan Igma
Creative Commons AttributionNoncommercialNo Derivative Works 3.0
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