Potatoes of August

Draft Dec 21 08

Sibyl Kempson 917.414.5361 misskempson@yahoo.com Copywright Sibyl Kempson 2008

Potatoes of August By Sibyl Kempson Now, however The real potatoes are among us And a different kind of understanding is possible for anybody who wants a different Kind of understanding.
!

Richard Foreman, Rhoda in Potatoland

fugue |fyo"g| noun 1 Music a contrapuntal composition in which a short melody or phrase (the subject) is introduced by one part and successively taken up by others and developed by interweaving the parts. 2 Psychiatry a state or period of loss of awareness of one's identity, often coupled with ight from one's usual environment, associated with certain forms of hysteria and epilepsy. ORIGIN late 16th cent.: from French, or from Italian fuga, from Latin fuga ight, related to fugere ee.
Actualities seem to oat in a wider sea of possibilities from out of which they were chosen; and somewhere, indeterminism says, such possibilities exist, and form part of the truth. William James

ACT ONE Fer- and Buc+ i- their hom* Fern What are you doing Buck I'm reading and studying this information I need to learn, Fern. I could use some peace and quiet actually, just for a couple more minutes. Fern Well, I need to talk to you Buck I can't right now! Fern Fine Buck Okay what is it. Fern Nothing, nothing Buck Come on, Fern. Fern No, no

Buck Okay. Be that way. Fern Well, remember that vasectomy you had a few years ago? Buck ,Oh, no.- Yeah? Fern Do you remember or not Buck Yeah! I remember. What about it. Fern Well, we're going to the doctor and have it reversed Buck Why?! Fern I want to have more kids Buck What? Isn't it a little late? How old are you? Fern I just had my birthday Buck Well? Fern I'm sixty*two Buck I don't know, Fern. Fern I made the appointment, it's on the 22nd Buck What? Fern Mark it in your calendar Buck Okay. Okay Fern. Gordo- and Bethy i- their hom* Bethy Do you know what kind of food you're ordering for dinner. Gordon I don't know. I was thinking about actually starting to do some actual hunting and gathering. Really going out and hunting for meat and gathering whatever else we need. What do you think?

Bethy Why do you want to do that? Gordon Well, because I have the time now. Retirement seems like I have so much time on my hands. What are you doing? Bethy I'm grading papers. Gordon Oh. Yuck. Bethy Mm hm. Gordon Hey, is that both of those cats on your lap? Bethy Yep. Gordon So what do you think? Bethy About what? Gordon About the hunting and gathering? Would you be down with that? Bethy Do whatever you want. Gordon Great. That's great. You're great. I love you. I still love you. Bethy I know, Gordon. I still love you too. Even after all these years, everything.

Gordo- and Buc+ i- th* /oods Gordon Hey*ho! Buck Who's there? Gordon It's me: Gordon! Buck Hey! Gordon! What are you doing out here? Gordon I'm just . . . well, it's a little embarrassing I guess + heh! * I'm ah, I'm caring for the trees. You know how my real name is &Grover,' meaning &one who cares for the trees.' So I come out here almost all the time since I retired.

Buck Oh really! Gordon Yeah! You know, trimming, pruning. Mulching. I bring di0erent fertilizers sometimes . . . I touch their bark, I collect their sap, in these little buckets. Buck Yeah, that's brave of you to admit that. I would be embarrassed. Gordon Yeah! Yeah, I guess it is . . . Brave . . . Buck And embarrassing. But as long as no one else is around . . . if you're alone, you know, who cares. Gordon Yeah, no, you're right. Yeah, and I'm thinking about doing some hunting and gathering. You know? If I can swing it * like the ancestors! Now that I have the extra time on my hands. Buck Yeh. Yeh . . . That's great, Gordon. You know? That sounds great. Gordon What about you? Buck Oh, I just come out here from time to time to gather my thoughts. Gordon Oh, I hear that, man. Buck Yeah. Gordon That's great. Buck Yeah. I used to sit at the kitchen table and drink four or (ve pots of co0ee every morning and do it. Even when I was working, I'd get up at like (ve and get started. Sit there, drinking co0ee and just thinking, man. It drove Fern nuts. She made me move into the dining room to do it instead. Gordon Ha ha! Buck Yeah, she said I was staring at her every time she came in to get something. But I didn't realize it. Gordon Because you were thinking about something else. Buck Uh*huh. Right! I didn't even see her come in + but you know Fern, to her it was staring. She starts running the vacuum cleaner. I HATE the vacuum cleaner. So I started coming out here in stead. It's okay. They told me at the VA I shouldn't drink so much co0ee anyway, so. And you know I'm sensitive. Gordon . . . Yeah, I do know.

Buck What? You do? Gordon Yeah. And you're considerate + Buck Huh. Yeah! That's right. I like watching all the little animals. Like when I was a kid. Gordon Yeah, I think you told me that one time. Buck I did? Gordon Yeah. A long time ago. Buck Huh. That's somethin'. I can't believe I told you that! Gordon Yeah I don't remember when it was. But I remember you saying that one time. We were standing in a driveway? Buck Huh. Could have been any number of times. We've stood in a lot of driveways. Gordon Ha ha! Buck Well, anyway. All the best. Gordon Yeah, good seein' you, Buck. Buck Happy Holidays. Gordon Thanks, you too! Buck Yap . . . hey and let me know if you ever want to go duck hunting. I got a buddy . . . Gordon Yeah? GREAT! Buck Yeah. Anytime. Come on up any time. Gordon Well, if you're serious, I just might take you up on that. Buck Oh yeah? Well, you know where to (nd me! Ha ha! Gordon Yeah, that'd be great.

Buck Sure. Any time. Just call up at the house. Gordon Yeah, great! Will do! Hey + thanks Buck! Buck & Gordon Will do. A shor7 arrangemen7 by Johannes Kepler i6 1619 is heard, tha7 looks lik3 this:

Buc+ sti&ens i- his leather recliner. Buck I don't understanding! I don't understanding! * Fern better not of drank all the co0ee! Bethy, 'o, i- her paper#grading positio- o- th* couch. Another Kepler tun3 tha7 looks lik3 this: Bethy I refuse to trust boredom. Or frustration. Or confusion. Particularly tonal confusion. Ow my neck hurts . . . Fer- tosses herself abou. i- her "owerbeds. Another Kepler ditty tha7 looks lik3 this: Fern Everything is normal! Everything is completely just regular and normal! Couldn't be more normal and just whatever. Making sense. Easy to understand. HOWEVER. I am often capable of weird, awful thoughts . . . Where do they come from!! I don't like it! And anyway I could care less! I want all the stu0 to be normal and fermiliar! That's it. Like on those programs I like! Even the ones about murders and cars being found in ravines with the bodies still inside and I imagine those bodies are still alive and living inside those cars, living in a new way, surviving + thriving! * learning! * growing! * until the cops (nd them! Writing up the reports, (nding out who's responsible. Even those shows where young girls are found stu0ed in suitcases and their mothers can't (nd them but when they do someone has shoved a dildo into their rectum! What kind of a sicko would do something like that. Those young girls were looking for trouble! They ought to learn to keep their legs closed! And I watch every week because I like the way they wrap it all up in the end, in the courts. In the justice system. I like JUSTICE. Gordo- lies pron* among th* groves. A Kepler lik3 this:

Gordon Oh, wow. Strange. But I'm open to it. Law & Order Rit3 of Spring Vorspiel of Das Rheingold Gloria Coates something or other

Fer- and Bethy, possibly i- a forest. If they ar3 i6 a forest, it$s a real forest, on3 quit3 %rmly based i6 a sylva6 kitchen'lik3 Reality. And th3 atmospher3 is somehow medieval, including their mod3 of dress. Fern The men ought to be pretty hungry by the time they get back Bethy Let's get to work. Fern This isn't any dream. You know it? This here landscape is no dreamscape. Bethy No it sure isn't. Fern Just a perfectly normal, every day situation. Fermiliar, and comfortable. Perfectly understandable. Nothing weird or $far out.% Or $way% out. $Out there.% Nothing else out there. Nothing $other.% You're here, I'm here, we're getting everything prepared, that's it. Except stu0 that is happening that is just like this, all over the NATION. Pause. Preparations. Fern What do you think about these turnips Bethy They look like they've got another couple of days, but + Fern We should probably cook &em today Bethy There won't be this much time after today. Fern No Bethy I'm going to peel these potatoes very liberally if that's all right with you. I don't have the patience to be cutting all the eyes out today. Fern Me neither Bethy How should we do these birds + just roast them? How much (rewood do we have? Fern Plenty Bethy Then I'll start it in a little bit. I'm going to peel these potatoes (rst. Fern Fine by me. I'm just slightly worried that someone's going to get killed today. Bethy I worry about that every day. Anything can happen at any moment.

Fern I try to be grateful every minute, but Bethy Every time they leave I say good bye for good. I (nd that helps. Fern If something happens to one of them it's over for us Bethy Not really. Oh you mean the structure of balance will be broken? We won't be stable any more. We'll be at war. Fern I'm too old for that now Bethy It might be a good idea to make a death pact. Fern You might be right I'll think about it Bethy Gordon always says an idea is a plan of action. I wonder what that means since I had that idea? Fern Since when are you worried about meaning Bethy That's true. I mostly worry about events only. Events that haven't happened. You're the one who sees meaning all the time. You see meaning in everything, in every event. You never allow for coincidences + it always means something. And it's usually something that has something to do with you. That's actually paranoia. Fern Shut up it is not Bethy Well, that's what it is! Seeing those kinds of connections everywhere. Fern Shut the hell up and cook Bethy You can lash out at me. But you oversimplify. Fern Leave me alone and cook the meal for the men Pause. Fern )signi%cantly* One time I saw a nurse and she told me there was no need to fear death Bethy What was she selling? Fern I did say $I'll believe it when I see it% Bethy I would have called the cops.

