Thompson 1 Brian Thompson Mrs.

Williams English 1102 27 March 2014 Reflection I believe that overall my paper was strong and cohesive throughout, but I still had room for improvement. I believed that I went into great detail in the Literary review and provide enough information so that the audience could understand the terms I would be using. However in some parts of the paper I believe that I presented the information that would be slightly confusing to the audience; I could have tried to get my point across in a better way. For example, the first sentence of my third paragraph of entering the conversation didn't set the tone of the paper and was confusing to my peer that was reading it. Another weakness that I had in my paper lied within my introduction. I did not specify how I actually fit into the figured world of the military. However, my peer provided a plethora of comments that I thought were beneficial to my paper. The comments that I received from my peer where actually helpful in improving my paper and I used the majority of the comments. For example, in the Literary Review portion of the paper I have described what the exoskeleton does, but I need to add more descriptors of what it actually looks like. My peer suggested that I add a photo of the exoskeleton so the audience could get a better idea of what the exoskeleton looks like. Another comment that I found helpful from my peer concerned my citations I pulled from the bibliography. He wanted to make sure that I just wasn't rambling on about something and could not back up the information with a source from my annotated bibliography. For better clarity in my paper both my peer and I noticed that I had several grammatical and awkward sentence structures that needed to be fixed for better clarity. Another comment that my peer left me was that I needed to work on was some of my transitions from paragraph to paragraph within the entering the conversation portion of the paper. My peer also commented specifically on a sentence that reads Iron man has truly influenced the military in such a way that they had to come up with their very own type of suit and wanted me to talk more about this. This is my main topic of the paper and I should probably find more information within my citations from my annotated bibliography to add to the paper. Within my narrative research paper I have gone above and beyond in several ways. I have added pictures of the inventions that have been discussed in the paper (exoskeleton, exohiker, Exclimber, and the Q-Warrior) so that I could provide more of a description to these terms and help add clarity to the paper. In addition to having the required ten to twelve sources for the annotated bibliography, I have gathered additional sources that I have used in my research paper (One of the sources includes my observations I collected from assignment one). Also included after the reflection are links to some of the inventions that I have researched; the Q-warrior, and exoskeleton for example. These would go along side the pictures so the audience could get a better grasp of how the inventions are utilized in the military and Iron Mans influence on them. In addition to the videos that are specific to the inventions, I will also provide news clips of the inventions.