VALLACE

ROSE
MARK FADER
VALLACE ROSE
Preace
I started writing Vallace Rose back in February o
201?. I inished writing the entirety o the story the
ollowing month and put out a beta release. The beta release
was only read by several people, all o which never really
commented back. The story was available or ree online, ull
o contextual errors. I didn't guarantee a beautiul piece o
work or a perect novel. I promised to get back to the story
when I wasn't busy. Periodically, I advertised my ree work,
which was constantly undergoing changes to make it easy as
possible to read.
Over the ollowing summer, I had some down time
in which I used to construct ideas and outlines or a new
novel so that by the time summer ended, I could have two
pieces o work to edit while I wasn't busy with other things.
I realized then that Vallace Rose was something I managed
to write with luck. I've ailed aterwards to write a novel that
was either long enough - or as interesting and intriguing as
Vallace Rose. As a result o this, I made a commitment to
revising, editing, and putting Vallace Rose back up as a
novel.
Since I inished writing Vallace Rose, I've drated up
three other novel ideas which did not all through, as I
would have expected. It's sometimes inevitable to release all
o your creative juices at once. Vith the time I had and the
planning I did, I managed to write Vallace Rose slightly
beyond 40,000 words with ully developed themes and other
literary elements. Because o my ailure to write other novels
aterwards, I consider Vallace Rose my irst personal success.
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VALLACE ROSE
Beore you read, I want you to consider how the
genre o this story relates to what goes on. One o the sub-
genres o this book that plays a large role in the characters
and actions is absurdist iction. Some o the reasoning and
belies o the characters do not make sense on purpose. This
is expected in an absurdist iction novel. You'll ind some o
the things that the characters do or say are - simply absurd,
or perhaps they're just not right.
I've debated releasing Vallace Rose and allowing
other people to read it. I knew beore starting this, that the
story and the events within it would be controversial.
Vallace Rose really does explore touchy topics, which
include suicide, depression, and individuals that struggle in
the social world. I want you to remember that names,
characters, places, and events are all ictional. Vhile some
characters may parallel or compare to people, I do not
exploit or expose anyone in any way possible.
I would like to thank those o you who were by my
side while I wrote this. I appreciate the tiny amount o
support that actually got this story into existence, even
though most o you did not really acknowledge what the
story was about. I appreciate and thank those o you who
showed interest in reading the book as I wrote it.
Once again, thanks a bunch. I hope you enjoy it.
"
VALLACE ROSE
Man is ueled by passion,
motivation, aection,
compliments, work ethic, and other
essentials
that build up their well being.
#
VALLACE ROSE
1
Standing in the midst o the low-saturated green o
the grass, I turned around to see Sienna approaching me.
She was all by hersel and it was just the two o us. I haven't
seen her in practically a year. She never really changed. She
was just as beautiul as the last time I set my eyes on her.
It was a windy aternoon under a gray early all sky.
The leaves rom nearby trees dropped, swinging like a
pendulum toward the ground, and aterwards remained still.
As Sienna came closer to me, she was able to
recognize who I was ater the events o last year. Drawn
upon her ace was a slight smile with a scar behind it. She
had a bouquet o lowers, and I assumed that she was here
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VALLACE ROSE
or the same reason I was. She set the lowers in ront o the
grave. Sienna didn't say a word to me at irst. Ve didn't
know what to say. It wasn't even necessary to start a
conversation, but by Sienna's look, she really wanted to say
something meaningul.
I looked down, a little solemn, and saw that she was
wearing the ring that I had originally bought or intentions
o proposing to my ormer girlriend. The ring meant much
more to her than it would have to me and Brooke. The ring
has a bit o a story behind it. I elt the need to say
something in order to break the silence between the two o
us.
Tears began to stream down Sienna's cheek as we
stared coldly at my best riend's name engraved into a stone.
Vallace Scott Rose." Below was his year o birth, and his
year o death. Seeing his date o death was heart-dropping,
considering that it was only a year ago. I couldn't help but
think how strange it was. I knew this person. I've seen him
beore plenty o times. I've heard his voice. I knew his laugh.
I knew his dreams. I didn't just know this person like any
other person would know someone. Vallace was one o the
closest riends that I had. I am not saying that to respect
him, it was genuine.
I wanted to wake up rom a nightmare that seemed
like a year, but this was all a reality. I know that Sienna was
thinking that this should have never happened just as much
as I was.
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VALLACE ROSE
Vhen I looked back over to Sienna, who was to my
right, she looked at me as though she was begging or
something. I couldn't tell what, but she suddenly embraced
me, and began to lood my shoulders with tears.
At that time, we only had ourselves. You would think
that ater a year o being without your riend, you could be
strong, but there are constant reminders, all o the good
times. All o the thinking resolves into sadness, and tears,
and i any luck, a little smile, remembering the good things.
To this day, it's still unbelievable. To be honest, I
thought that Vallace was a bit o a coward, but it's debatable
that what he had done deied his cowardice. I just never
thought that Vallace would do something so terrible. I
honestly thought that he joked about some o the things he
said he wanted to do. He gave o the vibe that he was strong
enough to go on through a day, no matter how hurt he was.
Beore I began to cry mysel, I turned away rom
Sienna. I began walking away and out o the cemetery. I
needed to go back and study, but I couldn't get my old
riend o my mind. I knew that he was right beside me,
enchanted at my presence. I elt him there with me as I was
leaving. Perhaps he wanted me to stay a little longer.
I turned around and Sienna aced Vallace's
tombstone with a handkerchie close to her ace. The sight
o Sienna, basically a widow, made it more somber. A yellow
lea came down, swinging in the air in ront o me. I turned
back around and headed toward my car.
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VALLACE ROSE
Vith the wind and the all o leaves came a
mourning sky. I remained in my car without moving. The
windshield collected an accumulation o tears, perhaps rom
the angels.
As I sat motionless in my car in a pensive state, I
observed Sienna appearing outside o the cemetery gates.
Her ash blonde hair blew in the wind and darkened rom
the rain. From the wetness outside, nobody could tell that
she was crying. She was in pain, just like me. I wished there
was something that I could do or her but I don't want to
associate mysel with her at all. She was Vallace's girl. She
will always be Vallace's girl.
I was just sitting in my car remembering all o the
good things and some o the bad things about Vallace. I
didn't think about anything else. I didn't think about
anyone else ater Sienna had disappeared rom my view. The
rain began to come down harder. I Vallace was here right
now, he would enjoy it. He loves a rainy all day. This isn't a
lie. He would totally be happy i he was here.
There was a hidden humor within Vallace that I
only knew. I knew that he was unny. He had a sense o
humor that was obscured by his own lack o conidence and
sel-pride. During the necessary times, he was quiet,
especially in school. Vhen he did speak in times that he
usually wouldn't, he always had hal the group break out in
laughter, and another hal asking what did he say?"
I would say or the most part that Vallace was weak
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VALLACE ROSE
about himsel, but strong about all o the other things. He
seemed to acknowledge his imperections and tried to polish
himsel. He wanted to be someone who was better than
himsel. That someone wasn't himsel though. I liked
Vallace or who he was, and I would assure you that a lot o
other people that knew him liked Vallace Rose as the
Vallace Rose he was born as. Sure, he didn't stand as tall as
his peers and he set himsel apart rom the rest. Vallace
Rose was deiant. He was personal with everyone and he
didn't mind what he shared with who.
Vallace never really showed his weaknesses or his
laws until suddenly beore his tragic exit. I knew him or
such a long time, since childhood, I believe. Vallace Rose
was just Vallace. He was happy about the way his lie was
going. I would say in his young years, he was one o the
biggest introverts that I had ever met. He didn't talk a lot,
only to his parents. I used to ask him so many questions
because nobody knew about him. I wanted to be the irst to
beriend Vallace and I'm quite glad or having done so.
I would get on the bus everyday in middle school
and sit next to Vallace. I lived down the street rom him. I
sacriiced my time that I could have used sitting with a close
riend o mine named Gildroy Booker. I tried to interrogate
Vallace, but he never answered me, unless it was a yes or no
question, then he'd nod his head. He always had a book that
he read on the bus, but I doubted that he actually read
them. They were his shield rom society on the loud and
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VALLACE ROSE
noisy bus. I understood Vallace's method, and decided to
give up. I doubted that anyone would ever discover Vallace
Rose, until high school.
I hadn't seen Vallace since the seventh grade. Since
then, he had his ather take him to school so he didn't have
to sit around in a bus ull o people. I remember though,
my irst day o sophomore year in high school, a loud, and
robust gentleman came into my biology class. He would pop
in as the last person beore the period began. He always
made some remark, comment, or question in which no one
replied to. I didn't even know it was Vallace until hal way
through the year. This was probably because I never really
kept track o names. There were too many people that I
didn't know.
I was shocked to discover that this talkative classmate
was Vallace. He had this unbelievable enthusiasm, this
vitality, and this incredible sense o humor that he delivered
to nobody. I was the only one who laughed at any remark he
made.
Beore I totally understood that I sat next to Vallace
in biology, I thought o him as a selish 'womanizer.' The
teacher liked him, and always had to humorously or politely
ask him to quit talking. There were girls all around us in the
corner o the classroom, and Vallace did nothing much in
biology but talk to them. Sadly, the girls really didn't act
that interested in him. They never really replied thoughtully
to his comments or to anything he said.
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VALLACE ROSE
From sophomore year in high school and on, I was
able to become riends with Vallace. He talked way more
than I would have expected. He said everything that he
thought and he never really had a ilter. Ve began to hang
out with each other ater school. Vallace turned out to be
incredibly cool. I still don't understand how he wasn't liked
by many. People change or the worst, but Vallace Rose
changed into something incredible. I tried asking Vallace
about his past, but he never really explained why he was
such an introvert. For a short period o time, many people
were curious about what inspired Vallace to break out o his
shell. Vallace never really answered that question. That
remained the only mystery about him.
Other than that, Vallace and I were always together,
and we were oten with Gildroy as well. All through high
school, Vallace would ask us to go downtown with him to
see a movie. Oten times, we would run into some girls that
we knew rom school and Vallace spent a lot o time talking
to them while Gildroy and I listened in or talked to each
other on the side. Ve were Vallace's wingmen, and we both
knew. Ve didn't really mind. It was Vallace, what else could
you expect?
Despite all o the times that Vallace coincidentally
ran into all o these pretty girls, nothing really happened. In
act, the girls would oten be more interested in me and
Gildroy. Gildroy met his girlriend, Leslie, rom an
encounter that Vallace made with her downtown. Ve were
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VALLACE ROSE
with him as usual, and I knew that Vallace was very
unhappy with what was going on.
My irst impression o Vallace was that he was good
at this whole dating thing, but he told me that he actually
had trouble with relationships and he never knew why. He
said that he was strongly disliked by a lot o the women he
knew and that their riendships were oten short and
estranged. For some reason, I never bought that. He wasn't
doing something properly.
More surprisingly, I discovered at the end o my
senior year in high school that Vallace was going to the
same university as I was. It wasn't surprising that he was
going to the same university, but it was more surprising that
he was actually going to a university. His older brother did
nothing ater high school or ive years beore he applied to
a two-year college and got a simple job. He easily ound a
girlriend who had a lot o money.
Vallace seemed to be stored with much energy that
he saved or the perect times. He cared about his success
and his uture as much as he did about having a
relationship with a beautiul girl. He never acted awkward
around anyone unless he was surrounded by awkward
people. He spent most o his reshman year in college
pulling all-nighters, studying, maintaining a status quo o a
man who knew what he wanted. Vallace had dreams that he
would not give up. He would go ar until he could die
happy.
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VALLACE ROSE
Deiantly, Vallace's intelligence increased, and his
scores on exams actually outnumbered those o the extreme
students who came into the university with a consistent GPA
o our-point-zero in high school. I believe this was so
because he didn't have a social lie, so he spent a lot o his
time building a dream that he knew he could achieve.
There were many times that he slipped and almost
hit rock bottom because he was reminded that he didn't
have support rom a particular person. I always told him
that I supported him, but he insisted that I wasn't the
person he actually wanted support rom. I tried asking him
who he wanted support rom but he avoided explaining,
ultimately because it was extremely absurd.
I still remember the night that Vallace began to
slowly deteriorate. It was the end o our reshman year in
college and it was a nice summer evening. Vallace wanted to
go out, and I knew why, o course. I agreed to go out with
him. There was something tacit about our plans. Vallace
knew that I used him as a wingman, and I knew that Vallace
used me as a wingman. Ve were practically each other's
wingman. I did this because I just wanted Vallace to be
satisied. I didn't want to see Vallace struggle but I honestly
didn't know what to do. I couldn't help that I was liked
more than Vallace was. Vhat's even more worse is that I was
the kind to take women or granted. I guess that was
attractive. I'm not sure. Vallace surely did not. A
relationship was the only thing that Vallace wanted. He had
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VALLACE ROSE
everything else that he needed.
I was curious about Vallace and his struggle. I
wondered i it was something that all people went through,
or i it was just actually a problem with Vallace. So on that
summer night, I decided to change a little. I decided that I
wanted to start a loyal relationship with a beautiul girl. I
wanted to do this primarily to put mysel in Vallace's shoes.
I wanted to see how simple it was or me in hopes that I
could help Vallace.
Things changed at the end o my reshman year in
college. I was ready to ind someone just to be with. I didn't
intend on ounding a serious relationship in which the word
'love' is used so much that it would be burnt out. I wasn't
that kind o person.
It was early in the summer, when the weather was
still mildly chilly at nightall, but nice enough to hang
around the town by the campus. You could ind anybody
with anyone downtown. They walked up and down the
sidewalk or sat at tables outside the coee shop or the sushi
restaurant. It was all talk. Ve never had the chance to catch
up with what everyone was doing and how they were dealing
with this, or that and so on.
Vallace was the one who insisted that we go out that
night. Obviously, I understood and agreed to ollow along.
From that very night, I discovered that sitting around
downtown during the evening and early nightall was one o
my avorite things to do.
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VALLACE ROSE
Nightall was arriving as Vallace and I took a seat at
a table outside a bar and grill restaurant. Ve enjoyed the
smell o the busy caes and the noise rom conversations
that wheeled on by us. I was content with the way it was: Me
and Vallace, and nobody else.
How do I look?" Vallace asked me, seemingly out
o the blue. The silence between the two o us was broken.
You're ine, Vallace. You don't need to ask." I
assured him.
Vallace kept his eyes away rom me, and ocused on
the people that walked by. Sometimes he would pretend that
he wasn't looking at a particular person when they looked at
him. He moved into a candid posture and would oten
times remain that way, looking at the blank screen on his
unlit phone.
Most o the evening was actually quiet. It was just me
and Vallace, sitting at a table. There were several amiliar
aces up rom campus but that still wasn't the usual. I had
seen some people rom my lecture classes. I received some
'heys' rom them, but no one was interested in stopping to
catch up with what Vallace and I were doing.
It seems that they have igured out that I am with
you this evening." Vallace said, remarking, with a little
laugh. I laughed with him but I had to disagree with his sel-
degrading jokes. Vallace never really had a ilter or putting
himsel down. He did it in a way that made him seem less
depressing. Vallace had told me that those jokes make him
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VALLACE ROSE
eel better because it makes people realize that he himsel is
aware that he 'sucks' or is a 'loser'. People would always
disagree with him. I don't know i their disagreement was
just a help to satisy Vallace and his need or attention, or i
they were being genuine about it.
Vallace once told me that he doesn't expect a lot out
o people, especially when he would complain, jokingly,
about his lie. He didn't want reassurance. He just wanted
someone to laugh at him and his jokes. For some reason,
this actually made Vallace eel better about himsel. I never
saw him as one to seek attention. He called himsel
unattractive, not because he was down, but because it was his
honest opinion about himsel. He didn't want people to beg
to dier, he wanted someone to genuinely agree with him. I
never met a single person who 'genuinely' agreed to any
negative thing Vallace had said about himsel.
Luck would come to Vallace eventually. Sometimes
you really just have to wait it out. Patience is sometimes
painul, but it's best to ease it out and wait it through. And
it's also the luck with people. It's just a act that some people
get certain things sooner than others. That would be the case
with me on that very night that Vallace and I went out
together.
A girl that I relatively knew saw me and Vallace at
the table. She called us out and hurried over to sit with us.
As she came closer, my near-sighted vision saw the beautiul
Brooke Schumacher. There was an open seat between Vallace
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VALLACE ROSE
and me that she sat in.
Vere you here all by yoursel?" I asked her. I was
curious, or she seemed to have been downtown or a while.
She showed up without anyone else.
I came here to look around at the stores." She said,
with the delightul voice that seemed to catch my ears.
The conversation between the three o us wasn't
really that special, but that didn't mean that I didn't like
Brooke. I did. I know that it would sound cliche, but there
was something dierent about Brooke that made her stand
out rom the rest o the crowd. I was able to get Brooke's
number and I was eager to get back to the dorm that night
to call her.
Vallace, on the other hand, was being very absurd
about the situation. He played it o cool in the presence o
Brooke, but when we got back to the dorm room, he nearly
exploded.
I could tell that within his anger was a sadness, a
yearning to give up.
How do you do that?" Vallace asked me, angrily. I
just don't get how you can do that and achieve it and when
I do it I get these weird looks rom people."
You didn't even ask her or her number." I simply
told him. I was ready to hear what Vallace had to say back.
That would just look weird, like I'm interested in
her." he said.
Vell, be honest," I said, are you interested in
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VALLACE ROSE
Brooke?"
Vhat i I was?" He implored, practically in a
rhetorical manner.
I would say that you could just ask or her number.
She didn't look at me all weird." I explained to him.
Vell, you're Ross McKay. I'm Vallace Rose. Ve're
two dierent people. One o us is liked by everyone and the
other isn't. Take a good guess at who's who." I didn't want to
answer Vallace's rustrating question.
Look, Vallace," I said, it seems to me that you're
wanting someone to come to you. You want someone to ask
or your number. You're just waiting instead o doing." I
tried to explain to him.
You should know how I eel," Vallace said, I've
given up long ago on chasing. It's better to just be chased
instead. But then again, I'm never chased by anyone. There's
nothing to me to chase." Vallace sighed.
You'll just become a nobody even more, Vallace." I
gave him as much advice as he needed. A lot o people may
know you but they don't know who you are." Vallace
looked up at me. I you set a ground or yoursel, deined
yoursel, and made yoursel even more noticeable, then
maybe people will begin to know who you are. People will
look up to you and respect you." Vallace smirked.
People can't look up to me," Vallace said, wearing a
strange smile on his ace, people will look down to me
because I'm shorter than everyone else."
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VALLACE ROSE
The both o us laughed.
I knew that my words o advice that night wouldn't
help Vallace. There was just something about Vallace. It was
mysterious. The dark clouds that hung on Vallace until his
ending began to orm some point rom that night. This ade
o early summer evening to cool summer night was a
threshold. I eared that Vallace was heading toward a bad
direction. I eared that things were going to change. I eared
that Vallace was going to crash and burn eventually. He
never had been the same since college. His sense o humor
aded away and his vitality evaporated into the thin air.
Vallace Rose was no longer the Vallace Rose that he once
was.
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VALLACE ROSE
2
The rain poured down mildly as I began to drive
away rom the cemetery. Today is Sunday. I don't work
today. I don't have any errands to run today. I elt like
calling up Sienna to see i she wanted to go out just to eat or
something. I don't know exactly how she would be eeling.
Maybe I won't bother her. I know that she was traumatized
at what happened. I wanted to respect that.
I really need some company or something to occupy
my time. I wanted to think about some o the things that
Vallace was doing because I didn't understand. As I drove
around town, I decided that I would head downtown and
make a pass by the college we once attended together.
I remember the night I told Vallace that I was
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VALLACE ROSE
considering a relationship with Brooke. The entire
conversation, nearly word-or-word, played out in my head
as I took the highway downtown.
I walked into the dorm ater going on a date with
Brooke. Vallace was sitting in a chair not really doing
anything. He just stared out the window, looking at nothing.
Vhere have you been?" He turned and asked me.
On a date with Brooke." I answered. Vallace
remained stagnant.
I'm thinking about asking her out," I said. Vhat
do you think she'll say?" I asked or Vallace's opinion. He
rolled his eyes at me, and then he let out a sigh.
Vhat is it, Vallace?" I said, slightly bothered by his
reaction.
You want to start a relationship..." He said, almost
in a whisper.
I'm sorry i you liked Brooke, I don't know what I
can tell you --" I said, and Vallace interrupted.
It's not that--" Vallace insisted.
I'm sorry that you're not in a relationship. You can
get in a relationship really easy. You're just making it hard
or yoursel."
Look," Vallace stood up rom a chair he was sitting
in. People seem to think that I'm oblivious about the
things that come with a relationship. I'm not." Vallace
began to walk around the room. You're going to end up
bringing her here every day. You're going to come in here
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VALLACE ROSE
and act like the two o you can do whatever you want. You're
going to crash into your bed, and start sucking aces, and--"
No, that's not the case." I insisted him.
Vell, I'm going to have to leave. That's ine - i I
had a place to leave to while you guys are having your love
time." Vallace said.
I'm not going to make you leave." I said.
So you want me to watch the two o you make love
while I run to the end o my chain and bark?" Vallace
asked, sarcastically and demandingly.
I won't do that here," I assured him.
You won't resist, my riend." Vallace argued. Ve
both knew that that was true.
You can go on dates with us."
Third wheeling it!" Vallace exclaimed.
Or ind someone to go with you--"
Vallace let out a pretense laughter that led to a
pretense crying-laughter.
Vho would want to go on a - date? Vith me?" He
asked.
Anyone." I stated.
You're a good comedian," he laughed. A good
comedian."
Vallace was beginning to be in denial o everything
that was true or possible. It was hard to convince him o
something or make him believe good things would happen.
I started to hypothesize that maybe that was the actual root
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VALLACE ROSE
o his problems. It's well-known that not everyone likes to be
around someone who is pessimistic. Vallace was as
pessimistic as pessimistic gets. And his negative attitude
remained stubborn.
Ater being around Vallace or all o those years, I
actually began to understand some o his problems but I was
well aware that he didn't work hard to solve them.
Sadly with all o his struggle, Vallace's avorite
things were romance, love and relationships. He wanted to
be a lady's man but he ailed to give his best gits to people
because he just couldn't do it. To this day, I still don't know
i it was a problem o Vallace's own that kept him rom
doing this, or i he was criticized on the low and avoided.
Vallace assumed that people didn't like him and wouldn't
want to be near him. I think his attitude and thoughts about
that actually kept people rom actually liking him.
At the end o our reshman year in college, Vallace
told me that in his nineteen years o living, he only had
been in two relationships: One was in middle school and the
other was in high school. Vallace's irst relationship
spawned during times that he wasn't bothered by
relationships. He never really hoped to be in one and he
never really waited or one. Vallace's irst relationship came
to him. Perhaps that explains Vallace's high expectations.
Vallace dated a girl that he really didn't like when he
was in eighth grade. However, through time, Vallace ell in
love with her. The relationship only lasted a month, and
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VALLACE ROSE
Vallace was devastated when it ended. He called the day
beore their break-up the last day he can remember actually
being content about his lie.
Nonetheless, the ball was rolling. Vallace loved the
eeling o a relationship. He enjoyed exchanging romantic
comments and always having someone by his side. Sadly
enough, he struggled or three long years beore his second
and last relationship. I remember during sophomore year, he
inally got another girlriend but it wasn't as exciting or
him. He told me that he had to ask her out and she would
have elt bad i she said no to him. That relationship, too,
would only last a month beore Vallace was ed up with the
lack o liveliness and romance. And that was it.
Vallace became a dating tramp again. He lirted with
every nice-looking girl but nothing really happened as a
result. Vallace seemed to have been trying but he most likely
expected someone other than him to make the next move.
Nobody would. I would tell Vallace that i he liked
someone, he should tell them. He said that he couldn't
because the answer would most likely be a polite rejection
and things would get awkward.