Fern But now I want to believe it Bethy There is nothing to believe + there are only facts. Fern I want to believe that it'll all be okay Bethy Either you accept the facts and get to work or you lie around waiting for someone to come and take you to the lunatic bin. Fern I want to believe that it'll all be okay and I want to try to be gentler to everyone because of it Bethy Suit yourself. You want to be a sucker that's your a0air. Fern Speaking of a0airs Bethy Oh here we go. . . Fern You know I've got a big problem with you Bethy Come on Fern. You know better. I only accepted the facts. Fern You mean you accepted your $destiny%? Ppppppppp! You went against the Lord! Bethy No. It was just a fact. Fern ,cryingI was so young I didn't know anything Bethy I was even younger, but I knew a lot. I knew too much. You were better o0 than you thought not knowing anything. It hurts to always be the one who knows, to always wish it di0erently, to have to educate everyone around you, all the time. Or choose to keep your mouth shut and put up with always being the bad guy. It's exhausting. That's strange. These potatoes . . . These potatoes have something inside them that looks like a brain! Look at this! Every one of them! They all have one! Look at them! Fern Who cares Bethy I don't know what to think about these potatoes. I've never seen anything like this! This is a challenge for me. Fern Bleh bleh bleh

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Bethy It's not blight + blight doesn't look like this . . . Oh my God . . . It is an organ of some kind, it's got to be, it's pulsing . . . Fern I STILL HATE YOU MY HATRED FOR YOU BOILS INSIDE OF ME WHEN I THINK OF YOU Bethy Oh, Fern. Oh, Fern. What can I do to help you free yourself. Fern ,this mayb3 becomes a songKill me Kill me and eat me Quick Before the men get back Then tell them I ran o0 with another man Another hunter A better hunter Better than both them put together Tell them they were never men to me Tell them I said that before I left Tell &em Now Do it Kill me Kill me and eat me Quick Before the men get back Then tell them I ran o0 with another man Another hunter A better hunter Better than both them put together Tell them they were never men to me Tell them I said that before I left Tell &em Now Do it Kill me Kill me and eat me Quick Before the men get back Then tell them I ran o0 with another man Another hunter A better hunter Better than both them put together Tell them they were never men to me Tell them I said that before I left Tell &em Now Do it Kill me Kill me and eat me Quick Before the men get back Then tell them I ran o0 with another man Another hunter A better hunter Better than both them put together Tell them they were never men to me Tell them I said that before I left Tell &em

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Now Do it Bethy What is going on? Potatoes To repent is to criticize Providence, who imposes sin upon us as a form of su0ering in order to purify us through the disgust engendered in us by a bad deed. Bethy Hunh. But who's to say good or bad? Potatoes The Creator, that great artist who Himself develops as He creates, who makes rough drafts only to cast them aside, who takes up abortive ideas afresh, who perfects and multiplies His primitive conceptions. Most certainly, everything is the work of His hand. Often he makes prodigious advances in His invention of new species, and then Science comes along and establishes the existence of gaps, of missing links, and persuades itself that there have been intermediate forms that have now disappeared. Bethy Just answer the question. Answer the question, potatoes. Gordo6 & Buc4 retur6 -o5 th3 hunt, either empty'handed or loaded 9ith ki2. Fer6 is long gone. Gordon Hi, babe. Something smells great. Why are you talking to the potatoes? Bethy Uhhn . . . Buck Where's Fern? Bethy Uh, I killed her and ate her. I mean! No, wait. What was it? Oh. She ran o0 with another hunter. She said he was better. I'm not sure what I think. I'm sick of the whole thing. I'm sick of everything. Buck Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Fern. Why! Please don't leave me Fern! I'll do better! You and I both know I can do better! Give me another chance! Gordon What is the truth here? Bethy Ask the potatoes. Buck FERN! Gordon What? I can't hear you. Bethy I said $Why don't you ask the potatoes.% Buck Oh. Oh, God, please.

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Gordon Ask the potatoes? Bethy You brought home potatoes with brains from the Pathmark. They seem to know everything. Take a look for yourself. Buck Oh, Fern. FERN! Gordon Oh, come on. What? Bethy Good job. Gordon ,taking a loo4 a7 th3 potatoesI don't know. I think that's got to be some kind of * fungus or something. Don't you think? Buck We've gotta (nd her! Gordon! Help me. Please. Let's go! LET'S GO, Gordon! We have to (nd her! I've got to win her back. Gordon Now hang on a minute here. You're not implying these potatoes are SENTIENT are you? Buck GORDON! FERN! Bethy I'm not IMPLYING anything. I'm TELLING you the facts, exactly what I observed myself. Gordon Just a minute please, Buck. Bethy I'm giving you the facts. Buck No, NOW! Bethy You should just go look for Fern with him. He's really upset. Gordon Babe, I think we should get to the bottom of this delusion // (rst. Bethy $DE//LUSION%?!! Gordon It's important to talk about where it's coming // from. Bethy $Delusion.% Fine then I'll go then. Buck Come on! Hurry up it's getting dark! Gordon I've got to stay with these potatoes and (nd out what's going on.

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Bethy Suit yourself. Bethy exits 9ith Buck. Gordo6 looks a7 th3 potatoes 8ery closely. Som3 of th3 pots o6 th3 %r3 begi6 to boil over leaving Gordo6 no choic3 bu7 to rush over and tend to them. As h3 does h3 glances nervously bac4 a7 th3 potatoes. Som3 potatoes reenter a6 informal stat3 of consciousness i6 their bin. Potatoes They are convinced it is all an illusion, produced by the dullest prosaic in)uences like: a nervous condition or overwork. And, to be factual, their nervous )uids impregnate their garments, the very sheets and furniture, or soil on which they sleep, an opposite polarity subjugating them to the terrible and contradictory truths placed within the realm of their attention, but out of reach of their faculties of judgement. But they are still too incredulous, too stupe(ed by an empirical education, and they leave things as they are.

Buc+ and Bethy a. th* doctor !s o(c* /aiting room. Buc4 clears his throa7 rather 8iolently ye7 seems to b3 absorbed i6 a6 issu3 of AARP Magazine. Bethy Oh I thought I recognized you. I hope you don't mind but I really prefer to keep to myself. Buck Huh? Oh. Uh, oh hi. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Great. I don't even usually come to this doctor. I usually go up to the VA but. Bethy I usually don't come to the doctor at all. As a rule I generally do not trust doctors. Buck Right. Right. And so, why are you here? Bethy Colonoscopy. Buck Oh. Hey, you know that saved Fern's life. Couple years back? Saved her life. Bethy Uh huh yeah I know Buck They caught it really early and she had the surgery and so she was really lucky * Bethy Yeah I know all about it. Buck All right. Bethy I just hate always talking about cancer. Sorry. Cancer is the new weather. Quite frankly? Since I almost never go outside? I'd rather just talk about the weather! Or details about nasty idiot lawyers at our contract negotiations, or the ridiculous customer service people I have arguments with over the phone, who think I'm not armed with the facts or with my own consumer history when I always am. Buck Oh, I do a lot of that too. Every morning I'm always on the phone with american express or verizon. Pretty much no matter what. And they really seem to know how to push my buttons. I get pretty hot under the collar,

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and that's how I usually get what I want. You know? You just don't want to deal with me when I start getting disagreeable. Bethy I'm sure I can imagine. Buck I mean, I'm a Vietnam vet. It's just better not to piss me o0. And they know that. Pause. Buck They know that. Ther3 is a long paus3 here. As long as possible. Buc4 goes bac4 to reading his AARP. Bethy doesn$7 do anything. Mayb3 sh3 gazes dow6 into her purs3 for som3 moments. Mayb3 takes ou7 a calculator and puts i7 bac4 again. Bethy )sighs heavily, then* My methods are more about wearing down the opponent, blocking the avenues of their logic, which are usually pretty meager to begin with. I have almost no emotions. Nothing is ever anything more than a math problem for me. And I'm never embarrassed because I'm right too much of the time. Buck I don't get embarrassed either. I do, but about other stu0. Situations. Parties. I worry people are going to play jokes on me. I feel guilty later though whenever I show my temper to people or scare them. I was raised catholic. Bethy Do you know that I stand at the checkout at the grocery store with a calculator and I add everything up as they ring it through. They don't get away with anything. No one is going to rip me o0. It's not even a question of expending energy for me. It's just natural. And I bring this into my approach in negotiations. They see me walk in and a mauve blouse, you know teal or periwinkle with attractive accents and they think, oh this is going to be too easy. But really? Don't fuck with me. I've got copies of everything. I've got your signature. I see right through you. I'm just waiting for the right moment to throw your own words right back in your face. I don't forget anything and I've got all the documentation that exists, right there in my folder. I don't let anything slip. If you want to tangle with me, I'll make you look in front of everyone at the table like you're not even seeing reason. So nothing you're saying makes any sense. Even to those in your own camp. Go ahead, take a time out, call a huddle in the other room. Get another cup of co0ee. I'll wait. I don't need a break. I'll crack open a red bull and wait. I prepped dinner for my family this morning before work, it's a lasagna in the fridge + so they're taken care of. I don't even need to go to the ladies room. My (ngers are moisturized, and the )uorescents work to my advantage. ,They match the frequency of my brain processes and my jewelry looks really sparkly under them.- So GO ahead and take a minute to regroup. Then come back and try to talk numbers with me. Just try it. NUMBERS are my specialty, motherfucker and now you're going to know it. You're not going ANYWHERE. So get comfortable, administrator. I know your budgets like I'm polishing my own nails. Buck That sounds really intense. I mean my approach was always about manipulating people. Scaring them a little because they'd get a sense that I might be unpredictable if pushed too far, and then removing their ability to gauge how far might be too far. Even though I'm not really capable of doing or saying anything really threatening. But the tone of my voice can reach certain heights that reveal, in combination with the expression on my face, my willingness to go always one step farther than they would be willing to go. I never had to do anything. I just had to show that I'm willing to go farther than they are in any given direction. Well, and that's alcoholism too. Bethy And moreover that's a trait of an abusive personality, isn't it? Buck Yeah. Well, it can be. But ultimately it's just brandishing my own willingness to self*destruct as a weapon. I never fear self*destruction. I always had to (ght my longing for it actually. As it is I should of been dead a hundred times over. But that's just me. Holding up my own powerlessness as a display of power. Once you learn my tricks it's easy to get the upper hand. Fern crushes me every day, several times a day now that I'm retired, without even

