Body language

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Body language refers to forms of non-verbal communication, wherein a person reveals clues as to some unspoken intention or feeling through their physical behaviour. [1 !hese behaviours can include body posture, gestures, facial e"pressions, and eye movements. #lthough this article focuses on interpretations of human body language, animals also use body language as a communication mechanism.[$ Body language is typically subconscious behaviour, and is therefore considered distinct fromsign language, which is a fully conscious and intentional act of communication. Body language may provide clues as to the attitude or state of mind of a person. For e"ample, it may indicate aggression,attentiveness, boredom, rela"ed state, pleasure, amusement, and into"ication. Body language is significant to communication and relationships. %t is relevant to management and leadership in business and also in places where it can be observed by many people. %t can also be relevant to some outside of the workplace. %t is commonly helpful in dating, mating, in family settings, and parenting. #lthough body language is non-verbal or non-spoken, it can reveal much about your feelings and meaning to others and also how other others reveal their feelings toward you. Body language signals happen on a conscious and unconscious level. [&
Contents
[hide

1 'nderstanding body language

1.1 (hysical e"pression $ (revalence of non-verbal communication in humans & (ro"emics ) 'nintentional gestures * +yes , #rms - .egs and feet / 0ee also 1 2eferences 13 +"ternal links

Understanding body language[edit source | editbeta]

!he techni4ue of 5reading5 people is used fre4uently. For e"ample, the idea of mirroring body language to put people at ease is commonly used during interview situations. Body language can show feelings to other people, which works in return for other people. (eople who show their body language to you can reveal their feelings and meanings. 6irroring the body language of someone else indicates that they are understood.[citation needed %t is important to note that some markers of emotion 7e.g. smiling8laughing when happy, frowning8crying when sad9 are largely universal, [) [page needed however in the 1113s (aul +kman e"panded his list of basic emotions, including a range of positive and negative emotions, not all of which are encoded in facial muscles.[citation needed !he newly included emotions are:

# study in body language.

1. #musement $. ;ontempt &. ;ontentment ). +mbarrassment *. +"citement

,. <uilt -. (ride in achievement /. 2elief 1. 0atisfaction 13. 0ensory pleasure 11. 0hame Body language signals may have a goal other than communication. (eople would keep both these two in mind. =bservers limit the weight they place on non-verbal cues. 0ignalers clarify their signals to indicate the biological origin of their actions. >erbal communication also re4uires body language to show that the person you are talking with that you are listening. !hese signals can consist of? eye contact and nodding your head to show you understand. 6ore e"amples would include yawning 7sleepiness9, showing lack of interest 7se"ual interest8survival interest9, attempts to change the topic 7fight or flight drivers9. 2udolf .aban and Warren .ambadd much to this about dancers. 6ime artists such as Booff 0how utili@e these techni4ues to communicate entire shows without a single word.

Physical expression[edit source | editbeta]

(hysical e"pressions like waving, pointing, touching and slouching are all forms of nonverbal communication. !he study of body movement and e"pression is known as kinesics. Aumans move their bodies when communicating because, as research has shown [citation needed , it helps 5ease the mental effort when communication is difficult.5 (hysical e"pressions reveal many things about the person using them. For e"ample, gestures can emphasi@e a point or relay a message, posture can reveal boredom or great interest, and touch can convey encouragement or caution. [*

=ne of the most basic and powerful body-language signals is when a person crosses his or her arms across the chest.[, !his could indicate that a person is putting up an unconscious barrier between themselves and others. Aowever, it can also indicate that the personBs arms are cold, which would be clarified by rubbing the arms or huddling. When the overall situation is amicable, it can mean that a person is thinking deeply about what is being discussed, but in a serious or confrontational situation, it can mean that a person is e"pressing opposition. !his is especially so if the person is leaning away from the speaker. # harsh or blank facial e"pression often indicates outright hostility.

;onsistent eye contact can indicate that a person is thinking positively of what the speaker is saying. %t can also mean that the other person doesnBt trust the speaker enough to 5take their eyes off5 the speaker. .ack of eye contact can indicate negativity. =n the other hand, individuals

with an"iety disorders are often unable to make eye contact without discomfort. +ye contact can also be a secondary and misleading gesture because cultural norms about it vary widely. %f a person is looking at you, but is making the arms-across-chest signal, the eye contact could be indicative that something is bothering the person, and that he wants to talk about it. =r if while making direct eye contact, a person is fiddling with something, even while directly looking at you, it could indicate that the attention is elsewhere. #lso, there are three standard areas that a person will look which represent different states of being. %f the person looks from one eye to the other, then to the forehead, it is a sign that they are taking an authoritative position. %f they move from one eye to the other, then to the nose, that signals that they are engaging in what they consider to be a 5level conversation5 with neither party holding superiority. !he last case is from one eye to the other and then down to the lips. !his is a strong indication of romantic feelings. [citation needed

Cisbelief is often indicated by averted ga@e, or by touching the ear or scratching the chin. When a person is not being convinced by what someone is saying, the attention invariably wanders, and the eyes will stare away for an e"tended period. [citation needed

Boredom is indicated by the head tilting to one side, or by the eyes looking straight at the speaker but becoming slightly unfocused. # head tilt may also indicate a sore neck, trust or a feeling of safety 7part of the neck becomes uncovered, hence vulnerable? %tBs virtually impossible to tilt our head in front of someone we donBt trust or are scared of9 or #mblyopia, and unfocused eyes may indicate ocular problems in the listener.[citation needed

%nterest can be indicated through posture or e"tended eye contact, such as standing and listening properly.[citation needed Ceceit or the act of withholding information can sometimes be indicated by touching the face during conversation. +"cessive blinking is a well-known indicator of someone who is lying. 2ecently[when? , evidence has surfaced that the absence of blinking can also represent lying as a more reliable factor than e"cessive blinking.[-

0ome people use and understand body language differently, or not at all. [citation needed %nterpreting their gestures and facial e"pressions 7or lack thereof9 in the conte"t of normal body language usually leads to misunderstandings and misinterpretations 7especially if body language is given priority over spoken language9. %t should also be stated that people from different cultures can interpret body language in different ways.

Prevalence of non-verbal communication in humans[edit

source | editbeta]
Dames Borg states that human communication consists of 1& percent body language and paralinguistic clues, while only -E of communication consists of words themselves?

[/

however, #lbert 6ehrabian, the researcher whose 11,3s work is the source of these statistics, has

stated that this is a misunderstanding of the findings [1 7see 6isinterpretation of 6ehrabianBs rule9. 0ome researchers[who? put the level of nonverbal communication as high as /3 percent of all communication when others[who? state the figures could be at or around *3-,* percent. Cifferent studies have found differing amounts, with some studies showing that facial communication is believed ).& times more often than verbal meaning, and another finding that verbal communication in a flat tone is ) times more likely to be understood than a pure facial e"pression. [citation needed #lbert 6ehrabian found 5that the verbal component of a face-to-face conversation is less than &*E and that over ,*E of communication is done non-verbally5.[13

Ciagram of +dward !. AallBs personal reaction bubbles 711,,9, showing radius in feet

!he interpretation of body language should not be based on a single gesture. (ease 7$33)9 suggests evaluation should be on three distinct rules: 19 2ead gestures in clusters? $9 look for congruence? and &9 read gestures in conte"t.

Proxemics[edit source | editbeta]

Main article: Personal space %ntroduced by +dward !. Aall in 11,,, pro"emics is the study of measurable distances between people as they interact with one another.[11 !he distance between people in a social situation often discloses

information about the type of relationship between the people involved. (ro"imity may also reveal the type of social setting taking place.

1.

%ntimate distance ranges from touching to about 1/ inches 7), cm9 apart, and is reserved for lovers, children, as well as close family members and friends, and also pet animals.

$. (ersonal distance begins about an armBs length away? starting around 1/ inches 7), cm9 from the person and ending about ) feet 71$$ cm9 away. !his space is used in conversations with friends, to chat with associates, and in group discussions. &. 0ocial distance ranges from ) to / feet 71.$ m - $.) m9 away from the person and is reserved for strangers, newly formed groups, and new ac4uaintances.

4.

(ublic distance includes anything more than / feet 7$.) m9 away, and is used for speeches, lectures, and theater. (ublic distance is essentially that range reserved for larger audiences.
[1$

(ro"imity range varies with culture.

Unintentional gestures[edit source | editbeta]

See also: Proteans (body language) Beginning in the 11,3s, there has been huge interest in studying human behavioral clues that could be useful for developing an interactive and adaptive human-machine system. [1& 'nintentional human gestures such as making an eye rub, a chin rest, a lip touch, a nose itch, a head scratch, an ear scratch, crossing arms, and a finger lock have been found conveying some useful information in specific conte"ts[which? . 0ome researchers[who? have tried to e"tract such gestures in a specific conte"t for educational applications.[citation needed %n poker games, such gestures are referred to as 5tells5 and are useful to players for detecting deception clues or behavioral patterns in opponents. !here is also a huge interest in learning to avoid any unintentional gesture that might leave a negative impression on the onlookers. # large number of people are starting to attend special sessions on controlled body behaviour and take advice from e"pert sociologists. .earning good body language, such as living styles of foreign people, is important during interaction in any sort of global community.
[citation needed

Eyes[edit source | editbeta]

+yes, although not first thought of when talking about body language, can reveal a lot about how someone feels or how they are thinking about a certain topic. =ur eyes are highly aware of what we FseeG in other peopleGs eyes. For e"ample you can recogni@e that you have made eye contact with someone that is 133 or 1&3 feet away with out actually being able to see the detail of a personGs eye.

We usually understand a gla@ed over look or a blank stare, moistened eye that indicated tears would come or a secret glance. Aere are some of the signals the eye gives away: oo!ing right "generally#$ 'sually indicates the person is creating, fabricating, lying or story telling. %n some cases this may mean that the person is making up something, but other cases 7like telling a story to a child9 it can be perfectly normal to be creating something. .ooking down and right indicates feelings that can be genuine or not depending on the conte"t of what the person is doing. oo!ing left "generally#$ 'sually indicates the person is recalling facts, remembering. !his includes recalling and stating facts from memory, usually the truth. But FfactsG can be incorrect, which is another matter all together. %irect eye contact$ When speaking to someone this can be an indication of honesty by that person, although trained liars have practiced this skill and can copy it well. When you are listening to someone and have eye contact that generally means you have interest, attentiveness and some kind of attraction to the person. &idening eyes$ !his indicates appeal, interest and invitation. 'sually interest in someone or something you are looking at, and a positive response. !he e"ception is when widening eyes are paired with raised eyebrows, which can be a shock response. Women tend to widen their eyes to try and increase their attractiveness. 'ubbing eyes$ ;an be associated with disbelief about something 7as in checking your vision9 or something that is related to crying or tiredness. 'sually if paired with long blinks then it means the person is tired or bored. Eye shrug(roll$ When an eye has an upward roll, it usually means it is a sign of frustration or annoyance. Pupils dilated$ !he black center of a personGs eye gets larger to let in light and smaller to let in less light. When it is dark that is one of the reasons pupils are dilated. #nother reason pupils dilate is when someone sees something that is appealing to them or attractive. Blin!ing$ When blinking is fre4uent it may be a sign of e"citement or pressure but it is not a reliable way to tell if someone is lying. When the blink rate is infre4uent it usually means boredom if the eyes are not focused or it can mean concentration if the eyes are focused. [1)

)rms[edit source | editbeta]

#rms can indicate many things to a person? when they are across your body, it can be a defensive barrier, and when they are by your side, it can mean you feel open and secure. #rms signals are reliable indicators of your mood, more so when combined with other body language symbols. Aere are some signals: Crossed arms$ ;rossed arms usually are associated with protective barrier. !his could be due to a number of things like concern, boredom or feeling threatened. %f the person is cold they will also cross their arms sometimes, which can give off mi"ed signals. *ripping o+n upper arms$ !his can be seen as insecurity in some males and females. %t is a way of self hugging, and attempt to reassure one self. #nother from of self hugging is when you take your one arm across body clasping other arm by side, which is typical in females only. )rms held behind body +ith hands clasped$ !his is a signal of authority or confidence. %t is seen in authoritative figures like police men, and armed forces officers. 6any of the arm signals have to do with nervousness and are done to create a barrier between oneself and the outside world here are some typical barrier signals: handbag held in front of body, papers in front of your chest, adHusting cuff, watchstrap, tie, etc., using an arm across the body, arms8hands covering genital region, holding a drink in front of body with both hands seated, holding drink on one side with hand from other side, touching or scratching shoulder using arm across body [1*

egs and feet[edit source | editbeta]

.egs and feet body language is known for being more authentic than the other signals due to the fact it is harder to fake or do consciously. !his makes it a good indicator of peopleGs feelings. When looking at leg and feet signals we must remember that women and men sit differently. 6en tend to have a more open leg position while women do not, so therefore when a woman sits with open legs it has a different meaning than when a man does. .eg signals are supported by the corresponding arm signals that go along with them.[1, Aere are some signals: eg direction, sitting-general$ When a person is seated they usually have their leg direction pointed in the direction of their point of interest. When they are uninterested in a conversation or a person their legs will point away from them. When legs are crossed the upper knee dictates what they are interested in or disinterested in. Uncrossed legs, sitting-general$ When legs are uncrossed that generally means they have an open attitude no matter if it is male or female.

Crossed legs, sitting-general$ !his usually means they are cautious or disinterested in what is going on, there is a degree of uncertainty. !hey may feel threaten or insecure. Parallel legs$ .egs together generally mean properness when it is concerning a female, this is a very unusual stance in males. !his can be due to the femaleGs upbringing. -pen legs, sitting$ !his is mainly a male posture? this can be associated with arrogance, se"ual posturing or combative feelings. !his is not usually seen in women, especially when in skirts. !his is considered to be combative because it makes the person look bigger than they really are. ;onfidence signals are increased when arms are open and wide. )n!le loc!$ !his is considered to be a negative signal and may mean defensiveness in both men and women. .tanding /at attention0$ this means someone is standing upright with their shoulders back and arms by side. !his is a military position and considered to be a signal of respect and subservience when in the presence of someone in authority. egs intert+ined, sitting$ !his is usually a female stance. Cepending on what is going on this can mean insecurity or se"ual posing. !his would be considered se"ual posing because the tight crossed leg would tend to emphasi@e the muscle and tone of the leg. !his should be assessed while also interpreting other body signals. egs crossed, standing$ !his is different than when legs are crossed when sitting. !his may mean insecurity or8submission or engagement. When legs and arms are crossed it usually means less confident and insecure when Hust the legs are crossed but arms are open it can mean a committed agreement to stand and engage with the other person. .hoe-play$ 'sually seen in females, this can mean rela"ation, flirting and se"ual feelings. %n more case than one, playing with a shoe and slipping it on and off can have se"ual overtones. [1-

.ee also[edit source | editbeta]

;alypsis <esture <esture recognition .ist of gestures =rigin of language =rigin of speech (osture 7psychology9 (aul +kman

6irroring

'eferences[edit source | editbeta]

1. $. &. ). 1 What %s Body .anguageI 2etrieved Duly $), $31&. 1 http:88en.wikipedia.org8wiki8#nimalJcommunication 1 6c;arthy, 0andra. 5Body .anguage5. 2etrieved 13 #pril $31&. 1 6arkku Aaakana $331. .aughing 6atters: # ;onversation #nalytical 0tudy of .aughter in Coctor - (atient %nteraction. Cepartment of Finnish .anguage, 'niversity of Aelsinki *. 1 +ngleberg,%sa K. Working in <roups: ;ommunication (rinciples and 0trategies. 6y ;ommunication Lit 0eries, $33,. page 1&,. -. 1 5;losed body language5. ;hangingminds.org. 2etrieved $311-13-&1. 1 (ost. 5!he !imes M 'L Kews, World Kews and =pinion5. !imesonline.co.uk. 2etrieved $311-13-&1. /. 1 Borg, Dames. Body .anguage: - +asy .essons to 6aster the 0ilent .anguage. F! (ress, $313, %0BK 1-/-3-1&--33$,3-& 1. 13. 1 56ore or .ess5. $331-3/-1). BB; 2adio ). 1 (ease, #., N (ease, B. 7$33)9. !he Cefinitive Book of Body .anguage: Aow to read othersB thoughts by their gestures. Buderim, #ustralia: (ease %nternational. 11. 1$. 1 O Aall, +dward !. 711,,9. !he Aidden Cimension. #nchor Books. %0BK 3-&/*-3/)-,-* 1 +ngleberg,%sa K. Working in <roups: ;ommunication (rinciples and 0trategies. 6y ;ommunication Lit 0eries, $33,. page 1)3-1)1 1&. 1 (ease, #llan 7=ctober $1, $33)9. he !e"initi#e guide to Body $anguage. ;hapter 1: =rion 6edia. %0BK 3-*$/,11/$. 1). 1 +kman, (? + 2 0orenson and W > Friesen. 5(an-;ultural +lements in Facial Cisplays of +motion5. Science 234 7) #pr 11,19. 1*. 1,. 1-. 1 Boyes, ; 7$33*9. %eed to &now Body $anguage. Aaper ;ollins. 1 Aartland, C? ; !osh 7$3319. 'uide to Body $anguage. ;a"ton. 1 Dames, Dudi 7$33/9. he Body $anguage Bible. 2andom Aouse.

Body language plays a key role in effective leadership communication. From my most-requested program, The Silent Language of Leaders !o" Body Language #an !elp $ or !urt $ !o" %ou Lead,& here are ten tips guaranteed to give you a nonver'al advantage(

1) To boost your confidence before an important meeting, replace your smart phone with a newspaper.

Top Five )ersonality Traits *mployers !ire +ost

Meghan CasserlyForbes Staff

,o %ou !ave -*.ecutive )resence-/

Jenna GoudreauForbes Staff

The 01 Skills That 2ill 3et %ou !ired 4n 5106

Meghan CasserlyForbes Staff

4ntervie" Body Language +istakes That #an #ost %ou The 7o'
Jacquelyn SmithForbes Staff

+ost 'usiness professionals 4 coach understand the importance of pro8ecting confident 'ody language during an important meeting, a 8o' intervie", say, or a key sales pitch, 'ut fe" reali9e that ho" they sit "hile "aiting in the reception area has everything to do "ith their initial impression.

:esearch from !arvard and #olum'ia BusinessSchools sho"s that holding your 'ody in e.pansive high po"er& poses ;standing tall "ith shoulders pulled 'ack, "idening your stance, spreading your arms to e.pand into space< raises testosterone ;the hormone linked to po"er and self-confidence< and lo"ers the levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. This hormonal effect is actually reversed, the researchers discovered, "hen you contract yourself physically, ;hunch your shoulders, tuck your chin do"n, etc.< assuming postures that make you look defensive and lacking in confidence. =o" picture yourself in the reception area "here you are "aiting for that important meeting. >re you 'ent over your smart phone, "ith your el'o"s pulled into your "aist and your shoulders hunched/ ?r are you sitting up straight, feet firmly on the floor, arms spread "ide holding an open ne"spaper/ >nd, "hen you are called into the meeting, "hich of those t"o hormones is dominating your 'ody chemistry/ 2) To spot a liar, look out for these four the tell-tale signals. =onver'al cues to all kinds of unconscious givea"ays tend to occur in clusters $ a group of movements, postures and actions that collectively point to a particular state of mind. This is crucially true of dishonesty, "here one specific cluster of nonver'al signals has 'een proven statistically to 'e a highly accurate indicator of deception. These are hand touching, face touching, crossed arms, and leaning a"ay. >ccording to research conducted at=ortheastern @niversity, if you see these Telltale Four& 'eing displayed together, "atch out !) To make a difficult task seem easier, smile. #harles 3arfield, the author of Peak Performance,once coached the :ussian ?lympic "eight-lifting team. 3arfield noticed that "hen team mem'ers lifted to e.haustion, they "ould invaria'ly grimace at the painful effort. 4n an e.periment, he encouraged the athletes to smile "hen they got to that point of e.haustion. This seemingly minor difference ena'led them to add 5-6 more reps to their performance. =o matter the task, "hen you grimace or fro"n "hile doing it, you are sending your 'rain the message, This is really difficult. 4 should stop.& The 'rain then responds 'y sending stress chemicals into your

'loodstream. >nd this creates a vicious circle the more stressed you are, the more difficult the task 'ecomes. #onversely, "hen you smile, your 'rain gets the message, 4tAs not so 'ad. 4 can do this(& ") To reach an agreement, send early engagement signals. ?ver the years, 4Ave noticed that parties are more likely to reach an agreement if they 'egin a negotiation 'y displaying engaged 'ody language ;smiling, nodding, mirroring, open gestures, etc.<. 4nterestingly, that positive result is the same "hether the display "as the product of an unconscious reaction or a strategic decision.

Image credit: AFP/Getty Images via @daylife.

#) To encourage collaboration, rearrange your office. )ro8ecting po"er, authority, and status may 'e a key part of your nonver'al strategy to impress potential clients, customers, and investors $ and if it is, then arranging your office space as a visual sym'ol of your and your companyAs 'rand can 'e a crucial part of that strategy. 2hen it comes to 'uilding colla'oration "ithin your staff, ho"ever, status and authority cues can send conflicting, distinctly un"anted messages. 4f creating a colla'orative culture is essential to meeting your 'usiness o'8ectives, then you might "ant to rearrange your office to reflect this. For e.ample, seating people directly across from your desk ;especially if their chair is smaller and lo"er than yours< places them in a competitive ;and disadvantageous< position. 4nstead, try putting the

visitorAs chair at the side of your desk, or creating a conversation area ;chairs of equal si9e set around a small ta'le or at right angles to each other< to encourage a feeling of informality, equality, and partnership.

body language
how to read body language signs and gestures - non-verbal communications - male and female, for work, social, dating, and mating relationships
Body Language - technically known as kinesics (pronounced 'kineesicks') - is a significant aspect of modern communications and relationships. Body Language is therefore very relevant to management and leadership, and to all aspects of work and business where communications can be seen and physically observed among people. Body language is also very relevant to relationships outside of work, for e ample in dating and mating, and in families and parenting. !ommunication includes listening. "n terms of observable body language, non-verbal (non-spoken) signals are being e changed whether these signals are accompanied by spoken words or not. Body language goes both ways#

$our own body language reveals your feelings and meanings to others. %ther people's body language reveals their feelings and meanings to you.

