Book Excerpt Finding My Invincible Summer, by Muriel Vasconcellos On a warm fall day in 2001, sat on t!

!e front stoop of a small !otel in one of "as!in#ton$s older tree% s!aded nei#!bor!oods, waitin# for &r' (aird to arri)e' &r' *!omas (aird was t!e sur#eon w!o first told me !ad breast cancer back in 1+,,' -e was also t!e one w!o concluded t!ree years later t!at t!e cancer !ad spread to my bones and predicted !ad less t!an six mont!s to li)e' . mutual friend t!ou#!t it was time for us to meet a#ain, so !ere was, more t!an twenty years after !is pro#nosis' "!en !e arri)ed, &r' (aird #reeted me wit! a warm smile and an outstretc!ed !and' "it!out any preamble, t!e first t!in# !e said was/ 0 t1s times like t!ese, 1m !appy to be wron#23 My cancer crisis !appened a lon# time a#o, and !a)e outli)ed many of t!e c!aracters in t!e story' "!at makes my experience somew!at different is t!at ultimately walked away from treatment w!en doctors were tellin# me would not sur)i)e if did' .s learned #entle approac!es to becomin# p!ysically and emotionally !ealt!y, cancer became a non%issue' !a)en1t seen an oncolo#ist since 1+45, and as far as know, am cancer%free' My episodes wit! cancer were intertwined wit! t!e story of lo)in# and losin# my !usband 6yl)io' -is support made e)eryt!in# possible7 !is deat! s!attered me to t!e core' n my )ulnerable state, stru##led to deal wit! #rief, #uilt, and e)entually, w!en was told t!at my cancer !ad spread, !elplessness and !opelessness' *!en one day !ad an experience t!at s!ifted my perspecti)e, and #limpses of a bri#!t new world opened up to me' .s be#an to mo)e beyond t!e limitin# beliefs !ad !eld for most of my life, new insi#!ts constantly expanded my awareness and understandin#' *!ey always seemed to appear at t!e moment was ready for t!em' "!ile wouldn1t wis! cancer on anyone, for me it was t!e catalyst t!at c!an#ed e)eryt!in#' .s write t!ese lines, it1s !ard for me to reco#ni8e t!e person was t!ree decades a#o' My 9ourney led me to freedom, power, and, ultimately, deep inner peace:my in)incible summer' disco)ered my lump on .pril ;ools1 &ay, 1+,<' woke up early t!at mornin#, and as stretc!ed my arms, my fin#ers brus!ed a#ainst a !ard knot on t!e inside of my ri#!t breast next to t!e bone' t was lar#e, round, solid, and different' felt it a#ain, to make sure it wasn1t my ima#ination' .nd a#ain' "it! eac! pass of my fin#ers, came closer to t!e certainty t!at it was cancer' My t!ou#!ts be#an to spin into full #ear' .s lay t!ere, worked myself into a !i#! state of anxiety' "it! no doubt in my mind, was already processin# t!e dia#nosis' was #oin# to die, and was only =22 >eople aren1t supposed to die so youn#' couldn1t belie)e t!at t!is was !appenin# to me. ?ancer was for ot!er people, t!at minority of:w!at was t!e ratio@:one in four@ didn1t know t!e statistics, but was sure t!at many more people don1t #et cancer t!an do' Aot only was it cruelly unfair, it was unreal' !ad been normal t!e ni#!t before, and now was starin# at deat!' .t t!e time, my life was #oin# really well, after decades of stru##le' !ad met my !usband six years earlier, and was more in lo)e wit! !im t!an e)er' ?!allen#es !ad claimed our attention earlier, but now we were finally able to relax' "e !ad come to a !appy place, and we !ad earned it' ''' *!e lump t!at was so ob)ious to me turned out to be less ob)ious to t!e professionals' My #ynecolo#ist dismissed it and told me simply !ad 0lumpy breasts'3 -e did consent to orderin# a mammo#ram, and to my surprise, t!e films s!owed not!in#' BMont!s went by'C .ll t!e w!ile, my lump was #ettin# bi##er' B;inally, after nine lon# mont!s, was referred to a sur#eon and underwent a biopsy' .fter t!e sur#ery, remember !is report so clearly' My !usband and were waitin# in my !ospital room'C' 1