I thought about it, but came to the conclusion that
hey, it's lie. Stu like that will happen quite oten. It has
certainly happened to me. In act, some things about the
past year have been awkward.
Also, going to the streets downtown was getting old
or me, and I couldn't think or Vallace. He kept on
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wanting to go because he kept his hopes up. I I were him, I
would have given up on going downtown and igured out
another place to go. The smell o sushi and hamburger was
getting old. Seeing the same people up and down the streets
was getting old. I recommended to Vallace that we stay on
the college campus because it was a act that more people
stayed around there.
Perhaps the only real reason I grew disinterested in
going everywhere with Vallace was because I wanted to
spend some time with Brooke. I hadn't asked her out yet
and Vallace always pulled me away rom the possibility. He
didn't want me to start a relationship with her until he
started his own relationship with someone else. But I knew
that I would be waiting an extremely long time.
Brooke and I were riends or a while. Ve got to
know each other that night we ran into each other
downtown. I called her all the time and we would spend
three or our hours on the phone just talking about
ridiculous things. I really liked it though. I used to lose so
much sleep because I just wanted to hear Brooke's voice all
night. I know it sounds like bogus, but I still think that it is
true. I've had relationships with many girls in the past and I
never really cared or them. Vhen I met Brooke, something
was dierent. I can coness that it wasn't even her looks that
captivated me. Through her beautiul ace was an inside that
possessed an even greater beauty. I was dumb enough to tell
her that once. I learned that that is only what is said by the
!$
VALLACE ROSE
heart. It sounds too ictional and strange rom the tongue.
I remember in the all that year, I had to keep things
on the low rom Vallace so that I could actually talk to
Brooke and ask her out. Vhile Vallace stayed at the dorm
room to study, I let to a ootball game with Brooke. It was a
home game, so it was near the campus. It was one o my
ideal kind o nights. Brooke made that night even better.
It was one o those nights in the all that ended up
sort o bitter and cold without really expecting it. I brought
a zip-up sweater with me to the game just in case. I learned
rom Brooke, however, that games weren't her kind o thing.
I elt a little bad about that. I had a better idea.
A little ways outside o town was a nice, large lake.
Many people called it the Y-Lake, because the lake was
shaped like a large, bubbled letter Y. The lake also had a
wooden dock built about iteen or twenty eet in.
I parked my car ar rom the lake's edge and both o
us got out. Brooke looked toward the sunset that triggered
the pinkish purple sky. Ve walked along the lakeside beore
reaching the dock. Brooke looked over at the lake's water,
and so did I. Ve were surprised to ind a crimson-colored
rose loating on by. I went to pick up the rose and I sotly
shook it so it was a little drier. I let Brooke hold on to it.
She accepted it with a smile.
I really like this." Brooke said. She looked to me
and the sky's colors relected onto her eyes. I noticed that
she didn't have a jacket or anything, so I let her borrow my
!%
VALLACE ROSE
zip-up. Ve walked up to the edge o the dock, and we sat
there next to each other with our eet barely hovering the
cold water.
Vallace is going to hate me or this." I accidentally
said to mysel out loud. A Freudian Slip had seized my wits
and exposed my racing thoughts. All I could do rom there
was try to cover something up, or just get it over with.
Hate you or what?" Brooke asked.
I - I told him that I'd be back by now." I was able
to cover up the reason... Or at least I thought I was.
Didn't you tell him you were going to the game?"
She asked.
Yeah." I said.
Vell it's still going on." Brooke told me, smiling.
It's not like he knows you're here."
Yeah, you're right." I said. Her eyes looked to me
again. There was, undoubtedly, some awkward silences in
between our words. At that point, we could both iner or
predict what was going to happen.
Is something wrong?" She asked me. She could tell
that I was thinking about something. Several things were
running through my mind. All o the what i's sprang into
mind as I was ready to ask Brooke. I think she knew what I
was thinking and wanted to start a moment. I thought I was
making a ool o mysel.
I was just thinking about Vallace." I said. I didn't
speak ater that. I just kept thinking. I needed to organize
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VALLACE ROSE
my mind. Another awkward silence between our words
commenced. I looked a little toward Brooke.
Vallace is a turd." Brooke suddenly commented. I
was actually surprised but I didn't know i I should have
been oended. I looked at her in a way that seemed to
righten or worry her, as though she shouldn't have said
that. I could tell that she wanted to take back what she said.
I know. He is." I let out. I smiled a little bit and
Brooke looked toward the sunset. The setting sun lashed
orange low in the horizon. The rest o the sky was pink and
violet.
Vell," Brooke started, He speaks his own little
language. I call it the language o complaining." There was a
pause. I didn't know how to reply to it. Ve both knew it to
be true.
I eel bad or him. Vhat is he even doing right
now? Did he go to the game?"
No, he's just sitting back at the dorm room. He
didn't want to come with us because he didn't want to be a
'third wheel'."
Oh." Brooke said. She didn't comment much on
that because the third wheel thing kind o hinted the notion
o us both being together. I knew she was waiting on me to
say something about it. But I was turning into a coward. So,
more awkwardness seemed to ensue.
I'm sorry." I said. I had the tendency to apologize
or simply nothing. Sure, it was hypocritical or me to
!'
VALLACE ROSE
apologize so much or being a believer that apologies mean
nothing. They don't really do much. Apologizing doesn't
really ix anything. That's why I personally never expect
apologies rom anyone.
For what?" Brooke asked, in response to my absurd
apology.
Vell, I don't know. That seemed kind o awkward."
I explained to her. There was no turning back. The talk had
to come eventually.
How was it awkward?" She asked. I thought o girls
going through this process o questioning as a amous thing
that all girls do right beore the moment. They seem to
know what's about to go down, which I suppose was a bit
comorting. Hopeully, I wasn't conusing Brooke.
Because we're like - I don't know how to explain it,
you know what I mean." I said. I thought that it was a bad
idea to say that without explaining urther.
Yeah." She said. She let out a nervous laugh.
I took Brooke's hand and had her stand up with me.
I gave her an awkward look as the color o the evening sky
inevitably relected on my cheeks. My heart began to race
and I picked up the rose that I had ound driting at the
edge o the lake.
Brooke, I have something to ask you." I announced
in a shaky, stuttering voice.
Yes?" Brooke asked in an exciting tone. I could
sense her clairvoyance with my intentions and elation. My
!(
VALLACE ROSE
conidence was high.
Vill you be my girlriend?" I asked. I was turning
red like the crimson rose, I could eel it. I oered the rose to
her again.
O course I will!" She cried. She hugged me. She
also threw the dying rose out and it sotly crashed back into
the waters o the Y-Lake.
It was that easy. All I could think was 'really?' But at
the same time I was excited. Brooke was also happy. Brooke
looked at me with her sapphire blue eyes. Her white teeth
shined. Her ace was the color o the sky, and so was mine.
Ve were both blushing at the incident. Ve hugged. Brooke
pressed against me tightly and behind her I looked at the
lake. My eyes caught the crimson rose, loating, practically
dead, in the lake.
Ater a brie moment, Brooke spoke.
Vere you trying to tell me that Vallace would have
been disappointed in you i we were together?"
He always is." I said with a sigh. I noticed that my
heart's pace returned to normal and my usual complexion
was returning to my ace. I began to look at the rose,
loating in the water. I never made the connection with it
that I can make now.
I looked back at my girlriend and smiled. Ve held
hands as we walked down the dock. Ve made a stop and
looked over at the sun, starting to go down urther more.
So Brooke and I were together at last. I couldn't tell
"*
VALLACE ROSE
you how happy I was that day. I honestly thought it wasn't
possible ater seeing Vallace struggle so much with what I
did so easily. I did start to wonder and eel bad or him. I
don't think I could picture him actually asking someone out
the way I did. He was just too awkward or it - more
awkward than I was about Brooke.
I was quite a happy person that night. I drove back
to campus with Brooke. It seemed like a typical Friday night.
Eventually, the game was over and everyone else at the
campus began to head back. Many people came back in
large groups. I knew that there were going to be some crazy
parties all over campus. The rush and excitement o the day
made me really tired. I wanted to sleep.
I walked Brooke to her dorm building.
Vell, goodnight." Brooke said in an adoring,
tiresome voice.
Goodnight, Brooke."
Ve both just looked at each other and smiled big. Ve
were practically awkward. It hasn't been long. I knew then
that the awkwardness would die down and it will be typical.
The next thing on my mind as I headed back to my
dorm was telling Vallace. I I told Vallace, then he would be
disappointed, jealous, or envious. I I didn't tell him, then
he'd ind out. He'll get mad that I didn't tell him. I made up
my mind that I would just wait a little beore telling him.
Maybe somehow over time he would just catch on that
")
VALLACE ROSE
Brooke and I were together as a dating couple.
Vhen I opened the door to the dorm room, I ound
a group o people in the dorm room with Vallace, one being
Gildroy. Gildroy was waiting or me. Ve had plans to hang
out late that night. The other people were with Vallace,
studying or chemistry.
Ross!" Gildroy called out, in a greet. Some o the
people in the room looked over, then went back to their
discussion. Vallace seemed to have been leading them,
teaching the small group. Vallace always had study sessions
like these, but they were during the wrong times. I really
wanted some sleep. I wasn't able to sleep when I wanted to
that night due to the study group session and the act that I
had plans with Gildroy.
I'm a little tired." I said.
Good luck with relieving that," Gildroy remarked,
you can't sleep through a discussion o oxidation states."
Is that what they're talking about?" I asked.
Yep. I don't even know what it is, but I've been
listening or the past hal hour." Gildroy explained. Say,
how did you like the game?" Gildroy added.
I didn't see the ending." I told him.
Really? Did you all asleep? Vhere did you go?"
I went to the Y-Lake with Brooke." I explained to
him. Gildroy squinted and grinned at me.
How'd it go?" He asked.
Ve're dating now," I said, I asked her out while we
"!
VALLACE ROSE
were standing on the dock."
That's good stu!" Gildroy was proud o me.
There was a constant announcement o chemical
compounds and plus numbers and minus numbers. I just
wanted to lay down and give Brooke a call.
Vell, hopeully they'll be done with their study
session soon." Gildroy said. I'll catch you tomorrow or
something."
Alright, have a good night." I told Gildroy goodbye
and he let the dorm room.
The study session with Vallace and his classmates
seemed interminable. I wanted to get some sleep. I was
excited or the next day, although I should have been
studying too.
I began to observe Vallace and listen to him. One o
the things that a lot o people didn't know about Vallace
was his leadership qualities. He had the capability o being a
public speaker, or even a teacher. He led the study session
group like he was a lecturer. He always seemed to know what
was right and what was wrong and he never hesitated with
anything he said. Vallace was one o those people that just
understood things easier than others. Vallace understood
the complicated things, but he never understood the simple
things.
Vallace always helped me with my homework. He
knew how to do things and he really showed himsel as
someone who actually cared about what went on around
""
VALLACE ROSE
him. He was all about success. He wanted to prosper and he
understood that many o his peers around him had
disoriented priorities. Throughout high school, Vallace
motivated himsel and associated himsel with the smart and
intelligent kids. I wouldn't say Vallace turned into one o
them, but he was already one o them beore he ound them.
There were even times when Vallace tried to
motivate me to do better in school. He oered it to me but I
didn't want it. I was starting to think about it and I elt bad.
So I lost my lethargy, got up out o the chair I was resting
in, and I joined in the study session.
Yes, Ross?" Vallace asked, surprised.
I'm just going to listen in and get help." I
explained.
And you're going to help me too, right?" Vallace
asked.
Yes, I will." I assured him. I listened careully in on
their discussion o reactions.
I wasn't sure what Vallace meant when he asked me
or help in return. Vas I supposed to help him at that point
in the study session? Either way, I should have helped
Vallace when he really needed it. I should have taken the
responsibility as his riend to have his back.
I didn't really remember any o the words in detail
that were exchanged that night. There were too many words
and numbers that I didn't understand. It seemed as though
Vallace and his study peers have advanced or accelerated
"#
VALLACE ROSE
their own teacher. They were talking about things that were
wildly complicated to me. Eventually, the night ended when
one o Vallace's peers was tired. Unbelievably, that was at
some point at two in the morning.
As I have said beore, I don't think that anyone ever
knew how hard Vallace worked. Vallace had a dream to be
successul aside rom his dream to be socially accepted
among others. I believed that Vallace was accepted by his
peers. His determination was admirable, but it was unknown
by everyone. He could have gone ar.
Suddenly, my thinking ceased as a tear rolled down
my ace. I made it to downtown Vaterglade. Everything
seems nice about this town. It's good to be here again. I'm
going to call Sienna. I'm going to lose mysel i I don't talk
to someone now. My ingertips seemed to shake
uncontrollably as I dialed her number.
"$
VALLACE ROSE
?
Sienna's phone rang. And rang. And rang.
Hey, this is Sienna. I'm sorry I couldn't pick up the
phone. I'm likely busy right now. Leave a message!" It was a
dierent kind o message. I'm not going to bother and leave
a message. Sienna isn't busy. She's upset. I understand that.
She'll see that I called her. Maybe she'll call later. I had to
control mysel though. I put a quarter in the slot outside o
my car. I'm just going to sit in the car and think about my
riend. Hopeully I'll remember something good. I picked
up rom my previous thoughts. I thought o the beginning
"%
VALLACE ROSE
o our senior year in college. It was just over a year ago.
My sophomore and junior years in college seemed to
make a run past. Things remained the same, only this time, I
was a little older, and so was everyone else. Vallace and I
were seniors and the all was beginning. Classes were about
to be back in session ater what seemed to be a rather short
summer. Nothing signiicant had really changed since the
beginning o my sophomore year in college.
Vell, maybe some things did change. I was beginning
to ind out who I was and what I wanted to do or a living.
The previous year was a year about setting the anchor down.
Many o my riends were choosing to be engineers.
Honestly, I was just ready to get out o college. I wasn't even
thinking about what I wanted to do.
I started to think about what everyone around me
was doing. My girlriend was trying to get a certiication, or
degree in the ield o medicine. Vallace was working with
chemistry as he was in the beginning. I decided that I would
get into engineering. I didn't want to think too long on it. I
didn't really have a choice.
Thinking about this time made me think o a day
that knocked up my perspective a little bit. I used to think
that Vallace was just being a little absurd. I mean, he is with
some things, but I learned that Vallace was right about some
things.
Vhen I came back to the dorm room during
breakast, the room seemed to be a little extra cleaner than it
"&
VALLACE ROSE
was when I let. Vallace was cleaning up the room, and he
seemed to be packed up or some occasion.
Going somewhere?" I asked.
Hey," Vallace said, I've been wondering i you
wanted to go out o town this weekend with me to see my
parents." I was conused. Vallace spoke again. I don't want
to have to go alone."
I was wanting to hang out with Brooke." I said.
Vallace gave me a look that reminded me o what he said
beore I started dating Brooke. Alright, yeah." I changed my
mind because I elt bad or him. I also promised him, in a
way, that I wouldn't let Brooke devour my lie.
Basically, I'm going to go just to see my brother."
Vallace said. My parents are rather hateul."
Don't say that. That's not true." I assured him.
I may be wrong with a lot o things, but I know
that I am nothing to my parents." Vallace said. He said it so
solid that he was absolutely sure he was right. It reminded
me o the way he would speak to his peers during a group
study session. I thought I might visit my brother and see
what he is up to."
How do you know that he'll be at your parents'
house?" I asked.
I called him yesterday." He said.
I looked out the large open windows o the dorm
room that overlooked the campus. The skies were clear and
blue. It was the end o August. The weather was simply nice.
"'
VALLACE ROSE
Ever think that it will rain?" Vallace began to
complain again. I don't think it's rained since July."
I would hope or some rain." I added.
Ve have a bit o a drought." Vallace claimed.
Just then, I shameully remembered that I had made
plans with Gildroy that day. He came in looking at me,
expecting to leave somewhere with him.
It looks a little more cleaner in here than usual."
Gildroy commented. Vallace seemed a little displeased,
assuming the truth that Gildroy was trying to come and
swipe me away rom him.
Vould you like to go out o town with us?" I asked
Gildroy.
Sure, where exactly to?" He inquired.
Vell, we're going to Vallace's parents' house to meet
them. Maybe we can have some un aterword." I told him.
How are you guys getting there?" Gildroy asked.
I looked at Vallace. He didn't give an answer.
I'd drive you guys down there i you want." Gildroy
always oered things despite the act that I oten orgot
about our arrangements.
That works." Vallace said, busy with cleaning the
large overlooking windows.
Outside the sky was turning gray. It looked as
though it was about to rain. The air seemed a little dry and
it was still hot. Summer was beginning to ade into the mild
September. Gildroy, Leslie, Vallace and I walked out to the
"(
VALLACE ROSE
student parking lot o the campus. Ve really didn't get into
the car yet. Ve had a conversation. There was always too
much going on and not enough time to catch up with good
riends and old riends. Asking what's up was always
annoying. The answer was always the same, not much"
kind o thing. Here at the university, it was what are you
majoring in?"
Ve went around in our little circle in the parking lot
discussing what we wanted to major in. Vhen Vallace said
that he was majoring in chemical engineering, Gildroy
pretended to have a spasm.
Chemical Engineering?" Gildroy asked, shocked. I
heard it takes a lot. Good luck."
Vallace looked at him with a straight ace. I don't
see the problem with that."
There isn't a problem with it." Gildroy said. It's
just really hard."
People just think that things are diicult because
they don't want to put eort in things. It's not that it's hard
or diicult, people are just too lazy." There was a long
silence.
He's right on that one." Leslie added. Medicine is
also diicult unless you're passionate about it."
Ve got in the car. Gildroy began to drive us away
rom the university. Ve were heading back to the place
where we grew up. The small town in which we were raised
was just about ten miles away. The problem with Vicke's
#*
VALLACE ROSE
\illage was that there was nothing really there. It was an
empty little town. As teenagers, we had nothing to do on the
weekends. Gildroy and I would oten take a bus and leave
town. Vicke's \illage was part o Vaterglade, which was the
main city. Downtown Vaterglade was beautiul, especially at
night. So ar, I've only spent time there twice, or maybe three
times. In order to get home, we would have to pass through
Vaterglade, and possibly the downtown area.
As we were on the highway, the rain began to pour
down a little more. The daytime sky got a little darker with
the company o bright lashes and thunder.
Are you serious?" Gildroy demanded, commenting
on the weather.
I love this." Vallace said. Nobody heard him,
because he was cut o by Leslie.
I hate the rain." Leslie sighed. I looked over at
Vallace, who was with me in the back seat. Being cut o or
unheard made him mad. I understood. I someone heard me
say something while being cut o, I would be humiliated.
But everyone seemed to listen to me. I couldn't help it in
Vallace's case.
Vell I heard that Kurt was having a party." Gildroy
announced while driving. He lipped on the windshield
wipers and the tears o the sky were licked o.
Vho's Kurt?" Leslie didn't know Kurt. I wasn't
really amiliar with Kurt either.
Kurt is my roommate's brother. You know Keith,
#)
VALLACE ROSE
don't you?" I soon became amiliar with him. I met Kurt
once when I visited Gildroy in his dorm room.
Vell he's throwing a party. I'm guessing that his
party will be at his dorm room. I'm not throwing one in
mine." Gildroy spoke, looking out at the highway.
There was a storm brewing in ront o us. I wasn't in
avor o storms, but I thought this one looked nice. I was
sure that the warm temperatures made it look wild the way it
was. The sky was dark and the lightning was purple. It had
an electric look. It went well with the song that was playing
on the radio.
Through the darkness, I saw a green road sign that
marked Vicke's \illage ive miles away. Gildroy didn't take
the downtown route as I would have expected. Everything
was starting to look amiliar again. A shopping center
emerged in ront o us while we were still on the highway.
The ascination was disintegrating into the emptiness o
Vicke's \illage. Vallace was looking out the window as we
passed the high school we all attended together. I looked
over at Vallace, and saw the lirtatious sophomore in him. I
remember at that point he smirked. I knew that he thought
about the way he was in high school just as I did.
Ater all, there seemed to be more to Vicke's \illage
than I expected. Perhaps it was because I saw more in my
college years. Nevertheless, it still didn't have a lot compared
to the other places I have been beore.
Gildroy seemed to know where to take us. Vallace's
#!
VALLACE ROSE
house was not that ar into town. It was in the large house
neighborhood. My parent's home was a ew blocks away
rom Vallace's. I lived in a mildly large house in a
neighborhood that surrounded Vallace's.
The car came to a halt at a large white house. The
leaves were soaked into the lawn where two large trees stood,
with a small cement pathway in between that led to the large
ront door.
This is the place." Vallace said.
Let me know when you want to be picked up."
Gildroy advised the both o us.
You sure you don't want to come?" Vallace asked.
I'd like to see my parents. I might stop by i I have
the time." Gildroy explained. I elt a little like Gildroy,
wanting to see my own parents since it was convenient. And
o all honesty, I preerred to have Brooke with me too.
Vallace and I walked up the cement pathway, and
under the clash o branches that two trees made. Vallace
rung the doorbell and ater a moment, a scrawny woman in
her late orties or early ities opened the door. A amiliar
smile marked her ace, It was Vallace's mother. Behind her
emerged the heavier Bill, Vallace's ather.
Ross!" Bill welcomed me with excitement. Come
on in!" He welcomed me in the house beore even noticing
Vallace.
I have known Vallace's parents almost as long as I
knew Vallace himsel. I met them when Vallace brought me
#"
VALLACE ROSE
over to his house the second or third time we hung out in
middle school. Vith all o my visits, I have always noted
something strange with Vallace and his parents. There was a
lack o connection. Vallace was separated rom his parents
in a way. He was the younger brother o Villiam Rose Jr.
Villiam and Vallace look much alike, but they seem
to be quite the opposite. Villiam seemed to give o more
lie and optimism. According to Vallace, Villiam just had
the right reason to be as happy the way he was. He had a
gorgeous girlriend. Her name was Alexis Neel. They have
been together since their last year in high school.
Villiam seemed to be contemptuous around his
younger sibling. He and his girlriend had high-paying jobs.
I I recall, Alexis was a nurse. Villiam was an engineer with
the only degree o engineering he could get by with. That
isn't a bad thing, engineering is a heavy subject and the
major is hard. However, in comparison, Vallace was trying
to major in Chemical Engineering, which I have heard was
incredibly more diicult than any other engineering major.
Both Villiam and Alexis had a lot o money rom
their jobs. They had no children, and they chose that they
would not have any children. They lived in a rather large
house somewhere outside o town where their parents lived.
About the money, Villiam and Alexis shared the money
with Villiam's parents. Vallace told me that his brother had
so much money, that he really didn't know what to spend
all o it on.
##
VALLACE ROSE
Frankie Livingston-Rose is the name o Vallace's
mother. She was rather scrawny, like Vallace. Frankie never
went to college. As a teenager, she worked at book stores and
was even a waitress at a couple dierent restaurants. She had
her irst son as a teenager in high school. This was Villiam's
older brother, Valden. Vallace told me that he had only
seen Valden once or twice. He was ive years older than
Villiam, and Villiam was three years older than Vallace. So
Valden was about eight years older than Vallace. Vallace
also told me that he lives out o state, but he doesn't know
what state he lives in. Valden was the actual mystery o the
Rose amily. He carries a dierent last name because his
ather and Frankie separated beore Frankie met Villiam
and Vallace's ather.
Bill, Vallace's ather, seemed to have an admiration
or me. He would always treat me like one o his best guests
at the house. He oered me a dinner beore asking his own
son. Vell, he would ask Villiam, me, then he would ask
Vallace. I expected that was a 'treat your guests nicely' thing.
Back then, Villiam had changed into guest o the house
because he moved out and lived with Alexis.
Vallace got his looks rom his dad. The only thing
that was dierent was that Bill was rather larger. He was
more meaty than his son. Otherwise, he was practically
Vallace at an older age, with receding, gray hair.