&he sending and receiving of body language signals happens on conscious and unconscious levels.
('.B. () and (*-+nglish spellings, e.g., 'i,e' and 'ise' are used in this page to allow for different searching preferences. -lease feel free to change these according to your local re.uirements when using these materials.)

body language index

introduction and basics body language definitions background and history nature or nurture/ body language and evolution universal facial e pressions reading and analy,ing body language body language signals and meanings #eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space mirroring (synchroni,ing) body language seating positions and arrangements body language - e amples of cultural differences flirting, courtship, dating and mating body language - male and female glossary - main body language terms body language references and books other audible signals

body language warning

Body language is not an exact science. No single body language sign is a reliable indicator. Understanding body language involves the interpretation

Skip the background theory and history, and go straight to the body language signals and meanings.

o several consistent signalsto support or indicate a particular conclusion.

body language - basics and introduction

Body language is a powerful concept which successful people tend to understand well. )o can you. &he study and theory of body language has become popular in recent years because psychologists have been able to understand what we 'say' through our bodily gestures and facial e pressions, so as to translate our body language, revealing its underlying feelings and attitudes. Body Language is also referred to as 'non-verbal communications', and less commonly 'non-vocal communications'. &he term 'non-verbal communications' tends to be used in a wider sense, and all these terms are somewhat vague. 1or the purposes of this article, the terms 'body language' and 'non-verbal communications' are broadly interchangeable. &his guide also takes the view that body language2non-verbal communications is the study of how people communicate faceto-face aside from the spoken words themselves, and in this respect the treatment of the sub3ect here is broader than typical body language guides limited merely to body positions and gestures. "f you carry out any serious analysis or discussion you should clarify the terminology in your own way to suit your purposes. 1or e ample# 4oes body language include facial e pression and eye movement/ - (sually, yes.

5hat about breathing and perspiration/ - &his depends on your definition of body language. 6nd while tone and pitch of voice are part of verbal signals, are these part of body language too/ - 'ot normally, but arguably so, especially as you could ignore them if considering only the spoken words and physical gestures2e pressions. &here are no absolute right2wrong answers to these .uestions. "t's a matter of interpretation. 6 good reason for broadening the scope of body language is to avoid missing important signals which might not be considered within a narrow definition of body language. 'evertheless confusion easily arises if definitions and conte t are not properly established, for e ample# "t is commonly and carelessly .uoted that 'non-verbal communications' and2or 'body language' account for up to 789 of the meaning that people take from any human communication. &his statistic is actually a distortion based on 6lbert :ehrabian's research theory, which while itself is something of a cornerstone of body language research, certainly did not make such a sweeping claim. :ehrabian's research findings in fact focused on communications with a strong emotional or 'feelings' element. :oreover the 789 non-verbal proportion included vocal intonation (paralinguistics), which are regarded by many as falling outside of the body language definition. !are must therefore be e ercised when stating specific figures relating to percentages of meaning conveyed, or in making any firm claims in relation to body language and non-verbal communications. "t is safe to say that body language represents a very significant proportion of meaning that is conveyed and interpreted between people. :any body language e perts and sources seem to agree that that between ;<-=<9 of all human communications are non-verbal. )o while body language statistics vary according to situation, it is generally accepted that non-verbal communications are very important in how we

understand each other (or fail to), especially in face-to-face and one-to-one communications, and most definitely when the communications involve an emotional or attitudinal element. Body language is especially crucial when we meet someone for the first time. 5e form our opinions of someone we meet for the first time in 3ust a few seconds, and this initial instinctual assessment is based far more on what we see and feel about the other person than on the words they speak. %n many occasions we form a strong view about a new person before they speak a single word. !onse.uently body language is very influential in forming impressions on first meeting someone. &he effect happens both ways - to and from#

5hen we meet someone for the first time, their body language, on conscious and unconscious levels, largely determines our initial impression of them. "n turn when someone meets us for the first time, they form their initial impression of us largely from our body language and non-verbal signals.

6nd this two-way effect of body language continues throughout communications and relationships between people. Body language is constantly being e changed and interpreted between people, even though much of the time this is happening on an unconscious level. >emember - while you are interpreting (consciously or unconsciously) the body language of other people, so other people are constantly interpreting yours. &he people with the most conscious awareness of, and capabilities to read, body language tend to have an advantage over those whose appreciation is limited largely to the unconscious. $ou will shift your own awareness of body language from the unconscious into the conscious by learning about the sub3ect,

and then by practising your reading of non-verbal communications in your dealings with others.

body language is more than body positions and movements

Body language is not 3ust about how we hold and move our bodies. Body language potentially (although not always, depending on the definition you choose to apply) encompasses#

how we position our bodies our closeness to and the space between us and other people (pro emics), and how this changes our facial e pressions our eyes especially and how our eyes move and focus, etc how we touch ourselves and others how our bodies connect with other non-bodily things, for instance, pens, cigarettes, spectacles and clothing our breathing, and other less noticeable physical effects, for e ample our heartbeat and perspiration

Body language tends not to include#

the pace, pitch, and intonation, volume, variation, pauses, etc., of our voice.

6rguably this last point should be encompassed by body language, because a lot happens here which can easily be missed if we consider merely the spoken word and the traditional narrow definition of body language or non-verbal communications. ?oice type and other audible signals are typically not included in body language because they are audible 'verbal' signals rather than physical visual ones, nevertheless the way the voice is used is a very significant (usually unconscious) aspect of communication, aside from the bare words themselves.

!onse.uently, voice type is always important to consider alongside the usual body language factors. )imilarly breathing and heartbeat, etc., are typically e cluded from many general descriptions of body language, but are certainly part of the range of non-verbal bodily actions and signals which contribute to body language in its fullest sense. :ore obviously, our eyes are a vital aspect of our body language. %ur reactions to other people's eyes - movement, focus, e pression, etc - and their reactions to our eyes - contribute greatly to mutual assessment and understanding, consciously and unconsciously. 5ith no words at all, massive feeling can be conveyed in a single glance. &he metaphor which describes the eyes of two lovers meeting across a crowded room is not only found in old romantic movies. "t's based on scientific fact - the strong powers of non-verbal communications. &hese effects - and similar powerful e amples - have e isted in real human e perience and behaviour for thousands of years. &he human body and our instinctive reactions have evolved to an ama,ingly clever degree, which many of us ignore or take for granted, and which we can all learn how to recogni,e more clearly if we try. %ur interpretation of body language, notably eyes and facial e pressions, is instinctive, and with a little thought and knowledge we can significantly increase our conscious awareness of these signals# both the signals we transmit, and the signals in others that we observe. 4oing so gives us a significant advantage in life - professionally and personally - in our dealings with others. Body language is not 3ust reading the signals in other people. Importantly, understanding body language enables better self-awareness and self-control too.

5e understand more about other people's feelings and meanings, and we also understand more about these things in ourselves. 5hen we understand body language we become better able to refine and improve what our body says about us, which generates a positive improvement in the way we feel, the way we perform, and what we achieve.

body language definitions

6s e plained, the terms body language and non-verbal communications are rather vague. )o what is body language/ 6nd more usefully, what might we regard it to be, if we are to make the most of studying and using it/ &he % ford +nglish 4ictionary (revised @<<;) definition is# Abody language - noun - the conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are communicated Bfor e ampleC# his intent was clearly e pressed in his body language.A &he % ford Business +nglish 4ictionary offers a slightly different definition. 6ppropriately and interestingly the % ford Business +nglish 4ictionary emphasi,es the sense that body language can be used as a tool, rather than it being an involuntary effect with no particular purpose# Abody language - noun - the process of communicating what you are feeling or thinking by the way you place and move your body rather than by words Bfor e ampleC# &he course trains sales people in reading the customer's body language.A &he %+4 dictionary definition of kinesics - the technical term for body language - depends on the interpretation of 'nonverbal communication'#

Akinesics - the study of the way in which certain body movements and gestures serve as a form of non-verbal communication.A Body language is more than those brief descriptions.

Body language certainly also encompasses where the body is in relation to other bodies (often referred to as 'personal space'). Body language certainly also includes very small bodily movements such as facial e pressions and eye movements. Body language also arguably covers all that we communicate through our bodies apart from the spoken words (thereby encompassing breathing, perspiration, pulse, blood-pressure, blushing, etc.)

"n this respect, standard dictionary definitions don't always describe body language fully and properly. 5e could define body language more fully as# "Body language is the unconscious and conscious transmission and interpretation of feelings, attitudes, and moods, through:

body posture, movement, physical state, position and relationship to other bodies, ob ects and surroundings, facial expression and eye movement,

!and this transmission and interpretation can be "uite different to the spoken words#." 5ords alone - especially emotional words (or words used in emotional situations) - rarely reflect full or true meaning and motive. 5e find clues to additional or true meaning in body language. Being able to 'read' body language therefore helps us greatly#

to know how people feel and what they mean, and

to understand better how people might be perceiving our own non-verbal signals, and (often overlooked) to understand ourselves better, deeper than the words we hear ourselves saying.

body language - background and history

-hilosophers and scientists have connected human physical behaviour with meaning, mood and personality for thousands of years, but only in living memory has the study of body language become as sophisticated and detailed as it is today. Body language studies and written works on the sub3ect are very sparse until the mid-D7<<s. &he first known e perts to consider aspects of body language were probably the ancient Ereeks, notably Fippocrates and 6ristotle, through their interest in human personality and behaviour, and the >omans, notably !icero, relating gestures to feelings and communications. :uch of this early interest was in refining ideas about oration - speech-making - given its significance to leadership and government. "solated studies of body language appeared in more recent times, for e ample 1rancis Bacon in 6dvancement of Learning, DG<;, e plored gestures as reflection or e tension of spoken communications. Hohn Bulwer's 'atural Fistory of the Fand published in DGII, considered hand gestures. Eilbert 6ustin's !hironomia in D=<G looked at using gestures to improve speech-making. !harles 4arwin in the late D=<<s could be regarded as the earliest e pert to have made serious scientific observation about body language, but there seems little substantial development of ideas for at least the ne t D;< years. 4arwin's work pioneered much ethological thinking. +thology began as the science of animal behaviour. "t became properly established during the early D7<<s and increasingly e tends to human behaviour and social organi,ation. 5here ethology considers animal evolution and communications, it relates

strongly to human body language. +thologists have progressively applied their findings to human behaviour, including body language, reflecting the evolutionary origins of much human non-verbal communication - and society's growing acceptance of evolutionary rather than creationist theory. 6ustrian ,oologist and D7J8 'obel -ri,ewinner *onrad Loren, (D7<8-=7) was a founding figure in ethology. 4esmond :orris, author of &he 'aked 6pe, discussed below, is an ethologist, as is the evolutionary biologist >ichard 4awkins (b. D7ID) a leading modern thinker in the field. +thology, like psychology, is an over-arching science which continues to clarify the understanding of body language. &he popular and accessible study of body language as we know it today is very recent. "n his popular D7JD book 'Body Language', Hulius 1ast (D7D7@<<=) wrote# A...kinesics Bbody languageC is still so new as a science that its authorities can be counted on the fingers of one hand...A Hulius 1ast was an 6merican award winning writer of fiction and non-fiction work dealing especially with human physiology and behaviour. Fis book Body Language was among the first to bring the sub3ect to a mainstream audience. )ignificantly the references in Hulius 1ast's book (Birdwhistell, Eoffman, Fall, :ehrabian, )cheflen, etc - see body language references and books below) indicate the freshness of the sub3ect in D7JD. 6ll e cept one of Hulius 1ast's cited works are from the D7;<s and D7G<s. &he e ception among 1ast's contemporary influences was !harles 4arwin, and specifically his book &he + pression of the +motions in :an and 6nimals, written in D=J@, which is commonly regarded as the beginnings of the body language science, albeit not recognised as such then. )igmund 1reud and others in the field of psychoanalysis - in the late D=<<s and early D7<<s - would have had good awareness of many aspects of body language, including personal space, but they did not focus on non-verbal communications concepts or develop body language theories

in their own right. 1reud and similar psychoanalysts and psychologists of that time were focused on behaviour and therapeutic analysis rather than the study of non-verbal communications per se. 6 different view of human behaviour related to and overlapping body language, surfaced strongly in 4esmond :orris's D7GJ book &he 'aked 6pe, and in follow-up books such as "ntimate Behaviour, D7JD. :orris, a British ,oologist and ethologist, linked human behaviour - much of it concerned with communications - to human 'animalistic' evolution. Fis work remains a popular and controversial perspective for understanding people's behaviours, and while his theories did not focus strongly on body language, :orris's popularity in the late D7G<s and D7J<s contributed significantly to the increasing interest among people beyond the scientific community - for a better understanding of how and why we feel and act and communicate. 6n important aspect of body language is facial e pression, which is arguably one part of body language for which .uite early 'scientific' thinking can be traced# $hysiognomy is an obscure and related concept to body language. -hysiognomy refers to facial features and e pressions which were2are said indicate the person's character or nature, or ethnic origin. &he word physiognomy is derived from medieval Latin, and earlier Ereek (phusiognominia), which originally meant (the art or capability of) 3udging a person's nature from his2her facial features and e pressions. &he ancient roots of this concept demonstrate that while body language itself is a recently defined system of analysis, the notion of inferring human nature or character from facial e pression is e tremely old. %inesics (pronounced 'kineesicks' with stress on the 'ee') is the modern scientific or technical word for body language. &he word kinesics was first used in +nglish in this sense in the D7;<s, deriving from the Ereek word kinesis, meaning motion, and seems to have first been used by 4r >ay Birdwhistell, an

6merican D7;<s researcher and writer on body language. ()ee references). &he introduction of a new technical word - (in this case, kinesics) - generally comes after the establishment of the sub3ect it describes, which supports the assertion that the modern concept of body language - encompassing facial e pressions and personal space - did not e ist until the D7;<s. $roxemics is the technical term for the personal space aspect of body language. &he word was devised in the late D7;<s or early D7G<s by +dward &witchell Fall, an 6merican anthropologist. &he word is Fall's adaptation of the word pro imity, meaning closeness or nearness. ()ee personal space.) 1rom the word kinesics, >ay Birdwhistell coined the term kine to refer to a single body language signal. &his is not to be confused with the ancient and same word kine, meaning a group of cows. 'either word seems to have caught on in a big way, which in one way is a pity, but in another way probably makes matters simpler for anyone interested in the body language of cows. &he Ereek word kinesis is also a root word of kinaesthetics, which is the '*' in the ?6* ('see hear feel') learning styles model. *inaesthetics (also known as kinesthetics) in the study of learning styles, is related to some of the principles of body language, in terms of conveying meaning and information via physical movement and e perience. Body language is among many branches of science and education which seek to interpret and e ploit messages and meaning from the 'touchy-feely' side of life. 1or e ample, the concepts of e periential learning, games and e ercises, and love and spirituality at work - are all different perspectives and attempts to unlock and develop people's potential using ideas centred around kinaesthetics, as distinct from the more tangible and easily measurable areas of facts, figures words and logic.

&hese and similar methodologies do not necessarily reference body language directly, but there are very strong interconnections. Bloom's &a onomy, and *olb's Learning )tyles are also helpful perspectives in appreciating the significance of kinaesthetics, and therefore body language, in life and work today. &he communications concepts of 'L- ('euro-linguistic -rogramming) and &ransactional 6nalysis are closely dependent on understanding body language, 'L- especially.

body language - nature or nurture&

Body language is part of human evolution, but as with many other aspects of human behaviour, the precise mi ture of genetic (inherited) and environmental (learned or conditioned) influences is not known, and opinions vary. Hulius 1ast noted this, especially regarding facial e pressions. &o emphasise the shifting debate he cited for e ample#

4arwin's belief that human facial e pressions were similar among humans of all cultures, due to evolutionary theory. Bruner and &aguiri's (see references) opposing views - in the early D7;<s, after thirty years of research, they largely re3ected the notion that facial e pressions were inborn. and +kman, 1riesan and )orensen's findings (see references) - in D7G7, having discovered consistent emotional-facial recognition across widely diverse cultural groups, which supported 4arwin's evolutionary-centred ideas.

&he discussion has continued in a similar vein to the modern day - studies 'proving' genetic or environmental cause 'nature' or 'nurture' - for one aspect of body language or another. &he situation is made more comple when one considers the genetic (inherited) capability or inclination to learn body language. "s this nature or nurture/

"t's both. Body language is partly genetic (inborn - 'nature') - hugely so in certain aspects of body language - and partly environmental (conditioned2learned - 'nurture'). )ome body language is certainly genetically inherited and consistent among all humans. %ther body language is certainly not. &he use and recognition of certain fundamental facial e pressions are now generally accepted to be consistent and genetically determined among all humans regardless of culture. Fowever the use and recognition of less fundamental physical gestures (hand movements for e ample, or the winking of an eye), and aspects of personal space distances, are now generally accepted to be environmentally determined (learned, rather than inherited), which is significantly dependent on local society groups and cultures. !ertain vocal intonation speech variations (if body language is e tended to cover everything but the spoken words) also fall within this environmentally determined category. ()ee the 'other audible signals' section.) "n summary, we can be certain that body language (namely the conscious and unconscious sending and receiving of nonverbal signals) is partly inborn, and partly learned or conditioned. Body language is part 'nature' and part 'nurture'.

body language and evolution

&he evolutionary perspectives of body language are fascinating, in terms of its purpose and how it is e ploited, which in turn feeds back into the purpose of body language at conscious and unconscious levels.

Fuman beings tend to lie, deceive, manipulate, and pretend. "t's in our nature to do this, if only to a small degree in some folk. 1or various reasons people intentionally and fre.uently mask their true feelings. (&ransactional 6nalysis theory is very useful in understanding more about this.) "n e pectation of these 'masking' tendencies in others, humans try to imagine what another person has in their mind. &he need to understand what lies behind the mask obviously increases according to the importance of the relationship. Body language helps us to manage and guard against these tendencies, and also - significantly especially in flirting2dating2mating rituals - body language often helps people to communicate and resolve relationship issues when conscious behaviour and speech fails to do so. Body language has evolved in spite of human awareness and conscious intelligence# rather like a guardian angel, body language can help take care of us, connecting us to kindred souls, and protecting us from threats. 5hile the importance of body language in communications and management, etc., has become a popular interest and science in the last few decades, human beings have relied on body language instinctively in many ways for many thousands of years. +arly natural e ponents of interpreting body language were for e ample the poker players of the 6merican 5ild 5est. &he winners had not only to be handy with a si -shooter, but also skilled in reading other people's non-verbal signals, and controlling their own signals. Before these times, e plorers and tribal leaders had to be able to read the body language of potential foes - to know whether to trust or defend or attack. +arlier than this, our cavemen ancestors certainly needed to read body language, if only because no other language e isted.

Fumans have also learned to read the body language of animals (and vice-versa), although humans almost certainly had greater skills in this area a long time ago. )hepherds, horse-riders and animal trainers throughout time and still today have good capabilities in reading animal body language, which for many e tends to the human variety. :onty >oberts, the real life 'Forse 5hisperer' is a good e ample. Body language, and the reading of non-verbal communications and feelings, are in our genes. 5ere these factors not in our genes, we would not be here today. %n which point# 5omen tend to have better perception and interpretation of body language than men. &his is perhaps a feature of evolutionary survival, since females needed good body language skills to reduce their physical vulnerability to males and the conse.uential threat to life, limb and offspring. 1emales might not be so physically vulnerable in modern times, but their body language capabilities generally continue typically to be stronger than the male of the species. &hus, women tend to be able to employ body language (for sending and interpreting signals) more effectively than men. *atherine Ben,iger's theories of brain types and thinking styles provides useful additional perspective. 5omen tend to have more empathic sensitivity than men, which naturally aids body language awareness and capabilities. 6side from gender differences, men and women with strong empathic sensitivity (typically right-basal or rear brain bias) tend to be better at picking up body language signals.

the six universal facial expressions recogni'ed around the world

"t is now generally accepted that certain basic facial e pressions of human emotion are recogni,ed around the world - and that the use and recognition of these e pressions is

genetically inherited rather than socially conditioned or learned. 5hile there have been found to be minor variations and differences among obscurely isolated tribes-people, the following basic human emotions are generally used, recogni,ed, and part of humankind's genetic character# &hese emotional face e pressions are#

Fappiness )adness 1ear 4isgust )urprise 6nger

!harles 4arwin was first to make these claims in his book &he + pressions of the +motions in :an and 6nimals, published in D=J@. &his book incidentally initially far outsold &he %rigin of )pecies, such was its wide (and controversial) appeal at the time. 4arwin's assertions about genetically inherited facial e pressions remained the sub3ect of much debate for many years. "n the D7G<s a !alifornian psychiatrist and e pert in facial e pressions, -aul +kman, (with )orenson and 1riesen see references) conducted and published e tensive studies with people of various cultures to e plore the validity of 4arwin's theory - that certain facial e pressions and man's ability to recogni,e them are inborn and universal among people. +kman's work notably included isolated tribes-people who could not have been influenced by 5estern media and images, and essentially proved that 4arwin was right - i.e., that the use and recognition of facial e pressions to convey certain basic human emotions is part of human evolved nature, genetically inherited, and not dependent on social learning or conditioning.

body language analysis

Body language is instinctively interpreted by us all to a limited degree, but the sub3ect is potentially immensely comple . -erhaps infinitely so, given that the human body is said to be capable of producing J<<,<<< different movements (Fartland and &osh, @<<D - see references). 6s with other behavioural sciences, the study of body language benefited from the development of brain-imaging technology in the last part of the @<th century. &his dramatically accelerated the research and understanding into connections between the brain, feelings and thoughts, and body movement. 5e should e pect to see this effect continuing and providing more solid science for body language theory, much of which remains empirical, i.e., based on e perience and observation, rather than scientific test. Eiven the potential for confusion, here are some considerations when analysing body language#

context
Body language also depends on conte t# body language in a certain situation might not mean the same in another. )ome 'body language' isn't what it seems at all, for e ample#

)omeone rubbing their eye might have an irritation, rather than being tired - or disbelieving, or upset. )omeone with crossed arms might be keeping warm, rather than being defensive. )omeone scratching their nose might actually have an itch, rather than concealing a lie.

sufficient samples(evidence
6 single body language signal isn't as reliable as several signals#

6s with any system of evidence, 'clusters' of body language signals provide much more reliable indication of meaning than one or two signals in isolation. 6void interpreting only single signals. Look for combinations of signals which support an overall conclusion, especially for signals which can mean two or more .uite different things.

culture(ethnicity
!ertain body language is the same in all people, for e ample smiling and frowning (and see thesi universally recogni,able facial e pressions above), but some body language is specific to a culture or ethnic group. )ee e amples of cultural body language differences below. )wareness of possible cultural body language differences is especially important in today*s increasingly mixed societies. :anagement and customer service staff are particularly prone to misreading or reacting inappropriately to body language signals from people of different ethnic backgrounds, a situation made worse because this sort of misunderstanding tends to peak when emotions are high. -ersonal space preferences (distances inside which a person is uncomfortable when someone encroaches) can vary between people of different ethnicity. "n general this article offers interpretations applicable for 5estern culture. If you can suggest any different ethnic interpretations of body language please send them and I*ll broaden the guide accordingly.

body language is relative to age and gender

:any body language signals are relative.