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thinking about it. It's only if you don't know me I can scare you. And customer service people, they're not cops, they're not bosses, they don't have any real authority except that they are never really accountable because there are so many of them and they are just mouthpieces of anti*consumer corporate anonymity policies. I guess there's a certain power in that, but it's not a personal power. ,I mean don't get me wrong, I always vote republican. But that's out of fear of all the intruders.- But if I was in one of those negotiatings meetings with you? I would be a good opponent because you would never be sure. I would use my own emotions as a tactic and (nd a way to remove your normal gauge of what is appropriate and admissible and what isn't. I am perceptive and I can take the discussion to a level which is disorienting and unsettling to you. A man who is damned has a lot of freedom because he has nothing to lose and he is intimate with the concept of his own insigni(cance. Bethy Pssh. I never admit concepts into the discussion. I don't care how manipulative or unpredictable you are. Sounds to me like you rely on people feeling sorry for you. You'll never get that from me, it's impossible for me. And furthermore if there's one thing I know it's how to keep the concepts o0 the table and the facts on. Buck Yeah, sure. I'm just talking out loud here. I mean, I could never come out on the side of the administrators anyway. Fern would never allow that, are you kidding me? But I think it's interesting. Yeah, that's really interesting. I never thought about that, how it all works. And you know? We're all just Americans. Th3 Potatoes enter, disguised as a doctor and carrying a medical chart. Potatoes Bethy? Bethy Yes. Sh3 rises and gathers her purs3 and jacke7 8ery precisely, and exits. INTERLUDE Th3 Potatoes ro2 across th3 stag3 -o5 on3 corner. Ther3 ar3 thousands of them. Th3 thuds and thumps of th3 individual potatoes ro2ing across th3 &oor becomes a deafening thunder o6 accoun7 of their sheer numbers. Fern, alon* i- a personal thoughtscape. Fern When I was a little girl everything was so perfect. People did what they were supposed to do, and they did what they said they were going to do. Not like now. Shoving dildoes up inside each others' rectums. Nobody does what they're supposed to do. They do something else. Usually some kind of evil. Something with other peoples' bodies, or you know, with their money. The money of the other people, that doesn't even belong to them in the (rst place. +Bethy is see6 either running through th3 parking lots and streets, clutching a paper examinatio6 rob3 around her, only on3 strap of her purs3 to her shoulder so tha7 its contents spi2 ou7 i6 a 9ak3 behind her, or sti2 o6 th3 examinatio6 table, her forehead perspiring. Or both ' ' ' ? W3 hear Bach$s Contrapunctus IV -o5 Ar7 of th3 Fugu3 o6 a6 a1ressiv3 littl3 harpsichord coming -o5 somewhere. Bethy: ,shouting over th3 di6 of te6 thousand potatoes thumping and ro2ing across th3 stag3 plus th3 BachWhat is happening right now? What am I supposed to be feeling something? Is my mind is supposed to be bigger than what I am faced with right now? When everything before right now was going just (ne? How the goddamnit am I supposed to understand? What criteria?! What means of judging am I supposed to employ to gain some understanding here? Because whatever I've got? It's not enough! It's not enough! What have I done in uncovering this . . . this MESS! This horror of a challenge! Making me a refuter! And all other sane humans + punishment for our investment in the power of reason! Of logic! Of! Of experience! Of! Of! Of! Reassurance! /

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Wha7 do th3 Potatoes do to her here? Music continues. Meanwhile: Fern ,cont$dWhen I was a little girl . . . What the + ! Gordon Sorry. I broke in. I was snooping around the outside and then I broke in. Fern Why? Gordon I'm not sure. I'm trying to understand everything that's going on. It's really important. It's really important, or at least Bethy thinks it's important, to understand what is happening. You know. To align it with something we've encountered already. Fern Like on SUV! I like that too! Gordon What do you say we take it back a few years? Fern Oh! Like back to when I was a little girl! Gordon Um, I was thinking maybe a little further than that. Fern There isn't any further! Gordon What about, like, back to the ancestry? Fern Oh, get o0 it! Gordon you don't even know what the hell you're talking about! Hmp. Well . . . I just can't see it! . . . Everybody always expects too much of me! I'm sick of it! . . . ,Sighs, feels bad for ye2ing- Okay, I'll think about it and let you know. Gordon Well, I kind of need to know pretty soon, like now, whether or not. See there are these, well, it's a little embarrassing . . . and . . . Fern. Human perception is . . . well it's + oh * His ce2 phon3 is ringing. It$s th3 Potatoes ca2ing. They tric4 him. Gordon Hello? Yes. What?! I'm on my way. Exits. Fern Hey! Wait a minute! ,then, asideI'm going to get to the bottom of this. And I'm going to show everyone what I'm really made of! Positive Energy!

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INTERLUDE Th3 Potatoes reassum3 th3 stage. Skirl music has bee6 playing sinc3 Gordo6 said th3 9ords !Huma6 perception." Th3 potatoes hav3 formed a6 army: highly ordered, arranged i6 platoons and squadrons. And legions. They organiz3 into tigh7 formations tha7 reca2 tacticals and strategies -o5 con&icts & conquests across th3 ages: th3 &ying 9edge, th3 anaconda, %re'and'maneuver, tortois3 she2, column, line/%ring line, squar3 and ho2ow square, dri2'and'ceremony, 8o2ey'and' countermarch, charg3 of th3 ligh7 brigade. Marching i6 step as de.ly as a lo7 of Potatoes ca6 march i6 step, eve6 shooting on3 another ou7 of canons a7 a6 enemy jus7 beyond th3 fourth 9a2. As moments pass, however, their toing and -oing becomes mor3 and mor3 disordered, as 9ith molecules i6 a stat3 of high entropy, or chaos. Th3 chaos ensues inevitably: potatoes disperse, ar3 &ying everywher3 unruled by th3 laws of natur3 until i7 seems th3 8ery univers3 teeters o6 th3 edg3 of total co2apse. And then. They begin. To swarm. It$s unclear how i7 starts, sinc3 a2 is chaos a7 th3 outset. Each Potato seems to mov3 i6 9ha7 is a tensio6 betwee6 repulsio6 and attraction, trying to maintai6 a spherical area of personal spac3 9ithi6 th3 chaos, trying to avoid co2isio6 9ith th3 others. Then, they attemp7 to orien7 themselves to their closes7 neighbors, attempting to mov3 i6 th3 sam3 direction, together forming a torus 9ith a6 empty center. A.er som3 moments th3 Potatoes ar3 orienting themselves mor3 strongly 9ith on3 another, and begi6 to %nd a school or &oc4 typ3 cohesion. W3 se3 tha7 they ar3 now behaving as a co2ectiv3 mind, making decisions together. W3 ar3 reminded by their movements, onc3 they rea2y ge7 going, of th3 physics tha7 gover6 liquids. The6 suddenly, th3 entir3 8isio6 is gone. Bu7 93 hear them. W3 hear th3 Potatoes. They ar3 chanting ' issuing a6 invocation.Th3 corresponding Kepler harmonies sound i6 -o5 som3 distan7 cavern, unsettlingly, 9ith strang3 light. On3 potato lags behind. Potatoes Having solved the problems concerning Shabtay Star of Dirt, we shall use the same method and order of demonstration in the case of the movement of Tzedek Star of Wood too, and (rst we shall repeat three positions reported and demonstrated by P'tolemy, and by the foreshown transformation of circles we shall reconstitute them as the same or as very di0erent. The (rst of the solar positions was in the 17th year of Hadrian on the 1st day of the month Epiphi by the Egyptian calendar 1 hour before the following midnight .150a/ at 2311' of Antares*Gra2as*Dschubba*Jabbah*Alniyat*Lesath, but after deducting the precession of the equinoxes, at 22633'. Recorded the second as occuring on the 21st year of Hadrian on the 13th day of the month of Phaophi by the Egyptian calendar 2 hours before the following midnight, at 754' of Alrisha*Fum*al*Samakah*Torcularis*Septentionalis with M74 Spiral Galaxy; but with respect to the sphere of the (xed stars it was 33116. The third was during the 1st year of Antonius in the month Athyr by the Egyptian calendar during the night following of the month 5 hours after midnight,

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at 745' in the sphere of the (xed stars. A strang3 gong is sounded. Th3 Potatoes continue, i6 di,eren7 cadence. Since we demonstrated that where so that, by subtraction, and since therefore, in length, And therefore where and, as the angle of longitudinal addition*subtraction, angle HAK = 92!3' to 2 rt. = 46!2'. All the last numbers, as you see, are counter to harmonic ratios and seem, as it were, irrational. All the last numbers, as you see, are counter to harmonic ratios and seem, as it were, irrational. For let 687, the number of days of Ma'adim Star of Fire, receive as its measure 120, which is the number of the division of the chord: according to this measure Shabtay Star of Dirt will have 117 for one sixteenth of its period, Tzedek Star of Wood less than 95 for one eighth of its period, the earth less than 64, Nogah Star of Gold more than 78 for twice its period, Kochav Chama Star of Water more than 61 for four times its period. These numbers do not make any harmonic ratio with 120, but their neighboring numbers + 60, 75, 80, and 96 + do. And so, whereof has 120 the world of Shabtay Star of Dirt seen coming from far o0 Tzedek Star of Wood has approximately 97 to be seen a kind of thin shaft of light, such as lightning the Earth more than 65, or a band (lled with )ashing or moving stars Nogah Star of Gold more than 80 the sun of the solar system as something jet*black behind them, the planets not wandering, but occupying (xed positions and Kochav Chama Star of Water less than 63 once seen to the left in a globe, and then later stretched out lengthwise to form a roll. First to the left in a globe, and then later stretched out lengthwise to form a roll. Before the ages and on into the ages. Thus adorned the great things: nothing excessive, nothing defective, no room for any censure. All things, in twos, one against one, nothing lacking. Adornment and propriety + of each and every one. Established in them the best reasons. For nothing is more reasonable than that the physical inscription should exactly represent the geometrical, as the work, its pattern.

A creepy, cavernous underground meta#psycho#vegi#'eakscape. Everywhere, blac4 9ater and strang3 tuberous plantlife. Bethy and Gordo6 ar3 tied together o6 two chairs, bac4 to back. They ar3 surrounded by Potatoes. Buc4 is among th3 Potatoes and has clearly a2ied 9ith them. Potatoes You have a phone call.