Ve all took a seat at the large table in the dining
room. A chandelier hovered over the table's center. Alexis
#$
VALLACE ROSE
and Villiam were already sitting at the table. Villiam's ace,
almost identical to Vallace's, looked over at me and his
younger sibling.
Vallace Rose." Villiam cried out contemptuously.
Vallace looked his way. How do you do?"
I'm good." Vallace answered him with an obvious
lie. Villiam seemed to pick on his younger brother the
entire time we were there. I didn't really like Villiam or
that.
Stop it!" Alexis demanded her boyriend to stop.
Ve're delighted to have you, Ross." Bill said to me.
Thanks." I replied.
So you're in college I hear?" This was a unny
question that Bill asked me every year that I visited.
Yes, yes I am. Did you orget?"
Bill let out a laugh. I am getting quite old, my
riend." I laughed nervously. Vallace didn't say a word. He
looked at the lightning outside the window. I knew that he
didn't want to be here anymore. Coming here was a big
regret. I began to see that Vallace was right about the neglect
that he went through.
So, what are you going to major in, boy?" Bill
asked. I wasn't sure who he was addressing his question to. I
looked over to Vallace. Vallace looked over to his ather,
who I ound was looking at me.
Oh, I'm majoring in engineering." I told him.
That's excellent! Vhat kind o engineering? Just
#%
VALLACE ROSE
plain engineering?"
I don't know yet." I said.
Vell, you better ind out. You don't have orever,
boy!" Bill gave me the advice that I thought over mysel.
And what about my son?" He looked over to
Vallace.
Chemical Engineering." Vallace didn't speak much
around his parents.
Bill was surprised. Ater a moment, he laughed.
Chemical Engineering? Vhat're you going to do
with that - how are you going to get a major in that?" He
asked. Bill seemed to mock him or the diiculty o the
major.
I'll get it." Vallace said. You don't have to believe
in me. I'll do it and I'll prove you wrong." Vallace looked at
his ather with menacing eyes and a straight ace.
I didn't mean to anger you, boy." Bill objected.
Take it easy. I you think you're going to get it, just think
you will. Vho knows? Maybe you'll get it." Bill took a bite
o steak.
Vell, it is kind o diicult." Alexis added. I
actually changed my major rom Chemical Engineering. I'm
really good at stu, and I knew I was going to ail on the
irst day."
I'm going to get it." Vallace said, angrily. I don't
think any o you actually have worked as hard as I have or
the past two years. I don't even care anymore. You treat me
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VALLACE ROSE
like I'm not even a part o the amily." Vallace was making
a point. You treat Ross like your son. Did you get us mixed
up?" Vallace was addressing his ather, more than he was his
mother.
Honey, all o us acknowledge you as part o our
amily. You're a Rose." Frankie tried to reassure her son.
Vallace took out his phone and called Gildroy. As
the phone was dialing and calling Gildroy, Vallace added,
Maybe i your poor excuse o a husband could support his
own damn son!" Vallace walked out o the room. The ront
door slammed.
Frankie seemed to be oended o the poor excuse
o a husband" insult rather than Vallace's own problems. I
was getting quite angry mysel. I didn't want to show it
though.
I elt like I inally got to the bottom o Vallace Rose
- at least close to the bottom. I always wondered why he
acted so unsure and pessimistic about things. His parents
were poor support systems. It was more o a problem with
his ather than it was with his mother. My perspective
changed a little bit. And I lost a little respect or the Rose
amily, with the exception o Vallace o course.
I ollowed Vallace outside. He stayed under the
small roo at the ront door to protect himsel rom the
rain.
Ve're leaving." Vallace said. I can't stand my poor
excuse o a amily." I had no comment or him. Ve stood in
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VALLACE ROSE
quietness and waited or Gildroy to arrive. Nobody came
out to the ront door which made me wonder i Vallace's
brother or parents even cared about him at all. This was one
o the irst signs that I saw. This was a sign that I needed
Vallace to orget about his parents. I knew that somehow I
could make them not matter to him, meaning that I didn't
want their neglect and arrogance to put him in any harm's
way. He didn't deserve that. So I set mysel out to ind
someone or Vallace.
#(
VALLACE ROSE
4
Vithin the souring rain o the night emerged the
lights o Gildroy's car. It had taken him some time to drive
over to Vallace's house. Perhaps Vallace and I thought so
because we were almost getting soaked. My phone rang, but
I didn't answer it. It was Gildroy giving the signal that he
was here. Ve had already seen his lights.
I walked toward the car and Vallace ollowed
behind. In the car, we didn't speak o what happened.
So, how was it?" Gildroy asked.
Pretty good." I said, speaking beore Vallace had a
chance.
Oh, yeah." Vallace added. His sarcasm was obvious,
$*
VALLACE ROSE
but nobody asked him about it or spoke to him. I could
hear the rain pouring outside. Drops hit the top o the car
and streamed down the windshield. Bands o water could be
seen through Gildroy's headlights. Gildroy drove o and
away rom Vallace's home and into the desolate rainy night.
Much o Vallace's home was surrounded by a cluster
o trees and only a ew other large houses. From the
backyard o my own house, I used to be able to see some o
the tops o the houses protrude into visibility, noting that
people lived behind the line o trees.
In my childhood, I do remember always wandering
and sneaking in behind the trees with several riends. Vhen
I irst noticed the orest area I always wanted to walk into it.
I loved going on adventures. Some times I used to approach
the trees so close on my own but my mother insisted that I
stay away. I never really listened to her when it came to that.
My curiosity bent me, or pulled me into the wood.
There was really only one occasion that I went into
the woods all by mysel. I would only get through two trees
then turn around. The next time I went through the wood
was when I was with Vallace. He was taking me to his house.
I thought about that during the moment Gildroy
drove us away and toward my house. The complex things
that we were ascinated with as children seem to become
simple in the uture. The woods and the neighborhood
within seemed to be a grand mystery to me. It always had an
inluence on my childhood and it let me wondering what
$)
VALLACE ROSE
was inside. But now, it's simply a neighborhood to me. My
attention has been drawn away rom the ine details o the
neighborhood.
Ve made a pass by my house and I tried to get a
look at the ront through the darkness. To me, it looked a
little dierent than usual. I thought at irst that it was
because I never really looked at it during the night. The
windows were completely black. That only had to mean that
my parents and amily were all sleeping, or that they were
gone somewhere.
The rain began to settle down once more. Ve were
approaching lights o signs. Ve were in the middle o
Vicke's \illage where all o the stores were located together.
So, how does that place sound?" Gildroy pointed to
a nice little diner that I had been to at one point in my lie.
Sure thing," I told him, I liked it there."
Good stu?" Gildroy turned over quickly to view
me.
Yes, deinitely."
Vallace?" Vallace answered with simply a nod,
looking out o the car window.
How about you?" He looked over to Leslie. Leslie
obviously approved o it.
As a young adolescent, I was taken to this restaurant
by no other than Gildroy, and I do believe that Vallace was
amiliar with the place. It was, in a way, like a sports bar.
There were dim colored lights that made the place look kind
$!
VALLACE ROSE
o purple and there were T\ screens everywhere.
The restaurant actually provided a pretty large menu
with a variety o things. It took me some time to ind
something that I wanted to eat that night.
Vallace Rose." Gildroy looked to Vallace. Vallace
looked up rom his constant head-down position. Vhat's
up?" Vallace shrugged.
Vell, I'm sitting in--" Vallace was interrupted.
Kurt! Ve were just talking about your party!"
Gildroy exclaimed when Kurt Abraham approached with
another woman.
Oh yeah," he said, you know, I kind o want to be
generous and make it a show up and drink thing instead o
a B.Y.O.B."
Do you have the money or that?" Gildroy asked.
O course. Vell, I hope so." Kurt answered him
quick and re-assuringly.
Vell, take a seat." Gildroy welcomed the two to the
table.
I wish I could, but thanks anyways." Kurt told us
that he couldn't stay.
Ve can stay or a while." The lady with Kurt assured
him.
Vell I have to go Andrea," he told the girl, you can
stay." The girl didn't say anything back.
Kurt walked away, leaving Andrea with us. She took
a seat right next to Vallace. That made me smile a little bit.
$"
VALLACE ROSE
I tried to aim my smile at Vallace, but he wasn't looking.
Vallace." Andrea called him in a sot voice. Vallace
looked to her, conused.
Do I know you?" Vallace asked Andrea.
You may not know me, but I know you." Andrea
smiled at Vallace. Everything seemed mildly alright or the
two o them. My hopes or Vallace Rose began to go up.
I tried to remember the kind o person that Andrea
was. I elt as though I knew her rom somewhere. She
reminded me o someone that I went to middle school with
- perhaps high school. I did ind it remarkable that she
actually knew Vallace. It was even more remarkable that
Vallace had no clue who she was.
Andrea gave o a decent irst impression. She had a
look o innocence that reminded me o Vallace himsel. The
two o them seemed ideal to me at the point.
O course, Andrea really didn't stay around or a
while, but her story was an interesting one. There was a
quick ending to it, presumably rom Vallace's own aults.
But Andrea hersel was a cradle o laws.
Vho's going to be at the party?" Gildroy asked. He
looked at all o us in curious hopes on an answer. I don't
know about you guys, but Leslie and I are going."
You all should come." Andrea spoke up again.
Vhat day o the weekend is it?" Leslie asked.
I believe it's going to be on Saturday. The parties
always all into Sunday morning. It's just a tradition."
$#
VALLACE ROSE
Gildroy seemed to have made the statement up. Perhaps it
was a tradition that nobody really paid attention to.
Anyone else think it's so strange that it's already
senior year?" Leslie brought up.
Vhat're we going to do next year?" Gildroy asked.
Vhere does the time go?"
Vhat are you guys going to be doing next year, or
in the uture?" Andrea asked, with her question speciically
addressing Leslie.
I want to be a nurse." Leslie told her.
Really? That's what I was thinking about doing!"
Andrea exclaimed.
It takes a lot. There's just too much to remember."
Leslie advised her.
Is it as hard as chemistry?" Andrea asked.
I don't know."
Chemistry isn't that hard." Vallace spoke.
Vhat? You're so nutty, Vallace." Andrea looked
back over at Vallace. Vallace let a grin on his ace.
I could help you with chemistry - i that's what
you're taking." He added.
Sure!" Andrea said excitingly. I could really use
some help."
I'm sure that all o this makes engineering look
easy." I joked.
Engineering isn't too bad. Vell, I guess it depends
on what type o engineering you're trying to get a degree in."
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VALLACE ROSE
That's true." I agreed. Electrical Engineering, I
heard, is a piece o cake."
Vallace's phone rang. However, Vallace remained
still in his position, not bothering to answer.
Gonna get that?" Vallace asked Andrea.
That's not my phone." Andrea told him. To
Vallace's surprise, he ound that it was his phone ringing.
Someone had called him, and it was a number that he said
that he was amiliar with.
I'm awully surprised," Vallace exclaimed, nobody
ever calls me." Vallace then walked out to take the call. As
Vallace walked away and out the doors, there was a silence.
Andrea looked over the direction in which he let. In her eye
was a spark o interest. I had to say something.
Vhat do you think o Vallace?" I asked, smiling.
He's pretty cool." Andrea said kindly.
He's the perect material." I said.
Vhat do you mean by that?" Andrea asked me with
some interest.
You know - Vell, actually, I'll leave that or you to
igure out."
Oh, please!" Andrea begged.
He's trying to ask you i you would - do things -
date Vallace." Gildroy made it simple.
Vell," Andrea said, maybe i I knew him a little
more. I don't know him a lot. I just know him by name."
Have you heard about him?" I asked. Vhat do you
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VALLACE ROSE
know about him?"
I just know that he's sweet. That's all."
He is. He has a lot o sweetness stored inside him.
He had none to give or the past - several years."
That's sad." Andrea said with a little rown.
You ought to get to know him." I insisted. I got a
little closer to Andrea. He thinks that nobody likes him. I
tried to prove him wrong on that." I paused. You need to
be that proo." I smiled and backed away. Andrea only
nodded.
Vait-" Gildroy's loud voice broke the pleasant
volume o our conversation. Leslie, sitting next to him,
looked over. All this talk about Vallace - who is on the
phone with him?"
That's a good question." I said. I didn't know who
he was on the phone with.
Gildroy looked over at his watch. It's getting kind
o late." he said. Vhen do you guys want to go back to
campus?"
I couldn't help but laugh. I knew Gildroy was one to
not ever be bothered by time. I knew then that there was a
reason that he didn't want to be at the restaurant.
Ve can go soon." I said. Ve have to wait on
Vallace."
Sweet." Gildroy said. As soon as he gets back in
here, we're out."
That's ine with me." I agreed.
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VALLACE ROSE
Andrea?" Gildroy said her name in an impatient
sounding tone.
Vhatever loats your boat, Gildroy." My eyes
widened. Something was going on between the two o them.
Just then, Vallace returned with his phone in his
hand. He really didn't speak about the call. Andrea gave a
polite wave.
I missed you."
Dearly?" Vallace asked.
Sure." Andrea said. Dearly." She looked to him
with a smile.
Ready to go, Vallace?" Gildroy asked.
You guys can go." Vallace said. I was a bit surprised.
I'll stick around with Andrea."
Alright." Gildroy nodded. That works." he added,
surprised.
I'll be back at the dorm later." Vallace addressed
me. Leave it unlocked."
Alright."
Ve all stood up and moved out o the booth. Ve put
on our small jackets. Leslie and Gildroy let a tip. I didn't
have any money to leave as a tip, and neither did Vallace.
Andrea seemed interested in Vallace. I was glad the way that
worked. I started to think about Brooke. I wished she was
with me.
It seemed like the long day was inally ending and all
o the problems aced in the moment were gone. Ve got into
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VALLACE ROSE
Gildroy's car and we began driving back to campus. I was
hoping that Vallace would make his way back easily. Vith
music playing loudly in the car, we drove o and along the
highway.
I'm not ready or school to start." Gildroy said.
Me neither." There was nothing else or me to say. I
was waiting or an exciting statement rom Vallace, who was
not with me at the moment.
Look up." Leslie said. All o this will end sooner or
later. Ve have only a year let to deal with everything."
I can't wait to get out o this mess." Gildroy kept
his eyes at the windshield. The lights along the highway
zipped by slowly. Squares o light hit the insides o the car
and slid o.
Vas there a reason that you wanted to leave?" I
asked.
Leave - the restaurant?" Gildroy asked or
clariication.
Yes." Both Leslie and Gildroy looked back at me.
Gildroy turned back around to drive.
It's Andrea..." Gildroy said.
Vhat about her?" I was curious.
I don't really know how to describe her." Gildroy
said. Other than the act that she's a--"
A bitch." Leslie added.
How so?" I asked.
Listen," I listened in to what Gildroy had to say,
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VALLACE ROSE
she's not good enough or Vallace."
And by that, you're telling me that Vallace isn't
good enough or her?" I argued.
Andrea isn't a trustworthy girl." Gildroy told me,
and Leslie seemed to be in agreement.
Vhy?" I interrogated them about Andrea.
Did you see her with Kurt there?" Gildroy asked
me.
O course." I simply answered him. Vhat about
her and Kurt?"
That's like the third guy that I only know o that
she talks to." Gildroy looked over to Leslie. She sleeps with
Kurt, doesn't she?" Leslie nodded. I sighed.
And Troy." Leslie added.
That's wonderul." I said, shaking my head.
I don't want Vallace messing around with her or
that reason."
I understand."
She's so disgusting." Leslie said. Andrea's the
epitome o a whore."
Yeah." Gildroy said with a sigh. Sex is her only
pleasure. She's one o those who lives on pleasure."
Vhat?" I turned disgusted.
Her and Troy - I don't even want to talk about it."
Leslie said.
It turned out that Andrea wasn't the right person or
Vallace. I had a harder time trying to tell that to Vallace. I
%*
VALLACE ROSE
didn't know how I was going to approach it, but I was sure
that I would have to let him know as soon as possible. I
knew that i I waited too long, he would be devastated.
Andrea had many relationships running and I
assumed that none o her men were aware about what she
was doing. I was sure that some o her men knew and didn't
really care. The problem is that there a lot o people who
don't have a superego. Many o the people that Vallace and
I knew were powered by their own Id. People would blindly
seek or pleasure, not aware o what consequences may
come.
Nobody really cared and that seemed to bother me.
I'm sure it bothered Vallace as well. The value o non-
material things seemed to shoot down. Nothing mattered to
anyone anymore. It was all about what elt good. It's why
there were so many college parties. I'm sure Kurt was all
about his Id. It was no wonder why he was with Andrea.
They both satisied each other and nothing else seemed to
disgust me more than that.
It was also unbelievable that so many people sought
or pleasure. I've been to only a ew college parties and I've
came to realize that Vallace and I were really the only ones
at Vaterglade University that didn't attend every party. I
would see the entire school in one setting. It really saddened
me. I never rejected going to at least one or two college
parties. It was a part o the college lie. But there were some
people who were so sucked into the parties that they orgot
%)
VALLACE ROSE
why they were even in school.
During the ride back to campus, Gildroy and his
girlriend continued to tell me things about Andrea. She had
a lot o stories or someone who was known little. She had
nicknames, like the Amsterdam Andrea". I've been told that
she was restless with her hobbies" and no matter how much
she got done in a day, she was never satisied. And her
main" man, Troy, also slept with other women. Andrea
didn't care about that, she didn't mind.
She was trying to play nice with Vallace and I let
that happen. I didn't want to prevent it though, because it
would seem like I was preventing women rom speaking to
Vallace. I would have had to deal with Vallace complaining
about how much his lie seemed to suck. Vell, you could do
anything or Vallace, and like a liquid, he'll ill in any
empty spot.
Vhen I got back to the dorm, I called Brooke and
she was able to get into the mens' dorm and into my dorm
room.
Vhere's Vallace?" Brooke asked. She seemed to
notice Vallace's lack o presence immediately. I did as well.
He's out, talking to a girl." I said. I didn't drop
details on the situation. Brooke smiled.
It's about time." She said. Vhen do you think he'll
be back?"
You know," I said, I don't really know."
I never really had Brooke at my dorm that much. It
%!
VALLACE ROSE
was a promise I made to Vallace at the beginning o our
sophomore year, which was two years ago. I think I did the
best I can. I knew eventually that he would have to deal with
me and Brooke once or twice - or even more.
Brooke began to walk around the dorm, checking the
place out as we had little talks. One o the things she seemed
to like most was the large window that overlooked the
campus. The cloudy days always seemed to turn into clear
nights. The stars were visible and the moon was likely a
crescent.
Ater a moment, Brooke moved over to my bed.
How do you sleep?" She asked me. Isn't that
window bright?"
It is sometimes in the mornings." I said. It's
beautiul right now, isn't it?"
Yeah." She said. I really like it. You're lucky you
have a large window like this."
Yeah, only a ew dorm rooms have them." I said.
Sometimes, I like to just look out the window when it's
dark. It's the best time to just let my thoughts go ree."
Do you ever think about me?" Brooke asked. She
gave me a glare that reminded me o the eyes o a puppy.
O course." I assured her. I think about us. I think
about what the uture holds. And it's right there - in the
stars."
Brooke smiled and rested her head next to mine on
my bed. I had Brooke in my arms, and we were just laying
%"
VALLACE ROSE
there. It was a perect moment. I looked out the window and
let my thoughts go wild. I orgot about all o the problems I
was dealing with. I had Brooke with me and it was our only
time to escape reality. Ve pretended it was orever.
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VALLACE ROSE
5
That night, I learned a lot more about Brooke
Schumacher. There was a lot to know about each other in
such a short night. Sure, I had all o summer, but there still
seemed to be a lot on my hands. Senior year was
approaching and all o us were eeling the stress. It was the
advent o lie. Ve were almost grown up.
Ve're so close." I whispered.
I know. Ve need to be closer." Brooke responded.
That too - I meant - we're so close to - the end.
Ve're almost done with school." I said, smiling. Brooke
turned her head toward me. She gave me a kiss on the cheek.
There was something nice about that kiss. You would
%$
VALLACE ROSE
think that I got plenty o kisses rom my girlriend, but in
the busy times, all we could do was meet up. Ve had more
talking to do, rather than making love in silence. It was that
night that we inished talking and just let ourselves go
without a boundary or limit.
My eyes continuously wandered outside o the large
window. It was a double take o the stars that night, and the
ever-so-wonderul Brooke Schumacher. I lipped around in
the bed to the other side, away rom the window. Brooke
came with me. Ve aced the door that was lit by the light o
the window.
Some o the signs, posters and other decorations in
the dorm were still visible in my eye. Vallace had put up a
large periodic table. Its shape was very distinct in the
darkness. There were other things o Vallace's and my own.
Ve split the dorm room in hal. The side with my bed had
all o my possessions and posters, while Vallace had his own
side. Right in between our halves was a small table that was
set against the wall with the large window. Vallace oten
seated himsel there when he did his school work.
I don't remember, though, how long Brooke and I
remained still in my bed. At the moment, we were just
happy to have some time together. And o course, we were
both too nervous to bring certain things up. I began to
question the idea o even having to bring certain things up.
I saw particular actions as a tacit agreement. Ve both began
to kiss. Soon, the kissing led to groping.
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VALLACE ROSE
It didn't take long beore the both us were naked
beneath the covers. Ve moved a lot, and grabbed each other.
For some reason, there was a subconscious shame within me,
but that didn't keep me rom my aggression. There was
something magniicent about what we were doing. It
mounted o all o the stress that the both us had.
Oh, Ross." Brooke gasped to me. This is perect."
Although Brooke and I didn't take it to the extreme, it was
pleasurable. It was just the two o us, embracing each other
naked.
I remember it being one o those moments where I
realized or a split second that I was complete. Everything
coming or me was perect. I no longer had any doubts in
mysel. I no longer questioned the point o my own lie and
my direction. I had something that I always wanted. I had
Brooke. I was elated that I had gone that ar with her that
night.
Vith an iota o shameul thought, I look back on
that night and question i what we did was even right. Ve
were both there or each other when we needed it, Brooke
and I. There's just those times that all o us need a little
pleasure ater a long hard day. Brooke made me eel good
about mysel, she made me eel a whole lot better that night,
and truly, it was just about her presence. I elt as though I
could've gotten by that night without the aection we gave
each other.
Eventually, things would accelerate, and I knew it
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VALLACE ROSE
would accelerate quickly. My hands took on a lie o their
own as they began to touch Brooke. Ve were no longer in
control o each other. It was a game o grabbing and
tugging, entirely in pursuit o pleasure.
The door came to an opening where the silhouette o
Vallace Rose appeared. His glasses cast a glare rom the light
o the window that relected on the surace. All he could see
was the bare back o Brooke, sitting on me. Brooke turned
around to see Vallace, then scurried under the bed covers
like a little mouse. Suddenly, Vallace was gone.
I have to go get him. You're going to have to leave."
I told Brooke. I rushed to get my clothes back on. Brooke
did the same.
I can't stand him." Brooke angrily grunted. He
always inds a way to ruin everything." Brooke stormed out
o the room, to the let. I had seen Vallace leave out the
right. I knew it would have been trouble i I just let him go
like that. I needed to catch up with him.
As Brooke let, I walked quickly down the hall to
catch up with Vallace. He was walking as ast as I was trying
to catch up to him.
Vallace!" I shouted. Vallace turned around with a
shady look to his ace.
Are you two done sucking each other's ace?" He
asked.
I'm sorry, Vallace." There wasn't much that I could
say.
%'
VALLACE ROSE
It's whatever."
I walked Vallace back to the dorm and lipped the
lights on. I wasn't going to be able to sleep and I'm sure that
Vallace wasn't going to go straight to bed either. I wanted to
know what he did with Andrea.
Vhat have you been doing with Andrea? How was
it?" I asked him. I seemed rather interrogative.
It was alright," Vallace sighed, and said, but I'm
sure that she doesn't really like me."
I remembered what I heard about Andrea, but I held
back rom saying anything about it.