6 gesture by one person in a certain situation can carry far more, or very little meaning, compared to the same gesture used by a different person in a different situation. $oung men for e ample often display a lot of pronounced gestures because they are naturally energetic, uninhibited and supple. %lder women, relatively, are less energetic, adopt more modest postures, and are prevented by clothing and upbringing from e hibiting very pronounced gestures. )o when assessing body language - especially the strength of signals and meanings - it's important to do so in relative terms, considering the type of person and situation involved.

faking(deception
)ome people artificially control their outward body language to give the impression they seek to create at the time. 6 confident firm handshake, or direct eye contact, are e amples of signals which can be .uite easily be 'faked' usually temporarily, but sometimes more consistently. Fowever while a degree of faking is possible, it is not possible for someone to control or suppress all outgoing signals. &his is an additional reason to avoid superficial analysis based on isolated signals, and to seek as many indicators as possible, especially subtle clues when suspecting things might not be what they seem. -oliticians and manipulative salespeople come to mind for some reason. Looking for 'micro gestures' (pupils contract, an eyebrow lifts, corner of the mouth twitch) can help identify the true meaning and motive behind one or two strong and potentially false signals. &hese micro gestures are very small, difficult to spot and are subconscious, but we cannot control them, hence their usefulness.

boredom, nervousness and insecurity signals

:any body language signals indicate negative feelings such as boredom, disinterest, an iousness, insecurity, etc. &he temptation on seeing such signals is to imagine a weakness on the part of the person e hibiting them. &his can be so, however proper interpretation of body language should look beyond the person and the signal - and consider the situation, especially if you are using body language within personal development or management. 6sk yourself# 5hat is causing the negative feelings giving rise to the negative signals/ "t is often the situation, not the person - for e ample, here are e amples of circumstances which can produce negative feelings and signals in people, often even if they are strong and confident#

dominance of a boss or a teacher or other person perceived to be in authority overloading a person with new knowledge or learning tiredness stress caused by anything cold weather or cold conditions lack of food and drink illness or disability alcohol or drugs being in a minority or feeling e cluded unfamiliarity - newness - change

6sk yourself, when analysing body language# 6re there e ternal factors affecting the mood and condition of the individual concerned/ 4o not 3ump to conclusions - especially negative ones - using body language analysis alone.

body language - translation of gestures, signs and other factors - "uick reference guide
5hen translating body language signals into feelings and meanings remember that one signal does not reliably indicate a meaning. !lusters of signals more reliably indicate meaning. &his is a general guide. Body language should not be used alone for making serious decisions about people. Body language is one of several indicators of mood, meaning and motive. &his is a guide, not an absolutely reliable indicator, and this applies especially until you've developed good capabilities of reading body language signs. )ome of these signs have obvious meaningsK others not so. +ven *obvious* signs can be missed - especially if displayed as subtle movements in a group of people and if your mind is on other things - so I make no apology for including *obvious* body language in this guide. 6lso remember that cultural differences influence body language signals and their interpretation. &his guide is based on '5estern 5orld' and 'orth +uropean behaviours. 5hat may be 'obvious' in one culture can mean something different in another culture.

body language signs translation

&he body language signals below are grouped together according to parts of the body. ,eft and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements. &his is a summary of the main body language signals. :ore signals and meanings will be added.

)uggest any other signals that you wish to know, and "'ll add them.

body language warning

Body language is not an exact science. No single body language sign is a reliable indicator. Understanding body language involves the interpretation o several consistent signals to support or indicate a particular conclusion.

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

eyes - body language

%ur eyes are a very significant aspect of the non-verbal signals we send to others. &o a lesser or greater e tent we all 'read' people's eyes without knowing how or why, and this ability seems to be inborn. +yes - and especially our highly developed awareness of what we see in other people's eyes - are incredible. 1or e ample we know if we have eye contact with someone at an almost unbelievable distance. 1ar too far away to be able to see the detail of a person's eyes - 8<-I< metres away or more sometimes - we know when there is eye contact. &his is an absolutely awesome capability when you think about it. "ncredibly also, we can see whether another person's eyes are focused on us or not, and we can detect easily the differences between a 'gla,ed over' blank stare, a piercing look, a moistening eye long before tears come, and an awkward or secret glance. 5e probably cannot describe these and many other eye signals, but we recognise them when we see them and we know what they mean.

5hen we additionally consider the eyelids, and the fle ibility of the eyes to widen and close, and for the pupils to enlarge or contract, it becomes easier to understand how the eyes have developed such potency in human communications. ) note about eyes looking right and left.. (Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements) +yes tend to look right when the brain is imagining or creating, and left when the brain is recalling or remembering. &his relates to right and left sides of the brain - in this conte t broadly the parts of the brain handling creativity2feelings (right) and facts2memory (left). &his is analysed in greater detail below, chiefly based on 'L- theory developed in the D7G<s. (nder certain circumstances 'creating' can mean fabrication or lying, especially (but not always - beware), when the person is supposed to be recalling facts. Looking right when stating facts does not necessarily mean lying - it could for e ample mean that the person does not know the answer, and is talking hypothetically or speculating or guessing.
signal part possible of meaning(s) body detailed explanation

Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements. looking right (generally) eyes creating, abricating, guessing, lying, storytelling !reating here is basically making things up and saying them. "epending on context this can indicate lying, but in other circumstances, or example, storytelling to a child, this #ould be per ectly normal. $ooking right and do#n indicates accessing eelings, #hich again can be a per ectly genuine response or not, depending on the context, and to an extent the person. &ecalling and and then stating % acts% rom memory in appropriate context o ten e'uates to telling the truth. (hether the % acts% )memories* are correct is another matter. $e t do#n#ard looking indicates silent sel +conversation or sel +talk, typically in trying to arrive at a vie#

looking left (generally)

eyes

recalling, remembering, retrieving % acts%

or decision. looking eyes right and up visual imagining, abrication, lying &elated to imagination and creative )right+side* parts o the brain, this up#ards right eye+ movement can be a #arning sign o abrication i a person is supposed to be recalling and stating acts. Side#ays eye movements are believed to indicate imagining )right* or recalling )le t* sounds, #hich can include or example a person imagining or abricating #hat another person has said or could say. This is a creative signal but not a abrication + it can signal that the person is sel +'uestioning their eelings about something. !ontext particularly+ and other signals + are important or interpreting more speci ic meaning about this signal. &elated to accessing memory in the brain, rather than creating or imagining. , reassuring sign i signalled #hen the person is recalling and stating acts. $ooking side#ays suggests sounds- looking le t suggests recalling or remembering + not abricating or imagining. This there ore could indicate recalling #hat has been said by another person. Thinking things through by sel +talk + concerning an out#ard vie#, rather than the in#ard eelings vie# indicated by do#n#ard right looking. "irect eye contact is generally regarded as a sign o truth ulness, ho#ever practised liars kno# this and #ill ake the signal. /yes #hich stay ocused on the speakers eyes, tend to indicate ocused interested attention too, #hich is normally a sign o attraction to the person and0or the sub1ect.

looking right sideways

eyes

imagining sounds

looking right and down

eyes

accessing eelings

looking left and up

eyes

recalling images truth ulness

looking left sideways

eyes

recalling or remembering sounds

looking left down

eyes

sel +talking, rationali.ing

direct eye contact (when speaking) direct eye contact (when listening)

eyes

honesty + or aked honesty

eyes

attentiveness, interest, attraction

widening eyes

eyes

interest, appeal, invitation

(idening the eyes generally signals interest in something or someone, and o ten invites positive response. (idened eyes #ith raised eyebro#s can other#ise be due to shock, but aside rom this, #idening eyes represents an opening and #elcoming expression. 2n #omen especially #idened eyes tend to increase attractiveness, #hich is believed by some body language experts to relate to the eye0 ace proportions o babies, and the associated signals o attraction and prompting urges to protect and o er love and care, etc.

rubbing eye eyes or eyes

disbelie , upset, or &ubbing eyes or one eye can indicate disbelie , tiredness as i checking the vision, or upset, in #hich the action relates to crying, or tiredness, #hich can be due boredom, not necessarily a need or sleep. 2 the signal is accompanied by a long pronounced blink, this tends to support the tiredness interpretation. rustration ,n up#ard roll o the eyes signals rustration or exasperation, as i looking to the heavens or help. The pupil is the black centre o the eye #hich opens or closes to let in more or less light. "arkness causes pupils to dilate. So too, or some reason does seeing something appealing or attractive. The cause o the attraction depends on the situation. 2n the case o sexual attraction the e ect can be mutual + dilated pupils tend to be more appealing sexually that contracted ones, perhaps because o an instinctive association #ith darkness, night+ time, bedtime, etc., although the origins o this e ect are unproven. &esist the temptation to imagine that everyone you see #ith dilated pupils is sexually attracted to you. 3ormal human blink rate is considered to be bet#een six and t#enty times a minute, depending on the expert. Signi icantly more than this is a sign o excitement or pressure. Blink rate can increase to up to a hundred times a minute. Blink rate is not a reliable sign

eye shrug

eyes

pupils dilated (enlarged)

eyes

attraction, desire

blinking fre uently

eyes

excitement, pressure

o lying. blinking eyes infre uently various 2n re'uent blink rate can mean di erent things and so o ers no single clue unless combined #ith other signals. ,n in re'uent blink rate is probably due to boredom i the eyes are not ocused, or can be the opposite + concentration + i accompanied #ith a strongly ocused ga.e. 2n re'uent blink rate can also be accompanied by signals o hostility or negativity, and is there ore not the most revealing o body language signals. 4uickly raising and lo#ering the eyebro#s is called an %eyebro# lash%. 2t is a common signal o greeting and ackno#ledgement, and is perhaps genetically in luenced since it is prevalent in monkeys )body language study does not sit entirely happily alongside creationism*. 5ear and surprise are also signalled by the eyebro# lash, in #hich case the eyebro#s normally remain raised or longer, until the initial shock subsides. 6uch uss #as made in 6ay 7889 #hen :eorge ( Bush #inked at the 4ueen. The uss #as made because a #ink is 'uite an intimate signal, directed exclusively rom one person to another, and is associated #ith male lirting. 2t is strange that a non+contact #ink can carry more personal implications than a physical handshake, and in many situations more than a kiss on the cheek. , #ink is given additional spice i accompanied by a click o the tongue. 3ot many people can carry it o . ,dditionally + and this #as partly the sense in #hich Bush used it + a #ink can signal a shared 1oke or secret.

eyebrow raising (eyebrow !flash!)

eyes

greeting, recognition, ackno#ledgement

winking

eyes

riendly ackno#ledgement, complicity )e.g., sharing a secret or 1oke*

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

mouth - body language

&he mouth is associated with very many body language signals, which is not surprising given its functions - obviously speech, but also those connected with infant feeding, which connects psychologically through later life with feelings of security, love and se . &he mouth can be touched or obscured by a person's own hands or fingers, and is a tremendously fle ible and e pressive part of the body too, performing a central role in facial e pressions. &he mouth also has more visible moving parts than other sensory organs, so there's a lot more potential for variety of signalling. (nlike the nose and ears, which are generally only brought into body language action by the hands or fingers, the mouth acts .uite independently, another reason for it deserving separate detailed consideration. )miling is a big part of facial body language. 6s a general rule real smiles are symmetrical and produce creases around the eyes and mouth, whereas fake smiles, for whatever reason, tend to be mouth-only gestures.
signal part of body mouth possible meaning(s) aked smile detailed explanation

pasted smile

, pasted smile is one #hich appears 'uickly, is ixed or longer than a natural smile, and seems not to extend to the eyes. This typically indicates suppressed displeasure or orced agreement o some sort. Stretched across ace in a straight line, teeth concealed. The smiler has a secret they are not going to share, possibly due to dislike or distrust. !an also be a re1ection signal.

tight"lipped smile

mouth secrecy or #ithheld eelings

twisted smile mouth mixed eelings Sho#s opposite emotions on each side o the or sarcasm ace. dropped"#aw mouth smile aked smile 6ore o a practised ake smile than an instinctive one. The 1a# is dropped lo#er than

in a natural smile, the act o #hich creates a smile. smile " head tilted$ looking up bottom lip #utting out mouth play ulness, teasing, coy mouth upset ;ead tilted side#ays and do#n#ards so as to part hide the ace, rom #hich the smile is directed via the eyes at the intended target. $ike rubbing eyes can be an adult version o crying, so 1utting or pushing the bottom lip or#ard is a part o the crying ace and impulse. Bear in mind that people cry or reasons o genuine upset, or to avert attack and seek sympathy or kind treatment. $aughter deserves a section in its o#n right because its such an interesting area. 2n terms o body language genuine laughter is a sign o relaxation and eeling at ease. 3atural laughter can extend to all the upper body or #hole body. The physiology o laughter is signi icant. /ndorphins are released. Pain and stress reduces. ,lso vulnerabilities sho# and can become more visible because people%s guard drops #hen laughing. Unnatural laughter is o ten a signal o nervousness or stress, as an e ort to dispel tension or change the atmosphere. ,rti icial laughter is a signal o cooperation and a #ish to maintain empathy. <ne o many signals suggesting tension or stress, #hich can be due to high concentration, but more likely to be anxiousness. 2n#ardly+directed %displacement% )see body language glossary* sign, due to suppression o natural reaction due to ear or other suppressant. ,s above + an in#ardly+directed %displacement% sign, due to suppression o natural reaction. <ther#ise ho#ever can simply be to reshen breath, or as a smoking replacement.

laughter

mouth relaxation

forced laughter

mouth nervousness, cooperation

biting lip

mouth tension

teeth grinding chewing gum

mouth tension, suppression mouth tension, suppression

smoking

mouth sel +com orting Smoking obviously becomes habitual and addictive, but aside rom this people put things into their mouths because it%s com orting like

thumb+sucking is to a child, in turn rooted in baby experiences o eeding and especially breast eeding. thumb" sucking mouth sel +com orting , sel +com orting impulse in babies and children, substituting breast+ eeding, #hich can persist as a habit into adulthood.

chewing pen mouth sel +com orting $ike smoking and in ant thumbsucking. The pen or pencil is the teat. &emember that next time you che# the end o your pen... pursing lips mouth thought ulness, ,s i holding the #ords in the mouth until they or upset are ready to be released. !an also indicate anxiousness or impatience at not being able to speak. <r 'uite di erently can indicate upset, as i suppressing crying. mouth disapproval, 0 re1ection tongue The tongue extends brie ly and slightly at the centre o the mouth as i tasting something nasty. The gesture may be extremely subtle. ,n extreme version may be accompanied by a #rinkling o the nose, and a s'uint o the eyes. < ten an unconscious gesture o sel +regulation + stopping speech or reasons o shock, embarrassment, or or more tactical reasons. The gesture is reminiscent o the %speak no evil% #ise monkey. The action can be observed very clearly in young children #hen they #itness something %unspeakably% naughty or shocking. /xtreme versions o the same e ect #ould involve both hands. 3ail+biting is an in#ardly+redirected aggression borne o ear, or some other suppression o behaviour. $ater nail+biting becomes rein orced as a com orting habit, again typically prompted by rustration or ear. Stress in this context is an outcome. Stress doesn%t cause nail+biting- nail+ biting is the out#ard demonstration o stress. The cause o the stress can be various things )stressors*. See the stress article or more detail about stress.

tongue poke

hand mouth suppression, clampedover 0 holding back, mouth hands shock

nail biting

mouth rustration, 0 suppression hands

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

head - body language

&he head is very significant in body language. &he head tends to lead and determine general body direction, but it is also vital and vulnerable being where our brain is, so the head is used a lot in directional (likes and dislikes) body language, and in defensive (self-protection) body language too. 6 person's head, due to a very fle ible neck structure, can turn, 3ut forward, withdraw, tilt sideways, forwards, backwards. 6ll of these movements have meanings, which given some thought about other signals can be understood. &he head usually has hair, ears, eyes, nose, and a face, which has more comple and visible muscular effects than any other area of the body. &he face, our eyes and our hands, are the most powerful parts of our body in sending body language signals. &he head - when our hands interact with it - is therefore dynamic and busy in communicating all sorts of messages consciously and unconsciously.
signal part possible of meaning(s) body head agreement detailed explanation

head nodding

;ead nodding can occur #hen invited or a response, or voluntarily #hile listening. 3odding is con usingly and rather da tly also re erred to as %head shaking up and do#n%. ;ead nodding #hen talking ace+to+ ace one+to+one is easy to see, but do you al#ays detect tiny head nods #hen addressing or observing a group= This can be a aked signal. ,s #ith all body language signals you must look or clusters o signals rather than relying on one alone. $ook at the ocus o eyes to check the validity o slo# head nodding. >igorous head nodding signi ies that the listener eels the speaker has made their point or taken

slow head nodding

head attentive listening

fast head nodding

head hurry up, impatience

su icient time. 5ast head nodding is rather like the %#ind+up% hand gesture given o +camera or o + stage by a producer to a per ormer, indicating %time%s up + get o %. head held up head held high head tilted to one side head neutrality, alertness head superiority, earlessness, arrogance head non+ threatening, submissive, thought ulness ;igh head position signi ies attentive listening, usually #ith an open or undecided mind, or lack o bias. /specially i exhibited #ith 1utting chin.

, signal o interest, and0or vulnerability, #hich in turn suggests a level o trust. ;ead tilting is thought by some to relate to %si.ing up% something, since tilting the head changes the perspective o ered by the eyes, and a di erent vie# is seen o the other person or sub1ect. /xposing the neck is also a sign o trust. ;ead or#ard in the direction o a person or other sub1ect indicates interest. The rule also applies to a or#ard leaning upper body, commonly sitting, but also standing, #here the movement can be a distinct and signi icant advancement into a closer personal space .one o the other person. ;ead or#ard and upright is di erent to head tilted do#n#ard.

head forward$ upright

head interest, 0 positive body reaction

head tilted downward head shaking

head criticism, ;ead tilted do#n#ards to#ards a person is admonishment commonly a signal o criticism or reprimand or disapproval, usually rom a position o authority. head disagreement Side#ays shaking o the head generally indicates disagreement, but can also signal eelings o disbelie , rustration or exasperation. <bvious o course, but o ten ignored or missed #here the movement is small, especially in groups seemingly reacting in silent acceptance. The strength o movement o the head usually relates to strength o eeling, and o ten to the orce by #hich the head+shaker seeks to send this message to the receiver. This is an immensely po#er ul signal and is used intentionally by some people to dominate others.

pronounced head strong head disagreement shaking

head down head negative, (in response disinterested to a speaker or proposition) head down (while performing an activity) head de eat, tiredness

;ead do#n is generally a signal o re1ection )o someone%s ideas etc*, unless the head is do#n or a purpose like reading supporting notes, etc. ;ead do#n #hen responding to criticism is a signal o ailure, vulnerability )hence seeking protection*, or eeling ashamed. $o#ering the head is a sign o loss, de eat, shame, etc. ;ence the expressions such as %don%t let your head drop%, and %don%t let your head go do#n%, especially in sports and competitive activities. ;ead do#n also tends to cause shoulders and upper back to to slump, increasing the signs o #eakness at that moment. >ery similar to the %head held high% signal. ;olding the chin up naturally alters the angle o the head back#ards, exposing the neck, #hich is a signal o strength, resilience, pride, resistance, etc. , pronounced raised chin does other interesting things to the body too + it tends to li t the sternum )breast+bone*, #hich dra#s in air, pu ing out the chest, and it #idens the shoulders. These combined e ects make the person stand bigger. ,n exposed neck is also a sign o con idence. %!hin up% is or these reasons a long+standing expression used to encourage someone to be brave. (hen people are listening actively and responsively this sho#s in their acial expression and their head movements. The head and ace are seen to respond ittingly and appropriately to #hat is being said by the speaker. 3odding is relevant to #hat is being said. Smiles and other expressions are relevant too. The head may tilt side#ays. 6irroring o expressions may occur. Silences are used to absorb meaning. The eyes remain sharply ocused on the eyes o the speaker, although at times might lo#er to look at the mouth, especially in male+ emale engagements.

chin up

head pride, de iance, con idence

active listening

head attention, 0 ace interest, attraction

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

arms - body language

6rms act as defensive barriers when across the body, and conversely indicate feelings of openness and security when in open positions, especially combined with open palms. 6rms are .uite reliable indicators of mood and feeling, especially when interpreted with other body language. &his provides a good opportunity to illustrate how signals combine to enable safer analysis. 1or e ample#

crossed arms L possibly defensive crossed arms M crossed legs L probably defensive crossed arms M crossed legs M frowning M clenched fists L definitely defensive, and probably hostile too.

5hile this might seem obvious written in simple language, it's not always so clear if your attention is on other matters. Body language is more than 3ust knowing the theory - it's being aware constantly of the signals people are giving.
signal part of body possible meaning(s) detailed explanation

crossed arms arms (folded arms)

de ensiveness, !rossed arms represent a protective or reluctance separating barrier. This can be due to various causes, ranging rom severe animosity or concern to mild boredom or being too tired to be interested and attentive. !rossed arms is a commonly exhibited signal by subordinates eeling threatened by bosses and igures o authority. 3.B. People also cross arms #hen they are eeling cold, so be care ul not to misread this signal. hostile de ensiveness insecurity !lenched ists rein orce stubbornness, aggression or the lack o empathy indicated by crossed arms. :ripping upper arms #hile olded is e ectively sel +hugging. Sel +hugging is an attempt to reassure unhappy or unsa e eelings. (omen use this gesture. 6en tend not to. 2t%s a

crossed arms arms with clenched fists gripping own arms upper arms one arm arms

nervousness

across body clasping other arm by side(female) arms held behind body with hands clasped arms con idence, authority

%barrier% protective signal, and also sel + hugging.

,s demonstrated by members o the royal amily, armed orces o icers, teachers, policemen, etc. ,nother %barrier% protective signal.

handbag arms held in front of body(female) holding arms papers across chest(mainly male) ad#usting arms cuff$ watchstrap$ tie$ etc.$ using an arm across the body arms%hands arms 0 covering hands genital region(male) holding a arms 0 drink in hands front of body with both hands seated$ arms 0 holding hands drink on one side with hand from other side

nervousness

nervousness

,nother %barrier% protective signal, especially #hen arm is across chest.

nervousness

,nother %barrier% protective signal.

nervousness

,nother %barrier% protective signal.

nervousness

,nother %barrier% protective signal.

nervousness

<ne arm rests on the table across the body, holding a drink )or pen, etc*. ,nother %barrier% protective signal.

touching or scratching shoulder using arm across body

arms 0 nervousness shoulder

,nother %barrier% protective signal.

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

hands - body language

Body language involving hands is e tensive. &his is because hands are such e pressive parts of the body, and because hands interact with other parts of the body. Fands contain many more nerve connections (to the brain) than most if not all other body parts. &hey are e tremely e pressive and fle ible tools, so it is natural for hands to be used a lot in signalling consciously - as with emphasi,ing gestures - or unconsciously - as in a wide range of unintentional movements which indicate otherwise hidden feelings and thoughts. 6 nose or an ear by itself can do little to signal a feeling, but when a hand or finger is also involved then there is probably a signal of some sort. Fands body language is used for various purposes, notably#

emphasis, (pointing, 3abbing, and chopping actions, etc) illustration (drawing, shaping, mimicking actions or si,ing things in the air - this big2long2wide2etc., phoning actions, etc) specific conscious signals like the 6merican %*, the thumbs-up, the ?ictory-sign, and for rude gestures, etc. greeting people and waving goodbye (which might be included in the above category) and more interestingly in unconscious 'leakage' signals including interaction with items like pens and cigarettes and other parts of the body, indicating feelings such as doubt, deceit, pressure, openness, e pectation, etc.