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Buck Thank you. Thanks. Hello? Who is this? Oh. Yeah, well I decided not to show up. Yeah. Well, I'm busy for starters, and to tell you the truth I didn't much care for the condescending, passive aggressive tone of the reminder postcard you sent me. I think I've got it right here . . . yeah. $It's time for your urological visit! This time is reserved exclusively for you. Thank you for your commitment to our o2ce in keeping your scheduled appointment. We look forward to seeing you!% You know what? Fuck you lady! Nobody talks to me like that. Not anymore! What? Go ahead! Charge my credit card + won't do you any good! I'm moved underground! H3 cuts up his credi7 card 9ith a &ourish, regardless of th3 fac7 tha7 th3 perso6 he$s talking to can$7 se3 him. The6 h3 hangs up th3 phon3 and starts strutting around th3 cavern.Th3 sound of th3 gong again. Gordon What do you think is going on? Potatoes ,murmuringlyThirteenthly, since the Artisan has established nothing

Bethy without geometrical beauty, which was not bound by I'm not sure. I'm not sure what his role here is supposed to be. I'm looking over here to my left, your right . . . some other prior law of necessity, we easily infer that These are awfully )eshy roots and they sort of resemble rhizomes in a way, don't you think? the periodic times have got their due lengths, and Gordon So you think this is a root structure? You're still thinking they've got us underground somehow? thereby the mobile bodies too have got their bulks, from something which is prior in the archetype, in

order to express which thing these bulks and periods Bethy Look how dark it is! And I mean they're roots but if you have been fashioned to this measure, as they seem look at them they're also stems. And if you look even closer they're bearing leaves, each one bears a bud in its disproportionate. Now it is shown that Saturn at the axil and is potentially able to produce a new + time of the last three observations of P'tolemy was by Buck Hey, quiet over there! its movement of parallax at 17444', the inhabitants Gordon from that world are to be seen in front at a Buck, we're just trying to (gure out what's going on. Do you have any idea where we are? considerable distance, lower down on a level with the Buck Yeah. This is a revolution. Bethy ,quieterYou can see there's a membrane there, and then that rounded, swollen anatomical structure of some kind. I think it might actually be . . . reproductive. Gordon What makes you say that? knees; and this is where that world too appears. Their nocturnal illumination comes from the great ring which surrounds their world at a distance, and from the moons we know as the satellites of Saturn and the position of the highest apsis of the eccentric circle was

at 22623', from the head of the constellation of Aries. Bethy They do not see it as a ring, but only as a whiteness in I don't know. It's just a hunch. And there are signs in the variegations of the membrane that it's been modi(ed. That there's been some kind of modi(cation. the sky in various directions. Because Saturn tends Gordon Like, genetic, or . . . ? from G to b, and slightly further, and Jupiter from b to

d and further, between Jupiter and Saturn can exist the Bethy I don't know. But it would mean something like that the following consonances, over and above the octave: the development of these brains of theirs somehow overlaps major and minor third and the perfect fourth, either with the nocturnal processes of their vegetative and,

20

rather crude, reproductive systems.

one of the thirds through the tuning which maintains the amplitude of the remaining one, but the perfect fourth through the amplitude of a major whole tone.

Potatoes Hey! We can hear you. Not the way to stay on our good side. Bethy Sorry. Gordon We're just trying to (gure out what's going on. We don't really $get% this. Potatoes Leave that to us. Buck I could probably get you some water or something if you're thirsty. Bethy Not if you're talking about that water over there, no thanks. It looks rank. And like it's been standing and stagnating for too long. Buck Okay, forget it. I was just trying to be nice. Gordon She's just angry and maybe a little embarrassed, Buck. I think what took place at the doctor's o2ce wasn't exactly fair. Buck Well, nobody ever said life was fair. Bethy Nope they sure did not. Gordon Bethy doesn't like being seduced. By anyone or anything, right babe? Potatoes The subtraction of 7055' from 20549' leaves 13454' for the beginning of the Olympiads at noon on the 1st day of the month Hekatombaion. Then after 451 years 247 days there are 137' besides the whole revolutions: the addition of 137' to 13454' puts the locus of Alexander the Great at 1481' on noon of the 1st day of the month Thoth by the Egyptian calendar; and there are 278 years 118! days to Caesar; the movement is 24720', and it sets up the locus at 3521' on midnight before the Kalends of January. In short, the planets belonging to the solar system are to be seen in (xed positions relative to the sun. Mercury is behind, a little to the right; Venus to the left, a little behind; Mars in

Bethy front to the left; Jupiter likewise to the left and in Well, who ever heard of being seduced by a sack of Potatoes dressed up as a doctor? It's like a bad fucking front, but farther away; Saturn right in front at a very joke. great distance. The moon is on the left, fairly high up; and the satellites of each planet are to the left of it * Potatoes HEY! Watch the language! And that kind of profanity is NOT appreciated! Bethy Well, my God.

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Th3 Potatoes edg3 closer. Potatoes Oh. Which serves as a reminder. We've been meaning to ask you. About God. Bethy )tired* I don't believe in God. It's just an expression. Gordon We believe in Darwin instead. And Carl Sagan. Potatoes No one was talking to you! Gordon Sorry. I'm just trying to help. Potatoes )to Bethy only* What is the language of God? Buck )having resumed strutting* English! Bethy Mathematics. Potatoes Not music? Bethy Whatever might be Godlike in music is the part that is the most mathematical. Potatoes But you don't believe in God. Bethy No. But if I did. Potatoes Why is mathematics the language of God? Bethy Because it explains everything. Potatoes Everything? Bethy Yes. Potatoes What about the Unexplainable? What about us, for example? The sentient potatoes? Bethy It ca6 explain everything. I didn't say we could understand it all. ) Pause.* Yet. Potatoes )mumbling under their breath* How unsatisfying can be the scienti(c approach that recognizes the exquisite mechanism of the world but denies the existence of a mechanic . . .

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Bethy What was that? Potatoes Nothing. Gordon Aw, come on! Bethy Yeah, really. Potatoes It's not unsatisfying to you? Bethy What. Potatoes ,speaking i6 a mockery of th3 8oic3 of Science$We have solved all problems, the Universe has no secrets left.% Bethy It's comforting, and empowering to me. Potatoes Hm. Bethy What about you? What do you think is the language of God? Potatoes )with strange, humbl3 de%ance* Hebrew. Gordon )dumbstruck* Really. Potatoes We have discovered that this is the most perfect of all, a living thing .which/ grows out of a seed and in which all other languages can be found. Since God created the world in Hebrew, there are still seeds of Hebrew in the world itself. Bethy )hamstrung* Huh. Potatoes The world is impregnated with Hebrew. Its word roots intimately connect with that of Latin, Greek, Sanskrit and the Germanic languages. When one understands Hebrew, which one will not and can not until one has reached old age, one understands the world. The intrinsic power in the letters follows the same paths as chemistry, music, biology. Mathematics. Pause. Potatoes )adding, as th3 icing o6 th3 cake* From a little seed there grows a tree, which becomes a forest. Bethy )i6 boldly su1estiv3 bu7 co2ected e0ontery* Or a tuber. A pregnant, stunned pause. Ther3 is a terribl3 calamity, and Fer6 bursts heroica2y i6 o6 th3 scen3 9ith a &aming torch.

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Sh3 stops and surveys th3 scen3 for a moment: Fern What is this?! What is this MESS! Whatever it is, something's gotten out of hand. It might just be some kind of really bad indigestion, but it looks to me more like Nature's gotten a little too big for its britches! And when Nature goes against the Lord's plan, then Nature must be destroyed! Sh3 is kicking Potatoes everywher3 and tearing through &eshy sacs of membran3 and roots for a few terri%c moments. Fern Come with me if you want to live! Sh3 saves everyon3 9ithou7 eve6 thinking abou7 it, untying Bethy and Gordo6 and smacking som3 sens3 into Buck. Fern This is probably all going to turn out to have been just some kind of really bad indigestion! Don't worry. In no time at all, everything will be back to what's normal. And fermiliar. Sh3 leads the5 a2 ou7 of th3 strang3 caver6 into th3 dayligh7 and ends up th3 hero of th3 9hol3 play. Or a7 leas7 of Ac7 I. Fern Everybody always accuses me of being out of control or whatever. But now you see what I am really made of. Fer6 leads everyon3 ou7 of th3 caver6 and into intermission.

ACT TWO GORDON, ALONE, IN THE GROVES Dappled sunligh7 plays upo6 his head and body. H3 is seated, 9earing his glasses. Gordon A potato + laying in the Earth. Lying in the Earth? Anyway, a humble Potato. As much a part of the Earth as a stone, dull and unresponsive like a stone. Not as hard. Not always as cold. But certainly as dusty, and perhaps as damp, or as dry. And yet it has juices, when. When cut. We used to dig little holes bury them in the sand as kids, everyone had their potato, all the way around the (re pit. Me and my brothers and sisters? Down the shore. We had a whole beach in those days. Ha! Nobody much wanted to live at the beach in those days just the (sherpeople. BETHY IN HER CLASSROOM And we'd built a big huge (re and it would burn all Sh3 teaches third graders, or sixth graders. Sh3 is awar3 of night and them potatoes would cook th3 Potato -o5 th3 previous interlude, eve6 though i7 is down in that sand ,no kind of mumbo jumbo with doing its thing o6 a completely di,eren7 plan3 of actuality. reynolds wrap tin foil or any of that kind of mumbo Sh3 chooses to ignor3 th3 9hol3 phenomenon. jumbo- and when the (re died down (nally it would be real late, and we would all dig Bethy those potatoes out of the sand and they'd be just black Ok so then there are peptides and they make a chain and charred all around the outside and and they're growing, growing, growing. And there are woo! they were hot . . . just crack em right open ribosomes that are incoming, all the time. Poly. Poly is and inside would be just the sweetest meatiest the pre(x we want for this scenario, kids. Let Polly do heavenliest potato you ever even the printing. No. I'm talking about polypeptide chains could and they're acting upon a single strand of DNA * have imagined. You didn't need butter. Butter would There's a, a translation going on. Into proteins, okay?

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have ruined it. FERN!s PERSONAL THOUGHTSCAPE, LITTERED INDISCRIMINATELY WITH POTATOES. Fer6 slowly undresses. Sh3 joins th3 Potatoes, ro2ing 9ith them, among them. Sh3 %nds a kind of ecstasy. Th3 process takes th3 time'spa6 of E7 Incarnatus Es7 -o5 Johan6 Sebastia6 Bach$s Mass i6 B Minor )abou7 4 minutes*. Fern ,singsLike I said: Are all of nature's secrets encrypted in our own selves like that? I'm still learning about my body. And there are so many di0erent kinds of )eshes, besides even our own. There is not just human )esh. When a tuber forms in the earth, a )esh becomes. I have a very rich inner life. I happen to have a very rich inner life. Th3 Potatoes cover her, by their ow6 8olition.

