Professional Documents
Culture Documents
3. Gather a support system: Find some friends or family members you can trust to be helpful (or who are in recovery themselves), and talk to them to find out what they know about the situation, and if theyd be willing to help. If youre not sure about the extent of the substance abuse problem, they may be able to confirm your fears, or set them at rest. If you find that your fears are confirmed, make it clear to everyone that your friend has a real problem. Make a plan for what each of you are willing to do to help. Someone who is knowledgeable may volunteer to take your friend to a meeting, or support you in confronting your mutual friend. 4. Create a time and place to talk to your friend. Once the first three steps are in place, you need to talk to the friend. If you, a relative, or one of the other friends can get him or her alone, away from work or other friends, do so. This is a very personal issue, and very painful for everyone involved, so its important that you make this first step private. 5. Describe the problem and offer help. Once you get your friend alone, tell him or her what you know about the situation. * Give evidence, times and dates of instances where you felt this friend was in danger or endangering others, or perhaps risking a job or other friendships. (if its drunken, out of control or drugged behavior, a video from your cell phone can be very helpful) This may mortify your friend, but its important that he or she knows you know. *Say you care, youre willing to help if your friend wants help, and what you can do to help. Dont just refer your friend to the website or phone numbers. Give him or her all the details you can, and be willing to take him or her by the hand to a meeting or session. The alcoholic/addict needs to know you are willing to support getting clean, abstinent, or sober. *She or he may tell you I'm fine, I dont need help. or even be angry at you. In that case, dont get angry or annoyed. Instead, say if he or she ever needs help, youre available. Remember, you r friend is probably feeling hopeless and helpless, and perhaps even worthless. He or shell need friends for support every step of the way. 6. Take steps to prevent disaster. If your friend is endangering himself or someone else (driving drunk with friends or family in the car, for example) you may need to get tough, take the keys away, call the police. If your friend is violent, get a restraining order and call 911 if he or she violates it. This is very difficult, but it could be the event that gets your friend help. If this person's behavior is making your life miserable, you may have to drop him or her as a friend. If you find you must let go, please tell your friend why youre backing away. Sometimes the loss of a friendship can be the impetus to go to AA or treatment.
7. Get support for yourself. Theres only so much you can do for someone who is self -destructive. It can be very upsetting to watch a friend go through this, and to realize youve been abandoned in favor of the addiction; so be sure you have a support syst em in place while youre dealing with it. Youll need others to comfort you, to help you remain as objective as possible, and to keep you from being dragged into the downward spiral of addiction and compulsion. None of this is pleasant, or easy, but if you honestly believe your friend is self-destructive and our of control, its the caring thing to do. Remember that addiction is progressive, and the addicted person is not in charge any more, so he or she can't just stop the troubling behavior. For free relatioFor free relationship tips and courses, LoveForever.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the Dr. Romance blog, and the Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter. Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, shes known as Dr. Romance Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as Oprah, Larry King Live and ABC News.