Body language e perts generally agree that hands send more signals than any part of the body e cept for the face. )tudying hand body language therefore yields a lot of informationK hence the hands section below is large. &here are many cultural body language differences in hand signals. &he section below focuses on 5estern behaviour. :uch applies elsewhere, but avoid assuming that it all does.
signal palm(s) up or open part of body hands possible meaning(s) submissive, truth ul, honesty, appealing detailed explanation Said to evolve rom #hen open up#ard palms sho#ed no #eapon #as held. , common gesture #ith various meanings around a main theme o openness. !an also mean ?2 don%t have the ans#er,? or an appeal. 2n some situations this can indicate con idence )such as to enable openness*, or trust0trust#orthiness. ,n easily aked gesture to convey innocence. <ut#ard open orearms or #hole arms are more extreme versions o the signal.

palm(s) up$ fingers pointing up

hands

de ensive, &elaxed hands are more likely to be instruction to stop de ensive as i o ered up in protectionrigid ingers indicates a more authoritative instruction or re'uest to stop #hatever behaviour is promoting the reaction. authority, strength, dominance (here the lo#er arm moves across the body #ith palm do#n this is generally de iance or irm disagreement.

palm(s) down

hands

palm up and hands moving up and down as if weighing hand(s) on hands heart (left side of chest)

striving or or The hand is empty, but iguratively seeking an ans#er holds a problem or idea as i #eighing it. The signal is one o %#eighing% possibilities. seeking to be believed ,lthough easy to ake, the underlying meaning is one o #anting to be believed, #hether being truth ul or not. ;and on heart can be proactive, as #hen a salesman tries to convince a buyer, or

reactive, as #hen claiming innocence or shock. (hatever, the sender o this signal typically eels the need to emphasise their position as i mortally threatened, #hich is rarely the case. finger pointing hands (at a person) aggression, threat, Pointing at a person is very emphasis con rontational and dictatorial. !ommonly adults do this to young people. ,dult to adult it is generally unacceptable and tends to indicate a lack o social a#areness or sel +control aside rom arrogance on the part o the inger pointer. The inger is thought to represent a gun, or pointed #eapon. Strongly associated #ith anger, directed at another person. ,n exception to the generally aggressive meaning o inger pointing is the inger point and #ink, belo#. ackno#ledgement The subtle use o a #inked eye #ith a or con irmation pointed inger changes the inger point into a di erent signal, that o ackno#ledging something, o ten a contribution or remark made by someone, in #hich case the inger and #ink are directed at the person concerned, and can be a signal o positive appreciation, as i to say, ?@ou got it,? or ?@ou understand it, #ell done?. emphasis Pointing in the air is generally used to add emphasis, by a person eeling in authority or po#er. &ather like the #aving o a pistol as a threat. Stop it0do as you are told, or else.. The action is like pressing a button on a keypad several times. $ike #hen a computer or elevator #on%t #ork, as i pressing the button lots o times #ill make any di erence..

finger point and wink

hands0 eyes

finger pointing hands (in the air) finger wagging hands (side to side) finger wagging hands (up and down)

#arning, re usal

admonishment, emphasis

hand chop

hands

emphasis + The hand is used like a guillotine, as i especially the last to kill the discussion. #ord on a matter resistance, aggression, determination <ne or t#o clenched ists can indicate di erent eelings + de ensive, o ensive, positive or negative, depending on context and other signals. $ogically a clenched ist prepares the hand )and mind and body* or battle o one sort or another, but in isolation the signal is impossible to interpret more precisely than a basic eeling o resolve. >ery brainy olk use this gesture since it re lects complex and0or elevated thinking. 2n this gesture only the ingertips touch + each inger #ith the corresponding digit o the other hand, pointing up#ards like the ra ters o a tall church roo . 5ingers are spread and may be rigidly straight or relaxed and curved. ,lternating the positions )pushing ingers together then relaxing again + like a spider doing press+ups on a mirror* enables the ascinating e ect )nothing to do #ith body language*, #hich a ter enough repetition can produce a sensation o having a greased sheet o glass bet#een the ingers. Try it + it%s very strange. >ery brainy people probably don%t do this because they have more important things to think about. 2t%s their loss. The up#ards+pointing version tends to indicate high+minded or connective0complex thinking, ho#ever #hen this hand shape is directed or#ard it also acts as a de ensive or distancing barrier bet#een the thinker and other)s* present.

clenched fist(s) hands

finger tips and hands thumbs touching each other on opposite hands (!steepling!)

thought ulness, looking or or explaining connections or engagement

steepled fingers pointing forward

hands

thought ulness and barrier

palms down hands moving up and down$ fingers

seeking or asking Seen o ten in ro#dy meetings the or calm, loss o gesture is typically a e# inches above control o a group the table top, but is also seen standing

spread

or situation

up. The action is one o suppressing or holding do#n a rising pressure. Teachers use this gesture #hen trying to 'uieten a class. Usually male. 6achismo or habit. 6eaning depends on context. 3o+one kno#s still exactly ho# the noise is made, but the notion that the practice leads to arthritis is no# generally thought to be nonsense. Usually hands #ould be on a table or held across stomach or on lap. This is generally seen to be the %<A% signal, similar to the %thumbs up%. The signal may be to onesel 'uietly, or more pronounced directed to others. There is also the sense o this suggesting something being %1ust right% as i the inger and thumb are making a ine ad1ustment #ith a pinch o spice or a tiny turn o a control knob. The circle ormed by the 1oined inger and thumb resembles the < rom <A. The remaining three ingers are spread.

cracking knuckles

hands

com orting habit, attention+seeking

interwoven clenched fingers index finger and thumb touching at tips

hands

rustration, negativity, anxiousness satis action, %<A%

hands

thumb(s) up

hands

positive approval, 2n the (estern #orld this signal is so agreement, all commonly used and recogni.ed it has #ell become a language term in its o#n rightB %thumbs up% means approved. 2t%s a very positive signal. T#o hands is a bigger statement o the same meaning. disapproval, ailure $ogically the opposite o thumbs up. &ightly or #rongly the thumbs up and do#n signals are associated #ith the gladiatorial contests o the ancient &oman arenas in #hich the presiding dignitary #ould signal the ate o the losing contestants. ,s #ith other signals involving holding or stroking a part o one%s o#n body this tends to indicate sel +com orting. ,lso

thumbs down

hands

thumb(s) clenched inside fist(s)

hands

sel +com orting, rustration, insecurity

thumbs are potent and lexible tools, so disabling them logically reduces a person%s readiness or action. hand held hori&ontally and rocked from side to side hands undecided, in the balance Signalling that a decision or outcome, normally inely balanced and di icult to predict or control, could go one #ay or another. , signal + o ten a conscious gesture + o positive expectation, and o ten related to material or inancial re#ard, or an en1oyable activity and outcome. See mouth0hand clamp entry in mouth section, #hich is a sub1ect in its o#n right. This is said to hide the reddening o the nose caused by increased blood lo#. !an also indicate mild embellishment or abrication. The children%s story about Pinocchio )the #ooden puppet boy #hose nose gre# #hen he told lies* re lects long+standing associations bet#een the nose and telling lies. 3ose+scratching #hile speaking is a #arning sign, unless the person genuinely has an itchy nose. < ten exhibited #hen recounting an event or incident. 2n many cases this is an unconscious signalling o holding back or delaying a response or opinion. Pinching the nose physically obstructs breathing and speech, especially i the mouth is covered at the same time. &ather like the more obvious hand+clamp over the mouth, people displaying this gesture probably have something to say but are choosing not to say it yet. 3ose picking is actually extremely common among adults but does not aid

rubbing hands hands together

anticipation, relish

hand(s) clamped over mouth

hands 0 mouth

suppression, shock lying or exaggeration

touching nose$ hands 0 while speaking nose

scratching nose$ while speaking

hands 0 nose

lying or exaggeration

pinching or hands 0 rubbing nose$ nose while listening

thought ulness, suppressing comment

picking nose

hands 0 nose

day+dreaming, inattentive,

socially disconnected, stress

career development or social acceptance and is there ore normally a private a air. (hen observed, nose+picking can signi y various states o mind, none particularly positive. Usually accompanied #ith a long single blink. 3ot surprisingly gestures involving hands covering the ears signi y a reluctance to listen and0or to agree #ith #hat is being said or to the situation as a #hole. The gesture is occasionally seen by a person doing the talking, in #hich case it tends to indicate that other vie#s and opinions are not #anted or #ill be ignored. People iddle #ith their o#n bodies in various #ays #hen seeking com ort, but ear+pulling or tugging given suitable supporting signs can instead indicate indecision and related pondering. ;ands clasping head is like a protective helmet against some disaster or problem. The stroking o a beard is a similar signal, although rare among #omen. Usually the orearm is vertical rom the supporting elbo# on a table. People #ho display this signal are commonly assessing or evaluating next actions, options, or reactions to something or someone. 2 the resting is heavier and more prolonged, and the ga.e is un ocused or averted, then tiredness or boredom is a more likely cause. , lighter resting contact is more likely to be evaluation, as is lightly resting the chin on the knuckles. This is a more reliable signal o evaluation than the above ull+hand

pinching bridge of nose

hands 0 nose

negative evaluation re1ection o or resistance to something

hands clamped hands 0 on ears ears

ear tugging

hands 0 ears

indecision, sel + com orting

hands clasping hands 0 head head hand stroking chin hand supporting chin or side of face hands 0 chin

calamity

thought ulness

hands 0 evaluation, chin, ace tiredness or boredom

chin resting on hands 0 thumb$ index chin

evaluation

finger pointing up against face

support. 3ormally the supporting elbo# #ill be on a table or sur ace. The middle inger commonly rests hori.ontally bet#een chin and lo#er lip. hands 0 neck doubt, disbelie Perhaps evolved rom a eeling o distrust and instinct to protect the vulnerable neck area. (ho kno#s + #hatever, the signal is generally due to doubting or distrusting #hat is being said. !lasping a #rist, #hich may be behind the back or in open vie#, can be a signal o rustration, as i holding onesel back. Take your pick + running hands through the hair is commonly associated #ith lirting, and sometimes it is, although given di erent supporting signals, running hands through the hair can indicate exasperation or upset. The person is emphasi.ing their presence and readiness or action. <bservable in various situations, notably sport, and less pronounced poses in social and #ork situations. 2n social and lirting context it is said that the hands are dra#ing attention to the genital area. The obvious signal is one o inaction, and not being ready or action. Those #ho stand #ith hands in pockets + in situations #here there is an expectation or people to be enthusiastic and ready or action + demonstrate apathy and lack o interest or the situation. 5or people #ho #ear reading+only spectacles, this is an example o an announcement or alerting gesture, #here a person readies themselves to speak and attracts attention to the act. <ther alerting signals include raising the

neck scratching

hand clasping wrist

hands 0 #rist

rustration

running hands hair 0 hair lirting, or through hair vexation, exasperation

hand(s) on hip(s)

hands 0 arms

con idence, readiness, availability

hands in pockets

hands 0 arms

disinterest, boredom

removing spectacles

hands 0 alerting #ish to spectacles speak

hand, taking a breath, moving up#ards and or#ards in their seat, etc. playing an imaginary violin hands 0 arms mock sympathy or sadness The %air violin% has been around a lot longer than the %air guitar%, and is based on the traditional use o violin music as a theme or background or sad scenes in movies and in music generally. The %air violin% is not typically included in body language guides- it%s here as an amusing gesture #hich demonstrates our conscious practice and recognition o certain signals. , conscious signal, usually one+handed. 2nsulting gesture i directed at a person, typically male to male, since it mimics masturbation, like calling a person a %tosser% or a %#anker% )UA* or a 1erk+o )US*. This is obviously rude and not used in respectable company such as the 'ueen or a group o clergymen. The gesture is also used as a response to something regarded as poor 'uality, #hich might be a per ormance or piece o #ork or a comment on a product o some sort. The allusion is to masturbation being a poor substitute or sex #ith a #oman, and that those #ho masturbate are not %real men%. Unsurprisingly the gesture is mainly male, directed at other males, especially in tribal+like gatherings. &are emale use o this gesture directed at males can be very e ective due to its humiliating value. 5or obvious reasons the gesture is unlikely to be used by emales or males directed at emales. , consciously o ensive and aggressive gesture, also called % licking the >s%, #idely but probably incorrectly thought to derive rom the 141C Battle o ,gincourt in the ;undred @ears (ar #hen the tactically pivotal (elsh longbo#men supposedly derided the

thumb and hands fingers formed into a tube and rocked side to side or up and down(mainly male)

o ensive + mockery, dissatis action, expression o in erior 'uality

two"fingered hands 0 '"sign$ palm ingers inward(mainly male)

o ensive + derision, contempt

beaten 5rench soldiers% and their threats to cut o the bo#men%s ingers. two"fingered '"sign$ palm outward hands ingers victory, peace British 7nd (orld (ar leader (inston !hurchill popularised the victory usage, although apparently, signi icantly i so, irst used the palm in#ards version until he #as told #hat it meant to the #orking classes.

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

handshakes - body language

1irmness of handshake is not the reliable indicator of firmness of character that many believe it to be. 1irm handshakes tend to be those of confident people, especially those who have spent some time in business, and who realise that most people in business consider a firm handshake to be a good thing. Fandshakes that are uncomfortably firm show a lack of respect or awareness, especially if used in cultures (+astern especially) where firm handshaking is not normal. Fandshaking evolved from ancient times as an initial gesture of trust, to show that no weapon was being held. 'aturally also the handshake offers the most obvious way to connect physically as a way to signal trust or friendship. "n more recent times, especially from the D=<<s onwards, a handshake became the way to confirm a commercial transaction. Fandshaking by women became common practice much later, reflecting the change of social attitudes and the increasing e.uality of women, for whom a hundred years back such physical contact was considered improper. 5omen have throughout time generally been subservient to men, hence the very subservient female curtsey gesture (also spelled curtsy), which survives now only in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or ending a stage performance.
signal part of body possible meaning(s) detailed explanation

handshake handshake dominance " palm down

Usually a irm handshake, the %upper hand% tends to impose and0or create a dominant impression.

handshake handshake submission, Usually not a strong handshake, the lo#er " palm up accommodating hand has submitted to the upper hand dominance. ;o# all this ultimately translates into the subse'uent relationship and outcomes can depend on more signi icant actors than the handshake. handshake handshake seeking to " both convey hands trust#orthiness and honesty, seeking to control handshake handshake non+ " e ual threatening, and relaxed vertical pumping handshake enthusiasm handshake (hether genuine or not, this handshake is unduly physical and )o ten* uncom ortably domineering.

6ost handshakes are like this, #hen neither person seeks to control or to yield.

, vigorous pumping handshake tends to indicate energy and enthusiasm o the shaker to#ards the other person, the meeting, situation or pro1ect, etc*. There is a sense o attempting to trans er energy and enthusiasm, literally, rom the vigorous handshaker to the shaken person, hence the behaviour is popular in motivational olk and evangelists, etc. ,void the common vie# that a #eak handshake is the sign o a #eak or submissive person. 2t is not. (eak handshakes can be due to various aspects o personality, mood, etc. People #ho use their hands in their pro ession, or example, musicians, artists, surgeons, etc., can have 'uite gentle sensitive handshakes. Strong but passive people can have gentle handshakes. <ld people can have #eak handshakes. , #eak handshake might be due to arthritis. @oung people unaccustomed to handshaking can have #eak handshakes. 2t%s potentially a very misleading signal.

weak handshake various handshake

firm handshake out#ard handshake con idence

,void the common vie# that a irm handshake is the sign o a strong solid person. 2t is not. 5irm handshakes are a sign o out#ard con idence, #hich could mask deceit or a #eak bullying nature, or indicate a strong solid person. Strength o a handshake is not by itsel an indicator o positive %good% mood or personality, and caution is re'uired in reading this signal. 2t is #idely misinterpreted.

handshake handshake seeking control, (hen a handshake is accompanied by the le t with arm paternalism hand clasping the other person%s right arm this clasp indicates a #ish to control or a eeling o care, #hich can be due to arrogance. To many this represents an un#anted invasion o personal space, since touching %permission% is or the handshake only.

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

legs and feet - body language

Legs and feet body language is more difficult to control consciously or fake than some body language of arms and hands and face. Legs and feet can therefore provide good clues to feelings and moods, if you know the signs. :en and women sit differently, which needs to be considered when reading leg body language. -artly due to clothing and partly due to se ual differences, men naturally e hibit more open leg positions than women, which should be allowed for when interpreting signals. !ertain open-leg male positions are not especially significant in men, but would be notable in women, especially combined with a short skirt. %lder women tend to adopt more modest closed leg positions than younger women, due to upbringing, social trends, e.uality and clothing. 6gain take account of these influences when evaluating signals. 6lso consider that when people sit for half-an-hour or more they tend to change their leg positions, which can include leg

crossing purely for comfort reasons. 6gain allow for this when interpreting signals. Leg signals tend to be supported by corresponding arms signals, for e ample crossed arms and crossed legs, which aside from comfort reasons generally indicate detachment, disinterest, re3ection or insecurity, etc. '.B. 5here the terms 'leg crossing' and 'crossed legs' are used alone, this refers to the legs being crossed at both knees. &he '6merican' or '1igure-I' leg cross entails the supporting leg being crossed 3ust above the knee by the ankle or lower calf of the crossing leg. &his makes a figure-I shape, hence the name. &he posture is also called the 6merican leg cross because of its supposed popularity in the () compared to the (*, notably among males.
signal leg direction$ sitting " general part of body possible meaning(s) detailed explanation :enerally a seated person directs their knee or knees to#ards the point o interest. The converse is true also + legs tend to point a#ay rom something or someone #hich is uninteresting or threatening. The rule applies #ith crossed legs also, #here the upper knee indicates interest or disinterest according to #here it points. The more direct and obvious the position, the keener the attraction or repellent eeling. 2n sitting positions, open uncrossed leg positions generally indicate an open attitude, contrasting #ith #ith crossed legs, #hich normally indicate a closed attitude or a degree o caution or uncertainty. This unusual in men, especially i the knees point an angle other than straight ahead. The posture #as common in #omen due to upbringing and clothing and indicates a sense o properness. !rossed legs tend to indicate a degree o caution or disinterest, #hich can be due to

legs0knees interest, attentiveness )according to direction*

uncrossed legs$ sitting " general

legs

openness

parallel legs legs together$ sitting(mainly female) crossed legs$ sitting " legs

properness

caution, disinterest

general crossing legs$ sitting " specific change legs interest or disinterest in direction o upper crossed knee

various reasons, ranging rom eeling threatened, to mildly insecure. :enerally the upper crossed leg and knee #ill point according to the person%s interest. 2 the knee points to#ards a person then it signi ies interest in or enthusiasm or that person- i it points a#ay rom a person it signi ies disinterest in or a perceived threat rom that person. Signs are more indicative #hen people irst sit do#n and adopt initial positions in relation to others present. Signs become less reliable #hen people have been sitting or hal +an+hour or so, #hen leg crossing can change more or com ort than body language reasons. The %,merican% or % igure+4% leg cross is a ar more con ident posture than the conventional %both knees% leg cross. 2t exposes the genital region, and typically causes the upper body to lean back. The crossed leg is nevertheless a protective barrier, and so this posture is regarded as more stubborn than the %both knees% leg cross. This is a more protective and stubborn version o the plain ,merican leg cross, in #hich )usually* the opposite hand to the crossing leg clamps and holds the ankle o the crossing leg, e ectively producing a locked position, #hich re lects the mood o the person. This is a con ident dominant posture. ;appily extreme male open+crotch posing is rarely exhibited in polite or ormal situations since the signal is mainly sexual. This is a clear exception to the leg0knee point rule since the pointing is being done by the crotch, #hose target might be a single person or a #ider audience. 3ot a gesture popularly used by #omen, especially in ormal situations and not in a skirt. &egardless o gender this posture is also

(merican or figure") leg cross

legs

independent, stubborn

(merican or figure") leg cross with hand clamp

legs 0 resistant, arm 0 hand stubborn

open legs$ legs sitting(mainly male)

arrogance, combative, sexual posturing

combative because it re'uires space and makes the person look bigger. The impression o con idence is increased #hen arms are also in a #ide or open position. ankle lock$ sitting legs de ensiveness Anees may be apart )among men predominantly* or together )more natural in #omen*. There is also a suggestion o suppressing negative emotion. aggression, ready or action Splayed, that is #ide+parted legs create )usually unconsciously* a irm base rom #hich to de end or attack, and also make the body look #ider. ;ands on hips support the interpretation. Standing upright, legs straight, together and parallel, body 'uite upright, shoulders back, arms by sides + this is like the military %at attention% posture and is o ten a signal o respect or subservience adopted #hen addressed by someone in authority.

splayed legs$ standing

legs

standing !at attention!

legs 0 body

respect ul

legs legs intertwined$ sitting(female)

insecurity or ,lso called %leg t#ine%, this is a tightly sexual posing crossed leg, t#ined or #rapped around the supporting leg. "epending on the circumstances the leg t#ine can either be a sign o retreat and protection, or a sexual display o leg shapeliness, since a tight leg+ cross tends to emphasise muscle and tone. ,ssessing additional body language is crucial or interpreting such signals o potentially very di erent meanings. insecurity or Typically observed in groups o standing submission or people at parties or other gatherings, engagement de ensive signals such as crossed legs and arms among the less con ident group members is o ten rein orced by a physical and audible lack o involvement and connection #ith more lively sections o the group. (here legs are crossed and arms are not, this can indicate a submissive or committed agreement to stand and engage, so the standing leg cross relays potentially 'uite di erent things.

legs crossed$ standing (scissor stance)

legs

knee buckle$ standing

legs 0 knees

under pressure

<bviously a pronounced knee buckle is e ectively a collapse due to severe stress or actually carrying a heavy #eight, and similarly a less obvious knee bend #hile standing can indicate the anticipation o an uncom ortable burden or responsibility.

feet or foot direction or pointing

eet

oot direction $ike knees, eet tend to point to#ards the indicates ocus o interest + or a#ay rom something direction o or someone i it is not o interest. 5oot interest direction or pointing in this context is a subtle aspect o posture + this is not using the oot to point at something- it is merely the direction o the eet #hen sitting or standing in relation to people close by. directed to#ards dominant group member relaxation, lirting, sexual The signal is interesting among groups, #hen it can indicate perceptions o leadership or dominance, i.e., the or#ard oot points at the leader or strongest member o the group. , #oman #ould usually be relaxed to display this signal. 2n certain situations dangling a shoe rom the oot, and more so slipping the oot in and out o the shoe has sexual overtones.

foot forward$ standing

eet

shoe" play(female)

eet

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

personal space
&he technical term for the personal space aspect of body language is proxemics. &he word was devised by +dward &witchell Fall (b.D7DI), an 6merican anthropologist and writer on body language and non-verbal communications, especially relating to cross-cultural understanding. Fis D7G8 book, -ro emics, 6 )tudy of :an's )pacial >elationship, no doubt helped populari,e the new word. Fere is +dward &witchell Fall's website - he's an interesting character, and one of the founding fathers of modern body language theory. Fis other books are listed in the body language references

section below. >obert 6rdrey is cited by Hulius 1ast as another significant e pert and writer in personal space. -ro emics - personal space - is defined as (the study of) the amount of space that people find comfortable between themselves and others. -ersonal space dimensions depend notably on the individual, cultural and living background, the situation, and relationships, however some general parameters apply to most people, which for 5estern societies, are shown below. &here are five distinct space ,ones, which were originally identified by +dward & Fall, and which remain the basis of personal space analysis today. &he first ,one is sometimes shown as a single ,one comprising two sub-,ones.
&one *. +lose intimate distance for 8+1Ccm 8+Din detail

lovers, and Sometimes included #ith the 7nd .one belo#, this physical is a markedly di erent .one in certain situations, touching or example ace+to+ ace contact #ith close relationships riends rarely encroaches #ithin D inches, but commonly does #ith a lover.

