THE ESSENTIAL Referee Mindset

Awaken The Brilliant Referee Within

by Peter Papp

First Edition, 2013

TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. FOREWORD
1.1. WHAT DID MOTIVATE ME TO WRITE THIS BOOK? 1.2. WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK 1.3. HOW TO USE THIS BOOK 1.4. WHAT WILL YOU LEARN?

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6 7 8 10

2. MENTAL TRAITS OF AN EXCELLENT REFEREE

2.1. PERSONALITY 2.2. HOW WE WORK 2.3. WHAT SKILLS DO WE NEED TO HAVE?

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11 14 17

3. CHALLENGES REFEREES FACE

3.1. CONTROL THE PROBLEMS YOU CAN CONTROL 3.2. WHY ITS SO DIFFICULT TO SOLVE THESE PROBLEMS?

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4. NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING
4.1. WHAT IS NLP? 4.2. WHATS DIFFERENT NOW?

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5. AWAKEN THE BRILLIANT REFEREE WITHIN

5.1. THE BASIC MOTIVATION PATTERN

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5.2. ENHANCE MOTIVATION AND BUILD PERSISTENCEERROR! BOOKMARK NOT D 5.3. DEAL WITH STRESS 5.4. SET GOALS THAT WORK 5.5. ERECT CONFIDENCE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.6. GET FOCUSED

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5.7. LEARN TO BUILD RAPPORT CONFLICT MANAGEMENTERROR! BOOKMARK 5.8. CONTROL YOUR ANGER 5.9. MODEL YOUR HERO ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.10. NEW BEHAVIOR GENERATOR ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. 5.11. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT THE AS-IF PATTERNERROR! BOOKMARK NOT

5.12. MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS STATE INDUCTIONERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEF 5.13. MISTAKES INTO EXPERIENCE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. 5.14. SELF ESTEEM QUICK FIX 5.15. BE OPEN FOR CRITICISM ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.16. PROCRASTINATE PROCRASTINATION THE EXCUSE BLOWOUT PATTERN 5.17. BASIC BELIEF CHAINING 5.18. FAST PHOBIA CURE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6. BUILD GOOD HABITSERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.1. MEDITATE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.2. LEARN THAT YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGHERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. 6.3. FLEXIBLE MIND 6.4. STRENGTH TRAINING 6.5. GRATITUDE 6.6. GET ENOUGH SLEEP ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.7. REPLACE OPINIONS WITH CURIOSITYERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED. 6.8. BREATHE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.9. TREAT FAILURE AS A LEARNING OPPORTUNITYERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DE 6.10. TURN PROBLEMS INTO OPPORTUNITIESERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

7. WHATS NEXT? ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

1.

Foreword

Imagine yourself on the court. You referee the best game in your life. Superstars occupy the court, and the crowd yells on the stands. They are ready to do what it takes to support their favorites, and you deal with the enormous pressure. You are in the perfect state! You focus on one thing with confidence; the Game. You make excellent calls, everything is under control, the players and the coaches accept you and your decisions. The crowd diminishes every time they see you are not the one who bends under stress. The game is fast and tough. The score doesnt come untied for long, and both teams fight their best to be the champion. There are all kinds of difficult calls you can imagine. You truly have to give your best here, and expect even the unexpected. But everything ticks now! Players hassle a lot, abuse each other, there are a lot of trashtalk. The coaches live with the game, shouting and jumping all around. There is even a fight starting that you manage with quickness and sharp calls, calming down the players and have them focus on the game. Finally fair play wins, and a buzzer beater decides the war. You are extremely exhausted - in the good way. Everybody comes to you to and congratulates on the perfect game. Your supervisors cannot say anything else but thanks for being with

you and your team tonight. There were some tiny errors, but they arent worth to be mentioned. Everything is perfect! Pleasure shines on your face when you come off the court for being acknowledged. Dopamine and endorphin releases in your brain and you fly! Do you like this scenario? Do you want to experience this gameby-game? Then this book is for you.

1.1.

What Did Motivate Me To Write This Book?

