What to

Talk About

Sm a l l Ta l k
People dismiss small talk as superficial and boring. People
are wrong. Small talk is an essential part of the social contract. It allows us to engage and identify common ground
with safe, low-risk topics. Unlike the attention-grabbing
antics of cold openings and trigger words, which jumpstart a conversation or jolt it into more interesting territory,
small talk is a gentle on-ramp. It uses banal or mundane
topics as proving grounds where we can establish a comfy
initial rapport with another person. Using small talk, we
feel one another out and map the spots where we want to
dig deeper.
Think about it: An offshore oil driller wouldnt just jam her
wellbore into the seabed, willy-nilly. Shed survey the ocean
floor, study the most likely spots to strike black gold, and
then plunge past the crust. Same goes for conversation.
Here are three classic small-talk topicstraffic, prices, and
the weatherwith options for growing them into big talk.

Small Talk about Tr affic

Try talking about how the traffic on your way over was better or worse than usual. Empathize with the other persons
agitation about having spent so much time in traffic, or
share their delight in the lack of traffic where there should
have been more.

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Did you see any unusual vehicles along the way? E.g., classic cars, art cars, or maybe one of those hoarder cars packed
with garbage where you can barely see the driver behind
the wheel.
Talk about what you used to think about on the worst
or best commute you ever had. Talk about the song your
friend in Atlanta used to sing on her crappy commute. If
youre feeling safe, call it Hotlanta like she does. (She was
fun. What went wrong between you two, anyway?)

Big Talk about Tr affic

comes from the Latin root mutare,

* Commute
meaning to change. How do you think you
changephysically, mentally, spiritually,
karmicallyduring your daily commute?
* Do you know how to change a tire? Why or why
not? What does that say about you? What does
that say about tires?
* Which number is higherthe number of drivers
youve flipped off, or the number of times youve
been the flippee?

Small Talk about Prices

Depending on the age, social position, and living situation
of the person youre talking with, bring up how expensive
gas/lattes/gum/pot/homes/apartments/hospice care have

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become. Talk about how things used to be cheaper. Talk

about how much a movie star just paid for another movie
stars mansion. Remember when movie stars used to live in
their cars like everyone else?

Big Talk about Prices

* Whats the best deal youve ever gotten? Got an
especially good or especially terrible haggling
technique? What was your most extravagant
purchase ever?
* Do you ever think about moving somewhere
with a lower or higher cost of living? Would you
rather be considered the Donald Trump of Allen,
South Dakota, or Bert the chimney sweep of
Londontown?
* Would you sleep with someone in this room
picked at randomfor $375,000? If yes, try
$374,000, and so on, till the answer changes. If
no, try $376,000, and so on, until you find the
sweet spot. Its fun to get this one down to the
exact penny.

Small Talk about Weather

When it comes to small talk, weather is the eye of the storm!
Its all around you, and changing fast. Talk about how cold/
hot it is right now, how cold/hot its been, and how cold/
hot it might get. Connect the current weather or the fore-

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cast to an event you have coming up, and express hope that
the weather doesnt interfere with that event.

Big Talk about Weather

* Whats the worst sunburn youve ever had?
* Whats the coldest youve ever been? If you lost
toes to frostbite, offer to show your feet.
* Whats the worst storm you, or someone you
know, has ever endured? Whats the strangest
weather phenomenon youve every witnessed?
Would you rather freeze or burn to death?
* What, exactly, is wind? How does it know where
to blow?
* Whats the weather been like on the best days of
your life? The worst day of your life?
* If there were no such thing as weather, what
would take its conversational place?
* Ask, If you had the opportunity to be struck
by lightning, and it would hurt a lot but youd
survive with zero permanent damage to your
mind or body, would you do it? How much is an
interesting experience worth to you?

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A sk f or St or i es,
No t A ns w e r s
Another way to get beyond small talk is to ask open-ended
questions that invite people to tell stories, rather than give
bland, one-word answers:

Instead of...

Try...

How was your day?

What did you do today?

Where are you from?

Whats the strangest thing

about where you grew up?

What do you do?

Whats your story?

What do you do?

Whats the most interesting

thing that happened at work
today?

What line of work are

you in?

Howd you end up in your

line of work?

Whats your name?

What does your name

mean? (If they say, I dont
know, reply, What would
you like it to mean?

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How was your weekend?

What was the best part of

your weekend?

How are you?

What are you thinking about

right now?

Whats up?

What are you looking

forward to this week?

Would you like some wine?

Who do you think is the

luckiest person in this
room?

Nice to meet you.

What does this house

remind you of?

How long have you been

living here?

If you could teleport by

blinking your eyes, where
would you go right now?

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