,. -ntimate

1C+4Ccm physical Usually reserved or intimate relationships and D+1Ein touching close riendships, but also applies during relationships consenting close activities such as contact sports, and cro#ded places such as parties, bars, concerts, public transport, 'ueues and entertainment and sports spectating events. 3on+ consenting intrusion into this space is normally elt to be uncom ortable at best, or very threatening and upsetting at #orst. (ithin the intimate .one a person%s senses o smell and touch )being touched* become especially exercised. 4C+ 178cm 1Ein+4 t amily and Touching is possible in this .one, but intimacy is close riends o +limits. ;ence touching other than hand+ shaking is potentially uncom ortable. Signi icantly hand+shaking is only possible #ithin this .one only i both people reach out to do it. Touching is not possible unless both people reach to do it.

.. /ersonal

). Social" 1.7+F.Dm non+touch consultative 4+17 t interaction, social, business

0. /ublic

F.DmG 17 tG

no interaction, ignoring

People establish this .onal space #hen they seek to avoid interaction #ith others nearby. (hen this space is intruded by another person is creates a discom ort or an expectation o interaction.

eyes 0 mouth 0 head 0 arms 0 hands 0 handshakes 0 legs and feet 0 personal space

mirroring - matching body language signals

5hen body language and speech characteristics are mirrored or synchroni,ed between people this tends to assist the process of creating and keeping rapport (a mutual feeling of empathy, understanding, trust). &he term synchroni,ed is arguably a more accurate technical term because mirroring implies visual signals only, when the principles of matching body language e tend to audible signals also - notably speech pace, pitch, tone, etc. ':irrored' or synchroni,ed body language between two people encourages feelings of trust and rapport because it generates unconscious feelings of affirmation. 5hen another person displays similar body language to our own, this makes us react unconsciously to feel, A&his person is like me and agrees with the way " am. " like this person because we are similar, and he2she likes me too.A &he converse effect applies. 5hen two people's body language signals are different - i.e., not synchroni,ed - they feel less like each other, and the engagement is less comfortable. +ach person senses a conflict arising from the mismatching of signals - the two people are not affirming each otherK instead the mismatched signals translate into unconscious feelings of discord, discomfort or even re3ection. &he unconscious mind thinks, A&his person is not like meK he2she is different to me, " am not being affirmed, therefore " feel defensive.A

6dvocates and users of 'L- ('euro-Linguistic -rogramming) use mirroring consciously, as a method of 'getting in tune' with another person, and with a little practice are able to first match and then actually and gently to alter the signals - and supposedly thereby the feelings and attitudes - of other people, using mirroring techni.ues. )peech pace or speed is an e ample. 5hen you are speaking with someone, first match their pace of speaking, then gently change your pace - slower or faster - and see if the other person follows you. %ften they will do. -eople, mostly being peaceful cooperative souls, commonly .uite naturally match each other's body language. &o do otherwise can sometimes feel uncomfortable, even though we rarely think consciously about it. 5hen another person leans forward towards us at a table, we often mirror and do likewise. 5hen they lean back and rela , we do the same. )ales people and other professional communicators are widely taught to mirror all sorts of more subtle signals, as a means of creating trust and rapport with the other person, and to influence attitudes. :irroring in this conscious sense is not simply copying or mimicking. :irroring is effective when movements and gestures are reflected in a similar way so that the effect remains unconscious and subtle. %bvious copying would be regarded as strange or insulting. )ee 'L- ('euro-Linguistic -rogramming), and +mpathy.

body language of seating positioning in relation to others

Lots of unnecessary friction is created in work and communications situations due to ignorance and lack of thought about seating positions.

&he 'science' of where people sit in relation to each other, and on what and around what, is fascinating and offers opportunities for improving relationships, communications, cooperation and understanding. Fere are some guidelines. &hese points are generally for the purpose of a leader or someone aspiring to lead, or coach, counsel, etc. &hey also relate to one-to-one situations like appraisals, interviews, etc. )itting opposite someone creates a feeling of confrontation. 1or one-to-one meetings, especially with emotional potential (appraisals for e ample) take care to arrange seating before the meeting to avoid opposite-facing positions. "f you cannot arrange the seating give very deliberate thought to seating positions before you sit down and2or before you invite the other person to sit - don't 3ust let it happen because commonly, strangely, people often end up sitting opposite if free to do so. !onsider the rules about personal space. 4o not place chairs so close together that personal space will be invaded. !onversely sitting too far apart will prevent building feelings of trust and private2personal discussion. )itting opposite someone across a table or desk adds a barrier to the confrontational set-up and can create a tension even when the relationship is good and strong. "t's easy to forget this and to find yourself sitting opposite someone when there are only two of you at the table. )itting opposite across a table is okay for lovers ga,ing into each other's eyes, but not good for work, counselling, coaching, etc. )itting behind a work-desk (the boss behind his2her own desk especially) and having someone (especially a subordinate) sit in a less e pensive lower chair across the desk emphasises authority of the boss and adds unhelpfully to the barrier and the confrontational set-up. &his seating arrangement will increase the defensiveness of anyone already feeling insecure or inferior. &his positioning is favoured by certain bosses seeking to reinforce their power, but it is not helpful in most modern work situations, and is not a good way to increase respectful natural authority anyway. "ncidentally the

e pression 'on the carpet' - meaning being told off or 'bollocked' - derives from the e treme form of this positional strategy, when the victim, called into the office would stand to receive their bollocking on the carpet in front of the boss who sat high and mighty behind his desk. (&he boss would typically be male, and beaten2abused2neglected as a child, but that's another story.) )itting at a diagonal angle of about I; degrees to another person is a comfortable and cooperative arrangement. &his is achieved naturally by both sitting around the same corner of a s.uare table, which also enables papers to be seen together without too much twisting. &he same angle is appropriate for and easy-chairs around a coffee-table. 6 table ceases to become a barrier when people are sitting at a diagonal angle, instead it becomes a common work surface for studying papers, or e ploring issues together. )itting side by side on a settee is not a good arrangement for working relationships. "t threatens personal space, and obstructs communications. Low settees and easy-chairs and low coffee tables cause people to sink and rela back are usually unhelpful for work meetings. 1or this reason much seating in hotel lounges is entirely unsuitable for work meetings. -eople naturally are more alert and focused using higher formal table and chairs. "nterviews and appraisals can benefit from rela ed or more formal seating depending on the situation. "mportantly - make a conscious choice about furniture depending on the tone of the meeting, and how rela ed you want the meeting to be. &he I;-degree rule is appro imate, and anyway under most circumstances seating angles are influenced by furniture and available space. "mportantly, simply try to avoid opposite or side-by-side positions. 6n angle between these two e tremes is best - somewhere in the range of 8<-G< degrees if you want to be technical about it. >ound tables are better than s.uare or oblong tables for group and team meetings. %bviously this works well because no-one is at the head of the table, which promotes a feeling of e.uality

and teamwork. *ing 6rthur - or the creator of the legend (*ing 6rthur and the *nights of the >ound &able) - opted for a round table for this reason. &he term 'round table' has come to symbolise teamwork and fairness, etc., for a long time. (nfortunately round tables aren't common in offices, which means thinking carefully about best seating arrangements for s.uare or oblong tables. 6 confident leader will be happy to avoid taking the 'head of the table' position, instead to sit among the team, especially if there are particular reasons for creating a cooperative atmosphere. !onversely it is perfectly normal for a leader to take the 'head of the table' if firmness is re.uired in chairing or mediating, etc. "t is usually easier to chair a meeting from the head of the table position. &heory suggests that when a group sits around a table the person sitting on the leader's right will generally be the most loyal and aligned to the leader's thinking and wishes. 6 (likely) mythical origin is said to be that in >oman times a leader would place their most loyal supporter to their right because this was the most advantageous position from which to attempt an assassination by stabbing (given that most people then as now were right-handed). 6ssassination by stabbing is rare in modern work meetings, so positioning an opponent on your right side (instead of allowing the normal opposite positioning to happen) can be a useful tactic since this indicates confidence and strength. "n large gatherings of @<-8< people or more, a 'top table' is often appropriate for the leader and guest speakers. 5hile this seems like a throwback to more autocratic times, it is perfectly workable. Eroups of people above a certain si,e are far more likely to e pect firm direction2leadership, if not in making decisions, certainly to keep order and ensure smooth running of proceedings. &herefore seating arrangements for large groups should provide a clear position of control for the chairperson or event leaders.

body language in different cultures

Fere are some brief pointers concerning body language variations and gestures in cultures which differ from 5estern (()2(* notably) behaviour. " welcome refinements and additions to this section. -lease send any you can contribute. -eople in2from parts of "ndia may to shake their head from side to side as a sign of agreement and active listening. "n the (*2west we tend to nod our head to agree and affirm and to show we are listeningK in "ndia it is not unusual for people to move their heads from side to side in giving these reactions. "t is also seen as respectful practice. (&hanks ) !hurchill. "ncidentally on this point, sideways head-shaking of this sort is not a vigorous twisting movementK it is usually more of a sideways tilting of the head from one side to the other.) &his point (thanks > 1o ) concerns eye contact. +ye contact (other than unwanted staring) is generally regarded as a positive aspect of body language in 5estern cultures, which in this conte t typically refers to white +uropean people and descendents. 6 specific difference regarding eye contact can be found in some black !aribbean cultures however, whereby young people tend to be instructed not look at someone eye to eye when being told off or disciplined. 5hen cultures meet obviously this provides potential for friction, given the '5estern' e pectation in such situations, for e ample, ALook at me when "'m talking to youA. 1ilipino people (and in fact many other people of all races) can find it offensive2uncomfortable when beckoned by a repeatedly curled inde finger - the gesture evokes feelings of having done something wrong and being chastised for it. "n some 6ustralian 6boriginal cultures, it is disrespectful to look an elder, or person of a rank above you, in the eyes. "t is a sign of respect to drop your eyes, (whereas in 5estern culture not meeting somebody's ga,e is commonly considered to be a negative sign, indicating deceit, lying, lack of attention, lack of confidence, etc).

"n 6rab countries the thumbs-up gesture is rude. )howing the soles of the feet is insulting2rude in many 6sian and 6rab cultures, especially pointing the foot or feet at anyone. 1eet are considered 'inferior' parts of the body compared with the dignity of the face. "n 6rab culture the left hand and right hands have religious connotations which generally dictate that the left hand is not used for touching (for e ample shaking hands) or eating. 6rab handshaking tends to be more fre.uent and less firm - on meeting and departing, even several times in the same day. &he eyebrow flash may be considered rude or to carry se ual connotations in Hapanese culture. "nformal male-female touching is less common and can be considered improper in Hapan. &he 6merican-style '%*' sign - a circle made with thumb and inde -finger with other fingers fanned or outstretched - is a rude gesture in some cultures, notably Latin 6merica, Eermany and the :iddle +ast. Beckoning gestures in +astern cultures are commonly made with the palm down, whereas 5estern beckoning is generally palm up. &he offensive British25estern two-fingered ?-sign is not necessarily offensive in Hapan and may be considered positive like the 5estern palm-outwards 'victory' or 'peace' ?-sign in the 5est. "n some countries, Ereece, &urkey and Bulgaria for e ample, moving the head up2down or from side to side may have additional or different meanings to those conventionally interpreted in the (*2(). )pecifically, in &urkey, aside from using conventional (()2(*-style) head nodding and shaking, some people may also signal 'no' by moving their head up. (&his is a refinement of previous details about head movements in body language, and " welcome more information especially from people overseas as to precise variations to ()2(* conventional meanings in signally yes and no, and anything else, with head movements.)

"n Hapan the male bow is still commonly used, when the depth of the bow increases with the amount of respect shown, and is therefore a signal of relative status between two people. "n &he 'etherlands people touch the temple with the inde finger in order to indicate someone (or an action) is smart or intelligent. &ouching the forehead with the inde finger means someone (or an action) is stupid or cra,y. "n >ussia these meanings are reversed. Fere are some -apanese body language insights, especially for doing business in Hapan (thanks > 5ilkes)#

Figh-pitched laughter means nervousness. %n introduction, do not offer a handshake. 4epth of bow is impossible to 3udge without immense e perience# it is sufficient for a 5esterner to bow shallowly. Business cards should be e changed at the first possible opportunity. &he card received should be held in both hands and e amined carefully, and then stored, preferably in a wallet, on the upper half of the body. Folding a person's identity in one hand is casual2disrespectful. &he trouser pocket is a rude place. Blowing one's nose into a handkerchief in public is obscene. (5hat other bodily waste do you wrap up in cotton and put in your pocket/..) Hapanese businesses (unless they cannot afford it) have two types of meeting room# a 5estern style room with central table, and a room with sofas. &he sofa room is for non-antagonistic meetings. "n general, the I; degree rule seems to apply here - better to sit on ad3acent sides than across from one another. &his room can be a great place to cut deals. 'evertheless, the 'table' room is where transactions are formalised. &here the host of the meeting sits nearest to (and preferably with his back to) the door. (&his is probably chivalric in origin - he is first in the way of any invader to the room.) Fis team sits on the same side of the table in descending rank. &he chief guest sits opposite him and similarly the minions decline to the side. &he head of the table is not generally used in bilateral (two parties) meetings e cept by people brought in to advise on components of the agenda. 6 great boss may spend much of

the meeting with his eyes closed. Fe is considering what is being said by the subordinates and does not need visual distraction. Fowever, if he has a firm steer to give, he will instruct his deputy and this will be relayed immediately. Loss of eye contact is .uite normal with lower ranking people# if they drop their head, this indicates deep thought. %therwise, pure body signals are .uite similar to 5estern ones, with one notable e ception# touching the tip of the nose from straight ahead signals '"2me'. &he Hapanese language does have a word for 'no' but it is rarely used in business for fear of causing offence or loss of face. A$es, but...A is substantially more acceptable.

" welcome refinements and additions for body language in other cultures. -lease send any you can contribute. (&hanks to 4 %fek, E van 4uin, L !ampbell, 1 )u,ara, : Baniasadi, ) 6ydogmus, 44, and particularly to > 5ilkes for the Hapanese section.)

flirting, courtship, dating and mating sexual body language

:any signals in flirting, dating and mating body language are covered in the general translation signals above, and the fundamental principles of social2work body language also apply to the development or blocking of se ual relationships. %f course lots of flirting, and more, goes on at work, but for the purposes of this article it's easier to keep the two situations separate. &here are some differences which can completely change the nature of a signal given in a se ual conte t. )itting opposite someone is an e ample, which is confrontational at work, but is often intimate and enabling for se ual and romantic relationships# full constant eye-to-eye contact is helpful for intimacy, as is full frontal facing between male and female for obvious reasons.

-ersonal space must also be considered in a different way in social-se ual situations compared to work and non-se ual situations# 6t work, the primary consideration is given to respecting the personal ,ones and not invading closer than the situation warrants. "n a se ual flirting conte t however, personal space becomes the arena for ritual and play, and within reason is more of a game than a set of fi ed limits. 4ancing is further e ample of how body language operates at a different level in se ual-social situations. 4ifferent tolerances and tacit (implied) permissions apply. "t's a ritual and a game which humans have played for thousands of years. 4ancing relates strongly to the attention stage of the dating2mating2courtship process. "n many ways courtship echoes the selling and advertising model 6"46 (6ttention, "nterest, 4esire, 6ction). &his is also known as the Fierarchy of +ffects, since steps must be successfully completed in order to achieve the sale at the end. 1or e ample, nothing happens without first attracting attention, a point commonly ignored by people looking for a mate. &he attention stage is even more critical in crowded and highly competitive environments such as nightclubs and dating websites. 6nd while not technically part of body language, environment is a vital aspect of dating and mating. &he environment in which the dating activity is pursued e.uates to market2audience-targeting in business. -eople seeking a mate are effectively marketing themselves. !ommonly people head to where everyone else goes - to nightclubs and dating websites - but crucially these environments are highly unsuitable markets for many people, for instance those not good at dancing, and those not good at writing and communicating online. Hust as a business needs to find the best markets and ways of reaching its target audience, so in dating people can seek environments where they can best display their strengths and where relevant 'buyers' will be. *nowing about flirting body language becomes more useful in a favourable environment.

female indications of interest in a male

1emales have very many more ways of attracting attention to themselves than males, and so are able to e press interest and availability in far more ways than males tend to do. 1emale interest in males is relatively selective. :ale interest in females is by comparison constant and indiscriminate. &his is due fundamentally to human mating behaviour, evolved over many thousands of years, in which essentially women control the chase and the choice, and men respond primarily to female availability and permissions. &hese differences in behaviour perhaps mainly e ist because females produce one viable egg per month, about ;<< in a lifetime, whereas males make several hundred sperm every day. 4o the math, as they say. 6s with interpreting body language generally, beware of concluding anything based on a single signal. !lusters of signals are more reliable. 1oot pointing, knee pointing, and legcrossing signals can all be due simply to comfort, rather than e pressions of interest or se ual appeal. 6side from the specific flirting and se ual attraction signs below, females also e press interest using the general signalling e plained in the earlier sections, e.g., prolonged direct eye contact, active responsive listening, attentive open alert postures and body positions, etc. Fere are the most common female flirting body language signals and meanings, according to e perts on the sub3ect# eye contact - anything more than a glance indicates initial interest. eye catch and look away - establishing eye contact then looking away or down is said by many e perts to be the standard initial signal of interest designed to hook male reaction. &he reliability of the signal meaning is strengthened when repeated and2or reinforced with longer eye-contact. eye-widening - interest, simultaneously increasing attractiveness2appeal. eyelash flicker - subtle movement of eyelashes to widen eyes briefly.

pupil dilating - interest, liking what is seen, arousal. looking sideways up - lowering head, slightly sideways, and looking up - also known as doe-eyes, with eyelashes normally slightly lowered - displays interest and vulnerability2coyness, most famously employed by 4iana -rincess of 5ales, notably in her interview with :artin Bashir in battle for public sympathy following her split with -rince !harles. shoulder glance - looking sideways towards the target over the shoulder signals availability, and hence interest. smiling - obvious sign of welcoming and friendliness. moistening lips - lips are significant in signalling because (psychologists say) they mimic the female labia, hence the potency of red lipstick (suggesting increased blood flow) and moistening2licking the lips. parted lips - significant and potent attraction signal. preening - especially of hair, which e poses the soft underarm. flicking hair - often combined with a slight tossing movement of the head. canting !tilting# head - also e poses neck. showing inner wrist or forearm - a soft vulnerable area and erogenous ,one. straightening posture - standing taller, chest out, stomach in - a natural response to feeling the urge to appear more appealing. self-touching - drawing attention to se ually appealing parts of the bodyK neck, hair, cleavage, thigh, etc. - additionally selftouching is said to represent transference2imagining of being touched - and of course demonstration of what it would be like for the target to do the touchingK teasing in other words. self thigh-stroking - usually while sitting down - same as self-touching.

standing opposite - normally a confrontational positioning, but in flirting allows direct eye contact and optimi,es engagement. >efer also to personal space rules# less than Ift between people is personalK less than D= inches is intimate and only sustainable when there is some mutual interest and attraction, especially when direct facing and not in a crowded environment. '.B. !rowded environments distort the personal space rules, where implied permissions (e.g., for public transport and dense crowds or .ueues) override normal interpretations. leaning forward - sitting or standingK leaning forwards towards a person indicates interest and attraction. foot pointing - direction can indicate person of interest. knee-pointing - as foot pointing. leg twine - a tight-leg cross 'aimed' (combined with eye contact) at a target, or when sitting one-to-one, increases se ual allure since it emphasises leg shape and tone. 5hen employed flirtatiously, female leg crossing and uncrossing also has obvious se ual connotations and stimulates basic urges in males. shoe-dangling - positive signal of rela ation or of greater promise, especially if the foot thrusts in and out of the shoe. pouting - pouting involves tightening the lips togetherK the tongue rises to the roof of the mouth as if ready to swallow. -outing displays various emotions, not always a se ual one, for e ample pro3ection of the lower lip indicates upset. 6n attraction pout looks more like the initial forming of a kiss. picking fluff - removing fluff, hair, etc., from the target's clothes is playing in the intimate personal space ,one, in which the fluff picking is merely a prete t or e cuse. fondling cylindrical ob ects - phallic transference, for instance using pens, a dangling earring, a wine glass stem, etc. mirroring - mirroring or synchroni,ing gestures and positions is a signal of interest and attraction. )ee mirroring.