I have been a basketball referee since 1997, my age of 17. I passed my international referee exam back in 2006, and I have been officiated many hard-hitting games both in the Hungarian championship and abroad. Though, I hung my whistle for 3 years, I think I learned much more on refereeing while I was off. For some other reasons, I began to study Neuro-Linguistic Programming which has pretty much to teach you on communication, rapport, influence, focus, and winning attitude, some of the most important characteristics of an exceptional referee. Im on my way, just like you, to reach the top. I only found it worthwhile to share some of my knowledge and experience with

others who share my passion. I facilitate and encourage conversation on the topic but more on it later. I am hungry for the game and I want to share the edge I gained from self development with motivated referees like you. Part of the reason I do this is to help you to be a better referee and most importantly take pleasure in what you do. Besides, structuring and writing about the topic is undoubtedly useful for me as well. This book is primarily for referees. Though, I think coaches, players, and any other participants of the game will also find useful information on these pages. You will be able to understand the mindset that makes you better in sports and gain some insights with tips to use in order to excel in other areas of your life.

1.2.

Why I Wrote This Book

Being a top referee in any sports is an extreme challenge. You need to be an exceptional person with great athletic abilities, even if you sit in a chair all game long. You must show empathy, be modest, and at the same time, you must be strict and effective to make difficult people behave. You have to promote Fair Play. Everything changes, but challenge is constant. You compete with your fellow referees while you must cooperate with them. If you dont do it, the team, or the lack of team thereof, will ruin your game, no matter how good referee you are.

These are only a few of the challenges we face every single game and situation, and we need some guidelines to excel. There are many resources on what makes a good referee, and very few on how to do it. My mission with this book is to give you the tools you can use to stand out from the crowd.

1.3.

How To Use This Book

I dont say its enough to read this book. In order to succeed, you better take whatever makes sense for you and actually do it. Thats a different story. You can tell your grandchildren great theories how big you could have been and criticize your fellows, but thats not how you will be happy, balanced and successful. I encourage and help you to make experiments with the exercises in this book. If you do so, I guarantee that you will grow, and actually enjoy doing it. I structured the book the following way to help you do the work. In the next chapter, you can read about most of the psychological traits of admirable referees. I draw a picture on the ideal you, and you can get an idea about your targets. Feel free to take only the traits you think are applicable and do your best on those areas. It wont work overnight, but applying the knowledge in later chapters will put you in direction. Im talking about personality traits, work ethics and skills.

Next, Im going to discuss some of the challenges we face. The focus will be on the ones we can change, and why it is so difficult to change them. Then, I briefly introduce the science behind the resources, neuro-linguistic programming, in the fourth chapter. I will show you how to build yourself up for the challenge. I will talk about techniques that can be used in dozens of situations. You dont have to do them at the first read, you can always go back and complete the exercises. Commit yourself to do them only if they make sense to you. I set up a challenge in the sixth where I give you the exact steps you can take to strengthen your mind, and build habits that keep you moving towards your goal, and be the best referee you can be. You may feel the urge to jump to the exercises and I invite you to be patient and stay with me here. You can make much better results going through the whole book than with only the techniques; however, the exercises along with the habit make up the core of this book. Are you curious about how you will improve your daily life as well as your games?

1.4.

What Will You Learn?

You may be interested about what you will benefit from learning this book. So, here they are. You will learn to: set achievable and aligned goals and reach them, motivate yourself even during difficult times, cure fears about making mistakes, understand participants better, get focused during the game, change your limiting beliefs, handle stress effectively, deal with conflicts easily, control your emotions, redeem self-esteem, deal with failures, learn fast, and build good habits that last.

Learn something every day, and accomplish your dreams. They will push you to the relaxed state of perfect experience while refereeing, constantly. I know its a great promise, so try me! Challenge me and let me know where you need more help at refereemindset.com.

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2.

Mental Traits of an Excellent Referee

I tried to collect most of the important mental characteristic of a top official in order to help you with areas you want to develop. Change doesnt occur overnight. It goes step-by-step, until you retire. Nobody is perfect, so I dont aim for perfection. I want to achieve and enjoy the process. Here are some of the areas where you can do it, too.

2.1.

Personality

Passion I cant tell you how important it is. Being a referee is a tough job. You are away from your family a lot, you are cursed all the time, and people will remember your failures more than your successes. You need a great deal of passion to be able to do it. Integrity Without being spotless, you are out. No sportsman will take you seriously. They may fear you, but as long as you hang your whistle, the rumors will kill your reputation. This one is so expensive, no money can buy! Be honest and fair at all times. Curiosity If you read this, that one is surely yours, and its a good foundation. Indifference is the enemy of achievement. You need a drive to learn from your mistakes and find out how to get things done.

