Amparo Pamela H.

Fabe UP Department of Sociology

Modernity, Self-Identity and the Anthropology of Love In the Context of My Husbands Lover Modernity is a post-traditional order that takes into account systems of accumulated e pertise representing multiple sources of authority that is fre!uently internally contested and di"ergent in their implications. Modernity institutionali#es the reorgani#ation of time and space in addition to the disembedding mechanisms and they act to transform the content and nature of day-to-day social life $%iddens& '(('). *n the settings of +late modernity, - our present day .orld - the self like the institutional conte ts in .hich it e ists has to be refle i"ely made. /his paper dissects the plethora of multiple choices in the conte t of the notions of trust& marital lo"e& self-identity and the globali#ing tendencies of modernity in the popular tele"ision series& My Husbands Lover. A key theme of My Husbands Lover is the issue of trust in human relationships. /his trust focuses on the relationship bet.een 0incent and 1ally as husband and .ife. /his trust also focuses on the relationship bet.een 0incent and 2ric as male lo"ers. *n its generic sense& trust is directly linked to the sense of ontological security. /rust in this sense is basic to a +protecti"e cocoon, .hich stands guard o"er the self in its dealings .ith e"eryday life. *t +brackets out, potential occurrences .hich& .ere the indi"idual .ere to seriously contemplate them& .ould produce a paralysis of the .ill or feelings of engulfment $%iddens& '(('). /rust generates that +leap of faith, .hich practical engagement demands. /rust becomes the medium of interaction bet.een

indi"iduals. *n the case of My Husbands Lover& trust is essential in the relationship bet.een 0incent and 1ally. /hus& in the 3uly '4 episode .hich sho.ed ho. 1ally .itnessed the infidelity of 0incent in the condominium of 2ric& this breakdo.n in marital trust is sho.n in the intense personal shock follo.ed by a fainting spell and hysteria of 1ally in the emergency room of the hospital. 1ally e perienced the rollercoaster feeling of attitudes of trust& acceptance in the early part of their marriage. /hen after .itnessing the infidelity of 0incent& she e perienced the painful feelings of re5ection and .ithdra.al and e treme disappointment to.ards 0ince. She e"en asked 0incent is the latter used their marriage to co"er his homose uality. /hus& she asked 0incent not to touch her and to lea"e her alone. Moreo"er in the 3uly '( episode& 2laine Soriano& the mother of 0incent& .ho is positi"ely portrayed by 6uh 1edesma& tells her husband Armando that there must be a third party in"ol"ed since 1ally left their home all of a sudden. She then ad"ises her husband& Armado played by 7oi 0in#on to do something to help his son 0incent during the "ery difficult period of his married life. Moreo"er& one makes the decision to trust another because of another element of modernity8 the intrinsic refle i"ity. /he faith& .hich one has in a person& has the tendency to resist calculati"e decision-making. /he attitude of trust is tied to the psychological security of indi"iduals. *n My Husbands Lover& 1ally allo.s 0ince to go on .eek-end business trips .ith the company since she initially had trust in him. Ho.e"er& after disco"ering their homose ual affair& 1ally had to continually seek this trust from her husband. *n the 3uly '( episode& 1ally asked 0incent to tell her e"erything they did in pri"ate. She said that she needed this since she .anted to kno. .here she has been remiss in her duties as a .ife. Ho.e"er& 0incent begged her to