5hen considering body language in such detail, remember that males and females rely greatly on conversation and verbal communication to determine mutual attraction as soon as the situation allows. Body language in flirting can be significant in indicating a strong match, but 3ust as easily can merely be an initial filtering stage which progresses no further because other (infinitely variable) personal or situational criteria on either or both sides are not met. 6lso bear in mind that a lot of flirting happens for fun with no intention of proceeding to se ual or romantic attachment. &he purpose of this page is chiefly to e plain body language signals, not to e plain human relationships.

male interest in females

6s stated earlier there are reasons for the relative sparseness of male signals compared to female flirting signals. :ost men are interested perpetually in most women, and therefore male signals are generally designed to attract the attention of any females, rather than directed at one female in particular. :ale interest is basically always switched on and ready to respond to opportunity when female availability and interest are signalled and noticed. :en believe they take the lead, but actually mostly women do. :ale signals of interest in females essentially follow normal body language rules, for e ample widening eyes, dilated pupils, forward leaning, prolonged direct eye contact, active listening reactions, and these come into play once eye contact and2or pro imity is established. &he most prevalent signals males use to announce their availability and attract female attention are summarised below. (nder many circumstances these might be categorised under the headings 'pathetic' or 'amusing'. &he male of the species, despite a couple of million years of evolution, has yet to develop much subtle body language in this area.

posturing - erect stance, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in. wide stance - legs apart (standing or sitting) - to increase si,e. cowboy stance - thumbs in belt loops, fingers pointing to genital area. hands in pockets - thumbs out and pointing to genitals. *chest-thumping* - a metaphor describing various male antics designed to draw attention to themselves, often involving playpunching or wresting other males, laughing too loudly, headtossing, acting the fool, etc. room scanning - males who are available and looking for females tend to scan the room, partly to look for available females, but also to indicate they are available themselves. dress - clothing# style, fit, cleanliness, etc - is all an e tension of personality and is therefore part of body language. preening and grooming - ad3usting clothes, ties, cuffs, sleeves, tugging at trouser crotch, running hands through or over hair, etc. smell - certain smells are attractive to females but it's a comple and highly personal area yet to be understood well. 6nswers on a postcard please. tattoos - here's an interesting one, commonly ignored in conventional body language flirting guides. &attoos have dramatically altered in society's perceptions in the past generation. -reviously considered indicative of lower class, lower intellect, sailors, soldiers, builders, etc., nowadays they are everywhere on everyone. &attoos have been a significant part of human customs for thousands of years. &hey are decorative, and also (in evolutionary terms) suggested strength and machismo, since the process of obtaining them was painful and even life-threatening. !ertain females are attracted by tattoos on men, especially e tensive markings. "t's a drastic step to improve one's love life, but worthy of note, because the sub3ect is not as simple and negative as traditionally regarded. &attoos are significant attention-

grabbers, and given the variety of sub3ects featured, also provide interesting talking points. body piercings - again more comple than traditionally considered, piercings do attract attention and signify the wearer to be different. dancing - dancing, in a suitable place of course, has for thousands of years been an opportunity for males and females to display their physical and se ual potential. 5ith the e ception perhaps of pogo-ing and head-banging most dance styles replicate se ual movements - lots of rhythmic hip and leg work, contorted facial e pressions, sweating and occasional grunting, etc. 1or those blessed with a level of coordination dancing offers an effective way of attracting attention, especially in crowded competitive situations. 1or the less rhythmic, the lesson is to find a different environment.

stages of courtship
&he initial stages of a (usually) male-female se ual relationship are commonly represented as .uite a structured process, summarised below. "ncidentally courtship traditionally refers to the early stages of a male-female relationship leading up to se , babies, marriage and family life, (followed for many by mutual tolerance2indifference2loathing and acrimonious break-up). 1lirting is a common modern term for the early stages of courtship, or the beginnings of e tra-marital affairs, which is misleading since most flirting happens for fun and rarely progresses beyond non-se ual touching. "f considering flirting2courtship body language in the conte t of dating and mating, it's useful to recall the selling and advertising model 6"46 (6ttention, "nterest, 4esire, 6ction), and especially that nothing happens without first attracting attention. )ignificantly, women are said generally make the first move by signalling interest through establishing eye contact, and then confusingly for men, looking away.

&he process can disintegrate at any moment, often before it begins, because most men are too interested in themselves or the bloody football on the pub telly to notice the eye contact. 5here the process reaches past the first stage, here broadly is how it is said by body language e perts to unfold# D. +ye contact (females typically lower or avert their eyes once firm contact is made). @. >eturned eye contact (by male). 8. :utual smiling. I. -reening, grooming, posturing (male and female). ;. :oving together as regards personal space (male typically walks to female). G. &alking. J. 6ttentive active listening (or simulation of this, sufficient mutually to retain sense of mutual interest). =. )ynchroni,ing2mirroring each other's body language. 7. &ouching (more significantly by the femaleK subtle touching can happen earlier, and at this stage can become more intimate and daring). 6 generation ago this process took a little longer than it does today. 6lcohol accelerates things even more. $ou'll see variations of the above se.uence in body language books, and no doubt in real life too. :ales tend to react to obvious signs of availability shown by females but miss many subtle signals. 1emales give lots of subtle signals, tend not to repeat them too often, and infer lack of interest in a male failing to respond. "t's a wonder that anyone gets together at all. &he fact that most people do confirms that courtship is more comple than we readily understand.

bowing and curtseying body language

6lthough now rare in 5estern society bowing and curtseying are interesting because they illustrate the status and relationship aspects of body language, which are so significant in one-to-one situations. Bowing - Bowing is mainly a male gesture. Bending the upper body downwards towards another person or group is a signal of appreciation or subservience. &he bow was in olden times a standard way for men to greet or acknowledge another person of perceived or officially higher status. &he bow is also a gesture of appreciation and thanks which survives in entertainment and performance. :ale bowing traditionally varied from a modest nod of the head, to a very much more pronounced bend of the body from the hips. 4epth of bend reflects depth of respect or appreciation. 1or added dramatic effect the feet may be moved tightly together. 6 very traditional 5estern bow involves a deeper bend combined with the (normally) right-leg pushing backwards or 'scraping' on the ground, hence the e pression 'bowing and scraping'. &he effect can be augmented by the bower's hand pressing hori,ontally on the stomach, and the other arm e tended, or sweeping e travagantly in a circular motion, made all the more dramatic if combined with removing a hat. )uch behaviour is rare outside of !hristmas pantomimes these days, however interestingly even in modern times you will see men slightly nodding their heads in an involuntary 'semi-bow' when meeting a person and wishing to show respect or admiration. 6s such, the small nod or bow of a head can be a clue to perceived seniority in relationships. Bowing has long been more significant and comple in +astern cultures, where the gesture carries a similar deferential meaning, albeit it within more formal protocols and traditions. &he fundamental body language of bowing is rooted in showing subservience by lowering one's ga,e and body, literally putting the bower at a lower level than the other person. Bowing remains significant in Hapanese culture. .urtsey(curtsy - &he curtsey is the female e.uivalent of the male bow, and in their most e treme versions curtseying and bowing gestures are .uite similar. 6 curtsey is a bend of the knees, combined with a slight bow of the head, and sometimes a lifting of the skirt or dress at each side, at knee-height, by

both hands. &his skirt-lift dates from olden times when this prevented a long skirt from touching wet or muddy ground. &he female curtsey gesture survives in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or ending a stage or dance performance, in which you might see an older more flamboyant and deeper curtsey entailing one knee bending sideways and the other leg bending behind. !urtseying has effectively now been replaced by handshaking, although as with male bowing it is possible sometimes to see small head bows by women when meeting and shaking hands with someone regarded as superior or important. Bowing and curtseying as conscious intentional gestures have effectively disappeared from 5estern behaviour, but importantly people's body language continues to give much smaller unconscious signals which can be linked to these old formal gestures and their meanings.

body language glossary

&his is not an e haustive collection of body language terminology - 3ust a summary of the main and most interesting definitions. absorbed actions - actions stimulated through unconscious mirroring. active listening - listening very attentively and empathi,ing and reflecting back understanding through body language and usually words too. adaptors - small signals given when an ious or when behaving in a way that does not comfortably match the feelings, for e ample lip-biting or face-touching, which are selfcomforting signals. alerting(announcement gestures - indicating need to speak, for e ample raising a hand, or taking a breath and lifting the shoulders. american leg cross - the '6merican' or '1igure-I' leg cross entails the supporting leg being crossed 3ust above the knee by

the ankle or lower calf of the crossing leg. &his makes a figureI shape, hence the name. &he posture is called the 6merican leg cross because of its supposed popularity in the () compared to the (*, notably among males. anthropology - the study of humankind in all respects especially culturally, socially and in evolutionary terms, and how these key aspects inter-relate. &he word anthropology is from Ereek anthropos meaning human being. 6nthropology, like psychology and ethnology and ethology, is a science which over-arches the study of body language, and provides useful (and for serious students, essential) conte t for understanding the reasons and purposes of body language. 6nthropology has been studied one way or another for thousands of years and became established under that name in the D;<<s. &he Fuman Eenome pro3ect, which basically mapped the human genetic code (started D77<, completed in @<<8, and ongoing) is probably the largest anthropological study ever performed. asymmetric(asymmetry - describing gestures or facial e pressions, especially a smile, that are not symmetrical (e.ual on both sides), which tends to indicate incongruence or a mi ed signal and not what it might initially seem to mean. auto-contact - describing self-touching gestures and actions. autonomic(automatic signals - effectively involuntary stress-induced physiological behaviours, such as crying, shaking, blushing, .uickened pulse-rate, and in e treme cases retching, vomiting, fainting, etc. "nvoluntary in the sense that it is virtually impossible to control these signals because they are controlled by the very basic part of the brain responsible for our most basic bodily functions. Breathing rate is perhaps the e ception, which while in many cases will speed as a physiological response to stress, can often be controlled and slowed or deepened given suitable conscious effort. back-channel signals - positive body language reactions to a speaker. baton signals - gestures which reinforce the rhythm of speech.

barrier - describing signals in which the hands or arms or a table, or ad3usting clothing, etc., form a defence or obstruction between two people, such a folded arms. buttress stance - weight bearing leg is straight, while the front leg is forward, usually with the foot pointing outwards from the body. >egarded as a signal of reluctance or readiness to depart. cluster - term for a group of body language signals, which more reliably indicate meaning or mood than a single signal. cognitive dissonance - conflicting understanding or feelings cognition is understanding things through thoughtK dissonance is disharmony or conflict. &his is a widely used term in psychology and the effect arises very commonly in relationships and communications. !onflicting body language signals can sometimes indicate this attitude or reaction in a person. compliance - submissive behaviour, hence compliance signals or signs, which indicate this. courtship - an old term for (typically) male-female relations from initial meeting through to going-out relationship stage. !ourtship in olden times (broadly since the middle ages up until the mid-late D7<<s) referred to .uite formal steps of increasing familiarity between male and female, through to intimacy, perhaps with a little touching of hands or kissing, and lots of going out for walks and visits to the cinema or theatre, etc. )e might not rear its scary head for weeks, months or yearsK and sometimes, especially if the female was from an elite or religiously obsessed family, not until the wedding night. 'owadays 'courtship' is a much speedier affair and among modern young people can be started, fully consummated and effectively forgotten in a matter of minutes. denial - signals of denial effectively undo or contradict more conscious typically false or manufactured body language, thereby betraying true feeling or motive. displacement - a stress signal typically prompted by suppression of natural reaction due to fear or other inhibition, for e ample biting fingernails, picking at finger(s) or thumb.

distraction - signalling prompted by stress, usually .uite inappropriate to the needs of the situation, for e ample stretching and rela ing, or pausing to take a drink when an emergency arises. emotional intelligence - also known as +N, +motional "ntelligence is based on 'feeling intelligence' (rather than "N "ntelligence Nuotient - based on logical intelligence), and the capability to understand and communicate with others very empathically, which re.uires awareness of emotional behaviour and ability to deal with people sensitively. )ee +motional "ntelligence. emphatic(emphasi'ing gestures - gestures which reinforce the meaning of spoken words, e.g., 3abbing fingers, weighing hands. erogenous 'one - any part of the human body particularly sensitive to touching and se ual arousal - the word erogenous first appeared in the late D=<<s which suggests when the effect was first analysed and recorded in any serious sense. &he word erogenous derives from +ros, the Ereek god of love (!upid is >oman), from which the word erotic also derives. +rogenous ,ones contain high concentration of nerve endings and are significant in flirting and se . 6side from the obvious genital areas and bottoms and breasts, erogenous ,ones include necks, inner side of arms and wrists, armpits and lips. "ncidentally the E in E-spot is named after +rnst Erafenberg (D==D-D7;J) a Eerman-born gynaecological doctor and scientist who as well as being an e pert on the female orgasm, was first to invent and commercially market a "(4 (intrauterine device or coil) for female birth control. ethnology - the study of different ethnic people and their differences and relationships. +thnology is a branch of anthropology, concerned with ethnic effects, and where this involves behaviour it certainly relates to body language. &he word ethnology is derived from Ereek ethnos meaning nation. &he establishment of the science and word ethnology is credited to )lovakian26ustrian 6dam 1ran, *ollar (DJD=-DJ=8), a nobleman, professor and librarian who became a !ourt !ouncilor for the Fabsburg :onarchy of the *ingdom of

Fungary, as it once was. &he modern study and awareness of ethnology is arguably hampered by sensitivities around racism. +thnic differences between people obviously e ist, and ironically where over-sensitivity to racism and e.uality obstructs debate, society's understanding of these issues remains clouded and confused. ethology - ethology is primarily the science of animal behaviour, but increasingly e tends to human behaviour and social organi,ation. &he word ethology first appeared in +nglish in the late D=<<s, derived from the Ereek word ethos meaning character or disposition. +thology became properly established during the early D7<<s. 6ustrian ,oologist and D7J8 'obel -ri,ewinner *onrad Loren, (D7<8-=7) was a founding figure. 4esmond :orris, author of &he 'aked 6pe, is an ethologist. )o is the evolutionary biologist >ichard 4awkins. 5here ethology considers animal evolution and communications, it relates strongly to human body language. !harles 4arwin's work pioneered much ethological thinking. eye flash - a sudden direct glance to attract attention or warn, usually followed by some other more specific signal. eyebrow flash - .uickly raising and lowering both eyebrows typically in greetings, recognition, acknowledgement, or surprise. 6n eyebrow flash can therefore also be a signal of positive interest. eye shrug - upwards eye-roll signalling frustration. face frame - framing the face with the hands to hold or attract listeners' attention. haptics - the study of human touch, from the Ereek word haptikos, meaning able to touch. &he word haptics in this sense entered the +nglish language in the D=<<s, which indicates when human touch began to be a serious area of study. hybrid expression - a term apparently originated by !harles 4arwin, it refers to a facial e pression which combines two seemingly different or opposing meanings, for e ample a smile with a head-turn away from the person the smile is meant for. Fybrid e pressions provide further emphasis of the need to

avoid reading single signals. !ombinations of signals and conte t are necessary, especially to make sense of hybrid e pressions which contain different meanings. illustrative gesture - gestures which shape or describe the physical dimensions of something by using the hands in the air. index finger - first finger of the hand - usually the most dominant and de terous finger, hence used mostly in pointing gestures. kine - an obscure term describing a single body language signal (devised by body language e pert 4r >ay Birdwhistell, c.D7;@, from the longer term kinesics). kinesics - the technical term for body language. %inesics is pronounced 'kineesicks' with stress on the 'ee'). &he word kinesics was first used in +nglish in this sense in the D7;<s, from the Ereek word kinesis, meaning motion. labial tractors - a wonderful term for the muscles around the mouth. &he word labial in phonetics means closure or part closure of the mouth, and additionally refers to the resulting vowel sounds produced, like w, oo, etc. leakage - leakage signals are the small signs which are most difficult to control or mask, and which therefore offer clues even when someone is generally in good control of their outgoing body language signals. mask(masking - using body language, usually intentionally, to deceive others as to true feelings or motives. metronome(metronomic signals - these are any rhythmic tappings or movements which indicate a readiness or selfprompting to speak or take action- a termed devised by body language e pert Hudi Hames. micro-gestures - tiny body language 'leakage' signals, often unconsciously sent and interpreted, more likely to be seen and reacted to unconsciously rather than consciously, unless concentrating determinedly.

mime(miming gestures - gestures used consciously to convey a specific message, such as e tending the thumb and little finger by the ear to say A-hone me,A or wiping imaginary sweat from the brow to e press relief after a crisis subsides. mirroring - the synchroni,ing or matching of body language (and speech characteristics), usually between two people, which helps build feelings of trust and empathy. :irroring works like this because similar signals produce unconscious feelings of affirmation. 5hen a person's signals are mirrored the unconscious mind thinks, A&his person is like me and agrees with the way " am. " like this person because we are similar, and he2she likes me too.A )ee 'L('euro-Linguistic -rogramming), and +mpathy. -acing refers to the mirroring of someone's speed of movements. /,$(/euro-linguistic programming - a branch of psychology developed in the D7G<s which combines language, body movement and thought to optimise self-control and development, and relationships and communications with others. 'L- research has fuelled much of the analytical aspects of modern popular body language, notably mirroring and eye movements. palm - inside surface of the hand - significant in body language because an open palm has for thousands of years indicated that no weapon is concealed, which survives as perhaps a genetically inherited signal of peace, cooperation, submissiveness, etc. phallus(phallic - phallus means penis, from the ancient Ereek word phallos of the same meaning. -hallic refers to something which looks like or represents a penis, often called a phallic symbol. -hallic symbols are prevalent in psychology and aspects of flirting or se ual body language. &he female e.uivalent term is a yonic symbol, from yoni, Findu for vulva and a symbolic circular stone representing divine procreation. $oni was originally an old )anskrit word, meaning source or womb. physiognomy - an obscure yet related concept to body language. -hysiognomy refers to facial features and e pressions which indicate the person's character or nature, or

ethnic origin. &he word physiognomy is derived from medieval Latin, and earlier Ereek (phusiognominia), meaning (the art or capability of) 3udging a person's nature from his2her facial features and e pressions. physiology - the branch of biology concerned with how living organisms function, notably parts of the human body. physiological signals - body language produced by the unconscious basic brain which controls bodily functions, which in body language can be signals such as sweating, blushing, breathlessness, yawning, weeping, feeling faint, nauseous, repulsion, etc. primary emotions - first identified by !harles 4arwin, typically represented as happiness, sadness, disgust, anger, fear, surprise, and linked to universal facial e pressions and recognition. proxemics - the technical term for the personal space aspect of body language. &he word and much of the fundamental theory was devised by +dward &witchell Fall, an 6merican anthropologist in the late D7;<s and early D7G<s. &he word is Fall's adaptation of the word pro imity, meaning closeness or nearness. pseudo-infantile gestures - gestures of childlike vulnerability, often made to avert attack, attract sympathy, or to induce feelings of compassion, attention, etc. pupil - the round black centre of the eye which enlarges or contracts to let more or less light into the eye. &he pupil generally enlarges (dilates) in the dark, and contracts in brightness. +nlarged pupils are also associated with desire and allure. +nlarged pupils are not a symptom of smoking drugs as commonly believed. &his is probably a confusion arising from the fact that conditions are relatively dark when such 3udgements are made. rictus - a fi ed grimace, usually resulting from shock or nervousness. 1rom Latin word meaning 'open mouth'. scissor stance - standing leg cross. ?arious meanings very dependant on conte t and other signals.

self-motivating gestures - gestures signalling attempting to increase mental work-rate or activity, like tapping the head repeatedly or making circular motions with the hands, as if winding the body up. show - (noun) - a 'show' is term recently adopted by body language commentators referring to a body language signal. &he term is slang really, not technical. 1or terminology to become casually 'hip' in this way reflects the mainstream appeal of body language as a sub3ect. steepling - forming the fingers into a a pointed roof shape, often signalling elevated thinking or arrogance. submission(submissive - describing body language which signals inferiority feelings towards another person. :ay be conscious and formal as in bowing, or unconscious as in slightly lowering the head and stance. synchroni'ing - a technical term e.uating to mirroring or matching of body language between two people. )ynchroni,ing is technically more appropriate since it naturally includes audible signals (voice pace and pitch, etc), whereas the mirroring term normally makes people think of visual signals only. &he principles of synchroni,ed body language definitely include audible signals in addition to physical visual signs. )ee mirroring. tell - (noun) - a 'tell' - a slang term similar to 'a show' recently adopted by body language commentators which means a signal. tie signs(signals - signals between lovers or intimate couples which discreetly convey messages to each other and which are not usually intended for anyone else.

body language references sources and books

)ome of the older books listed here have since been republished by different publishers.

5illhelm 5undt, &he Language of Eestures, D7@D !harles 4arwin, &he + pressions of the +motions in :an and 6nimals, D=J@, :urray +dward &witchell Fall, &he )ilent Language, D7;7, 4oubleday + & Fall, -ro emics - 6 )tudy of :an's )patial >elationship, D7G8, "nternational (niversities -ress + & Fall, &he Fidden 4imension, D7GG, 4oubleday H ) Bruner and > &a.uiri, &he -erception of -eople, D7;I, Fandbook of )ocial -sychology, 6ddison 5esley >obert 6rdrey, &he &erritorial "mperative, D7GG, 4ell 4esmond :orris, &he 'aked 6pe, D7GJ, !ape Hulius 1ast, Body Language, D7JD, -an 4 Fartland and ! &osh, Euide to Body Language, @<<D, !a ton - +kman, + > )orenson and 5 ? 1riesen, -an-!ultural +lements in 1acial 4isplays of +motion, )cience ?ol DGI, 'o 8=J;, I 6pr D7G7 ! Boyes, 'eed to *now Body Language, @<<;, Farper !ollins + *uhnke, Body Language for 4ummies, @<<J, 5iley Hudi Hames, &he Body Language Bible, @<<=, >andom Fouse %ther significant and founding body language writers include# &inbergen, 'K 5atchtel, - LK )chlefen, 6 +K %rtega $ Easset, HK !arpenter, ! >K !herry, !K 4ittman, -arloff O BoomerK 1rank, L *K Eoffman, +K *in,ell, 6 1K :ehrabian O 5ienerK 'ielsen, EK Loren,, *K :ahl, E 1. &he author >oger + 6 tell writes entertainingly and informatively about international body language and behaviours.

other audible signals

&his section is not particularly scientific. "t's more for interest and to make a general point# Body language and the spoken words themselves do not provide all the clues, there are others. %ther audible signals (apart from the words themselves) also give lots of clues about feeling, mood, motive and personality. 5ords themselves convey their own meaning, which is another sub3ect, not least when we think about vocabulary, grammar, word-choice, etc. But what about all the other noises and silences from people's mouths/ %ther audible signals which are not generally regarded as part of body language or non-verbal communications include for e ample#

pitch (the contant musical note of the voice) pace (speed or rate of talking) volume - from whispering to shouting volume variation (how volume changes in phrases or longer passages of speech) intonation and 'musicality' (how the pitch changes according to what is being said) timbre (.uality or sound of the voice, and how this changes) emphasis (of syllables, words or phrases) pro3ection (where the voice is being pro3ected to - for e ample lots of pro3ection, as if talking to a big group, or none, as if mumbling) pauses, silences and hesitation 'erm's and 'erh's gasps, tuts, and other intakes and e halations of breath habits, such as A" think...,A A$ou know...,A ALike...,A laughing and giggling (which can be interspersed within speech, or separate signals, such as nervous laughter)

and all sorts of other audible2vocal effects, including# accents and dialects accent affectations ('received' or conditioned, false or e aggerated - permanent or temporary, for e ample social

climbers, and ordinary people who have a 'telephone voice', or a voice for talking to authority figures) mistakes (spoonerisms, malapropisms, mispronunciation) drying up, being lost for words, stuttering (as distinct from a stammer) overtalking (feeling the need to fill a silence) interrupting holding back (someone has something to say but isn't saying it) coughs and grunts (some types of coughing suggest something other than a tickly throat) belching and burping whistling tongue clicking, teeth-sucking, raspberries, etc

&echnically these signals are not body language or non-verbal communications, but all of these sounds (and silences) are .uite different from the spoken words, and they can all convey more and2or different meaning compared to the spoken words themselves. 6ll of this audible signalling happens for a purpose. 5e might not easily know what the purpose is, but being aware of it is the start of being able to understand it better, in others, and possibly also in ourselves. !ommonly the more noticeable unnecessary signals are embellishments or defensiveness - a kind of showing-off or protection. %ther aspects can be more subtle indicators of social background or aspiration, and thereby of relationship and attitude towards other people. &hese other audible signals represent a big and comple area which seems yet to have been researched and analysed to the e tent that body language has. 6lso cultural differences are potentially influential, which hinders translation and specific interpretation. 4espite this, initially simply being aware of these signals will begin to shape an appreciation of their significance, and in many cases their underlying meanings.