&r' (aird finally appeared' -e Bnow !adC t!e final lab results' Des, !e said, t!ere was a tumor/ an in)asi)e ductal carcinoma, about an inc! in diameter:2'E centimeters to be exact' ''' My experience wit! cancer is part of a muc! lar#er tapestry of interwo)en t!reads' .t t!e !eart and center of t!is tapestry was a beautiful lo)e story' Fntil met 6yl)io, my life !ad been turbulent for as lon# as could remember' "it! !im, felt secure, supported, and fulfilled' -e became my anc!or as we faced our c!allen#es to#et!er' *!e story of our lo)e be#an se)en years before my partial mastectomy' ''' -e s!owed up in my life Guite unexpectedly' B-e !ad come from Bra8il to on a cultural mission and wasC in "as!in#ton for meetin#s and inter)iews before !e started out to )isit cities around t!e country' B will ne)er for#et t!e moment first saw !im'C -e stood a s!ade under <%foot%= and was t!e !andsomest man !ad e)er seen' -e looked like a (atino )ersion of t!e .rrow s!irt man/ slim, wit! dark wa)y !air and perfect features' Aot only t!at, !e !ad bi#, stron#, beautiful !ands and a deep bass )oice' cau#!t my breat! and t!anked myself for t!e years !ad spent studyin# >ortu#uese' .lt!ou#! !e understood written En#lis! perfectly, !e couldn1t carry on a con)ersation' -e !ad been assi#ned an interpreter to escort !im durin# !is sc!eduled pro#ram, but t!ere were ot!er t!in#s !e wanted to do, and was more t!an !appy to take time off from work and accompany !im in between !is official appointments' ''' &urin# !is t!ree%week tour around t!e country, !e p!oned me se)eral times and sent me notes and post cards' By t!e time !e returned to "as!in#ton on May =, t!e weat!er was !ot' t was t!e day before my birt!day, and !e asked !is interpreter to !elp !im buy me a #ift' -e decided on an ounce of ?!anel A O E surrounded by a bouGuet of pink roses' *!e interpreter disappro)ed/ 0*!at1s too muc!,3 !e said' 0Dou !ardly know !er' "e don1t do t!in#s like t!at !ere'3 But 6yl)io !ad plans' -e proposed to me on my birt!day' -e !ad applied for a two%year 9ob in Mexico ?ity wit! t!e Or#ani8ation of .merican 6tates, and !e asked me to #o wit! !im if t!e 9ob came t!rou#!' was stunned' "e !ad ne)er !eld !ands, let alone kissed' "e !ad been to#et!er only ten days, not countin# t!e time !e was tra)elin#' still knew not!in# about !is personal life' was as bewildered as was swept away' asked !im about !is family, and !e told me w!at needed to know' listened to my !eart, and wit!out !esitation said 0yes'3 t was by far t!e best decision e)er made' ''' B"e went to Mexico, and w!ile we were li)in# t!ere !e de)eloped a recurrence of a tuberculosis !e !ad !ad in !is late teens' -e was treated and we returned to "as!in#ton' "!ile our li)es were full of c!allen#es, we faced t!em to#et!er, and !e was at my side t!rou#!out my first bout wit! cancer' "e t!ou#!t our troubles were be!ind us, but two years later, on Aew Dear1s E)e !e !ad an inklin# t!at luck was about to run out'C .s t!e ball dropped in *imes 6Guare, 6yl)io !u##ed me !ard and declared t!at 1+,4 !ad been t!e !appiest year of !is life' 0Our lo)e #ets bi##er eac! year,3 !e added in En#lis!' a#reed' But w!en t!e confetti settled and t!e last notes of .uld (an# 6yne !ad been sun#, !is mood #ot more somber/ !e pointed out t!at 1+,+ was an odd%numbered year' .ccordin# a lon#%!eld t!eory of !is, it meant t!at somet!in# bad was #oin# to !appen' Hood t!in#s !appen in e)en years' ;or example, we met and #ot married in 1+,0' But e)ery catastrop!e of !is life !ad occurred in an odd year' *!e record of calamities went back to !is c!ild!ood and included !is imprisonment in 1+<E' ' ' ' -e !ad a premonition t!at somet!in# really awful was #oin# to !appen'I 2