This is very complex. Listen up. Bethy What do they TASTE like? Bethy That's a stupid question. Anyway. Completely baseless. Moving on. Bethy No. Well, sort of. But you'll never even know what hit you. This is a very complex scheme we are talking about. And you clearly just don't get it. And you know what? Your brain? Is in the WRONG place. And you've got the testing coming up. I could lose my tenure. Bethy What's the di0. So as I was SAYING * Bethy What would it MEAN? Bethy Oh okay so you want it like that huh? Is that how you want it? You wanna bring it there? ,You little fuckers.Ok, then. Let's go. Let's do this. Howzabout a slide show! Slid3 show. Horrifying. I7 goes a littl3 something lik3 this: accessible vs. inaccessible knowledge active vs. passive symbols ants vs. ant colonies arithmetical vs. typographical rules Bach vs. Cage beautiful vs. non*beautiful bottom*up vs. top*down classes vs. instances continuous vs. discrete processes deductive vs. analogical awareness derivations vs. proofs dissection vs. appreciation of Bach distinct vs. similar levels enzymes vs. typoenzymes Bethy ,interjectingYeah, it's in alphabetical order, you little fuckmongers. Alphabetical order AND in order of appearance AND in order of importance! AND in the symbolic order so take that to the bank and smoke it! explicit vs. implicit knowledge explicit vs. implicit meaning feminism vs. fanaticism formal vs. informal reasoning formal vs. informal systems formal systems vs. reality genuine vs. phony koans high (delity vs. low (delity holism vs. reductionism

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improvisation vs. introspection instructions vs. templates local vs. global properties meaningless vs. meaningful interpretations Bethy Oh, and did I mention chronological order? CHECK! How bout CHROMOLOGICAL order! CHECK! I want a list of pros and cons of each of these for homework. ,to a particular student- Pick your head up! men vs. women minds vs. brains nouns vs. verbs in triggering patterns 1*D vs 3*D passive vs.active meaning people vs. machines plausible vs. implausible pathways President vs. Supreme Court Bethy Sorry that one's kind of lame. Don't worry that one won't be on the test. procedural vs. declarative knowledge programs vs. data programs vs. programmers purposeful vs. purposeless behavior rational vs. irrational sanity vs. insanity self*perception vs. self*transcendence structure vs. function subject vs. object symbol vs. object symbols vs. neurons symbols vs. signals syntactic vs. semantic form syntax vs. semantics teleological vs. evolutionary viewpoint Bethy Ugh! So obvious! Maybe this thing needs some editing? I need AV in here! THE FOREST, YET AGAIN theorems vs. nontheorems theorems vs. rules Buc4 stands befor3 a bi6 of potatoes. Th3 bi6 is mad3 of theorems vs. Theorems tre3 bark. H3 seems to stru1l3 over a decisio6 connected to theorems vs. truth th3 bi6 of potatoes. Gordo6 is also here. Tortoise vs. Crab truth vs. beauty Buck truth vs. commercials Do I decide to pick a potato out of the sack? Or not to. truth vs. falsity Do I decide which potato? Is that me? Is it me, 2*D vs. 3*D deciding? Or is it already decided for me. I pick a use vs. mention potato. I put it back. I reach for a di0erent potato. I weight vs. mass hesitate. I decide to short*change the forces that I am womanseeing vs. seeing told determine what I do and walk away. But what if words vs. letters those forces have decided that for me too? Zen vs. logic Zen vs. words Gordon And I've always gone with a prevailing theory that that vibrations

26

decision was implanted in your neurons. Buck Which one?! Gordon All of them . . .

Vice President violins viruses Bethy Whew! I'm pooped. Ok, everybody out.

Bethy Buck I don't care! who cares! go out to the playground or Heah! Uoh . . .What if THEY are the ones who decided something! I want to be alone! No? All right, stay then. to implant that decision within my neutrons? What if it But you'll be sorry. has nothing to do with me?? Or everything to do with me + but in a way I can never understand??? Bethy Wait. I am receiving a transmission without language: Gordon Building. It's building something. In my mind. This is I see what you mean * what the language looks like. Let me see if I can put what the language looks like, with my mind. How what Buc4 and Gordo6 spoo6 and hold on3 another for 9armth I see could be put in words: and comfort. South*east front. Buck North*east front ,with the chimney*stack of the main I'm scared! laboratoryEast entrance with small door. Gordon Main room with galleries. Me too! Spiral staircase. Garden. They huddl3 closer. Drive. Vestibule of the laboratory. Gordon Chemical laboratory. Buck. I realize now what the fact of the matter is. Once Private laboratory with spiral stairs to the study. and for all. To you, right now. I am the last of my Small analytical laboratory. people. The only one remaining of a proud people, now Chemical pharmacy. moved on to another place which is someplace not this Preparation room. Earth, and I don't think I can really tell you too much Bedroom for the laboratory assistant. there. Store room. Crystallisation room ,coagulatorium-. Buck Wood store. What! This isn't what we talked about! South store room. Fruit store. Gordon Bathroom. Sh! Now I'm listening to the wind. I hear it's trying to Aphodeuterium ,closet-. tell me something. Signs can be sent on the wind that Vegetable cellar. can only be interpreted if other people are not running Wine cellar. their mouth. Laboratory cellar. Water supply. Buck Doors to the laboratory cellar. Gordon, you've got to get a hold of yourself. Now this is Entrance to the wine cellar. CRAZY Steam*bath. Ash*bath furnace. Gordon Water*bath. SHHHHHH! Distillation apparatus for upward distillation. Sublimation apparatus. Buck Ordinary (replace. ,Oh, boy.Reverberatory furnace. Distillation apparatus. A botanistic song/chan7 )does Gordo6 sing along?* )do they Distillation apparatus with spiral condenser. sing together i6 competing operatic tenors?*: Dung bath. Bellows, which can also be brought into the laboratory. The branches are usually divided Coal store. two stalks each of which bears many )owers, Philosophers' furnace in the private laboratory. some closed and three or four open, Assay furnaces.

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ranging from blue to purplish, Analytical balances in cases. spreading out into (ve points Tubs and vats. which somewhat greenish*yellow lines traverse and Distillation $per lacinias% ,table with vessels-. divide; Equipment and benches for preparations. in the center there are usually bunched Water tanks. four reddish stamens. We divide into several classes. One. Varieties whose buds drop o0 without opening. Two. Varieties in which a few )owers persist several days, and rarely produce a viable pollen. Perfect )owers, those which produce both stamens and pistils, of such a simple structure as to render the task of crossing for breeding purposes, comparatively easy. The shy )ower of less concern, for the potato carries on its underground production of tubers whether upper parts )ower or not. ,End of songINTERLUDE A beautiful, complicated tree. Closer scrutiny reveals Potatoes 9hich ar3 growing o6 th3 tre3 as apples. A sac4 of Potatoes dressed as Isaac Newto6 sits a7 th3 foo7 of th3 tree. On3 of two Potato twins dangles precariously for a moment, detatches -o5 its branch and, o6 a tiny rocket, embarks o6 a journey through th3 univers3 a7 th3 speed of light. A2 other Potatoes sprou7 eyes and 9ither o6 th3 tre3 or 9ithi6 th3 Isaac Newto6 suit, many detatching, fo2owing a natural curv3 through spac3 and plonking onto th3 #head $ of Sir Newton. Th3 tre3 grows thicker and ta2er, and eventua2y dies, its bar4 fa2ing o,, inundated by 9oodpeckers and termites. Th3 Potato 8ersio6 of Isaac Newto6 now lies i6 a grav3 a7 th3 foo7 of th3 tree. Jus7 then, th3 rocke7 returns, entering onto th3 scen3 -o5 th3 opposit3 sid3 as tha7 -o5 9hich i7 exited, su1esting tha7 th3 univers3 is i6 som3 9ay globular. Th3 Potato o6 th3 littl3 rocke7 is sti2 -esh and plump as if only a few days hav3 passed. I7 seeks its 9ithered twi6 among decay and regrowth. BUCK AND FERN IN THEIR HOME Buc4 holds a potato i6 his hand. H3 speaks to it, into i7 and abou7 i7 a2 a7 th3 sam3 time. Buck This! This! This! This! Fern ,bursting inHow bout a new chapter in the story. Like Act Two. Guess what? We did it! We're going to have another baby! Buck What? But how can that be? I never even went through with the the reversal of the * Fern Oh YES you did! Buck No I didn't! Fern Oh yes you did you must have! Loogathis!

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Sh3 holds a6 EPT stic4 under his nose. Fern Can't argue with that BUCK! Buck )&ailingFern, I don't have my glasses on. But I'm telling you it's impossible! Fern Quit doubting me! Quit stomping all over my dreams! Goddammit! Children are part of the Lord's plan! For you and for me! Don't you try to argue with the Lord you sombitch! Buck Fern but how do you know? Fern Isn't it obvious? Buck No! Fern Well it is to me! And that's enough! ,Jus7 now sh3 notices th3 potato i6 his hand- What the hell is this. Just what in the hell do you think you're doing with this? Buck ,speechless ye7 9himpering. . . I'm playing with it . . . Fern AM I GOING TO HAVE TO START HIDING THESE TOO! Buck Fern, there's just so much to understand, and there's just so much a man can take. That's what's blending together in my mental thoughts right now. And I don't want to say anything more about it if you don't mind. Fern OH OF COURSE I DON'T MIND WHY SHOULD I MIND! I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE! THAT'S RIDICULOUS! IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! YOU ACCUSE ME OF CONTROLLING YOU BUT REALLY YOU'RE CONTROLLINGYOURSELF IN MY IMAGE! IN MY IMAGE! Buc4 is crying. H3 reaches for her. Buck I love you, Fern. I just love you. I wish I didn't. I wish I could be free. But you're all that makes me live. You're all that makes me live! You're all that keeps me from dying and going to hell. Oh, Fern. Oh, Fern. Sh3 has consented to his reach and perches o6 his lap, cradling his sobbing head i6 her arms. Fern I know. I know all this, Buck. And that's why we're going to have a fresh and new little baby together. You and me; and the Lord. You and me and the Lord, Buck. Buc4 continues to sob into her birdlik3 bosom. H3 is inconsolable. Song W3 thin4 Buc4 sings this song. I am not really exist I am some foremost scholar of Hebrew