stop asking for the details because she .ill 5ust re-li"e her pain and hurt feelings. /hen 1ally ga"e 0ince an ultimatum to stop seeing 2ric if he .ants to keep his family intact. 0incent responded to 1ally9s demand by going to 2ric9s condominium and telling him that their relationship has already ended. *n the succeeding scenes& 2ric and 0incent cry their heart out separately as they deal .ith their emotions of separation and ho. they .ill negotiate their lo"e for each other in the future. Another key theme of My Husbands Lover is the issue of negotiating one9s selfidentity. *n the post-traditional order of modernity& self-identity becomes a refle i"ely organi#ed endea"or. As %iddens $'((') pointed out& the refle i"e pro5ect of the self consists in the sustaining of coherent& yet continuously re"ised biographical narrati"es that takes place in the conte t of multiple choices as filtered through abstract systems. /he more tradition loses hold& the more daily life is reconstituted in terms of the dialectical interplay of the local and global& the more indi"iduals are forced to negotiate lifestyle choices among a di"ersity of options $%iddens& '(('). Due to the dynamism of social life and the plurali#ation of conte ts of action& lifestyle choices ha"e become important in the constitution of self-identity and daily acti"ity. /hus& a form of refle i"ely organi#ed lifestyle planning becomes a central feature of the structuring of self-identity. 1ifestyle choices are open to both 2ric and 0incent since they belong to the upper class of Philippine society. 0incent had to negotiate his multiple commitments .ith 1ally his .ife and 2ric& his lo"er. 2ric& a homose ual .ho is a confident professional has a full lifestyle choice before him because he .as born into a rich family. Her mother& %lydel Mercado played by :handa 7omero is a "ery successful artist .ho a runs a big painting gallery. *n addition& 2ric is .ell-educated architect. 0incent also belongs to the upper class as this is sho.n by his family9s .ell-appointed residence& their high lifestyle and the fact

that his father is a retired army general. *n the Philippines& retired army generals are relati"ely .ell pro"ided for after retirement. *n contrast& the poor are generally e cluded from making lifestyle choices as they do not ha"e enough resources to rely on. Pure personal relationships also highlight the importance of commitment. /his commitment can be understood both as a commitment to the relationship and commitment to the other person in"ol"ed in the relationship. *n many cases& the demand for intimacy is an integral one in pure relationships as a result of the mechanism of trust. /hese relationships are permeated by mediated influences coming from a globali#ed .orld $%iddens& '(('). /hus& in one9s personal life& one undergoes the process of reappropriation and empo.erment that is e pectedly combined .ith the e perience of e propriation and loss. /he human lo"e that is e hibited bet.een 0incent and 1ally sho.s the special bond of spousal lo"e. /he male lo"e bet.een 2ric and 0incent is as intense and real as the spousal lo"e that is displayed in the sho.. /he mutual filial lo"e bet.een 2ric and his mother& %lydel Mercado $played by :handa 7omero) sho.s the "enerable image of the strong bond of maternal lo"e. ;y this strong lo"e bet.een 2ric and his mother& the tele"ision series sho.s a relationship in .hich each of the characters are able to retain their o.n integrity and richness in the process of lo"ing. Moreo"er& the MHL is able to reflect the painful process of being broken hearted on the part of 2ric and 0incent as 1ally pressured the latter to stop seeing the former. <egotiating trust in a homose ual relationship is also e emplified in the lo"e life of a secondary character in MHL& Danny. Danny is e ceptionally portrayed by 6e"in Santos. As 2ric=s best friend in MHL, he has mo"ed on to another relationship .ith a ne. man. *n the 3uly '( episode& Danny9s boyfriend suggests that they start li"ing

