Narrative enquiry : A critical incident 272.

704 Assignment 1 The notion of a critical incident

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Not until I remembered a quite arado!ical incident "a ened in an e!am rooms in #"ic" I su ervised in a $inal%semester e!am atmos "ere& I reali'e t"at I mig"t "ave somet"ing valuable to s"are and to #rite u $or t"is assignment. ("e articular event "a ened #"en I #as su ervising t"e $inal semester e!am $or t"e )eneral *nglis" II a er t"at I taug"t. I #as also t"e teac"er #"o #as res onsible $or designing t"e e!am questions #"ic" #as a er%based. ("e incident involved one o$ my +unior colleagues #"ose resence #as only ur osed to assist me in su ervising t"e e!am since s"e #as one o$ t"e sub+ect%matter teac"ers o$ t"e class t"at I su ervised. ("e incident "a ened really $ast& yet #it" enormous im acts. ,ig"t a$ter t"e e!am& #"en all t"e students ans#er s"eets #as collected& -y su ervising artner decided to ma.e an astonis"ing comment& #"ic" in t"at time I #ould consider stri.ing and rovo.ing. /ut o$ t"e blue& s"e e! ressed "er s"oc. to see t"e students0 inability to ans#er suc" 1sim le and easy questions0 #"ic" su osed to be intended $or secondary sc"ool students. I $ound at t"at time "er comment "ad done adequate damage to my sel$%esteem as t"e teac"er and t"e one #"o #as res onsible $or designing t"e e!am. In res onse to t"at incident& I decided to say not"ing& and +ust c"uc.led in sur rise. 2ut dee inside I #as really "urt& and it #as by instinct t"at I +udged "er as a +unior teac"er% lecturer to be com letely na3ve& not a#are o$ "er s"orter e! erience in teac"ing in articular conte!t in our institution. I continued to assume t"at it #as "er naivety #"ic" caused "er to ma.e suc" a dread$ul comment. ("e incident "as its $urt"er im acts on me. It "as broug"t me to an intense sel$% re$lection o$ my role as an *nglis" teac"er4 "ave I done enoug" to su ort my students0 needs& or I "ave only been struggling to establis" my routine as an institutionali'ed teac"er5 6urt"er questions $luctuated over my "ead about t"e a ro riateness o$ t"e curriculum& materials& and t"e most im ortantly my role as a teac"er to t"e needs o$ my students. Have I really done enough in their favor? The significance of the incident ("e incident "a ened almost in t"e er$ect time #"en my doubt u on t"e e$$ectiveness o$ t"e structural syllabus t"at #e "ave been using "ad been accumulated in my "ead. 2igger res onsibility arose since $or t"at time I #as t"e sole teac"er in t"at articular a er. I #as also des erate $or su ort since I #as teac"ing on my o#n des ite my $eeling o$ insecurity. I $eel blame burdening on my s"oulder since I reali'ed I "ave not done enoug" in terms o$ curriculum develo ment and needs analysis o$ my students. -ost o$ modi$ication I made to contents and materials only relied on my intuition and my assum tion t"at I #as t"e one #"o res onsible o$ determining #"at is best $or t"e students. I #as also broug"t to ot"er realm o$ concern& a ne# understanding o$ inter ersonal relation among $ello# teac"ers in my institution. I "ave ut mysel$ in a .ind o$ ressure $rom my colleagues. And in res onse to t"at& I "ave been trying to icture mysel$ as an 1