Hohari enthusiasts might en3oy seeking feedback and asking others about what their own signals mean, that is if you2they are aware of the behaviours. !ertain principles of graphology (handwriting analysis) are helpful in understanding how people use words and language in a wider sense. &he style and nature of our written and vocal e pressions inevitably provide a reflection of our feelings and personality. " am grateful to )andra :c!arthy for her help in producing this guide to body language.

see also

&ransactional 6nalysis +mpathy - including Levels of Listening 4ating and matchmaking 'L- - 'euro-Linguistic -rogramming 6ssertiveness and )elf-!onfidence +motional "ntelligence cliches, e pressions and words origins !lean Language Bloom's &a onomy of Learning 4omains -ersonality )tyles and -sychometrics :odels

empathy, trust, diffusing conflict and handling complaints

empathy skills - for relationships, communications, complaints, customer retention, conflict and levels of listening types

+mpathy and trust are a platform for effective understanding, communication and relationships. +mpathy and trust are essential to develop solutions, win and retain business, and avoiding or diffusing conflict. +mpathy and trust are essential for handling complaints and retaining customers. &hese days we need to be more effective communicators to be successful in business - and in life. &he 'steps of the sale', persuasion, closing techni.ues, features and benefits do not build rapport or relationships - empathy, trust, understanding and sympathetic communications do. %ne-sided persuasion is not sustainable and is often insulting, especially when handling complaints. &rust and empathy are far more important in achieving and sustaining successful personal and business relationships. 6 certain legacy of the days of the hard-sell is that many consumers and business people are more reluctant to e pose themselves to situations where they may be asked to make a decision. &his places e tra pressure on the process of arriving at a deal, and very special skills are now needed to manage the situations in which business is done. :ost modern gurus in the areas of communications, management and self-development refer in one way or another to the importance of empathy - really understanding the pther person's position and feelings. Being able to 'step back', and achieve a detachment from our own emotions, is essential for effective, constructive relationships. 5hether for selling, customer retention, handling complaints, diffusing conflict, empathy helps.

trust - and understanding the other person*s standpoint

-art of the 'empathy process' is establishing trust and rapport. !reating trust and rapport helps us to have sensible 'adult' discussions (see &ransational 6nalysis, which is another useful model for understanding more about empathy).

+stablishing trust is about listening and understanding - not necessarily agreeing (which is different) - to the other person. Listening without 3udging. 6 useful focus to aim for when listening to another person is to try to understand how the other person feels, and to discover what they want to achieve. 4r )tephen !ovey (of '&he )even Fabits %f Fighly +ffective -eople'P fame) is one of many modern advocates who urge us to strive deeply to understand the other person's point of view. )haron 4rew :orgen's Buying 1acilitation concept is another signpost towards this more open, modern, collaborative approach (and it is not retricted to buying and selling). "t is difficult and rarely appropriate to try to persuade another person to do what we wantK instead we must understand what the other person wants, and then try help them to achieve it, which often includes helping them to see the way to do it (which is central to )haron 4rew :orgen's approach). 5e must work with people collaboratively, to enable them to see what they want, and then help tem to see the ways achieve it. &he act of doing all this establishes trust.

listening
%f all the communications skills, listening is arguably the one which makes the biggest difference. &he most brilliant and effective speaker utlimately comes undone if he2she fails to listen properly. Listening does not come naturally to most people, so we need to work hard at itK to stop ourselves '3umping in' and giving our opinions. :ostly, people don't listen - they 3ust take turns to speak - we all tend to be more interested in announcing our own views

and e periences than really listening and understanding others. &his is ironinic since we all like to be listened to and understood. !ovey says rightly that when we are understood we feel affirmed and validated. Fe coined the e pression# ')eek first to understand, and then to be understood', which serves as a constant reminder for the need to listen to the other person before you can e pect them to listen to you.

levels of listening - *effective listening*

&here are different types of listening. &ypically they are presented as levels of listening. ?arious people have constructed listening models. Below is an attempt to encompass and e tend good current listening theory in an accessible and concise way. Bear in mind that listening is rarely confined merely to words. )ometimes what you are listening to will include other sounds or intonation or verbal2emotional noises. )ometimes listening involves noticing a silence or a pause - nothing - 'dead air' as it's known in broadcasting. $ou might instead be listening to a musical performance, or an engine noise, or a crowded meeting, for the purpose of understanding and assessing what is actually happening or being said. 6lso, listening in its fullest sense, as you will see below, ultimately includes many non-verbal and non-audible factors, such as body language, facial e pressions, reactions of others, cultural elements, and the reactions of the speaker and the listeners to each other. "n summary first# D. passive(not listening - noise in background - ignoring @. pretend listening - also called 'responsive listening' using stock nods and smiles and uhum, yes, of course, etc.

8. biased(pro ective listening - 'selective listening' and intentionally disregarding2dismissing the other person's views I. misunderstood listening - unconsciously overlaying your own interpretations and making things fit when they don't ;. attentive listening - personally-driven fact gathering and analysis often with manipulation of the other person G. active listening - understanding feelings and gathering facts for largely selfish purposes J. empathic listening - understanding and checking facts and feelings, usually to listener's personal agenda E. facilitative listening - listening, understanding fully, and helping, with the other person's needs uppermost 1ull version#

levels and types of listening

1 /assive Listening 3oise in the background + you are not concentrating on the or Not Listening sounds at all and nothing is registering #ith you. 2gnoring #ould be another #ay to describe this type o listening. There is nothing #rong #ith passive listening i it%s truly not important, but passive listening + #hich #e might more aptly call 3ot $istening + is obviously da t and can be do#nright dangerous i the communications are important. /retend Listening @ou are not concentrating and #ill not remember anything because you are actually daydreaming or being distracted by something else even though you #ill occasionally nod or agree using %stock% sa e replies. This is a common type o listening that gro#n+ups do #ith children. This level o listening is called 1esponsive Listening in some other models, although Pretend $istening is arguably a more apt term, since the #ord %responsive% suggests a much higher level o care in the listener, and Pretend $istening re lects that there is an element o deceit on the part o the listener to#ards the speaker. @ou #ill generally kno# #hen you are Pretend $istening because the speaker #ill see that gla.ed look in your eyes and say irmly something like, ?(ill you please $isten to me. 2%m talking to youH? /specially i the speaker is a small child. @ou are listening and taking in a certain amount o in ormation,

2iased Listening

or /ro#ective Listening

but because you already have such irm opposing or di erent vie#s, or a resistance to the speaker, you are not allo#ing anything that is said or any noises made to in luence your attitude and level o kno#ledge and understanding. @ou are pro1ecting your position onto the speaker and the #ords. @ou #ould do this typically because you are under pressure or very de ensive. @ou #ould normally be a#are that you are doing this, #hich is a big di erence bet#een the next level and this one. This third level o listening is also called Selective Listening in some other models. @ou have an interest and perhaps some lexibility in respect o the #ords spoken and your reactions to them, but because you are not thinking ob1ectively and purely you are putting your o#n interpretation on #hat you are hearing + making the #ords it #hat you expect or #ant them to it. This is a type o pro1ective listening like level three above, but you #ill not normally be a#are that you are doing it until it is pointed out to you. This is a type o listening that is prone to big risks because i you are not made a#are o your ailings you #ill leave the discussion under a very #rong impression o the acts and the eelings o the other person. 2t%s a deluded orm o listening. ,rrogant people like politicians and company directors #ho surround themselves #ith agreeable accomplices can all into seriously ingrained habits o 6isunderstood $istening. @ou listen only to the content, and ail to receive all the non+ verbal sounds and signals, such as tone o voice, acial expression, reaction o speaker to your o#n listening and reactions. This is ine #hen the purpose o the communication is merely to gain0convey cold acts and igures, but it is very inade'uate or other communications re'uiring an assessment o eelings and motives, and the circumstances underneath the super icial #ords or sounds. ,ttentive $istening is a higher level o listening than 6isunderstood $istening because it can gather reliable acts, but it ails to gather and suitably respond to emotions and eelings, and the situation o the other person, #hich is especially risky i the other person%s position is potentially troublesome. This is a common orm o listening among %push and persuade% sales people. ,ttentive "ata+<nly $istening is typically driven by a strong personal results motive. 2t can be highly manipulative and orce ul. This type o listening #ins battles and loses #ars + i.e., it can achieve short+term gains, but tends to #reck chances o building anything constructive and sustainable. This is listening to #ords, intonation, and observing body

3isunderstood Listening

(ttentive !4ata" 5nly! Listening

(ctive Listening

languageand acial expressions, and giving eedback + but critically this type o listening is empty o t#o+#ay emotional involvement, or empathy. There is no transmitted sympathy or identi ication #ith the other persons eelings and emotional needs. This listening gathers acts and to a limited extent eelings too, but importantly the listener does not incorporate the eelings into reactions. This can be due to the listener being limited by policy or rules, or by personal insecurity, sel ishness, or emotional immaturity. ,ctive listening o ten includes a manipulative motive or tactics, #hich are certainly not present in the empathic level next and higher, and #hich is a simple #ay to di erentiate bet#een ,ctive and /mpathic listening. 9 6mpathic Listening or 6mpathetic Listening @ou are listening #ith ull attention to the sounds, and all other relevant signals, includingB

tone o voice other verbal aspects + e.g., pace, volume, breathlessness, lo#, style, emphasis acial expression body language cultural or ethnic or other aspects o the person #hich #ould a ect the #ay their communications and signals are a ecting you eeling + not contained in a single sense + this re'uires you to have an overall collective appreciation through all relevant senses )taste is perhaps the only sense not employed here* o ho# the other person is eeling you able to see and eel the situation rom the other person%s position

@ou are also reacting and giving eedback and checking understanding #ith the speaker. @ou #ill be summarising and probably taking notes and agreeing the notes too i it%s an important discussion. @ou #ill be honest in expressing disagreement but at the same time expressing genuine understanding, #hich hope ully )i your listening empathy is o a decent standard* #ill keep emotions civili.ed and emotionally under control even or very di icult discussions. @ou #ill be instinctively or consciously bringing elements o 3$P )neuro+ linguistic programming* and Transactional ,nalysis into the exchange. 2t #ill also be possible ) or one #ho kno#s* to interpret the exchange rom the perspective o having improved the relationship and mutual a#areness in terms o the Iohari (indo# concept.

7acilitative Listening

This goes beyond even empathic listening because it implies and re'uires that you are able to extend an especially help ul approach to the other person or people. This element is not necessarily present in empathic listening. ,nother crucial di erence is the capability to interpret the cognisance + sel +a#areness + o the speaker, and the extent to #hich you are hearing and observing genuine %adult% sounds and signals )as distinct rom emotionally ske#ed outputs*, and to #eigh the conse'uences o the other person%s behaviour even i the other person cannot. 2n this respect you are acting rather like a protector or guardian, in the event that the other person is not being true to themselves. /ric Berne%s Transactional ,nalysis theory comes close to explaining the aspects o mood and %game+playing% #hich many people exhibit a lot unconsciously, and #hich can be very di icult notice using only the aims o and skills #ithin empathic listening. This does not mean that you are making decisions or recommendations or the other person + it means you are exercising caution on their behal , #hich is vital i you are in a position o responsibility or in luence to#ards them. 5acilitative $istening also re'uires that you have thought and prepared very care ully about #hat you #ill ask and ho# you #ill respond, even i you pause to think and prepare your responses during the exchange. 6any people do not give themselves ade'uate pause or thought #hen listening and responding at an empathic level. 5acilitative listening contains a strong additional element o being interested in helping the other person see and understand their options and choices. 2t%s a po#er ul thing. 5acilitative $istening is not generally possible i the circumstances ) or example organisational rules and policy, matters o la#, emergency, etc* demand a aster resolution and o er little or no lee#ay or extending help. There is a suggestion o transcendence and sel +actuali.ation + as described in 6aslo#%s ;ierarchy o 3eeds theory + #ithin the approach to 5acilitative $istening. 2t is devoid o any sel ish personal motive, other than to extend help, rather than achieve any sort o normal material gain. The other person%s interests are at the ore ront, #hich cannot truth ully be said o any o the preceding levels o listening. 5acilitative $istening is not an age or money+related capability. 2t is an attitude o mind.
Q6lan !hapman @<<7-DD

)ee also the summary and interpretation of :ehrabian's communications theory, which considers communications from the standpoint of the 'receiver' of communications, and it's implications for the 'sender' of communications.

)ee )haron 4rew :orgen's theory of Buying 1acilitation, which is adaptable beyond selling and business, and which relates strongly to, and has amongst other significant influences, helped to inspire the concept of 1acilitative Listening.

handling complaints and customer retention in organi'ations

&he principle of ownership is central to complaints handling# if you receive a complaint or .uery you continue to own it until it is resolved - even if you escalate it or delegate it - which means that you must always follow-up and check on progress and eventually resolution and satisfaction. &he measurement and monitoring of complaints, from receipt to resolution is also vital# the organisation must have suitable systems and commitment to do this, especially from the very top. &here is a difference between 'understanding' someone and 'agreeing' with them# everyone in the organisation should have the training, encouragement and ability, to understand and to convey that they understand - to see the reality of the other person's position and feelings - whether they are right or wrong - and should have the training and authority to 'agree' where appropriate, which has implications for authori,ation levels and compensation offerings. )eek complaints and feedback# the organisation should welcome complaints and should encourage staff to ask for them - complaints enable .uality improvement and ultimately improve relations with customers (the vast ma3ority of customers are more loyal after the complaint is resolved satisfactorily than they were before the complaint arose). "ncidentally, from a staff-selection perspective, people with strong right basal brain .uadrant - which produces intuition and empathy - make good complaint receivers. )trong left basal enables good processing and follow-up. )trong right

frontal enables good creative problem-solving. ()ee the Ben,iger page.) (se the 'over-compensation' principle# always look after complaining customers e tremely well - generally regardless of whether they are right or wrong. %rganisations often begrudge compensating complaining customers, which is completely illogical, because complaints are relatively rare and the real cost of compensation is relatively ine pensive, and yet the benefits from customer satisfaction, increased loyalty and positive word-of-mouth, are enormous by comparison.

trust and rapport training to improve customer service

Fere are some pointers as to how you can develop empathy skills for customer service staff, especially in call-centres, and situations where customer retention is a strong priority. (se a training e ercise to flush out all the 'wrong' ways to handle these customer situations - it's often much easier for a group to identify (via role play and2or syndicates) wrong ways, and then make sure they avoid them. !ustomers resist strongly being persuaded against their urge to contact and terminate a contract - the persuasive approach immediately polarises customer service representative and customerK the resulting emotional issue then dominates, removing any chance to save the customer. 6ll initial effort must be to establish rapport and understanding - without the rapport nothing can be done. (se a training e ercise to identify rapport-establishing phrases, .uestions, and then role-play to demonstrate, practice and demonstrate suitable tone - style must be highly sympathetic and interested (the tendency is for tone to be confrontational, competitive, challenging, etc, which makes matters worse). 4emonstrate also how it can take several minutes to do this sometimes several conversations. &hrough role-play, observe how easy it is to shatter rapport by moving into persuasive mode. )tay 'with' the customer - understand (not necessarily

the same as agreeing) and sympathise, allowing the discussion to develop, rather than present an opposing proposition. (se a training e ercise to identify suitable empathic information-gathering .uestions - what do we need to know in order to help, how to ask for this information, and how to position the need to ask .uestions in the first place, once initial rapport has been established. (se a training e ercise to identify approaches, and ' readymade' phrases, to view customers' situations ob3ectively with the customers - 'let's look at this together and see what the options are...' - rather than the tendency to go head-to-head and counter the customer's position with superior argument, 3ustification, or worse still implied or direct threat, such as penalties, etc. ("t's easy to fall into the confrontation trap because so much sales training and e perience is based on the power of persuasion, which is in itself highly confrontational in defensive scenarios.) &he secret to customer retention is the relationship in the first few seconds - customers are far more likely to rethink and stay if they 'like' the person on the other end of the phone. !ertainly a customer will not begin to reconsider if they 'dislike' the other person - instead they become empowered to accelerate and reinforce withdrawal from the moment they feel the slightest bit challenged or opposed. >ole-play sympathetic phrases and tone for this scenario# you meet a friend in the street and learn from them that they have suffered an upsetting e perience - listen for the natural empathy and sympathy - there is no instinct here to persuade the friend to 'get a grip' or 'snap out of it' - the natural sympathetic response is the basis of building trust and empathy and rapport. &rust, rapport, empathy and understanding are powerful relationship-builders, and form the bedrock of sustainable business and careers.

assertiveness and selfconfidence

how to help build, boost, and develop self-confidence and assertiveness
Building self-confidence and assertiveness is probably a lot easier than you think. ''on-assertive' people (in other words 'normal people') do not generally want to transform into being e cessively dominant people. 5hen most people talk about wanting to be more assertive, what they usually really mean is#

'Fow can " become more able to resist the pressure and dominance of e cessively dominant people/' 'Fow can " stand up to bullies (or one bully in particular)/' 6nd also, 'Fow can " e ert a little more control in situations that are important to me/'

-ure assertiveness - dominance for the sake of being dominant - is not a natural behaviour for most people. :ost people are not naturally assertive. :ost people tend to be passive by nature. &he assertive behaviour of highly dominant people tends to be driven by their personality (and often some insecurity). "t is not something that has been 'trained'. 1or anyone seeking to increase their own assertiveness it is helpful to understand the typical personality and motivation of e cessively dominant people, who incidentally cause the most worry to non-assertive people. "t's helpful also at this point to e plain the difference between leadership with dominance# Eood leadership is inclusive, developmental, and a force for what is right. Eood leadership does not 'dominate' non-assertive people, it includes them and involves them. 4ominance as a management style is not good in any circumstances. "t is based on short-term rewards and results, mostly for the benefit of the dominant, and it fails completely to make effective use of team-members' abilities and potential.

&he fact is that most e cessively dominant people are usually bullies. Bullies are deep-down very insecure people. &hey dominate because they are too insecure to allow other people to have responsibility and influence, and this behaviour is generally conditioned from childhood for one reason or another. &he dominant bullying behaviour is effectively reinforced by the response given by 'secure' and 'nonassertive' people to bullying. &he bully gets his or her own way. &he bullying dominant behaviour is rewarded, and so it persists. 4ominant, bullying people, usually from a very young age, become positively conditioned to bullying behaviour, because in their own terms it works. &heir own terms are generally concerned with satisfying their ego and selfish drives to get their own way, to control, to achieve status (often implanted by insecure ambitious parents), to manipulate, make decisions, build empires, to collect material signs of achievement, monetary wealth, and particularly to establish protective mechanisms, such as 'yes-men' followers ('body-guards'), immunity from challenge and interference, scrutiny, 3udgement, etc. +arly childhood e periences play an important part in creating bullies. Bullies are victims as well as aggressors. 6nd although it's a tough challenge for anyone on the receiving end of their behaviour they actually deserve sympathy. /.B. 0ympathy is not proposed here to be a sole or significant tactic in countering bullying. 1ather, sympathy is advocated as a more constructive, stronger, alternative feeling to being fearful or intimidated. 'on-assertive people do not normally actually aspire to being e cessively dominant people, and they certainly don't normally want to become bullies. 5hen most people talk about wanting to be more assertive, what they really mean is '"'d like to be more able to resist the pressure and dominance of e cessively dominant people.' 4oing this is not really so hard, and using simple techni.ues it can even be .uite en3oyable and fulfilling.

"mportantly, the non-assertive person should understand where they really are - a true starting point# non-assertive behaviour is a sign of strength usually, not weakness, and often it is the most appropriate behaviour for most situations don't be fooled into thinking that you always have to be more assertive. (nderstand where you want to be# what level of assertiveness do you want/ -robably to defend yourself, and to control your own choices and destiny (which are relatively easy using the techni.ues below), not to control others. 1or people who are not naturally assertive, it is possible to achieve a perfectly suitable level of assertiveness through certain simple methods and techni.ues, rather than trying to adopt a generally more assertive personal style (which could be counter-productive and stressful, because it would not be natural). -eople seeking to be more assertive can dramatically increase their effective influence and strength by using 3ust one or two of these four behaviours prior to, or when confronted by a more dominant character or influence, or prior to and when dealing with a situation in which they would like to e ert more control. Fere are some simple techni.ues and methods for developing self-confidence and more assertive behaviour.

assertiveness and self-confidence methods and techni"ues

D. *now the facts relating to the situation and have the details to hand. @. Be ready for - anticipate - other people's behaviour and prepare your responses. 8. -repare and use good open .uestions. 4. >e-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression (posters can help you think and become how you want to be - display positive writings where you will read them often - it's a proven successful techni.ue). ;. Fave faith that your own abilities and style will ultimately work if you let them. G. 1eel sympathy for bullies - they actually need it.

