You are on page 1of 2

Dealing with Difficult People The Sherman Tank By Dr. L. Darryl Armstrong APR CCMC CAMT www.armstrongandassociates.org 1.888.340.

.2006 This is a series of articles outlining the strategies and techniques that you can use to deal with difficult people including what to do and what not to do to prevent or minimize conflict. The Sherman Tank (899 words) Tanks will run over you, says authors Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner in their excellent book, Dealing with People You Cant Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at the Worst. Tanks have no time for goof offs and slackers. They will threaten and intimidate you and verbally abuse you. They want to get things done now! When Tanks attack you, they believe you are part of the problem. Tanks will either eliminate you as an obstacle or try to shove you back on course. They are not subtle. They are very direct and will frontally assault you. What not to do! Dont counterattack. You might win the battle, but you will lose the war. Dont try to defend, explain, or justify your position. Tanks are not interested in hearing any of this. In a wave of fear you may wish to shut down, but you must avoid wimpy, weak and fearful behavior. You must adjust your attitude. The natural thing to do with a Tank is to fight back. Your emotions are your greatest point of vulnerability.

Do this instead! Simply, any attempt to attack, defend or withdraw will be used against you. Instead, use some visualization. See the Tank as a wind up toy that has to wind down. Patience is essential. See in your mind models of people who are self-confident, have self-control, and can and do effectively deal with pushy people. Clint Eastwood and Ronald Reagan come to my mind. Consider the part you have played in creating this attack. Perhaps you went into too much detail, or your people-oriented conversation was off task in the mind of the Tank. Tanks are task-focused, not people-focused. Try to see the situation through the Tanks eyes. Your Goal? If you are going to survive a Tank attack, you must command respect from them. Simply, Tanks dont attack people they respect. Aggressive people require an assertive response.

A step-by-step action plan 1. Hold your ground. Dont run, flinch or show weakness. Dont change your physical stance -- if you are sitting, remain sitting, or if standing, remain standing. Dont go on the offense or defense. Now practice your cycle breathing -- breathe to regain control. In some cases this action alone helps you to gain the respect from the Tank. For example, in the military when a commanding officer tells you your birthright is questionable, the best possible reaction is to reply, Yes sir! Making eye contact and breathing regularly in the military will get you through the attack. The situation you find yourself in also helps you decide how to handle it. If it is your customer, remember that the customer is always right. If it your spouse you must follow through.(Not sure what follow through means here). If it is an unpredictable stranger, take no chances. If you think someone is crazy, vote with your feet and get out of there. And finally, if it is your boss, consider whether you plan to continue in this line of work? 2. Interrupt the attack. The best way to do this, even if the Tank is yelling, is to say their name over and over again until you have their full attention. First name, last name, or title - whatever name you use normally. Say the name firmly, clearly and repeatedly. 3. Quickly backtrack to the main point. When you have their attention, return to the main accusation. This shows you have listened respectfully and are moving the conversation along at the pace the Tank appreciates. 4. Aim for the bottom line and fire. Make the summary short since the Tank has a short attention span. Preface the bottom line with your ownership by saying something like this: From my point of view or The way I see it This prevents your bottom line from restarting the war all over again. 5. Peace with honor. Dont ever close the door in the face of a Tank. Tanks often see this as a challenge and come barreling through. Leave the door open to give the Tank an opportunity to back off. Even if the Tanks accusations are untrue, or their perceptions are unrealistic, or their demands are unfair, you must redirect to a peaceful solution. Give the Tank the last word, but you make the decision as to when and where. What if the Tanks accusations are true? If the Tanks attack is justified because their accusations are true - you really were wasting time, money or energy and goofing off - the best and fastest way to stop the attack is to: 1. Admit to your mistake. 2. State briefly what you learned from the mistake. 3. Tell them what you will do in the future to prevent it from happening again. This final step is critical. If you dont explain what you have learned, the Tanks attack may not stop. Give him the assurance that you understand you were wrong and that you learned from the mistake. Then stop talking about it, and the Tank will cease his attack. Tanks dont require apologies, sniveling and groveling. Stand tall and move on. Think John Wayne. END

You might also like