B. few weeks later, was callin# an ambulance to take !im to t!e Emer#ency Joom'C By *uesday, Marc! 15, 6yl)io !ad recei)ed 15< units of blood' -e !ad !ad <5 bedside c!est K%rays and ,<, laboratory tests' -is !ospital bill was t!e si8e of a telep!one book' B-e ne)er came !ome'C ''' Leepin# out t!e pain became all%consumin#' saw it as somet!in# 0out t!ere,3 waitin# for a c!ance to #et inside' *!e !arder tried to keep it out, t!e more it tried to #et in. "!en took a breat!, was sure could feel it tra)elin# down my windpipe into my lun#s' Leepin# out t!e pain meant keepin# out e)eryt!in#' (ettin# in air and food became a conscious effort t!at !ad to con)ince myself !ad to make' ''' .s t!e mont!s wore on, lost a lot of wei#!t' My clot!es no lon#er fit' !ad t!ou#!t my #rief would e)entually pass, but it was only #ettin# worse because was finally allowin# myself to feel it' E)eryt!in# seemed more c!allen#in# t!an before' ''' By 6eptember 1+40 !ad de)eloped a pain in my !ip t!at made it difficult to walk' also felt a stabbin# pain in t!e #roin and mentioned it to my #ynecolo#ist' *o my surprise, !e ordered a bone scan' couldn1t understand w!y, because t!e pain wasn1t near a bone' *!e report t!at came back was a s!ock/ *!e bone scan demonstrates a well%defined lesion in t!e ri#!t lateral mar#in of t!e Et! lumbar )ertebra' *!e most likely etiolo#y would be metastatic disease. f t!ere is any clinical Guestion, a bone biopsy may be useful' Metastatic disease2 *!e words 9umped out at me from t!e pa#e' *!ey looked tec!nical and impersonal, but felt t!eir force' knew instantly t!at t!ey !ad t!e power to c!an#e t!e rest of my life' felt certain t!at my cancer !ad spread and was #oin# to die' . storm of mixed emotions came o)er me/ fear, panic, !elplessness, and, at t!e same time, a sense of resi#nation:e)en relief' .fter 6yl)io died, t!ere were times w!en t!ou#!t t!at dyin# would be easier t!an t!e stru##le to keep on #oin#' Aow !ad permission to #i)e up' didn1t !a)e to decide w!et!er or not wanted to die' *!e decision !ad been made for me' !ad somet!in# real to t!ink about' t was a distraction from t!e endless tapes t!at kept replayin# inside my !ead' BO)er t!e mont!s t!at followed, de)eloped unremittin# pain' My life closed in on me, and be#an to see no way out' e)en tried to kill myself' My doctor referred me to a biofeedback lab, and t!at was my turnin#%point' -ere is an entry from my diary'C Tuesday, March 10' 0 #ot to use t!e !eadp!ones for t!e first time2 *!e real biofeedback' *!e noise was a #entle clickin# sound t!at be#an to race and #et louder w!en my muscles tensed up, turnin# into a storm' ;irst listened wit! my fists clenc!ed as ti#!tly as possible7 t!en relaxed and #ot t!e clicks down to almost 8ero, 9ust few and far between' 0*!en t!e t!erapist told me to stay completely relaxed and t!ink of somet!in# stressful' t!ou#!t about my dia#nosis' *o my ama8ement, t!e sound came rus!in# back 9ust as loud and fast as w!en !ad clenc!ed my fists, e)en t!ou#! was certain t!at my body was totally relaxed' There was no difference!! t was almost too muc! to belie)e t!at my t!ou#!ts !ad exactly t!e same effect on my body as w!en ti#!tened my muscles as !ard as could' *!at moment was my epip!any' became aware, at my deepest 5

le)el, t!at my t!ou#!ts dri)e t!e unconscious processes #oin# on in my body' understood t!at !ad a c!oice/ could c!oose to !arbor stressful t!ou#!ts, or could release my attac!ment to t!em before t!ey launc!ed on a destructi)e pat!:on t!at poisonous 9ourney t!at only !arms myself' *!e opportunities were infinite'

Muriel Vasconcellos !as been a translator for =0 years in medicine, public !ealt!, en)ironment, international or#ani8ations7 speaker of >ortu#uese and 6panis! Mbook bein# translated into >ortu#ueseN7 >!'&' in lin#uistics wit! o)er 100 publis!ed articles7 writer on translation t!eory, mac!ine translation Minternational lifetime ac!ie)ement award 1+++ and award as founder of t!e .ssociation for Mac!ine *ranslation in t!e .mericas 2012N, and !uman interest topics, includin# blo#7 landscape desi#ner wit! expertise in plants7 interested in alternati)e !ealin#, p!oto#rap!y, desi#n, do#s, t!e Ennea#ram of personality as a spiritual pat!' *o learn more )isit www'findin#myin)inciblesummer'info