Narrative enquiry : A critical incident 272.704 Assignment 1

Yuliandri-12174438

establis"ed teac"er& #"o $ar $rom roblems. I "ave been trying to content t"em by dis laying a $a.e image o$ mysel$& t"e image t"at "ad dra#n me $urt"er $rom my ideal conce tion o$ mysel$ as a teac"er #"o ut students0 needs on to o$ everyt"ing. ("e conte!t in #"ic" I am teac"ing also layed a tribute to t"is. ("e obligatory nature o$ t"e a ers I am teac"ing and ironically lo# interest $rom students "ad been recogni'able constraints t"at "ad become alibis reventing me $rom utting more e$$orts. (eac"ing in a vocational tertiary education means t"at I s"ould re are my students to#ards t"eir $uture career. 2ut t"e institution0s goal to equi t"e students #it" adequate s o.en *nglis" s.ill to com ete $or $uture em loyment seemed so $ar a#ay i$ t"e current curriculum still ado ted. ("e incident "ad broug"t me to my dee est oint o$ sel$% re$lection. In some #ays I $eel grate$ul $or t"at incident since it "as a#a.en me and made me reali'e I "ave lenty +obs to do. Relation to existing literature ("e situations& under #"ic" I $ound my sel$ in trouble& "ad actually been a researc" a researc" interest o$ researc"ers in *7( and teac"er education $ield. A very interesting researc" by 2ulloug" 82ulloug"& 1992: "ig"lig"ts t"e roblems $aced by beginner teac"ers in #or.ing #it" e!isting curriculum and negotiating t"eir o#n belie$ as t"eir role as teac"ers. ("is researc" reveals t"at beginner teac"ers are $aced #it" t#o contradictory demands4 1...t"e ado ted curriculum ro"ibits establis"ing a satis$ying role4 and t"e desired role ma.es it di$$icult to im lement t"e establis"ed curriculum0. 81992& . 239:. ;e also investigates t"e relations"i o$ ersonal teac"ing meta "ors created by teac"ers to t"eir success in t"eir initial "ase o$ t"eir teac"ing as #ell as de$ining t"eir o#n #ay to teac" according to t"eir belie$s. ("e ersonal teac"ing meta "ors are seen as t"e teac"ers0 belie$s and t"eir sel$%conce tions o$ t"eir essence as teac"ers 81992& . 240:. I $ound mysel$ in a quite $amiliar situations to one o$ t"e case studies resented in 2ulloug"0s article #"ere one o$ t"e beginner teac"ers $ind "is #ay to develo "is o#n curriculum under t"e constraints and demands o$ static district curriculum. ("e teac"er managed to $ind "is o#n #ay to meet #"at "e believes as "is students0 needs& alt"oug" more e$$ort and time must be dedicated as a consequence. ("e ac"ievement ays a lot o$ tribute to teac"ing meta "ors t"at "e "olds into. And in some #ays& I "o e to stic. to my belie$s and manage to $ind my o#n solution as t"e a$orementioned teac"er managed to do. ("e article by Auerbac" 8199<: about political decision in *=7 classroom "ad also been a use$ul resource $or $urt"er re$lection $or me. Alt"oug" at $irst I #as con$used about t"e de$inition o$ politic in "er article& but in some #ays in my classroom ractice I "ave made olitical decisions t"at mig"t "ave signi$icant e$$ects to my students. In t"is article& Auerbac" argues about t"e necessity o$ balance o$ o#er classroom& bet#een t"e teac"er and t"e students. ="e argues t"at in "er conce t& t"e vie# o$ teac"er as aut"ority $igure is outdated. ("ere$ore& to distribute t"e same amount o$ o#er& t"e students must determine #"at t"ey need to study. 2

Narrative enquiry : A critical incident 272.704 Assignment 1

Yuliandri-12174438

("e article is a quite com licated one $or me to understand. It only ma.es sense $or me #"en s"e argues about reduction to c"ildli.e status 8Auerbac"& 199<& . 13: t"at I suddenly remember o$ t"e incident& t"at I some"o# "ad done t"is to my students by ma.ing sim li$ication o$ materials and assessment4 to reduce t"eir status as a tertiary level students. -y decisions to modi$y contents and materials only based on my intuition on #"at is best and a ro riate $or students robably according to Auerbac" "ave s"o#n t"e ractice o$ o#er inequality in my o#n classroom. Conclusion A critical incident may at a time constitute a oint o$ con$usion& s"ame& or doubt. A critical incident #ill only be valuable i$ it is used in a care$ul re$lection in one0s conduct. 6rom t"is rocess o$ narrative enquiry I "ave $ound t"at an incident #"ic" I initially considered as s"ame$ul& in $act a blessing in disguise& and a arently "ad broug"t me to oints o$ re$lections #"ic" I usually avoided. ;o e$ully t"roug" t"e care$ul rocess o$ sel$%re$lection& one can determine "is strengt"s and #ea.nesses& and navigate "is #ay into a better ractice.

References Auerbac"& *. ,. 8199<:. ("e olitics o$ t"e *=7 classroom: Issues o$ o#er in edagogical c"oices. In >. ?. (olle$son 8*d.:& Power and inequality in language education 8 . 9%33:. @ambridge: @ambridge Aniversity Bress. 2ulloug"& ,. C.& >r. 81992:. 2eginning teac"er curriculum decision ma.ing& ersonal teac"ing meta "ors& and teac"er education. Teaching & teacher education, 883:& 239D2<2.