You need to give it some time." I told him. Things
don't just spontaneously happen."
I know." Vallace argued. But I can tell i a person
is interested in me or not the irst time we meet."
Nobody can just determine that." I insisted to him.
But to be honest, I don't think you and Andrea would be a
good couple."
Vallace sighed. I know." Vallace sat down at the
table by the window. But why?"
As much as you're not going to believe me or
anyone else who says this, but you're better than her."
Really?" Vallace stood up. So - am I just too good
or anyone?" Vallace demanded.
You're good enough or anyone." I insisted that to
him. I was waiting or an argument rom Vallace's side.
I don't believe it." Vallace said. He shook his head.
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VALLACE ROSE
I that's so, then why is it so hard or me?"
It can't be anything near diicult because you
haven't tried."
And i I tried, I'm going to be turned down."
Vallace looked into the large black window that spanned
across the wall.
How do you know that?" I asked him.
I don't know." Vallace paused. I don't know how I
know, but I just know."
I think you're just being absurd." I told him.
You're not going to go anywhere i you do not try."
You think I tried so hard all my childhood to be
accepted - by my own parents?" Vallace looked back at me
again. He seemed to exchange looks between my relection
in the dark window and mysel standing behind him. You
saw how they treated me."
Okay, Vallace - There's something wrong with your
parents. But there's something that you're not doing right in
society."
And don't you think that's because o the way my
parents raised me?" Vallace asked.
You told me that you ought or their acceptance o
who you were."
And I ailed." Vallace said. But I have the right to
say that my parents ailed me. I ought to have had dierent
parents."
You're right about that." I told him. You don't
&*
VALLACE ROSE
need them though. You're perectly ine now."
But am I really?" Vallace asked me. He seemed to
make a good point.
You will be ine in the end, Vallace." I re-assured
him. You're just a little impatient. Someone out there is
waiting or you."
All I need is someone who'll just listen to me."
Vallace sighed. He seemed to hold his head downward.
There's no time or waiting or someone like that."
Anyone can arrive in your lie at any time." I told
him. Everyone's bound to have a signiicant other."
I just don't believe that though." Vallace cut me
o. Vallace is a likable person. Vallace is cool. Vallace is
going to be president someday. I someone believed that any
o those were true, why wouldn't they want to be the one
who knew me most?" Vallace demanded. That's why I
don't believe any o the things that people say. Now, surely,
I don't plan on being president, but still."
You're not the only one who seems to be - or eels
this behind in lie. Don't sweat it."
Okay, you're right, but I believe I could do better."
Vallace argued.
Then do better."
I I do 'better', nothing dierent would happen. I've
been doing my best since high school. I haven't been in a
legitimate relationship since the eighth grade."
Lie isn't about relationships, Vallace." I told him.
&)
VALLACE ROSE
I lie wasn't about relationships, you wouldn't be
in one. Now, I know it's true that relationships don't revolve
around everything. I'm going to be a chemical engineer. I'm
going to be making a lot o money, but who am I going to
share it with?" Vallace looked back at me, then back at my
relection in the window. I look back at my past, I look or
my aults and ear or what may result in the uture."
Priorities, Vallace." I told him. Brooke isn't the
most important thing to me. My education and amily come
beore Brooke. But Brooke is still an important part o my
lie. I want to marry her and have a amily with her. It's not
a huge likelihood, but then again, you never know how
things may turn out."
All o my things are in check." Vallace assured me.
I'm just trying to ind someone who I have the potential to
start my lie with ater next year."
I'm sure she'll come along, Vallace."
I could make a list o reasons." Vallace said. But
I'm not going to bother." Vallace walked away rom the
window to lay down on his bed.
I could make a list o reasons why you're the perect
man. And I must agree with you to say that this society is, in
a way, corrupt."
You're right." Vallace said. Vallace removed his
large glasses and squinted. The world just seems to spin on
pleasure, pain, money..." Vallace pondered. ...terror,
violence, all kinds o things."
&!
VALLACE ROSE
It's screwed up." I agreed with him.
In the end, nobody really cares about anyone else
but themselves." Vallace looked back at the window, where
nothing but darkness could be seen. Sure, we never pay
attention to the good things. Ve're too busy taking care o
the bad things."
That's probably why people have grown to be so
judgmental." I provided.
Vell," Vallace began, there are a air amount o
kind people who aren't judgmental. It's just the younger
people." Vallace paused. That would be everyone at this
college."
But then again," I argued Vallace's statement,
some people grew up too quickly. Sure, they've become
stubborn in letting new people in their lives -"
That's the problem." Vallace said. People won't let
go o their childhood riends to an extent that they reuse to
get close to people they haven't known or so long."
Is that why you eel so rejected?" I asked.
Probably." Vallace sighed. You're one o the ew
people that know my past. I really regret everything."
Vhy?"
Because - i I hadn't been so quiet or silent in my
elementary and middle school years, I would be ine today."
Vallace explained. I could've ound all o my riends then.
Now I'm having trouble because I waited until high school
to make riends and or some reason it just didn't work out
&"
VALLACE ROSE
that well."
Ve ought to get you back downtown." I said.
It wouldn't work." Vallace insisted. Remember all
o the times we tried? That's how you ound Brooke. So it
works or you, but not or me."
Okay, you really need somebody."
I'm just going to have to deal with it." Vallace had
given up all o his chances there. At least that's what it
seemed like. I still believed that he would end up ine.
Vallace was just impatient. He was admirable or seeking
romance. He was surely ready to treat someone the right
way. I only he actually tried.
Do you or have you ever made the irst move?" I
asked him.
Oten, yes." Vallace said.
And how did that turn out?" I asked.
It never elt special." Vallace answered. I elt like I
was the only one doing everything. I was giving in my all,
my everything. I don't expect a lot out o people, only a
little."
Vell, obviously those people took you or granted."
Anyone will."
Here, I have an idea." I said. I kind o paced
around. You need to go to a party. You've heard about that
one that Gildroy has been talking about."
I'm not going to drink." Vallace insisted.
You don't have to. I just want you to come."
&#
VALLACE ROSE
I don't know about that." Vallace shrugged. I'm
not eeling up to ruining my image because I went to some
party."
Everyone at Vaterglade goes to them. I bet even
your study group buddies go to parties here."
I don't know." Vallace shook his head.
Vhen you're at a party, Vallace, everyone's hal-
buzzed, they're light headed, and they're just happy." I paced
around. I walked up closer to Vallace and sat beside him at
the end o his bed. There's a good chance that you might
meet someone."
I'll have to think about it." That was the last thing
Vallace said about the party. Suddenly, something came to
mind - an incident that happened earlier that sparked some
curiosity.
Hey, who called you earlier today?"
Oh - I totally orgot about that!" Vallace recalled.
It was actually an important call."
Vhat was it about?"
In a couple months, I'll be doing a presentation on
Suicide Awareness - some time in October, or even late
September. I want you to go to it."
As long as you come with me to this party." I told
him. Even i Vallace bailed out on me, I elt the
responsibility to show up. I would go to his presentation
regardless o his decision or me.
Fine." Vallace said. Count me in - and thanks."
&$
VALLACE ROSE
Vallace walked over to lip o the lights. The black window
turned into a screen o stars and lights. The dorm room
went rom bright yellow to dark blue in a split second.
So what exactly is the speech supposed to be
about?"
It's just a motivational thing - a thing to reassure
those out there who need it." Ater a little moment, Vallace
added, I don't want to give a lot away. Just stay tuned and
show up. I'm hoping that you'll like it."
Over that night, I did a lot o thinking. The events
o the day, as usual, seemed to replay in my head. I started
thinking about Vallace walking in on me and Brooke. I
thought about what could have happened instead. I thought
about Vallace himsel and some o the things he said. I was
starting to see where he was coming rom with certain
things. He was right about most o what he said, but most
o the other things he said were just his personal aults.
Nevertheless, I sought to help Vallace. He really needed it.
There were many nights that I had in my college
years where I simply couldn't sleep. That night was one o
those nights. I made constant glances at the clock, but most
o the time, I stared at the window, thinking about some o
the things I told Brooke. I ended up spawning a curiosity
about what the uture would bring while looking at the stars
o the clear night sky. Eventually, I just wished or sleep and
wanted to get the blinds over the windows. I didn't want to
get up, nor did I want to wake Vallace up.
&%
VALLACE ROSE
I observed the sky or many hours that night, and
this wouldn't be the only night that I had done that. It
became an avid thing or an insomniac like me to do. I tried
making out constellations. I tried counting sheep. I tried
thinking about the good times in my lie. I played scenarios
in my head that made me happy. I played a little music in
my headphones, particularly upbeat music. I wondered how
Vallace slept so peaceully being the ball o worries that he
always was.
Eventually, I was able to catch some rest, but I could
have used more. And as I have said, this happened many
nights in a row, or oten periodically. The root o it all was
likely the beginning o senior year. I really didn't want to
leave Vaterglade. I didn't want to split rom Vallace or
Gildroy. All o this started pouring into my mind,
uninvited, in the middle o the night. My alarm clock blared
into my ears early in the morning. I wanted to wake up
beore I was bothered by the bright morning sun. It was a
long night, so I turned the alarm clock o, and went back to
bed.
I woke up our hours later with two missed calls. I
got up slowly and listened to the messages let or me.
Vallace was already gone somewhere. I never knew where he
went, but I never bothered to be nosy about it. The sun was
bright. As I listened to the messages I went and twisted the
blinds shut on the window. The room returned to a mild
darkness that I was complacent with.
&&
VALLACE ROSE
Hey, it's Gildroy. Give me a call back when you can.
Just letting you know that Kurt's party will be tonight. I'm
hoping to see you there." I orgot how soon Kurt's big party
was. It was a 'Beore the Beginning o the School Year" kind
o party. This party was probably the last major party o the
summer.
I listened to the next message, which was rom
Brooke. Hey, sorry i I seemed mad last night. I was just a
little rustrated that we didn't get enough time to be together
alone. Gildroy gave me a call to remind me that his party is
tonight. Give me a call when you get this and let me know
when you'll be there. Thanks - Love you."
Kurt's party is tonight." I thought to mysel. I
wanted to get another hour o sleep beore the day started,
but I had the urge to call Brooke. I didn't want her to think
that last night was an issue to me. Vallace never really seems
to bother me at all. I started to wonder where he was,
though, because I wanted to make sure that he went to this
party.
I walked up to the window without any clothes on. I
peeked out o the bright window to get a double take o the
weather. It was sunny out. I saw people walking around
campus and I was able to catch sight o the large river ar
ahead. I exposed the sunlight into the room once again,
walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth, and got ready
or the day.
&'
VALLACE ROSE
6
The rest o the day was a lazy day. I sat around and
just anticipated the night. I waited or Vallace to return
rom wherever he went earlier. I was going to give him a
riendly reminder that he had somewhere to go that night.
Vallace walked into the dorm room while I let time
go by. He looked very proessional and prepared or some
event. He gazed over at me.
Vhat time?" He asked.
Just be at the hall by Kurt's dorm at sun-down." I
told him. That's when the party starts."
&(
VALLACE ROSE
I'll be there." Vallace assured me. He walked over to
the window and stared out or a moment. He then walked
o and into the bathroom. Two minutes later, he came out,
and let the room. I didn't really worry about where he was
as long as I was able to ind him at the hall in the evening.
A ew hours later, I was getting ready. The sun set
was my indication to prepare. All I had to do was put on
something nice, throw on some shoes and maybe even clean
up the dorm room beore I went.
A college lie isn't a college lie without going to at
least one party. It was my idea that I can get Vallace in a
better mood i I took him to Kurt's big weekend party.
Kurt's party was the last party I knew o beore the
beginning o the new school year. I had the belie that
maybe Vallace might like going to parties rather than
studying all the time. I also wanted to take him to parties
more requently so that he could meet more people. I elt
that Vallace could really make new riends at the parties
thrown around at Vaterglade University.
I wasn't trying to take him away rom his chances o
studying. My particular goal was or him to just get a little
happier. Something needed to be done in order or him to
eel good as Vallace Rose.
Vallace Rose would always be Vallace Rose. You
can't really change the person you are. There's no reason to
emulate another person. Envy seems to tear a person apart
and change them orever. I didn't want to see Vallace like
'*
VALLACE ROSE
that. As much as I know that he wanted to 'improve' himsel
to make him seem itting among the crowd, no one would
ever shape him into their own place.
I told Vallace that I would go to the rally i he came
to the party, so one o my priorities was to locate Vallace
among the crowd o more than hal o Vaterglade
University.
I've been to many parties and every time I go to one,
I always see new aces, and oten times, I would never see
aces that I have seen beore. The students o Vaterglade
University went rom learning to partying. There were
numbers o games within the large hall that Kurt had taken
over. Inside his own dorm, the party goers extended the
party venue. There were beer pong tables set up. Looking let
and right, strangers were taking shots. There were constant
cuss words being shouted out, yells that seemed to just be
gibberish, and people were soon becoming tipsy, alling
against walls and shaking the ground.
Some men were hal naked with women wrapped
around them, just as nude as they were. The clicks rom the
clash o billiard balls could be heard rom a distance and
there were many circular cliques ormed close around the
walls while the real party continued in the middle o the
large space.
Ross!" I heard my name being called out and I
looked around. I was hoping that Vallace was looking or
me, perhaps in a panic. It turned out, though, that it was
')
VALLACE ROSE
Gildroy calling or me. I did not notice that I had passed a
circle that they had ormed. Brooke and Leslie were a part o
the circle. Vallace was not with them.
Have you seen Vallace?" I asked them.
Vallace? Here? Are you crazy?" Gildroy was being
sarcastic.
I invited him here." I said. Gildroy laughed.
I don't think he would have showed up. He's
probably at your place working with combustion synthesis."
Vhat?" I was conused at Gildroy's knowledge.
I don't know what he's doing." Gildroy continued.
Have you seen Keith?"
I haven't seen him." I said.
Vell never mind," Gildroy said suddenly, there he
is!" A young man who looked like he could be a surer
appeared beore Gildroy. Keith was Gildroy's roommate at
the time.
Vhere's your brother?" Gildroy asked him.
Oh, he should be back soon," he said, I think he's
getting more stu or the party." He gave the circle a strange
wink and walked o.
Elswick!" Gildroy called out as a ew people walked
by. There were several loud shouts o chug" and more oul
language.
Gildroy pointed to another circle on the other side
o the room.
There's Valter Thorne and Oscar, two riends I have
'!
VALLACE ROSE
known or a while." Gildroy then shouted or them to come
over. I wasn't a an o being around too many people.
Conversations really arren't that interesting when they're
with a bunch o people. You never get a chance to speak and
you're always spoken over. I'm not a an o constant
interruptions and cut-os. I liked hanging out in small
groups where I could actually socialize with my peers. I
shared this thought with Vallace as well. I was beginning to
become curious as to where he was again. I was hoping that
he didn't cheat me out.
The two gentlemen approached our circle. They gave
Gildroy a powerul handshake.
Good to see you, Gildroy." One o the men said.
Nice to see you again, ine sir." The other man
shook Gildroy's hand again.
Vell, this is Ross. Ross McKay." Gildroy introduced
me to the gentlemen.
Valter Thorne." Valter shook my hand.
Oscar McKee." Oscar shook my hand as well.
Good to meet you all." They took part in our circle. Both
o the men appeared as outsiders to me. They didn't appear
to be drinking. They had no cups and they were dressed up.
I could tell easily that the two gentlemen were close riends.
They looked as though they could be related.
Ve stood in our circle having small talks. From
being in the circle I learned that the two gentlemen were
paid to entertain or the summer. They were both looking to
'"
VALLACE ROSE
major in science courses, but I really don't remember what
speciically. I could hear shattering glasses over the loud
music playing. \oices o Vaterglade illed the halls and
made noise. I was surprised that sta members hadn't come
by to end the party. I understood, though, that most o the
sta members let them happen because it would be a ailing
eort to end them once and or all.
See that lady over there?" Valter pointed to a
beautiul young woman.
On a scale o one to ten, how does she look?"
Vhy are you asking me?" My girlriend was no
more than ive eet rom me. I hadn't yet spoke to her.
One to ten, pal." Oscar added in. I was already
rustrated with them.
I take it as an eleven!" Valter giggled. They both let
to talk to her. Then, I had to take a second look. There was
something about her that I would have never admitted there
at the time. Her light blue eyes looked at mine rom the
other part o the room. The girl had a small body with
golden blond curly hair set against a pretty blue dress. I had
allen in love with her right there. It was a thing that I
would have never shared with anyone. It was just between
me and that girl. She looked at me as the men approached
her. Suddenly, the moment was over as she turned her light
blue eyes toward the men.
Ross?" Brooke brought me back to reality.
Everything alright?"
'#
VALLACE ROSE
Yeah, I'm - I'm having a little buzz right now." I
said at that moment. Brooke kissed me on the cheek and
locked her arm around mine. My thoughts about Vallace
returned and my eyes began to wander again, undoubtedly
aiming at this other girl. I elt ashamed that I was already
occupied with Brooke. My eyes should have gazed or her
and Vallace. But my eyes were bound toward this beautiul
piece o heaven. She turned her head once again toward me.
She smiled at me. I smiled back. Brooke questioned my
smile. My answer was the buzz o course.
Do you see Vallace?" I asked Brooke.
No. Do you see someone?" Brooke asked. I
remember it being a trick question that I did not answer. I
was indeed buzzed, but it wasn't by the alcohol in my cup.
Gildroy was gone and I wasn't sure where he went.
One o the other men also disappeared rom my sight. Then,
I saw Leslie come up toward Brooke.
Have you seen Gildroy?" Leslie asked the both o
us.
He was just here. I was trying to ind him." I said. I
was trying to deend mysel to make Brooke believe that I
wasn't gazing at some other young woman.
Aside rom the beautiul woman, my eyes set on
Vallace. He was in the corner, by his sel. He had a cup o
something, I had a eeling it was water. I pretended not to
notice him or some reason. I was hoping someone else
would see him. I didn't want to make mysel look like I was
'$
VALLACE ROSE
trying to track him down. I would possibly just run into
him. I was curious as to why he just stood there all alone
and didn't even bother engaging with anyone at the party.
Vallace had a ear o danger, but he had this strange
death wish. He was curious as to how death worked. Some
nights, we would talk about some deep things. Vallace
wondered what death was like and i it was possible to have
a type o consciousness within or ater death. However,
Vallace eared a threatening danger that promoted death. I
thought about what he may have been thinking as he sipped
his red plastic cup, silently, surrounded by the obnoxious,
inebriated crowd. There was a glare in his glasses that I
always seemed to have caught.
Gildroy returned with the girl, but not the other two
men. Gildroy had become even more intoxicated.
Sienna?" Brooke suddenly asked. Sienna. Vhat a
pretty name.
Brooke!" Sienna walked by and my vision seemed to
have become a blur. Both o the girls embraced each other. I
didn't know all o the riends that Brooke had, nor did I
know the people that Brooke knew at all. I didn't allow the
relationship between me and Brooke to become strained
with control, whether that was control rom her, or control
rom me.
I heard that Sienna Craword was looking or a
particular ellow." Gildroy said, wobbling his head around.
Sienna began to blush as her light blue eyes drawn toward
'%
VALLACE ROSE
me. My stomach seemed to have dropped at that point.
So," Gildroy continued, who has seen our uture
chemist?" My eyes looked away rom the brightness that was
Sienna Craword and to my let, over in some corner was
Vallace Rose, in his exact same place and position.
He's all alone." Sienna said with a sad tone to her
voice.
I can change that." Gildroy announced. He let us
in our circle while he went to drag Vallace over.
So," Sienna said with a bit o a giggle, you're his
riend? Ross?"
Ross." I said. Ross McKay." Ve shook hands
awkwardly.
Vhy aren't you with him? Vhy is he over there?"
She asked me.
Ve came here separately." I answered her, nervously.
I was actually looking or him."
The two cocky gentlemen, Oscar and Valter,
returned to Sienna and began to serenade her. She wasn't
really happy with it.
Sienna," Oscar sang.
Jane," Valter added.
Craword!" They both hummed at the same time.
Obviously, Sienna Craword had to have been an interesting
person. A lot o people called her name as they walked by.
Some people stopped to say something. Other men actually
stopped to call her pretty. Some men said creepy, lirtatious
'&
VALLACE ROSE
things and others tried too hard. She didn't let anyone get to
her. Sienna Craword was already interested in someone.
Here he is." Gildroy brought Vallace over to their
circle. This is Vallace Rose. Vallace, meet this ine young
piece o art. Her name's Sienna Craword. Now, Sienna,
meet this handsome god by the name o Vallace Rose."
Vallace and Sienna shook hands, and I was sure it was just
as awkward o a handshake or him as it was with me.
You look good this evening." Sienna said. For some
reason, I smiled big. I began to see something better than
Sienna hersel.
Thanks," Vallace said, you look pretty yoursel."
Vallace smiled and Sienna blushed. I knew then, right there,
that the two o them would be perect together. They were
going to be lovers.
I looked down in Vallace's cup and I turned out to
be right. He was drinking water. Vallace Rose was obviously
sober. He would never let drugs or alcohol inluence him.
Certainly, it had something to do with his paradoxical
thoughts o death and danger. Vallace kept out o danger
but welcomed the results o danger when he elt that
nothing could get worse.
Vallace did look quite in good health that night.
The yellow o his hair didn't seem sucked out. He looked
clean. He had a clean shaven ace and he did dress nice. He
kept his hair short with a bit o a comb that caused a
parting on one side o his head. His glasses remained sparkly
''
VALLACE ROSE
clean and it always hit the light to cause a glare.
Sienna was just about the same height as Vallace.
They looked really nice together. I can't stress anymore how
much they would have been perect together. I Vallace
wasn't under the weather or once, he would have had
Sienna in his arms right now. Strangely enough, I could see
that Vallace had given up on his desire or women. He
didn't put in any eort. He only spoke when he was spoken
to, instead o struggling to tell a story. Vallace was zen, and
at the same time, vigilant. But or that night, it wouldn't last
long.
Vallace Rose." Gildroy said as he looked over. A
clear cup o water?"
It doesn't get better than that." Vallace told him.
I already like that he doesn't drink." Sienna said to
me in a sot whisper.
I do need a reill though." Vallace said.
I'll take care o that!" Gildroy said. The rest o you
need to get acquainted." Gildroy walked o, a little tipsy.
You're in one o my classes." Sienna told Vallace. I
was already astonished by that. Vallace had downed on
heavy science classes, all o which had to deal with
chemistry.
Chemical Engineering?" Vallace asked.
Yes!" Sienna cried. Don't you love Proessor
Heinkel?" Sienna started to laugh.
He's such a goo." Vallace replied to her.
'(
VALLACE ROSE
I love all o the unny things he would say." Sienna
began to quote the odd words o Proessor Heinkel,
presumably their Chemical Engineering proessor.
Their conversation carried on and I was actually
beginning to like it even more and more. It didn't bother
me because it made Vallace seem okay.
Gildroy returned with Vallace's cup, only this time it
was illed with alcohol.
Vhat is this?" Vallace demanded.
It's what the rest o the people here are drinking."
Gildroy answered him with some sarcastic tone. Take a
drink, Vallace. It's time to give your drinking v-card away."
Vallace took a small sip and the entire circle
observed him. Vallace squinted his eyes and nodded a little
bit.
Not bad." Vallace inally said. To mysel, I started
whispering chug", then Sienna jokingly started the chant
that the entire circle echoed.
Chug, chug, chug, chug!" Vallace looked at us like
we were idiots. He didn't know what chug" meant.
Drink drink drink!" Ve all looked at Vallace. There
was a bit o silence throughout. Vallace shrugged. He looked
at all o us. Then he took the cup and raised it. To my
surprise, and to all o our surprise, Vallace practically
poured the entire cup down his throat. Ve began to cheer
him on, there were shouts o chug!"