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Of Hebrew, sacred language Not wanting the people to forget about Armaic Aramaic A much older language Of the trade routes Those ancient trade routes language Above us, within us Massive empty space Hebrew taking Hebrew gift given in return Can it help Can it help My wife making always supper Bring to my den Bring over to push aside rock desk carved What is underneath I give I receive transmission of secret knowledge Above us, within us Massive empty space Hebrew taking Hebrew gift given in return Can it help Can it help )spoken* Think of mistakes Bad things we've said Tips not given when earned ,singing againHowling alone at terrible error Again attacking and again Above us, within us Massive empty space Hebrew taking Hebrew baby walrus boy Your great father will have died Only ten days after your (rst birthday party We will drive the blames Into one Driving all blames as a herd Into one INTERLUDE $quit* likely overlapping /ith Buck!s song% A singl3 Potato drops -o5 above, onto th3 stage. I7 lays motionless. Th3 lights begi6 to di5 as if th3 9hol3 interlud3 has happened and is now over, bu7 instead i7 gains its #feet$ and 9addles o, th3 stage. Single Potato ,whispering, 9himperingFor whose good do four moons encircle Tzedek Star of Wood, two Shabtay Star of Dirt? Is that globe empty and the others full, if everything else is in due correspondence? Who sent birds supported on wings in to the wilderness of the air? For whose use is all this equipment, if the globe is empty?

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COFFEE, AND COCKTAILS, OFF#BROADWAY This par7 is lik3 something you$d se3 a7 Manhatta6 Theater club or something, couples talking over cocktails 9ith tha7 kind of sophisticated ennui indigenous to thes3 types of theater shows. Th3 mai6 even7 is, however, of a celestial nature, taking plac3 far abov3 their heads i6 th3 %rmament. A phenomeno6 occurs i6 th3 meantime, 9herei6 a singl3 potato is sucked into a blac4 hol3 i6 outer spac3 somewhere. Th3 actors should know ahead of tim3 tha7 theirquandaries and queries ar3 no7 th3 mai6 even7 here. As they presen7 their petty problems and concerns, sprouts of th3 potato begi6 to grow ou7 of th3 blac4 hole, completely defying th3 laws and forces of physics. Bethy What is it about our brains that enables us to envision something happening that is physically impossible? Why do we have that capability? I'm not crazy about it. Why can't I just see what is possible only? That's all I want! Why do I ever have to see anything in my mind that isn't possible? Fern Also I'm thinking about uselessness. All the useless things. So many useless, useless things. What is it all for? Doesn't it have to be FOR something? Why is it all so useless? So goddamn useless all the time. Pause. Fern )cont$d* Useless chaos clutter that would be perfectly useful in a poorer place. Like in the Great Depression. Can anyone think of any examples? Of anything? Of anyone or anything who is like that? Buck I can't think of anything. Not a damn thing. Gordon Me neither. Well, I can, but * Buck All I can think about right now is how I want someone to come up behind me and scrub my scalp with lukewarm water and shampoo. And really scrub in there with their (ngernails. That's the only thing I want and the only thing I can think about right now. All behind my ears and all over the scalp on my skull. I can't think about anything else! I don't even know who I am beyond that! Bethy Is that a quote from something? From a play? Buck I can't. I can't see. Fern He can't. He'll never be able to see that. Gordon Because I think that that is the real Carl Sagan style, if you can. If you can do it. Remove that value. Not of the desire, or of the object of the desire, but of the thought. Bethy What are you talking about? Gordon Well, I'm trying something out * Fern You're not FOCUSED! Buck But I'm THINKING of the the thing and then I realize how much I DESIRE it!! Gordon Ok, well see if you can take that desire and remove the idea that it's a thought and then see what happens to you.

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Gordon Yeah, that is di0erent. Buck But let me try it. Silenc3 as Buc4 tries it. Buck This time I made up a love poem instead. A Japanese love poem? Fern How does it go? Buck $The moon falls along a natural curve made in the shape of space by the Earth.% Silence. Gordon That's really beautiful. Fern ,asideAre all of nature's greatest secrets encrypted in our own selves like that? Gordon It makes me think of something that I thought of the other day. The Potatoes belonging to the Earth. We don't know what they are. We don't understand what's going on with them, what their deal is. But they don't just belong to the Earth, they belong to the Universe too. And the Universe is not just gravity and forces. Soon, a.er another silence, i7 becomes apparen7 tha7 ther3 ar3 Potatoes hovering abov3 the5 and a2 around the5 i6 space, lik3 a cosmic Potatomobile, or mayb3 Potato &owers ar3 blooming a2 around them. Gloria Coates $ Symphony No. 7 or better ye7 No. 14 accompanies th3 movements of rough ungainly celestial spheres up above. Gordon I think one of us had better go talk to the professor over at the University. Buck I'll go. Fern I'll go with you. Buck No, that's all right. I have to run an errand over that way anyway * Fern Gordon and Buck We'll all go! Bethy I don't even know who I am anymore. I mean, like compared to at the beginning of this play? I mean what are we even talking about right now? Is this realism? Is this real? Is this realistic? Is this supposed to be realistic? Is this reality? Is this psychology? What is even going on? I don't know how I'm supposed to portray this! I have no technique available to me to help me portray what I seem to be, what I am, what I feel myself to be going through right now. Fern Bethy what is the matter with you? Seriously.

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Gordon Are you alright babe? I'm getting worried about you. Bethy My MIND! I suddenly see that my mind and my brain are not the same thing! they are not the same thing! I don't know what to do! Gordon But babe, that's not how Carl Sagan has it!? You don't have to be so worried. It's just your brain, it's your anatomy. And your physiology. That's all. You don't have to worry. Bethy Mind? Gordon Brain . . . Bethy Consciousness? Gordon We've always said Synapse. Bethy Perception. Gordon Proteins? Bethy Awareness. Gordon Electrodes? Bethy Action. Gordon Behavior? We've always believed in it that way, Bethy. That's what's always made sense and comforted us in the night. In the dark, dark night. ) H3 holds her.* It's been only what we know. Maybe something's changing now? Bethy I need to go to the doctor. Or. Not. Ha! Oh, to hell with it. I'll go straight to the Potatoes why lie to myself. All doctors will be able to be potatoes to me now, in the end. In the (nal analysis. I'm (nished. Gordon You know what, I think you can just be with it. Bethy Shut up! What? Gordon With the feelings you are having. Just be with them. Touch on them. Tap into them. Even if they are hateful to you. Bethy What the FUCK. Sh3 glares accusingly and disbelievingly a7 Gordon.

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A VISIT TO THE PROFESSOR, FOR A CONSULTATION AND FOR ADVICE Professor* ,singsI'm overquali(ed. I'm overquali(ed. A cucumber is bitter. Throw it away. Turn away from it. The theater is for the public. ,speaksIt's like, how do you know that that is the natu*real or logical course of cause*and*e0ect events? People are telling a story: this happened and then this happened and I wanted this and SO I got that, or I wanted this BUT INSTEAD I got that, or whatever, the answer to my prayer came in the mail the next week, that kind of thing, as if they have any idea about what is the signi(cant thing that happened. Which of the countless big and little events is the one that means something. The best people are the ones who go on and on and on with a story and you're standing there about to faint because the walls are closing in and there's no air and you're thinking, $How am I supposed to respond to all these details that are being given equal emphasis? Where are the normal signals of what's the important part? When is this woman going to get to the point of this story and what IS the point of this story, and when she does ever get to the point of the story, will I be able to recognize it? And how? If these details that seem so meaningless to me that I don't even know how to respond to them, but yet are clearly so full of meaning and signi(ance and entertainment*outrage to her + I can almost picture her telling this same story to other people who &get' it, have &gotten' it in the past, and are laughing or expressing disbelief or recognition at this place or that place% + in her mind * and just walls and walls and shelves and shelves of dog food and litter boxes in the meantime, you're standing there: the dryness, the dust, the dimness in there, the absolute totalitarian suppression of your own thoughts and needs, and you can't get away. She refuses to tell you how much the thing you are there to buy is going to cost, gives no indication of when she plans to ring it up + you're hostage to a meandering narrative with an unseen and unknown topology. You're lost and you're trapped all at once, and she is a creature freed from the constraints of the time that is passing in YOUR world and making you late to your next thing, I mean you can FORGET it, buddy. Your reality? It's OVERWITH. She's also free of any obligation to agreeing to have understanding or clearness, certainly free of plot structure, with no way or desire to sum it all up for you. That's the best. I mean, she's still making choices about what to tell and what to exclude, her brain remembers somethings and lets go of others, but beyond that it's a pure and pristine stream. And it leads nowhere except out to sea. Wonderful. Wonderful. From now on, I'm only telling stories using the insigni(cant details. I'll tell the story of the new western by the chickens I've seen walking through the frame in the background. Buck But then it's a di0erent story. It's not a story about the manful soul*searching of the cowboys. Then it's a story about chickens * Professor How do you know? How do you know it's not still about the cowboys? Who are you to claim to know what the real connections are between the soul*searching of those cowboys and the chickens walking around in their background? Buck I guess I don't. I guess I'm no more quali(ed than anyone else. Professor You know what I'm saying. Buck Yeah, yeah I do. Bethy So what do you think we should do about the

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Fern I think we should cook all the potatoes we can get our hands on and just obliterate them o0 of the face of the earth just to be safe. Buck And what will we do with all of them once we cook them? Eat them? Fern We will make so many recipes out of them and then just distribute the recipes in all di0erent size tupperwares. They won't stand a chance. Potato pancakes? Nobody ever turns down a potato pancakes * latkes. Dumplings, potato bread, soups, guh'NOCH'y, potatoes boiled with rice and barley and peanut butter sauce, hash browns, corn beef hash that has potatoes in it, Sh3 sings a song tha7 is also spoken: eryone's going to get constipated potato blintzes, baked potatoes with catsup, French Fries or Freedom Fries what have you, deliciousness, roasted up with rosem'ry and olive oil, mashed with butter in a kweesch of tater tots so good gravy shredded, baked, fried cream of potato soup in a kweesch Gee whillikers I think that's enough for now. It sounds so delicious Gordon It is. It's going to be. Bethy But then it's going to come out in our . . . waste. It'll be the same old potatoes all over again. From our bodily waste. Getting into the land(lls, the da0odills, the groundwater. The drinking water, even. All in the sewers. There's no really getting rid of them is there? Fern I hadn't thought of that. Gordon Actually the body uses all of the potato. Because it's so nutritious. None of it comes out in our excrement. Fern You're just saying that because you're Irish! Gordon No * Buck We could shoot them out into space.