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Humility A good ref will behave modestly; deliver respect on the court. If you dont value your fellows, you hardly can expect the same in exchange. This doesnt mean you should give in to various tricks form players, but you definitely must respect all of the participants. Reliability You must be there 100% mentally and physically, and must be reliable to manage the game in a fair and professional way. Commitment to fitness Body and mind are connected, so you must be fit. Period. Your mental toughness builds upon it. Its like the foundation of your house. You cannot build castle on drift. From distance, everybody sees the correct call (especially supporters, and after the fact), but on the court you have to be on the best spot to make it right. Although, this is beyond the scope of this book, I wanted to mention it. Patience You can be the best when nobody cares. Of course, youd better be the best you can be when you get the chance to be supervised by important people. Everybody gets at least one chance. Be patient and have fun waiting while you work on your officiating. The better the preparation is, the better your chances are when time will finally come.

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Communication Essential communication skills enable you to be understood and followed by players, coaches and fellow referees. Without proper communication, how do you expect them to do what you want? Motivation This is of crucial importance; I assure you, there will be tough times. And throughout those hard periods, you can only rise fast with strong inner motivation. I will show you how to create it. Persistence Just like motivation, it plays a crucial role in keeping up solid performance during periods of poor form and valleys. Empathy Its simple. You get it only after you give it. Sometimes it seems for strong personalities that empathy ruins the picture of the authority, but its a misbelief. One must be careful here; keep the balance. Too much empathy will result in hard emotions that sabotage your tough calls. Common sense Sometimes rules cannot be applied because the game is different. You need to have common sense and intuition that you trust and act on. Credibility People accept people who they think are trustworthy.

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Fair mindedness Its not difficult to be fair when you like both teams and all the participants. The art is being fair when it is not the case. The only way to long term success is to be fair at all times. Courage Nobody likes weak referees. You have to be able to sacrifice your short term popularity to grow. Be brave enough to make the tough calls when you have to. Sometimes you need to take risk to stand out of the crowd. Elegance Your look plays a major role. I know, because for long, I thought my rock star hairstyle is more important than being accepted. I rebelled, but I had to admit I am much more ahead now, pleasing or at least not disturbing the eyes of others. It doesnt imply that you have to be beautiful, though. It means what it says; be elegant. Although, you can balance your visual disability by being better in other areas, you are definitely ahead if you do your best.

2.2.

How We Work

Professionalism Being a referee is not some game you play to pass the time. You need to put 110% on the court every week in order to stay ahead of the game. You also have to look and talk professionally in order to be taken seriously.

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Good work habits Aristotle said We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. How we work is much dependent on who we are. To reach full potential, we should embrace the habits of the excellent referees. Self control Good referees maintain composure, keep emotions in check, and even change negative sentiment like anger or frustration. They are able to change behavior consciously, even in the most difficult situations. Independence It means developing one's own ways of doing things, guiding oneself with little or no supervision, and self-dependence on getting things done. I respect your autonomy, thats the reason I encourage you to try before you believe anything I write in this book. Stress tolerance We have to control what is inevitable. Stress is there and it can help us to be a better referee. I will tell you how. Attention to details As you get a sense of the big picture behavior and personality of the players and coaches, importance of the game, etc. you need to be able to drill down and notice the changes in the flow of the game, and react to them. You also need to be able to control many things at once, and be aware of tiny details about

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your movement and personality. Controlling details makes an exceptional referee out of a good one. Adaptability/flexibility Maybe its not so clear at this moment in time, but you will understand (when we talk about rapport) how the most flexible element controls the whole system. For now, just accept that it is as important as being strong and confident. Social perceptiveness A top referee is a human being with social skills. They are able to grab and pay attention to other people. We are, at the end of the day, here to have fun. Respect each other. Social intelligence helps you be more widely accepted. Cooperation You want to cooperate either with your team or with other participants. Teamwork is the basis of every successful officiating. Leadership Everybody, or at least you surely want to be a top referee. This is not possible without leadership skills, since its rarely the case you officiate alone. If so, you still have to lead the participants into fair play. Friendship You dont want other fear from you, do you? In my humble opinion, its the characteristic of weak referees. Be approachable so people can count on your fair judgment. 16

Effort to achievement No success is possible without first putting in the work. Beverly Sills once said there are no shortcuts to any place worth going. Decisive thinking Yes, you have to decide. Sometimes make hard decisions, and you have to be ready for it at any time.