J. >ead inspirational things that reinforce your faith in proper values and all the good things in your own natural style and self, for e ample, >ui,'s &he 1our 6greements, *ipling's "f,4esiderata, !herie !arter-)cott's 'rules of life', 5imbrow's &he Euy "n &he Elass, etc.

know the facts and have them to hand

+nsure you know all the facts in advance - do some research, and have it on hand ready to produce (and give out copies if necessary). Bullies usually fail to prepare their factsK they dominate through bluster, force and reputation. "f you know and can produce facts to support or defend your position it is unlikely that the aggressor will have anything prepared in response. 5hen you know that a situation is going to arise, over which you'd like to have some influence, prepare your facts, do your research, do the sums, get the facts and figures, solicit opinion and views, be able to .uote sourcesK then you will be able to make a firm case, and also dramatically improve your reputation for being someone who is organised and firm.

anticipate other people*s behaviour and prepare your responses

6nticipate other people's behaviour and prepare your own responses. >ole-play in your mind how things are likely to happen. -repare your responses according to the different scenarios that you think could unfold. -repare other people to support and defend you. Being well prepared will increase your self-confidence and enable you to be assertive about what's important to you.

prepare and use good open "uestions

-repare and use good .uestions to e pose flaws in other people's arguments. 6sking good .uestions is the most reliable way of gaining the initiative, and taking the wind out of someone's sails, in any situation. Nuestions that bullies dislike most are deep, constructive, incisive and probing, especially if

the .uestion e poses a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part. 1or e ample#

'5hat is your evidence (for what you have said or claimed)/' '5ho have you consulted about this/' 'Fow did you go about looking for alternative solutions/' 'Fow have you measured (whatever you say is a problem)/' 'Fow will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it/' '5hat can you say about different solutions that have worked in other situations/'

6nd don't be fobbed off. )tick to your guns. "f the .uestion is avoided or ignored return to it, or re-phrase it (which you can prepare as well).

re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression

>e-conditioning your own reaction to dominant people, particularly building your own 'triggered reactions', giving yourself 'thinking time' to prevent yourself being bulldo,ed, and 'making like a brick wall' in the face of someone else's attempt to dominate you without 3ustification. &ry visualising yourself behaving in a firmer manner, saying firmer things, asking firm clear, probing .uestions, and presenting wellprepared facts and evidence. -ractice in your mind saying 'Fold on a minute - " need to consider what you have 3ust said.' 6lso practice saying '"'m not sure about that. "t's too important to make a snap decision now.' 6lso '" can't agree to that at such short notice. &ell me when you really need to know, and "'ll get back to you.' &here are other ways to help resist bulldo,ing and bullying. -ractice and condition new reactions in yourself to resist, rather than cave in, for fear that someone might shout at you or have a tantrum. "f you are worried about your response to being shouted at then practice being shouted at until you realise it really doesn't hurt - it 3ust makes the person doing the shouting look daft. -ractice with your most scary friend shouting right in your face for you to 'do as you

are told', time after time, and in between each time say calmly (and believe it because it's true) '$ou don't frighten me.' -ractice it until you can control your response to being shouted at.

have faith that your own abilities will ultimately work if you use them
'on-assertive people have different styles and methods compared to dominant, aggressive people and bullies. 'onassertive people are often e tremely strong in areas of process, detail, dependability, reliability, finishing things (that others have started), checking, monitoring, communicating, interpreting and understanding, and working cooperatively with others. &hese capabilities all have the potential to undo a bully who has no proper 3ustification. 1ind out what your strengths and style are and use them to defend and support your position. &he biggest tantrum is no match for a well organised defence.

feel sympathy rather than fear towards bullies

>e-discover the belief that non-assertive behaviour is actually okay - it's the bullies who are the ones with the problems. 1eeling sympathy for someone who threatens you - thereby resisting succumbing to fearful or intimidated feelings - can help to move you psychologically into the ascendancy, or at least to a position where you can see weaknesses in the bully. 6ggressors and bullies were commonly children who were not loved, or children forced to live out the aspirations of their parents. "n many ways all bullies are still children, and as far as your situation permits, seeing them as children can help you find greater strength and resistance.&ransactional 6nalysis theory, and especially the modern &6 concepts, are helpful for some people in understanding how this sort of childhood emotional damage affects people, and how specific communications can be planned and used in response to

e cessive dominance, bullying, temper tantrums, and other threatening behaviours. '.B. &he point above about feeling sympathy for bullies should not be seen as approval or 3ustification for bullying. 'either is sympathy proposed here to be a sole or significant tactic in countering bullying. >ather, sympathy is advocated as a more constructive, stronger, alternative feeling to being fearful or intimidated. -eople responsible for bullying are the bullies, not the victims. )o if you are a bully# get some feedback, get some help, and grow up. )everal tactics are e plained above to tackle bullying head-on, as is often very necessary. 6dditionally in most western world countries, and many others besides, there are now serious laws and processes to protect people from bullying, and these protections should be invoked whenever bullying becomes a problem.
1. Become a more self-actuali5ed person. #side from what you are wearing, always remember that the mind is the largest erogenous @one. Be culturally aware and interesting. Lnowing a little bit of most topics. !ruly knowing about the things that really interest you will genuinely make you a more interesting person.

6usic seems to link many people together. Lnowing about bands you donBt even listen to is a great social lubricant because 5not knowing5 shuts down avenues of conversation dead in their tracks. Aowever, saying youBve heard Doy Civision and really like 50heBs .ost ;ontrol,5 but think itBs a little monotonous shows the other person that youBve already given something they like a try and donBt like it? likewise, this gives you a little time to catch up and formulate a change in topic, thus steering the conversation into more familiar territory. Lnow yourself well enough that you feel comfortable disagreeing. Kothing is more boring and pointless than someone who always agrees. !he other person could be so attractive your eyes gla@e over, but listen to them really process what they are saying. #llow the words, 5% totally disagree...5 to roll off your tongue. !his doesnBt make you a Herk. %t makes you a better person because youBre putting yourself out there. (lus, it cuts down on your vulnerability to the other person and transfers it to them.

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augh at their 6o!es. %tBll make them feel more comfortable, confident, and rela"ed around you. Dust donBt overdo it.

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%evelop a style. #ny style will do, as long as itBs your own. 'ni4ueness is crucial because it is what differentiates you in the sea of 5other fish5 this person has no doubt been told are out there. %f you really like that goofy hat at the vintage clothing store and you think it looks good on you, wear it out. ConBt be discouraged if people think youBre goofy, chances are you wouldnBt even want to meet those people anyways.

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7irror the other person8s actions. !his not only shows them that youBre flattered with them, it also shows that you are noticing their actions.

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9lirt physically. ;asual touches are a great way to gauge the direction of things. %f the other person seems comfortable with you touching their hand or brushing their arm, then you have a good litmus for their attraction to you.
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Pou may want to start by simple flirting.

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7a!e eye contact. .ook into the other personBs eyes whenever talking. !he eyes have been called the window to the soul. #dmire them. <enuinely appreciate the other person. Dust donBt stare for too long. 0tudies have shown that a person generally will ga@e into another personBs eyes for about ).* seconds if they are attracted to them.

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Eat. %f you are self conscious about your weight, hashing out that insecurity by forgoing a meal in front of the person you like is not the right thing to do. %t makes people uneasy when the person they are with is basically watching them eat.

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:eep yourself clean and trimmed. ;learly, you wouldnBt want a smelly trash monster in your bed, so donBt be a stink factory. #lso, if you find yourself a little less than fresh in the wrong place at the right time, freshen up in the bathroom first. +asily e"plain this to the other person by telling them to 5wait5 gently.

%f someone should Hoke about their hygiene, cut them some slack and Hoke with them about it to ease the tension.

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Exchange phone numbers, email addresses, etc. =ften the hardest thing isnBt the 5waiting three days5 part, itBs the time when you need to pop the 4uestion.

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)s! the person out again, if it8s clear you should ta!e the initiative. Pou should gauge who needs to do this by your first meeting. Feel out what you have been talking about. 6aybe the other person needs to get off the train at the ne"t stop and youBve been talking for the past 1* minutes on your way to work. %n that case, ask them if you can call sometime. Aowever, maybe you Hust bumped into someone at the bar and chatted for a few minutes? in that case give them your number and tell them youBd like to go out sometime. !he difference is always in the comfort level you and that person have established. =bviously asking someone you barely know for their number is awkward for both of you, but if youBve had enough time to build a decent connection then itBs easier for the other person to give up those precious digits.

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;ever say <nothing< if a guy as!s +hat your interests are. ConBt say 5eh nothing5. !alk about it. Ae obviously wants to know. +ven if itBs something e"traordinary, donBt make a fuss about it.

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7a!e plans. !his might sound totally cra@y, but in the initial few weeks of dating itBs nice to know there is a regular schedule that the two of you can count on. %f you feel brave, call the person and ask them what they are doing a few days ahead of the 5date day5 and then tell them something came up and reschedule. =nly do this if you need to build tension. +"ercise common sense? but at the same time, this gets the other person stewing if they really wanted to see you in the first place. For most people, there comes a moment where we wish we had been able to convert that fleeting moment with the mysterious stranger into dinner, akiss or maybe Hust a conversation. Wherever it is, and whoever it is that you wish to attract, thereBs a lot that you can do to increase your chances out there. Aere are a few basic pointers to help out.

Ko matter your age, background, or e"perience, effective communication is a skill you can learn. With a little self-confidence and knowledge of the basics, youBll be able to get your point across. AereBs how to do it.

Creating =he 'ight Environment 9or Communication

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Choose the right time. #s the clichQ states, there is a time and a place for everything, and communicating is no different.

#void leaving discussions about heavy topics such as finances or weekly planning until late evening. Few people will be thrilled to be faced with sorting out maHor issues when theyBre at their most tired. %nstead, leave heavy topics for mornings and afternoons when people are alert, available, and more likely to be able to respond with clarity.

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)n intimate conversation Choose the right place. %f you need to tell someone something that isnBt going to be well received 7such as news of a death or a breakup9, donBt do it in public, around colleagues or near other people. Be respectful and mindful of the person receiving the communication and communicate to them in a private place. !his will also enable you to provide space to open dialog with them about the communication, and helps to ensure that the two-way process is occurring properly.

%f you are presenting to a group of people, be sure to check the acoustics beforehand and practice proHecting your voice clearly. 'se a microphone if needed to ensure that your audience can hear you.

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'emove distractions. !urn off all electronics that could go off during the conversation. %f the phone rings, laugh it off the first time, then turn it off immediately and continue talking. Co not allow e"ternal distractions to act as crutches that keep sidetracking your concentration. !hey will distract both you and your listener, and effectively kill the communication.

-rgani5ing >our Communications

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-rgani5e and clarify ideas in your mind. !his should be done before you attempt to communicate these ideas. %f you are feeling passionate about a topic, you may become garbled if you havenBt already thought of some key points to stick to when communicating it.

# good rule of thumb is to choose three main points and keep your communication focused on those. !hat way, if the topic wanders off course, you will be able to return to one or more of these three key points without feeling flustered. Writing these key points down 7if itBs appropriate9 can also help.

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Be clear. 6ake it clear what youBre wishing to convey from the outset. For e"ample, your purpose could be to inform others, obtain information or initiate action. (eople need to know in advance what you e"pect from your communication.

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.tay on topic. =nce you start addressing your three main points, make sure everything youBre saying adds to the conversation or debate. %f you have already thought through the issues and the essence of the ideas that you wish to put across, it is likely that some pertinent phrases will stick in your mind. Co not be afraid to use these to underline your points. +ven very confident and well-known speakers reuse their key lines again and again for maHor effect.

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=han! your listener"s#. !hank the person or group for the time taken to listen and respond. Ko matter what the outcome of your communication, even if the response to your talk or discussion has been negative, it is good manners to end it politely and with respect for everyoneBs input and time.

Communicating =hrough .peech

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.et the listener at ease. Pou want to do this before launching into your conversation or presentation. %t can help sometimes to begin with a favorite anecdote. !his helps the listener identify with you as someone like them.

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Be articulate. %t is important to speak clearly so that the message comes across in a way that every listener can understand. Pour words are remembered because people instantly understand what it is that you are saying. %t means uttering your words distinctly, preferring simpler words over more comple" ones and speaking at a level guaranteed to be heard, but without coming across as too 4uiet or disengaged.

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)void mumbling. !ake special care to enunciate highlighted points you need to make in order to avoid any kind of misunderstanding. %f mumbling is a defensive habit that you have fallen into out of fear of communicating, practice your message at home in front of the mirror. Ciscuss what you want to communicate with those you feel comfortable around first in order to better develop the message in your own mind. Both the practice and the development of your words for the messaging will build your confidence.

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Be attentive +hen listening and ensure that your facial expressions reflect your interest. .isten actively. ;ommunication is a two-way street. 2emember that while you are talking, you are not learning. %n listening, you will be able to gauge how much of your message is getting through to your listeners and whether or not it is being received correctly. %t can be helpful to ask listeners to rephrase some of what you have said in their own words if they appear to be returning confused or mistaken views to you.

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Be vocally interesting. # monotone is not pleasing to the ear. # good communicator will use 5vocal color5 to enhance communication. Korma 6ichael recommends raising the pitch and volume of your voice when you transition from one topic or point to another, and to increase your volume and slow down your voice whenever you are raising a special point or summing up.[1 0he also recommends speaking briskly, but pausing to emphasi@e keywords when you are re4uesting action.

Communicating =hrough Body anguage

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'ecogni5e people. 0ure, you donBt necessarily know the people in your audience or that new friend in your group, but theyBre nodding along with you and looking knowingly at you all the same. !his means that they are connecting with you. 0o reward them with your acknowledgment.

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Clarity of meaning can be expressed through your body language, too.Mright 'se facial e"pressions consciously. #im to reflect passion and generate empathy from the listener by using soft, gentle, and aware facial e"pressions. #void negative facial e"pressions, such as frowns or raised eyebrows. What is or isnBt negative is dependent on the conte"t, including cultural conte"t, so be guided by your situation.
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Be alert for une"pected behavior that suggests youBre cross-culturally colliding, such as a clenched fist, a slouched posture, or even silence. [$ %f you donBt know the culture, ask 4uestions about communication challenges before you start to speak with people in their cultural conte"t.

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Communicate eye-to-eye. +ye contact establishes rapport, helps to convince people that youBre trustworthy, and displays interest. Curing a conversation or presentation, it is important to look into the other personBs eyes if possible and maintain contact for a reasonable amount of time 7but donBt overdo it? Hust as much as feels natural, about $-) seconds at a time9.[&

2emember to take in all of your audience. %f youBre addressing a boardroom, look every member of the board in the eye. Keglecting any single person can easily be taken as a sign of offense and could lose you business, admission, success, or whatever it is you are endeavoring to achieve. %f youBre addressing an audience, pause and make eye contact with a member of audience for up to $ seconds before breaking away and resuming your talk. !his helps to make individual members of the audience feel personally valued. Be aware that eye contact is culturally ordained. %n some cultures it is considered to be unsettling, or inappropriate. #sk or research in advance.

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Use breathing and pauses to your advantage. !here is power in pausing. 0imon 2eynolds says that pausing causes an audience to lean in and listen. %t helps you to emphasi@e your points and allow the listener time to digest what has been said. %t also helps to make your communication come across as more compelling and it makes your speech easier to listen to.[)
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!ake deep breaths to steady yourself before you begin communicating. <et into the habit of solid, regular breathing during a conversation that will help you to keep a steady, calm voice. %t will also keep you more rela"ed. 'se pauses to take a breather in what you are saying.

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?o+ does this gesture come acrossIMright 'se hand gestures carefully. Be conscious of what your hands are saying as you speak. 0ome hand gestures can be very effective in highlighting your points 7open gestures9, while others can be distracting or even offensive to some listeners, and can lead to the conversation or listening being closed down 7closed gestures9. %t also helps to watch other peopleBs hand gestures to see how they come across to you.

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:eep a chec! on other body language signals. Watch for wandering eyes, hands picking at fluff on your clothing and constant sniffling. !hese small gestures add up and are all guaranteed to dampen the effectiveness of your message.

Ko matter your age, background, or e"perience, effective communication is a skill you can learn. With a little self-confidence and knowledge of the basics, youBll be able to get your point across. AereBs how to do it.

?o+ to Communicate &ith Body anguage

+dited by Flickety, ;had, Will, <lutted and */ others

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)rticle Edit%iscuss

%t is often said that in face-to-face and even body-to-body communications, the words we speak actually account for less than 13E of the message that we convey, while body language accounts for more than half of our message. AereBs how to start using body language to improve your day-to-day communications and improve your 4uality of life.

Edit.teps

Understanding >our -+n Body anguage

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Be natural. +ven if you were to succeed in controlling your body language 5by the book,5 you would look fake. While there are certain aspects of body language that can be improved upon to create a more effective message, you still need to act like yourself and not be robotic.

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@dentify your body language patterns. 6ake a conscious effort to think about what your body is doing in different interactions with different people. # mirror can be useful to e"amine facial e"pressions and posture, but mainly you Hust want to pay attention to what your body does when youBre angry, nervous, or happy.

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%etermine +hether your body language is in sync +ith your message. Pour body language is effective if it communicates the message you want it to communicate. Coes your posture communicate confidence, or does it make you seem unsure of yourself even though your words e"press confidenceI %f your non-verbal signals match your words, youBll not only communicate more clearly, youBll also be perceived as being more charismatic.

.ook at the big picture. Pou donBt have to have every little nuance 5correct5 as long as the overall effect of the cluster is in sync with your message.

*estures

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Emphasi5e a point. Aave more than one gesture. !his will help you better get your message across. %f you want to make sure youBre not misunderstood, repeat both gestures when you speak the idea aloud. %f the listener doesnBt pick up on one gesture, he or she will likely be familiar with the other. Pou donBt have to use a body language gesture 7or two9 for every word, but itBs a good idea to have a toolbo" of gestures you can use to reinforce very important, yet easily misinterpreted concepts.

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%irect the most positive gestures to+ard the listener. !his lets you more clearly indicate that you are offering a favorable outcome to the listener. Cirect the most negative gestures away from yourself and the listener. !his way you clearly indicate that you wish that no obstacle stands in the way of your intended message.

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Use hand gestures carefully. Be conscious of what your hands are saying as you speak. 0ome hand gestures can be very effective in highlighting your points 7open gestures9, while others can be distracting or even offensive to some listeners, and can lead to the conversation or listening being closed down 7closed gestures9. %t also helps to watch other peopleBs hand gestures to see how they come across to you.

).

:eep a chec! on other body language signals. Watch for wandering eyes, hands picking at fluff on your clothing and constant sniffling. !hese small gestures add up and are all guaranteed to dampen the effectiveness of your message. ConBt worry about if you accidentally perform a few of these in any given setting. !he point here is to be certain that your body language is not distracting for your listener and for you to pay attention to what your body is doing.

Being )+are -f >our )udience

1.

'ecogni5e people. 0ure, you donBt necessarily know the people in your audience or that new friend in your group, but theyBre nodding along with you and looking knowingly at you all the same. !his means that they are connecting with you. 0o reward them with your acknowledgment.

$.

Use facial expressions consciously. #im to reflect passion and generate empathy with the listener by using soft, gentle, and aware facial e"pressions. #s much as possible, e"cept when culture dictates, avoid negative facial e"pressions, such as frowns or raised eyebrows. [By the way, #0. uses these signals to communicate the conte"t of the discussion. What is or isnBt negative is dependent on the conte"t, including cultural conte"t, so be guided by your situation.

Be alert for une"pected behavior that suggests youBre cross-culturally colliding, such as a clenched fist, a slouched posture, or even silence.[$ %f you donBt know the culture, ask 4uestions about communication challenges before you start to speak with people in their cultural conte"t.

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Communicate eye to eye. +ye contact establishes rapport, helps to convince that youBre trustworthy, and displays interest. Curing a conversation or presentation, it is important to look into the other personBs eyes if possible and maintain contact for a reasonable amount of time 7but donBt overdo it? Hust as much as feels natural, about $-) seconds at a time9.
o

2emember to take in all of your audience. %f youBre addressing a boardroom, look every member of the board in the eye. Keglecting any single person can easily be taken as a sign of offense and could lose you business, admission, success, or whatever it is you are endeavoring to achieve. %f youBre addressing an audience, pause and make eye contact with a member of audience for up to $ seconds before breaking away and resuming your talk. !his helps to make individual members of the audience feel personally valued. Be aware that eye contact is culturally ordained. %n some cultures it is considered to be unsettling or inappropriate. #sk or research in advance.

*eneral =ips 9or Effective Communication

1.

=ouching one8s face signals anxiety. %mprove your posture. %f youBre constantly hunched over or touching your face, youBll never look confident, approachable or at ease. %mproving your posture and working to eliminate nervous tics can be difficult and will take time, but youBll 4uickly improve your overall non-verbal communication.

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@dentify cultural norms. %f you have recently entered a new culture, you may need to adHust your body language. ;ultural norms regarding body language 7i.e. how far away you should stand from someone, how much eye contact you should make, and what gestures are considered taboo9, vary considerably and if you donBt speak the same body language as the locals, youBre liable to be misunderstood a great deal. !his can even sometimes be met with very serious implications.

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Concentrate on difficult situations. %tBs most important to make sure your body language is clear in interactions with people you donBt know very well. !hese situations 7first dates or Hob interviews, for e"ample9 may merit some special attention. <et in front of a mirror and practice these interactions. 0peak aloud as you normally would and carefully watch what your body is doing. Pou could also videotape yourself for several minutes and then watch the video to identify how you might present yourself better.

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.ay +hat you mean. For most people, body language that effectively reinforces the speakerBs intent comes naturally when they mean what they say. !he problem, of course, is that we donBt always say what we mean. %f youBre trying to lie convincingly, for e"ample, youBll probably have to alter your body language to prevent it from arousing suspicion. %tBs often easier to Hust say what you feel.

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-bserve your o+n expressions Use your body language to help you understand ho+ you feel. %f youBre not 4uite sure how you feel about something or someone, pay attention to what your body is saying. =ther people will be able to read your body language to help uncover what youBre feeling, so you should be able to read your body language better than anyone else can. 'sing body language effectively means not only communicating with others, but also learning more about yourself.

Edit=ips 'se the most positive 7or, if warranted, negative9 gestures and facial e"pressions first and last. While it is true that we make our most memorable impressions within the first * to 13 seconds, we also make a crucial impression within the last * to 13 seconds as well. %f you know you are using a sign that may easily be misinterpreted, state so as 4uickly as possible and state your intended meaning, right away. For e"ample, if you cross your arms for warmth, you may want to say, 5%Bm cold, are youI5 !hat way the person wonBt think that youBre Hust being unreceptive. Be honest and non-Hudgmental. 0peech and gestures are co-e"pressive. %f you say what you mean, your body language will follow.

Co not try to read too much into a strangerBs body language. %t makes them uncomfortable and may give the semblance of you Hudging them. 2emember to have fun, and not look like your forcing yourself to look like it. %f the person you are talking to is using unreceptive or closed body language, a way to open it up is to mimic their negative posture briefly and then go back to a friendly, positive one. !his shows them what theyBre doing and they will follow you into a more rela"ed pose. =ne way to work on developing your own system is to study sign language and then occasionally use similar symbols when speaking. %t is sometimes useful to observe the body language that is appropriate for a given setting or among certain people, and then match your gestures to those of people around you. %f youBre not familiar with the culture or the people with whom you are speaking,it may be the only way to get your message across or avoid an embarrassing gaffe. We all speak body language. =nce in a while, use the opposite gesture of your intended meaning. !his is not meant to confuse the listener, but rather to see how well they pay attention to your gestures.

Edit&arnings 'nderstand that people are liable to misinterpret your body language. #lways try to be clear and try to reinforce your meaning. Kot everyone uses the same gestures to convey the same meaning. For e"ample, in the '0 feet spread apart typically conveys the message you are standing your ground. %n Dapan your feet would typically be together, with the hands directly at the sides to convey this meaning. # personBs usage of body language can and usually changes over time. Faking a gesture or facial feature to convey a meaning is the same as lying and can be interpreted this way. When people say that someone seems phony, they are usually referring to mannerisms that seem faked. Co not assume that you have correctly identified the meaning of another personBs body language without verification. For e"ample, people often interpret a personBs arms crossed across their chest as meaning that they are distancing or displaying a defensive character. (erhaps they are simply coldR