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Gordon They'll only come back. Because essentially they belong in the earth. Potatoes. Belong to the Earth. Professor Yeah, and gravity. Even if they were orbiting. It would be better, but not good enough. Gordon I have read about some new potato sprout inhibitor treatments they're working with. Professor Who? Who said that? Who's going around saying that? Gordon It was in an article . . . Buck What if we shoot them into a BLACK HOLE in space somewhere? Professor A singularity. A pocket of dark, smashed energy. Bethy Oh, please? Please let's avoid any singularities + or even talk of singularities. They're too grotesque and horrifying. They're worse than death. So excessive. So much more (nal. I can't cope. Even with the idea. Professor Oh. Well excuuuuuse me! Fern What is happening right now. What is happening in this room right at this moment. And this moment. And this one. ) Long silence* What is here. Who are we. What is happening in here. Bethy You know what though. I'm going to face it down. I don't even believe in this shit. This shit going against what I know to be true. )Sh3 turns toward th3 heavens.* STOP IT! ,the6 sh3 turns towards th3 Professor, her husband, and th3 others-It's not helping, none of this is helping. There's no way in for any understanding. Sometimes nature does this. It refuses to bend toward the logic of what is right and rational, and I must concede that. And I do. And I don't think we should completely crush nature because of that, because we need nature. // To a degree. Certain things. We need certain things in nature to survive. To a degree. Fern But this kind of nature's going against God! Bethy But + ok * let's not get carried away. These potatoes have gotten carried away. They've forgotten their place. Look how lumpy and ungainly they are! They have no symmetry, no elegance! How can something so ugly and imperfect have any other signi(cance in the universe than as a last ditch food source?! Listen to me. Listen to reason. We can stop all this. Listen! If we take enough measurements and do enough calculus right now we can (nd out why this has happened and put them back in their proper place. Hell, we can boil these Potatoes and everything else down to analytical mechanics + even as far as general life processes! We could reach it right down to the fundamental question of freedom of the will!! Professor? Are you with me or against me? !Through Time," a string quarte7 by Gloria Coates, begins to play. Bethy )cont$d* Professor!? Are you even listening? Have you even heard a word I've SAID?? Professor Oh my God there are billions and billions of potatoes out there building a bridge! Look! A bridge + from one

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side to the other! Look out of the WINDOW! Gordon Jesus! Fern It's a living bridge made entirely of potato bodies! Buck And THEY'RE making it! They're not climbing ON anything! They're supporting each other! And what a structure! Professor How do you even describe something like that! Gordon You can't! You can't! You've got to see it to believe it! Fern Why are they DOING that! Bethy ,deeply disturbed and utterly unimpressed a7 once, bu7 -antica2y taking measurements and 9orking ou7 th3 numbers i6 a crazed and determined 9ayIt's not even symmetrical. Nothing about them is symmetrical. Not individually, and not in their stupid bridge. No elegance. No geometric perfections. It's a real slap in the face for all their big talk. It goes against everything that we ever wanted to know about the universe! Buck They're struggling and squirming all over each other + how do they know what they're doing??? Professor They're emigrating, I think. This is actually a triumph of vegetative achievement. Intellectual, professional toil and might. Yet it's daemonic. Because it de(es our understanding. A contra*natural occurrence of the vegetable kingdom that sets us astare in astonishment and wonder. We have no explanation, but there is a lot of meaning here. Bethy Gordon Potatoes Fern ,grabs th3 measuring tap3 )sni/ng* ) W3 hear the5 -o5 th3 I can understand them! I and a protractor runs to th3 9indow. They spea4 i6 can understand what they 9indow to tak3 Something is wrong with Hebrew* are saying! measurements* the air. Lemme see this! Yom Gimmel chetzi sivan, Professor Dammit! The wind is turned, it's taf*reish*peih dalet You can? )sh3 grabs th3 chal4 and coming from the northeast, starts crunching th3 numbers* and its sound is di0erent. HaBachoor HaMefo*ar Fern What the hell! What the Ansheel Yes, they're saying hell! Why is it like this! The moon still shines, but Tuesday ! Sivan 5684 . . . . )calculations* it's a di0erent light * pale, Bein Ha Ne*alah Haanich The glorious young man )sh3 turns to th3 others* almost . . . sickly. Kaaphkaa Anchel Ka1a . . . passed on It's all working out to a ... bunch of irrational and I can sense something in Veshem Imo Yetel imaginary numbers! the air. I only know that it Taf Nun ,Nuun- Tzadik Oh, why do I understand )further, mor3 -antic feels wrong. Beit Hey what they're saying! calculations* I don't like their The gray squirrel has rolled Son of the respected Mr. implications, the way they himself into a ball in his Hanich Ka1a . . . and are half*revealed, half* nest, his tail acting as a mother Yettel Ka1a . . . concealed.This can't be blanket. right! Oh, I feel weird! Oh, shit, and zero. The seeds and nuts inside

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)runs to th3 9indow, shou7 a7 th3 potatoes* FUCK YOU! )runs bac4 to th3 chalkboard* A big, fat, stupid zero. I can't believe it!

his home of tight woven twigs and leaves will make trips to the ground unnecessary for the time being, but if the nest is blown down, it could be a sad event for any squirrel. I think of my father 's name for this animal. It had been hannick. All of nature feels the impending menace, and knows it will be bad.

May his soul be bound up in the bond of eternal life! Professor What could that mean!

Bethy And that number zero. I'm going to do my best to ignore it. There's no point in even thinking about it. Really. What's the point if it isn't comforting? The void. Of nothingness. Shut up! The things we don't yet understand. Total waste of my time. Good Christ, we could go MAD with all the calculations trying to get there in this lifetime! My life, is made up of what I know. And that's it. I will NOT feel a presence of some kind in the number zero. A stor5 occurs here, a terribl3 cyclone. Fer6 and Bethy rage. Buc4 tries to cross th3 bridg3 i6 th3 middl3 of it. Buck There's still a chance for the revolution! A chance for the revolution after all! Fern )taking a brea4 -o5 raging to ho2er a7 him* Buck you're too heavy! It'll never hold you! Buck! Cut the shit now SIDDOWN! H3 obeys, and stays. H3 sits bac4 dow6 i6 his chair, uselessly. Helplessly. Gordon It's taking them! It's taking them! Oh, God! They a2 tak3 cover. Buc4 isn$7 paying attention, so Fer6 has to muscl3 him. Potato bodies ar3 heard thumping and being throw6 agains7 th3 theater and into th3 9ater. Disaster. And the6 later, i7 is over. It$s years later. Gordon It's over. The storm is over. It was impossible to believe while the storm raged that the sun could ever shine again. But if you were to step outside, it would blind you how bright the sun is. Buck I can't believe we survived it. I really thought it was over for all of us. Not just . . . for them. Hoah! everything that was happening then is not happening now. Anymore. Fern A cyclone came and swept the mighty Potato bodies bridge away into the deep, and all its strange builders with it. Maybe we should visit the site with each other. Th3 go together to th3 sit3 9her3 th3 bridg3 had been. Buck This is the edge where that great bridge was built to span from one place to another. We stand where it was broken o0. The potatoes are gone. This sea is an open grave. But the waters are calm now. Professor )aside* And so utter meaninglessness seems to triumph over richest signi(ance, blind &destiny' of the forces of Nature seemed to stride on its way over prostrate virtue and merit, in this case unexpectedly found in the strange but

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profound forces of a bridge*building contra*Nature. Gordon There is hardly a breath of wind now. High above, the sky shows blue green, and with an eerie brightness. Buck I feel a presence. As sure as I can feel my own hands. They sin4 to their knees, excep7 Bethy. Bethy Why kneel? What are you stupid? What makes you feel like you have to kneel? You don't kneel down just because something weird and upsetting happens, no matter what it is! Professor )asid3 agai6 ( h3 participates only 9he6 h3 is no7 talking* But one does kneel, doesn't one, before the wholly uncomprehended Mystery, revealed yet unrevealed, and one's soul is stilled by feeling its way of working, and therein its justi(cation. Buck I was a warrior! I was built for battle! Fern Buck, go // make yourself a sandwich. Bethy And I was never wrong. Never wrong about anything. Fern Yeah, and justice! I've missed thinking about it, and appreciating it. Bethy I won all the arguments + the logic was so infallible sometimes it wasn't even fun for me! Buck But I've been dulled by something. I know I'm so dull now! Something like love, though it's not for sure. Someone focused on my heart until its )ower opened up. And then I loved. ,to Gordon- Was it you? Gordon Me? Well. Yes, but no. Buck Who was it then? Th3 Professor shrugs. Fern Buck? Bethy )weakly, o6 th3 edg3 of expiration* I don't know why these Potatoes started talking to us, doing these things! Maybe if I could have examined those root structures, etc., pinned it down as some kind of aberration, or mutation + but I am starting to wonder if the answers I would have come up with that way wouldn't really be answers in the end anyway. What they were. Why they were. And for what purpose. )sickly, her knees buckling* Oh. I have to confess. There's a part of me . . . deep inside, and I hate it . . . but it's part of my brain function. It's a very, very primitive part. I will always hate those fucking potatoes, I hate what's happened to me because of them. Because of the truth? It's horrifying! . . . It's horrifying! And I'm ashamed! Ashamed of myself; for the whole, inadequate human race. But that's the part, that makes me want

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to kneel before whatever the forces are that brought them to be. Can anyone help me? No. Of course not. Buck I want to worship! It's an urge! It's inside of me and beyond me! Fern Well, it's about time, BUCK! Fer6 turns toward th3 audience. Th3 others -eeze, i6 a tableaux 8ivante. Fern The fact that I have implanted myself with a potato spud and tricked my husband into thinking that it's a human pregnancy isn't the main thing here. ALTHOUGH, I should say that I will be making a 9*1*1 emergency phone call in a few days, most likely, because the plant itself is about to )ower. ,Sh3 sings som3 par7 of this and speaks othersIt will only last a few days, the beautiful )owers. ,In my former existence I (rst saw great masses of blooming potato plants in Belgium, spread out in front of us like pink or lilac seas.They will be coming out of me, and no one will be able to believe that they are potato )owers ,because of their delicate color, their perfume, exotic in high contrast to the potato's commonplace image-! So I've got to call 9*1*1 emergency hotline before the )owers have fallen o0. But besides that, the really important thing is that I am in the process of receiving a transmission of thought of hidden and secret knowledge, and I'm not sure if the two events are connected or not. I am going to give birth, or $birth,% to some kind of organism, and it is a living organism living INSIDE. ME. So. And I know I am going to have to put up with a lot of criticism, and a lot of people laughing at me and about me in my face and behind my back, and saying that this birth, is really something wrong with me, not something bigger than me, from outside of me. And MY QUESTION IS. About that. Birth. Flowering. Transmission. How are they connected, if they are connected. I feel I know it. I just have this feeling about it.