2.3.

What Skills Do We Need to Have?

Active Learning Learn something every day. Learn from your mistakes, learn from experienced referees. This makes you grow. Active listening We will see while talking about rapport, that active listening is crucial to really understand someone. This is the first step towards influence. Persuasion If someone violates the behavioral norms, you have to be persuasive enough to cool them down. This is one of the most important skills in conflict management. Service orientation The game is not there for us. We are there for the game. We serve the participants to enjoy the game and fight in fair play. Refs tend to forget this, so you better keep reminding yourself.

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Stay cool under fire There are skills to handle tough situations. Be prepared for the inevitable. Ability to teach If others learn something from you, your credits skyrocket. If you teach something, you begin to understand the topic more. Knowledge of the game I will not talk much about this, but you know you constantly have to develop your knowledge about the game you officiate. Communication You need to communicate well in order to get your message across. It contains verbal and non-verbal communication as well.

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3.

Challenges Referees Face

You face the ultimate challenge every time you put on the referee uniform. Awareness is your friend. The first step is to know what affects your officiating. Focus on the ones that are within your control, take care of the situations that ruin your game, and accept all the others. This book, besides other benefits, is to help you see the difference between them.

3.1.

Control the Problems You Can Control

Lack of focus You may know the rules 100%. You may even be able to decide situations on the tape after a couple of slow motion and rewind, but you will choke on the court without proper focus. I know many excellent referees who continuously make big mistakes because of poor concentration. It is especially true after a long trip to the game, leaving the office, or simply with a busy mind. They may be able to call the most difficult situations right, and fail with the easiest ones. This is a common problem you can learn to prevent, though. You will see how. Handle failures Do you remember a situation where you knew you had a huge mistake and the whole game was a failure after that? How much

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would you pay to forget it right at the moment? Another example is when your whole game is a mere failure. How do you get over it? Lack of confidence How can you achieve confidence whenever you want? In a heartbeat, you will be able to put yourself in the confident state with NLP, soon enough. Stressful environment Yes, youre right. You may not be able to control the environment, but you can control how you react. Its not stress that forces you out of the game, but your answer to stress. Weak teamwork Without a TEAM, there is no success on the court. Lack of rapport in the team makes your job much more difficult. Break out of the burdens and be a good partner. Be a team player. Manage conflicts There are players and coaches who go war on the court. Of course there are problems. Fear of doing something wrong This is fundamental, and even if its rare, it has a huge impact on our officiating. Little or no experience How? You may ask how you can control lack of experience. Stay with me and you will find out how you can use your imagination to be a better referee. 20

3.2.

Why its So Difficult to Solve These

Problems?
Picture one of your games. You are in an imperfect mood with some garbage on your soul. You start the game and you are already tired. Then it begins. You feel mentally down, your concentration is low. How do you reflect on this state in your mind? How is your self-talk? I bet it is like oh shit, Im so freakin wasted, hope I wont make a mistake, or oh God, let me get over this game soon, maybe wish I could miss this game. Either way, youre out of focus. Its not the state you want to be. You have to make every effort to be IN the game! You want to be focused, confident, sharp. Be ready for the challenge. The thing is, its so difficult, because we are wired to do exactly the opposite every time. Our autopilot works on following patterns, and chances are high that these patterns are out of date, so we keep going into the same trap that kicks us out of the game. Bad news: nobody else is able to solve it, but you! The question is: how? Good news: I will show you the way just in minutes now, read on.

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4.
4.1.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming
What is NLP?

A computer hacker and a linguistic professor did find a way to model excellence in the 1970s. They took the best hypnotists and the most successful people of the age, and tried to figure out how they stand out from the crowd. The result is Neuro-Linguistic Programming. In short, it is a set of tools and techniques you can use to create excellence. Imagine your mind as an operating system which is responsible for all the actions you take. They run according to subconscious programs which need to be updated from time to time. With NLP, you can upgrade you operating system whenever you want to. Be it about habits, behavioral change, phobia cure, changing limiting beliefs or setting goals, NLP is the collection of instruments that help you tap to the resources that prove quality. You may dont know it yet, but you can change easily. NLP works with the subconscious, so the changes are deep and lasting. It unleashes your resources already within you to be who you really want to be. We will put on some work on habits to make the change more natural and lasting.