together soon. Danny agrees and he sho.s his real happiness for this ne. offer from his young male lo"er. Danny responds to this lo"ing trust by a full affirmation of his ne. lo"e. My Husbands Lover e cels in gi"ing its "ie.ers a glimpse of the process of the refle i"e pro5ect of the self as it generates the process of actuali#ation and mastery. *n this case& authenticity becomes a pre-eminent "alue and a frame.ork for selfactuali#ation. /his conte t is best appreciated in the emergency room scene .here 0incent affirms his real self-identity to 1ally. He opens himself up to his .ife& re"ealing his true self that he is as much a real homose ual as 2ric is. He then narrates his efforts to o"ercome his struggle .ith his strong internal feelings of homose uality8 he said that he prayed a lot for many years to remo"e this feeling and that he decided to marry and settle do.n and become a father. Ho.e"er& he has reali#ed that he is unable to fight off his feelings of e treme se ual attraction to 2ric& his long-time lo"er. He admitted to 1ally that 2ric is also a homose ual. /he decision of 0incent to remain a homose ual has undergone a "eritable process of pri"ileging of the self8 the act of continuous denial of his homose ual tendencies& then his .eak acceptance of his self-identity and then finally an affirmation of .ho he really is in the end .hen he made a decision to establish a regular relationship .ith 2ric. Similarly& .e can see the refle i"ity of the self in the character of 1ally AgatepSoriano as e pertly portrayed by :arla Abellana. *n the sho.& 1ally e erts effort in being the lo"ing .ife of 0incent and a mother of t.o. She is an intelligent and romantic person .ho .ill do e"erything for the man she lo"es. 1ally is al.ays dressed as a modern .ife .hich is "ery realistic. Ho.e"er& .hen she finds out that her husband is gay& she makes a firm choice not to tell her mother and her sister about the real problem she had .ith 0incent. /his distinct choice of not telling her mother

and elder sister can be gleaned by her reali#ation that she needs to protect his husband since she made the decision to marry him against her family9s .ishes. She makes a decision to protect the se ual identity of her husband as an effort to preser"e the marriage. She also does not tell her in-la.s about the problem of 0incent. *n the 3uly '4 episode .here 0incent is undergoing moments of despair outside the emergency room& the continuing presence of 2ric sho.s ho. the latter trusts and "alues the intimacy of his relationship .ith 0incent. /hus& 2ric refuses to lea"e the hospital simply because he refuses to lea"e 0incent alone in a sad and de"astated state. 2ric9s sho. of support& strength and steadfastness is e pected as a male lo"er. He made a decision to lo"e 0incent and this decision is supported by his choice to remain by his side. Ho.e"er& in the ne t part of the 3uly '4 episode& 2ric asks 0incent to e plain to him the look of e treme surprise in 1ally9s face .hen he sa. both of them in the condominium unit. He asked 0incent if the latter has told his .ife that he is really gay. 0incent admitted that he lied to 2ric that he already told his .ife that he is gay. /his ans.er also shocked and hurt 2ric .ho then blamed 0incent for 1ally9s passing out. 2ric then manifests that he .as hurt by the fact that 0incent lied to him on this important point. Another aspect of trust in relationships is sho.n in the constant dealings bet.een Sandra and 1ally as mother and daughter. Sandra Agatep as e ceptionally portrayed by %lydel Mercado presents the image of a mother .ho .illingly sacrifices herself for her children. Sandra .illingly accepts 1ally as the latter goes to her house and begs her mom if she could stay there for some time during their period of conflict .ith 0incent. Sandra has the charity to take in 1ally despite the disappointments that 1ally has gi"en her. She is seen to be also patient .ith the older sister of 1ally& 2"elyn.

>ne of the globali#ing influences of modernity is also reflected in My Husbands Lover. %lobali#ation has affected the ordinary life of 1ally and 0incent. For e ample& 0incent has to .ork long hours .hich is a radical departure from the traditional ? to 4 .ork time frame.ork .hich his parents had. Another e ample is the architectural career of 2ric .ho handles multiple construction pro5ects& "aried clientele and multiple pro5ect sites .hich necessitates his presence. /his situation is also a radical departure from the pre"ious .orks of architects .ho .ould speciali#e in housing or infrastructure pro5ects only. My Husbands Lover also features the importance of e tensionality and intentionality in intimate relationships. >ne of the distincti"e features of modernity is the increasing interconnection bet.een the t.o e tremes of e tensionality and intentionality8 the globali#ing influences and the personal dispositions on the other. >ne of the globali#ing influences that is present is that of negotiating one9s se ual identity. /he tension and conflicting notions of the homose ual lo"e bet.een 2ric and 0incent is part of the negotiation of their respecti"e se ual identities. Due to the standards or e pectations of society on men .ho need to be real men& 2ric and 0incent e perience the tension of these societal standards and e pectations .ith their desire to come out as authentic persons. @ith respect to intentionality& the "ie.ers can see that both 2ric and 0incent struggle to maintain positi"e dispositions to.ards each other. 2ric is .illing to .ait for 0incent to choose him o"er 1ally. 0incent relishes in the te t messages of lo"e that 2ric sends him early in the morning during the 3uly 'A and 3uly '4 episodes of MHL. Moreo"er& as e"ident in their scenes .hen they are together& 2ric and 0incent both share that passion of e citement .hen they are about to meet each other. *n conclusion& modernity is a risk culture. /he concept is risk is fundamental in