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But I am going to be up against a lot of criticism and people laughing at me. So I'd like to get it all straight before I make this 9*1*1 phone call. I'm a little nervous about it. And if I have more information about what's actually happening to me, it'll be easier for me to be more de(ant about it. I6 th3 tableaux 8ivante, Bethy kneels. Which is the attitude I would prefer * more like me. I already plan to be screaming at all of them, as I am led into a waiting car or a courthouse senate hearing: $THIS IS NOT PSYCHOLOGICAL! This is NOT! Psychological!%

The End.

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APPENDIX A Suggested Reading Copernicus, Nicolaus. On the Revolutions of the Heavenly Spheres. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1952. Hofstadter, Douglas R. G"del, Escher, Bach: The Eternal Golden Braid. New York: Vintage Books, 1979. Jones, Gwyn and Thomas, translators. The Mabinogion. London: Everyman, 2002. Kazimiro0, Theodore. The Last Algonquin. New York: Walker and Company, 1982. Kepler, Johannes. The Harmonies of the World. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1952. Otto, Rudolph. The Idea of the Holy. New York: Oxford University Press, 1958. Rokem, Freddie. Strindberg's Secret Codes. Norwich: Norvik Press, 2004. Strindberg, August. Inferno. Mary Sandbach, trans. New York: Penguin Books, 1984. Swedenborg, Emanuel. Life on Other Planets. London: Swedenborg Society, 2006. APPENDIX B Additional Potatoes! tex. for further canonic presentational explorations. Now in accordance with our problem, let ABC be the eccentric circle: let D be its centre, and on the diameter BDC let B be the apogee, C the perigee, and E the centre of the orbital circle of the Earth. Let AD and AE be joined, and with A as centre and 1/3DE as radius let the epicycle be drawn. On the epicycle let F be the position of the planet; and let And through E the centre of the orbital circle of the Earth let HI be drawn, as if in the same plane with circle ABC, so as to have it understood that with respect to the planet the apogee of the orbital circle is at H and the perigee at I. Now on the orbital circle let in accordance with the computation of the anomaly of parallax; let FL and EL be joined, and let FKEM produced cut both arcs of the circle is at H and the perigee at I. Accordingly since by hypothesis and and whence in triangle and therefore in addition So again in triangle

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and accordingly it is manifest which is the total di0erence or additosubraction between the mean and the true position of the planet. Now, since being at the epicycle's centre, And so, on the circle about right angle BHK, arc BK = arc HK = 90 And therefore chord BK = chord HK = 84 32' where And so also where and, as mean distance, for at this distance occurs the epicycle's greatest obliquity. Again, since it is supposed that, as the angle of obliquity, therefore, on the circle about right triangle BLK, and, as its supplement, And therefore where And so also, where and there and, by subtraction, And And so it is concluded that And therefore, where there and, as the angle of longitudinal addition*subtraction for that time, And likewise, since where and the squares on then added together give the square on AH, therefore in length And where and, as the angle of latitudinal deviation, angle HAM = 3#36' to 2 rt. = 1#48'. And we place this in the third column of the table of Nogah Star of Gold in the row containing the number 135!. For measuring the resulting di0erence of the longitudinal addition*subtraction, let a similar drawing be laid our having the epicycle not inclined. APPENDIX C I- cas* you ar* /ondering /ha. th* Students i- Bethy!s classroo, hav* to say. Student What do peptides taste like? Student Yeah, do they taste like pepsi or like pepto bismal. Another Student Are they like candies? Like what is in a dish at my grandmother's house? Yet Another Student Yeah what are those dishes made out of ? At grandmas' houses? They're like glass but then with bumps and getting cloudy in places? And little handles? How do they get them to be those colors. How do they do that. And they're like. They're really fancy. But also kind of. Even Another Student Dumpy.

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Yet Another Student Yeah. Another Student How do they MAKE those? Students Isn't there a museum somewhere where they have them all together so you can look at them all together? There's so many di0erent colors at di0erent Grandmas's houses. A Student Are there as many di0erent colors and shapes of those candy dishes as there are Grandmas? Or will there never be enough Grandmas known to any one person to ever (nd out? Some Other Student What if a bear came into a rodeo? And if only one woman was who he liked, and everyone else was trying to get out of the rodeo as fast as they could? And even the horses were scared?. What would it mean? Elsewhere, A Student What if there's a strange pattern written into the hair on my dad's back? Could it be a message of some kind? The Students What !?What?/ where should we go! Th3 nex7 students spea4 9ith a6 uneasy mixtur3 of disgus7 and shame. My grandmother's house smells like mothballs. My grandmother has a big house, but she only lives in the kitchen. What happens in all those other rooms? My grandmother smells like old pee pee and rotten vagina. APPENDIX D Th* fo)owing ar* everal shor. stories inspired by th* characters of this play, /ritte- by Mr. Greg Zuccolo, /ho originated th* rol* of Th* Professor for th* Dixo- Plac* productio- i- NYC i- 2008# 09.

Finicky Ferns Parsons Pudding. Its a recipe numbnuts. Tendrils of a good night. Trend gills of night. How can she push aside these dishes and make space for chopping with you jokers running wild? I didnt sign up for this!, she creams into her own pussy. Hanging over the eaves to put up the Christmas lights, shes distracted by the troughs full of pine needles and cedar droppings. Theres a green gel underneath the ruffage. Its a gelatine formed by the decomposition. It reminds her of the boxes of Black Magic chocolates shes bought for the relatives for Christmas, except for cousin Dot. Shes getting Turtles. Shes half retarded anyways. Theres always one chocolate in every box that tastes of shaving gel. Bucks feet hurt. Hes been running down the dream. He wants to take a break from love and he wants you to know right now. His feelings are hurt. It just hurts right now. Bucks sister is dead. He has no regrets but its too late now cause shes dead. Who better then Elsa to carry Oscar Wildes love childe. She was always such a thundering pig. Elsas body was exhumed at their mothers request. Shes sure Elsa was pregnant with Jimi Hendrixs love child when she passed. Large thighs or rosey cheeks Beaten to death on the edge of craggy peaks Take too much to eat

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Bleat too much for meat Disenfranchised friends always meet Later Bethy wakes up furious. Shes aware of a pair of scissors. A pair of her scissors that has found its way into the hands of one of her students. Theyre issued by the board of education. The board is explicit about the use of these sharp scissors. They are for the exclusive use of teachers or with a teachers strict supervision. There has been a string of infractions lately; minor cuts or shavings, loss of hair, extreme cutouts. Bethy has no problem with strictures as they stand. No problem with cautions or safety measures. Hell hath no fury like a woman tied to propriety in the way that Bethy is. Bethy is worried about snot. Bethy likes to pick. Pick at things probable or more probable, things shocking and things Oprah. She likes to pick her nose. In the early part of her day, before the students get in from in her mind- all the extra-mural activities the schools insist are important, she will pick out some decent fuckn boogs and wipe them on a choice selection of these treasures thus issued. Namely her teachers scissors from the board of education. Russion Roulette, Vince Gualardis Cast Your Fate to the Wind, fuck everybody and their shiftless meanderings into protocol, its a jokers wild, windy window into my inner Windy. She cant figure it. Bating rat fuckers with skill and impunity has been her lifes calling. How could one of these dullard figure skaters abscond with an issue of her s so blithely laid? When Gordon parts his hair theres a problem. His brother always prefers it the other way. The other side. The opposite side. His brother Sandy was found on all fours with his head in a box. Hed died of an heroin overdose. Forever found, forever dead, as his mother used to say. One day Gordon was walking down a street and he found this dog. Well, this dog was following him on his bike and it was really chasing him. It wasnt barking or anything, it was just chasing him. Trying really hard to catch up to him because it just wanted to be with him. It was a small Scottish terrier. A puppy. Gordon picked it up and dick led to cock balls and soon they were in love. He put it down and peddled away. Several days later, Gordon was at a pool party. He had become drunken and while in the pool began to drown. He managed to break the surface and when he did so he spit a huge amount of water onto a dog. It was Hamish, the Scottish terrier. Taurus! Make believe and let me breathe. Everything but the kitchen sink its not. When you live on the lower east side its time for ready. People are pulling amazing things off racks. Theyre pulling your pajamas. Bitch slap me hard with your butterscotch cock slab. Ive got some time before school so please fuck my hole. Your dayplanner is full. Sandy lays out. Hes tanning for those of a northern proximity He softly turns. He breaches. He gently licks the pages of a scandal rag. Hes out of control. Hes an observantly cultural Jew. Such nomenclature seem unnecessary in this time of hope but there it is. His real name is Downtown Charliemood. Hes been teaching home economics for what seems an eternity. Two choice serving pieces Ladies. Its all he ever says these days. Doesnt seem to matter whether the students are Asian or not. The other day this dizzy Japanese wandered into class late, wasted on shrooms and sundry periodicals. Who died and made you hallway monitor?, she bellows at him as she takes her seat. Fuck you and yours Nakamura., this from her lab partner labouring over a cheese cozy due at the end of period. Take pain Ladies., he tells them,Take great pain to ensure your cheese is secure in its cozy. Any oozing out of the sides is indelicate. This is one of the reasons were using velour.

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*Mr. Zuccolo has also provided th3 lyrics for his ( Th3 Professor $s ( song i6 Ac7 Two.

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