Vallace drank the rest o the cup and an applause
(*
VALLACE ROSE
ollowed. Vallace didn't seem excited. Sienna looked at me
and laughed. She walked toward Vallace, who already
seemed buzzed.
I looked over to Brooke until she looked back. Then
I darted my head at Vallace and Sienna. I don't know i
Brooke understood what I was trying to show her, but all
she did was smile.
Look at them." I told her.
Vhat about them?" Brooke asked.
Just look." I repeated. Vallace's last name colored
his ace. Sienna was blushing too. It was a match made
perect.
I don't know i Sienna goes or those types o
people." Brooke said.
Alright," I said, I don't think any girl would go or
Vallace. At least that's what he told me. Any reason why,
any theory?" I was getting a little rustrated. I was beginning
to understand Vallace.
I don't know." Brooke said, a little upset at my
raising voice.
Look," I said, Vallace really needs a girl. I don't
want this to get spoiled. Let's just see how it goes, okay?"
It's not going to turn out that great." Brooke told
me.
Vhy is that?" I asked her.
Vallace is - I don't know."
Are you trying to tell me that Sienna is too good
()
VALLACE ROSE
or Vallace?" I interrogated my girlriend. I had to ind a
ground in deense or my riend. At the same time, I was
also growing slowly tired o Vallace's sadness and
rustration. I knew that Sienna was the answer to all o the
problems. Vallace Rose could have become the Vallace Rose
he used to be because o her.
However, I tried listening in to what the two were
talking about. I looked at their postures. Vallace didn't seem
to be very engaged or excited. He was even buzzed rom the
drink. I was marveled that he hadn't walked o with
diiculty keeping balance. He did continue drinking. As
time progressed, I stood alone, watching Vallace and Sienna.
From time to time, Brooke would try to ask me questions. I
kept answering that I was watching over them. Brooke really
didn't believe in the things that I did.
There was a point in which Vallace tried to leave
once his cup was empty. I assumed that he was going to go
get more alcohol rom someone. Sienna returned to me.
Vallace is un." She said with a smile. So where do
you guys live? The dorms?"
Yes, yes - the dorms - yes." I honestly didn't know
what was wrong with me.
You seem a little drunk, Ross!" Sienna told me.
Yeah." I laughed.
Sienna, Brooke, and I sat around as the party began
to liven up. In a short time, the party actually grew mild.
Gildroy and Leslie were o somewhere and the circle was
(!
VALLACE ROSE
broken. In the corner o my eye, I caught a young, dark-
skinned woman dancing on Vallace while he wandered
around with his empty cup. There was a lot o seduction
going on within the hall. I remember keeping quiet about it,
mainly because I was too tired to even talk.
Suddenly, there was a shout. Alright everybody!
Party's over!" A sheri in a dark blue uniorm and hat
walked into the space, ollowed by other oicers and school
sta members.
Ve're rom the Vaterglade Police Department, and
I'm Sheri Vhite." The man paused. I looked around at the
sta members and the other oicers. It was quite
intimidating. The space that was once loud turned to silence
in a matter o seconds. Some o the oicers walked around.
I thought we were all in deep trouble.
Ve had a little incident a ew miles out o Vicke's
\illage," the sheri spoke. Your good riend, Kurt Abraham
- the sheri paused. At that moment, I assumed that Kurt
had been busted. Kurt Abraham was involved in a atal
crash tonight." Just when I thought the hall was as quiet as
can be, the silence itsel was drained to something beyond
silence. I could have been dea.
Ve're still investigating the incident and ound out
what was going on over here. Ve're asking you to stop this
now as a warning." The sheri paused.
Members o your school's sta will be with you on
updates. Kurt has been pronounced dead at the scene. Ve
("
VALLACE ROSE
want you all to be sae, so we're asking you all to leave right
this instant."
My eyes inally let ree o the men in dark blue. I
looked over at the devastated aces o Brooke and Sienna. I
didn't see Gildroy, nor did I see Vallace. But the other aces
in the room were red. Some people dripped o sweat. Some
people did not even move ater being asked to. There were
some sta members and oicers that remained in the hall to
make sure people were preparing to leave.
Vithout looking or Vallace, I walked out o the
room. In a smaller hallway, I passed the sheri talking to
one o the chie sta members.
I knew what I heard that night but seconds ater
hearing it, you're in denial that you heard something so
outrageous like that. You don't believe a bit o it. I wasn't
even good riends with Kurt and it hit me so hard. It was an
event that hit so many people so hard. It taught a really
good lesson too.
From that night on, I don't think there were any
more parties on campus. One o the reasons or that was
Kurt was behind them all. Personally, I never even thought
about picking up another drink that would mess with me. I
elt bad that I had gotten Vallace intoxicated that night. At
the same time, I knew that he was out o it. I'm sure he went
straight to the dorm as soon as possible.
It was one o those nights that I'll never orget. I
would consider it a tragedy in my lie, and I'm sure it's in
(#
VALLACE ROSE
nature to have to suer rom this, especially or those who
make terribly poor choices. None o us should have even
been drinking that night. None o us should have picked up
a single ounce o alcohol during our our-to-six year time at
Vaterglade. Vhile this was a lie-changer or me, I have seen
worse. Much worse.
($
VALLACE ROSE
7
Two months seemed to go by so quickly. School had
started and everything seemed mild. The tragedy o Kurt
Abraham had been long orgotten by Vaterglade. His name
was rarely mentioned ater the irst month o his loss. It
seemed as though nobody near Kurt, with the exception o
his brother, Keith, was aected as much as those who kind
o knew him. I never really knew him, but his death has
changed a part o me. In a matter o act, my relationship
with Brooke was on thin ice at some points.
I decided to do something that will tie everything
together. I loved Brooke Schumacher. She was the deinition
o perection. Ve've been together or a long time and there
(%
VALLACE ROSE
was something about the two o us that seemed itting. I was
ready to marry her. I couldn't see mysel with anyone else.
So i anything went wrong, it would just be me and Vallace,
on our own. Or i, by chance, I would third-wheel it with
Vallace.
I made a memo to mysel to buy a ring. I planned to
propose to her at the very lake I asked her out at. I saved so
much money over the past hal year and I was inally ready
to purchase a ine ring. I planned on buying the ring and
planning the proposal the day ater Vallace's presentation at
the Suicide Awareness Day Rally. There was a home ootball
game going on the day ater. I thought it would be perect to
bring Sienna and Vallace together there.
O course, I was able to resolve the issues rom the
past. Brooke and I had ights about decisions we have made
in the past two months. I've gotten mad at Brooke or not
supporting my hopes or Vallace and Sienna. Eventually, I
got her to see it. I had her spend time with Sienna. I inally
ound out that Sienna admired Vallace so much. But or
some reason, I didn't want to inorm Vallace. I didn't really
know why that was so, but it was obvious otherwise. I had a
hard time getting Vallace to like her back.
Vallace Rose turned stoic. He didn't react to the
death o Kurt the day ater when he was in the bathroom or
a ew hours puking. I understood that. But he didn't know
Kurt just as much as I didn't know Kurt. Vallace also didn't
react aectionately toward Sienna and that made me wonder
(&
VALLACE ROSE
about his attitudes toward lie. Had Vallace actually given
up with his desires? He didn't give in as much as he used to.
However, he still complained. Vallace acted desolate.
As the two months passed, a lot o things have
changed about Vallace. He kind o let himsel go and his
insecurities were demolished by his lack o optimism. His
hair was slightly long, to a point that he had bangs on his
orehead that curled up. He grew a bleach blond beard that
covered his upper lips entirely. That gave him the look o an
old man, or a manly man. He actually hadn't spoken to
Sienna in several weeks and I didn't understand why. I was
also anticipating his announcement o his rally speech.
Months ago he asked me to go to a rally. I initially thought
that he had already delivered it without me knowing.
However, upon asking, he told me that it was on that very
day.
His looks were contradicting to his preparedness. I
started to question his motivation in lie. I never actually
asked him in person, though.
I've been waiting or this day or a while." Vallace
told me. He looked out the window. It was Suicide
Awareness Day, some point in early October - or late
September. I didn't really remember.
Vhat's it about?" I asked.
It's about people like me." Vallace told me. People
who need to be noticed. But it's not about me." Vallace
assured me. I can't be the only one in the world that goes
('
VALLACE ROSE
through this kind o nonsense."
But, what nonsense?" I asked. Vallace was conusing
me. I never understood what he was going through."
You don't know?" Vallace asked. You've known me
or a while. You've seen me try."
Vallace, what happened to Sienna?" I asked him.
He looked at me or a ew seconds beore answering.
I don't know. Ve're not like lovers or anything. Just
riends." That was his answer. I looked at him with a ace
that I can't recall. I was trying to indicate that he was being
ridiculous.
I think she likes you. You ought to talk to her
more." I said.
Have you seen her?" Vallace asked. There's me,
then there's her. You don't get it."
Get what?"
She's ar too beautiul or me." Vallace said sotly. I
was urging to tell him the truth.
Vallace, what do you have to lose i you try to talk
to her?" I asked. Vhat would you lose?"
I would lose pride. I would be humiliated." Vallace
cried out, looking out the window at the gray sky. Just by
the looks o her, she has a signiicant other."
Vell, I happen to know something." I said. She
doesn't." Vallace turned around to me in surprise. He
seemed interested in learning more.
Vell," he said, then that means that she isn't
((
VALLACE ROSE
interested in any guys. I she was, she would have someone
in a heartbeat." He looked back at the window. He was
adjusting a tie, using the slight relection.
Just - just try it, Vallace. Be her heartbeat." I spoke
to him passionately on that. Vallace really did have a wide-
open chance. His pessimism made him blind.
Vallace sighed. I'll see what I can do."
Good." I said. How are you going to do this
thing?"
Vhat do you mean?" Vallace asked.
You're a mess. You've got long hair all around. You
just look like a disaster.."
Vell, there's nothing much I can do." Vallace said.
He turned around. But are you ready?"
Yes. I'm eager." I told him. He grinned at me.
There will be several speakers on beore me." Vallace said
as he walked around to get dressed and ready.
Vhere are my glasses?" He asked. He went over to
the bed and picked up his glasses. He cleaned the lenses up
with his sleeve. He put on his glasses and looked back to the
window. Vallace gave the window relection a nod.
It's time to go." He said.
The rally wasn't ar o campus. It was just as ar o
rom the campus as the ootball ield was. It was deinitely a
change o atmosphere. And without Vallace knowing, I
decided to let Sienna know o the convention. She decided
to show up, only to hear Vallace speak. Ve sat near each
)**
VALLACE ROSE
other.
The irst ew speeches were delivered by some o the
smartest people on campus. It made me think where Vallace
ranked among them. It must have taken a lot or Vallace to
be a part o this presentation. The speeches prior to
Vallace's presentations dealt with bullying and harassment. I
learned a lot through these presentations.
There was a lecture on the power o technology. I
learned that being tracked was extremely simple and many
people can access a lot o inormation about you with one
piece o inormation.
The cliche you are not a lone" thing kept being
mentioned throughout all o these speeches. There was one
on physical harm through bullying and sel harm and the
warning signs o suicide. Some presentations included
statistics and rates o suicides by the years. Ater an hour
and a hal, the moment I was waiting or inally arrived.
There was darkness in the room. The stage lights
turned back on. Vallace Rose walked up to the center o the
stage and began.
I'm Vallace Rose and I'm here today to talk about
several things: Eorts in correlation to results, struggles,
corruptions, and decisions. It's my goal to tie all o these
things in to address important issues that aect a lot o
people everyday." Vallace did not stumble any words in his
introduction. He spoke smoothly, paused, then gazed
through the crowd in his glasses. I believe the world, over
)*)
VALLACE ROSE
all, is a good place," he said, we're all going to think about
the bad days we have and all o the bad things we hear in
the news. Ve're going to think that the world is a bad place."
Vallace paused again.
Beore any o the world matters that many people
deal with, we have personal problems that always come
irst." Vallace paced very slowly across the stage. He moved
rom the right end to the let. I really hope that all o you
are listening." he said, seeming angry. Vhen Vallace Rose
is talking, there just seems to be an issue with listening to
him. It's like he talks about things that don't even matter.
It's not important. Let's talk over Vallace and humiliate
him." I noticed two people leave the darkened house area.
Ve're here to listen to everybody who has and who
will get the chance to speak up here today." Vallace slipped
out o his anger and began to speak elegantly again. I you
talk to someone or at least listen to them, you might learn a
thing or two." Vallace glared with a serious ace. A stranger
is just like the ront cover o a book you've never read. You
can't just not read one book at all. Ve're all going to get to
know another person." Vallace began to walk around to the
other side but he kept talking.
Everyone - almost everyone nowadays has a
signiicant other. Some people don't. Here's my question -
why? Now, let's hold that thought or one second." Vallace
paused or a second to think. It appears that there are a lot
more couples around here than there are independent
)*!
VALLACE ROSE
people. Vhat I wanted to ask was, do you really need
someone by your side? Or - are relationships - romantic
boyriend-girlriend relationships - something that all o us
envy?" There was no answer, but none were expected.
I'm not here to talk about that stu, but I have
ound that a lot o people ind themselves lonely when
they're not under the commitment o a relationship. Is there
really anyone out there that is on their own and really
doesn't mind being surrounded by a majority o people that
love someone else?" Vallace looked into the crowd. A stage
light produced a blank white glare on his glasses and his
bright hair looked more yellow.
O all honesty, I would not know what I would do
with mysel i I knew or igured out that I am the only one
who's alone. I don't rely on a signiicant other. I don't have
a support system that keeps me going everyday. Vell,
Vallace, how about your amily? Ask a close riend o mine
how they support me. In other words, they don't." Vallace
stopped or a moment again. I was starting to eel tense, and
I was sure I could eel that all eyes and ears were on Vallace.
But does my amily really matter to me? O course
not." Vallace said nonchalantly. Vhat do I mean by this?
I'm not saying I hate them or detest them. I just don't mind
i they don't dig what I do. As much as I love my amily,
which is dearly, I really don't mind or preer their support."
Vallace paced and moved his sel toward the end o the
stage where I was.
)*"
VALLACE ROSE
Your amily, just as much as mine, has done what
they needed or you. They raised you. They ed you and they
protected you. They prepared you to go out to society, get
along with everyone and ind someone you want to spend
the rest o your lie with. Your parents set you up to make
riends. They set you up or a social lie." Vallace paused
again.
But there's just something about certain people
where they can't make the next step, or something happened
and they don't get along with anyone and they become the
epitome o a loser or a nonentity." Vallace stood silent and
added And that would be me."
Chills seemed to go right down my spine at Vallace's
sot voice.
Now, am I the only one who applies in this
category? I hope not. Am I trying to make someone eel bad
or me? No. I'm just stating a genuine thing that I think. I
don't mind i you try to argue that or not. I just ind this an
issue with many people - sure, I would like it to change.
There are some great people that you have walked right past.
You may know nothing about them. Maybe you don't even
know their name." Vallace continued to look at the wall at
the very back end o the house. There are a lot o riend-
worthy people that need company."
Vhere does the problem start? Vhat is the
problem?" Vallace asked. Nobody answered. Vell this is
what I have ound to be true - Stereotypes and looks in
)*#
VALLACE ROSE
general have demolished certain peoples' chances in inding
a place in society." He stopped or a pause. The pausing
seemed to convey the ears o the crowd to open up a little
more. I honestly hoped that people started paying attention
to him.
One o my irst big points is the eorts that certain
people make to become a part o a clique or a relationship -
whether it's a dating relationship or a riendship. How much
does it take to just meet a signiicant other? How long does
it take or them to become that signiicant other? I would
say a long time - but what happens i we're older and you
just met someone you never knew throughout childhood?
How long does it take to get close to those people?" Vallace
looked into the crowd. The answer would bring us back to
the problem - there's the rub."
Vallace spoke with his side to the audience as he
paced around. Let's say you meet some blond-headed goo
in big, unny glasses," he said, and perhaps he was
interested in you. Don't get the wrong idea, he can like you
as a riend or maybe he wants to know you more. He thinks
you're worthy to be a riend o his." Vallace paused. The
crowd seemed to wait or him to speak again.
Question - who made more eort?" There was a
pause. The blond headed goo in glasses. You, or whoever
Blond-Headed Goo In Glasses is trying to beriend did
absolutely nothing but sit there to be seen. Being the person
to make the irst move can sometimes be a pain in the ass."
)*$
VALLACE ROSE
Vallace looked somewhere in the crowd at the let side
where I sat. Sure, sometimes riendships or other
relationships are successul. Not a lot o eort needs to be
made to orm a nice, well rounded riendship that lasts a
great deal o time." Vallace spoke so smoothly, I began to
wonder i he was running o o a script in his head. Perhaps
he wrote an essay or a speech beore coming up, It was
astonishing.
Now, this ella that Blond-Headed Goo In Glasses
tried to beriend could have made riends with Blond-
Headed Goo In Glasses easier i he or she tried, as long as
Blond-Headed Goo enjoyed the company o anyone." I'm
sure that everyone knew who he was reerring to as the
'blond-headed goo in glasses.'
The phrase in my head slipped out o his mouth.
The blond-headed goo in glasses. Let's be honest, is that a
stereotype or a nerd? Are nerds interesting? Not in this
society." The powerul pause made the crowd quiet. I could
hear breathing during one o the pauses.
Vell, hey," Vallace said, I'm Vallace Rose and I
have a dream to major in Chemical Engineering. I pursue a
job using that degree where I will get paid quite a lot o
money. Vhen I'm not too busy thinking about that bad
things, like I shouldn't, I spend time building the pathway
to success. I'm intelligent and I am capable o love - in act,
I would like to be nice to people that give me a chance. I
someone ever came to me, they would eel sae under my
)*%
VALLACE ROSE
wing and satisied with the person I am over all." It seemed
to me that Vallace was about to make a speech about
himsel. I was a bit concerned where he was going to take it.
I believe that the people who put the most eort in
something and in return ind themselves struggling have the
greatest capability o a stable riendship and a happy healthy
relationship." Vallace nodded. Maybe you're one o those
people like me. I want you to know something." He paused.
You're not alone. I'm not alone. There are many people that
ly under the radar un-noticed. These people are great. For
now, we just have to wait. I could talk or hours about how
bad things are or me and it isn't going to change anything
ater that. That's the sad truth." Vallace walked around in
his pace.
There are degrees in which certain people need
serious help. There's no question, there's no objection. As I
have said, some people just have to be seen and they're
already engaged into the wonderul world o riendship.
They ind that they don't have to sweat about it. Then there
are the others who have to work to keep someone looking at
them when they're talking. Vhat's up with that?" Vallace
shrugged.
You just have to be humble. That's it really. You
have to respect everyone who respects you. An equal reaction
- that is what the person who sends you a word expects to
receive in return. Conusing? I someone says something to
you, it's not always cool to nod your head, especially i you
)*&
VALLACE ROSE
do it over and over again."
I've had a air share o experiences with that. It's
like I don't say anything that matters, or I don't say things
that other people can reply to. Even i it's not an incident
where you're talking to me, that has to be the most annoying
thing. 'Yeah.' Even worse - saying yeah twice, like a galloping
horse - 'yeahyeah.' Are you kidding me? Vhen you say that,
you're pushing someone away. You don't want to talk to
them. It's lat out rude. You could 'yeahyeah' someone who's
sensitive. Someone's going to get annoyed with you or that.
They're trying to engage in a conversation with you, so you
ought to talk back to them. I you don't want to talk back to
them, be real with them and say that." Vallace raised his
voice.
Act interested because that's what the person talking
to you is hoping or. They want you to listen to them. Don't
let outsiders turn your head when they're in the middle o
talking!" Vallace's arms were sprawled out in the air.
The unction o our society is at a critical low. It is
merely corrupt. Ve can't let go o our childhood riends.
Not a problem. The actual problem is that we are reusing to
let new people into our lives. There's a whole world out
there and many people are stubborn to ind out about
others. It's understandable that we don't have the time to
meet and beriend every being on the planet, but there are
those who could really use some company. Those are the
people we are avoiding. Ve shouldn't be doing that."
)*'
VALLACE ROSE
Many people will grow up with a successul social
maturity. Many o the people who grow up with a successul
social maturity seem to lack mental maturity. And that goes
on the lip side. Those out there who have integrity, goals
and intelligence seldom have a social lie. Many people will
engage in a relationship with riends and signiicant others
due to being ambitious. However, in many cases, someone
who doesn't have a lot to deal with in their lie work harder
and have a much harder time inding a place in the social
world.
I'm sure that at the end o the day, ater all that
working or studying, you start to think and question
things." Vallace paused again ater almost losing his breath.
Vho cares? Vho supports me? Vhat will I do with mysel?
Am I worthy o anything? Then you start to think - Blond-
Headed Goo In Glasses starts to think." Vallace paused and
I looked at him as his made up character.
He has nothing but himsel, and probably a couple
acquaintances and two amily members. Nobody wants to
marry Blond-Headed Goo In Glasses and that's one o his
priorities: to get married. He wants to ind a mate and he
wants to ind a place in the world where he belongs. He
doesn't have a lot o people in his lie." Vallace began to
look pensive.
Here's where I can string out more corruptions. I
someone doesn't ollow a universal criteria, a list o looks,
then he means nothing. It's a criteria that everyone uses and
)*(
VALLACE ROSE
the standards are o the roo. So Blond Headed Goo In
Glasses inds out that he isn't on the criteria. He looks
around at the success and inds out he is the exact opposite
o everyone. So what does he do? He orgets his mental
maturity and his success and alls under the corrupt society.
He's gone." Vallace paused. The crowd seemed even more
tense.
The last thing I want to talk about," Vallace
paused, is sel harm." The crowd was quiet. It seemed really
hot inside the rally room.
Vhen we lose someone to a suicide, we never see it
coming. Ve never see it coming when the signs are more
than obvious." There was another chill that ran down my
spine.
'Oh, he or she was so happy the other day. Ve were
talking and stu and we just hung out yesterday.' Really?"
Vallace looked into the crowd like they were idiots.
This person was a really great person. Really? Vhat
was the last thing you said to them? Most likely, it was an
insult. You may have been bringing them down when they
could hear it. Now that they're gone, you think it's okay to
compliment them. It's too late. They're never going to hear
it." Vallace paused. Have you ever told someone to stop
complaining because nobody cared? You wouldn't believe
how much they would take your word or it. Our right to
speak is powerul. Ve need to watch what we say. Some
people think that a statement rom one person could be said
))*
VALLACE ROSE
by the rest o the world around them. I So-and-So doesn't
care, then obviously nobody else does."
That is absolutely absurd. So-and-so spoke to you
poorly. They just don't want to hear you complain but
they're not going to help you. Vhy? They've lived their
whole lie practically lavishly and they were spoiled and they
did not have to make eort in anything they did. Those are
the people who simply don't understand what others go
through. There are people out there who care or you. There
are people out there who do not want you to leave. There are
people out there who do not want you to harm yoursel in
any way possible. Those people love you."
There is nothing more valuable than the well-being
o an individual. And remember that the little things can
impose the biggest eects. I you say hey to someone you
kind o know when you walk by them, you may make their
day better." Vallace looked and his emerald colored eyes
pinned down the eyes o others in the crowd. Man is ueled
by passion, motivation, aection, compliments, work ethic,
and other essentials that build up their well being. Vhile
they can work to adjust their own, you can contribute to the
well-being o yoursel, and the well-being o others."
Ve can change." Vallace said ater a short moment
o silence. Ve can bring back the kind o society we had.
Ve've been caught up with technology and other things such
as greed and war, and we have orgotten about the good
things. Ve orgot how to be nice to other people. Ve orgot
)))
VALLACE ROSE
how to get along with everyone and accept others or their
own values and belies. That also goes with the kind o
person we all are and the way we look. None o us are the
same, and that's a good thing." Vallace paused. However,
we know that there's things that we need to change when
people begin to eel worthless and let out. Ve're going to be
too late when more people hurt themselves and end their
lives to escape the pain that everyone has given them,
whether it's bullying, ignoring them, or even excluding them
rom places that they belong.