the process of organi#ing the social .orld. Under the conditions of modernity& the future is continually dra.n into the present by means of the refle i"e organi#ations of kno.ledge en"ironments. *n My Husbands Lover& the different elements of modernity such as trust& risk& intimacy& negotiating one9s self-identity and se ual identity are highlighted and made real. /his tele"ision series makes the temptations and risk of lo"ing real and authentic in all of its BC plus episodes. Anthropology of 1o"e :onsidering that ma5ority of the tele"ision series audience are :atholics& the MHL also reflects the anthropology of lo"e. /o e pound on this& * utili#e "on Hildebrand9s philosophy of personalism .hich emphasi#es the spiritual nature of man in a unity of body and soul. *t is important to note that the notion of +sub5ecti"ity, is central to "on Hildebrand9s ethics of personalism. /he main interest is in the ob5ecti"e good for persons. /he sub5ecti"e element is that of a rming the "alue in the ob5ecti"e good. /his armation is called a "alue response $"on Hildebrand& DCC(). 0on Hildebrand discerns three kinds of "alue8 the sub5ecti"ely satisfyingE the ob5ecti"ely good in itselfE and the ob5ecti"ely good for the person or the beneFcial good. *t is the nature of the person to transcend himself in seeking the "alue or good in an ob5ect $"on Hildebrand DCC(). 0on Hildebrand further distinguishes t.o kinds of persons& those .ho bend to themsel"es .hat is merely sub5ecti"ely satisfying in the ob5ect& and those .ho li"e by "alue response. 1o"e is a +super-"alue response, because in lo"e each becomes ob5ecti"ely good& a delight& for the other. @hat constitutes lo"e as super-"alue response is the lo"er9s self-gi"ing. /his articulation of lo"e as super-"alue response gi"es full "alue to the reciprocal self-gi"ing at the heart of marriage& e pressed in ecstatic se ual union $"on Hildebrand& DCC(). /his kind of reciprocal self-gi"ing is

present in the relationship of 1ally and 0ince as husband and .ife. *n contrast& the relationship bet.een 0ince and 2ric is a relationship that is merely sub5ecti"ely satisfying .here the person bends the other to his o.n beneFt .ithout gi"ing himself in return. ;eing homose ual in itself is not a sin. Ho.e"er& homose ual lo"e .ith the corresponding intimate acts do not reflect the truth of human se uality follo.ing the :atholic perspecti"e. Another significant theme of this tele"ision series is the beauty and the richness of marital lo"e. /he lo"e that 1ally and 0incent ha"e as husband and .ife is real. 0incent and 1ally do +real, things that lo"ers do like sho.ing affectionate glances& affectionate personal longings and genuine concern for each other. Marital lo"e has an intrinsic human "alue from the fulFllment it brings. Marital lo"e Fnds its fulFllment in a total mutual self-surrender of the .hole of life in %od. *n a marital relationship& each person retains hisGher o.n integrity. *n gi"ing themsel"es& they also arm their identity $Schmit# DCC?& p. ''). According to Da"id Schindler& +6no.ing at root is but the distinctly cogniti"e manner of participating in the relations of lo"e and beauty implicit in an ontology of creation, $Schindler '(((& p. 4DH). /his means that kno.ledge takes its Frst and most basic order from .ithin relation or relationship deFned by lo"e and beauty& .hich originates in submission of the self to the other $%od and all others in %od), $Schindler '(((& p. 4DH). /ele"ision 7atings /he episodes from 3uly 'D-'4& DC'B registered the highest /0 ratings for this sho. based on the <ielsen ratings. /he sho. reached an a"erage of BC percent ratings for the .eek. ;ased on the press release of %MA H dated 3uly '4& DC'B& they stated that this particular primetime series& My Husbands Lover .herein :arla Abellana9s character 1ally confronted her husband 0incent $/om 7odrigue#) about his affair

