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At the time I would wander the throughways, walk beneath the domes
and over the passes. I would look into faces and see blankness. All I
understood was a sea of bodies. These bodies hurried to some place I did
not understand: some world invisible to me. What was once a pleasure, a
self-confirmation had become empty. I was a shadow among dense trees.
Brittle, I felt I could be broken on buildings, on pavements, on the glance
of a stranger. And I was that too: a stranger where once I was known.
Often I left the city. I put Eratruën behind me. I felt like a refugee
fleeing his refuge. I would purchase a cheap pass on the railroad and
travel along the western shore. I would watch the domes and towers, the
harbours slip away through a window. Sighing with relief that I was
temporarily unburdened of my vulnerability. Moving my eyes to the
lakeside, now rough and steep, banks of pine and juniper clinging to
hillsides, I would look on the rail line. It ran a dark thread in and
through my heart.
There are many small towns along the coast. They are within distance
of Eratreün yet sufficiently removed. There I could be unknown. I could
be as I felt: a stranger looking in on the world. I was someone who has
lost bearing; is adrift and unsure. Someone who though they have an
outer body, their inner body has gone. They have stumbled upon an
absence at their core.
This time I stood beneath the great dome gazing onto a mezzanine.
Bodies moved, those who went about their life without knowing. They
were to the city the tributaries that strengthened the river. I stood and
though the sun fell between clouds it appeared to me the light was
ashen. The day held pain; on the air there was bitterness. It was a star
fallen to sea.
I stood and looked and saw him coming to me. His familiar robe and
manner appeared and then he was next to me: Sanya the wise-one.
“It has been long friend,” he said, “many mooncycles.”
“Indeed,” I answered. “I have been west and on the shore.”
“No. You have been in the river of ghosts,” he declared. “Let us walk.”
I was silent. His words I could not define yet I understood. The
fountain splashed its water and the sound carried to my ears. The
children continued playing. I looked up. Sanya was gone. Walking in the
distance and into the crowd.