A new day can start when we all decide to start it, It
can be today, it can be tomorrow, or it might not be in a
long time. I know that this is a problem or me, but I preer
to see others happy. There are a lot o good people in the
world that we don't pay attention to. So today, I ask you to
do me one avor, Meet some new people. Chances are, you
won't regret it. Throw your criteria away and listen to
anyone talk. You won't believe the things you might learn.
You might make new riends or orm close relationships
with people you never expected. Every good person deserves
a chance to be happy. Thank you."
There was an applause among the crowd. I sat in my
chair, thinking to mysel 'did my best riend just make one
o the greatest presentations that I've ever attended?' I knew
then, that Vallace had the capacity to be president with the
manner and inlections that he delivered. It didn't really
matter to me at that point how absurd or unreasonable
))!
VALLACE ROSE
some o his points were, he had an immortal passion to
stand up or himsel and the other lost souls who couldn't
speak to the crowd.
I was also stunned that only one or two people
tracked Vallace down aterword and gave him a hug. I'm
sure, though, that Vallace appreciated those who appreciated
his speech.
I went to Sienna to ind her crying. I couldn't help
but give her a hug.
Vhat's wrong?" I asked her.
Nothing," she said, it was just so beautiul." Sienna
cried into my shoulder. I wish I had the courage to tell him
that I love him."
You're coming to the game tomorrow, right?"
Yes." Sienna took a minute to answer while she
wiped away her tears.
Vell, we'll all meet there tomorrow." I told her. I'll
bring Vallace, and Brooke is coming with me too. I don't
know about Gildroy and Leslie yet."
Okay." She said, Thank you."
I caught up with Vallace. I told him how much I
thought his speech was excellent. I told him that I heard
many people cry rom it. He didn't seem excited. Vallace
was nonchalant. I didn't tell him that Sienna was there
because I didn't know how he would react to that. O all
things that he didn't react to, I elt that he would have been
mad to know that Sienna was there. It was a mystery to me.
))"
VALLACE ROSE
The next day was the day o one o the big games
against Stonerock, which was a town nearby Vaterglade. I
wanted to go home and get some decent sleep. Brooke
loomed back into my mind. I planned to buy the perect
ring at the nearest jewelry store tomorrow. I didn't know
when exactly I was going to propose to her. That's what I
would end up thinking about or the longest time. It wasn't
easy.
))#
VALLACE ROSE
8
Ater speaking so much at the rally, Vallace became
silent again. As we made it into the dorm room, I elt as
though something was missing, it elt a little empty. I didn't
notice anything missing. Vallace went to the bathroom and
closed the door. I heard the sink running. The lights were on
high and the large window was black as night. I looked out
o the window that overlooked that campus. There were bits
o lights and stars that I could see.
As I stared out the window that night, I began to let
mysel over think or the irst time in a while. I thought
about me and Brooke. I thought about our ights and my
poor use o words. Our relationship seemed to be heading
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VALLACE ROSE
or the dump. I didn't like the thought o that. I didn't want
to end up split in hal. Everything would be so terrible.
I didn't really know what to do though. Vould
proposing to her be the best idea? I began to over think
every detail o my past with Brooke. I wanted to give Brooke
a call. I wanted to take a moment to remind her that I do
appreciate her or coming into my lie. Brooke was special
to me. I never would have expected the great dierence she
made in my lie and I elt that I was probably taking her or
granted.
My thoughts were interrupted when Vallace opened
the bathroom door.
Brush up, honey-bunch." Vallace said. I kind o
laughed at his command. He seemed quite alright, although
he addressed it in a serious tone.
I could eel mysel beginning to burn up at the rate I
was over thinking. I started thinking about the trip to the
jewelry store and the game. I didn't know what was going to
happen, or how everything was going to play out.
I'll do it tomorrow." I said.
Everything alright?" Vallace asked. Vallace and I
seemed to switch emotions. Ve have become each other that
night. I was the upset worry-wart and Vallace was the one
trying to make me eel better. I really liked that. As much as
I had a hard time trying to help Vallace with his problems,
he always did what he could to help me.
Yeah. I was just thinking about tomorrow." I told
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VALLACE ROSE
him. I was waiting or him to ask about tomorrow.
Vhat's happening tomorrow?" Vallace asked,
looking more over toward me. I still looked out o the
window, into the blackness.
Vill you go to the game tomorrow?" I suddenly
requested.
I don't know." Vallace answered. You know I'm
not into games."
It's a home game." I told him. It'll be un."
I'll think about it."
Vallace turned o the lights. As the room turned
into darkness, the window went rom a dark slate o glass to
a glowing screen o stars and moonlight. I was laying in my
bed so that my view aced the window. Vallace was
immediately silent. I was silent, but my mind kept me awake
or many hours.
The entire day seemed to replay in my head. I started
thinking about the things that Vallace said. I was beginning
to understand Vallace Rose at the last second. His voice was
stuck in my head. The magniicent words that Vallace
shaped in his voice mounted deep into my ears. Man is
ueled by passion, motivation, aection, compliments, work
ethic, and other essentials that build up their well being."
I was curious as to how well he planned his
presentation. I know that everyone will say something is
excellent although they don't really care as long as it's their
own, but Vallace's words had in act moved me. I couldn't
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VALLACE ROSE
speak or others, but almost every word he said remained
with me. I never orgot his speech. I never orgot some o
the important things. I never orgot the aults in his words
and the positive vibe that Vallace gave o.
I had not seen Vallace so strong in many years. I
thought then that he had put an end to all o his problems.
He had looked to himsel or his problems. He wrote down
all o his own thoughts and let his intelligence re-assure him
that he would do better in lie. I that was true about
Vallace, I should have done that or mysel. I was worried
about getting sleep.
I glared continuously out o the wonderul window. I
tried to make out constellations with the stars I could see.
Oten times, I would see a silent airplane with its lights
blinking as it moved across the partially clear sky. I looked
over at Vallace, who was sleeping sound-ully. There was
something grim about him when he slept. He was on his
back, completely still. Vallace was in an odd coin-lying
position.
I looked back at the ever-so-slowly moving moon. It
was closer to the center o the window, providing the most
light it had since the room was darkened. I looked over to
my alarm clock, which glowed three-eleven" in bright red.
Time had swept by extremely quick.
My thoughts always drited away rom sleep and
back to Brooke. I thought o her looks. She was a pretty
young woman. I elt that I was lucky to have her. I thought
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VALLACE ROSE
o the bad times we had. I couldn't help but play a
conversation between the two o us. I started to wonder i
she was awake, thinking the same way I was. I always
wondered where she would be, or what she would be doing
without me. I started to eel everishly hot.
I wanted to get up and take a walk but I knew that a
sta member would try and stop me. I would be sent back
here in my doom to think about everything again. The clock
glowed three-orty" in the morning. I didn't eel tired at all.
My mind was wide awake but I didn't want to move. I just
wanted to slip into sleep. I had a big day ahead o me.
The last time I remember glancing over at the clock,
it read ive-seventeen". I opened my eyes and looked at the
window. The moon was no longer there. I snapped my eyes
shut and drew my thoughts on to sleep and sleep only. It
seemed to have worked. I opened my eyes when the bright
morning sun cast a light in the sky that beamed through the
window. Vallace was still sleeping. My alarm clock read
Eleven-o-six."
I sprang out o bed and put some clothes on. The
irst thing I planned to do was call Brooke. I wanted to go
and meet her somewhere nice on campus. There was a nice
garden area right by the school's athletic building. It was an
attraction or eating breakast outside in the morning. The
athletic building was just several steps away rom the girls'
dorm building. I had somewhat o a walk to take, but it was
worth it.
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VALLACE ROSE
Hello?" Brooke answered her phone. For some
reason, I was surprised.
Hey babe." I said. Vould you like to get breakast?"
I politely asked her.
Sure." She answered.
Sure?" I asked. I didn't like sure" as an answer. It's
an uninterested version o saying yes. It seemed like it was in
between yes and no, or yes and hesitant.
Yes, Ross." She sounded a little rustrated.
I'm sorry." I told her.
No, I'm sorry." Brooke took the ault.
Either we're both sorry, or we're both not." I said.
It doesn't really matter."
Vhat?" Brooke was conused.
There's just no need to apologize. Apologies are
only words. They don't do anything."
I understand." Brooke said. Actions do speak
louder than words." There was a pause.
So where do you want to meet?" Brooke began to
engage in plan-making. It made me eel a lot better about
this whole thing.
By your dorm - is that alright? By the athletic
building?"
Sure." She said. Yes." I smiled a little bit.
Vhen?"
I can go down there right now."
That sounds good. I'll be on my way. I love you."
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VALLACE ROSE
I love you, Ross." Ve hung up at that point and I
let. Beore going out the door, I looked over at Vallace. He
was still sound asleep. I expected him to be awake at this
time. He usually was. I didn't worry about it though. I let
and closed the door.
As I took the diagonal walk across the large campus
in a thin jacket, I thought about my classes. There seemed to
be too much time to worry about my classes. I had a lot o
studying that I needed to catch up on. I wasn't doing so well
on exams and I tried making time to study. Vith the events
that had recently surrounded my lie, I ound it hard to take
a seat and crack open some notes. Sure, I could have studied
any time. Any o us at Vaterglade could have studied when
we had the chance. Ve just - never did.
Ve wanted to study, but at the same time, we wanted
some kind o pleasure, rather than the pain o working. Ve
wanted to talk and socialize. Ve wanted to catch up with
what our riends were doing. There was a lack o interest in
education. It starts when your education starts. I used to
think it was bad in high school, but in college, it got worse
or me. I started to worry about the things that I should
have worried about in high school. Even Vallace was trying
to make riends in college. Most people make their riends
in kindergarten.
I saw Brooke waiting right outside the athletic
building. She was wearing one o the nice coats that I
bought her earlier last winter. Vhen we met up, I didn't
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VALLACE ROSE
really want to be aectionate. I elt as though I would have
been nutty, or even clingy. I didn't want to come o that
way to Brooke, so oten times I wouldn't run up to her and
drown her with kisses and hugs. And maybe, perhaps, that
was one o the problems. Maybe that was what I was doing
wrong.
I didn't expect it to be this cold." I told her.
Me neither." She said. I'm not really hungry."
Brooke added. Can we just sit and talk?"
Ve never get the chance to actually talk to each
other, so why not?" I agreed to just sit and talk with her. Ve
moved inside because o the wind. It was a little cold that
morning and I hoped that it would get warmer.
I there's anything wrong, don't hesitate to tell me."
I assured Brooke that she could tell me any o her problems,
even i it had to do with me. You can point ingers at me
or something, about someone else. It will always be between
you and me. I won't involve anyone else. You have to trust
me."
Did something seem wrong?" Brooke asked. I'm
trying my best right now. It sucks how we're losing time to
see each other. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about
anything."
You have seemed displeased with me lately." I told
her with all honestly.
I didn't mean to." Brooke said. She was starting to
look upset.
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VALLACE ROSE
I have a question, and I wish you could answer it
honestly."
Vhat would that be?"
Did you or do you think I have a thing or Sienna?
I think that's what you're bothered about."
Brooke sighed. Yeah. I guess."
I can't lie and say she isn't beautiul," I told her,
but she's or Vallace. That's all I'm trying to do. They're
going to be together." Brooke smiled a little bit. I don't
mean to hurt you or talking to her. Ve're planning
something or Vallace."
Does Vallace want that though?" Brooke
questioned me.
Vallace just wants someone that'll listen to him." I
told her, looking her straight in the eyes. He deserves way
better than just that. He deserves Sienna."
I know." Brooke said. Since we're being honest, I
don't want you to orget about me throughout this whole
thing. I'm araid o that."
I've been thinking about you all night, Brooke. I
lost a lot o sleep. I was worried about everything. I came to
you or that."
Everything will be okay." Brooke looked up at me
with a smile.
I know. There's just a lot going on right now. I need
your help with Vallace and Sienna right now."
I understand."
)!"
VALLACE ROSE
I looked into Brook's eyes again. Ve just have to
ride this year through - just one more year. Then, we can
live our lives together. Ve're almost there."
Oh, Ross." Brooke smiled and looked at me. I elt a
sense o renewal in our relationship. It reminded me o the
beginning, like our irst day together.
The ootball game is tonight. I want you to come
with me. It's important." I blurted out. It was impulsive o
me to say that it was important. I planned to buy the ring
ater our conversation and propose to her that night. I that
didn't happen, I at least planned to buy her some lowers,
perhaps some roses.
O course I'll go!"
The conversation between Brooke and I dissolved
into little talks. The presence o my girlriend slowed down
the pace o my thinking and the lowered the height o my
worries. I elt a sense o ease around Brooke that day and
honestly, I did not want to leave the athletic lobby. I wanted
to stay there until the start o the game. But I had things
that I had to do. I was urging to buy that ring and propose
to her. I knew then that I was ready to start my lie with
Brooke Schumacher.
The both o us parted until the game that night. It
was early October now and the warmth o summer wouldn't
return until next year. The leaves began to turn yellow and
swing to the ground. The city o Vaterglade seemed to be
the epitome o a orest city. There were leaves on the ground
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VALLACE ROSE
everywhere. You couldn't even walk downtown without
hearing the crunch o dead leaves under your shoe.
I began walking toward the student parking lot. I
started to think about Vallace's ideas, and then some o my
own spawned rom my mind. There's something unortunate
about society. In the beginning, we meet someone new and
we enjoy them. Ve can tolerate them very well. Ve respect
them and we're kind to them because we don't really know
them that well. But once we know someone ater a long
time, things just start to get old. Ve start to get annoyed
with the same things going on everyday. Ve orget the past
and how everything began. Ve're too busy to put up with
those that we have been around or a while. Ve just tend to
orget the way we used to treat people when we irst met
them.
Upon the thought, I remembered my irst
impression o Vallace. I started to eel bad or even being
ed up with all o my riends. It's something that we all do
and it gets out o hand. As I got in my car in the parking
lot, I made a decision to just try and be a nicer person to
everyone. I still elt inluenced by Vallace's speech at the
rally the day beore.
I checked up on where the nearest jewelry shop was
and ound one next to a mall in a suburb right next to
Vicke's \illage. It would take me a while to get there, but I
had all day to get things done with much time to spare. I
also called Sienna to remind her about the game that night.
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VALLACE ROSE
I had to keep mysel in the loop and make sure everyone
was on the same page. Sienna, o course, told me that I
asked her about that yesterday. I was glad she remembered. It
made me assume that she was excited.
I was driving on the highway toward Vicke's \illage.
The sky was gray and there weren't a lot o other cars on the
road. There was a song on the radio that seemed depressing.
It was a song that reminded me o death. I thought about all
o the problems in lie. I started to over think again. I
thought about Vallace and Sienna this time. I elt as though
I was putting too much in my hands in one night.
Everything seemed so important to me. I knew I was dealing
with too much, but I was anticipating the results and the
reactions o these events.
It began to rain a little bit, but luckily, the rain
didn't pick up. The all o droplets seemed to stop minutes
ater they began alling. I saw the sign that indicated an
outlet mall was just a couple miles away. I was in a part o
the city that I have never been through beore. I wasn't used
to where I was going and I wasn't amiliar with some o the
places I drove by. I kept looking or the sign o the jewelry
store. Eventually, I ound it.
The irst thing I noted when I walked in the jewelry
store was the smell. It was a dierent atmosphere with a
oreign scent. Then, I noticed the people in the store: the
customers and the jewelers at the counter. The customers
were older people. I would have guessed that they were close
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VALLACE ROSE
to the age o retirement. Some o the old people were alone,
and some o them came in as couples. I was the only young
one there, as a customer.
The men and women behind the counter were nearly
middle-aged, but they looked young. They were ideal
jewelers. I kept patient and waited or my turn. I really
wasn't looking or anything extravagant or expensive. I
didn't have a lot o money and I was looking or something
that was just simple. Giving anything mattered to me at that
point, and I'm sure it wouldn't have mattered to Brooke
what I got as long as it was a nice piece o jewelry. I also
wasn't going to have time put into it. I wanted to make my
purchase right there and go back with whatever they could
oer me.
How may we help you, sir?" One o the gentlemen
called or me.
I'm just looking or one o the cheapest rings you
have."
Nothing big or special, huh?" he asked me.
Nope."
Quality? Looks? Colors?"
It doesn't really matter. I have a ew hundred bucks.
That's all."
Vell, we can look to see what we have. I'm sure we
have a ring with us that's ready under that budget." The man
went to look around. I kept my patience in tact. I did look
at the clock. It was practically aternoon. I had a ew hours
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VALLACE ROSE
to get everything in order.
I looked over in a case o new, extravagant diamond
rings that soared over three-thousand dollars. Just by looking
at the prices, I was doubting that I would make a purchase
o anything here.
Ve have some used rings." the man hollered rom
ar behind the counter. The man walked up and set a ring
on the counter. It was the kind o ring that I was thinking
o. A simple ring that didn't have pure diamond embedded
in the middle. It was diamond, but it wasn't the unique or
expensive kind o diamond ring that everyone else tries to
shoot or. I actually liked the simplicity o the ring.
Anything worked or me at that moment.
How do you like it?" the man asked. The price or
it was three-hundred-twenty dollars.
I'll buy it." I nodded to him and pulled out my
wallet. I had saved almost ive-hundred dollars and I was
glad that I didn't have to spend all o it. I gave the man the
money, and I also added in a little more or a case.
The man handed it to me and nodded. You have a
good day, sir."
Thanks." I replied. You too."
I walked back out and into the cold. I got into the
car and headed back to the university. The game would be
starting in just a ew hours. I don't recall being any more
excited about anything else than I was about that game that
night. I elt so great about how everything was going.
)!'
VALLACE ROSE
Everything seemed to be in balance. However, the best o
things never seem to last orever.
As I was driving back into town, I realized that I
orgot to buy roses or Brooke, as I had previously planned.
Oh well," I thought to mysel. The roses weren't
important. I decided to just let it go and see what the night
had in store or all o us.
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VALLACE ROSE
9
Ater returning rom the jewelry store, I walked into
a surprise in the dorm room. I wouldn't call it a good
surprise or a bad surprise. It was more o a strange, odd, or
mysterious surprise. I immediately noticed a lot o things
were stripped away and missing. Some o the shelves were
empty. Some posters were no longer on the wall. Vallace's
bed was just a mattress. And ater looking around, my eyes
tracked Vallace behind a bright beam o dust shown by the
light outside the windows.
He looked much older. His eyes were hidden behind
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VALLACE ROSE
his glasses rom a glare and his beard covered his upper lips.
He had a unnel-shaped lask set at a table. The liquid inside
it was yellow, i I recall. He poured something else rom a
small tube into the lask. There was a screaming sizzling
sound. And rom the top o the lask, released a white
smokey gas. Vallace remained still ater perorming the
reaction.
Vhere is everything?" I asked. I was curious as to
what Vallace was up to.
I sold it all." Vallace said. I wasn't satisied. I didn't
believe that to be true. At irst, I believed that he was on to
me. I believed that he knew that I was going to propose to
Brooke.
Are you leaving?" I asked. I was conused and a
little rustrated. I didn't want Vallace to leave me because I
was going to be engaged to my girlriend.
No, no." He said, re-assuringly.
Vhy did you sell everything?" I asked.
I thought I could use some money." Vallace
explained.
How much did you make?" I demanded.
Enough." That was all Vallace said.
You're really starting to worry me, Vallace." I said.
You're worried? About me?" Vallace asked with a
sarcastic remark. You're not worried. You just say that you're
worried about me - just like everyone else in the world."
Vallace stood up and walked toward me. He did not
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VALLACE ROSE
continue, as I would have expected.
You can't leave." I said. I couldn't theorize what else
Vallace was trying to do. All o his possessions were gone.
I'm not leaving, Ross. I'm not leaving - this room."
Vallace said. It didn't seem to make sense to me. He said he
wasn't leaving the room. Everything o his that was in the
room was gone. I didn't understand how he was supposed to
sleep without a blanket or sheets. His motivational quotes
were no longer on the wall. Vhere there used to be a
periodic table was just a large blank white space. The
elements were gone. From the beam o light that shone
through the window, dust continued to low through the
room. Everything else remained still. Vallace looked out at
the late aternoon sun.
People take a lot o things or granted." Vallace
said aintly, in nearly a whisper. Vho needs things that
they don't actually need? I know I don't need anything or
anyone to get by. I I have mysel, then I guess that's how it
is."
Vallace, you're my riend and I'm your riend." I
said.
I know." Vallace said. You're a good riend, but
I'm still alone. There's a lack o balance."
Balance?" I didn't understand.
Vhat i something happened to Brooke? Vhat i
you and Brooke separated? Vhat would happen? Vhat
would you do?" Vallace asked, demandingly.
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VALLACE ROSE
I don't know. I don't want to think about it." I said,
eeling the ring box in my pocket.
Vould you go out with your magic and bring
someone new home and be happy again?" I didn't answer. I
didn't want to say that. I didn't know. I didn't know what to
say.
You've got to be lucky that you're not me." Vallace
said, ater a pause. You're not alone, Ross. You're not sitting
in your dorm room everyday just rotting your lie away.
You're not working tremendously hard so that you can waste
your lie away not even taking that work into the real
world." Vallace turned away and looked back out at the
window.
I really started to think like Vallace, or Vallace.
Being alone must be a terrible eeling. Knowing that you're
going to live your lie until the day you die alone is indeed
awul. I began to eel or Vallace. I honestly wouldn't want
to be him. He was my riend though. I should've wanted
exactly what he wanted or himsel. I should have wanted
him to ind someone he could be happy with. I should have
helped him more than I had actually tried. I should have
told him straight up that Sienna liked him.
You don't have to sit inside." I assured him. Vallace
looked at me like I was mad.
Vhat need does the outside world have or me? I
just go out there and I get absolutely nothing." Vallace
explained. He was beginning to get rustrated. I wanted to
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VALLACE ROSE
try and calm him down. I wanted to try and bring up the
idea o proposing to Brooke, but I knew that he would be
inuriated.
You don't have to get anything rom the outside
world. Try giving to the world instead." I elt wise or saying
that.
Vhat would anyone want rom me?" Vallace asked,
with a sigh. He took a seat again at the empty table that had
the lask on it. His head was in his hands. I couldn't tell i
he was beginning to tear up. I took a seat at the other side o
the small table.
Vallace, listen," I said. I guarantee you that there is
someone out there who likes you the way you are. I know it
sounds classic and cliche, but you're young. You're on
somebody's mind right now. I know it to be true." I said. I
was speaking or Sienna. I knew it to be true and that is why
I made that statement to Vallace. I knew that Vallace wasn't
going to be convinced. I wasn't going to give it away either.
But I should have. It could have been a lie-saver in Vallace's
case.
Nobody likes me." Vallace said. I don't say that to
complain or get attention. I say it because it's just a genuine
act." Vallace stood up. He didn't want to talk. He went
over and sat the end o his plain mattress. I was once again
reminded that all o Vallace's possessions were gone. He
looked downward, and the old, aged Vallace appeared beore
me again.
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VALLACE ROSE
You still haven't told me where all your things
went." I reminded him. Ater that reminder, I could see
Vallace getting shaken up. A tear rolled down his ace.
I gave everything away." He began to cry. I knew
there was something seriously wrong now.
Vhy?" I shouted at him. I was angry, rustrated and
upset. I was actually worried about Vallace. No matter how
much he didn't believe me, I was worried or him. I was on
the verge o tears. Vallace wasn't intimidated by my anger.
I don't need it anymore." Vallace cried. I don't
need anything anymore. I don't want anything. I I can't get
what I need, then why should I have things that I want?"
Vallace was beginning to act absurd. I understood why, I
just wanted him to get everything back.
Vhat is the point to lie?" Vallace asked in his
timid aint whisper again. I looked at him in disbelie. At
that point, a tear or two raced down my cheek. I didn't
know how to answer. I just waited or Vallace to say more so
I could justiy or prove him wrong. You grow up, and you
do the same thing everyday until the day you die. It's just
pointless." Vallace hid his ace and looked back out at the
window.