.ith 2ric $Dennis /rillo) posted high /0 ratings ser"ice based on the <ielsen /0 Audience data. According to data from the industry9s .idely trusted ratings ser"ice pro"ider <ielsen /0 Audience Measurement& the highly-dramatic and intriguing series posted high /0 ratings. ;ased on o"ernight household ratings data recorded in Urban 1u#on for 3une 'C - 'D& My Husbands Lover scored an a"erage household rating of DC.4 percent "ersus A;S-:;<9s Apoy sa Dagat .ith 'I.I percent. Mean.hile& in Mega Manila& My Husbands Lover posted an e"en bigger margin .ith DD.D percent against Apoy sa Dagats '4.( percent $%MA <et.ork& 3une 'B& DC'B). * think that the tele"ision sho. producers .anted the audience to respond positi"ely to this series. /he physical !ualities of the tele"ision sho. are superb. /he music used in the series .hich is sang by 6uh 1edesma sho.s that the melody is played during the strategic scenes of the /0 sho.. /he script is perfect and the .ords that are said are addressed to the heart. /he audience feel as if they are a part of the sho. itself. /he use of color& black during the e act time .hen 1ally .itnesses both men about to kiss each other .as used for a ma imum effect. /he use of .hite color in the hospital scene reflects the reali#ation of 1ally that her husband is really gay. /he li"e action during the confrontation bet.een 1ally and 0ince on the hospital bed as they .ere arguing about his homose uality .as ra. and real. All of the sound effects contributed to highlighting the specific parts of the tele"ision sho.. /he silence of the background as 1ally cries her heart out is "ery significant. /o create a "i"id picture of the tension& the camera is al.ays focused closely on the actors. As a .hole& the "ideo editing .as superb. /he camera angles& lighting& music& narration& andGor editing all united to contribute in creating a real and "i"id atmosphere of human lo"e in this sho.. /he director and the producers all try their best to create the proper and dignified tone of the film in dealing .ith the nuances of marital and

homose ual lo"e.

7eferences8 %iddens& Anthony. $'(('). Modernity and Self-identity. US8 Stanford Uni"ersity Press. %erth& H. and :.@. Mills. $eds). $'((?). From Max Jork8 > ford Uni"ersity Press. U6 7outledge. eber! "ssays in So#iology.. <e.

KMy Husband9s 1o"er scores high on ratingsK. %MA <et.ork. 3une 'B& DC'B. 7etrie"ed 3uly 'D& DC'B. Schmit#& 6. $DCC?). +Human <ature and Human :ulture., A :ommon Morality for the %lobal Age8 *n gratitude for .hat .e ha"e been gi"en. @ashington& D:8 :atholic Uni"ersity of America& :enter for 1a. and :ulture& unpublished paper. Schindler& D. 1. $'(((). +%od and the 2nd of *ntelligence8 6no.ledge as 7elationship., $ommunio DI $B Fall)8 4''-4AC. 0on Hildebrand& Dietrich. $DCC(). /he <ature of 1o"e. South ;end& *<8 St. Augustine9s Press.