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4.2.

Whats Different Now?

Be with me for a moment here and now, and imagine an apple in your mind. You can go on and close your eyes after you read this sentence, and imagine the apple. Done? Good. How does it look like? Is it red or green? How big is it? Does it shine or is it spotted? Is there any fragrance? Do you feel its taste? How is the surface? This is how you perceive this apple with your nervous system. Just imagine it thoroughly in every detail possible. In a couple of words, formulate how it looks like, how it feels to be there, whats the fragrance, and so on. This is linguistics. Visualize the same apple and in your mind, but now, change it to be more appealing to you. It can be bigger, brighter, different color, anything. How did it change? I mean the feeling. Do you want to take a bite? Do you struggle with your salivation? Good. Basically that is programming. Feel free to change it to the way it appeals to you the most. With this simple exercise, you can change your feelings. You may wonder, what the heck are you talking about? Well, Im letting you know what the founders of NLP understood. We are human beings whose imagination can bring the same result as the actual experience itself. We will use this to grow.

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This is a powerful! It opens so many doors and makes change so easy, you cannot imagine right now, can you? The wise man said it for a reason.

Logic can take you from A to B, but imagination can take you anywhere. ~Albert Einstein

Still, it is not only about visualization. There is a lot more to it. We have multiple choices with NLP to adjust our emotions and behavior according to the situation. It will not only serve you as a referee, but support you as a friend, a parent, a spouse, a businessman, and in every imaginable area of your life. It will change how you live by giving you choices. You will know what I am talking about after you do some of the exercises.

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5.

Awaken the brilliant referee within

This was only a demonstration how your imagination can change directly how you feel about things. But are you able to change with simple techniques like the apple trick? Yes, you are! All you need to do is set your goals and be flexible enough to change until you reach them. NLP gives you the ability to change, therefore offers you choices. Thats why its so valuable. Set up your strategy, make the change, collect feedback, iterate. This book will teach you how to change along with the best ways to learn new habits, too, and I encourage you not to believe a word I tell you before experimenting it. We are all different. There may be things that work for me but dont work for you. And before taking a trial, you cannot really decide whats best, can you? The techniques Im about to show you are credited to various NLP developers and practitioners like Richard Bandler, John Grinder, Robert Dilts and many more. You can find these descriptions of them throughout the internet and in various books on NLP. I adjusted them in order to serve as tools specifically for referees. Curiosity is a key quality of great referees, so grab your chance to take it seriously, and learn the skills to exploit your potential and referee the best games you can referee.

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Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion. ~Michael Jordan

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5.1.

The Basic Motivation Pattern

Motivation makes you start doing things. And most of the times, the start is the most difficult. After youve gained some momentum, you can immerse in the activity. Lets start and get going by a simple visualization technique. HOW: 1. Imagine enjoying a key achievement. Imagine that you have achieved one of your greatest dreams in life. Imagine yourself fully enjoying it. Experience the sights, sounds, and feelings of this enjoyment. How do you know when you get there? Close your eyes, and see what you will see when you achieve that goal. Be in your own body, and see the picture clearly, vividly. Make it 3 dimensional, bigger, brighter. Hear the sounds you will hear, smell the scent of victory, and feel the taste of success in your mind. The more detailed, the better. 2. Enhance and anchor the state as a pleasure motivation state. Amplify the compelling and motivational aspects of this experience. Do this by adjusting submodalities, by making the picture bigger, brighter, more vivid, turn the volume of the sound up, and immerse in the feeling. This is a pleasure motivation state. Anchor it by making a fist right before the feeling tops, and release when it starts to disappear.

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3. Future pace with this state. Carry these feelings into imagining yourself taking steps that will actually move you toward your dream outcome. Trigger your anchor for the pleasure motivation state to enhance this state. 4. Test. In the coming days and weeks, notice if you find it easier to take steps toward this or other dreams or desired outcomes. Feel the difference in your motivation after this exercise and start doing! Momentum is your friend. Hop on it and ride until it lasts.

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