Vallace, i you look at the good side o lie, you
would understand." I said.
Vhat good side o lie? I know one exists, but not
in mine." Vallace cried. He threw that table aside and the
yellow chemical spilled on the ground. The lask shattered.
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VALLACE ROSE
The room began to smell o death. You see the good things
in lie because you have the things that make you happy.
You can see the good things and enjoy a steady lie."
Vallace, just because I have some things that you
don't doesn't mean my lie is perect. You have good things
that I don't have. You have more ambition and personality."
I explained.
You have Brooke." Vallace shouted with a cry. I
would do anything to be accompanied rom my loneliness."
Maybe you're trying too hard in the ield." I gave
him that advice. Maybe you're trying too hard to get in a
relationship. You treat it almost as i it's your number one
priority. That may be unattractive."
I can't help that!" Vallace cried. I've been lonely all
my lie. It's not as easy as you think it is. You've had
company with your relationships. Even though I never
experienced love, I know how to treat someone right and
make them the happiest person they are."
I believe you." I said.
But nobody else does." Vallace argued.
Maybe you have to show it. It's not that they don't
believe you. They don't know what you're capable o."
Time's running out." Vallace insisted. Everyone
has already ound their ideal partner. I just have to ride the
tide alone." Vallace began to walk around.
You'll ind someone." I said. Vallace let out a
sarcastic laugh that still sounded a bit like a weep.
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VALLACE ROSE
Remember how your parents said they met?" I asked
Vallace.
A ootball game." He said.
There's one tonight." I said.
So?" Vallace asked.
I have a eeling that you might have an inherited
ate. Maybe you'll meet someone at the ootball game." I
said.
Doubt it." Vallace said immediately. He was wrong.
I planned or him to meet Sienna at the ootball game. I
wanted him to go or that reason.
I guarantee it." I said. I was almost positive that my
plans would go perectly.
Is it going to be cold tonight?" Vallace asked.
Most likely." I said. Just bring a coat."
I will." Vallace assured me. He then brought up
something else. I wanted to say something else about you
and Brooke."
Yes?" I was curious.
'Ve're riends and I want it to stay that way - you
and me. I believe that you should wait to marry her when
I'm ready to be married." My heart sank a little bit. Ater a
moment, I inally agreed.
I'll wait or you. That isn't a problem."
Thanks. I just don't want to eel out there by
mysel. I don't want to be the only unmarried man around."
Vallace said.
)"&
VALLACE ROSE
This night might just be your lucky night." I told
him. Vallace didn't believe me. However, he took the chance
and went out with me to the ootball game.
I made this promise to Vallace. But I had the ring. I
spent a good amount o money on this ring. I was going to
propose to Brooke at the ootball game. I was conused and
perplexed. I had decisions. Vhat could I do with the ring?
Put it away and wait until my riend was ready to get
married at the same time?
I let my thoughts sink in as I walked to Gildroy's
dorm room. For some reason, I kept the ring in my pocket.
It was probably best in case Vallace stumbled on it. Perhaps
I should just return it. I could really use some o the money
that I saved or it. But would I have money or it in the
uture at Vallace's readiness? Vould Vallace ever get
married? The act that Vallace always doubted himsel made
me begin to doubt Vallace's uture.
The thought o Vallace led to a spark. I could give
the ring to Vallace so that he could give it to Sienna, just as
a kind, riendly 'I like you' git. Maybe that sounded a little
ridiculous in mind. Then again, I thought it sounded
perect. A ring or Sienna rom Vallace would be the
inishing touch. So the ring came with me to the game that
night.
Down the hall rom my dorm room was Gildroy's.
He switched to a new riend's dorm room because he
couldn't deal with Keith's grie over his brother. I never
)"'
VALLACE ROSE
really asked Gildroy whose dorm he moved into, but the
place was nice. It elt a bit smaller because his roommate
seemed to have more items in his room. The walls were
somewhat pale. There were a ew posters here and there.
There was a little hand-made lab bench by the window.
Plants lined up at the window. I wanted to assume that
Gildroy's new riend, or roommate, was working on a
biology degree or something similar to that.
I'm just working my way in here still." Gildroy
reminded me as he walked me through the room. As I
looked around the small and vital room, I was reminded o
my hal-empty, hal-ull dorm room. I wanted to make sure
Vallace didn't do something crazy while I let him. I also
wanted to make sure that he brings his lie back into the
dorm.
There's a game tonight. I don't think I need to
remind you o that." I said. I wanted to make this a quick
and clean deal.
Oh, yes." Gildroy said excitingly. Since when have
I missed a home game, Ross?" He walked around. He looked
out the window and into the descending aternoon sky. I'm
taking Leslie with me. Are you and Brooke going?" He
looked to me.
Yes, I'm also bringing Vallace with me" I said.
Suddenly, Gildroy looked at me with interest.
Ah, Vallace the poor ellow. You're bringing Sienna
too, right?" Gildroy asked.
)"(
VALLACE ROSE
Yes - Look, I have something to show you." I
glanced around the room and at the door. The door was
closed. I pulled out the ring.
You're - proposing to Brooke?" Gildroy asked with a
surprised tone.
Not tonight." I said. This ring will not be
Brooke's." Gildroy seemed to be even more interested. I'm
going to give this to Vallace and - "
He'll give to Sienna - Gildroy nodded. He
understood the plan.
I promised Vallace I that I wouldn't propose to
Brooke until he was situated."
I understand." Gildroy and I had gotten close
somehow, and we disperse until there was a decent amount
o space between us. I placed the ring box careully back into
my pocket. The only thing I didn't want to say to Gildroy
was the indication o Vallace's sel-harmul behavior that
occurred recently, particularly with the loss o his
possessions. I wanted to get back to my dorm to make sure
Vallace was still ine.
Vell, I gotta make a run back." I said, nervously. As
I walked away toward the door, I turned back to Gildroy and
said, I'll see you at the game." Gildroy gave me a nod, and a
wave. I was out the door, airport walking back to my dorm
room.
As I made my way back I realized that I had spent a
lot o time in Gildroy's dorm, longer than I wanted to. I
)#*
VALLACE ROSE
opened the door. The room still had its vacant look. The
lask was gone and that mess was cleaned up. The door to
the bathroom that was a part o our dorm was shut and
locked. At irst, I assumed that Vallace was taking care o
the lask and the chemicals. Then, I was worried that he was
doing something harmul to himsel in the bathroom.
Vallace?" I shouted rom outside the door.
Yes?" I heard a muled shout return.
Just making sure it was you in there." I shouted
back. There wasn't a reply ater that. I heard the sink go on
and o a couple times. Ater a ew minutes o waiting,
Vallace emerged rom the bathroom. He seemed to have
went back in time. I saw the ace o the old Vallace I knew,
behind the beard that once existed only an hour ago. He was
also dressed up. Vallace had trimmed himsel up in such a
quick time. It seemed as though he was ready to go out to a
dance.
Vho cut your hair?" I asked.
Mysel." Vallace said, nonchalantly. He walked over
toward the closet and threw on a gray cardigan. So when
are we leaving toward the game?" Vallace looked to me and
asked. I didn't notice or hear him ask because I was
astonished at Vallace's behavior.
A ew hours." I said, looking out the large window.
I started to wonder then, i Vallace knew how the night was
supposed to play out. Better yet, perhaps he was giving
everything one last shot.
)#)
VALLACE ROSE
I really wasn't bothered by Vallace now. I elt as
though I could have lited all the stress rom my shoulders
at that point. I was ready or the night to play out. My
patience began to shorten just as Vallace's seemed to.
Vallace didn't know what could have been in store or him.
The minutes inally went by and the evening had
welcomed us. The aternoon light inally descended and the
sapphire blue sky remained behind the ield lights. The size
o the large ield seemed to get smaller as more players and
other people illed it in. Our marching band played wildly
as usual and thousands o people in the bleachers talked.
Vallace drove us there: Me, Gildroy and Leslie. Ve
were going to meet up with Brooke and Sienna. I kept the
ring in my pocket and pondered on when I should address
Vallace on his little mission. I knew that i I took the ring
out, he would be angered at the very second it came into his
viewing. That was the problem with showing him the ring
beore telling him what I wanted him to do with it. The ring
remained in my pocket. I was going to wait or the best
time. I planned on telling Brooke what I was going to do. As
o that point, it was just between me and Gildroy.
Vhat I liked about the little university games was the
reminder o the high school ootball games. Vaterglade isn't
one o those colleges that has broadcasted games on
television. It was practically similar to a typical high school
ootball game. Back in high school, the ootball games were
all hype. There was so much positive energy. You would
)#!
VALLACE ROSE
leave with somewhat o a better outlook on lie. At least that
was the case or me. That's one o the reasons I wanted
Vallace to always go with me to the games.
Vallace, Gildroy, Leslie and I walked as a group
aimlessly to an empty area in the bleachers. However, I had
my eyes set or Brooke and Sienna. O all honesty, I ound
it easier to locate Sienna. She always looked distinctive to
me. Any eye could catch her rom the corners. I was hoping
that Brooke was with her.
To my surprise, my eyes caught Brooke irst, and she
was with Sienna. Both o them were wearing small coats.
They were standing, toward the bottom o the bleachers. I
let Vallace, Gildroy and Leslie where they were so I could
get the attention o the girls. I made my way down the
bleachers and Sienna looked at me, then Brooke.
Ross!" Brooke came up to hug me. I observed
Sienna who just looked away toward the ield. I knew that
she was expecting something, a word rom me about
Vallace.
Brooke was trying to talk to me but the crowd
behind us was too loud. I jerked my head up to her, telling
her and Sienna to ollow me, where Vallace and the other
love birds made their spot somewhere high in the bleachers.
As I led them up to our little clique, I noticed that
Vallace had moved a ew eet away, either to make space or
us, or to set him apart rom Gildroy and Leslie. He was as
still as a dead man in a coin. He only looked toward the
)#"
VALLACE ROSE
ield. There was a glare rom one o the ield lights relecting
o o his lenses. I noticed Sienna look at him, then me. She
smiled. I looked back at Sienna and smiled. Vallace still
observed the ield intensely, as though the game had long
started.
Look at him!" Sienna whispered to me, with her
smile. She was admiring him. My eyes didn't see what a girl
like Sienna saw. That really didn't matter though. I was glad
that she liked Vallace. I wish Vallace would have known.
Sienna went to sit right next to him. Vallace's head
twitched to look at her but he didn't make a ull turn. He
didn't know who came to sit next to him. He continued at
the ield. The game didn't even start yet.
I looked over to Brooke. Remember when I said
that Vallace was a turd?" I looked over at Vallace, who sat
still as a stone. He's being one right now." I didn't make a
comment, but I did shake my head.
Although that night was rather cold, there seemed to
be some heat generating throughout the intensity o the
crowd, the team, and the marching band. There seemed to be
heat within us all, a nervous heat, or perhaps an angry heat.
There was no way out o this warmth that seemed to coat us
in the cold o the night.
Stonerock is a pretty good team, I cannot lie."
Gildroy commented.
My ex-boyriend goes there." Leslie said. Gildroy
looked at Leslie scornully.
)##
VALLACE ROSE
Vell," he said, with a chuckle in his words, I take
my comment back." There was a bit o laughter among us. I
looked over and saw that Vallace and Sienna were talking. I
kind o smiled to mysel. I elt like I have achieved
something. It seemed to be a lacking conversation though,
because the two o them kept looking away rom each other
and they stopped talking. It would have been better i they
had more time to talk.
Soon, the game began. Nobody really watched any o
the games. The home games seemed to be a social event or
the entire college. There was no shame to that either.
Everyone did it. I did it. Many o the proessors that
attended that games talked to other proessors. These were
the only times that we had to catch up with our riends.
Oten, we were busy in class or studying or big exams.
There was an announcer that nobody seemed to
listen to either. I've grown to understand that a lot o people
in the world actually have a listening problem. For some
reason, people oten ignore the important things. People
don't hear any warnings. Nobody cares to see the signs or
listen to the cries o someone in need. People only cared
about the upbeat people that always looked nice and had
things that were actually interesting to say. It was a case or
practically everyone.
I always looked over at Vallace and Sienna. Vallace
kept a static expression on his ace. The glare remained in
his lenses so I couldn't see the rest o his expressions. I
)#$
VALLACE ROSE
wondered how Sienna was eeling. I couldn't hear what they
were occasionally talking about, but that was ine with me.
At least they were talking a little bit.
Suddenly, I remembered the ring. I had to do
something about it. The heat seemed to grow even warmer
now. I couldn't decide i I should pull Vallace away rom
Sienna so he could return to her with a ring, or tell Brooke
what I wanted to do irst. Vhat i Vallace backed down on
his only opportunity? I didn't want him to actually propose
to Sienna. I wanted this ring to be a nice little git or
Sienna. It would have made her really happy. I had to make
a decision and I elt like I made the best decision possible.
Both decisions would have some kind o downall.
I walked up to Brooke, asked her to come with me,
and we let to talk in private at one end o the bleachers. As
I walked away with Brooke, Vallace inally moved his head
in my direction. The glare rom his lenses were gone and his
teal colored eyes pinned down on me. Sienna also looked at
me, blushing. I couldn't help but look away rom Vallace. I
hurried Brooke down to the end o the bleachers.
I was too nervous to reveal the ring to anyone. It was
bound to get great reaction. My heart also sank down once I
remembered that I let Gildroy with Vallace and the rest.
Uh, how are you?" I asked Brooke. It was slightly
quieter since we were in a disclosed space, somewhat between
two sets o bleachers.
I'm alright." Brooke kissed me on the cheek.
)#%
VALLACE ROSE
Look, I have a plan." I said. Vallace and Sienna -
Are you trying to get them together?" Brooke asked
with an exciting tone.
Yes." I said. I remember being this nervous since the
day I asked Brooke out. I have something that I want to
give Vallace." I looked around. And I want him to give it
to Sienna." I took the ring out and Brooke's eyes suddenly
dilated.
How did you get that?" Brooke couldn't stay calm.
I spent some money on it. I saved up or a while."
Brooke was still surprised at the sight o the ring. There was
a bit o riot happening on the bleachers next to us.
You don't want him to just come out with this ring
and propose to her?" Brooke asked.
No, I want this ring to be a git. That's all. You
know that Sienna will be lattered by it." I elt a lot better
telling Brooke about it or some reason.
There was a bit o noise and shaking on the
bleachers, and a pen ell in between me and Brooke. Beore I
looked down at the ground, I heard a snapping sound rom
its impact. At the same time, Vallace had gotten up rom
where he was sitting to see what Brooke and I were up to.
However, he seemed to have caught us in the wrong time. It
wasn't the sight o the ring, or I had already placed it back
in my pocket. My back was aced to him, while he stood in
disgust several eet away at the bottom o the stairs that lead
to the bleachers. He caught me on my knees, acing Brooke.
)#&
VALLACE ROSE
I went to pick up the pen that had allen rom the bleachers
above us. Brooke was laughing gently at the incident o the
alling pen. Vallace interpreted it as witnessing one o his
greatest ears. I didn't know this, but Brooke told me since
she saw him.
I'm going to have to give this ring to him now." I
said.
No, please wait." Brooke said. Let the night get a
little older."
I guess that's a good idea. It shouldn't be soon." I
agreed with her.
Vhen we returned we ound Gildroy and Sienna
sitting where they were. Vallace was gone and so was Leslie.
Vhere did Vallace go? I thought he was with you."
Sienna asked us. Brooke and I were conused, but Brooke
held a worried look on her ace, similar to Sienna's.
I don't know." I said. Vhere's Leslie?"
Crying, Gildroy answered, Vhy does it matter?"
Vhat the hell is going on?" Brooke asked.
Ve got in a ight - me and Leslie. I don't even care
or her anymore." Gildroy explained. Just as Brooke and I
let, there seemed to have been a chaos that erupted.
Girls are so dumb these days." Sienna said.
I can agree with that, but you're not dumb."
Gildroy said. That was the classic way o moving on: throw
around compliments until you ind someone who likes you
or saying them. I elt like I had to watch over Gildroy and
)#'
VALLACE ROSE
Sienna. I didn't want things to backire. Gildroy spoke again,
I think Vallace headed to the car."
But why?" I asked.
Maybe he was bored with the game. I need to eat.
Anyone else?" Gildroy provided an idea o going out to a
restaurant. Ve just had to somehow appease Vallace to drive
us.
Yeah, let's go catch up with Vallace." I said. Ve let
in the middle o the game. Ve had to get through a sea o
words and people.
In the parking lot was Vallace's car. At irst, it
seemed as though the car was empty, but as we came closer,
Vallace was sitting still in the car. Ve all got in. Gildroy sat
in the ront passenger, and Sienna, Brooke and I compacted
ourselves in the back. And like an old monotone cab driver,
Vallace asked us Vhere are we going?"
Everyone want to go out to eat?" I asked. There was
an agreement within the car. I looked at the ront mirror in
the car, and Vallace's teal eyes pinned me down once again.
I'm not going to deal with any aection - not in
my car." Vallace said in an angry whisper. I did what was
best and rerained rom holding hands or kissing Brooke.
The drive to the restaurant was surprisingly quiet.
Nobody spoke the entire ride there. Ve just drove by, and
lights moved across our aces. Sienna's head was down. She
let no expression on her ace. I was sure that at that point
she was going to cry.
)#(
VALLACE ROSE
I could eel Vallace's anger radiate in the car. I knew
at this point that he had given up on everything. I just
didn't understand why. All I could think about was getting
him back on track. His eyes stared out at the road. He never
really blinked that much. Gildroy, in the ront passenger
seat, squinted and looked around nervously. Brooke looked
a little scared. This time, I elt like I was the one who was
out o the loop. Otherwise, Vallace's anger had indeed
radiated into other monstrous emotions in which we all
caught during our ride.
Vallace parked the car in the parking lot o a rather
expensive diner. He stopped that car, but he didn't move. Ve
all got out o the car. Gildroy, Sienna, and Brooke walked
toward the restaurant. I waited or Vallace. He didn't get out
o the car. He sat still.
Nobody wants me around. I'm just here to give
people rides." Vallace said. He didn't look at me. He still
looked straight out the windshield.
Damn it, Vallace that's not true! Vhy do you think
I'm waiting or you? Get out o the damn car!" Ater a
moment, Vallace stepped out o the car. For some reason, I
elt bad or shouting at him. I inally got him to walk into
the restaurant with me. I dug into my pocket and elt the
ring box.
Hold on, I orgot my wallet." I said. I wanted to
stick the ring box somewhere inside the car where I assumed
it would be sae.
)$*
VALLACE ROSE
No, don't worry about it. Enjoy your money. I'll
pay or everything." I couldn't tell i Vallace was being
sarcastic, or i he was being nice enough to pay or everyone.
I didn't reply to him. I went to the car and put the ring box
inside one o the compartments by the dashboard. I
honestly don't know why I did that. I just didn't want to
hold on to the ring anymore.
I went inside and ound the our sitting at a booth.
Gildroy was talking, practically lirting with Sienna. Brooke
talked to Sienna and tried to keep Gildroy rom talking to
her. Vallace just sat there. He was as still as a statue. I ound
it a bit disturbing. I don't know i the others noticed that.
Vallace was beginning to stress me out to the point
that I was getting a vibe o him. Brooke stood up to hug me,
but I didn't act aectionate toward the hug. Brooke
practically hugged a stable pole. She noticed that I didn't
really hug her that well, but she didn't comment on it at
that point.
I sat down next to Brooke, and next to her was
Sienna. Across rom us was Vallace and Gildroy. I saw that
Gildroy was making phone calls at the table.
Is this Andrea?" Gildroy whispered into the phone.
He let his phone set ace-down on the table. I made glances
around and realized that things could have been more ideal.
Then, I wanted to change the arrangement, regardless o how
Gildroy might react.
Sienna, move over to where Gildroy is. Gildroy,
)$)
VALLACE ROSE
move up over to our side." I said. Surprisingly, there wasn't
any objection to that. Both o them switched their places.
Once again, Sienna was next to Vallace. During the time we
were dining, I tried to keep things smooth.
So, what's everyone ordering?" I asked.
Mortality." Vallace said. There was a pause. Then
Vallace picked up the menu, showing that there was a rather
large steak that called The Mortality Steak." I read the
details. It was an expensive steak and I highly doubted that
Vallace was going to eat a quarter o it. I wasn't going to
argue with Vallace so I let him get it. It really wasn't up to
me anyway.
The Heartbreak Steak sounds nity." Gildroy said.
It sounds like something that would give you heart
disease." Brooke commented.
Vho named these steaks anyway?" I asked. It
seemed a little odd to me.
Their spoons are sixty-nine cents." Gildroy marveled
over the silverware prices. And their orks are only ten
cents..."
Vell in most diners, spoons and orks and other
things like that are ree." I explained.
A waitress came by and got our orders. From what
we all got I was able to learn that Sienna was a vegetarian.
Sienna got a vegetarian sandwich. I still wasn't sure i
Vallace was actually going to eat the Mortality Steak that he
ordered. He usually wouldn't eat brutal meals, or even
)$!
VALLACE ROSE
brutal-sounding meals. The rest o us ordered light steaks
that included beverages.
I really hope those stupid Stonerocks lose this
game." Gildroy wished.
Vho cares about the game?" I said, trying to be
happy. I put my arm around Brooke's shoulder. I was
beginning to loosen up. I was a little happier. I was hoping
to provide a little more optimism.
Are you okay?" Sienna suddenly looked over to
Vallace.
O course I am." Vallace said in a monotone voice
moments ater Sienna had addressed her question.
So what happened between you and Leslie?" I asked.
I elt as though I dared to bring that up.
Ve just started talking about the game and stu.
She wouldn't' stop harping about her ex, who just happened
to be on the team. She said that at the end o the game she
was going to say hey to him. You know that doesn't end so
well." There was a pause. I told her to just drop it because
she had me. I could just see anyway that she still admired
the guy. I'm not going to keep her i the past keeps
pleasuring her." Gildroy seemed to shake his head in shame.
Their relationship was nice. I thought perhaps they'll get
back together without a problem. All good things come to
an end eventually.
I don't know, man," I said, not everyone gets over
things that easy."
)$"
VALLACE ROSE
I never talked about my prior relationship to her -
ever!" Gildroy said. Stu like that just pisses me o. I can't
handle it. That's why we departed."
I was getting impatient with all o the anger,
rustration and attitudes everyone had. I remember almost
snapping at Gildroy in particular or over-using his cell
phone.
Vhy don't we all just try to have a good night?" I
insisted. I was starting to eel really hot. I could have lipped
at any moment.
Yeah." Sienna said. She looked back over at Vallace.
He didn't look okay. Ve could all see that Vallace was
boiling over something on the inside. His lips looked like
they were quivering and he looked a little shaky. Are you
sure you're alright?" Sienna asked him again. That was the
question that lipped Vallace's switch up higher. He stood
up rom his seat at the table.
Does something look wrong?" he shouted. Sienna
linched a bit and backed away. Does something look
wrong with me? Huh? Vhat? Is there something wrong?"
Nobody spoke. Ve seemed to wait or Vallace. Vallace set
himsel distant rom us. Ve were all taken aback. O course
there's something wrong. Someone that I've been calling my
riend decides to throw me under the bus by breaking a
promise." He was targeting me. I was really conused. I'm
not putting words in your mouth that you didn't say, I'm
taking the words that you said right out o your lying
)$#
VALLACE ROSE
mouth." Vallace was beginning to make a scene. Other
people began to look toward our booth.
Vallace!" Sienna said, too quietly or him to hear. A
tear streamed down her ace, rom her glossy eyes.
Vhat kind o riend are you to make a promise to
me and then run away rom me and break it!" Vallace cried.
