6 ways to dramatically improve your eye contact skills

BY STEVEN AITCHISON

Eye contact: The most important communication tool

Is your eye contact aggressive is it so!t is it inviting "o you love #ith your eyes$ Eye contact is a very tric%y art to master &ut vital to e!!ective communication' Ho# can you ma%e it &etter$ Eye contact provi"es social in!ormation to the person you are listening to an" tal%ing to' Too much eye contact an" you coul" &e seen as aggressive too little eye contact an" you can &e seen as having no interest in the person spea%ing' It is an o!ten overloo%e" s%ill to have an" an un"er utilise" s%ill #hen communicating #ith people' You can see masters o! eye contact in great sales persons politicians an" goo" pu&lic spea%ers' I realise" the importance o! eye contact #hen I #as counseling people !ace to !ace' I notice" #hen I &ro%e eye contact the person #oul" stop spea%ing' (hen I maintaine" eye contact the person #oul" continue tal%ing %no#ing that I #as intereste" in #hat they ha" to say'

Physiological signs of eye contact

Street tra"ers %no# the importance o! the eyes #hen using their selling s%ills to %eep their potential &uyers intereste"' (hen you are arouse" or intereste" in an o&)ect your pupils #ill "ilate an" this is a &ig cue !or salesmen all over the #orl"' Also #hen you are intereste" in someone se*ually your pupils #ill "ilate an" you hol" the person+s ga,e a little longer than normal' (hen I #as single I al#ays %ne# #hen a girl #as intereste" in me through her eyes no# that I am marrie" i! I get the same signs I "iscourage eye contact'

Every day conversation and eye contact

(e #ill use eye contact every "ay o! our lives so it ma%es sense to learn the &est #ays to use your eyes to your a"vantage' Certain situations "eman" "i!!erent uses o! the eyes' -or e*ample i! your are arguing it is seen as strong i! you can hol" your ga,e' I! you are "e!erring to someone it is &etter to lo#er your eyes i! you are loving someone it is goo" to stare into the pool o! the eyes'

6 Ways to improve your eye contact skills

.' Talking to a group (hen tal%ing to a group o! people it is great to have "irect contact #ith your listeners' /on+t ma%e the mista%e o! maintaining eye contact #ith )ust one person as this #ill stop the other mem&ers o! the group !rom listening' To get past this !ocus on a "i!!erent mem&er o! the group #ith every ne# sentence' This #ay you are tal%ing to all o! the group an" %eeping them all intereste"' 0' Talking to an individual It is great to maintain eye contact #hen tal%ing to a person ho#ever it can &ecome a &it creepy an" uncom!orta&le i! you stare intensely at them' To com&at this &rea% eye contact every 1 secon"s or so' (hen &rea%ing the eye contact "on+t loo% "o#n as this might in"icate the en"ing o! your part o! the conversation' Instea" loo% up or to the si"e as i! your are remem&ering something' Try it )ust no#: "on+t move your hea" an" thin% a&out the !irst time you starte" school' You #ill notice your eyes might move up or to the si"e as you try to remem&er this' So #hen your listener sees this they #ill thin% you are trying to remem&er something an" %eep on listening to you' 2' Listening to someone (hen you are listening to someone it can &e o!! putting !or the tal%er i! you stare at them too har"' The techni3ue I use #hen I am counseling someone is to use #hat I call 4The triangle+' This is #hen I loo% at one eye !or a&out 1 secon"s loo% at the other eye !or 1 secon"s an" then loo% at the mouth !or 1 secon"s an" %eep on rotating in this #ay' This techni3ue couple" #ith other listening s%ills such as no""ing occasional agreement #or"s such as 4yes+ 45h 6huh+ 4mm+ etc is a great #ay to %eep the tal%er tal%ing an" to sho# them you are intereste" in #hat they are saying' 7' Arguing Arguing #ith someone is a s%ill in itsel! an" i! you #ant to compete in an argument hol"ing the ga,e sho#s strength' I! you loo% a#ay #hen arguing #ith someone you have all &ut lost the argument' O&viously this "epen"s on #ho you are arguing #ith &ut in general it is &etter to hol" the ga,e #hilst you are ma%ing your point an" also #hen you are listening to the other person' (e have all come across the person #ho is great at arguing an" ma%ing you !eel small you #ill notice that everyone #ho is li%e this try to stare you out' Stare &ac% it #ill surprise them piss them o!! an" put them o!! #hat they are

trying to say' Staying silent an" staring at someone #ho is trying to rile you is also an e!!ective #ay to #in an argument #ithout saying a #or"' 1' Attracting someone (hen you are trying to attract someone an" sho# them you are intereste" you can tal% an" listen #ith your eyes' (hen a person you li%e is spea%ing use the #hole !ace as your !ocal point' 8oo% at their eyes listen to #hat they are saying smile in the appropriate places raise your eye&ro#s in the appropriate places' I! you !eel you are staring at them move to their other !eatures such as their lips their chee%s their nose an" then &ac% to their eyes' Smiling #hen listening to someone is a great #ay to sho# you are intereste" in them o&viously "on+t smile #hen they have )ust tol" you their pet "ie" last night' You have to listen #ith your ears as #ell as listening #ith your eyes 9yes I "i" mean listening #ith your eyes you listen to someone+s &o"y language #ith your eyes:' ;' Loving someone <y #i!e an" I o!ten share a prolonge" ga,e into each other+s eyes an" it is a very special thing to )ust stare #ithout tal%ing' <y #i!e+s pupils #ill "ilate an" she can my pupils "ilating' It creates a strong &on" &et#een us' To ma%e your pupils "ilate even more you can try this: as you are staring at your partner imagine yoursel! going insi"e their &o"y an" your t#o souls ma%ing love' You are trying to touch their very soul' This #ill release a"renalin an" ma%e your pupils "ilate even more'