Because you think that I'll believe anything you say! But
that isn't true. I'm not some dumb person that you're going
to play with. I'm not as nave as you think I might be! But i
that's what everyone thinks, then ine." Vallace cried. He
began to walk away. I wanted to object, but he kept on
going. I'm worthless. I'm nothing. I'm a breathing burden
and a waste o space. Nobody cares about me. None o you,
not even my amily, nobody!" Vallace's tears began to soak
his ace.
I care about you!" Sienna cried out.
Lies. I don't want to hear rom you! Don't act like
you care about me. You just don't want to hear me complain
anymore!" Vallace seemed to scorn Sienna right there.
Sienna began to cry.
As I went to speak with Vallace, he spoke again. It's
okay. I'm sorry. None o you will have to worry anymore.
I've seen too much tonight." I was so startled, that I couldn't
stop him anymore rom walking out. I walked over to give
Sienna a hug. The people who were trying to eat resumed.
\oices illed the diner once again.
A server returned to our table. Mortality Steak." The
)$$
VALLACE ROSE
waitress enthusiastically announced. The large steak was
placed at our table. Sienna rerained rom crying so that no
one would ask what had happened.
Vell, there's our ride." Gildroy said, observing that
Vallace had driven away.
Nothing mattered now, except inding Vallace.
Gildroy was able to call a riend to give him a ride home. At
that point, none o us mattered to him, and he didn't matter
to any o us, particularly me. Ve were able to get a ride back
to campus. Ve looked around or Vallace. I searched my
hal-empty, hal-ull dorm room, we looked in certain
classrooms. He was nowhere to be ound.
The search went rom campus, back to the ield, and
throughout the city. A couple miles away rom the diner,
dozens o lashing lights, police and paramedics, and several
dozens o people surrounded the Y-Lake, where Vallace's
white car was towed out rom. And rom that point,
everything changed. Someone else's tragedy had aected so
many lives. That night, my lie changed orever. No tragedy
in my lie will ever amount to the one I witnessed that
night. Nothing will ever be the same.
)$%
VALLACE ROSE
10
The next ew days were a blur: a practical gap in my
lie that I dare not to remember. These days do not exist to
me still and it's really diicult to glean all o the details o
what had happened.
Vallace's named suraced in headlines and was the
top news story or at least two days. Ater that, he was a lost
orgotten soul. Vaterglade moved on. I couldn't say the
same or the university, Vallace's amily, riends, and mysel.
Ve were taken down. Our weak spots were torn apart by
such an event.
I never believed that Vallace would have done what
he had done. I thought he was too much o a coward. Any
second that I think about it, it just seems too ictional. I
)$&
VALLACE ROSE
wanted to wake up rom this nightmare. I didn't want this
to be true.
I remember within the irst ew days o Vallace's
suicide, I was one o the stars o the headlines. I was
harassed with interviews and I'm certain that there were
many things I didn't mean to say or things that I didn't
want to say. This was something I really didn't want to think
about at the time. Vallace was my best riend. I was trying
to help him. Those were the only things I could really tell
news reporters and interviewers without looding o tears.
It seemed as though the public had an interest in the
details o Vallace Rose. They wanted to know what his last
words were. They wanted to know how his last hours went,
orget why Vallace committed suicide. That never seemed to
matter to anyone else but his loved ones. There was no such
thing as grie or those who knew Vallace. Instead o
mourning, we were answering a bunch o pointless
questions. I was beginning to lose my patience. There were
even constant knocks at my dorm room a week ater the
incident. These people were interested in knowing what my
lie was like, living in my dorm without Vallace. Oten
times I ignored and reused to talk to people.
I did, eventually, want to get in touch with Vallace's
amily. I wanted to see how they were taking it. I was hoping
that they were grie-stricken since the last time they seemed
to mock and neglect Vallace. I didn't know when the best
time would be to go over to their house. I knew that I would
)$'
VALLACE ROSE
see them at the viewing. I was starting to get inormation on
Vallace's uneral arrangements. There was no doubt that I
wanted to be there or Vallace.
My other riendships and close relationships seemed
to have dissolved at that time. There was without a doubt no
possibility that I can deal with any kind o riendship or
relationship at that point. I lost my best riend and I could
have prevented this loss. All o this was certainly up to me. I
elt so bad. I knew what he was going through and I saw all
o the signs. I just acted too slowly.
It all seemed to come back to me. The night
ollowing Vallace's death was still a nightmare. I was torn
apart by the news I heard. I almost lost it when I discovered
Vallace's car was being pulled out o the Y-Lake. I knew
right then that Vallace was gone. I knew then that Vallace
had really done it.
The days went by, and I was too emotionally
unstable to even return to school. I stayed in a stranger's
dorm or a while to recover. I never really saw him that
much because he went to class and whenever he was at the
dorm, I was usually trying to gain stability by taking walks
around the campus and getting ood. It only took me our
to ive days to return to my dorm.
I opened the door and everything was let the way it
was. All o Vallace's possessions were gone. Vhere they
went, that still remained a mystery. There really wasn't a
point or me to live in the dorm room anymore. Despite
)$(
VALLACE ROSE
that Vallace and his possessions were gone, I could never
erase the memories that involved him. All I could see was
Vallace standing in ront o the window, looking out at
nothing. All I could see was Vallace and a group o students
balancing complex equations and modiying chemicals with
small machines and tools.
The only thing Vallace really did leave that was
material, were several bottles and lasks. I never ound any o
his chemicals, but there were always lasks, graduated
cylinders, and stoppers. All o his other possessions -
clothes, sheets, posters and souvenirs - were all gone. I never
igured out where they went. I wasn't ocused on that at the
time. I was ready to take a break. I considered leaving college
or a year, but I realized that there's no way to escape the
problems that lie gives you. I was going to inish my year
strong. I was going to inish the way Vallace would have
inished.
I had to start somewhere, and it started with my
posters. I took each one down, one at a time. The dorm
room was becoming more empty. It took me a solid two
hours to box things up and clear out the dorm. It made me
think o reshman year when I irst moved into the place. It
was strange to go back in time. This time, Vallace wasn't
with me. Ater I had taken care o the dorm room, I looked
out the large window. I overlooked the campus that I walked
about or the past our years. The sky was gray. The orecast
called or rain or the next two days.
)%*
VALLACE ROSE
I started to think about my own lie and where it was
going. I had almost two years o engineering taken care o. I
was almost ready to have a degree in my major. I thought
about what Vallace was doing. Chemical Engineering
sounded a bit rightening. I knew that it was only the name.
Vallace's voice pounded in my head. I thought about all o
the things he said.
People just think that things are diicult because
they don't want to put eort in things. It's not that it's hard
or diicult, people are just too lazy."
That was one o the things that I always heard
throughout my lie. Vallace was a living example o success
and work ethic. I lied there on my mattress in the dorm
room, just thinking to mysel Vhat would Vallace think i
I changed my major and got a degree in Chemical
Engineering?" Vould he be proud o me? Vould it make
him eel special? In the beginning o a dark road, I elt like I
was ready to pick mysel up, roll my sleeves and take on a
challenge.
I am going to do it." I whispered to mysel. I
remember that day well. My closest riend took his lie ive
days prior, and it's time to change my lie. Either way, my
lie was going to be dierent, so why not?
There was a knock at the door. I thought it was
going to be an interviewer or a news reporter, but I decided
I'd give in. I opened the door to Brooke. I've seen a lot o
beauty in her or the past two or so years, but that day, she
)%)
VALLACE ROSE
was a sad wreck.
Hey Ross." She said. Brooke walked into the empty
dorm room and took a seat at one o the sti chairs by the
window.
How have you been?" I asked. Ve both understood
that our relationship was in ruins. There was no turning
back. There was no way that it could get better. Need a
drink or anything?"
No, I'm alright." Brooke began to cry. I took a seat
at the other side o the small table. I wanted to comort
Brooke as a riend, or distant acquaintance. I never meant
anything bad I said about him." Brooke cried.
Look," I said, it doesn't matter what you meant or
didn't mean. None o us truly expected this." I explained to
her.
I loved Vallace." She said.
Didn't we all?" I asked. I knew that wasn't
necessarily true. Vallace was loved by those that mattered. I
loved Vallace. Brooke loved Vallace. I'm sure that even
Vallace's peers loved him.
I need to talk to someone." Brooke cried. I could
tell that she needed to be distracted. However, she came to
the wrong place. I didn't want to turn her down though.
Vell, where's Sienna?" I asked her.
I haven't talked to her in almost a week." Brooke
explained.
Is she alright?"
)%!
VALLACE ROSE
I'm sure she is."
Yes," I took a moment, but she really loved
Vallace."
I hardly had anything to do with your riend and
I'm more torn up about it that she probably is." Brooke
sobbed to the point that she was too diicult to talk to. I
honestly didn't know what to tell Brooke. I didn't really
know how to help her.
Look," I started, you just need to see a counselor,
or go home or while." I suggested.
How are you not shaken up by this?" Brooke
bursted.
I have been. Ve just need a break" I told her. Ve
need to relax. Ve were all riends o his. This hurts me as
much as it's hurting you. You'll just have to grieve on your
own."
I led Brooke out o the dorm room. I'll talk to you
soon. Now isn't the time." Brooke let. That was the last
time we spoke. Ve really wouldn't have been able to have a
unctioning relationship aterwards. It wasn't possible to put
up or live with Brooke.
One o the hardest things I had to do ater the loss
o my best riend was to break o my relationship with
Brooke. Ve had been together or a ew years. Ve have done
so much together in those three years, although it seemed
like we never really had the chance to do anything. And or
some reason, I saw it coming. I knew the ending would be
)%"
VALLACE ROSE
inevitable. The all o riendships and relationships around
me seemed to happen at the same time. There was just a
breaking point or everyone.
Eventually, I knew that I would have to head back
home to spend some time with my own amily. Being at
Vaterglade wasn't going to help me recover rom the
momentary trauma that I suered rom - rom Vallace,
rom my riends, rom Brooke, rom Sienna.
Vallace was sent to be examined by a coroner. That's
why there wasn't a viewing or uneral or almost a week. The
day eventually came or the uneral. It was yet again another
cloudy day. It was toward the end o September and early
October. The leaves were beginning to all, each coming
down dead, in the motion o a pendulum.
Vhen I made it to the service, I looked through the
crowd to see who decided to come to Vallace's uneral. To
my surprise, there were a lot o people. I don't remember
what exactly the count o people was, but there were many
aces that I had never seen beore.
First, I saw that Vallace's parents had shown up. I
saw some proessors that I knew rom the school. Then, I
saw some teachers rom the high school and middle school
in Vicke's \illage. I saw Gildroy there, but we didn't say
anything to each other. I also saw Leslie, who was not with
Gildroy. Finally, I ound Sienna there. As rom her looks,
she didn't look okay. I knew that she was sad, certainly with
everyone else, but I could tell that she was broken, or
)%#
VALLACE ROSE
traumatized. I wanted to talk to her, but I was just too
nervous. I was too worried that I would bring up Vallace.
I'm sure that was the last thing that she wanted to hear
about.
There were many people that got up to speak about
Vallace. Nobody, however, gave a decent or accurate
synopsis o the lie that Vallace lived. Everyone who spoke
described Vallace Rose's lie as a wonderul, happy lie. A
lot o the people that spoke about Vallace had no idea what
he went through. That's what made me mad. They all gave
their air share o compliments or Vallace, the
compliments that Vallace would never really hear. I eel bad
or saying all o these good things about Vallace as well,
because I mysel never took the time to appreciate him while
he was here.
I wish I had spoken or Vallace at the service. There
were many important things that I would address. As I have
said many times, as much as he didn't believe me or anyone
else, Vallace had plenty o riends. I he didn't have the
support o a particular person, he could have always looked
to me or ind the support that he needed.
There were a lot o things that Vallace never really
saw. There was a tunnel vision o depression that preyed
over Vallace. To this day, I still believe that Vallace had it a
lot better than some other unortunate people. Vallace
aimed or success and his dream was almost achieved but he
let himsel in his own way. He ruined his own dream o
)%$
VALLACE ROSE
becoming a chemical engineer because he let the little things
get to him. Vallace deinitely stood out among the crowd o
students at Vaterglade University. Vallace had his priorities
straight, with the exception o trying to seek love. However,
it was true that he may have needed some kind o love and
support rom someone else. Ve don't embark on this
journey all by ourselves.
Vallace stepped down beore he was announced his
gold medal. That's how I saw the tragic ending to his lie.
Vallace Rose practically had it all but he was in denial. He
gave up right beore reaching his dreams. I think that
Vallace would have ended up being a wealthy engineer with
a beautiul wie. I knew that Vallace knew exactly how to
treat a girl. Nobody else knew that. There a lot o antastic
things about Vallace Rose that I would like to say that
everyone missed out on. I Vallace had all o the chances he
could have had, I think he would be a very lovable person.
People would know the Vallace Rose that I've grown to
know.
Ater the services were over, people began to leave.
Their lives continued with one less person in it. The gray sky
began to sprinkle water to the ground. I decided to stick
around. I was well enough to have someone's back and be
there or them i they needed it. I'm always looking around
and being more prudent. Sadness wasn't an option in my
book or anyone. I don't necessarily mean sadness by
mourning, though. I anyone is eeling down, I will always
)%%
VALLACE ROSE
have their back now.
The large crowd shrank. I was disappointed to see
Vallace's parents there. They never really did seem to care
or Vallace. I reused to speak to them the moment I saw
them. Bill did a poor job o dressing nicely and I don't
remember seeing a tear all rom Frankie's ace. I don't think
they should have even showed up. I tried to ind Villiam
and Alexis, but they were nowhere in sight. They may have
let with the larger crowd. I had a little more respect or
them, but they were still questionable.
There was one young child who would not leave. I
wondered who he was and where his guardians were. The
young blond boy just stood there where Vallace rested in the
closed coin. He had to have been six or seven, considering
that he had such a sot, high pitched voice. I looked over,
avoiding the release o tears.
I don't know what it was, or why this was so, but the
young boy seemed really shaken up by the event. I have
never seen him beore and I didn't know his relationship to
Vallace. I assumed that he was a distant cousin. I decided
that I would man up and walk over to the child.
He went to heaven on such a beautiul day." The
boy solemnly said to me. Ve both looked away rom each
other. Right then, I broke into tears, knelt down, and
embraced the boy. Everything seemed to hit me all at once.
It was the sadness in the voice o the child that made me
break apart like that.
)%&
VALLACE ROSE
A woman in her late thirties, or orties suddenly
walked up to the both o us. She was in black or the service.
Drowned in tears, I wasn't able to see her ace.
Finny, come with mommy. It's time to go." The
woman said, in a shaky voice. The little boy, Finny, took his
mother's hand and locked his own in with hers. I wiped my
eyes. Sorry i he was bothering you."
It was ine." I said. Finny and his mother walked
away. It was ine." I repeated to mysel. I stood back up and
brushed mysel o. The ground was wet and the knees o my
pants were stained with the darkness o the wet ground.
Far o to the corner o my eye stood another
stranger to me. He was a tall man. He had a amiliar
posture. The sight at irst rightened me, or I thought
Vallace had come to haunt the service. This man looked like
Vallace, but he was too tall to be Vallace. I walked over
closer to him just to make sure I wasn't seeing things, or
going blind. The young man spoke.
I haven't really gotten a chance to see Vally in
many years." He said. His voice sounded just like Vallace's. I
marveled at the man and assumed that he had to be related
to Vallace somehow. I should've stayed around more oten
or you, bud."
Excuse me," I said. I shook his hand. Ross. Ross
McKay."
Valden. Valden Mudord. Or - Valden 'Rose',
whatever you like." He tightened his mouth and his jaw
)%'
VALLACE ROSE
constricted. He looked back where he was talking to himsel.
His brother?" I asked.
That'd be true." He said, still looking straight to the
side o me. A lot o people don't know about me. I'm not
around here oten."
I understand." I said.
Look over there at that sick man. He put my
brothers through a ton o hell." He said.
How so?" I asked.
Bill doesn't know how to be a ather. The bastard
ought to have had them taken away rom him." Valden
spoke o Bill Rose in disgust. I think Vall would still be
here today i it weren't or him." I really didn't want to
stream out the long story o why Vallace did what he had
done.
Meeting Valden was such an odd experience or me.
I really don't get out o my shell to just go up to a man like
him and ask about him. Something about him seemed
ascinating. Perhaps it was his shocking resemblance to his
youngest brother. He stood tall, and sti the way Vallace
did. He had the same distinctive blond hair. Even their
glasses looked similar. Their voices merely matched. It was
what Vallace could have been in eight years. He was there,
all alone.
Soon ater all o the pain, I was able to beriend the
mystery o the Rose amily. Valden and I would oten talk
and discuss Vallace's lie. From what I had told Valden, I
)%(
VALLACE ROSE
learned that he lived a very similar lie to Vallace. I learned
that he was a single man and he lives in an apartment.
Valden always saw a problem with Bill and moved out as
soon as Bill married his mother. Valden seemed to know
who Bill was based o his personality. He knew that he was
only ater his mother or a love lie. Bill really doesn't care
about his children, and to this day, he will not make a
remark on the loss o his youngest son.
Soon, Villiam began only visiting his parents with
Alexis once every six months. They recently moved out o
town and since then Valden and I haven't heard rom them.
This never really bothered me because I started to not even
care or whatever they did. I grew a disrespect or them, a
very similar disrespect or resent that Valden had or them.
The last thing on my agenda was to give the ring to
Sienna. I was able to retrieve some o the things in Vallace's
car, upon request. The ring was right where I last let it. I
took it back to my dorm room and polished it up. I got
access to directories and ound out where Sienna was. She
stayed in a dorm room that was in the same hallway as
Brooke's dorm room.
I was nervous when I knocked on her door. I didn't
know what kind o Sienna that I was going to expect. Sienna
was the one who answered the door. She seemed alright. She
remained pretty, with a surprised look to her ace when she
saw me at her door. Sienna gave me a hug and welcomed me
in. I couldn't stay long so I had to take care o the business
)&*
VALLACE ROSE
quick.
How are you, Sienna?" I politely asked her.
A little better." She let out a nervous laugh. I gave
her a moment in case she wanted to cry. I elt a little bad or
expecting it, but I was bringing up a nightmare. She held
hersel together. I miss him." Sienna shrugged, then started
to cry.
This never meant to happen." I said. I tried to keep
mysel composed. Sienna came over to me and cried in my
shoulders. I really wanted to cry at that moment. I wanted to
cry, knowing how many people were aected by this. I
wanted to cry, because Vallace was wrong. I wanted to cry,
because he thought he was right.
Vhile embracing Sienna, I elt something strange. I
elt a sense o security, or some type o bond or riendship. I
elt so at home with Sienna there, although she was crying
in my shoulders. I really would have never known how she
elt about me. That never was a big concern or me because I
always saw her and Vallace better together. Sienna was a
beautiul girl, but she belonged with Vallace. And just
because I thought she was beautiul doesn't mean that I
really liked her, or wanted to be with her. Sienna was,
however, the last person I could go to that still went to
Vaterglade. I had lost everyone else because I had to grow up
quick. And it was because o Vallace, that Sienna and I, and
the rest o us had to grow up and move on.
I have something or you." I told her. But it's
)&)
VALLACE ROSE
really rom Vallace." And rom my pocket, loomed the box
with the ring in it. Sienna gasped and cried even more. I
meant to give this to Vallace so that he could give it to you.
I intended it to be a git to you rom him. But I acted too
late." I opened the box and showed her the ring. I set it in
her hand. Please keep it." I told her in a shaky voice. I
started to cry.
Thank you." Sienna put the ring on her inger and
gave me a hug that seemed orever-lasting. The saddest part
o that day was probably leaving Sienna there, knowing that
we may never speak to each other again. I closed her door,
and in the hallway, I leaned against a wall and slid down to
the ground. That was the irst time that I truly cried a lot. I
thought that I sounded like a baby and hoped that no one
would walk by.
For a ew days I returned home to my amily. I let
school or a brie time in hopes to get away and work mysel
into better spirits. However, it didn't manage to go so well.
It was hard to communicate with my amily. They really
didn't know Vallace as well as I did, so they ailed to
understand. They would never eel the amount o burden
and twinge I had about what had happened. I didn't blame
them or that. I just wished they could have met him beore
it was too late.
I slept in my parents' guest room or only one night.
There I was again, in the dark, looking out an illuminated
window. I hopelessly looked out at the stars - the vast
)&!
VALLACE ROSE
universe and just contemplated the past. I remembered the
nights that I lost sleep, just looking at those same stars, still
distant and in the past. I relected on the past continuously.
The memories o sleeping in the same dorm room with
Vallace invaded my mind. I also couldn't get the memory o
Brooke and I sleeping together out o my head.
I couldn't really take it anymore, so I stood up rom
my bed and pulled a chair up near the window. I gazed
those stars that I looked at or several nights throughout my
lie bearing rarely a single thought. I gazed until the stars
aded into the sky o the rising sun.
The ollowing evening, I returned to Vaterglade. I
wasn't quite ready to go back to the same old thing everyday.
I wasn't ready to perorm the mundane tasks and go on
without my best riend. I just couldn't let go.
I decided that I would relax my mind once more by
taking a walk around the campus. The sun was setting. I
made a turn that led to the center o the campus and
noticed a cluster o small lights, such as stars, aintly
moving in place. I walked a little closer to see that there was
a crowd o people, perhaps ive-hundred or more, holding
candles. It inally came to me that it was a candle light vigil
or Vallace. I stood there and my lips began to quiver. I
couldn't tell what exactly or, but the love or Vallace that
was shown there lited a smile upon my ace.
I didn't know any o the people there, with the
exception o some sta members and proessors. As I was
)&"
VALLACE ROSE
about to make a glance up to the ever-recurring violet sky, a
beautiul girl with distinctive blonde hair and wearing blue
dress caught my eyes. The light o the candle she was
holding revealed who she was. It was Sienna. She gave me a
smile and I gave one back, but we did not speak to each
other.
Lie began to return to normal, but the memories o
Vallace will orever haunt me. I'll always remember Vallace
through the places we've been and the things we've done
together. I'll remember Vallace or all o the good things
that he has done and achieved, and I'll always remember
Vallace or all o his downalls. You can't really orget
someone that actually meant a lot to you. It's just a scar or
mark that you carry with you orever.
The tragic loss o a riend such as Vallace will leave
marks and scars all over or good. Sienna and Brooke have
been traumatized like me. Our lives have been orever
changed. No other experience will amount to the pain o the
one that all o us had gone through. Ve're never going to
orget Vallace Rose. Sure, he wasn't the greatest person. But
remember that everyone has something outstanding about
them.
You just have to think about the best o people. It's
always a good idea to tell someone how much you
appreciate them. It's always a good idea to remind someone
o the good things they do in lie, especially when they're
down. Going on about how great o a person they were ater
)&#
VALLACE ROSE
they're gone is nice and respectul, but it's something that
they may never hear. Ve seem to say the things that matter
when it's too late. And reminding someone about how
they're special to you may make a huge dierence. There's at
least one great thing about everyone that lives, but every rose
has its thorns.
Several months ago, I decided to change my major.
I'm going to spend a ew more years in college so I can
become a chemical engineer. Vhile this is or some respect
o Vallace, I am doing this to take on a sel-challenge. I'm
ready to see i I'm prepared or this.
It's Sunday, and it has been a year since I lost my
best riend. The reminder o the tragedy has put me in a lot
o stress and panic. It's raining mildly outside and I am
driving around. I need something to do right now. I tried to
call Sienna since I just saw her. I guess its ine i I don't. I
have classes tomorrow, so maybe I should go study. No - I
have time to do that later. I really am on a schedule. It's a
key to success. My gas tank is ull and I have money or a
reill i I need one later. A drive around actually sounds nice
right now. I think I'll drive around.
I'll take the exit and make my way through town. I'll
lip on some music and just think about all o the good
times we had - like you're in the passenger seat with me
right now. Let's drive around and get lost in the night. This
one's or you, Vallace.
)&$